Bad Therapists

[@sugaredyoongi]

Bad therapists are scary to me because I'm a huge people-pleaser and I can't stand up for myself. Even with a good and caring therapist that just isn't right for me I have trouble telling them that I need something else and I often stay in therapy that doesn't help me just to not disappointed my therapist. I'm trying to get it into my head that my therapist is there to help me, not the other way around, and that I deserve to find someone who is right for me.

[@imthinkingthoughts]

yeah i learnt this lesson thehard way :/

[@cosmicfoxglove1047]

Therapists can be well within the ethical code, but massively damage clients in other ways, such as repeatedly re-traumatizing you if they are not well-trained in dealing with trauma. Suddenly terminating a client who has a fear of abandonment is also extremely damaging, and also not unethical. Both happened to me, and I haven't recovered from them yet.

[@nytheprincess]

It depends on your code of ethics. Some codes of ethics have a clause about not abandoning clients, I saw it in the code of ethics for addictions counselors, but I’m not sure if it’s there for social workers or therapists

[@therabbithat]

I think the trauma thing will change. It's unethical to treat people you aren't qualified to treat. There's been an explosion of interest in trauma and pretty soon it will be taken as a given that if you didn't have training in how not to traumatize then you were never qualified to work with people with trauma. I am being trained by people who never studied trauma and who don't know about retramitization, but all my classmates know about it (enough to know that we don't know, which is more than our teachers). In the mean time, thousands, possibly millions of people around the world are being retraumatized by counsellors who don't understand things like "window of tolerance" (which has lots of different names) I'm so sorry it happened to you. :( it's a real travesty

[@SpookiCooki]

I haven't listened yet but I want to tell about my horrible counselling-story. Some years ago I was at rock bottom. I had lost my pet who was my best friend. I struggled with grief already because my brother was dead and my friend had committed suicide. I hadn't processed this properly so I was deep in a depression. Anyway, I got to see a counsellor and a doctor and I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Anxiety was mild at this time but the depression was "medium severe" so to speak. My counsellor however didn't take this seriously. She said it came across as worse than it is because I had lost my pet. She never took me seriously and kept saying I was just a little moody. When I talked she held her chin in her hand and said "mmm... mhm.... hmmm... mmmm" even after I had stopped talking! So I didn't feel better at all. Instead, I got worse. I started talking to her in August and in January I had suicidal thoughts. That's when she dumped me. She said I couldn't be helped through healthcare and I should borrow selfhelp-books at the library instead. I felt miserable. Like a huge failure. This woman worked at the general health care so I reached out to the psychiatric clinic instead. I was finally taken seriously, I got a wonderful counsellor who treated me for 2 years, I got meds and started feeling better after just a few months. I told them about my first counsellor and my experience led to her losing her job. I told them about her early in march and in May her office was empty. I don't think she will ever work with vulnerable people again.

[@therabbithat]

Oh goodness I'm so glad your story had a happy ending! I'm so sorry that happened, Jesus, what was going on with that first counsellor

[@SpiritDragoness]

Yikes... suggesting self help books is the worst. My shelves are full of self help books but none helped, waste of money and time. Most people go into therapy coz their needs are not met... one of the main needs is human contact, empathy and understanding.... it is sad that these have turned into monetized commodities, and very expensive at that, and have to be either earned or bought, when in fact it should be part of every humans every day life norms, a part of human nature. And it is even sadder that you can't get this basic necessity even after paying a hefty sum.

[@en_vertigo]

The tamales warms my heart. My family always gives tamales as gifts especially during the holidays. It means so much to us. It was an incredibly sweet gesture of that family ❤️

[@jescuz1]

Yay!!! Good morning Dr. Kirk & team. Thank you for the amazing content 🌻!

[@vomittux]

My last therapist spent half the session talking about herself. I know about her alcoholic father, her borderline sister, her ex best friend, her husband in anger management, etc. She’d ask if I minded her telling me all this and I’d say “no, it’s great!” Then she’d eat a ton of snacks, which always distracted me, but when she’d ask if it was okay, I’d say “of course!” Then, for some odd reason she told me I probably didn’t need any more therapy, for which I said “yeah haha I guess you’re right!” and then went out to my car and cried about how even my therapist didn’t want me and never went back. Now I’m always wondering, was she a bad therapist or did I mess it up by being too agreeable lol

[@lorenza696]

Oh my, that's awful. You deserved better. Hope you find a new therapist that's in it for you xoxo

[@shannontrent3702]

Please find another therapist, that's awful... I'm so sorry.

