Autism and Pain

Given the unprecedented success of my video titled "Autism and Guilt", I figured I would follow it up by addressing how people on the spectrum experience pain. What normal people might consider mundane in their surroundings can become, at best, irritating and, at worst, torturous. I wish to elucidate the reasons behind this, and what can be done to rise above that pain.
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#autism
#mentalhealth
#bellletstalk

[@mr.madness7577]

Man. I understand this. Autism sucks to a point. I've been a social outcast because of it. Social anxiety, depression, I used to believe if I treated everyone with basic kindness and respect that I would get it back. Same thing with honesty. Betrayal hurts. Most people think that I'm heartless because I don't express emotions. Monotone voice. People always thought I was mad. It gets better. It just takes a lot of effort. People who understand and care for you won't mock you for something out of your control. Be proud of who you are. Each day is a day to improve yourself. Just do your best. It's worth it in the end.

[@annaturquoise7114]

Mr. Madness hey, have you tried expressing your emotions? I’m sure it would be nice

[@mr.madness7577]

@@annaturquoise7114 I have a lot of difficulty expressing my emotions.

[@KiX-K4T13]

It's not your fault you can't read social cues. It takes a lot of time to get a grasp on it. My partner Jenni is on the spectrum, and she still struggles all the time with being able to tell when someone is joking or serious. Like, it's obvious it doesn't come naturally to her like it would for other people. Though for what she "lacks" in reading social cues, she makes up for in being meticulously researched and more intelligent than the average person. It took her a month at most to understand our Union Contract in it's entirety. She literally has managers fumbling over their words and panic when they try to pull crap on us. And another thing... I hate it when people say "Are you autistic? What a retard!" That stuff pisses me right off, unless I catch on that they are trying to trigger us, of course. It's the ignorance that I can't stand and not so much as the insult itself. Because the insult isn't even correct. It's blatantly wrong/false. Don't ever let anyone bring you down with those words. "Retard, disabled, mentally handicapped, dumb, stupid, etc". Those words---logically---do not apply to you. Never think it. (In fact, it shows us how uneducated they are on the subject matter.)

[@annaturquoise7114]

Mr. Madness me too, man, me too. You know I actually decided to look more into it, and people who have been taught that expressing emotions is ok in childhood, have way less problem feeling their feelings and expressing their emotions.. it’s kinda interesting. There’s actually an emotional literacy exercise on Richard Grannon’s channel to improve this skill

[@wjjhanky]

I've recently had a wonderful epiphany weeks ago; I build up resentment when I dont express myself. I always thought I emotionally detach and then my thoughts and emotions literally just go blank with whichever person I've detached from. I now let someone know when they've hurt me or made me angry in a calm manner. I didn't know that I wasn't allowing myself to feel/express and instead built up emotions in me that make me seem like a huge asshole. Because I am being a huge asshole. No matter how much I try to control it or be nonchalant, people can naturally sense that I'm being defensive or distant and observe the way I speak and talk without being fully conscious of it. So they can literally see the anger or sadness in me that I consistently deny myself. It was always my resentment and undealt expression that ruined my relationships and led me to beat myself up daily, NOT their misunderstanding of me. I've been expressing every emotion and being as constructive as I can with it. Its only been a few weeks but I've never been happier or had more confidence than I do now. All I needed was to allow myself to have feelings and boundaries. When I do express myself, I find out something extremely deep that I'd never addressed before. I thought I was so self aware that I'd recognized my faults and blindspots. Well, holy shit. Turns out that I've been blind to myself nearly my entire life. Expression now revitalizes me and instantly makes me feel connected to the other person. Even if I'm angry at them, I will tell them that what they've said/done has hurt me. And AS SOON as I tell them, I begin having important self revelations of the actual reason I felt that way. And it almost never has anything to do with anyone but me. In a particular instance, my gf said something that really hurt. Something akin to being disgusted by something miniscule i had done. She has OCD, but I didn't use that as an excuse to not feel hurt by it, or rationalize my emotions away. I simply told her I needed to hang up and articulate my uncomfortable feelings. After an hour of thinking, I hadn't made progress so i texted her that what she said really hurt--- I IMMEDIATELY had the realization that what I truly felt was unwanted. For the first damn time in my 28 years I had never felt this feeling of being so vulnerable and just... unwanted. I'd compare it to when women get emotional about feeling ugly. It's just not articulated well enough, because in reality both sexes just want to be wanted. I worked through that quickly myself. I didn't need to be validated by anyone but me. Anyway, she sincerely apologized and told me there's never a time she doesn't want me. That was the icing on top of my already validated self. But moral of the story is that your feelings are important and if they aren't expressed constructively, they will destroy you. Don't hold onto resentment and ask yourself why you are detaching. And then address it because it feels like freedom to me now. I no longer have to worry about avoiding arguments or fear of hurting others simply because if I don't express, myself and everyone around me suffers a greater cost for it. That confrontational feeling is gone and I'm finally grasping emotional connection and the confidence to be me unapologetically.

[@lunashadow9942]

The dishes are a g g r e s s i v e. I can't stand it when I'm doing dishes and they clank; it feels like knives being shoved into my ears, and not to mention that I often clumsily drop them back in the sink. So irritating.

[@gabrielaolsen7807]

Maybe you could try putting a rubber or silicone mat down while you do dishes? Kind of like those mats people put in the shower to keep them from slipping, but in the sink. Idk how ro find one but i think it could at least help with dishes dropping! Or you could use reusable plastic items, like the stuff for kids with clumsy hands, idk just a thought. I am not autistic but maybe these can help you

[@AdmiralStickney]

I get the exact same thing. I also find my eyes get this exhausted burning feeling when I spend too much time around bright light, sometimes I just close my eyes as tightly as possible and cover them up to give them a break. I've often considered wearing earplugs on a regular basis because even the little sounds through my apartment at night prevent me from getting comfortable, all the electrical buzzing and plumbing gurgling could drive you mad if you don't tune it out.

[@kaleeshsynth9994]

The noise and the food that sticks to it feels like putting your hand in a bucket of maggots and scorpions.

[@michelle_ca8549]

@@kaleeshsynth9994 Lol...

[@memenazi7078]

Could it be abuse

[@uncomfortableviewings9086]

Gonna send this too my mum, I have autism and while she tries to help me she’s still not great with it. She will even make fun of me and mimic me when I become non verbal and I can only really groan when I’m too overwhelmed and it inconveniences her.

[@spongemaster]

It's a similar situation with my mum too. Often she'll get irritated when I behave a certain way and then take her anger out on me, not realising that it's something beyond my control. By doing this, she makes the situation worse than if she would just let it go. With my dad it's even worse because he pretty much doesn't believe that I have autism, anxiety etc, he thinks that I'm just choosing to act this way and straight up tells me not to act that way as if I have a choice. Once when I was at a low point he actually said to me "stop acting depressed".

