Autistic Meltdowns: What They DON'T Tell You

[@ByrdieFae]

THANK YOU. It feels as though despite so many advocates saying that many people are tired after their meltdowns, no one remembers. We have to keep talking about it.

[@dl2725]

On that sense (illusion?) of control while a meltdown is occurring… YES! A good decade before I began to wonder if I had ASD, I had a meltdown where I felt overwhelmed but also like I was consciously letting myself go, allowing myself to be loud and demanding, trying to get help. I didn’t get any help, and I remember being even more upset about that. But for a moment it all felt like a choice, like instead of the constant performance of independence and self-reliance and cheeriness, I was flipping to a performance of distress. Like everything was performance. Always. And my internal experience was profoundly dissociated from how I was showing up. All it is, I think, is me watching me. And maybe I can control whether I “act out” or “act in”, but that’s the extent of any control I have, in moments like these 😕.

[@brianwright8374]

Meltdowns are a very big part of why I started researching autism, and seeking an diagnosis. I'm 48, and I was diagnosed about a year ago. When I'm at work it is not uncommon for me to have a meltdown every so often. It's usually when chaos enters my rigid repetitive patterns. Fortunately my work is very repetitive, and I find it calming. I can't even begin to count the number of jobs I've quit or been fired from due to meltdowns. There are only 2 people I work with that have ever managed to really help me calm down once I start melting down. It's been made more difficult recently when I was told to stop telling people how I'm feeling when I'm not ok. I understand the consequences, but at the same time if I don't tell people I'm not ok, they won't notice something is wrong until it's too late. I've also learned that in addition to autism and adhd, I also have a lot of trauma. I'm probably dealing with complex ptsd too. For me it almost always comes from emotional deregulation or getting overwhelmed by too much happening around me. It leaves me wanting to turn my emotions off and now I'm questioning if I should even tell people when I'm not ok. I'm faced with do I dissociate the whole time I'm at work, and retreat into my own world. I can also keep telling people what's wrong, and risk the consequences of making everyone uncomfortable. It stresses me out more, because I know that eventually something will happen that causes a quit or be fired scenario that I would rather avoid. It's like all the work I've been trying to do to understand myself better and what is going on is all for nothing because it makes everyone else uncomfortable.

[@E2023M]

Thank you. I do get the aura and I find the thoughts about the delusion of control illuminating. It does make a lot of sense to me. If I were able to control and stop the meltdown, why wouldn’t I stop it?

[@meganekkoi3282]

Anger meltdowns are the worst!

[@JustClaude13]

Frustration is my trigger. The worst part is the feeling that I have to stop and take a break, but I can't until I finish the task that is building the frustration. Soon enough I'm curled up on the floor sobbing and saying I hate the task, myself and the world in general.| And afterward, it never seems the task was that important anyway. But at the time it was the most important thing in the world.

[@anne.marie42]

To be clear: I am in NO way suggesting that meltdowns and severe migraines are the same thing. However, as someone who experiences both, I was really struck by how you could almost substitute the word migraine for meltdown throughout this video and have it be just as helpful, only for migraine sufferers. Some of the descriptive vocabulary is of course the same (aura, hangover, triggers), but it extends to things like becoming unable to speak, sensing them coming on, etc. It makes me wonder if there might me some similar activity happening in the brain leading up to them. Thanks for another helpful and thought provoking video!

[@Brandontsmith85]

@anne.marie42 I have one fellow AuDHDr friend who experiences migrains as their meltdowns, though I experience something more like a panic attack accompanied by intense grief.

[@misspat7555]

