ATYPICAL anorexia in camhs | neglected due to my weight | my story

having an eating disorder when you're not severely underweight is a horrific experience in terms of getting help. have any of you experienced similar? the comments are, as always a safe space to be open about your own experiences xxxx
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~hi! my name is millie, im 18 years old and recovered from anorexia. thankyou so much for following along with my journey!~
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[@evypois0n]

eating disorders are so misunderstood and outside views on them r so messed up. im sorry ml im so proud of u 🫂🩵

[@__therealrapunzel]

thank you so much

[@cryingangel9436]

I'm really sorry you went through all of this. Medical "professionals" can be so ignorant. When I first hit BMI 19 I was essentially told by a man from a program I was to be attending that some people are "sicker than others". It still triggers me immensely to this day. I'm proud of you for recovering, you got this.

[@user-fh2kn5kq7c]

I was abandoned by camhs ED services when they realised that my anorexia was partly trauma driven. Adult ED services have fully supported me though. Shows how messed up the camhs system is for some of us.

[@__therealrapunzel]

I can't believe they respond in that way to trauma based anorexia its insane?!

[@devsnuts]

that's ridiculous! I'd say a majority of eds are at least slightly related to trauma even if they don't realise. Same goes for most mental health conditions. I hate the notion that all restrictive eds are purely about wanting to lose weight and be pretty

[@carleeholte24]

This is so relatable and I'm sorry you have/are going through this. I'm 14 and most of my ED I've been a "normal" weight. No one cares until I'm underweight, which just fuels my unhealthy thinking. I have hit my lowest point in my ED recently, and I'm not that underweight. it's about constant mental misery, not weight. I'm never taken seriously and have also attempted to take my life because I'm so tired of dealing with this alone.

[@gh0strayyy]

i visited my friend in hospital today and it’s been so hard seeing her like this, we don’t know if she’s gonna survive or not. please reach out for help

[@ryanbussy2193]

I'm a boy with anorexia and the UK camhs treat you even worse im from Brighton btw , thank you for raising awareness you're Beautiful and you should be proud xxx

[@__therealrapunzel]

im so sorry your experience has been like this

[@ryanbussy2193]

Same to you. Keep strong xx

[@adamtapz9051]

Im also a boy with anorexia! I hate how they treat me so different and say I have ''male anorexia' like wtf is that. anorexia is anorexia.

[@normalgirl...]

its incredible how lazy they are and how little they care. i was sent there at 16 and even though i was multiple bmi digits underweight, just because i lied about everything (obviously, because why would they expect someone with an ed to own up to it esp in early stages) they discharged me. my bloods and ecg were also abnormal but they said 'she doesn't show psychological signs'. bffr. now im 19 and am worse than i was then despite a brief quasi recovery period. it is just lazy, they say theres a mental health crisis in the country but surely discharging 'atypical' patients is just pushing the issue back and letting it grow? nhs needs more funding.

[@__therealrapunzel]

that's awful I am so sorry that happened to you

[@ljosadis1831]

I was just shaking my head the whole time. It is incredible how rude people can be and I am sorry that you have experienced this. Everyone who is struggeling is so valid and should get the necessary support and Help❤️ Thank you for sharing this😘😇

[@__therealrapunzel]

thankyou my love

[@MIA80073]

Yep, similar story, awful. My local Ed place has started accepting less severe cases to catch them earlier which I’m so relieved about I’m very much considering trying to petition about this when I’m older and life is a bit more calm, because this happens far too often and is honestly disgusting, I am so glad you managed to recover and honestly screw those services. Wishing you nothing but the best ❤

[@dr.michelletichy6330]

Thank you for bravely posting your story. I have lived with Atypical Anorexia since I was 11 years old. I have done a lot of recovery work, but seeking treatment from the medical community has always been a real struggle because as an athlete who is heavy due to so much muscle no one ever believed me historically. I am now in my 40s and I am grateful that now there are more people with Atypical Anorexia being SEEN! Thank you

[@aimeelouise]

