Behavioral Activation- How to Get Motivated to Do Stuff that You Don't Want to Do. Anxiety Course 30

[@gweasley]

I’m so proud that even though it was hard for me today, I got up and took a shower, even though I had no plans, did some self-care, and texted a friend. Deep depression is no joke and the littlest things can be huge successes.

[@mariecarie1]

That’s huge! Depression is so so hard, and I’m so glad you’re celebrating these accomplishments! Good job! I’m proud of you! 😄

[@gweasley]

@@mariecarie1 you are so kind, thank you so much ☺️

[@sataylor7683]

People without depression don’t get the shower thing… good job! Everything always seems so hard, so keep going and hopefully it will get a little easier. I’m still waiting… PS. I did go to church but didn’t take that shower! You matter, you have worth, and you did it! Great video for us. ❤

[@gweasley]

@@sataylor7683 I wish I could give you a big, big hug! You are so kind. Today was a struggle (triggered by the dialog of a movie when they talked about wanting to matter, so your message is so timely) but tomorrow is another day and another chance to start over. I’m glad you went to church and hope you got what you needed. You, too, matter and you have value, and I hope things get better for you ❤️

[@alisonryan610]

small hinges open big doors, big hugs to you xxx

[@And3aPet]

Not depressed but currently 77 yrs old, pretty healthy but trying to stay physically competent. Problem, I really don’t like to exercise. I DO like to drink coffee! I have a nice coffee machine that makes one cup at a time. SO I created a myth that it can only work if I do pushups against the kitchen counter while it runs. Now it’s a habit and I have muscles and can easily lift, push, carry many things that were difficult before. If people ask how I stay so strong, I just tell them I drink a lot of coffee.

[@janetcarpenter7421]

LOVE it!! 😂

[@sandybay5718]

That's wonderful exercise!

[@And3aPet]

@@sandybay5718 Surprisingly effective!

[@anneclark9508]

Thank you. I love coffee too and am going to employ this tactic

[@mariacastillo3090]

😂😂😂

[@Cookontherun7391]

I was washing my face for the first time in 3 days when your video came on. Haha now I’ve got the bra cinched, teeth in, dressed. Going out to pull weeds. First time in a month. I wasn’t intending on doing anything. Thank you so much. Exactly what I needed to hear today. ❤️🇨🇦

[@JoanMurray-j5y]

I wish you well. Same difficulties here also in Canada.

[@jmalin6359]

Same in Canada

[@angrycannibal6625]

Yr beautiful, keep going.

[@erinball7781]

one day at a time. youve got this!

[@xochitloros7508]

@@erinball7781

[@suzg6359]

I have a strong aversion to "To Do Lists". They shout "Failure" at me! So, instead, I keep a "Done List" and record small victories throughout my day.

[@jzoberek]

My aversion word was "goals"---all through high school, college, and work life "What are your goals? Where do you see yourself a year from now?" Ugh! Then last month on a podcast with Dr. Gabrielle Lyon, I heard her say something like "don't set goals----set standards." I applied that terminology to exercise/fitness and have become more consistent. Now, to apply that thinking toward decluttering my home. Well done, with your "Done List"!

[@susanwhite1218]

I had a similar thing with new years resolutions - so easy to fail quickly! So I started by "doing more" of something rather than "giving up" eg. Choose more healthy food, not giving up chocolate. It really helped my mindset and made my internal thoughts kinder to myself.

[@jzoberek]

@@susanwhite1218 Yeah, for me, I'm never going to give up chocolate or ice cream or potatoes entirely, so my new standard is to be honest with myself about that----because to say "this is the last dish of ice cream---" that just causes me to binge later in the week. Now it's more of an "I can have it, but I'm going to save it for later, for Sunday." I agree with the "do more" idea, too---I do "in-home walk" movements (a la Leslie Sansone or Yes2Next videos) while watching Jeopardy, instead of sitting even more (daytime desk job). After doing that for a couple months now, it feels odd NOT to "walk" while Jeopardy's on!

[@sandybay5718]

I forget what needs done so I make lists in a notebook in the right column. To the left side, daily, I write down what I did or appointments or shopping. End of day I see what I did do. Draw a line through the to do list on the right. I feel good things were done. Circle or star a high importance task.

[@darcerin]

I like"to do" lists, and my little victories are crossing each one off when they're done, especially the stuff I hate doing the most!

[@paulovinanti9187]

I Googled how long household chores take. Unloading a dishwasher takes three minutes, sweeping a floor five minutes. Now I set a timer for 15min and see how much I can get done.

[@Yeshuareigns1234]

Great idea!

[@karensprague1999]

I love this! Excellent idea!

[@SnakesRaven]

Can confirm that works very well. I did something similar to tackle procrastination. Every day I used to just sit down and think "what can I do in the next 10 minutes". If a task was to big I could break it down in smaller tasks and do one or more of those. But once you're (for example) busy cleaning something, you keep going and do the other small tasks as well.

[@aliciamarie9704]

Sounds like the pompadour technique. I also use the 1-3-5 List. 1 big thing you need to get done ✔️ 3 medium things ✔️ ✔️ ✔️ 5 little things…etc.

[@wtbi]

Don’t forget take ten minutes cup of tea reward for making the effort. Well done

[@WJFK480]

I remember one time I was telling my granddaughter that I couldn’t get going that day. Her response was, “Well you gotta move first” I told her it was the best advice I ever got and I did start moving. I have gone back to that advice again and again, not always but often enough to get myself going most times.

[@betsyhood1548]

Mood follows action.

[@TreasureDeal]

Because of circumstances I'm renting a room in a friend's home. This place is dirty. She's always talking about how we will get on it and work on the kitchen. I've cleaned in the kitchen to a certain extent. I've said as this is your home, I rent a room. You take the responsibility to get going. I'd be happy to help. Yea, nope. She sits in her bed, smoking, watching tv or playing games. It's become difficult for me to even keep my space cleaned up. But today, I've changed my bedding, swept the floor, went through, and filed a big pile of paperwork. Walked my little dog a couple times too. Looking around my clean room and bathroom and I feel SO GOOD. It's been a good day. ❤

[@Spread_hummus_not_hate]

@TreasureDeal good for you. Self-care day for you!

