Autistic Adults - How to Feel Like You BELONG in this World

[@Adz-NZ]

Solo travelling/exploring is something I highly recommend. I have been on hikes, music concerts, movies, camping, meals etc alone more than I have with others. I find it so much more enjoyable and authentic. I am doing it because I want to be there and enjoy the experience for what it is

[@Venuvasur_07]

Oh that's why it help me with my burnout

[@Grey_Warden_Invasion]

Being with others anywhere makes my threshold of how much I can tolerate any kind of sensory irritation far lower. Things are far more enjoyable when done alone. Yet even with something like that people will regard you as some kind of alien - something HAS to be wrong with you or why else wouldn't you want to share any of these experiences with someone.

[@laura5425]

Oh yeah, camping or hiking is sooooo good. And thanks for reminding me of shared meals. I need to invite some of the cool neighbors or colleagues for an autumn evening (pumpkin soup rocks for this). Like that I have it in my favorite place (home) and can set the boundary conditions ^^

[@somnolence7]

Same here

[@birgittnlilli9726]

Oh I love travelling alone and especially in the nature. If I feel sad I have that wonderful memory of an icelandic midnight summer, standing in a field of gras and hearing only the wind. It was so wonderfoul and to connect with nature all alone is my way of feeling alive

[@siennaprice1351]

I’m completely blind, autistic and have CPTSD. I get out in nature, I find joy in creating improvisational music. I find I communicate and express myself better through music than anything else. I also have a deep way of thinking.

[@sharonaumani8827]

@@siennaprice1351 What do you play? I bet it sounds great!

[@siennaprice1351]

@ I sing, I play piano, and a lot of different percussion instruments like the kalimba, the tongue drum, and things like that. I also play singing bowls.

[@sharonaumani8827]

@@siennaprice1351 Fun. I wish you lived nearby! :) I also have a collection of singing bowls, including Himalayan ("Tibetan") bowls I like to play directly on the body. And I absolutely LOVE percussion and breaking out into harmonies.

[@siennaprice1351]

@ ooh! We have something in common! I love doing improvisational music.

[@Phun5tar]

"Stuff the rest" is incredibly validating

[@IndigoAngel1448]

Incredibly but not always approved of ..

[@homesteadgamer1257]

When I go somewhere alone, all I have to worry about is ME. I'll only have to worry about when ~I~ have to go to bathroom or when ~I~ am hungry or what ~I~ want to see, rather than waiting my turn to to see if I'll even be able to do what I want to do. Solo exploration is amazing.

[@IndigoAngel1448]

Absolutely. I see it as a form of self-love ❤😌

[@frankster1477]

Some of us can't do pets for any number of reasons ($$). Plants are an excellent alternative. They're alive, and they need our care. If you work with energy you can communicate with them. I have a money "tree" (actually a vine) that started out 5 inches tall as a gift when I had surgery over 20 years ago. Now it's taller than I am and thriving.

[@birgittnlilli9726]

Very good advice. I too am not capable of having pets but I love cacti and succulents and have lots of them and care for them. They are living beings and make me happy

[@jojozepofthejungle2655]

I can't do pets but someone dumped a nice little dog and I can't focus anymore.

[@sharonaumani8827]

@@frankster1477 Absolutely!

[@sharonaumani8827]

@@jojozepofthejungle2655 Maybe not so much with indoor plants, but having an outdoor garden, adding to it and maintaining....that costs $$ ! The $ have been well spent (except for my clumsiness, which can be another expense, ha).

[@sharonaumani8827]

@@jojozepofthejungle2655 They take all your focus and hook you in :)

[@ncc-74656]

I absolutely love travelling alone! Most people don't understand that and pity me. Or they find me very courageous for some reason. No need for that! It is so much harder for me to travel with someone than to travel alone, so why would I even want that?

[@NJP76]

Spot on! I avoid traveling with others like the plague. I am not really much into travel in the first place, but when I do go somewhere I always go alone (if possible). I have to go on my own terms with my own agenda. It may sound harsh and selfish, but that is just the way I am.

[@sharonaumani8827]

I grew up with pets and I'm not sure I would have survived my childhood without them. Sometimes they were all I had. When I purchased my home a decade ago, I was overwhelmed with the weedy grass. I didn't know I would become a gardener. [And, no, I don't know everything there is to know about it, because I could never remember shit, though I know to look up the info, at least]. I have a love/hate relationship with the garden. Our summers are super dry and watering gets old! But it's true that there is something about getting out in nature, working with the earth. It's great meditation for the ADHD side of my brain. It doesn't stop my head. Thoughts continue like a runaway train. Yet, there is more of an awareness of that, like the earth "holds space" for my busy brain and soaks it all up, leaving me more refreshed and energized. It has also become my working palette, bringing me joy as I get to see how the landscape I created develops and get to watch the pollinators. It also allows me another outlet, to utilize my phone, photographing the flowers, etc. , also allowing me to see and remember how things evolve and change....cycle of life. Solo travel, indeed :) I enjoy traveling with others, but there is something special about traveling alone.

[@knowbrainer233]

My wife and I both love reading. She outpaces me with how fast she can read, but she doesn't write. I write and she's always encouraging me to keep at it so she can read my stuff. Thankfully I know she's not just blowing smoke up my backside: she can extremely critical about things written by other people, and she'll let me know if something I've written isn't working.

[@theresjer]

I can't have pets in my apartment, but I can volunteer once a week at an animal sanctuary, where I can feel my humanity acknowledged and exercised.

[@denisethegood]

The comments section under these videos are so valuable. Recently someone told me 'we are all friend, we just haven't met in person yet'. That's such a lovely way to look at friendships and loneliness - which most of us struggle with. ❤

[@rexthewarhorse]

My animals over the years have helped me so much. Cats and horses are my favorites. And then I became a furry and got a lot of furry friends. That also helped because a large portion of the furry fandom is autistic

[@duerremueller3609]

thank you for this, I've been feeling like not staying in this world lately and this helped me start lifting myself out of it

[@jenb6412]

Regardless of neurodivergence, I think pets are an integral part of being a healthy human. I know bugs aren't everyone's cup of tea, but colony pets like ants or isopods are fantastic because they're fun to watch, easy to care for, and you don't get depressed when an individual passes on because it's the colony as a whole that you really care for. There is a LOT of information out there too about how to properly set up a habitat for them and keep them healthy and happy. On the other hand, my cat makes a much better cuddle buddy and sleep companion. I've had a few spiders try to join me in bed this autumn and I was NOT expressly keen on that.

