Become immune to the opinions and behaviors of other people

[@rachel3447]

The most helpful aspect of this video was when you said people’s behavior is about how they feel about themselves and their experiences.

[@arelialmazan9368]

I am in my healing journey. I have no contact with any of my siblings or my parents. I’m the oldest daughter and now that I’m a mom I am rediscovering myself. I used to think it was my fault for not trying hard to keep my family together. Now I know I’m not responsible for their actions and feelings. I am still hopeful one day we can get together, but also if it doesn’t happen I’m okay with that. This video helps a lot, thank you!

[@teamavision7200]

People can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves

[@loridupuis4487]

I appreciate when you provide illustrations/applications of the principles in action by giving common every day examples. This is so helpful. Thank you so much for everything you do. Sending you a warm hug.

[@desvalie3990]

It’s helpful when you give a tool to use, like saying to yourself “Stop. This isn’t entirely about me.” I find I need tools because I see myself doing this and try to think my way through it. But the feeling is so overwhelming that it’s always my fault somehow.

[@Canaday291]

The complex trauma I experienced in my childhood surrounded by narcissistic family members programmed my faulty and corrupted coping skills and having any courage to confront people to discuss adversity or something unjust fearing their reactions of punishing anger and mad at me so I tend to suppress just to continue The dysfunctional cycle of people pleasing going with the flow ,don’t escalate it then be blamed and involved in any confrontation I want nothing to do with so let them get away with it and don’t bring it up and move on yet still holding onto suppressed resentment or face consequences of standing up for defending myself in the moment.

[@abbye3813]

Thank you! This was actually in perfect timing to what I've been trying to solve in the past hour! I am a waitress and I tend to personalize my guests behavior alot. When I dont personalize, I have amazing shifts where I am confident and happy. It's been a slow improvement but this reminded me of where I need to get back to!

[@GeniusControlsChaos]

I was picked on a lot as a kid, and grew up with an angry step dad and possessive mom. Throughout my childhood, I took rejection pretty hard because I believed there was something inherently wrong with me. I still carry this belief with me to a certain extent as a 32 year old man. You're correct about taking everthing personally being exhausting. I'll practice taking a beat and repeating the mantra you provided when I feel slighted in the future.

[@lorrainetaylor8570]

I think understanding that emotional development issues leaves you with an egocentric mindset is one of the most difficult but important facts .thankyou

[@leorenthlei3186]

Wow! You are an amazing therapist and teacher, miss. You elaborated on the issue clearly and provided the solution in a simple way 🤝👍🏻. It's generic, but how people treat us truly is a reflection of 'them' and not about 'us'. A nasty person will behave in a nasty manner. A polite person will behave in a polite manner, and so on. Luke 6:45 "A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. "

[@49ersfoldem]

Amen

[@SoR_AleX1]

This is the best video I've seen from You, so far . . . All of it was very helpful, but specially the connection between _taking things personally_ & cPTSD . To the core !! 👍

[@lt827]

This is a lot easier for me to do this when I get a false accusation directed at me. Then I know that either the other person has the facts wrong or they are deliberately trying to upset me. With this sort of interaction, I can say to myself: just because someone says something doesn’t make it true.

[@Alaskaventureswithbrodie]

The most helpful is realizing its not always about us. Our son was having troubles and he started yelling not so nice things to us and stormed out. My husband said he wasn’t going to talk to him until he came and apologized. I reminded him it wasn’t about him. It’s the pain hes feeling inside that hes projecting. Hes hurting.

[@MusicaErika]

The clarification of trauma and the steps are very helpful, I love the mantra.

[@EStarLee.isfree]

Thank you Nicole, your videos are so enlightening on so many levels.

[@ryannesumbry4130]

This is me!! Still developing a sense of self hit me really hard thank you 😊 definitely gonna use the mantra this is not entirely about me … love that! Can’t wait to feel more confident

[@coltoncarson3038]

I take wayyyy too much stuff way too personally. I definitely need to practice that mantra. Because my taking things too personally causes me a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

[@sanjeevgig8918]

Don’t Take Anything Personally: Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world. Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds. Their point of view comes from all the programming they received during domestication. - Don Miguel Ruiz - The Four Agreements

[@heatherlouise166]

This is so helpful, I really love your videos and shorts. Everything you say is so spot on for me. 🙏

[@catchapman6157]

The most helpful part for me was when you said to consider ASKING the other person… instead of assuming, and like you alluded to, this takes courage. Ie “When you said that, did you intend to be hurtful?”

