Autism Talk TV 23 - How to Join a Social Circle & Make Friends in a Group

[@andreacruz2809]

I am not autistic I am just shy but this video have helped a LOT. Thank you

[@moxadox]

We always hear talk about "autistic kids." And autistic kids grow up to be autistic adults, with the same social issues that kids have, only adults are expected to function on a higher level. I'd like to see some videos and articles about what happens when autistic kids grow up, and how we can learn to function better in social situations.

[@NJGuy1973]

+moxadox That would be highly useful.

[@marriechrissievalley4650]

moxadox help the parent

[@banterabc5135]

check out some "real social Dynamics" stuff,"pickup101"is amazing in bodylanguage.its not just about Meeting wemen, its about beeing social and handle situations

[@banterabc5135]

at least 70% of the audience have autistic traids

[@dcs002]

I've been working in local theater, & that means lots of terrifying cast & crew parties & an opening night "meet-&-greet" for each show - each full of tight conversation circles. I don't have to attend these events, but I really like the people I work with, and I'm afraid if I don't attend they won't like me. But when I do attend I feel like I give them reasons not to like me - saying stupid things, etc. I go from circle to circle feeling like an awkward outsider. This video is helpful! Thanks!

[@SpookeyClown]

I'm with you on that one. I find most people boring and generally am disinterested in talking to them, much less hanging out with them.

[@njintau]

I really like the fact that there's a series like this out there. I had to learn this stuff over years of trial and (sometimes painful) error. In the beginning I came off as an asshole and was regarded as uncaring even though I was neither of these. It was after really studying how NT's behaved via watching my friends did I even start to understand how the process worked.

[@great2c4me]

Also, another effective way to exit a group, in any case is excuse yourself, while backing away with one step and say something like "I'm sorry to have just barged in, I was just interested in the( fill in the blank- in this case 'the new MacBook Pro ' or whatever)" , thank them and walk away. Not always effective, but most often very effective in not leaving an awkward air.

[@njintau]

Wanting or not wanting to get into a conversation is up to you. Maybe the group in question is talking about something you're interested in or maybe there's someone in the group you find attractive and you want to go in to "make yourself known" to this person etc. I've found this to be particularly difficult too and the best way for me has been to keep in touch with friends and hang out with them and their friends. You can also try local meetup groups that all share a common interest.

[@njintau]

Meetups are essentially gatherings of ppl for the purpose of either making friends or find someone to date. There are groups that, for example, all like snowboarding or cars or are all atheists finding other like minded ppl to hang out with. There are even local services that arrange these meetups. Just google meetups in your local area. And you're welcome. :)

[@YouDabian]

I haven't watched the whole thing yet, but one point the video doesn't cover, is why you would want to enter a circle in the first place, and second where you would find one, if you don't work or go to school, or have no sensible options there.

[@ALu-nq8rf]

Assessing whether I'm part of a conversation is where I drop the ball a lot. I often can't tell if people are talking to me or next to me.

[@SpookeyClown]

What if circles freak me out? I can't even stand it at work because there is no logical end point.

[@dakotanorth1640]

Waiting for a pause doesn't work. I feel i have to raise my hand like a six year old just to get permission to say something.

[@brycehayashi]

thats awesome ima try that

[@dakotanorth1640]

@@brycehayashi Actually I wish I didn't have to do that, but I feel inferior and while everyone else could just chme in when they feel like it, people talk over me.

[@brycehayashi]

@@dakotanorth1640 sorry to hear that i like using strong body language to communicate in general, although sometimes i rely on it too heavily or it feels expected of me, (whether thats a self expectation or an external one) and it starts to sap me moderation is difficult for me also, if you needed to hear, you are not inferior even if it feels that way. although i can certainly relate and understand 😮‍💨😶🤔

[@InfoNympho44]

Wait, so NTs just know this stuff automaticly?

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

SnorreJD ikr

[@eefsss4603]

Yes they do

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

Yea sadly it's their natural instinct that they just "Do it"!

[@GBHanny8]

A large part of it is that we can assume what the other people may be thinking and feeling in social conversation and that can drive what is discussed more than being factually correct or morally right.

[@MrLethalShots]

7 years late but I wanted to say not all of them do. Because shy and socially anxious isn't just an ND thing.