[@Derek-fn9si]

Well done 👏

[@astrialindah2773]

Yep keep yourself busy, get out of there as much as you can and stay busy! Great job!❤

[@IntuitiveMatters]

Please rent a room from me... Lol I will get up and work... Lol

[@Vjaffacake-c6t]

I'm so sorry for your circumstances. I've been in the same position.

[@DeborahGain]

I have been so “frozen” with grief and depression since the death of my husband. This video was exactly what I needed. You are an answer to a prayer!

[@leamackey3278]

Mine died August 4 2023. The feeling is indescribable. Thanks for the video

[@lmo4879]

I'm so sorry you're going through that. Sending you hugs!

[@joannefroehlich8165]

Me too. I'm climbing small small movements

[@mygreenenvy]

Same. I feel frozen in time since my wife passed forward. Don’t know if I am depressed but I feel like I can’t get anything done.

[@atownjo53]

I totally agree! My husband died and I am also “frozen” in time! I have a room full of crafts and I don’t want to go in that room or any room. I hope and prayI can thaw out!

[@vickiejoines5771]

I work and don’t have time to keep my house in order like I want. I sit at work thinking of all I want to accomplish when I get home but when I get home I’m just wiped out from my day and feel over whelmed and say forget it! So one day I decided to clean a very small area in my kitchen around my trash can. I wiped the wall down behind the trash can, wiped the trash can down and swept and mopped the floor under and around the trash can!! I was shocked at how good that made me feel! Every day when I came home from work I looked at the area I had cleaned and it made me feel so accomplished all over again!! Thanks for sharing because I needed this reminder!!

[@magicalelvishman]

This reminds me of something I learned from your vagal tone video -- don't wait until you achieve your goals to feel good about yourself; instead, cultivate a faith in yourself based on commitments to self-care and continuing growth. It's hard to grow when you can never relax, and you won't relax if you're holding your own approval hostage as a way of motivating yourself to grind.

[@c.j.9141]

Whoa! That's some excellent philosophy there; holding yourself hostage by not giving yourself praise and approval. Hmmmm. Never good enough. Thanks for that insight! I'm gonna start cutting myself some slack!!!

[@darc9782]

"holding your own approval hostage as a way of motivating yourself to grind" - this is so well put, and absolutely describes me, alas!

[@mariecarie1]

Amen! This is so true and well put

[@maythao3977]

Thank you! I needed this reminder: behavioral activation

[@homehelpheart7440]

I had to be up at 5:50 am today to take a friend to outpatient surgery. I am retired & NEVER get up that early & was afraid I'd oversleep but proud I was out of bed by 6 am & picked up my friend a few mins early. Yay!

[@42kellys]

@@homehelpheart7440 well done!

[@homehelpheart7440]

@@42kellys Thank you! 🥰

[@Lisa-eo9gd]

Here's a suggestion based on my experience; Sometimes, go to bed a bit earlier and get up early enough to watch the sun come up over a nearby lake. I have found it to be a good way to brighten my mood.

[@homehelpheart7440]

@@Lisa-eo9gd I'd have to go to bed a LOT earlier to get up by sunrise!

[@42kellys]

@@Lisa-eo9gd Lovely idea, thank you. I am not depressed but it's always good to have ideas when l get the blues.

[@Timthethespian89]

I have ADHD, so it’s especially not easy. I heard somewhere that a really great way to take an action and keep going is to do the easiest thing first, not the hardest things. That way your brain gets excited that you’re starting.

[@claudiomarangone614]

Excellent suggestion thank you… especially because years ago, I was told by a therapist that the best thing to do in a day is to catch your frog and then you’re good the rest of the day… well there is some truth to doing the most difficult thing first when your energy is best, it is debatable when your energy is best. And best to you .

[@ging1984]

Love this, thank you for sharing! That sounds so much more motivating and attainable than eating the frog. There is a 0% chance that I will ever do the hardest thing first, so I often just don't even start and then the stuff just compounds. This approach actually makes sense

[@lisamcallister6534]

That's lame. You always do the hardest thing first!!

[@user-ij9uk8tn8i]

This generally works best for me too. I just need to get myself going. Usually once I'm started, I quite enjoy it, and wished I'd started sooner!!

[@findyourpassion8722]

What helps me is to write a list of things I need to do and then I pick the one that I feel like doing or that I feel the least resistance towards. Usually when I complete it, the dopamine kicks in and I am motivated to do the next thing on my list.

[@SusanVivian-g3l]

This intriguing video serves as a poignant reminder of the heartache I've been enduring since my 7 year relationship came to an end 3 months ago. My cherished partner, the love of my life, made the difficult decision to part ways, leaving me consumed by thoughts of him. Despite my earnest attempts to win him back, I find myself facing frustration and an overwhelming sense of emptiness, unable to envision a life without his presence. Despite my efforts to move on, I'm compelled to confess my lingering feelings and longing for him here.

[@melly-n1w]

The process of releasing a loved one can be an uphill battle. I can relate, having navigated a similar journey when my 4 year relationship dissolved. Despite the heartache, I refused to relinquish hope and embarked on a quest to win her back. Turning to a spiritual counselor for assistance, I found guidance that ultimately led to our reconciliation.

[@SusanVivian-g3l]

How did you manage to connect with a spiritual counselor, and what's the process for me to reach out to her?

[@melly-n1w]

Allow me to introduce Suzanne Ann Walters, a highly skilled spiritual counselor known for her expertise in rekindling past relationships.

[@SusanVivian-g3l]

Thank you for this invaluable information.

[@judis8972]

Years ago in graduate school we studied a psychologist named Becker who defined depression as the inability to move. It's cure? Movement. A seeming oxymoron which says in different words what this video does. Thanks, it's true yet never easy to implement You do good work. Vanilla!

