Autism: A Quick Trip To My Home Planet | Monique Botha | TEDxSurreyUniversity

In her heart-warming talk, Monique will speak about the alienation and isolation experienced by individuals with autism and the stereotypes that plague the diagnosis. Having autism herself, she wants to raise awareness of the challenges faced by individuals who are on the autism spectrum. Monique challenges society’s perception of autism and urges a change in the way society interacts with autism as a whole.
Monique is a postgraduate student in the University of Surrey Psychology department who has worked with children with autism for a number of years as a Social Care worker. Having autism herself, it has given her an interesting perception on what autism is with regards to communities both locally and internationally. Now studying psychology, her dissertation focuses on the stress of being of being different faced by individuals on the autism spectrum and how it affects their lives.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@bbexy]

What is wrong with this crowd!? She's cute and funny. Everytime she says something funny she kind of gives a cue that it's ok to find humor in what she's saying...at least that's what I'm getting from her. She has a great sense of humor about herself. Own it. Be yourself. You're perfect the way you are.

[@brainghostdirkstrider9526]

Seriously! It's not just you. The lack of laughter was starting to give me the heebie jeebies by the end.

[@cbryce9243]

Sometime people are asked not to clap and or make loud noise, because some people are very sensitive to noise.

[@elizabethbennet4791]

youcant hear their laughter, the audience doesnt have mics lol

[@tamaragenar2636]

Grow an other one..about the nail..naild it...:)

[@yolanda3883]

They might be autistic and not boisterous. LOL

[@flappy7373]

every time her voice wavered every time her tone cracked every time she got choked up i could feel all of it.

[@TheoCynical]

I apologize that perhaps it is that but also that she may be self-maintaining and processing. You may be right that this stuff hits home but, it could be both frustration and processing; which is overwhelming.

[@TheoCynical]

Just a guess.

[@oxolsd]

Kyle Mouttet ;

[@sunmayatamang2794]

@@TheoCynical npapal

[@michellesvortex7237]

Very emotional, I'm also same way, highly . Emotional I feel everything dogs experience their world finger nose first and I experienced my world through feelings... And I'm highly emotional doesn't matter if it's a commercial or something physically around me or even if I am reading about something doesn't matter if it's real or Memorex I experience the emotion regardless what emotion it evokes... I feel the emotion it touches me everytime very profoundly and it wipes me out physically mentally and emotionally

[@pomfeydoart2870]

I remember when my teacher told me to look her in the eye, I replied “which eye?”

[@Someone-cd7yi]

A good trick is to look at people's noses and foreheads.

[@Rlove8687]

OMG yes

[@Shmook1]

@@Someone-cd7yi I moreso look at a person's face than directly into their pupils.

[@user-vf2pg4ve4n]

An ex-employer once asked me "comfortable?" and i said yes, he actually meant work faster... i was let go the same month lol.

[@Shmook1]

@@user-vf2pg4ve4n That's illegal in some countries.

[@lordren5873]

I love that her jokes are specifically made for autistic people; I was laughing but nobody else was :p

[@strangeangel235]

YES.

[@kikibplays]

I was sitting there thinking how witty and funny she was and wondering why no one else was laughing and then I was like, "Oh yeah, cause they're not autistic..."

[@sallyho3000]

IKR

[@TheoCynical]

Hmmm, what does that look like? Relative interest thus resulting in a joke?

[@michellesvortex7237]

Hahaha true that

[@marlaleemouse]

I was born autistic 72 years ago but who even knew about it back then? I always considered myself Alice from Alice in Wonderland. The world was a terrifying place and there was no escaping it. Somehow I got through it and here I am. Still alive. I'm so glad I know now why I am the way I am and I'm not so hard on myself now. I still think I'm from another planet.. my real home. I also want to say Monique gave a spot on presentation! You go girl!!

[@aprils5881]

Hello soul sister! Wowzers, can I relate to just about every word of what you said. I'm 42yo, diagnosed with adhd almost 2 years ago and still waiting/trying to get autism dx...even though I tested really high on the qa test and being told my several of my sons Dr's and therapists that I have a very strong aspergers or autism profile... I always knew the anxiety, depression, chronic migraine and fibromyalgia diagnosis did not reflect the entirety of how and what I was suffering through... wasn't until I delivered my first child, at almost 36, and he was diagnosed at 3.5yo..2 weeks before I was induced with his brother... they are 6 and just turned 3yo... they are so much more than just the gift of experiencing motherhood... having them, researching and learning about neurodiversity helped me discover that I'd been living undiagnosed adhd, autism and sensory processing disorder (at the least). It has been such a liberating and life altering experience... to finally begin to understand and allow myself to unravel the trauma, shame and confusion I've kept buried for decades... all of which, along with surviving multiple kinds of abuse, led to complex ptsd. After 2 years of really trying to grasp everything.... I feel so much more confident and accepting of myself. Wish we could chat... I have a feeling we have a lot in common. I always secretly felt like I was another planet.. Imagine my shock when my oldest declared that he was an alien boy cause didn't think/feel like he was from earth, when he was about 4 or 5. Check out Dr Tony Atwood lectures on autism symptoms in undiagnosed women and girls. Felt like he was giving a power point presentation on my whole life. So definitely felling some kindred spirit vibes with you, chickadee. Sending you so much love, light and support. Have a wonderful day/night, beautiful soul😘 Sorry this is rambling and scattered, boys are rowdy and I keep losing my train of tought... I'm sure you can relate 😉

[@lorenrenee1]

I’m 54 and you’re my new best friend. I decided around 6 I must be an alien.

[@aflickerofmischief3154]

Hello friend! I’m still quite young, but I feel like I slightly relate to your problems although I am thankful to grow up in a world where more about autism is known. I very much love Alice and Wonderland too! There’s no one I can relate to more :)

[@Eddie2P]

yes. i know how you feel. my initials are ET and i was made fun of it as a kid so of course i would ponder on the idea thinking the universe was giving me a sign...

[@elizabethjones2084]

I feel that way too. I'm 35, though.

[@irisachternaam]

"You don't act like Sheldon Cooper" - "Thank God for that" Totally my sentiment. lol

[@matthewwriter9539]

Someone one told me that I was a Sheldon Cooper want to be, I told them that the first time someone said that to me they said that I was a Steve Urcle want to be, and that the actor who plays Sheldon Cooper was trying to act autistic, so he was actually wanting to be me.

[@SylviaRustyFae]

It's like they ramp it up even more cause it's on tv and that's just how tv generally works. The subtle details? They go completely missed until they're abandoned cause a waste of effort. Take the Lantern Corps shirts indicating Sheldon's general mood for the occasion. No one notices that tiny detail but it woule totally be a thing I could see someone doing if they are autistic and also have a comics/green lantern special interest. Especially when combined with just never bringing it up or referencing it or anything; even his friends don't seem to notice that his shirt indicates his mood for example of how unnoticed it goes.

[@yolanda3883]

@@matthewwriter9539 how complicated for an ordinary mind

[@purplequeen8298]

Or Sherlock Holmes.

[@topsort43]

Superheroes hutton

[@shayelea]

Back when I still used to have people over to my house, there would always come a time in the evening when I’d tell my friends, “I love you, but it’s time for you to go home.” 😂 One friend said that she actually really liked that about me, because she never had to worry whether she’d overstayed her welcome.

[@candice2875]

You have good friends

[@linaulnes8821]

Thats how it should be, but unfortuantly so many non neurodiverse people seem more into faking it. I love when I ment people who find it refreshing with honesty. So much easier to deal with people like that.

[@curiositydidntkillme]

They were probably also neurodivergent. I never realised how refreshing the company of other nd people was till I realised how many of my favourite undiagnosed friends end up being diagnosed as nd or previously were as kids.

[@heedmydemands]

I wish people would do that to me, I'm not one to know when to leave lol

[@reedscottolson3266]

Fantastically articulated, “...I climb into a skin and pretend to be human...”

[@skwervin1]

Its the perfect description for it...

[@TheGratefulTuber]

Thank you. This was heartfelt, funny, intelligent, and I so wish EVERYONE could watch this talk.

[@hadliellehawkins1964]

she climbs into a skin and pretends to be human while gabbie hanna climbs out of her skins and watches herself explode a thought without a body ought to be a thought to take a load of my brain it's poison and i'm searching for the antidote and every time i find it my defense it screaming no you don't, woah!

[@steve24822]

It's us that are human. I climb into a skin and pretend to not be human. A bit like "They live".

