Autism and Empathy⎥Autistic woman discusses what empathy is really like on the spectrum

[@Catlily5]

I feel a lot of empathy. It is overwhelming. My feelings in general are overwhelming.

[@hopej9647]

Same !!!!

[@IntegrityMeansAll]

It probably always depends. Why would they think that every person with autism is exactly the same in regards to empathy. Also isn’t it a possible that someone with autism is also narcissistic / borderline. I know someone who is narcissistic and borderline and also got diagnosed with autism. I can see all 3 in that specific person as well but wouldn’t say this applies to all/most other people with autism.

[@Riley.-sJoy]

Real, I may be extremely sensitive, but any time I’m sad, I have dark memories and think “should I commit? It would make this easier, no… my family needs me”

[@Catlily5]

@@Riley.-sJoy Yeah, I don't want to hurt my friends and family.

[@danischi4080]

I am hyperempathetic to the point where I can’t watch action films or even just slightly exciting films without skipping ahead. I feel the anxiety and stress and all the other emotions of every single character as if they were my own. Like, my heart and veins actually hurt when someone loses a person in the film or gets broken up with, as if I were in the situation myself. And that happens with real life people, too. It sucks. It’s so overwhelming and stressful and I want nothing more than to feel less empathy.

[@ryn2844]

I'm on the hyperempathic side of the empathy spectrum for sure. It's probably one of the main reasons for my clinical depression. I just can't stop caring about all of the awful shit that's happening in the world.

[@Catlily5]

Yes, me too. The world is often depressing.

[@neurodivergentme]

I have to limit what I expose myself to, especially news, or I risk slipping into a very dark space.

[@Catlily5]

@@neurodivergentme Yes, I can only watch a little bit of the news.

[@queerqueen098]

I feel this so mucg

[@rachelk2457]

Totally agree. And I heard about an article about empathy and autism from one of my old coworkers told me about the article. That when we ASD peeps seem to have cold expressions when experiencing those strong emotions from others, it's seen as not being empathetic. However they found in the article that cold expressions is a self preservation tactic autistic people use, because we feel emotions so strongly. I sometimes wonder if it also connected to the fact that we feel sensory things stronger than others. Just a thought hehe.

[@abbyapplebee9472]

Empathy is another very misunderstood component of the autism spectrum. Good video 👍 the more awareness the better.

[@sophiekerr8964]

For me, as an example, if I saw someone getting hurt, I'd feel empathy for them but if I talked to them in person I'd have trouble expressing it. Like a couple of weeks ago I was watching a rugby match on TV and one of the players badly hurt his knee. I felt empathy to the extent that I felt genuinely sick, but I know that if I ever met him I wouldn't be able to talk to him about it. I have trouble expressing it, but I can feel it.

[@neurodivergentme]

I'm very similar to you. Expressing my empathy is much more challenging.

[@Retrosenescent]

Why is it challenging? What part about saying "I saw you broke your knee. I felt really bad when I saw that happened to you. I hope you're doing better now." is hard?

[@sophiekerr8964]

@@Retrosenescent that’s fine for me because that’s sympathy, not empathy. Empathy is trying to understand their emotions and interpret them as how you would feel in that situation. I can feel the emotional reaction to that situation but I won’t understand their feelings fully because I’m not them, I am not a pro athlete going through an injury (thankfully he’s all healed up now and has a little baby, but anyways) so there’s this psychological barrier to showing my empathy to them. I know that a situation sucks but I can’t put it on a certain scale (like in my example, the effort of rehabbing, effect on mental health, loss of independence, worrying about the future, or even money worries because of not working) there’s so many factors to people’s lives outside of what people know so claiming to know what they’re going through isn’t possible for me.

[@Ikigai747]

​@@sophiekerr8964spot on explanation, I relate to you ❤

[@emilyraye5663]

Thank you so much for posting this video. I just got dismissed by my psychiatrist because he believes Autistic people don't have empathy or the capacity to learn how to pick up on social cues (something I was able to do recently). As someone who is also in the mental health field (getting licensed as a professional counselor soon), I'm just so hurt by that statement because I identify so strongly (more than I have with anything other than ADHD) with all of the symptoms. I'm so frustrated.

