Autism and Inappropriate Social Behaviors | I was a Serial Hugger

Hi! I’m Claire, and this is my channel, Woodshed Theory. Here you will find the awkward ramblings of an adult autist. I love being creative and sharing my experiences with you. Subscribe to see more DIYs, Discussions, and Bunnies on your feed!
Autism is a social disorder. I personally struggled growing up with inappropriate or unacceptable social behaviors. I am going to illustrate this point but talking about my serial hugging behaviors.
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[@izzyhendrix2651]

I am a hugger too, but a deep pressure, full connection hug and I notice most people do a weird side hug or light pat on the back which freaks me out. I always feel like I hugged them wrong after. Also, my number one stimm is stroking my hair, (I've always worn it long) and I stare intensely at people when they are talking because I am always searching for cues in their face to take in what they are saying since I have some auditory processing issues... well, apparently I've always been considered flirty and I NEVER understood why until someone told me that playing with your hair and giving eye contact like I do comes across like I am being a flirt. I was mortified because I hate that kind of attention and I am so nervous when I am doing those things, it's a result of my sensory overwhelm, not flirting. I can't actually flirt to save my life. It's been a very confusing life. I didn't find out I was autistic until I was 33, there are so many misread things about me that I just never got until very recently. Oof

[@WoodshedTheory]

OMG Izzy - i was always told i was a flirt too - i'm like what the heck are you talking about i was just listening and being nice - ugh

[@arlete1277]

I start to act inappropriate when I'm bored and I cant leave the situation. People bore me so much that I freak out.

[@WoodshedTheory]

that is really interesting thanks for sharing

[@whitneymason406]

I'm a hugger too but only if I know and like the person. I get weirded out by stranger hugs lol.

[@WoodshedTheory]

ahh yes that makes sense

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

I have a habit of drifting off when someone is speaking to me and then I suddenly find myself reaching out and touching their cheek, or beard if the person has one, to bring myself and my attention back to them. Yep. It freaks people out. I try not to do it, then suddenly it has happened. Awkward.

[@WoodshedTheory]

i admit i laughed a bit - it's so funny how asd people act sometimes

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

@@WoodshedTheory It is funny lol, we autistics can be quite adorable with our little quirks sometimes 😻

[@Wiz.37083]

I've known people who would reach out and hold on to your arm to talk to you...it helped them focus on the conversation...

[@warmandpugly]

This made me cry. Like you, I hadn’t thought about this until recently but from a very early age I picked up the habit of smiling at everyone. Literally everyone, all the time. When I was young and “shy” people thought it was sweet. When I was severely depressed as a teenager the smiling became an unintended mask to my pain. I’ve always lived in the middle of nowhere so on the occasions I’d venture into towns and smile at passing strangers or sit on the tube train in London and smile at the people sitting opposite me, I quickly decided people in towns were rude. I felt so alien. Recently, I smiled at a passing mother and child. The response I got was “come on, let’s move away from that pervert”. That comment broke me as I have never had the intention of making anyone feel uncomfortable. My boyfriend is beginning to teach me that passing someone without smiling at them isn’t rude and that actually in busy places it’s better to do so. Age 34 I am finding this a hard change to make but I’m hoping it’ll stop me getting into situations I’d rather not be in 🤞🏼 sorry for the ramble and thanks for sharing this video. It hit pretty deep xx

[@smicketysmoo]

I grew up in London too. I too me a while to learn that you don't smile at everyone you are crushed up against in the tube or a lift.

[@WoodshedTheory]

i can't believe that lady said that to you - i smile and wave at kids all the time! is that weird? i had no idea

[@samamsterdam4301]

I'm a smiler too and have felt quite rebuffed when someone looks at me like WTF. lol :) It even hurt my feelings when someone I looked up to said that he never trusted a person that smiles too much. He was wrong and very narrow minded in that instance.

[@andEYEooop]

Yes me three!

[@cosievee]

@warmandpugly5718 I don’t think the “let’s move away from that pervert” is a reflection on you. That sounds like a rather extreme overreaction on their part, frankly, and likely more a reflection of something going on in their mind/life than anything to do with you. If you are still not sure, as you were there and I’m only going by a description, you could try practicing how you smile at people in a mirror. Don’t need to obsess over it, of course, but just to see that it is translating on your face the way you think it is. I know as a child taking the school picture, one year I was disappointed that what I thought was a pleasant smile that I had put on my face didn’t really show up at all. A book on autism I just read from an author who was late diagnosed in spite of working in the field of autism herself (Sarah Hendrickx) gave an example of her in her 40s having to have her photo taken by a professional photographer and when he asked her to smile, his reaction was that it wasn’t the pleasant smile she thought it was. She did a little work with it in the mirror and it helped her. For me, I have a naturally downward turned mouth so a slight smile either doesn’t register or could possibly look like something else, I suppose, even though my muscles feel like I am giving a small smile. So now I know I need to put a touch more effort into my small smiles. 😁 Keep on smiling. The world needs more kindness out there! I try to smile at people in passing if we’re going to be passing in fairly close quarters but not if it’s just something like comings and goings out of an office building where we’re not that close by. I sometimes force it because I can get nervous and anxious at the interaction especially if there’s a long build up to it like we’re both on a trail and can see each other coming for a ways off. I’d rather be looking at the nature around me but don’t want to ignore them either… or try not to. 😂 But I’m American so maybe it’s more of an American thing? I saw something recently about things Americans do that non-Americans notice and one was that we smile a lot. I dunno, there’s plenty of scowling people around here 😂 but I get neutral or pleasant reactions to a smile or a “hi” in passing, too. Good luck to you and don’t let the grouchy ones get you down! (Easier said than done, I know 😊)

[@LightsandVessels]

In my ideal world, I'll hug everybody. I feel safer and things make sense to me in touch. I also know how complicated it is for other people, and sadly so many times people thought I was interested in intimacy with them when I just wanted contact as a way to communicate. It's so tricky

[@WoodshedTheory]

yes! people always think asd people are flirting or asking for something when we are just trying to figure out being social

[@passaggioalivello]

Hi Claire, for a short period I was a hugger too because I was trying to adapt myself to the world. I live in Southern Europe and here hugs and physical touch are very very common. But every touch is a sensory nightmare and I dropped it.

