Autistic Pretty Privilege

[@abigaillyn]

I use my looks as part of my mask. It does some of the work for me... people are more likely to put up with "weird" autistic traits when it's coming from a pretty woman.... plays into the manic pixie dream girl thing. And i use the physical mask so i can get away with masking my behavior less

[@sejhammer]

I feel you! Also, though, we should be entitled to be ourselves! It's a little bit of a shame that we find ourselves even thinking of it as "getting away with" masking less (I do as well sometimes), because we should feel entitled to be allowed to just exist, just be ourselves. Unmasking is so challenging though since we need to interact with lots of people who may have little understanding of or tolerance toward someone outwardly expressing their autistic traits.

[@tabitha3555]

All of this!!! I’ve accepted that I’d probably only be able to fully unmask when I look good..

[@Sinister6scorpion]

Yes!! But it's also a problem I've come to find for me personally, especially when it comes to trying to hold down a job. I try to empathize with people and show them I care about the things they say and be kind like how a human should be, and it's always taken as something more than it is and something it definitely is not! I've left jobs because of this. The pretty privilege is real and I really hate the -objectification- that comes along with all of it. It really hurt when I first noticed the pattern.

[@homeopathicfossil-fuels4789]

on a good face and hair day i get gendered correctly (trans) and even treated as ""happy quirky weird girl" on a bad face and hair day I am treated like a crossdressing criminal insane man

[@TwylasCouch]

As an ex emo kid, we were all weird af but if you put on enough eyeliner and made your bangs into a shield from the world, no one suspects a thing 🤫🖤🫶🏻 now we know I was HELLA AUTISTIC

[@BrannaLaurelin]

I think that when you're a child, it doesn't really matter if you're the cutest little kid around, if you show autistic traits the other kids will pick up on it and it will MAKE you ugly in their eyes. I fully believed I was just the ugliest thing growing up, because I was told so constantly by the other kids. Then in my late teens I suddenly had a "glow up", the way I saw it - largely because it was the first time I started to get compliments for my looks, but in truth I realise now that I simply finally learned how to use my appearance to mask my autism. Looking back, I was never ugly. I was a really cute child. But I was different, and that was enough to make me SEEM ugly to the other kids, and they bullied me relentlessly throughout all my childhood years. So what I'm saying is, that even if someone seems to have pretty privilege now, I think that chances are they will still have experienced bullying or being ostracised as children because children are so mean no matter where you live or how you look like. That's why one should never assume that someone's good looks means they don't know what it's like to suffer. It also gives rise to a very intense form of masking that can be so harmful in the long run.

[@siirimannila7396]

Wow, this really hit home for me. I’m sorry for what you have been trough❤️‍🩹. It is unfortunate how children/people ingeneral react that way when they notice someone is different.

[@BrannaLaurelin]

@@siirimannila7396 Thank you! I'm doing all right now (besides being in burnout) so no worries 😊

[@siirimannila7396]

@@BrannaLaurelin happy to hear that you are doing well otherwise🙏

[@SingingSealRiana]

Oh absolutly, kids do not looks yet for pretty, they see you are different and mirror the abults habbit of treating everyone different as worse

[@taylorsmith4128]

Thank you for expressing something I never had the words to express.

[@BipolarCourage]

Being all dolled up in makeup & fashionable clothes can often be like a mask more than a form of self-expression.

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

Yes, (conventionally) pretty privilege is A Thing. Thanks for talking about this! Moreover, voice pitch (generally + pitch variation), accent, speech speed, and vocabulary *all* IME need to be "conventional" and "convenient" enough for people to get positive attention and be taken seriously. Which is also pretty massively unfair, seeing as pitch is pretty much genetic and accent & speed & pausing is something we typically absorb from our early environment, so not really a choice, either.