[@ghanphol]

I hope you manage to convey your struggles to them. I'll pray for you, comrades

[@myrpatroll]

@@spongemaster well, just to give a perspective shift on "don't act depressed" As someone with seasonal depression, when i feel it if i can muster the ability to not act depressed usually ill end up feeling less depressed. While he sounds like a jerk, his advice isn't the worst, just given in the worst way.

[@spongemaster]

@@myrpatroll Personally I find it hard to control my anxiety and depression by myself but I'm working on it. It's not just that though, I also suffer with selective mutism so my dad has in the past said stuff to me like "you have a mouth/voice so use it" and also fed into my anxiety by telling me I'll never have a girlfriend/job etc. When I do actually achieve something he still doesn't seem to be impressed. I understand he isn't entirely to blame however, you can never know what it's like unless you suffer from it yourself. He also didn't have the best upbringing himself so maybe there's still some trauma there from how his parents treated him.

[@uncomfortableviewings9086]

@@myrpatroll it’s not the same for everyone, it’s very difficult to control and deal with in any meaningful way sometimes. “Not acting depressed” isn’t really going to do much, because you can put on a smile or get up and be active and still feel terrible

[@ScrapRabbit]

I was in my 30's when I realized I was autistic. I could never figure out what was wrong with me. I couldn't do a lot if jobs. The din of people while I was a cashier overwhelmed me. The tight, hot quarters of a kitchen was no good. Everyone else just handled the people and heat and stress and I just... well I lost one job because I had a meltdown and tried to wreck the machine that kept giving me frostbite. It was bad. Took me ten years and but I became a night guard at a factory. Its not perfect but I can do it. There is work out there that people like us can do. Have heart.

[@vjtheowl6091]

I also tried kitchen and cashier jobs, even worked in a garden shop. I've been pendling from job to job, never really sticking anywhere, always ending up too overwhelmed by the job or life. Now I'm working nightshifts in a small warehouse with 3 other people and tbh it's the best most chill job of my life. Realizing I'm neurodivergent helped me a lot to prioritize stuff. There's always hope!

[@osaniss]

In sweden, to even get *any* of the Jobs you wrote, you have to have experience, be social, a "team player", stuff like that, and often even an edeucation. I feel doomed when it comes to work

[@ScrapRabbit]

That sounds terrible, I'm sorry.

[@osaniss]

@@ScrapRabbit it is... Im currently looking for ways to possibly earn money online, but its a jungle and i feel like its very hard. Id love (i think id love it anyways) to be a night guard in a factory like you!

[@djpatt81]

I almost freeze fear when I first worked in shop on the tills and I often go almost brain freeze when I go teaching a group other week I was called up to to teach a group about catchy slogans I had paperwork prepared for teaching but was struggling with answering questions didn’t prepare possible questions they would ask and best way to answer them. Last week as I know healthy exercises I was randomly asked to lead group into exercises I wasn’t prepared i started arms then suddenly froze I normally follow a setup plan a friend so we actually ended up going round each picking a exercise each. I think literal and takes a while to process decisions accord and a plan on paper helps stop constant anticipation running like a monkey mind I can get indecisive too as preparation plan also helps stop that

[@liamace1107]

My pain hypersensitivity has disallowed me from trying so many things in my lifetime...

[@Cavegeckosol]

Oh my god, getting people to believe that I am uncomfortable or in pain and not "just being childish" is an uphill battle. I dislike the pain, but the shame I feel of being judged is 500% worse. So I put up with the discomfort until I can't stand it.

[@zakosist]

I think you should just not care so much about people judging you (not saying that's easy either) and avoid the situations that feels terrible if you can, unless you think its something that will actually improve over time if you get used to it. You will be judged no matter what (and probably more than other people if you are autistic) so its best to learn to shut down the caring where it matters. What situations causes you pain? It could potentially be an actual health problem, your body doesn't just make pain for no reason. I know someone who struggled with headaches who actually turned out to have a brain tumor that needed to be operated. Any pain over time should be checked.

[@cheetahluv210]

Man I would say if you had a million thoughts running through your head that you can’t control would you be doing any better

[@poggerswoggers7478]

I feel pain all around my body 24/7, basically got taught to act like it's not there to avoid inconveniencing them.

[@simplyblank]

Yuuuuuup. I dont really like the sensation of physical contact, especially skin on skin. At best i can ignore it or it makes me somewhat uncomfortable, at worst it can be a damn nightmare. Too bad so many people around me want to express things via touching others without permission, like touching my back, grabbing my hand, rubbing circles, hugging me etc. It SUCKS. But the worst part is that i cannot tell them no without damn trying to explain how it is unvomfortable as hell for me and i dont appreciate it AND trying to explain how this does not mean that i dislike or hate them for not wanting their physical contact. Most of the time they either get mad at me, tell me to suck it up because that's how they express things, ignore it completely or get upset regardless. Sometimes it just is easier to just. Brace myself for it, let them have their physical contact, and trying to wiggle out of it after a bit to not be completely uncomfortable. It sucks but it can suck more and take more of my limited energy to set and keep my boundaries up.

[@davidlewis6728]

funny thing regarding physical pain, when i was younger, if i got hurt on one side of my body, i would intentionally try to recreate the same pain on the other side because it was harder to deal with the lack of evenness than it was to deal with the pain itself, and if i didn't replicate the pain perfectly on the first try, i would do the same thing for the new pain. the feeling of one side being more wounded than the other was so uncomfortable that i couldn't deal with it until i made them even.

[@tendielad1021]

I do the same thing but with stepping while walking. If my foot falls in a different position to other, I have to replicate it on the other foot and if i mess it up, I do the messed up one on the original foot and the first step I needed to replicate on the second foot.

[@davidlewis6728]

@@tendielad1021 i do the same thing with sensations while walking on different textures and cracked/lined floor, but most people seem to have done that at some point so it is normal i suppose.

[@seorwhite3333]

That sounds very similar to OCD.

[@grosstoastie1216]

I broke my left arm twice and sprained my left ankle and while I was in the Army my right knee started having issues as well and nearly every day I experience pain in one or all of these locations. It feels terrible not because the pain is unbearable but because I can't stand the uneven distribution of it. It almost amplifies the pain more because of it. Most of the time the soreness is akin to a light bruise and if I can't find ways to refocus my mind then it grows worse and worse.

[@greablood1072]

I do that with exercise! I can’t take it when my left side is getting more of a workout than my right side, even if it’s just because my foot is a placed slightly off-center.

[@NoNamesLeft0102]

What's really weird is that the hypersensitivity can contribute to hyposensitivity, resulting in medical issues being missed because there was no sensation.

[@DiscipleOfHeavyMeta1]

It's possible to be hypersensitive to some stimuli and hyposensitive to other stimuli.