[@WoodshedTheory]

hi Pass, i am happy that you found what was comfortable for you and went with it. that is important.

[@vaasnaad]

I'm in the US and I'm a hugger, which is becoming less and less in style over here. But I have found when I'm near or in a meltdown, I can't stand to be touched. Hugging is out of the question. Every touch is simply too much. Kind of strange being in both categories as far as hugs go.

[@FreehandlyMadeAuCrochet]

Littleman has gotten feedback from teachers in the past to "keep his hands to himself", he basically wanted to hug his classmates... all of them. So he's had to learn not to do that. His hugging is his way of saying I Feel Safe, so now we are trying to help him communicate that in a more social acceptable way. I see him acting or scripting as soon as he steps foot on school campus and I wish he could just be who he is. It hard... it's hard for me as well, it's just very awkward in social settings. Thankfully our son has been getting help since age 5; I'm having to learn since the age of 45. Sometimes it's just easier to hide in my cabin than deal with the "outside", but that's not healthy for our son. He's going to be an adult one day... so I'm stepping out with him and just doing the best I can.

[@WoodshedTheory]

ahh poor littleman, gosh i wish i could hug him and tell him it will be ok

[@ruthstrickland6679]

I have so many thoughts on this subject and I agree I think it will be relevant for alot of people. My son is a serial hugger and hs been from being a toddler. I always describe him as being like a puppy happy to see you and always affectionate. It has caused problems at times but I feel the hugging shows love, empathy, excitement and friendship. In many cultures hugging is more socially acceptable than others. Also I think the way Autists respond to social mistakes is underpinned by our lack of understanding which causes deep embarrassment. Sending you a big hug in solidarity xx

[@WoodshedTheory]

hi Ruth, thank you for sharing. I know your son will be just fine. Sometimes NT should accommodate to us

[@ropecrewman36]

This probably the only place I don't feel weird saying this: I always want to hug people if I connect with them emotionally in any shape or form, but I almost never initiate hugging because I'm afraid of inappropriate hugging. Frankly I'm pretty sure my secondary love language is physical touch (primary being quality time). I am very happy and appreciative when others using it on me, even if it's a high-five or pat on the back. But...I am terrified to use it on others because I am constantly worried that I'll freak them out. 🤷‍♂️

[@WoodshedTheory]

that makes a lot of sense. when you don't know what is ok it is hard to know what way to move.

[@emmilymobley8505]

I totally identify with hugging people when there is an emotional connection. I started literally using a script of "can I give you a hug right now?" and using that to initiate so that I don't do something the other person doesn't like.

[@LazyGamerNyx]

YES the hugging thing! I didn't know it was weird until my male coworker was like straight up you don't want people to get the wrong idea XD

[@WoodshedTheory]

Oh no! This is why I didn’t hug guys for the longest time

[@Missionary247]

For me, the one thing that really relates with this to me is how I quite literally tell someone how I’m actually doing and over sharing when they ask how I am. I’m an open book so I’ve never been ashamed to tell how I truly am, but many people get concerned for me 😅

[@WoodshedTheory]

I totally understand this - i didnt know that when a NT asks you how you are, they just want the I'm fine response.

[@Missionary247]

@@WoodshedTheory I really hate that tbh. Honestly sometimes depending who it is, I still just tell them how it really is lol I’m not diagnosed yet, but I have an appointment for next month set 😅

[@smicketysmoo]

Ty for sharing this and being so honest! It really helps me (and many more I am sure) process their own experience of ASD. As a young child I would hug anyone (tight pressure being best, otherwise icky) and as I grew up soon transferred this to all that I knew. But being AMAB, the early 80's, and raised religiously too (Judaism - although the Liberal (UK) tradition in my case) - this was frowned upon, and I was soon shamed into stopping. Later, as a teen and attending camp (UK Jewish teens have their version of this) I would return to hugging and other social gestures/touches as part of masking behaviours but that did lead me into (dangerous) situations and caused additional trauma. Not understanding certain cues and wanting to be accepted by others can lead to this. By adulthood had become extremely uncomfortable in hugging/touching situations. For me, this had become a learned behaviour/ trauma response.

[@WoodshedTheory]

hi Smoo, thank you for sharing, that seems to be a painful memory. i really appreciate you being open as I can really relate

[@hankiepankie5833]

I am a neurotypical serial hugger. I have been my whole life. I think I have taught my children to be the same, unknowingly. I have learned the hard way to watch for social cues. some people do not want to be hugged. This is a great topic, thanks for sharing your personal feelings.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for your thoughts - yes there are def NT huggers out there. I just struggled in the past to understand the line.

[@originalvonster]

I had an embarrassing moment when I was younger working in a DIY store. A guy from the local takeaway recognised me while I was working. Which I think is embarrassing by itself that I must have been going there so much I was recognised. Also when I worked as a waitress we had names for the regulars based on their usual orders, things like sausage sandwich man or the pie woman. So who knows what my nickname could have been. 😂 Anyway I didn’t know him that well and I hugged him when I greeted him. For some reason I worked out that was weird afterwards, but I can’t remember why whether it was his reaction or someone else’s who knew me. Weirdly I’ve never really initiated hugs with my friends and they’ve mentioned that before, but I don’t mind hugging. My kids do get fed up of me asking for hugs. I don’t think my cats are very pleased about it either (my dad used to call me Elmira which is very fitting).