[@jenme7926]

This is awesome. Thanks for sharing! ❤

[@kimr3755]

I've been telling people this for years. Just do something. Get moving. Clean one shelf, one drawer. It makes you feel like you've accomplished something. Because you have! And it motivates you to continue. Now I have to practice what I preach!

[@Wintermute909]

I totally agree, and that's exactly what I needed to do....but I also think that that advice only works for a small minority of people who are getting close to success, but aren't quite there yet. I know that when i was at my lowest, that sort advice was utterly useless and felt like someone was saying "just get over it" or "just stop feeling like that".....but eventually, when I had somehow gotten out of the depths of despair, but I still wasn't quite able to make it into a good place (well probably it was more that I hadn't got to an ok-ish place), that was when that type of advice finally made a big difference.

[@cmilam8284]

In those moments, I tell my self “ain’t got time for you today anxiety, I got too much life to do” . It helps, not saying it’s a cure all; but, it’s my mantra.

[@gino6658]

Love this ❤ great mantra

[@kimismicroverse]

Before watching this video I did 20 push ups even though I didn't want to. I do not regret it. Small steps. Showering and getting dressed is also a challenge for me but that is next. Small steps, big victories. Blessings to all who see this and I pray we all get better soon. One day at a time, be gentle with yourselves and know you are loved. Thank you for this helpful video!

[@Banksia-Blue000]

🙏🏻❤️

[@DominiqueFrancon]

Action is the path out of despair.

[@margrose5]

Easier said than done.

[@DominiqueFrancon]

@@margrose5 that is true. I learned this and so can you. Even if it’s just one thing a day for a while until you build up some momentum.

[@woodstream6137]

I spend most of the day watching YT, watching TV, online shopping for things i don't use, and sudoku. Recently laid off and diagnosed with blood clots. Bought a house 7 years ago and have never spoken to my neighbors. No friends, just work acquaintances. Our plant manager was inspired by a speech he saw from a military person. 1st thing after waking up, make your bed. That way, every day you start with a sense of achievement.

[@Yeshuareigns1234]

So true! I’m doing my best to do that also and it feels so good to look at that bed and see it neat and complete. It really helps my day.

[@paulstejskal]

I just wave at my neighbors. I have a dog so I go for walks (great external accountability, they learn to love walks and yell at you until you go). I say hi now. This helps too.

[@kimwoodhouse7891]

The talk your Plant Manager heard was likely Admiral William H. McRaven. He’s published several books, including Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life . . . and Maybe the World.

[@paulstejskal]

@@kimwoodhouse7891 One of the things that I love about KZbin comments is there might be someone in the know. If it's a report about an event in a specific city or a specific location (like an airplane), someone was like "I was there and ...". Or in this case, you were like "it was likely Admiral William H. McRaven". Thanks for sharing!

[@ShannaM1]

How most lived during "covid" is how I've been living for years...some days are better than others and I'm praying constantly for help to change my thoughts. My mind is the biggest weapon against me.

[@alanaharris9488]

I hear you❤️❤️❤️

[@ilonaforsman]

I allways wait for inspiration first. But it never comes. Now I have learned that it is not necessary to wait for inspiration. I can start to do something even if I don't want to. 😊

[@Vivzid]

back in the 70s I was a paperboy. Sometimes the weather was bad or I was just not in the mood. I would sometimes tell myself, 'If you do it you won't have to do it because it'll be done'.

[@GabieApolo]

This is such a great quote! Thanks for sharing!!

[@bethel1019]

When I was at university a long time ago, a friend of mine had a poster on her wall that said, "The only way to get a thing done is to do it." I sometimes use that saying to motivate myself to do things.

[@FlowerDesign968]

The paper route I had was so easy. It was basically 5 side streets and a main street. The only time I ever got any peace in my childhood, it was therapy for me. But yea, getting started was a bear.

[@sallybee19]

That’s a great one!

[@BetterDays_Now]

I love this. 😅❤

[@steffijmusic]

Wow! I feel validated by this bc I noticed I couldn’t get motivated to do tasks I needed to do even worse than usual. And I realized I need “activation energy” as I called it. It’s so true that when you take one small action, it does change your state, and everything gets better.

[@richardpayne5991]

You must be a chemist because I thought I was the only one who would say that!

[@Imotototo]

Yes!!! I took the term "activation energy" from chemistry class as well-- such a perfect concept for describing the high emotional/motivational wall to get especially a dreaded task started!

[@Khoai_lang_đắng_123]

This video is really helpful! The Behavioral Activation technique not only helps me overcome procrastination but also manage anxiety. Breaking tasks into smaller steps and focusing on action rather than emotion is such an effective approach. Thank you for sharing this method!

[@teresakilleen7087]

I came across a saying at High School "throw your body over the bar and your heart will follow" that is, do the action and motivation will come on its heels. Showering is tough; there are so many smaller actions that need our energy. It gets us ready..and then what? Hv bn medicated for a while but i def dentify. Just getting out of bed guys is something to be proud of, seriously! Yr all doing so well, each and every one. Keep it up!❤❤❤❤

[@katababinszki8883]

I was at rock bottom after the end of my 5 yrs relationship and above my usual anxiety I was also very depressed. I felt like I have no life force in me at all, no motivation to participate in my own life. Couldn't get out of bed, couldn't dress up, make myself a proper meal everything felt like too much effort. And in that darkness I found a thought that helped me immensley to slowly, in very small steps make a shift. Maybe it can help someone else here too. :) I acknowledged that I feel like sh.t and that I had every "right" to do so. But as I got down the stairs in the morning, looked around and saw all the mess, I asked myself gently: what could I do, just something very small, for "tomorrow's Kata" for her to feel just a little bit better, when she came down those stairs? So I started by getting a shower before going to bed every day, then washing just the essential dishes (one mug and a plate), or made a very basic oatmeal. I felt victorious and grateful after each small action and I got motivated to "win the war" for my life and happinnes. I felt like I could do this, its not too much at all and eventually I got enough energy to come out of the depression. When I feel anxious and in freeze nowadays, I use the same sentence and it has worked for me eversince (mostly, but hey everyone has bad days :) ) I think somewhere deep down these little actions send a message to ourselves, that we do care for ourself, we can take care and we got our own backs. Also I believe if anyone tries this sentence, its important to use your name in it because it makes the commitment personal. :)

[@jazziew2148]

🤗🤗🤗

[@tammyb7067]

Thank you Kata for inspiring me to take one little step at a time to get back to where I was before I "fell". Tomorrow is another day. And I am going to use your strategy and make it a Tammy tomorrow. One little step at a time. Thank you again!!! 🙏❤️

[@kl-ue6zl]

Thank you for this❤

[@discopotato675]

Love this

[@42kellys]

I love your story. I love what you did and how you did it. Well done! It's very inspirational.

