Autism & Society Explained: Gaslighting (& the Importance of Allies & Community)

Autistic people are gaslighted throughout life, sometimes by people who don't even realise they're doing it. It has consequences for us individually and for our place in society. This week's video explains what gaslighting is, how it constantly enters our lives and why allies and the ever-growing autistic community are our best defence.
#EngageAutism
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[@digitv6369]

Thank you! You made me realize I was gaslighted throughout school to beleive I was a failure, a bad learner, and it took decades and some diplomas and degrees to unbelieve it. Now I am gaslighted at work by colleagues and bosses because I try to protect the autistic students from their abuse, and occasionally even succeeded to make me believe I was the problem.

[@melelconquistador]

Are you K-12 teacher? I'm interested in becoming one in order to represent autistic interests and advocacy in education.

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

25 years of my life thinking I was thick . Then realising I was autodidactic when I joined the TA and trained as a combat medic. By then the damage of bullying abuse and gaslighting and infantilising. Had destroyed my life potential.

[@Maaracha]

I went through the same thing growing up

[@paulrudd1063]

This is exactly what happened to me. I taught for twenty-five years and in that time was systematically bullied and ostracized for standing up for the ND kids I was teaching. Anyone who works in the education industry knows that in reality, most teachers do not believe in autism, or at least, think that it is very rare and a form of ID. And as for ADHD, they think that it is caused by helicopter parenting. And school management teams are nearly always populated by people with very narcissistic personality types. And we all know what narcissists think of autistic people: the perfect vehicle for supply.

[@lindaclairesartori]

"...or constantly talked over..."

[@tomleyman8441]

A lifetime of this from loved ones embeds fear and shame that creates autonomous obedience. It's difficult to understand and challenging to deprogram

[@palesgensler3099]

Even in special ed there is still a lot of gaslighting done by the teachers. This is because many of them have Savior complexes.

[@robertdesertrider2694]

I’ve been fighting off an official Asperger’s diagnosis since 8th grade, with the help of my father, because the special Ed teacher was the neighbor of my Dad’s business associates(Ran the Shop next door to my Dad’s business). Horace(His Name): “U remember that lady who was beating her kids in the street when you slept over? She the Spec Ed instructor.” I was the one of 7 White Kids at my school, Westbank NOLA(Algiers), I was not about to be “The Special White Kid…”

[@paulrudd1063]

Wow. I believe you, but it's hard to read.

[@kathleenmaryparker8662]

This is like almost every conversation I ever have with anybody - and the trouble is - I never accept what "the man from the council" is saying - in fact, I do the "boy in the "Emperor's New Clothes"" about everything - with the result that I get the label "the boy who cried wolf" - and nearly get myself killed a lot ...

[@Autistamatic]

I won't be the only one who reads this comment and nods furiously!

[@harryr.burger828]

"...Or, How I Learned the Current American Electoral System Can't Change Government Enough to Stop a Climate Apocalypse" (assuming COVID & Bird Flu don't make humans extinct first) It's because the oligarchs who REALLY rule the world also control the media, so they gaslight everyone into believing Only 2 Parties is inevitable, outside challengers either don't exist or are beneath your consideration because they don't have lots of money supporting them. Yet the reason we don't have money, is because advertising in the first place so strangers learn that we exist & can be given campaign 💰 is ridiculously expensive & the news is in on the fix to make sure the Big 2 Parties drown us out so thoroughly, on the rare occasion they can't actually ignore our existence completely. (Yes, that's a Dr. Strangelove allusion at the beginning)

[@TheMookie1590]

@@Autistamatic exaggerates the nod further, sick heavy metal guitar solo plays.

[@Peacesoulution]

This is exactly what is running rampant in society today! I never thought I was autistic but I certainly relate to what you are saying and am an ally. thank you

[@SingingSnakes]

Thank you so much for talking about this and calling some of the "experts" out on their bullsh*t. People need to hear about this

[@alanguest1979]

Been a victim of this on too many occasions.