[@maikvanlommel7573]

I love to hug people that I connect with emotionally. Also it saves you from having to use words to show appreciation for this person

[@vaasnaad]

I'm a hugger! For me, it's a whole thing. If I can hug you, I can get inside your energy. Verify that you aren't a threat. Guage your intentions. Figure out some things by the way you hug me back. I don't have the capacity to tell these things through social queues. Hand shakes... you just try and be macho - there's always a mask even though it is supposed to be a gesture that shows you are not armed and intend no harm. A hug is something it's difficult to bluff your way through. Plus, they feel good when it's someone you are fond of. I remain an unapologetic and enthusiastic hugger. It's my thing. Fortunately, I have never had a really negative reaction, but I can kind of tell when I encounter a person who isn't okay with people that in their personal space before I even get close (they maintain a specific minimum distance from others, it's interesting to watch). Took a while to figure that out - hugging is so much easier when you're a kid. I've had people mention it as somewhat unusual, but I just respond, "I'm a hugger." I'm so sorry that someone actually called you on it - what a bunch of killjoys! That's why I don't worry about hugging; I basically consider non-huggers to be too uptight to worry about. I don't know if that was rambling or helpful. But I just found this channel (thanks, Orion!) and LOVE your content!

[@WoodshedTheory]

I am so happy to have you from Orion, he is a great person!

[@Snowbird5779]

I relate to this so much, thank you for sharing. I also was a “serial hugger” especially when I felt that someone was my friend. Because to me there where a certain set of “friend protocols” about how to act when someone said they were your friend. I did this to the point that I insisted on hugging some people who weren’t comfortable with the hugs. When I was in high school, I had one friend (also autistic, but touch averse) who would hit me when I hugged her, but I thought that it was just a joke and didn’t realise I was making her uncomfortable. (We were still friends despite this, bless her for her patience) It took going to college and having someone explain to me verbally and directly that they don’t like to be touched before I really understood that I needed to ask people before hugging them. I am also generally “touchy” and “clingy” and it has gotten me in trouble due to people thinking I am flirting with them, or not knowing social appropriateness in a greater context (for example not knowing that touching my black friend’s hair was different from touching my white friend’s hair). It has taken a lot of patience from people around me and I am so thankful for those who have taken the time to explain to me why my behaviour is incorrect. Nowadays I am a lot better about checking with people before touching them, and thankfully have plenty of people in my life who are okay with some platonic cuddling and touching that I can express myself with.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you for sharing

[@skiziskin]

As a child I never hugged and I didn't want anybody touching me ever. But I have learned to love hugging. I probably do it too much.

[@WoodshedTheory]

That’s interesting

[@T.T.M.60]

I like to hug my family and friends…it’s a way to say hello I’m happy to see you or goodbye I enjoyed seeing you. I could understand why you hugged everyone as a child if you saw everyone in church doing the same. We Autists tend to copy NT behavior. As far as other cultures, same.

[@WoodshedTheory]

for sure - copying NT behavior is how we survive when we are younger.

[@FirstmaninRome]

All the mothers that I met in the gifted program, mothers of my friends, they were all on the spectrum, lots of weird voices Prosody of voice, knowledgable, but there was one case of way too much hugging, and micromanaging, struggling to burn grill cheeses, just a lot of these issues looking back.

[@FirstmaninRome]

ALso, all the Great female math teachers I had were borderline inappropriate, some would have been fired if male, lol.

[@WoodshedTheory]

wow that is crazy!

[@michelelovesbooks]

I was always a hugger as well. As a child I would also sit on people’s laps without thinking twice, I’d ask to be picked up and cling on to people. If someone was friendly I was over the moon and had no idea that all of that contact wasn’t appropriate.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Ahh yes this all sounds familiar.

[@leilap2495]

I tend to hug and shake hands in a way that seems like I don’t want to, because I don’t 😂 BUT I can hug and shake hands, and sometimes I go overboard with too strong of a hug or handshake. It’s so intimate, that it really is hard for me to process and do “the right way.” I am so glad that I understand now why they are so awkward for me. I felt bad about it whenever I was called out for my odd hand shaking and hugging. At one point, at work, I was instructed to shake hands when I met with clients. This is so odd, particularly in my line of work (looking back cringing), but I started shaking everyone’s hand in multiple contexts. I’m glad that people rejected my handshake in other contexts, because I figured out that it wasn’t normal. I since diagnosis hardly ever hug or shake hands. It has to mean something.

[@WoodshedTheory]

oh my that is so hard - i struggle too because a NT at work will give you guidance and tell you to do something but they don't know that doesnt work for everyone - we here shake hands and that is what we do - even when it isnt the right thing

[@jamdeeder]

My awkward hand shake, sometimes, is the hand over hand one ..just too intimate for an acquaintance.

[@LightsandVessels]

Thanks for sharing this. v familiar

[@WoodshedTheory]

No worries - glad you liked it

[@Daniel-vl8mx]

I think that the inability to read situations and body language is at the heart of this. I personally like hugs - especially real wrap- you-up-in-my-arms bear hugs. The thing is though that it is really hard to know when a hug is appropriate. People rarely say directly "give me a hug". Maybe they give signals, but I don't see them, and so I'm left not knowing whether a hug is welcome. I greatly fear making a mistake - the consequences of wrapping someone up in an unwanted hug just don't bear thinking about. Part of this in my case is that I am a man, and not a small man either, so even though it should make no difference people are apt to see me throwing my arms around them unexpectedly as something other than just a genuine expression of affection and fellow-feeling. As a result I probably miss out on hugs out of fear of getting it wrong.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Hi Daniel, what good thoughts. I don't read signals well either and then when i think i am feeling signals i make it worse by blurting out - "are you trying to tell me you want a hug?"