[@nicolelee2205]

Your videos have really helped me to understand my mum, who passed away a year ago, and I believe she felt unworthy as you have described. She had an oldest sibling who passed away just before she was born, and her parents were not capable of giving her any love. They had somewhat recovered when her younger brother was born which I think led her to believe that she was unlovable and that there was something wrong with her, and she didn't ever really recover because she didn't have help from someone as skilful as you.

[@fortune.]

I am currently typing this in a very heightened emotional state and I hope the video will be a source of calm/grounding. I must truly learn to allow these tidal waves of emotions to pass before acting, in general, whether I am justified or not in the given situation. Thank you in advance.

[@mac0219]

Thank you ❤ can you do a video on how to deal with people who take everything personally and easily feel slighted at everything you do? My family is like this and it’s exhausting, especially as I work to heal myself

[@owllilly5535]

This appears at the exact time I needed it. Thank you! ❤

[@jaydeeknights]

Great video. I will be using the mantra a lot. I would love to hear thoughts on how you stop taking things personally when the complex trauma you faced in your childhood was regular instances of racism in the outside world (name calling, threats, physical violence). It's really hard to not take that personally, particularly when it keeps happening throughout your life.

[@Lp-stargazing]

All your content on here and on X has convinced me. I’m buying your books today lol. I keep putting it off but your stuff always hits so well.

[@zart8478]

Thank you so much The most helpful for me is the truth mentioned here, having dealt with past complex trauma, and stopping the story and the mantra.

[@mickaelessouma343]

Thank you for the insight.

[@lw8882]

I've found myself only able to directly ask people in a situation that necessitates confrontation, and not from a place of vulnerability in a close relationship or friendship. One of the weird stories I tell myself is that at those times, those people would probably abandon me if I did that. I've learned to not take everything people do personally, for the most part, but still tell myself stories about what they would, might, or could do if I were to ask them their real opinion of me.

[@NatureConnection-zn4jw]

Acceptance. Move on. You cannot control them.

[@pennyrobertson6118]

Thank you for your informative work 😊💜🙏

[@npnpnp858]

The mantra you gave is a good tool, thanks!!

[@divineone66]

Thank you, the stop the story part is to me, most helpful ❤❤❤

[@jyotivyas9286]

😊😢Thankyou Dr Nicole❤❤👌💐much helpful much much Gratitude❤❤🎉😊ॐ नमः शिवाय🎉🎉

[@alessandrar6002]

This is so helpful and amazing! Thank you so much ❤

[@eileenmcdonnell1821]

This is me completely thank you for this❤

[@Imfleurdelis]

This is excellent and super helpful, thank you.

[@Whoeverwhateverwhenever]

It's impossible, because often it IS personal.

[@angelacrossley7374]

Your right, it feels really personal, however when you realise it's not about you but them, then you stop taking it personally, that's the difference and this comes with practice and when you start to love yourself, more and more, just for being you, and if people don't like you then that's their problem, not yours.🙂

[@deuteronomy3162]

Yep but also its not your fault. Misquotes bite, doesnt mean you were wrong. It just means they literally suck. Just like mean people.

[@angelacrossley7374]

Beautifully said🦟🙂

[@StamperWendy]

OR, they'd do it to anyone, so, not really personal at all

[@hinata167]

​@@angelacrossley7374 why is there a mosquito 🦟

[@maddi3582]

I know it's them not me, however (you knew there was a 'but', didn't you!) I find it difficult to 'manage' the unfairness(?), the injustice(?). At work, I have been treated badly because of their issues, their jealousies and pettinesses. It is not me. The issue is then how do I stop seeing my position as desperate and hopeless? I know there is nothing to do to/for them, they are who they are, but my working life suffers - passed over for promotion and salary increases etc I've contributed and shared problem-solving ideas, and some of the system changes implemented, I've been told by co-workers, have made huge differences to the running of the department, but not a word of acknowledgement from the dept boss. Others are freely praised. I am ignored. And it is noticed by others 🤷‍♀️

[@jennyd8491]

Sheesh...why is everything worthwhile so hard? Healing...hard Creating new neural pathways...hard Why is this?

