Narcissistic Fathers | The Impact & How To Heal

[@janathena7164]

I figured out when I was about 8 years old that my father had a public persona where he was everyone's friend, and was called Uncle Don by his friend's children, and was violent and abusive at home. I was extremely unhappy and even asked my mother to divorce him, which she refused to do. I was not allowed to have an opinion if it differed from my father's opinion. I was told what I was to study in college. My mother was a People Pleaser who fawned over my father, and I was raised to do the same. Of course, I married a Cover Narcissist just like my father and stayed married until I was so abused and exhausted, I realized I had to completely re-engineer my life.

[@user-to1mk2um3h]

👍 So True. I as a little girl at the age of 5 Years Old Noticed that my Narcissistic Mother had 2 Different Persona. My mother was 2 Different Women inside the house and Outside the house. Unfortunately 😢

[@sushobhitadas3161]

@@user-to1mk2um3h i can understand, what you must be feeling like ; still, life is greater than that. we have to grow out of it & there are other reasons for cherishing our lives 🌱

[@sushobhitadas3161]

Sorry for you, but I'm sure it's never too late to move ahead, as long as we're alive ; so friend keep kicking & swimming... eventually you'll have peace & know joy 💛

[@dorismuggler]

It's 100% me, except I never married and walked out of many relationships until I changed my life and relearned everything

[@sushobhitadas3161]

Thank you for sharing experience... it'll help many others to take concious & informed decision 🤗🐾🐾

[@evansmith3589]

Not being "good enough" is an awful feeling, leaving you feeling ineffectual.

[@Azeral7]

If your parents make you feel that way then they don't deserve to be parents especially your father

[@neodelrio]

“I’ll give you something to cry about” was something I heard frequently as a child. It really is a scary statement.

[@Bennydoesntknow]

“If your gonna cry go to your room” “It’s none of your f-ing business” “Why don’t you do it all you do is lay around” “You couldn’t do what I do” “If I was still living there he would be alive” “It is what it is stop complaining” Are all statements I heard throughout my childhood.

[@smoly37]

@@Bennydoesntknow I'm beginning to feel that some people should never ever have children. Have been pondering over a gouvernement, that says that ANYBODY who wants to have children has to take a test/course about parenting. Is this such a weird idea? When I know (I'm abused by my bf, because he was abused by his father) and read how much damage bad parenting causes.

[@Bennydoesntknow]

@@smoly37 I agree parents should also take a class or two in child psychology. I think just because his father abused him isn’t a valid excuse to abuse you. He’s been in that position so he know how it feels. Please don’t let someone treat you less than there is no valid excuse for abuse.

[@starlingswallow]

Same here. It also told me that what I WAS crying about didn't matter to him.... _crushing_ 😢

[@sparklesp9304]

​@@smoly37They need to have a psychological evaluation and prove financial ability to support their children. I also believe birth control should be free.

[@kelsawalsh9271]

I hit the lottery, I’m an only child to two narcissistic parents. I’m 48 and just now learning that. Very grateful for your videos❤

[@rachelspeck1230]

Only child(adult ) here too

[@erinnreed7697]

Me too!

[@r.o2938]

Me too! Being the only child of narcs is double the fun, you get to be both the scapegoat AND the golden child, depending on the day and mood. It is amazing our brains didn't just melt entirely from all the crossed wires and mixed messages.

[@GamerFace167]

Same

[@Hkhjazz]

Same here and I’m really happy I finally learned this but it’s really a shame that all specialists in the field of narcissistic abuse always just assume we all have siblings😣 It’s freaking hard to take on all roles😓

[@elizabethash4720]

It all gets turned back on you. Self doubt is very destabilizing

[@c.alejo8846]

tell me about it! God bless

[@elizabethash4720]

@@c.alejo8846 May you find freedom in the peace Jesus gives. The Prince of Peace. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.🌲⛄🔥🌈🌎🐠🍉🛖🎀🎁

[@tuskegeebrat]

The good thing about having a narcissitic parent is you learn/earn a BS detector...A narcissistic parent is like being in a cult; everyone serves the wants and needs of the narcissist. Good video!

[@PassionateFlower]

Not without therapy. Most people end up married to narcissists after being abused by narcissistic parents.

[@Pandemonium64]

Figured out my dad is a covert narcissist when I was around 18. He had always kept our family in abject poverty as a control measure and I never really thought about it cause that life and dad’s tactics was all I knew. But mom had two later life babies that wrecked her health and she couldn’t wait on him hand and foot and do every single thing for the family that kept us going. And he ridiculed and completely ignored her illness and demanded she keep being his servant. When she absolutely couldn’t do it, he tried to turn it on me. And he got a big damn nope from me. Seeing how he treated my mom in her time of need, I suddenly realized what he was and I made it a point to make his life a living hell. Mom slowly recovered over the next five years, I raised the little ones. But the fights and tension was getting bad, so when the youngest started school, I left home for good and went to college. He’s 82 now and has terminal cancer. The whole family treats him like a saint. Not me. They all stay away from me and I don’t care. All I can say in the end is good riddance to an unrepentant asshole.

