Avoidant Exes ALWAYS Come Back If You Do THIS

[@philipramsden4975]

They do come back. I even chased mine for a couple weeks, and even got blocked. She came back after almost 3 months apologizing. It sucks and makes you think all sorts of crazy stuff, but once you understand them and where it comes from, you can see the signs and back off a little.

[@vladsciencedrums]

Were you the anxious ? I got broken up with 🥲 I was anxious towards the end and needy and she just shut me out. 1 month strong

[@BradBrowning]

Thanks for sharing your story!

[@veng4nce767]

Hello how did it happen? Mine said she will keep me blocked untill she erases her feelings for me,she said she wanted to be friends later on but i know shes also missing me

[@veng4nce767]

its my third day after break up and i will start trying no contact i guess

[@Apbt-rv7zw]

Was she Avoidant?

[@mmbovilladardh]

Weird way to describe avoidants socially. Every avoidant I know has a lot of connections and friends. They struggle with love and commitment in romantic relationships.

[@salemhighschoolvolleyball957]

Agreed. This is what makes them so hard to identify early on. I also disagree saying that someone might have to reach out first. If theres hope of change, part of it HAS to be them recognizing their mistakes and patterns, identifying your value to them, and swallowing their ego . If they cant do this... they will not see the value in changing for you.

[@ScottWebb27]

This is interesting. Im trying to think of ppl that could have3 been avoidants butwho knows. One had legit one friend...outside of work friends. The other, has a few friends and work friends of course. The difficulty here in the 'dating' aspect is 'guy friends'.... and they're guys that have expressed interest in her at times when she appears 'single' - just potential relationships on backburners til they are 'missed' or 'needed?' Especially if she also cant commit to something with you? As an 'anxious' type, I'm learning to rewire around this all and give less 'fucks.' It helps as i become more secure in myself and in my faith though. It sucks to sit in that anxiousness all day but I reframe it as being shown something in the times of waiting. Shown something about me, about her, about life. It's a move towards non-attachment and just showing consideration and care for myself and for them.

[@stilmesamejamese1]

True, my son’s mom appears very social and has tons of connections with people and casual friends that keep conversations to a shallow, superficial level but getting below the surface, true connection and communication is basically non existent. It’s heart breaking

[@shandi4868]

It depends. I know one avoidant who is also avoidant with his family and friends.

[@BradBrowning]

They struggle in relationships because they mostly struggle in finding someone who truly understands and accepts them.

[@PB-md3nt]

Avoid the avoidant. They're just going to run away again, unless they have received some serious rounds of Therapy. They need to come to you, and eventually they most likely will. I' used to chase my avoidant ex, but finally said enough after this cycle kept repeating. I've gone rounds of 4 months, and 47 days, and currently 32 days of No Contact. She reached out the last two times, but honestly at this point I'm good in my life if she returns or not. Her loss if she doesn't.

[@BradBrowning]

Wow all that trouble for only a few months' relationship eh? In this case you may be better off dating other people.

[@westcedar]

Same ! We're in this breakup/get back together cycle and it's been so stressful. We (she) broke up again 7 weeks ago and I've had so much peace and am sleeping better. I have always chased her back but this time I need to stay away for my mental and physical health. I've finally realized, it's not worth it despite her and I having a great connection. She just has to run away. It's too bad that she does no work on herself.

[@Rankutubuki88]

Wish i could have that mindset😢

[@susannahpearethcan5ing]

Unfortunately I can’t stick to it for longer than a few months because I have adhd

[@madika555]

​@@westcedar is she back?

[@schmohawk5512]

700+ days into no contact and I'm starting to think it's over...

[@ScorpioKay1027]

Starting? Day 500 should tell you to make it be over. ❤ 6 months of no communication IS communication. Bold communication, in fact.

[@schmohawk5512]

@@ScorpioKay1027 Have you heard of humor?

[@alanrodriguez210]

​@@ScorpioKay1027 Your math kind of sucks. A year is 365 days. 6 months are half that

[@BradBrowning]

lol well, the path towards trying to get your ex back and moving on follows the same old road. It's what you do after that matters. If your ex and/or relationship was worth it, you can try reaching out to test the waters. Otherwise I hate to disappoint you but it may really be over. See her in the next life, perhaps? :-) Take care!

[@Z-gg3fc]

@@BradBrowning😂😂😂

[@loving0u]

Hurt people hurt people. These people usually have severe narcissistic traumas, and will hurt and hurt and hurt. Move on and find and healthy human. ❤

[@BradBrowning]

Right. In addition to that, be sure that you're also healthy yourself so you won't be carrying unnecessary baggage or trauma into your new relationship.

[@nannaschultz8444]

I agree

[@stepitup23]

but are there ppl who are not somewhat traumatized by anything and let it out on the next partner? I feel like everyone has issues nowadays.

[@AineeZahra-ww5sk]

I think half of the world people r narcissists or avoiding nature that's why all good hearts r broken by them

[@trinityp8575]

@@stepitup23they do. But Avoidants are not built for a relationship as they run away from closeness, serious conversations and problems. You won’t be able to go through any crisis situations with them as they just avoid. Life and relationships face crisis moments and difficulties with avoidant it would be 100 times worse going through turbulence of life. It’s a misery of a relationship … not all traumatised people are Avoidants. So find those who are not.

[@grantsherwin3895]

Coming back to these videos about a year after being addicted to them. Your ex isn’t coming back. I really thought mine would, we haven’t spoken since May 2023. However I just began dating a girl who I find more attractive than my ex, and does more for me than my ex. I finally moved on about 9 months after the breakup. It gets better and you will be able to feel for someone again.

[@BradBrowning]

The first path towards moving on and getting an ex back follows the same route and here's how to tell you're doing it correctly: kzbin.info/www/bejne/nGjdpouhYtiJqas Anyways it's always best to take your time in deciding first so there'll be no regrets in the end. As I always say, the decision is ultimately up to you. You know your situation and your ex best. Sometimes a relationship can be salvaged and worth the save but sometimes it isn't, especially if there's cheating or some other type of abuse involved or if it was overall a dysfunctional/toxic relationship. It's your life and it's your decision.

[@chris51385]

Everyone should watch 500 Days of Summer. It's always the dismissive avoidant who loses out. That's why they usually end up alone. They're not capable. There is someone right around the corner so much better who can give to a relationship what you do and doesn't find intimacy scary.

[@jesseschbrt8769]

​@@chris51385relationships arent easy. And i truly believe the one for u... challenges you. Takes u on a ride. Id work on things with my ex. I lived alot in my 33 yrs. But ive never had a bond like this. Im def anxious . What dude is saying tho is on point. Even if ur ex dont come back.

[@johnrevelation37]

I can relate to this comment!

[@fantohm1065]

So to be with an avoidant you have to either become avoidant and don't care for the basic needs in a relation, or become secure and realize that relation has to end and you have to move forward..

[@BradBrowning]

You don't choose your attachment style though. It's something that develops which started all the way back from childhood.

[@sda141]

I’ve had about 10 break-ups. This last one is it. First of all, he didn’t reach out for my birthday yesterday. But he started a fight, saying I wanted a break up. What? It took this for me to realize that he is a monster. He’s insecure, jealous, petty and childish. I want a man. Over it. Happy birthday to me.

[@dig-in8bo]

I wouldn't call my ex avoidant a monster. She has complex PTSD, ADHD, emotional childhood neglect, in addition to being a FA. I think I'm missing something... oh yes. Neurodivergence that makes her have a hard time speaking on the phone unless she recently did ketamine therapy. She has a major core wounds and I loved her to the moon and back, but at the end of the day aside from therapy she also needs to do attachment coaching. She missed my 50th birthday, even though she spoke to me 4 days before that. Then 2 weeks after my big birthday I held space for her just listening and not asking for anything in return. I still wanted closure talk and also needed to get my things back... which she kept delayed for 3 months. Super frustrating and painful. Yes, avoid the avoidants. I'm going to guess mine was on the far end of the spectrum for avoidants with all her core wounds.

[@McQueenMelissa]

It's a good thing I don't care about anyone remembering. My birthday. I attract this type because I am so patient, understanding, and forgiving.

[@pernamore4224]

Fall in love with yourself. Done.

[@a.d.b535]

I lost count. Currently off. It may be permanent.