[@DanaAndersen]

Oh this is such a good point that I wish I hadn’t missed in the video! I have so many times while masking that my voice goes higher and my accent softens out a bit because being ‘a girly’ is the thing that will help in the moment, but my mask has never adapted to whatever it is I need to be taken seriously without being considered ‘aggressive’ 😭

[@lookingoverjordan]

@@DanaAndersen THIS! EXACTLY THIS! As a POC, I self-isolate SO MUCH out of concern that I'll jammed up legally over EXPERIENCING MEDICAL DISTRESS and people thinking I'm THE danger, not I'm IN danger! Full unmasking could literally be my end via law-enforcement... The demonstrative "I come in peace" dance is an exhausting part of my masking... HEAVY on an already TAXED mind!

[@sejhammer]

I'm 5'2" and I went from 189lbs to 138lbs, both due to Wegovy and my latest phase of autistic burnout that has been lasting like a year and a half almost. Now, people at my work are saying things like "she's so gorgeous! Isn't she gorgeous?" and smiling at me, seeming to be more friendly to me, etc. I used to wear a full face of sparkly makeup when I was 189 lbs, but now I go out with my acne scars on display and no makeup and I'm getting this additional and unwanted attention. Men catcalling me from their cars has been happening again like it did when I was this weight (140~lbs) in my 20s. I've been leaning into wearing my safe clothes more to send the message that I am not seeking commentary on my body, just trying to be comfortable and expressive with my outfits. Dana, you have really good insights and I'm so impressed with how well you can talk about these issues. It's validating to me because I am feeling the same kinds of feelings you're describing, but the thought of trying to dissect those feelings and put into words what I'm feeling and what I'm seeing--I feel I couldn't do that as well as you did in this video! Also--I am a non-binary trans person, AFAB. I transitioned to live as a man in my early 20s and saw a big change in how I was treated by strangers and new people vs. when they saw me as a woman. Then later, I relaxed and developed into an understanding that I am non-binary but like doing a fem presentation when it comes to my style. A lot of time people are seeing me as a cis woman with a flat chest and a smoky voice. Anyway, all this is to say, I've had other life experiences as well that taught me just how much people's treatment toward me is based on how I look to them. Because I was the same person the whole time, the only thing that changed from those different stages of my life was the external presentation.

[@angelx9724]

I use my pretty priv for masking too. But I also try to be freaky, so they know to be on guard.

[@O-Demi]

Sh_t I've just realized that I don't get the pretty privilege thing (I've seen a few autistic youtubers talk about it as well) because I'm ace! It just clicked into place when you said that we can't help but notice when someone's hot, and I'm like, WAIT is this the reason I can't wrap my head around this concept and frankly I drop following 'conventionally attractive' people the second I think that whatever they say is bs?? Wow, what an eurika moment for me! xD

[@princesspompom0054]

As someone who is autistic and loves feminin and cute pink stuff, I remember before tik tok there was the stereotype about autistic people being more boyish or male centered and usually weren't attractive, and I felt more alone for that, I felt like I wasn't a real autistic person (I was diagnosed when I was 3), but I also was definetly not neurotypical, so seeing these conventionaly attractive and more fem pressenting autistic people felt like a relief to me, although I do think that we need to see more autistic people of color and from other cultures.

[@DanaAndersen]

Like it’s not that I don’t want them about, it’s just that their content is more likely to be pushed to a large amount of people, leaving a lot of people without or with very limited representation or a place within their own community. I don’t feel like I stressed enough in the video that I do actively like a lot of the creators I mentioned and find a lot of value in their content, and I don’t think they are in anyway the problem! Everyone should be able to dress and present however they feel most comfortable, and be accepted as they are

[@MLX1401]

​@@DanaAndersen No worries, your talk here doesn't in any way come off as dismissive 🧡 OP sharing an interesting point though. In the 80's and 90's it was the norm to portray disabled (and geeky) people as fat, having poor hygiene and ugly clothes. As a chubby and geeky teen (also the first in our class to be prescribed eyeglasses, yay) it was utterly depressing. The general attitude towards disabilty was so horrendous it's just impossible to explain, if you haven't lived through it. But imagine restaurants being able to reject people in wheelchairs, because, like who want's to watch a cripple eat? While this 2020 "neurodivergent chic" -phenomenon is kinda icky, it's still been a comforting and welcomed change in the general image of what disability might look like 😅

[@ricarda3640]