[@MsDonttrythisathome]

It appears to be implied that a) you need to ask the other person's opinion about something, get their thoughts, and perhaps agree? Or at least try not to disagree too harshly; and b) to not ask very detailed questions to get too geeky. That last bit is one thing I've learned the hard way.

[@marsthatdamnrebel]

+MsDonttrythisathome Then again, this video assumes you are trying to join into a very NT group. getting "geeky" is the PERFECT way to enter a group of other geeks! Never underestimate the power of exploring a VARIETY of social settings and perhaps finding a group that socializes and chats in the same basic way that you do.

[@maxgunn555]

'you could give an opinion but unless you're opinion is worthwhile to listen to they're not gona care that much'... wow. harsh world.

[@dakotanorth1640]

I just don't know. I don't fit in and I'm ignored. The message I get from this is that I should just give up. Nobody wants an ugly person like me around. This video confirms it.

[@saltaiaw]

She talk's to Alex like he's a little kid. She does have some good advice though =]

[@happyunicorns3761]

This was really helpful. I'm a little scared of making new friends and this video calmed me down. Neurotypicals occaisionally make me nervous, but it's neccessary to learn how to have a conversation. Thank you!

[@janet444]

At eight minutes, she asks what a group of people would think of you if they're excluding you from the group and you force your way in. I think the more important question is what do you think of them. Seems very rude to me.

[@0xenfreeArt]

Does anyone know vocal/word ques? Like tones or words that subtly mean they're not interested?

[@GBHanny8]

Thank you for making this video

[@ihavetheherpes]

Wrong Planet Where can I find more resources for social skills?

[@aspiematch6350]

If you're interested in a resource for dating, I recently created a dating blog for adults with autism. You can find it at www.aspiematch.com

[@Aristotle2000]

1:52 I clicked on on this video to see how long it would take for someone to say "SPECIAL INTEREST."

[@MrOrthopedia]

I try to talk to people, but oft get bounced away. :(

[@HANSMKAMP]

+MrOrthopedia This can especially be a problem, when they know you are autistic. They tend to make social rules stricter to the autistic: The NT easily joins the conversation. The autistic observes what the NT is doing and tries to do the same. Then the autistic is told: "Don't you see that we are talking? Don't interrupt us!" Then another NT comes and joins the conversation. That is not said to him or her, and the conversation now consists of 4 people (earlier started with just 2). Or: an autistic and an NT tries to join the conversation the same time. The NT wins and the autistic gets criticized for interrupting.

[@MrOrthopedia]

Hans Kamp :(

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

Fuck nuerotypicals

[@dakotanorth1640]

I have no friends. You can talk to me. Honest. Nobody else does.

[@locktock9]

my problem is that when i try to say my opinion to interest them on the topic they are talking about, i get shouted at and completely rejected because my opinion isn't the same as theirs.......i might be biased against here, because im attempting to make friends with two people who bully me a lot (in theory to get them to like me so they dont bully me...strange tactic i know)

[@anahata2009]

It says this is the second installment. What is the title of the 1st installment? I'm having trouble finding it. Thanks.

[@mle9852]

Them -"apple products!" Me butting in- "oh do you know about the Muslim slaves in Northern China? Yeah the Uighur people live in forced labour camps making Apple products" Them-total silence Me- being awkward and lingering Them-leaving

[@fellfell1383]

I never had friends when I was in preschool now I'm in middle school it's getting more worst cause I have autism

[@eefsss4603]

Selu Draws middle school is horrible. Keep trying college will be so much better even great

[@ALu-nq8rf]

Middle school is the worst, but there's really no avoiding it. If you join a club for something you're interested in or that practices philanthropy, that would be a better place to make friends than the lunch room.

[@TheGuitarManUK]

very good.

[@TheRoodixon]

I didn't hear any condescension. I heard student/teacher. Weird, huh?

[@unlimitedgamertag]

This is hard stuff

[@christinabutterfield1801]

unlimitedgamertag I know. It's not fair that NTs do this stuff automatically.

[@marsthatdamnrebel]

+unlimitedgamertag A lot of people find their own way to become part of social conversations, and it doesn't always look like this model. There IS a range of socializing styles that work.

