Embracing ADHD and autism | Sonay Erten | TEDxBeckenham

[@myriamstajkowski3958]

Watching this talk with silent tears running down my face. I was diagnosed with adhd at age 48 and I suspect I'm also autistic. Thank you for sharing your experience and speaking up for us all ❤

[@sonay-erten]

You’re very welcome, thank you for watching and your kind comment 💚

[@tiffanylbacon]

Me too!!!!! Diagnosed with ADHD at 48 and I know I have autism too. So overwhelmed. Hoping to get help soon! My life long coping skills aren’t working anymore. You are not alone!!!!

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you for sharing. Hope you get the support you need soon!

[@eloiseleher6963]

"Being described as smart, high achiever AND lazy and not achieving potential!" Jessica McCabe of says that the contradiction is the challenge of ADHD. Sonay, you expressed this contradiction so well: "hang on, it doesn't seem there is anything wrong with her!" Thank you for expressing your pain and your vulnerability as a woman, as a girl, as a wonderfully wired person and your resulting masking. I'm so happy to share this talk. Can you feel me linking arms with you in the mission to express the contradiction, the need to see difference, celebrate unique strengths and support challenge.

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you for such a lovely comment - I love 'wonderfully wired'!

[@fearlessspeakers1950]

I love that you offer some simple yet effective tips both for AuDHD'ers and for society to help make the world an easier place for neurodivergents to survive and thrive in.

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you Richard. Without you, I wouldn’t have had this opportunity so thank you!

[@musherwood11]

Hearing things like this on days where ADHD feel like a burden is very powerful.

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you so much, I'm glad it helped!

[@N_x143]

Agreed! I'm so proud of you for speaking up! When we first spoke, I remember we connected over 'me too'. Me too, because we both were diagnosed in our 30s, and lawyers. I love how passionate you are about raising awareness, and showing the otherside to ASD and ADHD - there isn't anything wrong with the person themselves ! 💕 Combined time ADHD - talking a lot is you at your best. I love this! Telling you not to talk, is telling you to mask and setting you up in a highly anxious state of course!! As always, S, you're hugely inspiring !

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you so much for your lovely comment, means a lot! It’s crazy how many of there are but I really hope this talk promotes more awareness and gets more of us who have lived all our lives undiagnosed to finally understand, it’s not their fault.

[@Favourlisticcc]

Loved this! Thank you for making me feel less of a weirdo like people usually describe me. Now I’m aware of my possibilities and will give doing the things I truly desire a proper shot❤. Honestly, it’s never easy for people from broken homes and no in-depth support systems to cope. I’ve never been diagnosed by a therapist or psychologist but, I do suffer from the aforementioned symptoms and it’s a struggle. Thank you so much! And oh yes! I talk A LOT too😅

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you, so glad to hear I made you feel less of a weirdo although to be honest I always feel like a weirdo! Keeping being you (and talking a lot!)

[@jenniferprice3401]

Thank you! Brilliant! It is life saving for me as I have been considering that I just don't belong and can exist in this world. Simply there is little knowledge or awareness of inclusion and accessibility for those with hidden disability. Often we are meet with 'the eye roll' or we are over-reactimg. I was told in my performance review as a teacher, that my outstanding knowledge of curriculum and pedagogy was admirable but I should 'tone down my passion' as other staff might find it overwhelming.... When I go into the outside public world, I feel like I am being assaulted by automatic machine guns, polite requests to turn down the music just a little (8am in the morning) I am treated like 'a Karen'. I am going to spread this to help others understand that I am not being difficult, consider the hidden disability and how chronically disabling it can be. Universal Design - what accommodates PWD, accommodates all. Thank you. You are brilliant

[@sonay-erten]

Wow thank you so much for your kind words. I’m sorry to hear about what you’ve experienced but sadly not surprised. We’re a long way from true awareness (especially in the case of non-visible disabilities). But I hope my talk goes some way towards changing that so really appreciate you sharing it.