You raise such good points! I was kinda "trained" by my older sister how to "look good" in a conventional way and how to act pretty and have always been naturally very skinny, so this got me a lot of attention from guys, but being the socially illiterate person that I am, I didn't realize that some of them didn't actually like me for who I am but just for who I am when I'm masking and having a pretty girl next to them. So I went through quite some horrible relationships from gaslighting to domestic violence and since I let go of the "pretty masking" it got a bit better, and also women like me more. It took me a while to understand that not all "nice" reactions from other people are actually good for you. Since I was always trying to fit in somehow and make people like me, dressing up pretty seemed to work, but people don't actually like you more when they get to know your character with all your autistic traits. It's a bit similar I think to "smart privilege", because I have always been quite school smart (but definitely not street smart) and got good grades, so my "quirkyness" was attributed to being a "genius" child. Now I'm an adult and get fired from every single job because people can't deal with the way I communicate and I can't figure out to do it right for them...

[@manty_monster]

as someone who was just weird and fat in childhood and only "blossomed" into subcultures and my aesthetic as an adult, partially involving losing a LOT of weight (over 200lbs) and covering myself in tattoos and piercings, I am treated MUCH differently and now that i am skinny and considered attractive within my subcultures. More people tell me they care about me, more people want to know what i'm doing, and take me more seriously.

[@Broken_robot1986]

I hate that you can't choose who to be attracted to. I hate that charm can be manufactured and it works.

[@lookingoverjordan]

As a non-white Autie, I'm regularly painted with suspicion and/or exoticized like Dr. Jekyll or some rare-seen beast... Different, but the experience definitely rhymes with your thoughts. It's similar (gross) in-group/out-group and "looking SPECIAL" stuff. Power structures that prioritize sameness, not affording the "perks" of inclusion to the different... sadly in 2024, that neglected inclusivity comes with DIRE ramifications... Blessings Dana (You're not crazy and I'm grateful for your work)!

[@alexandramoore8200]

I make an effort in finding creators to follow to show preference for poc and people who aren't the conventional norm in general (queer or plus size or disabled), and you're right - it is harder to find a youtuber who is talking about a thing I'm interested in (particularly neurodivergent stuff) who isn't a thin white man or woman😂. I don't think you're taking away from creators who don't fit in that box, I'm sorry people have made you feel like it's something you need to defend.

[@DanaAndersen]

It’s less that I feel like I need to defend anything, and that it just really saddens me to feel like if I was making this exact content while still fat, I wouldn’t receive nearly the response that I have, and there’ll be lots of people out there creating really valuable content that just never gets picked up by the algorithm and is tough to find, purely because they don’t look appealing enough in the thumbnail for people to click on it. So I just really wanted to prompt people to think a lil more about what they’re choosing the click on and why, if they weren’t already!

[@alexandramoore8200]

@@DanaAndersen i have been thinking longer and it occured to me - if you were interested in doing a video highlighting or sharing in some way the neurodivergent creators you have found that aren't as algorithm friendly, that would be cool. A video like that is how i found a bunch of cool black creators. Not trying to add to your workload but it was a thought i had

[@UnvisibleGirl]

Can defiantly relate to both sides of the pretty privilege, When I was a streamer( back when I had spoons xD ) I would do my makeup and have the lighting etc and not look too bad and did draw some people in every now and again because of it, but sometimes it was some cis guy and they would hear my voice and start some crap or be nasty in chat etc because clearly I transitioned to trick men 😂/s.

[@RedSntDK]

I can only say from getting older that I personally has gotten less superficial. I wouldn't be surprised if it's some mate-seeking human wiring and hormones amplifying those negative traits. And as you get older and mellow out you stop caring about those things.

[@courteneylally5505]

As a late diagnosed mom of 2 I can say I’ve been on both sides-I was traditionally pretty and used it too ask part of my mask, and now that I’m overweight after kids and hypothyroidism and severe burnout and in my late 30’s, I can’t do the self care things that kept me ‘pretty’ and I can definitely tell I’m treated differently too. It’s been a tough adjustment going the other way, and as bad as it sounds I’m hoping that isn’t lost forever. I just want some self esteem to appear somehow 🤷‍♀️

[@DRAGONFLYS06]

I guess in the past I gained weight on purpose so men would leave me alone but I have learnt weather I am skinny or fat people treat me badly either way if I don't mask my autism.