[@lugaruna]

Yea this might be one of the reasons i don't like watching things like war documentary's or war movies. I just get realy scared and anxious:/. I also have that alot of people come to me for advice and with their problems and alot of the times i can help them. Unfortunatly when it comes to my own emotions it's a bit of a struggle, mentaly i know why i react the way i know alot about emotions but when im feeling the exact same emtions as others in the same situation i can't understand it:p.

[@debbiestaneland231]

I have ridiculous amounts of empathy. I have a hard time dealing with it quite often.

[@barefootbrazencurations883]

I recently went through a diagnosis process where I was diagnosed with ADHD and social anxiety disorder and even though I scored incredibly high for masking I was told that I was “too empathetic” and emotionally astute on our one on one interview to even need to be tested for ASD. I’ve never related to anything more than the stories of Autistic women here on KZbin. From hand flapping as a child - learning to manage but still needing to stim daily - to even experiencing what I now know thanks to you tube is called selective mutism on a handful of occasions. I’m out thousands of dollars and feel like I’m still missing this puzzle piece :( to understand and identify myself as a whole.

[@purplestarpsychic5467]

Thank you Barefoot.. I gave thought for years I maybe on the spectrum but thought I had too much empathy and understanding of others feelings. So this is an eye opener and I tested online as autistic but feel the diagnosis will show I’m not! But I have had or felt many of the traits when I look into my life deeper. I’m 59 and have learned to cope through all of it do I guess I don’t need a diagnosis now …maybe!

[@tangerinefizz11]

Empathy is kind of tricky for me. If I know that a person or animal is suffering, I feel bad for them. However, I also often lack a theory of mind, so I have sometimes done things that hurt other people without knowing beforehand how it would make them feel.

[@RebelJones-wg7vz]

I feel empathy deeply..neurotypical folks lack empathy

[@annikajohansson9171]

I gave up social media besides youtube because i dont have a social appropriateness compass, yet i feel when im being judged and feel the humiliation to an intense, almost lethal degree. I tell it like it is, and its hard to filter it. Ive always felt way too much and have been told that i seem way too sensitive for this world.

[@clarkworkable]

Your video is the first one I saw -- short and sweet! Perfect. I searched for this topic because I'm at a point of frustration, feeling like hyper-empathy is one of the things that sets me apart from more typically presenting autistic people I see in online spaces. Along with, similarly, being over expressive and at times unusually perceptive. I'm supposed to be clueless or lack a theory of mind. Trouble is, I've often got thirteen different theories, and maybe eight of them strictly relate to this dimension. I get tripped up on what to say and how to respond because I'm following all the possible tracks that I can see simultaneously -- kind of like EEAAO.

[@christopherlemarchand1715]

For me I have always said I'm an empath not a spiritual empath as I'm not really a believer of all that but recent revelations after 39 years of saying I suffer with depression and anxiety but recently I've been doing research into audhd as what I've been researching (videos and research papers) has given me a different perspective on what I might have. Anyway I digress for me it's my (possible) audhd and my hyper fixation on not wanting others to feel the darkness I've always felt that gives me this ability I understand body language speech tone etc to a degree that's it's like what muscle memory is to others I can't tell you how I can get people to open up without knowing them or feel there emotions before they have even said anything but it's because I know instinctively especially the pain emotion and how it shows in people and I'm drawn to it because I hate that feeling so don't want others feeling it

[@thejoycatcher8189]

I’m confused as well both my brother and I have empathy and we aren’t on the same on the spectrum and I’m better at expressing myself but we feel! I feel so much it’s an overload! On one hand it’s exhausting to take so much in but I’m very good at reading people and knowing what others need. I pay attention to others. I like to see their whole body when I do this and it helps when I know the person, but either way, it’s protected me many times! I know peoples motives as well! You have said so many things in a way I couldn’t! This is new for me but my brother was diagnosed as a baby. I’m 47 and began this journey trying to help my older brother only to find myself in a way as well! Very empowering and as if a huge weight has been lifted off me! Thank you for sharing! A beautiful woman inside and out it seems! 🤗❤️👏🏻👍🏻👌🏻

[@neurodivergentme]

Thank you friend!

