Narcissistic Parents: Unacceptable Abuse They Trained You to Tolerate

[@jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

[@arty5165]

Very useful, thank you!

[@H-youtube7]

❤

[@d6wave]

the shaming&criticism can be justified in some cases like don't be a violator, robber, a gaslighter, a necrophagist, a cannibal, a dahmer, etc. justified criticism(and shaming) as warnings. that part should've been more accurately labeled(categorized) as non-justified shaming&criticism because not all shaming and criticism is identical or non-justified, there's justified shaming &criticism.

[@resistitalia]

The problem, for me at least, is that the neglect and abandonment of a narcissistic parents, as well as the training to endure and withstand any emotional crisis, makes one easy pray for other narcissists or for other people with demanding emotional needs. As I was not willing to comply with the emotional abuse, I left my family home at 19 and I entered a relationship with someone who has had over the years and still has major psychiatric issues. He didn't tell me at the start and, by the time I found out, I didn't want and couldn't leave. My self-justification is a profund sense of morality of not wanting to abandon someone in distress. I did cope and manage all of his needs throughout the years, and there have been positive moments, but I also had to confine my personal, professional life and my aspirations - I believe to be quite an educated and gifted person - to fit in with the several crises that we encountered during the years. I was conditioned to be helpful and to sacrifice myself, and I find ways to keep my spirit and my cultural needs going alongside balancing everything else, but I do realise that my ability to do so has come as a consequence of my childhood abuse.

[@HumbleMuslima]

God bless you, Sir! 💚

[@ttheartsu]

They love to gang up on you (either with other family members or siblings) but when you snap back you’re either “too sensitive” or “can’t take a joke”

[@kameronbourne84]

literally my family!!

[@kerrymillar1267]

Or you’re “difficult”

[@TerraAventurineStudios]

Flying monkeys

[@BB-fo5mr]

Or you have “psychiatric” problems. (Or, you are “bipolar”). Even though they wouldn’t know what the word psychiatric means, or what bipolar actually is. But its the ultimate gaslighting. Unfortunately, they can convince many people these labels are true. Convince others to see what they want them to see. It’s power..

[@teresahudson-lk7dw]

OR you are the odd ball in this family.

[@joshsmith2071]

Gaslighting is a wicked thing. It tears you down from the inside out. Someone who does it is not your friend.

[@AA-cb7dz]

Narcissists are the enemies of empaths.

[@barbaramarshall3164]

It's so hard when it's your mum doing it too and all you want is for them to love and accept you, that's what makes it so difficult to walk away when you've finally had enough

[@LarsGsanger]

🙏

[@SpreadLoveLikeWildfire1133]

Its sad going through videos like this and realizing how much trauma I have suffered at the hands of the people who were supposed to love me. 😢

[@airyeeblesid824]

Same

[@repeatman]

Same.

[@camilleespinas2898]

They were sick, sad people.. feel sorry for them and what they missed out on by not being able to share a loving healthy relationship with you. Forgive them and move on.

[@desiree2086]

@@camilleespinas2898forgiving?? why?

[@terryfelkins912]

I know right! I am still being treated like this not only from parents but doctors and other people! I feel like I have a sign on my back that says it’s okay to gaslight me and treat me like a door mat. Due to circumstances I don’t have any control over I live with them again. The worst is not being heard! Why? I’m only 20 years younger than them wtf?

[@TarotTanja]

1. Gaslighting 2. Emotional manipulation (guilt, shame, responsibility-shift) 3. Shaming & endless criticism 4. Silent Treatment / Emotional withholding 5. Triangulation (playing family members against e.o.) 6. Blame-shifting, scape-goating, denial of responsibility 7. Love bombing and withdrawal (unpredictability) 8. Over-control and invasion of privacy (monitoring, micro-managing) 9. Emotional over-dependence 10. Control (by fear, anxiety) 11. Emotional invalidation 12. Boundary violation

[@Babeatrice]

Thank you🙏💕bless you🌈🌺

[@H-youtube7]

Self-differentiation tips: 1. Ask yourself: How is this still in you today? 2. Ask yourself: How are you doing all of these to yourself? 3. Focus on building a self that is aware, regulated and defined.

[@jasongrice5465]

Thankyou for the list. ❤ 🦘

[@jelenakocmankocman4644]

My parents tick all these boxes

[@RunmeiMeek]

Thank you so much for writing down all the important Elements, I copied on my calendar book, I will study often, you are awesome ❤

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Oh yes. Narcisistic parents are cowards and bullies and immature spoilt children wreaking havoc in the lives of their children who are forced to grow up when they are in kindergarten. If you had a narcissist as your parent and you have survived , you are a superhero!

[@Shut-up-Shelly]

Omg this is me!! Felt like I was 30 yrs old at 13 was the oldest of all my sibs. I took care of them all. Dunking cloth diapers in the toilet at 5 yep…and scrubbing the bathroom too…got photos of that!!!

[@ColeWilliams]

💪

[@cookielover1018TM]

This was me, these parents are narcissist to the grave

[@kristahackleylmt2064]

❤ 50 and barely hanging on. Been homeless two and a half years. I'm certain my life is going to get better because I've been removing all the toxic people from my life.

[@ccharles848]

This made me cry. My mom did every one of those things. My dad sat quietly and let that happen. No wonder I struggle even today.

[@mrsqueakthecat.8061]

For me, it was the reverse in parents.

[@knit1purl1]

I understand. And that's why they call the enablers, co-abusers. Anyone who does nothing while a child is being abused in their presence.

[@kathleendinsmore7588]

I share the same experience. ❤️‍🩹 Treat your inner child with kindness. You are worthy of it! 🙏

[@recklessmynd]

Could have written this myself 😔🫂

[@Ivar-V]

When it’s your own mother its the worst

[@elizabethbarefoot1111]

They taught me the people who love you will beat you. And then you are expected to sit down at the dinner table like it didn’t happen. I allowed so much abuse as an adult.

[@sallywillis1448]

Yes,,

[@Kim-h2m]

If i could reach out and hug you i would. Im so sorry this happened. To u. Love 🇨🇦

[@Pavithra.radhakrishnan1]

If someone beat you it means they never loved you. This itself is deep level manipulation by your family. Love is seeing kids grow better than us, pave way for kids to achieve their dreams without any expectations in return also raising very responsible kids in all aspects teaching them In and out of life then be happy for them. This is a true parent.

