Do I REALLY Have ROCD? / Is My Relationship Wrong?

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Disclaimer: All of the information listed in this channel is for informative, motivational, educational purposes only. If you are specifically looking for a licensed and professional therapist then you are welcome to work with our therapist, if not, we will refer you to someone else. Please note that this channel is not meant to diagnose you or treat a mental health disorder but serves only as education and motivation.
*PLEASE NOTE: If you feel as though you're in an emotionally/physically abusive relationship then please dismiss the tips in this video and contact a professional and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone]*

[@hanaz1220]

Strange how I always felt good in abusive (emotional or avoidant partners) relationships, but in healthy relationships I am always finding and picking flaws in partner

[@juliadooki49]

i feel exactly the same. it's insane how ocd makes precious things seem bad and allows you to get hurt by horrible things

[@JungleEd17]

In abusive relationships, things feel very certain. I'm still trying to figure out the relationship between codependence and OCD.

[@marguerrerorodriguez9374]

Eso me pasa a mí,parece q estoy bien en relaciones toxicas

[@AProbablyPostman]

"Do you have ROCD?" "I don't know, I'm on my 5th video to try to figure it out."

[@NatalieNicole2222]

😂 so true

[@QuietExplorations]

Loooool. Yeah, sometimes I use these videos as a compulsion.... Sigh.

[@1294patty]

Sooooo mee 🤣

[@maungoakkar3929]

😹😹lol

[@Sunnerfran]

Oh man/woman you cracked me up.

[@BiancaFox]

What makes it even worse, is seeing all the couples around you look so happy. And your stuck in your head wondering if you have that, and not picking your relationship, harming your relationship.

[@iuliabalint3964]

I feel the same

[@marsdes6856]

Most people dont air out their issues and problems online or even in real life. We just see the positive and happy moments that these people choose to share

[@GreasyBaconMan]

We should be careful not to compare our relationship based on “others happiness” the illusion the image of happiness where we don’t know what those couples have gone and work through behind the scenes. Happy Relationships is not black and white. Comparing can also potentially led to complaining unhappiness on why you may not have what they have, It’s not fair to you or your relationship.

[@marguerrerorodriguez9374]

A mí lo que me pasa que enseguida que empiezo una relación empiezan a asaltarme muchas dudas de si me gusta esa persona,que me pueden gustar otras personas, empiezo a sentirme incómoda y aburrida en la relación,a buscarle fallos....así hasta que no puedo soportarlo más y los dejo. Ahora estoy con un chico estupendo y me vuelve a pasar

[@mariavaz7067]

My relationship ended because was spiraling on anxiety, thinking if we should be together or not. I couldnt make a decision. So he asked me "would you feel relief i I broke up with you now?"... I said "at least the doubts would stop". So we broke up. Turns out I wasn't as relieved as expected. A bit, yes, but I still wouldn't sleep well. Now we are talking again, and are both about to attend therapy to fix each issues (he also has his own toxic traits). We decided to stick together and see if therapy helps us work it out.

[@JeffEmbracedDC]

Got a relationship update after a year? :)

[@aguy559]

My obsessing isn’t between my girlfriend and someone else; it’s between my girlfriend and being single.

[@KanersWorld]

It do be like that.

[@jjpowerrrr]

I too am in that situation rn

[@mikaelapierce1819]

“Every relationship may have some toxic traits.” Thank you. Thank you for that realistic acknowledgment.

[@Awakenintolove]

❤

[@anaflores2415]

I wish I had known this since the beginning...

[@samarah1889]

I felt so understood and relieved by that that I just started sobbing. I love my boyfriend so much but I doubt everything all the time! And I often don’t feel happy even though he’s everything I’ve wanted. It sucks and hurts so bad…

[@dianacortes5337]

Feel you

[@amandabiz]

I’ve definitely been experiencing something similar!

[@udtahumain]

@@rishikarathi5724 hey are u better now? I m feeling the same😞

[@Nille323]

Me too

[@struggle9394]

I can relate to that very much..my partner is the sweetest man in my eyes yet i can't enjoy the relationship bc of these doubts 😢

[@sissyk819]

Ok anyone else feel that their ROCD sometimes is where you are afraid to lose your partner and must make sure it's right, but then other times you feel relief from actually deciding its wrong and feeling like you have to break up? Like sometimes I'm so in love and want to be with my partner forever but then other times I feel nothing and I need to feel not anxious about "not knowing" if it's right so I feel better just deciding its wrong and has to end. Does that mean its actually wrong or just ROCD symptoms, these feelings come and go and dealing with generalized anxiety for my whole life and this for the past year and a half has just been so exhausting.

[@craftydoll4165]

That sounds so familiar.

[@madwildocean03]

I'm going through this rn. I feel like I want to break up but I don't want to but I want to but I don't want to? Like I confronted the thought with him and it sounded extremely wrong. I just can't figure out my emotions anymore

[@tanubohra2308]

Oh god I am in same situation and it's really exhausting

[@tanubohra2308]

@@madwildocean03 did you find your answer

[@OatmealTheCrazy]

This is quite exactly me, like, sometimes it'll go away and for at least a good bit, usually the rest of the day, the feelings will subside and I'll just be madly passionate again, but almost every time, it goes away, and I'm stuck with my head telling me it's just a fluke and I should feel bad for not being that constantly.