[@elisakrivas]

I definitely feel like an alien

[@aneelguillen97]

I remember when my daughter’s school psychologist said during a meeting that my daughter was “too good in math” and her academic scores didn’t reflect autism. It was a slap in the face to her and her life struggles.

[@placeholderdoe]

Autism by nature can lead to people being really good in school, for me I was interested in school but also I was scared of being yelled at, and doing well in school prevented that. Autism by nature is a condition that can lead to high academic achievement because of fear and hyperfixation

[@micheals1992]

I was terrible at everything in school apart from Science. I was in the special class though so I had to do the foundation test for science, I got 100% of the questions correct which translated to the maximum grade of a C on the foundation test... School failed to accommodate me to get the best grades but in college I excelled. I'm upset that I never got to be a scientist 😅. Unfortunately you can't always have everything you desire. I still think I could've been good at maths in school if they had taught it in a scientific context, like calculating the orbits of planets (to be honest since school I've taught myself allot of mathematics under the context of science, I'm still not great at keeping track of numbers in my head, I just know and understand how to use mathematical formulas to calculate things for my scientific interests).

[@joecolletti]

Public speaking is one of the scariest things people can do. This woman stood up and did it-- despite the challenges unique to people with autism, despite the fear she was feeling-- because her commitment to her message was stronger that that fear. That is not ordinary-- it's extraordinary. Thank you Monique for helping me see past differences to an area ND and NT share-- the ability to be courageous.

[@chriscohlmeyer4735]

If it is a subject that I am strongly interested in or knowledgeable about then before giving a presentation I am scared s-less but once I start I need cues like PowerPoint slides to keep relatively on track. I also need a clock to keep myself within the allotted time. A two hour presentation I could easily go for four hours.

[@taraswertelecki3786]

IF you're as self-conscious as people with autism are, public speaking can be as daunting as storming the beaches at Normandy, and many were killed there before they even made it ashore. That is how difficult it can be for them. She is a very brave young lady, it take great courage to talk about having autism publicly.

[@GoogleuserAM]

Some of my friends with Asperger's find it very easy to speak in public as long as there is no one they know. But others find it very difficult. All depends on the person.

[@j.b.4340]

7:50

[@dcleal658]

Some members of my family said to me when I told them I am autistic, that I am just saying that to "justify my behaviour". And it hurts so badly, because even if they can´t see or touch my inner struggle, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Totally agree with you, society needs to change!

[@scorbunny7737]

@ DC Leal: Omg *SAME!!! My family responded literally in that same exact way!!! ("I'm sorry but we absolutely do *NOT agree with this so-called "diagnosis" (& yes they used their fingers as people do to insinuate quotation marks "🤦🏼‍♀️") & we wish you could just own-up to your behavior instead of looking everywhere else but at your own self to try to "justify" & to excuse your own mistakes & personal shortcomings." i was *SOOO. *HURT.!!! 😪 i mean i went home & cried the whole rest of the day. i suppose it shouldn't have been too much of a shocker for me, as they have pretty much been dismissive ofmy feelings for as long & for as far back as i can possibly remember 🤷🏼‍♀️ but...*STILL. : i'm not gonna lie. It f.'d me up pretty bad. 💔

[@dcleal658]

@@scorbunny7737 yeah but you shouldn't let their opinion affect you. Don't listen to them.

[@scorbunny7737]

@@dcleal658 You're right, & thanx for the reminder. 🙏🏽😊 It's just so hard sometimes to even wrap one's head around the idea of their *FAMILY--(in my case it's my parents & my 2 younger sisters)--the people who are supposed to love & accept me more than anyone else-- who are the ones being so judgemental & non-accepting. 🤷🏼‍♀️) But oh well...i've got my very own 3 beautiful, precious kids whom i love more than life itself...& who show me literally every day how much they love their Momma 💓💓💓 & who shower me with their sweetest hugs, kisses & unconditional love every day of my life. Ultimately they are all i need❣❣❣💯💯💯🥰 🥰🥰

[@scorbunny7737]

@@dcleal658 and b.t.w. i have no flippin' clue w.t.f. happened to my reply before this one. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I went to edit/correct just a few words of it, & once i finished editing & then entered my "new" reply, some of my words ended up somehow literally crossed out, there were parts of certain words that were seemingly just cut right off so that they no longer spelled anything that made even an ounce of sense, & then on top of that there were some entire sentences that were just completely deleted/omitted altogether! I am *TOTAL ol' skool & not at all technically inclined (to say the least💁🏼‍♀️) so i am not even sure of how to fix it 🤷🏼‍♀️🤔🤦🏼‍♀️ & since none of my 3 amazing kiddos are here @ the moment...it looks like i am just s.o.l. !!! 🤪👎🏾🤭

[@lynking4141]

❤🧡💛((🤗))💚💙💜

[@sashasasha9598]

I cryed listening to this... I am in my thirties and didn't know until month ago why I was so lost ever since kindergarten...

[@danlyons4602]

I have a pretty high iq and I got terrible grades in school. I wasn't challenged and I didn't want to be there. My problem solving skills and long term memory are off the charts. Can you watch a movie one time, then 5 years later it comes up at a party and you remember certain lines you liked? Do people get frustrated with you at a party because you've gathered so much random info, that you come off as a FKIA?

[@matthewwriter9539]

I feel this pain.

[@matthewwriter9539]

I don't know what FKIA means, but I have watched movies and my wife thinks I have seen it before because I know what is coming because I have seen it in 3,000 other movies before.

[@Mlpgirl168]

Matthew Writer f$&@;?! know it all...fkia

[@matthewwriter9539]

@@Mlpgirl168 Ah! Well yes. I definitely have that effect on people. One young woman got mad at me for acting like I knew more than her...she was almost literally half my age, so I have experienced twice as much as her. Also I am a college graduate and she is a high school dropout

[@krisv6166]

Am I the only one who thinks that she is actually hilarious?!!!! :) It took some time for the audience to warm up...

[@janaprocella8268]

Kris V I think calling her hilarious is quite an insult..!!

[@whattheydidnttellyouwithbr2844]

@@janaprocella8268 She did make jokes.

[@antomariecohn2522]

i loves all of her humor and jokes too actually! i love her personality as well! i can tell she is a strong person to be pushing through all these trials and finding time to laugh at the way NT world makes thing difficult.

[@k.l.c._]

@@janaprocella8268 why? Did you not understand that she was trying to be humorous? Was that lost on you? 🤦‍♀️

[@edgrimm5862]

I have autism. It's not my disability; it's my superpower. I'm not the one who's broken. How is it that people who cannot bring themselves to make direct statements, and cannot take a direct statement literally feel that I am the one with the problem? I've had a first time conversation with someone for the first time, during which she told me that she told me a million times I have to stop being so literal. She thought I'm the one with the communication issue. The rest of society seems to think that I'm the one with the communication issue. I say what I mean. It's easy. Do not take my autism away. For what it's worth, I've encountered a couple of low functioning autistic people who supposedly couldn't speak. After spending some time alone with them, five minutes for one, fifteen minutes for the other, they both spoke. Their English was limited, but it wasn't that they couldn't speak. They didn't want to speak to the people who didn't want to take the time to understand them. I'm sure there are low functioning autistic people who really cannot speak. But I think there's a certain amount of it that's a rejection of the world that would not accept them even if they tried more - would, in fact, accept them less if they tried more.

[@MeadeSkeltonMusic]

Speak for yourself. I have autism, and it sucks. I hate it, and I don't consider it a "super power" it's definitely disabling, and makes life more difficult. And life is difficult enough for those who are not on the spectrum.

[@amandafeathers439]

@@MeadeSkeltonMusic im not sure if I would want to be cured or not. On one hand, I would love to be able to make friends, enjoy social gatherings, get and keep a job, not feel emotions so strongly that I cry over almost anything, be able to enjoy bright sunny days outdoors, and be "normal". But on the other hand, I'm not sure I want to lose my ability to think about things on different levels, to solve problems in unique ways, to experience a wider range of emotion, appreciate the beauty in mundane objects, entertain myself for hours with the simplest things, enjoy my own company without a need for another person to make me feel complete, my vivid memories if childhood that make me such a great mother to my children, my desire to play, or many of the other unique parts of me that make me who I am. I can't imagine myself without my autism, because even though it is the cause of many of my struggles, it has also given me so much to love about myself.

[@gauravsaha2859]

Ok 9ooooi99 ok o up to you oou

[@gauravsaha2859]

@@MeadeSkeltonMusic is

[@gauravsaha2859]

Ok I'll io

[@spriksie]

I'm autistic, and I suffer from depression, anxiety, and passive suicidal thoughts. Thank you for helping me feel less alone. I wish there was a way to make this narrative replace the other discussions our society has about autism ("why can't you be normal," "how can we cure it," all the facets you touched on).