[@lauragadille3384]

Since my narcissistic father passed away, I have this freedom from his behavior. Although when I see friends of the family and how they praise him, really pisses me off. I wish they knew how he treated myself and the family.

[@mtnpfi]

I am happy for you, I can only imagine what that must feel like. I catch myself thinking about my father's death, to be honest. Which was a terrible realisation at first. But as he (91 and going strong!) has better health than anyone else in the further family - who are always worried about the "extraordinary and wonderful man" -, he will probably outlive us all.

[@lbk2404]

Holy f*ck, this is so extremely accurate. My dad died in 2007, but after 10 years of therapy and already some progress I'm still busy repairing all that internal damage.

[@soumyajoseph7429]

Oppositionality mixed with chronically invalidating feelings - every conversation is a fight and perception is diametericaly opposite.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

Thank you for these videos. The dominant person in our family was my mother and she was deeply jealous of me. Both my parents were narcissistic and trained my two brothers to be the same way. They learned how to treat me by the way our parents treated me as the stupid one unworthy of respect. I was different from the rest of the family. I didn't like crudeness and rude joking, it made them dislike me to the point of hatred. My oldest brother is the worst of the two brothers but they are both arrogant and insecure in the way they rage at the slightest challenge to their behavior. I was the scapegoat because I didn't like the angry superior way my family acted. I was also the only daughter born on my Dad's birthday which made the others jealous that we celebrated together. My Dad became more like the rest as he tended not to notice what they were doing to me. I was the one who was sensitive to the mean joking toward me, I cried and told them it was mean so I was a huge target for being "such a big baby" as they would say, even though they caused my sadness. I do not remember even one time when I was validated for something I did or thought and I often heard that "you are too sensitive", or other phrases that made me appear to everyone that I was the crazy one.

[@henriettemostert913]

Hi gwendolynwehage6336 😃. Your comment so resonates with me. Our situations are so similar! My mom had two golden boys- My older brothers are twins!.. My mother taught them how to mimic her abuse of me and in fear of that same rejection and rage she would exhibit towards the scapegoat, they would mimic her verbal put downs as well as hurt me physically- more pushing me around, grabbing my wrist or twisting my arms than actually hitting me, but I was often left with blue marks, which seemed to rather please my mother. I remember as a primary school child I would try to get compassion (joke right), from her but she’d refuse to even listen to a word - just stand there with that “I’m so proud of my boys for being such a great extension of me”- smirk on her face, telling me “agh-you’re such a drama queen” and “ you probably deserved it”! Glowing as the boys laughed at me. They had the assurance that she’d always have their back. My mom also always tried to convince everyone that I was the stupid one or not quite as bright as my siblings.. sad thing is that eventually you start buying into the lies. I confronted her about it as an adult- this will shock you😂-As no narcissist ever does this🤣🤣🤣 - she said “I would never have said or done something like that! You should hear her now- to try and shut up my narrative- she’s telling everyone how intelligent her daughter is, pity she’s so lazy, insuring this is not a story anyone would ever believe if i tried to expose her to her flying monkeys- these people really are certifiably sick🙄🙏

[@Bat_Boy]

Thanks for sharing. I identify with both your stories, however, I was the only male, in 8 sisters. And none of us got preferred treatment. We were all equally treated poorly by our narcissistic father. He suffered from a profound lack of self awareness. So, how did we all turn out? ALL OF US, came away with mental and emotional issues unique to our personalities, but somehow a common thread back to poor parenting. Here’s the kicker…I get labeled as the “sensitive one” (which no one at work would agree with), while most of my sisters are happily having kids, and passing their dysfunction down to their children. I never wanted kids because I knew I would mess them up. And it would break my heart, to see them turn out horrible, and I was the cause. At this point, I’m once again going low contact with my sisters. They will not change. And I need to protect my (cliche but true) “inner child”. I now haven’t spoken to them for n 6 months, and my mental health has vastly improved. My point is: We were not taught how to be in a properly functioning family, so even though we experienced the same environment…that’s exactly why we can’t connect properly. It’s like a drowning man, asking a drowning man how to swim. I can’t be a brother to them, anymore than they can be sister to me. Even though, I’m learning and changing…it doesn’t solve their side. Sorry for rambling. Thanks again! I feel what you are saying. (ps: When I was younger, I thought: “having a brother would make a big difference.” But really…no. He’d be just as dysfunctional as the rest of us).

[@mikesmith6594]

These are facts 😢sadly my dad is very narcissistic and double standard. He acts in ways that are of a bully and he acts very pathological. He's double standard on just about everything. The audicity he has baffles me. He doesn't like being questioned for his freaking hypocrisy.