I had the experience growing up of being in a situation where expressing ANY significant emotion of ANY kind was so unsafe and unlikely to get my needs met; indeed, guaranteed to get my requests and needs ignored; that I developed my mental intelligence to a high degree, as this was encouraged, while suppressing pretty much all emotional expression and retaining the emotional intelligence and development of a toddler. Emotional expression broke through in a few spots where it SEEMED, perhaps, safe, only for me to rediscover that, no, in fact, people were just overall super happy to punish me severely for expressing feelings. Being vulnerable in any way was just an invitation to get hurt. So, I developed a form of meltdown/shutdown I term “safe mode”; a state in which most of my brain switches off, but critical parts needed to help escape the overwhelming situation remain intact; I can move, and speak, and even make decisions, but all in the service of getting the heck out of whatever situation I have found myself in. Because I had no other option but to take care of myself. Of course, though, I couldn’t just go through life as if a whole, huge part of my self were not there. The emotions kept trying to come to the surface and get expressed and processed. The pandemic seemed to once again bring things to a head; I started tearing up randomly, especially at work, and knew I would soon lose control if I didn’t somehow address the situation. I had just been put under too much stress for too long. In order to have some control and feel safe, I went to a place I had felt safe in the past, a defunct scout camp now owned by a gas drilling company. The sign was still there, though; basically, the drilling company bought the land, put up a couple “no trespassing” signs, and, at least 17 years later, had done nothing else with the land. I wasn’t sure what would happen, but I was very alone and isolated; no one around for miles, as far as I could tell; and this allowed me to release a flood of pent-up emotion. Would this be called a meltdown? Not sure; but I definitely had weeks of warning, to the point I could plan to try to be emotionally safe, whatever was going to happen. I didn’t feel ashamed after, but I was a bit concerned; it seemed this was just a start, not an end by any means. I started reaching out for help. I knew I had ADHD; had known that for many years; but didn’t know I was also autistic, so I sought more generic mental health help. I got worse than none. Not a shock, I suppose. In lieu of getting basically ANY help or support, I went to the old camp a couple more times, then branched out into other locations, deliberately triggering what were, maybe, meltdowns? by attempting to relive parts of my life and “writing letters”; to my younger self, or to people who hurt me. I recommend a small towel or two for mopping up the leakage during such episodes; I have found this most helpful; if nothing else here resonates, perhaps that, at least, will be helpful for someone. I just recently have progressed to the point I was able to trigger myself with another person present; my therapist, whom I trust. I am actually in the process of planning to trigger myself again, but have to maintain a holding pattern until my next therapy session on Monday. It is a truly bizarre experience; carefully planning to be an incoherent, blubbering mess. I’m aware now of the great mental energy that gets sucked up by suppressing the expression of raw emotion fighting to get out. I’m also very good at getting through the day if I have to, though. As I said, I have no shame. I cannot control how I feel. I have attempted to better accommodate my sensory needs and need to stim, but this is causing old trauma to come to the surface and need dealt with. If I respect the fact that I can’t control how much of an effect events and experiences have on me, but I CAN control the time and place that I express and process my emotions to some extent, I can feel safer and BE safer. I had a panic attack, or meltdown, or something, I hyperventilated, anyway, when I was 13, and it was quite scary and, while my “safe mode” did activate and take care of me, I can’t say as I’d like to experience that again. So, the key seems to be to acknowledge and accept what is happening and choose a safe time and place to deliberately trigger a meltdown before my limbic system chooses a time and place for me. I also use music to help “get me in the mood” and self-talk like “you are safe, that tightness in your chest and throat, that prickling in your eyes; that is your relief coming, welcome it, feel it, you are safe…”, before writing until I’m blinded by tears. Crying hard is the body’s natural way of trying to recover from severe stress. My eyes and nose might be sore after an especially intense session; my throat hoarse from wailing; but the emotion and tension are now out; I needn’t worry about becoming so vulnerable in a time and place where I won’t be safe, at least for a time. This has been quite the ride. The love of my life got cancer and died about a year into my exploration of my emotional self, which gave me a whole lot to sob hard about! I also learned to do EMDR on myself to cope with a few especially traumatic memories resulting from that experience. I would just start shifting my eyes back and forth when the memories came while reciting, “that was horrible, but it is over now; there is nothing I can do to change it, it is over now, I survived, and I am now safe.”. It is as if I have a very smart, strong parent in my brain that can watch over my immature, potentially self-harmful emotional parts and ensure they are safe. That was something I made sure to tell my therapist in advance; I don’t become self-injurious during these episodes. I feel no need to punish myself. I’m just having feelings and expressing them, which is normal and healthy. As I said, no idea if anyone else has had my experiences, even in part. I’ve certainly never read or heard about someone else experiencing emotional outbursts in quite this way. My situation has likely been pretty specific to me. But my TL:DR is- Don’t try to suppress feelings until you explode. Notice the physical signs that stress is building; tight chest and throat; prickling eyes/tearing up; fast breathing and heartrate; and get somewhere/with someone safe! Not everyone has their own personal “safe mode”; believe you me, you don’t want the emotional neglect and harm that resulted in that; but DO have some way to get to a safe place/person if needed. And carry a couple nice, soft small towels or washcloths. Just in case of leakage. ❤