[@ChangeIsGood7775]

She lacked BOUNDARIES! How awful.... that’s NOT therapy.

[@runlolarun8957]

We had the same therapist. That is therapy...for HER. Get yourself a new therapist. And when you interview them be clear that you want therapy for YOU. Therapy should be about YOU.

[@zombieedrea]

It’s not you, she was absolutely a terrible therapist. I hope you can find one that actually helps you and works for you. 💖

[@boardwalkgirl222]

I'm not even a mental health therapist/provider. I'm a relatively new speech pathologist, and I worry all the time about ethics and being sued for minute things. This episode of the podcast really put things into perspective for me. Thank you.

[@kmonkey8874]

You are so smart, dr honda. i'm glad you took their tamales.

[@justmeok2]

im a therapist but have never worked cause im terrified to screw up, just seing the thumbnail in this video made me nervous. "Fun fact", when dr honda saw Darcey's therapist and he criticised her I felt indirectly attacked lol.

[@cynr.1877]

Dr YES! You’re right about the tamales! Lolol I’m sooo glad u realized that! We gift food to show our love and appreciation for the exact reason u stated. Turning down a “food gift” stings sometimes lol. Some families even see that as disrespectful so good job! U should also know receiving tamales is the highest honor! Lol those take forever to make and I’m always sore the next day lololol! 👏🏽👏🏽

[@wendyxkuma]

The story about the tamales made me cry. It reminds me of my family.

[@kmonkey8874]

i've had endless counselors/ therapists deny me because i use drugs. seems kinda weird only sober people are allowed therapy. i finally found someone who's not a moral compass, just a good therapist.

[@steelstrings4]

You might have actually dodged several bullets there. I would imagine the therapists who said no probably don’t have enough training in addiction and would end up causing more harm than good.

[@therabbithat]

​@@steelstrings4 I imagine that, if you are required by your insurance company to diagnose the client (or by the client's insurance company) then you aren't able to be insured while treating someone who is using drugs, because you aren't allowed to diagnose someone with anything while they are using drugs. I know that it's true that a lot of insurance require diagnosis, and I know it's true that officially you can't give a diagnosis unless someone is sober, but my conclusion is just me speculating and I don't know. I imagine that you are right Steel Strings, and that the therapists knew they had no training in addiction and so knew they weren't the right people for K. Another thing a therapist might do is say "I can't work with you on the addiction, but I can work with you on traumas in your life that might have driven you to addiction, but if we are going to work together I need you to also be in treatment for addiction because otherwise I cannot claim to be working ethically" so they will say they need you to undergo an addiction treatment of your choice while seeing them (e.g. I'll see you but you have to go to AA or *insert local service here*), otherwise they can't treat you, and this is because they want to avoid harming you, not because they just don't like working with addiction or what not. It could also be something about the therapist's own trauma, they are humans with a right to say "I can't treat drug users right now because my own mother was a drug user and I am still in therapy around that" and they don't have to disclose that to you.

[@pastelgasmaskie]

Yessss. I've been waiting for an episode like this! I've been in and out of therapy my whole life. I had a rly horrible experience from a rly awful therapist back in middle school. It made me not trust therapists anymore bc this therapist said some horrible things to me, even my mom at the time was shocked at what this lady said to me and how she treated me. I know what she said was out of line bc she wasn't my first therapist, but since then I haven't been able to stick to a program bc I can't trust therapists now. Which sucks bc now that I'm an adult I was recently diagnosed with ptsd, and it's been hard trying to force myself to go back to therapy to deal with my trauma bc I don't trust therapists anymore and it's rly hard to open up after having that rly bad therapist :(

[@danigirl1207]

There was a therapist from Married at First Sight who ended up with one of the husbands from Season 6. I am just watching that season of that now. So wild!

