Autistic Mate Crime (How To Spot Disability Hate Crime)

[@tayzonday]

This is the type of “friend” I’d find in junior high and high school.

[@RosheenQuynh]

It hurts how true this is...

[@JigglyRuff]

This is why I don't like making friends, I've experienced it.

[@robynfromcanada]

It's so important, especially for teenagers who are developing socially, to know these danger signs. If I liked someone, as a kid I'd probably do anything for them.

[@jupiterjunk]

Difficult topic. Glad you're talking about it, because IT HAPPENS. If we don't talk about topics, like this, it stays in the shadows. The best disinfectant is sunlight. ..

[@kirjom2505]

Not sure if these were mate crimes, but I have had experiences about toxic friends, who asked me to give them large amounts of money and never paid back, asked me to give them a drive with a car(as I have driver's license) not caring when I was busy or tired, guilt-tripping me when I said my own opinion, neglecting me when we went outside to hang out, snapping at me when I tried to join the conversation and badmouthing me and my traits(one time my two toxic friends even wrote a list about all my bad sides and flaws and the reasons why they don't want to be my friends anymore) I learnt to find true friends only as an adult.

[@lemsip207]

Who needs enemies with friends like these as the saying goes. You need to establish strong personal boundaries with people.

[@martinkaczynski8526]

@@lemsip207 Or even better. Just stay away from others and have hobbies and interest's instead. It's a lonely life but friendship usually makes everything a lot worse, as it causes crime against people with autism.

[@lemsip207]

@kirjom2505 I had a line manager at work whose every boyfriend and second husband couldn't drive and they expected her to drive them around and pick them up from the pub several evenings a week when they were ready to go home instead of learning to drive and buying a car or taking taxis. That meant she wasn't seeing much of them nor could she go out herself or have an early night. When she married for the second time, four of us simultaneously could see he was a user without telling each other we thought that. She would be spending time with his daughter, but he never did anything for her sons, such as taking them to a football match. We all breathed a sigh of relief when she realised this wasn't right and divorced him.

[@mandlin4602]

I work in banking specifically with vulnerable people, and I’ve seen so many financial abuse cases with autistic customers or have general learning disabilities. Despicable.

[@aspiewithattitude3213]

I've been through this too, I was emotional exploited from what once a friend from Primary school, since we went to different High schools, he held me back in my Primary school past, had his way to prevent any nurturing friendships I had from my potential friends from High School. Still haunts me to this day.

[@baby-bunny-studios2285]

Most “friends” in secondary school used me to take them out, to buy them things, be therapist and would emotionally abuse me if I didn’t. It drove me to the point I tried to kill myself twice.

[@kaleidojess]

I’ve definitely chosen solitude. I still have acquaintances but it’s basically just me and my family. It’s just simpler that way.

[@emily.k3703]

I have chosen solitude too. Other people just want to hurt us.

[@xei2694]

@@emily.k3703 I've seen a lot of comments like this from fellow neurodiverse people who seem to have grown up surrounded by the wrong people, and as a result have developed a warped view of humanity. It breaks my heart. Being alone isn't healthy. "Other people just want to hurt us." I absolutely hope you realise one day that that statement simply isn't true. If anyone else on the spectrum is reading this, please don't fall into this trap.

[@martinkaczynski8526]

@@xei2694 I'm afraid it is true. - Other people just want to hurt us. - Beware of friends.

[@sharonjensen3016]

From where I'm standing it is true. People do want to hurt us. Especially those in positions of power and authority. If they have prestige in the community, what chance do autistics have of being believed?

[@ReiverBlue1971]

Thanks Andy. A problem that is rarely brought up. We want to trust and friends so badly that we might be blinkered in our thinking.

[@DavidJVMusic]

Oh my gosh, I have had this happen ! I nevrer really thought about it like this before. I have actually figured out recently that I am easily manipulated by niceness. And I use to just lend anyone anything but, Ya, I don't lend my stuff out anymore, too many things were/have never returned. Thanks for sharing, Andy!

[@raven4090]

I've had so many experiences with being used and taken advantage of that in old age I've stopped trusting anyone in order to avoid trusting someone I shouldn't. I'm happiest at home alone with my animals because I know I'm safe with them.

[@endorolfgreenwolf5265]

It has happened to me from a catfish. The way I am more careful is that I assume that everyone on an online dating site who contacts me is a catfish until proven otherwise and I don’t really contact anyone myself.

[@PSG81]

Online dating sites are a waste of time and bad for your Mental health

[@iamamanda88]

I had a friend who was nice to me but when his friend was around he was mean and push me into a puddle of water

[@lemsip207]

Then he isn't a friend at all.

[@---nobody---]

Thank you for making this video!! It's an important topic.

[@richardwilliams7263]

I wish I had this video when I was younger. I knew this person when I was a kid who I thought was a friend, but I made the mistake of letting him into my home when my mom was at work. He and some of my other friends almost burned down my house (luckily that didn't happen) and it took a neighbor to get them out. The friend came back to apologize and I let them borrow a lot of my Game Boy Color games, however I soon regretted that and went to get them back, but they refused. They moved soon afterwards to a few blocks away and I tried again. This time, they gave my games to their friend who moved away to Florida, so I never saw my Game Boy games again. Ever since then, I guess I have had a tough time trusting people because of this and I'm truly lucky to have the friends I have now.