Adequate treatment for eating disorders seem to be such a global issues and I know things are moving in better directions in the medical world, but I worry it's just not happening at a quick enough pace. When I was 12 (I'm 28 now), I was hospitalised with anorexia and because I was under 16 I wasn't allowed to go to the hospital in my town in Australia with the eating disorder unit, so I was basically left in an open ward for a month, and then released when I had gained 1kg (keep in mind I was severely underweight here as well, not healthy at all). I had no therapy, no extra help, just observations every 4 hours and the typical hospital meals the other kids were getting. Because of this I struggled all throughout my teens and even now as an adult (although it's now manifested as crippling anxiety). We need to speak more about the consequences of not getting adequate treatment or the respect and care we needed by the 'professionals'. Sorry for the essay, Im just so passionate about this 😅

[@__therealrapunzel]

I can't believe you were treated like this I'm so sorry

[@santjevana8279]

I went from anorexia to bulimia and no one noticed my eating disorder was still there. It had just changed its form and I was still struggling. I was even told I had to 'stop eating again' when I gained some weight, as if everyone had forgotten I was a recovered anorexic while still bulimic.

[@Cessie93]

I've been struggling with atypical anorexia on and off for 15 years, and getting treatment has always been a battle. The first doctor I saw who was supposed to be specialized in EDs told me it's just some adolescent diet, and that I'll get over it (I was stuck in a restrict/binge/overexercise cycle). After that I've been in and out of both ED treatment and general psychiatry (I also have a trauma background and also have depression and anxiety). I'm currently again waiting to see if my referral to ED services is accepted, but I'm pretty sure it won't. I'm still lucky to have a therapist, as well as a nurse and doctor that I see, and they're all really good, even though they might not be specialized in EDs. It really sucks that you've had such a bad experience with treatment, I don't understand how professionals still thinks the severity of an ED can be based on weight, when that says nothing about how much you actually are struggling.

[@__therealrapunzel]

Im so sorry you've been treated this way, sending you love

[@mummytrolls]

My story is certainly quite different (which is okay! we’re all different and I’m proud of you for recovering!). I live in the U.S and had to be forced into eating disorder treatment by my doctor, not my mother. My first hospital admission was when I was 12 because I was dry fasting (don’t do that), but I wasn’t diagnosed with an ED because my mother (who brought me to the doctor for fear I’d die of dehydration) covered up for me. She knew about my ED since I was 12 when it developed, but she always downplayed it and covered it up. She even kept it hidden from my dad. Mother made me keep it a secret for as long as possible because she said if ppl knew what I was doing they would think I have an eating disorder, put me in a mental hospital, or call CPS and have me taken away. She’d scare me out of speaking up. It was a controlling “mother knows best” sort of situation. Her and I had a shared journal that I wrote in and she read. She told me I needed to track my food intake, weight, and how I was feeling in this journal. I was completely honest in it because she never tried to stop me or tell me my behavior was unhealthy. I’d document my fasts and my very low intake in the journal. I was never a fat child so she wasn’t simply misguided in helping me lose weight. My highest recorded bmi was bmi 19 so I’ve never actually been objectively fat. She’d read my journal and often tell me I was eating too much unless I fasted. I could eat a bowl of soup and an apple for an entire day and she’d tell me I was eating quite a lot for a girl my age. Finally at age 17 my health complications got too severe (nutrient deficiencies and imminent heart failure) and my weight got too low according to my doctor. My doctor actually told me that I needed to go to inpatient treatment because if I did not she was certain that I would die very soon. I was admitted and doctors wanted to send me to a residential eating disorder facility. I was terrified because it was a mental hospital and mother always said girls who go to mental hospitals are beaten and raped so I didn’t want to go there. My mom was able to convince the doctor to refer me to fbt instead. What I didn’t know until sort of recently was that my pcp at the time suspected I had anorexia nervosa several months before I had to go to inpatient and she wanted to hospitalize me but my mother convinced her I was fine until I was literally dying. My mom only agreed on inpatient because the doctor told her she would get police involved if I didn’t go. FBT failed because of how dysfunctional my family is. My mother continued to lie for me and allow me to restrict and exercise at home, but she told me I could only do that if we kept it a secret from my father. Because FBT failed, I was sent to the residential facility. My mother was very strongly against it, but the threat of police being involved convinced her to let me go because she didn’t want CPS to take her kids away. My doctor was extremely close to calling the police to get a court order for me to be put in treatment. So I went to the residential facility and my mother wouldn’t talk to me the entire time I was there. My father called daily, but mother didn’t even call on Christmas. The facility was way better than she told me it’d be. Yeah they had issues (like staff being overworked and covid causing units to be locked down so we couldn’t visit our families, etc.) but none of them involved abuse of patients. Ultimately the residential treatment failed. Part of it was due to my noncompliance and giving up hope that I could recover. I knew that my mother would never support my recovery and I don’t know how to afford treatment without her help. While I was in treatment and living with her everything escalated to an insane degree. The screaming matches, manipulation, lies, encouragement of my ED, and things like that. After I was diagnosed she would make herself look like the poor victim dealing with a nightmare of a daughter who is so stubborn she starves herself despite having access to food. She would always tell people what an awful daughter I was and how hard it was for her to deal with a daughter with anorexia. She made herself look like a saint for simply living with me. She was very angry when I moved out at 18. She couldn’t control me any longer and made lots of threats. She still tells her side of the family and friends stories about how terrible of a person she thinks I am. I wish I could tell my story without being anonymous like in this comment, but I know it would cause issues in my family. If I told this exact story she’d make sure every single person who hears it knows that I’m a “liar, manipulator, tearing my family apart, ruining her image” etc. etc. I don’t have the energy to deal with that honestly. It’s extremely difficult for me to be honest with therapists and doctors. She made me fear them and it’s a fear very difficult to overcome. This makes treatment difficult because I’m quite resistant and noncompliant. Nobody has really gotten to the root issues in my mental health, I really only get general things like being told food is fuel so I must eat or help with body image but it goes so much deeper than that. The trauma I’ve suffered is complex and difficult to treat. I don’t simply hate how my body looks. I’m not just stubborn and refuse to eat like doctors and therapists say I am. It goes a lot deeper than that.