[@sharonaumani8827]

"I knew I had ADHD; had known that for many years; but didn’t know I was also autistic, so I sought more generic mental health help. I got worse than none. Not a shock, I suppose." Unfortunately, no, that is not a shock. I can relate to your first sentence and, l bet, there are many more people than you could imagine that experience at least some parts of what you report [which can be nice to know!]. I, too, grew up where it was not safe to express my feelings [or, at least, anger/resistance]. We tend to dissociate to some degree or get into a freeze response, which can be even more challenging to unlearn or work with. We [or, at least I] commonly disappear in our own head.

[@misspat7555]

@@sharonaumani8827Oh, yes; I considered what I now know to be profound dissociation and “freeze” (since neither fight nor flight could help me) response to be “strength”. Which in a way, it was; it kept me safe and allowed me to physically survive; but yes, it is also a pretty heavily modified version of the natural response, which makes working with it trickier. Hope you are also finding ways to “thaw out” your feelings! ❤️‍🩹

[@solipsisticBovine]

ouch. a lot of this resonates ... although I fear that my "safe mode" often doesn't engage in a timely and/or effective fashion. also, because I just can't resist: always know where your towel is!

[@minkwells8434]

This description has a lot of points I can relate to. You are not alone

[@PupFinn]

I get shutdowns in response to overstimulation. Meltdowns, or as one autistic person called them overloads, only happen when I'm in a state of extreme emotional distress. My actions very much mirror the trigger of that distress. Deep sobs, hitting myself, angry yelling or lashing out if people try to physically interact with few exceptions. I understand exactly what you mean by aura. I described it to my partner as everything becomes sharp like increasing the sharpness in a photograph. Every sound become a roar, every light becomes brilliant, every physical sensation is harsh. Normally, I dissociate, but if there is a strong emotional component it pushes my brain over the edge and I can't dissociate so I get overloaded and meltdown ensues. After I dissociate, I am tired but can generally continue assuming I get to stim and reduce sensory stimuli. After an overload, I can't verbalize, am incapable of understanding anything complex, and must sleep or another meltdown will occur within a short time, usually less than an hour. Meltdowns for me are extremely disabling with the resulting fatigue and emotional effects lasting for several days, 3 days to a couple weeks depending on how intense it was. If it happens at work, I'm more likely to have a prolonged rest period due to embarrassment and other feelings of shame and frustration since I have been seen in such a vulnerable state. The worst is coming back to all the questions, which I believe are well intentioned, but make my meltdowns and disabling aspects of being autistic seem like they're in a spotlight. I already feel shitty enough without everyone focusing on what happened. Minimize, please.

[@cereal_at_midnight]

I used to get “laugh-crying breakdowns” in sixth form (I realise now these were likely meltdowns). I’d go from laughing manically to, typically, crying under a table lol. Very much confused my friends at the time, I’d try and laugh them off as a “cheeky breakdown” (mostly happened around exams/coursework and we were all stressed so wasn’t totally surprising to those around me given the context). Still, very much worried me at the time, I hated feeling so out of control while simultaneously feeling so perceived.

[@lozzielou]

Thanks so much for this. I had one two days ago in front of two people and embarrassed myself so badly and lost a friend. I never knew I had meltdowns and always thought they were panic attacks. It’s really good that I need to know the signs because I often am tempted to drink alcohol which makes it so much worse.

[@0CircleMaker0]

I used to have anger meltdowns as a kid but I've been very lucky as an adult that the anger isn't as present. I usually implode, rather than explode. The disassociation is no joke though, that's one of the big ones for me. It's like my tether just snaps and I drift away. Awesome video as always, thanks man.

[@laynahodgson4994]

I hear and feel you. Hope you're doing well. No matter where in the world you are doesn't matter 🙏💘 love and peace to you ❤

[@GreaseBall.]

When I get the "illusion of control", for me, I can actually do it. I'm not sure why, and I think I've been able to do it all of my life. The only reason why I don't all the time is because people don't really care about helping me if I'm not emotional. If I want something to be done, I have to continue with it. And even when I *do* stop the feelings and actions im doing, i really just fully reset. I forget everything that happened and return to normal. Its really odd, but at least other people feel this sensation as well, even if they cant act upon it.

