Autism and Loneliness (My Most Personal Video Yet)

Some of you know that I have been dealing with some awful stuff the last few days. I won't tell you what brought it about, but I will discuss the general premise of what I'm going through and how it relates to autism. Hopefully this will be therapeutic for you as it was for me.
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#autism
#mentalhealth
#bellletstalk

[@JTeam45]

"I'm sick of trying to improve myself for neurotypicals so I isolate myself." is the serious rut I'm in right now, man.

[@ZeranZeran]

I grew to accept and be OK with that, and it was a huge mistake. Feels like I had to re-learn very basic social things, but it came back fast. Force yourself out of your comfort zones guys. I know it sucks, and sometimes it's impossible, but try it when you can. It helps me. Try to find places you can be surrounded by people but still feel comfortable and not let your anxiety or crowds get to you. Outdoors, hiking, parks, movie theatre, walking around a big store, are all things that help me. Sorry if this sounds ridiculous, but I'm trying to get back to a baseline of feeling good and normal again. Feels like I'm behind everyone else my age, but hey, giving up isn't gonna help me or anyone. Keep your head up. Everyone is fighting some kind of battle, and I think there are a lot of people like this out there, whether they realize it or not.

[@Dunge0n]

I should've learned to manipulate the human animal a decade ago, when I still had the energy. Just enough to properly deflect, distract and disregard them. Now I'm stuck learning to isolate and fight them off, properly, on top of just surviving.

[@IlIBonesIlI]

@@ZeranZeran I've had 10 years of trying this cheery cherry creampuff shit ever since I got diagnosed. Autism is just another by-word for "retard" in my experience, and more than enough people are happy to drill that into you for thinking you could handle being a neurotypical on a regular basis

[@ZeranZeran]

@@IlIBonesIlI You don't have to be a cheery creampuff man. I'm sure as hell not IRL. Don't live for other people, live for yourself, do what makes you happy, as long as it's not hurting others. There is always a way to change your life, even when you feel stuck. I'm sorry I don't have more concrete advice, but I've felt like you have many times before, and it sucks. I'm sorry man.

[@SuperLotus]

I made an effort in college, but then my chronic illness hit and I gave up. I agree that people should make an effort to socialize, but if they run up against constant failure that's going to just make things worse. Max strikes me as someone who has an easier time making friends than the average aspie and yet even he seems to be struggling.

[@VeryVeryBlackGuy]

And That's the story of how Max's dicord server became dating server.

[@notdave7848]

If he was into hook-ups, he'd be drowning in meaningless encounters by the weekend lmao

[@AdolfStalin]

@@notdave7848 not true Not Dave, autism makes it hard to get dates due to inability to understand social cues and body language problems. I would know because I am autistic myself.

[@JeffCaplan313]

@@AdolfStalin I too am autistic and have studied NLP and PUA stuff. Once you learn to harness your attention mechanism and can systemize human behavioral patterns, you can/will be FLOODED with 😽. However I don't recommend indulging too much - will mess with your ability to long term pair bond once you've lost some of that magic and are just going through the motions. Meaningless hookups are possible for autists, if they really want it. But they aren't good for anyone. Sex should be with someone you have a real connection with, already.

[@moonman2183]

Could you elaborate and perhaps ruin the joke? Edit: I think I get what it means in my context, still I want to know what the joke means to you in your context.

[@blackpus5263]

Dude, I seriously and mean seriously hope this discord dating thing doesn't end up in questionable romances. (If you know what I mean) I really like max and his videos, but I have seen so many youtubers do this and go down the rabbit hole of "unwanted sexual encounters" to put it lightly.

[@arifbcr5121]

I don't have autism but i can relate to "wanting to be a part of the game". Thank you for putting this online, I can relate and I feel kind of relieved. And I hope all of us who feel lonely may feel happy and wanted again.

[@pikachugamer1189]

Facts bro.

[@GrandpaGameHacker]

I feel that ❤

[@gymonx11]

Yeah i thought i didn't have autism either😊

[@itspuff3861]

I’m here and ready to be emotional let’s go

[@erenjaeger1738]

N word ???

[@moonman2183]

You're not merely ready to be emotional, you'd already begun to express anticipation

[@baronblackdragon9078]

Less go

[@thenativist3564]

Beta

[@yusefmuhyideen2974]

Sometimes I feel more lonely WITH people than I do by MYSELF. I think this is because feeling MISUNDERSTOOD leads to loneliness. But watching your videos makes me feel UNDERSTOOD and therefore less LONELY. Keep up the good work Max! You really are one of the HIGHEST QUALITY youtubers out there.

[@Kyrnyx]

I feel like a puzzle piece that doesn't fit lol.

[@DennisHaskens]

You're autistic?

[@gaigeiris9632]

i think i feel most lonely at work, and i’m at my quietest there. not gonna lie, my neurotypical co workers scare me. they invite me to things and pressure me and insult me. whenever im there, i want nothing more than to not be there.

[@naomistarlight6178]

yeah being around people who don't "get you" is frustrating and worse than being alone, def...

[@ice_2_no190]

This hit so close to home. Being autistic, I struggle with loneliness. And I too came to a crushing realization. This past year I've been working, and have failed to make friends with any of the coworkers I'm surrounded by. I haven't made a new friend in over seven years. Historically, I feel more lonely when I'm in public, due to my lack of confidence in my ability to socialize with anyone. So when I formulated this thought, I spiraled, and I have never felt lonelier.