[@ambermoore3899]

Wow yeah i've had this happen in real life as my experience is very similar.Growing up overweight then getting fit and expressing myself artistically through what i wear,people totally changed how they treated me in every way.

[@messinalyle4030]

I'm autistic and have been fat since I was eleven. I've definitely dealt with my share of bullying and ostracism, but have friends who love and respect me now. I suspect that it helps that the people I socialize with are either people I meet online, or else they are people I meet at my Episcopal church--who generally tend to be older women and their husbands and children. Therefore they are going to be less likely to give a shit whether I am considered "hot" or sexually attractive. Which is the specific type of attractive that many men and many mostly younger women seem to see as the rent that women must pay just to be taken seriously on this earth. Like even in situations where the question of whether a man would be romantically interested in a woman is off the table--say for example, he's already married--a woman's perceived attractiveness still strongly influences whether she will get promotions and what-not. Even younger women might be more likely to reject less conventionally attractive women for friendship--or a promotion--if they still haven't outgrown that high school pack mentality, and are insecure and are trying to get established in life, maybe still looking for a husband, and there's all this pressure, and the sight of a fat woman is like a reminder of what they don't want to be. But once a woman has either started a family or lived long enough to determine that she will likely never want to start a family, she seem to get past that insecurity that leads so many of them into this cliquish sort of behavior and desire to establish a social pecking order when they are younger. So they are ready to slow down and see you for who you are inside. Basically in my experience, if one wants to seek out a demographic of people that will be more likely to accept you as a friend when you're a fat person--particularly a fat woman--you'll probably have an advantage if you seek out older women. For what it's worth, I even get occasional compliments on my appearance, seeing as I have a preference for a kind of cottage-core-leaning style of dress. Pretty and feminine, but not really in a "hot" sort of way. More for the female gaze than the male gaze, I guess. For me it double-sucks that women face this pressure to pay so much attention to their appearance just to be taken seriously as a human being in the world, because if a woman is heterosexual, at least she'll be more likely to get the extra reward of a husband or boyfriend as thanks for all that effort. But since I'm asexual and aromantic, I'm not even interested in that "reward."

[@jessicav2031]

I really feel the mismatch thing. People I have just met have some expectation, I think of a level of social sophistication which I honestly consider largely negative. Then after a bit they just kind of have this moment of "wait, what is up with her?" Often the initial highly positive reaction gives way to cold once they get to know me.

[@scruffyuncle]

Everyone should be encouraged to find their own style and once they do, people will pay attention to them. Note, I say "pay attention" (not "be attracted to") and I think this is the really important part of your discussion. I like the fact that you aren't pretending to sit in some fancy LED-lit studio whilst presenting some highly-polished script that has been run through AI. That is your style and your appeal and it works brilliantly for you.

[@spockish9526]

I don't mask because I find it too stressful to do, I don't think that I could live a happy life constantly masking. For me pretty privilege is a double edged sword. I do have social power based on looks alone, but I also attract extra attention and scrutiny. My actions are almost never read as autism. People believe that I'm neurotypical because I don't "look like anything is wrong with me", so they generally assume that I'm stuck up. Even mean. Neutral expression = mean to most NT's.

[@chubingtonpanda4489]

Great video! I went through something similar and was struck by how distinct the two modes of social interaction were. When you're conventionally ugly it feels like you are actively struggling against a social current and have to fight to learn social skills. Then I lost weight and people were wildly receptive to my awkward personality, which gave me heaps of leniency in learning social graces. I found your discomfort towards blatant social exclusion very relatable. I feel a deep dread seeing conventionally unattractive people, or even just socially awkward people either ignored or trashed for things that are out of their control. It's a negative feedback loop leading towards poorer life outcomes that is outside of the control of the people it's affecting.

[@SonySteals]

People like to watch attractive people and there’s no doubt about it. What somebody finds attractive may vary but generally things and people more aesthetically pleasing are more popular. I feel better when I can associate some degree of pleasure with imagery the same way I feel slight discomfort when someone or something feels out of my spectrum of interest.