[@BCSchmerker]

+{UCSGTwpw7cnKmSdisF_GCRJA} *Concur on autistic inability to read situations.* At OMS (viz., Oriental Missionary Society) Japanese Christian (Walnut Creek, CA, USA), I've acts of service down to an art, but I'm rusty on physical touch as a CALLed procedure for an act of service. Also rusty on hearing out a guest (an example of quality time).

[@IShouldSayThatOutLoud]

I now love to give and receive hugs when I know and trust the person and also when I know the person is ok with hugging. I used to never initiate hugs because I was too awkward and didn’t feel like I was ever liked enough or known enough by someone to receive a hug. I think I felt too mysterious in my own skin to even be in hug territory if that makes sense. I’ve also learned so much more about who I really am and it sure does take time. I realized I am all the things others used to be annoyed with that I finally became ok with disappointing expectations. And then suddenly I could embody myself more fully and then people liked and embraced my quirkiness. Confidence makes others more comfortable no matter how different we are! Your thoughts have really helped me think on and clarify some things in my own world. Thank you Claire!!

[@WoodshedTheory]

Donna I am so grateful for your input :)

[@shahjmir]

I don't feel connected with others unless I'm hugging them! It's kind of upsetting 😢

[@WoodshedTheory]

Interesting!

[@madberry]

I’m in one of those countries where three kisses on the cheek was always the norm when greeting people you know. I was always forced to do this at birthdays I don’t like to be touched but I’ve always had certain people on life that I’ve given a pass because they are or where important to me. I started at a very young age with observing people trying to figure out how stuff works. I can totally understand that you growing up in a church made you add a hug to the script. I went to church with my grandma growing up and it’s very common to hug other congregants before and after the service.

[@WoodshedTheory]

yes so many different social rules to pick up on

[@danielleaskvig3217]

I am a serial hugger as well!! Love to hug....

[@WoodshedTheory]

Well I guess we will all have to hug each other #serialhuggerclub

[@danielleaskvig3217]

@@WoodshedTheory yes please!!!

[@ShannonTalksYarn]

Thanks for sharing! I hate hugs lol! Exept from my husband and daughter 😂. This was insightful for me as I know a few serial huggers. I think that church environments can foster that and be confusing since people are offer more personal there than other environments. 🤷🏻‍♀️. Anyway, great video, I appreciate how hard it is to share personal stories that make us feel vulnerable.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for your input - i think the church dynamic is an interesting one

[@ShannonTalksYarn]

@@WoodshedTheory I agree

[@LaylaTow]

I think it’s kinda beauty of spectrum. I’m a “don’t touch me” person but I’ve also met in hospital other autistic girl that had sensory needs of being hugged and I remember coming out of my comfort zone to comfort her because she was younger and I know she was in huge distress there. No matter what side of the spectrum we are all awesome. ❤️

[@WoodshedTheory]

It’s weird cause I feel like now I’m more of a don’t touch me lol

[@BuddyWookie]

I don’t realize I am over sharing until people stop talking back. Then I feel very awkward and stop talking

[@FelinaFairyphonic]

I´m a recovering serial hugger as well :D best wishes :*

[@WoodshedTheory]

#serialhuggersclub #neverletgo lol

[@FelinaFairyphonic]

@@WoodshedTheory :D :D

[@NFSMAN50]

I am guilty of doing this when I was younger lol, I would touch peoples faces hahahaha, and I never knew why lol. I was guilty of being a serial hugger too, I was that meme the "Hey Where my Hug at" guy hahahaha. I would hug the girls all the time in school, and now looking back at it, It was pure cringe lol.

[@WoodshedTheory]

I also look at my youth with a cringe too

[@SecondChances06]

I grew up the same way so that is what I always thought you were supposed to do in every situation as well. Now I’ve learned to read the room better I don’t always have it right but I’m getting better.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Yes I was the same

[@nolanogrady6528]

Hello Claire, Thanks for sharing. I have learned in my experience as an autistic person to only give a hug if someone else initiates it since it is really hard for me to read social cues and know when it is the appropriate time to give a hug. Even though I have no real need to give hugs myself, I do appreciate it when either relatives or good friends of mine give me a hug.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Ahh maybe that is a good way to go about it - thanks for sharing.

[@godiskind7716]

I remember being in grade 9 I would say hi to every single person... I just was being friendly. Then I started getting bullied , and stopped

[@WoodshedTheory]

Ahh that really sucks my friend, I know you were just trying to connect with people

[@ghill8587]

I’m not a hugger for a couple of reasons. 1: I don’t like to be touched a lot; kids and husband are fine, but other people, no thanks. 2: I have problems reading the “timing” of the hug. As in, when do we lean in, am I reading their body language correctly, what kind of hug are they looking for? Front hug (cringe) or side hug? Too many variables, so I just prefer to skip it altogether. Also, I used to be a pharmacy tech as well. It was a pretty enjoyable job for me. I loved working behind the scenes and learning about medications and memorizing their generic names. 😆. I would sometimes get bogged down with counting though (OCD). 😏

[@WoodshedTheory]

i liked it - lots of counting and organizing

[@Wiz.37083]

Thank you for the video, Claire...I wish I could be a hugger like you...

[@WoodshedTheory]

I think it is good that we are all different!