[@heidimj1380]

@@jenb6412 To piggyback on your isopod comment, creating a vivarium for a reptile is fascinating! My kids got a leopard gecko 10 years ago and she's still thriving. A few years ago, I customized two additional enclosures, for a baby western hognose snake and a Kenyan sand boa. They're so sweet, tiny, and so much fun to watch. Not everyone's cup of tea but i kind of like having diverse interests! Great idea on the colony pets! ❤️❤️

[@jenb6412]

@@heidimj1380 OMG I have geckos and a kenyan sand boa too!! Got a leo about 8 years ago and my last roommate left me her Crested Gecko. Making the bioactive enclosures for them was so much fun. I think my crestie ate all his isopods though so I have to restock his tank XD When I was at my most burnt out and depressed state, taking care of the critters and tanks helped me SO MUCH I can't even begin to express. I love hognose snakes too. It was a toss up between a sand boa and a hognose, but the sand boa showed up at a local rescue and the person that ran it knew me and knew that the sand boa had an immediate home lol

[@heidimj1380]

@@jenb6412 That's too much of a coincidence!! Wilma (my sand boa) is still very smol, like a giant pencil. She's so sassy! Kevin is my hoggie and she's quite a darling. She loves cruising around on my head 😂

[@AschenDog]

Can add crustaceans/mollusks in there too, depending on species and variety, especially if you badly want an aquarium but don't have the money or space for fish. Even a five gallon tank can hold quite a few shrimp.

[@reallyboringindividual]

I have a small circle of people I can comfortably talk with just fine about incredibly deep topics, exploring different tangents ad nauseam for hours. Keyword: small. I can’t stand high-people-density environments. I like to think of myself as someone who can emulate expected neurotypical behavior fairly well, but there are limits to that. I often find myself in situations where I want to stick my head in the sand so I don’t have to deal with all the noise. With that being said, I found my special thing very early in my life and ended up pursuing it as a career. Ultimately led me to a CTO title, a position which requires plenty of people skills - given its executive level nature (I find myself feel like an impostor more often than not, though). This position ultimately made it possible for me to discover a place where I feel the most at ease - Japan. Funny. A place that’s bustling with people and that has a complex social culture. Well, it’s fairly rigid and predictable - which is what I think makes me feel a lot more comfortable than the culture and society of my home country. Feel like I went off on a bunch of different tangents here and my comment isn’t very coherent, sorry. 😂 PS. I absolutely love traveling alone. I despise traveling with other people. Going places by myself gives me the precious little time I have to be by myself and explore places at my own pace.

[@DaStrangeWeasel]

If you don't mind me asking, how is the work culture in Japan? I've heard... not great things, especially about the "black companies".

[@reallyboringindividual]

@@DaStrangeWeasel It depends largely on the company. The company I work for is owned by a guy born and raised in the US and majority of the staff comes from all over the globe - so typical Japanese workplace culture does not apply. In most traditional companies you'll see a really strong emphasis put on the senpai-kouhei relationship, but given the sheer dedication of Japanese to completing a task very precisely it's not really a bad thing in my opinion. The senpai usually do represent experience and wisdom so yeah. What you mentioned as "black companies" (burakku kigyou) unfortunately does exist and in pretty sizeable numbers. They are the leading cause of adult suicides in Japan (to my knowledge). The good thing is I see more and more young Japanese strive for better opportunities and avoid those altogether (based on my little circle of connections at least).

[@homesteadgamer1257]

What's even better exploring alone is running into other autistic people who are also exploring solo and have a great chat about something super interesting and making a super cool friend... and then each going your own way to finish your solo vacations without feeling pressure to call each other or team up for anything. If you end up needing to, that's great. But there's zero pressure when you run into someone else exactly like you on their own solo vacation.

[@autisticjenny]

Thank you! This community is amazing that you have created! I really needed and appreciate this video. The socializing part is very hard for me. I have spent many years wondering why anyone would want to be my friend because I felt I came across as weird. But people on your channel and autistic channels in general are my tribe. Creative expression and content creating brings so much joy! You nailed this.

[@snowglass1972]

Perfect timing this video..I just got diagnosed and then took a day out on my own to where I grew up and re-trod my inner child footsteps to re-connect to her. Really helped as 40 years on I totally lost myself ❤

[@Vicious-Spiral]

Thanks

[@orionkelly]

Thanks so much!

[@Vicious-Spiral]