[@edwardsong7628]

Very true. When I watch KZbin videos by autistic people, the women are almost always pretty and have boyfriends or are married, the men are also married and have jobs. In reality, only 15% of autistic people in the labor market have full-time jobs, and only 5-9% of autistic adult men get married. This does cause a rift between autistic people who are not doing as well in life. I suspect that level 3 autistic people and autistic people of color have some resentment for the autistic people on KZbin and Tic Tok.

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

Which country or region are those statistics from?

[@edwardsong7628]

@@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023 United States.

[@fadedandfrustrated]

Lol I literally thought about quirkiness when I saw the video title! Conventionally attractive enby femme here (in the sense that my looks + ability to "be attractive" are part of my work + hobbies) with AuDHD: I'm not positive which "obviously autistic" markers you're thinking of, but I do tend to "look" very neurodivergent (I think). I openly use sensory toys/aids + I'm always very expressive in my presentation (Im much more prone to meltdowns if I dont). Frankly, pretty privilege has helped me a lot; I usually do get a lot of validation for being outgoing + unconventional (I tend to fit the manic pixie dream dreamgirl trope in a lot of ways). When I wear things that feel v autistic to me (maximalist outfits, clowncore/kidcore, earmuffs for overstimulation, aesthetics that reference my special interests) I think it helps me stand out to other folks with the same interest; I've made a lot of friends + picked up a lot of new hobbies this way. I think we tend to gravitate towards the same outlets/fields too, so by kind of outing myself immediately (because I have the privilege to do so safely), I feel like I kind of carve out a place for my fellow weirdos who would be less likely to be validated (+ subsequently get approached by others who say they feel validated by my perspective but were too discouraged by adverse experiences to approach me/draw attention to themselves until I'd broken the ice). All that to say, I wouldn't be surprised if those positive comments are genuine; I like to think there are more lovely + kind people than awful ones, they're often just less validated by algorithms. Sorry if that was super disorganized! Love your channel!

[@fictorsjsdjs]

I always feel like our society is super conditional. They will claim to tolerate and accept people, but only as long as they tick certain boxes. Autistic & pretty? They accept you. They accept your differences on the condition that you still adhere to conventional beauty norms. But if you're both autistic and fat, society will spit you out. This is why i spend so much time on my appearance, just to feel like I might still stand a chance. I think that if I wasn't autistic and had better social skills I would have cut myself some more slack, but I just feel like I have no other choice than to spend hours a day on my looks because the autism isn't going anywhere so I have to 'compensate'.

[@graceavis254]

What you described with trying to join a group but being closed out, happened to me constantly growing up and also at university. I was also bullied and harassed constantly. I wasn't ugly but I was made to feel it.

[@toni5543]

yeah i can relate. when i can put effort into how i look people are kinder to me than when i dont when it comes to understanding i need help and getting accomodations. however the opposite was true before i knew i was autistic. being seen as conventionally attractive in the uk got me targeted more for horrible reasons. I was also a gymnast (EDS, hypermobile but didnt know yet). this was sexualised by so many men. I so appreciate how balanced and objective you are being, and i love the conversations you are bringing to the community. You are very inteligent and it shows.

[@Lulukitter]

Thanks for talking about this because it’s a very important topic! I was a chubby girl until about 13 yrs old and then I lost a bunch of my “baby fat” during puberty and my body completely changed. Suddenly I was tall and thin. Over the years since then I’m gained weight and then lost it and WOW the attention and how people treated me when I lost weight the second time was saddening. I had people totally ignore me and then those same people suddenly acting like my friend once I was “attractive again”. Additionally, being an attractive autistic girl is definitely one of the top 3 reasons I didn’t get I diagnose. The idea that autistic people are “ugly” is a sad sad belief that is heavily held by most of the population. *deep sigh* 😅

[@trooper326]

An insincere compliment can be worse than an insult sometimes. At least the people who throw the insults have the courage to say what they mean to say.

