BEING JUDGED BY MY JEWISH COMMUNITY?

Is Judaism an inherently judgmental religion? Or is this a more recent trend in some communities and by some people in power? Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
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[@yarocdesigns]

I began my conversion in late 2019, so much of my Jewish journey was online. I'm grateful for all the Jewish community on social media, especially TikTok, but I have experienced a lot of judgment from self-proclaimed Orthodox Jews toward me since I am queer, trans, and a conservative convert. I fortunately have a very welcoming in-person community at my synagogue, but as I recorded my conversion journey online, I was flooded with cruel comments that, tbh, do get to me at times. I'm so grateful for creators like you who are a welcoming and affirming and non-judgmental space. ETA: I say "self-proclaimed" because perhaps they're just trolls trying to spark division between Jews, but it still hurts to get mean comments from other Jews. So glad for all the creators who focus on the positive and uplifting the community!

[@yarocdesigns]

@@anna-tn8mg No no no, not at all! You misunderstand. I phrased it that way intended to indicate that they say they are Orthodox Jews, but they very well might be trolls just trying to pit Jews against one another. All my friends who are Orthodox are very wonderful and kind and would never make hateful comments to others online. I apologize if my wording was unclear. I really meant the opposite of how it came across to you. My apologies again, and wishing you a Shabbat Shalom!

[@yarocdesigns]

@@anna-tn8mg I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't know where you think I claimed to be any kind of authority on Judaism. Though I have undergone an intensive period of study for my conversion, I would never claim to be an expert or authority, and I wish no ill to any Jew, even those who have harmed me.

[@tettivestberg2989]

It’s the same in all religions when they becomes too fundamentalistic if it is Christian , Jewish or muslims they are equally crazy in their way to suffocate their members souls and deny them everything that gives you pleasure.

[@MyJewishMommyLife]

Very much a crossover!

[@cantocant2346]

Suffocation is a perfect description of that! All the joy is sucked out of life in those situations.

[@esthers6014]

Shalom. I’m a “frum” orthodox Jewish woman who lives in Brooklyn, NY. I haven’t experienced or witnessed the shunning you mentioned although I know there are some very insular groups who live by strict standards and probably do engage in the behavior you described. My shul (Chabad) isn’t too judgmental. I don’t think anyone has the right to tell you how to live your life. And yes I’ve noticed the Igram folks who discipline other Jews, etc. What you do and how you live is between you and HaShem (imho).

[@simonewoodwell7354]

I am Jewish . Why would anyone want to be part of a community that is so judgmental. I have never liked the idea that I should have to ask the rabbi how I should conduct my life. Excellent video

[@mikesamovarov4054]

There is zero suggestion of covering up in Torah, and who cares what those trolls say. They're not real Jews anyway, just distantly related to Jews. Who cares 😂

[@nicolecasavant2564]

You are inspiring people to be a modern day mother and still upholding amazing family values and religious principles. I wish I was Jewish but there is no community near enough to me. I world want to be the kind of person that you exemplify. Keep being you and authentic. You're doing fantastic.

[@asmallsanctuary]

Marion, I agree with your hypothesis that some elements of ultra-orthodox religions can influence each other and have a shared response to modernity: I think this is part of the polarization we are seeing in our time. Given that the late majority of American Jews are non-Orthodox and value gender egalitarianism, I’m always saddened to see these values not represented in media depictions. As an experienced female rabbi and nascent KZbinr, I think it’s really imperative for egalitarian Jews - be they Reform, Reconstructionist, Conservative or something else - to be present, confident and educated on social media. Thank you for fulfilling that authentic mission. ❤

[@loreleigriffiths2350]

I’m not Jewish , but I look at you and how you care and love your family . Is this not enough? Remember you’re perfect the way you are . Delete all negative comments.

[@awkwardpawsome]

@@anna-tn8mg What the fuck are you talking about???

[@r.j.whitaker]

"The pedestal upon which women have been placed has all too often, upon closer inspection, been revealed as a cage". -Ruth Bader Ginsburg

[@susanheller7877]

I used to be reform but am orthodox now and live in the USA. I live two months a year in an ultra orthodox community in Jerusalem when i visit my daughter and her family. In my reform community the rabbi and many congregants were very judgemental of the orthodox and expressed it openly. The people i knew that were orthodox were some of the kindest and genuine people i knew. They also had the strongest family values. I left the reform community because it was so judgemental and gradually become more observant and find the orthodox community to be much more open and accepting. I now cover my knees, elbows, clavicles, and hair. I would suggest that you call one if the orthodox shuls to see what classes are offered and take one to better understand the milieux of Jewish orthodoxy before making judgements on those who are more observant.

[@ShoshiBA]

Excellent. I definitely feel judgement from the Orthodox community for not being observant enough but I also tend more frequently to get judgement anymore from my own Reform branch for being politically at the other end of the spectrum from the norm for Reform. Damned if you do..Damned if you dont.

[@PipsKay432]

I am not Jewish but i think, that there always be people who say no do it this way or that, but as long as you know that you are who you are and know how you follow your religion and what you believe then, you are honoring your beliefs and religion!

[@suethorogood7771]

No good ever comes out of any extreme . Being kind is the best value of all . Keep doing your own thing x

[@chayasuriemargareten2130]

Hi! great point... As an orthodox jew living in Israel, I think it comes from the conncept of 'areivut' where jews feel very connected to other jews, and feel responsible for fellow jews. Which is a wonderful trait, when used correctly. I'm not endorsing tzniut police, just explaining where its coming from. So, not judgmental, just feeling responsible for other's deeds. Most ppl, (the ones I know) however, would rather try to be a good example of how you can be modest and stylish at the same time, thereby showing the beauty of religious judaism. People who yell in the street are obviously louder and more noticable, but they are not the majority, imho. Reg women being dressed in black - the ones who dress from head to toe in black robes and cover their faces - that has absolutely nothing to do with judaism. Its an extreme cult, and the idea of covering a woman like that actually comes from the muslim culture. Reg regular hassidic women wearing a lot of black - i believe that has more to do with style and black being more slenderizing than tzniut... you see lots of of ultra orthodox women (including myself:)) in colorful, fun, stylish clothes

[@MyJewishMommyLife]

Love hearing your thoughts on this!