[@Potato_Happy9]

My narcissistic father screams even when my mother uses just one word that he doesn't like. Even though he is 68 years old and has heart problem, he is really mean to me and my mother. Sad life but have to live. I hope one day, God will give me and my mother something good 😢

[@harmony5807]

You are not alone my friend, the same situation happens in my family. My father is narcisisstic and he shouts and insults my mother even though she is calm and soft person, he then starts to insult me and if I reply back he'll throw himself at me to hit me. Then never truly regrets, all is imitation of being a human, but underneath there is a dark hole. He is 71 and has heart problem too, plus he drinks a lot... I wish you and your mother good things , peace, real joy, I hope we can get out of those situations cause a life like this is not a life, but suffering and we deserve peace which is the real joy. God bless you🙏💜

[@Potato_Happy9]

@harmony5807 Thank you my friend 🧡. I am really sorry, I pray that your situation gets better. Don't worry, be strong. I am facing the same situation like you my friend. The only way I am coping is by being silent almost all the time. It's a really frustrating life but that is all as a victim I can do. I think the best way to deal with a narcissistic father is by staying silent and moving away. Like if I see my father getting into his devil mode, I move into my room and stay silent. Thank you for the kind words, God bless you 🙏🏻🙂

[@amberinthemist7912]

My narc father would hiss at me "you should be an example for the other children". For no reason. We weren't famous. He wasn't in leadership in our church or government. He had a good paying job but wasn't the head of anything. He was just another software sales guy at a big company. There was no reason why I couldn't act like a child. He just decided I should behave perfectly at all times for some reason. I was so nervous as a child. With so many physical and mental issues. He doesn't remember any of that. Thinks I had an ideal childhood and doesn't understand why we aren't closer.

[@cloudwalker8266]

As an only child, I had to play all the roles. I wish experts would talk more about the plight of the only child with narcissist/borderline parents. It's a horrible position to be in. Thank you for the wonderful videos!

[@janathena7164]

I am also an only child. I remember having a vivid realization that, even though I really wanted a sibling, another child in our house would have intensified the chaos and parental violence. I sobbed with the horrifying realization.

[@cloudwalker8266]

@@janathena7164 As a kid, I wanted someone who could share the pain so the full brunt of it wasn't directed toward me. But as an adult, I realized it would have been worse if my sibling had been chosen as the golden child.

[@AlwaysHapp1989]

Yes I am also the only child and would love to hear the dynamics of an only child from narcissistic parents. I was a daughter that felt my mom was always in competition with me. I never understood why. So I would love more information on the subject. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

[@rachelspeck1230]

Only child here too, growing up my narcissistic father was so nice to me only to get me to take sides against my mother; “you’re mother doesn’t care about you ! You’re mother doesn’t love you !” Relentlessly for decades. He lied . The opposite was true. He never gave a turd about the devastation he caused . His fragile ego always came first …I’ve accepted it as truth; I’ll be so relieved when i am finished grieving this bull shit

[@pashalu]

My son is 9 years old and an only child. I divorced his father when he was 5. My ex husband is 37 on a scale of 40 for a grandiose narcissist and Sociopath. I don’t fight with my ex anymore. But now I’m starting to see effects of anger coming from my son, and I feel like there are ways his dad is acting that is causing my son to be unconsciously confused and hurt. I want to help him avoid what I now know after 14 years- but also I cannot completely keep him from seeing his dad. Do any of you have advice on how I can support my son in a really healthy and truthful way? I have healed my codependent traits and have not dated anyone since my divorce- so I feel my space of mind and consciousness is healthy now.

[@pattif192]

I have a mother that is 93 years old. She cannot walk and it is hard for her to breathe. I am here taking care of her with no help from my sister, who is a nurse and lives 15 min away. My mother still sees it as she is doing me a favor because I am sleeping on her sofa. It is a very difficult thing to deal with in childhood and as an adult. If I didn't have the Holy Spirit I could not do this.

[@jorgegafo9128]

And barbara as well

[@vSz6]

God bless you and He certainly will for being there for your mother anyway. ❤

[@henriettemostert913]

My mom had a knee replacement opp and I had to take care of her for the first week. I had a heart attack or light stroke at her house that evening. I don’t think it was just a severe panic attack because since then whenever I wake up in the morning my left arm is totally numb and takes a while to recover. I also have Holy Spirit helping me and rely on Him daily to recover from the abuse. I take my hat off to you though - you are really brave!

[@amberinthemist7912]

No matter how hard you work they will always turn it so they are doing you a favor by giving you the opportunity to serve them. I hope you take care of yourself.

[@sparklesp9304]

You cannot get mad at your sister for refusing to damage herself to take care of a toxic person who refuses to change. Her consequence of being abusive is being left alone in old age, or at least not in relationship with the people who she abused. That's justice. You're making a choice to stay there and you need to own it.

[@user-wf5ln7sb3g]

my dad is a narcissist and my mom is on the autism spectrum… this is a bad combination… Thank you for this video

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Interesting. I've heard autistic women are similar to neurotypical men. Possibly, she was too odd for average men and an easier catch for an abusive man. Thoughts?

