Bert’s Biggest Fears | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 179

[@MrFozzie52]

It's nice to see the combined weight of the two bears remains constant even through Tom's insane weight loss.

[@senseiseagal8343]

😂😂😂

[@DwarfDt]

It's actually crazy to see Tom back under 200lbs for a bit but did he recently say he got back up to like 230 235lbs

[@ragesickle]

I imagine Bert would pronounce toddler “Tottler”

[@Smoko-9]

​@@DwarfDt he looked weird when he got sub 200 there for a bit, but that might be because he shaved his beard

[@zachbalko90]

It's like Benjamin button

[@spaceRANGERR3]

“I don’t want the air from inside the balloon inside my room” is a wild thought.

[@Last_Chance.]

You ain't lying

[@Michael-dv4io]

Imagine walking through a city breathing. How many lungs has your air just been in?

[@WalkerRamsey]

Tom's impression of Ellis talking is one of my favorite things about this podcast 🤣

[@clevermissfox]

So funny , mine too. I live all his impressions esp valley girl dumb blonde

[@salaciouscrumb3704]

​@@clevermissfox I "live" all of them too 😂

[@clevermissfox]

@@salaciouscrumb3704 hahaha I’ve gotten so bad with proofreading lately. Live laugh live!

[@Mannydamon]

Sounds like your PDF File

[@christianscacchetti9178]

Throwback to when Charro asked “Why you name him Ellis, is he gay?”

[@alanbrown5907]

Tom never tells his wife Christina "I love you", but says it to bert kreisher at the end of every episode of two bears. That's just funny to me.

[@amyparra1881]

Probably she's insecure and raises their kids while he carries the burden of making all the glorious money. Or maybe its hard to work, live, and raise kids together. Or maybe their love has evolved from infatuation to mature love. Love them both.

[@DazedN7]

I figured it's become a bit at this point because Christina acts like she needs love all the time so he refuses to give it to her on air.

[@MrCFBad]

Nah it’s because he doesn’t know if Bert is going to die on his next binge so he’s gotta let him know every time they part ways

[@SamUHells]

@@MrCFBad this is the correct answer. Tina ain’t an alcoholic fat man like our boy bert. Gotta say I love you every time you never know when it will be the last 😂

[@amyparra1881]

@@SamUHells that is actually a very true emotion. I told my inlaws I love them one time, and they were like "wut". Then you tell them the sentiment... they understand. But of course, I grew up with a family that always said "I love you" after every conversation or meeting. So, I encourage everyone to say the same to those you cherish.

[@mikecurley5986]

Bert’s attention span is like a dog who sees a squirrel in the yard. Over and over and over lol

[@AceCmbatguy25]

I like how the comment above you is saying Bert's is a confirmed golden retriever 😂

[@plixplop]

He immediately blurts out whatever tangent pops into his head like a five year old hahaha

[@huntersull1248]

Ellis not knowing how many days are in 2 weeks had me crying of laughter 😂😂

[@cavemanvi]

Ayla choosing a Mexican flag had Bert crying of laughter.

[@ScottyP79]

Killed me 😂

[@huntersull1248]

Such a good episode fellas

[@evanprotsman9623]

1:24 Bret: “I think anyone’s lucky to have me” Tom: *gingerly bobs head* “‘mhmm” His reaction is priceless 🤣🤣🤣

[@MatthewSmith-zx6uk]

I am gonna start lying to myself until I'm this confident. Like, spectrum confidence.

[@ZedNebuloid]

Tom trying his hardest to be near Bart.

[@cavemanvi]

Burd: *tells a mild story about a retainer* Tom: “that’s hilarious”

[@Seven50ml]

The balloon fear confirms my thoughts. Bart is a reincarnated golden retriever

[@JaarsmaA]

this is so fucking funny

[@mattarndt9467]

I love it when these guys just talk about life. Watching them giggle makes my day so much better

[@kelseydaly8352]

Bert pulling out his necklaces with Saint pendants reminds me of Benny from The Mummy pulling out his necklaces to pray to every deity 😂😂

[@tuxedomask7892]

Such an underrated scene 😂 never see it mentioned usually but this is like the 3rd comment I’ve seen about it recently lol.

