Can you be too attached to your therapist?

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

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[@ladytube64]

The relationship with a therapist has a very fine line.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

It certainly can seem that way. It is always the responsibility of the therapist to know and draw that line. Not that a client can't identify what they're comfortable with. I'm just speaking in regard to the context of this video. The relationship you build (and they build with you) is such an important part of this healing journey. ❤️

[@denisf.1744]

I have to say to your replie being of great understanding of how it works for both client and therapist to help making it easier to understand,and communicate,and connect together,and as far me if the therapist initiates because of anxieties,and behaviors,and social anxieties,and shyness being difficult to share 😊😘🙏Namaste

[@amandabiesinger4046]

I ran from this so called attachment with a few therapists. As soon as I started to feel any care or love for that therapist I would run because it scared me! Now learning to trust these feelings and trust my therapist I have been able to hold on to this relationship and not run. I agree, I think trust and care is necessary to be able to truly heal!

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I'm so glad you've been able to allow yourself to "be in" the relationship and not run. Thank you for watching and commenting. ❤️

[@Isabella-yh8ls]

Peggy thank you for addressing this topic. Having purposely avoided attachment and letting anyone close, ever, any feeling of trusting and any feeling of hoping a therapist cares does feel like over attachment, as it’s new and there is nothing to compare it with. The self protective drive definitely wants a written signed guarantee that there won’t be abandonment by the therapist, and at the same time can be scared witless by the idea of attachment or being cared about as that leaves the possibility open to be hurt. Does that make sense? 💕

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

It absolutely makes sense. Being able to navigate the relationship, allowing connection, without the signed guarantee is part of how we learn to trust. ❤️Thank you for watching and commenting.

[@ruthbarnes9999]

@@PeggyOliveiraMSW but this is not a real relationship. It's a job for the psychologist l if u can't pay they won't see you. It's a fake relationship and based all one way with the client. They may come to like u and care for u however it's not a real true relationship. None else would give you an hour just to talk about yourself. In the end being attached will only hurt the client. My psychologist said I need to get attached to get better. But I don't want too so am trying hard too keep a distance but still talk about things. I can only see heartache coming from being attached and then one day being without them again

[@masterculturedunkerque7918]

​@@ruthbarnes9999 the relation is real even professionnal and is planed to end. Its crucial for traumatized person who deal with attachement issues and safety to be in a safety space. The vulnerable state it implies gives responsability to the professionnal but it does'nt mean we could be friends or else afterwards even if we are tied to each other for long time

[@alexfromoakland2862]

Hi Peggy and everyone. I’m currently experiencing this. This definitely resonated with me. The first time I felt care from my therapist was when she called me “sweetie,” a normally, very endearing term. I had not ever heard growing up, I think I may have even grimaced when I heard it. It has been a difficult road in continuing the relationship and see someone model this type of care, something I never had. I am deeply afraid of developing feelings toward anyone, especially her.

[@alexfromoakland2862]

And as always, thank you for the wonderful content

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

It is pretty amazing... and sad in so many ways, how uncomfortable positive experiences can be. You're definitely not alone in that fear. I hope you're able to allow the care and support in. ❤️

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Thanks so much for watching and commenting. ❤️

[@denisf.1744]

Thank you for bringing this wonderful video on with helpful information to know what to share,and then what to expect with connection,and how the practicing makes it all better,and understanding it all as it gets better

[@marielarsson6718]

The pain of being too attached and abandoned by the therapist was retraumatising for me. I tried to talk about it but didnt get any reaction. Still three months after ending it I am doing worse than before starting therapy. Still alive due to heavy medication.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Oh, no. I'm so sorry. You said you tried to talk about it. I'm not sure if you mean with the therapist that abandoned you or a new one. If you haven't seen someone new, please consider doing so. I know it might feel like the last thing you want to do but, it truly is something that can be important for your healing. Please don't give up on the healing you deserve. ❤️