[@catherinedesrochers]

Short and sweet, straight to the point and well explained 👏👌

[@neurodivergentme]

Thank you!

[@MamaEvaUSA]

I’m empathic. I also have alexithymia. I want to live in the woods far from people 🤪

[@neurodivergentme]

Hahaha my husband and I talk about buying a house in the middle of nowhere all of the time.

[@MamaEvaUSA]

My mom and dad retired to a cottage in the middle of the woods and I wish I could visit! (They are in North Carolina and I’m in London 🤷‍♀️) My husband is a city cat and I’m a country cat 🤪🙃

[@willowisp9150]

nice video 💕 feeling deeply, a strong sense of justice and not doing well accepting authorities are my favorite autistic traits. almost all neurodiverse people I know are vegans, also we make great activists.

[@Retrosenescent]

gosh I wish that were true! My autistic ex ate the most horribly cruel foods. He has 0 empathy for non-human animals at all (from my neurotypical perspective). He was quite selfish in general really

[@clarkworkable]

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

[@artisttjan]

I believe the issue is that in my case I feel empathy but I express it cognitively because I'm not sure how to express it without explaining it. I can't explain how I feel but I can explain all the things going on in that situation that makes me feel hat way.

[@anjachan]

from how I understand it: Autistic people have a hard time identify what a person is feeling, if they are sad or angry. But they still have empathy when they see a person getting hurt etc.

[@interstellar3.14]

hypersensitive, hyperempatetic audhder here. empathy for me is like another external sense in that it doesnt filter out and im worn out in an hour around others i dont live with or around groups of people. rough being a student. virtual was way easier. but i had the exact same question you said at the end. its exceedingly rare that anyone whos NT shows autistic people empathy. except ND peops, otherwise they say i am insensitive and dont read social cues. i actually read faces extraordinarily easily having complex ptsd from a long history of abuse and bullying. the bullying was likely related to the adhd and the 'tism in part, but not totally. the abuse was, well, abuse and resulting complex trauma.....idk anyway circular way of saying NT people tend to treat me coldly and rudely or just ignore my existence entirely and my parents were....not healthy....and part of the problem, shall we say. so i was never modeled how to show empathy to anyone. so its a completely "chicken or egg" scenario. now im confused all over again. sorry //hides//

[@whenindoubtmutemyownmouth5180]

If you've ever seen someone in an autistic rage/meltdown I could totally see how non autistic people would think that.

[@margogarrison2526]

I have been accused of this, but it's always by people who don't really know me, because the people that know me know that I feel their feelings with them. I can watch a person crying about some random thing in a commercial and get very emotional...about a commercial. It's 10 times that in real life.

[@lifetimeactor6789]

I frequently feel strong feelings and struggle to identify what they are, or what (or who) they are originating from. Crowded places stress me out a lot, too. Thanks for your video!

[@joclairemitchell9591]

This is a very strange one for me. It’s the main reason I didn’t look into it for myself years ago. I’m still trying to understand what *is* autism. It seems like it’s a combo of hypo **OR** hyper sensitivity of a variety of senses (emotions are in effect a sense or multiple senses, right?) ***AND*** deep mono-processing??? ***AND*** (or resulting in???) social challenges between non autistic folks and Autists? Medical community has no answer here - no neurological experience based explanation of what Autism is. So I’m still very baffled - while at the same time feeling like the experience I’m learning about from adult Autists is in so many ways like my own. I’ve been exploring minds and how they work for sooooo many years and just realized a month ago that I’m autistic- not just ADHD and HSP...

[@joclairemitchell9591]

Ps there’s an extra esmr (?) video in your playlist... lol not sure if it was intentional

[@datdankdj8264]

The mind can be quite an amazing thing at times, can’t it? Just to imagine all the vastness of the experiences in your life, and realize that that kind of stuff, is microscopic compared to the experiences of everyone combined. Just thinking that there are 7.2 billion people in the world just like you but also different in almost every way is really baffling.