[@iferlyf8172]

Also when you're suffering often, suffering starts to seem normal so you don't make a big deal of it when it happens (or are too scared to open up about it because usually people don't take it seriously)

[@DiscipleOfHeavyMeta1]

@@iferlyf8172 It starts to feel normal, but you still feel miserable 24/7.

[@iferlyf8172]

@@DiscipleOfHeavyMeta1 Totally agree! It's just that if it feels normal to you, you're way less likely to seek help

[@hanumananky]

@@iferlyf8172 yea, for me i learned to bury my emotional responses growing up, now i can interact normally under constant stress, but over time i become depressed and am not able to function.

[@HomoChomsky]

I haven't heard our existence as autistic individuals being described in such a pragmatic but sincere fashion in a long time. Thank you.

[@DaP84]

I'm definitely undiagnosed on the autism spectrum. Life has not been easy, feels like I'm my own prison. Lost my small circle of great friends also. At least I have a job where I work alone.

[@lily91109]

I'm sorry to know that things aren't great for you. You may feel alone but someone is always nearby, whether it's a message or someone on the telephone. We're gonna make it through.

[@blaireofhylia1572]

"A life similar to that of a rats" How does he know me? It actually males me feel less guilty and angry at myself. I thought I was a shut in because I was a coward, thought it was my fault I couldn't go talk to people.

[@mayorgeneralramirez1997]

How does the realization make you feel?

[@blaireofhylia1572]

@@mayorgeneralramirez1997 It gave me brief comfort, and momentary permission to go "try again". But it got overshadowed by the country going to shit and me probably going to die soon.

[@vivvy_0]

@@blaireofhylia1572 where are you coming from? 😰

[@pabloc4204]

i hate how my whole life everything was just always my fault the ammount of stress on it is enough for me to want to kill myself

[@land3021]

I was thinking more in these terms... Hikikomori, shut-in, weeb, degenerate, fandom-nut job, Chris-chan, etc... but yeah, pretty much all mean the same thing in the end...

[@emanonymous]

as an aspie, depending on my condition, avoiding pain can be my highest priority- beyond my friends, family, career, or responsibilities

[@vivvy_0]

high five

[@ghostofsilence2697]

i feel your pain...

[@Scitscat111]

"If you want to avoid any sensitivity, you have plan out every word and action long in advance in order to avoid triggering that pain." This... is the most accurate thing that's ever been said. Damn. Another great video man. Your content has only gotten better. Keep up the great work!

[@arnoarno1092]

Strange to hear “autist” used in a neutral/positive context. Glad to see the reclamation of it by the neurodivergent community. Makes me sad that edgelords will still use it as an insult though.

[@Kyrnyx]

As an autist, I admit that I do use it jokingly amongst friends, some who are also on the spectrum. It's important to be able to lol at oneself occasionally.

[@godlymegatron5698]

Never heard of autist before. I like the ring of Austistick or Austi in my opinion

[@ezogh3826]

💯 Also, I used to think Aspie was cute until I realised it was problematic 😕 glad to have “Autist” reclaimed 🌟

[@memenazi7078]

How is aspie offensive

[@forgetit9421]

My way of thinking nowadays is like: "I don't know if I deserve a good social life or not, but I know I won't have it"

[@cjfrost1441]

In my case I feel like I don't deserve life in general, so many other better people that deserve life in this world, but life decided to stick with me...What type of sick demented joke is that?

[@Vingul]

@@cjfrost1441 I don’t know man, sounds stupid. You’re alive, don’t feel bad about it. The «best»[??] person in the world may die tomorrow, but that’s not on you. Just live your life.

[@Reuello]

Its not impossible to have a social life, trust me. You have to put yourself out there a little bit, and hopefully find good people. It happened to me and its the best thing ever to have amazing friends.

[@forgetit9421]

@@Reuello Man, it's like, if you open 100 doors and always bumped into a wall every single time, would you try and open more doors?

[@Reuello]

@@forgetit9421 i understand 100%. Its a long process, but ultimately worth it in my opinion. I couldn't be myself with my family. When i found real friends who accepted me for who i am, my life changed. It felt like i wasnt so alone anymore. All i'm saying is; whats the alternative? Living a life isolated? Looking back later in your life with regrets? These are a few of my fears that fuel me to keep trying. I hope I've given you atleast a different perspective.

[@Sephivoiceactor]

DUDE THIS GUY EXPLAINS IT SO WELL! Holy crap, a lifetime of painful memories..explained. I'm not as bad as some, but so much of it is still true! Holy crap- just to list some- my issues with holding a job, my trust issues due to people who betrayed or lied to me...like..woah. I'm social (extrovert- can't help it), but very socially anxious and often times self isolate. My life had gone down the tubes- I married a woman who cheated on me (we later divorced after she tried to a 4th time), had a daughter and lost her to DHS, basically felt like I lost my second chance at a family. (My own family prior was broken).. now I'm using positive thinking to try to get my GED (high school drop out- 10+ years ago), get my CELTA (English language teaching certificate) and once I've done both of those- I plan to visit Thailand and Japan as much as I can! I want a better life!

[@ebesonen]

Mental health is important, it's definitely not talked about enough in general, so I really appreciate what you're doing thank you 😇

[@alicespiller1011]

Exatamente 👍😉

[@ebesonen]

@@Ba-pb8ul I personally have members of my family, who do have mental health issues, so it is not "bullshit" pal like you think it is ✊

[@Ba-pb8ul]

@@ebesonen i'm sure your family love your brand of condescension

[@teresadownes2422]

I suffer from mental health issues and I will not talk about it to anyone ever

[@ebesonen]

@@teresadownes2422 that's fine, you don't have to, all I was doing was telling him I'm not lying about it.

[@colinstacy2085]

When it comes to physical pain it feels more numb; however, when it comes to mental pain. Oh ho let me tell you it feels like their are claws ripping into my head, like a separate persona talking to me telling me to lash out. Thankfully it’s only temporary and when I’m close to a meltdown,but it still sucks getting out of it when the only sure fire way I know to get rid of it is, soothing music,training,punching something lightly, or going on a loud rant about what pushed me to that point. Edit: also styrofoam f’s with me so much that I have on multiple occasions just dropped whatever I was holding to cover my ears.

[@coffintears5821]

K

[@butasimpleidiotwizard]

I get the same thing and I've literally never met another person who does, it caused me genuine trauma when I was younger because the emotional meltdowns were literally my most vulnerable state of being and I'd just get abuse for it because I was undiagnosed and literally everyone always assumed I was just a really nasty horrible child who was doing it on purpose, when in reality I was terrified and out of my own control and desperately needed help because I just felt like I was going to die because of how explosive my emotions felt, I don't even know how to describe it. It took me ages after getting diagnosed to be able to identify when I was in one of those "moods" so I could focus on calming things and avoid triggers because in the leadup literally the tiniest things can set me off, most recent example was my brother eating leftovers I'd thought about eating earlier but decided against and then changed my mind slightly too late, I didn't have any actual entitlement to them so this was of course completely irrational, and yet. It sucks the most because I always know I am way overreacting but I can't even control myself enough to communicate that when I've been properly set off, I just sound like a hysterical lunatic, like some of those karen meltdown videos, I can't watch them because acting like a toddler in public about something totally ridiculous hits way too close to home for me.