[@1chillychang]

I’m pretty sure i have rOCD but after suffering it for so long i begin to feel detached from my partner and that makes the obsessive thoughts worse. It’s like they’re saying “see!! I told you! I was right” but really i think i just feel numb and distant from my partner bc these thoughts make it so hard to just love and be happy. I just want to be happy

[@aoifecullen8498]

I feel the same about being numb and distant it’s like if I can’t see them I get sad but I don’t feel that pang in my chest anymore. Have u figured out something that has helped ?

[@1chillychang]

@@aoifecullen8498 I’m still working on it and it’s hard to give a clear answer. A lot of the time, I feel like my experience with ROCD is like falling into a hole and when i’m in it it’s hard to feel rational about anything and know what to do. But there’s times where I haven’t fallen in yet. I can still feel the anxiety but it’s more quiet and i don’t instantly jump on the fear. It’s easier to ignore. I’ve just been teaching myself that feelings are always changing and you can’t attach yourself to one and assume everything about the relationship is wrong. it’s not always easy but basically if you know there are no red flags and there’s just small things about your partner that trigger you, try to sit with the thought instead of push it away. And it’s okay to feel numb too. a lot of the time, feeling nothing is just as scary because you worry it may be a sign. Treat it the same way. Feeling numb isn’t an instant sign you’re ready to move on. Just try not to give your feelings so much power. Love is about choice and commitment.

[@aoifecullen8498]

@@1chillychang so it’s ok that I don’t get a pang in my chest when I can’t see him or if we disagree?

[@theamavoid]

@@aoifecullen8498 you choose your love for him, everything will be okay. love is extremely complex and it's always different for everyone. if these thoughts become obsessive, then that is a big sign that it is rocd.

[@nikisoul]

I also tend to feel numb, not only with my partner but in many other areas in my life. However, my brain focuses on my relationship and says "Well, if you dont feel love for this person 100% of the time then they must not be "the one". " If you dont miss this person 100% of the time then you must not love him". It's so frustrating but some of the best thing that have helped are reminding myself to take it one day at a time and that it is normal to have fluctuating feelings as you've said. Although I dont know 100% he is the RIGHT partner for me, I know that he is a wonderful partner to me based on the "evidence" I have. Remind myself that Love is a choice , that I choose to be here, and if in a year I dont want to be here I can always leave. Sigh. Sending much strength and patience to you all, it truly is a struggle some days but one day at a time.

[@MaisiPounsberry]

Honestly have just started having this , it kinda goes away when I’m with him but during the week when I’m away from him I go into the obsessive thoughts it makes me feel depressed and sad :( I love him , but my thoughts keep making me question it! Need therapy

[@NicoleFrancesca_]

SAME!!! SAME!!! Wtff omggggg

[@kaznosa]

Same!!! I'm totally fine when I'm with him, it's just when I'm working from home and he's away at work that it hits me so bad

[@oliviamilne5101]

Omg same it’s absolutely horrible

[@Quietflight7]

Does the same with me. I’ve been going crazy. Driving her away I’m sure

[@oliviamilne5101]

At the start of this my anxiety was absolutely horrible when I saw him like nothing changed between when I was with him and was I was at home on my own. But now I feel fine when I’m with him just really shitty when I’m not. So does that mean I’m getting better??? Like I’m so scared I’ll be like this forever

[@sssssbunny]

Watching this video I realized how much ROCD works exactly like my hypochondria and the constant needs to check everything. When I have hypochondria i don't have ROCD (like my mind is "full" with some obsessive thoughts and is ok), when i have ROCD and don't have hypoc or other anxieties, like fear that something wrong is going to happens if I don't continuously check the reality around me. Seems the root of everything is the difficult to just have the mind free; as you said, is the fear of let go and lose control. What makes me always feel bad is when people say "you'll feel if something is right or wrong", that end up make me feel like an asshole or like completely broken inside as I doubt my thought constantly. Is anxiety at the end. But is SO COOL to see that we are not alone. It makes you feel...less weird :) thanks for this video!

[@katarinazelenovic5874]

omg same thing is happening to me, I don’t know what is more frustrating, hypochondria or ROCD, and is so tiring… and when my mind is free (which is rare), I feel so happy and everything is okay. Oh how i wish that it goes quiet just for a bit! I wish you all the best!

[@alvarosanchez3786]

I feel a pit in my heart area when with my partner. I think it feels like guilt. I don’t want to leave her, but this feeling hurts. In moments when I don’t feel it I feel euphoria and feel like I know I want to be with her.

[@saiasdlalsdsk1203]

This is exactly what happens to me, when I'm in a good mood and I'm not feeling awful, i feel euphoric and with relief like you said, i know i want to be with my partner

[@youtubewatcher830]

@@saiasdlalsdsk1203 I understand this so much, as soon as the thoughts settle, I run to my partner and give him all love without guilt. It's just so hard when everything is so up and down.

[@aguy559]

Very relatable. I can go from feeling like I’m in love to feeling that the relationship is wrong in a matter of hours. The next day it could start all over again.

[@abhinandhb9149]

@@aguy559 hey same here can I talk with u idont know if I have rocd.or.not

[@aguy559]

@@abhinandhb9149 Go for it, my friend.