[@mikesamovarov4054]

May I ask why are you Orthodox? It's a novelty and fake branch, created only recently. How do you justify worshiping rabbis, who are just humans? Why not focus on traditional Judaism that only worships Hashem? Just curious how you justify it to yourself...

[@stephenfisher3721]

Got matzo? lol. (Connected to famous Horowitz Margareten?)

[@chayasuriemargareten2130]

@@stephenfisher3721 yep!! my family. but no matzo here ;)

[@megvoss3329]

In my humble opinion, we can always count on the highly religious to be the most judgmental.

[@christydeannl3105]

This is so sad but true!

[@PipsKay432]

Absolutely in any type of religion as well

[@MyJewishMommyLife]

There can be a correlation, not always of course but definitely can be.

[@mikesamovarov4054]

Highly religious are obviously not judgemental. Only small minds and rеtаrds judge. Hashem doesn't, neither do real Jews.

[@beans4853]

Yes, but a true tzaddik (righteous person) never judges others. It's a very high level to achieve that.

[@marciaboucher8346]

I am a modern orthodox divorced woman. I live in a relatively small southern city. I work as a?crossing guard for the public school system and wear pants and short sleeve shirts, safety first. My Rav, Rabbi, from the pulpit preaches unity. A Jew is a Jew is a Jew. We have members from every walk of Jewish life, the few who judge here are not walking a truly Jewish life. Remember, we lost the temple because of hatred between Jews and losh and Horrar. I enjoy watching you, I have learned from you and have others in my community watching you as well. You are raising 3 beautiful little boys with Jewish values and should be proud of what younare doing.

[@eliasmai6170]

I think being judgemental is not limited to people in any community or subcommunity, religious or otherwise.

[@mikesamovarov4054]

Yes, it just comes from human egocentrism. It has no roots in any religion.

[@andrealang5277]

Although I am not Jewish, I can definitely relate to what you are saying. This is an issue that I believe transcends into most if not all religions. In my community there is also a lot of judgement passed on by the more pious Christian’s towards those that are not as observant. There is a form of “shunning” as you described. It makes me sad that this exists within faith. I try to handle it by asking God to keep me humble, to keep me focused on the things that truly matter, and to remember that I need to live my life in a way that reflects God’s grace and love. Judging and critizing others does not reflect God and sadly it may damage the way another thinks about God.

[@lwallis62]

I agree with you 100 percent to follow what feels good to you in your heart and soul. You have wonderful faith and that works for you and your family. It’s funny, my sister who is a much more “devout” Catholic, and she is one of the most judgmental people I know. Just because you go to a building and Pray does not make you holier than any other person. Love your videos. 💗

[@meadowrose100]

Hi, Marian. I’m not Jewish but I’ve never had a problem with your modesty at all. I’m subscribed to your channel and love your videos; they’re interesting, informative and fun.

[@1949chefjojo]

We love you whatever you do. You are a real hardworking Mom.

[@stephenfisher3721]

The norms of the group are extremely important. I have found that each congregation, no matter its affiliation has certain expectations of behavior. There will be social pressure to have everyone conform. No matter Reform, Conservative, or Orthodox, these group norms exist and are more important than any theoretical or external rules.

[@reinateixeira3447]

I agree. As a Jew myself… I find that I’m too Jewish for some Jews or I’m not Jewish enough for other Jews. I find that when we judge others we create division. This goes against the Law to dwell together in unity. There is a difference between rebuking someone out of love and judging others to diminish their self worth. I have to remind myself that they are not the final judge. No matter what, I have been called a daughter of Israel by the God Most High!

[@ariellaryner7740]

I hear you

[@karenjohnson5634]

I agree with you! This exact thing happens in the Christian community too.

[@mikesamovarov4054]

You're perfect just the way you are! There is zero suggestion of covering up in Torah, and who cares what those trolls say. They're not real Jews anyway, just distantly related to Jews. Who cares 😂

[@chanakorn9449]

No one covers there faces in chassidic communities that’s beyond and crazy.. but covering your hair and not wearing pants and open necklines not wearing very short skirts.. that we do as a Jewish chassidic mom

[@beans4853]

Theres an extreme cult in Israel would does that. They happen to be Jewish, but all rabbis said that what they are doing is against the Torah and not okay

[@stephenfisher3721]

The Haredi burqa sect claims that modesty requires a burqa-style covering of a woman's entire body and a veil covering the face.נשות השאלים

[@renaperl]

I wanted to start this out by saying that I really do love your channel, Marion! You are very open that you don't keep the halachot of Shabbat or family purity completely, and while I would love if every Jew did, it never even occured to me to judge you for it. Also, the whole issue of Jewish communities rejecting people they see as "less religious" is really a lot more complex, and the extreme cases you outlined in the video really are exclusive to more strict, insular communities, which are not at all the majority. I teach at a religious school is Israel, and they are super accepting of all different types of backgrounds. Honestly, it is not uncommon at all for a non - religious family to send their children to a religious school. The school is usually overjoyed that their parents want to them to have a Jewish education. Where I work, all the students come from families with various levels of observances. At parent teacher conferences, some mothers come in pants, some come with their hair completely covered, and everything between, and the staff really does not care. It always does bother me when other Jews are so judgemental. It is completely valid and honorable to want every Jew to experience the joys of keeping all the mitzvot properly, but doing so in such a degrading and antagonistic fashion is never going to have an influence on anyone. The highest form of serving Hashem is out of love!

[@mikesamovarov4054]

Well, there are no such thing as "Jewish laws", those are fake and made up by a novelty movement called Jewish Orthodoxy. But it's not real Judaism at all, as they worship people/rabbis 😂 Also, there's no dress code suggestions in Torah. Read it again! Real Jews are NOT required to follow any human-made rules. I only follow Torah!