[@Khaotic_Karma]

8:53 Genuinely thank you so much for this. The illusion of control is something i experience (like a little voice that won’t shut up about how i can stop whenever i want and i’m just faking it) and it really feeds the imposter syndrome. I haven’t seen anyone else talk about this, but it was really validating and comforting to know i wasn’t alone in experiencing this. ❤❤

[@woof7]

Thank you Thomas. Had shutdown earlier this week and it obliterated any futile efforts to meet deadlines I had casually planned in when in a good state of mind. Now I know I’m ND, later in life, it’s allowed me to be kinder to myself when plans fail due to shutdowns I can’t control. This helps alleviate feelings of shame, though not entirely. Btw your delivery of this was perfect, very much appreciate the natural pauses and relaxed but clear style.

[@stephenie44]

Can I stop my behavior during a shutdown or meltdown?: sure, for a second or two, with immense effort that feels unnatural. It’s feels akin to vertigo though: sure, I can lay on the ground and remain still instead of standing and falling over, but the room is still spinning. For verbal shutdowns, I can speak, but it takes an enormous amount of physical effort, as if I am trying to yell words that aren’t mine, and it comes out as a whisper (almost never audible in the loud environment that’s causing my shutdown). Can I stop myself from smacking a wall during a meltdown? Sure, but I might end up screaming or smacking something else repeatedly a minute later. It feels like being a boiling kettle, and shoving a cork on the whistling bit. The sound might stop, but the kettle is still on the stove and the pressure is continuing to build. You want to swallow that pressure (severely dissociate) or let it out?

[@jacquizbak]

thnX for sharing ur honest eXperiences ~ u r not alone & it's more universal than they want us to realize/accept/admit so mayb time we open the doors allow true healing thru sharing & caring space = for ALL of us need safe spaces/places 2b authentically ourselves/eXpress/flowing ALL energies eh!

[@minkwells8434]

This is SO brilliant Thomas! I think you have articulated exactly how this works and broken it down into all the stages. I've never heard this done before, and although I've experienced all these things in the same order, I've never attempted to put it into words myself, so it's a very important observation you've made here, thank you! The 'illusion of control' especially stood out to me because indeed this is something that I've had and never understood it and then felt guilty about, but there's no way I could actually stop it even if I somehow thought I should be able to.

[@marycooney303]

Your description of a happy meltdown really hit me. I never thought that experience, which i have had frequently, was a meltdown . Wow, mind blown! Thank you!

[@laura.bseyoga]

Meltdowns are exhausting! It can take me days to feel right again after one. 💚

[@kyleguebert5526]

My ladyfriend suffers from migraines and she often refers to the aura she gets when they're about to come on, but never in regard to autism. There have been several instances where I feel like a meltdown is imminent, but I've never been able to quantify or categorize the sensations, emotions, and thought processes that are happening, other than describing it as feeling like a mini panic attack. Panic attack may not be the best term, but panic in the sense that if I do suffer a meltdown, I panic at the thoughts of what will come after and "this is going to get worse before it's over." Like the hangover, for one.

[@jacquizbak]

ur shedding light/understanding on to eXactly how it feeeellls 2b in that state = thnX for giving other's the descriptive words as we can ALL relate no matter where we r on the spectrum/in the universe eh!

[@cujimmy1366]

Thank you. Merry ish Christmas everyone.

[@wendyheaton1439]

As a late identified/ diagnosed audhd I am relearning what a meltdown is for me. For years I have had to bury them internally to avoid detection. It always felt like I was becoming super concentrated inside like a black hole ready to implode... Now I am learning to release the pressure much more quickly and no doubt in a more healthy way. I think for me I have been super sensitive to the aura knowing that I needed to escape and hide asap.

[@jacquizbak]

u share a/the way to adapt yet allow the understanding being shared as many just want to deny/hide/control e v r y t h i n g yet that is not how energy worX ~ u can deny/lie/TRY 2b a conduit 4 better ways to eXpress caring thru sharing knowledge whick bcomes our wisdom eh!

[@siennaprice1351]

I’m completely blind, autistic and have CPTSD. My meltdowns can be different. If I’m having flashbacks from my trauma, that could cause a meltdown. I like my stuff a certain way, and if I can’t find it, that causes me a lot of dysregulation. If someone just randomly comes up and grabs me, gets loud, or does anything physical to me, that causes me a lot of overstimulation and anxiety. I just stay silent, bottle the feeling of overstimulation up, but then it just turns to fight or flight, and I start hitting myself with my white cane or I hit myself in the head or face. I feel so much shame after the meltdown, and I start beating myself up because I feel like such an immature little baby because I should’ve done better with pushing those feelings down so no one would notice.