[@AmericanPendetta]

My father is a narcissist. He’s currently tormenting his second wife, who has told me herself that she is just waiting until their son - my half brother - goes to college. He is in control of my trust fund, which holds a settlement from a car accident which nearly killed me as a 5 year old. I still have the scars, and have been dealing with weird physical traumas ever since. Life has been hard because of it. When I was old enough to get booted from his insurance, I developed DEBILITATING chronic pain and couldn’t work. I had no insurance and he just watched as I dealt with homelessness, hunger, sleep deprivation, depression and pain. He didn’t care, he just wanted me to go to work. He was also lying to everyone about me and my situation. I was hopeless for most of my twenties, just drinking and waiting to die. I cut my whole family off; he is just an extension of his miserable divorced parents, the golden boy. My mother was neglectful, reactive and emotionally abusive too. None of them have a place in my life. I am currently working on suing my father, my lawyer wants 3x the max damages. Here I am 30 and just beginning to start life.

[@lisasanchez7908]

Praying for you❤

[@smoly37]

You are already on the path of healing. The moment you start to hold your dad accountable for the hurt he caused you, you are on the way to healing. Horrible to read he even left you homeless. I severely hope you win this case and will be able to heal completely. No praying though, I'm afraid. I'm an atheïst.

[@stolensilver6963]

I would never show my father any sign of weakness, as I was emotionally scarred my weakness was always just barely under the surface. As a result I could never speak to him about the pain my upbringing caused me. I cut him off and he died virtually estranged from me. I felt nothing for him.

[@Sunshineboy4eva]

Wow , just today i had to set boundries with my dad, basically told him to go to therapy for me to see him again. He was psychologically damaged and he damaged me and my family. So yeah understanding that their problems go on to us and we do have to change first. Cheers barb 😊

[@moirosalina]

Overt and agressive narc dad and covert, vile narc mom. Only when no one else around though.. My siblings unfortunately still buy into the bs. It was extremely isolating. I still have a fear of participating in a group, but I've come so far that I dare to be hopefull about that. Thank you for your clear video's on the topic 🌹

[@Marsi-811]

My father was the poster boy for narcissistic parenting but what stands out to me is the fact that his maternal grandfather whom he never met was exactly like him!! As much as I do believe in free will, I believe we have less control than we believe!

[@smoly37]

Watch Robert Sapolsky on free will. It will change your view or at least makes you think about this in a different way.

[@user-eo9uv9pn5j]

I’m in my 30s and I made a mistake letting my narc father help me . He recently humiliated me publicly at a really high end hotel downtown in a nice city. I was so mortified. He did it front of my son and I had to ride 3 hours with him putting me through verbal abuse in front of my son . My older sister was able to hold him accountable for his actions but his guilt didn’t last long.

[@kisha2963]

They would say to me A child should be seen and Not heard” Please tell me how this statement makes sense Imagine living with narcissistic parents. I SURVIVED I’m Praying with You. You are a SURVIVOR

[@kathylemire1397]

Learning about having a narcissistic father through support such as this has been so healing and offer's so much understanding for me now. My own father was a mental health care professional who was greatly admired by some of the youth he worked with. He also had an extremely admired community role in athletics with the opposite sex and they even named a street after him, it all makes sense now. Thank you so much for this ❤🙏❤l

[@tnnutcase7259]

I figured out my father around 16 or 17 years old he was an alcoholic, but it took me to around age 50 or so to discover he was a narcissist. Not sure why it took so long, there were so many red flags, I just never saw them until late in my life. The combination of these 2 issues with him have caused me a life of doubt and fear.

[@TinekeZoet]

Same here , I woke up to that reality age 40!!

[@dnk4559]

I was 54, better late than never.

[@TinekeZoet]

💛@@dnk4559

[@smoly37]

My ex bf is 60 and still haven't figured it out. Sadly he grew up with the same trades. That's why he's my ex. Took me freakin' 15 years of my life. I was told by a family member, that his dad was a fullblown narcissist. That's why I came here.... But maybe I have to stop trying to figure out what happened to my ex. He's abusing me for years. Why do I even care?

[@carmenjolie4232]

Same here…

[@nydiamontanez8025]

It's so sad, but true.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Yes… hope this is helpful

[@lisasanchez7908]

What hurts the most is that he lies about me to my kids.

[@steviea427]

I figured both of my narc parents out early. If either one of them solemnly "promised" to do something...it was NEVER going to happen. I learned that adults will say anything to a child in order to move on and continue with whatever is important to them. They do not want to be bothered. This "lesson" can cause havoc with a child's self-perception and with how that child engages with the world.

[@kathylemire1397]

Thank you for this, not only was my father a narcissist he was a mental health professional, not good.

[@susanwilliams8234]

Wow! Thank you! Spot on! I am the oldest but grew up with a Narcissistic Father and a younger sister who was his alliance. It has been difficult but I am finally living in peace with a boundary for my sister. No relationship, but socially friendly. It has been a spiritual journey. Thank you so very much for defining things so clearly!