[@joyacuna-rivera5276]

I have a lot of childhood trauma, therefore I have trust issues. I have a wonderful therapist and I finally felt I could trust her and open up more. Then she recommends biweekly appointments, which made me feel somewhat of the abandonment fear. I don’t mind having biweekly appointments but I have so much going on all the time and so much trauma from my past that even just weekly hour sessions aren’t enough for me to let everything out. I usually feel a little worse after therapy because of me being vulnerable and ending therapy a little emotional. But I don’t know if biweekly sessions are enough. I kind of feel she’s pushing me away.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

It is very natural for abandonment to be present in a situation like this. Sometimes even if was the client's idea. If you haven't done so, I would encourage you to talk with your therapist about how you're feeling about it. It can actually be a very healing experience for the childhood trauma... as well as helping through this time. Thank you for sharing. ❤️

[@dianeluck8355]

Hi Peggy I have feared abandonment from trauma therapist. In the past they only stay less than 5 months. My therapist now has been there since April of this year. I have just now begin feel more comfortable sharing my story and wounding.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I'm glad you've begun to feel ore comfortable... and hopefully safe in your therapeutic relationship.

[@brianh1969]

Have been working with a fantastic trauma therapist. Have had concerns about attachment and connection yet have recognized the healing. Recent trigger & I pushed away hard. Ultimately, abandonment was at the root. Good now. This video was definitely helpful. ☮️

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Thanks so much for watching and sharing your experience. Being able to work through the experience you described with your therapist can be an incredibly valuable part of healing.

[@klear1440]

Hi, this hits home with me as I tend to be attached to my therapist too much and then when they end it I am devastated. I have had childhood trauma and abandonment issues and crave that attention and feeling like someone cares. I’m having a hard time even finding a therapist right now. I appreciate these videos you are sharing

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I'm so glad you find the videos helpful. Talking through all that ending therapy can bring up with the therapist... before it ends is such an important part of the healing process. I hope you're able to find someone soon to support you through the journey. ❤ Thank you for sharing.

[@kelly4770]

I crave connection and attachment, but I’m deeply fearful of it at the same time. It feels impossible to trust that someone could care about me, especially if they really know me. I don’t feel deserving of anyone’s attention or care. But, I do get attached, very much so, and then I’ll usually do something to ruin it. I wish I could navigate relationships better, especially the therapy relationship. It’s so hard and I feel so afraid.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I'm sorry there is so much internal conflict about what you want and need and the fear surrounding it. I know it is so incredibly difficult to do but, speaking with your therapist about your fears, doubts, and vulnerability can be a really important practice for healing. You deserve to experience deep connection and part of how you allow that to happen is by allowing yourself to be seen. The people who really matter in your life will care about you even more when they get to experience who you really are, the parts you're afraid of them seeing. ❤️ Thank you for watching and sharing.

[@sasshleysays5922]

I think this video was made specifically for me :P Thank you for affirming and validating the fears involved in this. I really like how you brought in the importance of the relationship for those specifically who have experienced relational trauma. And all the things (hyper-dependent, afraid of abandonment, pushing away, doing something to rupture the relationship) were so spot on! I needed this, this week- so thank you!

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I'm so, so glad it helped and you were able to feel so much resonance with it. ❤ Thank you for watching and sharing.

[@denisf.1744]

I could relate to this video with all your talking about with a therapist certified as a professional,and all went better than I expected with this last one only ending up with her leaving,and then I didn’t continue any more ,and I got sad feelings because it was much better than I thought it would be as she would initiate it all and i found it turned into connection which I didn’t mind at all as it was a release of what was needed,and wished it would have continued 🙏Namaste 😇❤️😑

[@c.brownell8618]

Sadly I never found one therapist who did not betray my trust, and who I felt I could talk to freely.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I'm so sorry this has been your experience. I hope you haven't given up. In regards to speaking freely, it can sometimes take months if not years to get that point, especially if you feel betrayed in other similar situations. Thank you for sharing. ❤️

[@stephencaudill2422]

I tell my patients we're gonna work together for 3 to 6 months, in the last month we plan for the final session. However they can come back on a monthly basis for any maintenance therapy

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Planning ahead for the ending of the work is such an important part of the whole therapeutic process and experience. Thank you for watching and sharing.