[@YouDabian]

Not sure what local meetup groups are, but thank you anyway. :)

[@myflymkultra268]

Groups where people plan to meet up and talk about their interests

[@YouDabian]

@@myflymkultra268 Like Jitsi meet?

[@prebenprimus]

Hello please explain to me what you mean by fake, why do people this, what will they get out of it, message is Google translated: I apologize

[@daisytai7502]

i am close to this girl in my class and i want to be friends with her but her best friends is also in the same class and it is hard for me to get to know her friend. what should i do?

[@anusisaman3086]

I have the same problem! Try talking to the whole group! like go ask for help on a test or a project or any topic you don't understand! That's the easiest way! She nor her group will turn her down! You can also start sitting with them. And start small talk! Don't ignore her bestfriends talk to all of them. Even if one of them dosen't want to talk the others will still talk to u! Although they will not turn you down! People love talking! After a while they will consider you a part of the group and start saving you a seat and talk to you! But you have to make the first move!

[@yiotos]

very helpful. but i feel like they're talking down to autistic people in some parts. hey, we don't have great social skills but we're not idiots.

[@j.divine2463]

Excellent video. Thank you.

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

This video hurts my brain and my soul

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

Watch the GAPS diet video to heal your autism disorder it's really helpful

[@vivianpho1176]

Agree

[@SHMELKEDGE]

Don't listen to ANYTHING!, anyone says to you about autism., the only person who will understand what to do is you. I would have never believed this untill I stoped caring what I looked like and just "went with the conversation". Confidence IS social acceptance.

[@mariacaninabecerragallodel5275]

Could you translate this video to spanish please?

[@1happyemma]

With that said, I think this is a really good video. LOL

[@thewrongplanet]

I put a link to it in the description of the video for you

[@tahligaia5868]

I couldn't even watch this whole thing.... Why is it that we (being people on the spectrum), have to abide by the social rules of neurotypicals? Why is it seen that neurotypicals are seen to be the better communicators? Why are you trying to force people into boxes? The honesty and straightforward way of being of neurodiverse people is, quite frankly, a much more superior way of communicating (among other things). Currently we are the minority, but that is changing as we realise the prevalence of neurodiversity. It may not be in my lifetime, but we will see this expectation of neurotypical behaviour weeded out as we realise that neurodiversity is essential for the continuation of our species. I would recommend researching how many brilliant minds in history would have been 'labelled' Aspergers or Autistic (Einstein for one), if the label existed back then. I may come across like I have a superiority complex here haha! I don't, I'm just a little sick of being labelled 'inferior'. Sooo, this is what it feels like to be told your way of being is 'wrong' and needs to be 'fixed'. How about a little more acceptance and a little less judgment...

[@compoundgold9648]

I know what it is

[@darrylprojectile]

"i am a mac person" brrrrap brrrrrap

[@alishadb]

this seems awfully complicated..... cant you just bounce over and say hi ?

[@marriechrissievalley4650]

waiting for a nice interested look in order to join

[@epicbattle7]

why is alexs face so red, and her neck is red

[@compoundgold9648]

Why do you need to have a friend finder for autistic kids if you would want them to be cured. It's because of this word "autistic" that they don't feel the same. It would help if you showed them how to be better people

[@dawnqwerty]

I'm fairly sure I'm autistic not just because of the name.

[@compoundgold9648]

you can overcome it. do not get the cure, it will change you In the worst of ways. you won't think the same

[@amyl2567]

i think this is a stupid video. it makes me feel like inferior. Too much work to do small talk. I just dont even want to put in the effort. i never will have a lot of friends and that's fine by me

[@quadlegsxxxxx]

This guy looks like he's just regurgitation answers.

[@Gytu]

+average220 He probably memorized the script beforehand. People with asperger's and autism feel uncomfortable in a situation where they are exposed to new ideas/questions. I know I take twice as long to answer a question than most people. So for the sake of screentime, the producers gave the questions to Alex ahead of time.

[@VulcanTourist]

Nope, that's not at all tangential or off-topic.... *frown*

[@YouDabian]

Oh, and propriatary software sucks, even in nice alu-wrapping. Don't yoke with evil!

[@wiredeweirde]

wtf

[@marriechrissievalley4650]

I like her program but the woman is so vulgar. Sorry but true.

[@breaks0]

Vulgar? Which one and what do you mean?