[@jessietea]

i'm still self dx autistic but i'm an adhder and i have epilepsy (and other medical issues that aren't relevant to this comment). even before this video i've been pondering if maybe some of my seizures were actually meltdowns, or if they were triggered by meltdowns. this idea of a meltdown aura is super interesting because seizures also have auras (as do migraines, which i also get). i haven't had a seizure since 2016 luckily, but i still get these auras every once in a while and it scares me, but it's also hard to disentangle from the other reasons i may be feeling that way linked to my adhd/autism. it makes me wonder if the mechanisms at play are the same. i haven't sought out any research yet on autism+epilepsy other than the fact that autistic people are more likely to have epilepsy than the general population. anyway i'm only partway through the video but i wanted to write this before i got distracted

[@TheMyisa]

@@jessietea I have a migraine disorder with aura. They believe that migraines follow a similar pathway as seizures. They share many of the same triggers. They even use seizure meds for migraine management.

[@musiqtee]

I support and deeply cherish your shared insights - they are «a public good», wanting a better expression… You mentioned «will» or «want» towards the end. Some research (finally) points to what may happen if said «will/want» goes missing for a longer time. A lack of expectation(s). Ironically, this is mentioned in literature (Dostoyevsky, character «the underground man») and in philosophy (e.g. Nietzsche), all 140+ years ago. I have this hunch that clinical research has been lagging tremendously, due to our «scientific ideal» being increasingly reductive. This is where your work (and luckily, many good people) may push awareness further. Of course I’m biased towards my above mini-rant, as a 2018-2021 eh… «welfare process» degraded my ASD experience to an unimaginable degree. Haven’t checked too well on your earlier work (longtime follower, though), but if you have any thoughts on long term lack of expectations (years, life…?) I’m all in. Again, thanks…!

[@solipsisticBovine]

maybe worth mentioning: a really perfidious variant of the "illusion of control" happens for me when the control is the hands of other people ("can't they be clearer/quieter/more careful"?) ... bad attribution patterns there; trying to learn to exit the situation before they take hold.

[@thuggie1]

i find stuck grins can be very painful especially when it puts my neck in tension

[@jacquizbak]

PS: @thomas u r truly gifted at relating to the spirit of life struggles & being a bridge to the learn/unlearned just takes truth seekers/speakers stsying open to share healing/wisdom like u do eh😵‍💫💖

[@ramosgugu8755]

I have an autistic coworker who I am attracted to and he is also attracted to me, but when I approach him he avoids me, wherever I go he follows me, he looks at me from afar, he follows me with his eyes, he copies what I do, and I know he also has a strong attraction to me, I was direct and told him that I wanted to talk to him, but he said no thanks, now I don't understand, what do I do? Being direct doesn't work, but he keeps looking at me from afar and always approaches me but he doesn't want to talk to me, I'm confused, can you help me, what do I do?

[@Autistic-Older-Adult]

@@ramosgugu8755 I hope it’s ok to throw a thought in here. It could be that your coworker being Autistic is experiencing a form of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and added to maybe experiences of rejection in the past is reacting out of a self protection mechanism that assumes rejection is inevitable. If he is obviously showing signs of mutual attraction it might be a case of continued gentle positive reinforcement to breakdown that instinctive rejection sensitivity. This is only just a guess but he sounds a lot like my younger self. Good luck .

[@Roswell33]

Did you tell him you like him? If you said you 'want to talk' to him that sounds ominous. I would feel freaked out if someone said that to me. It's hard to know exactly what's going on, but wanting to talk actually isn't that direct, it's quite vague..

[@lisaschwegel3520]

Last week, while at the courthouse, relief from probate going so quickly and smoothly, tears and I'm not sure, washed over me. I'm not a person who cried in public, that's all changed since my husband passed last June. I did not know I have ADHD and he's been my support human for the last 42 years. It really sucked to find out that way, anyway I experienced this happy meltdown, and I let myself have it. I'm learning to love myself and take better self care, old me would've stiffened, stuffed and slipped the mask more firmly in place. I can't mask anymore, I'm tired, I'm 61 and done playing the, please include me game. I don't care about it anymore. I have answers to the, what's wrong with me question and I can die a happy woman.