[@Kainlarsen]

Max, you have a clarity I never had when it comes to explaining these things to others. I'm 39, and was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 17. Until then, I had no recourse or explanation for why I struggled so much with even simple things, why I could never fit in with others... Even now (especially now), it just feels like it's getting harder and harder to deal with everything. People at large fail to understand because I am smart and articulate on the outside, but they don't realise it's an act, a facade that has become too hard to maintain for long in public, and if I let my guard down and 'be myself', most people will shun me for it. Even other people on the spectrum have proven to be as callous and cruel as any neurotypical. Sometimes more so. I wanted to thank you for making these videos, and for making me feel less like a burden to others. You're a great guy. :)

[@kalypsodeepsea982]

Oh, I relate so much to this. Especially regarding pain like a stubbed toe or the one that affects me the most: menstrual pain 😖. I can't count the number of times I was told to "grow up, it's just a small pain, compared to a broken leg."But no one gets how sensitive I am. Also, you posted this right when I am experiencing neck pain, probably due to a twisted muscle 😅.

[@ExsoulestzZ]

Hope you get better, champ.

[@xX_wiLLiam_Xx]

h

[@Horsaz]

I've known of my autism since I was 12. My mom can talk quite loudly at times to the point of yelling and that can hurt. I asked her once when I was a teen if she could lower her voice. It ended with her getting so angry she left the room. Edit: another sound I can't handle is the sound of children. My mother works in a grocery store and she constantly tells me that if I can't get a job I'll probably have to work at a store similar to her and that gives me so much emotional pain and anxiety.

[@raccoonmacaroon7824]

This video means so much to me. I often try to force myself to do things that make me uncomfortable, and wonder why it never really gets any easier. Especially when neurotypical people around me struggle less and less over time. The fact that I still struggle with 'simple' things makes me feel bad and I feel embarrassed to mention it to other people. Hearing that other autistic people also struggle with this makes me feel really validated, thank you!

[@liamace1107]

Having ADHD, depression, anxiety, dyspraxia and chronic pain from health conditions like scoliosis along with autism, things can get unbearable. I leave the house maybe once every week or two... commenting is an existential nightmare for me every time. You aren't alone if you feel overwhelmed by the world or your own psychological and physical conditions, stay strong.

[@lily91109]

I'm actually so sensitive to stress that I get a headache.

[@sporeham1674]

Oh my god, same. The headaches get so bad I can barely keep myself together.

[@lily91109]

@Dalton Black You are worth the effort of being loved. I know you're going to be ok in the end.

[@swissarmyknight4306]

I feel you. Social and sensory stress cause blinding agonizing migraines. If my life isn't structured right it can happen every day.

[@Truerealism747]

​@@swissarmyknight4306I have migraines in upper body daily heds autism

[@draganie]

I'm really happy I found you--I'm dating someone with autism and have been looking for references to understand his views and experiences better. Most websites are really condescending, so it's nice to find your videos.

[@JeffCaplan313]

It's probably high functioning autism, yea? There are books for women who date men with high functioning autism. You're right that the advice isn't flattering... But it's also not wrong. It's usually just a matter of degree for each suggestion, depending on the individual.

[@sisigs4820]

How's the relationship going now?

[@chrizzel28]

Pain is the single most undeniable thing in life. No amount of mental gymnastics or the like can allow you to deny the pain from touching a hot stove. When possible, I seek to help others find ways to bear their pain, all have to carry that cross in life so it's awful if someone simply can't. And if they can't, dig deeper: an undiagnosed disease can't properly be cured, whether that's a traumatic event eating away at people or a difference in brain structure. This process of simply listening to those hurting and trying to figure out where to go from there has led to the purest bonds I've formed, friendships I hope don't ever end. A little kindness can go a long way, both what I've given and what I've received have been repayed in full (and then some) when dealing with the people worth a damn.

[@Reuello]

Couldnt have said it better myself

[@gojiramusprimus9088]

I'm autistic too and I relate to this situation from experience when I was small and young

[@BabyBat14]

I literally shed a tear at the end. We deserve happiness! We deserve basic rights!

[@thevoideverwatching2723]

Watching this makes me sorta question my diagnosis of 'High Functioning Autism'. Since I don't remember any physical pain, nor issues with lights or noise, barring one time. Yet I still fit into the Den dynamic and I do recall heavy periods of stress.

[@mic6074]

I had trouble relating/accepting my autism diagnosis for a long time aswell- because when I'd Google autism or hear people talk about it, I didn't relate to a lot of what they were saying. I had imposter syndrome for something that a doctor had confirmed that I had. I didn't think I really had social difficulties beside being shy/an introvert, I'm super good at reading body language, facial expressions, to be of voice (I tend to pick up on things that not even neurotypicals pick up on). Etc. I didn't really start relating to it more until I found a video by Dr Tony Attwood about autism in girls/women. My point though is- autism is a spectrum. There's no two autistic people who are exactly the same, and a lot of us experience things very different than others on the spectrum. It also took a long time for me to realize parts of myself were parts of being autistic, too. Like for a long time I didn't think I stimmed (but later realized that I had been doing a lot more stimming than I had thought, including verbal stimming while trying to fall asleep at night- I hadn't realized I was doing it until my boyfriend mentioned it, and now it's super obvious to me what it is. And I do lots of other stims aswell, and have been embracing them more), things just didn't match perfectly and it took a long time for me to start realizing certain things I did or had done as a kid were part of it aswell. So it takes awhile. Hopefully this is somewhat helpful.

[@butasimpleidiotwizard]

I don't experience physical pain from autism (almost the opposite lol, I have a very high pain tolerance) and my worst sensory sensitivity is smell, I have issues with light but it took me years to realise they were autism because I just made the logical conclusion that I was squinting so much because it was bright, it wasn't until people started asking about why I was doing that with my face that I realised it was not quite that bright, or that it being bright impacts my ability to do other things like speak properly or hear or think about anything complicated. I literally used to voluntarily stare into lightbulbs as a child (don't recommend that) so I thought it couldn't impact me like that, especially since it doesn't hurt. Turns out it doesn't have to lol

[@ladydeadsea777]

In Hell i Dwell. Pain is the only gain i ever knew. My only Friend. Never leave me.

[@ASmartNameForMe]

What?

[@treacheroustiger5571]

I don't have autism but can relate to that feeling of isolation. It's really tough to go long periods without human contact.