[@Pavithra.radhakrishnan1]

Fake it till you make it. I also come from similar family background. Healing is a journey. Only if we realise how much we were wrongly conditioned since childhood, seeing own traumas, how afraid inner child is, then talk or pray to god to heal it. It’s a journey not a destination… u only get better everyday. Stay strong. God bless you

[@jordanferguson2254]

It's disturbing. I still hold it against them because I would NEVER do that to someone. I can't imagine hurting someone or something that cannot fight back and then have the galls to say I love them or hey let's have some bonding time. When you call them out they say every family is like this. Even if eevery family was, it does not make it right or justified. But yeah, to sum it up, they are evil. Period. It's not a grudge, it's being aware of evil and the lack of justice.

[@Azeteck_casual]

Go No contact. Enjoy your life

[@mesalouis8976]

Two months no contact.

[@LottiesLore]

@@Azeteck_casual 24 years no contact. It's been tough, they stay in your head for decades but it was either no contact or unaliving myself.

[@Edward-jn5pl]

@@LottiesLore Same.

[@Alexandra-te3xd]

the damage still needs healing long after going no contact, but taking that step is a great way to take the first step towards greater self love (self respect!) if they are unwilling to work on themselves.

[@user-fz7nt5ge3o]

Worked for me. 😂 Great stuff.

[@joannahediger7820]

As a child, if I came home happy she would make me feel guilty and ashamed because I was happy while she was miserable. So I would lose my feelings of happiness because I felt responsible for her misery. I still have a very hard time not feeling guilty after I feel happy. What kind of sick parent resents their child’s happiness? Trying hard to become the inner mother to myself who smiles with joy when I feel happy and support myself!

[@mesalouis8976]

Same!!!! 🤦🏽‍♀️ it’s like, can I go see a movie and not come back to a crazy attack?! It’s not like I was out wh@ring!

[@terrijones1167]

Yes. Kids are naturally happy.....the miserable parents hate them for it.

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

Narcs definitely don't like it when someone is happy.😢

[@AGabriellbliss]

Same here, I wish nothing for you (reading this) but true understanding and freedom toward your inner child 🧸✨️🌱🦋

[@LearnfromNainTara]

Oh I feel you

[@rickturnr]

It wasn't just narcissistic parents, it was also teachers, relatives, etc

[@karlabritfeld7104]

Parents were the worst because it's never ending.

[@authorericar.stinson4849]

Yes! The ones who saw it happening, stood by and did nothing

[@Misfit-from-Zanti]

​@@authorericar.stinson4849even participating

[@itsablessingbeinganamerica1401]

Churches too.

[@godisreality7014]

and bosses who want to get rid of you.

[@stardustnebula8692]

For me i was trained to tolerate : screaming, slamming doors, being endlessly berated and criticized for nothing, making fun of me, ridiculing the things i like, ridiculing my mental health struggles. Making harsh comments about my body. Gaslighting. Emotional abuse. Being made the therapist of my parents. shaming. Being threatened with being put on the street. Etc.etc.

[@simonehawthorne2647]

Their the worst!!!!

[@amanita1964]

Hope you got your life back buddy. Sending a hug

[@adrienne3575]

You are not alone they want you to be yourself or be happy is crazy

[@Artist-r3b]

I'm still being forced to tolerate that

[@vilojojo]

Experienced all of that as well. I always internalized it and blamed myself since childhood. Finally realizing it was my parents, not me.

[@lauren_08]

Narc parents will forever have you questioning yourself and your thoughts. They only care about how YOU made them feel… but never your reaction from their abuse

[@jelenakocmankocman4644]

Spot on

[@tickettochide3832]

Damn this comment hit close to home

[@MrAnyania]

You've just resolved all of my remaining doubts. Spot on. Thank you.

[@bruji2001]

🎯

[@christinwatson3037]

Very good, amen!

[@SuperBluejewels]

Yes , I tolerate a lot of disrespect from others because my parents emotionally and physically abused me .

[@amanita1964]

Now that you identified the issue, I am sure you can start building healthier boundaries for yourself. I had to learn too, but mostly avoid ppl. Feel safer and better that way. Take care.

[@SunflowerGodess0420]

Spot on. It's disgusting growing up this way 🙄🙄🙄

[@mrsqueakthecat.8061]

And you dont even know how wrong it is until decades later and you start looking back on your childhood you never got to have.

[@SunflowerGodess0420]

@@mrsqueakthecat.8061 it makes me sad and angry. Especially since I was adopted.. Like why?? I couldn't have been placed with a worse family for me to grow up with. I'm not close to any of them anymore except for my bio sister they adopted too.

[@LarsGsanger]

❤️

[@KarenRollins-y5k]

It’s been 1 year since I set boundaries with my narc mom. I’m 62 and she’s 82. She really did a lot of damage to me mentally. I’m staying away from her and she has no choice and I don’t feel guilty anymore. Videos like this help a lot. Thank you 😀

[@allywolf9182]

So I had to finally set boundaries with my mom...I didn't talk to her for almost a decade. But I went home and cared for her in hospice. She left everything to my worthless sister of course... who wouldn't even go and help her.. it was worth it for me though. I finally got to hear I love you. For the only time in my entire life. I got a whole lot of stuff I needed during that time period. She realized everything before she died. That's all I needed. Some kind of fkn closure from my life of hell

[@LarsGsanger]

🌸❤️

[@TJP-tq4np]

At age 18, I was asked by a counselor, “How does that make you feel?” I didn’t know what she was talking about. My feelings were not considered and so were never regarded by me. It took a while to learn to include my feelings in the proper place in my life.

[@jerrywise]

Learning to recognize and value your own feelings is a powerful step! If you’d like more support on this journey, I cover these topics in depth in my free training. You can join here: jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027

[@TurtleHillTx]

Amen! I didn't know uuntil I married that I could EVEN have a thought!

[@LarsGsanger]

🌸❤️

[@lesliedunn985]

There’s so much truth in what you posted. I felt your comment down to my bones.