[@Emmett989]

I’m so sorry you went through that, I can’t imagine how awful it would be to have your eating disorder actively encouraged by your mom who’s supposed to be there for you. So many people failed you and you didn’t deserve to go through any of that. I hope things get better for you and you can find support from people/medical professionals who understand that there’s underlying trauma to be addressed, not just problems with eating and body image. I don’t know you but I know that you deserve to be treated better. Wishing you well ❤

[@caterinapellegrino5611]

I'm sending lots of love. I don't know you but I will think about this comment for a long time hoping you are able to find your peace because you deserve it

[@JillianRigertDMDMD]

There are so many misconceptions around eating disorders taught to medical professionals- so many are coping skills for trauma, yet the superficial belief that the weight and body image are the core issues is perpetuated in education and media. It's ridiculous that the healthcare system separates the two... Our US system has major deficits as well. As a healthcare professional with anorexia, my heart goes out for you knowing that the system failed you... glad you are here telling your story. Also - the diagnostic guidelines for anorexia are bologna. There shouldn't be a weight criteria at all.

[@tatianna8214]

Oh this just brought back so much memories! I’m from 🇺🇸 and their eating disorder wards are so messed up. I was sick but I had an insurance that didn’t believe or better of treating eating disorder as it didn’t exist. So my treatment I never fully got. I was under bmi and weight but yet not sick enough until I left I then got sick and same with heart palpitations and no menstraul. Yet they didn’t want to admit me. Until my residential program forced them to take me. Then the second time they saw me the horror look on the staff faces is when they realized they f d up. But now I’m in recovery still am battle continues. I wish you all the best. You have a bright future. You got this!

[@BethanyGraceHolmes]

I've bee relapsing on and off for 13 years, finally accessed adult ED services this year. They made me relive the most traumatic moments of my life, decided I needed trauma counselling rather than ED focused CBT. They discharged me on the day with no further referrals or help. So disappointing, I felt rejected and it triggered me to restrict even more to 'prove' I needed help. Atypical anorexia is so difficult for recieving help!