@orionkelly I come back to this video often. Following many advices you hand me. I found - for me - a variation on one thing that might help SOME of us, but be dangerous to others though... I to go to take walks solo in the forest. Preferably in the quiet of night armed with a flashlight. Why at or after sundown? You don't come across other walking persons. And, one of my special interests : tense and dark horrorflicks. I see most of what people call "THE SCARIEST" as sheer comedy, so I LOVE the night, and there is no scare in going in the forest after dark. Only calm. You, your thoughts...and silence, except for the soothing hooting of owls and some eerie unidentifiable crackling now and then. But NO people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And thàt really helps. I can cool down, think the day through, and prepare myself for all the BS the next day will bring. This calms me down and prepares me for next day interactions, which helps greatly feeling 'belonging" next day or even for consecutive days. Now, for the ones - probably for the few - that have absolutely no problem being solo outside in a forrest and have no fear for the dark. This is gold. For the others: USE DAYLIGHT WALKS AND DO NOT EVEN ATTEMPT SOLO FOREST-WALKS AT NIGHT! DANGEROUS, SO WARNING: READ NEXT PART!!! I live in Belgium, btw. Except for 4 (!) wild wolves and some wild boars, we have no dangerous animals, neither do we have toxic animals. Don't - DO NOT - wander off at night into the forrest at night when you are close to tropical jungle or a permafrost pine-forrest, or if your forest has toxic insects or dangerous mammals or reptiles, please!!!!!!! KNOW YOUR FOREST, don't get lost! KNOW THE DANGERS OF WILDLIFE in your area and IMPORTANT; ALWAYS let somebody know you're in there on beforehand... or even way better: bring your best friend with you. But never go in "group" to prevent one individual being or getting scared, 'infecting' the rest with this for some of us unovercomable anxiety. So: you alone, you with best (2) friend(s) (the latter is safest, especially a neurotypical one that knows you through and through, and shares your fearlessness in this), but not in groups of 4 or more neurodivergents all in one dark forrest at night. It will probably NOT end in a relaxing walk, but in utter disaster, at night, in a forest!!!! Oh... AND NEVER WANDER OFF DESIGNATED WANDERING TRACKS AT NIGHT, for the love of whatever: PLEASE 🙏, DO NOT!!!! And read this entire textr at least thrice, so you are sure that all the above applies FOR YOU, think it through decently and if you are not MORE than 115% certain, then: don't, do not do this!!!! And bring some extra flashlights for the journey, just in case yours dies on you... mid-forrest. 🙏 🙏 🙏

[@evelynabston7137]

Amen to everything you said Orion. My boyfriend and I (we are both autistic )❤😢have the best conversations. We discuss everything. I also have a group of autistic friends and we have a blast together. I love my tribe. I do finally feel I belong. Great video. Thank you for sharing.

[@lovetoplayharp]

How did you meet your group of autistic friends?

[@dreamscape405]

13:22...LOVE THIS❤ I've been told that I'm too old for many things, and LOVE your reply on this. I'm super late diagnosed woman at age 50, now 53, and I get SO TIRED of people telling me this. And also :why can't you just grow up: if "growing up " means losing my child like curiosity, amazement, and creativity, then OH WELL. Guess I'll always be young then 😅 and yes traveling solo is the BEST, if you can do it. It's a completely different experience alone. In fact, if it's a new experience, I prefer it to be alone, that way, I can have it all on my own the first time. TYSM for this, and your channel here. It's very validating ❤

[@leahhoughtby9646]

8:15 love that you include your kids as pets. It is so true in so many ways 😂

[@whitneymason406]

Love to you and the community you helped create! 💞

[@craigj8708]

I'm watching this on repeat as I've always atruggled with belonging and that feeling has been heightened ever since my family disowned me after I hit a very low mental health point. I appreciate your videos and I'll be binging them all!

[@heidimj1380]

@@craigj8708 You belong! You have a world of new people you can lean on who will never doubt you 🤗

[@craigj8708]

@@heidimj1380 Thank you, that really means a lot :)

[@micro_adVANtures]

I live in my campervan full time, my safe space. I work online as a maths teacher, no more crowded noises, smelly classrooms (had that for twenty years). I am often parked by the beach or by water for the night. Last night I was at a beach front in North Yorkshire with the curtains pulled back whilst I watched the crashing waves hit the sea wall defences. Bliss!! Now I’m heading back in to an inner city scenario in my van to visit my kids who live with their mum. Urgh (for the city), although I have found a little park up next to a canal so not all bad. As my camper is a tiny micro camper and I work way too many hours and as a result am constantly in the brink I have no space for pets sadly but I do get to visit my children’s dogs who love cuddles,and fuss. My project at the moment is my KZbin channel - I’m not great at it yet. By the way how do you give the illusion that you are looking down the lens of the camera - you do it well. I do not. Love the last point - solo travel and exploration - fits my lifestyle really well. Although sometimes it can be a bit intimidating at times.

[@dominichadley2712]

My special interests speak volumes in my picture 😊 Thank you so much for adding me in there Orion! I feel so Honoured. 😁 And certainly do feel like part of the Tribe, and it’s safe to say that it’s easy for us to feel like Aliens on this planet, which is why I tend to just act like I am 😁

[@bettyspaghetti7654]

Long time viewer. You're amazing, thank u. 💙🧩

[@robinbanks3288]

Every time I finish watching one of your videos that perfectly describes my situation, I feel like I’ve just received the deepest hug from a friend that I haven’t seen, in what seems like, forever. This one, I needed.

[@michelzwiers7742]

I was diagnosed pretty early on in life, before I even reached double digit age. But for whatever reason, neither my parents nor the people that cared for me ever disclosed to me what my diagnosis was until I was around 17 or 18 if I remember correctly. I have only started researching what autism actually is in the last 3 or so years, and videos like this have been immensely helpful for me with understanding what it is that I have and how to cope with the world around me. I really appreciate the people such as you that put in the time and effort to help people, neurotypical or not, understand what we deal with on a day to day basis and how we cope with it. I guess what I ultimately want to say is thank you for making this video and others like it and helping me as well as others understand and cope with life as an autistic person, it's been extraordinarily helpful to figure out my position in life and how to keep myself from being crushed by it, metaphorically speaking.

[@NJP76]

You are telling basically the story of my life as well. I was diagnosed as Autistic before Autism was really well known. Brain scans, endless testing, EEG's, the whole grail of tests at a very early age and into my early teens. The diag was actually made when I was ten (1970). In those days very few really knew what Autism was about. Even though it is in Family records, I was never told about being Autistic. I could probably write a book about it, but will spare you that. Only in recent years have I "discovered" that I am in fact Autistic. I was blown away to say the least. BUT this revelation was a life changer. The ADHD, the OCD, the Introversion, the shutdowns and meltdowns, Hyperfocusing, etc. ...all of it was finally starting to fit together. I am Autistic! As I began to reveal this to friends, most accepted it and said it made no difference in our friendship, but they now understand why I sometimes 'fall off the radar' in order to recharge. A couple of other friends were not surprised at all. Said they had it figured out years ago. (Wish they would have told me.) Knowing now that I am Autistic has really helped me understand myself and how I fit in (or DON'T fit in) with the world. I will likely never know why my diagnosis was kept from me. It doesn't matter now. I am Autistic, and life is good...most days. :)