[@shadowfox933]

I am an empath with alexithymia. If that sounds confusing, that's because it is *very* confusing. Yes, I feel what you feel, but no, I have no idea what it means at face value

[@MacheteKitten]

I am diagnosed with ASD. I think I do experience both types of empathy (though much deeper affective empathy and I can have trouble knowing what to say as well as identifying emotions) but at the same time I am very logical and I can tone down my feelings when analyzing a situation. In most cases my empathy comes from being around a person and having my moods rapidly change without reason (which they don't do when I'm alone), then realizing that's actually how THEY are feeling (based on information they reveal). I also can feel the sensation of being physically hurt if I see them get hurt. But this "feeling what they feel" if you like; witness an event or someone is telling you about their problems is a weird concept to me. I don't believe anyone can ACTUALLY feel the exact emotions of another person because you are NOT that person. If someone told me "I feel what you feel" I would think "Uh no you don't..." You can relate to them, feel FOR them, and feel empathy based on your own personal experiences but you aren't actually feeling their feelings. I believe that's like being some kind of "egotistical empath" TBH. Much of the time my emotions are manifested physically and I'll feel them in my body before I am even able to mentally process or recognize them. I get that sometimes around people and I think it's a way I empathize, even if I don't know the WHY yet... But if I'm like sitting there and someone is talking about a situation, I will feel for them but it's natural for my brain to go into more of a logical mode. Also, if I think their concern is unwarranted (especially if it's at least partially due to their own actions and behavior and they aren't taking responsibility...) it's more difficult for me to not drop my emotions. I also shut down if I'm feeling overwhelmed with emotion and being around other people. AKA: burnout. Traumatic events and life experiences can also affect empathy. If this makes ANY sense...

[@alextarot]

Exactly. I get so overwhelmed by everyone's emotions around me that i completely shut down cuz i can't process it as fast. It takes me hours or even days to process and understand all that i felt, while also usually not being able to label my own emotions (before i started to learn that), still it takes me time to process what happened. The only reason why they think ND don't have empathy is cuz our mostly "bich resting face" or demeanor. I often think that their's empathy is like a river or a lake, while ND's is more like ocean deep and that's why we take more time to process.

[@saaramohamed8921]

my clinical therapist does not believe me when I say I feel empathy and feel things too much just because I said I cannot 'show' it properly. She also treats me like I'm 3

[@chong2389]

It sounds like your therapist is the one who lacks cognitive empathy. Rejecting your feelings and treating you like a child is not therapy, it's tantamount to mental abuse. Was she, at the very least, willing to explore your feeling of empathy?

[@ioannafardella3717]

​@@chong2389there isn t "feelings of empathy". There is em empathy. That s overwhelming emotions. I wouldn t be so trustful in my perception if i were you bcs u have no idea what s going on. Not that NT have but anyways

[@nuni6158]

I have been thinking that I cannot be on the spectrum due to being like an "empath".

[@tishstewart1]

I feel so much empathy that it’s painful but I’m not sure how to express it. For instants if I’m sad I would like to be left alone because I get embarrassed easily.I have always thought everybody was like me. Now I wonder if I have been going about this the wrong way all along and if I come off as cold and unfeeling.

[@maidservantofgod]

I seem to only have empathy for animals. Even when someone I love is suffering, I feel little to no emotion. I have felt empathy for humans before, but it's rare.

[@aliciawassong6201]

I enjoy watching your videos😊❤

[@neurodivergentme]

Thank you! I'm so glad you're enjoying them 😊

[@wej0w]

Thought I just had social anxiety from a young age. The more I learn about autism now as an adult makes me wonder aint it autism. The stereotypical misconceptions of neurodiverse people are really screwed up, and that autism is based on a spectrum can be quite confusing.