[@jacobjohngomez]

Same. Thanks for sharing!

[@greatrulo]

I don't know you, but in all honesty, I'd like to be your friend, you sound like a very thoughtful person. If it helps at all, I came to the realization a while ago, that it's better to be alone than pretend to feel alright. You might like the book Return To Solitude, there is a great video essay by the channel Academy of Ideas here on YT. But anyway, I wish you a great life. 🖤

[@admiralalex1000]

Yeah It's hard to deal with. Most of the time being just outside with other people is just draining mentally.

[@ryanleikness3414]

Dont give up man. Have faith. Even in our darkest hours, we can still find our light

[@bmcdermott]

@Corpsebreath Here's a reminder to come back to this in case you forgot!

[@MrSuperbeast92]

I totally get it. I get exhausted trying to be around others, but lonely af when alone for long periods of time.

[@michaelv151]

It's like that for everyone. I'm not autistic but sometimes I need a break from people, than I get lonely. Finding balance is the key.

[@michaelv151]

@@Alvin-xs7db l bet it can be rough. Just explain to people what's going on. If they are true friends, they will understand.

[@michaelv151]

@@Alvin-xs7db that's funny 😀.Glad you have good friends. One of my best friends ever is autistic. That's why I get it. Not everyone will accept you but the cool ones will.😎

[@rayobrown]

I’m the same I feel drained being around others for long enough and I am so happy when I’m on my own for long periods of time

[@Bob737]

@@Alvin-xs7db lmao I relate to this comment on soo many levels

[@Drakengard82]

"I'm sick of trying to improve myself for neurotypicals so I isolate myself." Exactly why i did it. I did it for so long, in fact i remember i was already doing it at 7 yo and it never got me anywhere.

[@henriquemelchiorgomes8750]

It isn't about going anywhere, is to feel happy

[@Drakengard82]

@@henriquemelchiorgomes8750 no shit

[@elyaequestus1409]

... I feel this honestly. I am 28/f and autistic. Let me tell you something. I did my best on trying to fit in and to be as equally capable as neurotypicals. I cannot. I tried to outrun my bullies by going to university, proving that I was better than them. It didnt work. I participated in a traineeship program with the goal of learning enough skills to overcome my own autism. I failed. The reason why I failed is actually quite simple. I started to reject myself on an early age because I knew I was different. I tried to hide it, outrun it, coat it over. I tried everything because I was afraid as FUCK what would become of me if i didnt. I felt sick. Incompetent. Incapabel. This changed during my traineeship after realizing that I couldnt keep up the pace. I called the project leader and I got angry at the entire situation. I. Couldnt. And if she wanted me to remain on the project, things had to change. She apologized. And more than that, she said that she wanted me to be happy. And she saw that I was the happiest and most relaxed while I was doing watercolors. So she told me: be there when you can be there, take your watercolors with you, we can work this out. And she told me this with so much integraty that I apologized again and again for not talking earlier about this. Due to the way that autism works, I have a much harder time maintaining relationships. I focus on the wrong details, I get stuck in my head and my anxiety for making mistakes sometimes gets the better of me. I need love, I need connection, I need to feel part of something bigger. I am human and I have the same wants and needs as everyone else. Realizing this allowed me to build an equal relationship with my parents. It allowed me to connect better with my brother. It allowed me to talk better with my bestie. It allowed me to be a part of a DnD party and people tell me that they enjoy playing with me. There are good people out there. Non judgemental. Whether they are neurotypical (like the project leader) or autistic (like my bestie), I can now connect better to both them, and myself. All because I started to accept myself for who I am and manage to work with my autism, instead of against it.

[@shinydiamondlady4416]

@@elyaequestus1409 Besides my friends and family that give me love, But I want a partner that cares for me and would understand my Autism, Anxiety, and ADHD. They'll give me alot of love and I would spend time with them forever. 🥰❤💟😖😭😫😔

[@alexvaughan1013]

I was masking and self-isolating long before it went mainstream.

[@1legend517]

The problem with having autism is that you're an intelligent, kind, honest, reasonable, empathetic, understanding and compassionate person in a world full of exactly the opposite. And they treat us like we're "broken".

[@Muscaplays]

If you think about people like that it‘s no wonder they don‘t like you. Narcissism might be your real problem.

[@1legend517]

@@Muscaplays If you were offended by my comment, then stupidity must be your real problem.

[@1legend517]

@Dalton Black No deflection here. Just honesty. My original comment was defending autistic people and pointing out our positive traits in comparison with the often times cruel and heartless world we live in. Someone reacted to it by getting offended and insulting me, so I insulted that person back. No deflection, just honesty. If you're too simple to understand my original point then that's your problem.

[@1legend517]

@@Muscaplays If I'm a narcissist with the wrong attitude and allegedly nobody likes me (as you incorrectly assume), then why is it that I posted the same comment on another video and over 100 people liked it and agreed with me in the comments? I'll tell you why. Because clearly you're the only loser who took issue with my comment.

[@1legend517]

@Dalton Black My mistake then. Sorry for that. I apologise. I thought you were talking to me.

[@JonSnowIII]

I like you, dude. That’s it. That’s all I have to say here, I guess.