[@CathyThwing]

Yesterday I got the "Comments have moved" message, which doesn't allow me to comment, but I'm back today! I'm often socially inappropriate, usually in subtle but noticeable ways which aren't weird enough for others to recognize that I have a social communication disability, but are enough to raise red flags, especially when I'm trying hard to fit in and masking! It's frustrating and exhausting.

[@BCSchmerker]

*Must've run into an unexpected-for-you feature on the KZbin app for android.* The Comment is just below the VidInfo frame.

[@WoodshedTheory]

I'm glad things are fixed Cathy cause I look for your comment!

[@writerwithagarden]

Thank you Claire, and everyone for sharing your difficulties. Getting all these different perspectives really helps me to understand myself better. I used to replay my social mistakes in my head over and over... there are Sooo many ...trying to figure out what went wrong and what I should have done differently. Sadly, my solutions would probably still be wrong because, I Just Don't Get It.

[@WoodshedTheory]

I understand - sometimes i still think about what i've done wrong.

[@user-tv7zv6kb8e]

I’m sorry I couldn’t read all the comments to see if a similar thought was already shared. I’m having some reading issues at the moment. This video resonated with me. Not because of the hugging. But because of the scripting around social interactions where you felt “off” in some way. And that it started in childhood but you didn’t realize until after someone else told you that your behavior was inappropriate. I was diagnosed about 9 months ago, but I suspected for several years before that. I’ve been struggling my whole life to understand what I’m supposed to do. I’m 45 now, but I became deaf at age 8 due to illness. Long story short , my autism and adhd and cptsd were explained away by Fay family and friends as being deaf, or character flaws, or gender nonconformity (I’m afab) and in the religious community I grew up in, all that was seen as being wrong. I relied on observation, books, and movies to script appropriate behavior for situations. And I always missed the mark. Especially in friendships and romantic interactions. I’m still discovering many things. But body autonomy is kind of foreign to me. And I’ve recently discovered I mask most heavily when I’m either going to not know what’s happening due to lack of accessibility, or if I’m going to be touched. My scripts didn’t make sense to anyone but me and I was always confused by the other persons verbal or physical response. I now know why. But I’m still unpacking that in therapy. Thanks for sharing your feelings and being vulnerable in this space.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Elias thank you for sharing your story I know it will help someone

[@rebeccathomas2573]

My love of friendly physical contact... led to lots of distress, danger and shame, which I'm only starting to understand after a late diagnosis. 'Disappointed' and lost friends because I was being nice to men, which meant I wasnt 'nice' in the way they wanted...

[@rebeccathomas2573]

Really, really couldn't see the problem!

[@WoodshedTheory]

i get it

[@erynmorgan1717]

The serial hugging was totally my son, he would suddenly hug the plumber, the new neighbour, any person who stopped us in the street for the time, or directions. We had to teach him it was only for the friends and family, or to wait to see if mum or dad hugged them. But I totally get not knowing how to behave in social situations, not understanding the social rules. I found it particularly difficult as my husband was in the army and we had a lot of rules for social engagements which involved a lot of small talk. Not my forte, not good even with scripting. Would always either be too quiet and feel like I was being rude or would overshare and make people uncomfortable. Alcohol was the only way I got through those events. I loved it when I was pregnant and was allowed to get up and leave the table and go for nap or walk to clear my head.

[@WoodshedTheory]

I have heard this a lot from asd people about using alcohol to be normal in social situations

[@LadyJennivieve]

I learned by virtue of embarrassment. Farting is not appropriate in front of people. Double dipping isn’t appropriate in group settings. What you were saying about learning to hug at church brought back a memory for me. I used to say that I only hug on Sunday, and that is exactly why. 😂

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for sharing

[@michaelpieper5908]

I love a good hug. I'm pretty sure I'm hyposensitive to touch, so I like strong pressure. In highschool I discovered rather inappropriately that it wasn't right to hug someone I liked that I didn't know. That did not go down well and I never did that again. But I love giving friends hugs, and will often lift them up off the floor and give them a good squeeze. Usually among friends this is socially acceptable thankfully. I recently purchased a weighted blanket/quilt which is fantastic cause it's like being hugged every time i use it.

[@vanessarl8]

Love to see more huggers! My prefered love language is physical touch and while I only do this with the person I have more trust that is my mother and occasionally to some family members I like and if they like it too, there have been many times where I thought even now that I would love to hug anybody when I like them, also the thought of wanting to hug those people with cardboard signs asking for hugs or that I wouldn't mind have the cardboard myself!🤣 I love people☺️🧡

[@WoodshedTheory]

Ahh I am glad you like hugs! they are good for the soul

[@vanessarl8]

@@WoodshedTheory 😊💞

[@tabithabasye2440]

It wasn’t the Autism that screwed with you socially it was the church… I was in a similar boat being younger. You are not alone & dare I say perfectly imperfect! 💜

[@tabithabasye2440]

As a side note I absolutely love your hair / makeup combo!

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for loving my hair!

[@kayhoudini]

I am 22 suspected to be on the spectrum (waiting til April for my diagnosis) & this really clicked with me. When I was a kid, I was taught it’s rude not to speak to someone when you see them. So my auntie used to playfully taunt me all the time because she lived with us and I’d speak to her ever single time we passed each other in the house I’d always be like “hey auntie”. She said some days it was annoying because she couldn’t understand why I had to speak every single time. She explained to me it wasn’t required and so my brain relaxed a little but it was still habit. It’s little things like this that make me realizes that most people ignored the signs of autism or adhd because they thought that I was just a quirky, smart kid

[@WoodshedTheory]

Oh wow you are making things click for me! I used to be the same - esp with “I love you” and leaving the room

[@kayhoudini]

@@WoodshedTheory 💓 on the contrast I saw a very interesting video about the opposite “appropriate behaviors” I didn’t know that another sign of autism was pretending to have an imaginary friend even though you don’t believe in them and getting frustrated when you don’t understand why other kids have them.😂😅 sort of like I have to do this to be a “normal kid”

[@dustmemory9891]

Social status and/or attractiveness seem to be the attributes that allow a person or persons to set the parameters for what is or isn't acceptable social behaviour, consciously or otherwise.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Interesting I was just thinking about that the other day.

