Autistic Adults: Can we heal from our past?

[@passaggioalivello]

Hi Claire, it was intense. As an Italian, I grew up without any religion, which is very very uncommon here, where the catholic class is obligatory since elementary. Even atheists baptize their children, for tradition. I was bullied because I'm autistic, and I was bullied even because I'm an unbaptized atheist. Even teachers bullied me. I respect every religion, even if I don't understand them, but often religious people don't respect me. I experienced several traumas, psychological and physical abuse, because of that.

[@chickensandwich8808]

I'm sorry to hear you experienced this. We have issues like this in the states as well.

[@passaggioalivello]

@@chickensandwich8808 Thank you friend.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Pass I’m sorry you went through this.

[@passaggioalivello]

@@WoodshedTheory Than you Claire.

[@jakemichael8586]

you are not alone! I am a agnostic atheist with naturalist leanings! nature would be my religion but no gods or super natural! \/

[@chickensandwich8808]

Hard to make friends? Absolutely. I'm an autistic man who is turning 40 this month. It is hard.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Happy birthday!

[@chickensandwich8808]

@Woodshed Theory thank you, kindly 🙂

[@faeriesmak]

🎉Happy Happy Cake Day to you!!!!

[@cupofteawithpoetry]

Happy Birthday! I hope you have a lovely day! 🎂 🥳🎈🎁

[@Esther-kq7nv]

Happy Birthday!!! 🎉🎉🎉

[@samanthamoon8051]

I resonate with that a lot. I grew up in a very catholic household, I also had friends back then that were a part of the more evangelical side of things. I definitely was intrenched for sure and it influenced a lot of me back then. I still struggle now with the beliefs i had back then. It definitely affected my OCD back then and sometimes now I’ll have kick backs about it too. I’ve been trying to unlearn a lot of the things I was raised believing. Especially what’s selfish versus what’s self care, I’m struggling with that right now.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Hi Samantha thanks for sharing it really encourages me

[@courtney9212]

Selfish vs Self Care is a HUGE struggle for me right now. I am having to be really mindful with myself that what me being self sacrificing in service to Jesus doesn't have to look like what that does to others. God made me this way and walks with me in it for HIS purposes, and comparing my walk to others doesn't honor His purpose in me. That's my self counseling anyway, sounds good right? 😂I also feel it is important to be open and share my struggles with my church family and look to them for support, but is is pretty embarrassing honestly. We keep moving forward!😊

[@PhilWalton]

Aww man, your story rings so true for me. I'm still working through religious trauma decades later.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Hi Phil I know it’s hard to talk about thank you for sharing

[@gregofthedump]

Ah, yes. My parents were both highly religious, though they claimed not to be. I don't know. Going to church twice on a Sunday, and once on a Wednesday qualifies as religious, in my view. I do recall the occasional bout of intense fear that was related to these beliefs. When i was seventeen, i went through a particularly bad time. The OCD amplified the fear, and somewhat embedded it for three months, in what i now know was anxious depression. Even had SSRIs been invented, i would have been too young to take them. I've actually had that type of depression since then, though it wasn't related to religion. And fluoxatine was available, Which was a mercy. I now class myself as non-religious, something that's easier in European countries than the USA, i realise.

[@9crutnacker985]

@@gregofthedump Yep that's proper religious & yep here in UK religious types are in the minority. I do feel for you guys in the USA.

[@julie_uk_]

Unlearning experienced toxicity is a huge, an ongoing thing for me

[@WoodshedTheory]

Same! Glad we can tackle it together

[@ivylemkus7436]

If I can recommend one more thing, is The Nanny sitcome. It always makes me happy. 😂

[@WoodshedTheory]

that is a very funny sitcom

[@whitneymason406]

I grew up in a religious household and I pretended to believe for so long to appease my family. I got some flack at first for not baptizing my kids, but I want them to be able to make that choice if they want to be or not. Definitely unlearning a lot, too, so I can relate. Hope you have a great week, Claire and friends! 💞

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for sharing Whitney

[@lindaboiteux1758]

I think that "doing it correctly" is really hard to define because it's different & unique for each of us.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Very true

[@LadyJennivieve]

13:57 yes! It took me sooo many years after I got married to not think that sex was dirty…sensory issues aside.

[@WoodshedTheory]

I’m sorry you’ve had that experience it’s really hard

[@ivylemkus7436]

Sorry, just one more encouragement is on my heart, if it's ok. I've read it in an article that we should be our own best friends and cheer on ourselves. I think it's a beautiful idea and we should do that. I'm sure that everybody's breakthroughs are coming. Don't worry about babysteps. They lead to freedom and happiness. 🤗

[@WoodshedTheory]

thanks Ivy for the encouragement

[@irisl7817]

As a self diagnosed autistic lady, who is diagnosed with ADHD, I have so much stuff laying around from finished projects, as well as projects I couldn't finish at the time but want to go back to. SO many. It's a problem. But I'm so concerned that if I put it away I will forget it. And then the piles increase and make me feel so overwhelmed. Today, my mother, bless her, is coming over to body double for me and help me get my house back under control... for now. Until it happens again.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Omg please send your mom you body double me I have so much cleaning to do!

[@BenedictSeraphim]

Sensitive topic, and you handled it very well. I grew up in conservative non-denominational evangelicalism. Pretty nominal until my late teens. Got serious and went to a private Christian college. Two years before graduation I was already on a search for something else. Started with Anglicanism, was on the fringes of Roman Catholicism, back to Anglicanism, and then two decades ago I became Orthodox (Eastern Orthodox Christianity). It is my last stop. I’ll die Orthodox. It fits me; I fit it. My autistic sensory receptivity is fostered and enlarged (though I know this would not be the same for all autistics), with the bright visual of icons and bright vestments and candles, the melodious chant (no instruments), and (for me) the beautiful aroma of the incense. While there can be moralistic excesses by some Orthodox, the primary theme is healing (in Greek the word for “save” also can mean “heal”), and the Church is presented as a hospital for the sick. I could not have remained evangelical (no judgment, just stating my journey).

[@m.filmtrip]

Hi fellow autistic Orthodox 👋. I was raised evangelical and spent some time atheist then agnostic. Found Orthodoxy a few years ago. But yeah still unpacking a lot of baggage from evangelical upbringing like everyone else here.