[@luciebullen4683]

It's actually really validating as someone undiagnosed to hear your experiences and have so much to relate to! Really enjoyed listening 😊

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you! I’m glad you were able to relate to it…this is exactly why I did this talk!

[@BobCarter-d8n]

An inspiring example to me of someone coming to terms with who they are and telling the world it has to do so as well.

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you so much!

[@tiffanylbacon]

At the age of 48 I decided to start a new career. I decided to become a financial advisor. The stress of the training was overwhelming. It was during this time that I realized that I have ADHD. Of course my son who has autism said, “of course you do Mom. I’ve known it for years.” Since then all my coping skills that I developed over the years dealing with “life” are failing me. I am struggling to even function. And since I was diagnosed with ADHD I am beginning to realize that I have autism too. Now to get a formal diagnosis so I can get help. Nothing worse than feeling like your world is falling apart every day, every moment.

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you so much sharing your story! You're absolutely right - I hope things start to get easier as your learn to understand your brain more.

[@Miracle-Needed]

Each moment: life gets easier and easier. And better and better! I love my life. I adore who I am. I will no longer be trapped in a fake prison. I am setting myself free, NOW! It hurt, and that's the past. I now live in the present. I am the phoenix rising from the ashes!

[@sonay-erten]

Love this!

[@MikeBaker-ig8yl]

Great talk Sonay, amazing to see someone talking about these topics so openly!

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you! So glad you enjoyed it!

[@kkkkkbbbbb97]

12:20 That is one of the most accurate representations of what sothinthings sound like to me in my head. A bit louder and more echoey like a cavern in a way. harder to ignore and makes it harder to pay attention and enjoy the moment

[@trishferrer8209]

I kept wondering what a "quiet tower" was, and couldn't get any info online except "quiet tower fans". Took a minute, but figured out you are saying, "quiet hour". Your talk is one of the absolute BEST I have heard yet. I regularly attend al-anon meetings (due to addiction of family members), and NO one in the room understands WHY I walk into the room, and squint, because the lighting is so ungodly ✨BRIGHT✨ I am the only person bothered by it, and they look at me so judgingly when I say I'd like to dim the lights.

[@sonay-erten]

Wow thank you so much, what a lovely comment! Feel free to share this talk with others so they understand exactly why.

[@owenvaughan4988]

Thank you for sharing your experiences so openly and eloquently.

[@sonay-erten]

You’re welcome, I’m glad you liked it!

[@lridley2]

Oh Sonay amazing talk 👏🏼 you can hear the passion running through you!! Great presentation and you’re just brilliant xx

[@sonay-erten]

Aw that's so kind of you thank you!

[@juliecarter8605]

Wow. Just wow. Thank you so much. You are amazing !!!!!

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you!

[@bhutjolokia6990]

Awesome perspective!! I have Autism/ADHD and I also have 2 separate thoughts and 2 separate speeches. Thought plurality, I think, is a good term. Not 2 personalities because ultimately, I am 1. My autism was masked most of my life my senses are more acute my empath abilities are as well. Validation is an extremely important part of our motivation to keep pushing forward. Introspective thoughts help to keep things in perspective, which helps with self-acceptance because in order to be our true selves we need to accept who we are. Focus on our abilities because they are what makes us unique and define who we are. Disability is just a descriptor based on what is considered normal. You don't have autistic inertia or executive dysfunction, you have a complicated monotropic thought process. We prioritize but it depends where our hyperfocus or fixation is on at any given moment. Especially during our free time, my work routine is a different dynamic where my workspace is organized and my job is very routine, so lots of vocal stims and rocking or bouncing when talking to coworkers. My hobby work space is chaotic and the more i try to organize the more i seem to forget where things ended up. Dueling thoughts to say the least. Abrupt interuptions when you are in the zone is also problematic, and again, that is from being snapped out of intense focus, which can be confusing and frustrating, and this also points to the monotropism and like you mentioned the meeting where there is an unknown topic you can't transition to that task smoothly because you can't prepare mentally for the unknown. Your monotropic thoughts need to know as much as possible in advance for mental preparation. Then you become focused on what the unknown is and can't focus on other tasks at hand. Conundrum of conundrums🤔🤔🤣🤣 Thanks for the insight, love perspectives of our community!!👻🤪🌶🤘😎♾️

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you so much for sharing, very interesting insight!