[@BradBrowning]

Hi! I understand where you're coming from. Belated happy birthday anyways! :-)

[@chrislim7976]

A "quirk" of an attachment style? My avoidant is now divorced twice. She has ruined lives. Stay away from these people.

[@BradBrowning]

Avoidant attachers are only compatible with particular attachment styles and it's definitely not everyone's cup of tea.

[@chrislim7976]

@@BradBrowning Yup. She got exactly what she was looking for. She married a narcissist who was fake including the marriage as he was already married. Then she tries to sweetalk me. She's INSANE.

[@SwampBambiiX]

My avoidant blindsided and ghosted me. Its a blessing in disguise

[@robertdeskoski9783]

​@@BradBrowning: Disagree. Often avoidant avoidant pairings fall apart because of the lack of relational 'glue' and secure people often move on because they wouldn't put up with this shyt.

[@trinityp8575]

@@BradBrowningthey are not compatible with anyone. They are stunted emotionally. They are like children. You will never be happy with them.

[@ChadEAult]

They are in arrested development. The only things you need to do is leave. After a string of bad relationships if they can’t self reflect and dobthe work you shouldn’t have to bend around them because they won’t address their issues. Go no contact, heal from this incredibly selfish person, and find some that doesn’t value their independence from you as their number one thing in life. Their is no point in being in a relationship with someone that gets to have their cake and eat to while you get their breadcrumbs. Move on!

[@chrislim7976]

@@ChadEAult This. You can't be close to someone if you're not willing to address issues and you can't address issues if you're not willing to open up to someone. Both marriages this woman was in were not authenic ending in divorce and ruined lives. These are selfish sadly self fullfilling flawed people that should not be in any relationships whatsoever. Complete waste of time.

[@BradBrowning]

Good point! Nobody's perfect and therefore, there is no such thing as perfect relationship, but there needs to be self improvement on both ends, otherwise the relationship may face the same demise as last time. Both people ought to be willing to grow to create a more fulfilling relationship. This vid may help you achieve that: kzbin.info/www/bejne/pp3KoICNa6ylg5o

[@movingsaudade6028]

I say (ofcourse who am i).If you are lucky enough to be dumped by an avoidant count yourself lucky and acknowledge that the trash has taken itself out.Imagine living like this for the rest of your life.The person you truly love doesnt want anything to do with you occasionally.What the hell is that.If yiu are not an avoidant leave the avoidant and give them space to go find another avoidant.That way they can be with someone who really understands them and can cater for them the best way.That they beat themselves because they are unable to fully connect is not a valid excuse. If it bothers them so much why dont the seek help?Avoidants are horrible in relationships and you really have no business wanting thrm back if the dynamics in your life do not force you to be with them..Go love yourself better and be with a person whi actually values human connection.

[@BradBrowning]

Good point! However, avoidant attachers are people you can learn to understand and love as much as anyone else... if the person is worth it. Granted it's definitely not everyone's cup of tea and will only click with certain attachment styles.

[@trinityp8575]

@@BradBrowningthey are immature stuck in some childhood trauma, so they are not fit for a relationship. I have not heard anyone is of yet, able to manage and be happy in a relationship with Avoidants.

[@icecreamcone9490]

I agree totally. I think they will only understand when they get old and ruggedly and there are very few options left and that's when they start creeping back in through messages or butt dialed calls 🙄 and still not apologize. I feel like they enjoy torturing because they enjoy feeling offended. They can go on for days and weeks feeling offended simply because they know that the other person (the mentally healthy one) is suffering, that makes them not come back. But once they see you smiling and happy they want to come back BUT not to be happy with you but to break your happy bubble

[@brians2711]

Im starting to learn a lot, and understand my ex so much from this video and reading comments.

[@MTG9878]

What he is leaving out they always leave again after coming back. Think about that if that is what you want, it is exhausting and not good for you.

[@andymorin9163]

if I get her back I'm gonna need her to see a therapist or maybe see one together

[@BradBrowning]

Based on clients I've coached in the past, some do, but not always. Some tie the knot and have been happier while others become miserable. It really depends how you handle it, guys!

[@Apbt-rv7zw]

@andymorin9163 Avoidants don't change , yes unless they get serious help and this change is very gradual and takes a long time. They are emotionally stunted and have difficulty self reflecting. This takes them a long time to develop and you have to be super patient. Good luck hope it goes well.

[@jlady1595]

Yep. They just leave again. Cycle will continue until you put an end to it

[@Jennifer_Leigh1]

Trauma bonds ugh.

[@KR-ou2qo]

8:37 An anxious person can trigger avoidance in the other person and an avoidant person can trigger anxiety in the other person. In time, they become an anxious and avoidant couple even if in the beginning they were not anxious/avoidant. Attachment behavior is fluid, unless one person's attachment style is extreme to one end of the spectrum.

[@jacquelinemarie9655]

This is exactly what happened to my marriage and it is such a quick slipper slope to dysfunction. Both people need to be willing to give and take in equal measure, and keep talking through the triggers and repair when there are slipups.

[@ashton1952]

@@jacquelinemarie9655 yes, communication is everything

[@BradBrowning]

It's fluid to an extent. You're describing the dynamics of an avoidant attachment style with anxious avoidants, which is very challenging to both people, especially one with the anxious style, especially if communication and boundaries are sub par.

[@KR-ou2qo]

@@BradBrowning I believe anxiety and avoidance can be situational and don't always reflect our true attachment style. We may be in relationship with a person where their interest in us is higher than our interest in them (or vice versa). This makes us show avoidant behavior which in turn might trigger anxious behavior in the other person (the common theme here is the insecure attachment). It might just be a bad match (different level of interest) disguised as anxios/avoidant pair. The same two people might show total opposite behavior in relation to other people. We are not always aware ourselves about how genuine our interest in the other person is. I do not believe that magically avoidants and anxious people just attract each other like magnets. It might be true for a very small percentage, but most relationships that show anxious/avoidant characteristics are just bad matches (as in different level of interest).

[@carlashupe3348]

This sounds extremely traumatizing to the normal healthy functioning person. Asking a person to sacrifice and give up half their life or even more to stay with someone who has so many psychological issues is not fair! This will slowly break a soul. Get away from these people.

[@BradBrowning]

The ironic thing is you won't likely notice they have an avoidant attachment style until one or both of you is already attached. So my advice, if you can't handle someone with this attachment style, especially if you have an anxious attachment style, is to take things slow and not rush into a relationship. Avoidants best go well with someone with secure attachment style though.

[@denb9610]

@@BradBrowning Until the avoidant turns the secure attached into an anxious avoidant

[@robertdeskoski9783]

​@@BradBrowning: No, they don't. Secure people will leave them.

[@trinityp8575]

@@BradBrowningavoidant can turn even a secure attachment style person into anxious.

[@trinityp8575]

@@robertdeskoski9783they will rather leave or become anxious 😂

[@jaybee5794]

They are your ex for a reason. Don’t make the same mistake twice. Just try and think back about how you felt in their presence. If they were sitting next to you right now, how would you feel? Anxious? Disappointed? Alone? Unsatisfied? Fooled? Empty? This helps me to never go back.

[@BradBrowning]

Thanks for sharing!

[@chelymarie47]

Trust me you don’t want them back.

[@BradBrowning]

As I always say, the decision is ultimately up to you. You know your situation and your ex best. Sometimes a relationship can be salvaged and worth the save but sometimes it isn't, especially if there's cheating or some other type of abuse involved or if it was overall a dysfunctional/toxic relationship. It's your life and it's your decision.

[@tracym6652]

I agree, I don't want him back

[@TheKinsWay]

I don't see why I should manage my needs because my ex is dysfunctional. He has ruined my life....wasted years. Lied and cheated. Good riddance

[@Apbt-rv7zw]

Yes, agreed. She wasted my years, cheated, lied spent money for herself and hardly reciprocated love. Much better without an Avoidant. This coach doesn't address; that if you get back with an Avoidant. All those nasty traits they have are still there. Waiting to engulf you again and again.

[@BradBrowning]

Hi! This vid is for those who want to try to make it work with someone who has this attachment style. As I always say, the decision is ultimately up to you. You know your situation and your ex best. Sometimes a relationship can be salvaged and worth the save but sometimes it isn't, especially if there's cheating or some other type of abuse involved or if it was overall a dysfunctional relationship. It's your life and it's your decision.