[@m.filmtrip]

Orthodoxy is what I thought Christianity should be like from reading the Bible; Protestant churches just seemed lacking. Also as an artistic person the art and symbolism aspects were something I badly needed in my life.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Hello I can tell by your name that you are Orthodox :) I was baptized and married in the Orthodox Church in my 20s. The past few years I’ve taken a break from everything while I figure out this new life, I know God understands me

[@TheDarkjudge1]

I'll post the answer to your questions here for reasons that will soon be apparent. I needed some time to process some of this myself... and I'd still say I'm processing. The short version is: I was raised in a very conservative home, went to a private Christian school and yeah, the purity movement was heavily emphasized. So much so that Public Displays of Affection were outlawed. Even at after school functions. I always felt that was a little weird as it felt like that wasn't what scripture was trying to communicate. Further, the implications being put out didn't seem to match up with the Jesus as presented in the gospels. I felt like "following the rules" was the important part of Christianity despite the claims of, "It's a relationship!" Long story short, I ended up in a Greek Orthodox church with my wife as I saw the local church I was part of make plenty of decisions that I simply didn't and couldn't agree with. (Though that in and of itself is an oversimplification, but this a comment section. :-D There were other theological issues as well.) Orthodoxy felt less subject to the whims of whatever fashionable ideas were and more of a "This is what we believe Jesus said and taught, we have no right to change these things, therefore, this is the way we will express our faith." From a practical (self-diagnosed) autistic standpoint, it's a little easier coming into the church because we know what is largely going to happen. And like some of the folks here, I definitely have a creative side... so having the visual element helps. It's also helpful that lectures aren't the focal point of service.

[@m.filmtrip]

@@WoodshedTheory Wow, that’s so interesting. My husband and I found Orthodoxy right after we were married, so we didn’t do the Orthodox wedding. But my sister may be getting married in the Church soon, so I’ll finally get to see the service. But yeah trying to join the Church during lockdown and all that was quite a ride. Now my husband and I are in Kuwait attending a Greek Orthodox Church that’s all in Arabic! (And I don’t speak a word yet) 😅.

[@ivylemkus7436]

Don't put too much pressure on yourself Claire. I had OCD but it got much better since my psychiatrist told me it's ok, just do things how I can and don't beat up myself about anything. We love you for who you are and we will no matter what. ❤😊

[@WoodshedTheory]

Hi Ivy, I am glad you found some relief from your ocd symptoms

[@ivylemkus7436]

@@WoodshedTheory Thank you Claire. You're kindness means a lot to me. 🤗💕

[@lisabmpls]

Yes, would love to hear about your religious upbringing as an undiagnosed autistic kid. My dad’s wife’s family was Catholic and we were not anything. So to me the whole Catholic thing felt extremely religious. I realize now that it wasn’t (guitar mass, anyone?). But it was so doctrinaire to my humanist background. I remember reading just a little of the Bible and the whole idea that folks considered it poetry was completely lost on me. I read it literally and it seemed like such a cruel world they were describing. Anyhooooooo, would love to hear about your experiences.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you for sharing Lisa

[@justlease37]

My immediate family was not religious in a practicing way, but my Mom's family was/is very Catholic, so I was taught about the existence of God, etc. Got a lot of exposure to the evangelical version of church as a young teenager because I'd go to church with my best friend's family as an excuse to hang out with my friend. What I think is different for me than a lot of people is that from a very early age (I'm talking 4-5 years old), it seemed like a lot of hogwash, and I absolutely did not believe any of it. But I understood somehow that it wouldn't be a good idea to let anyone know I felt that way, so I kept my disbelief to myself in order to fit in and get along, and not have to argue about it with any believers. As an adult, I avoid discussing my atheism, because I don't want to offend anyone that does believe, and it's such a heated topic and it's easier to smile and nod and change the subject when it comes up. I am a very moral and ethical person, but not because of any fear of what will happen to me in some afterlife situation - just because I care about fairness and not doing harm.

[@nephistar]

Yes, let's not pay evil with evil and rather not evangelize them back. ; ) I was raised in an evangelical environment but I'm an atheist now. What do you think, why is it such a heated topic? I've come to believe there may be an authentic core to it for some people.

[@justlease37]

@@nephistar I think it's a touchy subject because believers have such an emotional investment in what they believe, and picking apart their beliefs as being illogical ends up feeling to them like a personal attack and they get upset. Since I prefer to avoid confrontation if at all possible, it's easier to just change the subject than risk something popping out of my mouth that is going to make a person feel like I think they're not so good at critical thinking. I have enough trouble with that when I'm not talking about a controversial subject as it is! :)

[@WoodshedTheory]

Yes it’s a touchy subject because everything done in this group is done out of sincere belief and love and so many of our families are connected into our past also a lot of people still don’t know where they land (me included)

[@benjaminhays6156]

My spouse and I were raised in a similar tradition. I'd love to hear more about your experience growing up autistic in that kind of environment. I think that's a huge part of who I am as a person and I feel like I approached faith and belief differently than other people in that environment, probably because I'm autistic. I remember feeling like I was taking the beliefs and teachings at face value while it seemed to me that other people where able to manage some sort of double-think. I don't know if that makes sense.

[@nephistar]

That makes a lot of sense to me. I was raised in an evangelical environment and often had the feeling that others aren't taking it at face value like me. However, I'm an atheist now. But my father is most likely autistic too and is a deep believer and he had to change churches several times. People often felt like he was being too intense about it or something like that. And they were already quite intense and literal about it themselves...

[@WoodshedTheory]

Ben what a good point I also think I approached my faith differently as an autistic person. I had never thought about it like that but now I’m gonna have deep think about it… be back in a few Months 😅

[@CatsandHatsCrochet]

Hi Claire! I would LOVE to hear more of your thoughts on the religious upbringing topic. I just started Shiny Happy People last night, and while my upbringing wasn’t as extreme there was a lot I can relate to also. My mom was brought up in a pretty extreme conservative Catholic family, and continued practicing as she raised us. I found church hard to sit through, confusing, and as an undiagnosed autistic took everything at face value and very black and white. I ended up struggling with OCD as a kid and I held onto a lot of shame for thinking I was a bad Christian.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Elyse thanks for sharing your experience with us

[@ghostpipe888]

So much to unpack. I would love to hear more about your experience and I will check out the show. I think that even if you didn't grow up in a religious environment the puritanical hangovers and harm are everywhere in society. It is interesting and maybe integral to healing to dissect ones life journey and figure out what was groomed, what was Autistic, what was being Autistic and being more susceptible to certain harms, what harms did I perpetuate as an Autistic and so on. Speaking of religious harms....Happy PRIDE month everyone! You know since Autistic peoples make up a large chunk of the beautiful rainbow. Off topic... from a previous video post and comment of yours, I gave rose petals to our bunny and she loved them. 🐰🌈

[@WoodshedTheory]

You said this so well! I appreciate it

[@christinebaugh3963]

I grew up Catholic. I had a very hard time accepting that belief system. As an adult i became more spiritual. I took refuge as a buddhist and i attend a unitarian universalist church now. In both of these I can honor MY belief system and I find people who are more accepting of different views/ways of being. And yes, i would like to hear more about your story with religion!