[@Azeral7]

You described my dad in the first 3 minutes

[@IIISWILIII]

I used the rejected, defective, not ever going to be good enough feelings as Rocket Fuel. Led to lots of outward successes but internally I felt broken and unworthy. Zero self esteem. Spent most of my 20s and 30s self medicating with alcohol. It was only when I had a wife and son of my own that I began to understand myself more and my past started making sense. My love for them gave me the power to get sober. The clarity that came with that led me to the truth: there was never anything wrong with me... it was never about me.

[@fullcirclebirthworksmacken4196]

I don't know how much more realization I can handle about my parents while I navigate this grief in my CPTSD. 47 and this is unreal to really heal.....feels like you are reading my journals.

[@Lulu-oi9ue]

I’m closer to my 40s and my parents divorced about 20 years ago. I live next door to my enabler mum and my father lives interstate near my golden child sister. My parents have started communicating regularly due to my sister having a prem baby and I suspect a narcissist partner. I had dreams for years that my parents would get together again and it feels like it’s manifesting in real life. I don’t have any communication with my narcissist father and limited with my sister but there’s pressure now from my mother to have a relationship with my father especially because of my daughter. I’ve been clear with my boundaries that there never will be a relationship.

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

6-21-2024 Friday First time coming across your videos today. Thank you and God bless you. From JANESVILLE, WI

[@TomHuckACAB]

Gaslight was directed by George Cukor. But it does seem like a hitchcock movie

[@johnnichols2088]

My dad is a doctor and because of that we always say him as perfect, intelligent, talented and such. He always boasted about how he was a surgeon when we were young to the point where we told everyone we met. Because he seems to have so little emotion or care for anything at all, we never assumed he was a narcissist, but now that I’m older and see the impact it had on me, I can’t conclude otherwise. It was like someone who was just trying out different things for the heck of it and abandoning it later. Now I see that some of his lies were monstrous. It’s such a confusing dynamic.

[@saratkasyap782]

Thank you very much not just for this video but all your videos on narcissistic parents... It helped me very much understand my childhood and why i am the way i am today... and they helped me in healing... I request you to make a video on having a Over Narcissistic Father and a Covert Narcissistic Mother at once.... Thank you very much

[@Heyokasireniei468sxso]

Its generally the eldest who is the scapegoat and parentified child , and you forgot the hero child and caretaker who looks like the enabler. culture determines the male female choice , mostly its the female who is the golden child as the father fears the son , and daughter fear their mothers .

[@henriettemostert913]

I was the scapegoat as the only daughter of a narcissist mother. My ‘oldest’- although part of twins was the golden parentified child.

[@jezebel982]

I was the scapegoat for my father as the oldest.

[@mvane6880]

This is so accurate and recognizable. My dad was not a narcissist, I suspect my other parent is. I started to see the many parallels with my mother and the father of my children. I started to realize that I didn’t see what he was doing during our relationship because I already was used to that kind of treatment (by my mom) I definitely know the father of my children is a narcissist. I found out during our divorce what he truly is. I didn’t know what narcissism was before that. I see what he does to my girls. How he uses and abuses them. They see his behavior and understand what he’s doing. They’re very loyal though. He controls his whole family and they all enable his behavior. I hope they find a way to deal with him and stay healthy and find healthy partners 🤞🏼

[@sigrunandersen9570]

I really learned from hearing this youtube-video. I think you explained narcissistic fathers very clear and understanding. This was clear speak and that made it so interesting to listen to. Thank you. Regards from Norway

[@JulesB93]

This makes so much sense to me. The narcissist that I was involved with, his father is a CEO, has a foundation, comes off very immature, and arrogant. Also, his mother does a lot of charity work. I bet she enabled her husband's behavior, which then led to their son developing C-PTSD that has gone untreated for years and then developed later into NPD and possibly BPD (I'm not and expert; just my guess). His family looks nice on the outside, but from what I have seen nothing is as it seems. Despite what he did to me, it's still heartbreaking to know that the people who should've heard and loved him the most, let him down his whole life.

[@ayeshatirie7503]

The amount of help this channel is being for me right now is enormous, thank you so much for speaking about this subjects in such a clear way

[@sharonmay4219]

Had a father like this, only we didn't find out til my mother passed 7 yrs ago. She was the Saint who looked out for us.

[@ky660]

I ve been caring for my elderly father for the past 2 years. He has moved into my home and completely taken it over. Its no longer clean. The total disrespect for me and my home, I cant even put that into words? Iam the outcast, the one he constantly defames to everyone he knows and the abuse from him over my life time, including into my adulthood and YET he's living in my home. The other daughters he treats completely different. He also (with the help of my sisters) turned my children against me, then in turn my children have turned my grandchildren against me. They're all a family, that I am not a part of, and yet he lives comfortably in my home. All this is having a sever impact on my health and if I speak out about the state of my house how its not fair Iam forced to live in filth, I am seen as problematic by everyone else. And I also think both my sisters and my oldest daughter have narcissism. Looking that this whole situation its been passed on generationally, and they're born with it and then nurtured in the family dynamic, such as this with one head person/one leader, in this case my father. There is no other explanation and when he dies - this is his legacy. I really dont like him !