[@TJP-tq4np]

@ thank you for your empathy. I’m 68 now, and in a much better frame of mind.

[@lynnettepadilla]

I love this. I would add verbal abuse. I tolerated being screamed at, called names, and insulted, thinking it was normal and acceptable for someone to rage at me when they got upset. Like being angry gave you permission to say nasty things, just because you are mad.

[@thevocalcrone]

lol sorry to laugh, but yes to what you say.. and then afterwards 'they only said/did it because they love you' and you learn to equate love with violence and abuse and wonder why you end up in a relationship with a violent abuser. Stupidest thing is .. i married an abuser and later I recall saying to my sister that i remember reading somewhere that we 'marry our fathers' but our father wasn't physically violent. Oh yes he was.. i just didn't see it. My mother used to load him up and he was the gun, but he'd managed to rein it in from the time i was about 11, because my older sister reported him to the police. Until then yes regular 'floggings' and I recall being held up against the wall by my throat with my feet dangling in the air. it took a long time for me to realise that he was as bad as my sister and mother although they were the instigators. to this day he will try and be vindictie to me.. but .. the difference is i'm older and grown up and i just call him out and he shuts up. He tried to belittle me a while ago (this is a funny memory for me now), basically told me i was talking BS. its the only time I've ever done this but i just got up quietly (we were in my house) walked to tthe draw, pulled out my BSW and put it in his lap and said "I believe this piece of paper legitimises my right to speak to these facts - where is yours?".

[@TQV_4013]

This. I still expect my husband to yell at me when I do something wrong because my dad did. When he reacts calmly, like it's no big deal, I realize how messed up growing up with my dad was.

[@qq84]

6:30 No, it has nothing to do with "extensions of themselves". They see children as their property to abuse.

[@gotinogaden]

The worst thing about all this is that it's "Pavlov's Dog" 2.0, essentially. It's training, conditioning, priming, whatever you like to call it. They teach you to put up with abusive behaviors of all stripes, and this gives the tone for the rest of your relationships in school, the workplace, intimate, etc. They teach you to gravitate, keep and put up with people who are as abusive as them, to shut your inner advocate and listen only to your inner critic, because that's what you've been primarily been through. It's a comfortable, familiar place to be. It's almost impossible to get out of that spot later on, and many people do indeed commit suicide or snap after years of losing their self-respect in such relationships.

[@pamelaforrest1622]

i could write a book on the subject narcissistic parents are insane, cruel and evil to the core

[@StrawberryShortcake3-f4b]

The title can be....Don't Let Them Break You, Lol thought of this one because of my horrific ex husband.

[@jocelynellis3009]

Yes, they are.

[@simply-x-me]

This is why I never had kids. Didn’t want someone to have a miserable childhood like me. It messed me up to tolerate a poor relationship and to expect nothing from others

[@christinwatson3037]

Me too, thanks.

[@Triadistic]

Bringing up my son is the best gift God gave me after the magic mushrooms. My childhoods memories are severely repressed due to the abuse. When I watch videos or read comments memories come back and that is very hard to bear however I now think its necessary to go through those feelings to fully heal. Bringing up my son has brought memories back that showed me the truth, that what my mom did was not normal but simply sick. I just feel proud that I have this good relationship with my son and according to dr. Ramani many scapegoat survivors have this good relationship with their kids.

[@LottiesLore]

@@simply-x-me Me too! I wanted to break the cycle of abuse on both sides of my family by not having children. Also suffering from depression is hard enough with a cat to look after, let alone being a parent.

[@JoanMurray-j5y]

I was the eldest, only daughter, brain. My dodo brothers were worshiped and I was dissuaded from going to UNI. TGE brothers ended up abusing our parents. I was powerless to help them. Almost came to attempted murder !

[@amanita1964]

Same here.

[@rustyscrapper]

I was taught not to ask for any attention or get help with anything. I wasn't supposed to ever need anything.

[@andyjo2017]

This. So much this. I have more years behind me than ahead of me, and I still struggle asking for help.

[@leeluna6495]

When my mother died my narc father instructed my sister not to tell me so I couldn't fly in for the funeral and she complied! At that point I finally realized that nothing was too below the belt and just like my mother my sister would be obedient to, in her mind, keep him from getting angry. A week later I tried to have a conversation about why this happened and was yelled at for being selfish. So, as Jerry said, you are expected to be a good sport about being mistreated and expected to have no needs or interest in protecting yourself. That's the narc system. Walk away from it.

[@JaelH7]

🤗💕 Be well, friend.

[@juliajohnston1680]

My mother did that to me when my grandfather died. He was the only family member that treated me with kindness and she couldn't stand it. I will never forgive her and am now no-contact with my entire toxic family.

[@7632ant]

My husband and his sister behave like cardboard cutouts when in their parents company. They say nothing, do nothing except to watch and applaud the show. When l first met them l sensed something was very off, for 23 years l tolerated poor behaviour from them until l reached the point where I couldn't take anymore. All the while my husband would not, could not tackle them. He had been trained to accept everything they say and do without question. So l had to do it myself and now we've been in no contact for 7 years. Their reaction when I called them out was frightening and it was clear that they had always hated me.

[@katiefrankie6]

My husband and his sister shut down around their folks. They are super quiet, stare at their feet, and slouch. It’s so sad. They look so defeated. I’ve helped my husband speak up for himself and set some boundaries when he’s with them, but my poor SIL is so enmeshed with them. She’s miserable around them but then lets them in on her life over and over. It’s sad and frustrating to see. Their little brother and oldest brother take as much $$$ and caretaking from their folks as they can get. I don’t know what either is going to do when their parents die - they are so dependent on them.

[@dennisoverholts8396]

Good Work

[@Butterfly-ye7bs]

Proud of you!

[@madpax14]

After I grew up and learned things could be different, I had a comment that would stop my mother in her tracks. She'd guilt me "I'm still your mother!" My response, "Then act like it."

[@enlumineresse]

Whoa... good reply..

[@ReaScantlebury777]

Perfect reply

[@TheSoulciety]

Beautiful!