[@laurengreenlees8312]

I have a strange ability to remember people for odd and specific reasons and when I see those people I have an overwhelming compulsion to tell them that I remember them and why. It's really awkward and I've realised these people are perhaps creeped out by it so I try not to do that anymore. It feels I have to fight myself not to blurt out everything I know sometimes! Lol.

[@WoodshedTheory]

I relate to this - esp when I wasn't diagnosed i would really really struggle not to blurt things out

[@jennifernybergpixieivy1266]

I was a hugger and I didn't understand personal boundaries and person space.

[@WoodshedTheory]

yeah that was me too

[@murtazaarif6507]

You made a good point about internalizing our thinking patterns subconsciously. It is understandably a difficult process to re-learn something we have done differently unconventionally. It goes down to having a different neurological pathway than most people in the world. Naturally there is no right or wrong way. Society could have been completely different. I am one of those more sensitive to touch. Even being in close proximity to others triggers the kinesthetic effect from the vibes around me that transport the stimuli within the neurons straight to my brain via the spinal cord. So it does have an effect on my physiology but not as apparent as motor-neurons associated with more visible disabilities such as Parkinson disease. I often say it's okay to be different. I take it as a blessing.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@JAMESGREGORYKULP1985]

Hey Claire I love to hug as well. I love to hug my family. And I wish I could give you a hug in real life. I know if I where to get to meet you in person. I would feel very comfortable around you. From watching all of your KZbin videos I feel like I have known you forever.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for always supporting my channel, James!

[@JAMESGREGORYKULP1985]

@@WoodshedTheory your welcome Claire. I am always so happy seeing you Claire. Anytime there is new video from you.

[@ivylemkus7436]

At my church everyone is a serial hugger. 😊 I think it's a good thing. I would never feel weird if you would greet me with a hug. ❤

[@WoodshedTheory]

I understand that, for me the issue was not knowing that church was ok for hugs and other situations aren’t

[@ivylemkus7436]

@@WoodshedTheory I understand, although people should hug each other more. In my town there was an initiative, someone had a sign in his hands, Free Hug, and lots of strangers went to him for a free hug, so there are very open people, who are up for a hug anytime. 🤗

[@WoodshedTheory]

@@ivylemkus7436 haha there is always a guy with that free hugs sign somewhere

[@ivylemkus7436]

@@WoodshedTheory He had brightened our day for sure 😄

[@stillsteph]

Thank you for sharing your videos. My stepson is on the spectrum and I am fairly new to learning about ASD. Every time he would arrive at our home we would ask him how his week went, or if he did anything fun, or how he was doing. And without fail, his immediate response is “good”. Even if it’s a question of what he’s been up to. I figured he was just distracted or didn’t hear the question I was asking, but it has become clear that it’s his script! He thinks that is what we want to hear. Anyway, love your channel!

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for taking the time to learn about ASD!

[@Wiz.37083]

I would say that if you are a hugger, (and I think that you are) then hug... I think most people need a hug... If you see that it makes someone uncomfortable then don't... I go to a grocery store where a young man used to cashier, and he would sometimes come around the counter and hug a customer...I was there one day, with 3 lanes open and all the customers including me, were in one lane; you know which one... So.... By all means, if you have opportunity, hug...

[@WoodshedTheory]

I like your thoughts on this, I was discussing with my mom that some people don't want a hug, but could def. use a hug.

[@lauraluey]

I have been a serial hugger too! Many embarrassing moments looking back where I hugged people who didn’t really want to be hugged. But, when I hugged one person, I thought it was best to hug everyone, so that nobody felt left out. But that has ended up with some people standing stiff with their hands by their side, while I hug them. I never meant it inappropriately, but it was super awkward. Plus I would also hug people when I first met them, because shaking hands felt weird to me. Shaking hands still feels weird to me, I have to do it with both of my hands to feel genuine. A one-handed shake makes me feel like I'm trying to play a business man or something, and I feel like a fraud After being diagnosed, I've been reminding myself that I dont need to hug everyone. But still, I'm not quite sure when it is good to or not. So sometimes I don't hug anyone, which can feel lonely. Almost like I've gone the opposite way I'm now aiming to go by how it feels in the moment, and ask myself if I genuinely want to hug them, or to ask if they want to hug. But the social anxiety can make it difficult to judge the situation, or to even know what I'm really feeling Thank you for sharing your stories with this, Claire. It feels good to feel less alone :) *hug?*

[@WoodshedTheory]

I see now they have lessons for asd kids on like levels of relationships and who is okay to hug and who is not and I wish SO MUCH i had those lessons cause I would hug everyone

[@lauraluey]

@WoodshedTheory That is so great! Knowing that the world is slowly changing and evolving to educate and accommodate Autistic humans gives me hope. I certainly could have been explained many, many things that would have benefited me greatly

[@heidihageman523]

It is embarrassing. That made me laugh out loud.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Glad it made you laugh :)

[@TheWilliamHoganExperience]