[@user-iv5yk4nr4q]

Tom is slowly morphing into Top Dog and Bert is just being Bert lol

[@professorpancakes6545]

He looks way more like his mum lol

[@Dodger9215]

Man it was great to see them genuinely cracking up at Ellis not knowing what weeks were. I feel like that's been missing for a while.

[@sentientcardboarddumpster7900]

'I'm gonna be sober this weekend." Bert probably thinks that's all the time he needs for his body to recover lol

[@theone6two3]

When bert talks and laughs at the same time it reminds me of the scene from the ' Goonies' when Patelli's ask Chunk to tell them everything and he starts from the beginning of his life 😂

[@k.c.simonsen2]

Tom could be Bert's PR guy and follow him around in public and when Bert starts to go too far Tom says "let's wrap it up" and Bert immediately says "okay!" and they're on to the next situation. That was so funny

[@Jessica-kt3ne]

Lmfao so true

[@cameronjames391]

Bert is the Alex Jones to Tom's Rogan.

[@jasonwinterton9369]

@@cameronjames391 Yeah they should call it fatter Joe rogan and even fatter Alex Jones lol

[@ja5304]

Burts face swelling really brings out his eyes

[@fffraaankkk]

It's the first hour of a bloated corpse.

[@kinggordon8762]

Bert's TRT is going straight to his gut and face

[@PreLives171]

No no, it brings in his eyes 🤣 the guy's face is so swollen I'm surprised he can see.

[@Pun2404]

2bears1corpse

[@AllFlimmits]

I'd say it shoots them inwards but whatever

[@johngolden2900]

Toms son stories and his Ellis impressions are easily the best parts of any episode 🤣🤣

[@meganklobchar7014]

Bert is gonna be such a good grandpa. He's gonna freak out so happy when one of his daughters get pregnant

[@MikeS-ur2ql]

She's in college so next year probably

[@HowsYourFaceFeel]

@@MikeS-ur2ql i have the feeling they will be adopting.

[@breadlytoasted]

Hopefully he gets his shit together so he can see them hit kindergarten

[@rodgers2886]

@@breadlytoasted Bert is the type of guy who even with a 200/180 Blood pressure will be able to live to like 87

[@seanmcnamara8501]

Bert ain’t making it to that age

[@abrim11]

I love when he says “I’m gonna be very honest, so you can’t judge me.” As if it’s a fact lol

[@EverOrtiz11x11]

Tom is starting to look like his mom 😂

[@ZedNebuloid]

I'm tryna be Tom's stepdad

[@GatsbyMyself]

I want to talk about Hawaii

[@iGigaCow]

It was indescribable

[@christophersullivan576]

Cause he's skinny tom now

[@cartonghadimi9128]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@jacccko]

Bert saying “nightmeer” instead of “nightmare” makes me wanna drive into an embankment

[@Its-Just-Gizmo]

It's like any American saying "Edinburgh" or "Glasgow. It isn't "Edin-borough" or "GLASS KOW"

[@LukeH930]

You ever hear him say "tattoo"?

[@Its-Just-Gizmo]

@@LukeH930 as a tattooist, I need to know

[@tengukaze9199]

​@@Its-Just-Gizmo tut too

[@macexunit03x]

Hahahahahahaha 😂

[@chasecardiff7741]

The "master Bert" thing KILLED ME

[@PootTootPod]

Bert literally starts 5 separate sentences to finish one single thought

[@l800LEMMINGS]

Yes, idk how it’s the same person that put together “Razzle Dazzle”.

[@Good_Sir92]

Haha, it is great!

[@weeed4625]

How's everything going you must be very sad

[@hakke3218]

That’s what’s called ADHD. Shock, I know.