[@LeahElisheva]

I’m guessing you are messianic … to say something like this. I have friends who belong to Beth Yeshua Mesianic synagogue and they talk like this. ❤ they are my friends and I love them dearly. I really enjoy a lot of what the rabbi teaches as well. We disagree on some fundamental stuff- but choose to focus on the things that we have in common. Treating our fellow man with respect, kindness and love. Regardless of differences. That is Judaism. 💜 The Oral Torah is the Torah - it wasn’t something made up my rabbis. And we don’t worship rabbis. That’s absurd… sorry but you are misinformed if that’s what you believe. I see you commenting on here a lot and calling us trolls and not real Jews because we practice differently than you. That’s judgmental. And lashon hara.. I would never judge you, please do not judge me because I am a little more traditional …. Thank you.

[@VKS4life]

I’ve noticed some comments that were not very nice. You handle these comments with grace, dignity, and class. 👏👏👏

[@mattr.1310]

Hi Marion,I would not worry about what other people say. On KZbin you have some haters & people who are jealous of your success! I am subscribed to your channel & my wife listens to you as well. You are good person & represent Judaism well! This is my first comment. You understand our religion just fine & explain it well for all peoples. Keep on doing what you are doing. Judaism is not judgemental! It is open to all! I had to say something because this is an important topic! It is better to follow the liberal sage Hillel than Shammai! Love your videos & all the best to you & yours! B"H!

[@MyJewishMommyLife]

I appreciate that, thank you!

[@mattr.1310]

​@@MyJewishMommyLife Keep up your good work, Marion. Everything you do is so well thought out.Your videos are so well done & they help everyone who listens & watches them! Thank you,so much! 👍

[@Sherka55]

I am Jewish, and if you notice most of the comments on here were five people that are not Jewish, which is just a observation. As a Jew, you were trying to portray what a Jewish woman/mother/family should look like and you do not represent the majority or even people that want to be labeled Jewish. You’ve even said in some of your videos that you buy non-kosher meat then what’s the point of it all why would you celebrate holidays and Passover and all these different things in Shabbos when you don’t even keep kosher you’re giving out false information, that’s what’s irritating. Being a good person, is one thing but you’re trying to represent the Jewish community and I do agree with a lot of those people that you were doing a poor job.

[@emmib1388]

she picks and chooses what part of Judaism she wants to follow, IMO

[@FlatironBetty]

As a Catholic, I suffer from the same issue. There are the pious traditionalist who thumb their nose at every parishioner who doesn't cut the mustard and the formality folks who think because they show up Sunday they get a pass when cutting someone off in the church parking lot to pick up the cold cuts in time for the game. I'm hungry now, gotta go make lunch. It will be alright dear ❤ Bless you!

[@gaila.8830]

Very nice video 😊 So happy to have landed at a Chabad that is very inclusive and very far from judgment in the community 😊

[@beans4853]

I believe that chabad across the board is the most welcoming and non judgmental of all Jewish communities. You are lucky to be part of that

[@gaila.8830]

@@beans4853 thank you, I do feel very lucky now that I know what a Chabad is and coming from another synagogue

[@Tzipordeah]

There are just so many aspects of Judaism I am so much more interested in personally than modesty as expressed through covering skin. I feel like many people who are offended by me not doing certain things they think are essential to Judaism come from three motivations: 1) I have suffered in this way so everyone must 2) I find meaning in this and so I know you would if you just did it or 3) I am afraid/traumatized around my Jewish identity (antisemitism experiences, generational trauma, etc.) and that feels out of my control and so I am trying to control everyone around me instead of working through my feelings and fears. However, I have found that in my own Jewish community (mostly Renewal, Reconstructionist, Reform, Conservative, ex-ultra-orthodox or unaffiliated) the majority of people are curious, open, and accepting of all types of ways people are Jewish. Personally, I feel like the Jewish way to handle differences in our community is to have conversations rather than make snide remarks on social media. Everyone makes mistakes and has things to learn to keep being good humans and work towards olam haba. I know I have learned many ways to be better to my fellow humans and I hope we keep moving forward as a diverse community with common values. Judaism has a long history of change and adaptation as recorded in history, in Talmud and even Torah. I think we struggle sometimes to make change because we care so deeply and that is a good thing, to care. But we have got to remember chesed. We have got to remember that even hashem has been too harsh and made amends with us hashem’s people, sending us a rainbow and never flooding the earth again. Love and kindness need to come before harshness.

[@laurettapelletier7679]

I just love hearing you speak, Marion....your message and knowledge comes through

[@Victoria-ov9yw]

As a patrilineal Jew who is Reform albeit taking a closer look at some Reconstructionist temples , I do think that a fear of judgement and being judged is a very real thing and I do think it is partially due to our 613 mitzvot and role as being a chosen people. I personally think being judgmental unless it's for a legit reason like judging someone actively causing physical or emotional harm, there's no reason but I am also very aware that due to my halakha status and personal religious leanings, it's easy like you said to just ignore and go on living my best Jewish life but I am very glad you mentioned that for some people it is not possible. I cannot judge the more orthodox insular communities but on the flip side, I hope that it goes the same way and they don't judge me. So many people are against us, the least we can do is be kind to one another

[@ScenariosOfDrea]

I'm also patrilineal Jew, looking into my Jewish side more, and yeah it's concerning that some Jewish people I know gatekeep Judaism and it's like at it's core, if you look at Ruth, Betya and other women in the Torah, who converted the reality is this; many just had to call out to G-d and tell Hashem they'd follow him, they didn't have all the 613 mitzvot to keep, being a good person at the core of Judaism for the sake of being good is what is the most important.

[@blackcoffeguzzler]

As a Jewish man in the gay community...trust me. Secular (atheist) people are WAAAAAAY more judgemental than religious people.

[@karenjohnson5634]

Really????? I find that shocking and surprising!!! Sorry you experience that.

[@mikesamovarov4054]

Live your life your way. You're created by G-d just the way you are and you are a gift to this universe! I'm a Conservative Jew and I'm accepting of all creatures on this planet with love and peace! 😊💙

[@1949chefjojo]

If G'd makes a beautiful Rainbow after a rain storm, then I promise you that you can wear a rainbow of colors. You represent a higher authority. Be a Jewish Woman of bright light and various colors in this dark world of fashion opinions. Shine on! You look good. P.S. I like Pink too.