[@GodsChosenMekAmoR]

🙏❤️‍🩹🙏

[@hunterfishergather6879]

buddy hate to say but you need to kick that a hole out of your house. Its called the No contact method of recovery/coping. And yes, they somehow are unconscious and "know not what they do". But what they do Do is being done to you. Forgiveness is important but it is the forgiveness of a debt that they cannot pay. It is not required for you to reconcile the relationship. Remember, they CANNOT change. There are NO documented cases of a reformed Narc.

[@kisha2963]

They would say to me A child should be seen and Not heard” Please tell me how this statement makes sense Imagine living with narcissistic parents. I SURVIVED

[@sushobhitadas3161]

Dear Barbara, 🙏🏾 Your compassionate insight is lovely & awesome... keep taking care of yourself & helping us for long time...💝

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thank you so much for your support, concern and well wishes :) I will try! ❤

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

Thank you and God bless you. From JANESVILLE, WI

[@hanaamr3685]

Wow, how can I ever thank you ❤

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Wishing you healing and happiness ❤️‍🩹

[@Renata-br9eu]

not victory over them simply victory in life

[@User-h9l1p]

Family thinks they own you sometimes. Self-love

[@benwolf6448]

You really nailed it in this video. SO insightful and spot on. I'm only now figuring out how my father controlled and damaged me as a child....

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you for This great video. Everything you said is Spot on.

[@TruthRocker]

Fabulous and thank you!!!

[@mumcmillfields]

Both parents and my sister narcissistic to various degrees. Parents both head teachers sister also teacher and wormed her way into positions of authority in various organisations. Parents now dead and sibling since turned on me. Thought it was ne all wrong but went no contact 15 months ago. Healing somewhat now. Sister was more damaged by me from childhood as she now has no deep friendships and her husband lives under her thumb. She declared after ma n pa died that we were neglected little girls. Your lessons very helpful thanks.

[@sassy46201]

Lady at 40 I realized this. And when the golden child fails. He is in rage.

[@sushobhitadas3161]

As mother of a fifteen years old, i was looking for some help & think this place is very probable... couldn't download the mentioned PDF just yet, Want to go through the meterial myself first; I'll try again. Thank you 🙏🏾

[@thewitchskitchen]

spot on accurate. The man at the beginning even has the exact same cold eyes and lips pressed together in irritation, just about to explode...

[@EvgeniiaDolinenko]

I guess it's about my father too. 😢

[@tessellatiaartilery8197]

This was a super video. It so clearly explained the main dynamics and implications. I always enjoy your wonderful videos. Also, excuse me but the colour of your outfit this episode really suits you, especially with your pretty hair colour, Dr Barbara. Thank you for your work that helps us all.

[@The_green_zebra]

When you brought up gaslighting the first thing that came to mind was Santa Claus. Haha I'm extremely literal and I never believed in Santa, I pretended to so i wouldn't hurt people's feelings.

[@daleg4299]

Spot on!!! Thank you so very much!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are so welcome. I hope it is helpful!

[@Vranaanna]

Both my parents are narcissistic! Crazy!

[@tiasciretta6279]

Wow, your information was amazing. Thank you

[@ThaBaddest1991]

This is all so very true❤❤

[@sillygirl1139]

Brilliant video, thank you.

[@idarejler3635]

Thank you. ❤

[@divinecommerce3912]

Hi beautiful ladies 💝 You are amazing 🙏🥰

[@EKomoMaiCaretaking]

giving direct advice is very helpful. thank you.

[@stormrise5330]

Wow- this hit so close to home. Nice to know I was not the crazy one, but so damn hard to shift old patterns

[@Cassie-pt7mt]

Having a paid stranger telling you that you're good for a few months, can't undo the damage of having your own parent telling you that you're bad for decades. Therapy may help you rationalize it away. But, the damage done to the innocent child that you once were is permanent.

[@Xiaoping_5789]

Your channel is so comforting..thank you

[@YSTBENT-TV]

i watch all your videos you made me cry 1000 times...thank you for structure

[@monicanasser9503]

So true my father in law and my mother were narcissists. We have been married 47 years and helped each other heal.

[@jhj6636]

Thank you for this insight. It's really helpful to know and understand the reasons and impact.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are very welcome and I'm glad it was helpful, though of course, always sad to know it is needed :(. Wishing you health and healing!

[@jamestravis1037]

right on

[@Michael-0490]

Wow, a lot of very useful and insightful stuff. I didn't know how common my dad's behavior was. I thought I was on my own

[@gh00stbeard]

All of my children knew I was loving & protecting. If they rebelled, they lost priveleges and were grounded. Unfortunately, I did not raise them for their full childhood. Oh, & I was the dad that confronted their teachers for inequities. Now as adults, they know that. I was rarely there. I was always at work and had to come home and calm down the chaos.

[@megret1808]

Oh yes, “Do as I say not as I do.” My parents divorced when I was seventeen. During the process my mother told me my father was jealous of me which, at the time, was incomprehensible to me. My five year old sister, we called her our little Dutch girl, would, subsequently, be trotted out for his social group like a prized pet

[@sylvie5894]

Are you available for a brief consult to see if we can work together, as YOU GET It, and NO therapist i have seen gets it like you do. Great work, thank YOU.

