Best Doctor Jokes | Stand-Up Compilation

These are the funniest Doctor jokes I have made over my standup career! Let me know which is your favorite in the comments!
PALE TOURIST is NOW streaming on Amazon.
:00 - Brain Surgeons
:27 - Pharmacist
2:02 - Explaining Tumors
4:01 - The Best Medicine
4:24 - Surgeons
4:54 - The Best Brain Surgeon
6:08 - Ear Nose & Throat
6:40 - Dentist
7:20 - Anesthesiologist
8:12 - Listening to Doctors
8:56 - Pediatricians
9:31 - Gastroenterologist
12:35 - Dr.Muffoletto
BEST of / FUNNIEST COMPILATION
Animals bit.ly/AnimalsCompilation
Fast Food bit.ly/FastFoodCompilation
Jesus bit.ly/JesusComp
Clothing bit.ly/JGClothingCompilation
Donuts bit.ly/JGDonuts
Stores bit.ly/JGStores
Catholic bit.ly/JGCatholic
Drinking • Best DRINKING Jokes | ...
HEALTHY & HAPPY Gardening
INTRO bit.ly/HappyandHealthy1
CORN bit.ly/HappyandHealthyCorn
THE PALE TOURIST
Asian American (Full Set) bit.ly/JGAsianAmerican
Florida Man (Full Set) bit.ly/JGFloridaMan
Ontario vs Quebec bit.ly/JGOntario
Superstitions bit.ly/JGSuperstition
Canadian Map bit.ly/JGCanadaMap
Tapas bit.ly/JGTapas
Moose bit.ly/JGMoose
Tourists bit.ly/JGTourist
QUALITY TIME
Marathons bit.ly/JGMarathons
Horses bit.ly/JGHorses
Appendix bit.ly/JGAppendix
Museums bit.ly/JGMuseum
Lying bit.ly/JGLying
NOBLE APE
My Wife's Brain Tumor bit.ly/JGBrainTumor
Massages bit.ly/JGMassage
Pope bit.ly/JGPope
My Least Favorite Doctor bit.ly/JGWorstDoctor
UK vs US bit.ly/JGUSAvCanada
CINCO
Morning Person bit.ly/JGMorning
Steak is Manly bit.ly/JGSteak
Hiking bit.ly/JGHiking
Idiot Abroad bit.ly/JGIdiotAbroad
Easier to be a Guy bit.ly/JGBeaGuy
Big Family bit.ly/JGBigFamily
OBSESSED
Weddings bit.ly/JGWeddingsyay
Victoria's Secret bit.ly/JGSecret
Seafood bit.ly/JGSeafood
Bath vs Shower bit.ly/JGBathvShower
Can't Stop Eating bit.ly/JGstopeating
MR. UNIVERSE
Vitamins bit.ly/JGVitamins
Whales bit.ly/JGWhales
Fitness Goals bit.ly/JGFitnessGoals
Home Birth bit.ly/JGHomebirth
Big Family bit.ly/3a6HW0L
Disney bit.ly/JGDisney
KING BABY
Camping bit.ly/JGCamping
Bacon bit.ly/JGBacon
Waffle House bit.ly/JGWaffleHouse
BEYOND THE PALE
Hot Pockets bit.ly/JGHotPocket
I'm Korean bit.ly/JGKorean
Doing Nothing bit.ly/JGDoingNothing
Out To Dinner bit.ly/JGOutToDinner
Cake bit.ly/JGCakes
Vegetarian bit.ly/JGVegetarian
SUPER OLD
Manatee bit.ly/JGManatee
Glasses bit.ly/JGGLasses
MERCH Proceeds donated to ThelmagineSociety.org tinyurl.com/y5fwmpb2
LETS GET COOKIN' World’s Favorite Quarantine Cooking Show
Toast bit.ly/JGToast
Burger bit.ly/JGBurger
Pork bit.ly/JGPork
Hotdog & Eggs bit.ly/JGHotDogs
Oatmeal Soup bit.ly/JGOatmeal
Garbage Plate bit.ly/JGGarbagePlates
Chicken Fillet bit.ly/JGChickenFilet
KC BBQ bit.ly/JGKansasCBBQ
Bacon Wrapped Steaks bit.ly/JGBaconWrapped
THE MIKE & PAT SHOW: (next Pewdiepie or Roblox addicts challenge)
Daddy Dog bit.ly/JGDaddyDog
Hot Pocket bit.ly/JGMPHotPocket
Spaghettios bit.ly/JGSPaghettios
Liverwurst bit.ly/JGLiverwust
Twinkies bit.ly/JGTwinkies
Fluff bit.ly/JGFluff
Vegemite bit.ly/JGVegimite
Garden Veggies • Eating from Jim Gaffig...
My Kids React my 1st Stand Up TV Spot • "MY KIDS REACT: To My ...
My Kids React my 1st 1/2 hr Special • "MY KIDS REACT: To My ...
DINNER WITH THE GAFFIGANS nightly 6pm E. Watch past episodes click JOIN & become MEMBER. Fee (99 cents) donated to TheImagineSociety.org.
JIM EATS THE WORLD (mukbang asmr local food)
St.Louis Pizza bit.ly/JimEatsTheWorld
KC BBQ bit.ly/JGKCBBQ
Garbage Plate bit.ly/JGGarbagePlate
Polish Boy bit.ly/JGPolishboy
Spain bit.ly/JGSpainJETW
Colombia bit.ly/JGColombia
Paella bit.ly/JGPaella
PALE FORCE w/ Conan - • "Pale Force" - Jim Ga...
CORONAVIRUS LIFE (Try not to laugh+ CBS SUNDAY)
Welcome to Quarantine • “Greetings from Quaran...
My Kids Ask Covid-19 • "MY KIDS ASK: About CO...
Pandemic CBS Sunday Morning Mega Compilation • Jim Gaffigan CBS Sunda...
Jim Gaffigan is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer and producer. He presently has 5 stand up specials on Netflix and 3 on Amazon Prime Video. He wrote 2 New York Times Best Sellers DAD IS FAT and FOOD: A Love Story He co-created and starred in a tv series based on his life called The Jim Gaffigan Show. He has appeared in numerous TV shows and films in both comedic and dramatic roles.
TEXT JIM 646-980-6600