[@mikesamovarov4054]

Exactly ❤

[@michellelansky4490]

That sign has nothing to do with being judgemental. Ive never seen or heard anyone get yelled at but they have a right to hang those signs if they want to. Theyre not saying anything about how you should dress in your own time and place. Theyre saying please be respectful and dont come into OUR community dressed in a way that wouldnt fit our comfort level.

[@marshadewey7432]

There will always be judgemental people. You are true to yourself and your religious beliefs. I love your videos. ☺

[@mikesamovarov4054]

Yes, judgemental behaviour comes from human ego. Has no relation to any religion. Cults, perhaps 😂

[@snowy5742]

Personally I would love to see more strict laws and rules as I see society falling apart today and allot of religion has gone. A real breakdown is happening and I'm concerned what the future holds. I would love to go back to biblical day values. I hope it comes back soon.

[@karenjohnson5634]

I know. But the sad thing is, we don’t need more laws, G-d has already given us what we need. It’s just that our society has rejected those laws. We need to obey what He has already told us. But I get what you are saying. It’s sad what’s going on today. 😢

[@andreagardner2335]

This is not just confined to Judaism.

[@yvie9627]

Please can you do a video on Niddah and intimacy customs. Thank you, I’m learning so much from your channel.

[@mikesamovarov4054]

Intimacy is personal to each couple. You do you!

[@helenhoisak8178]

My first time writing a comment to you ever. Have been watching your channel for a long time. On this topic of modesty. I support your position 100%. And I am not even Jewish. I am a devout Christian. You make lots of sense regarding ultra right beliefs in any religion in the world. I understand inherently what you are talking about. You are absolutely correct in the opinions you have made. Good on you.

[@stephenfisher3721]

Acceptance is not necessarily a good thing. I attended some adult education classes at a reform Temple and there seemed to be no boundaries. When the rabbi was asked if something was allowed or not allowed, the answer seemed to be whatever you want to think, whatever you want to do, that is fine. I had trouble understanding how this free for all was Judaism.

[@julieannemichelle]

I believe that loving God is what you hold in your heart and the kindness you show everyone. I’ve always heard that God doesn’t judge people do. I respect those who choose to cover and I respect those who choose not to cover. Times change and so should opinions on how a person wears their clothes. It’s very minor but being brought up Cathartic we had certain beliefs change in time. What I remember is that all women had to wear a hat when going to church, then came the chapel veil, then the doily chapel veil, and then it wasn’t required anymore. If a person wanted to receive communion they had to fast 3 hours before receiving it, then 1 hour, and then not at all. The last change that I recall was Friday was a meatless day. No meat was allowed. Eventually meat was okay to eat on Fridays. I’m retired from that religion now so I don’t know of any other changes but I’m sure there are. I say to each their own. In other words do what makes you comfortable and not what others shame you into doing. God is love.

[@emanuelamattioli6743]

Maybe it happened many years ago.Nowadays on Fridays we Catholics eat whatever we like

[@julieannemichelle]

@@emanuelamattioli6743 I remembered that. I just thought there might be an updated guideline or two.

[@julieannemichelle]

@@spencer_jackson542 Oops! Yes, Catholic.

[@stephenfisher3721]

The Jew in the City writes, "The Sikrikim are not a few “isolated” con-artists who happen to look like religious Jews..…..This is a group. This is an ideology, and it is foreign to our Torah values."

[@sprachenwelt]

Once again, one sees how similar Jewish and Muslim communities are on both poles, be it secular or ultra-religious teaching others how to be

[@abichayil]

This is so relatable as a sefardic Jewish woman who grew up in Christianity as well. And lives near NYC I know exactly how the hassidic community can be harsh a bit of course not all but they are small group of whom can be. Thank you for sharing such an important topic that is misunderstood in many ways. I think that we are in times where Hashem is preparing the way for mashiaj and is making us all Jews and secular people live amongs each other without being threatened of one another’s beliefs but instead understanding loving thy neighbor and unify as a whole in Torah living not man’s rules.!

[@MyJewishMommyLife]

Thank you for your comment!

[@abichayil]

@@MyJewishMommyLife 🩵🤍🩷

[@CADreemz]

It seems to me all organized religion has a judgemental component that ppl will use to manipulate or elevate themselves in some way. I agree it's likely a reaction to our political movement or ppl in power or wanting power. The shunning aspect of religion is powerful & very sad for ppl. I like that you love your religion and observe it with joy. Unfortunately, not all ppl do and they are resentful & go through the motions. The kids feel that energy. My X Jewish husband was a product of that environment & he is very conflicted about his culture & religion because of it. My parents abandoned their Christian & Catholic religions before I was born, but we celebrated Christmas & Easter still. I appreciate the freedom I've had in that regard. Whenever, my older kid wants to learn more about Jewish observation I suggest he watch your videos, and we observe both Jewish & Christian holidays in our home. My teen makes the best Challah bread too! ❤

[@abichayil]

@@CADreemz Couldn’t have said it anymore beautiful I share these emotions 🤍. I definitely recommend to study Jewish Kabbalah it’s such an eye opener to mankind we will see how united and connected we are within all the 70 nations and our beautiful planet earth. God is within us not in temples of men nor in a space outside earth. He and his ruach hakodesh (Holy Spirit) lives in us. Shalom shalom dear!

[@spike16965]

I’m raised catholic and my family is judgmental itself being Catholic. Judgment is in all religions

[@shartman2150]

I hate the fighting between the Jewish sects. (Is that the right word?). We're all Jewish, and honestly have the same haters. Banding together makes more sense than dividing up thinking one way to practice Judaism is better than another. I love your channel and these talks. :)

[@mikesamovarov4054]

There is zero suggestion of covering up in Torah, and who cares what those trolls say. They're not real Jews anyway, just distantly related to Jews. Who cares 😂

[@patriciafrancis9134]

I'm not Jewish but I noticed just what you are saying. I also saw this within the Muslim people when I worked in the hospitals. Women should just support each other. Religion is meant to help people. Each person needs to find their religious match and take from that religion what works best for them. I love how you picked what works best for you and your family.