[@citizenoz]

It so sad that society these days seems to accept it as 'normal' to reward bad behavour. No better example than how an avoidant behaves destroying their partners and happily moves on assuming that it's all OK. Been on the recieving end of one. Survived. Never ever again. Narcissistic holograms... looks real... but there is actually nothing there.

[@BradBrowning]

I'm sure you have your own reasons, especially if you've dealt with an avoidant ex. That reward goes both ways as you're also giving yourself the necessary time to think and re-assess the relationship as well as re-assess what you need and want from one. After understanding how they operate in relationships, is this something you're willing to put up with? And is your ex open to getting therapy? These are stuff you ought to consider when dealing with one and yes, it's tough. I can see it's definitely not worth it to you anymore so yes, moving on is always a good option. Take care!

[@susannahpearethcan5ing]

Yes!!! I’m getting sick and tired of being told “just be patient give him time and space” It’s like WHAT ABOUT ME!? My mental health is down the toilet it’s been 7 months since the BU and it still feels like it’s only been a week to me!!

[@susannahpearethcan5ing]

Yes!!! I’m getting sick and tired of being told “just be patient give him time and space” It’s like WHAT ABOUT ME!? My mental health is down the toilet it’s been 7 months since the BU and it still feels like it’s only been a week to me!!

[@susannahpearethcan5ing]

Plus- why why why do we need to tiptoe around them!? I would do anything for this guy- he’s important to me and he thanked me for perservering and I have a mental health crisis and he can’t deal!!! 😢

[@susannahpearethcan5ing]

Plus- why why why do we need to tiptoe around them!? I would do anything for this guy- he’s important to me and he thanked me for perservering and I have a mental health crisis and he can’t deal!!! 😢

[@hurricane7438]

Don’t give me hope

[@priebess]

I Agree!!

[@NeanderthalNatty]

To say anything always does something is ridiculous. I've been in no contact for 15 months

[@BradBrowning]

Just stating facts laid out on this vid. If you want to know what your chances are, take the free quiz and answer as honestly as possible to get the most accurate results, at www.breakupbrad.com/quiz

[@ejag7375]

I feel labeling as avoidant may be missing that they’re really just horrible. Stonewalling and flimsy excuses to discard aren’t the sign of a healthy person in any world that I know. So sad

[@BradBrowning]

Discard? You may want to check out this vid: kzbin.info/www/bejne/oanKqKZ4mdmabqc

[@MsPatriot420]

Why mess with these abusive people?? I was married to someone who was very secure and kind. He passed away and I am now back in the snake pit.

[@BradBrowning]

Some don't when they decide it's a dealbreaker. What's important to remember is you guys actually have a choice. This is something I've covered here, in-depth: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jqDWZI1qnZl7hKc

[@SK43996]

I love your videos. The avoidant I know is also narcissistic who craves attention and praise so has tons of connections through work-and cares very much about looks, clothing etc. but like you said keeps them all at a distance. The second anyone gets too close-bye bye

[@BradBrowning]

Hey thanks! There are similarities and differences on both, which I've covered here and are the most common: kzbin.info/www/bejne/oanKqKZ4mdmabqc

[@11Virgo11]

How about this: skip the avoidant ex who keeps giving you anxiety, and go for a healed one. Or go back to them when they’re healed (they need therapy!!!)

[@BradBrowning]

They do, if they want to make things easier in their relationships. However, if you wanna make it work, or understand them better, then you can play a role too, in understanding how they operate...and this is what this vid is about. Good luck!

[@11Virgo11]

@@BradBrowning well I used to be an avoidant and I was not a good partner for anyone. What I needed was the kick in the butt where the person that I truly loved chose himself over my BS. I’m still an avoidant but I went to therapy and now I am where I can recognize it and COMMUNICATE it with him, what I’m feeling and needing. Before I would just leave the minute it got rough, leave in the middle of the night, throw him out, leave mid fight, need space when it got too close. I still do need that space sometimes and fights overwhelm me, but I can communicate now. But I couldn’t without therapy. And that’s the only time it’s fair to be with anyone. If you can at least communicate something. This is my opinion in any case.

[@nyevreklabarnabas8141]

I wasnt sure if my ex is avoidant or not, or the mix of secure and avoidant, but after watching this video, im pretty sure my ex is avoidant and im anxious. You pretty much described my situation😂

[@BradBrowning]

lol then apply the tips from this vid as much as you can. But if you're still not sure and think your situation may be unique, I think you can benefit by working with me one-on-one so I get to learn more about the situation and therefore be more equipped to help you out, at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching Take care!

[@nyevreklabarnabas8141]

@@BradBrowning i already am working with you😇

[@unclecondog9807]

@@nyevreklabarnabas8141update?

[@MoloSaidu]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.

[@kanereall]

I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.

[@jack-gx]

I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.

[@jackt5507]

Just sleep with her best friend, and act like it’s no big deal, focus on yourself and keep ur head up and they always come back

[@teem5945]

We sometimes forget that people are dating others because they are secretly eyeing something else other than a relationship. You're looking for a relationship, and they were not. The only reason they didn't leave earlier is because they didn't have someone who was flaunting what they make them think could offer them. Heal, work on yourself in other areas e.g. physique, finances etc and give that warmth to someone who will appreciate it.

[@helentalia9923]

5 years and you didn't think of marrying her?

[@mounikapolineni8806]

I gave up on my ex and moved on .. as he is not the one I wanted. Thanks to you..

[@BradBrowning]

As I always say, the decision is ultimately up to you. You know your situation and your ex best. Sometimes a relationship can be salvaged and worth the save but sometimes it isn't, especially if there's cheating or some other type of abuse involved. It's your life and it's your decision. :-)

[@GloriaSmith-m6k]

I feel like we are just normalizing bad behaviors

[@BradBrowning]

Plain bad behaviour is a choice and is way different from those with having an avoidant attachment style. They want and deserve love, too, just like everybody else. They just need someone capable of being patient and willing to understand them and how they operate in relationships.

[@spiritwanderer777]

I hope she doesn't come back and if she somehow manages to contact me I will ignore it.

[@BradBrowning]

As I always say, the decision is ultimately up to you. You know your situation and your ex best. Sometimes a relationship can be salvaged and worth the save but sometimes it isn't, especially if there's cheating or some other type of abuse involved. It's your life and it's your decision.

[@spiritwanderer777]

@@BradBrowning there was cheating, ghosting, silent treatments, stonewalling, gaslighting, complete lack of empathy, even as a friend there is nothing to salvage because all trust is gone, i moved on

[@jackt5507]

For any guys in the chat, you cannot break the no contact. I feel like that needs to be stated, and if she goes and sleeps with another guy she’s gone and she’ll only come back to squeeze everything she can out of u

[@BradBrowning]

The case you've described actually happens and although someone's intentions can be just like you've described, in other cases that's not the motivation. This is why it's important to learn discernment in relationship, especially romantic ones where finances are involved. Communication is key as well as teamwork. It's easy to antagonize your partner when this happens which is why you both have to brainstorm for a solution together and not against each other. General rule is when you start to feel uncomfortable about something, that's your clue to impose some boundaries and expect your partner to do the same as well, just to try to keep things balanced and healthy. I know this is tough to do when emotions are involved but with mindfulness, it can be done. Thanks for your comment. :-)

[@nickgomez6272]

for avoidants, love is associated with abandonment and pain, for people of other attachments its usually a happy feeling. this is why they struggle to be in a relationship and date perpetually.

[@BradBrowning]

It usually stems from the early childhood days and they could seek help for that especially if they keep getting into toxic habits/relationships or basically repeating the same pattern as a result.

[@krose318]

This is great advice. I gave my ex the space he needed even though i just wanted to be close. After no contact, we reconnect, and he says everything feels new, and all I'm doing is waiting for him to initiate contact. No chasing from my end, and now his heart races every time we see each other.

[@DonaldMeyers-v8c]

Good work!

[@BradBrowning]

Awesome! As a reminder or more of a precautionary measure really, focus on texting and try not to meet up when one or both of you aren't ready yet. The phase you're on (assuming you've done the first phase correctly which is the 30-day no contact rule) is the second phase where you're rebuilding attraction. It's part two of the 3-phase system in my guide but here's a quick overview to help you understand better: y2u.be/7JtmVbDkblw but as you go on this phase, you'll notice one or more signs here: y2u.be/nmRM3dZAzDA and the best you can do is to continue to play your cards right and move to the third phase when you're both ready. Good luck!