[@SaviFitch]

You are so great. No matter how depressed I am I learned that it helps to get out of bed, slowly push to brush my teeth, wash my face, get dressed. And I realized that I needed to find a way to be with people, to socialize, so I did. It was hard, because I’m unsure and shy and afraid that I won’t be accepted. But actually people like talking to me and it brings me joy and lifts me up. So yes, action does help with emotional regulation. I know share your struggles, even now you some. And you are so clear, so easy for everyone to follow and understand. You are so full of life and so upbeat, honest about how easy or hard it might be. Steps to follow. Use a journal. Congratulate yourself. Thank you. 🙏

[@zaidaliahmed7869]

That's awesome! and great job at going out of your comfort zone and trying to do what best for you. I'd also suggest her cognitive defusion video, it's the concept of distancing from your thoughts and not believing them as much, I'd heard that certain disabilities affect your self-worth quite a bit, but I didn't realize how much until I applied it, I noticed how my self-esteem had improved, which meant that the constant thoughts would chip away at my self-worth, which would then spawn more thoughts like "I won't be accepted" etc, creating a cycle that would constantly keep my self-worth low and therefore a cycle of self-sabotage. Hope this helps :D

[@mariecarie1]

I’ve been learning the same with her, too! It’s taken me a few months to notice a true difference, but I did my best to notice every little change. And one day, one of my dear friends told me, “You seem like you’re more comfortable with yourself, more confident in your own skin.” That was one of the most affirming things I’ve ever heard in my life 🥹🥹

[@terribrown5629]

VANILLA. I love all of your videos, but this is my absolute favorite. You've just given us 11 minutes 30 secs. that can truly change your (my) life. Thank you!!

[@justinenicolesanchez9929]

Some friends of mine described this in another way, called the "2 minute rule" (which she also picked up from elsewhere hehe) The principle goes that 'if something - a chore, a task, etc. - takes only 2 minutes to do or takes 2 min to get started, then go do it' - to help get us started on our tasks 😊 This video is a timely reminder to take action before the perfectionism, procrastination, depression, etc. gets to us 🫡🙌 Thank you, Emma!

[@janeflip1]

Or just start to do it and commit to 2 minutes or 5, whatever it takes. Then see how you feel about going on. I hate to empty the dishwasher but if I plan to just do the the top rack while the coffee is brewing, I will finish it!

[@sreihart]

Wow, this is the first time that I have seen one of your videos and I'm thrilled! I'm a 70 yo woman who lives alone. I've been fighting with depression most of my life and it interferes with getting things done. I know that everything you said in this video is true! It's like the saying goes, "Every journey begins with one small step". That one step is all it takes to begin the journey, and I'm on my way! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Subscribed!

[@ericajones137]

During Covid I embraced so much of these ideas. I read Atomic Habits (I already had a meditation routine but then I really locked it in), I worked out regularly, I had a gratitude journal, ready books, took cold showers… but then it all fell apart because I felt like “why do I need to be perfect?” I put so much pressure on myself. This started swinging into a mindset of “why should I care?” And now I’m finding myself wishing I had my old routines back. life is so hard to balance. Good luck

[@EC-xc9gy]

I feel this. I noticed, though, as I've pushed myself to "do it all and be awesome," I have had the same rebel "but why?" enough to realize that at least for me, it's a cycle... I will need to do it all! And then I will need a break from it (without beating myself up about what I should be doing) when I'm in "no" mode. Beating myself up extends "no" mode. A mindset of play and "let's try five minutes of ___" helps me start again without adding a burden of guilt. I tried it once; if I liked who I became while I practiced, I will practice again.

[@sandraluder3004]

I really appreciate your honesty and how you're willing to share your mixed experience with us. You are not perfect, your are beautiful ...!

[@christinalinsenmeyer3869]

Today I will be my own best friend, not my biggest critic 💝

[@rachaelgalvez435]

This is so so so so true and important! I've seen a total turnaround in my life by just getting up a little earlier over time. I've gone from staying in bed past noon to getting up by eight. 😊

[@Sharkuterie327]

If I have trouble getting up in the morning (even with adequate sleep), I give myself a small and easy command, like “wash your face” or “open the blinds” and it helps overcome the overwhelm of thinking about the whole day ahead. Sometimes one foot in front of the other is a victory.

[@amasterofone]

To anyone who feels like this is even too hard, or that you feel physically paralyzed when you can't do something, I have a couple of tips. 1) the tiniest movement: if you just can't seem to get out of bed, make the call, etc. Move your foot, hand, etc. Then hang it off the bed, grab your phone. Then move your other leg, open the call app. Etc. Every step, give yourself praise in a way that feels good to you. 2)Pairing activities, ive found this particularly helpful for things around the house but it could work for anything. It's basically a rule that next time I get up to do x (ex use the bathroom) I have to do y (bag the trash and put it by the front door) first.

[@PermaPen]

I love this! Excellent idea. I have ME/CFS and high motivation/action generally and yet I often can't get moving at all. This is precisely the dopamine micro-dosing I have to do.

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

Yes! Great example. I once heard a story of a woman who struggled with her physical health and eventually became obese and bed-bound. She started watching Richard Simmons and just clapping her hands, eventually she was able to gain strength, move her body more, and leave her bed...over time she was able to become much healthier, but it all started with clapping her hands in bed.