[@ExcuseZero]

@Kourtnie McKenzie Hope you're feeling better and are still around. I'm also autistic (still getting used to that "label), and I know exactly what you're going through. I'm now 31. My first suicidal ideation was at 10, after 2 years of unrelenting "migraines" (now know they were social in cause), and growing up in a VERY mentally abusive home. My first attempt came at 12. My last (some would say conscious) attempt was 6 years ago, but the thoughts remain. Only through my new family (wife and daughter, plus "siblings" I've chosen) and my OCD regarding taking care of OTHER people am I still around. Long story short: you're never alone. Mathematically speaking, someone is always going through the EXACT same experience at the exact same time. Thanks to the internet, it's easier to find others in that place (hole, Trench, etc.) for support. Like here and now! Anywho, best (unwanted) advice I can give is to be kind to yourself. Let yourself be you, even if only a little bit at a time, or 20 minutes a day. It builds up your resistance to the world, and builds your coping skills. It helps me, in any case. I hope I speak for all of us when I say we're always available for you, even if we don't call to check in. Just reach out. Be it the autistic community, the chronic pain community, random fanbases, the people you may need are always there.

[@SarahAbramova]

I can agree with you on that.

[@maricamaas5555]

@Bailiwick Not fitting into a cubicle, yet now being boxxed into being on the spectrum...

[@maricamaas5555]

@@ExcuseZero You need not accept that label. You are fearfully and wonderfully made - in the image of God, and by being born again spiritually, you can be in a relationship with Him, which will change your life completely. Towards resolving complex trauma, listen to Diane Langberg and Jordan B. Peterson. To enhance brain function listen to Dr. Daniel Amen (BRIGHT MINDS) and Carolyn Leaf (HOW TO SWITCH ON YOUR BRAIN). Different ways to manage stress, improve diet and to detoxify also are helping me to function better.

[@SarahAbramova]

@@maricamaas5555 stop going through the comments trying to convert people.

[@dannyaram]

"Easier to rewrite the genetic code, than accepting". So true, so sad. My Oldest is on the spectrum. I don't want to "fix" him, he is amazing. But I do want to help him get a good life. I know it is possible but that sentence really hurts because it is true.

[@dannyaram]

@Syd Barger exactly the opposite

[@dannyaram]

@Syd Barger we are lucky. It's not the case with him ( or his younger brother, also diagnosed on the spectrum). But for those this isn't possible, I can completely understand.

[@dannyaram]

@Syd Barger I hear you man. Only a couple of decades ago you had to be completely non functioning to be diagnosed. Everyone else was either a good or a bad kid.

[@audreymusk]

More and more people are neurodivergent because genetics are getting rewritten. It's part of the evolution of this race.

[@placeholderdoe]

This video can ruin hope, but just remember. We are at a height, we have climbed to get this far. We made it through the era of lobotomies, we can survive this

[@Shmook1]

Monique: "In a conversation, I genuinely won't know what's coming next" Me, someone else with autism, "Wait, people can do that!?"

[@dcleal658]

same here

[@robertcastleberry2909]

Nobody can do that. Nobody can ever know what is coming next in a conversation unless it were scripted out beforehand. The difference is simply that many don't think about what is coming next. The problem arises when we assume others can do what we can't.

[@antomariecohn2522]

@@robertcastleberry2909 thank you for this

[@monicacordelia9691]

I’m 56 year old woman and just discovered that I am autistic… I’m so relieved, my entire life makes sense now!

[@marynordseth2788]

Diagnosed in my mid-Twenties, I am now 78 yrs old. You are such a good 'role model', I'm proud to know myself better now. thanksyou. Mary

[@RichardChappell1]

I'm questioning the accuracy of your statement. In 1962, we were still using the DSM II defined autism as a psychiatric condition - a form of childhood schizophrenia marked by a detachment from reality. Anyone making such a diagnosis would have been so far outside what the current thinking of Autism was that it's unbelievable someone would give that as a a diagnosis. We were still living under Bruno Bettleheim's refrigerator mothers concept. Even in the 80's when my son was diagnosed, we were still fighting those concepts.

[@anaemicroyalty0504]

@KamiSquad_X omg you are not one of those who believe to an incorrect scientific research that has been withdrawn on every possible level and has been disaffirmed by numerous other researches, aren't you?

[@anaemicroyalty0504]

@KamiSquad_X yes, I ask questions: does long-gone viruses come back on areas where people don't vaccinate? Yes. Did the oldest sibling of my mother die in polio due to the lack of vaccines? Yes. Did my mother and her other five siblings die in polio or any other diseases that could have been prevented with vaccines? No. Are my all family vaccinated? (approximately 40 people in total) Yes. Are any of us autistic? No. Do I want my child to be autistic or dead due to lack of vaccination? I'd rather have an autistic kid than a dead one. IF vaccines cause autism which many people who spent their life studying medicine, spent 5-10 years on university and has immense knowledge and are much more intelligent than me or you doubt.

[@sallyho3000]

KamiSquad_X listen...dummy... isn’t there a conspiracy video you need to go make anti Semitic comments on?...

[@sallyho3000]

Richard Chappell I feel that. I was diagnosed in the mid 80s. It has not been easy...

[@localstrawberry333]

"you don't look like sheldon cooper." "well thank god for that." i love her

[@jackskeletonsqueen]

I didn't realize I was on the spectrum until I met my boyfriend who has Asperger's. We clicked immediately and I never found it so easy to communicate with someone else there are no explanations needed. I can now feel comfortable with recently started journey to understanding more about myself

[@khushsamonti32]

Thats interesting because I didnt realise that I was on the spectrum until I met my NT husband. He always questioned why I am the way I am. It made me learn about myself.

[@jackskeletonsqueen]

@@khushsamonti32 with my past relationships I was called out for my stimming and I would have frequent meltdowns because I was trying to mask everything. I was called childish many many times and up until I met my current boyfriend I realized I could be myself

[@taraswertelecki3786]

You are most fortunate, there are many men and women, myself included, who never met someone with whom they clicked and can be themselves without judgement or rejection. I hope you and your boyfriend can remain together and happy.

[@melissalangston3333]

I found this to be amazing - I think this video would be a great tool for ANYONE to watch. It is not just about autism - it is about compassion, empathy, patience, and just being kind to one another

[@brandycoffee9345]

My sweet daughter was diagnosed at just 2 years old. She is 7 now and nonverbal .... And PERFECT 😍

[@Nipponing]

Brandy Dewing No she isn’t.

[@kgonzalez8098]

Swedish Otaku yes she is perfect. How dare you.

[@scarea2691]

@@Nipponing When you don't give any reason at all about why someone else's opinion is wrong, you just make yourself look like an internet troll

[@maricamaas5555]

Maybe you mean you accept her as she is? None of us are perfect. Not one. To imagine ourselves as perfect, is pride. When it comes to our children: There is far too much pressure today on children to perform to make their parent/s feel and look good.

[@ffffuuu9603]

@@Nipponingso you say she's not perfect to you can you explain why or this not worth sharing because it's just a opinion

[@JesseblueXai]

I almost cried at the first sentence bc I related so much... I put on a costume and pretend to be human when I walk into a room, thats literally how it feels like.

[@natefrom828]

Me too. I will find a different route to walk through a room that avoids people so that I don't have to interact with them if at all possible. At work, they get upset if you don't talk to them when you enter the room. Why do you need me to say something to you just because we are both in the break room at the same time. If we aren't close friends at work, I should be able to sit there in peace.

[@SarahAbramova]

I related to nearly everything. Especially the chicken. Yeah, you eat it. What else?

[@maricamaas5555]

Truth is that to pretend to be someone else than you are, is dishonest.

[@janaprocella8268]

AiHappyPig I'm so glad that this syndrome along with many others are going through a lot of re diagnosis.. And has come out with an understanding that it is a gift not a curse... But there's no reason to be ashamed... Etc.....thankful that the people that are growing up possessing this can relearn that it's not some kind of a curse and it's a sin and a shame... What a true blessing from God among many blessings and other gifts from God.. You're beautiful inside and out sweet honey child... Very very intellectual and smart and please never lose your compassion...for others.. Because of compassion is your crowning Glory..!

[@janaprocella8268]

natefrom828 Awwed you said that.. Sometimes I feel that way that just because I'm walking down the same Hall in the apartment complex where I live and somebody else starts down the hall.. Repeatedly engaging in small talk it's called like how are you? Becomes extremely boring to me it feels like a responsibility to engage in a conversation when you're merely passing in the Wind.. And I'm tired of saying the word "fine"to people In forced to live amongst...