[@PootTootPod]

@@hakke3218 I don't think so. I'm pretty sure it's just being a fat alcoholic

[@evanrodriguez3171]

I love them as friends. Tom always sees when Bert is starting to get flustered and immediately asks another question/changes the subject. True friend not a business partner

[@dylanpailing4314]

You could see the uncomfortable anger coming off of Burt when he did flagrant and I genuinely felt bad for him, but it was also one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen

[@Pun2404]

The Mexican Flag Retainer story and the Two Weeks story is great

[@caseybledsoe380]

Well it’s about damn time we got the boys back together

[@kfred4586]

i was actually very disappointed burnt was in this episode :(

[@misanthropicworld6958]

Kool aid killer strikes again

[@doubletoppy7390]

Uhhh, did Bret just say he drinks during his dreams to relieve stress. That is next level alcoholism. 🏆

[@FrostyJokerr]

Alcoholinception

[@caleighhraee]

Alco-ception 😂

[@scootaymildo1070]

Ginception

[@josef2012]

Booze Champ

[@pengo369]

What the haha drinks in his dreams that's gold jerry

[@earnestlivingandwellness]

Bert completely forgetting that they've had the orphanage conversation multiple times is so funny

[@JoeDunnit]

I think it'd be heart warming to see Bert giving orphans sporting equipment

[@antidefran]

I love how we just sailed passed "Are there still orphanages? I wonder if I can yelp it" like he's going to get food delivered.

[@thar3volution76]

The only way to stop Bort from talking is to put balloons in the room. That was amazing.

[@todbadman]

I know he claimed he didn't speak for 30 mins but in real life it was about 30 seconds

[@rastachandolo9766]

Why would anyone stop him from talking…..that’s his job ….

[@FatTony_Football]

It’s hours after I watched this and I can’t stop thinking about Bart trying to chase around Christian McCaffrey😂😂

[@armaliteslungsentinal7352]

Yo wtf that master Bert thing 🤣 I've had stuff like that happen where it's like reality's messing with you, and to see it happen on a podcast to someone like Bert, for everyone to eventually forget about it made me realize how alone we are with that mystical aspect of our reality.

[@stuartstogdill2406]

Bert is officially insane.

[@valve_is_better294]

Ik wtf, the jumps in his mind happen every like four seconds now

[@dimitri2895]

Lmao y’all must be new😂

[@sibe6096]

Barf should be shot out of a cannon and forgotten

[@stubstunner]

@@dimitri2895 right?! This is the same Bert as always.

[@tylerpopejoy1157]

Yea he's basically like, "I went hard in ny and did coke with shane tores" lmao

[@christianmighell9214]

So happy to have a Bert and Tom episode again!

[@ComedyTechie]

Toms kid not knowing how long 2 weeks is had me dying 😂

[@TheAffeMaria]

Watched the Schulz thing. Feel so sorry for you, don´t feel embarrassed. Full on PTSD and no one around to help but even take advantage of the situation. You powered through like an absolute badass, don´t let anyone tell you differently.

[@jemarkell]

I worked at big 5 for 9 years. Just hearing Bert say the name made my day. I would have freaked out so hard if he came in and bought a bunch of stuff for orphans

[@Henry-kv7zl]

Well, he is your master after all.

[@raes9461]

Bert should get hypnotized to have someone take him back to why he has these fears. It be interesting to watch if he filmed it.

[@michaelortiz2588]

That’s actually a great idea! I doubt he would do it since he seems afraid of his own self realization

[@bikkyful]

Bert has zero interest in self reflection or figuring out why he Is the way he Is, Because he has zero Interest In changing or living In reality, Would rather live delusional till he dies shortly.

[@Theogvineofthedead]

No he needs a true psychedelic experience on ayahuasca or mushrooms with guidance to realize how absurdly forced and narcissistic his fake issue with balloons and clowns is. I don't believe it, I don't believe his fear of them is real. I think it's forced for attention. And that fits with his personality.

[@nathanwedge1229]

It’s always a good morning when I get to hear Bert talk about his alcoholism for an hour

[@valve_is_better294]

Makes you feel like your days off to a good and healthy start

[@giantturd5157]

Don't watch?

[@dabwizardstark]

​@@giantturd5157 do you enjoy senseless content from Bert?

[@commandolando5308]

2 bears is pretty much therapy for Bart and a show for Tommy Buns

[@ub3rskillz79]

​@@giantturd5157 don't defend drunks lol

[@kadiesavel3099]

Tom is such a good friend he could tell Bert was uncomfortable and immediately tried changing the topic love it!

[@zynkeo]

I'm feel so bad for Bert. That's incredibly traumatic. I hope he stops having nightmares soon if he even dreams.. lol love you guys.