[@Repppo]

Thank you so much for everything you do. Ever since I discovered the existence of ROCD I have felt SO much better with myself. I suffered immensely going back and forth between excitement, shame, guilt, fear, anxiety. Sometimes I still think “you’re just playing victim, nothing’s wrong with you, you’re just too much of a coward to face the fact that you don’t love her, you will her her…” and it goes on and on, spiralling into panic. Since I discovered these videos I managed to take a step back, listen to my body, have the courage to ignore these obsessive thoughts and realise that “everything is ok”

[@aysegultahir2808]

This time last year I had these thoughts and had no idea what was wrong with me! My partner stuck through me throughout this! I expressed all my worries, every thought, every fear and he still STUCK with me! I’m so grateful for him and for you and a few other youtube channels. I found out about OCD/PURE O/ROCD last February and have been recovering ever since. I still have awful days but before it was awful months or weeks! So so so grateful

[@moroccanbabe7635]

Please tell me what did you do to recover

[@aysegultahir2808]

Bhaaad Queen listen to every video and take them literally. When I have a bad thought I acknowledge I am thinking it, push past the negative or guilty feeling and then literally say the words “it’s ocd let’s move on” in my head no matter how hard my brain is saying “it’s not ocd” it always is! The more I did that the more I felt “normal. I promise you If you find your own way of doing what I explained then you will recover. Don’t get me wrong is STILL happens but I am recovering and you will too! You’ve got this, god bless and stay safe during this strange time!

[@jordynzaire]

Aysegul Tahir have you experienced not being able to know how you acted b4 any of this like when i’m fine i don’t know if i have enough feelings for my boyfriend or not

[@filippavinkel4752]

J West yes I struggle with this so much, it’s like I’ve forgotten how I acted around him before and then I overthink it and make things awkward. Did it get better for you?

[@Merve-fu6vq]

Merhabaa. Aynı sorunu ben de yaşıyorum ve konuşabileceğim kimse yok. Sizinle mail yoluyla vs. iletişim kurabilir miyim?

[@ninalockie]

i’m tearing up and i haven’t even watched the video yet. thank you so much for this

[@akaunderdog4223]

What? Why is that.?

[@assiradarling8981]

Same girl, this is really touching and helpful

[@hermanotyler]

I was in a narcissistic personality disorder relationship for 8 years and It made me worse.. I do believe this person is speaking my life though..

[@paigehudson3640]

I’m 1 minute in and after you talked about the fear of not matching up with what you were saying I was just like “yes!!! Me !!! Me!!! Me!!!” Lmao

[@hey.itscamy]

This brought tears to my eyes...I have past sexual traumas and my partner has stuck with me through it all...all the anxiety, the panic attacks, the pain. He's really been a strong and consistent person in my life and I couldn't be more thankful. He's my first love, and he proposed to me this last month. I love him so much and I don't think I could truly see anyone else as my future husband. We get each other and have each other's backs when things go wrong. I often have people tell me, when things are rocky, that there are "other fish in the sea" and that I "SHOULD date other people". Things have been draining with my anxiety and compulsions and my family tells me that we "shouldn't be having so many problems so early on" and that "when we were engaged, we didn't have half as many problems as you did". It discourages me and truly makes me fear that he isn't the one. ROCD is debilitating and it debilitates me on a daily basis. This video has given me so much hope, thank you Kiyomi💜

[@crystalslade8056]

How r things now

[@hey.itscamy]

@@crystalslade8056 we are still together! I am currently working on processing my sexual trauma and getting my bachelor's degree in the spring so my fiance and I can get married!! I still have doubts about our relationship sometimes, but you can never always be certain about the future and what will come. It's just a part of being human. 💜 And also, something that helps me is I try to look back and remember the good qualities about my partner...his patience, his kindness, his goofiness, etc.

[@sabrinaspellman9877]

I have something similar going on where it feels like even family doesn't approve of the relationship 100% because of comments they made in the past or remarks like "you should date other people, you are too young" (we are high school sweethearts and been together for 6 years). I'm in the process of accepting that it's my choice to love who I want to and ultimately I'm the one who knows our relationship best out of everyone in my circle. Then of course with OCD you start to question your own judgement but this video helped me understand that there will never be 100% certainty in anything in life and you just gotta live every day as it comes and I've felt very in love and happy like never before with my partner by my side after treating my depression and I want to feel that for as long as possible and that's my choice no matter what anyone says. Hope you are doing better. I know it's a constant war with your head where you win some n lose some days but we just gotta take it one day at a time I guess. Best of luck !

[@sebastianogiannina4775]

you touch my soul every time Kiyomi, thank you. guys If you still haven't join the community.. do it right now, because it is full of love and compassion and it feels like HOME, so join us we have your same thoughts and the same will to just heal and learn, AND LOVE.

[@PropertyVlogsUK]

I totally agree, having ROCD I didn't want to google it again but I'm so glad I did and found her.

[@tdavis85]

It's great seeing a community of people commenting on here, sharing their thoughts with each other. I feel the same stuff

[@laticiaargus2875]

I started getting these thoughts about a year ago and let me tell you it was the absolute worst time in my life. Constantly asking myself questions, constantly doubting my feelings. It was rough. This lady has saved me in ways no one will understand.

[@andreacatalano5383]

Did you do any of her courses or just watch her videos? How are you doing now?

[@VictoriaTori20]

I started struggling with all of this very recently and finding your channel has really really helped me and grounded me. The guilt and anxiety is so hard because my partner is the most beautiful person on the planet and I love him so much.