[@jarmoliebrand2005]

With that VR and RPG point Orion mentioned… I’d like to mention an ‘upgrade’ of sorts. In some ways. Lucid dreaming. It’s one of my special interests. You become aware that you’re dreaming within a dream, thereby allowing you to control it. I’ve not even had that many, nor have I delved particularly deep. But honestly, it’s so refreshing to just have fun in your dreams. You can literally do anything. The thing I want most out of it (but it’s hard to have enough control and focus for me to do properly) is meeting my own fictional characters and places. But also characters and places of other stories I love. You can literally do anything. So let your imagination run wild! You can do spiritual things. You can overcome fears. You can practice skills. But you also just… relax. Go on adventures. Give yourself special powers. Just… walk around. Traversal, in my experience, is super fun. Flying, webslinging like Spider-Man, portal creation. Make lucid dream friends. Create worlds. Have bedtime shenanigans (this one’s really popular for many people). Become an animal. Become a giant. Become a god. The sky is not even the limit here. Your imagination is. The thing is, you will need to practice. You can have decent results with relatively minimal effort. But the more effort you put in, the more you’ll get. Dream journaling, reality checks and MILD are the basics. Even when I don’t have many lucid dreams, my normal dreams have become much more interesting and easier to remember. I’ve also had like… two nightmares in the four or so years I’ve been into lucid dreaming. And being busy with lucid dreaming incentivises me to have a better sleep schedule, which definitely doesn’t hurt.

[@resourcedragon]

Interesting. I only definitely remember one lucid dream in which I thought, "I am asleep. This is really nice. Unfortunately the alarm will go off any minute now and then I will have to wake up."

[@Podikat]

I am a super arts and crafts / DIY-loving person. If I don't make something with my hands for a few days, it's really quite distressing. It's a total pet peeve of mine when people say "I'm not creative" or "I'm not talented enough." I just want to say, "Stop putting yourself in a box!" You are capable of more than you know. Nobody is born with a skill. It takes time and practice... and that isn't a bad thing. When you truly love what you're doing, it doesn't feel like "practice." And you also don't have to be good at everything. Heaven knows I'm not. Give yourself a chance.

[@resourcedragon]

You're one of the many, many people whose KZbin comments match their usernames! You are absolutely right when you say that, "You are capable of more than you know. Nobody is born with a skill. It takes time and practice... and that isn't a bad thing. When you truly love what you're doing, it doesn't feel like "practice." And you also don't have to be good at everything."

[@taeko3508]

I agree ! I started sewing at 16. I liked it so much that it became my special interest ! At first I kinda sucked. After all I never actually sewed something. But it was so fun to create something that I continued. Now I'm 19 and I'm working on a Marie Antoinette cosplay (Rose of Versaille). And before I started sewing, I thought I sucked at doing crafts Everyone can do it

[@brybaby89]

1. Super excited to be in the collage! 2. I just met with my local autism group meetup for the first time since my February (2024) diagnosis! They're awesome. 3. I kid you not... I recommended your channel to someone in the group named Orian. His name is spelled with an 'A'.

[@corriewickland-db9mu]

God gifted souls autistics to show the sleepers in this world to open their eyes beyond the veil.

[@sharonaumani8827]

@@corriewickland-db9mu I just wish my own veil wasn't so damn thick and fickle.

[@jarmoliebrand2005]

I found an AuDHD group in the city a while back and it’s super fun to just go there every other week and do fun activities. I don’t feel any expectations. I feel much more at ease than in other social situations and it’s easier to have conversations. I’m also trying to give myself more time and acceptance to practice my special interests and I try to be more open about them. I hope I can even find tertiary education related to my special interests (I’m going to an open day next week). It’s an art school and the creative writing course looked very enticing on the website. I definitely think I have things that are worth telling. And in the right environment, I think executive dysfunction could make way for hyper focus more often than it does now. And I can unmask more and show people what I really care about. Every sort of smaller scale educational institution is immediately more attractive to (most of) us than a big, sprawling uni campus. And with the actual courses being more specific, more related to specific interests, it probably attract quite a few neurodivergents. A friend of mine attends a metal school and most people there are neurodivergent. Another friend of mine does reenactment. And there’s so many neurodivergents there too.

[@homesteadgamer1257]

I play RPG games a LOT for the very reasons you said. Also I play them because in video games, I can control who hurts me. Most RPG games have different emotional tones you dialogue with, so we are able to set the tones we want to experience. It is very soothing, too, just to explore. When I play multiplayer games, most of my time is spent exploring. I happen to live in a forest, presently, but even video game forests can be so different. It allows me to get out to places I've only ever dreamed of. And I write fanfiction, too, for the very same reason, to get out emotions that I'm unable to with other people, to explore scenarios, and to lose my self for awhile in such incredible fantasy worlds. Honestly, compared to fantasy lands with elves and dragons and magic, the real world and real humans are very dull.

[@plantstho6599]

My struggle is that my interests are hyperspecific and high IQ. There are people out there in groups I used to coordinate, but I've developed my ideas to such a degree that I'm out of this galaxy about it. So I have to start my own groups based on media that I would produce. Ok, fine, but I'm stuck living in a van and can't get my thoughts organized because this environment is not conducive to that. Every single thing in life is working against me and I'm just frustrated af.

[@pikmin4743]

thank you, mate, for sharing your springtime energy with us in the north where its getting colder and harder to find reasons to go outside. we need it solo travel is great. I traveled with groups several times and the first time I went solo was really liberating. there's pros and cons to either way

[@stevencito1000]

Thanks, you just convinced me to go on a long trip myself. BTW: never saw you so relaxed, or did you on purpose slow down?