[@jacquelinemarie9655]

So what happens once the new feelings wear off?

[@MTG9878]

@@jacquelinemarie9655they leave!

[@krose318]

@jacquelinemarie9655 Well, he just asked me to be exclusive as he saw I was dating other guys. I reminded him he chose this when he ended it. I guess I'll have to decide if it's what I want

[@susannahpearethcan5ing]

It’s been months for me im pretty sure he’s not coming back and it’s has had such a terrible effect on me this year. At this point, I just want closure

[@sicarius.m1]

I feel like men are more likely to come back because they don’t have many options (unless they’re model tier and rich)

[@BradBrowning]

Sorry to hear that. If it's doing more harm to you than good, then I agree, you should definitely take steps towards moving on. If you ask me, though... closures are overrated and will only leave you with more questions than answers in the end. This is often the case with my clients when they go against my advice and go out of their way to look for that proverbial closure from their ex. Anyway this may help you process or deal with the breakup efficiently: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bavTaIZ8l8p2iLc but if you find yourself needing more guidance on how to lead a more fruitful life without your ex, get my Beat the Breakup Guide at www.beatmybreakup.com or get my Ex Factor Guide if you want to try to get your ex back in the best possible way, at www.breakupbrad.com Take care!

[@shraddhabhushan5068]

This wholr process of wanting to connect and then them detaching when actually they should be by your side will eventually become such a frustrating cycle

[@BradBrowning]

Yes, it does and it can only go on for so long. Your ex has to be willing to seek therapy too. Mentioned that here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jqDWZI1qnZl7hKc

[@snehajindal20]

Hi Brad. Today is my 30th day of no contact. I am thinking of starting a conversation within a few days. He was also avoidant in nature towards me. I hope my ex deletes all negative thoughts and we can start fresh. Let's hope for the best. Please wish me good luck🙏

[@BradBrowning]

Hello there! Yes, you can reach out to your ex after the 30 days straight of "no contact" period is over. In doing so, it's best to treat the situation with fresh eyes, so it's crucial to keep things fun and light and gently coax your ex into responding the same way. Here are the basics on what to do when it comes down to it. I also suggest you watch from start to the end and NOT skip any parts so you can maximize these tips: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bYHGl3qbf9aIj9E including asking yourself these very important questions to ask yourself before starting the process: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qmesZp5ratWheac but if you need the step-by-step process on what to do, including what to text or say during the process, either hire me as your coach, refer to my other vids or get the 2.0 version of my Ex Factor Guide at www.breakupbrad.com Good luck!

[@betsybarda5588]

@@BradBrowningwhat if I kept breaking no-contact but now it’s been over 30 days?

[@_d295]

Can you update what happened after you reached out?

[@snehajindal20]

@@_d295 i haven't reached out yet. I am waiting for his birthday to come. It is almost two months now and i hope things gets sorted after i reach out 🥺

[@melaninandaura9713]

All the people who are in this thread should get together. Funny how we all seem to be in proximity to people who we love and want but who seem not to love and want us.

[@Doggoos]

I moved on after the no contact 😅 and now he puts sad stories always

[@BradBrowning]

Good! Moving on and living your best life is the best revenge, obviously if you didn't want your ex back, they say.

[@shalombondar177]

I just got dumped by an avoidant. All of this is true.

[@BradBrowning]

Hi there! Thank you for your comment.

[@AirborneDoc-nb1pe]

I went into no contact mode before I knew what no contact was a thing. After awhile I texted and she immediately responded all ecstatic to hear from me. Then silence again. That was 3 years ago and I was in no contact since 1984. Almost the most bizarre BS I've even seen.

[@BradBrowning]

And for the best reason. Looks like you're both happier without each other. Thanks for sharing!

[@AirborneDoc-nb1pe]

@@BradBrowning I never looked at it that way. Thx.

[@williamhitchens5599]

All these comments are so painful to read and relate to 😢😢😢😢

[@BradBrowning]

On the plus side, you're definitely not alone in going through this so stay strong, yeah? Good luck!

[@nannaschultz8444]

I will not always be the one to change.. No, I am a human, I value my time more than my ex. I dont care if they struggle. I loved him, but actually, I begin to hate, and unlove this person, when they can do this..

[@BradBrowning]

I understand where you're coming from. I hope you find a better match for you soon. Take it slow this time! Take care.

[@russellhobbs4945]

A dismissive avoidant is a nice way of describing a narcissist.

[@robertjraines]

😂

[@movingsaudade6028]

​@@robertjrainesI keep saying this

[@robertjraines]

@@movingsaudade6028 I just got out of a relationship with one, she left saying she needs to work on herself

[@ashton1952]

It's because people don't understand either fully. A narcissist can have any insecure attachment style alongside the disorder. Narcissism is about big needs and depending on others to get those met. As DA's don't depend on others it's the least likely attachment style to have alongside NPD.

[@DonaldMeyers-v8c]

Not exactly genius. Maybe you were the problem by that logic

[@Godlytoe71]

Why she act like she hates me when I’ve never done her wrong

[@a.d.b535]

Keep watching these videos by different coaches and you'll learn why.

[@priebess]

There are some great videos regarding this exact question on the Coach Ryan channel. I found 2 of his short videos that particularly hit the nail on the head. Praying that you heal from this loss faster than I am. It is terrible to feel like this.

[@movingsaudade6028]

Is that the kind of relationship you deserve?Is that really how you want to spend the one life you have?Wondering why the person you love won't love you back right?I don't think so but your life your rules.Good luck and hope you find happiness someday 😢

[@jbkras1992]

Sadly, that's why. Females saying they want the "nice guy" are bull face liars Lol

[@BradBrowning]

This may help explain why: kzbin.info/www/bejne/hn-QYWqhdtl8oNk

[@SanaDespiertayvive]

Dangerous dance when your heart ❤️ is all in in the bet 🎰!

[@BradBrowning]

Indeed.

[@DayjobTraderFX]

My avoidant GF broke up with me a few days ago in a very respectful way and she was very kind to me. We are in our late 40s so I guess maturity is playing here. Being an anxious style I was totally destroyed inside but looking back, and after learning the concepts of attachment styles, I did all the mistakes in the book (wanting to be together all the time, planning trips early and even moving togethers upon me insisting - this triggered the end!).

[@BradBrowning]

Yep. Looks like it. Awareness is key though, so it's important to take these lessons learned from the breakup and try to do better next time and minimize specific stuff you know will do nothing but help destroy the relationship, yeah?

[@DayjobTraderFX]

@@BradBrowning thanks for your feedback. A note that not all avoidants are bitches or morons. mine was very respectful and careful when she said she wanted out, I was in shock so I just took my stuff and left. She texted me that evening saying she was worried and that she 'cares' about me... not sure what that means. Anyway, I started no contact and will stick to it.

[@trinityp8575]

You didn’t do anything wrong. She just isn’t fit for a healthy loving connection and relationship.

[@nancylove9698]

They don’t take the space when they are highly desired and it’s easy for them to jump into a new relationship. Even if they return, it might not be because they want a real relationship or have changed. You could become their next rebound.

[@BradBrowning]

That applies with other attachment styles as well. The key here lies in the dynamics, which is to build a new relationship with an ex. Clearly the old relationship didn't work so you both have to grow and learn from your mistakes and learn to build a more collaborative relationship in the future, yeah?

[@nancylove9698]

@@BradBrowning After having exs try to come back UNCHANGED and without reflection or willingness to collaborate and most of all communicate, all hope for starting anew with dismissive and fearful avoidants get flushed down the toilet. Literally, every "relationship" attempt is doomed to fail if only one person does the work and the other runs to someone new when triggered by their own unhealed wounds.

[@AWA89r]

I’m working on to not take him back! I’m too good to go back in that hell again! He wasted 18 years of my time!

[@BradBrowning]

Yes, you don't have to put up with anything you don't want to. And like I always say, the decision is ultimately up to you since you know your relationship and your ex better than anyone else on here. And alas, not every ex is worth all the trouble. It's up to you to decide who is worth fighting for at one of the toughest of battles you face in your relationship. Best of luck!