[@amethystsmith2478]

I have found sitting up in bed then starting with stretching starting with me feet then working my way up really helps And the pairing thing is great . I call it task stacking (I think I got that from somewhere ) I also don't make "to do" list I make" I can choose to do list ", or "can do" Then write what I got done in my journal. And I usually don't do that till after o get up and go pee which I pair with brushing my teeth and wiping the bathroom sink, so I already did 3 things !

[@amandavil]

@@amethystsmith2478I love that switch of can choose to do and can do. I am definitely going to try that.

[@jenme7926]

This helps me too, breaking up tasks into smaller pieces.. it's still hard but at least there is progress. 😊

[@mariecarie1]

It’s literally baby steps. When I’m having an especially hard day, I try to celebrate getting out of bed. I did it, yay! Even if all I can do it brush my hair and my teeth before laying back down again, it’s still yay! I rest and try to get back up again to do another small thing. I give myself credit for the little things I do, and I don’t beat myself up if I have to lay back down again because I still did SOMEthing, and even doing something very tiny is better than nothing!

[@annaolsson5441]

Got up, gave my cats food and meds and right now have taken my first meds!

[@poorthing]

Many days, it's my cats & dog that I get up to care for them, otherwise- I'd stay in bed.

[@johnurban7333]

I exercise every morning for 40 minutes and make a healthy breakfast but still don’t want to do anything afterwards. I’ll go out and play Pickleball 4 times a week with the nicest people I know yet I’m most comfortable being alone and doing nothing. I realized a long time ago that forcing yourself to do things is fine but you can be happy with who you are without thinking you have to do everything. Not everyone is wired the same way and doing all these things doesn’t necessarily make you happier. Some of my best days are being at home by myself and not doing much of anything. Live the life that makes you comfortable with yourself

[@tantuce]

Could it be that staying at home being your best days is because you've been going out? Sort of a balance? What would happen if you were, say, camping alone? Would it make you more complete so to say, because you can observe the nature and peace and on your own, instead of looking at people and interactions?

[@johnurban7333]

@@tantuce this is true

[@facshc4918]

@@johnurban7333 I agree completely!!!

[@deathbysnusnu1970]

OMG,I NEED this this channel! Subscribed! I'm a chronic pain sufferer and this is what I needed. I also have really bad ADHD, minus the H, mine is the inattentive type and I get so easily distracted that I forget what I'm doing when I go into another room. It's so hard to stay on track. Planning to do stuff is subject to my distractions.most times something more interesting lures me away from the boring painful task. Ugh, avoiding negative self talk is so hard,so when I start to say it, I will immediately overwrite it with a verbal affirmation. Like, "I hate my life." And I'll say out loud, "no I don't, I love my life and I love the people in it. Best of all,my dog loves me without judgement and is the best companion, especially on my bad days because she knows me that well. I have a good life." Most times it works,not always. But it's better than hating myself or my life. Plus, I have a bomb azz doggo. The day I realized that she picked me and would never lie to me, was the day I made my first real connection. Ever. People will let you down, but your dog won't. I know when she leaves, my heart will be broken into a thousand pieces.but I am richer for having her as my companion. ❤❤❤ I've rambled enough,thanks for listening.

[@susanwright4414]

And ❤when your dog países, there's another amazing, unique friend dying for your love and care waiting. You'll all see each other in Heaven someday ❤

[@strawberryprincess8021]

Today I watched videos on my depression to see how I can improve and get better Today I tried. ❤

[@annekathleen4498]

Walking helps me feel better 🎉

[@Lisa-eo9gd]

I want to encourage you because you sound like I felt for a long time. You can have a better life! Sometimes very simple things can have a profound effect. Maybe try drawing a colorful little sketch. Another thing I did was to get a little loom used to weave pot holders. (In craft department or toy department in stores.) I ran out of the little loops and started weaving paper using very brightly colored copy paper from Office Depot. The paper weavings became the covers of homemade blank paper booklets. I donated them (as filler) to Operation Christmas Child. (More info on that at Samaritan's Purse.) The weaving was soothing. The colors were invigorating. Donating was fulfilling.

[@MargoMartin1]

100% true. A very effective coping strategy to combat my depression is that when I wake up, I immediately make my bed and tidy my room. I feel like i just started the day, and I already accomplished something! Activation Energy is what I have been calling it this whole time. Now I know it is called Behavior Activation! Thanks!❤

[@darlacontessa8397]

I love my algorithm. I finally shook myself out of my annual mid year depression today, woke up earlier (tuned the alarm off and slept again) my new goal is to actually get up and not just wake up 😅

[@KJDogluv]

Depression is a disease, not a brief annual mid year thing. You are minimizing actual depression

[@darlacontessa8397]

@@KJDogluv 😄 I know, it just gets worse mid year since I start to feel extra burnt out from trying so hard when the new year starts

[@jenniferflake9051]

This is spot on for me! I started watching thinking "I need to do this" and then thoughts came of when I have and the benefits of it! I wanted to do a yoga class but knew that I don't like group exercise. I ended up setting a goal of going to yoga class 6 times and I'd quit after 6 times if I still wanted to. That was 5 years ago. My yoga ladies are my tribe! I'm so grateful I challenged myself and went! That's just one example. So..."vanilla" works and I need to keep trying to do things that are good for me that I don't want to do .❤ if anyone read this whole thing and you are thinking of something you want to challenge yourself to do, DO IT even if it's just once. I am cheering for you!!! Thanks Emma!

[@susanwright4414]

❤ when I was depressed in college, I would tell myself this quote "I must lose myself in action, lest I wither in despair." Alfred Lord Tennyson

[@sunshine9331]

I’m so glad I went for a run today even though I didn’t feel like it. The feelings of joy and happiness came after feeling pretty down.

[@chontang7562]

The very first wicked cycle I wanted to break after watching this video was stopping being a lurker at least for once. I want to say thank you a ton Emma for all these videos you have done. I am normally a lurker who would only hit a like button. I would love to hit many likes rather than saying any words if this was possible. It was all about insecurity and anxiety in many ways. Leaving a comment may take me at least half an hour to think through and calm down my anxiety. Probably a video about being spontaneous and not impulsive would be very helpful :) Thank you again.