[@DjDiLaRa]

I have got over the voices of my both parents with my own voice :D I talk to myself haha :D I do not care if anybody would thinkk I am crazy anymore :) 15:20

[@ninamalik8071]

I would really wanna know more about the family roles in narcissistic families, I grew up with 4 siblings. My oldest brother is now drinking heavily, the younger one is very on his own and doesn't really talk. my sister lives in another county, she runs away from the problems she has. aAnd my youngest brother acts a lot like my father, hes very open and always want to be the center of attention. With this being said. THEY ALL ACCEPT HIM. no matter what he did or what hes doing they will always want him to be their father. And I really struggle with that. With being the youngest I often get called names and just get treated differently. Just because I won't accept his behavior. That's crazy to me. but they all look up to him and look down on me. My struggle is, do my siblings deserve my attention? do they deserve to get to know the real me. or should I just let them look at the picture that my dad painted of me.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Hi, thanks for watching. If you check out my page I have many videos on Dysfunctional Family Roles which apply to narcissistic families-- I hope this helps!

[@paulinaluck5623]

Everything said here is really true i had narcistic father

[@gonulluanonimgazeteciler]

I'm sure you've heard this before and it's kinda controversial to say so but I would've definitely preferred being physically abused or beaten rather than being emotionally destroyed by narcissistic father. I know this is going to sound weird, but physical abuse is direct and open and very clear, I could almost say it's very honest. but the variation and degree of emotional abuse, the never-ending manipulation and control is way much worse imo. It's hidden and covered and deformed or mutated into so many things, which people with healthy parents or anyone witnessing could never understand... I rather have physical scars, bruises, broken bones, and cuts than the emotional damage I've endured which destroyed my life, wasting almost half of it trying to escape my convoluted & broken reality/identity with so many dependent/borderline/antisocial/narcissistic/abusive/addictive traits rolled into a huge mess of a personality. Had I not accidentally gained a huge self-awareness around the age of 35 by cutting down reality and perception down to zero, like turning it on and off, on and off constantly by means of dissociative and sedative extreme drug use I would've never realized what was wrong with me. Before turning that corner, everyone else around me suffered with me, sometimes even much more than me... Now that I know what's wrong with me, I suffer alone.

[@smoly37]

I don't get what you mean by: emotional abuse is open, clear and honest?? Don't you mean the opposite? That fysical abuse is more clear and open?

[@jamesthomas6681]

I’m in a similar boat as an only child and coming to the realization that my father was a narcissist. How did you heal from the realization?

[@jamesthomas6681]

@@smoly37yeah I think it was a typo. He meant physical abuse is direct and preferable to the deep emotional and long term damage that emotional abuse incurs

[@gonulluanonimgazeteciler]

@@smoly37 yep a typo, that's what I meant.

[@gonulluanonimgazeteciler]

@@jamesthomas6681 I can't say I healed really, just had to accept that my father was (although very intelligent) was a single minded person who never had the chance to understand human psyche and behaviour... he hated me because my mother left him and me with him at 3 yo, he always hated her, and me with her... then one day looking at my childhood photos I realized that I looked like my mother a lot and not at all like him... so I knew, at least partially why he was so angry with me all the fucking time. I developed some sort of empathy after 35 regarding his misbehaviours, after that I tried to keep my distance as much as possible, tried to keep my respect but it's still hard, and I'm not managing it very well at all. it's like a deadlocked rope, it cannot be resolved and it cannot be untied. you either cut it off or try to keep a distant but balanced relationship and I still can't do it well...

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

Yuuuup….. Bingo, bingo bingo. Mine is a pastor/missionary one.

[@hunterfishergather6879]

Mine was just a logger, but same deal, he's nice to every one else so they cant see it.

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

@@hunterfishergather6879 oooooh…..so sorry….you went through a lot it seems like. God sees you and values you because he made you.

[@hunterfishergather6879]

​@@MeCynthiaAnn Thanks you, that helped. You are shining His light, which is doing his will. Because you understand, first hand, yet you still have the beauty within. Lord, I pray for both of us to heal and to live in a fuller way, with the indominable spirit that we were born with. Amen.

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

@@hunterfishergather6879 thank you so very much for your very kind words. God is so wonderful and he promises to be there for us so keep your eyes on Jesus and he will never leave you. Again, God bless you, and may his face shine upon you blessings and joy.

[@bramblebear3121]

My experience with a nar dad "narrative"-- dad is a hard-working god who must be tip toed around due to his fragile ego .He picks a favorite child to give whatever emotional effort he can manage. Yeah, he's a f&^$))

[@apostolicrestoration1520]

What are the odds that both parent are Narcissist as in both mother and dad?