[@TheDirvish]

I wanted her back so badly until she went fcking nuts and started lying and claiming all over social media that I was abusive. I know for a fact shes just not confronting her emotions

[@Apbt-rv7zw]

Yes, they don't like to be cornered or held accountable. They can become destructive and sabotage

[@BradBrowning]

Abusive how? She's either venting or exaggerating but it's never a good idea to outright rant and/or accuse an ex publicly. Was your breakup that bad/messy? She looks like she's lashing out for whatever reason. Although I'd like to offer a tip or two, there's simply too many elements to your situation that makes this too complex for me to properly respond here… please consider signing up for coaching if you want to talk at length about your situation: www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

[@Apbt-rv7zw]

@TheDirvish Mine lashed out too when her family found out she was cheating behind my back. To get her family onside she claimed some horrible things about me, i.e., like I was financially unstable. That I was trying to kick her out of house that we had bought together. Sometime later she called the police and changed the locks on the house and I was told to leave my own home. I had dine nothing but love this woman and always treated her respectfully and kindly. Avoidants can be really abusive when they end a 6 year marriage. Never again.

[@hollyr.1139]

I appreciate the advice in this video! It's hard to hold back, but I will.

[@LuckyGal805]

I know! His video is a good reminder. Give space focus on us

[@BradBrowning]

Stay strong! Here's a few checklist to help get busy during this period: kzbin.info/www/bejne/nGjdpouhYtiJqas but to get the full gist on what to do on each step, consider getting my Ex Factor Guide 2.0 to help you out further, at www.breakupbrad.com Take care!

[@anitafernando7838]

I’ve been in NO CONTACT for 147 days but my ex started dating someone and I feel frustrated

[@BradBrowning]

Time can be an ally but too much time apart can be your enemy when it comes to getting your ex back. Since it's been many months since the breakup, it's best to consider the facts I've mentioned here first as this lets you determine whether there's still a real shot or not: kzbin.info/www/bejne/j4e5mo2jjperZqs and/or take the free quiz at www.breakupbrad.com/quiz Good luck!

[@Matthewcalebwood]

Ive been through this cycle three times now, we get together and its great for a month, she then slowly puts up walls and refusesto try to connect , a few months later we break up and exactly three months after that shes wanting to get back with me. Im so tired I just can't do it anymore 😢

[@BradBrowning]

She either has an avoidant attachment style OR she just isn't ready to settle down and is sowing her oats. This is especially true if she's still young. Either way, it's not a healthy situation to be in and it's time to consider moving on from this.

[@joesottilare609]

this is the pattern

[@SoulMonger]

Otherwise very healthy relationship. Connected on a lot of levels, strong foundation but I didn’t know about what being avoidant meant til we split. Was really good to just walk away. Didn’t make any contact. Will give it time. I did a lot of dating, so I’ve had no issues getting back out in the field. Most people go back out of scarcity, it’s important to rule that out.

[@BradBrowning]

Glad you're coping well. Here's additional information about someone with an avoidant attachment style: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jqDWZI1qnZl7hKc

[@ecoby13]

I’m sorry but it’s not worth it. I was with mine for a year and a half and it’s just excuses, trying to cheat due their insecurities, unable to feel their feelings, and so forth. They show some signs of hope and change but will always fall back into the same comfortable cycle that they’re so familiar with to feel safe. Even as secure you will feel drained and then anxious and it’s not worth it. Mine was aware and always pushed me away regardless of how much he said he loved and cared for but wasn’t ready. Tired of the on and off cycle so it’s done for good. It’s. Not. Worth it.

[@BradBrowning]

Have you tried suggesting therapy? Unless he does, I'm afraid you're right and it's going to be a repeating cycle. This is something I mentioned here, too: kzbin.info/www/bejne/api3iXlqZ7uhntk

[@sarahelliott2046]

We only dated for 2 months but it felt like years. Im around day 45 of no contact. He refused to tell me about issues he had, allowing them to bottle up and explode. By then, to him, it was "too late" to fix it. He ran from issues always stating he "didnt want to fight". Sir, this is communication? Not fighting. I miss him but the longer he takes the farther along my healing is.

[@mainepatriot235]

Been with my avoidant ex almost 4 years. She broke up with me 7 times during that time period. And again a week ago. Says she's done and leave her alone. Sucks I love her kids to pieces. Not ours together... chase her almost every time and usually comes back within 2 weeks. Not sure this time. The break ups are getting closer and closer together. Last one 10 days prior. Sent her a message today and told her ide leave her alone as she wishes... anyone else feel like avoidants turn a normal secure person into an anxious insecure person. I'm new to all this terminology

[@BradBrowning]

Not all exes of avoidants suffer from these on-and-off dynamics. There could be something deeper going on. An on-and-off relationship often signifies underlying issues which have been left unaddressed for quite some time. Read this first to know what to expect when you have this kind of dynamic in your relationship: bit.ly/1HjcagC But if you're interested in making this your last breakup, sign up for my coaching program at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching especially if there's an available spot!

[@MrsSladojevci]

Mine too. Its now the 8th time that he broke up with me. But this time, its the longest break up that we had and Im also blocked. Hurts so much, one week before, he told me he wants children with me and wants me to be his wife. And then he broke up with me bc he said he had an panic attack and hes trauma bonded on me. I fought for the relationship so much, I also made mistakes but I changed but he got back to old behaviours everytime half a week after getting back together. Now its two weeks and one week no contact. Together 5 years. this year he broke up 4times and the other 4 times always every half a year. Within the 7th broke up, he said he was anxious because I talked about children and that this was the reason why he broke up. putted in so much effort for getting me back just to dumpe me again one week later. Hurt so much, Im the anxious type and cant handle that. I´m now so much traumatized. Dont know how I should ever trust someone again.

[@misspc78]

No contact over 1 year 🙌🏼👏 it’s been sooooooo peaceful.

[@BradBrowning]

Yep. No contact isn't just the first step if you want to get an ex back. It can help you move on, too and the same goes for your ex. So if you're more at peace and happier without your ex, it's best to continue moving on. Discussed that here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/sKiTdJurjah4o9k

[@WATCHMEGOBROKE]

Best advice I've heard in 2 months of daily watching break up KZbin

[@BradBrowning]

Glad you found it helpful! Thanks for the support… please like and subscribe if you haven’t already: kzbin.info”

[@Aufwiedersin]

Stop selling hope please it was my first mistake after break up to fall in that no contact and they will be back loop. They will be back if they really loved you, if they really loved you will everything will be like that? Don’t know actually don’t know anything anymore

[@ashton1952]

Know your boundaries, know what you will and won't put up with and let them know in a loving manner. Either they come up against that and have to adjust themselves to fit into the picture of what a secure relationship looks like, else they go. Be prepared don't just wing it if they show up.

[@BradBrowning]

Just stating facts laid out on this vid. If you want to know what your chances are, take the free quiz and answer as honestly as possible to get the most accurate results, at www.breakupbrad.com/quiz

[@cheslinscheepers2547]

"You cant change your ex you going to have to adapt your behavior" Sounds like we programming ourselves. "Learning to reject love".

[@BradBrowning]

Where there's love, there's compromise and understanding. This goes both ways!

[@trinityp8575]

@@BradBrowningthe other person can not do it.

[@davedavester9060]

There are also avoidant personality disorders. In no contact with one right now. Unfortunately for her, I know what it means to have a personality disorder. I'm probably not interested in getting her back. But I'll let you know how it goes.

[@ashton1952]

The actual disorder is different than the attachment challenges... lil confusing with the same title

[@BradBrowning]

Hey thanks for sharing your experience!

[@droflivelife]

Not always. Did exactly this and 13 months later nothing. Except i know it's for the better, i get to rebuild my life.

[@BradBrowning]

Not all exes have an avoidant attachment style. But yes, whether you're in a relationship or not, yourself should come first!

[@droflivelife]

@BradBrowning she was one of the most extreme avoidants you'd ever meet. Thank you for the reply. Your videos helped me in my healing and understanding.

[@ParashMitra]

I feel very strongly that this ex is my person and I realise my mistakes as well. I made the mistake of over contacting her post our breakup once I realised we are meant to be. Wish you had made this video earlier.

[@BradBrowning]

Hi, welcome! I've made vids of similar topic so feel free to browse the rest of the channel. For a comprehensive, step-by-step guide as well as some bonus texting materials, consider getting the 2.0 version of my Ex Factor Guide, at www.breakupbrad.com/mbuy Good luck!

[@ceyda6177]

My ex avoided is always partying and trying to make as many friends as possible. He keeps himself so busy that he burns himself out, just to avoid his feelings.