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment! I really appreciate it, and I'm happy that you're learning and growing in your personal journey!!😀❤

[@ellenh278]

💚

[@colinm1325]

​@@TherapyinaNutshell Thanks for all your tips n tricks. I haven't checked in here for a while, but not l have and it was just what l needed. Thanks. Vanilla!😊

[@laurabuehler]

Great achievement! You did it. Now, taking baby steps, maybe you can make another comment in a week or two. If you can't bring words to mind, maybe just post an emoji. 🎉

[@colinm1325]

@@chontang7562 Hey chontang, ✅️thanks to you, l now know that l can do it too. Give your self a pat on the back, congratulations for making and succeeding in the effort.

[@SummerSunB]

Very few people can effectively communicate with such Mindfulness, strength of passion and empathy. I am really glad I have found you today. Thank you for being you!!! I need a you in my life. 😇😇😇

[@catheyok]

I have been praying that God would help me reignite my enthusiasm and help me be motivated. And, Voilà, this video gives me realistic tips on how to do it! I’ve had the “I don’t want too’s” for a long time. I actually want to, but I have disappointed myself when I fail to start or to finish a task. And I never feel better. These steps are very practical. Thanks!!

[@kmdiamond]

A friend of mine was in ICU after a bad suicide attempt, and I had just had a nasty end to a 17 year break up and I was trying hard not to relapse from alcohol addiction, and it was actually really lucky that the friend's dog was dumped on me to take care of because a) and ADORABLE loving dog was with me and everything that goes with that, but also B) there was necessity to do things. I HAD to get up to walk her, to feed her, I had to be conscious and alert, to feed her, to take her to pee, to clean her teeth, to make sure she had food and water, a cozy bed and toys to play with and someone to entertain her for enough hours during the day. To have someone's needs to take care of is what made me get up every day and meant I stayed healthy(ish) and clean, and walk twice a day, because I had to. it was actually the best thing that could have possibly happened.

[@user-ij9uk8tn8i]

When I'm really struggling to do something (like tidy the house when I'm really not feeling like it) - I talk to myself like a todler.... "Come on, pick up that empty packet and put it in the bin", then once I have, "GOOOOOOD JOB!!, Well done you!! OK, now, can you pick up something else....? You can do it....." It really works. But until watching your video, I didn't realise there's actually some science behind this!

[@tantuce]

Give yourself a huge smile in the mirror and thumbs up.

[@michaeljacobs3418]

I dont want to give the wrong impression but I adore this lady! So spirited and warm hearted ❤😊

[@palestar828]

Wrong impression? Don't get it

[@ericamacs3875]

@@palestar828 doesn't want to seem creepy.. .

[@biasedknowledge]

Thank you for sharing this important message about behavioral activation! I had a client who, like many, was caught in the downward spiral of anxiety and depression. They believed they had to wait until they ‘felt like it’ to take action, which of course never happened. We worked on shifting their mindset, and the ‘vanilla’ concept you mentioned is exactly what we focused on - doing the difficult, undesirable things, like attending social events or taking care of personal hygiene, even when they didn’t feel like it. The change was incredible. As they consistently chose ‘vanilla,’ their mood and motivation improved, and they began to see hope again. This video encapsulates everything I’ve seen work in real life. Well done!

[@dorrainescofield6599]

Love this video! Thank you! Reminds me of a little mantra that I used to use when I was stuck trying to find motivation to cross a finish line to retire at a job that bummed me out - it was “Get up! Dress Up and Show Up!”

[@ivebel3966]

I have pretty severe agoraphobia. Yesterday evening I hung out with a guy i’ve been texting (we had never seen each other before + i like him, so a lot of pressure), and it went SUPER well!! i was overjoyed once i got back home, it was so hard in the beginning but i enjoyed every second of it, and i feel so proud of myself for being able to do it. i feel like im starting over and building a better life, maybe with a new partner as well :)

[@discopotato675]

Needed this. Finally got up and did some self care that I'd been neglecting because I've been in a funk for a week. Came back an hour later, opened KZbin, and this was there for me to watch. So, it just reinforced why I feel better in this moment.

[@becbell4913]

Love it. Have had a recent big change in our lives..uprooted. Today, I got up earlier than I have been, beautiful walk, spent the day facing small jobs, started doing a five min warmup which then grew to an arm workout, legs, abs, all five min! Then a shower which I'd been avoiding. Amazing how a conscious action at start of day to try n feel better, builds on itself .

[@hgrace0]

Until I watched this, I didn’t realize that a lot of the times that feel successful, it’s because I actually tried something different. I like that you helped me see this

[@arundhatichoudhury7403]

I am so proud that I made everyday in the morning at 7 am this week, and make myself to a shower and took a cold shower and then do some breathing exercise or something meditation, and start working at 8 am. With my PTSD and anxiety issues, I am capable to work full time and go to sports and actually able to have a life.

[@KimiDoubleU]

Thanks!! 🗝 "Act different to feel different, not the other way around!" What a terrific block of words, they positively hit home with mounting revelation!"

[@osullivanmelvideos]

"Go get youself some cows" 🐄 is going to be my motivational mantra now! Thank you for this video! Needed to hear it AND proud I got up and walked to the store and back to get my steps in. I've never done that. Felt way better after!

[@KingaGorski]

Your old coach sounds like a rad teacher and an awesome human. Thanks for sharing those stories, love me a good analogy! And yes 💯 *actions precede emotions* 💪

[@VIVDVE]

God bless you for helping all of us around the world.

[@Sorchia56]

I’m watching this every morning! I get out of bed every morning despite being overwhelmed. Some days I accomplish something, most I don’t. I’m over it. Thank you for this! 💚

[@mandystaton3597]

I had no idea that others face exactly what you were saying that I face every single second of the day. Everything you said made so much sense and I started crying when I watched the scenes that your coach instilled in you at a young age. I definitely need that t-shirt! I may have to save vanilla 1000 times a day, but I’m willing to do it

[@anneclark9508]

My Father always told me, "you just have to keep moving." It means different things to different people

[@carolegoldstein4482]

It's so interesting that I was mulling this over recently and specifically on a day where I really didn't want to do various things, and this pops up on my KZbin feed page. I'm really pleased. Thank you very much.