[@WoodshedTheory]

thanks for sharing your story

[@Jesse-bv1kp]

If you found value in the documentary then I would highly recommend that you read Becoming Free Indeed by Jinger Duggar Vuolo. She specifically writes about her journey disentangling what true Christianity is from all the extra stuff. I was raised a lot like you, except my family was a lot more cult-like than my church. I really have worked hard in the past few years to really figure out what the Bible actually says instead of the culture built around it. I found that actually having an autistic brain helped me sort through all that a lot easier than my neurotypical friends. I always knew that I believed in the God of the Bible, but the God I knew was often very different from what the culture was teaching me. The culture was so unjust; but when I figured out how much God spoke and warned about just that injustice, commanded the church to take action to not be around people who were commiting horrible acts, carefully selecting leaders with high moral quality, and promised that they would answer to him it was healing emotionally.

[@WoodshedTheory]

I saw she had written the book. Jill also has a book coming out.

[@ptlovelight2971]

Morning Claire! No coffee as I'm having the most stressful two weeks of my life right now and the coffee is aggravating my old ulcers. Long story short: Vacay to Puerto Rico>Fun>Airline lost luggage>stress>come back home>bills, work, work, bills>MY FREAKING APARTMENT FLOODED>shock, dissasociate>CAR BROKEN INTO, CARDS STOLEN>numb, immediately problem solve>drink too much coffee>apartment smells wet and moldy>Angry........yeah, not a great time for me right now On topic: I did grow up in a strict household, though my parents weren't overly religious. They never made us go to church on Sundays (tho my mom always listened to gospel or sermons on TV/radio) They were definitely very conservative and traditional. And I mean that politically also. Odd, coming from an African American family (most tend to lean liberal, Democrat) Both of my parents had weird hangups about sex, dating, relationships, and they tried to pass that onto my older sister and me. It didn't help that I went through puberty early at age 10, had boobs, butt, and hips. I was already being sexually harassed at school (we didn't call it that back then aka "boys will be boys") so having my parents police my body, clothes, and saying weird things didn't help my mental state at all. I was a shy kid, so I masked by becoming a tomboy through middle and high school. Fast forward to now age 37, with some very intense therapy I was able to forgive my parents for my upbringing. Took a long time to get there tho. I also started taking better care of my body and learning to embrace it; I'm now way more feminine in my style than I was as an awkward autistic kid.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for sharing your story I know it will help someone. Sorry about your rough vacation that sounds awful

[@carlataylor9924]

Morning Claire! 🌄 coffee is good and I have a few week updates for you! Positive changes that have taken a toll on my energy amd processing but it's good stuff! 1. Finally advocated for myself at work and requested (and was granted!) a 4 day work week instead of 5! It's taken a few days to feel the happy because it was just a shock to my system to be open about my needs, but it went well and I'm so relived to have one day shaved off my work load each week! 2. I harvested my onions a few days ago and they look BEE-U-TI-FULL!! They smell do good too! They curing now for the next 2 weeks 3. I'm reco wring from a bad staph infection but I finally got on antibiotics after being negligent with my own self care. Okay, staph isn't positive and good but I'm learning to take better precautions now so THAT is good. That's my weekly update! As far as religion goes...man that is a mouthful of a topic! I'll just say, I've always been pagan amd in my teems I was pretty hateful to Christians. Went through a 4 year Christian phase in my late late 20s and though I did go extreme, in the end I studied myself out of the belief system by learning Hebrew and the Jewish beleifs, which led me to other religious studies. Ended up studying Hinduism too and even reading some of the Koran. And eventually found myself back to science and Einsteins essays. Ended up with a healthy respect for people who need to beleive. But for me, religious lifestyles are not good for my brain! I'm happily pagan still! Have a beautiful day Claire!!

[@WoodshedTheory]

Yay four day work week!

[@ivylemkus7436]

And don't worry. You are not alone. We all have anxieties, it's part of life, and trust me it always passes. Life is beautiful, exciting and full of adventures. The joy, kindness, love and support we share is priceless. Thank you again for being you. 🤗❤😘

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for your kind words

[@GummyBear1972]

Yes, I grew up in a very Catholic, Polish, immigrant family. I went to Catholic school and was dedicated to being the best little, obedient girl I could be. It turned out to be really bad for me because people took advantage of my personal mission and I didn't know how to say no. I have since become Atheist and am still learning to advocate for myself. My family continues with their beliefs and many of them have ostracized me for turning away from God, to the point where some have acted very hateful and unchristian towards me. I don't know how they can justify that. I believe in being good and kind but I will not waste my kindness on those haters. I'm living my own life now and still trying to do good in this world, but on my own terms now.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for sharing your experience

[@T.T.M.60]

I am reading the comments and I can’t relate to your religious experience growing up like most of the people seem to. My experience was much less controlling( if that’s the right word) or strict. My mom sent me to church on Sundays because she felt it was the right thing to do. I didn’t particularly like it so she stopped making me go. We did go to church with my Grandparents when we visited them and I loved it there! They we’re Presbyterian and lived in a small community. I just loved everything about it. I felt no pressure just a lot of love. I never attended church around my own home but eventually met a friend who had moved here from Pennsylvania and she eventually invited me to church and now I consider myself a Christian. I realized during lockdown that going to church was very overwhelming for me( social anxiety) so now I just watch church from the comfort of my couch. I hope and pray you can work through your issues with religion and find your own way to have a relationship with God.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you for sharing with us

[@ivylemkus7436]

I also love the Good witch series. Cassie's kindness and pure heart and Middleton's citizens are just like a fresh breeze on a hot summer day. ❤😊

[@WoodshedTheory]

I will check it out

[@michaelmalervy9066]

Hi Claire. I would like to hear more of your story as well although I have a feeling I already know part of it since I am a former resident of Pennsylvania like you. I dealt with a lot of bullying from kindergarten through 4th grade (when we moved to California). My parents were convinced the bullying was because we were Irish Catholics from the city in a rural and heavily evangelical area of Chester County, and since I was younger than my sister it was easier for people to pick on me. In fact, the issues we had with our neighbors were a significant factor in my parents' decision for us to move to California. Although this was a reason for the bullying I endured, I am also sure that my undiagnosed autism had something to do with it since the bullying continued in California even if it was not as severe as in Pennsylvania. Coincidentally, my parents raised my sister and I in a way not to question the church and be obedient. As you know, an autism diagnosis as an adult causes you to revisit and review everything from the past, and if religion was a part of your past then religion will be included as part of that review. Although I do believe in a higher being I consider myself to be unchurched today. This is the "Readers Digest version" because otherwise I could write a book on this topic.