[@mob9900]

➕ ➕ 1

[@nostalgicdouchebag1912]

As the years go by, I've started to learn that I'm doomed no matter what, my autism as much as it shaped me, it has also ruined my future and that's the one thing I'm sure of.

[@DaP84]

Sounds like me. The society is not very compatible with us

[@nostalgicdouchebag1912]

@@DaP84 ikr I'll never belong here no matter how much we try and how much we wanted to fit in

[@dornanjr2549]

You know it's thanks to you, that I'm starting to learn to cope with autism. Thank you, Max for helping me on my journey of understanding myself as a person.

[@tuckersmoak6632]

If it werent for you talking about autism, I'd have continued to think I was the only one with this issues. Thank you. You are doing more than you may think for the other people out here who have autism and struggle with it. My parents call me a hermit. If it werent for my brother and his family, id probably not have hungout with a single person since 2019.

[@samdyke9193]

Thank you for such a great comment. I hope he sees it too. Loneliness is such a burden to carry. All the best to you and yours.

[@_BeaverDuck]

If it makes you feel any better, I'm also Autistic, in my late 20s and never had a significant other or been on a date. I have never even been friends with anyone. I've pretty much avoided people my whole life and when I would try it was embarrassing and exhausting for me to attempt to connect with another person. People would just think I was a creep when I tried to be friends with someone. They just wanted to stay away from me. I remember when I was a kid I would get angry with people when they thought I was weird which obviously made them dislike me more. I may never know what's like to have a significant other or a friend at this point in my life but that's just the way it is for me I guess.

[@marmedello]

I would love to say don’t give up but it’s hard because I feel the same with the friend part. I have never had a friend. I know some people say that but they just mean best friend or a close group, but I mean even a friend I’m not close to. I’ve had school mates I talked to and a couple I wanted to be friends with, but the closest I got is one girl I talk to once a year on Skype. People also look at me like I’m crazy if I approach them for friendship first. My husband said it would be strange for me to start talking to strangers like that but I said that people do that to him all the time so why do I get the side eye and sneer when I do it. Neurotypicals don’t realize how rude they can be when rejecting a conversation just because that person seems odd or boring. All that rejection just wears at my almost nonexistent confidence In socializing. I can likely count on one hand the number of non family members who have approached me first to get to know me better in my whole life. When I try to socialize I seem odd and apparently glare when talking, and people mostly walk away. When I don’t initiate talking nobody approaches me. I’m not sure what to do. I hope things get better for us both.

[@OneUnderground]

32 y.o female here and barely found out I'm autistic. I've been 'masking' this whole time. But depression and loneliness have always been a part of my life. Always feeling I'm on the outskirts of society, never being able to connect. Thanks for sharing this as I know vulnerability can be a bit difficult for some of us. Reading all the comments and wish we could all connect!

[@BrandonHilikus]

Found out here at 26.

[@sadlemoncake]

unfortunately i learned that i am autistic later in life and was unable to prevent major burnout. i’ve been trying to play the neurotypical game for ten years now, giving it all my effort and still failing. i’ve watched all my friends and family put in less effort and get more results. i burned out four months ago, became inconsolable, unable to socialize, unable to work…and i’ve isolated, just like you said. i looked up autism and loneliness hoping to hear from someone else that i’m not further alone in feeling this way. i don’t know where to go from here, but i really appreciate you making this video.

[@Venomsnake84]

The fact that after 2 years of releasing this video you’re getting married soon is such a great thing to see. Your bravery to tell the internet about your struggles with Autism and loneliness is truly remarkable and shows the strength of your character. Thank you for making this video max and keep up the good work👍

[@SwissDewd]

As an autist myself, I sometimes felt the same. However, there is a part of me that started to accept that I am meant to be alone. Everytime I feel the loneliness creeping in, I engage in my hobbies or do a workout. I'll never truly be a part of society, but the thought that I have the opportunity to endulge in my hobbies way more than a regular person would is a soothing one. Once in a while, I still feel sad about it, but it isn't as painful as it once was.

[@HalconMileinario]

I feel the same way.

[@Milennin]

That's how I feel too. I'm better off alone than having to deal with social stuff day in and out.

[@The_Quota_Official]

You’re very right about that, science is something that is very important at the moment to me, and although I live in an autistic rut where I feel vastly disconnected from the outside world, I can still enjoy my hobbies and get absorbed into them

[@hamsandvich8956]

Listen, as someone diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, I can say that it is within reach to integrate. The secret is knowing that you don't feel like this because you're on the spectrum, you feel like this because you're human. These are human thoughts and feelings to have, and the most important thing is believing in yourself. Confidence is key, but that doesn't mean put on a fake persona of some macho man, it means improving your self esteem to where you truly feel confident. Engage with those who are likeminded with you, and slowly start speaking to those who aren't. You'll start to see that everyone has problems, and the only reason why some people aren't diagnosed with something is because the diagnosis for their problems doesn't exist yet. We all have quirks and unattractive features, but the most important and overarching feature is confidence. I love you, and anyone else reading this message, and I don't want any of you to forget that.

[@Eruptor1000]

Bang on

[@DCiferxD]

As someone on the spectrum, this made video made me cry. I've never ever been able to find the words to describe how I feel, and you did it, I'll reference this video to explain to people finally. All i can say is thank you, thank you so much.