[@shaninebuller9165]

I find it ironic that people make such a fuss about kids and adults in the spectrum needing to fit in and be normal and ordinary.... yet no one would take it as a compliment if they or their child was called ordinary in a school report or a work performance update, or a work reference lol. They go on and on about being an individual and standing out from the crowd. As long as it's within the zone of currently accepted norms...

[@helRAEzzzer]

Shanine Buller I've never seen it this way.... mind. Blown. I have noticed the only thing most of those people often see is the negatives of autism, which there are negative aspects, but rarely are the positive or potentially positive things spoken about such as attention to details and higher IQs are sometimes connected to Autism. Honestly, I really want the anti-vaxers to learn that stuff. They don't seem to want to accept the fact that vaccines don't cause autism, so show them what autism truly is as a spectrum (then show them a photo of someone with small pox....)

[@ashleyashleym2969]

Autism tends to hamper people's abilities, people want their abilities enhanced not hampered. And for some autistic people their abilities are enhanced but for most their abilities are hampered. So really they want the same thing, they want an upwards improvement. Going from hampered to normal is equivalent from going from normal to enhanced.

[@TheRunesmythe]

This is *so* true; if you display any sort of behavior or habits that make other people uncomfortable around you, make things awkward or are in some fundamental yet difficult to easily grasp different, its always about "fitting in" and "being normal" and "can't you just [insert task/behavior here]?" but if you refer to someone who fits into those parameters of accepted norms ordinary you get treated to a long diatribe about how much of an individual they are. Great insight!

[@TheRojo387]

The truth is that autism is a very negative, insulting, dehumanizing label, which worse yet, some parents use as a copout for themselves from their own failures, especially as a parent.

[@TheRojo387]

@JDMime At least nowadays we have gingerbread man cookie cutters! Run, run, as fast as you can; you can't catch me; I'm the Gingerbread Man!

[@cleverboots6347]

As a mother of four Autistics and an Autistic myself (we are all high-functioning) I have to say that the bit in your talk where you made the point about NT's being more willing to invest money, time, and effort in 'finding a cure' rather than just adjusting even a little to being more accepting particularly rang true as did the bit about how much of the stress among Autistics stems from the anxiety related to how we are treated. One only has to listen to a few minutes of 'Autism talk' by NT's, to feel attacked. The things my children hear on a daily basis are enough to drive me batty. Thank you for this video--great job.

[@NSEasternShoreChemist]

If finding a cure is easier than becoming slightly more accepting, that doesn't say much for our species IMO.

[@swanlei4770]

@@NSEasternShoreChemist the thing is... finding a cure ISNT easier for NT's.... it only looks easier than becoming more accepting because NT people are afraid to accept that anyones brain functions LEGITIMATELY different than theirs. And I emphasize the LEGITIMATELY part because, our brains do not function 'incorrectly'... our brains function in ways that make lack of social comprehension little to no problem. Our brains function in ways that NT minds could never. We have an advantage just like they have an advantage. This makes me want to gather everyone on the Autistic spectrum up to create our own communities and (maybe) society. NT people would only then see how much of an advantage over them we'd have. And unfortunately only then will they understand how theyve used their advantages over us in demeaning ways that only served to make them look better. If neurotypicals lived in a society that MOSTLY catered to the communication styles of Autistics, they'd be miserable too....... becuase our brains function in ways theirs could never.

[@cainalexander2402]

@@swanlei4770 You're not incorrect but I don't believe segregating Autistic folks is the answer. I think acceptance and working together better is the answer.

[@benlindsay9566]

@@swanlei4770 well said, an autistic society would be interesting to see though.

[@VogtTD]

@@swanlei4770 Why do you assume they are NT? Just because they don't understand your perspective? Autism isn't the only neuro atypical state of being.

[@carolyngrey2853]

This girl is interesting and funny why isn’t anyone laughing at her jokes? Jeeze

[@Cecilyeg]

I did!

[@Katzenlaufwunder]

It is their way, showing Monique respect. And maybe they are paralyzed of what they get from her. They have a different picture of autistic people and Monique shows them: Look, we haven´t lost our sense of humour....

[@debracottrill7989]

Because it's about awkwardness, allowing someone their dignity.

[@MrBarefoot09]

@@Katzenlaufwunder maybe there was no microphone on the crowd

[@chary361]

Maybe she wanted to be in an empty room?

[@strangeangel235]

I am 44 and have just been diagnosed. It hurts so much to think my life may have been different, so much less painful, had I been diagnosed sooner. I am glad though, that young women like Monique are are being diagnosed sooner and bringing attention to the difficulties of being autistic.

[@ryanwolf3950]

Strange Angel I'm 48 and was just now officially diagnosed. I've known for years, but as recently as pre-Obamacare I was denied assessment based on age and gender (services were only available for children and males). I can so relate to that feeling of "what would I be like if I'd known 30 years ago?" Hope you're doing well.

[@journalkitty3957]

Me too. I'm 48 and recently diagnosed. Half my life has gone by. But I'm glad the younger generations are being DX sooner and that I can now make sense of my world.

[@Celestein]

Same, I'm in late 30's and just got diagnosed. I try to move forward and claim my life positively now that I finally know. But at times it is hard not to feel a bit bitter since I feel I wasted so much of my life and youth being a misfit and struggling for no 'apparent' reason. I could have made more appropriate life decisions and sought better help if I'd known what the issue was. I feel I have so much to make up for.

[@ineshomemdemelo9254]

Hello! My name is Inês and I am a portuguese psychiatry resident very very interested in helping adults with autism. I would really like to learn a bit of your story, what led you to being diagnosed and how were you diagnosed. Thank you so much fo your help!

[@sallyho3000]

Inês Homem de Melo I was picked out in first grade for testing due to hyperlexia and speech difficulties...

[@lidu6363]

I love this. I have been trying my whole life to fit in, to adjust myself and to act like a "normal human." I have accepted that it's me who is weird and not everyone else. So why can't they accept my difference and tolerate it like I have tolerated theirs?

[@maricamaas5555]

We are all different - fearfully and wonderfully Created by God. If turn our lives over to Him, and depend on Him to help us, we can be growing towards bearing good fruit. We need not compare ourselves to others, only to ourselves - as we were yesterday. Fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. Fear of man brings a snare.

[@shereehi5539]

If you stim it draws our normie attention. We normies... dont like distractions. If you meltdown we normies dont know you are suffering actual pain or stressfully breaking down. We just think it's a selfish smartass scream for attention. We dont know.

[@BIBLE-a-s-m-r]

Minority.

[@natashamann-harwood801]

I suspect that I am on the spectrum but have never been diagnosed. I am incredible at masking, to the point that no one realised that as a kid my "asthma" attacks were really anxiety attacks. I have been bullied and isolated my entire life and heard the usual "why can't you just. .." so often. My overloading and pain were seen as attention seeking, as well as the physical issues I have due to EDS. Chronic pain and sensory overloading is not fun. I'm 38, and I am the problem, or so I'm told. I have been accused of being narcissistic, sociopathic and worse. I ended up meeting someone who is also a suspected aspie and we now help each other engage with the world. This video was inspiring, thabk you for your insite. The more I research, the more convinced that I have aspergers I become.

[@tomchamberlain4329]

I'm 37 and got diagnosed last year, finally after strongly suspecting I was on the spectrum for about 15 years. It's weird suddenly having a word for your oddness confirmed. Weirder telling people about it. I'm also incredible at masking...to the extent that I'm also incredible at masking almost any emotion, I get told I look like a murderer by people, friends, colleagues, anyone really. It gets pretty boring having people say that kind of thing regularly. Thankfully I have a pretty surreal and un-PC sense of humour which helps me deal with all that stuff better! But it took me literally decades to figure out that masking has both positive and negative effects, and it took reading up on autism for me to realise "masking" is actually a widely known thing, and that I have the power to choose not to do it if I don't want to. So now I consciously try not to do it quite as much....therefore showing people more of my inner character...which of course backfires sometimes but whatever, I haven't got enough time or energy to keep pandering to other people's comfort zones when in fact I'd benefit from them learning that they need to do the same for me sometimes. It's exhausting and I can't be arsed any more! Get yourself assessed. Even if the diagnosis is negative, you still learn things.

[@advancedwatcher]

I don't want to be 'cured'. I love being me, even though it hurts. If they 'cure' us all, who will make the breakthroughs in science, medicine, industry... who will be the great writers, the artists? They need us.