I'm autistic. What's interesting is how annoying I found your intro and the first half of the video, followed by how engaging I found the second half. I've noticed the same thing with several other autistic creators, both male and female. They start their videos the same way annoying over the top NT creators start theirs. Lot's of chirpy loud noises sing-song voices and vocal inflections accompanied by forced gesticulations and siezure inducing flashy graphics and nanosecond jump-cuts zoom-in's and edits. In short, the are masking. It's annoying because it comes off as fake - like a commercial for deoderant or tampons or bi-polar medication or something. Then, around halfway through, they drop the mask, and I get to see and hear the real person describe their experiences and struggles. That's when I'm able to connect with you. The more autistc creators - and everyone else - has the courage to express themselves in an authentic manner, the more likely they are to connect with me. I suspect the same is true for most people, autistic or not. Sorry to be so blunt. I'm autistic and that's how I've always rolled - pre and post diagnosis. It's one of my "social deficits" I guess. Probably makes people a lot more uncomfortable than your compulsive hugging mask / script. I understand why autistic creators have a tendency to copy annoying NT advertising type presentation strategies. I worked in some of the biggest ad agencies on earth when I was younger. Clickbait and annoying chirpy jump-cuts work to grab the attention of NTs. That's why it's so prevalent. Autistic people often don't feel safe being themselves. Most of us were ridiculed and bullied as children - by our peers and even family members. It takes courage to be ourselves, because we are so unique and different. This leads to people misunderstanding our intentions and actions as hostile or wierd or rude or threatening or whatever. They retaliate in ways we're unable to anticipate because the retaliation is usually indirect, subtle, and passive agressive. We don't get invited to parties, and people gossip about us behind our backs. Adopting an NT mask might feel safer in the short term, but it's like dealing with a fear of hieghts by avoiding ladders. The more we avoid ladders, the more power we give the phobia, and sooner or later we're gonna need something from the top shelf. Better to confront our fears immediately and directly. That means finding our own voices in social situations while being as upfront and honest with ourselves and others about both our limitations and our gifts as autistic people. I've found that if I do so, most people try to help and accomodate me. If I hide behind a mask, there's no possibility of this. Anyway, good luck with your channel and your journey. It takes great courage to do what you're doing. My criticisisms are meant to help you better achieve your goal of educating people about autisism. They are not critisisms of you as a person - just of the work presented at the start of this video. They are subjective and based on my experience and perceptions alone. If they don't help, ignore them. Peace.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Hi friend! It’s totally ok to feel that way. For me doing the into really helps me get into filming cause it’s not easy for me to sit and talk to a camera. For me it helps get things rolling and I get more comfortable. Of course a jingle can act as an ear worm and help people remember the channel. I never thought of it as masking but I’ll consider what you said. Thanks for being honest ❤️

[@TheWilliamHoganExperience]

@@WoodshedTheory Thank you! I'm a muscian now, so I understand the difficulty you describe. Getting into the groove can be tough. Like video styles, music is subjective, and I feel lucky that I usually recieve complements. Once in a while though, someone complains - often not constructively - and that can really throw me when performing live. That's why I was careful to try to be supportive and constructive. It's taken me years to become a proficient performer. It usually feels terrible when I first start playing. Like you, I often don't really get into the groove until a few songs in. So I'm careful to listen to my body (I have difficulty naming feelings) and if my heart is racing and I'm sweating, I choose easier songs - ususally intrumentals - so I don't have to sing and perform complex scales chords and changes. I also spent video myself and record audio for later evaluation, so I can more objectively assess my perfomances after the fact. This helped me develop confidence in my playing, because even when I felt like my performance was a train-wreck, reviewing the video and audio always showed that it wasn't THAT bad, and often was pretty darn good. With this experience and knowledge I've learned to get out of my head and into the music more and more, and as I've done so, my tip jar has filled more and more. People connect with honest emotion in my experience regardless of the technical perfection (or lack thereof!) of my playing. Autistic people are often noted for being extremely "intense" and exteme from an emotional standpoint. by NTs. In some settings this is viewed as a deficit. When it comes to music - and confessional videos like this I suspect - it's a huge asset in my opinion. It can't be faked. It's the vulnerability that's so terrifying to me - but it's this vulnerability that people respond to most powerfully. You might consider doing what I do - watch your videos after recording them, and edit them in ways that select for your most intimate and vulnerable insights. If you feel the need to present your channel in a branded way, consider branding it like I try to present my musical performances: Imperfect, but honest and without pretense. Here's an example: kzbin.info/www/bejne/iZ6nlJSojdWXp5I If you know the song, you'll know I screwed up the first verse. My vocals are timid at first too. But it gets better and better as the song progresses and I let go of my self conciousness. You have the luxury of pre-recording and doing as many takes as you need to present yourself however you decide. I recomend presenting yourself more as you do in the latter parts of your video throughout your content. I also like your opening drawing - but not the cheesy special effects motion graphics. Again that's just me. Good luck🙂

[@DaveTravelsinTime]

Hog vlog would like to hear your opinion about my opening lines on my channel I am on the spectrum as well

[@TheWilliamHoganExperience]

@@DaveTravelsinTime Hey - I checked it out - No flashy grapics or jump cuts! You sound like "yourself" not fake or anything. My only suggestion is to put your camera on a tripod. The jiggling is ditracting to my eyes. You might consider using a good external micrphone with a pop filter too. Shure makes a great little all in one mic setup that's affordable. It includes a tripod and phone clamp. The model is the MV88+ (google it). You might also want to shoot with things in the background that reflect what you are talking about, or your interests too. Lighting is something you can expereiment with too, but I don't have a problem with your current basic side / top lighting. Just avoid flashing lights - a lot of autistic people are also epileptic. Love that your focused on your special interest. That's what helps me stay sane too. Drives other people crazy though lol.....