[@thenurturebarn5185]

Very interesting. I am in UK and was diagnosed with ADD this month. I hadn’t even thought about the Autism but agree with lots you say. Empathy levels are through the roof. Is that part of autism? I am Documenting it here on FB @midlifeADD and Journos following me. How and when did you discover you had Autism? Mel

[@michellemoon6036]

i am aspergers, i love over love i feel same peoples feels, but cant read them, but i feel deeply

[@51elephantchang]

So true made worse by some nt's non-stop boasting about how empathetic they are.

[@dreamingofnow8404]

Both of my children have autism. My son has empathy and my daughter doesn’t have a whole lot.

[@a.g.pereira1961]

Hi Your video has been published for a few time now, but its content is important for the diffusion of the topic you are addressing, that is, the autism spectrum. Observing, with some attention, the content of the video, it’s clear that you are inserted in a gradual universe of the spectrum that includes the mildest forms of autism, classically referenced by Asperger's syndrome. It’s also clear that this syndrome began to be studied in the first half of the twentieth century and, since then, little attention has been received by the scientific community, at least with the depth and systematization that it deserves. It comes from this circumstance that there is so little knowledge and dissemination (therefore, understanding) of this theme in the society in which we live. It’s, as well, this lack of knowledge and transversal awareness that is at the origin of the situations in which people discover, later than would be desirable - sometimes, after long periods of unexplained suffering -, that something "different" is going with them. In your video, you talk (very well) about some displays, practices and experiences, which can characterize the way of being and feeling of people who are within the spectrum. Let me propose a 'minimum common denominator' for all of them (and for many others more), trying to find, in this way, their original genesis: the spectrum of autism, in its different degrees, results from an absence of tools for track, measure and evaluate the relational function - it is precisely the variation of this relational capacity that must regulate a specific graduation within the spectrum. It’s this “lack of tools” that is difficult to explain and, above all, to make understood, not only for the common person (outside the spectrum) but, likewise, to the subject ('autistic') himself/herself - who, very often, apprehends their relational constraints at an advanced stage or ends up never identifying them. Simplifying almost to a caricatural level, we could exemplify the 'burden' of the aforementioned instrumental omission with someone (not being a child) who takes off all his clothes in a garden full of people and dives into a small lake there without actually having the ability to understand that his/her act can hurt the sensitivity of these people. Explaining very clear: as hard as it is to imagine, this protagonist doesn’t even have the capacity to discern the impact that his/her actions can have on others - he/she lacks the 'codes', the 'passwords', that allow him/her to access that understanding. Imagine now what it is like to live this way - without the ability to interact with others in the same 'wave performance' - for some or long years, with the emergence of these dysfunctionalities. Imagine also the degree of suffering that results from it. It’s within this framework that, in same way, we must understand and interpret what is often described as a preference for the self-isolation from 'autistic' people: in fact, this isolation has happened since the ‘original bubble' and extending or even intensifying because whoever is within the spectrum is faced with reactions from others that, for them, are unexpected and that occur, precisely, because they have no idea of the communication codes commonly practiced in society. As will have become clear, this is a set of situations with great complexity and that deserved better attention from everyone. However, let us not be patronizing or overhanging those on the autism spectrum. In fact, we’re talking about people who, also due to their relational limitations, end up having an unusual willingness to develop a thematic reasoning and intelligence capacity that is far superior to normal (so-called) people - which, through sheer ignorance, has been largely underutilized. Take care.

[@danyelPitmon]

So high up that it is painful going out

[@marocat4749]

Goddamn, by the common use of the word empathy, its actually makng the effort to try to understand others, not superficial. Which has nothing to do with how you do actually express it.

[@j4513]

This is exactly what confused me when I found out I have Asperger‘s. I also wonder why, at least in my experience, I have known many more men than women who fit the “ASD without empathy” stereotype. I would love to find data on this to see if that’s truly the case or only what I’m seeing in my own experience (aka n = small sample size).

[@chong2389]

Perhaps the stereotypes or cultural expectations placed on men? British 'stiff upper lip'. American 'man up!' Nordic 'stoicism'. Etc.

[@huntdooly9845]

Please get a better microphone. Sound quality is prohibitive to listening.

[@artisticautistic9664]

😍