[@jerrywise]

I also could have replied, "Of course you are my mother, but you are no longer my parent that stopped when I became a18 years old." (Just ask the court system LOL)

[@careottjuice]

"But I'm your mother!" No you've been my client for 20 years 🙄

[@marcia.mcnicol9534]

Exposed all abuse. This is an abusers worst nightmare. "Don't tell" is conditioned in an abused hold. Some of us are able to "tell" regardless of consequences. This is a sign of self worth.

[@DHW256]

As a toddler, my youngest brother would ask strangers and extended family members, "Will you adopt me?" They were reliably confused/bewildered, as they hadn't faced Mom's physical, mental, emotional, even sexual abuses. I escaped into art and books. It was somewhat humorous and satisfying, yet also sad, to see Mom confronted by those adults inquiring about my brother's petition. He paid dearly for the rest of Mom's life -- backbit, gaslighted, scapegoated with every effort he made to defer to and love her. To her very last moments, she never relented.

[@mrsqueakthecat.8061]

Growing up the list of family things I was not allowed to talk about to others was insane.

[@rparpa4189]

Yh but the bad thing is u aint really believed. They play on the family emotion for 30 years. They believe none can be so shameless. And u already isolated methodically will be the crazy one

[@nattie911]

Yes the "don't tell" is basically a grooming method. We were told if we said anything my sister and I would be separated into different foster homes. Now I feel like I can't be honest about things going on. For example at work I had this woman exclude me from things and was realy nasty to me, but I was too afraid to tell the boss bc I didn't want the treatment to get worse and somehow I blamed myself. I shouldn't have felt any guilt and told my boss what was really going on. I ended up getting cut from that job and it's partly bc I didn't stand up for myself. It was a hard lesson to learn. I don't need to be afraid, the abusers should be afraid

[@heiker1351]

​@@DHW256I ran away when I was not even in school. I already was the scapegoat, but the rest ... same as your brother. The patterns are so similar for all of them, I don't understand why so few psychologists have any idea how to recognize narcissistic abuse.

[@graveyardghost2603]

When I was in my 20's, was watching t.v. at my step mom's house. A handsome actor was on the screen and stepmom said he had broken up with his cute actress girlfriend. Joking, I said "well if she doesnt want him, I do!" My stepmom said in a deprecating way, "Oh honey, you dont have the body for it." Then when I didntbredpond she said "no, you dont have what it takes." I was just joking in the first place but she couldn't let any opportunity pass to put me down.

[@sacredwaters9]

😅oh snap! I had a similar experience with my mommy dearest! She told me: he wouldn't want me in a condescending tone. What a joke! These 🐕 are 😈

[@darialo8740]

And she was jealous of you and saw you as a threat, they always do, which is ridiculous.

[@nicolem2113]

Your father doesn't like big women. I was big like my mom, her nemesis so the lesson was unless you're perfect like her you don't deserve love loyalty a good life..

[@Travelerofthesouth]

Yeah , both my parents would do stuff like that

[@naturelover1284]

Play mother's favorite people were Rock Hudson and Liberace and now she has a problem with gay people though

[@ia9259]

This is so painful to listen to 🥲I'm crying just listening to this video, people who have healthy families are so lucky. We spend all our lives working to recover from such parents and in my case, I don't know if I'll succeed

[@Sunshine36922]

At 63, in and out of therapy since 1986, I don’t know if we can ever turn it all around. I think we can do our best and not expect perfection. I think Jerry is nailing it closer than anyone I’ve come across in all these years.

[@justebisme5]

@ia9259 You will succeed and I’m praying you will. Give yourself grace.

[@watcherowl5387]

This is extremely accurate to my own experience. Horrible & sad

[@monicaperez2843]

I "stuffed" my feelings growing up.

[@MollieFrieWeevilGenius]

I'm 46 and still trying to unlearn this one

[@alariaesculenta8177]

Yea, if I said something unusual or out of the norm like "whales talk to each other by sonar", I would be immediately reprimanded as such an idiot who didn't know what stupidity she was uttering. But if someone else said the same thing, what an intelligent and interesting person they were, how smart and educated.....

[@mrsqueakthecat.8061]

Thats what I grew up with. If it wasn't Dads narrative it was a lie no matter how stupid his views and explanations were.

[@TabithaSerieux-Burgess]

Yes exactly. Narcs do that a lot. They are predators.

[@ansheng9833]

*aggressive hissing* "Sonar? WHAT sonar??????? Don't be stupid, whales don't talk!!!!!" 😂😂😂

[@dr.melodyschumann-herb6999]

Me too

[@LottiesLore]

@@alariaesculenta8177 My mother told me make an effort with my Narc father. So I was telling him about a book from the library I was fascinated with and he cut me off and said 'don't talk like that, you will bore people'.

[@meanimeconingles]

Soon, God willing, I'll be far far away from them.

[@healingheart9300]

My mother did all this when I was little and even when I was grown. I sure it never worked on me😅. I got over it when I was a kid. She is still the same to this day. Now she seeks my attention and I really don't pay her any. I just pray for her and accept her for who she is and move on from. Cause it really does dictate who you allow in your life. Believe me she's suffering inside 🙏🏽 I just pray for her changes but when you been something like a narcissist for so long they just don't know how to change. I just know God got her it's not my job to fix and please my mother. But it's also not my job to hate her too! God bless all who have been thru what I been thru and healed and God bless all the parents who have been thru what they went thru to turn them into the person who they came out to Wishing healing and light❤

[@simonehawthorne2647]

Same!!!!!

[@simonehawthorne2647]

Same!!!!!

[@amberfuchs398]

As we heal, we end up not tolerating these things, and distancing ourselves from others that still think abuse is "normal".

[@wattakesselly6463]

Yes!! I’ve been doing so well with this. Lots of people out here who are abusers.

[@Serenity-vs3wy]

Both parents did this. Their union created the perfect storm of abuse. I’m 60 years old and healing. Parents are 80’s and 90’s and still cruel and selfish.

[@elizabethlibero1878]

And they expect you to take care of them

[@Mimamemymu]

The worst part is that I don't remember much from my childhood. I have some memories that are mostly bad moments with my family, my dad was the one sabotaging it all. The overall vibe was just a suppressed mood. The happy memories was when there was other people around or when I was alone with my brother or mother. Or then it was something crazy my dad did for laughs. He wanted us to laugh so hard to his jokes. So I keep gaslighting myself. "It wasn"t really that bad." Or "my parents say my childhood was good and safe, so I must be wrong" "i must have made up these false memories, my dad is not a bad person". The reality is still that I am traumatized, bad. And suffered all my life because of it. I have had a deep feeling of that there is something wrong with me and that nobody could love me. I still struggle with those thoughts in my marriage and my daughter. I can't genuinely believe they love me. Thanks for reading til the end if you did. I appreciate it!