[@DaveTravelsinTime]

@@TheWilliamHoganExperience Thanks for the constructive feedback

[@ScoobyDoo646202]

Thanks for doing this video. I can relate to what you are saying so heavily that now, looking back, some things make more sense.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Hi there - yeah I get it when I look back I cringe a lot

[@sarahcauer88]

I did hug everyone... i started in my twenties because i didnt like the cheek kissing hand shaking eye looking thing and hugging was simple ... but sometimes strange... now knowing i have always been autistic, it makes sense...

[@WoodshedTheory]

Gosh I hugged everyone too

[@BCSchmerker]

+WoodshedTheory *There are stories of me, years after re-enacting:* *THE STREAK / RAY STEVENS* (Barnaby single B-600) ( Harold Ray Ragsdale ) Ray Stevens Music, BMI Originally published 1973 by Ahab Music Inc. (BMI), Nashville, TN, USA. coupling, hands to a few girls in attempts to connect. Dropped the practice before high school. Being a small part of the Ōyamato diaspóra, I adopted elements of Japanese protocol, including the greeting bow, for my duties at OMS Japanese Christian.

[@WoodshedTheory]

thanks for sharing

[@anjachan]

people often asked me or still ask me why I behaved like I did in a Situation ... And I wonder what I did wrong this time 🙄

[@WoodshedTheory]

yes! like what did i do now?

[@anjachan]

@@WoodshedTheory that´s why Im the happiest alone 😂

[@Fer-De-Lance]

Thanks.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you!

[@sarahhernandez5425]

Not my experience, but I know a teen boy in my church (who I also have in a class I teach, so I know him well and suspect he is autistic also) who serial hugs at church, and it makes a lot of sense to me. He doesn't do it when I see him outside of church, but I think that it's interesting to think about how growing up in church (or whatever similar experience) can kind of shape what you think is normal social behavior, which might not actually fit into situations outside of church. Different locations have different social expectations (to complicate things lol).

[@WoodshedTheory]

Hi Sarah - yes that is a very interesting point to think about how the actions that are normal at church but not normal outside

[@kuibeiguahua]

Awwwww, hug 🤗

[@WoodshedTheory]

hahah hugs!

[@BuckarooBonzai]

Awww! You're so nice.❤

[@WoodshedTheory]

thanks

[@theautisticpage]

If you did not do the jingle I just might have a meltdown! I was a clling on with my mother. I also have always been a hugger it's a family thing. But if it is not a good super tight autistic hug I AM OUT! Otherwise don't touch me, I am serious. Now I have to physically touch my wife in public all the time. So much people immediately notice it. I think it is kind of an object permanence thing. I am very tactical and things seem to be more tangible when I touch things. My wife now is the only one I can tolerate touching me except in certain situations. We can hug and be Autistic.

[@WoodshedTheory]

i love the tight asd hug - so much

[@9crutnacker985]

I don't get enough hugs. I have never had enough hugs. ATM I don't get any. So rare are they that when I do get one I often misconstrue that as the person 'fancies' me. There have had periods in my life where it's been so long since anyone even touched me (yrs) that when it does happen it's made my skin crawl. I'm not fishing for sympathy, just sayin' - I'm at the other end of touchy scale. Touch is a typical too much or too little autism trait. Time for the militant (now bordering on feral) autistic rant about ableism. When 'Inappropriate behaviour' is ever mentioned there's always a silent apostrophe at the end & this is hiding the words 'for a neurotypical'. NTs don't like being reminded there are weird (aka different) people in the world. Their norm is everyone should be/is the same (as them) & deviation is punishable by exclusion (or worse). They basically don't like accommodating others. It's usually subconscious so they'll deny it if you point that out. It means they'd actually have to make an effort to change their views & their own behaviours & it's much easier (& more fun) to shame others in accommodating their NTness. If you succumb to this you are masking & masking is a slow poison. This in general. Please don't ever be ashamed of who you are or how you act (I wrote 'cat', very apt) as an autistic or ADHDer. That's us. NTs won't ever change if we hide us & I realise that's not necessarily an easy thing for many. Remember I'm rating here & not about scripting, which itself is a form masking. Replacing one mask with another doesn't stop being toxic. When it comes, specifically, to touching then there are practical considerations such as hugging & other actions that are construed as affectionate (or more) by NT standards may land you in a dangerous situation where they think they're getting a come on when they're not. For the time being it's us (as usual) that have to do the balancing act. I advocate ; be you as much as you can be so long as it doesn't put you in danger. How hard is that ? (pretty hard.) So I disagree with the 'narrative' that autism is a social 'disorder'. That's the ableist doctrine we're taught in an ableist (bigoted) world. Not convinced? Have you ever encountered a situation where the social expectation has been (for NTs ) to follow autistic (your) norms? I haven't & I've never even heard of one (& I'm not talking about legally required accommodations here or NT lead 'good will'). It's the double empathy problem. I've got stop now I'm loosing the plot thought there's a lot more thoughts I have that I'm struggling to put into words that don't sound argumentative or condescending or even make any sense. Good topic for a video though Claire.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Hi Friend, thank you for your well thought out comment, it gives me a lot to think about, never stop sharing your feelings with us :)

[@julesbellucci2863]

Unless it's a partner I'm very select with ppl

[@WoodshedTheory]

Yeah, I struggle to know who I can trust

[@plantsmgee]

viewers skip to 45 seconds if you do not like the singing (sensory reasons)

[@WoodshedTheory]

thanks yes! usually done at 45 seconds

[@steeneugenpoulsen8174]

I'm not sure I will ever understand your concept of "inappropriate social behaviors", I could understand if you were a serial groper or you open people's mouth to study their teeth, but come on, hugging is not bad, unless your someone with touch sensitivity. I hate being hugged and I don't think it's ISB.

[@WoodshedTheory]

hi good question - i would say it is a question of frequency and intensity - as in two many hugs, too intense, or at the wrong social time.