[@angelamanrique9416]

I completely agree. Very well put, as always! Btw, what's the name of the ending song? Lol

[@AhavaGoldwater]

Thanks!

[@ThomasHenley]

Thank you so much for the super chat, I really appreciate it 😊!

[@toni5543]

i am just wiped out after a meltdown. i am quite shut down. low social battery. cant talk much.

[@ulischarl2026]

It is hard for me to tell the difference of what I truely seek during a meltdown. I can relate to the ego-protective actions, those happen to me always. Then I feel guilty to be so "egoistic" and being a pain to others (to co-workers. because I get meltdowns before work and take a call for not-able-to-work-today-stuff) it is a mess, but I am on it, I work as a nurse - as a highly sensitive person - in Senior-home-Care. I love the work, but I feel drained all times..

[@JustClaude13]

I have no illusion of control. Once I'm in meltdown mode I know I can't stop it; only direct it somewhere safe. I hope. Last time, I punched the refrigerator. It's steel with a springy door panel, so if I hit it straight on it will dissipate the force over all my knuckles. Nobody gets hurt. It turned into a right hook, with my full weight behind it, directly on the pinky. I broke my hand. Thanks for your views on meltdowns. I'm writing an autistic character melting down, but here meltdown is based on my own reactions, and it feels too overdone when I read it. I need to rewrite based on how other people see meltdowns so I can scale it back and still maintain the emotional intensity.

[@jaredkaye3669]

Owie. I believe the illusion of control is the practice of "forgiveness". Technically no one has "free will" and we are just abusing each other. The abuse spawns from enslaving animals 10,000 years ago. Yuav Galant the leader of the Israeli Army claims the Palestinians are "human animals" to justify genocide but really humans are animals and we all deserve rights. ANyway, hitting the fridge is a form of self destruction which is cathartic but I think practicing punching the air is also cathartic and less self destructive. I jab with my left and follow with a right cross while chambering the left jab. The coordination of chambering and extending simultaneously allows for more force to be exerted. I also pivot my feet so it is a full body exercise. I also practice kicking and smoke cannabis. Forgive me for demanding you to not punch the fridge. Forgive yourself. Forgive your abusers. Forgiveness is love!

[@laynahodgson4994]

I can't eat unless I'm emotionally happy. Explain your food and sensory difficulties without looking like a freak!!!! ❤

[@KevinMannix-sf5zk]

Are you an emotion or are you a "thought" Which one is the first to go when you die, the Emotions or the sounds in your head ? When you pretend that thinking is real , it can get really messy when your terror prevents you from making sounds other than screaming Which is a reflection of the imaginary world you are trying to pretend is real If you stop imagining that sound matters , then you stop having meltdowns So if you stop pretending that the lower brain and therefore emotions don't exist , Then you will place them as the first thing you are and will learn to feel what life is and once you are correctly centred on the emotional brain once again , after dissociating with it, when you turned Autistic You will from that moment never again be where you should no be A 2yr old trying to play in the sand pit with the 8yr olds (they will drive you crazy with their games)

[@jacquizbak]

Every little bit counts/every little move u make/intentions more important than how it's perceived/received = another's choices/attitude/perspective NOT OUR RESPONSIBILITY ~mayb check out the Queen's Code as might illuminate how different sexes r wired even if they try to label us as broken = we r here to learn/heal/live life to the fullest~ its all our choices/perspectives/responsiblity to keep celebrating being authentically U 🎉worX in my world so mayb our turn teach the world a better way eh 😮❤😅😵‍💫💗🦉🐈‍⬛🦬🐐🦫🐎🥰🤟🌻

[@boembo6627]

Great content but can I just say, just keep a script at each camera you look at.

[@Autistic-Older-Adult]

Hi Thomas. Thanks for your insights. That Aura like feeling you describe is oh so familiar but I had not directly associated it with my meltdowns. I will try to analyse that next time to see if it is related for me also.

[@kathyh.1720]

Sorry, but, um, just a pronunciation thing... Persevation --> perseveration. per-se-va-tion --> per-sev-e-ra-tion There's another syllable between the "v" and the "ation". That's where the (second) "r" is. Now that I've gotten this out of my system, I shall continue listening to your video. (I do like your videos!)