[@Renata-br9eu]

person i knew told me narcistic parent has under him another maybe even non narcistic parent and they both will want to destroy me if they see i can give myself victory not they

[@etansivad]

I always thought my dad hated me (Probably for being a gay male). I really didn't think I'd survive childhood, unless I did the right thing and "get married and have kids." This video hurts so much to watch because it just makes me think of my childhood.

[@hunterfishergather6879]

Study up on the disorder. It would seem that they must hate you because "why else would someone do that to a child? (and continue through your adulthood). Their purpose is 2 fold: establish dominance over you and to feed off of your emotional reactions. That is all.

[@Hkhjazz]

Why are only children never mentioned? I took all the roles but that situation is never talked about😣

[@apostolicrestoration1520]

I am sure that I was the scape goat as my Father, continually made me the butt of the jokes about things like spilling my milk to being so nervous that I started another bad habit of then dumping my entire plate in my lap and my siblings joined in and my Dad would say, things like you girls want to get in on the bet of .... will she spill, first... the milk or he entire plate of food?.... And now even as I grew up my mother seemed to take on the character of it's my way or the highway....if you don't vote my choice of political candidate most about the president you were cast out of all visits to family gathering or if you showed up you were the one that had to take on the responsibility of cleaning up the mess, dishes, and the outdoor or indoor area where the children were kept not as a team effort but you were it! When I much younger I tried to express how I felt in my family as in these are my hurt feelings and my mother said, "what right do you have to have feelings?" Thankfully before I reached the age of 40 I learned to not gather at family gatherings or to express my choice in political candidates or anything that would cause me to get banded from the group! Both my parents are deceased now....but it has been almost a relief in some ways although I do miss my mother the most but never my dad except at rare times when I think of the 7 layer chocolate cake he made for Christmas and bragged about and it was good! I made it a point to not raise my 3 children in that manner! I don't understand why this happens in families and it so saddens me for my own! One of my sister's did ask me one time, "Why does our dad treat you like that?

[@iguanawomanclaudiahodari3579]

I grew up until 18 as the Golden Child however since marrying and four children I have constantly been turned into the Scapegoat and he successfully had me shuned by i Brother sisters even my mom alomg with extended fa.y si h as cousins etc. He fur s 90 i September a d I am scared that I will not take healing path, like maybe not going to the funeral- it is on a different continent after all.....😢

[@erinnreed7697]

What about the only child?

[@NafaelRadalBeats]

This hits in so many ways. I still dont know if im an enabler or a narcissist or neither or if im just to negative about myself. I'm frequently losing my mind trying to just give my daughter what i didnt have, and all this information although its so useful. So insightful from all of the people sharing it, that it helps me to see thing's i can avoid. I just worry at times having to much thought into it all creates negative views i see within myself as we as others and i end up having to try so hard to avoid labeling myself or others. The facts are very back and forth and hard to figure out clearly defined examples. Especially when looking in at our own lives. In my opinion. I dont necessarily think my daughters mom is a narcissist, at least right now, that is a typical cycle though overall i dont think she is. I also mostly dont think i am a narcissist either, but i resonate with so many of the issues in toxic families. I connect with so many of them i just want to avoid them at all costs for our child.

[@Marina-yb9it]

Oh no,in my case it was: "you can chose to do what ever you want to do, but what ever you pick I will make sure you can not do it, until the only thing that's left, is what I want you to do" - You might as well just directly tell a child what you want them to do. Seems to me.

[@JWayne-ej4jy]

Oh I know !! Bless you. I pray you escaped

[@suziepetersen4608]

This may sound strange but I am truly grateful for being raised under the benign and sometimes not so benign neglect of a covert narcissist mom and (I think?) an overt narcissist dad. I taught myself at an early age to be my own hero, my own best friend and my own parent. Of course I had to be a mother to my mom when she was dumped in my lap by my Golden Child brother (20 yrs older than me). The fact that I never ever morn her but rather feel like I was sprung out of jail when she died of COVID is another secret I can’t share. Why do I feel blessed? Because I achieved a lot more than my brother did which is almost nothing. My dad said to me as a child “You are expecting more out of life than there is.” Fortunately I did the exact opposite and became the overachiever of the family after No contacting all of them. 😊

[@BloodSavedMe]

I was the golden child until I rebelled as the oldest male. Now I'm the black sheep lol

[@stylus2253]

My dad was v immature, probably on the narc spectrum. He was an only child, so kind of spoiled, but had a bad childhood, and wanted a lot of children. Was v formal in comm style. Unapproachable. Used to take off his belt to give us lickings. My oldest sister was the enabler. She'd be the one to tattle on you, bc she adored the guy who told her she was stupid.😂 My older bro was a narc, v achieved and v divorced, marched his mom to the bank to wd money for his debts. He was golden and i got his punishmts. My younger bro was spit &image of dad, so another gb. I have an ill adapted ego.

[@tiffanyalexandria303]

I have a narc dad and mom 🫤 knowing this has been so helpful to navigate the toxic family system

[@hunterfishergather6879]

I cannot even imagine that. Thank God for my Mom. I hope that you

[@hunterfishergather6879]

...can heal. Christ makes a good father...