[@leemeyers5335]

Soooo... Just saying, when we're talking about "abusive", red-flag relationships and describing them with words like "spiritual" and "emotional" abuse, "not okay with you", "pushes you down", it's hard not to also see a similarity here living with a partner with ROCD and how they may be constantly thinking they could be with someone "better", or that you really aren't as intelligent, beautiful, social as someone else might be and becoming obsessed with it to the point of being emotionally unavailable. Even if you never say these things to a partner, a person can sense the cycles and I say this as someone with ROCD who is often attracted to other people with ROCD. It often triggers my eating disorder when I'm around someone soooo uncertain of me even if this uncertainty is causing that person suffering too, (because they can't fully enjoy being with anyone). The behaviors that manifest from ROCD come from ambivalence but could look extremely similar to spiritual and emotional abuse because we're unable to love another person while in the throes of obsession and may actually harm them repeatedly.

[@struggle9394]

Got you💔

[@etcwhatever]

Wow i destroyed all my relationships because of ROCD. The anxiety is overwhelming. I finally gathered the courage to tell my mom about this...and she said i should approach this in therapy. I told her do you think X, Y and Z is normal? And she said "no, you are clearly suffering. This is too much anxiety". Im very scared of ever entering a relationship again due to my problem. I get too stressed and obsessed.

[@Dragonaiis]

I feel this. Currently rocking back and forth between wanting to stay and wanting to leave my current relationship. I’m scared that I am stuck here (even though logically I know I could leave anytime). I’m scared that I don’t love him, or that I’m lying to myself. He’s a wonderful partner yet I have so many doubts and concerns for the future that keep me up at night… so at the very least you should know you aren’t alone haha. I hope you’re able to find peace with your thoughts

[@mstringer90]

thank you so much for the uploads, it makes me feel much better knowing that its just my OCD.

[@smk6736]

I don't know if I have ROCD and I really wish I could figure it out. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now, and suddenly have started obsessing over whether I'm happy in the relationship. It was triggered by a close friend of mine breaking up and then deciding to download a dating app and meeting people online. When she started talking to guys online who appeared so much more interesting and funny, unfortunately I started comparing my boyfriend to all of them and nitpicking on every aspect. Even after my friend stopped going out with new guys due to Covid, I just couldn't help but feel like I was missing out. I'd never dated before him (I'm 29 and a very late bloomer), he's my first ever boyfriend and till now I was sure I loved him deeply. The worst part is, the things I'm obsessing over seem like they're so important. Like common interests, matching sense of humour etc. I'm beginning to think that I'm bored in the relationship now and when I think that I might end up breaking up with him because I'm not feeling anything all of a sudden, it feels like a punch to my chest. I've been crying non-stop about this for 3 months now. This is the guy I was so sure I'd marry, but now I just don't know what I want. I look at him and start panicking, and then I cry and pray to God to stop making me feel this way because he's the best thing that has happened to me in a long time and he's the sweetest person I know. But then my brain tells me, "You can just be friends with him, just because he's sweet you don't need to be romantically involved with him. You've never been with anyone else before, how can you be so sure that he's the one? He's absolutely not your type, you've always been attracted to witty, charming guys like in the books you used to read. Won't you forever regret not seeking out the guy of your dreams?" This is such a long message, but if anyone has any answers to this, I'd love to know what's going on. I really, really do love him so much but these thoughts are making me feel so depressed, I just want to give up now. Update: It's a little over a year later from when I wrote this comment. We broke up 2 weeks ago. I became too toxic and he couldn't take it anymore. Although people have been telling me that it wasn't completely my fault, that I wasn't having my needs fulfilled... I can't help but feel that I caused this. Became insecure, needy, paranoid. And also frustrated at everything, especially him. I wish I had gotten professional help... But.. I don't know how much it would have worked. Four years... All gone. And now that I've lost him, I'm afraid that I'll keep comparing everyone to him in the future, and never really get over him. This is punishment... Cruel, and torturous. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I feel like I'll always be alone. Maybe that's for the best.

[@ninaalyssa6625]

So glad that I found this reply because I have a very similar situation. My boyfriend is also the one person I have ever been with sexually and romantically. I just want to assure you that I am going through the same thing as you asking myself exactly the same questions. I just want to add, I think these thoughts are completely normal especially for those who are in their FIRST and only long term relationship, I find myself constantly comparing my relationship to others or my single friends. I relate to this so much it’s comforting to know there’s another person with this almost exact same experience. I at the end of the day believe that it’s really just thoughts that I obsess over and I think considering he is the only person you have experienced it is completely normal to have these “what if?” Thoughts or wonder if you’re making the right decision because it’s human nature to question yourself and the path that you’re on. One thing people like to say to discredit these negative thoughts are things like “when you’re with the right person you know and you never question it” which certainly is not true because I’ve witnessed so many relationships that people swore up and down they KNEW it was their soulmate with no doubts and guess what.... almost all of them failed. Nobody ever forsure knows what the future holds or what your relationship holds. I wish I had a better answer for you because I struggle with this too but at the end of the day I am aware of the love I have for my partner and I try to picture myself without them or them with another person and see how that makes me feel. Another things I might add, is sometimes when you start to get too comfortable or past that “I “honeymoon” phase you can fixate on the idea of what love is SUPPOSE to look like and be like. At the end of the day love is a choice, sticking with your partner and committing to them is a choice. People who treat love as a feeling and decide to give up when it’s no longer fresh and new and exciting and stimulating are the people who go from relationship to relationship.