[@LaraHetherington]

Can’t wait to be a better nurse than you experienced x

[@__therealrapunzel]

you are going to be a wonderful nurse lara, your experience and compassion is going to save so many people

[@WrenOfTheBirds]

I'm so sorry your experience was rubbish :( I started being seen by CAMHS while underweight. I'm very nearly weight-restored, and I'm worried my team will discharge me simply because I'm at a "healthy" weight.

[@__therealrapunzel]

that won't happen my love, don't worry

[@shaelybjorn5889]

In High-school, I was apparently “faking” my ED. and I was just “naturally skinny”. No body believed me until I took a year off during Covid and refused to go to school and my weight plummeted. Ofc there where still ppl at school calling me attention seeking and crazy for faking. I was diagnosed at 17. But that still wasn’t enough. The thing is there will always be ppl, terrible people, that refuse to see you as a human being in need of help. But you are valid. Your illness is valid. It doesn’t matter what others say about you. You know yourself better than those who don’t even see you as human ✨🌞

[@rexcaves3727]

i'm actually kinda considering recovery rn but i dont feel valid so ty for this

[@__therealrapunzel]

you deserve recovery just as much as anyone

[@samyanelrod]

This is so well presented, thanks for your explanation 💕 glad ur ok

[@ynezmadden]

this video is so valuable tysm

[@emmahurson1135]

Thank you for sharing this . I had such similar experiences with CAMHS and adult team. I've been denied treatment from adults as they said my needs are to complex and got discharged prematurely from a unit because of other mental health issues. It's so inspiring to know you recovered without a mental health team. Your amazing

[@Hxjsjdndbd]

Just wanted to say that your videos bring me so much comfort 🫶🫶

[@__therealrapunzel]

thank you so much for being here

[@stella11777]

That’s so awful!! Im so sorry ml ❤ so glad u were able to recover despite them. I had a similar experience w CAHMS being extremely invalidating but in regards to my sh ❤❤

[@amandastarshine89]

I’ve not been with CAMHS - I couldn’t access it when I was younger for various reasons. But experienced very similar comments and situations within adult health care/ ED services. For people who say eating disorders aren’t about weight, they sure don’t seem aligned with integrity with how they respond in general (not all cases, there are of course amazing health care professionals as well!)

[@lolaroberta479]

You are so strong I am so Proud of sou ❤

[@__therealrapunzel]

thank you so much

[@katherineosgood4004]

CAMHs told me I didn’t have an eating disorder due to my weight and compliance with treatment, 1 year and a bit later I was diagnosed with anorexia in hospital. They hadn’t seen me in between even for my other mental health and it got to a point where I was admitted for the second time due to neglect in the community once again and was sent to a unit :(

[@squidward578]

I live in South Africa. The public mental health services here are horrific. I’ve been to a private hospital twice which was good but the stay was only 2 weeks (for everyone) so it only helped temporarily. I’m now being referred to a public hospital because I can’t get better on an outpatient basis, and I’ve had to wait a month before they can assess me which isn’t even a guaranteed admission. I feel like there’s no hope in me getting better. Like the hospitals don’t understand that I could die before then. I won’t get into many details but I just wish they could see me sooner because I cant even make it through a day without hurting myself. Thank you for sharing your story, it’s so sad that camhs doesn’t help you in the way you needed help but it’s so good that you were able to heal by yourself, I find that truly inspirational, I don’t know you but just wanted o say that I’m proud of you because eating disorders are so complex.

[@misslee5922]

Hi, another mentally ill mzansi here, may I ask how you're doing now?

[@squidward578]

@@misslee5922 hi, i didn’t go to the public psychiatric hospital but I got a loot at it and it was scary, like it’s jail cells and when people complain about camhs they have no idea! I relapsed with my Ed pretty badly which “saved me” from that. I went to an eating disorder clinic in Cape Town for 2 months (called montrose manor if you want to google it) in March which has helped a lot, I’m still struggling but I have the help of my outpatient team. The thing is, places like montrose are extremely expensive ! Not everyone can go and I know many people who struggle with eating disorders so badly but they can’t access that help. Our medical aid/insurance won’t cover a 2 month day, only 3 weeks so the rest in my parents money which I feel so guilty about. So it really sucks when people complain about how bad camhs is because it South Africa it’s only good if you are rich. I’m very thankful that my parents were able to pay for this because I would have probably been dead without it. But then what about the other people that are dying and can’t afford help ?