[@fallouttoonlink]

😭. I has ADHD and autism. It's a living hell

[@uglyweirdo1389]

"Exposure therapy" *Internal screaming*

[@repulsethemonkey1396]

Just go outside without sunglasses and you'll eventually get used to the stinging brightness!

[@Joey-rs7uq]

And we will get the vitamin D our bodies crave! Once every couple of months, I will stand outside for 5 minutes, very healing! lol

[@Orchidlettux]

My family’s been doing that unintentionally, I don’t know if I have asd, but I do know that I’ve been masking so bad that I don’t know what or who I am, it’s so frustrating

[@Kyrnyx]

nope.avi

[@ghostlightningboi5618]

It's mostly certain sounds and people that pain me. #Relatable Edit: Also have emotianal pain. That stuff fucking HURTS

[@-lloygic-3565]

Emotional pain's a doozy for sure. The biggest issue I've found with that is trying to NOT slam down a defensive wall that separates me from the world wherein that pain occurred. After that, the hours dedicated to effectively meditating on misery have rarely produced anything that I can work with.

[@QlueDuPlessis]

That's where developing emotional maturity becomes very valuable. NTs also experience emotional pain, I think. It's just that they get it out of there system early in life. Where I was a virgin to the age of 28, my peers at school had been through several failed relationships by the time they reached Matric.

[@Vingul]

@@QlueDuPlessis what are NTs?

[@QlueDuPlessis]

@@Vingul shorthand for "neurotypical", sorry.

[@Vingul]

@@QlueDuPlessis no worries, thanks. I’m not autistic but referring to myself as «neurotypical» would be a stretch I think.. lol

[@youraveragecommentor1212]

i am actually on the spectim and i hate how people think everyone who is autistic is super dumb also my head is always in sever pain which comes from my autism

[@abetheconservationist595]

It honestly upsets me that the term ableism is not as well known as racism and sexism. Those assholes are nothing more than ableist pricks, it's not our fault we're autistic.

[@teresadownes2422]

When ever I try to think of something to do or go to sleep at night my head hurts I cover my ears to help myself relax but it often doesn't work often at times I didn't sleep at all

[@youraveragecommentor1212]

@@abetheconservationist595 yeah but I don’t always care but I wish people know there’s a spectrum by the way irl my name is abe

[@youraveragecommentor1212]

@@teresadownes2422 yeah I always wear head phones people see me as weird but still it helps

[@domino7521]

Wow I didn't know I needed to hear this. I've been diagnosed 7 years ago, but even tho I now I'm on the spectrum and have done a lot of research on it. I feel so incredibly weak when I'm overwhelmed by basic every day events. After my first internship last year I was so overwhelmed that still, half a year later, I isolate myself and am physically unable to socially function (while I usually don't struggle that much). And when I see my fellow classmates having no issue at all, I feel even more isolated and ask myself what is wrong with me. It's hard to accept that some things aren't as easy for someone on the spectrum as for other people who are not.

[@Adrian-qh7ut]

I'm so glad I found your channel. I'm autistic and only got diagnosed when I was 15. I am now seventeen and even with the diagnosis many people disbelieve me.

[@damadatura]

A perfect background video for this subject

[@Kyrnyx]

Souls games are baller.

[@kennethroe4321]

I totally identify with this episode. I regurlarly suffer from anxiety attacks and find everyday functioning to be extremely difficult. I'm with you, Max.

[@paradox2760]

As an Autistic man myself i find these facts very accurate and I'm thankful you spoke out about this, there are times where i just feel absolutely misunderstood and i can't express myself like Normal people so expressing my issues to others is very difficult and most people overlook how i feel at times and i appreciate that your bringing this topic up it really means alot :)

[@Immortal_Fish]

so who else here absolutely hate hard showers that spews thin drops feeling like they're needles thrown on your skin?

[@achair650]

Oh my god, me. I hate it soooo much. This one place I'm in has the best shower. It's all light and it doesn't feel like it digs into your skin. It's like 😰😇😍

[@Immortal_Fish]

@@achair650 put it on hot af and it's basically heaven

[@stapuft]

...i actually got kicked out of my house because the sheer stress of dealing with people day in and out was getting to me so i took a day off work............sometimes those fears are actually founded in reality man.....

[@dropsofmarsarchives1823]

Your videos help me remember I'm not alone in how this world affects me. Thank you.

[@damadatura]

Man you just explained so accurately a lot of things I don't even know how to start talking about t.t thank you

[@tedstudt8550]

I really agree with the last part, about being proud of the pain you have endured. I've experienced a lot of pain due to type one diabetes, generalized anxiety disorder, OCD, and depressive tendencies. However, that pain has shaped me into a compassionate person, and has inspired me to go into medical ethics. Your pain can be a source of strength, and you are not weak for having experienced it.

[@Reuello]

This needs to be said a 1000x! Keep doing what you do

[@Strawberry95shortie]

I have the same list of things but was never diagnosed w depressive tendencies even tho I have that probably too. 🥲 maybe our t1 triggers our mental disorders as well. I’m not sure.

[@TheLivingGuildpact]

I agree with this take 100% my dude. Like, this one time a neurotypical went off on me because I complained about fluorescent lights giving me terrible migraines. They accused me of “making up excuses” to avoid getting a job because and I quote, “all places you’ll work at will have fluorescent lights”. Not true at all by the way. Yup my abusive foster father would also accuse me of being lazy and “avoiding responsibility”, when all it was, was my ADD + Autism. None of the chores were hard, I just kept forgetting and getting distracted, and never meant to “avoid” anything. He was constantly abusive to me because of my mental limitations. It literally wasn’t until my mid 20s did I find out I was Autistic. I got diagnosed by professionals after they asked about my history, interactions, and sent me to a behavioral place(that did cognitive and behavioral tests). Finding out I had all these things literally explains all of the troubles I had growing up and why I find it so difficult not to act stupid and awkward in social situations. All I’ve really learned growing up is that most people who’ve never known or felt REAL struggle are a bunch of assholes.

[@Reuello]

Great video Max! Also, about the blanket thing; i recently started using a weighted blanket. I ordered one online and my sleep has been so much better since! I REALLY recommend people that have trouble falling asleep and getting good quality sleep to atleast try it! It has changed my life for sure!

[@wolfofwalney4038]

I stumbled upon your channel last night, it was a MGS2 video as its my favourite game as a child. I found it compelling and stumbelled on this particular video. Everything connects so fluently, I frequently wish to be alone most of the time but feel so lonely, I'm extremely lucky to have many people who reach out but I can never truly connect. Repeated noise and actions infuriate me and I've managed to deal with it. My anger is so misdirected aswell, I know deep down I'm not enjoying being upset or enraged but I simply can't help it. I've adapted to being extemely presocial in my professional and social life but it's a mask. I camouflage myself with comedy and polite behaviour but I know iits a fabrication and fallacy. I can't do anything that involves small talk and I struggle on an immense level to connect. It's torture. I've drank alcohol intensely since 13-15 for 15 years to deal with social interaction and romance. I've been lucky to obtain the social recognition I get but I'm unable to obtain any joy or gain long term. I don't know what to do, or how to proceed. I'm going to keep watching your videos, you rock man. Thank you, I'm in tears but I feel less alone.