[@sorenlorenson8327]

All those therapists in married at first sight should be " disbarred" !

[@whatshappeningalbuquerque]

My marriage therapist fell in love with me; suggested my husband moved out and stop communicating w/ me(knowing I’m there because I was jealous/ Insecure w/ marriage) ; and of course our marriage ended in divorce. It was weird/crazy; my therapist would hold my hands, tell me “if you were my wife”, call me “babe”, and say I looked beautiful!!! After I quit going because it was only me he wanted to see, he would send me emails that looked innocent; but I took it as grooming to be able to talk with me again. I never turned him in, because I don’t want to be the reason someone looses their livelihood.

[@shannontrent3702]

Woah! He does need to learn that's not okay! Dr. Honda, what can she do other than turn him in? And, by the way, YOU wouldn't be the reason he lost his livelihood, HE would. Every therapist has to have boundaries with their clients. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

[@ChangeIsGood7775]

WOW!!! that’s so wild!!!! that’s not therapy at all!!!

[@itskaybe6348]

I'm sorry you went through this. Turn him in please. After listening to this episode especially. He should lose his license and never be able to do that to someone else. And he might lose his license but he's not going to jail, he should not be a therapist.

[@whatshappeningalbuquerque]

It’s been 7 years, so way too late to act on my ex therapists actions.

[@steelstrings4]

You wouldn’t be the reason he looses his livelihood, he would be! He’s responsible for his inappropriate behavior, not you!

[@roxanadls]

So my husband and I went for couples counseling with our very first therapist together. One of his first questions to me, (not to my husband) was "When did you come to America?" ... I've taken individual counseling in the past and recent, never have I have been asked that question. It made me uncomfortable and feel unwelcome. Idk if this is something other people have experienced? Is it normal to ask questions like that? I'm Mexican-American, my husband is half white. My husband laughed when he asked that, because I was the one with the idea of going to couples counseling.

[@nytheprincess]

Sounds rude and ignorant because you could have been born here..? At my job when we do assessments we need to ask about cultural considerations...but the way we ask that is literally “is there anything you’d like us to know about your culture to keep in mind?” And we need to ask everyone. Sounds like this person just doesn’t know any better.

[@kahlodiego5299]

I'm just familiar with the cases where the therapist is corrupt and the patient pays and they're protected because the patient is poor, lacks support and would never be believed due to their diagnosis. I'm now seen as not "being cooperative or motivated to get well." I'm protecting myself now.

[@h0a4l]

This is definitely "forensic files" for therapists. scary

[@annejohnson454]

Dr. Honda, I am not sure your thoughts on this, but when I was in graduate school, we used to have extended discussions about the difference between "client" (the person requesting the services or even paying for them) and "patient" (the person receiving the services). As in, a parent/child; probation/the person on probation; nursing home staff/resident; and so on. There are thorny ethical questions in terms of confidentiality, informed consent, and so on in each of these. But there are a lot of cases in which one entity is 'bothered' in some way by the behavior of someone else.

[@dandychestnut3493]

You’ve been a naughty, naughty therapist...

[@nytheprincess]

Isnt sex under coercion rape? (For the first story) i realize dr Kirk might not be able to say that if it wasn’t a part of the story reported...but that really bothers me with reporting these things. It doesn’t sound like a fully consensual situation

[@evanz2704]

It's considered something along the lines of abuse of one's wards over here, so not necessarily full on rape depending on circumstances - and will be punished severely.

[@lorenza696]

I have a great psychologist and I like her but I'm unsure if she is the right therapist for me. She's a sexolgist but I suffer from the occasional anxiety and mostly just need a person to take about my feelings in a safe space which she provides

[@ashleypatten2304]

You don’t have to break an ethical code to be a bad therapist. My husband was abandoned by his parents at 15, his dad was a drug addict, did things to survive, slept at grocery stores near the electric box to stay warm, wrongfully convicted of a crime, went to prison at 17, etc. My mother took him in but it was too late. We got back together later on and he was a serial cheater. My condition after the final d-day was to go to counseling by himself and us together. After one session she said she didn’t have anywhere else to go with him. How is that possible with all his trauma and I know she knew because we had discussed his past in couples therapy. We were seeing her together and she was equally unhelpful. We have been unable to find another counselor that has helped. I started watching you and found someone trained in Gottman but he wanted us to pretty much work out our issues more alone with communication but he struggles with communication so it didn’t work. We didn’t talk about issues with him to help us navigate, he wanted us to navigate at home which never worked. Now he/we are gun shy to go to someone else fearing it will be the same. I wish there was some magic list of great therapists.