[@thomaskielbania6781]

I keep Torah as a fast and believe in Yeshua and the cross. I’m not Jewish but follow you as we share The Festivals, Shabbat, Hanukah and families. There is always a judge but we are called to not judge. I pray my comment brings you an unexpected boost as we have loved watching your story as we both pursue The Creator as best we can. Shalom sister!!!

[@MotleyJew91]

My perspective is going to be from a vastly different lens but given my unique set of circumstances I figured I would still share my experience. Im a 31 male, married, and we have two sons(ages 6, and 3). I was raised in a Christian household(southern baptist/methodist) though we stopped actively going to church or discussing religion at all back in like 2003. My oldest son Noah has level 3 ASD, is non verbal, and a cancer survivor(ALL leukemia at 18months old). Needless to say my life was tossed upside down and we were just in survival mode. Once the dust had settled I was looking for structure, I was looking for community, I was looking for values that reflect who I want to be as a person and the values I want my family to have. I have a colorful past to say the least, and Im use to people making snap judgments about me. As a teen I frequently used recreational drugs, had tons of piercing done, a fair amount of tattoos(including hand and knuckle tattoos), I was in a home grown stunt group(we were only 4k away from getting our silver play button before the ADpocalypse 😓). So as i was saying Im use to snap judgements. I started out last October by reaching out to the Rabbi from a local shul, had a zoom meeting with him, when to Shabbat service that week, and have consistently been going since. When i say I have never felt more welcomed somewhere, I really wished I had the words to do it justice. Im taking the courses now and have started having more frequent meetings to discuss in further detail the materials from my class. He is giving my youngest son the recommendation needed to get a jump start to his Jewish education. Even with my outside appearance, the challenges that come with ASD, and us being as of today not Jewish they have never came across as judgmental anything like that. It truly has been quite the opposite. During my last meeting with my Rabbi I was joking about how my youngest son is probably one of the few non Jewish kids in America who know the Shema, Modeh anee, and V'shamru… but couldn’t sing you the wheels on the bus. When he stopped laughing he told me “Yall belong”. So as I said, know this isn’t the lens that you were probably expecting but figured you may still be interested in hearing it.

[@yehudislovett6394]

Please remember that as a conservative jew you really have only one perspective, your own. So to truly speak about other groups of Judaism, and to get a clear and honest perspective, you really need to have open conversations with other Jewish people. It would be interesting to see a conversation between you and more Torah observant Jewish women about hot topics in Judaism such as hair covering, mikvah etc. You will find a lot of nuance and differences among communities that you may view as very insular and one track minded. Jewish observance is not black and white. I specifically said observance instead of religious because being Jewish started with observance at Mount Sinai. You may disagree with me, or that this even happened, however the generational binder of all Jews is the Torah, which is unchanging. We call the Torah “a living Torah” since we can adapt it to modern life. As far as the topic of your video: Yes, Jewish people, as all people, judge others. It’s human nature and is something most people need to be actively working on to improve upon. We are all judging in small ways even if we are not aware of it. Any time you share a perspective of another community without knowledge of all the facts, that is judgement. I really wish you could speak about just the conservative Jewish community and your personal customs, practices, and values, instead of speaking for communities and sharing your “knowledge “ of something you are not immersed in.

[@Suelynngrr]

Interesting ideas you discuss. I have often wondered where I would fit in... it's definitely challenging.

[@nikkimogo7844]

I love your content and I’m obsessed with this haircut length on you 🥰 you’re such a beautiful person inside and out ❤

[@bettymaines6305]

I think this degree of judgmental behavior in these insular communities is despicable. It is making these communities seem more like a cult group. Typically extreme ends of the spectrum is not healthy.

[@mikesamovarov4054]

Exactly ❤ There is zero suggestion of covering up in Torah, and who cares what those trolls say. They're not real Jews anyway, just distantly related to Jews. Who cares 😂

[@mommybreakdown]

Very interesting. Thank you for taking the time to explain your take on the cultural changes. As a non-religious mother, I like to be aware and understanding to various cultures for my kiddos.

[@VioletACordy]

😊❤THANK YOU, Marion Haberman, for ALL the EXCELLENT Videos🌸You are BRILLIANT and you have GORGEOUS sons ~ and a BEAUTIFUL Family🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋My Family and Friends and I enjoyed the interview that you had with your gracious ~ loving Mother🌷🌷🌷My G-D continue to Bless you and Andrew with your hearts desire🌈💥💥💥Shalom to you and your beloved Family💕💕💕Violet (Toronto + Australia) 🌲🎄🌳🏚🌳🦚🌳🌳🐕🐕

[@karenrubinstein]

Love your channel and comments on various issues. For fear of being judgemental... You mentioned KAREN...I would love it if people would stop using the name Karen as a verb with negative connotations. I feel it's hurtful to us run of the mill Karen's just trying to live life..... I know you to be a wonderful and nice person, which is why I was surprised to hear you use the Karen verb.... especially in a video about being judgemental. Cheers.

[@karenjohnson5634]

Fellow Karen here. I do wish the meme would go away. Like you said, I don’t think she means any harm by it. It’s just something people have gotten into the habit of saying. It does feel awkward when someone asks your name, like at a restaurant. You wonder what they are thinking about you!! 😂😂😂😂😂

[@karenrubinstein]

@@karenjohnson5634 🙏 100 percent with you.

[@mikesamovarov4054]

It's too late, term "karen" is too popular and not going away. Sad. So happy it's not my name...

[@yaffadonath953]

I am not judging you. Or criticize you. I am an orthodox woman.yes your hair should be covered, and certain parts of your body are not for display in public. Schools are allowed to he selective and families as well with whom to mingle. BUT WE HAVE TO LOVE EVERY JEW!!. Punishment is not in our hands. Only God can judge. It is not our job to judge other people. I don't agree with a lot of your outlooks. But I view you as a very sweet family loving person. We Jews are brothers and sisters. Our Beit Hamikdash was destroyed over baseless hatred.

[@BaileyBlurbs]

I wonder, does this apply to anyone regardless of religion ? Or is this only for people who practice Judaism? Are you allowed to judge outside of that parameter.