[@bevsmith8617]

You went through things you never should have experienced. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You are such a brave young lady and I know you’ve come so far. I too suffered from trauma that turned into an eating disorder. It was so hard to get help and I had to do this by going away from my home and family to get help. It was the hardest and scariest thing I ever did but I had to to get help.

[@izzyyh5]

I'm going through this right now where im struggling badly with my eating and disordered thinking/habits but im a healthy weight it feels so invalidating and makes recovery so daunting, im also scared to tell my mum because i don't want to worry her but she has started asking if im doing okay :(

[@bunie3996]

This is just a reminder that weight has nothing to do w how many physical effects ur anorexia can cause. I am severely underweight, yet my bloods and ECT are better than the ones u described u had in the start of the vid. People need to realize this

[@WrenOfTheBirds]

Yes! There are so many criteria that mental health services use to work out how sick someone is, anr the reality is, none of these are accurate. The only person who can say you're sick is YOU. There'll always be a criteria you fail to meet, but you deserve to recover nevertheless.

[@Songsthesecond]

I can't really "recover" from eating disorders the damage on my body is so severe "recovery" is basically just gaining weight which i don't want i just have to learn to live with the damaged body i had anorexia for 11 years now it started at 10 i was only admitted in hospital when i was underweight or almost underweight so yes you're kinda right but when i became obese i had anorexia again but no one cared it was a good thing that i lost weight quickly they said it's a never ending cycle of binge and starve that's all i know sadly my body is so tired it thinks it's in survival mode i gain weight very fast

[@remy3340]

I can relate to this a lot

[@teasbian601]

Had a very similar experience, I nearly had to take CAMHS to court and then they only provided 6 MONTHS of e-cbt. And discharged me. Thank God I'm recovered now but most of the work I did on my own/with family.

[@junenovae]

had similar experiences... Doctors can be so dismissive and actually make things worse. Also, saying that they don't deal with ED caused by trauma is so ridiculous as traumas are a major fuel for many people with ED. I'm glad you were able to help yourself, that's huge btw !

[@JessieDrury1]

Recently found this channel.had a eating disorder since I was 15, it was lockdown mum and dad separated the year before, and during lockdowns was when it began, I’ve been in recovery for a year still no sign of a period which scares me

[@remy3340]

For some it takes a long time to get their period back. If it goes too long, talk to your doctor about it

[@JessieDrury1]

@@remy3340I’m sorry I just noticed your reponse

[@Nina_Olivia]

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. There are so many incompetent fools in the health profession.

[@Songsthesecond]

When i was 14 i completely starved for many months no water nothing i went from overweight to almost underweight i had so many health problems and deficiencies i was absolutely sick and dead i almost died they put me in medical unit intensive care! So no its not really about your weight it's about how sick you are!! and yes they force fed me i gained weight but i went back home and lost it again became severely underweight and then i had to go back to them again same thing happened

[@jacbatt]

I was never told that I need to lose more by health professionals minus one really weird "therapist" I had (USA health care by the way). I was at a normal weight but had really bad heart arrythmia. I was given a weight gain plan in treatment program and would do things to refuse as much as possible even having a caretaker mention that I was struggling (no one else noticed but her.) I remember the other girls being "worse" than me. I couldn't get anyone to listen so used my drawing as a way to express how I felt and saw myself (didn't go down well as I was told to stop drawing by caretakers, therapist, and dietitian because it was upsetting others by others, they meant themselves.) A lot of other stuffed happened because I couldn't get anyone else to listen and i would like to someday make a video about my experiences, I have a lot to say but not enough time right now to present it on text.

[@remy3340]

I also use drawing to cope and explain how I feel. It helps me a lot. Don’t let anyone stop you from using your creativity as an outlet

[@iphigenia2554]

this is what has happend to me is wel cause they say i was not sick but i was and m mum was happy i was 'normal wheigt''

[@keirapye4911]

your story is so similar to mine it breaks my heart

[@taranchies1505]

I'm so sorry this happened to you :'( I had a very similar experience in CAMHS around 20 years ago, then again in adult services. I more recently had severe self harm and the response from the health service to my mum crying on the phone was very similar: 'she has to actually try to commit suicide before we can help her'.

