Avoidance as a coping mechanism for trauma survivors

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Do you know your coping style? Avoidance is incredibly common and quite effective... until it gets in the way of healing.
Join me as I share how avoidance might show up for you and how you can learn to face what you've been avoiding while feeling grounded in your safety.
Link to the previous video on rationalizing
• Rationalizing as a cop...
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peggyoliveira
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#mentalhealth #childhoodtrauma #copingmechanism

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Get your FREE Letting Go meditation (Guided Meditation) courageousjourneys.com/f/letting-go-meditation

[@michelleuk676]

Hi Peggy, hearing your words today has been such a comfort. This video is so timely for me right now. Recently I've become aware that I'm probably using avoidance. I'm dealing with a family situation that I can't back away from and so I just put my head down and get on with it. My boundaries have slipped, I isolate, I eat unhealthily, I lose myself in tv, I read at night until I'm exhausted, I stop caring about my appearance, I even avoided your last few videos telling myself I'm fine right now and I'll catch up some other time. This is what flagged things up for me as I love finding a new video to watch and connect with. I also noticed my thoughts were very fearful and the nightmares had started again. I feel I'm waking up and returning to the present again, I'm taking some action and when I saw the title of this video it felt like a helping hand reaching out to me. Thankyou Peggy ❤🌼

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I'm sorry there's been more difficulty in your life. I'm glad you found your way back. I love that it feels like a hand reaching out... there's a heart reaching out too. 😊❤️ Thank you for watching and sharing.

[@emilymarie5413]

You have described me to the T. I knew it was coming. I searched up “avoidance coping mechanism” because I know I freeze, disassociate, get unknowingly triggered and before you know it I want to bite someone head irritable, etc. I was a heavy heavy alcohol and drug user from the age of 14 to 26. Everyday all day … avoiding in one of the most dangerous ways. On top of that… I was distracting myself with superficial, toxic, abusive relationships, humor, changing subject, projection… I mean ALL. OF. THIS!! Your voice was so soothing and neat the end when you just hit all those last few points and described … literally me…. I started to cry.. I WANTED to cry.. but guess what happened? Well, I immediately stopped myself. I have been on a healing journey for some time but more so healing the less traumatic past wounds, issues, and bad habits that I had for most of my life. I know where most of it stems from but my memory is preventing me from going all the way there and sitting in that pain. I know that my feelings just want to be felt and then they will release… I have just gotten so used to and very “good at” avoiding it all. Avoiding life. I’m alive but not living kind of thing. There is so much more I could say… but I thank God for nudging me to do the hard work of peeling those tough layers off and finally freeing myself from the chains. I have come so far and I am at a crosswords… I won’t go backwards!! I do not give up. Thank you for this. Your voice is just so soothing to me. you’re so genuine and beautiful and I’m very grateful that you went ahead and shared this. ❤ I am ready to lay it at the alter and heal my inner child….. 🙏

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I know many can relate to various things you've shared. Thank you, also, for your kind words. You deserve to heal and I'm happy you're part of this community. ❤️

[@roorooadventures4771]

Hello Peggy. Good to see you again. Have a great day you rock. Thank you for all you Do! ❤ many blessings!😃🙏🌞🏀😺👍🏝🏖⛵

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Thank you! 😊

[@RD-ue9wb]

Peggy, you have no idea how wonderful (helpful) this video was for me. Truly, truly info I needed. Also, your quieter and lowered tone and thoughtful way of speaking is so wonderful for someone like me, with history of trauma. In a world that seems to constantly want to be get a word in, often a loud word, and speaks without intention and thoughtfulness, your presentation in contrast.....in the way you speak and talk was so very valuable to me thru this message. So, thank you so much.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Thank you so very much for your kind words and taking the time to comment. I'm so glad the video felt helpful. ❤️

[@emilymarie5413]

Yesss! I said the same thing. This video really hit me in the boo boo. Nail on the head .. if you will. It’s unnerving because I know she just described me 100% BUT even more so… it is enlightening and gives me the hope and motivation to gently guide myself in the right direction. Much love and prayers for you ❤️🙏

[@Isabella-yh8ls]