[@undyingarcher3033]

Max to be honest if you need time off just say so. The rest of us get to it slack jaws we need to give Max a break without rest a man can't fight a hundred men like the philosophical master he is.

[@PippaPasses]

literal* This is a cult.

[@undyingarcher3033]

@@PippaPasses I was doing a Halo 3 ODST.

[@maxderrat]

God, this comment made me feel so wholesome and loved inside. I'm no god... I do try my best though.

[@davidh9354]

@@PippaPasses wat

[@moonman2183]

I aspire to be a philosophical master, and the piece of advice I try to remember is that there is always more to learn.

[@debaronAZK]

bro are you literally me? in past 5 years I've: lost weight by working out learned an instrument learned a new language had trouble with relationships because of the same reasons been extremely lonely but also have a group of friends I miss very much and I'm currently obsessed with Bloodborne

[@r.958]

Well at least something good came out of it. Bloodborne is a hell of a game. Replayed it recently. I didn't think it was possible, but the second playthrough was an even better experience

[@TheAtomkilla]

Wait...if this is true, then I am you, just like you are Max. Does that mean I'm also Max?

[@debaronAZK]

@@TheAtomkilla I believe we are all part of _The Max_

[@Shiro1987]

Lol! You mean Maxrix? 😆

[@SpeedsGamer]

"Want a relationship? That's EASY! Just go to the gym, be *RIPPED*, eat *HEALTHY*, talk to a *LOT* of *GIRLS*. Can't talk with *GIRLS*? Just *TALK* to *THEM*!! *And if everything fails...!* ... ... ... You realise that it was quite a waste of time because you didn't achieve what you wanted. You didn't want to be *RIPPED* or be "extremely" healthy or make weird small talk with girls; that's just not your style, but hey, you *SHOULD* be happy because you achieved what *OTHER* people wanted you to achieve. Pretty neat, huh? This is me thinking loud, pay no mind to it. Have a nice day! ^__^

[@marianatheschizoid5912]

I completely understand you mate. I always thought that my life was alright in social terms. I had a few friends, none of them particularly close, but I thought that’s fine being a girl on the spectrum. But since 2020 I felt I’ve felt so lonely, I feel like all the effort I did to gain the few friends I have was in vain and that I’m stuck inside myself.

[@jebcrust3373]

Being stuck inside myself is something I think about a lot. I don't know, it feels like no matter how hard I try I can't seem to express myself properly.

[@justaguywholikeshentai3455]

I feel that, in a way. Being stuck inside yourself. I feel stuck inside myself a sometimes. For me though it feels as though I've done it to myself. Like I repressed the truest part of myself for so long to try and get people to like me, that part of me shriveled up and died in a vain effort, especially since I learned I shouldn't care about trying to be likeable. That person who people liked was fake anyway. My advice to you; be your truest self if you want a real life with real friends.

[@thedistinguished5255]

My school knows im autistic, yet the school councelor still sends me complaints from teachers, about how me not looking at teachers while they're talking made them uncomfortable and they don't think im listening (even tho my grades show i am paying attention)

[@NANA-su5ql]

Same except I draw during class while getting A’s and B’s

[@1legend517]

What a bunch of assholes!!

[@konameme]

these videos make me feel less alone. knowing someone else lives with the stuff i live with makes it feel less isolating. thank you for making these videos man, they help me out and i would assume a lot of other people like me. i really do appreciate it

[@Qadupae]

Playing the NT game is one of the most exhausting things I have ever gone through growing up and I still struggle with it today. It's even harder that I am on the mild end that plenty of people think I am "normal", but then I laugh a little too loudly, get a little too excited about something I love, not catch a little cue, and they get angry or tell me to stop or whatnot. As a woman that is only able to semi function in this society due to trauma, abuse, and vicious discipline in order to "learn" how to be "normal", I'm finally getting to an older age to accept this is who I am and to tell people that they can fuck off whenever they criticize me for just being me.

[@robertsmalls2293]

😂 finally someone here has the right attitude about it! You are who you are, that’s the way it fuckin’ goes! Seeing way too many sad mopey comments from fellow autistic people who think their lives are totally hopeless, sadly I think the lockdown might be further isolating these poor souls, and making their lives feel even worse. Autism has never stood in my way, at least nothing I couldn’t overcome, or just shrug off. That’s the main advice I give to others who have struggled, or still do struggle with autism. Don’t pretend to be someone else, and always try to be confident in yourself.

[@Tuxedosnake00]

People allways try to put a label on you. It's normal human behavior, everyone does this. Then when they realize that you were not how they thought you would be they feel threatened and try to fight back. They get angry etc.. Try to look to people from a different perspective like you would be in their place. I hope this can help

[@darkreverie3748]

Oh my God dude. I am not on the spectrum myself, but the reason why I am writing this comment is to give you some words of encouragement. When you started talking about mental exaustion and your hardships, I genuinely started tearing up because I somewhat know that feeling. I am just introverted, so I imagine I have experienced only a fraction of the forementioned feelings. I had a very private conversation with someone who had attempted suicide, and they told me that loneliness is a vicious circle, it makes you isolated and improbable to seek out help and encouragement, which in turn empowers your self-loathing and forces you to close up even more. I am happy to hear that you have a good friend John that helped you cope and reach out... You are a very talented person indeed, this video touched me to the core. Shine on! Times may be tough, but please try to pull through.