[@BradBrowning]

People have different means of coping. How about you? How are you holding up? Most importantly, how do you plan to proceed? This may help you process or deal with the breakup efficiently: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bavTaIZ8l8p2iLc but if you find yourself needing more guidance on how to lead a more fruitful life without your ex, get my Beat the Breakup Guide at www.beatmybreakup.com or get my Ex Factor Guide if you want to try to get your ex back in the best possible way, at www.breakupbrad.com Take care!

[@northofyou33]

I know he wants love and affection. He is always so happy in the moment. He is very tender and deeply into it. But afterwards he always needs a break. He would be happy to just see me once every couple of weeks. But, yeah, no. Sorry. This does not work for me. We've had no breakups. Just long delays between time spent together.

[@BradBrowning]

I understand where you're coming from. Thanks for sharing your story.

[@allisonbergeron1929]

If they want to be independent how do you date them? I'm currently being totally cut off after break up. It's awful. He probably won't reach out.

[@BradBrowning]

How long were you two together? Consider moving on from this, especially if it was just a fling to either you or your short-term ex. Sorry but there may not be anything to rebuild here if that's the case because there wasn't any long term bonding or attraction that naturally develops in long term or serious relationships, especially if things got bad between you real quick because of the mistakes. On the brighter side, here's how the "no contact" rule will work for you, though: kzbin.info/www/bejne/apjUoGeIn9aIptE

[@allisonbergeron1929]

@@BradBrowning a year. Dated for a year

[@arghyatarafder174]

After break up my ex falling in love with another guy but she still wanted me as a friend. And as You said in previous videos, being friends with ex is a bad idea if want her back. I denied friendship because it's not possible to me to be my ex's friend and watch my love making relationship with other guy. She noticed I'm not adjusting with her friendship and also I feel jealous and don't want her to make any new relationship. She called me selfish and a cheap person and blocked me from everywhere. Even she said she will never contact again. As your advice I didn't try to connect her. After some days she unblocked me and call me, we made some fun conversation. I didn't made any rude or needy behave, just talked gently. When having fun she said it was her best decision to break up with me. I don't know if she was trying me to feel jealous, but now every day she texted or call me to being in touched with me but she said she doing this as friend. Now what to do? Will she back into my life or just trying to make me stay in the friend zone? How do I get her back?

[@MTG9878]

Move on! Better yourself, she wants you as a back up, do not take that from anyone!

[@BradBrowning]

Hi! Regardless of whether you want her back or not, it's always best to get out of the friendzone your ex will tend to put you in...especially if there is someone else in the picture. Apply the tips here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/iYiog6mVrpiWa9k

[@studig]

Long distance relationship ended for me last week . Not sure what to do . She has All the traits of an avoidant now, but she was rushing everything for 3 months and I was happy to do so

[@BradBrowning]

Sorry to hear that. As you've noticed, the distance will always be a major culprit. Is this long distance scenario temporary? Because if it isn't, then it may be as good as over. Watch/review and apply the pointers here first: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fYK8ZYFmadqpqqM AND kzbin.info/www/bejne/a5_JiIWAh9ehd9U However, if you believe your situation is unique and there may still be a chance between you two, then let's take a look at your situation in-depth via my one-on-one coaching session at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

[@Michael-r9n9u]

Yeah give them as much time as they need for love bombing the new supply with all the sex they wouldn’t have with you and give them extra time and space to get over their aggravation that they couldn’t manipulate - gaslight you anymore 😊😢or get away with the cheating. I do miss my avoidant but have to remind myself it was a love relationship with a 5th grader. There’s no future in having a normal heathy loving relationship with this type of personalty disorder as they don’t have the capacity to pair bond. Going back will lead to more heart ache. It’s all take no giving or reciprocity. They are parasites - leaches - soul rapers. I been through it all including trauma bond so with all due respect in my opinion and experience, what this gentlemen is preaching is in my opinion is not in your best interests. Take time to heal and it will take time but do it. I’m still on my healing journey near a year but as time goes on you Know you are doing the right thing for yourself. Don’t go back!

[@BradBrowning]

Avoidants don't necessarily "love bomb." That's more of a trait of someone with narcissistic tendencies, which I discussed here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/ZpulnZKieZhogLM

[@alvpha]

​@@BradBrowningSeems like You're right. My ex and I have had an on and off relationship. She always comes back after a breakup. And usually the reason for the breakup doesn't even make sense. She broke up with me Yesterday just because I called her out on not talking to me in a rude way. Her solution was to breakup. Have I lost her forever? (This isn't our first break-up though)

[@psyborg89]

Needed this video today.

[@BradBrowning]

Thanks for commenting. Take care!

[@malvanlondon8683]

How long should a break-up be? How long should a mere "break" be? Who should make first contact...the person who asked for the break or the other?

[@BradBrowning]

If you've both agreed to take a break, the hows, whys, and whens and how long as well as whether or not you remain exclusive can be agreed by you both. Some couple take a week break for whatever reason for example. What matters is you both agree to the conditions if you're both really just trying to take a break from each other. Watch this, too: kzbin.info/www/bejne/h4GtoaWAqstgn7c

[@sda141]

I didn’t go no contact. I wished him a happy Independence Day.

[@simrpreet7592]

Lol😂

[@BradBrowning]

lol nice!

[@sda141]

@@BradBrowning 😅

[@AWA89r]

Girl! I sure will after 90 days of no contact!

[@magicisreal111]

Mine told me he wants love more than anything but doesn’t know how to show up for it.

[@BradBrowning]

That's sad. Have you tried getting to know each other's love languages though? Thanks for sharing!

[@magicisreal111]

@@BradBrowning Thank you! I wish. I tried so hard to accommodate his but … he’s so avoidant that he was never able to accommodate any of my needs other than intimacy and quality time once a month in person (long distance) and he’d ghost for a week or two after intimacy so we finally broke up two days ago. I tried to make it work for three years but he told me he simply doesn’t want to connect with people very often, including his own mother who he loves the most. You’re the best. Thank you for all you do.

[@Akemidayo]

This is very relatable...

[@BradBrowning]

Thanks for your support! :-)

[@MedianThrone140PLAYZ]

I’ve been focusing on myself the last couple months since I’ve been broken up with. She asked for space and I’m really afraid to reach out. I really miss her and want to slowly reconnect but afraid she won’t accept me. That she will want more space and shut me out even more. I keep typing “hey” in the message bar then delete it and never send. Please hook me up with advice 😭

[@BradBrowning]

What have you got to lose? If she isn't receptive to contact with you, then at least you get rid of the what-ifs and move on once and for all. Otherwise you can reach out to your ex after the 30 days straight of "no contact" period is over. In doing so, it's best to treat the situation with fresh eyes, so it's crucial to keep things fun and light and gently coax your ex into responding the same way. Here are the basics on what to do when it comes down to it. I also suggest you watch from start to the end and NOT skip any parts so you can maximize these tips: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bYHGl3qbf9aIj9E including asking yourself these very important questions to ask yourself before starting the process: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qmesZp5ratWheac but if you need the step-by-step process on what to do, including what to text or say during the process, either hire me as your coach, refer to my other vids or get the 2.0 version of my Ex Factor Guide at www.breakupbrad.com

[@davevail4138]

No thanks, I tested all this once. Just curious. It is not worth it. Leave them and go find someone you can count on and not play this game. It shouldn’t be that hard or that much work.

[@BradBrowning]

As I always say, the decision is ultimately up to you. You know your situation and your ex best. Sometimes a relationship can be salvaged and worth the save but sometimes it isn't, especially if there's cheating or some other type of abuse involved. It's your life and it's your decision.

[@HotRodHarley06]

I finally figured out my past partner would tell me what she thought I wanted to hear. This lead to words not matching actions so don't be surprised when your avoidant partner's actions don't match their words. Their actions are always the tell.