Avoidance meant living at 100 miles an hour, which wasn’t sustainable and was probably the most dangerous coping mechanism of all.💕

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Busyness and even chaos (doing anything at 100 miles an hour 😉) can be a very effective way to avoid. Though as you point out, not sustainable which means there's often an even bigger "crash" on the other side. Thank you for watching and sharing. ❤️

[@Isabella-yh8ls]

@@PeggyOliveiraMSW reading your reply it suddenly clicked that because the “crash” was so huge, it has left me with a fear of putting my foot on the gas much at all, incase it ever happens again. And that has led to a lot of fear, and so not really living life to the full; sticking to 5 miles an hour. Tiredness has become a scary limiting emotion. Thank you. ❤️I think I will intentionally try to take wee steps towards finding a balance.

[@geneverandall2213]

I tend to avoid small problems, they turn into large problems that I avoid even more until they explode, I would love to change this but the fear Is so great. Before I ran from the Paradise fire, it would happen only occasionally, now it’s truly effecting me

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I'm sorry this has become a bigger struggle for you. I can certainly relate to avoiding and making the problem even bigger. I hope you have support in finding your way through the fear. ❤️ Thank you for sharing.

[@amandabiesinger4046]

I didn’t think I was doing any avoiding. But I think I’m might be with a relationship.🤷‍♀️

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

You're certainly not alone in not recognizing avoiding. It's one of the reasons we continue to do it. 😉 Thanks for watching and sharing. ❤️

[@Heyu7her3]

I typically either *fight* or *flight.* If I don't feel like/ can't fight something (or have fought it repeatedly with no resolve), then I avoid it.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Avoidance can sometimes be the best option. At least until you're able to address it from a grounded place. Thank you for sharing. ❤️

[@Heyu7her3]

I have a very hard time with interoception when I'm prompted to give a "status update," so I don't journal. I also don't feel anything but tension. There is no "relax" for me biophysically, so there's just "more tense" or "less tense".

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

This can take a LOT of practice... and patience. When you've been in survival mode throughout your life, it takes quite a lot to be able to feel safe enough to not automatically stay in that state. Thank you for sharing. ❤️

[@redbeki]

Drinking...

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Such a relatable way of coping. ❤️

[@redbeki]

@@PeggyOliveiraMSW the rum spirit fires my creativity.

[@usualobject0]

Eating...

[@emilymarie5413]

Everyday alll day for sooo many years. I dumped it in the toilet on September 19, 2016… and yes things get worse before better. When you actually have to feel everything. Then you start to find different ways to distract yourself. I have more healing to do and you are not alone. You are loved, important and worthy to live life and not just be alive. Prayers 🫶🏼🙏

[@upstatenewyork]

You whisper when you talk(almost) and it’s not easy to listen since you aren’t easy to hear.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Sorry about that. I do tend to speak rather quietly at times. Thanks for watching. ❤️

[@upstatenewyork]

@@PeggyOliveiraMSW i won't be watching anymore because of the whispering. but thank you. i am sorry. don't mean to be rude.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

You may prefer to listen as a podcast. Beginning June 2nd you'll be able to find it on most podcasting platforms.

[@upstatenewyork]

​@@PeggyOliveiraMSW Thank you. I had a job where I spoke in a whisper almost at times and I was frightened to be there. And I didn't actually want people to hear what I had to say because I was afraid of them. Just afraid in general. It was a job I had to travel to and it was new and scary.

[@denisf.1744]

Hi Precious Peggy,i can really relate to all your saying in this video,and it brings back many memories which were very similar,and i think 🤔 always about all of what had happened,and it’s hard to stop thinking about it all which this is where shame comes in,and have to find ways around it, thank you for videos which can be very helpful,Denny😇🦋🧩😊🥵🙏namaste

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Thanks so much for sharing. I'm glad it felt helpful.

[@JT0007]

I had been self isolating so much when Covid hit that it wasn’t much of a difference in life for me. That was a huge wake up call. I was avoiding the world and it took Covid to wake me up to that. 🫡🇺🇸🇮🇱

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I'm glad you were able to recognize the isolation. I hope it helped you become more intentional about connecting. Thank you for watching and sharing your experience. ❤️