[@valeriecp4883]

I love this 😊 especially your last example. Love exploring on my own terms

[@IsidorTheNordicGuy]

Thanks for this video, brought a rush of happiness and colors through my brain. 🧠 So many beautiful people in that picture😊

[@jbrubin8274]

Eating out by myself is so wonderful. I take a book and enjoy my meal in peace. For the most part, I always tell the waitstaff that Im alone and fine. However when you’re a woman eating alone everyone assumes I’ve been stood up. I see the sympathy looks. The amount of times I’ve had a free random drink from another kind table, I feel like now I’m making others uncomfortable. I don’t really drink but I always make sure I express my gratitude. I know they’re trying to be kind, thinking about from their pov, I get it. Unfortunately I find myself leaving very quickly after, apparently I don’t belong there alone.

[@AschenDog]

I agree, nature is wonderful. Rustling leaves. Waves on the beach. Skunks making unholy noises while they squabble over food at night.

[@AndrewHepburn]

When you said “hang out with like minded people” my first reaction was “there’s no such thing”. Finding other autistic people seems impossible.

[@NotANameist]

Arghhh I need IRL people to have deep and meaningful conversations with. Idk if anyone else feels the same but digital is just not doing it for me at all these days.

[@Candylicious_rose]

So I have ADHD and have a doctors appointment to check autism, since its very new to diagnose both in german. My husband is a studied Social Worker and we had issues with my temper and many more things , he started noticing that my feelings and emotions plus problems i have are 98% not adhd but something other neurological. We agreed to start adhd tests again and revisit a clinic to check that again with other illnesses only for adults. Shocked we discovered that all tests i took said 80-95% "this isn't a diagnostic tool but you are very likely on the autism spectrum." While that hit me like a train and i read like an idiot for day's. Guys, it hit me, a 🔔 in my head saying THATS WHY xy ??????????? My husband was listening to what i have found and thinking its a mistake... and said well honey this would explain anything and no i am not surprised now. Adhd long story shorter HAHAH the title got me because of my last therapist (i have been diagnosed as 3 yo [official diagnosis are vaild after 10yo !!!!!!!!!!] so i have had various therapist) i always new what was wrong with me but didn't felt like I got this, i didn't accepted myself. And as we started therapy at 28 she quickly said "this is very early but if you like to know what i think is the bigger issue i can tell you now or later" hell i said yes 🙌🏻 "Candy you have been dealing with adhd very very early, you managed life till today, yes you have many personality disorders and symptoms caused by that, but dear i cannot cure you, you are looking to be cured. You need to stop battling yourself. Every single issue is your adhd" that was my second 🔔 in my head saying, girl really, you just need to stop fighting yourself.... so not that anyone will read this but still i felt this title pretty deeply. I actually starting to expect myself 🤍 but am very satisfied and anxious what the adhd/autism clinic will say. My medical record is a walking combo of both...

[@markusbaumgartner9266]

You are in Germany? How did you manage to get doctors to hear you? I am 41 one now, my life is totally destroyed financially and health wise, I have to move out of my save space (the apartment I rented with my ex) into a very triggering space... And I don't know how to earn enough money to change anything.

[@markusbaumgartner9266]

Btw... My general practicioner thinks is very likely I am neurodivergent, but will not write down anything besides "anxiety" or "depression", every autistic person I met (including somebody with pretty high support needs who I went to school with and who knows me pretty well) think I am autistic... I also have a long history of trauma.. and I can not get an appointment with a therapist.. or a psychiatrist or any place that could test.

[@Candylicious_rose]

@@markusbaumgartner9266 so the problem in germany is, there is a lot of tools and doctors but you definitely need to get done a list of hospital, therapist, treatments, neurologist. Yeah classic. No jokes aside, i am very sorry you are in the middle of a life crisis. So you need to get help, get on therapist lists, get a house doc just for normal tests and telling him what you told me now and that you want take another step in clinic trials, therapist and maybe consider a psychiatry appointment long term stay. Short but accurately, the truth is you do not get help tomorrow, it takes time, you need back up, history proof of diseases . I was on a list for autism/adhd ambulance clinic for 4 months, they cancelled Friday BUT they called me back, since i was diagnosed with adhd more than once very early on and already am physically ill and off work for 3 1/2 months, plus have a neurologist who recommended looking deeper due to my eeg that shows epilepsy and other signs of neurological damage. ..So the clinic quickly rechecked and i am due in December for further autism tests. They sadly told me anything just adhd will not be done before summer 2025. Its a very long journey. Start with calling clinics near you, get a therapist list near you from your health institution and start there. I know it sounds crazy but this needs time 🥹. If i weren't that sick ℹ wouldn't get the help any time soon... get everything you already have on paper what doctors diagnosed etc. And please consider day by day step by step. Or you will drown in your darkness and questions and restlessness.. best wishes for you. Let me know if I can help any more.

[@heidimj1380]

Yes that is absolutely it. Belonging. From a very young age, I felt so different and had to 'act' to even try to fit in. My acting was never good enough and always (ALWAYS) left me on the sidelines, alone, wondering what the heck was wrong with me. It really scared me. So very generally speaking, over the span of 50 yrs, masking out of necessity became natural. What helped me along the way were many, many, unrelated, unusual, interests. All the crafts, the flora, the fauna! My current self image is that of someone on the mend, looking up into the sky with a grin and a planet finder app, covered in glue, dirt, and cat hair. 😊 This is the first year that I'm truly ok with that. I also managed to learn to enjoy traveling solo for just the reasons you outlined. Even as a college student studying abroad where group excursions were non-negotiable, I always found time to break away by myself, sit in a park and people watch, or study, or just think. It's kind of empowering being able to do that.

[@Green_Roc]

No neurotypical pressures. Yes please. I'm most comfortable in a little corner of my room, reminds me of pillow forts. Comfort found in tight spaces by myself... In childhood, I felt like I was an alien.

[@AuditingWithAutism]

Tip Ten is Tops. It makes me think about how it allows one to make friends with themselves. Cheers to the intrepid traveler.🎉

[@coachcastle666]

Awesome content as always! I have always had pets and spent alot of time in nature, lately I've have been trying to socialize more but it's really draining past about 15 mins and my God are people boring. Any advice for good online groups for creative autistic folks?