[@Naturegirl1976]

I've always been made to feel like I wasn't Good enough to be friends with. I still suffer from low self esteem. I'm getting tired of always having to mask my natural behaviors in order to be liked.i also hate living in a society that doesn't seem to care about the austic community

[@mathiasvyaene7724]

Me too constantly work education everywhere only when am alone u can develop everyone is yo superficial

[@gregjs9665]

I’m just starting to learn, in mid-life, about what it means to be on the autism spectrum. This video is very helpful and it explains a lot. Thanks!

[@mrmukura]

I'm going to have to watch again. I spent half the video alternating between fuming about having to show working then pondering how my maths might have developed without it. Flippant and lazy were terms occasionaly used by my teachers at primary school. By the end of high school I'd kind of figure out the game. The girl who achieved DUX used to be my partner in computer class, she really wasn't that giftedly smart, a hard worker and bright, she ticked all the boxes. I often wonder if these people grow up to be happy though, or if they just eat sleep repeat and raise the next generation of robots.

[@paulfincher506]

Isnt this just normal Neurotypical behaviour? I always seem to get into trouble for seeing the truth and taking facts over opinions.

[@Mondomeyer]

We're talking about the inventors of spirituality after all.

[@katzikat4669]

For reference for my comment, Daria, from the show, Daria is probably autistic. And so is her aunt Amy. In one episode, Daria asked her aunt: "I kinda don't feel like I belong to this world. Like I'm weird or something. Is that a phase or is it gonna last forever?" Aunt Amy responded with: "it's a phase. One I'm trying to grow out of." I never related so much to a TV show.

[@natatattful]

She is an Infj or intj too I think, also same, I really related to her so much. I even wrote a song called Daria.

[@JamieHumeCreative]

Thank you. Generous présentation, yet I can still feel that doubt nudge. Auto pilote. I encounter gas lighting and bullying in my adult life quite frequently. It's extremely hard on me. It's good to know I'm notaline and that there are people like yourself who cut right through this in such a susync and well articulated way. Grateful for your presentations. Always the outsider...walking alone, slowly finding I'm not.

[@princessaria]

Not autistic but am neurodivergent, thank you for the insightful videos on such important topics.

[@ladyvoreva2754]

Thank you, Quinn, for every subject that you excellently bring "on the light"- without the "gas"- each week. You explain everything in such a clear way that is always a pleasure to watch your videos. Kind regards from Argentina.

[@hispoiema]

I've been gaslighted by a couple family members who seem to be "asperger's" per Mark A Hutton. I believe I am autistic. I never fought back because it resulted in me being lectured and ridiculed. I don't think these people are narcissistic IF narcissists like to see people suffer. I don't think they did and yet I have had to remove both from my life due to intense stress that causes physical pain and shaking and high anxiety and anxiety attacks etc. Those are gone now as a result of being away from them.

[@katzikat4669]

Narcissists LOVE to see their narcissistic supply suffer. Trust me. I survived a narcissistic stepdad.

[@kayhansen9229]

My sister was a narcissist. She loved to see me and my brother suffer as children. As young as three her eyes used to glaze over in smile at us getting our beatings period for something she did usually

[@tomduncan2018]

As always, brilliant video. The hero we deserve. Keep it up :)

[@mdj864]

i am a friend and ally of those who are gaslighted, (including my sons). i too, experience it on occasion--from all types of people. it almost seems as though we are witnessing an epidemic of trolls 👹🤧

[@lugaruna]

They funny thing is that i did get tested a littlle bit to see if i have autism when my adhd got diagnosed but unfortunatly nothing came out of that. Every time i told them i relate alot to othere autistic females it didn't feel like they took it sirious enough. Atm im waiting to be let into a place that can properly evaluate it but im starting to get the feeling it's a slim chance. I feel that the chance of me ever getting a kid who get's diagnosed and then me getting diagnosed aswell will be faster then what im in right now. Even though i get sensory overloads form my nephews and nieces.