[@brucewayne3074]

We the best music! Another one! DJ Khaled! You stick out of the crowd, baby it's a no brainer! Him or me, be for real, it's a no brainer! Whoa oh whoa oh whoa oh whoa oh! Yeah eh yeah eh yeah eh yeah eh!

[@shayelea]

It’s like living in a dystopian sci-fi future, where any spark of independence or ingenuity must be stamped out, only it’s not sci-fi, and it’s not the future, except it’s 2020 and oh god we’re living in the future...

[@gummibears27]

advancedwatcher This! 👏👏

[@CellGames2006]

The Jews will.

[@atomnous]

I think Aurora (the singer) is on the spectrum too. The genetics is already spread out across cultures, I suspect this has happened since even the beginning of humanity. I think I have the genetics too, but I will never be diagnosed with autism because I can adjust relatively well in regard to the social part. It is burdening, but everyone has their own burden, I think. For me it's like a skill. A very difficult one to develop. I'm often out of touch with my body, that causes some asymmetries, but meditation somewhat helps in that regard. And when I'm feeling truly modestly confident, those things disappear. Some of people in the spectrum are adapted to society and some are maladapted due to strong genetics, trauma or initial discrimination. By initial discrimination, I mean sometimes a first impression by your peers, caused by some strange behaviors of you, sticks with you for your entire life and strengthens it. When perhaps, those strange behaviors could be a normal part of your development, that just needs time to find its way to adjust with society.

[@Zkasow]

“It’s easier to rewrite genetic code than to become accepting.” Dang… that hits hard Thank you, Monique.

[@sciencetroll3208]

You've spoken on behalf of all of us. Thank you.

[@juju82ist]

2wie777899s8ur7d7duc. B. Uduududhxhzhduududid

[@maricamaas5555]

@Lotte No such data exists, that is the problem. Vaccination is not based on science, it is all about control, and driven by the love of money.

[@SarahAbramova]

@@maricamaas5555 stop going through the comments trying to convert people

[@maricamaas5555]

@@SarahAbramova A helpful lesson to learn, is that one is not in control of others' comments on this public platform. Have you got nothing positive to add to the debate?

[@k.l.c._]

@@maricamaas5555 oh Em Gee Marcia! Do you think you’ve contributed anything positive to the conversation because if you do you are the one who is delusional. You have been the most negative commentor I have ever seen! And the most condescending,irritating know it all!!!!!!!!!!

[@robynjoansutorowskimichels7095]

I turned 53yo just a few days ago. I've had my suspicions for about half my life, since I was a teacher's aide at a school for special needs children. No matter how many times I raised the subject with health professionals or counsellors, my concern was never taken seriously. Well, the day after my 53rd birthday, I came across a KZbin video with an autistic young woman, and another with a TedxTalk. I ticked about 80 - 90% of the boxes. So finally, at the age of 53, I hope to get a referral from my doctor on Wednesday for a diagnosis. It will be a relief in a major way, 'cause since I can remember, I have been masking to the point where I feel like I am only myself when I am by myself. Thank you Monique for bravely sharing your life with us. You never know,,, I may end up being on the Ted stage one day :) Blessings

[@robynjoansutorowskimichels7095]

In follow -up, after watching the whole talk, I must admit that I would personally welcome a cure,,, the reason being that the situation that I am in now is a result of my not being able to function, and thus, long story short and generalised, (if I can, lol), my 84yo Mother, who should be enjoying her last years socializing and having fun in a retirement village, has been living with me for the past 4 yrs. And now she is losing her memory at quite a steady rate. If I don't get help soon, it will be too late. So, while it's fine for some or even most to not welcome a cure, I wish I could be cured,,, for the sake of my Mum. She doesn't deserve the situation that I have caused.

[@Seventeenthirtyate]

Oh robin. You didn’t cause any situation, the blame is not yours to hold. I know this was three years ago but I truly hope you found peace and a diagnosis. You can heal from this, with or without one. ❤

[@Dr_Jameson]

This video stopped me from self harm. Thank u. I had a meltdown two hours ago. I can't think about it right now because I'm in a place in my head I don't feel anything

[@RedCloudBeechWaveAhh]

sending lots of love and support to you, and also from all those who haven't gotten to read your comment.... we are all together

[@shadeedahmad6542]

Monique brought tears to my eyes several times. People are so cruel and selfishly demanding that autistic people be so-called "normal." This world needs to be more compassionate, patient and empathetic towards the beautiful, wonderous and uniquely focused ways of these spiritually and intellectually advanced individuals. It constantly amazes me how autistic people have a better grasp of expressing authentic love and kindness than so-called normal people. Love has its ambassadors (the autistic) who are being frustrated, bullied and discriminated against because of their high sensitivity, vibrations and sophisticated thinking processes which are no less than manifestations of advanced souls here to advance the world. Thank you, Monique. This talk is a classic.

[@OhPamcakess]

Eye contact is so hard. So extremely hard. Growing up through elementary (90's), my teachers would get angry at me for not looking at them when they spoke to me, so I learned to "look at them" by blurring my eye focus. So I would just be staring at a massive blur, and it helped. But due to that, it was hard to concentrate on what exactly they were saying.

[@alienangel777]

The sad thing is the reality of getting "officially" diagnosed as a woman at all. My psychologists and psychiatrists have diagnosed me with autism many times, but when trying to get someone to legally put that diagnosis on paper by either individual doctors or programs, they have had no problem expressing the clear discrimination by saying that they only diagnose boys/men of any age, or girls and ONLY women under 20 or so. If you happen to be female over a certain age, it's thousands of dollars, while a young boy can get a diagnosis for a small $20 co-pay, for example. Why does this medical discrimination persist?

[@HarrietFitzgerald580]

alienangel777 same. I was assessed through the public health care system. They chalked it up to bpd. Denied me access to a neuropsychologist. Told me to go privately. Year wait period and massive amount of money.

[@marleylou8451]

Yeah, I kinda had the same problem. When I was about 12, I think, I got diagnosed with depression, ADHS and anxiety only to know now, that it might bc of my autism. 5 years later, after I myself did tons of research. And Im still not „officially“ autistic, even if the symptoms are clear. As clear as they were, when I was 12.

[@marciamcdevitt964]

Perhaps where you are. But where I am, I just paid $1500 that I could in no way afford in order to get my seven year old son a diagnosis... literally just last week. They tried to expel him from first grade because he was having meltdowns and nobody would believe me that there must be an underlying cause, because he is quite cognitively intelligent and communicates well (when not overwhelmed). It’s so incredibly frustrating.

[@shereehi5539]

Because those particular people you speak of are scamming you and should be sued...

[@kaylaschroeder1]

Wow, I didn't know it was that bad. What a crock. 😕☹️

[@libertylaferriere]

she is hilarious and such a powerful speaker!! at 22 minutes when she said "you have no idea how determined i can be" it gave me chills.

[@hannahknight8097]

You're amazing. I have Aspergers Syndrome and I feel like I can relate to you on everything you said. All of these things you've said have been circulating my brain but I've never said them out loud. My friends don't believe I have Aspergers and that I'm just doing it for attention. This makes me so depressed but hearing this has made me more determined to educate people on people on the spectrum. We're the future, just like everybody else. Thank you so much for your input in society, I bet your family are so proud of you, you've been incredibly brave saying all of that. :)

[@KARENboomboomROXX]

Real friends believe what you tell them. I am so sick of fake friends I've cut them all out of my life. The friends I have left NEVER question anything I tell them about myself or anything else. And I believe everything they tell me. It's working out much better than begging ppl to believe me. I'm sick of it.

[@maricamaas5555]

@@KARENboomboomROXX Have you considered that what you are telling your friends, could be wrong? That would be a humble attitude. You know very little - similar to us all - and have much to learn. Real friends will be challenging you to become a better person, not just make you feel better by accepting and supporting who you are now. If it is really so that your friends are believing everything you say, and that you are believing everything your friends are telling you... Maybe those who are naive, are drawn to one another?

[@oneeyedphotographer]

@@maricamaas5555 What you are showing is your ignorance. Autistic people are born autistic, it's not something that could be or should be cured. At high school, my teachers tried all kinds of things, including corporal punishment, to get me to do my homework. Despite that, I almost never did, but I always passed every subject I sat in the most important exams. Chemistry was easy, because it makes such good sense. I was also good at physics. History, I dropped. It's about people and made no sense.