[@ninaalyssa6625]

Sorry I’m typing such a long message but another thing that helps me, is think about the advice you would give to a person if they came to you with this issue. Especially in your particular situation, what would you tell them to do? Would you tell them to give up and leave or would you tell them to understand and process normal negative thoughts and questions that almost everybody goes through at some point in a relationship. Also don’t go to others to seek validation on your thoughts and feelings because a lot of people will try to tell you it’s not normal especially if they are a person who has not experienced this type of stage in their relationship. Talk to a professional, reassure yourself. When u have these thoughts instead of being upset with yourself just process it and allow yourself to understand that it’s only a thought and you don’t have to feed into it or act upon it. As long as you are not actively cheating or seeking out other people in your relationship then I think these types of thoughts are ok to have as long as you at the end of the day know you love this person and are willing to keep loving them bc love is WORK effort and going through changes together!!!

[@nicolette3436]

Hi, I am in the same situation. I just met a man who is amazing and sweet who talks of a future and kids. He is the only person I have been with romantically and I face the same fears. Right now I am 26 and can easily see myself in your shoes within the next few years. I'm trying to the answers rn as well. Please hang in there and believe in yourself sweetheart 💗✨

[@smk6736]

@@ninaalyssa6625 Thank you so much for the reply. I do believe what you say, about love being a choice, and I feel so very loved by this man. Just the other day I was thinking how it's so amazing to have found another person other than your family who genuinely cares for you and wants you to be happy. And I feel the same for him. It just becomes messed up when I'm not feeling physical attraction towards him, which is scary because I never imagined that would happen. Recently, I discovered that people with ADHD seem to get bored in a relationship after a while because they're always craving dopamine and I wonder if that's what's happening to me. I've always wondered if I had ADHD to some degree. Gosh, I'm self diagnosing now.

[@smk6736]

@@nicolette3436 Thanks Nicolette! I hope things get better for you and I, both.

[@jackyp1893]

I have ROCD, your videos have helped me so much. I've worked to disengage from my compulsions as much as possible (sometimes I slip but overall it's been so much better). Thank you for everything you do, my stress levels within my relationship have drastically decreased!

[@Tizza2x]

Your voice is so soothing and I love how you came out and said “we have to cut the BS” 👏👏message received. Thank you ❤

[@belethir]

This video came to me in great time. I had been doing well for a while, but days ago I had some bad thoughts and in the beggining I didn't judge them, but then I thought: 'im not worrying or feeling bad(a gut feeling I used to had) about these bad thoughts and feelings, what if that means I don't love my partner anymore?'. Really wtf thought, like healing would be a bad thing This video reminds me to not be black and white, besides that, I think my hormonal periods affects A LOT my anxiety, being aware of that can be very useful Thank you Kiyomi for ALL you do ❣️ and sorry about my English, im latin Byeee

[@hunnyfish7592]

Thank you so much for making this video Kiyomi. It baffles me how people can live their lives with these feelings and thoughts. I spend hours and hours in my day worrying whether my relationship is right for me when i find a detail that could mean doom. But when i see him in person and hang out with him, I'm having the time of my life. It's torture when I have break-up thoughts, for fear that I've made the wrong decision and because I think these thoughts are signs that the relationship is not doing well, I want to break up right away.

[@struggle9394]

How r y now?

[@vietanhnguyengia2422]

It's true for me, idk why but meeting her can ease the anxiety and making me relieved

[@hunnyfish7592]

@struggle9394 hi, thanks for asking. It's been 5 months, I'm doing much better in my relationship! My partner can help me if I m triggered by not reassuring me, but providing support. Ironically, my ocd is now attaching on other things other than my relationship. But now I can handle things much better after exposure response prevention. My complusions before made my life unstable. Now at least I can get a grip of my actions! I wish you well and a great recovery too.

[@kkluvdancey51]

Thank you for this video. I would love for ROCD videos to talk about incompatibilities other than the obvious toxic red flags...different life purpose, conflicting life values, political differences, etc. It's very frustrating when the message is "If they're not cheating on you or abusive, then none of your other concerns are valid or healthy."

[@Awakenintolove]

We will definitely be addressing this more in the near future :)

[@Dragonaiis]

yes agreed, parsing out what is anxiety and what is incompatibility is so hard.

[@musicalcubes1462]

You got me again... I paused the video at 1:10 to check and search if I am possibly in an abusive relationship, because he does some stupid things sometimes that I don't like. Got into the hole really quick, got very bad and felt the spiral going down. I decided to just continue watching the vid and then came to 7:12 ... and of course I'm making everything worse than it actually is. It feels so stupid to type this all but the feeling is sooo real!! Thanks for your vids, they help me a lot

[@paulaqg652]

I've just found this channel right in a moment of necessity and I just want to say THANK YOU. I suscribe. Thank you for your videos because I'd just started to think I was going crazy

[@DaHuuudge]

Thanks for your videos on ROCD! Certainly if a relationship has any major red flags (abuse, infidelity, etc.) then it's the wrong one. I do think it's possible, even with ROCD, for a relationship not to have any of these major red flags but still simply be fundamentally unsatisfying. I realize it could be triggering to talk about that, but I'd like to hear you touch on it.