[@WoodshedTheory]

How interesting, where I was from in PA everyone was catholic and I was one of the few evangelicals

[@Dayglodaydreams]

I grew up Christian Conservative, I later became Christian Progressive,then Unitarian Atheist. Sure I’d hear more about it.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for sharing

[@LoriLae-c7r]

I find that I've been doing a tonne of my deep healing and processing from my past in my 30's, coming closer to the other side of that feels so much freer and lighter and I've been learning that a lot of the barriers and limitations I thought I had are dissolving, even though it's not easy. But I'm really excited for what feels like will be my fresh start, now that I've been shedding many unhelpful patterns and am getting to know and understand myself a lot better.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you for sharing your experience

[@JaynaEM]

Don't give up on Jesus. Religion IS wrong and traumatic. A personal relationship is what you need. I'm autistic, OCD, ADHD, and more. I was atheist one month ago in the darkest place of my life and something came over me to just try to put faith into Jesus since I heard it must work for some people. When I tell you my entire life was flipped upside-down in one moment.. I was sobbing for 3 days of pure joy, love, acceptance. I was raised in the Mormon church, so I definitely had a lot of religious trauma in my past growing up. Jesus meets your where you are and heals! He doesn't want you to be perfect to be worthy of his love. Please know this comment is out of pure love.

[@WoodshedTheory]

thank you for sharing

[@JaynaEM]

❤️

[@Mikeyboi699]

15:31 that wink made me laugh. I sympthasise with you with respect to what happened in your past. I can imagine it was tough, and it's a bit sad that you felt like that in the church. It shouldnt be a place where you feel toxicity and unfortunately i hear that a fair bit from some people. Even if there are disagreements it should be done in a caring and loving way and Im sorry if that wasnt the case for you a lot of the time.

[@WoodshedTheory]

I think in the church I didn’t feel like that at the time

[@RainbowUnicornPotato]

I had been wondering about the religious upbringing for quite a few episodes. This is the first one i landed on that expanded upon the topic. It seemed to be a hard topic to talk about and major props for healing from years of that stuff. 🦄🌈🥔

[@WoodshedTheory]

yeah i'm on my own journey with all of that

[@kasanebaxter3064]

I so much identify with your description coming out of wanting to be a "perfect" Christian. We sooo want to follow the rules and do the right thing that in the 90's Christian fundamentalist evangelical culture messed me up for sure! I tried the masking into adulthood too. It ended, finally, thankfully. Would ❤ hearing you share your thoughts moving through the interior healing process.

[@WoodshedTheory]

I know what you mean, I only wanted to please God and have a good relationship with him. I didn’t always know where that ended and “rules made up by man” began

[@ivylemkus7436]

It's always so great to see you Claire. You are amazing! 😊❤

[@WoodshedTheory]

thanks for the support

[@Civileyez]

Ms. Claire. A very interesting topic. I plan on discussing my own experiences with fundamentalism one of these days. A documentary that I found interesting was "Jesus Camp". Thank you for posting. - 🎩

[@WoodshedTheory]

I think I’ve seen that one but I will look into it - thanks!

[@Civileyez]

@@WoodshedTheory Your welcome.

[@ironfirehorse]

Grabbing a coffee now brb lol figured I would comment before watching this time because I have been watching and not commenting lately 😶 Oh no, not mealy bugs eating your loofahs...how dare they 😳 Only found out a couple of years ago about loofahs not coming out of the ocean and want to grow them, too lol so I'm wishing you success with them. Cheers Claire ☕️❤️⚔️🔥🐴

[@WoodshedTheory]

Hi friend good to hear from you :) you’ve been here a long time! I want to grow a loofa so badly!

[@ironfirehorse]

@WoodshedTheory I know the feeling lol Wishing you the best of luck with them 🍀🤞🌠

[@aclownunpainted]

Oh wow, I really related to this video. I'm a late diagnosed autistic who was raised evangelical. I've had to unlearn so many of the things I was taught. In some ways it protected me, but I have so many unhelpful default responses as a result of my upbringing.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Yes I understand I feel like there were many benefits but so many things also to work through

[@mariuszwisla3230]

I haven't figure out yet how to ask for anything, my experiences in that area are not inciting me to repeat it. So, my life now goes under title "Medicated to stay regulated", meaning I gave up on potentiality of partnership with anybody. So, even if you can't see you might still find it, but only if you're looking for it. It's hard enough on my own, without being a burden to somebody. It's good I'm 'stubborn like a donkey', and 'never give up, never surrender'. But, I try to stay good, even though, not being christian anymore, (I was rised that way like you) I still think some of bible advice is good. E.g. Don't do to other what you don't want to be done to you. In the end respecting oneself is the only thing we truly own

[@WoodshedTheory]

I agree there are so many good things

[@BCSchmerker]

+WoodshedTheory *Being a son o' the victim of an abusive first marriage by a second wife who survived the War Relocation of 1942-45, I **_already_** had the odds of a securely attached childhood stacked against me.* But _nobody_ counted on a diagnosis of Kanner's in infancy. To put it bluntly, the education systems o' the 1980's failed me. (The successful social and emotional development programs we have nowadays had yet to be invented when I's in school.) I've put in a request for studies leading to a potential Course "An Introduction to Relationships" at The Personal Development School, Concord, ON, CAN, primarily targeted to Adult Child Mourners (per Yvonne Kaye Ph.D.) and others who hadn't a lot o' modeling for interpersonal relations in childhood - I'm facing arrested social and emotional development, therefore an Immature Attachment Style that has the majority traits o' the Dismissive Avoidant. In the meantime, I've found a SED program that has no minimum or maximum age limits, and no prerequisites to boot: Gutstein and Sheely's design-patented Relationship Development Intervention Program, supported through The Connections Center, Houston, TX, USA, who have their own Channel @rdiconnect here at KZbin - I entered thitherinto 27 December 2022 as a Novice, may require more _elementary_ information, observing that I learn like a cat: Steven E. Gutstein Ph.D. and Rachelle K. Sheely Ph.D., _Relationship Development Intervention with Young Children: Social and Emotional Development Activities for Asperger Syndrome, Autism, PDD and NLD_ (London, GBR: Jessica Kingsley, 2002).