[@aprilsaccountabilityaccoun2889]

Not Jewish but I grew up independent Baptist fundamentalist. Yes a mouthful and they were extremely judgmental. Almost turned me off religion entirely. Heck, almost made me atheist when I was old enough to leave. So yes there are extremists in every religion. Luckily I found a different group of Christians who were not the kind I grew up with and found I could still worship god but not under such a judgemental environment. Keep being you and sharing. Again, not Jewish but enjoy your content. תודה

[@darrylodare6168]

You epitomise all that is good and wholesome.

[@debracubitt6191]

Miriam You and your husband know what is best for you and your family Certainly you have given us something to ponder

[@dennisaur66]

Parshat Tazria was like 4 weeks ago. We shouldn't gossip and slander.

[@christydeannl3105]

You are correct in everything you said! Thank you for saying it out in the open.

[@debrawhitney7116]

Hi Marion, I belong to a reform synagogue. I believe that all Jews were present at Mt. Sinai. There are a couple of orthodox youtube channels that I follow. One said I'm not a real Jew and the other won't talk about reform Jews. I think people are too busy judging others by their definition of Adonai. It happens in every religion. It is a personal decision regarding the level of observance that we choose. Marion, ignore the haters! There will always be someone standing in judgment of another I don't want to be that person. I live my Judaism to the best of my ability every day. Be well and do you. ❤

[@mikesamovarov4054]

Let's not compare internet trolls with real Jews in your local community. Trolls or folks online are NOT your Jewish community! Real people you talk to on a regular basis are!

[@gailpettee7906]

I like these sitting shots because they show how you really live your life

[@uncommonpurestbeauty]

Seeing the photos from the 70s was really interesting, I didn't know how drastically things have changed.

[@pollymorriss3001]

OK FIRST HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY ❤️. SECOND where did you get the fabulous pink shirt/tee? NOW I was told by a Jewish doctor gentleman that Jewish women were the RUDEST/JUDGEMENTAL in the world. Which I have encountered that in reform and conservative synagogues.that being said being Jewish but raised in Christianity married to a minister before we converted CHRISTIAN women are rude, judgement and the biggest gossips. Many are KAREN'S too. So this is my opinion only as a 66year old Jewish woman. I have followed you for 3 years+ have enjoyed watching you grow and those precious boys.❤❤❤ .

[@SusanScrapPassion]

I don’t know a lot about Jews judging other Jews, but I have experienced a Jew judging me as a non-Jew. I am a nanny who Nannie’s for two orthdox Jewish families. They live in a Jewish community here in the U.S. When outside with the kids, no Jewish person will acknowledge my presence or even give me eye contact for that matter. I thought we are all human beings here on this earth. I am very disappointed in their behavior.

[@andreasobuaculla9511]

what a nice world if people were just accepting of others that are different from themselves,if you're true to yourself you'll be truthful with other more likely

[@dee_ewell_pierce]

People judge...Southern Baptist judge Catholics and Methodists. I even had a woman tell me I was using the wrong translation of my Bible. I don't pay much attention. The only thing that matters is our own personal relationship with God. I try so very hard not to be judgemental and I've come a very long way!

[@karenjohnson5634]

Let me guess- you weren’t using the King James Version? I have been around that type of stuff too.

[@mikesamovarov4054]

There is zero suggestion of covering up in Torah, and who cares what those trolls say. They're not real Jews anyway, just distantly related to Jews. Who cares 😂

[@Sparks6351]

Very well said! I love listening to you! Blade Talk stated something similar in his video of why he left orthodox Judaism. You two are amazing at explaining things!

[@stephenfisher3721]

When I first watched the video, I thought the topic was is Judaism judgemental? But when I read the comments, I was dismayed that many Orthodox thought the video was Orthodox bashing. Only when I watched the video a second time, did I understand the impression of Orthodox bashing but I do not think that was her intent.

[@angelanbayern5302]

It isn’t unique to Judaism. You probably feel it more acutely because Jews are fewer in number than non-Jews. So let it be said, it is time for everyone to acknowledge that Judaism is no more “uniform” than Christianity. Example: Just as Roman Catholics shouldn’t chide Baptists for not offering holy communion, infant baptism, etc., and other denominations should stop harping on Catholics for having statues in church. Equally true -Ultra-Orthodox Jews should not fuss at Modern Orthodox, Conservative and Reform Jews for differing levels of “frum”. This is America! Freedom of religion!

[@MyJewishMommyLife]

Very good point!

[@angelalong6740]

It's more strict than the Catholic community. I hope this brings you comfort. I appreciate your cander and cooking styles. God bless you and your family ❤️

[@danielday100]

First I really love your channel! As a Jew living in Israel, I can say that Judaism is undoubtedly a judicial religion, or at least has become more so in recent years. You are probably aware of the political division in Israel in recent years on these issues. The Ultra Orthodox movement has become more and more extreme and the fact that you also feel it in America is very elarming. The right thing, in my opinion, as Jews, for whom Judaism and the values ​​of freedom on which the Jewish nation was founded on is important, is first to talk about it and not to ignore it. Thank you for raising this issue.

[@christinebullard2884]

Hi Marion, loving your content! I'm not Jewish as you know. The exclusionary actions of community for not keeping a modesty law reminds me of Amish shunning which is quite extreme. I have seen non- Catholic Christian groups dressed very similar to a Catholic nun. Then there is the other extremes that seem irreverent. Why people of faith tend to do this is common and a mystery to me. Extremes are not healthy. I think clergy often enforce rules that are more mans religion than God's law, be it Jewish, Catholic, Protestant, and even non Jewish or Christian religions do this, the Islamics for example. No matter your faith G_d molds us , grows us in this life. We all come from different levels in life. It's important not to judge! G_d is our judge. How we live our out faith is an expression of our love for our creator. That can be very personal. I'm glad I haven't had to live with that kind of pressure! Sorry for being long winded.☕🧁

[@emd4104]

I am neither Jewish nor a mother but I enjoy your content - my personal opinion as an outsider is that you do much to promote your faith in a very positive, balanced and respectful way. I think too that perhaps there is no such thing as a single ‘Jewish community’, just as there is no such thing as a single community of any other faith. There are always different levels of observance and the problems perhaps occur when any rule is used as a weapon and a tool of exclusion rather than a guide and an instrument for teaching.