[@dianacortes5337]

The couldn’t be ROCD because there is as reality out of the thoughts

[@vpclawerr7457]

I am so sad guys. We broke up 10 months ago. I didn’t know ROCD was a thing, but I think I suffered from that a lot of time. Also I have suffered around 6 OCD themes since then. I miss her like crazy, I hope we can get back together one day , explain her everything I went through and apologize. I love her, even tho rocd made me doubt it and made me obsess about finding “perfection” in a relationship. My heart hurts :( I cry everyday and think about her all the time

[@XxShroomsAnyonexX]

I've always had obsessive thoughts about having a terminal illness, even if the doctor told me I was fine I'd still find a way to convince myself they were wrong. So they've chalked that up to anxiety/depression and I've been on meds for about 2.5 years. Just after they started working and those thoughts were going away, I met my partner. I was so happy with him I felt like I finally found my other half! We broke up a few times because his feelings were not as strong, but we've been together a year now since the last breakup and things have really improved. But i found myself not really wanting to be intimate anymore, I couldn't really muster the energy to do it and he wanted to all the time. When he pointed it out I felt really bad, I started thinking that it was my medication giving me low sex drive and I went off it without professional advice. The anxiety slowly started coming back, but not about my health it was about not loving my boyfriend anymore. I thought that because I didn't want to have sex, that meant I wasn't attracted to him, therefore I didn't love him. Everytime I'm with him I check to see how attracted I am to him, how much I love him in the moment, can I be with him forever? I have moments where I realise I'm happy with him, but those moments turn bad once I convince myself I'm faking it. I went back on the meds, it's been a week now and I still get these thoughts. The side effects are giving me more anxiety, it's making me irritable and tired. Everytime my boyfriend tries to be funny, I get annoyed I just want him to stop talking. Last night I broke up with him, I told him a few days prior what I'd been going through and he's been so understandable. I just want to be alone all the time, I don't want to see him because I know I'll overthink and fuel the anxiety. I feel safe when I'm alone, so maybe I did the right thing? Maybe I'll realise i made a mistake when I start to get better. I feel so out of touch with my emotions, I don't know what I'm feeling at all right now. I don't feel happy or sad, I don't feel relief I don't feel anything.

[@Angie_bae]

It’s ocd I have the same problem

[@crystalslade8056]

How r things now

[@XxShroomsAnyonexX]

@@crystalslade8056 We got back together, my anxiety kind of just went away once my meds started working. Every now and then I would have an intrusive thought, but the meds made it easier for me to talk myself down and brush that thought away. We actually did break up again about 8 months ago because he fell out of love.

[@bakedmoments6959]

ROCD takes over my life. But I know there's a way out

[@oheve99]

I came to see this video and in the middle I started crying...

[@willwatson4134]

Beautifully put. I hadn't thought about it like this. I know that my partner and I are willing to grow together. Thinking about a relationship as an ongoing process that cultivates growth, rather than a static, wrong or right finality, is such a game changer. I'm going to push myself to frame my relationship in this way❤️ thank you.

[@DigitherTMGamingandtech]

This shit is my worst enemy! I've been struggling with this for way too long!

[@keretaman]

Does anyone have a stomachache when you're with your partner? Then you ruminate when you're not with them until you get a panic attack? Then being with them feels better but still have a stomachache.

[@keretaman]

@@rainesarens112 thank you. Thing is, I can accept it but it does get tiring. I think back to when I never had it before my relationship. But also, I'm aware there are certain things in the relationship that really need changing. I think that's where the anxiety comes from.

[@juliasturino8048]

My relationship just ended because I thought it was wrong, I actually have ROCD. He was perfect and I regret it so much.

[@laurenwils6377]

I have experienced this with every single person that I’ve developed romantic feelings for was in a relationship with. Not sure it has a lot to do with red flags. It seems to happen only if that person becomes important to me. Has happened in relationships, friends with benefits ,or a strong connection. And it always happens regardless of there being red flags or not. None of the people were abusive in anyway. It’s more to do with them becoming important to me and then rocd hits me so hard out of nowhere and I’m suddenly in turmoil.

[@joaovitor2456]

I wish i saw this before breaking up with my girlfriend

[@jincy7492]

I am tearing up watching this...I have experiencing this for 6 years now..bt kept on suppressing my feelings because of loosing this perfect guy...he is a GEM...it was a interreligion relationship, n my parents won't agree to it ..that was the constant fear that haunted me... finally I broke up with him few months back...the sad reality is..he thinks I used him (or something like that)..n guilt started eating me up from within. Thank you

[@marcelusdarcy]

I've been dealing with this all year. So happy I've found this channel

[@aliw3149]

I feel so unbelievably seen by this video, everything you said resonated so brilliantly with me, and you've brought me a lot of peace mid-ROCD crisis/spiral. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart

[@vitorfernandes4386]

I'm tired... I feel numb and tired... I can't find what I really want... I can't even tell anymore if the intrusive thoughts are that I don't love her or that I do love her...

[@DDRAGU]

I LOVE YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS I CANT BELIEVE THERE’S A TERM FOR WHAT IM FEELING

[@emmacowles50]

Love your videos, you're extremely helpful for ocd sufferers like me x

[@lunaesmeraldarizzi6485]

I'm suffering a lot :(((

[@Chiller-pc1dv]

I likely have ROCD in regards to friends, and this genuinely helps

[@SMHeath-vb5fk]

This is really touching. What a lovely person Kiyomi seems to be. I had fallen upon ROCD about a year ago I think, but it has really taken hold of me recently (& of course I forgot about this concept altogether.) I am a gay man in my late 40’s and have been partnered for 10 years. Having been in another long-term relationship, the pressure to not be the troubled/defective one is quite high. I relate to many of these feelings and am liberated by the notion of not trying to solve immediately the problem. I really relate to that numbness that grows as almost a protection from the jarring mind work that sometimes takes hold. There will be incompatibilities and differences and that does not equal wrong. This is huge for me. I have such a need to have it right-not just for myself but because I am very fearful of wasting any more of his time. The question comes up, “Are you happy?” And we have been honest about helping one another if either of us decides to change course. The truth is that happiness is just a little hard to gauge right now. No red flags, no deal breakers, many things that are quite strong and simpatico...but a ton of anxiety and some sadness that has sort of taken roots. So, yes, this strikes a chord and is comforting to find.