[@michaelharris2624]

I love the story of Vanilla. As I was watching this video,I got up and made a sign that said, Vanilla and I put it on my fridge to remind me every day. Thanks for that story. 😊

[@deborahwilson6970]

I keep reminding myself of Newton's Law. Watched this at the right time as I deal with migraines that come on suddenly My motivation in the morning is repeating Adm Mc Raven's "completed the first task of the day," after I make my bed.

[@vegansinthewildover5023]

Perfect timing, I’m feeling overwhelmed in my new apartment that everything is everywhere and I can’t find anything. So today I’m going to break down the cardboard boxes and bring them to the dumpster and be proud of myself.

[@aakanshaagnihotri1494]

I'm not depressed as of today, but I did have a bad day, or a bad moment I guess which left me really sad. And I turned to KZbin to study, (just got negative motivation from my emotions I guess), and this video was on my feed. The channel I subscribed when I 'Was' depressed. And I'm glad I watched it. Thanks a lot. ❤

[@jennifershort3104]

I hesitated to pet sit for my friend because I live in an apartment and just didn't feel up for it, but I had been really lonely. So, about a week before I asked if she had someone keeping her cat. She didn't so I agreed to do it. Now I have a reason to get up in the morning and more of a schedule than I've had since I lost my job. Before, I was dragging and had no real schedule. I ran out of steam quickly having gotten little to nothing done at day's end. One week down and one to go. By the time the cat is gone I will be in the habit of getting up and ready for the things I have to do to take care of myself and improve my situation.

[@rutha1464]

I make a list of all my dreaded tasks. Attack the hardest first, and it's amazing how quickly the others are tackled afterwords.

[@SumitSinghrao]

I love your videos, I was always afraid to do new things or overthink about that activities. Before doing any activity I felt overwhelmed. But after seeing your videos I feel relax and tension free. You are totally magical. Love from my side❤

[@zebeart8808]

When was young, I had an intense fear of public speaking. Even having to state your name in a new classroom would fill me with paralyzing horror. I would go to a party and not say one word. After graduating high school, I went to work for a dentist, and attended community college in the evening (1970's). Well, one of the classes I had to take was "speech." I honestly didn't think I would survive. I stuttered my way through the introductions in the first class. I had diarrhea every day (once a week) I had to attend class, and I had to put my hands in people's mouths (no gloves back then). Well, there was a long speech at the end of the semester that counted as the final grade. I couldn't sleep well for a week, and just thinking about it caused me to hyperventilate. Finally, my time to get in front of the class came (about forty people, forty-one if you included the professor, and I know she felt sympathy for me by now). I had chosen to talk about pollution because we lived in a stinky highly industrialized area. I had all my note cards ready as I walked up to the podium with jelly like legs. Please help me live through this I prayed. I started out and it was a disasters from the start. My voice was shaking as I started to speak, and then I dropped my note cards and looked up at the other students who were feeling my pain. Then something clicked. All those eyes, including the professor's, were staring back at me - and I did have something important to say. I was one against each person who was only 1/40th, and that gave me a great power inside. So I told tgem with passion and expression about a future with the horrors of unbridled pollution in ths area. The students gasped and growned in horror, and even the professor's eyes looked worried. I had actually caught their attentions, emotions, and touched their imaginations. Overvp the years, I have given thousands of speeches, even to over a thousand people. And that doesn't include my classrooms as a teacher. I have made thousands of dollars and supported my self with speaking. Life is such an adventure. To get out of a depressive state, just call up a group that meets over something you are passionate about and offer to be their speaker for that month. Remember, the more people, the less fear you should have.

[@dawnwhite5410]

Thank you for taking the time and effort to share this story of triumph.

[@monicamestas7566]

Just came across your channel. Very helpful and relatable -- not teachy and preachy. I've always said, "Take action." I didn't know it had a name: Behavioral Activation. I battled depression all my life but also had kids and animals. So you've got to get up and get going when so many depend on you. Subscribed! Thank you. I think you'll help a lot of people 💖

[@onefortears19]

Dear Emma, I discovered your course on anexiety about an year ago just when I was suffering an anexiety and depression episode. I cannot describe how much your courses and therapy helped me, you truly are changing lives! Thank you for everything you do for us!

[@pietbiertappertje4529]

I once heard the theory that depression might be a metabolic problem. I think there's some truth to that in the sense that your brain expects the energy expenditure is too high to do anything. The only way to fight that is prove this estimation wrong by doing stuff (the way described in this video), taking action.

[@aielianna]

I notice when I do things they are never as hard as I thought they were gonna be. But it’s like when it’s time to do it again my brain tries to convince me that it’ll be too much work even though I have already proved it won’t be

[@designlady1732]

Thank you so very much for this. I found that breaking down physical activity into smaller ½-hour blocks of weight-lifting or cardio made it harder for me to avoid or procrastinate. Second, I started sewing again after years of atrophy. I underestimated how much joy it brought into my life. Sewing gave a sense of accomplishment, brought compliments, conversations, connected me with other crafters, and motivated me to get out, share and socialize. The kind of confidence builder I really needed to counter all the negative talk.

[@infl2u]

Every morning I make a list of what I want or need to do while I drink coffee. Easy job so far. No pressure. Can blow it off if I want. If I don’t feel like doing any of it, I pick something super easy and do it. Scratch it off the list. Better but not pumped, go to the next easy thing. Scratch it off. OK, now circle things that really have to get done, pick one and do it. Another day you pick the hardest thing on the list and get it out of the way. All downhill from there.😊

[@TheFiveyearflu]

Thank you Emma! You are a gift from God Almighty. May he perpetually bless you and your family.

[@pamelatheado6484]

Thank you. This does make some sense to me. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I will re watch this several times.