[@bigsurdruid]

Gawd, so many of my issues in under 9 min

[@vanessaalexander766]

You're not alone it'd like they all read the same book on how to act

[@SoulSeeker2025]

This is the key problem. Abuse you learned to tolerate: 😮gaslighting: makes children doubt their sanity and tolerate emotional abuse 😮emotional manipulation - guilt and shame we feel responsible for parents 😢criticism to deminish self-worth conditions us to accept maltreatment 😢silent treatment is punishment through withdrawl - we acclimate and accept neglect 😢triangulation of family members making it difficult to have healthy relationships 😢 they wont take responsibility and blame others - we accept unjust blame 😢swings from conditional love to withdrawal - we learn to tolerate unstable relationships 😢over-control and invasion of privacy - we tolerate loss of independence 😮child manages parent moods - teaching them to ignore their ow needs 😮control through fear - intimidation for compliance , we lose... 😮emotional invalidation - we suppress and accept emotional neglect as normal 😮children are extensions with no self - we tolerate distespect 😂are you still tolerating disrespect from others? 😂what are you still doing? You're internalized it and now Im doing it to me.

[@patriciamurphy6559]

But, we don't have to feel that anymore!! 😊❤

[@mrsqueakthecat.8061]

As an adult outside their reach It's insane to watch absolute BS lies they will run with.

[@kiki-tz7pi]

My sick mother would even have a problem when my face looked a certain way 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@LottiesLore]

@@kiki-tz7pi My father and mother. 100% 'What's that look for?' 'Get that look off your face' 'What's wrong with you?' 'Cheer up, look happy,'

[@kiki-tz7pi]

@ they’re the worst ugh 😑

[@kathygulseth2847]

Oh, and if you even slightly roll your eyes or grimace, they.flip.out...

[@darialo8740]

I always thought it was weird when my mother said that when my twin sister and I were born she felt like “wow there was always just me, and now there’s 3 of me!”. What?? Your child is a separate person, more often skips your genes and has their grandparents genes, I’m not an extension of you, never was, never will be, this is insane thinking!

[@Geeronimo99]

Lots of people have children to replicate themselves...

[@Relyt345]

It is insane. Everybody is different. One of the most special things about raising a baby is seeing who they are. My first daughter rubbed her brow and forehead since the first time I held her. She still does the exact same thing when she’s getting tired. Still doesn’t get how I can tell she needs some sleep.

[@sherylbeamer7189]

Identical twin here as well. Well said🙏🏼

[@Kimberly-n4v]

I understand that, my mom told me that she was raising me to take her place when she died, to be just like her, but I,m not her. She was a "shoot first, ask questions later and take no survivers", I wanted peace and love.

[@hannahgrazzini]

This is abhorrent, criminal behavior. I’ve seen children with better manners.

[@mrsqueakthecat.8061]

Children know they will get held accountable.

[@km_6181]

This is type of parenting seems to be more universal and wide spread than I initially thought. I pray our generation is completely turning things around. This is unacceptable!

[@Chris-2-of-3]

We can turn it around by recognizing what happened to us by way of such information as is provided on this on other like channels. We had no idea at the time that this behavior even had a name - malignant narcissism. We had no idea we were being gaslighted when it happened but knew inwardly it was wrong. Now we have knowledge and we know it was not us, but them that had a problem.

[@bobcaygeon975]

Home was such a loud, dysfunctional mess that on the rare occasions I had friends over, we'd hang out in the detached garage, a cold dirty dusty garage.

[@rosamundg.]

"a loud, dysfunctional mess" - ouff! Hearing you, Brother💚

[@SibyllaCumana]

I was litterally thinking about this today! Why I felt very uneasy when my friends came to visit...

[@jacklantern7479]

Some of the most embarrassing memories

[@mrsqueakthecat.8061]

My freinds rarely came over due to the overwhelming feeling of not being welcome they got. I didn't find that out until well into my adult age.

[@styracosaurusqvt4841]

I’m so sorry that you suffered that.

[@clownphabetstrongwoman7305]

you don’t know how much I hate gaslighting ! Thank you mom !

[@LarsGsanger]

❤️

[@onemorechance2037]

I was always into entertainment and Performing and my parents told me my whole entire life I was only good for our town. I think a couple of professional tours and over 400 professional shows proved them wrong.

[@nickg6529]

Congratulations!

[@nb5842]

I am a visual artist. After busting it in shows for 5 years and being in local stores, etc I got an artist representative and my art was sold in 2 major retail chains in America. I took my parent to see my merchandise with my art selected for the banner hanging from the ceiling. My narc father's response was "I can believe anyone wants to buy your art." Good times.

[@onemorechance2037]

@@nb5842 when I got my first big headlining gig my dad said well are you sure you want to take that much time off of work and he also made subtle comments to me about drinking too much which is hilarious cuz I'm the only one in the family who doesn't drink. I performed at the Las Vegas Stratosphere. That's what he was worried about me missing work for they're ridiculous. Link your art. I'll follow. @jillcarlsoncomedy here

[@bettinahippel5660]

@@nb5842This must hurt like hell! But you did it. Congratulations!

[@nickg6529]

@@nb5842 Congratulations on your accomplishments!

[@nadineelizabeth195]

From both parents. it's traumatic and unless it's physical abuse nobody knows we are going through this..and they are GOOD at playing the victim

[@jelenakocmankocman4644]

My life too...Im 51 they are only getting worse

[@nadineelizabeth195]

@@jelenakocmankocman4644 age is making them weaker but making their narcasstic behaviour stronger

[@simonehawthorne2647]

Good at being fake!!!!!

[@nadineelizabeth195]

@@simonehawthorne2647 I'm drained with it

[@janeathome6643]

This is a perfect portrait of my mother and our relationship.

[@kathleenmorrison8450]

Same here, my Dad also.