[@ThatOneGayLinguist]

People think that im fine since I'm a normal weight but I struggle daily

[@user-Skelangel]

I also have an ed due to truama. It just makes me feel safe and when I can't stop having memories I think ab my ed

[@Danetteeuh]

Okay so my story is literally so stupid but whatever. I started restricting and over exercising when I was 10 then it just got worse and I started b/p and stuff like that. I fainted and had to go to the er bc of that but at that time I was struggling with b/p more than restriction so I wasn’t underweight but was literally so bad mentally. Then last year in september/october I reached my lw and when I went to the doctor bc I was clearly doing bad she just told me to eat and to gain weight but not to much bc then I wouldn’t be as pretty 💀💀 so yeah and I ran some blood tests and they came out baaaad and my heart beat was definitely too low but my doctor wouldn’t care. She just gave some vitamins and told me to eat 1200 cals ?? Wth 🤦‍♀️ but yeah so that’s my experience

[@hananasrah]

I dont even know if i have an ed tbh im legit so so overweight like bmi over 30 and I am too scared to even ask for help because idek if anyone will do anything. Tbh I legit wanted an ed when i was 14 so idek if im ready.

[@plasticfrog4533]

do you have a friend or a family member you could talk too maybe? You don't need to be skinny to have an ed or have a bit of a "problem" with food and bodyimage

[@hananasrah]

@@plasticfrog4533 no way they barely understand this stuff and my grandmother who legit lives with us is the main problem

[@idahoeslay]

sick to my stomach how ppl in the hospital, have the audacity?

[@abaslesregimes.sarahb.8366]

I also had atypical anorexia and I am also recovered now. I was thinking maybe it was a chance after all to have atypical anorexia because we are forced to recover by ourselves. Medical teams are so bad and stupid that they don’t really help anybody.

[@agnesotrubova9019]

True.. They cared only when I got to a crytical weight... +When I was in psychyard it was only about weight gain and food and eating.. No Mental support or help.. The nurses was eating small and also talking diet and these shits.. My parents took me home. And I lost weight... But.. I am pushing myself everyday. I am in recovery but also I am not.. I eat. I eat scary foods.. My ff too. But I am not gaining weight. Its not enough. My weight is the same.. So I will have to eat more.. .which is scary and sounds soso hard.. and it ia hard And I cant push myself enough... Or I will be send to a fifferent Psychyard which my psychologist says its better.. Today I will see her and I want to ask more about it! To ask about other peoples with ed experiences who went there. (And also about the food that is there.. i am curious) But maybe if I will have to go there I will lose high school and then will have to start again which is smth I dont want to.. But I just cant gain weight + Continue going to school.. or staying at home probably...

[@teaganpesce3642]

Come back when your daughter loses more weight??? Wtaf

[@chocolateoreo6489]

🖤🖤❤️

[@Dana0o]

What does Camhs mean?

[@__therealrapunzel]

Child & Adolescent Mental Health Services

[@Dana0o]

@@__therealrapunzel thank youu

[@girlinthe_stars]

My old therapist denied that I have an eating disorder despite my diagnosis from earlier therapists. She tried to talk me into „stopping“ bc other people have real eating disorders, and I „wouldn’t want this“. These times I was struggling soooo much. I lost half of my hair. My heartbeat decreased about 10 bpm. I was dying alive. Then I forced myself into fighting the ed. I couldn’t live like this one day longer. I started recovery on my own, I pushed through and now I look back and I’m shocked. I literally asked for help. And they denied it just because I wasn’t severely underweight. It could’ve ended a lot worse. It already did enough. Now I got a chronic connective tissue frailty bc of malnutrition. I was never the stereotypical anorexic. But this illness still stole my life from me and nearly killed me. It’s dangerous. This ed system is so fricking dangerous.

[@carolinaalvarez1985]

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34‬:‭18‬ ‭ Jesus made you in his image he thinks you’re beautiful

[@dorna2325]

what kinda british accent do you have?