[@MsLadyKD]

It does hurt when people claim we are fake or mean when almost always its there projecting of there own fakeness and meaness to withhold truth to keep themselves safe from the fallout of being disliked. Autistics are the most honest, straightforward, authentic, pure people on the planet and we already know most people don't like us we just accepted that and it being there problem long ago... and no that doesn't make us cocky or prideful... it makes us brave and self confident despite the world telling us to feel shame and worthlessness

[@adamgreeley8196]

I have high functioning autism and she's spot on I like her speech a lot

[@fancynancylucille]

I found it specifically interesting when she spoke about not making eye contact, and said it is not about the autistic individual, but the other person. Jesus said the eyes are the window to the soul. The autistic person, who is basically a severely introverted person, has a subjective experience of the other. They see the person from the inside out. This is not a negative thing. It is a strength. Someone spoke to me recently about "indicative" symptomology, which points in a certain direction for the collective. The one-sidedness of extroversion in society is evidence of a collective under-development. Society is one-sidedly outward, superficial and neglectful of inward realities. The increasing prevalence of autism, to me, is "indicative" of nature's requirement that we finally recognize the reality of the psyche (Jung) and turn inward as a collective. The bulk of society is not "normal" but rather, INCOMPLETE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our superficial view of reality is the source of most of our great problems, especially the psychopathic takeover of our government by perversely false individuals, and climate change.

[@runnerducks5140]

wat

[@dickianngarcia7719]

fancynancylucille Thank you. I feel understood and validated through your post.

[@0olong]

For what it's worth, the likeliest thing is that it's not that *autism* is getting any more prevalent, but that more autistic people are being recognised as such. The causes of this are complex. At least part of it is to do with a society which is intolerant of difference in many ways, and which expects a number of skills as the bare minimum for participation in society which are often missing or weak in autistic people. We make up for it in other ways, but the way that society has grown to insist on quite high levels of competence in skills like self-presentation, ability to do paperwork, short-term flexibility and various other things has put autistic people at a huge disadvantage, and has a lot to do with how autism came to be pathologised. Having recognised autism as a phenomenon worth paying attention to, scientists later broadened the concept a little - to take in people with very similar cognitive styles who did not necessarily share all of the same difficulties as Kanner's patients and others diagnosed as autistic before the 1980s. With this broadened definition, large numbers of people have been slowly realising in recent decades that they are also on the autistic spectrum. So... I'm not saying you're wrong, but I think there's some very interesting analysis to be done of why the 'prevalence of autism' has apparently been increasing.

[@edgrimm5862]

I don't want to make eye contact with most non-autistic people because I have learned from a young age that's a recipe for disaster. If I look at non-autistic people while I'm talking to them, they will not understand a word I say, because neurotypical people get most of their understanding of what the people who are talking to them are saying from their body language, and I do not have that body language. If I don't make eye contact, they can't do that, and have to hear my words. They still won't understand what I'm saying, more often than not, until I"ve repeated it a few times, and possibly tried several different ways to word it. I understand that it could be how I pronounce things. I used to have that problem; my mouth doesn't really feel like it moves right, and it took me until I was in the seventh grade to get to the point where most people could understand my words. But that was over 30 years ago. I haven't gotten sloppy in my pronunciation over time; being understood is a very important thing to me, and I have continued to strive for better enunciation. I've looked someone in the eye and told them I needed to get a book out of my car for them, and then had them be surprised when I returned two minutes later with a book, as they thought I was just trying to excuse myself from an awkward conversation and had thus run away. That doesn't happen so much, when I'm not looking people in the eye, but there's still problems, and it's not an issue that I have with talking with fellow autistics.

[@Dancestar1981]

fancynancylucille there are extroverted Aspies too

[@kjb21-]

I want to hear more of her anecdotes. I love to hear the world through other people’s eyes. It’s so validating. I do not have ASD but I have moments where I feel like I’m trying my best but I just don’t fit in. This video brings me hope that someone is fighting for a more accepting and flexible world.

[@valerune192]

THANK YOU for telling people we have empathy

[@strangeangel235]

I am more used to people asking "what's wrong with you?" Now at least now I know what to tell them!

[@tinadusha]

Same

[@futurehistory2110]

16:58 This is why I want to see remote work only increase. I've been working remotely since January (not to do with the pandemic, just coincidentally applied this year and I'm working as a writer). Remote work is far better suited to most people on the spectrum. Personally, I am way, way happier working from home then I was working in a physical place. The only real exception maybe was when I worked in a candle shop but that was pretty unique as a quiet place w/ nice customers. Pretty rare!

[@helRAEzzzer]

I'm on the spectrum as well, and I love this ted talk so much! It's formatted beautifully! Personal experiences in combination with facts and stats. I often compare my way of thinking and social interactions to computer programming. I tend to automatically follow a script when interacting with others, and when something I didn't expect happens it's like a big error code in my brain functioning with social interactions and/or my daily plans.

[@dannyaram]

Funny you said that. I really thought of the script example with my son. When his responses surprised me I'd say this exception was not handled. Well, I learned to use a lot more try and catch, and prepare for occasional run time error :)

[@Bearingz]

Thank you so much for this talk. I've had an uninformed GP say, "You need to start thinking you're normal". (I have tried to do this my entire life up until this point.) The unnamed GP was not even aware adults could be diagnosed. Since then, I've been diagnosed (after finally getting a referral from a better informed GP). I'm still processing everything and this talk has really helped and I hope it will also help my friends and family understand autism and me more too.

[@larayates5380]

Fascinating talk - as a ''sufferer' it is incredibly insightful. Being undiagnosed with such a life affecting problem as a woman is enough to push you over the edge.

[@EphemeralProductions]

Im a man, undiagnosed, and it's enough to push ME over the edge! :( Autism and Aspergers (at least to me) are such a bane.

[@Grandpa82547]

@@EphemeralProductions I think you are diagnosed. You know who you are better than any shrink.

[@noranora3539]

I cannot like this speech enough, I felt everything deeply with Monique during her speech. I am a little bit sad to find this video a little late but better late then never. Thank you million times from the bottom of my heart Monique. I will do my best to spread awareness and to make a difference.

[@theemeraldruby]

I really needed this talk today. I've realised that the reason I struggle to set healthy boundaries is because my experience as an autistic woman is that society and people consistently break the boundaries I have set.

[@delightfullydotty7130]

Society wouldn’t be nearly as advanced without the existence of autism so the least society can do is protect and support us. There is a very high number of aspies at the top universities (I live in Cambridge) particularly in the maths and engineering departments who aren’t diagnosed because they don’t need a diagnosis as most people around them are the same. We’re not all geniuses but I believe that most of us have talents and we need the correct support to be able to fulfil our potential.

[@iamsemjaza]

"For you, it would be terrible. For me, it's a Tuesday." ~PJR

[@greyhornbarger4605]

I know people that have autism, so it's so nice that I can just hear how it is. I have an amazing friend that has High-Functioning Asperger's and she is like, the best. She tried to explain how it is, so it's so nice to hear it completely explained. And it's even better that people are opening the perspective of what it is. I'm sorry, I don't know if I'm explaining this right, but I'm just so grateful for this.

[@mercedesmarton3768]

OMG!!!! She is awesome! Love her humor. I have an autistic semi non verbal autistic son. This really helps me to understand him even better.

[@aleemabacchus-hosein5198]

She's an amazing speaker. I'm a teacher and I learned so much from her.

[@meganburch4344]

My son has autism and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for spreading your story and knowledge. You have taught me somethings, but more than that you opened my eyes to what he thinks at times and how he acts. Thank you so much. You are awesome and perfect just the way you are. You are the Perfect You and that's all that matters.

[@shelleybamford4523]

I have a son with autism and I actually diagnosed him myself ( I am a nurse) when he was in elementary school.1980's He was not recognized by medical as having autism until his young was having issues. I told my daughter in law what I thought and sure enough my granddaughter was diagnosed and because she was diagnosed so was my son. I too was eventually diagnosed, after a lifetime of misdiagnoses of chronic depression. I am 67 and just diagnosed.

[@Dottie1975]

THANK YOU!!! omg thank you thank you for speaking up for us WOMEN who deal with a different reality then the "normal" people I am a 42 year old who has only recently been diagnosed .. after a life time of gain and loss, unable to attend high-school, unable to keep a job, unable to keep my husband with me after we had kids and our reality changed so drastically, and indeed often thinking my family be better off without me, and i for sure would be better of without this failing fight that was my life it wasn't until recently, that i have mustered up the courage to accept this autism diagnosis it has been VERY! hard for me to accept "it", as just like you say ,.. most people , if i tell them say .. nah not you ... nah your pretty .. nah your a girl .. nah you are just a bit awkward very hard to accept it .. when you know "they" will deny you .. and "they" wont belief you (btw i do have rather sheldonesk ways here n there unfortunately,he could be a brother) lmao all my life i have struggled to "get them" and to mimic them, to try to fit in (never worked btw! lol and now im glad, because i do not want to fit in with "them"anymore

[@HarrietFitzgerald580]

Dottie1975 this sounds so similar!