[@Autistamatic]

Women and girls often have difficulty in getting a DX thanks to some very strange ideas about "female autism". There's more about it in this: kzbin.info/www/bejne/f6uqdIiafs5mqZY

[@lugaruna]

Yea you can say that again, the adhd diagnosis was also a late one seeing as im 28 and got the diagnosis last september. Thanks for the video link:). I already watched it but im gonna watch it again because i always forget little things so i can always learn new things again:). My fiance who is autistic also gave me the title of borderline autist XD, i realy like it because we both agree i have autistic traits but have not been diagnosed yet:p.

[@AnnaBananaRepublic]

I love how this video points out the absurdity of the people who called their neighbors “science deniers” for wanting to do research since 2020.

[@blacky_Ninja]

It‘s not about the neighbours wanting to do research, it‘s usually that to them ‚doing research‘ means looking on facebook, heavily biased anti-scientific sites, or simply them looking for a source that ‚proves their point‘ and then stopping. There is f.e. no reasonable way to do proper scientific research and end up with the impression that vaccines are bad, that climate change and evolution don‘t take place, or that the earth is flat. The people who scream „do your research“ and still end up believing these kind of lies are the ones who are called ‚science deniers‘. And rightfully so.

[@jusroc6353]

Interesting subject. Gaslighting. A phenomena that I am well aware of due to being subjected to so many people using it against me. In fact, I am likely one of the most gas lighted people in the world. This may sound like an incredible and unlikely claim, but it is true. That is the reward for saving a famous MP's career.... Repaid by sadism. Always the way of the British aristocratic ruling class. Twisted Justice of Monarchy Rule. So my sympathies go out to all who are victims of such people...

[@Mondomeyer]

Aspies/autistics in general are the most gaslighted people in the world.

[@BXLrules]

What a great video. I've gone through that since I started school, Im 41 next week.

[@Crath99]

Props to you sir for that example in the beginning. Even knowing it was an example of gaslighting I started to rationalize the explanation given by the "suit man" by the end of it.

[@josephmartin1540]

Totally beautiful explanation! It is still difficult to quite understand some of the other autistic voices I follow and respect when they speak on this. My working theory on understanding gaslighting is that it is a “theory of mind” problem. ? Trying to decipher some professional relationships where this feels like it is still happening.

[@paulrudd1063]

Absolutely brilliant. The only thing is, where is this online community? I’m autistic and completely socially isolated. 😢

[@abbagirl8819]

Alot of people are alone. I notice that people watch videos but they hardly connect. I am curious as to the reason, since ND are well aware.We can create forums and conventions,clothing lines and new laws that support and protect the nuerodiverse.

[@ForgetfulHatter]

😢 recently late adult diagnosed with autism, was told to build a bridge and get over it. Was reminded of my age the told I passed a digital marketing course to get a degree in computers. And told on a bunch of cases that I"must" and "probably" am on the lowest lowest end. From people that know nothing about autism. I passed that course through my own self taught computer skills and regurgitation of information I've already forgotten. I've been learning alot recently thank you for your insightful views.

[@Autistamatic]

The thing about bridges, is that they're most effective when you don't have to build them on your own. It takes at least 2 to both build AND maintain a bridge. I'm sorry you were let down like that.

[@annaviolette255]

Thank you so much for this video and for addressing this issue. ❤️️

[@dhaliaseed]

Thank you very much great video

[@hailsateen9219]

Fantastic video!

[@kathleenmaryparker8662]

Wow ! My whole childhood !

[@mrsm6727]

Great video, thank you 😊

[@kukalakana]

Right at the moment the very thought of "flowers and freshly mown grass" makes my T-cells jump to attention...

[@samuelmason8370]

Im subbing- just saw you and immediately subbed. Cannot wait to watch your videos- after the stream :)

[@user-hh1mq3ph2w]

This is an awesome vid

[@JackOnSkates]

Thank you.

[@maryanndaron6920]

Thanks for your work

[@towzone]

Thanks again for the excellent video!

[@russellparkerart]

@9:11 REVOLUTION!!!

[@johnpaulwirchnianski]

Wow!!! Good stuff. Great Job.

[@dianagibson4051]

Another stellar video, thank you so much. Happy end of AA month. Whew.

[@videocliplover]

Thank you for making this. All your videos help me feel more resilient when facing the world.