[@aj90uk]

Yay I made the picture 🤩 Truly awesome video and really helpful ideas. Thank you Orion for everything 🙌

[@heidimj1380]

Lol I just noticed the collage! It went straight over my head 😂 It's beautiful and I feel even MORE like I belong somewhere - Thank you, Orion! ⭐⭐⭐ 💫

[@HeidiBouman]

Another Heidi in the collage - i'm the crazy looking blue haired person 😅 Thank you so much for including me Orion, trying to find a community 😍

[@heidimj1380]

@HeidiBouman We are few and far between! The only color my hair decided to sprout this year is called Christmas Tinsel. 🤣 I don't mind it actually! Very nice to meet you, Other Heidi!

[@HeidiBouman]

@@heidimj1380 Very nice to meet you too - and I love looking at tinsel so there is that too 😅🤩

[@dominichadley2712]

I also love how you mentioned Virtual Worlds as a way of Connecting. Second Life & Roblox being very prominent ones I am part of has provided an environment to not only engage with likeminded people but also fully express myself with my Special Interests which has also Benefitted the social side, some of the people I met in Second Life are like Family to me and are part of Crew, without them I would not be who I am today!

[@slm2368]

Can very much relate to the travel thing. Amazing experiences.

[@AmyK007]

Thanks Orion great vid 😊 My best friend is Aspie and we connected because we are both writers. We talk for hours about it. Everyone who reads this; grab a copy of his book, it’s so well written and very informative. Well worth a financial purchase.

[@JC_WT]

Scale modeling has been a life saver for me lately. It's good to have something to focus on after so long of feeling directionless and hopeless. And it works wonders for getting me out of my own head.

[@AmandaSeacrist]

Thanks a bunch Orion! Needed this reminder! Much love to you! It seriously means a lot! 💛

[@leslieephland4499]

Nature is a safe place. Places crowded with people are stressful. BTW, I love it when you call us "The Stars of Orion." Deep conversations are real. Why do people want to talk about nothing?

[@nicolaasgoedheiligman8249]

Thanks for the great video! Travelling by yourself is indeed amazing, love it.

[@ronawaldon9060]

Yes!!!! I used to tell myself I wasn't creative (wtf) but that's changing now 😊

[@nurserytime2299]

I wish my adult son would watch your channel. He has never accepted his diagnosis and is struggling to find a way to belong. It breaks my heart as it’s so difficult to support him. This video is fantastic but I wish I could find the same advice being given without the labels of being autistic and the kind of words that trigger him like neurotypical. 😢 keep the good work up.

[@brightpage1020]

What an amazing idea for a topic. Thank you! 🙏❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉😊

[@-whiskey-4134]

I only ever felt like I belonged during my years as a death metal and metalcore vocalist, or when playing my basses with other musicians. Music is my happy place. I have 7 instruments, make beats, do vocals, write lots of lyrics. It’s where I’m actually good at something and feel as though I can make meaningful contributions. My most prized possession is my Ibanez SR605E bass. I have other basses I use specifically for traveling. Having a bass with me is like a security blanket. If I feel overwhelmed, I can plug right into the jack, have the wire go from the bass to my headphones, and pluck away. It’s kind of a cover for my stimming. On one hand, I’m playing bass, but I also get ti fidget and not look out of place. I really love video games too, and I’m heavy into VR horror games.

[@josephmartin1540]

OK, I am extremely glad you were having a good day when you made this video, because it is a tremendous comfort. I always found the RPGs interesting, but never could do them, because of working memory deficits. But you have made the subject clear in my mind. I suspect the science to possibly be that they provide an outlet - an exercise, if you will - to a brain which might otherwise tend to Dissociation! Same with computer games! Not that I've had experience with Dissociation... Thank you for this video, brother! Traveling alone, yes. Especially to another culture... the people don't expect me to know how to interact... Been wanderer since I could walk and escape from the house.

[@Sommyie]

I'm playing RuneScape atm hahaha. RPGs are great. FPS are great too for those who enjoy firearms. Tarkov is amazing for FPS/firearms interests. Geoguessr seems like an awesome way to explore the world in a safe and controller manner. It's not my thing, but I can see how people needing extra support could use it to get "out there."

[@somnolence7]

I did giggle at “they’re dead on the inside” 😅❤

[@djvertigo2698]

As someone with autism myself traveling alone has always been something. I absolutely loved most people think I’m crazy when I tell them I do it even just going to the movies alone, but I’ve been to over 20 different countries and it has completely changed my perspective on everything.

[@orangetea6921]

I saw the title of the video and started crying. Thank you. And then I saw my picture in the video 😄. Now crying while smiling.

[@Grey_Warden_Invasion]

There are only very few fandoms I felt like joining any sort of community of but even in those cases it only seemed great and inclusive on the surface. Even in those cases trying to actually communicate with someone is impossible because they treat you like you're an outcast or don't exist, they will do everything to drive you out of this fandom, just in general the whole community is very toxic and gatekeepy. There have been fandoms I completely dropped out of because of their community - not just dropped from the community but also in my own life, had to pack everything I owned from that fandom into boxes and ban it to the basement because I couldn't even look at it anymore without feeling anxious. With most of my fandoms I keep to myself or only interact on a very shallow level (like for example liking or favouriting or reblogging stuff but never talking to others or reading much about their personal thoughts on it).

[@lindaT82]

Such a great video, and a really positive way to start my week. Expanding on these ideas - it is great when you can incorporate elements of these tips into your job/career. Thank you!!!

[@LobsterMobility]

very interesting, Andre

[@syberphish]

You really have to be careful about meeting other ND's online and in person because there's so many narc's acting ND while trying to feed on them.

[@markusbaumgartner9266]

And as my Ex is a prime example, it's quite possible to be neurodivergent AND narc at the same time... it is hard to grasp for somebody with autism, but just that you are in the same boat does not mean you can trust each other or won't be taken advantage of.

[@TacticsTechniquesandProcedures]

What’s a narc?