[@phantomblot6072]

Don't feel bad, you don't owe neurotypicals anything. A message for all neurotypicals out there: why don't YOU try a little harder?!

[@Stevekixs]

I only found out I was on the spectrum when I hit 30. It was like a lightbulb lit up on my head. Suddenly everything made sense. One of my outlets (since childhood) has been writing. Video games are a way to reduce anxiety, but writing was a way for me to attempt to express the feelings I had inside that I couldn't verbalize. The funny thing is, I wrote poetry for years comparing myself to an Android, robot, or an alien. I felt like I was "different" from everyone. And even when I started to feel normal, people would remind me I was "weird". I was called a sociopath, a homo habilis, and more. Finding out I was Aspy made a lot of sense. I was alone. But not so much anymore.

[@ferhataliyigit5943]

love you max

[@tenguyubs1919]

I totally feel you. I've tried so hard to please people. For the past few years, I gave up on trying to be sociable and establishing relationships, only to realize that I need that sort of connection. I honestly thought that I would never need anyone, but now I'm slowly admitting my "defeat". At this moment, I'm extremely isolated, I'm not close to anyone. And I've no idea where to start to re-establish connections, because I haven't been close to anyone for so long. Your channel has always been a great support for me and many others, and for that you'll always be a wonderful person, don't ever doubt that. Hoping you all the best. ♥️

[@sharkboy200]

When you started talking about the optical dance it reminded me of how when I’m at work I have to sometimes close my eyes in order to talk to a customer when they ask about how much something costs or what time we open the next day

[@sharkboy200]

I will specifically close my eyes and look upwards. It almost feels like I’m trying to separate myself from them in order to actually be able to speak to them. Some days are worse than others but I have an extremely understanding boss who has let me go home early when they could tell I was at a breaking point

[@fuksmkoud6716]

Im on the spectrum too. I feel like i am extremely aware and extremely sensitive to anything.. I feel terrible and at 29 i feel im doomed.. i cant explain it.. well maybe i could but it would be long. You can express youself to so many people. That is quite amazing. It's something that i crave as i have no friends and i feel my family don't understand me completely. God im so happy i found this video and channel. You and everyone in the comments make me feel less "alone". Nobody around me takes me seriously. But i guess at least they believe im on the spectrum. I feel angry because I wish i had friends like me, not exactly like me but just similar, perhaps on the spectrum too, i dont know. Wait, i think that might explain the depression and panic i have felt in the last 3 months. I feel i have made no connections.. No friends.. and thats scares me. and in fact.. 3:50 might explain my serious mental health decline.. geeez... And going through the next stage of life feels even more socially conforming.. like i have no choise in the matter. I also feel insanely clever.. except for my spelling and grammer of course. But other than that.. I hate not using my mind to its fullest creative potential.. I have to be creative.. but boring jobs and adult life.. thats all i have now and i hate it. Well..I should consider myself lucky, i do have a partner. and I do have a loving family..

[@JustSomebody5]

Guy, and sorry if this sounds too weird, you sound like a total catch listing off tidbits about yourself, I wish you luck in finding somebody. As always thank you for sharing and I hope your physical ailment is healing.

[@johngo3715]

Good luck with being on the market. Kudos to you for having the courage to make this video.

[@williamfletcher934]

Never stop doing what you do, you're helping so many

[@Groovygremlinguy]

So far this is such a good look into our minds and it’s really nice to see that I’m not alone in feeling this way! Keep up the good work man 👍

[@kng2088]

Thank you for your spend time, Max, both on this community and on this video. Continue to be a wanderer and eventually you will find a path.

[@IgnatiusAlpha]

I wish nothing but the best for you and everyone struggling with this. ❤️

[@allnodding9666]

i am so tremendously proud of you - i wish i could express how much i resonate and empathize with your words and i hope you continue to find yourself - thank you so much

[@xk_monster]

We love you man! Your videos always confirm my beliefs or unveil new ones i haven’t connected the dots with 👍🏿

[@petarded8529]

Right here with you, dude. I do, however, have the best cat known to mankind, which is nice. Had to get a permit for him in my condo. Wouldn’t be here without him.

[@copyninja8756]

Thanks for being brave enough to share this ❤

[@actuallywetsocks2374]

Thank you so much for talking about, it's really comforting to know that I'm not the only one

[@Konamalunu]

I am always happy to see one of your new videos.

[@thefightingknight]

Let's get this going, operation wife is now in effect.

[@naturequeen2597]

Oh yea baby, that's what I've been waiting for.

[@Amparito847]

These videos made me cry (and I never cry, even in very extreme scenarios) because of how many memories simultaneously rampaged into my mind, you being able to put so many undescribable things into words, and feeling so understood after being chastised at stuff that I had little to no control over for the 14 years of my life (the time I watched the video series for the first time). I greatly appreciate your videos because they gave me a bit more guiding principles to drive through the chaotic world

[@adamthemushroommessiah9043]

Thank you Max! I enjoy your words and videos so much! I hope things will improve for you as all of us.

[@MrNiceHk]

Thank you for sharing and I wish you well on your journey.