[@janetnewman5737]

This video made me cry and my heart ache. My therapist, I don’t think can ever do enough for me. I still will worry worry worry. She tells me that she is in this with me for the long haul. She gives me her time, 2 times a week for a solid hour. There’s not anyone that I can trust except her. I worry that I am too needy, that I am taking too long. She told me that therapy takes a long time sometimes. It’s been 2.5 years and much of that time has been 2 times a week. Thank you for this video, you truly tried to tell us to trust and to feel safe leaning on our therapist…but it doesn’t matter. I still worry about her leaving me all alone like a small child. But this was a very good video.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

You are definitely not alone in this struggle. Truly. It can take years sometimes to be able to trust in the safety of the relationship. It's important to continue to talk about the doubts and fears. This is part of the healing. ❤️ Thank you for watching and sharing.

[@janetnewman5737]

Thank you.

[@flissday1390]

What a great video.i do feel quite attached to my therapist but my main fear is the ending of it.i can't imagine life not ever talking to her her every week😢😢

[@barbaramulhall9470]

Great video...😊❤ I have feared attachment, any attachment, while knowing it's the relationship with a therapist that has and will continue to help me to heal! I am more conscious of this now and having built trust and safety in this relationship I don't feel such fear now. Well, I may still have some fear about some aspects, however I do feel comfortable to speak to this in therapy!🤗

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

That fear can so easily pop back up. 😉 I'm so glad you're able to talk about the fears. Thanks for commenting. ❤️

[@sunnative818]

I’m really glad I found your video. I’m dealing with trying to be excepting of being attached and that it is OK. for me, my abandonment issues are the holy Grail of my journey. I truly believe I found the right therapist to help me with this. Especially after seeing your video.🦋🙏

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I'm so, so glad you're feeling like you've found the right person for you. It makes all the difference. Thank you for watching and sharing. ❤️ Best to you as you continue on this healing journey.

[@StanTheMan2348]

I feel attached to my therapist. The professionalism with my therapist is wonderful and, I sometimes felt like I can't visualize my therapist of not being a part of my life forever

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

What you've shared here seems completely normal to me. I think being able to talk about this with your therapist can also be an important part of healing. Thank you for sharing.

[@denisf.1744]

I found myself having many memories of all the sessions me,and her had together which were all wonderful for me wishing it never ended,and leaving me with more addicted behaviors never expecting to be left with 😘

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I'm so sorry that happened. ❤️

[@denisf.1744]

Thank You For Being Caring After Reading My Comment And Understanding As I Wished And Had Hope Would Have Continued In Some Ways As It’s Hard To Let Go When Became Addiction With Addictive Behaviors Not Knowing Where To Turn To🙏Namaste ❤️

[@denisf.1744]

i could relate to all your talking about,and i wish i saw this video at time when i was with these therapists it might have been different for me to be more open with her,and probably been able to help me more,and might of been able to practice as is said,and if she could have initiated it more

[@PeachPoppet]

Peggy I am currently feeling like im slowly becoming attached to my therapist. I have been independent and have had no close/deep connection with anyone for close to a decade out of choice. Feeling this towards my therapist scares me so much, words cant explain. I have lost more people than i believe anyone deserves and i just cant imagine becoming attached to someone again and then losing them in whatever way, feels safer to be alone which then also makes me feel silly. Feels like im overly sensitive for this life, this world.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

What you've described is so incredibly common (and normal) for people who've experienced childhood trauma, particularly at the hands of someone you should have been able to trust. Talking through the feelings and fears about this with your therapist can be a really important part of the healing work. So much of the work I do with my 1:1 clients is on building that sense of safety and trust by talking about their fears and doubts. Thank you for sharing. ❤️

[@denisf.1744]

I found this happening with the last therapist i was seeing,and at the time i didn’t realize it,and when i did i didn’t think of it mattering until when it ended and never went back any more

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I'm sorry it caused you to end your relationship with your therapist. ❤️ Thank you for watching.