[@syberphish]

@@TacticsTechniquesandProcedures a narcissist

[@syberphish]

@@TacticsTechniquesandProcedures If you need an example... when I was 35 I made the mistake of going to meet my parents at their church. In the foyer area outside the main sanctuary, I was talking to my dad when he reached up (I'm 6'7") and grabbed me by the jaw and dug his fingers in and pulled my face down while saying he "wanted to look at my teeth". When I smacked his hand away and told him to gtfo he spent the next 2 weeks chastising me about how I "struck" him and how dare I disrespect him by speaking that way to him. Narcissists NEVER see their own actions, or their own part in anything. They will ONLY ever focus on you and your issues and how you're messing up and what they think you need to do, etc etc. But it's a trap... because no matter what you try to do, it will never be enough, there will always be something more that you still need to do to continue to earn their good graces or their "love". To this day, through all of the counselling we went to, through our whole 3 year long divorce... my ex wife maintains that she has "never" done anything wrong in our relationship. Ever. Any time she screamed at me, or hit me, or backed me into a corner and tried to get me to hit her; she just explains away or acts like those things never happened. I get now that she and my dad are cut from the same cloth, I just didn't realize it before. So I get on an autism channel and meet someone... and at least a couple weeks in I realized they were a narc and cut them loose. I feel like I'm a narc-magnet.

[@itb7439]

So true ! I have met more than a few "autistics" , that in reality is narcs or sociopaths.. There is some overlap in the narsisisstic and autistic neurology, making it easy to misdiagnose a narc and give them an autism diagnosis

[@dr.sofiamironovaptdpt1512]

Thank you Orion! I finally feel normal and like I belong to my crowd. It's very uplifting to see my picture among other beautiful and extraordinary folks! 🙏🥰🙏

[@mautida9998]

I love this video so much ❤ I wish I could send it to my younger self

[@MrTwister22]

I’ve been needing some reassurance and advice because I’ve developed a serious inferiority complex over the last year. Pretty much at rock bottom right now, emotionally speaking. So, thanks for that

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

I haven't found the peace i used to find out in nature like i did when i were younger.... Gunna try again. I have decompressed a little. I have no tribe and no safe space...

[@kayjay-kreations]

Thankyou Orion

[@ThisisPam]

I just clicked “like” and turned it over to 1000 🎉 I feel a sense of belonging just because of that!

[@peterwilding1203]

Interesting. I'm a 67yo, living in a country town. Large-ish block, lots of nature, lots of pets. For hobbies I write short stories and poems - I'm in a local writing group, that ticks the socializing box - and build scale model cars - besides FB groups I have a regular column about models on a US-based automotive blog. Looks like I stumbled into doing most of your 10, Orion! Seriously, all good advice.

[@pikmin4743]

you have an axolotl!? omg omg omg I wanna come over lol

[@syberphish]

He "loved" all the comments above and below your comment, but skipped yours. 🤣 He's been pretty open about not liking other people in his space. I'd have to imagine that having you over is the last thing he would want.

[@OrrinWhitten]

Traveling or just doing stuff alone is glorious! I don’t get a ton of opportunity these days with full time work and 3 kids!

[@wiandewaal]

Focus on what lights you up, not what brings you down. 👍💥🌟💫✨️

[@peterdalton200]

I belong to a seniors group at Lalor library. (I am a founding member of the library service from 1975.) I also belong to a group of social workers, and a group of volunteers who minister to homeless people. We used to go on farm holidays with Mum and Dad in the 1970s/1980s. We used to rent out surplus farm homesteads from the Farmers’ association. The farmers would derive income (an early form of AirBNB).

[@Dtiic5iyxixg]

Solo is the only way to travel! I’ve sprays thought that, because of the compromises required when travelling with others. Solo means no expectations, do what you want, when you want, who cares what anyone would think? Now I know I am AuDHD, it makes so much sense! Thx Orion- Will use this as ‘Authorative’ advice to ensure ongoing therapeutic trips….

[@nathaliewilborts9869]

Yaaay, I saw my picture in the collage ☺ I can relate to many of the things. I have done solo travel and it is great! I can do whatever the heck I want and go where I want - it is so liberating and wonderful. Pets, definite yes! Conventions, YES! Nature, YES! lol. I also very much agree with finding like-minded people. And I feel that ND people seem to have a radar for other ND people (whether either party is diagnosed or not) and you can drop the mask. Wonderful!

[@thatrunningirl]

I needed this today. Thank you 💙

[@CelestiaQuixs]

I used to live in a semi-rural neighborhood and being in Nature was my go-to for decompressing. Unfortunately, I now live in the Las Vegas NV Metro area and avoid going outdoors; because...people. I am disabled with mobility issues; so, there is no way for me to get out of the city and into nature. I did buy a sunlamp to sit under and a box of fresh grass to put my feet into. I've been trying to find my 'tribe' forever and have never found them. I'm an Autistic INFJ Pisces with Complex PTSD caused by Family Scapegoating Abuse. All of the other suggestions you've given (except for RPG...I hate games because people are poor sports and I hate that people use RPGs to give themselves permission to break rules they wouldn't break in real life), I do them on my own. I draw, paint, create music, and crochet. I have two cats. I run a couple of websites and sell things online. Sadly, I still feel purposeless; because, I have no one in my life. After the family murder/suicide five years ago, my Family of Origin and my adult children abandoned me when I fell apart. What gave my life meaning was my children and grandchildren and that was 'taken' from me. People tell me I need to find other meaning in my life; but, there is nothing that can replace my children and grandchildren. I used to travel alone and enjoyed it; but, with my mobility issues and the fact that I'm no longer invited to family gatherings (including funerals) there's no longer opportunities nor the ability, even if the opportunities were still there.

[@UrbanShamanUK]

I love nature and I love games too. Sometimes I play Morrowind, just so that I can stroll around the world there and listen to the sounds of it. You can hear the water lapping, hear the strange creatures calling etc. With the music it can be very relaxing for me.