[@r.958]

Liked and commenting before I even watch, the title alone hits hard

[@ponttoonimies]

You are a beautiful human. You've worked so hard, and you deserve every good thing that happens to you.

[@coltonhusher3876]

I love you're content. Please stick around and continue, you're a kind person and we need more of that.

[@scottlind515]

I’ve already subscribed. But if I just found this channel now. I would have with 1 min of this video! Thanks for all this honesty brother!

[@northerngiant2915]

Each time I start to feel overwhelmed by loneliness lately I listen to this video, and I feel less alone knowing I’m not the only one feeling these things. Thank you for sharing.

[@anaamee]

I must say I'm amazed at the quality of the subscribers of this channel. I see only care, respect and patience around here. That's refreshing in the jungle internet is elsewhere. In fact, elsewhere has been so disgusting to me that I stopped looking at the commentaries since a long time ago. I'm only looking at you now because Max said you were cool.

[@tristanparkk]

Your voice and the way you articulate makes listening to you very relaxing. Keep it up!

[@morgankoch8789]

this video did come to me when i really needed it. thankful to have found your channel

[@neveragain767]

The one problem I see is it requires the lonely person to seek out friendships, and some may not be able to take that first step to start a friendship.

[@Eruptor1000]

I'm autistic and was diagnosed at the age of 10. I always felt lacking in certain aspects of life and obviously knew why, however the older I get the worse it gets and the more autism really feels like a disorder. Love is a strange feeling and being close to the opposite sex makes me uncomfortable even though I'm good at hiding it, I've had my relationship and my action believe it or not, but after all of it I feel weird and strangely detached and unable to relate, borderline psychopathic even. I did horrible in school and honestly can't do college and probably couldn't keep up even if I wanted to. I simply cannot function in a society at the demand of others and what they want, I need time to do it my way but I can't because that's not how the world works nor does it grant me that opportunity. I don't want to sound dramatic and explaining the way I feel would be impossible not matter how hard I try. Autism truly is a nightmare.. a nightmare nobody seems to be able to understand from the outside because we seem normal. A nightmare without an end and I honestly would do anything to not have autism, anything!

[@vasarolnik]

Hey, Max! Thanks for the honesty!I can only imagine how hard it must have been. I learned I have some asperger's qualities, thanks to your channel and started to work on them.I wish you good luck and may you find the right one, that will not play any games, but just be kind and honest. Thanks, keep up the great work and bye!

[@tjpaige3784]

Ive had a hard time lately too, but keep growing my man. Nice video. I hope you feel better soon

[@mroddbox]

I don't always comment on videos or personal in general but this one really resonated with me and one I've been meaning to watch for a while due to the title. I'm apart of the spectrum as well as having been diagnosed with being schizoaffective and I always had struggled with socializing especially at school and even at home, I was at that point where I wouldn't leave my room unless I was hungry or had to use the bathroom so it was also taking its toll on my physical health too to the point that I had to undergo surgery to remove cancer found in my body. After surgery and eventually chemotherapy the whole thing left me feeling traumatized and made me rethink my whole perspective on life as to whether I'll live to see tomorrow. I wondered if the things I've done or said would leave an impact on those around me, I still think about it to this day believe it or not. Near the end of your video reminded me so much of how my past therapists would motivate and remind me of my small accomplishments and not underplay my positive qualities or characteristics. So thank you for taking the time to make this video and for being vulnerable to your audience even if it was for a limited amount of time.

[@notdave7848]

You're wonderful Max. My partner and I are both huge fans, and I relate to a lot of things you say. I absolutely believe that you deserve a kind and patient relationship, and I hope that for you. You're truly an excellent guy (and if I was single, I'd absolutely see if you could tolerate me)

[@tonytrident8874]

Thanks for posting this video. It's really great knowing we're not alone, I hope you feel better. I love your content and the community you've created here.

[@squirrelshow6218]

This video really sparked something inside of me. I recently came out of a heavy depression, this one lasted a few months, a hibernation so to speak. I'm 30 and have never really had an online presence, i can count on 2 hands the number of youtube comments i have ever posted. This video (much like many of your videos Max) really filled me with something i can only describe as invigorating. So need to say something, i would like to say thank you. Thanks for putting yourself out there and making awesome content

[@jeremyburns3657]

You’re speaking to the soul, brother. You got this.

[@forgetit9421]

Man holy shit i love you so much for doing this, this is 1000% what I feel being aspie

[@bunnychan8885]

Thank you for making this max! I really needed to hear this! I hope you get better. 😊

[@wyattsmith2143]

Thank you, having a hard time today and this was helpful. Subscribed.

[@zechariahzen.6364]

I myself am autistic. I feel for you on so many levels man. I really don't know anyone else that has it in my life. Its so amazing to hear someone else talk about it like this. Thank you. It is actually great to see someone with highly skilled asd like myself. I tried to suppress my autism as well and after so many years I found myself in a horrible depression that's lasted 13 years I reached that point of exhaustion you were a talking about few years ago. It was really intense. I feel for you so much. So so so much. Thank you for speaking out.