[@MyChannel-ul3tm]

Can you please do one of these on the Psychology of Hilaria Baldwin and people who fake ethnicities like her? She finally reappeared after a month in hiding since the scandal and she still didn’t admit to or apologize for lying. I had classmates like this when I was younger who were embaressed to be from the backgrounds they were and would say they were from another country, even wear shirts or the flags of those countries! HB is an All American girl who grew up wealthy and privileged but wanted to seem ‘exotic’ by claiming she was from Spain. She also got exposed for not being a real yoga instructor (she took a 2 week course) or studio owner. She just married Alec Baldwin and created this whole fake persona to seem interesting. Alec even went on late night shows saying his wife was “from Spain.” Really embarrassing.

[@everythingtraumaic5069]

as part of my Professional Liability Insurance, we are privy to legal consult free of charge..

[@weightinprogress4399]

Thank you! This is awesome.

[@Tootsie-yj1rz]

Reading people’s stories about bad therapists are so sad

[@KarrieHiggins]

After some horrible experiences with unethical therapists, I am getting involved in reforming laws about holding them accountable. We do not do enough.

[@KarrieHiggins]

I love your tamales story BTW. You made the right decision. I am sure the family remembers, too.

[@kristinajackson9834]

Mine showed me my boss\Deans personal arrest history on her laptop bc i said he was hiding something from me and i felt it was bad. She made fun of me almost until we both started reading the years of convictions of R of a minor. Then she made me promise not to tell and how to pretend like i came across this on my own then dumped me and took me off the books for the 20 some appointments we had. I have a history that she knew about and she said some things that she knew, she just knew. I was there to try and take back my power after being assaulted in a hate crime the year before. And she did that to me like i was trash. Funny thing tho. I found a video of her and i reading the laptop out loud. She doesn't know i have it. I didn't even really know. I feel like she should have to pay for new therapy for me or something. Because she really fucked me up good. I can't even look at people any more. Covid has been crutch.But im starting to walk now.

[@jagmaster6595]

How do I get my therapist to trust me again and show her I really want treatment. I’ve been so confused for so long and she the only person I click with. I really miss her, reading DBT book by myself isn’t enough. Her office said she will be available next month. I’ve been waiting a year.

[@micahwilliams7177]

I talked to my therapist yesterday. I've been going thru a really hard time. I lost my job last month cuz I was in possession of sum money in a bank bag to make a bank run and it was stolen. I got fired cuz I was responsible for it. I'm a single mom of 2 boys and I'm very upset about losing my job. Not just that I filed unemployment a month ago and they r still saying they r investigating the reason I got fired. They told me it would only b 3 wks at least. Today is a month and I still haven't heard or received anything. That incident doesn't look good on me while I'm looking for another job. I've been filling out applications everyday since they let me go. I had to do my appt. Over the phone and my therapist could hear how upset I was. He acted like he didnt even know what to say to me he just set me another appt for next month and that was it! I cant get any help not even from my therapist not even good advice which is all I expect from my therapist.

[@evanz2704]

Wow, that is horrible, and I wish you all the best! 🤗

[@Tootsie-yj1rz]

Accepting gifts from clients would depend on the clients reasoning for the 🎁

[@globetrotting2628]

This happened to my brother in law. His wife was in therapy and her therapist seduced her into a sexual relationship. So creepy.

[@dawnecarter4878]

I gotta get some tamales 💚💚💚

[@kmonkey8874]

i want to go to couples therapy but i really don't want my partner to have sex with our counselor

[@nopenope3024]

More videos like this

[@SmokenHash]

Huh...

[@dancedanceCRASH]

First!

[@AmyrisWood]

Second!