[@switchery8964]

Born to struggle. Struggle builds character. Character creates intrigue. Intrigue creates humor. So mathematically speaking... why WOULD I want to be cured of my abundant character? :D

[@maricamaas5555]

Great attitude! Suffering is real - for all of us. It produces perseverance, character and hope... We grow stronger by embracing our trials - learning from them - instead of claiming victim status.

[@thes0mething]

This may be one of the best things I've ever read ❤️

[@KB-zq9ny]

I don't want to be cured, but I do want to get better. Having autism is like having some kind of hidden superpower. Often, I don't have to study for tests. I'm very reflective and sensitive, and I'm able to interact with the world, and other people, in a way that I just could not do if I were not autistic, because it would be seen as selfish and not genuine, but since I do have autism, I feel like my innocence and naivete are noticed and in many cases my behavior is excused. I get to see life through the eyes of so many who are disabled or maybe just young and inexperienced, yet I have experience and wisdom sometimes beyond my years. It's a wonderful gift in many ways. I would like to take all of the good I have to offer the world, though, and hide the bad in a nice little box.

[@brucewayne3074]

That's the price you pay! Leave behind your heart ache, cast away! Just another product of today! Rather be the hunter than the prey! AND YOU'RE STANDING ON THE EDGE FACE-UP CAUSE YOU'RE A NATURAL! A BEATING HEART OF STONE! WE GOTTA BE SO COLD, TO MAKE IT IN THIS WORLD! BABY, YOU'RE A NATURAL! LIVING YOUR LIFE CUTTHROAT! YOU GOTTA BE SO COLD! BABY, YOU'RE A NATURAL! From Imagine Dragons.

[@maricamaas5555]

Please explain: You seem to discern that your behaviour is selfish and not genuine, yet you are using this excuse of having a supposed condition... Because of this, you realise that you are excused; this instead of taking up the responsibility to change and become less selfish and more genuine? It is wonderful to have strengths to offer in service. The way to go with our weaknesses and shortcomings, is to confess them, so that we can help one another to overcome them.

[@SarahAbramova]

@@maricamaas5555 stop going through the comments trying to convert people

[@maricamaas5555]

@@SarahAbramova What advice do you have to offer the young and inexperienced... Or are you one of them - insubordinate to elders?

[@peggygrittini7495]

Absolutely Outstanding!! Thank you for your humor, raw firsthand experiences, and explanations and ideas toward change. I have a 4yr.old grandson who has Autism and alot of the things you discussed really resonated with my concern. I want the very best for him, and with more acceptance and a little change from the neuro typical population he can live hist best life. And, I will definitely ask "why" :)

[@paolopacciarini8231]

Courageous girl !

[@MoBo5656]

Thank you :)

[@fifthavenuegirl]

and she's 23!!!! Awesome. She's right about the bullying. That's where the depression and anxiety come in. It's independent of the Aspergers or Autism. The bullying is what cause the depression and anxiety. But what about all the positive traits like deep thinkers, care about animals, social justice seekers/believers, independent thinkers, creative or gifted in some way. I mean, what's wrong - I think there's something SERIOUSLY wrong with people that are obsessed with sports. They are the OPPOSITE.

[@sarahsmitg7923]

Or types who care about the attention seeking schemes of talentless celebs. I can see how dumbed down the celeb industry is making society

[@sarahjensen2473]

I'm so happy to see you focussing on this for your PhD. It doesn't matter what the studies say if nobody will listen and even though doctors and psychiatric care professionals as well as supposed "disability support" people should have to have a basic understanding of anything that at least 1-2% of their patients or clients are dealing with they are not expected to and asking them to read anything is like asking for a kidney. I find I spend more time educating my healthcare team than they spend helping me and when a normal appointment is 10 minutes that's really difficult. I'm looking at going back to school but I just get blank looks when I mention ASD and things that would help me--to the disability support people! Your ability to convey the information with clarity and what seems to me to be a compelling argument for fair treatment makes me think that your thesis and any book you might consider writing as a part of this will be incredibly valuable for educating our support people. I'll be looking forward to seeing more of your work. Thank you for giving this wonderful talk, which I will be pointing others to, and for using your special talents to help all of us.

[@Naivedo]

Great job! This video has a lot of important information that should be shared with everyone. Oh, and as a high-functioning autistic individual, I know what it's like. I am a borderline-genius rated in the top 5% of the workforce, and I am extremely underemployed. I have applied for over 5,000 jobs since graduating college, rarely to I ever get interviewed, and when I do they almost never understand me nor my abilities even though I am surprising bright at almost everything I do outside of social skills. The problem is, no matter what the job, they all require people to have similar social skills to the majority of people within their culture.

[@strangeangel235]

Our culture is obsessed with social skills. That is a problem in and of itself.

[@edgrimm5862]

@@strangeangel235 I disagree. Our culture is obsessed with having a consistent lack of social skills. Bullying others is an example of lacking social skills, which is terrifyingly commonplace, to the point where many managers are not just allowed to do it, but expected to. It's generally accepted in our society that the burden of understanding what someone says is on the listener, unless the speaker has autism.

[@elizabethbennet4791]

welcome to the new capitalistic world that works for no one but the top 1% sweetie. being autistic only makes unemployment less likely. the issue is not just ableism but capitalism as well

[@reedscottolson3266]

I strongly advise: do not disclose publicly to employers/ those you work or might work with. If you receive this message and you are interested: I can find a link to an excellently articulated explanation (by someone other than me) of why.

[@antomariecohn2522]

@@reedscottolson3266 would you be able to post this link?

[@selenaruyi]

Thank you for this! I really appreciate you discussing the mental health implications of the stigma attached to autism in adults. I am currently a student in a masters of occupational therapy program in the US and I wish we had covered that more in our mental health course. We focus so much on children with autism but children grow up. I'm sorry the world is not more understanding and supportive. I can't imagine all the brilliant minds that never would have come to be if autism had been "cured." Thank you for giving your perspective.

[@sallyho3000]

Children grow up. Exactly.

[@calihorton9072]

Don't adapt to the world adapt the world to you. No matter what always be you! "To thine own self be true!"

[@lisathomas4581]

I say this often about my son. he is non verbal and has autism. I am a realist. I know the world won't adapt. He still has to live on this planet.

[@wytwabit]

I'm a 67-YO grandma who has had anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, but I held down a job for 25 years and raised 5 kids. I have an ASD grandson and a granddaughter with Asperger's. I've always been somewhat panicked in social situations and was not understood by my mother and sister, who were outgoing and gregarious. After watching this TED talk, I have a lot of new questions about myself.

[@Dancestar1981]

I bet you’re an Aspie female it’s time to go on a journey of self discovery and find the real you

[@bonnieclyde4950]

Thank you so much Monique you did a phenomenal job with sharing your story to bring an understanding to Autism for me. Society has a way of always wanting to change what it does not understand. I appreciate your message and you

[@suzeq2b]

Monique you did a marvelous job. I have just shared this with my Facebook groups. Thank you for helping to make my son's life and future that much easier.

[@elizabethbennet4791]

24:50 exactly! there was an episode of star trek tng when they could reverse Jordi's blindness from birth and he didnt want it, he was trying to explain that it was a part of his identity and learned to function well and be a happy person with it, but the neuroscientist kept saying it would be easier for him

[@Grandpa82547]

Actual blind people who have had their vision repaired have had to put on dark glasses to keep from being overwhelmed by too much visual stimulation. They have learned to use hearing and touch and can't use all that noise.

[@danellestella2085]

I really enjoyed this talk. And I found it really funny in parts and relatable..then I noticed the audience weren't laughing at the things i was laughing at... lol. I'm in the process of getting an assessment for autism. 35yo female..

[@SharlenesJourney]

It’s so true about the getting fired part.. I had an internship and I didn’t get the full time position because I was bad at socializing 😞

[@kdutra805]

You have me in tears because I’m 53 years old and everything your saying is spot on what my life has been life and I think I could be on the spectrum. I just thought that I am highly sensitive and empathetic.. I have to learn to seperate my anxiety from others anxiety. I feel everything so deeply that I have to isolate from others. Thank you you’re talk connected with me and help me a lot.