[@ostravamasterson4178]

hi max, this comment is before i watch the video i just had a talk with a coworker he seemed lonely and he knew about synchronisity i recommended your series about aion Thank you max for everythiing you have done, your role is very important this year for the public conciousness, embrace the loneliness for it is an experience i did not like but wouldnever change if i had the chance, You are never alone We are never alone not anymore

[@jasonblundelldobebussing]

Man, that's deep

[@ostravamasterson4178]

I just want him to know that his role i bigger than he thinks For some time i thought he was an alien communicating to us lesser humans but he helped me see how great and deep humans are, i never feel alone with all you guys knowing that there are several people similar to me gives me hope i wish i could play minecraft with you guys hopefully i can join the discord my card wont go through if anybody wants to add meon bedrock just reply

[@maxderrat]

Thank you for doing that, dude.

[@jasonblundelldobebussing]

@@maxderrat, ой, да пожалуйста.

[@zezuntxiduntxi]

Max, you're awesome man... We love you!

[@user-pv6lm1ik6t]

this video gave me hope ... thank you!!! keep going we will never be game over !

[@Etobicoke67]

The covid enforced social isolation was very familiar. My late father enforced isolation due to his abusive behavior and possible undiagnosed aspergers. Now I have been diagnosed with ASD, I have gone thru a rollercoaster of emotions, from relief and self acceptance to utter despair of ever being able to form real friendships or sustaining work, let alone form an intimate relationship. Family disowned me for confronting my family generational abuse. Friends doubt my autism diagnosis. Mental health system non existent. Lately I live from weekly therapy sessions, phonecalls to child abuse helplines, samaritans or other helplines.

[@philippecardinal-st-onge1343]

Hey man, idk if you're even gonna read this, im not autistic and therefore couldn't fully relate to some of your issues, but i became a sub of this channel while i was listening to your Aion series. Just wanted to say just from listening to this content it is clear that you have your place in this world as it was some of the best content that i came to discover not only on youtube but also in life in general (school included). Just wanted to say that you clearly have something to bring to the world so keep on doing what you love and hope everything works out in the end.

[@maxderrat]

I hope you're right, dude. I'm glad I could provide that enlightenment to you... but people like you and I aren't as numerous as would be ideal. I am going to keep pushing forward as best I can.

[@philippecardinal-st-onge1343]

@@maxderrat Well people will either wake up or the events of our times are gonna make them wake up, either way we can only escape reality for so long. Bringing good and profound content on a platform like youtube is definitely a good way to help anyone who's eyes are ready to see the light. Keep up the work!

[@terranfoley6030]

Man, this was a good video, thanks for making it.

[@alicerowley9040]

Thank you very much. These videos are really helpful to me and im sure many others, keep doing your thing :)

[@gunzdelarose2633]

I'm not diagnosed with autism, but I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since age 12-13, i'll be 21 soon ... . Everything you've said about yourself , trying to improve yourself and change constantly, purposely self isolating in the end.... It's exactly me. I love this channel and you Max. Thank you for being here to make me feel....not alone...

[@grannyali6567]

you are an inspiration your beautiful supportive community. 🤩

[@cattheveganartist]

I’ve shared some of your Autism related videos on my Facebook, and added to my Autism playlist on my channel, to help others to better understand us, and themselves (if they are also on the spectrum). 🙂 Keep up the insightful work.

[@SedDelMar]

Thanks for sharing your journey through this trying time. There are many brave people on KZbin, but your struggles are something I relate to. Please continue to struggle against this adverse time. Your stratagem sounds fit, and you have an admirable support network. I know that I am not alone in appreciating your insights as neural atypical person. In particular this post struck a cord, and I am hoping to glean perspectives that I might draw from while I muddle through in my walk. Stay safe, and well, and may you find healing and fulfillment in your search.

[@neotakehaya]

Given that I’m a new viewer, I feel as though my input while, to me at least, may not be as valuable as a long time viewer, I just want to say that you are incredibly brave for being able to record and express your feelings and struggles with autism. I myself don’t have autism, but I will stand firm and say that, for what it’s worth, you’re an incredible individual. Stay strong and prosper my friend

[@AxelStone1]

Wait, did Max really put himself out there at the end of the video? What an absolute king!

[@daviddragon4333]

This video (and all your video’s) gives so much context to the behaviors of those I know on the spectrum, thank you for all your efforts in explaining your perspective from an analytical perspective. Autism isn’t something I personally have to face, but I still found myself identifying with a lot of the feelings you expressed. Makes me realize everybody is struggling with their own issues in their own way.

[@Holt0102]

I can totally relate to the feeling of being exhausted trying to fit to some standard that feels arbitrary. I send you a big hug. I can relate to your suffering and loneliness. I think it is great thing you are describing your experience and connecting with a lot of people with similar issues. Failing to connect is the sickness of our time. Thanks man !

[@jacthwakk8328]

Haters might call it desperate, you putting yourself out there like this, but I can think of few things as based.

[@creatingvideostobreakmyspe6049]

The word desperate is used by fools who do not experence any emotions or drive thus making them drown in mediocrity.

[@simonrockstream]

We're all here together, and here we will always have each other

[@godmang3954]

dude u are so fricking great ma man! take care of yourself ma man! this video had me have the bigest smile of my life especially at the end!!!!!

[@kalypsodeepsea982]

How relatable! You always know how to express what autism feel like. Keep up the great work, I am more than happy to support you! Sending you mermaid magic! 💙💚💜🧜🏼‍♀️🌊🐬🐟🐠🦈🐋🐳🐚🐙🦀🦑

[@hazy2kki]

love how vulnerable you are - these things aren’t always easy talk about. time from time again i’ll feel instances of intense of loneliness despite being surrounded by people. can relate to a lot of what you said (even though i don’t have autism).