[@Clint_Timbuck]

Dude bert is fat and bulbous

[@Diyn58]

Listening to a grown man talk about balloon nightmares on a Monday morning is crazy

[@reedbrady4627]

It might be insensitive but I absolutely do not understand those kinds of irrational fears. A grown man afraid of balloons is absolutely mind boggling to me

[@Huda.Avemaria]

😂 I loved Master Bert!! Did everyone miss that there was a creepy clown in that picture of the kids!?!?😅😅

[@Anouyz]

@@reedbrady4627 So you don't fear anything, you don't have any irritational thoughts. Like if your standing near the edge of a cliff you don't feel shivers down your spine

[@jesserico]

Bert needs an epi pen stat

[@jonahkreinberg4264]

It is crazy how obvious it is when he's boozing hard. No shade thrown, Brent.

[@SuspiciousGanymede]

All that histamine produced from consuming alcohol 🤣

[@Rosskles]

The last thing Bart Crystal's needs is a shot of adrenaline lol

[@ZedNebuloid]

You can hear, see and almost feel the flem flying across the room when he coughs.

[@JimGetzey]

@@ZedNebuloid phlegm*

[@RayRae559]

That Master Bert review on the LA Orphanage is REAL!! & It was written over 6 months ago! 😂😂

[@wheelsnipe-chelly1221]

They brought up orphanges on the show before and debated if they were still around. I guess some listeners made some crafty reviews after that.

[@carlystevenson950]

As someone with a huge fear of clowns also, I really hope that no one else pulls a clown prank on Bert. We have to protect that beautiful man.

[@rebeccaunboundmallard]

Brett correcting anyone at all on their pronunciation is the funniest shit he's ever done 😂

[@markhodge5747]

I love the fact that Burt said do they got pictures😂😂😂 he's shopping for kids😂😂😂

[@agentmueller]

At least Bart isn’t getting them from an island like other people he knows

[@kristiskinner8542]

​@@agentmueller 🙄

[@jeremy.thejeweler]

Bert’s biggest fear: people forgetting about him.

[@jeremy.thejeweler]

@@ZedNebuloid Bart is probably the most racist person on the planet.

[@johnnolen2781]

tbh i feel as if that is an understandable fear.

[@sentientcardboarddumpster7900]

Well he might wanna quit drinking or he's gonna be gone soon and we all know it doesn't take that long for people to start forgetting

[@johnnolen2781]

@@sentientcardboarddumpster7900 you seem pretty down in the dumps. Get some Sun!

[@TheAliisawesome]

Who?

[@jakblue7724]

2:25 best James Cordon impression I’ve ever heard. 😂 I’ve seen the flagrant! IT WAS FUNNY AS HELL! 😂 died.

[@NewNoise02]

41:30 Tom "I don't have Louis Vuitton" as he's wearing a $3,000 Zegna overshirt lmaooo

[@lindsaychristian4151]

I’ve missed these kinds of 2 bears. I hate the interviews with other people. Those are too much like their other podcasts. I watch 2 bears solely for Bert & Tom. Even if there is only 1 month, they should keep 2 bears just their conversations with each other. Their connection, history and friendship is unparalleled. The way they talk to about their families and memories. I loved this episode.

[@IFollowTheSpiders]

For what, He’s not funny. He’s the joke. It’s pathetic.

[@elijahhardy2143]

So amazing to finally see the boys get back together

[@adamadams4753]

Thank you guys for the podcast, currently re-watching all the old ones while I'm at work 😅 and it helped me out through the day

[@gingerandthegiantpodcast9859]

Bert- “I love my wife” Tom-“Ehhhhhh”

[@ZedNebuloid]

Kerysten flashbang

[@impossiblegems]

It’s like those people who post a about it too much - like if you have to say it - it’s questionable

[@FezMooseLive]

Burt's comment to tom at the start killed me "You didnt drink, what did you do just sit there?" Then his look of "oh wow."

[@taylorfausett177]

As if people who don't drink every night can't possibly do anything except just sit there! I got a kick out of that too

[@FezMooseLive]

@@taylorfausett177 Burt's excitement on random things has given me hope. Nothing beats Tom giving him Hitler's Tea Cup

[@maverick7057]

Hey guys! I was in an orphanage as a child and thankfully adopted at the age of 12. If you want to do something for those kids, one of the best things you can do is the angel tree on Christmas. Its like a tree full of wish lists from kids and families. You can find them at your local Walmart or stores like it.