[@craigternovits4443]

I am a doctor, a surgeon, and this is …..absolutely hilarious. Thank you. Laughter helps, so much.

[@nallab3607]

He is the best one 😉

[@Bonzarelli]

If I needed surgery, I would need a doctor with a sense of humor….

[@davidclark1182]

I’ve been a doctor for 40 plus years, and I have only one comment … hilarious! Jim, you are so f’ing funny.

[@charlenemack7040]

I love Jim Gaffigan… And his wife and his kids. What a wonderful family.💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[@grecco_buckliano]

Just be glad your proctologist doesn't wear a catchers mitt. Mine does. The first time I went I noticed he had ground level windows and the blinds were open. So I mention, "hey, you can see right in here" and he said, "Yeah, we're gonna put you under and then call all of your friends over to watch......." He REALLY said that.

[@luv2dancesalsa465]

that's funny... he's a GOOD doctor... you should hear the things the gynecologists say (if they're GOOD). *** laughter REALLY does put you at ease.

[@willow2333]

LOL! Great sense of humor for a doctor!!!

[@kingwinky1914]

🤣🤣🤣 Keep That Doctor! He’s Hilarious!

[@grecco_buckliano]

@@kingwinky1914 Funny enough, he went out business recently as he had "lost his touch".

[@SoothingSounds-kq6yg]

That's both hilarious and frightening at the same time.

[@someoneelse6934]

Moments before I was put under for my colonoscopy, I was joking with the doctor. I said "While this probably isn't the most fun procedure to do, I bet it is a solid number 2". That got him laughing.

[@anniebieber19]

OMG...I've had 20+ surgeries this made me laugh SO hard I cried...I love Jim Gaffigan✌

[@FeedScrn]

Back in the late 90s, my father-in-law had a brain tumour... He coincidentally had "The Best Brain Surgeon" as well!! Must have been the same guy....

[@margaretadams8204]

Thank you Jim, for bringing good, clean jokes to us. Laughter is certainly a medicine!

[@jamest4942]

I’m currently recovering from surgery, and this is making me feel so much better 😊

[@TimothyReeves]

James T hey me too! Get well

[@MnogoShow]

Хорошо , очень хорошо

[@jonleonard538]

Yeah! Just don’t laugh.

[@tuanminhnguyen4625]

Get well 😁😁😁

[@Defenestration_]

u good now?

[@jonleonard538]

The “asides” are done in such a different voice he could be a ventriloquist on himself.

[@hawksfan8870]

Jim Gaffigan, one of the funniest stand-up comedians I've ever heard.

[@sweetcaroline2060]

Yeah. Jim Gaffigan and Brian Regan. 😆 🤣 😂

[@barryfisherman9684]

One of the best to never curse but still make you laugh your ass off

[@Metalheadmike1211]

This guy has been keeping me sane

[@dionlewis3490]

Laughter and music are the best therapy

[@Neushoorn63]

That's why I listen to funny music.

[@jean2479]

Jim is my favorite stand up comic!!

[@MegaSnow121]

Jim, thank you for posting a new video every day during this messy time. It is so good to laugh when I feel overwhelmed by everything. I love that you are a "clean," though sometimes "edgy," comedian. Love all the jokes about everyday life. And, not to forget: you have a lovely wife and five great kids!

[@robertlangley258]

Absolutely the very best clean comedian. You can take your kids to see him.

[@truthspokeneternally7132]

Laughed a lot! Very funny! Thank you man!

[@heyjude1101]

The most laughing I've done in years! Thank you so much.

[@ryan3296]

True story about the first "brain surgery" part, a group of neurologists and neurosurgeons at a hospital I used to volunteer at were in a meeting and, as they were talking about brain surgery, totally unironically said "it's not rocket science."

[@patriciasalem3606]

My dad was literally a rocket scientist, and people used to comment about what a brainiac he was. I used to say, "Yeah, he made brainiacs look dumb."

[@smartsurvival2605]

You are my absolute favorite comedian. I watched all your Netflix specials and now I'm here. :D Thank you for making me laugh and making my life brighter.

[@aaronburratwood.6957]

So great. So funny and not one F-Bomb. You’re so great Jim, thanks for keeping us sane. PS, that beard was amazing in the day.

[@jonathonschwendler4644]

Please use more swear words Jim

[@howard8723]

Jim is a comedian who proved that one can be very funny without using the F word in every sentence.

[@angelapeterson4355]

Amen!!

[@hopelk]

Thanks to you and your family for helpun' us ~laffigan~...& again during this pandemic!

[@WenbruReviews]

What a good point about neurology and brain surgery. Some Neuro dudes go within psychiatry. That’s an interesting combination….

[@jessstuart7495]

Last Christmas, I accidentally swallowed a toothpick that was hidden between two slices of cheese. The toothpick was lodged in my throat, was causing considerable discomfort, and I could feel it moving around when I swallowed and shifting position when I moved my head. I went to the Emergency room the next morning, and they couldn't see anything. The ER doctor refered me to an ear-nose-throat Dr, which I saw the following day. ENT Doc was absolutely worthless and just argued with me that there was no way I could have a toothpick lodged in my throat. 2 Days later, I was having more discomfort and went back to the ER, and saw a second ENT in the ER, and they couldn't find anything!!! While driving one morning, the toothpick shifted in my esophagus and it felt like the pointy end was poking the backside of my adam's apple, which brought me to tears. The toothpick shifted again after about 2 hours and was less painful. I could feel the toothpick breaking up over the next week, and then came the abdominal pain. I went to the ER again, and they couldn't see anything because wood doesn't show up nice on an x-ray (CT scan). I saw a New York Times article saying 15% of people who swallow a toothpick end up dying, and at this point, with the incredibly incompetent level of medical care I had received, I believed it. I eventually passed the toothpick pieces (I could feel the bits get wedged in my intestines, then get unstuck and move down) over a period of 2.5 months. Everything worked out okay in the end (except for a lot of needless suffering), but I will never look at Doctors the same. Part of my mistake was seeing an ENT Dr. Because the toothpick was lodged in the top of my esophagus. I believe the ENT doctors were not trained to identify this type of issue, and didn't have enough COMMON SENSE to even realize, when you swallow something, it goes down the esophagus!!!!!!!! I should have seen a gastronomist instead. Moral of the story, Dr.'s aren't all they're cracked up to be. Most are very good, but there are some real LOSERS out there. Buyer Beware.

[@HerculeseBaby]

Oh. My. God!!!! What a story! So glad you survived 😲

[@Birdman32]

Damn!!! Swallowing a toothpick is one of my worst nightmares

[@KJ_2020]

Moral of the story lay off swallowing whole lumps of cheese the size of baguettes

[@jessstuart7495]

@@KJ_2020 , Yeah, I learned my lesson. I was in a hurry, and grabbed two slices of cheese that were stuck together off a party tray. As soon as I swallowed it, I knew something was wrong. I'll never look at cheese the same again.

[@fluffybunny3178]

Doctors are great at obvious stuff like you are giving birth or there is a knife stuck in you, but for diagnostic or something out of the ordinary it is a crap shoot if they are helpful.

[@s99p40]

Amaaaaazing .... thx a lot for this daily dose of laughter... ur fan from Iraq

[@ttjj6477]

Thank you for the clean humor. Laughter is like medication. Several doses needed!

[@eleanorrouxel122]

You can make any serious situation hysterical !

[@kayladawn]

ALWAYS hysterical 🤣

[@JimmyDeLocke]

Jim is perpetually and continuously funny -- how many guys can get away with tumor jokes?

[@bradmiech5743]

Humor the uniter, Jim your the unifier humanitarian.

[@chuckmcveigh1896]

Thanks for the laughs...really need that lift. I hope you and your family are all safe & well. Slainte'

[@b_sugar1613]

best comedian like steve rizzo. thanks for your talent. I always laugh during the pandemic. Subscriber from philippinez..

[@df238]

So funny and so true.

[@jennifersteward3559]

Great show Jim

[@TheNormExperience]

“I think everyone should get a colonoscopy...cuz I had to!” This. Exactly this. This is how it feels. Especially the days of torture...I mean “Prep” beforehand - one of those things you just can’t understand, until you CAN **shudders**

[@beegee2718]

Jim ,You are one of my favorites!

[@sweetbread9008]

Thank you Jim.

[@laurabarzallo2946]

Hilarious!🤣

[@reneeschwider6136]

I love the pharmacist joke! I still can't believe it takes so long to put a few pills in an orange container. Maybe they have a hard time with lids.

[@adamdemirs3466]

Gaffigan is probably one of the only weird people I like.

[@healthiswealthmr.comeback9588]

This man is a genius

[@curtisnucmed]

I love it! Jim, you make me laugh so hard. Thank you!!! If I can laugh about my colonoscopy, you are a genius.

[@Nan-59]

LOVE DOC JOKES!

[@autumnelizabethmarr346]

That's my life. Doing my work listening to 80s music. I also love Tiffany and Martika

[@courtneywoodbury5198]

My dentist is very nice. I'm almost 36 now and he's been seeing me almost since I first HAD teeth. Right now I don't have dental insurance. So that part where they come in, check you for about 30 seconds and then charge like 50 bucks? No charge for me. Thanks man! Also, I've thoroughly impressed him with the damage I've done to my teeth over the years. Yikes lol.

[@wideawake13dmtpsilocybin6]

"Anybody got the Wi-Fi password" 😆

[@wideawake13dmtpsilocybin6]

@Bill Snee that's what i assumed

[@alindley3128]

I had a female friend who really was a brain specialist. Her husband worked for NASA. When they'd argue, she'd say, "It's obvious I"m right. It's not Rocket Science!" And he'd say, "Well it's not like it's Brain Surgery - it's obvious I'M right!"

[@counterflow5719]

My father worked for NASA and when someone said "its not rocket science" on occasion he would say, rocketry is basically a plumbing problem, if you want want a real challenge try analyzing and understanding transonic airflow.

[@elter_skelter8650]

I would be intimidated having friends that smart

[@alindley3128]

@@elter_skelter8650 Why? Aren't you smart enough? Achievement is mostly hard work and having opportunities (not to mention spellcheck on your computer). There's not a whole lot of smarts involved. A little smarts can be involved in being successful, as it was for most of my friends. But there are plenty of dumb doctors out there...heaven knows, we've all met them. The worst of it is, the people who really are "smart" are smart enough to know that talent takes many forms, and that many gifted people haven't had their opportunities. So really smart people tend NOT to look down on people, ever, because they know that "gifts are differing", and that it takes a combination of many different talents to make a world or even to solve a problem. The people who are really snobby about "being smart" are usually mediocre and sense, deep down, that they aren't quite as smart as a lot of the folks around them...so they're mean as heck to anyone they can "one up". When you see someone being rude or exclusive over their supposed smarts, it's a pretty good sign that they aren't *really^ all that smart after all. You know how you tell who's the smartest person in the room? Look for the NICEST person, in the room, and that's often also the SMARTEST person, also. Because they know, from their smarts, that EVERYONE IS VALUABLE. (imho) I remember a party I once went to in which those two people I talked about, the NASA guy and the brain specialist, were there, too, and they really WERE the Nicest People In The Room. Everyone else at the party was trying to show off or kiss up to someone they thought had power. Except for those two. They were just being themselves.....and they were so much nicer and more interesting to talk to than anyone else in the room! Instead of trying to be "impressive" over who they knew and how special they were, they just talked about normal stuff, like....pets, and dogs, and gardening, and home improvement projects, and where the best real estate was in town, normal stuff that everyone talks about and everyone is interested in, genius or not. The room was filled with Johns Hopkins Trained Neurologists, and most of them were doing their darnedest to SHOW OFF, but those two people probably WERE the smartest people in the room, and they were also, hands down, the nicest!

[@alindley3128]

@@counterflow5719 Trans sonic airflow? Is that the study of what the air is doing, molecules of oxygen and nitrogen, around the airplane wing once it passes the sound barrier? Do both molecules still act the same at those speeds? How about the CO2? I went to college on schoarship for physics but got tired of banging my head against the glass ceiling and changed majors to Chinese -- thought I'd be better accepted and mentored in the Asian Studies Department rather then the Physics Department, even though I'm not Asian in ethnicity....and even though my official advisor in the physics department looked like he could have been my sperm donor uncle through the Eugenics Program. He didn't recognize me as being anything like him, though, because I was a GURL....and a feminine girl at that. It wasn't until the authorities realized he'd lost me to a different department that he got called in and yelled at for losing a student with my test scores..... and losing me to Asian Studies, for pete's sake. Only then, while pleading to keep his job, did he decide to make mentoring girl students his "calling" as a teacher of physics....

[@counterflow5719]

@@alindley3128 the flow regime between .8 Mach number and 1.0 Mach are notoriously complex and difficult to analyze. Shock waves are generated in that regime.

[@RatKindler]

So funny! I've been binging Jim's videos for a couple of days now. The first time I had a catheter put in, the nurse (I assume she was a nurse) didn't warn me. She just grabbed my member and before I could say "Hey! What are you doing?!", and shoved it in. Yikes!

[@captainleo2731]

Hilarious, Jim you rank right up there with some of the greatest comics.

[@peteschreiber9517]

You are the funniest, thanks Jim.

[@doreendumond2936]

Love your comedy, Jim, my husband and I laughed together! 💕

[@katieboyle3921]

Laugh out loud funny!

[@oresinmartin7920]

i love jim gaffigan hes my fav comdein

[@richcampus]

Thanks Jim. You're good medine.

[@dianalynne9243]

You are by far my favorite comedian. You make me laugh so much. And I love your kids. Mike and Pat are hilarious.

[@RRHUNGARIAN]

Jim, I watch and listen daily. You’re the best!

[@Evilkitty64]

I've watched this one 😂😂🤣 so many times 😂 Jim's the best 💙☮️

[@rj4936]

Constantly funny

[@francescaa8331]

Oh I enjoyed this! Thank you for the laughs.

[@user-sm8by9wj2n]

You just might be a life saver!

[@premonitions1390]

You're my sweet reprieve from the regular onslaught of studying pathophysiology

[@riverraisin1]

Well, it's not brain surgery! :) jk..Sounds very difficult.

[@susangrande8142]

LOL! I hope your studying goes well! 👍It sounds similar to a class called, “Disease Processes” I took to learn to be a medical coder.

[@Ender7j]

I watch ads for you, Jim! Long live the Gaffigans

[@lairdde]

Funniest Human on KZbin. I've been watching you for decades...

[@vjohnson6464]

No funniest in the world!

[@aomanchutube]

😂Sonoba Mofoletta!

[@bfkennedy]

Jim has great medical advice. He is a top quacker!

[@ColocasiaCorm]

Jim you’re amazing. My thoughts are with your wife and family. Wishing you health happiness and continued success

[@susanemery1455]

SO funny!! Thank you. ❤❤

[@alvax8062]

Love you Jim!

[@drewtheunspoken3988]

I've got a fever! And the only prescription is more Gaffigan!

[@Nan-59]

And cowbell COW 🐮 BELL 🔔!

[@jsm6557]

new fan. awesome

[@bmeclipse]

Rocket Scientist: It’s not brain surgery. Brain Surgeon: It’s not rocket science. Trump: I smell burnt toast.

[@theyonlycomeoutwhenitsquiet]

No, no, no. Both rocket scientists and brain surgeons should be saying, “It’s not music theory” Speaking as a musician

[@christie2271]

Tyler Peacock how is music theory hard? I personally don’t think it’s as hard as brain surgery or rocket science. But that’s just my two cents.

[@theyonlycomeoutwhenitsquiet]

@@christie2271 have you ever studied classical theory? If so, then good, that’s lesson one. Have you ever studied jazz theory? That takes pretty much all of classical music as a starting point and then branches off into sixteen different directions. It can make your head spin completely.

[@christie2271]

@@theyonlycomeoutwhenitsquiet no I never personally studied any music theory but I’d rather study that than try to become a brain surgeon or rocket scientist. I’d rather have my head spin from music theory. At least with that if I make a mistake it’s not gonna kill or put anyone in danger or anything.

[@theyonlycomeoutwhenitsquiet]

@@christie2271 true that. I mean, the stakes in music theory can’t be compared at all... I merely state that it’s not easy, and attempt to place its theory conceptions at the level of brain surgery as differentiated by the practice of the discipline.

[@desertpotter1003]

So funny!!!!!!!😄😅😂

[@johngullo9420]

Holy crap! The gastrointestinal bit was funny! Got my appointment for next month. And the doctor is a woman. This should be uncomfortable on so many levels!

[@aaronburratwood.6957]

John Gullo Just think of it as a glamour shots photo shoot. It’s your time to shine!

[@aaronburratwood.6957]

Mai Mariarti Been there.

[@MegaSnow121]

John Gullo: Welcome to the world of females often having to use male doctors; female doctors were not common just a few decades ago, though, thankfully, that has changed. Some really creepy male doctors around if you are female. No sympathy from this gal. :-) Good luck! I am sure your female doctor will take good care of you.

[@russwj]

So good

[@Marinedaughter505]

I am so glad I found this, my primary doctor told me about it when I told her that I was going in for parathyroid surgery with Dr Muffaletto. 🤣😂🤣😂

[@ct0760]

I worked for a doctor referral company; I was so tired one day I tried to refer a dude to a gynecologist, omfg (they eventually got to the doctor they needed lol)

[@MLMLW]

My dad had brain surgery when he was in his early 50s & the doctor described it as the size of a grapefruit after they got all of it out. I guess he looked at us & didn't think he could explain centimeters & circumferences to us either. Lol.

[@rocknrollxoxox]

The best 👌

[@kellyfulton683]

Very funny!!!!

[@dennispasch9538]

My wife and I love you… God Bless your Family ❤️

[@jamesprior2496]

Metal chairs across from the condoms - WALMART! 🤣

[@donnabucceroni4769]

He’s hilarious 😂

[@merlinbs9345]

Jim says baskeball instead of basketball and I love it

[@ricardomoon]

You're so funny :D

[@riverraisin1]

I think trump should give Jim Gaffigan the Presidential Medal of Freedom for his relentless work in helping us to laugh during these difficult times. Wouldn't that be fun to watch!

[@Wolfsky9]

Love---------LOVE------------this guy ! ----------------------------WolfSky9

[@terywetherlow7970]

Ahhhhhhh Jim Gaffigan!!! I feel happier already.

[@foxopossum]

Geez Louise!!!!! Too funny so funny perfect funny

[@JosetteBadger]

Yr amaze balls

[@sherik233]

My pharmacy to a tee!

[@joebufford2972]

I love the prostate jokes but in all fairness, yes I've done it so it's still hilarious!

[@kristophertower3476]

"the buildings here are tall. I like food"

[@yeah4me1]

"Hey I LOVE grapefruit fella"

[@SK-my6gh]

“I’m not anti catheter, I’m pro pee shower.”

[@cyoungledesma]

Once again, so so good. Do you have a date for the end of the world? Or…Let’s get cooking!!!

[@cyoungledesma]

I meant, a calendar date, not like I want to be your date, your wife would be your date...and not the fruit date either!

[@scottsirkis4531]

Awesome once again. Do you write all your own stuff if so wow.

[@globetrekker86]

Paging Dr. Muffuletta! Dr. Muffuletta to Room 237. Jack is being a dull boy, and he needs 500 cc’s of the Gaffigan laughing gas, stat!

[@arthurwatts1680]

The surgeons that cut a BCC out of the side of my head - a very common procedure here in the Top End - were a team that schedules an entire day of surgery and just wheels patients in and out till everybody has had their procedure. The only time it freaked me out was when I got up off the bed in the recovery ward and saw all the heavily anaesthetised people with bandages etc - it was like a war zone. Surgeons and other health professionals earn every penny.

[@kurtreber9813]

Jim Gaffigan makes me Laffigan.

[@fazergazer]

I had a dentist named Burris, another named Mandible. There was a thoracic surgeon named Hatchet, another named Hacker.