[@juliendesousa9803]

As someone suffering from social anxiety (even though I'm not on the spectrum), I can relate to what you said. Funny enough this video about solitude made me feel a bit less alone

[@robbindahood2164]

Honestly, I feel you. Life can seem all consuming when you can't play the 'game' as it were. But just like you said, your positive qualities and outlook shine through in the end. Watching you these past years has been very positively impactful to me and many others i'm sure. Never undermine all that you have done and are as a human being.

[@IainMcGirr]

Awefully brave of you man put so well and your articulation of feelings etc. is exactly is what I needed ..to hear.. I am not alone

[@dankswag7860]

Max - "I'm 6 foot 4" Girls - "That's all I needed to hear"

[@ayembic7933]

And gay boys

[@shinygiveaways1920]

@@ayembic7933 im homosexual and i like 5'8 or shorter.

[@ayembic7933]

@@shinygiveaways1920 same tbh

[@swissphan18]

I'm on the spectrum and whenever I listen to these videos, it really is like my life's story unfolds before myself. Until I was about 17-18 I had never had a single close friend, as in someone who I could have entrusted a secret onto. All I had up to that point were a few people that played games with me and would come over to my house occasionally, and don't get me wrong, it was great to have even just that, but I really did feel lonely and like something was just missing this entire time. I was in a real pit of despair for quite some time after realizing I might never be good enough for other people in my life, no matter how hard I would try, and together with the resurfacing traumatic memories from my childhood, as I started to finally grasp what having this disorder actually means, I thought about suicide, and the only thing that stopped me were my parents. If they hadn't been there for me, I might not be here today writing this. But thankfully, I have found a community that is very easy to just exist in and make friends in. It has allowed my mental health to really prosper, even as times continue to be very tough for me. Even with my trauma, my troubles at work, and even with my periods of time where I'm inaccessible to others, I try my best to be there for my friends, as they are always there for me as well. I'm just really grateful for how far I've come, and I hope I can give another autistic person hope with me telling part of my life story. I just want to do good for others, as much as possible, especially knowing how fucked up and cruel the world can be.

[@jamesbirkbeck]

Thank you for sharing this. It was helpful. You put into words exactly how I feel but am unable to express.

[@dhyrim604]

Never seen this channel before and just stumbled on this video but I am glad I did. The way you feel is very recognizable to me and I had never thought about it in the way you do before. Thank you for this honest and inspiring message. On a side note, I am also playing trough dark souls 1, for the first time, in my loneliness haha.

[@jinyangguo5270]

I’m not mentally ill, but I also find it hard to connect with others. Relationship of any kind is exhausting. Whenever I manage to build something worth keeping, I always break it because the fear of messing up something valuable is worth than actually ending it willingly. I’m still unable to start a social life, so the step you’re taking in this video seems very admirable to me.

[@DaP84]

Autism isn't mental illness, it's a "handicap" in how the brain is processing information, therefore "non neurotypical"

[@ianmurdoch6247]

You just described traits of b.p.d. Borderline personality disorder. Possibly anti social disorder. Sounds more b.p.d.

[@dibelgelo]

@@DaP84 Not a handicap in a slightest. Being autistic it's like having colour binocular vision in and living among one eyed colourblind. You tell them that roses a red, grass is green and sky is blue and they call you crazy :)

[@SeiichirouUta]

Wow, so many comments. And as far as I could see they are nice comments. I hope this lifts your mood, Max - and even if it's just a little bit. Knowing that there are people out there believing in you even though they hardly know anything more about you than what you tell them in your videos. Okay, compared to other youtubers this is a lot, but hey - even the not so perfect sides won't get them to dislike you. On the contrary, I guess. :) To me the needles manifest in gastritis, so they feel quite real. Though my fear is not so much meeting new people, but getting to know them. The fear of finding out once again that my friendship is being taken for granted. Might sound arrogant. But the reason why this is so important to me: When my grandfather died years ago, I was accused of being cold and inhuman because I didn't cry at his funeral. I told my mum about this and she said "One of the reasons, why people cry at funerals is, that deep down they realize that they forgot to tell the dead person how much they mean to them." This changed my whole perspective. I have trouble telling other people that I like them, it's surprisingly hard and awkward and what not. But thanks to what my mother told me, I do it, if I really like them. In my opinion we tell other's all too rarely, how much they mean to us. I never lie about it. I never exaggerate. And the closer it is to my truth the harder it get's telling it. But it is worth it to me. And I don't expect an answer. But somehow people always HAVE to answer. And so often the answer turned out to be far from their truth. And everytime it added another needle. I have very few friends, but true ones. I would like to add a few more, but I'm afraid of the needles. So: Kudos, Max. In my eyes you are being very, very brave.

[@mosharv]

your videos on alchemy in autism have meant a lot, sending warmth Max

[@farasatsyed3372]

This was the most beautiful thing I've seen in quite a while man. I really related to some of things you said to the point that I'm wondering if I'm leaning towards autism on the spectrum. Just the act of expressing relatable feelings made me feel less alone in this so thanks for that. And I hope you find your way out of the circumstances you're in soon