[@maxng7211]

I remember the 2 bears live when they had like a bunch of balloons in the other room and Bert basically said if they opened the door to that room he would leave the podcast. And then later that same show he was fondling toads and weird animals.

[@LeeWayne-1]

“I don’t want the air from inside the balloon” when I thought it couldn’t get more insane. Had me cackling laughing😂

[@juan2three6]

“I just want to wake up and feel good, feel healthy”. “Thats crazy you think of that as a treat”😂😂😂

[@JeanBaptisteIrvin]

Tom always looks like he has been taken hostage while reading the ads lol

[@Smiley-Coyote]

Omg 😂😂😂 he does!

[@macexunit03x]

Hahahahaha

[@jakemack9642]

The best part is Bart is totally serious about the balloons lmao

[@moisesotero9709]

32:30 Bert literally wants to be able to shop for orphans online 🤣

[@adriansmajlaj86]

Finally an episode with the Main Bears ❤❤

[@sarahmarcum3564]

I am sitting here at my desk in literal tears listening to Bert pronounce “massage” and then recant his horrific hotel balloon experience. I fucking love this podcast.

[@josephmitchell204]

He says massage like he wants Mark to "show me how much you like me"

[@ShowtimeThaRaptor]

An actual ep of both of them together ! Shocking

[@bl12]

The only way I’ll watch Bert

[@LakerLos24]

I don’t think I’ve rewatched a clip over and over as much as I did on the Massage/Passage part. 😂😂😂

[@LakerLos24]

Never mind. I just got to the 2 weeks part 😂

[@kaitmuensterman4714]

I don't care what anyone says. Burt seems like he'd be the best friend ever. Keep doing you, Burty Boy!

[@RE-om1up]

Bert is one of a kind and one of the best. His valiant efforts to let Tom talk on this episode were noted and appreciated. This is the best bromance of all time ❤

[@stephanietaylor6248]

How they never connected that the comedian most like Burt is actually Christine is beyond me 👀😂

[@YoMama9021]

I don’t see it. One is the wife and co creator of an amazing podcast and the other is dumb drunk who is riding the coat tails of said comedians. This joke is a little played out too sweetie

[@goon009]

They have

[@erikacoffey4872]

I remember an episode where they like joked that they married female versions of each other. Tom said Bert was JUST like Christine and it was hilarious

[@stephanietaylor6248]

@@erikacoffey4872 yeah they did Leanne was a guest bear they compared weirdos then

[@erikacoffey4872]

@@stephanietaylor6248 LOL I swear!!! I love It lmfao, it’s true and I love Christine all the more for it

[@ThatGuy678]

Bart vastly improved this episode, let's give him that

[@Gilky342]

Improved how red he is?

[@KilyanAustin]

Wadayetalkinabeet?

[@weeed4625]

​@William Wilkins you must have another bothering you in ur life

[@IFollowTheSpiders]

Improved it how? He literally ruins anything he’s on.

[@MrRegularFox]

"People in your past life would say, I should have dated that guy" -Bert "I've cheated on everyone I've dated except leeann" - Bert

[@MrPablo1uk]

Burts impression of Russel Brand was hilarious

[@Last_Chance.]

10 years ago people didn't document their whole life with pictures and social media posts. Good times. I miss those days

[@JoeeMaMa8]

Dude that gillis special is actually rewatchable and hilarious af

[@ryleynm]

Who you talking to?

[@JoeeMaMa8]

@@ryleynm buddy watch the show you must’ve been searching for a comment to come at must use a wash cloth

[@ryleynm]

@@JoeeMaMa8 what do you mean? I was just asking who you were talking to. The comment you posted made it seem like you were talking directly to someone. Lol

[@TheSkafec]

The psychology of Bert is fascinating.

[@vcello6450]

Right? Alcoholism, ADHD, extreme clown and balloon phobias, pseudo narcissism-dude needs to be studied

[@kristiskinner8542]

​@@vcello6450 🙄

[@jjester2313]

Bert on Glassman was a neat surprise. Rick was able to wrangle him in and brought the best out of Barts business brain. No dolphin. Boy his arms must be tired. Get Glass on YMH!