[@cosplaybean5743]

I'm nearly seventeen years old. I just got diagnosed less than a month ago. Being diagnosed with autism didn't scare me, or make me sad. It made me happy. I finally knew that I wasn't alone, that there wasn't anything wrong with me. I also have anxiety and suffer from mild depression, and I have had suicidal thoughts since I was in middle school. This presentation is amazing. She goes over so Manny Points and explains it in a way that makes so much sense. I also love her humor. I was able to tell she was joking, and know I was allowed to laugh and find humor in it. She is amazing. Autism is amazing and sometimes annoying, but part of us none the less. We need to stop trying to cure it and start making it acceptable in society.

[@davo3839]

I absolutely love this. As someone who is autistic, I wish I could talk like this. This lady is an inspiration. Much love.

[@jonsumner5899]

I have autism but was diagnosed until I was 35. At 12 was so depressed I was VERY suicidal. I'm not being overly dramatic. It is only by the grace of God I'm still alive.

[@MoBo5656]

I hope you are okay. Late diagnosis can leave people feeling lost, and disjointed. Not really fitting in and blaming yourself. Keep safe x

[@MDoorpsy]

Opposite with me. Diagnosed at early age, was suicidal, then got better after I stopped believing in God.

[@makeitso4793]

Yeah, I know what hyou mean.

[@TREUMER0304703199]

God is a matter of relation. Though you can exist in a bubble. We all choose whether to leap beyond that bubble.

[@L4D1992]

I was actually diagnosed when I was her age, it was very problematic. I understand those feelings and those experiences.

[@kayleewoodard7019]

Beautifully said. Every single word. Thank you for your passion on the subject 💖

[@BushmansAdventures]

im 45 , have Aspergers, hold a full time job Transporting Dangerous Goods (ten ton tandem axle truck) and yet struggle.....I have lost over 20 jobs in the last 30 years....and am routinely bullied. Despite my 200 lb muscle built frame and no holds barred attitude.

[@journalkitty3957]

That is so sad. It is hard to be accepted. I'm 48 and only recently diagnosed. Ive lost more jobs than I can count, either being fired, or forced to leave. So much makes sense now I know why I am like this. Its great you have a good job now and I hope that you find happiness.

[@dickianngarcia7719]

Mephisto Cat *hugs

[@lexiehollens3610]

The story of my life! I totally understand you.

[@Dancestar1981]

The drama to sue their asses off for discrimination, libel, bullying etc is not worth the stress. We are too generous to do that to people

[@kerryhill9749]

I love your speech , it takes a lot of guts to give a talk, From a poet who wouldn’t say anything about her epilepsy until she was 18 years, I’m now 49 ! Well done ( You) Be yourself

[@mrs.pattipedersen6695]

Such an articulate speech! Thank you for helping us to understand prejudice against autistic individuals.

[@aatheart]

This was very helpful...I can understand my daughter a little more. And, that gives me great comfort. She was diagnosed at 15 and it been a ride over the past year. Thank You!!

[@HellCatRunner]

The high functioning vs low and how we act alone vs public, is beautiful.

[@Jurnicurn]

*standing up clapping*

[@lovfro]

I really hope we get more focus on our sisters on the spectrum. Though male, I wasn’t diagnosed until my mid-thirties. One of the consequences of late diagnosis for me is that I have had to produce all of my own tools and concoct my own strategies. Those are not always as good as what I would have been able to have in my toolbox with coaching from childhood. There is also the knowledge of being different and not fitting in and not knowing why pre-diagnosis. In my case bringing along depression because I was left to feel that I was to blame for not fitting in. Burdening more women than men with this because of how the DSM is written is not right. Edit: spelling

[@oneeyedphotographer]

I'm mid 70s. Not diagnosed, but there are too many similarities for me to not be autistic.

[@mystica-subs]

Monique, you rock for everything you are doing to educate the world that people should be treated equally. I probably am moderately autistic myself due to my visual and layered thought patterns and different things I've learned about it over the years.. I enjoy my differences, and enjoy having the amazing interactions with everyone in the world I've had so far. I can honestly understand a _lot_ of your experiences, from my own, and hope that more people can try, even if they haven't experienced it themselves. Bless you for your dedication to all you are doing and I wish you great success in your efforts. I hope and believe you will find more acceptance in the world as you go along. I do not think you are too late; there are plenty of people who are open minded and willing to share their existence with anyone they come across as long as that other person is not harming them. You are wonderful just as you are, and I wish everyone could be as willing to share their experiences as you. All the best!

[@StephanieElizabethMann]

Thank you. Before my diagnosis of autism I wondered why had no long standing friendships. Now I look back and understand that I was too different to have friends, keep jobs, and be accepted. I have come to accept me but that has come with the rejection of everyone else. I have one friend and she is all I want.

[@evieraine7135]

Hear her voice. Hear her words. One of the most brave and wonderful talks ever. Oh normals one just bend a little dim the lights keep the room a little cooler and understand the need for time out . Why is this so hard . Love to this young woman and gratitiude

[@imlistening3021]

I found Monique's talk helpful. I'm one of those neurotypicals, but I have a brother that I love very much that has found he has autism after not knowing for some 50 years. The world won't change without learning what autism is. My brother lives with me, and I am learning, but it's a process that takes patience and love on both of our parts. Just as an autistic person doesn't know why a neurotypical person responds or doesn't respond in the way they might, it can be the same for the neurotypical. I love my brother, but sometimes it takes both of us patiently working through some frustrating situations to understand one another. I'm sure autistic people feel like they are expected to have all the patience in a society where they are a minority. I'm sorry for that. I have a deaf friend and I think she feels much the same way living in a hearing world. It can be so isolating to not be at least somewhat similar to the majority of people around you. I find that autistic people have an incredible insight and intelligence to share that often we neurotypicals don't have that unique vision to see. But change is hard for anyone and takes time, and unfortunately, we never know what anyone truly feels like unless we could walk in their own shoes. My desire is to bring love for people, patience and a desire to learn. We all need that because we're all different and we all have something worthwhile to share in this world.

[@REBECCA_von_Rehn]

audiance is bloody boring shes exeptional! love your reasearch, can write my full name and entire life under all shes talking about ! me a k a undiagnoses Aspi ! thank you Monique , great great TED

[@emilyjane001]

Honestly I wish autism was everyone's special interest. How can you not find an autistic mind fascinating!?

[@grammajean1327]

I have an autistic grandson. He's 25 now. He works where his dad does and does the same thing which allows him to excel at the job.. It has taken him a long time to reach his current level. He will not learn to drive and never learned to ride a bike. It's not comfortable for him. He does have one friend who comes to visit, hang out, sleepover. Rarely does my grandson go to the others home. He has really grown since getting a job and is becoming a pleasant person to be around. He did graduate high school. Though he had a helper who made sure he understood classwork. Sometimes the way he was treated angered him. I'm proud of what he has accomplished.

[@alexythimia7]

I relate to this so much, i can never hold a job down due to my inability to function like everyone else on a day to day basis, i have major sensory issues, have been incredibly self destructive and mask it all so very few people see the real me. Finding it very hard to be me again as i pretended so long and that left a lot of self hate. I feel like i am having to learn the very basics of myself again and trying to me the real me, and it is so difficult just to get through a day.

[@pathumdilhara7831]

Same thing with me. How are you now?

[@stoutlager6325]

I think there is insufficient research on comorbid mood/personality disorders among people on autism spectrum. I didn't realize just how common my comorbid diagnoses were until I started reading personal accounts from other autistic people. Depression I guess I expected. OCD I did not. There are so many autistics with comorbid OCD.

[@TheDundeeBiscuitLuvU]

There are three main sides to Autism, one which fits easily with anxiety/social anxiety (communication issues), one which fits entirely with Sensory processing Disorder (sensory issues) and one with fits easily with OCD (reliance on routines, needing to have things a certain way, repetitive behaviours, obsessions etc.) so it's easier than normal for Autistic people to develop anxiety and OCD as a result

[@annarehbinder7540]

Check out Nac, has helped me a lot with ocd together with omega 3

[@t3hpwm3r]

She really hits the nail on the head

[@soupey]

Mortimer Toynbee When did she pull out a hammer? /s :P

[@Ian-rz5vo]

I have autism, i felt so alone at school, now i work in a care home

[@loganskiwyse7823]

I'm watching this in mid July 2019. Over 50 years old and male. I just got diagnosed this year. It's still being missed in both genders far too often.

[@MsCat909]

I was always told I had an attitude problem to which I'd respond, no you have a problem with my attitude! 30 yrs later I was diagnosed with autism!

[@HENJAM48]

I let my ASD son watch this... Thank you Monique.

[@witchofstonycreek4550]

You are brilliant, don't ever change.