[@anahid.11]

Hi there, I have considered converting. There are so many things I appreciate about Judaism but it's the judgment and exclusivity of it that really intimidates me and discourages me from trying to even join. Regardless, I enjoy watching your content and you are such a sweet lady.

[@ScenariosOfDrea]

Don't give up on your conversion journey, find a sect of Judaism that feels right to you

[@anahid.11]

@@ScenariosOfDrea thank you

[@Aqui..]

​@@anahid.11 Unsure if you know but converts aren't encouraged in Judaism, so if the rabbis seem less than enthused, it's not personal. I've even known potential converts get knocked back a few times.

[@sarahferguson0]

I've been seriously considering converting as well. There is something drawing me to Judaism but at the same time something is telling me I'll never be accepted. It's been a very long and odd journey.

[@sarahwiener8171]

I just want to comment that I live in Israel in an ultra orthodox community. Face covering is absolutely not accepted nor is it the norm. There are certain chassidic groups who are absolutely not accepted as mainstream whose women cover their faces, but again, it's a very tiny minority of a minority and not accepted. The photos of the women that you posted wearing drab, black clothing do not represent mainstream ultra orthodox women in Israel today accurately. People wear colorful dresses, cheerful prints, pretty styles. I just wanted to jump on here and say that that absolutely is not accurate as a general statement.

[@mikesamovarov4054]

There's no face covering in Judaism, dear. Only a fake novelty movement called "Orthodox Judaism" forces women to cover HAIR, but it's not real Judaism. Normal, average Jews don't have to cover their hair. But yes, face covering doesn't exist in Judaism.

[@lindaversil1121]

I don’t know of any orthodox women covering their faces or wearing all black. Not the norm. Lots of misconceptions in this video. It’s not hard to keep the orthodox laws. Millions of Jews do it with no problem.

[@stephenfisher3721]

​@@mikesamovarov4054There is. In Wikipedia, look up Haredi burqa sect

[@stephenfisher3721]

​@@lindaversil1121 The internet has hundreds of stories of Orthodox who did have problems keeping the rules and left. Footsteps is very busy.

[@lindaversil1121]

@@stephenfisher3721 the point is that if she doesn’t want to be orthodox and follow the laws that’s her choice but she shouldn’t be bashing Orthodox Jews . She should find a way to live in a different community and not make excuses. It’s offensive that she derided orthodox Judaism because they can’t accept her ways or marry into her family. Why did she move to an orthodox community if she doesn’t like them.

[@vegantreemama4873]

I love that you made this video. However, when I went to a conservative synagogue as a woman who does cover I felt judged by our rabbi for doing so.

[@robinartemis8695]

This is abusive behaviour. Judaism is not suppose to be judgemental. I am conservative. I would never belong to an organization that does this. There is so much Anti-semitism that this probably why people are being so protective of their community

[@MyJewishMommyLife]

Definitely can border on abuse!

[@lawrencedreebin781]

Which crime is worse, financial exploitation or verbal abuse? “Money can be reimbursed,” the Talmud notes, “but the hurt from words is irreparable . ....

[@PeaceLoveHappiness7719]

I’m not Jewish, but I truly appreciate your educational videos.

[@judystaab7126]

Love god, and love people, is the real answer! What we have on the inside, is what matters. Judgemental, can go iether way. We are all, created in god" s image. I am a pentecostal jew, we believe in a holy,loving, and righteous,living, yet being huma,were not perfect,yet, holiness is a process god works, on us,through his spirit, within us, let's us know when we mee- up, we repent, and let god pick,us up, go-- on! The clothes, are a silent witness, but our attitude, and ta lk, is from the heart! All, are important❤❤❤❤❤😅

[@stephenfisher3721]

Conservative Judaism is actually facing a crisis, will it continue to exist? For years, Conservative rabbis held that observing Shabbat and keeping kosher were required but in practice, most Conservative Jews lived exactly like Reform Jews. While Conservative Judaism supposedly follows Jewish law, it does not always seem to do so, and continually makes lenient decisions. At one time, Conservative Judaism was the largest and strongest denomination, but children of Conservative Jews often realign to Orthodox or Reform.

[@sherylwickenheiser2582]

Sounds a lot like the Amish communities where I live. I am not Jewish but I really enjoy your videos. Thank you.

[@stephenfisher3721]

I do not think that myJewishlife meant to bash Orthodoxy in her praise for Conservative Judaism. All denominations of Judaism have their issues. Most people do not realize that Orthodox Judaism is the most varied of all groups, with so many subgroups. Some Orthodox function quite well in the secular world and others are intentionally insular. It has been well documented that Orthodoxy in the United States has moved to the right since the 1940's. Many Orthodox synagogues had members who belonged because of their parents or grandparents but were not shomer mitzvot. Today more members, if not all, of Orthodox synagogues follow Jewish law. It used to be hard to find glatt meat, now it is the standard. More Orthodox practice family purity and send their children to day schools. The liberal end of Orthodoxy has been shrinking and Haredi practices have become more common in supposedly modern Orthodoxy. While we might want to ignore them, there have been some extreme or fanatical Orthodox groups, although small in number and not at all representative.

[@Jennifer-cl1cl]

Tznius is an important Jewish value, but avoiding lashon hara - speaking judgmentally about other people/gossiping - is also an important Jewish value. If somebody is genuinely and honestly concerned about the way someone else in their community is behaving, then publicly shaming them for their behavior is usually NOT helpful. If you're really concerned about someone, you should talk to them directly, politely - and *privately*. It's like the difference between standing close to someone and saying in a low tone of voice "your fly is unzipped" compared to pointing at someone and shouting as loudly as you can "OMG YOU DIDN'T ZIP UP YOUR PANTS AND WE CAN ALL SEE YOUR UNDERPANTS NOW!!!!" Which of these responses is thoughtful and polite, and which one is meant to cause embarrassment and shame? If you have enough spare time that you can sit around gossiping about the way another woman is dressed, then you have enough spare time to go fulfill some mitzvot - isn't there a sick person in your community you could visit and comfort? Couldn't you use your spare time to bake some extra challah to give as gifts? Is there a busy mom in your community who would appreciate some help with child care or housework or something? You could be out there doing random acts of kindness, but instead you're spending your time worrying about somebody else's behavior instead of your own.