[@PaulaFreemanCiskowski]

Fake it ‘till you make it is probably the one thing that has helped me break the cycle of depression. It became such a habit that I didn’t realize it until seeing this video. It works, do it!

[@leighdegenhardt485]

Vanilla!!! My new mantra!! Love it! Got on the stationary bike today for 10 min! I did feel better! Still depressed, but it is a start! Found your channel bc YT decided I needed to see it!!! Glad it did! Thank you!

[@lmack6596]

Vanilla!! ✌️😄 I'm in struggle city today. We CAN and WILL do this! 💪🤓

[@tedyoung9825]

Sweet thing, this is so dead on. I struggle with almost all your examples. Being overwhelmed with tasks. It takes so much to get them started but once into them my mood changes and I almost hate to stop. I needed this and I passed it on to a friend. Thank you.

[@valeriephillips2884]

I was really procrastinating doing some chores, so I sat down and watched this video instead! Ha! It was helpful tho and very true. I'm getting up to do the dishes now 😊

[@Spread_hummus_not_hate]

@@valeriephillips2884 great

[@Katherinedeloro]

I watched, I got up, I drove to the beach and sat for a few minutes and it was good! Thank you!

[@Cloudymoon916]

I did this for more than two decades but unfortunately it didn't change me from being socially awkward and not enjoy going out. I just pretended to be like everyone else thinking it would make me turn into the kind of person I wanted to be. After a major depression and anxiety filled year in my late thirties I ended up needing medication and when I finally permanently came out of the depression it was because I realized this is just the way I am. It was other people that made me feel bad about myself and like I needed to be more like "normal" people. I just live my life and and am much happier now.

[@Marie-lf8ut]

Did you ever take the Meyers Briggs test? It's FREE. Once I took it, I realized just who I truly am. I felt the same as you until I took it. Look it up. It's all over KZbin and you will be wondering why you never knew things you mentioned are truly authentic to you. Please do it!

[@oakfat5178]

Thank you so much. Although I did a very helpful CBT course a while back, recently I've been stuck in that hole of expecting motivation to appear while I sit and wait. I really needed this reminder of how to break out of the cycle. Your coach sounds like he was/is a great coach.

[@Dragonfly20233]

Choices lead, feelings follow

[@Anlonn]

every morning i chose to go to gym. and the feeling is "yeah sure, were is the rush" and then i dont go :)

[@melvinbirdman7438]

Where the head goes the heart follows

[@kevinspano7315]

Yes. Feeling follow thots and actions.

[@c.j.9141]

​@Anlonn Patience my friend. It's not a drug kinda instant high like some may lead you to believe...

[@chezfavi]

I'm going to do it because I don't want to. Love it. So helpful! Thank you!

[@tonyaeiden3779]

In 12 step programs, they say take the action, the feelings will follow.

[@sallybee19]

I often describe doing what I don’t want to do like getting into a cold pool. Once I start swimming, I know I’ll feel better!

[@cheryellemley-mcroy6758]

I do the basics. My night routine is to take care of the cats, put down fresh food, clean water, then brush my teeth, and go to bed. I've been trying to add just one thing to my routine until it becomes a habit. Then add another one.

[@NatickJill]

Thank you. This was very helpful. It explained some of what has been happening as I declutter and work on getting some much-needed repairs to my house done. I had anxiety about hiring contractors, etc. and the more I do the less anxiety I feel.

[@indigopentagram3330]

I'm glad I subscribed to you. I've saved this in my watch later for when I needed it and I've been extremely stressed all day. The Dread lives rent free in my brain affecting everything I do and think. I do find solace in cleaning. I start with one thing, then I think "that's better, and it would be better if this is clean next" and so on... Listening to your video made me actually get up from my chair and do some exercises. I am going to start working more physical activity into my life. I used to exercise regular but lost the habit about a year ago. Everything is so intense right now and running is sounding more and more inviting. I may not be able to control all the terrible things going on in my life but at least I can control my steps. Vanilla :D I'm kicking out that Dread in my brain and replacing it with that sweet story.

[@KatieBeeLee]

Bringing plants into my space let in more natural light, encouraged me to get up and care for them, and enhanced air quality, which together greatly uplifted my mood.

[@theunspeakable24]

I love your videos. Covid is not over for me. I'm 68 yrs with immune system very susceptible to viral infections. I feel locked in , now 4 years +. I still feel young with lots of ideas but this has made me feel old ( and broke).

[@outdoorsmom2000]

Setting small time goals, helps me get started and moving. Today I didn't feel like weeding the garden. I told myself, "Just do the best you can do with 10 minutes." It was easy to keep going once I got started, probably did another 5-10 minutes more and felt accomplished : )

[@virginiathornton]

This advice sounds so gentle and effective, and I am trying to think seriously about why it doesn't work for me. I think I grew up in a high pressure, invalidating environment, in which I was often, at critical times, told to ignore my own powerful negative feelings and just do something that someone else wanted me to do. For the sake of doing it. And to just get over it. So now, I actually enjoy wallowing in dirty hair, unwashed dishes, cartoons during the daytime. I have mixed feelings about it, and I've been in therapy for depression for years. But this kind of advice is positively triggering for me. I remember one therapist telling me "you have the self-discipline to do x" and I said, "no, I really don't. I really don't want to discipline myself, I feel like I have had enough of that." I wonder if anyone else feels this way? My answer to the question, does anyone feel worse after they exercise? is yes. I can't catch momentum. I can get up shower go to work ... and then get depressed by 11:00 and go back home and crawl into bed.

[@just.me.653]

1:17 vanilla speech. I’m saving it so I can always come back to it. I now say vanilla in this manner; it has become my catalyst to start something I don’t want to do.

[@bjayscanlon]

I've been doing this all along. Much better than medication. Thanks!!

[@marlenebrown2569]

Great message for me today. You must have been coached in drama. Your gestures are perfect for your point, and your voice is active and perfect, too. Love it.

[@chaikchaichai]

The timing of this video is amazing. Thank you!