[@crowstakingoff]

I could relate to a lot of this due to having depression and depressing things in my life. Bad memories coming back is frequent for me. The commonalities make sense because both autism and depression have to do with heightened sensitivity, which is one aspect of neuroticism.

[@makorhonen4467]

Meltdown, pain and exhaustion; truthful words from life I can relate. Thank you for doing this good work, Max. It really means lot to me and many, many others.

[@clintonmaxwalker8957]

The response I got from my family was, "you're just a typical first born", "you're victimizing yourself", "you must let go of your past", "it's just a rut". They will not watch any videos or read any literature and they don't understand why I'm seeing a therapist. On the other hand, they have offered to pay for my treatment, though - which is confusing and frustrating. I don't want to rehash the past or get any financial support. I just want to be able to get on the same page with my family. Since I cannot change that, I have had to let it go for now. I don't even bring it up anymore and nor do they.

[@vivvy_0]

older people have a hard time getting used to new informations and mostly like to stick to the old ways of thinking.. it is annoying but sometimes better not trying to change/fix others way of thinking, they have to get there on their own terms. maybe one day they are willing..

[@clintonmaxwalker8957]

I think you’re right. Thank you.

[@ahenchtechpriest1925]

Thank you so much. Your truly an inspiration.

[@maxderrat]

:'( Thank you for saying something so nice.

[@remasteredretropcgames3312]

@@maxderrat Its not done processing, but its technically possible to raytrace metal gear solid IV. No one has achieved this, if you look on youtube. In time ill make how and all the steps as there are an insane number of them available publicly. Im not OK with major classics being hidden behind a wall of elitists, who generally in my experience observing them suck at their work. Mines not perfect but thats because im spread so thin on so many fronts, and actually have it in mind to go back and polish each thing individually which might take literally days per target because janky code. Some might be just ultimately forever broken without a programmers touch anyway.

[@remasteredretropcgames3312]

@@maxderrat Yeah im borderline. Delayed Sleep Disorder isnt a disorder. It has similar overlap with autistic traits though. So does being born a Sagittarian. Many factors overlap to make the end result. Some are synergistic, others stabilize you from being too overspecialized, which it appears is what autism is. A runawayism of very particular lobule estate.

[@remasteredretropcgames3312]

@@maxderrat Evolutionarily humans are limited to caloric fuel to operate limited sized cranial matter. As a group with different optimizations in specific areas of processing power, we are likelier to survive harsh darwinian competition, and this mattered most against ourselves. This old school way of doing things is primitive, and bestly, has a half life.

[@remasteredretropcgames3312]

@@maxderrat What people tend to obsess over and nourish through habit, be that caused by neurotransmittory dominance, or inviolable genetics like the race dimension, tends to be the most well developed parts of the brain, which also push out and against the weakest circuits. Honestly id rather be socially mediocre and just train it since its not that complex a task ultimately anyway. Its a matter of giving a shit. Look at real social dynamics tyler durden. Thats not his real name, but he has the same thing, and took that pain to obsess over a realm autists and their slower burn relatives like him and me suck at, to essentially mastering an area in a way that would make a lifelong manipulating sociopath look moronic. Remember a habitual liar is actually exercising that creativity muscle, or fat pocket, the frontal lobe. We dont really waste our lifespans on such civilizational scale noise. Its why we dominate a lot of science.

[@neetscholar4149]

Sometimes, someone asks me what's the big deal about being autistic, and i usually give them the restaurant example. "Imagine that you are eating at a restaurant, the fancy type. Except that instead of talking discreetly to each other, everyone are yelling and cheering like at a wrestling match. And they aren't eating calmly, they are like those people at weddings that keep hitting the glasses with knives nonstop. And the waitresses, they are wearing those freaking plastic shoes that make that hellish "Clunk! Clunk!" when they walk around. Oh and that smooth radio music? More like a deafening rave party. And the cook, instead of preparing the meals in the kitchen he's actually cutting steel beams with a grinder. And the guy washing the dishes, he's actually throwing marbles in a cement mixer. And the worst part? Everyone else acts like all of this is totally normal, and that YOU are the weird one for finding that so horrible that you want to rip your ears off to stop the noise. And that's when the girl that you kinda liked and was having lunch with looks at you with a pissed off look and comments: "I get the impression that you don't enjoy spending your free time with me very much! >.>" Being autistic is just like that, but 24/7, 365 and 1/4 days per year." After that, they seem like they kinda get it.

[@sombraarthur]

They look at you that way, because you indeed are the weird one. It is THEIR world, not ours. We are in the middle of their world, so WE have to adapt and ovecome. It is that stressfull? Hell yes it is, but that is not an excuse to shut yourself in and not try to improve yourself from dealing with the amount of excessive noise and ligthing of the world. I went to the noisiest sports I could find, to practice. I served in the Army. I worked at racing cars. I built my own Go Kart. Seek noise. Seek lights. Make them part of you, and deal with them on a daily basis, up tot he point where it becomes like "just another day at the office" for you. you can harden yourself, and if you don't, the guilty for not doing it is all yours.

[@Reuello]

I agree with Morfeu. Dont get me wrong, i totally understand. But theres greatness is all of us. We have to do more to get out there and get what we want. Do the things that are neccesary to atleast be able to live in this world. It will make things much better, i can promise you that!

[@neetscholar4149]

@@sombraarthur I never said that i don't try to put up with it. My point was that this is the best way that i found to explain to them what it is like to be us.

[@sombraarthur]

​@@neetscholar4149 I understand. Indeed it is like that, I used your commento to point out that we must do something to adapt, you know? I hijacked your comment, to make a point. And I hope you keep it, so other people can read both out comments and get better! Sorry to came out that strong, I overstepped! :)

[@neetscholar4149]

@@sombraarthur Don't worry, i never delete comments. I'm kind of a free speech absolutist, after all. And i don't really care that much how strong you came out, so much that it seemed like you totally missed the point i was attempting to make. I wish you a happy 2021, with as little virus as possible.

[@MajiSpeaks]

I honestly never thought about the relationship between Autism and pain in this way.

[@JeffCaplan313]

If you want to see the thread that connects autism and pain, research the connection between Neanderthal genes and autism and pain sensitivity.