[@BCSchmerker]

*Addition:* As the first autist in the OMS (viz., Oriental Missionary Society) Holiness Church of North America, I hadn't a lot o' discipling over the four-plus-decade history o' Japanese Christian Church of Walnut Creek (CA, USA). Now that Blevins Sensei is aboard, not only have we an independent analyst for our historical trends and deviations from ideal practices; we've also a Securely Attached Person in a position to mentor us as a congregation. I've briefed Blevins Sensei on promotional materials for both The Personal Development School and The Connections Center. I've also a preliminary plan for healing the presumed Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style o' the whole Holiness Church of North America, which has roots in the presumed unprocessed trauma consequent o' the War Relocation - which would be modeled in a Gospel-, trauma-, and reality-informed neurodivergent romance project in pre-phase as of 5 June 2023: The project is a fictionalized journal o' my RDI experience, whereinto I plan to dovetail specific Courses at PDS by RDI Stage, beginning with "Healthy Habits for Life Mastery" into Stage 3 "Regulate" {LEVEL I: Novice}.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for sharing BC

[@louiseyoung9267]

I want to hear more ❤ I didn't grow up in it, but joined when I was 19. It was 1990. I'm 52 now. I was so into it. Now I'm unlearning a good amount of what I believed. It's hard. ❤

[@WoodshedTheory]

Wow I bet you have a great story

[@louiseyoung1231]

@WoodshedTheory thank you. They were good people with their own trauma & it affected them, but they didn't know because therapy was looked down on. Bible study was all you needed. I suffered in silence for 25 years before I got help. It was about grace & and their interpretation of how to read the bible. Any other view was basically wrong. They were legalistic about their freedom & belief system, as odd as that sounds. There was little room for questioning & anxiety was a sin!!! That caused more trauma!!!Our former pastors were strong personalities that often bullied when you disagreed. Caused more trauma. I'm still sorting things out. I still have my core belief but threw everything else to the side & focus on God's unconditional love for us...no matter who you are, where you are, how you believe. I believe He gets where we are & why we struggle & loves us just as we are 💗

[@adventureswithkt]

I care about your pumpkin plant!! Also so nice to hear you open up about your experience growing up! I did watch it and it was eye opening and healing in ways to hear other’s experiences back in the ‘90s. You are enough!

[@WoodshedTheory]

Well then you will be happy up hear all the plants look like they made it

[@adventureswithkt]

@@WoodshedTheory yay!!!!!

[@murtazaarif6507]

Intrusive thoughts also take up much of our energy which is the reason why autistic people may seem lazy but we are not. Spoon Theory is a useful tool to measure energy and plan our day with activities. For me simply crossing the road or walking past somebody can takes up a lot of energy. It requires performing small tasks to achieve bigger ones such when crossing the road we need to be observant of vehicles which requires using our visual, auditory and kinesthetic senses. Also when I walk past pedestrians that walk towards me I need to ensure I walk on the correct side of the pavement. I am a neurodivergent. I tend to walk on the right but most neurotypicals walk on their left. I have improved on these things since becoming more consciously aware of them but I still operate on a different level than neurotypicals. Regarding our faith I agree with you. My values and beliefs have strengthened since I stopped masking too. I masked all my life which took up a lot of energy. I wanted to fit into society by keeping up with popular culture. It just made me unhappy. I am a European born national born in Brugge, Belgium but now I live in the United Kingdom. Life has been overwhelming culturally for me until I gave up on societies conventions. My values and Beliefs are much stronger and modified since I stopped masking. Life is a learning process. interestingly we receive 2 million bits of stimuli per second through our senses but the mind only makes 135.000 bytes per second available to our subconscious mind. That's between 2-9 bits per second. It's mind blowing. We receive new information all the time which our mind filters by deleting, generalizing and modifying. Nothing has to make sense because we are always accumulating and comparing it with our past experiences to find what is useful and what works for us. Yes I am interested in hearing about religion from you. Keep up the good work. I incorporated Abrahamic religion of Shia Islam after I stopped masking and I love the gospels because they are the earliest teachings in Christianity. I compare them for their similarities to the Shia understanding of the scriptures. In Belgium I used to attend church in school and pray with the teacher and pupils in class.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you for sharing its encouraging

[@murtazaarif6507]

@@WoodshedTheory You're welcome.

[@MissGroves]

Do NOT be embarrassed about then piles of bits ! Ive always been that way

[@WoodshedTheory]

Glad I’m not alone - while I’ve been less active on KZbin I’ve been tackling the piles

[@MissGroves]

@@WoodshedTheory every couple of weeks I try and shove everything together where it should be, doesn't always work but at least I try

[@FirstmaninRome]

wow, Claire opening up, it's rough to process life, and the childhood enviroments are Powerful to be sure, and from then on Haunting.

[@FirstmaninRome]

I'd be a completely differrent person with a more middle class, less autistic parenting environment, and of course a diagnosis.

[@FirstmaninRome]

You should have seen the wild Reagan cold war eighties and christian school thing, always something terrible happening the world I guess.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Yes it’s a lot to go through all the memories

[@courtney9212]

Perfect timing today, I'm actually having coffee on my back deck...that counts right?🤣 Thanks for the chat friend.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Porch coffee can 1. Happen anywhere 2. At anytime 3. With any beverage 😂

[@9crutnacker985]

@@WoodshedTheory 🌟

[@julie_uk_]

Side note: just started ADHD meds recently, so that's a bit of a rollercoaster (autistic too). Also HRT patches for Perimenopause - I'm hoping it's positive stuff for future me, but, oh boy, it's a lot, in addition to regular life happening

[@WoodshedTheory]

Girl I also had some changes to meds and I am right there with you - let’s hold on together!

[@fooo2241]

I would be interested in hearing more on your thoughts regarding faith & religion now that you are much more self aware and have seen through a measure of the things you were exposed to in your younger years whilst in the mindset of being a part of that system. Also, hi! 👋 New to your channel 😊

[@nephistar]

Hi!

[@WoodshedTheory]

Welcome Foo we are happy to have you

[@bethanykittok3903]

I wouldn't say the church I grew up in was a cult, but definitely conservative evangelical Christian. In fact I would say it was mostly a positive experience, until I repeatedly found myself not fitting in throughout my 20s as I tried to become my own person (lol and still am at 43). Claire I so appreciate your candor and respectfulness as you try to talk about this subject. Your experience sounds similar to mine.

[@WoodshedTheory]

I am trying so hard to be respectful, I’m not sure I will talk more about it

[@lindaboiteux1758]

Hi Claire, I would like to hear more about your thoughts on learning how the world works. I'm a lot older than you. I grew up in a southern, racist family that focused on appearing Christian - emphasis on "appearing". I became a teenage footsildier in the Civil Rights Movement, was disowned & left for California well before I was 20. I didn't know I was autistic. It's been an interesting journey. I'm looking forward to your next video. Linda

[@WoodshedTheory]

Linda your life journey sounds interesting wow

[@julie_uk_]

I've planted lettuce & broccoli plug plants in a raised bed (out of reach of our dog), so happy with that. Slow progress on seeds: spinach & carrots are sprouting tiny shoots. Ps I am interested in your pumpkin patch, as I've planted seeds too! I'd love to see a garden update video ❤

[@WoodshedTheory]

Oh so I think the pumpkins are gonna make it! The stalk is back to being normal and even though the leaves wilted and died it is growing new leaves. I can’t believe they made it they looked like cooked spinach

[@julie_uk_]

@@WoodshedTheory this is great news! I've one tiny pumpkin seedling 🌱 coming up now, kinda looks like a sunflower, but stronger

[@WoodshedTheory]

@@julie_uk_ go pumpkins go

[@cupofteawithpoetry]

Thanks Claire for a really interesting chit chat as usual ❤ I jumped on your video when I spotted you'd uploaded a new one 😊😊

[@WoodshedTheory]

yes! sorry for the delay this morning

[@alexs4446]

I would be super interested to hear your thoughts on the duggar thing. I did not watch it but I grew up in that kind of religious culture. As a queer neurodivergent person it deeply affected me. Curious to hear your thoughts on it all.