[@BradBrowning]

You may need to open them up more first. They just need someone willing/capable of being patient and able to understand them and how they operate in relationships. Once you understand them, you'll avoid triggers that make the situation worse and would try not to make it all about you but would rather have a balanced approach on things. If you need help, sign up for my coaching program so I can give a more solid advice that's tailored to your situation, at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

[@windyday85]

I'm so thankful I found you.. As I could not figure out this bizarre relationship. I think you would find my break up different than anything you have heard before. I'm still in shock. . But I know how I feel. Not sure about the avoidant 💔😭

[@BradBrowning]

That's intriguing! Ready to discuss your situation with me? Since your case may be unique, I think you can benefit by working with me one-on-one so I get to learn more about the situation and therefore be more equipped to help you out, at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

[@jdub1788]

My FA ex dumped me out of the blue. We didn't have one argument while we were together. She pulled me close and i spent time with her daughters, met her family. Suddenly it was over. I chased her by sending maybe 4 texts spread out over 6 weeks. Then she blocked me. We broke up over 4 months ago and it still hurts like it was yesterday

[@BradBrowning]

It's tough when it feels like the rug has been pulled from under you when you think things have been going great. How long have you two been together though? I'd like to offer a tip or two, there's simply too many elements to your situation that makes this too complex for me to properly respond here… please consider signing up for coaching if you want to talk at length about your situation where we could get to the bottom of the issue/s: www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

[@brunalina2275]

My ex avoidant did not go to an non contact phase! He asked go be friends and everyday he send me messages Light messages

[@BradBrowning]

I suggest you apply the tips here first: kzbin.info/www/bejne/iYiog6mVrpiWa9k

[@EmilyGloeggler7984]

Honestly they don’t always come back.

[@BradBrowning]

As mentioned, not always but most of them do.

[@JustMe-ki3ce]

I’ve started calling mine Boomerang…. I thought I loved him, the healthier I got mentally from his abuse the more I realized it was a trauma bond. I wish him well. I’m finally getting over this maladaptive bond. Love doesn’t play out like this.

[@emilyswope3548]

My avoidant ex just broke up with me 24 hours ago. We have been together for almost 2 years and we lived together for one year. I am going to use the do not contact strategy. I did feel extremely blindsided and did not see this coming. He made comments about missing his independence and feeling guilty because he’s not giving me all that I give him. He says he still cares about me, so I am hoping with time and space he will want to come back.

[@BradBrowning]

Sorry to hear that. I suggest you try to heal first and get to a point of clarity. As mentioned in this vid, if he has the avoidant attachment style, ask yourself this hard question: is this something you want to put up with for the rest of your life, if you do get back together? If you're still not sure about what you're doing and need my help, then I suggest you sign up for my coaching program so I can assess your situation properly and guide you accordingly at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

[@oogento]

After watching this video i understood my ex gf is absolutely avoidant. I feel bad because as soon as i saw she deleted our first picture on instagram, i deleted the two i had in my profile and i also changed my whatsap. She's going to the pasicologyst and every week passing she deletes one or 2 pictures... First 2 weeks no contact she was texting from time to time and i went aggressive asking her to met and telling you either want to stay with me or not and i could feel her fear on telling me she wants to stay alone. I asked again if our relationship is over and she said yes. I asked her to text me only when shes ready to have a serious talk. Now 2 weeks serious no contact im afraid shes not gonna text me ever...

[@BradBrowning]

You're shooting yourself in the foot here. Stop looking at her pictures, man. This is why no contact means cutting off communication with your ex in any way, shape or form for at least 30 days. It also means ignoring unimportant or random messages from your ex for at least 30 days straight. This also involves NOT looking at any of your ex's online profiles so you won't overthink things. In other words, the "no contact" period is a time where you fully focus on yourself and take time to heal.

[@LaetitiaEstrella]

He said he wanted to be friends with me and that didn’t want “no contact”, that he could not predict the future, but wanted to be friends. It’s very confusing.

[@BradBrowning]

If he just wants to be friends and you want more, you obviously don't have the same goals for your interaction, which is why it's best for you to cut off contact first for at least 30 days. I suggest you apply the tips from this vid. Please watch from start to end to not miss out on any important stuff which would help you understand the situation better: kzbin.info/www/bejne/iYiog6mVrpiWa9k

[@regalternative]

This video describes my ex exactly. Unfortunately, she moved on to someone else and her new relationship has already lasted longer than with me. I'll never know what her new boyfriend is doing differently, but I suppose there's certain personality types more compatible with avoidants, and mine just isn't one of them. 🤷

[@BradBrowning]

Sorry to hear that but I completely agree with you. Avoidants naturally vibe well with someone with secure attachment style but other folks who have particularly anxious attachment styles are able to work it out too. This relationship just needs more patience, compromise, and understanding from both parties involved. Watch this, too: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jqDWZI1qnZl7hKc

[@myrealfolktales]

my girlfriend broke up with me, but now shes trying to choose between me and her ex who wants her back. What can I do in such triangle?

[@BradBrowning]

Is this the most recent ex? If so, let her finish whatever unfinished business she has with this ex. Sorry, but there's not much you can do at this point, especially if your relationship only lasted a short while and more so if she's seemingly (subconsciously or not) used you as a rebound, for your ex to jump back too quickly with him. Good luck and I hope you find the right woman for you soon!

[@allisonbergeron1929]

So if they will just push you away then what? It's so confusing.....mine made me feel like all the issues were my fault.

[@BradBrowning]

Don't chase. It's not all your fault but most likely you played a role in it, too...as is the case with 99% of the breakups. Please watch this vid to understand what I'm talking about: kzbin.info/www/bejne/g2XLaJykbsmnrqs

[@cheslinscheepers2547]

I'm not sure if this is good advice or we just teaching people how to people please or adapt to convert narcissist. This advice seems damaging to the non avoidant partner.

[@BradBrowning]

It's the reality and just setting expectations if you're dealing with someone with this attachment style. After all, the key to making a relationship last is to understand each other. It's never just about you but always about the two people in it. Having to be more patient and compromising more is important, if you wanna make it work with this particular type of ex. It's something I discussed here in detail: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jqDWZI1qnZl7hKc

[@trinityp8575]

@@BradBrowning exactly relationships are about 2 people involved and it has to be balanced give and take. Avoidants only take when they feel the need to. They don’t understand others needs nor can give. It will ne et be a balanced healthy relationship. The other partner will always feel like their needs are not met. Yes they can be understanding and patient but never fulfilled with an avoidant.

[@samdath3439]

My ex and myself aren't on speaking term I'm still giving her space.

[@godsson2681]

Me too….

[@undead600]

No contact since may 2023, I found another girl, better go find someone else bro, it's better off that way

[@BradBrowning]

Looks like you're on the right track. Go at least 30 days without contact before testing the waters if you still wanna try with your ex. Watch this: kzbin.info/www/bejne/pKHYgpVndrWGl7c Don't forget to check out my other videos if you're not getting my guide so you'll know what to do next after the 30-day "no contact" period, to contacting your ex down to re-attracting, and what to do in between those phases and how to transition to actually getting your ex back. Here's a quick overview: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bXvXnomYedCVotk Best of luck!

[@samdath3439]

@@BradBrowning ty

[@barbaraharrison824]

They do go back to their exes. Mine went back to the ex before me 😢

[@BradBrowning]

Sorry to hear that. At least you won't have to deal with those sorts of problems with someone anymore? The breakup looks like a blessing in disguise and this may help you process or deal with the breakup accordingly: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bavTaIZ8l8p2iLc but if you find you need more guidance on how to lead a more fruitful life without your ex, get my Beat the Breakup Guide at www.beatmybreakup.com

[@praveenselvam4477]

Actually I was writing to you in the comments section about my breakup in 2022 and you gave me the best idea (no contact). After so long she came back to talk to me and she told me that, don’t take it as hope and wait for me. But after multiple meetings and conversations, she actually came back to me and we started living together again and it was most beautiful time. After some time we travelled back to our country for a vacation and came back, then we started to live a good life and then we started fighting for small things, which is normal. But this time after few months she started maintaining distance from me and started talking to her cousin sister and after that conversation she was really confused and started maintaining more distance. It has been going on for the past six months and she asked me to change my behaviour towards some things and I’ve changed a lot for her. Now we decided to move in separate apartments for sometime to get the connection back. We’re on our last two days of shifting the things to new place, now she’s telling me that she wants to breakup again and look forward on our own lives. I don’t know what to do.