[@ladytube64]

This has been very helpful to me since I just am very new to therapy.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I'm so glad! Thank you for watching and commenting. ❤️

[@denisf.1744]

Hi Precious Peggy,i could relate too all that your talking about which i found happening with every therapist that i was assigned to,and i don’t know why but i just always thought it was normal,and i was okay with it all,thanks for the videos,lovin’it,love Denny😘🙏🦋

[@Oaktwn16]

I started to see a therapist for the first time i had 7 sessions so far so good but is so hard to open up and i get attached to people too quickly

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Building the therapeutic relationship can be challenging, and attaching very quickly or not allowing attachment is a big part of it. However, working through that (with the therapist) can be an important part of the healing process overall. Thank you for sharing. ❤️

[@onetinsoldiergs]

I have a story to tell you, maybe I'll email you. Thanks for the helpful video

[@denisf.1744]

I Say your Replies Are Also Helpful 😊

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I'm so glad. 😊

[@denisf.1744]

i think it helps to understand what’s happening a lot better for better understanding,and connection and,choices to get threw it all😐

[@edj2045]

Yep, I've experienced limerence twice so definitely have been too attached. unfortunately, limerence is not something I would EVER bring up to a mental health provider because of the very real risk that the provider will stop seeing me. Nope, no thank you! I bring it up by saying it's "transference" and leave out all of the ways in which it's actually limerence

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

This is not all that uncommon at all. It can actually be very beneficial to explore within the therapeutic relationship as long as the therapist has solid experience with attachment-related issues. Otherwise, the therapist might not understand what, why, or how and what it means to proceed. Thank you for sharing. ❤️

[@mitralize]

How do you tell your therapist you may be too attached to her without scaring her away? She tells me it’s ok to be attached but I don’t want to be because it’s hurting me.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I think you share with her what you said here, what your fears are and how it feels. This can be challenging for the reasons I talked about in the video. Finding the balance is part of the healing process. Thank you for watching and commenting. ❤️

[@masterculturedunkerque7918]

Imo the attachment can frighten; my therapist alledgly specialized in trauma ran away

[@Malin0908]

Just listening to this makes me cringe, but at The same time i feel close to my therapist but at The same time have resistance about it and feeling uneasy about it. Shameful even, because who am i to ever think she would care about me. I do want to talk about it but im afraid she would tell me she cant have me come anymore. And that would probably break me right now. I dont think i want to take The risk.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

You are definitely not alone in all you shared here, the thoughts and fears. Maybe a way to bring it up in session is to share that you saw a video on youtube, tell her about it and ask what she thinks. Or something similar. If your therapist works with survivors of trauma, I truly hope she would absolutely understand this could happen and it is really positive and healthy to be able to bring it into session. Certainly not something to make her think she couldn't continue to work with you. ❤ Thank you so much for watching and sharing.