[@WoodshedTheory]

I bet you also would have some stories to tell

[@alexs4446]

@@WoodshedTheory that's an understatement. Lol I was sent to Jesus camp to pray away the gay 😅😂

[@ejcook4]

Hi Claire and friends! I missed a week so I'm catching up. I don't know how it happened but I think I was so focused on my PhD and work the weeks disappeared. I grew up going to church every Sunday. Taught children should be seen and not heard. Do as you're told. I didn't have much freedom. I can't say I really enjoyed it. So I can definitely relate. I'll watch this week's video now! ❤

[@WoodshedTheory]

It’s ok to miss a week 😂

[@ejcook4]

@@WoodshedTheory 😂🤗 that is funny now I think of it. 😂 Thanks for making me smile! 😁

[@Dayglodaydreams]

I had terrible things happen to me when I was a kid. homophobic bullying and sexual assault. You absolutely can overcome trauma.

[@WoodshedTheory]

I’m so sorry you went through those things

[@Thought.I.Was.Clever]

Hello Claire. I must admit that I have piles around my house. I’ve started and not finished projects. I like you, I grew up in a religious household. My parents were evangelical really. I am not religious anymore, in fact, I would be an atheist. It’s difficult to cope with sometimes, but it gets better. And 56 and I still hate church and religion and everything to do with it.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for admitting to your piles! I know I’m not the only one that struggles

[@irisl7817]

I wanted to put this in a separate comment, hope that's okay. I grew up in a Christian family. My mother and father (who was a hippy at one point) are faithful Christians, but neither of them were raised in church-frequenting households. Because of their experiences, I had a different experience than my friends growing up in the 90s. My parents did not push onto me the trends of the past or of that time. I was free to explore my belief as I wanted. I still attend the same church I always have (it might be because of routine, who knows--is that bad?) I can worship as I please without the pressure of "proselytizing" or communicating with strangers. I help lead the music instead, which is itself a blessing and one of my special interests. I have developed rather unique and nuanced beliefs and practices as a result of my upbringing and my own studies. I would appreciate hearing more of your thoughts on this subject of religion if you wanted to make more videos.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for sharing your experience. I am glad you feel at ease in your current church

[@LlenaWilliams]

Claire, thank you so much for sharing. I would love to hear more about it. I raised my children in that culture and, like you, have turned out beautifully, but I would like to know how I can help them heal from any damage I caused them. I love God and want to be a good Christian, but I see so much hurt and hate, and I don't want my granddaughters to have to heal from misguided teachings. Love you bunches, and I do pray for you because I pray for everyone I love:)

[@WoodshedTheory]

I’m sure you were a great mom just like my mom. Perhaps the best thing to do is talk to them directly to see if they have any negative feelings about it.

[@spencerdeumer-nt2eu]

I can totally relate. Always doing reruns. Some tough days. But you always seem to share some of your California sunshine to use all.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you!

[@Catlily5]

I grew up going to a liberal Quaker Meeting. But my father was religiosly abusive. I am an agostic (towards an atheist).

[@WoodshedTheory]

Sorry to hear this thanks for being brave and sharing

[@nephistar]

(2-minute read) I grew up evangelical and I can relate. My undiagnosed autistic brain was like: Somebody's giving me detailed rules and structuring my free time with activities where I always meet basically the same small group of people? Yes, please! Bible stories even became a special interest of mine for a while and I became a committed creationist and abortion oponent - also only for a while. I went to all the youth groups from a very young age and my parents sent me to a private school of US-american evangelicals for a couple of years. In the 90s. (I'm from Germany. BTW german evangelicals are a bit marginalized themselves and I think I clinged to it as a reason to be a weirdo. A reason that was accepted by part of my social circle at least.) My siblings and I (we're 4) got spanked and mistreated in other ways at home. Years later, I got to know there have been mistreatements in the school and kindergarten too, kids being bound to chairs and stuff. In school I wasn't allowed to wear pants because I grew up as a girl. I married an evangelical man at the age of 18 - because that are the rules. Else no boning allowed... (I'm divorced now.) Ironically, it turns out I'm a gay trans man and aromantic allosexual which means I don't feel much romantic attraction but do feel sexual attraction to people. Wow, I'm trying to digest that again while writing. Haven't thought about it that much for some years now. Yes, I have been unlearning a lot. I'd say most of the work is done but of course you never finish. What saved me was my brother, my friends, and, ironically, theological studies at uni. I'm an atheist now. My brother was the first black sheep, became atheist, and prepared the way. And yes, luckily I made some regular friends at school. (BTW, they said later: We first saw you as that weird know-it-all, but found out you are actually quite nice.) I'm quite convinced my father is autistic too. (We're both undiagnosed, I'm working on mine.) And he is a very deep believer and I'm convinced there's an authentic core to that. And I've found role models that have an enlightened, but authentic belief in god. Some even escaped evangelicalism like me but felt like they were getting back to the core of their belief afterwards. (For me, there was just none left. God just didn't matter anymore.) They said things like they had always known somehow they could talk to their god. It reminded me a bit of being autistic or queer. Somehow, we've always been like that. Because that's the way our brains are wired. I've never felt like talking to anyone when praying. I just masked my way through that part, not much difference to other parts of my life. That's how I came to this working hypothesis: Maybe at the core, underneath all that ... misguidedness (?), there is some kind of neurodiversity or neurodevelopment that leads to people believing in god or not. What do you think?

[@nephistar]

I have to take it back: I'm also watching the documentary now and I get the feeling that I still have much more to unlearn than I thought.

[@fooo2241]

And days later, i remember this comment i had meant to respond too 😅 (it must be best policy at atvleast SOME times to just accept and be entertained at the strangeness of how the mind works). Idk if its relevant exactly, but you remind me here of my own faith, which truly, took over 40 years to recognize. I had been sold on others' concepts, understandings, and by far most importantly, their limitations. Now, w hindsight and 2+ years of ND awareness and subsequent personal research (nothing collegiate ofc), I know that my faith has always been a part of me. Ot is best represented by my empathy, and ethics, and additionally my acting accordingly on those. Gaith for me, and my understanding of it, is onformed by every part of my experience and education, not discluding science fiction stories and very real acientific study. Astronomy and astrophysics are BIG. If one's concept of god is solely structured around humans and their space, well, that feels like fun fiction, but come on. I cant believe in that. If your concept of god includes literally everything, then thats sounding more like the omnipresent. My term is "sumation of infinity". It is contradictory to some extent, but if there is anything that is actually a god, I dont see meat based computing wrapping itself fully around and understanding that thing that is an inderterminate number of levels above them. So, narrowness. Confusingly, broad, gripping, obfuscating narrowness. At least for me it something of an epiphany to eschew all previous, introduced notions of god, and look more internally, and at ALL if what life has shown me.