[@BradBrowning]

Fighting is normal but not when it becomes often and especially if it's over the same things with no resolution in sight. So what do you two always bicker about? Fighting is often unavoidable, but like I said when it becomes too much, it’s time to nip the problem in the bud if you still can. So it's either that or you go on a break and discuss the logistics as well as how it should go and how long it should be. It's best to consider the relationship overall first, so watch this: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jqatd5lrgMiba9E Anyways it's best to give it time because all this arguing had taken a toll in your relationship. This may help: kzbin.info/www/bejne/eHOomZSPaMx_f9k Perhaps you've both argued more than you had a good time with each other? It could also be you're too incompatible or stubborn to meet each other halfway. If the negatives outweigh the positives in the relationship, that's when an imbalance happens and the relationship will keel over wherein one or both people will likely abandon ship, as the case with your ex. It's time to reset things. Start with the 30-day "no contact" rule to get your ex into a psychological neutral. Here's how it can help you: y2u.be/zw0ChuXCEmw Good luck!

[@praveenselvam4477]

@@BradBrowning yesterday we handed over the keys to our landlord and moved to separate apartments. While leaving, she told me that we took this decision for our goodness and she requested me to take care of my health. She cried, she was stubborn in her decision and I didn’t plead her to stay. I just gave a hug and asked her to take care. She mentioned that please don’t have hope for getting back. More than these things I found a something she wrote recently, in that thing, she wrote more than 10 reasons to breakup and only 5 basic reasons like care, I cook, I clean etc., stuffs to stay. I swear to god all those 10 reasons doesn’t even suits my character in real. I’m not defending or triggered by accusing. Some of the basic mistakes she mentioned in that were happened before the first breakup. I don’t know why she’s carrying all those past where I’m not a such person right now. I’ve changed a lot and she appreciates that. 😢🤷🏻

[@gabrielaraimondo2430]

I don't have an anxious style! I am independent! But of course I want connexion! I a free spirited person! So I just flow, but if the other person runs away from closeness... sooner or later I go! Sorry! With my last boyfriend😢 he destroyed the connexion😢 and we were so happy for 2 yrs❤ then he started running from love... I wish him luck!😢 I will never get myself involved with another person like this😢 They don't work for Love, they work against it!😢 I am pretty dettached really and yes crave connexion but I have never been clingy or dependant... so they have a lot space, now if the other person starts showing you all the empty holes he leaves because of his avoindant ways...😢 Byeeee... I run!😢

[@BradBrowning]

Thanks for sharing your story.

[@Nithyo12]

What if money was involved? I gave my ex some money, which he did not return, and when I confronted him, he ran and tripped over a chain and broke his MacBook, and now he's so mad at me. He blocked me everywhere :(

[@BradBrowning]

Wow, seems like something that happens out of a movie. Try to avoid face to face meetups for now since that's bound to create uncomfortable scenario. Next time, try texting first, yeah?

[@AP-ui7oi]

Forget them

[@BradBrowning]

The first path towards moving on and getting an ex back follows the same route and here's how to tell you're doing it correctly: kzbin.info/www/bejne/nGjdpouhYtiJqas Anyways it's always best to take your time in deciding first so there'll be no regrets in the end. As I always say, the decision is ultimately up to you. You know your situation and your ex best. Sometimes a relationship can be salvaged and worth the save but sometimes it isn't, especially if there's cheating or some other type of abuse involved or if it was overall a dysfunctional/toxic relationship. It's your life and it's your decision.

[@krissy_29]

Is there any advice for breakups with men who have been divorced that come with all those feelings they didn't deal with

[@BradBrowning]

That's purely subjective. Is he willing to seek therapy at least? Or has he acknowledged his trauma? Since your situation may be unique, I think you can benefit by working with me one-on-one so I get to learn more about the situation and therefore be more equipped to help you out, at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

[@B.Moore5677]

“We broke up because I trusted and confided in the wrong person. Every time I shared my worries with her, she went behind my back and told him everything. This made him angry, and he started to distance himself from me. Whenever we talked, he would ask why I said this or that to her. I’ve learned my lesson.” We work at the same place and I want him back what do I do.

[@BradBrowning]

Yeah, I hear you. It's generally a bad idea to divulge really important private information about your relationship to just anyone. If there are issues in your relationship, as much as possible, it should be handled or stay between you two. Therapy or outside party is your next option.

[@B.Moore5677]

@@BradBrowning can it work between us? He’s saying he can’t get back with me I heard. I don’t want to believe it 😔 I really want this to work out between us

[@dmills0991]

Pregnancy sure does complicate all of these. Especially when she was the one who did the dumping. She also has abandonment issues. I was broke up with over a month ago. Have wanted to go no contact but now there's our child involved. I just don't know what to do 🤷

[@BradBrowning]

Sorry to hear that. Yes, it does play a role. It could be due to hormones so give her space and time to miss you first. But a lot also depends on the issue/s in your relationship. Just make sure to give yourselves a breather first as she may be dealing with a lot right now just as you are. Anyway here's a quick overview of what needs to happen: kzbin.info/www/bejne/e3Smi6CVotatgck Have you checked out my Ex Factor Guide 2.0 yet? It may help a ton, along with bonus texting materials to send your ex. Before anything else though, take the free quiz on my website to gauge your chances of getting your ex back, at www.breakupbrad.com/quiz

[@winnielim80]

My avoidant ex broke up with my after inviting me to stay with him. One day he decided to not want to resolve conflicts , changed lock Of The Door. Went to Police And The Police gave me AVO. HE HAD THE GUT TO SAY “ i wish you The best” after causing me distress !

[@BradBrowning]

That's a very messy history but at least you're free now. Consider moving on from this. I suggest you get my Beat the Breakup e-book. I made sure it takes a wholesome approach so everyone can relate to it (including spirituality) and I spent a lot of time writing this and have given it careful thought, so I guarantee you'll find something useful in it to help you out in life. Check it out at www.beatmybreakup.com

[@WMA24]

Is 20 months enough space???? Got ghosted. Reached out a couple times, no response. So pulled my energy and havent reached out again. Dont guess he's interested or ever cared at all. 🙁

[@BradBrowning]

Depends on the context of your messages and what you've been doing during the space apart. However, more than a year apart more likely affects your chances but if you still wanna try, this vid is for you, too: kzbin.info/www/bejne/haezoKuLmpWsf7s and try out a few of my text messaging tips here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/h6TPd2yMmZhjg7M Good luck!

[@trinityp8575]

20 months is an end. Don’t go back ever.

[@ThevanillaX]

My friends avoidance is not an attachment style it is a detachment style, why would something be called an attachment if its whole work is to avoid

[@BradBrowning]

Whatever you want to call it, these people want and deserve love, too, just like everybody else. They just need someone capable of being patient and willing to understand them and how they operate in relationships.

[@HotOneRecordz]

DO NOT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN AVOIDANT. AND UF YOU DO THEN RUN AT THE FIRST BREAK UP!

[@BradBrowning]

They just need someone capable of being patient and willing to understand them and how they operate in relationships. Once you understand them, you'll avoid triggers that make the situation worse and would try not to make it all about you but would rather have a balanced approach on things. If you need help, sign up for my coaching program so I can give a more solid advice that's tailored to your situation, at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

[@Wespezjan]

I was 9 years with my wife. We had some troubles, her mother death, one of our daughter was diagnosed with diabetes type 1. Long story short after her mother died she soon became distand, walkaway wife, filed for divorce 3 months after and only 4 months later we were divorced. To add insult to injury she immediately (like few weeks after divorce) started dating another guy who was supposed to be her friend but turned out to be her ex-partner, first real love. She immediately presented him to the kids. I don't know if there is any hope since she says that she may be in a bad place financially but she is finally happy. We have a shared custody and our kids miss having one home and parents together very much (they are 8 and 6 years old). If it wasn't for them I probably would even have thought about getting together.

[@BradBrowning]

Sorry to hear that, man. What kind of troubles were you heaving in your marriage though? And how long has your marriage been in trouble/rough waters? Please take the free quiz to know what your chances are at saving your marriage, at www.marriageguy.com/quiz You can still actively co-parent your kids if your marriage is beyond salvation but if you want to give things a try, get the Mend the Marriage book, at www.marriageguy.com/mbuy

[@Wespezjan]

​@@BradBrowningshe said that it was mostly the fact that we were incompatible. I guess it was mainly due to loss of the attraction. It was rather hard to cultivate it with our daughter needing round the clock care and her mother dying. I feel that we were in trouble for about a year. Before that we had our differences but also pleny of good time. When her mother died she seemed to be keen on trying but no later than 3 months later she filed for divorce. The guy was also in the picture around that time. No she says there is no chance even though our daughters are saying clearly they would want their parents together.