[@kackman1950]

Dude...I don't think I've ever had experiences like I have had watching your videos. I was lucky in a sense as I was diagonsed with Aspergers when I was 7 or 8 years old and was so lucky to be given the education and understanding I needed to come to terms with who I am. I have been struggling over the last couple of months, since my additional diagnosis of high functioning depression, anxiety and PTSD I have been on a constant path of challenges and self worth issues that may never go away. But watching your videos and hearing my own thoughts come from someone else's mouth has been so validating for me. So I want to thank you man, for using this pain as a torch to light other people's way. You are a beautiful human being and you have my respect and admiration. 👊

[@censoringcensor8433]

our genuineness is a gift to the world, our thinking pattern can be the way forward but they see us as sickly lesser people, what a joke.

[@shookest]

I wish people around me understood this tbh.

[@ZoonZac]

Sorry if this is off topic, but I feel you may want to take a look at Neon Genesis Evangelion. While divisive, I feel it would be extremely at home on this channel. I can almost guarantee you'll get a kick out of it, for the themes of mental illness, philosophy and references to psychology and Sigmund Freud (yeah, I know he's considered a hack now, but i still find it interesting).

[@crowstakingoff]

Yeah I second this, I think he'd love it

[@josh-oo]

For better or worse, that show helped me understand myself better. The second time I watched it. I wasn't really paying attention the first time.

[@darkpyrolord1808]

Second this. The end helped me visualize and understand thoughts and trauma in my own life. I'm not diagnosed with autism, but sometimes the way these groups explain their experience makes sense to me.

[@unhingedskrunkly8512]

Eva was painfully relatble at times, I could see myself in Rei. I'm suspecting that I'm on the spectrum and I also found Lain from Serial Experiments Lain very relatable as well 😅

[@Sophie-jw3jt]

brought me to tears. needed this. thank you

[@loopiloop]

It would be cool of pain if it would inform us about poor conditions in a less counter-productive way

[@silent_stalker3687]

It does :/ it even spells it out. Touch a hot cup of coffee and you get the Morse code of electric shocks. Side note. It actually sends signals to your spine fo pull away, you’d Brain is just down the line and reacts to the pain.

[@loopiloop]

@@silent_stalker3687 I just think maybe there should be a cap. A lot of times when I'm in pain, it is too incapacitating for me to take appropriate measures to reduce it. Pulling away when you burn yourself makes sense, but changing to a more instinct based mode when confronted with a very complex task isn't.

[@Novasky2007]

Really needed to hear this .

[@superheartattack7498]

Powerful video. Thanks for taking the time to make this video, and enduring the pain while you created it. Hope life improves for you, and for the rest of those out there suffering.

[@Spectre_DET]

Your autism videos have all struck home to me intensely, but I broke down crying from the last 2 minutes of this. Thank you so much, I’ve struggled with these feelings and this pain for my entire life without ever really knowing why. I’ve become so accustomed to feeling this way that I assumed this was just life, and that life sucked. I can’t describe to you how empowering and freeing it feels to know that this has an explanation and that I’m not the only person going through this, to know that I’m not just an innately bad or incompetent person simply because I process things differently than the people around me. Please keep this up, people like me need to see this. I needed to see this. Thank you ❤️🙏🏼

[@artrosis56]

I needed to hear this. You're a treasure, Max. I hope your back heals soon.

[@embodiedface]

You just became one of my favorite youtubers. Such a way to put words together !

[@leianewland7890]

Ahhhhhhh I feel so seen and validated, thank you so so much for your videos Max! You truly are a treasure

[@D.IronsWorld]

It's hard to be yellow, to be different, but it's not a flaw. There are basically just 2 ways. You conquer your dark side and use it to find good in the world and in ppl or you cast away your humanity and become monster that thrive on misfortune of others. Everything else is just struggle between who you are and who you wanna be... In this fight we're all the same. But everyone has their own perspective of this struggle and it's hard to truly understand each other, so we live in a pleasant lie, never really wonder who we are and where are we going. Quoting Lao Tsu: "He who conquers others is strong; He who conquers himself is mighty."

[@Reuello]

I agree! I would add: conquer or accept your dark side. When i say accept it, i mean to use it to enhance your good side. For example: my humor is very harsh sometimes, but truthful. The people that can take it, will appreciate you more. Hope that helps :)

[@fyrecraftedgaming]

Thank you. I needed to hear this

[@talithafree1630]

I love your videos man. Really thought provoking, thank you for your time!

[@jonathancortez3003]

Max, your videos are truly amazing and just an all around great listen. Since watching your videos my understanding, sympathy and empathy towards autists has deepened immensely. I myself am not autistic but I've always wanted to hear from individuals who have autism just to see how they view things and how day-to-day life is for them and your videos have shed a huge light on that exact curiosity I have. I wish the best for you in this new year bro, and hopefully you make another in depth video on The Last Guardian. Honestly, whatever you put out I'll watch.

[@Zoltar69]

This has opened my eyes, so much! Thank you!

[@mrdasjo]

When you spoke about your job at East Side Mario's and the factors that made it stressful, I felt an instant connection. I remember back in my college days working as dish washer and having the same thoughts and feelings that you had mentioned.

[@one_smol_duck]

Thank you. The segment at the end was something that I really needed to hear.

[@greggeverman5578]

Powerful closing message! Thanks a ton.

[@FattyCakezBunbunz]

Thank you... I needed this badly and tbh brought me to tears Thank you Max

[@alteredendeavor]

I really, really hope I can get this right with my oldest son. It fills me with a sense of dread knowing the difficulties he may have to overcome. I do my best to build him up every day but still have that sinking feeling that he may not be able to come to terms with some of these hurdles. He has some unbelievable strengths but has trouble reading people. He is only 8 and I hope he can develop this as he grows and understands himself. Keep doing great work Max!

[@frey_finley]

I did find this video in a time in which I needed it. Great content. Only got diagnosed two years ago and learning every little bit more explains *so much*! Thank you for posting :)

[@CherryRedBanshee]

Thank you so much for making this video, Max. I also have autism, and I found your channel through the “Most Profound Moment in Gaming” video and it’s wonderful to know that we have something in common. Your videos are such a catharsis to me as someone who’s had those same experiences.

[@omnio2043]

This subject was thought out and explained by you so well. I hope more people see this video . Thanks for sharing.