[@Malin0908]

@@PeggyOliveiraMSW Thank your for your reply. I did briefly touch The topic last session, but not sure if she did catch what i meant. She told me to say if she had it wrong, but it made me so uncomfertable. I did write it down, so she will read it next session. I do not express myself directly, i would want for people to just catch what i mean without saying too much. It’s easier for me to pour my heart out to stranger, but as soon as someone start to be important to me, i put The breaks on. Sometimes i feel like she dreads having me come, and when she ended session a bit early last time, i took that as a confirmation. For me to say i feel close to her and that my sessions with her is valuable to me, feels too much to say right now. But i know i need to talk about it to move past that barrier. I once told her about my attatchment to female teachers, a boss i had, and older men. She asked if she could be a person that might happen with. I was afraid of her reaction so i lied and told her no.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Good for you for practicing sharing. I've known many people, including myself, who've hoped someone would pick up on what we weren't able to say. Unfortunately, that typically leads to disappointment and hurt. Good for you for writing it to share. It is definitely a practice and process to feel safe enough to share. ❤️

[@denisf.1744]

I often wonder about all that happened,and if she now has any thoughts about any of it all,and if she might of wanted me to come to one of her three private places of practices leaving me wondering😇😘

[@dwaynediah4595]

I like my therapist because she help me but I think have fallen in love with her I don't want to feel like that what should I do?

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I know it feels incredibly difficult but, I would encourage you to talk with your therapist about how you feel. This is not unusual and talking through it can be incredibly helpful with your therapeutic process. Also, sometimes, what feels like a general sense of falling in love can be much more complex (still normal) and not completely about romantic feelings.

[@yorkietot5810]

I'm finding it difficult to make sense of how I feel about a therapist I worked with for several months last year. After a few weeks of talking to her, I started to have sexual fantasies about her almost every night. I wondered if this was somehow my mind trying to work through the sexual abuse I endured, although we didn't talk about the abuse in detail. (I'm female and was sexually abused in childhood by a female relative but was also abused by boyfriends and boys I knew from my school). We had to stop therapy because she was doing a placement and it ended. So the fantasies still continued for a few months afterwards but then stopped for several months. Recently, the fantasising has returned with a vengeance, even though I've not seen her for over a year. I think about her every single day, to the point it is interfering with my day to day life and real relationships with people.. I'm finding it really confusing. I never told her my feelings while we had therapy together. One thing I did manage to figure out with her though was that my only wish in life is to be loved the way I should have been loved by my parents.

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

Thank you so much for watching and sharing your experience. You are not alone in these types of feelings/experiences. There can be several reasons you might have these types of fantasies that have nothing to do with sex. In general, there is overlap and confusion around sex, love, and intimacy. If you have a history of sexual trauma, it becomes even more complicated. If you haven't done so, it might be really helpful to explore this with another therapist. There is a lot of healing that can happen in doing so. ❤️

[@annabel952]

I find. It hard when the therapist doesn't answer my emails

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I would find that hard too. I know it's not easy but it might be helpful to clarify with your therapist what the boundaries and expectations are around emails, both yours and theirs. I know some will only respond if there is a need to reschedule or something similar. Others are fine with emails every day.

[@LibertyStation92106]

Great video, thanks for sharing. It really helped. After 2.5 years of therapy in the early to mid 90s, I fell hard for my therapist. She had to know, but it wasn't discussed. I felt I would be released from therapy and I was scared. She was 20 years older and had 2 daughters my age and was 2x divorced. We did discuss that we had an emotional bond. She was like Mother Earth. We became enmeshed over time. When therapy termimnated in 2006, it was AWFUL. I wasn't truthful with her about something and it came up later. She flipped out- yelling at me over the phone. We cared too much for the other and we both knew it. Was I daughter #3? I last talked with her in late 2007. She was 68 and dying. It was as much closure as I was going to have. The conversation was even toned and about what she felt about the dying process, her illness, her feeling of peace and life in general. No anger, nothing about our past. I wished her a peaceful transition and thanked her for her care and support over the years. She died in Aug, 2008. Being romantically attracted to a therapist is ZERO FUN. COMMUNICATE!! Lessons learned. 🥲

[@PeggyOliveiraMSW]

I'm so sorry to hear about such an incredibly challenging and painful experience you had. It can add so many layers to the overall healing journey. I hope you continue on your journey. Communication truly is so important... and healing. Thank you for sharing your experience. ❤️