[@nephistar]

@@fooo2241 I really didn't mean to start a conversation about god and I'm gonna ignore everything that you said about that. Just because of me and how my brain works. And I'm saying this only as explanation about me. It's all fine that you said it of course. I am interested in your perspective as a human being that has religious beliefs, though: What on earth can we do or refrain from doing to make believers happy? What do you need from us? As I'm totally different regarding this and as my brain just seems to work differently, same for many of us, you guys have to tell us. You know best, or rather you're the only ones who know. I need you to respect that I'm not gonna talk about god for instance. So, what do you need?

[@fooo2241]

@@nephistar i hope i didn't infringe 🙂. I absolutely respect your choices and don'tean to theow unsolicited god talk at you, god knows theres enough of that, pun intended. I was hoping to actually maybe chip away a bit at ppls beliefs, horrible of me maybe, but when your beliefs are adopted script, well, they aren't yours, right? (not you, referring to random typical mainstream religious believer) You seem, sound to have found your way past the narrative. We seem to live in a world where most wont. For me, you are an especially interesting person to discuss these subjects w, as you have found your own perspective.

[@fooo2241]

@@nephistar i am uncertain as to how I might best respond to your questions. Worth mention i think, I dont include myself in any group really, semi-excrptionally the spectrum, but thats inclusive of infinite human diversity as i see it, so not exactly a group?

[@PlanckRelic]

If you like podcasts, I have found "Straight White American Jesus" to be helpful in understanding some of the effects of my youth in evangelicalism. The hosts are a couple of former evangelical preachers who are currently scholars of religion. They have weekly episodes with a focus on current events, but also series of episodes that dive into particular topics like purity culture.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for sharing I will check it out

[@KittyInTheGarden]

Have you read Pure by Linda Kay Klein? I found it helpful. P.S. I feel your pain regarding the pumpkin!

[@WoodshedTheory]

Hi I haven’t but I will look into it thanks for the referral

[@Imperfect_Eric]

Wow, this one hit me hard, in a good way (probably😂), so many similarities with my own experience, thank you for sharing Claire

[@kellyschroeder7437]

Yes diotemaceous earth 👊

[@WoodshedTheory]

Yes my first time trying

[@kellyschroeder7437]

@@WoodshedTheory I used it on my few perennials out front that were loaded w aphids couple years ago and worked like a charm. Can use as a flea deterrent too on the outside. The food grade kind is best ….. 💞👊

[@jakemichael8586]

ocd sucks but you are not alone! the drain on the body is real as well as the brain! don't get me started on projects! feels like my life is one big project! as for communication i find nt communication hard as it is like a other language. \/

[@WoodshedTheory]

thanks for your support!

[@jakemichael8586]

@@WoodshedTheory no problem!

[@hoopcirclelovemagic]

Hi Claire! Thank you so much for your videos. They are really helping. ❤ Would you be comfortable sharing what kind of medication you are taking for your OCD? It would help to narrow down something to try amongst the wide array that are out there.😂

[@WoodshedTheory]

From what my dr has told me they have found that high doses of SSRIs have been shown to help with the thoughts. The meds will get you part of the way there but therapy is also really important

[@hoopcirclelovemagic]

Thank you. Yes, therapy is a must.❤️🤗

[@The_Vanished]

I think autism is part our nature is not to be very hardened against interpersonal conflict, we may be more equipped to naturally work in smaller groups or alone. Part is that we can survive naturally occurring situations that the other more interpersonally equipped individuals are less able in. So we do heal from the psychological trauma but much more slowly. ABA is trauma, aba says to ignore your instincts. Why? Then we rely on our captors. Maybe a little Stockholm Syndrome-y? Then we’re fed the “idiot trap logic”, I do apologize for my naming but we have to be able to understand things regardless of who is “offended”. Maybe that we should just deny their controlling feelings? Right? So the label for stimulants, idiot trap. Even if you’re addicted or an addict they should be prescribed, period. What doctors do is literally unethical. Taking a stimulant will reduce addictive behavior. That’s the point. It restores cognitive functions, acuity, and ability. Just understand psychology is specifically designed to entrap autistic individuals. It’s all subjective, there’s no accountability. When like me, you do get a proper diagnosis you are told the idiot traps and then verbally accosted because we’re “stupid”, a lie. I have the same level of credentials as most healthcare professionals. So what, they appear to be experts at everything even diagnosing anybody in order to discredit them. I can diagnose mental illness in text alone. Their narcissistic, very poor communication, insecure, afraid to understand an autistic because a superstition that if you understand us then you’re a psychopath too . It’s just a buildup of toxicity that we become mired and stewed in for life. If you’re damn doctor read a book on ethical medicine, addiction facts not old maids bullshit to continue to destroy their own interests and everyone else’s. Having us damaged forever is not helping. They give us mental illness I’m therapy and then tell us to get help. It’s not that bad, then just personally attacked if suicide happens. It’s just denial conveniently the same way with everyone. Then they act like that’s fucking impossible, im really insecure so I make every excuse for being a carbon copy of mental illness, so then if im the same as everyone else, we just become silently toxic and unaware how pervasive the problem is. No we’re the majors so we can’t have mental illness. We make the idiot traps!

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts

[@madberry]

Projects. Yes so many unfinished projects or ongoing projects. Projects I either have to order a part for or I’m testing parts of it. I’d be interested in videos on religion. Around the internet people seem to be most interested in the following question “If autistic thinking is black and white then why do some autists believe in God?” Personally my grandma tried getting me into the church gave me a youth Bible at age four and all that stuff. Took me to church a couple of times. On a totally related note. I think I might be back on the blacklist for the Jehovah's Witnesses. They came buy and talked to me for 30 minutes about the Bible and Tony Morris jr III. They won’t be back anytime soon. I just killed off some very expensive seeds so I had less of a week in the garden. But we regroup change growing methods and carry on. It’s the only way. Killing off stuff is kind of par for the course. Although it’s more disheartening when something dies because you did it. Diatomaceous earth is great stuff better then spraying poison on everything. Have a good week Claire and friends.