[@sinjinmonsoon9055]

My narc mother was an absolute nightmare. And her 2 other daughters make her look like a girl scout. And here I am still trying to get better.

[@rickhershy1924]

my mom has been dead since 2001, at first I didn't believe she was really dead I wanted to see her dead body. I am still dealing with all of the things you have been saying in your videos & at this time I cannot afford the program so I watch the videos......................thank you so much for helping ♥

[@elizabethlibero1878]

Thank you…I am 67 and still carry the scars your videos validate all of our wounded souls

[@LarsGsanger]

🍏❤️

[@StrawberryShortcake3-f4b]

Not even being allowed to empower myself. Have confidence. I recall my Mom yelling at me when I was very young saying "you're so bold!!!!!" I didn't even know what it meant. Now, I think it meant I spoke up or challenged her. Was honest. Being bold is a great quality. I was hated for being honest and forthcoming or straightforward. When I was very little. I wasn't a big battle, I was definitely dominated by her but I still felt the need to tell the truth.

[@MyzstikMoon369]

Saaaaaame 🙌🙌

[@StrawberryShortcake3-f4b]

@@MyzstikMoon369 It's awful when other people don't get it. Thank you and I'm sorry you went through this god bless us. xx

[@SibyllaCumana]

I can very much relate

[@Dj.D25]

I feel too many parents, even those who aren't narcissists, interpret being bold or standing up for yourself as being disrespectful to them. Or dishonoring them. Just the idea of rightly getting angry at them or correcting them is some kind of great sin.

[@StrawberryShortcake3-f4b]

@@Dj.D25 And she hates religion. But I get what you're saying...She used it anways.

[@dr.thaliaw9881]

Dang!! My mother’s picture should be up front and center on this video!!

[@Beth_82]

I remember once when I was about 10 or 11 and I was sitting, minding my own business, engaged in a tv program or listening to a conversation, I forget what, and out of the blue she says "you'll never be more than average" and I looked at her, the smile dropped from my face, "pardon?" I said (we were never allowed to say "what"). I realised that she had been sitting there watching me as i engaged in whatever it was i was doing, she repeated "you will never be more than average, like me, I'm average and you'll be just like me, average". That's not the only thing she did of course but this is one that I'll never forget.

[@TJP-tq4np]

First of all, average is good. You are not lacking. Second, I’m sure you have some above average abilities. Third, take pride in being able to do multiple things well - averagely!!

[@AdidasLove34]

Narcissistic ppl cannot stand seeing someone at peace bcuz they themselves have none. You were quite content and that alone was enough for her to come and say something to bring you down. And narcissist love to bring pol down. Make it worse you dare be more than her? Not in any narcissistic playbook.

[@AdidasLove34]

@@TJP-tq4npthis kind of response reinforces the fact that some ppl should not be involved in anything when it comes to raising a child

[@anamosity_soso]

I just hate my family so much, they are the worst of all human beings out there.

[@Mimamemymu]

Please don't hate them. We are supposed to love our parents, brothers and susters no matter what. You can love them in your heart, even if you are not in contact. It helps you forgive and heal. I pray peace for your soul in Jesus name, Amen.

[@こなた-m1o]

@@Mimamemymu no!!! THAT is brainwashing to protect abusers and let them do whatever the hell they want. NO the abusers do not deserve love from who they abuse. it doesn't matter WHAT their relation is.

[@bee8368]

⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠@@Mimamemymu This rhetoric is dangerous and abusive. The OP’s feelings are valid full stop. You can pray for their peace without employing similar guilt tactics used by narcissistic people.

[@Mimamemymu]

@@bee8368 I hear you. My point is not expressed well. I am sorry for that I dont mean OP:s feelings isn't valid. They are! They are real. I have a point that might be too early to underand or difficult. I mean that hate only destroys the haters heart. That is why it is good to protect ones heart from anger. But I understand the anger. It is a real feeling. There is still much we can do about it. I am sorry that my words came acroaa harsh.

[@maranatha256]

My mother physically injured me in front of my enabling father and he looked right at me and the injury she'd inflicted and said it didn't happen. They are both gone now, but that pain remains.

[@LarsGsanger]

🌸❤️

[@rhaghensihhe4294]

I was a child born from a 15 year old girl and a 22 year old father. I was given to my grandparents and adopted by them. My true identity was erased from the legal birth records, and I was told it was so the outside people would not know I was a bastard.(My birth parents did get married just as soon as she told her parents, my grandparents) I knew both my birth parents. My birth mother told me my whole life, "I was just a child, she should have known, she did my laundry." The emotional pain and suffering I have had to carry, believing all this bullcrap was my fault. Yes I was told by my birth mom she would have gotten an abortion if she had known how to get to a Dr. I watched her have another child, my half brother, and do everything she could for him, he was adopted also. I am begging anyone to hear me. Suicide has always been a mind whisper away, but I wake up everyday and see the nature around me and I know I don't want to go.

[@dr.melodyschumann-herb6999]

Don't go. We need you. You need you. We hear you. Don't stop talking and sharing. We are listening. Love and light to you!

[@Luke-dn3np]

I hear you.

[@cathrine4459]

I hear you

[@amberinthemist7912]

Don't let your mother's dysfunction rob you of living. You are worth it.

[@anasydney6587]

Please try to find interesting activities, develop your skills, study, create, enjoy the nature and the arts, travelling, there are so many things to do in life, find a partner and continue living!! Everything is going to change!! All the best to you, dear rhaghensishhe4294!😘

[@carolynhester537]

I was 22 when I got a driver's license. Had very little help with that. She was so afraid I would wreck her car. Pregnant with my second child, he didn't want to be with me because of my treatment with her. He just left me pregnant. But her version is he left me because of me and my mom's relationship. Narcissism is not a personality disorder. It's pure evil.

[@emilyfaith8051]

This was really powerful, especially the connection to how we treat ourselves as a result of such abuse. I notice my own parents’ neglectful and abusive behaviors in myself towards myself all the time. It’s heartbreaking…

[@tims9434]

Its when i noticed a lot of this abnormal behavior in my life as an adult in both my parents and work colleagues that i discovered it wasn't me at all and is them all along. Another great video Jerry. I like your use of paragraphs on the screen to reinforce what you're saying.