[@weekendwireless]

What a great lecture. I learnt so much from this and the presentation was clear and easy to understand.

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you so much!

[@ausomecharlie]

This is brilliant, well done Sonay

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you, your feedback means a lot!

[@ToksAruoture]

Loved this! Very insightful and beautifully delivered.

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you, really appreciate it!

[@jimalancarter]

You're amazing, love this! So proud of you!

[@sonay-erten]

Aw thanks!

[@tugceerten3556]

really enjoyed watching this. it's very informative!

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you so much, very kind of you!

[@adelesticklandpsychologist]

Sonay, you've done a great job of explaining everything with so much clarity and empathy. I really appreciated how you highlighted the unique strengths that come with neurodiversity-it was eye-opening and so relatable. Clearly, you’re passionate about this, and it shines through. Thanks for putting it out there!

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you Adele for you kind words, means a lot!

[@loooveismusic8]

Great talk. Thanks so much for inspiring and sharing. 💕

[@sonay-erten]

So kind of you, thank you so much!!

[@gulcin197]

Very interesting and delivered very well.

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you so much, glad you liked it!

[@murtazaarif6507]

The quite hour in supermarkets sounds really peaceful. As a male i was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder ASD, Asperger's to be exact at the age of 34. The signs had already been there all my life but i think the adult's didn't want to admit that i was different because they worried how people would judge them rather than me. It was unfortunate because today i live with depression and i am receiving disability benefits as a result. Maybe an early diagnosis may have helped me avoid becoming depressed with anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you for sharing and I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. I do believe if people are given access to diagnosis and support as a child that will at the very least reduce the struggles in adulthood.

[@murtazaarif6507]

@@sonay-erten Thank you. Yes I agree. The system is too conventional.

[@sonay-erten]

@@murtazaarif6507 Couldn't agree more!

[@davidspencer1558]

Love your presentation.

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you!

[@rachelcunningham6519]

Often it seems to a part of me that i cant have adhd having been a health professional. Whilst most of me is increasing convinced that i do. After a year of it being suggested, im going to tackle the assessment form thats been lingering at the bottom of 'a to do' pile. Thankyou

[@sonay-erten]

You’re welcome. Good luck with the assessment!

[@leonadonaghy1870]

This blew me away! Related so hard to all of it. Powerful messages to teachers and to business owners! 👏👏👏

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you so much, that’s really kind of you!

[@eternalbraid]

I highly recommend earplugs for nose when it's hard to ask for things, they do wonders.

[@sonay-erten]

Oh agreed! Although sometimes I’ll get sensory issues after wearing them too long. Thank you for commenting!

[@jocelynstewart1186]

thank you

[@sonay-erten]

You’re welcome! Thank you for watching 😊

[@chloemercadal5740]

Thank you

[@sonay-erten]

You're welcome, glad you liked it! :)

[@stellar52]

PLEASE: It's SO important not to call abusive CEOS autistic. Musk is in NO way autistic, he abuses the term to get away with abusing and degrading humans. He has NPD, full blown

[@trishferrer8209]

Two minutes into this, and you've said, "celesta" twice, and I have no idea what that is. I'm probably spelling it wrong, but what is it?

[@sonay-erten]

I think you’re referring to a solicitor advocate. Which basically means I’m a lawyer.

[@GPKatai]

I really wish you guys could edit the audio as you're cutting the video. The sound of their mouths between long pauses is so distracting and uncomfortable especially as a audhd

[@sonay-erten]

Thank you for the feedback and I’m sorry it feels uncomfortable. I didn’t expect that. I asked for mine not to be edited too much as I wanted to keep it as close to how it sounded on the night.