[@jackieAZ]

I think pretty privilege in general is just not something people seem to be very aware of or acknowledge enough imo. The amount of times I just leave a comment on some video on whatever topic and people will reply or at least imply something along the lines of 'you're fat and ugly shut up' is kinda crazy lol, like damn I'm sorry for making my profile pic my face

[@f.u.c8308]

You're not ugly I like your face!

[@FirstmaninRome]

Well, I watch a lot of female autistic content, but it's based on the quality of the content, character, but after watching so much cuteness fades as factor. YOU'RE the cutest, but I really think it's based on more substantial factors keeps me clicking❤

[@FirstmaninRome]

Your personality keeps bringing me back

[@user-ny9vb8mx3w]

hey! try dyeing your hair blond and see what happens, I find it so weird and somewhat scary that people can be so narrow minded

[@robertjeffrey7820]

You have helped me a lot and I’ve just been diagnosed at 35 autism for years of helped me so much to understand more about autism and about my autism to and you are good looking

[@nobodyofconsequence6522]

I'd be lying if I said I never decided to give someone a chance to become friends with me partially based on appearance. And I'd be lying if I said that ever led to a lasting friendship. You can't tell dick about someone from their appearance. If you think someone is more worth knowing based on their looks, that's just a gateway drug to bigotry. (That's not to say that it couldn't. it's not like I've made friends with pretty people and then it turns out they were sacrificing babies to JK Rowling. Just noting that it's not got a great success rate with being a basis for friendship)

[@MorbinNecrim86]

I for one don't care what someone looks like, if you got good content and I can relate in some way you'll have my attention

[@malhalsey4994]

I’m now aware and have the self confidence to tell that I’m pretty. But if anyone ever flirted with me before I got on the online dating scene I never would’ve known. Even though as a teen girl my special interests were some different boys in school that I never actually pursued and some male celebrities. I never wanted to seriously try flirting with anyone because 1. They’ll see the real me. 2. Too much effort. 3. Turns out, I’m asexual! Well, demisexual, to be exact. I’m fortunate to have found a wonderful and supportive long term romantic partner. And yes, I attribute a good chunk of that to my looks, but my man truly cares about supporting me through this tough autistic burnout that I’m going through. If anyone ever flirted of you are going through that as well, I hope you get the accommodations and support you need 🙏🏼

[@computerlove87]

I love your content because you are so authentic ❤️

[@Pallasathena-hv4kp]

I understand. I wouldn’t call myself ugly but, I’m ordinary and becoming invisible as I age. I had a decent flower of youth, but I always considered myself as a Clydesdale compared to the cheerleaders and cute girls. It takes a deeper person to look beyond the surface. If you are very visual, like I am, you start to appreciate imperfections. 😊 All the other people just blend together. They have no uniqueness. You are nice looking just as you are with a heart-shaped face, clear skin, and pretty, rich red hair. 😊👍

[@breteasley3581]

Pretty is more of a "face thing", a "pretty face", "body image" seems like a completely different thing, it maybe the way we see words. I think pretty has nothing to do with the "body down." Maybe when it comes to the "body down" might be a different type of word for me, maybe an unnaturally portion body might be better, but the body is really only in the preferences of what the Eye sees. More weight might be better for some women. But it seems different to me then "face pretty"

[@hollyoddly]

I'm a creative KZbinr who has started talking about my autism a bit on my channel. Being fat and not young and not particularly bubbly doesn't really do me any favors by way of people engaging. I would be great to see a diverse blend of autistic people that are more visible.

[@Yuffie13]

One thing I've noticed is that conventionally "pretty" autistic women usually acknowledge that they have some degree of pretty privilege, whereas NT pretty women don't always. (I envision hair-tossing and remarks like, "It's not MY fault I'm so gorgeous!" lol...) Like Chloe Hayden - she addressed how her character in Heartbreak High is good for representation, but is still a Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope. And it's such a Kobayashi Maru situation with autistic women/AFAB: if you're pretty, you aren't autistic enough; if you don't fit the convention of prettiness, you're TOO autistic. I consider myself pretty average in the looks department, but an occupational therapist and a social anxiety workshop leader still were shocked when I said I'm autistic. I guess I make enough eye contact when I need to and can put together a decent enough outfit to "pass" as NT 🙄

[@antonioskarasulas7604]

It's part of the human condition - pretty has social value. And attractive people get much more attention - adverts for cars with models lounging about drive me nuts, they are blocking the view! I don't think we will change this any time soon. By the way, you are objectively very attractive, very pretty, no make up required, and a lot of that is due to your personality.