[@WCCXtra]

I think because we've spent most of our lives unconsciously reinforcing maladaptive patterns. We're basically undoing a lifetime of work, which takes time. It's important to give ourselves grace during the process, especially when facing a setback.

[@bossbear1256]

The 4 agreements baby!!

[@sunnydaze448]

I really needed to see this today but I also feel very resistant to it 😂 I feel like it is personal that people don't like me

[@FATEHA1000]

Thank you❤

[@warmporridge882]

Why do you keep making videos about me? 😅

[@Thylakoids-are-Go]

😅

[@GlassFullIsh]

There is no hope for someone as damaged as myself but I still enjoyed listening to this.

[@msgoodwins7652]

There’s always hope. ⭐️Try to change your belief system. Keep listening to these and also maybe look into the mirror principle. It’s not easy but so worth it. Please don’t ever give up. Nobody is inherently broken .. it’s just our programming that needs to be changed. Take care 🙏❤️

[@ash_bordeaux]

excellent

[@Lyrielonwind]

Unless you know someone very well, we don't know what they are carrying on their backs and the way they treat us possibly has nothing to do with ourselves. Maybe they are having a bad day, a bad time but if it happens often then, they might be projecting or they don't have social skills. There are hundred reasons why someone can be rude and if your behavior towards them is correct and fair, don't bother to make it about yourself. It's not your problem.

[@Liu013]

Perfect

[@evaulpius6252]

I am not sure it is aways necessarily helpful to ask, or it depends how and when you ask. I understand this is a phase maybe in someone's journey/personal development, but staying there long term is counterproductive. I have a colleague who in each and every situation asks "have I done something wrong?" and it can be grating on others when they already have to deal with the same situation but also reassure them on top.

[@abdullahtk33]

gold

[@undomiel86]

This is my dream as the anxious partner.. avoidant partner is also taking so many things seriously but get defensive and quiet when there is a conflict. He easily gets over the conflict by just forgetting or sleeping. I can’t and even if I know that it is not about me, I feel the second heartbreak in this avoidance phase taking this seriously “not to be cared”. This second phase makes “asking directly “ kind of impossible while there is no room to speak if you don’t pretend you don’t care the issue anymore, or you just receive another round of bad communication. What should be done?

[@simpleastrology2]

Yeah but when I see I am not the first, second, third, fourth, etc. choice. I mean, come on, it must be me. I have tried asking directly, people lie, they don’t say what they really think

[@nancyparker8363]

Find more positive people to befriend!

[@simpleastrology2]

@ I appreciate your thoughts, but I am 50 years old and have a looooong list of disappointment in terms of people who disappear without a word

[@simpleastrology2]

@@Kijo_777 I have been in counseling, and have had several different counselors and therapists since 2009, and am on antidepressants, worked with cbt and dbt, read many self help books, and I have been told by counselors in the past few years that I am self aware. Depression points the finger at me, blames me. And clearly, by your statement, you don’t understand what is happening. Many people are quick to point the finger, blames the another person. Please don’t, I am already finding fault in myself.

[@Kijo_777]

@@simpleastrology2 no one is judging you. The🪞's helped me understand better.. 🌀Ok. I wish you a clean window👁🪟, healing & peace ✌️💜

[@sidjsnajdkc8223]

How you doing dr lepera, I’m reading your book on how to do the work, I’m confused on the part of the ego, inner child and core beliefs, how do we know which of those three are triggered? I have difficulty one which one it is. Thank you

[@robykaa44]

What you call when someone cannot be personal? Dont allow himself to be personal and hates everything that is personal. The approach doesnt have to be negative. Also comes with alienation of self, loss of authenticity and completly blocked individuation. What is this? Depersonalization?

[@lisas781]

❤

[@hollieharlow1129]

Direct questions - how to ask them without crying? It's humiliating

[@Kijo_777]

With all that being said, i can understand them and i know is all about them, yes, but more than that i will understand my self more and i know i will not tolerate disrespect. I like boundaries and i will use them or i can ignore them until they question they whole existence 🚧🙂✌️🫶😘👻

[@msgoodwins7652]

Thank you ❤

[@bluemoony102]

♥️

[@Hattinger898]

❤