[@alexanderewasiuk8342]

Growing up, my mom would continually say thing's like "you don't love me, you don't care", in response to my saying no to doing something for her, like not wanting to go to the store.

[@MLP8044]

Ugh, she does this to me...she says "I love you, but I know you hate me".

[@RunmeiMeek]

I watched many films from you Dr. Wise, this one is get in to my core . My mother is the covert narcissist, my dad was the codependent, my second sister is the malignant narcissist, I was the scapegoat, my mother trained me to accepting all kinds of abuses, when the malignant sister beaten and emotionally verbally abused me, my mother trained me to shut up, not allowed me to say even a word and lying to me to fix it, but she was just shut me up never have done anything, a pathological liar. She ignored reality, refused to accept or respect the reality, manipulate me, she was throws a temper tantrum and crying for nothing just want to create a chaos, even when I was a few year old kid , made me feel that I was responsible for her happiness, and gave me silent treatment for weeks, made a little child feels no where to turn, I saved this film and keep study it again and again, it was answering my confusion for why I put up with all the abuses and married another G narcissist, because she trained me to tolerate, made me feel my life should be being abused. I am thankful to Dr Jerry Wise, I will watch every your film to change my life.

[@marietgagliardi]

My narcissistic mother taught me that no one would care how I feel so I don't share when I'm being mistreated so I don't get any support

[@MsBonsai2010]

That awful 😢

[@kingkazma3246]

They don't accept NO for an answer!

[@Dr.Yalex.]

@@kingkazma3246 narcissists do not accept no for an answer, that is correct. As an individual - it is up to you to accept your NO as the only answer you can give…. as long as you accept yourself, narcissists should not matter to you. It is your life !

[@kingkazma3246]

@@Dr.Yalex. They will keep repeating the same action over and over, they only remember parts of their past, they only remember what benefits their narrative of victim-hood and power.

[@reneerosie]

I feel incredibly validated, thank you so much Jerry!

[@JAM-zb2vh]

I'm sorry for everyone that suffered from them

[@jeane519]

This is spot on. I’m 63, my father died when was 26 (he was codependent) and my mother died when I was 32, she was the narcissist. I still miss my father, not my mother but what is horrible is that I’ve finally realized my siblings are crap too. I’m the youngest, large age gap as I was unplanned. I can’t begin to say the lies they say about me. Finally got them out of my life.

[@medusagorgon9]

I remember confronting my parents about their behavior and my mom was of course upset. In her mind we were feed, clothed and had a house over our heads. Which is good, but to this day my sister (51 yo), especially still operates on her default level which is childhood trauma.💔

[@lilianoliveira6660]

These are the best videos on narcissistic parenting. They are spot on.

[@knightstar1312]

I had the same thought

[@lauragadille3384]

Yes to all of it. I hated when my narcissistic father would say I'll give you something to cry about. Made me feel so invalid.

[@Thee_BreezyBeenie]

I remember trying to talk to my mom about the guilt I felt when I was around her. I didn't understand it. My hope was to talk it thru. Her response was, "Well, maybe you've done things to be guilty for." She said this with a smirk. It killed my heart.

[@MsBonsai2010]

That's not true & she knew it 😢 Keep striving friend. I hope you find peace ❤

[@LarsGsanger]

❤️❤️❤️

[@JaneaDahl]

Omg. What a horrible response! If my son said that to me, I'd stop everything and get to the bottom of it. And I would immediately assume that I did something to create that.

[@LarsGsanger]

@@JaneaDahl Bless🌸❤️

[@ScottBecker-c1k]

This is EXACTLY the way my parents were, especially my mother. My mother told me that "WE are normal. Everyone else that doesn't think like us is wrong, weird, a goofball, or belongs in a mental institution. Only mom and dad are right." Also, I was told that children don't have feelings, rights, or emotions.

[@620Isabelle]

My father used to lecture me on how children have no rights and we are allowed to live in his house only because he permits it.

[@darialo8740]

Thai video should be watched twice and paused often to digest what’s said so it sets in deep within. So true and powerful. Needs to be internalized.

[@naturelover1284]

My mother hated her brother-in-law who did nothing but help until he died and now he's a good guy and she blames everyone for not helping him live longer

[@omarazami7377]

My dad encouraged me to tolerate bullies growing up and never stand up for myself because that would be “the most moral thing to do”. It was a way to assert his perceived moral superiority. His attempt to deify himself. So I suffered for his ego.

[@bencrow1298]

My mom did the same thing, I could never understand how someone could do the most horrible things to their own child

[@Grace.900]

I worked on loving me it’s hard . When you start working on yourself and knowing when to let go. My Family did that to me dirty . I had to stop being Scared of my mom and dad and Stand up for what is right. No one is above the Law. Abuse of any kind is unjust .

[@nataliesirota2611]

Thank you SO VERY MUCH for this video! I am almost 60 and am still unpacking all this! My biggest challenge is trying to have a continued relationship with my family of origin.

[@Michelle_9_27]

I had to eliminate myself from the entire family. It’s too hard to stay neutral with a few. You will always find yourself feeling hurt or trying to prove to others. For me, it’s best to finally just let go all the way. I’m in my 50s . Just took care of my dad’s sister , my aunt, 89. And she died Sept 21 and I found myself still upset that not one person in my family asked if I was ok or needed anything. I opened my home to her & my dad after he didn’t talk to me for 6 yrs. Exception for hurricane Ida , 3 yrs ago, when him & my mom needed a place to stay . I will always be hopeful & will always be disappointed. They are users & abusers . I finally told my dad I have eliminated myself from THEIR family . Today, a month after my aunts passing, I received mail from them. I don’t trust it, literally makes me ill that they sent anything to me. They addressed to Mr & Mrs. Really? Such formalities. Feels like a card inside, but I trust nothing to be genuinely nice from either one of them. Any suggestions? I’m afraid to open it.

[@gypsyeclipse9788]

All the boundaries were violated

[@777hendrix]

🎯 that was My childhood

[@passinthru4788]

This evil follows us all throughout adulthood. We long for healthy interactions and for unconditional acceptance and love. We LONG for it, but cannot find it. It’s a foundation for depression and anxiety and lack of trust. No wonder the mental health establishment has an abundance of patients!