[@dnceinmybloop]

rick rick rick rick rick rick rick rick

[@thicknpuffy6764]

"a couple middle infielders" 😂😂😂

[@devonwilliams2423]

Burt talking about how much he loved the younger years of his children and how jealous he is of Tom is quite enduring

[@kingme1342]

Tom bringing up bill burr in the first minute was hilarious

[@willb8219]

How do you know? I miss the bill bert Podcast ):

[@Trashcyon]

Toms face while Brice explains how hurt the clown mad him 😂😂😂

[@dazzaversace8178]

Brice 😂

[@RebeccaMoorePhoto]

Best morning ever! The two bears back together

[@SagasInStitches]

I fail to understand anyone who would write mean things towards Bert. Or Tom, but mostly Bert. He is such a lovable person. What a joy to watch and listen to their friendship. Also, "A firecracker walking into a room" that would be Billy Connolly. Imagine him and Bert being up to no good :D

[@chrisgraffam3357]

I think it's safe to say we all wanna see bert drop off the gear to these guys 💯❤ how much his face lit up talking about giving them gifts

[@Piggyn]

It's all about getting content for him.

[@chrisgraffam3357]

@@Piggyn i doubt it

[@ShyamBalachandran]

Wait is finally over🎉 Tem Bort reunited❤

[@ZedNebuloid]

I wanna make out

[@RedPancake1993]

Burnt wanting to adopt for all the wrong reasons is so wholesome ❤

[@8thlvlMage]

No it's not lol. The same thing happens to animals and people already find that messed up. These are kids.

[@RedPancake1993]

@@8thlvlMage whoooosh

[@fffraaankkk]

I want a YMH exclusive DOC where Bert overcomes his fear of Clowns and Balloons.

[@MorellioBenoir]

Big laugh, "So what'd you do, just sit there?" "Yeah."

[@cvd127]

“This kids got a real leg on him” 😂 Tom 😂

[@LonnieHutchinson90]

Bert that flagrant podcast was amazing I think the best one yet !

[@killerluuk]

No it wasn't, it was just loud shouting and two obnoxious self obsessed people in one room

[@cactaceous]

@@killerluuk That show is unwatchable. Can’t imagine what a narcissist cesspool it would be with Shultz, Bart and the frat boy cohosts together. Fuck that.

[@baileythompson1438]

16:38 As a massage therapist I’m literally laughing out loud

[@sterger7]

Imagine if people start bringing balloons to Bert's live shows...and just start randomly popping them during his sets.

[@misterlondoner]

Dont he’ll have a legit breakdown

[@rawpower12xu]

What’s weird is that there are people out there thinking that idea is actually funny.

[@reedbrady4627]

@@rawpower12xuexposure therapy at its finest

[@jabbawockdeez2041]

@@rawpower12xu for real; that’s not funny it’s hysterical, id pay to see it

[@rawpower12xu]

@@jabbawockdeez2041 I am not that big of a fan of Bert and don’t think it’s funny, but maybe the bigger the fan you are of someone, the more upset you want to make them? Who knows

[@stephanieworley5173]

I love when Tom talks about his kids! His voice is the BEST!! 😂

[@fridegreen2may843]

Speaking on phobias, my Balloon phobia is so bad neither of my 2 children ever had balloons at their birthdays.

[@ianmclean6399]

Bert freaking out about the smell of balloons on flagrant was hilarious i was dying watching it 😂😂

[@FinisterreTV]

bert can do an entire special on his fears, this is honestly so hilarious

[@InspectahReese]

I couldn’t imagine being ambushed by people you thought you could trust with your biggest fears and it’s even crazier that people are commenting on that episode saying that others are just “soft” for sympathizing/empathizing with Bert

[@briccs3830]

Lol you’re gonna thrive in the real world (jk)

[@kristiskinner8542]

🙄 they are, soft as fkn feathers jfc dont know how do some ppl survive outside of a padded room/ "safe space"🤮

[@kristiskinner8542]

​@@briccs3830 take off the jk & thats the truth

[@wakenow1]

Bert literally had zero problems with dressing like a clown for the travel channel😂it's all an act.

[@kevinbaer6882]

I've been loving Matt Rife! He's so quick and good with crowd work

[@TikTokLiveleak]

15:15 😂😂 Bert's face when he saw those balloons 21:15 Tom energy