[@Julleck]

this is such an amazing channel and the first truly helpful source of information on this topic. I'd love videos and advice for the two topics that challenge me the most: Other attractive persons (real or in movies, avoiding public places in order to avoid other attractive persons) and being "afraid" or anxious to go home from work, for example (even though being home is totally fine). You have spoken about this in side notes, I guess, but I can imagine, a lot of people experience these two issues :)

[@ms.tinygiant]

When she said “when your partner cheats on you…constantly.” In my head I’m like, “well what if they cheat on you once?” Cause even once I feel like is worse because it could make someone with ROCD not be sure at all if the relationship is right for them or not. It could be confusing on knowing if their partner truly loves them or not.

[@antoniopozo9311]

For six years I was insanely jealous of my best friend because I thought he was having an affair with the woman of my dreams. I spent $5000 on OCD therapy thinking mi intuition was completely wrong. It could not be. It was impossible. Not him. Not her. He was over 40 years her senior. Impossible, right? Six years later, I realized that I had been right all along. And, for all I know, they are still having an affair. Perhaps you do not have ROCD. Perhaps you just have an uncanny intuition, like mine. So, not because you may have OCD, it means that your intuition is mistaken. I was right all along and the therapy made me think it was all a delusion. The therapy actually masked the truth. Made me believe everything was just inside my mind. Now, I know it was all true. Every single time I thought they were together, they were. So, as they say, not because you are paranoid it means that no one is after you.

[@chrisobrien6254]

Thank you! Great video! It’s a shame more people aren’t talking about this

[@caetanaciriaco2413]

i’m afraid

[@themediocrelife3811]

I'M SO GLAD I FOUND YOUR CHANNEL OHMYGOODNESS

[@nicholerosa8985]

omg this video just made me break down, i feel so seen, you described exactly how i feel and i have been going crazy obsessively thinking about this

[@daphne3717]

Ugh it just requires too much sacrifice on my end to really go 100% in

[@DDRAGU]

THIS ANTICIPATES WHATEVER I WANNA THINK THIS IS AMAZINGGGGG OH MY GOOOOOOOOOD

[@Marinah8]

Maby the obsession right now on him.... is a blockage inside of me. For going forward inside of me!! This was a wakeup call. The recistance.... that is so much fear... is my bodys exuse for not growing inside. Thank u!!!

[@santaclaus3077]

Wow. This video really spoke to me. I’m saving it. Thank you.

[@resistancefighter888]

I've been dating my girlfriend for 4 months and she's the most caring, smart, funny and understanding person I've ever met. Recently a lot of doubts have risen about how attracted I am to her. I'm not sure where this came from, everything was pretty great at the start. I even told about her about all these thoughts and she thanked me for being honest with her. I know that finding someone like her is so rare and she truly is amazing and I have no idea where these thoughts came from. We have sex and I enjoy being with her and I'm so afraid of these thoughts.

[@athan694]

how are you doing now?

[@resistancefighter888]

@@athan694 A whole lot better, I don't have an explanation as to where these came from but all I can say is that a lot of overthinking has led to a whole lot of anxiety and doubt. I guess my best advice would be to make a decision, something you can remind yourself whenever you're overthinking something. I love that girl so much and she is the most beautiful person, both on the inside and out, I've ever met.

[@louisatrivett4806]

I had never realised that what I have been struggling with for so long was a real thing until now. Thank you. I wish I had seen this video months ago. ROCD began to dominate my whole life until I gave in to it and broke up with my partner. The relief I felt for a few days after was incredible- and then the ROCD thoughts continued in the same way as they had done before- until I ended up experiencing psychotic symptoms. I have recovered from the psychosis but the ROCD thoughts still keep coming back- it's so exhausting. Thank you for this video

[@gagi6294]

How is it that ROCD continued outside of relationship? How do you feel now, do you regret breaking up?

[@vanessafossi4309]

right now my main problem is breaking through my trust issues. we’ve been together 9 months and idk how to trust him even though i have no reason not to. whenever he goes out with his friends i struggle with not being anxious for some reason. he treats me so well and deals with all my anxiety but i know i am the problem. he listens to me when i’m sad about things that don’t even exist and does his best to reassure me. whenever there’s a party and he’s drinking, i need to be there. i get sad when he likes other girls posts but i can’t stop myself. i’m so in love with him but sometimes have intrusive thoughts that i think are right and can’t get my mind off of them. he’s my best friend and i know i won’t be able to live without him but my anxiety is taking me over and burning me out. i cant just force myself to not be anxious about anything and it seems as if it gets stronger the more i love him. is this ROCD or am i not ready for a relationship ?

[@ariostorossi1295]

This is me in the last 2 years 24/7. 😭 nightmare. I wish I had a button to switch off my head

[@mikhaildaviesphoto]

I just don’t get how I will ever truly know if this is ROCD or if my values changed and I need a different partner that fits those values (one with a good parental relationship and someone who is career oriented)

[@naibackwards22]

I find pretty funny the fact that I am watching this video as a compulsion lol

[@mcdanalds0]

This was amazing. Thank you.