[@gmlpc7132]

I think "pretty privilege" applies to creation of almost any content including that related to autism. There are a huge number of videos and creators out there and given the choice those creators who "look good" are more likely to be selected. The YT audience is also younger than the norm which tends to mean that physical attractiveness is more likely to influence choices. Clearly and unfortunately this makes it much more difficult for creators who are deemed "less attractive". This also relates to age and might explain why there are so few videos from middle- or older-aged creators. I'm sure that some who encounter these negative perceptions don't even consider making videos, give up early on because they're getting very few views / subscriptions or just have to settle for small numbers while creators who might be no better or less good in terms of quality of content get far more views because they are seen as attractive. I would also add though that those creators who come across as "bright and breezy" on screen, have high production values and who generally have had more success in life, e.g. having jobs, partners, children, are likely to gain more views and subscribers. Maybe all these things make them seem more interesting and appealing. It can all mean we get a false view of "the autistic community" via the most popular creators as they will often be more attractive, younger and seem more dynamic on screen. Sometimes this can be counter-productive for some autistic viewers who feel they have less in common with such creators & who might unfairly compare themselves unfavourably to them. Sometimes it may be better to have more audio or print content which make these factors less important.

[@laurachristinewilliams]

You look beautiful

[@steveneardley7541]

You are conventionally attractive, and then some. But, as you said, most successful KZbinrs, even the autistic ones, are very attractive, even exceptionally attractive. I am not dishonest enough to say that I am immune to this appeal. I only look at one autistic poster who is not conventionally attractive, since their content is very good. Generally what turns me off, though, is not a person's appearance, but their speaking voice. With some, the rhythm of their speech I find disconcerting and irritating. I feel bad that I won't listen to certain posters because I don't like their voice, since their content may be good, and I may like them as people. Personally, I was spared a lot of grief growing up because I was very tall, and reasonably good looking. I never called attention to my looks, but was able to posture a little more confidently because of it. In standing up to bully types I learned how to loom over them to good effect. Unfortunately, I think I carried this behavior into college--physically intimidating my teachers on a subtle level. I would feel guilty, but it was a kind of survival tactic, and nothing that I was doing consciously. By the way, I'm glad you are talking about this issue, because it's a bit of "an elephant in the room."

[@kaelendra]

I've never unfollowed someone for having pretty privilege... I have for them saying things too much on aspie supremacy side of things and ableist. Definitely don't have pretty privilege myself but for me it's always about what the person says/does and who they are not looks.

[@DrusillaD-k9w]

highly encourage you to move away from using the words pretty privilege and instead desirability politics. Pretty privilege is not real but desirability politics based on things like race, disability, disfigurement, fatphobia etc. are.

[@Nordic_Aquarius.3-]

I really dont think your ugly, you look pretty average, but im autistic too. So I guess I dont see things like a lot of people. Also this was a very thought out conversation

[@nsawatchlistbait289]

Please don't talk this fast. It's hard to keep up

[@chrismaxwell1624]

There is no such thing as "Pretty Privilege". I can see how people think there might be. From what I've seen, while pretty does have some benefits it brings with it a ton of negatives too. Bring a lot unwanted behaviors that can turn in abuse, stalking, and other harassment. Steep price to pay for that looking pretty. So is that really a privilege?

[@DanaAndersen]

Those things happen to people regardless of how they look.

[@LateDiagnosedAutism]

I'm the opposite I am a female, but I don't wear makeup, and I am not pretty at all. Just be yourself, Dana you are very pretty, and I love your red hair. I tried to dye my hair red that did not go so well😂😂. I only have 28 subscribers, and I am happy that someone would like to listen to what I have to say. The only thing that might be an issue is my skin color. That is why I created this channel. I included everyone. You don't have to be a person of color. You can look like an alien I'll accept you but again it would be awesome if there are aliens out there😂😂.