[@SamWest96]

I think if people focussed more on the fundamental loving beliefs of their religion, and less on whether others are doing it "right", the world would be much nicer.

[@JewishEducationatHome]

Hi Marion, Thank you for sharing… we see this too, in real life, off Instagram, and we don’t like it either. There is never a place to put down what a woman is wearing. That in itself is very immodest! It’s a small percent of people, but their words can really STING and make it seem like it’s everyone… All I can say is, you learn to find your “tribe” of women who also love and respect others and don’t judge. Wishing you many blessings! ❤

[@franceslock1662]

I couldn’t agree more. Thanks for speaking about this extremism. Gossip, judgement and shunning are issues. Demonstrations and performances to display how observant and holy a person is are inauthentic.

[@mikesamovarov4054]

There is zero suggestion of covering up in Torah, and who cares what those trolls say. They're not real Jews anyway, just distantly related to Jews. Who cares 😂

[@eugenewilkerson1307]

Never critique how anyone worships. God lives in your heart & soul not in clothes.

[@cincinprovanti]

Thanks for your intelligent insights. Community is hard. And everything.

[@mikesamovarov4054]

There is zero suggestion of covering up in Torah, and who cares what those trolls say. They're not real Jews anyway, just distantly related to Jews. Who cares 😂

[@lindaversil1121]

It’s hard living in a very orthodox community where the women dress modestly and go to mikvah. So if you stand out of course they will say something. It’s not hard keeping the modesty laws. Nothing to do with the temple. You can be Orthodox and wear stylish and colorful clothes.

[@beans4853]

Yeah her video seemed to give the vibe of "you criticized me so I'm gonna criticize you right back". If you live in a community with certain standards and you do things differently, some people will choose not to be your friend or marry into your family because they are looking for someone who does keep to those standards. There is no official communal shunning the way she described it

[@lindaversil1121]

@@beans4853 yes. Exactly. She can’t expect an Orthodox family to marry into her family when she doesn’t keep many of the laws. Conservative Judaism is very liberal and ignore a lot of our Jewish laws. She can’t come to their homes because the Orthodox children aren’t supposed to see immodest women with no hair covering or short sleeves and skirts. She should try her hardest to move near a conservative synagogue where she’d be more comfortable and not criticize the Orthodox for following Torah law as best they can

[@beans4853]

It's ok for orthodox children to see her and know that there are jews who don't keep all the laws. Marrying and accepting her children into an orthodox school is different. Schools have rules you gotta follow to join. And marrying is a personal choice every person makes. There are no rules about whom to marry, though she makes it seem like there are some people who decide that for others. Matchmakers don't decide who marries whom, they try their best to offer you matches that they think you will like

[@lindaversil1121]

@@beans4853 spot on

[@mikesamovarov4054]

There is zero suggestion of covering up in Torah, and who cares what those trolls say. They're not real Jews anyway, just distantly related to Jews. Who cares 😂

[@ltverberg]

Just to point out, the whole reason for the Jewish people is to be a light and model for the nations of the world. It's not to just do your own thing and growl about being judged by others. Yes the standards are excessive, it sounds like. I'm sure you’re right. But why you think that Judaism shouldn't be judgmental is mystifying.

[@jaxcashion249]

That's uncool and sad. I could/would never ever tell another Jew what to do with their Jewishness. Their lives and choices are their own; between them and G-d. ✨🖤✨✡️ Am Israel Chai

[@happy.proverbs.reader]

I come from a gentile background and I’ve studied the Tanakh for 24 years in English and I’ve been judged for not knowing enough about gentile religions, and also for not knowing enough about Judaism.

[@pamelaclark6694]

I just hope you won’t be judged for making this video ❤

[@michellelansky4490]

And yes.......when people want to maintain a certain standard in their communities and schools they will ask members to conform. Why would you want to attend that school anywhere if you dont want to conform to the standards they will be teaching. There are community schools for all types to enter. Re getting married....why would you want a 'matchmaker' to set you up with someone ill suited to you. Thats why they wouldnt match you up with certain people. They match people up based on the values and lifestyle that person would like to lead. Its not a contest. Its about finding the person who fits and clicks for you. It just wouldn't make sense.....And what is she talking about shabbos invitations. People have people over (and much moreso in observant communities than in hers......MUCH......what a joke!) at all levels of religiousity bec has nothing to do with marrying 'your type' or whatever. Has to do with everyone just spending shabbos together. Everything shes saying makes no sense. Just yammering.

[@mikesamovarov4054]

There is zero suggestion of covering up in Torah, and who cares what those trolls say. They're not real Jews anyway, just distantly related to Jews. Who cares 😂

[@neitan6891]

People always present Orthodox, Chasidic, or Haredi Jews as being more “traditional” and “conservative” and Reform, Reconstructionist, and Conservative Jews as “liberal” and as having thrown out traditions or changed things to be more “modern.” But I’ve always suspected that the more Orthodox movements must have innovated and changed (even unconsciously) over the years, so it’s really interesting what you said about the way they dress having changed in the recent past. I wonder what other “traditional” practices are actually not so deeply rooted. Or what things more “liberal” Jews do that are actually older.

[@stephenfisher3721]

Some people think that the Ultra-Orthodox have recreated the Old World but what they have created is something new. The religious Jewish communities in Europe between the World Wars were more diverse, even within a family and often more open to Western education and culture. More are studying in yeshivas than ever before. In Europe, only the wealthy or the gifted went to yeshiva. Reform Jews copied Christians adding organs and family pews to Temple worship. Reform Jewish men prayed without head covering, blatantly ate non-kosher food, did away with Bar Mitzvah and added confirmation. During my lifetime, I have seen Reform Judaism change 180°, adding back so many rituals they once discarded. You can be a Reform Jew today and wear a kippah, eat kosher food, have a Bar Mitzvah and get married under a huppah. Many Reform Temples have discontinued organs and confirmations at 16 years of age during Shavuot.