[@bluefox5331]

Very happy to say I do most of these. I slowly built them over the past few years without knowing I'm autistic (technically still without diagnosis, but a 98% bet by a psychiatrist and watching videos feeling like someone went inside my brain makes me feel okay with claiming it..) and it felt like slowly becoming more myself. My special interests definitely include the wild nature at large and art. Past year I managed to sometimes combine them. Plein air!! And this year I bought soft pastels so now they're in color. Had one this summer that felt like meditation. Took me 59 minutes, and it felt.. well, time didn't exist. It was both short and long, no thoughts, just drawing. But past that, since the end of our lockdown here in Poland I've been going to the forest that's right by me, and I think whenever I am able to I've been there at least once a week. Solo walk, sometimes with birdwatching sometimes more plant focused, I feel like I could stay there forever. I think my current record is like 7 consecutive hours in a forest and that too felt too short. Checks out the solo exploration one too :P. I don't remember and can't imagine what my life felt like before those walks.

[@northyland1157]

I tried to hang out with aspies once in a chat. I was working full time. All they would talk about is how to get disability and algo's for speed Rubik's cube speed solving. I didn't really click. Yes I struggle with things, But I also don't give up and file for disability and spend my day solving the Rubik's cube. A free ride is not my lifes goal! That is just how I honestly felt about that chat.

[@KarenCro]

Having to seek disability is not a free ride. You are very lucky you're capable of working full time. It's a very privileged position in today's society for an autistic person. Your comment reeks of ableism. Have you not read the statistics on autistic people and employment??! It seems you're uniformed. Please, do inform yourself and you'll realise why. You should also already understand that seeing as you're autistic. Again, a privileged oversight comment to make. Almost sounds Neurotypical 🫠

[@KarenCro]

So I replied to your comment but it seems KZbin doesn't like alternative opinions anymore!! You have an incredibly privileged stance to make such a comment like that.

[@JustClaude13]

I'm not sure about belonging, but I do like to be creative. I was playing with stringed instruments, using instruments I made myself, but lately I've been getting more into horns, and I can't make those myself. And I've finally fulfilled my dream of writing my own book. I'm currently working on my third book.

[@malhalsey4994]

I am excited to go on more solo adventures. When I went out of state to complete an internship, I enjoyed searching for nearby parks and visiting them. After completing the internship, I went on a solo trip to Disneyland, the first time I had been for many years, and doing Disney solo is both safe and super, super fun!

[@laura5425]

For me solo traveling works, if I have a safe place for sleeping (i.e. hotel/hostel bed in predictable environment). And of course I have to write packing lists well in advance to make sure I've covered my needs. With all that in place, solo travel is amazing. You can take your time, be immersed in your own internal world while discovering new locations (that you have to some extent carefully researched before). You can visit museums, art exhibitions or just sit in a nice park, take a bus to the countyside and go for a walk. And sometimes I even love chatting to people ^^ And I am lucky enough that alternative music is my special interest since adolescence - that opens so many possibilities to find a community for some night-outs (if I have the energy and time to recover after). Thank you for reminding me of how valuable a source my discovery mode can be 🙏

[@Green_Roc]

15:36 Virtual worlds are amazing. I read a story about someone with cerebral palsy making hundreds of relationships in WoW. Social experiences from his room where his body was almost completely stiff.

[@katharinegates2917]

Thanks!

[@errabbitc]

a-lot of things belong that most people don't even realize

[@jessicabertram9731]

Spot on, Orion. 😊 Thank you. Shine bright, my fellow stars...

[@yellowroses1]

I'm trying to be positive but I feel like it might be too late for me to "find my tribe" because I have been looking for so long. I have very little mobility, so I'm stuck in the house most of the time. I feel like if I even met one person on the same level as myself, it would be more than enough though. I have a beloved cat, and she really is my everything. She's my reason to go on when I feel like I can't. I escape into books, movies, fandoms, like you mentioned, and it's comforting. No pressure. I just wish people who don't understand would leave me in peace for a while though. The practice manager at my doctor's surgery is like the wicked witch of the west in my world. She terrifies me, makes me cry, writes letters threatening to put me out of the practice because I "call too many times"..the thing is..I can't help the calling. The more I feel that things are off, the more I call to "make it ok" and fawn and apologise. I wish she could inhabit my brain for a day just to see what I'm up against. One of my so called support workers said to me last week "but women don't get Autism do they..?" I mean...ugh. It's so frustrating!

[@KarenDUlrich]

How do you connect or reconnect when going way past burnout into shut down. Severe shut down, not coping type of shut down and no support systems?

[@markusbaumgartner9266]

I want to know that too! No support system no savings no safe space.. what to do?

[@homesteadgamer1257]

I currently have a LOT of pets, too. 5 cats, 2 dogs, a parakeet, a cockatiel, 2 finches, 15 chickens, 20 rabbits... I do raise my rabbits for meat and my chickens for eggs, but when I don't need to get meat from them, they are 100% all my pets. I have names for almost all of them based on their personalities. My cats are amazing for when I need to cuddle something. Even some of my chickens love to be cuddled. I have one rabbit that really just loves to cuddle and sleep, so he's my nap buddy, if I have trouble sleeping all I need to do is cuddle him in my bed and I get sleepy. It's kind of strange, but he somehow makes my heartbeat and breathing regulate so I get sleepy. I'm SO allergic to rabbits and cats and bird dander, but I cannot live without my animals. My cats and dogs make laugh, the sounds of my birds are soothing. They aren't just pets, they're my friends, they're my family. I have had a salamander in the past, too (got him when he was a baby - a water dog - and they look identical to axolotls, so cute) and turtles and a tortoise, I've snakes, mice, and fish. Each pet has been great emotional support even if all they do is just swim around in their tanks. My old landlord couldn't understand why I needed so many little birds as emotional support. Even just plain ADHD people don't get it, I don't think they're capable of getting it. To neurotypical people especially, animals are all replaceable. My brother who has ADHD doesn't understand why I can't get rid of all my chickens so it's easier for me to move out to where he lives and just buy new chickens. Pets are family. They're irreplaceable.

[@Never_sleepnn]

Y E E E S! All on the nose...put so well!!!!

[@teeteepalooza]

i’m single & do almost everything alone, by choice. it’s amazing!