[@lemsip207]

Beware of the professional victim who deliberately puts themselves into a position where they get abused over and over again to gain sympathy from third parties. I had a friend who was a professional victim. If nobody was demanding money from him he would shower people with presents or insist on lending or giving them money and then complain they used him for money or material goods. He would return to the same abuser over and over again. He said he once had a girlfriend who would make him cut himself on several occasions. I then asked why he stayed with her. If it was just a one off it was unfortunate and he would have learned from it but he went back for more punishment. He would complain he had no time for himself as he had to do things for other people. I told him that was the life he wanted and that he didn't want his housebound friends to get help from elsewhere as he doesn't have real hobbies to occupy himself with . He complains of an ex girlfriend who won't let go and a friend of a friend who wants to borrow money to feed her drink habit but he won't stand up to them. Then there is the clumsiness and when I told him off about it then he could run crying to his other friends about what a bitch I was.

[@alakani]

Common CPTSD-NPD dynamic

[@lemsip207]

@@alakani CPTSD can tip over into ND when malignant to create the victim narcissist.

[@alakani]

@@lemsip207 Both are similar in that they involve increased amygdala activity, but CPTSD involves reduced hippocampus activity (memory, learning, spatial navigation), while NPD instead involves reduced PFC activity (impulse control, decision making). Subjectively, NPD involves constructed pride, while CPTSD involves constructed guilt. Observationally, CPTSD makes people very likely to seek therapy while NPD makes people very likely to resist therapy

[@unclebozo9845]

8:32 not if you're in the USA. Avoid cops at all cost if you're there.

[@paulocl2]

Why?

[@richardwilliams7263]

@@paulocl2 It's because of police brutality, however it shouldn't be that way because many black people tend to go out of their way to antagonize them (I'm black by the way, just in case Uncle Bozo tends to go after me).

[@richardwilliams7263]

Who is liking this!?

[@HanaGabrielleBidon]

@@paulocl2 They don't help most of the time.

[@fenlandwildlifeclips]

It's so ironic that this is exactly the video I was hoping for & asked for a long time ago. Well hopefully this one will make a difference and help others.

[@JadeDRail]

This is so sad.

[@lemsip207]

There are those who appear to be 'kind' and want to do you favours such as carry a heavy bag or push your bike for you and even if you refuse they keep asking but when they carry out the favour they are clumsy and ruin your possessions. Then when you grab your bag or bike back they then complain you 'bit their head off' and should show them gratitude for doing you favours. They offer to do the washing up and keep on even if you don't want them to and then they use too much detergent and/or break crockery. The same people who complain that they lent out CD's to other people and the CD's were returned with scratches on them. Well that's karma for them.

[@loukyb]

Thank you. This is an important topic to bring attention to.

[@SingTheSparrowSong]

I had no idea there was a word for this. Thank you!

[@JigglyRuff]

This was very very informative and yes I've experienced mate crime years ago and I'm glad I've drifted away from having friends.

[@martinkaczynski8526]

I also drifted away from having friends long, long ago, and I've never looked back.

[@jenm7996]

Thank you for sharing this. I'll be sure to keep an eye out for my son as he makes friends at school.

[@---nobody---]

I would also advise you to watch out for more subtle mistreatment. It can be things like people making friends with a vulnerable person to laugh at them behind their back, or to simply take advantage of their kindness.

[@Joy-pj2tw]

We need a diagnosis which I don t have , my family docter says no

[@reissecupfilms]

I feel like this kind of applies to the whole Chris Chan situation

[@---nobody---]

It definitely does, yeah.

[@IndieAndy]

Who is Chris Chan?

[@reissecupfilms]

@@IndieAndy let's just say you are much better off not knowing anything about the situation

[@IndieAndy]

Hmm fair enough thanks 😂

[@mariecait]

I wish I could've given Andy a hug before he left

[@Joy-pj2tw]

I keep to myself because of what happened to my dad.

[@julie8234]

I've literally just attended a workshop on this last week

[@autisticalex5987]

Great topic. Unfortunately, I can relate nearly exactly to your examples. Even when I was older and should have known better.

[@moonwolf128]

I was a victim of mate crime

[@RosheenQuynh]

Probably not a "crime" per se but I had "friends" who only showed up to my birthday party for the free food. I think it was the same party that they threw up in the sink (thank God I didn't have to clean that up) 🙃

[@lemsip207]

Or 'friends' who turn up en masse after 11pm because the pubs are closed then, they had been to the pub together and they want somewhere else to go. I've known of young people in flats in the street I live in whose flats were used by someone else as a party flat.

[@camellia8625]

I think the plasticky springy thing was a slinky

[@Joy-pj2tw]

I think this happened to my father

[@sophiehaddock6960]

I have autism myself

[@jackmellor5536]

Also don't go into the homes of people you don't know.

[@AeonZhang]

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