[@WoodshedTheory]

I’m so sorry about your seeds! I will think about tackling that

[@alexadellastella5247]

sorry but which documentary are you referring to here? cos I'm interested. Thank you as always! :)

[@WoodshedTheory]

Shiny Happy People on Amazon Prime

[@acgillespie]

I don't do the Religion thing or go to or belong to a Church Building but one thing I do know for sure is *Jesus Lives - He's alive* and very very real - This/Our world is a spiritual world

[@WoodshedTheory]

thanks for sharing

[@acgillespie]

@@WoodshedTheory . Like wise.. Hugs

[@Thought.I.Was.Clever]

I have not experienced purity culture, I am older than that. But know what it is and find it gross and weird. I am privileged to have heard the rants about playing rock and roll records backwards to hear messages from the devil. My dad broke my first rock-n-roll record. I was 14. It was a Queen record. I enjoy and relate to this subject, more content is good, to me.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Maybe I will talk more about it not sure

[@ghill8587]

This porch coffee got heavy quickly! 😅. I’m sorry you’re struggling with your OCD. Do you have anything coming up on your calendar that is making you anxious? That’s what usually makes my symptoms worse. Oh yes, I would love to hear you speak more about your religious upbringing, although I know it would be really difficult. I grew up conservative Christian as well (not IBLP), and it’s really hard when you’re an undiagnosed, rule following child with a heavy sprinkle of OCD. 🤦🏻‍♀️👎🏼. Also, even as a child, I was not good with recognizing emotions or having the “wrong” emotion. It seemed to me that everyone else was “feeling” something that I wasn’t, in regards to their religious experience, and that just made things even more hard to understand. Hope that makes sense! ✌🏼

[@ghill8587]

Forgot to say that I’ve only watched the first episode of the show so far, but yes, it’s good!

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for sharing :) and no I have nothing coming up on the calendar

[@9crutnacker985]

Oh no - loofahggedon ! I'm routin' for the little guy. The one I most wanted to see succeed. I'm taking a break from working on the trike. Thought I'd have a peek at what's going on inside the front forks. Not pretty. Something's def not right - well prob more than one thing. For a start the main spring is 5/8" shorter than it should be, so £100+ to replace those but the whole internal stack is 1 1/4" shorter than it ought to be. Needs complete disassembly to find out just how fkd it is. So that won't be happening soon as I'm now developing a trauma response to this thing (yes really) which isn't fun. At least I can now recognise what's happening early on & do something about it which IS good [& now I've watched the rest of your video] kind of relevant to what's going on with rn. I'm wondering if your OCD flare up is related to that video you watched. Revisiting trauma history is usually triggering. I've been overdoing YT vid's on trauma the last couple of weeks which (coupled with trike trouble) has really upped my gen dissociation level. I find that when you've have a good stretch of doing well that being reminded like of just how fragile we can be mentally is just so sucky. Specifically on what you asked - my Dad was quite religious but he wasn't that pushy about it. It had some contribution I'm sure to my overall childhood trauma but wasn't a big player. I have come across may other autists on FB group who have been well screwed over by dogmatic religious upbringing & in general even with NT's it's not good. Just listening to what you said, that is a trauma history no doubt in my mind & yes it's VERY hard to deal with that one's parents had a hand in it, knowingly or not. I've had some sh-tty times in my life but dealing with my lately discovered trauma history has been the absolute worst as I'm having to work over all that repeatedly + working with one hand tied behind my back because the very worst stuff is locked off with dissociative amnesia. Pls work with this slowly Claire & I suggest you resist putting it out in depth on YT until you've got a good grip & understanding what happened to you growing up (inc early adulthood here). This could months or even yrs. Personally I've got the impression that you're ready to start looking at it (as you have been) but it's likely to be painful, possibly very. My experience is that the pain is so worth it because it does show a way out of the purgatory. I came up with a metaphor not long ago for this - splinting a badly broken leg is going hurt - a lot - & there will be bad days too while it heels, but it it does lead to heeling. The alternative is to continue to struggle along trying to walk on a broken leg & possibly not even realise it is broken - because no believes you're in that much pain & you're masking a slight limp very well. You've made so much good progress I the time I've been watching your content & I can hear in what you say & how you say it that you will be making even more. You actually have to be very tough to make it as far as you have, even if it doesn't feel like it. 💜❤‍🩹

[@WoodshedTheory]

That is a good point about watching the doc but my symptoms have been bad days before watching this.

[@courtney9212]

Oh yeah, having a flair up after a good stretch is the absolute WORST! I instantly start scouring my mind trying to figure exactly what I did or didn't do to cause the downturn and beat myself up about it. But really we are gonna have random up's and downs, as do the typicals😉

[@9crutnacker985]

@@WoodshedTheory Just doing too much can also get me & by too much I mean at any given time - you you may have been doing way more & been fine 2 months ago. Any number of small things that are insignificant on their own can gang up. It's so hard to work out sometimes, all you can do drop back on the pace & be kind to yourself. I've trying to do that the last few days & it has helped.

[@9crutnacker985]

@@courtney9212 Often just a random bunch of things can do it which on their own you can deal with. For just knowing that helps & knowing I can then slow down, do less take care of myself ('cause no one else will be).

[@aspidoscelis]

We care about your pumpkins.

[@aspidoscelis]

(OK, I'm just being nice, I'm not really into pumpkins. :-) )

[@WoodshedTheory]

you're a real one for that!

[@withheldformyprotection5518]

Sorry to hear about your pumpkin and loofa plant. My garden is struggling to get growing due to an excess of rain this year -more than 7 inches in 5 weeks. That’s a normal year’s rain total in my region. I generally don’t discuss religion, but happy to listen to you talk about your experiences. Healing for me is about acknowledging the issue and then moving on. The only other thing I can contribute is a link to a good song about toxic religion - kzbin.info/www/bejne/fanSg6GhYq14mLM

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for sharing about your garden - I think the pumpkins are gonna make it!

[@peteracton2246]

Strange when you read about autistic traits. Collectively we are less likely to believe in a higher force in the universe yet, conversely, we are vulnerable to radicalization (within any one of those those big religions out there). Maybe this is because we are very open to people and suggestion and hence can become "holy fools". We are "moral", or so we think, and possibly most whistleblowers are autistic. We can't do day-to-day duplicity, which NTs may take in their stride, very well if at all. We are much less likely to do violent crime but may steal from the collective to complete the collection associated with our "special interest" (mine needs better curation!). We like rule-governed fantasy worlds. Mine was an idealized international political system but for some of us it is Star Trek or some other sci-fi or computer game. We ain't all bad though. With us, mostly, what you see is what you get, which is a good thing. Best wishes Claire and subscribers.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Yes! I can’t do day to day duplicity - It weighs on me too heavy

[@peteracton2246]

@@WoodshedTheory Which is another good quality we possess!

[@arlete1277]

It's an American thing to be strictly religious, evengelical, so on. I grew up in a socialistic country under pro Russian government. No religion at all. How's that? . 😅

[@WoodshedTheory]

I think it’s fascinating that people all live differently

[@hankiepankie5833]

Problematic?

[@WoodshedTheory]

I don’t necessarily think that a conservative moral upbringing is bad, rather what I am saying that the messages I was being given by the evangelical movement to establish that morality were problematic.