[@rolflaprete1849]

Thankyou Quinn......🌄🐑💕

[@turtleanton6539]

Great video

[@stuartchapman5171]

I have the adhd diagnosis. Awaiting asd, I relate to all of this. School, work and even my psychiatrist. The diagnosis letter broke me, all the nefatives exagerated and embelished, non of my positives mentioned. Its been 10months and Im still devastated. Shame is huge for divergents. We dont need more.

[@kayhansen9229]

I'm sorry to hear that not a very good psychologist I would say good ones always put a positive spin on diagnosis of anything and stress all of your goods that's what I think. I'm so old none of this was diagnosed when I was in school but I really worried that there's too many psychologists jumping on the bandwagon that is school psychologists. I noticed a lot of Brits diagnosed with autism and talking about autism it must not be diagnosed as much over here in America because I don't hear it being talked about that much. I wonder what that is about. I hear you about the exaggeration and embellishments my uncle did this to me once.he was the psychologist didn't want to admit /agnolage the horrible abuse my mother was doing. But I digress.

[@AeonZhang]

✨Thank You✨ 💫✨🌟🖤🖤🖤🌟✨💫

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

Totally agree on everything you are saying. It’s like talking to myself

[@kstar6508]

Perfect

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

The military was excellent education for me because the style suited me. I was top and second top on my courses

[@lindaclairesartori]

constantly spoken over

[@JayLeePoe]

how do these things relate to individual narcissism, or at people with autism immune to narcissism?

[@autiejedi5857]

👍💜

[@strawsofftheneurodivergent4221]

Perfect example.

[@layloolapierre5330]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

Give me a list please

[@stephencolligan]

As an NT watching this,to me,at least ,there seems to be a thin line between AS people being gaslit,and ,from my experience,their need themselves ,to have to be “right” about everything due to an inability to see anyone else’s point of view .It’s slightly different but the outcome similar

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

Yup yup yup ❤❤.

[@notdream8714]

I'm expecting to lose loads of support on my LinkedIn after reposting this 😂😂😂

[@Etobicoke67]

Sounds like most of the dominant or most vociferous governments around the world, especially USA, Canada, PA, UK, China, Russia and Germany.

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

Uk too. It’s become fascist nazi ableist and our democracy is now fake

[@emmanuelbeaucage4461]

Not even close to the top 20 of what my gf said in the last 2 mounts... 😢

[@robertdesertrider2694]

21Kiloton

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

Your basically saying what I’m saying though 😏😏😏

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

I have no community they are leaving me to rot

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

Gate keepers 🤣🤣

[@JenSumma]

There are teachers who are neurodiverse

[@atlas_rhea]

Your animated logo is immensely distracting brother 🖖

[@greatmeatball2978]

The thing you're talking about is indeed huge and profound. The video was even triggering for some parts of me, so I had to pause many times. But I really don't like that you make this about autism, or disability in general. I believe, the thing you called gaslighting in here - is a part of a much more profound and all-permiating phenomenon of our civilization. And it affects EVERY SINGLE person, not just neurodivergent or otherwise. Our cultures seem to reproduce themselves by instilling into its children the belief that there's something wrong with themselves, their feelings and their thoughts. This thing is way-way more profound than it might seem, and at times it feels almost like the root of all evil. A huge reason why war and oppression exist in this world. So it's not about us autistic people being oppressed by the "neurotypical" (I reallly don't like this label) people, we are actually IN THE SAME BOAT. AND WE ARE ALL COMPLICIT TOO! We have nothing to fight over, this division is imaginary. And there's nothing wrong with any of us. The fact that we've perhaps lived through some stronger forms of "gaslighting" and other types of mental torture - makes us "chosen" in a sense. Some of us have been truly blessed by the ability to see how deeply sick and unacceptable our world really is. We are blessed with seeing through the planetary-scale lies and fake values of our civilization. But "neurotypical" people are NOT to blame here. And I doubt we can even call it "gaslighting" technically, since there's usually no intention of making you doubt your own mind, it's all being done without awareness...