[@DrunkenM33rkat]

Great video. This needs to be seen

[@sofiemagko5911]

Your self awareness and knowledge and courage to speak up really helps to understand how it is like. It really is important to feel how you feel and what things I should take into consideration so I wont hurt a person. Thank you!!! I wish there was someone like you to express bpd so I can educate other people about myself 😞

[@inchw0rm]

i was already gonna tear up throughout the video bc i relate to it so much but the ending made me sob lol thank you for making this

[@Techno-Universal]

There’s definitely a lot I can seriously relate with there including the pain caused by betrayal or people treating me like if I’m a jerk when I’m actually trying my best to not be that sort of person! It really does anger me more than most other things and really makes me strongly want to get back at them for their actions or to expose them for their actions if what they are doing is actually legitimately controversial or illegal so because of that if you know me the last thing you would want to do is reveal yourself as a horrible individual as in that case you will not get away with your wrongdoing actions no matter what! Of course it is extremely satisfying to see actually awful people such as online predators actually receive justice for their actions as I do strongly believe that people who are threats to our society like that should be locked up! Though of course it’s definitely once again a great video overall and I also believe you deserve a lot more attention and support for being courageous enough to stand up and speak publicly on the internet for those who are on the autism spectrum! It’s really something I honestly couldn’t appreciate more! :)

[@uncarpinchomatero]

I found this video very relatable. I hope more people see this video and understand that people with autism don't need everything to be safe space but we need patience in order to develop. I was never diagnosed with autism as a child, but after growing up found it to be the case with me. I feel that having to learn every social queue by trial and error was exhaustng but, by the time it had stockpiled to a certain deegree a lot of stuff started to make sense and I could at least find new meaning for the haunting memories of past trauma. With enough work that trauma was turned into something, at least, more peaceful.

[@jobforafrank]

great video max! 11/10 i hope other people see this so they can understand, i dont know if im autistic i never got any tests done but ive been diagnosed and medicated for depression, anxiety and insomnia and this really put some things into perspective my girlfriend never understands why im always tossing and turning at night and this kinda helped me understand some things about myself im the same way even if im just sitting somewhere if i feel a hair on my leg off it actually fucks with my mind if i dont fix it, and 2020 taught me exactly what you said and you saying it solidified my thoughts about my past, thanks max keep up the great work!

[@GabbieAbbie]

It was good to hear this Max, thank you for posting.

[@luisbonilla6883]

This made me cry, good video😭💕

[@Esotyrik]

This was an incredibly helpful video. I truly appreciate the way you have explained your experience and I relate to almost all of it. Being what most people would consider "overly particular" about things like fabric choices in clothing and linens, ambient lighting in my home, school, and work, and obtrusive sounds and odors have all been major points of contention in my life with virtually no empathy from those I expressed my feelings to about these things. In fact, I feel they were judgmental and viewed my expression as an attempt to gain control or dominance over a situation unjustly. It's so hard to explain to those who cannot sense something what we are experiencing and you have explained it so well. Thank you

[@cheeseoholic]

Very insightful video, I can definitely relate to these instances you presented in some way or another. I was diagnosed with autism at some point shortly after I was born, so I would say I was given a good chance to accept and live with it comfortably. However I had my fair share of difficulties of coping with it, especially in high school. I would feel easily stressed in a number of things which on paper shouldn't be stressful or at least somewhat unbearable at all such as group work, greeting new people, taking constructive criticism into account, etc. I would often feel angry and miserable with myself when thinking about these things. I'm 20 now and while I still have the occasional moment here and there, I feel like I have matured and have learnt to handle with specific aspects that I would find discomfort in much better now. Your content in general definitely seems interesting, earned yourself a sub my guy.

[@DedHedZed]

It is so crazy to hear this. It is so familiar. Almost dream like. To recall my life and to hear these descriptions is doing something to me I haven't encountered before. This is my life.

[@gut494]

(HFASD/Aspe) This particular video came at a time when I really needed it. Accepting that I deserve to be happy and taking pride in what I have endured in order to become who I am today are the toughest but most relevant challenges for me currently. Your final sentences from 12:50 onwards spoke to me in a way I have not heard before, so I thank you... deeply. I hope these words will help others just as much as they undoubtedly will help me.

[@charzor9172]

Man, I felt that on the personal level. I'm autistic and I still remember my trauma very well. From physical and emotional abuse as a child. Even in recent years. I had friends I thought were my friends, in the end were just using me and untrustworthy to even be friends. Not also to mention the amount of emotionally abusive relationships I also been in. The feeling still hits me a thousand times over. Just like you, it makes me isolate myself. Afraid of making the same mistake again. Then I get very ainxous that I'm not living my life the way I want to. I just want to say, thank you for making this video. It means a lot that people like you are out there. Setting an example of Autistic people.

[@Reuello]

The fact that you get anxious about not living your life the way you want to, is actually a really good thing. Fear can be really bad, but it can also be used as a fuel. Keep it up💪

[@carmelpop1011]

thank you so SO much. i genuinely cant stress enough how much this video means to me. i am extremely hypersensitive to pain and grew up without a diagnosis for what is now recognized (and thankfully been diagnosed) as autism. i have decades of trauma as a result of how people have treated me in regards to my pain. its bad enough that pain itself is a PTSD trigger for me now on top of all the sensory issues. i am still struggling to get those around me to take my pain seriously and respect what i need when i experience it (the amount of guilt tripping ive recieved around not being able to take pills alone is insane), though its gotten a hell of a lot better over the years. i thought i should mention, i also struggle with many severe phobias and so much of what you said here applies to my experiences with those as well, its really wonderful to finally have words to help explain my experiences. thank you so so much, i will be sending this to so many people.

[@JourneyFontenot]

I already had respect for you but these videos definitely increase it! I don't have Autism but I do struggle with physical disabilities and mental illness so I feel, in a way, we at least share the same innate pain that comes with those struggles. Pain is a strange thing, it's one of the most agonizing feelings yet one of the greatest humblers and perspective giver

[@softpiglet]

Thank you for this!

[@zombiehippo9477]

Max I had no idea, I think you’ve done great choosing the platform, and the subjects, and videos you provide help me get through this confusing and scary time and I wish I was only speaking of the uncertainty of COVID...

[@ngsunny4550]

Thank you for making this video

[@tiesthijsthejs]

Thanks max, this is hitting home. Feels like healing. I've never looked at it this way. Just starting the process of investigating whether I'm neurodiverse. But this made my bones chill and spine tingle. Gutting. I grew up on a busy street where everyone decided I was normal. Half way my thirties, after having had to quit dozens of jobs, after having been able to wear a social mask, in fact having trained that mask professionally, after thinking I was just a nutty chaotic lazy weirdo, after gradually losing more and more social contacts, I've become completely isolated. I can't even spend a night sleeping near that busy street anymore. These past five years I've become hypersensitive to anything, like I always was, but all of my coping strategies and escapisms have stopped working. It's all catching up to me. I can't handle talking to friends anymore; conversations just overstimulate me. I seem to be having weekly migraines by now. I thought it was just symptoms of depression. I'm not allowed to get diagnosed or treated as long as I'm as unstable as I am, lost in anxiety about past failures and interactions. Which means I'm inside of a catch 22 vicious circle. But I'm still learning, still trying to grow, as I map out my new context. But damn, thanks for you video's. They're amazing recognition. Societal acknowledgement would go a long way.

[@jumpingSpiders]

This made me cry, thank you max

[@mrs.honeydoll3396]

Thank you for this. I wish there were stronger words to express my gratitude but all I can say is thank you.