[@こなた-m1o]

!!! a professor said if the world only knew how much mental illness is caused by bad parents and the CPTSD they cause, the DSM would shrink to the size of a pamphlet. and i absolutely agree. they make all these "mental disorders" and many are just caused by completely screwed up self-perception and self-hatred due to narcissistic, neglectful, self-centered or downright sadistic parents destroying their minds from a young age and calling it "discipline" or whatever tf.

[@calmplacedontjudge]

I had a wicked mother!! & I was taught by my Dad to not say anything??' Sick!! He divorced her to get away from her?' & Left me with her despite knowing how evil & cruel she was!! Moral of story!! Don't Trust Anyone!! Delinquent AF!!!

[@sacredwaters9]

OMG!!! Jerry, this is still spot on. I am in tears. Lack of standing up for myself, I'll withdraw. Unless pissed off. Unhealthy emotional regulation maybe? How gross. I do invalidate my thoughts and perceptions at times. Thank you for this. It shows how I still need to heal. ❤Growth is necessary to be healthy. ❤

[@ThepupsnameisBrian]

A lot of people were shocked when Jennette McCurdy wrote a book called "I'm Glad My Mom Died". I totally get it. Mine died last May. I'm finally free!

[@angelwings7930]

Yeah. The fear thing. My mother was terrifying without even raising her voice.

[@jamesbohling4864]

Was told that "Your feelings don't matter. Mine do." By my mother as long as i can remember. I still believe that at times

[@loriwoodrow2711]

This video hit me so hard. My stepdad was a very abusive, narcissistic alcoholic and everything you described is exactly how I grew up. My codependent mother always took his side. The pitting against was one of the most difficult. They never made an effort to blend the family, I'm the oldest and I was 16 when they married and it was always "his kids" vs me and my brother. We were never validated in how we felt and were always blamed when he went off. Thank you for these videos. I'm 60 years old and still don't have a great handle on relationships, preferring to just stick to being an introvert. It's easier that way.

[@CynthiaOneill-v2f]

Yep that's my mom. Now she's doing the same to my adult children 😮✌️

[@siennaprice1351]

I believe this is the reason why I seek shame, criticism and judgment nowadays whenever I’m dysregulated. I was always shamed and criticized, punished or judged for feeling my feelings. So nowadays when I get unhappy, I seek out the opposite of love, help, support and hugs from others. Vulnerability is something I’m truly uncomfortable with. Mainly self vulnerability. I have true empathy for others.

[@Solibrae]

It's an unfortunate thing to get addicted to, but that's how it feels at times. I think I sometimes felt/feel more comfortable when I'm uncomfortable, if that makes any sense!

[@siennaprice1351]

@@Solibrae I think I understand where you’re coming from. I hope I’m not addicted to that. But if I am, well, it’s up to me to fix it. I don’t expect anyone to do it for me, nor do I want them to do it for me.

[@Solibrae]

@@siennaprice1351 I don't know your situation of course but it sounded familiar to me! Good luck and "may you find peace on your journey."

[@siennaprice1351]

@@Solibrae thanks. I can do this!

[@iamafairyqueen]

I didn’t stand a chance 😓 I wish I could travel back in time and kidnap myself. Thankyou so much for your videos Jerry. They are always so validating. 🥰

[@karlabritfeld7104]

The never ending harsh criticism. The bad part is that this behavior is stuck in my psyche and i criticize my loved ones. I have to catch myself not to repeat how my mother treated me.

[@allisonandrews4719]

Silent treatment-I didn’t know it was a thing in my family like it was a strategy that was happening it happened so constantly I thought I was just losing my mind. Everyone acted like everything was normal if I just disappeared but was somehow still there. I knew what the silent treatment was. I saw it on sitcoms. In movies. I just never imagined the nuclear version of it in my family was a thing. I thought I was just stuck in a depression nightmare.

[@asmlove32]

Still experiencing this with my mother. However since I recognize the behaviors I don’t feed into her tactics anymore. It’s been better for my mental health.

[@CALredhead]

Thank you! I'm in my 70's & STILL discovering all the many ways the violently abusive, grandiose narcissistic woman who bore & raised me implanted such a vast array of beliefs & behaviors & understandings about how the world works. Thru trauma therapy/energy work (after 5 decades of talk therapy/psychoanalysis) I uncover them - one by one - by observing how they're STILL exerting influence on me after so many years. They're like insidious enemy sleeper cells implanted in every part of me & my conception of my life silently sidetracking my goals & life. That woman was so constantly jealous & angry & hateful towards me & later towards my younger siblings ... yet that's what we learned to call 'love' No wonder, even after multiple marriages & many relationships l've never experienced true non-transactional love with a partner.

[@trying2survive602]

I tolerated a number of these offenses, putting up with it for 25 years in my marriage, because of my family of origin. This past Saturday, I got out with my 20 yr old daughter. Unfortunately, my son was at work at the time. When he got home, his father manipulated him and told him that if he came with me, then he couldn't afford to pay for his post secondary education next year. I am hoping that my son will be able to break free on his own. Stay strong 💪🏻 fellow survivors ✨️

[@LimitlessThinker]

It's so sad that we realize these things years later.

[@marieldavison5121]

Thank you for this Jerry - so true we are conditioned through our adaption to abuse and ongoing trauma to neglect ourselves, sacrifice, and become caregivers. We will be left a shell of our former self because relationships seem to be parasitic in nature.

[@manyarimusicandpoetry]

“I don’t want you to love me, I want you to fear me.” -my mother

[@Dudemieser]

I lived a very confused life until approximately 7 years ago i had a very intelligent doctor that broke the news that my mom was a narc. It was such a relief and curse. I am so damaged by the things she has done. However listening to you gives me peace. The way you bring up absolutely every single disgusting thing these mentally deceased individuals do.

[@ThefreeCommentator1]

When I stopped giving my narc father emotional supply and told him cannot keep playing the victim of everything he did and take some responsibility he didn’t call me anymore. Even though I had a surgery that he know of. He never checked in with me once. It was clear to me after learning about narc behavior that he is giving me the silent treatment.

[@knit1purl1]

This is spot on. It's how they destroy lives. My mother was a borderline.