[@senoraespinosa6176]

This just helped me and my mind. I thank u for this and I’m a new subbie ❤️ I deserve healthy love and not having to know all the questions. Thank u by much

[@erisiabatto]

This has helped me so much! ❤️

[@cydney.p]

Im so glad I found this video:((❤️ thank you so much

[@babybottle9242]

Thank you for making this. It means so much to me.

[@toastrecon]

Man, this is such great information.

[@natattacc99]

I read love poems and wish I felt everything they say.

[@shaine26ful]

Oh my God. The anxiety is so on point.

[@shaine26ful]

I really like him so much. We are very much okay. Leaving him is not an option, so I need to face this and work on my rocd issue.

[@sharon8276]

This is so validating. Thank you so much

[@JayCy-no6md]

this is totally me! 😢 thank you for this video

[@LESTLIR]

Kiyomi, you are amazing! Thank you so much!

[@Auroranekai]

Thank you for this video!!

[@aellis8899]

Wow! Thank you! Subscribed!!!

[@derkollege2723]

God bless u ❤

[@nevaehr.1523]

Can you be my therapist? Cause everything you are saying sounds like what I’ve been going through.

[@IuliaBeatrice]

thank you. i needed to hear this

[@Tryptich]

Can you talk about ROCD and HOCD?

[@djukafox]

Why is this labeled OCD? I mean, this is a worry, yes. But there are no compulsions involved like with more serious OCD cases, counting, checking. It's just worry and reasurring yourself, this is more like panic than OCD.

[@shammaja]

Everytime i fight with my partner I develop ocd thoughts and feel anxious.

[@PH-pq3vq]

This is really helpful thanks

[@Dragonaiis]

the compulsive searching-for-answers in the comments section is kinda telling me I might have OCD lmfao

[@elianelemieux-e1i]

And if I obsess about not loving him recently

[@МилицаСеливанова]

I love you. Thank you. ❤️

[@Awakenintolove]

[@ashleycruz7683]

The real questions is............. do I have ROCD or is my partnern a master gas lighter? Something I learned the hard way today

[@soof4474]

´You always have a choice´, but thats the thing thats keeping me up all night.. ´´but what if I don´t wanna be with my partner or you don´t wanna be with him anymore´. My brain is also convincing me that the only reason I´m still with him is that I don´t want to hurt him (ofc I dont want to hurt him, but it's convincing me that that's the ONLY reason i'm still with him. Does any of you experience this as wel? Is this also common for ROCD?

[@strawberry-cheesecake]

I experience this too

[@abhinandhb9149]

Yes me too

[@abhinandhb9149]

@@strawberry-cheesecake hey how did it go for u did u recover from.it

[@mahshadashrafi7838]

Rocd is the most tiring thing ever

[@misleshtatrystika]

Ok, here’s the equation: Having an obsessive quality to your mind + falling out of love = ROCD. No matter how much of a great partner is the person next to you, how many great qualities they have, how well are you getting along, how much of an amazing parent they are/would be, how well your lives are fitting together… if you’re out of love, you’re just out of love. And if your mind has the tendency to worry and overthink, then you won’t be able to escape the criteria for ROCD, as long as you have those doubts about your relationship, because this is just how the mind of an anxious person works. My point is - nobody says you have to leave your relationship, but not feeling about your partner isn’t a condition, it’s just what happens very often in relationships, good or bad - feelings die all the time even towards perfectly nice partners. Our hearts don’t care about arrangements or convenience or decency, they got their inner subjective criteria and once they move on from someone it’s usually irreversible. It’s incredibly sad, it’s terribly confusing, and the timings might be infuriatingly ironic sometimes. But you don’t have to put it into your mind that you have a disease because of that. No matter how many KZbin channels are based on this premise.

[@gagi6294]

You are missing the point and not taking into account many factors. Love is something permanent, but many people confuse love with the honeymoon phase in the beginning of relationship. There is a difference between lust and love. The honeymoon phase always ends, what remains is love. Feelings come from the mind, and mind is the creator of all these scenarios and problems. Love comes from the heart, but if the mind is louder than the heart then there can be problems. Nobody says this is a disease, it is simply the complexity of human nature and human inability to handle their own minds. Sorry to say this but your point of view is a bit childish and shallow. Falling in and out of love is easy and we see it happen all the time, so this is not about that.

[@Phebe_Lou]

Thank you Kiyomi! Your videos are always just what I need to hear and are very inspiring to me. I’ve always had strong anxiety ever since childhood so I have times now where I have a good grip on it and then there are times where I slip into depression because of it. Anyways, as I got deeper into my relationship (of 4 years) it turned into rocd and as I’ve known about rocd I frequently would sulk in the thoughts like the symptoms you were describing but lately I’ve been able to control it better to where I’m not like the people you describe having rocd. It could be because I’m in a happier place in my life because my boyfriend moved in with me. I definitely know I have it but I sometimes doubt myself because I don’t show all of the exact symptoms you spoke of when I’m dealing with rocd. Oh well haha everyone probably has and handles rocd differently anyways.

[@milamoeys3080]

Youre the best thank you

[@irlerenjaeger2824]

Every two seconds of this I heard a vine boom in my head 😳

[@Awakenintolove]

please know you are not alone love ❤

[@taqwaashraf-4728]

انتي عسل❤❤❤