Best of the Worst Spotlight - Cade: The Tortured Crossing

It finally happened! The day that we received a package from Breen was the best day since the pandemic started. The slim package that arrived in our mailbox was like a little slice of heaven sent to us from above. A simple mailer that held the truth of which we sought. Cinema. Kino. Joy. I looked at the package, my brow sweating with anticipation. I pursed my lips as I often do in the delicious moments before sipping an ice cold beer. This was just as good. Maybe better. The mailer was that of a simple man. It wasn’t a fancy mailer. It wasn’t padded nor did it have a design on it. In fact, the mailer the DVD arrived in was a cut up cereal box held together with duct tape. I smiled and whispered to myself, “That’s the cup of a carpenter…”. It was here. We received the new Neil Breen film. Was this a Blu-ray? No. This was a DVD-R burned on a computer. I smelled the disc and the jewel case. It smelled like 2003. I cried at the beauty of the whole embarrassing ordeal. It was like a hug from an old friend who had long since passed. A friend you never wanted to see again or allow to hug you. In my hand I held the new Neil Breen film. I couldn’t wait to show the guys! I called Colin from Canada and told him to run to RLM HQ right quick to watch the film with us. He said, “oh, I’ve already seen it. It’s terrible.” And I called him a poutine-slurping, caesar-sipping canuck fuck and told him to get down here to Wisconsin right quick. He responded by saying, “I’ve got work and I’m watching my elderly neighbors diabetic cats and…” I just cut him off. I said, “Look you fucking prick, I have it. Let’s watch it!" So he did come down, albeit unwillingly. What are Neil Breen films? They are moopies made by a man who is the weirdest man to ever live. He’s the perfect oblivious filmmaker. Never getting better or evolving, only getting worse and more lazy and more old and more grandpa jeans. Neil Breen’s films are always about a loner man that has special skills or knowledge above all other humans. There is often a babe involved in his films, although the sexuality is awkwardly placed and seems forced. The women usually look incredibly uncomfortable at the notion of being in love or even attracted to Neil Breen. Likewise, any romance on his part seems obligatory. I guess the thought is that a movie needs “romance” so he must add “romance” But he’s no James Bond! Since this was Breen, we assumed this was worthy of a Best of the Worst™ Spotlight™ episode. It couldn’t simply be lumped into a regular three movie episode. Boy, were we fucking wrong. This pile of trash couldn’t have been more disappointing. Breen has gone too far this time with the green screens! Who does he think he is!?! Peter Jackson? George Lucas? James Cameron?!? I mean, sure you can use a green screen sometimes… if you’re making a fucking Avengers movie!!! But come on! Literally every background, outdoor location, and room is a stock image. A flat shot without movement. I can say that at the very least in some shots he created a foreground mask to make characters integrated into the frame by putting them behind objects, but really? While the story sucks, the acting is bad, it’s boring and shitty, it’s still a Neil Breen film and we have to love it as if it was our own cross-eyed inbred baby with no limbs. Anyways, while I have you here, I own a timeshare in the Cayman Islands. It’s in a nice part of town, but it’s basically a 1.6 million dollar shack. One of the owners killed himself recently and now I’m stuck with paying his part due to a legal snafu. I don’t quite understand it, but my lawyer Phillip Gorlon (no relation) tells me it’ll cost me more in legal fees to get out of this timeshare than to just keep it. I tells him that I’m strapped for cash at the moment, what with the cost of eggs, covid tests, etc… so my question to you is: Do you think Neil Breen might want to shoot his next film in the Cayman Islands? There’s lots of beach (of course) some very interesting shooting locations and a lovely Indian restaurant called Southern Spice that has agreed to do catering. I can lease my place for $42,000 a day and his next film can be called “Island Crossing: Cade’s Offshore Bank Account Scam” and it’ll be a rip-roaring island adventure film about a man who travels to the Cayman Islands to find his lost love, but discovers corruption and injustice and fights for the people with the help of the A.I. chip in his brain. Best thing is if Breen did a Kickstarter for…. Let’s say 1.6 million that could also cover what I’d charge in “insurance” for him to shoot in my Cayman Islands palatial estate. Just throwing that out there. I think the film would come out amazing and there’s be very little green screen. But there’s be lots of green for me if you know what I mean! Then I can finally dump this shitty timeshare property after stupid Rolando put a shotgun in his mouth. What a fucker. I mean, whose wife ISN’T having an affair in today’s economy! - Krebs Gorlon.

[@bongjovi94]

I've eliminated three hundred million scarecrows from the planet today! In scarecrow terms, I've scared them all!

[@nabby8462]

I was thinking this exact same thing! xD

[@AedanBlackheart]

*Rich Evans crow cackle*

[@kaityhan996]

Laughed hard when I read this, nice one 🤘🏼

[@JohnFelipo]

Lost my breath laughing at this comment

[@jackelewish1568]

You mean he _"murdered"_ them all?

[@turin_d]

It was brought up as a joke, but Neil Breen should ACTUALLY work with someone to make a point-and-click FMV adventure game. It's a perfect fit for his style of writing and the level of visual effects he is comfortable with.

[@bigdaddydzzzzzz]

Now I need MandaloreGaming to review a Neil Breen FMV game.

[@bewilderbeestie]

Oh, gods yes. Why didn't anyone think of this before?

[@rigel2112]

Breen Quest ... is Sierra still around?

[@86pp73]

@@bigdaddydzzzzzz I wish, but it's probably never happening. He doesn't want to touch Shankaram again, and that was basically a playable Breen movie (but Indian). Completing the whole game in a single, uninterrupted 9hr session probably didn't help, but I doubt not being that insane would have changed much.

[@waltherstolzing9719]

@@bigdaddydzzzzzz Mystery of the BROON, he does have an attitude; mystery of the BROON....

[@sorenai]

I dont actually agree with the guys thinking that breen is tired and thus relies on greenscreen. I went to his premiere in LA at an indie film fest and he made sure to tell the audience that this was his most "Technical film". He truly believes the usage of greenscreen makes this film "better" and "more professional". He was proud of the fact that he rented out a 360 greenscreen studio and built sets to incorporate into stock photography. He really thinks this is high tech. This is Breen progressing in film making!

[@lawrencescales9864]

Alternatively: he is good at selling himself, like, he got tired and cut corners but is able to make it sound as if he’s actually put more effort in. I get that vibe from a lot of his interviews. Where he frame everything he does as amazing, outside the system type of work to cover for sloppy craft

[@2782Jack]

this is neil breen waiting 10 years for the technology to exist to realize his dream just like james cameron and avatar 2

[@dangehin7416]

It's just covid, right? That's why it's all green screen and no-contact, I haven't watched the whole video yet but I think RLM forgot about covid.

[@jeffreviews4620]

@@dangehin7416 I believe that’s what he said, although we’ll see what happens with his next project. I’m higher on the movie than the boys, but I agree that if his next movie is mostly green screen again and has the same repetitive nature, he could get stale.

[@Eugene-nc6rf]

😂😮​@@2782Jack

[@eyeofthebeholder_]

I fully believe Neil Breen is an outsider artist. You cannot convince me he has watched a single movie in his life.

[@atomic_wait]

I'm not sure he's watched his own films.

[@kaleeyed]

He's at least watched ET. Or a clip of the end of ET.

[@Kijinn]

@@kaleeyed Or an alien that talked to someone who saw ET told him about it, through google translate. Maybe that's how he knows about any movie.

[@Achoohorsey]

100% have had the same thought. It's on another plane of existence.

[@pogglywoggly3292]

Im sure watching a movie would "ruin his perspective". And his reality.

[@andrewlindner8783]

I can't believe RLM watched this. I cannot believe RLM watched this. How could they have done this? How could they have watched this?

[@swolemoth]

Isn't that immoral?

[@markiefella]

@andrewlindner8783 We can’t help them out of this one.

[@0neDoomedSpaceMarine]

@@swolemoth Isn't this betraying the public's trust?

[@AlchemicSoul]

WHY did they watch this? Btw, I have an identical twin.

[@LeftoverBeefcake]

It's a magical day!

[@doomtoken]

"I just had to kill a gang of 10 kidnappers, by myself, using my superpowers." Holy shit, that line slaps. Breen outdid himself.

[@juliesailor1008]

*outbreened himself

[@tremapar]

Sounded like it was made up while he said it

[@toweypat]

Just the kind of thing a superhero would say!

[@footballrestored171]

The pause he put in there made it seem like he was going to say he killed a smaller number of kidnappers, but then realized it didn't sound impressive enough, so at the last second he increased it to ten.

[@JohnSmith-df7uo]

@@tremapar He was recounting a factual, historical event. Don't you dare think otherwise.

[@sHART1780]

Honestly, Neil Breen talking about how he loves making movies and to ignore the negativity made me really like him. His movies are hot trash but he seems to be happy making them so... good for him? That level of not caring while you do what you love is admirable.

[@RunescapNerdHar1]

Exactly this, saw that clip and was like he seems so genuine, you do you man, have fun making your art, stay positive. I’ve always felt the true artist makes something to express themselves, and if others enjoy it that should be an afterthought. He’s making his art, not making content to please everyone and that’s just great.

[@ciontachthecthonicchampion3576]

Most of the stuff he says about the way he makes his movies actually makes me respect him. I did not expect it, but this is twice now that he's made my respect grow for him

[@ascanbe3321]

I can't believe Mike forgot that it was Jim that did the impeccable Breen impression and not Colin! Wrong Canadian!

[@Stagolee76]

Pretty much the best thing Jim has ever done in his life and Mike took that away from him.

[@DPharos]

Them Canadians all look alike

[@mattnart]

"Shot on Breenscreen" is something I'd wear on a T-shirt to confuse my coworkers, that's all I'm saying

[@misterdoctor9693]

That's exactly my brand of humor. Funny to like 3 people in the world and confusing to everyone else.

[@ginanjarbs1395]

Imma make it

[@obnoxiouspedant]

It's like one of the futurama title jokes

[@darkshadow31415]

I'd buy that t-shirt but only in green.

[@ZakMcDonald64]

The year is 2033. Mike has finally been moved into a senior citizen memory care center. All of his remaining memories are scenes from Neil Breen movies, Star Trek, and Rich Evans’ laugh.

[@Eightsixseven23224]

Isn't that just Mike's memory now?

[@Shark_Builds_Bro]

I will edit this reply on April 20th 2033 to provide an update on Mike's condition.

[@shanegreen9511]

Lol Mike goes to an old folks home at the age of 52, sounds about right

[@sergejphilips451]

...and Rich Evans’ laugh... because it will be Rich who is pushing the wheelchair to leave him there.

[@philingrouille7198]

But he'll never forget Nanu

[@blainetaggart6736]

I love the laughter of Rich Evans. I found it painful at first but over time it rewrote my DNA.

[@Mankepanke]

"You see, Rich Evan's laugh is a lot like ionizing gamma radiation..."

[@BarryHart-xo1oy]

I know what you mean.

[@knowthycell]

His laugh is great. Especially when you’re covered in his DNA

[@HDZ274]

The Slide Whistle guy sounds like a great example of the pitch perfect height of a sub-culture. Its a rare thing to be there for.

[@MrJans3n]

I'm very happy to report that he (or someone carrying on his legacy) was still there at last year's b-fest. It was exactly as Mike described. Dude had impeccable timing and it was hilarious every time he'd use it

[@caylenb]

Never comment on KZbin, but as someone who attended the world premiere of Cade for the Hollywood Film Festival last year & sat through the extensive director Q&A at the end: Neil Breen absolutely understands people are laughing at the film. Someone directly asked in the session if he understood people were laughing at what they thought was bad, and his response was essentially "I couldn't be happier that people are genuinely enjoying the film - I make movies to get a reaction". Totally agree that he's a very weird guy who probably is on a number of watch lists, but I also think he is entirely genuine in his filmmaking. Great Spotlight episode dudes. Hope to see y'all make a film again.

[@TaCo0oCaT]

Makes me think of Tommy from the Room. Was he aware or was he mad?

[@caylenb]

@@TaCo0oCaT It really wasn't Tommy at all. Neil was very gracious, humble (believe it or not) and absolutely thrilled at the audience reception. This after had driven from Las Vegas to LA in the same day just before said premiere. Couldn't have been kinder & from what I understand stuck around a couple hours after the show just to sign autographs & pose for photos with anyone.

[@TaCo0oCaT]

@@caylenb oh, sorry it wasn’t clear. I was asking about Tommy not Breen

[@lawrencescales9864]

@@TaCo0oCaTI’ve met him and he seems broken inside lol

[@cavs200]

neil breen exist to counter rian jhonson, both sides of the same coin

[@philingrouille7198]

"I cannot believe you have committed suicide" in an annoyed tone is my favourite Neil Breen moment. God bless this man.

[@avanticurecanti9998]

That's actually leaked training footage for the Clinton Foundation.

[@cotorep2264]

Also : «I’ve killed them all ! » 😂

[@ruthie8785]

If you want a good laugh imagine Neil Breen discovering one of history’s many infamous suicides and reacting in exactly the same way.

[@Thewingkongexchange]

That line reading makes it sound like the guy has killed himself multiple times and Breen is getting sick of it lol!

[@doesntno]

I had a hearty belly laugh for several seconds at that scene.

[@wesshiflet2214]

I maintain that Neil Breen's cardinal artistic vision is to be heard. He doesn't have much to say, but he wants people to hear him say it. And in that, he has very much succeeded.

[@weruinmovies]

Jim had the great Breen impression. I think Mike can't tell Canadians apart.

[@DeadInDenton]

I saw this at the Alamo Drafthouse in NYC and someone, presumably a member of staff, had taped a printed piece of paper to the seat next to me that said "reserved for Neil Breen" and I spent the whole film sweating thinking he was going to just show up suddenly and ask me what I thought of his movie.

[@Aaron-es2tu]

I was at that same screening! hahahahaha small world!!!

[@trtx84]

"What do you think? Why do you think it?" - Colin, in Neil Breen voice

[@mrkeogh]

Hahaha! That's absolute genius 🤭

[@lolusuck386]

@@trtx84 Neil Breen would genuinely have to ask that question about things as mundane as eating ice cream.

[@dannymenendez6063]

What a mean trick 😂

[@Tigglessr]

I once met Breen at Harry Reid Airport, He told me he was flying to Reno for a Mensa talk that he paid himself to speak to, We were on the same plane onto Reno alongside a bunch of other Fake geniuses that paid to go to a Genius Convention. I never felt more like I was going to die in a plane crash than I did on that flight.

[@unduloid]

He paid the convention to be able to hold a talk? I don't think Breen quite understands the dynamics of such a deal. Conventions are supposed to pay the _speakers,_ not the other way around. You'll never make it big off your movies this way, Neil, no matter how professionally produced you think they are!

[@dillkil]

Has no one mentioned the DVD costs $33.99 + shipping? Neil Breen may be one of the greatest con artists in cinema history.

[@christopherdavid2363]

Not as long as Adam Sandler draws breath.

[@pogglywoggly3292]

He only heard/read the word honest and will now use it as motivation to make another movie. Doh!

[@Emanistan]

Well, he was featured prominently at the Con Film Festival.

[@MitchSage]

Could at least make a Blu-ray for that.

[@BackdoorBarnyard]

"Neil Breen ... the greatest ... artist in cinema history " -People Online

[@adammonroeproductions]

Say what you want about Neil but the man is living the dream; somehow, he gets to keep making movies, and somehow, they are profitable? Anytime a film gets made outside the studio system, it's a minor goddamn miracle. Even if these films are...eh, not the best...he's still managed to accomplish more than most of us ever will. I'm not sure if that's depressing or what, but my hat is off to you Neil; you drunkenly played the game and you somehow won.

[@warlockofwordschannel7901]

Hear hear!

[@PALACIO254]

The modern day Timothy Dexter

[@FirmW2]

Saw this movie when it was in theaters. I will never forget that as the credits were rolling everyone in the theater cheered when each Credit continued to list Neil Breen. Until it finally listed someone else and everyone began to boo... for about 1 second until they realized the person was credited for animating the CGI Tiger. The crowd then cheered twice as loud. Great experience.

[@kingsleycy3450]

Neil Breen getting compared to George Lucas is damning for both directors

[@Deadguy2322forreal]

If I were Neil Breen, I would be extremely offended by that comparison!

[@timharbert7145]

Just wait for Disney to buy the entire Breen catalog.

[@Smitty.Bacall]

Oof 😂

[@chriscasperson5927]

Dialog: Breen > Lucas.

[@andrea2kx]

I can imagine Breen watching this and everything is white noise to him except the part where they say Breen is like George Lucas.

[@oskararnarson]

The fact that he lists Tommy Wiseau as a competitor on his website, does raise questions. 🤔

[@Fe22234]

That plus this movie makes it obvious he is self aware.

[@lawrencescales9864]

Is that true?

[@deadventurer4128]

I don't think that website is by Neil. Probably done by a fan.

[@oskararnarson]

@@deadventurer4128 Interesting. I really hope that's the case.

[@clairebishop7138]

"The AI suddenly became... self-aware."

[@JeraWizard]

My friend and I saw this movie in theaters when it came out, and it was a magical experience. My friend also bought me this DVD -- Neil Breen sent me two copies by accident, a week apart from each other. We think it is because of the Duality of Twins or something like that

[@andertheker6664]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@mattwetmore3820]

"He's not normally-brained" is a phrase that needs to enter the general lexicon

[@NecromancyForKids]

It's called neuro-divergent

[@crakhaed]

Nonnormal brain coded

[@extremejon]

"built different"

[@nabby8462]

I'm neuro-divergent and I actually kinda like saying "normally brained" now since I've heard it lol. Idk, it's fun to say and also easier than "neuro-divergent". Although I must admit, the way Mike said it sounded a little insensitive and stung a bit. But I believe he means well. I still love him :)

[@LittleMissLounge]

I know people are going to say "neurodivergent" is more accurate, but I think NB is beyond that type of labeling.

[@TortugaMaritima]

Neil Breen shouldn't even bother to use a green screen for the next one. Just him sitting in his living room kinda explaining how the movie goes until he falls asleep. Maybe one or two digital tigers here and there, but that's it

[@rutgaurxi7314]

Kino.

[@pandrosof]

And eagles ...

[@WingItMan217]

Secured bad guaranteed

[@kunstwert]

and no clothes...

[@Avatar_of_Chairness]

And plenty of laptops....not on, of course.

[@andrewsiddons6038]

Neil has said things to the effect of that he knows that people laugh at the first half of his movies, but they're in stunned shock and awe for the second part. Clearly inaccurate, but that admission is as far as he is currently willing to go.

[@extraram896]

I mean the stunned shock and awe is accurate, just not what he thinks it actually means

[@spillanegottleib1681]

Maybe the audience is like Cartman, and they blew their funny fuse.

[@ryanmartin6580]

the “CON” film festival comment is like norm macdonald level comedic gold bravo colin!

[@thegamegrumpsletsplayofmaj5727]

> Had to kill a gang > Of 10 kidnappers > With my superpowers

[@AlphariusDominatus]

All by himself

[@LeonimuZ]

And that’s just the intro!

[@thesponge836]

It's like a mad lib

[@williampusey8266]

>In the Amazon >With my mom >Before she died

[@AlchemicSoul]

Whys it take ten people to kidnap someone? Layoffs gonna hit them too

[@Elongated_Muskrat]

You hate to see an artist like Neil Breen fall off like this.

[@adamkares7549]

He's entered his late George Lucas phase

[@kingsleycy3450]

Hard to look like an internet messiah when you have trouble getting out of your Ferrari

[@virgiljericho664]

was he ever, on anything besides drugs probably

[@luckyspurs]

As somebody who finds Best of the Worst really entertaining, the Neil Breen episodes are the least entertaining Best of the Worst episodes. Never understood why people found it funny bad, rather than just bad.

[@playedout148]

​@@luckyspursNeil Breen, like Terrance Malick, isn't for everyone.

[@Spo8]

Shooting day for night by dragging down the brightness slider on your static png stock background is just 😙👌

[@Null_Experis]

I want to see a Neil Breen-esque movie with the feeling of Birdman, where it's Breen in his twilight years, desperately trying to make a 20 minute film for a festival, and you follow this hyper-competent version of Not!Breen as he directs this film, and you're seeing all these cutting edge techniques, competent camera work, promising actors and every time you catch a little bit of his film, it looks like a serious art-house endeavor you'd see at Sundance. Then, on the premiere day, you switch perspectives to one of Not!Breen's investors at a screening, and they show a solid 5-10 minutes of it and it's exactly on the level as this Cade film, and it's just a tiny showing in an editor's studio. Then, cut back to Not!Breen's perspective and it's like he's premiering at Cannes or something, and it shows his film as we first saw it, an amazing work of art, people cheering at it.

[@lordnorthumberland277]

These RLM video descriptions are a diary into the mind of an increasingly demented Mike Stoklasa

[@HarryisI]

The reference to Raiders brought a tear to my eye ngl

[@tonyblock84]

His description needs to be someone's dating profile "about me".

[@warlockofwordschannel7901]

​@@HarryisILast Crusade, in fact.

[@ollyneanderthal]

RLM video descriptions may very well be the defining pieces of prose of our century

[@MiniMackeroni]

What do you mean? It's clearly our good friend Krebs Gorlon. It says it right there at the end of the description. My favorite Star Trek/Wars character.

[@carlhenryjr]

“He looks like Leonard Nimoy’s zombie”. Rich had me ROARING with that one.

[@Bonn1770]

Top Ten Rich quote.

[@BackdoorBarnyard]

Are you a -lion- tiger?

[@Maldr.]

That stock footage of the audience clapping was an incredible anti-joke edit

[@ArgusArray]

I love how they discuss if Neil Breen has become self-aware in the same way you would discuss about Skynet.

[@ChrisBrown-si1vg]

I like to think Neil Breen makes these videos whenever he's mildly inconvenienced in everyday life. Like, he thought up this entire film because his doctor saw him 45 minutes after the scheduled appointment.

[@Zambicus]

This is genuinely my theory as well, especially when I see him becoming an old and what-not. Definitely has to deal with hospitals more.

[@shmehfleh3115]

Every year that Neil Breen owes taxes, we get a new movie about him taking down the shadow government or some such nonsense.

[@beerosaurusrex]

I can't wait for the film inspired by the time his takeout order was incorrect, only realizing after he had already driven home. Or maybe that was already the one about global warming.

[@cyborgoftheyear]

That was actually probably the impetus for writing a script about killing 300 million people lol

[@sophisticated_patter]

Every time I half-ass something now I'll hear Rich Evans in my head whispering, "laaaaaazzzzy."

[@daveyjones8969]

That's why you always go full-ass, no half measures...and don't buy shampoo, demand the real poo.

[@_nbcake]

Thinking it'll make a good alarm too

[@adder2488]

@@HelloHello33333cause it’s like a dirty secret. He’s no longer just incompetent. But now the same level of passion and dedication isn’t present.

[@pogglywoggly3292]

Just pray he doesn't inexplicably formulate a random thought that makes him laugh instead of whisper. Otherwise he might [insert failed marvel superhero who's power is their voice] and kill us all.

[@Nick_J_]

Anyone who doesn’t read the description of an RLM video is missing out. Holy shit, what a ride

[@POVwithRC]

Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I will never not read it again

[@andrewmorgan9902]

48:15 Mike helping rich not repeat too much and landing the punchline is the best thing about these two friends

[@leminjapan]

The evolution of Breen's storytelling as he runs out of money is truly a sight to behold.

[@ChrisHuppey]

But they all made a profit 😢

[@atomic_wait]

​@@ChrisHuppeyIf this one was as cheap to make as it looks it might be his most profitable yet.

[@lasskinn474]

the desert one was probably cheaper. but guys, you know whats amazing? at one point in history games that looked exactly like this were the most expensive games ever made and had rather big teams working on them. the writing was almost on par with this too.

[@IDontReallyGiveAShit]

@@lasskinn474And they still managed to be a lot better

[@mar10ssj1]

Critics give the same shit to Tarantino, Speilberg, Coppola, and all the great filmmakers. It is a right of passage.

[@Spambots]

As a regular at B-Fest, I can confirm Mike is 100% accurate in describing Slide Whistle Guy

[@Aeonfell]

not all heroes play ocarinas

[@unduloid]

@@Aeonfell Some of them play melodica!

[@marcinkwiatkowski9926]

They brought this up before (The Room commentary track, I think but I'm not sure) and I assumed Mike was talking about himself.

[@thomaskittock2866]

I read this RIGHT when he started talking about it lol

[@aarondavis8943]

Ah, but do you know about the _slide rule whistle?_

[@ConnorsOnlineWarehouse]

So, I've been to two screenings of Cade in LA, both last year. Both very fun and chill, definitely not whatever Colin experienced. At one of those screenings, a film festival with Neil in attendance, my friend ended up having to leave for health reasons midway through (he has Celiac, popcorn got cross-contaminated, bad reaction). As he left, he passed Neil in the hallway connected to the screening. Neil, apparently, seemed very upset that people were reacting the way they were. Afterwards, one of the first thing he did was throw the lady who did the CGI tiger under the bus, like, "Guess that didn't work out." Presumably based on our uproarious reaction. Because of these things, I have a read on him that he's a very Ed Wood, "Well, the next one will be better!" type guy.

[@stellviahohenheim]

Let's just hope the lady got paid adequately

[@danieltobin4498]

No doubt. He wants to make the next Infinity War/Endgame but instead the best he can do is the Tiger fight.

[@BackdoorBarnyard]

Breen was upset that people were "fun and chill"?

[@ConnorsOnlineWarehouse]

@@BackdoorBarnyard He was upset that they were laughing at the movie.

[@politefan8141]

I just realized I grew up seeing this guys billboards as a kid when my family and I used to visit Vegas. I never would have thought that he was actually crazy but damn. At least that explains how he's able to keep making movies.

[@_Digishade_]

Never before have I seen a more clear example of the advancement of technology making things legitimately worse.

[@jerome1lm]

star wars ...

[@tulinfirenze1990]

@@jerome1lm Unfortunately.

[@hidoimusic6184]

early cg

[@FirstnameLastname-bn4gv]

The Thing (2011)

[@daniloltc]

This video was realeased by RLM only 2min ago, but I have already finished watching it. By MYSELF! USING MY SUPERPOWERS!

[@propersensitive8776]

I have an identical twin brother.

[@Xenopolateccl]

Isn't that immoral?

[@chrisswier2035]

Neil Breen's filmography can be thought of as an experimental therapy where a patient is allowed to express their deepest fears and complexes via moviemaking, and these films are intended only for the therapist but somehow we're seeing them.

[@FlyfishermanMike]

Neil obviously took all his earnings from previous movies and invested it into the special effects. I would 100% play a Breen FMV game!

[@ianm1462]

‘ Cade The tortured crossing’ Neil Breen failing to properly capitalize the title of his own movie is his entire career distilled into a single frame.

[@staceyann1180]

Ooohhhh..so THAT'S why he got hit by a streetcar.

[@moonjelly5]

@@staceyann1180 He also titled one movie "I Am Here.... Now" with four dots in the elipsis instead of three.

[@christianalexlea]

@@moonjelly5 That was an intentional homage to Lindsay Anderson's movie 'if....'

[@SubterrelProspector]

Is he like...all there?

[@kegal]

that was a stylistic choice

[@crampedsnow]

Neil Breen getting hit by a streetcar is one thing. The fact it's infront of Amsterdam Central Station where I've walked many times throughout my life had me in tears.

[@berendharmsen]

I know, right? Same here. Like seeing Breen being run over on the street right in front of your own house.

[@MegaManki]

Knowing the tram track layout at Amsterdam Centraal, this scene was actually quite realistic!

[@lolusuck386]

It probably happened to him the last time he visited Amsterdam

[@Gilead_Galavant]

So is him jumping in front of lijn 4 the titular 'tortured crossing'?

[@overyonder8130]

Not that odd considering he lives in Bran Castle

[@BlisaBLisa]

mike is right that neil breen doesnt consider the audience at all, so its prob not that he wants to be taken seriously as an artist. i think he just wants to make movies, even though he seems to have a god complex the way he makes his movies, he doesnt come off as insecure the way you'd expect from someone like that. he sincierely seems to not care when someone dislikes or ridicules his movie and he is happy that so many people enjoy them. i think this is whats so appealing about him its that hes so sinciere, more so i think than a lot of famous bad movie makers. he is just making art because he enjoys it and he makes it in the way that makes sense to him, its outsider art and that is why its so endearing

[@whodoobucrew2960]

"we've taken in six new patients this week.. We've lost two" amazing

[@jordanpresley5336]

Redlettermedia + Breen = What I'm doing today

[@TheVinylScore]

Seriously giving a major gift to lonely souls everywhere this morning

[@despicabletaylor4079]

Great start to the holidays

[@theactualTVB]

And on 4/20 nonetheless

[@fennecfoxfanatic]

This is the best day ever! :D

[@dicnar]

i second that

[@larrylaffer3246]

"You can't make another movie, til you've made money from the last one." A mantra I wish more movie studios took to heart.

[@warlockofwordschannel7901]

If only.

[@zenleeparadise]

That would make sense if a movie making money means it is a good movie. Plenty of movies are great and never make money. Plenty of indie films never make money. Should those filmmakers stop making art because it isn't lucrative? That sounds like a miserable mantra. Money shouldn't be the goal of art.

[@GuineaPigEveryday]

Well only the shitty IP films are actually making profit now and the original ones don’t make any

[@HA-ot6uf]

​​@@zenleeparadise Maybe this could work better: "you can't make another movie, until you've understood how well the previous movie did both commercially and critically, and what decisions or processes lead to that." Although that isn't as catchy.

[@larrylaffer3246]

@@HA-ot6uf That. Or the inverse. Figuring out why the previous one failed. For instance instead of The Mouse not making anymore slightly experimental films like Treasure Planet or Atlantis because they were commercial failures. They'll take another look at them and see if what made them fail was mainly a problem with marketing and/or timing release. Because now they're considered cult classics, clearly people want them to make more films like them.

[@bennetthasty7886]

I know you joke like Rich is dumb BUT he deserves an award for recapping a whole Neil Breen movie from memory 😂❤🎉

[@brushstroke7190]

Breenscreen 🤣 my boyfriend made that same pun while we were watching the movie. we need to tell him that we were all just kidding about not wanting him to film in the desert. we were dying for a real location for the entirely of Cade. Please go back to the desert, Neil! 🙇

[@NotAMurdererer]

You're saying he's gotten lazy, but he obviously travelled all the way to Amsterdam to get hit by that street car. Because that is definitely Amsterdam.

[@crazyloopster]

Ding ding ding!

[@neliz2k]

Production costs were through the roof, RLM doesn't know what parking costs in Amsterdam

[@mikeycrackson]

Theyre just jealous Space Cop could never reach the production quality of a Neil Breen movie

[@thrashpit1207]

Amsterdam Centraal station in the background

[@gwh3013]

I thought it looked familiar

[@born2illustrate369]

I think it's honestly kind of impressive that he doesn't let people get him down. I do still think there's something wrong with him, but at least he seems to be enjoying himself.

[@awandererfromys1680]

Yea, in interviews and other public appearances he usually comes off as pretty chill and friendly.

[@RettMikhal]

Like a kid on the short bus that doesn't let his mental disability get him down.

[@admech590]

At least he's not naked in these past two films

[@Virjunior01]

I dunno... it feels like it's more of a "compulsion..."

[@vegidio]

I admire him for that. He is not good, but in his mind he's doing something great, so I'm happy that he is following his dreams and not letting others dictate how he should feel about his work.

[@J3TF1RE]

You know, I’m happy for Neil. He’s a bit eccentric but he seems to have made his ambition to make movies a reality. Quality aside, he has RLM talking about his stuff. The Batman didn’t even receive that honor. I’m genuinely happy for him.

[@14megasxlr]

I'm gonna be fully honest. Niel Breen is a legitimately inspirational creative. Beyond the quality of his work, his passion for creating what he wants is what truly makes his craft respectable.

[@SonofEmhak]

Describing this like an FMV game is the perfect aesthetic framing.

[@lisah-p8474]

My right hand was itching to click on the screen every time they cut to the movie scenes. I bet there were so many inventory items to collect!!

[@kaiserkreb]

Looks like Harvester with less production value. 🤣

[@johnkilo3]

Could you imagine an FMV game directed by Neil Breen?

[@darrenthetuber743]

​@@johnkilo3his movies are paced like the viewer is supposed to do something between the long pauses, so yeah

[@RipOffProductionsLLC]

​@@darrenthetuber743 nah, those pauses are the next clip getting loaded off the CD.

[@iluvtaddies]

OMG that Return of the Jedi sequence had to be the funniest thing I've seen in awhile. GJ.

[@davidlarrimer1489]

I had tears running down my face!😂

[@MiniBeas]

My sides hurt.

[@MiniBeas]

RLM needs shorts...

[@1mikeloz]

They had a screening of this movie last year at a theatre in Sydney, fuck me the whole place was packed and it was just the right amount of yelling and stuff without being totally obnoxious. One of the most enjoyable theatre experiences I've ever had

[@aaronsarchive82]

God bless Rich Evans for his continued efforts to summarize Neil Breen movies.

[@imnotbob3345]

Boy. He really nailed it with the "Phantasmagoria" and "Dark Seed" comparisons. Had both for the Amiga - and he's spot on.

[@bigjohnsbreakfastlog5819]

Ironically, it feels more like Dark Seed II, where it would be likely to have Breen go into the Dark World and encounter a MidJourney interpretation of HR Geiger's art.

[@HrvojeGrahovac]

@@bigjohnsbreakfastlog5819 😂😂😂😂

[@AMbradfordfilms]

I still listen to the Phantasmagoria soundtrack

[@mallan6277]

Whoa, me too! Especially the opening theme!

[@IAMMADEOFMEAT]

or return to zork

[@BBB_bbb_BBB]

I love whenever Mike says 'ghosts' because he always says it while exaggerating his accent.

[@MrEnKaye]

GhOOUsts

[@DrThrustbone]

I like to think that he has no control over that anymore, keep-making-that face-and-it’ll-get-stuck-that-way style, he is cursed to pronounce “ghost” like Marge Gunderson.

[@Pimploaf_YTP]

@@DrThrustbone he did it ironically so many times it became sincere

[@pogglywoggly3292]

He can't help turning into a Scooby-Doo extra whenever someone mentions or even hints at ghosts. Whereas, if you mention Star Trek... he simply turns into Mike.

[@BBB_bbb_BBB]

@@Pimploaf_YTP I could see that happening. As a Canadian, I started to say aboot instead of about as a joke, but now it's natural.

[@LastHazzerd]

holy crap that video description.

[@sean8102]

"Where dose he go from here?" "The grave." LMAO that got me good.

[@ComradeQuagsire]

Neil Breen becoming self aware would have worse consequences for humanity than AI becoming self aware

[@spelleps]

Seeing this film in the theater with a crowd full of Breen fans was a life changing experience. It was the most fun I've ever had watching a movie.

[@InsightfulUndercurrents]

I got to see it at the Prince Charles in London, I laughed so hard at the tram dodging sequence I went light headed. It was incredible.

[@metalman1414]

I saw it in Toronto, everyone clapping when the stock footage of clapping was shown was hysterical

[@ryanschwanke81]

The best way to do it is go see a Breen film or a screening of the Room at a theater like the Alamo Drafthouse, they keep shit from getting too obnoxious but its still incredibly fun.

[@mushovers3006]

Yooo! I saw it in Dallas. I took psychic damage from it frfr

[@SapphicFurry]

Same, me and my friends formed a Bad Movie Club in college and we made a big event out of going to see it at a local independent theatre. The energy in that room was incredible.

[@fabiobonetta5454]

"He's not normally brained" 😂😂😂 Rich Evans' greatest contribute to humanity

[@darrenbell71]

God, that speeder bike sequence is amazing. It will never be the same.

[@typing4mylife]

Breen is now like an artist who has lost their passion, but continues putting stuff out because of studio mandates or fan expectations. The only difference is that literally nobody is asking him to keep doing this.

[@travisslade6860]

People are absolutely asking him to do this.

[@typing4mylife]

@@travisslade6860 I mean, I want him to, but it’s not like I’m demanding it.

[@CelestialWoodway]

​@typing4mylife I guess he makes money off of his films? Economically he needs to do these?

[@pogglywoggly3292]

"There's no such thing as bad publicity." - P.T. Barnum (et al)

[@Reebz0r]

Neil Breen's movies look progressively more and more like 90's FMV games. EDIT: lol Colin bang on the money

[@jaxonpallone4377]

There is a meme somewhere on KZbin from with this movie edited to be a FMV game

[@ganpondorodf]

The fact that you guys put mini Neil Breen in, walking across the table, as a throwaway joke, and it looks infinitely more convincing than any shot in Neil Breen's own stuff is just wonderful

[@dbblues.9168]

Space Ice and RLM are the only 2 channels that will get me to watch 2 breakdowns of the same Breen movies. Always hilarious.

[@Penttipistooli]

Next step: sell The Neil Breenverse to Disney for 4 billion and start making arthouse films for himself.

[@r.l.royalljr.3905]

Don't say that! With their luck they'd start accidentally putting out good Breen movies and rake in enough profit to save the company!

[@philmacropulos6875]

12 years. 2.8 billion dollar loss. Neil Breen is more successful than Kathleen Kennedy. Let that settle in. 😮

[@Returntotheworld]

Just small ones, nobody will see them.

[@pogglywoggly3292]

Breen Story 5: Who is Buzz Light Year... Why is Buzz Light Year...

[@kthxbaiz]

Isn't that cheating the public

[@trekadam30]

"Writing scripts for Neal Breen movies. What a strange game. The only winning rule is not to play." -- Joshua, the Computer, WarGames.

[@kradz5172]

I was saving watching this for a lousy day and today was the day that was lousy enough for it. It made it much better. Thanks Mr. Breen! Always right here ✌️♥️

[@bryansmith844]

The Neil Breen speeder chase scene was iconic

[@bloodrunsclear]

Why does all the dialogue from Neil Breen movies sound like him delivering a monologue to a judge in night court. "No judge I was NOT drunk...I was defending the world with my super powers!'

[@noesunyoutuber7680]

"Mr. Breen, are you drunk right now?" "I am not drunk. I can't believe you would think I would show up to this hearing drunk. How could you think I would show up to this hearing drunk."

[@anarcatz]

i did not hit her i did nawt

[@Kidd724]

Lots of practice

[@pogglywoggly3292]

I am the president of the bank... your honor. I will kill myself now rather than face scrutiny. I will require a plane in which I will fly to Antarctica, where I will die alone and cold. Very cold. No one should ever have to see my shame, so please don't try to save me or come looking for me at all.

[@wuwu007]

“Oh Saturday morning is quiet, not much to watch” RLM: got you covered

[@EmpireofCheese]

Just in time for 4/20 for all us degenerate potheads!

[@trout00dog]

The hospital set really looks like a Last of Us-themed 90s point and click adventure game like Colin's examples

[@dustypirate28]

I’d like to point out: Cade’s castle in the film is the promo photo that is featured on the official Bran Castle homepage.

[@fantasticvideoproductions]

As a nearly fifty year-old man who loves inane, dry humor, I consider RLM's video descriptions -- or at least the ones apparently authored by Mike -- to be sophisticated forms of multiple literature genres, most strikingly surrealism that may or may not be consciously satirical.

[@user-ss3wb8he7h]

Try space ice videos they look like something you would like

[@fantasticvideoproductions]

@@user-ss3wb8he7h Haha -- I actually enjoy Space Ice, so good call. :)

[@datpad]

Wat

[@battango]

I’m disappointed that you missed the key story arc in Tortured Crossing; the patient couldn’t play keyboard, then thanks to Breen he’s able to. Then they all dance to his rockin’ tunes.

[@SlvtSammichArchive]

Oh is that why they had the dance number?

[@ThomasRoiloup]

"Green screen." - Neil Breen

[@pogglywoggly3292]

Breen Screen™

[@justthatguyoverthere2080]

I went to B-Fest 2024, and you'll be happy to know Slide Whistle Guy is still there, and still has perfect comedic timing. Hopefully you all will come back sometime. Twice I've seen Jay and Josh there, but was too nervous to come say hi and tell them how much I enjoy their work. Or yell at them for that movie they sponsored in 2012. Either way.

[@fraserbain6102]

Breen is just Lucas without the budget. The dude playing the keyboard, completely green-screened, is exactly how I imagine the prequels were shot.

[@MysteryStew5977]

the prequels used a surprising amount of sets that just look strangely-greenscreened. Like Palpatine's office. I thought that was CG. Nope. That's a real set, and for some reason they decided to make the actual sets as fake looking as possible

[@nabby8462]

that's funny because the guy on the keyboard made me think of the little blue alien in Jabba's palace who I think was also playing a keyboard-like instrument. I might be misremembering. I just remember the squat fuzzy alien that yells, and then a whole lot of jizz happens.

[@CatCheshireThe]

The fact that there is absolutely no way Neil Breen could be unaware of how people watch his movies is what makes me think that he is more self-aware than he seems and just never breaks kayfabe. The fact that his movies keep getting worse and worse might actually be him trying to lean into it.

[@gzz8551]

You don’t truly believe that. You KNOW he thinks he’s good. Thing is, people are now (ironically) telling him he’s good and he’s taking it literally.

[@KBlackW]

Does anyone remember shorty after Twisted Pair, Breen put out a statement saying he's seeking actual studio backing for his next film? obviously, he never got it, but it got me thinking just how much money he had for this movie, and how much of the green screen is due to budgetary reasons. My pet theory is that the tiger fight, which is choreographed better than the actual human fighting in the movie, was shot first, and then Neil got the bill from the rigging artist and went 'HOW much?!', and then rest of the movie had to be squeezed in from the catering budget.

[@spillanegottleib1681]

Mike kept claiming that Colin does an excellent Neil Breen impression. Unsurprisingly, the hack fraud was mistaken and mixed-up, it was Canadian Jim who did a great impression of him. This brings up this question that is burning in everyone's mind everywhere everyday all at once: Whatever happened with Canadian Jim's and Rich Evan's FRENEMY situation? There was that incredibly awkward moment between them in the middle of discussing that Leo DiCaprio stalker videotape. Latest updates? Hopefully Jim is doing well.

[@IrisCorven]

I miss Jim. I can only assume scheduling has been an issue for him since Covid. Him and Colin popping up together always led to some great moments, and him an Mike could riff off eachother fantastically.

[@markiefella]

Canadian Jim’s delivery of “WHO AM I? WHAT AM I?” was magnificent.

[@astrospect]

Jim just has to slightly change his accent and mannerisms to sound exactly like Breen. His voice is of damn near identical timbre and tone.

[@astrospect]

​@@markiefella I first heard that while at work so I didn't see it was him saying that and I thought it was a clip edited into the discussion lol.

[@kraftyfrog]

I remember reading something a while back that Jim had unfollowed RLM on social media or something. Maybe there really was a falling out? Hopefully not

[@nave2655]

EYES ON BREEN

[@contrapasta2454]

Should be the name of the niel breen specific film festival that will inevitably spring up after his death. Would have to start early on account of there being no midnight screenings though.

[@QuarrelsomeLocalOaf]

🎶 _Get up out of your seat, all eyes on Breen, all eyes on Breen_ 🎶

[@cameronscott7304]

I'm so glad I have the dvd of this

[@wulfspyder8381]

Jay nailed it, it's all part of the same amalgamation, even Neil doesn't know what it means

[@pogglywoggly3292]

His concepts and ideas are so far beyond the scope of human understanding that even he doesn't understand them.

[@chrisrobertson2002]

Seeing Neil Breen's face on the thumbnai of a RLM BOTWl cured my depression from getting fired this week. What a godsend. EDIT: LOL this is why I love this community. Happy to report got a new job and it's even more pay and better environment. Don't let the man keep you down and don't give up! Wish all of you much love and luck. As a wise man once said, "I don't need much to live anymore. I just eat tuna out of a can and live in a car." -N. Breen

[@Lark1610]

Maybe you should apply for next Neil Breen's movie? He admitted he finds his actors on Craigslist. Jesus, RLM guys should try that and then make a BTS video.

[@dropout818]

In the same situation, I'm one of the 14,000 losing my job because of the 99 cent stores closing. This felt like a sign things can only get better!

[@keelinnnn2961]

I feel you. Being fired is so so hard to deal with. I’m hoping the best for you. I personally have been so much happier since I got fired recently. