Best HFY Reddit Stories: Everything You Think You Know Is Wrong (Humans Are Space Orcs)

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#hfy #Greentext #awesome #space #spaceorcs #/tg/ #greentexts #4chan

[@randomguy-tg7ok]

"Besides, if our experiment works[...] you'll need some context for what's going on when other galaxies start to appear back in the sky" I don't know why, but I love that sentence.

[@donanthebarbarian5177]

You can feel the Saurian professors paradigm shifting without a clutch at multiple points in the story but it's most obvious/biggest shift is right after he hears that sentence.

[@theghostwheel5137]

Basically, "we're going to try and "fix" the universe "

[@willparry530]

@@theghostwheel5137 Or more accurately, try to *stabilize* it.

[@BrunoMaricFromZagreb]

_Somewhere on a lonely,distant planet:_ "WHAT IN THE NAME OF BLORGONALTH'S ASSCRACK DID THAT STAR COME FROM?!?!" _Meanwhile,20 parsecs away on a research station:_ *"Yo Greg!I bet I can lasso in more galaxies than you!"* *"Fuck around and find out Tony!"* _The unsetling background reving of a device that flaunts the stability of spacetime begins_

[@JpAndresen]

Man: fuck expansion - puts universe back together- Aliens: wait what?

[@larstollefsen1236]

The line about humans hate people being wrong on the internet was hilarious.

[@AmphiStuG]

You’re wrong! That was totally unfunny and you should adopt my philosophy of comedy! (Jk, yeah it was hilarious.)

[@-MeatsOfEvil-]

​@@AmphiStuGNo you're wrong it's beyond hilarious you should seriously adopt my philosophy of comedy!!

[@whatsagoodusername823]

"Why are you helping us? I can't imagine it's just out of good nature." "Whaaaat? Nooooooo, we just want to help, we just feel bad for you, having evolved so late that you can't even see the other galaxies and can't hope to understand how big the universe is... alsowe'retryingtoreversetheaccelerationoftheuniversepleasedon'tbemadOKAYBYE!"

[@chrissoto7187]

This is humanity welcome to Jackass

[@CaptNXD]

@@chrissoto7187 ngl i heard that part and all i thought of was when we first tested Nukes and thought it would set our atmosphere on fire but did it anyway or when the Large Hadron Super Collider was built and we thought it might make a black hole that would destroy the earth but we did it anyway

[@BrunoMaricFromZagreb]

Does that go against the cause of helping in good nature? Will reversing acceleration somehow destroy galaxies or split milkdromeda in 2?

[@THarSul]

​@@BrunoMaricFromZagreb reversing acceleration implies things will start coming back together, eventually leading to a "big crunch" type universe ending event, where everything collapses back into a singularity, unless of course humanity steps in again to reverse the reversal

[@BrunoMaricFromZagreb]

@@THarSul Is that even possible or worthwile?I doubt humans,even with all their stupidity,would condense the universe back into pre-Big Bang era...

[@JesseGolo]

Humanity correcting someone who was wrong: Sounds about right. Humanity reversing the expansion of the Universe: That sounds about right too.

[@BrunoMaricFromZagreb]

We are some crazy motherfuckers.

[@kiritotheabridgedgod4178]

Humanity to the Universe: "You somehow expand faster than we do... We cannot allow that, prepare for shrinkage, stabilisation and forcible colonisation."

[@cmmpr111]

​@@kiritotheabridgedgod4178*British music gets louder.*

[@kiritotheabridgedgod4178]

@@cmmpr111 idk man, even if they use a different word, America is more colonial than we ever were.

[@armandasjuska1204]

​@@kiritotheabridgedgod4178its not america, theres only uk (with knifes)and uk pro max (now with guns)

[@21700r]

Oh that's fantastic. Always love a good "Humanity is ancient" story

[@VacomaTeParjila]

Same

[@willparry530]

And it's actually based in science, too. There's a Kurzsgesagt video on this subject that the author said they based the story on.

[@kryloth3628]

@@willparry530 Mind telling me the title of the Kurzsgesagt video on this subject man ?

[@willparry530]

@@kryloth3628 It's been ages, I actually forget what it's even called by now

[@kryloth3628]

@@willparry530 Okay after searching it, i found it it's called "TRUE Limits Of Humanity - The Final Border We Will Never Cross" by Kurzgesagt

[@masterb2130]

Alien: "The universe is finite." Human: "Umm, actually-"

[@voodoovince8001]

Humanity: I'm going have to stop you right there.

[@mage3690]

I mean, it might still be finite, just a lot bigger "finite" than one galaxy. Or it could be infinite (and I do like that theory better, BTW) but we'll never know until we develop FTL and fly out beyond the edge of the universe to check. Of course, the existence of FTL capability in an infinite universe means that the likelihood of aliens older and more advanced than us is exactly 0%.

[@kiritotheabridgedgod4178]

​@@mage3690 to be fair, on a cosmic time scale, life on our planet started almost immediately after our best estimates of when the universe would have become stable enough to support carbon based, oxygen metabolising life without constantly erasing it via radiation bursts. There very well could be species that developed before that, with a different base biochemistry, or creatures with a similar biochemistry that evolved and developed society during one of our more recent mass extinction events.

[@nvfury13]

If it wasn’t finite, it couldn’t expand.

[@nocount7517]

"The universe is 420,000 light years across." They're off just a tiny bit. By about... 92.6 _billion_ light years.

[@waterpicker]

Bigger actually in this story.

[@bonnf8633]

That is less than 1% of the universe now

[@baconboi4482]

No they’re off by 69billion, it’s pretty nice I know

[@thomasfoster4370]

noice

[@UnderTheRated]

okay im a bit late but hats technically the size of the observable universe, not the actual universe

[@Troleandocreyentes]

professor in his classroom the next day: Im telling you mammalians they are older that the galaxy and they are gona reverse time itself. principal: oh my... please not another mammalian wacko with a tin foil hat

[@geoshark12]

Except for when they see all the papers that were never in his office before then

[@bogustoast22none25]

@@geoshark12 whose DNA don’t match any of the trees in their planet.

[@wertygamer3687]

@@bogustoast22none25 or the ink from any of their sources

[@nathanielhill8156]

If he's smart, he will wait 3 years while he (and his team) is transcribing the alien proofs into his mathematical system. It is much easier to make these kinds of statements when you have the math to back them up.

[@RomanQrr]

This is very good science fiction short, that people in the future will laugh at for using something as primitive as quantum physics as the reason behind everything. There are also a few references to this galaxy being the combination of our Milky Way and Andromeda. And with the "humans are classic B-movie aliens" we can conclude that their civilization was at least guided by humanity. Really good stuff.

[@spacetechempire510]

Or at the very least cake in contact with a few small recon and science teams

[@Adam-wx9jp]

Probably will laugh at this within our lifetime. I mean we know what we're looking for, or at least the next step. A working theory for quantum gravity would revolutionize physics.

[@BrunoMaricFromZagreb]

I love the implication that when the first attempts at first contact failed,it resulted in humans being the antagonists of B-movies & love interests of space;r34

[@willparry530]

@@BrunoMaricFromZagreb Who says they failed? :P

[@BrunoMaricFromZagreb]

@@willparry530 You're implying humans identionaly fumbled first contact just to be the targt of attention of a hundred crappy B-horror movies?All cause of boredom???!? Because that actually does sound a lot like humans from HASO...

[@ThornMu]

This is my favorite of the 'super advanced humanity helps aliens' stories.

[@willparry530]

it really is great!

[@AmphiStuG]

Reminds me a lot of “Bug Bois”, Sadge that the channel got axed.

[@ParadoxAAA]

"Oh yeah we also just wanted to give you guys a heads up in case our experiment works" *refuses to elaborate further* *Leaves*

[@enclaveofficerz3245]

Giga chad human

[@EnraEnerato]

That last one, dropping some knowledge, then the mother of all F-bombs, only to vanish? Yeah, we would totally do that!

[@ender_slayer3]

I want a story about this guy basically turning into Galileo and setting up a colony of his neophytes for when galaxies start to reappear in their sky.

[@bogustoast22none25]

Universe: Alright you all exist here, so you follow my laws. That one scientist that has a problem with authority: … and I took that personally

[@kebbitevoke-5319]

I think this should be a "humans are space elves" tag good vid tho

[@andredagg5727]

this would make for a fantastic animated short

[@steve2008s]

You are late to the party, but not to worry. We are going to make another cake! :)

[@enclaveofficerz3245]

Am i sensing a portal reference?

[@soup4219]

"your entire astrological field is wrong, heres why, plus we're only telling you this because we'd flip your entire universe on its head soon anyway."

[@thomasfoster4370]

alternative ending: human: *talks about galaxy wrangling* alien: wait what human: don't worry about it for now, but you may want to hold onto something in 200 yrs time. alien: ohkay... human: oh heck look at the time, I'm late for dinner back on the ship. sorry but I must leave... alien: wait! before you go, can I please have your name. human: oh how rude of me. my name's adam, adam conover. *vanishes*

[@blueteamepsilon7798]

Theoretically this story could be true. I have heard a theory that we may be one of the first species to exist in the galaxy/universe. Our star is a third generation star and are solar system and humans themselves have a lot of very difficult elements that take multiple supernovas to make which means that in the grand scheme of things we are probably one of the first species and that's why we don't hear of aliens or stuff

[@alek7998]

Honestly it'd be kind of disappointing if we were alone in the Galaxy.

[@thepanzerofthelake732]

@@alek7998 If this theory is true then we eventually won't be

[@kiritotheabridgedgod4178]

Maybe not one of the first solar systems to evolve life in this universe, but we are definitely one of the first that has access to radioactive metals like Uranium and Plutonium. Basically, they'd be stuck on fossil fuels or renewables for energy production, which would significantly reduce their ability to be start faring long term.

[@peterhacke6317]

well it's not true YET

[@mazeriayong8311]

This alien character is what happens when Q is played by Morgan Freeman.

[@Zedyne]

Oh, I love this. Humanity as the curator of the universe. This is an excellent story!

[@broEye1]

Funny to realize that if was barely over a century ago that this was pretty much the prevailing theory here on Earth. Galaxies were thought to just be spiral-shaped nebulae within the Milky Way. Any suggestion that the universe was larger than our galaxy was met with mockery for a while.

[@Xaerorazor0]

Lets see… for that level of blank sky, we are well past age of the universe ~ 10^11 years for nonlocal group galaxies and likely near 10^12 for them to settle out (I’m ball parking it here) seeing as humanity emerges a little after 1.38x10^10yr we are ooooooold

[@angrydragonslayer]

Almost as old as yo momma

[@Crazylom]

At this point, we are quite literally gods

[@robinchwan]

humanity is as old as yo momma is wide!

[@willparry530]

Basically, this is long after the Milky Way and the Andromeda galaxies collided and merged.

[@BrunoMaricFromZagreb]

Yeah I can't understand this...I didn't learn math via the english language... Can I get a TLDR or a step-by-step explanation?

[@PanduPoluan]

I too laughed at the professor's annoyance, "You couldn't just send an email with attachments?" 🤣🤣🤣

[@robertbemis9800]

Human evolve into lovecraftian horrors with a sense of humor

[@geoshark12]

Dis dude literally just materialized in the aliens office to say “um actually “

[@randomstuff1393]

Hey just wanted to say that i love your videos they helped me durring my summer job and i kind of just stayed ;)

[@robertschumacher2707]

Plus I get to pull an epic trolling on a planetary scale!

[@curiousangel6321]

We are the Q.

[@robinchwan]

screw Q we're Å ( that's the last letter in scandinavian alphabet or to be more specific, the norwegian alphabet) we go beyond q's understanding.

[@hokutoulrik7345]

@@robinchwan also, it is the point of origin for Earth.

[@kdrapertrucker]

@@hokutoulrik7345 only if you are using that primitive Stargate technology

[@stevensutton3577]

So in this one Humans basically evolve the ability to do magic? Or the Humans evolved with the help of very advanced tech to do what that Han has done? Makes sense...

[@DrMDHyde]

Clerke’s third law “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic”

[@dynamicworlds1]

Addendums and correlaries: "Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced." -Gehm's corollary "Any sufficiently analyzed magic is indistinguishable from science!" "Any technology, no matter how primitive, is magic to those who don't understand it." -Florence Ambrose (Freefall)

[@ThornMu]

Always love when people include Florence Ambrose's contribution. Freefall is an amazing comic.

[@Crazylom]

Just imagine, our history(documented that is) began around 50,000 years ago. And here we talk billions of years in future. We will live through many lifespans of current universe. And now apply technological exponential growth...

[@alek7998]

It is quite likely humans might've artificially evolved ourselves to be beings of pure energy with thought, in such a long span of time, it is very likely they may be able to manipulate the very energy and create the "Bodies" as demonstrated in this story, and destroying them would merely be a matter of moving energy. It is not that far out of our imagination to imagine and as roman inscriptions demonstrate, even across millennia humanity acts the same.

[@bursucu2912]

This is some Doctor Who type of stuff, i love it

[@kdrapertrucker]

A question no one seems to ask about the big bang theory is how did all that energy and mass come to be? What compressed it, what force did it overcome to suddenly "bang"?

[@Resomius]

"Can Entropie be reversed?" , humanity

[@Wotan874]

Reality: "You can't reverse the expansion of the universe." Humans: "Hold my beer!"

[@andrewcogdillcole3826]

It's a shame that this story might be outdated now. It's really good

[@rainfyre2694]

“Amazing” “everything you just said is wrong”

[@nvfury13]

4:36 Redshift is from rapid motion *away* from an observer, shrinking would cause blueshift as things move *towards* an observer.

[@ymmijx6061]

yea i noticed that one too. i think they were trying to get at "objects in the universe are shrinking" but they might have just gotten their terms wrong.

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

Bless the Narrator Bless the Author

[@dbscarlett13]

Ah... The Firstborn solution. That would suck for a very long time, but then you get to do stuff like this😅

[@The_Viscount]

Honestly, some professors might become very jaded and bitter at this. To be just *handed* the answers to all these questions...

[@doomexe]

They were given worksheets, not answers. The human said the papers were the fill-in-the-blanks version of the nature of the universe.

[@GROYPING4JESUS]

I don't usually like such short stories but this was cool

[@DashieDe]

It's much much better than those war stories

[@m.t.fguard8309]

LMAO a human teleported in and pretty much said all right I'm going to teach you how the hell the universe works in about 15 minutes

[@heavenvaillancourt6159]

I would totally watch an horror alien b-movie where the alien is an human

[@alf421701]

Ever heard of planet 51

[@heavenvaillancourt6159]

@@alf421701 forgot it existed

[@alf421701]

I think there is two more stories to this one Like prequels 1 how they came to be 2 they beat the snot out of an interdimesional invasion because they were bored

[@davidvincent5701]

Are we sure that the alien was human and not Dr. Who. Cause it sounded like he met a time lord.

[@enclaveofficerz3245]

Very well could have, im thinking very powerful ancient sith lords of old that used the force to bend everything to their wills.

[@donanthebarbarian5177]

Hey at this point humanity would be at least a few dozen times older than the universe is now, who says we wouldn't become an existence akin to time lords by then?

[@calvingreene90]

Ok. The purpose of this exercise is to find internal inconsistencies is this pile of... While we are at it if we find direct measurements of universal constants please note them and their locations but that is for later teams if after this exercise you wish to volunteer for later teams you are welcome to apply.

[@AnikaJarlsdottr]

Alien Professor: Theuniverse is finite Human: *materialises in the office* um, Acshully

[@reggiehigh22]

So you make them dumbfounded, then you absolutely blow their minds, and to top it off you leave them mind f#cked.... Sounds like a B-movie alien to me.

[@jackreisewitz6632]

Love this one.

[@PanduPoluan]

This story reminds me of another r/HFY story, where the universe was dying... But instead of finding a way to reverse entropy, we just punched a hole through the fabrics of space-time and found ourselves a new, young universe to live in. Then we keep punching back to our old universe to save as much other sapient species as we can.

[@talyn3932]

Good one. Something I've not heard before.

[@SeanWinters]

Black is white, up is down, and short is long

[@t3chkz0wep0p.2]

I love this one it's so so so smart.

[@awolfalone2006]

Attempting to stop Entropy...beating the last great challenge, I suppose.

[@tellyfanatic]

Brilliant.

[@primordialious6945]

DROP THEM BOOKS ON HIM, TALK TO HIM REAL HEAVY. HIS HOMEWORK NEEDS TO BREAK HIS BACKPACK, FATHER HIM WITH LIFE LESSONS.

[@howardchambers9679]

Good one.

[@matthewklestinski7030]

I really want to know what watermark is on the reams of paper we left with them. Is it feasible to Rickroll them..

[@nweasels]

Obviously it's dickbutt.

[@matthewshiers9038]

Well that's rude! First he shows up uninvited to someone else's office, then he dumps a bunch of homework on his lap, and finally he informs him that unknown numbers of interstellar civilizations are all being dragged into close proximity because of human meddling! At least buy the professor a drink first before you turn his life upside-down!

[@gearsfan6669]

please tell me I'm not the only one who had Weird Al pop into their head when they read the title

[@nweasels]

I like this one very much.

[@irrnfhdns9svjwjw269]

Amazing

[@beingsneaky]

now that would be something to revese the universe expansion... assuming the universe does not end in the big rip. i suppose if they reverse the expansion no big rip... and what if the universe goes through the cyclitic cycle? big bang expansion then another big bang in the empty space left behind??

[@LuisRebelo]

It does makes you wonder, what is.. that we can no longer "see"..

[@ymmijx6061]

at this point? not too too much luckily. but the zone of unobserviability will only get larger unless we achieve FTL at some point

[@aaronatherton7431]

Hey! Guess whose turn it is to pilot the solar system around the Galaxy! Any requests? Light on the Gass pedal...well sure, take the pressure out of my helosphere why don't you! Oh! The helical pattern sign wave choir is quite melodic this time topped the music charts. Any helical pattern you want to convert to audio data for you? Not Bedes, they're still in drivers ed and the tone is frankly humorously...flattening and variable. Well, systems gonna sing, or buzz, or something....

[@FedralBI]

This story is what happens when a group of physicists, planetologists, cosmologists, and astronomers all drop acid at the same party.

[@BBCTopgearfan]

Oh we are just to to reverse the great expansion... No biggie.

[@thelaughinghyenas8465]

Thanks, I liked that! It was cute.

[@Ellanion]

I was born too late into a world that doesn't care, I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair!

[@cirroc213]

For the algorithm

[@MetalheadAndNerd]

Okay Q, could you please stop using a human form when playing with other species? Thanks!

[@robinchwan]

theory is, humans are q in the future that went back before the universe started and became the q after they forgot their origins after existing for so long.

[@Crazylom]

Gravitals lurk in cosmos beside...

[@jacobstewart1950]

Future....Future

[@MrJay_White]

when humans are benevolent xeelee

[@BeeKisses]

The one dislike is the professor

[@Kualinar]

420 000 light years across ? That's just a typical elliptical galaxy. So, this is happening in about 100 billion years in our future...

[@ymmijx6061]

probably even more than that if their galactic cluster is fully gone.

[@Kualinar]

@@ymmijx6061 That or all the local galaxies have collided and merged into that galaxy. The merging process can take a few billion years.

[@evanslat1783]

Apon seeing the name of this video, I thought weird als "every thing you know is wrong"song

[@john_mystery]

The human seems to be a bit like a Q, especially with the snapping of fingers.

[@hollyferay8131]

So much good clean high science mischief.

[@guard13007]

Reverse inflation? Oooooh

[@kdrapertrucker]

So basically humanity becomes the Q continuum?

[@alanb8884]

Wait, WHAT?

[@snapnjamin]

Q is that you?

[@SuperGamefreak18]

So humanity became the Q lovely

[@Angl0sax0nknight]

Very good, kinda sad if you think about it. We maybe the first

[@Shythalia]

Humans are space elves?

[@petrimal]

nah, Humans are space trolls

[@additiveartificer9365]

Q? Is that you?

[@Humuhumunukunukuapaa]

Did the author not know the difference between universe and galaxy?

[@ymmijx6061]

they did, the whole premise is that deep in the far future as galaxies drift apart due to dark energy expansion and galactic clusters fuse into supergalaxies any race arising after will be unable to see other galaxies. if they were born late enough they'd be left with little evidence anything existed outside their single galaxy. a line island in an ifinite sea(as far as they are concerned). which is our current best guess for what WILL eventually happen

[@GentlemanBystander]

420,000 light years isn't even as far as it is to Messier 31 much less the diameter of the universe...who the fuck writes these?

[@Arialoxy]

I may not be getting all the context on your comment but the story basically says that the aliens think that their galaxy is the only thing in existence thus making it their own universe.

[@jameson1239]

Someone didn’t pay attention

[@JRRodriguez-nu7po]

PV = nRT, that's all needed to understand how wrong this and your cosmogony and star formation.

[@ymmijx6061]

(P + an2 /V2 )(V-nb) = nRT

[@JesusRodriguez-zy3wj]

@@ymmijx6061 Van der Waals is an approximation for non-ideal gases. Given mostly hydrogen, some helium and negligible lithium at 3K the deviation is minimal and insufficient by orders of magnitude to form a star. Even van der Waal is only an approximation to actual gases. None of this changes the fact that there's not any model that comes close to forming a FIRST generation star. Someone has modeled the formation of a star by having 60 (!) stars all going nova or supernova within a small radius of a nebula at almost the same moment. This is akin to 60 Tinkerbells (objects that do not exist) all throwing their magical pixey dust in the same direction at the same time. So now there's "dark matter"; a purely hypothetical rescue mechanism not only for star formation but many other problems. Not even dark matter addresses the distribution of angular momentum within the solar system Plenty of other phenomena making the nebular hypothesis impossible, such as the tilt of Uranus.

[@1992jkwj]

lol fuck entropy

[@beingsneaky]

Dang the Humans are ooooooolllllllllllddddddddd all grey haired, incoherent, making no sense and pooping themselves... lol

[@alexfarmer667]

First!

[@randomstuff1393]

Good for you ;)

[@frankduff18]

Good for you. Come brothers let us Purge the heretic ;)

[@sonpopco-op9682]

This story is so hilariously ironic! A human explaining their (Hilariously ridiculous) religious theory of a "Big Bang" to aliens. Meanwhile telling the aliens with a complete deadpan that their theories are wrong!! .. It is so backwards. ( fyi : it is WE humans that are in need of a paradigm shift)

[@Amoth_oth_ras_shash]

wait.. religious big bang ? is there realy anyone that..worships.. that term ? i mean sure many as far i know is facenated by what might caused the local space time fabric expansion ,but worshipping it like religion realy ? i gota hear where thats been said ^^ it sounds hilarious

[@WiredTurkey316]

For the algorithm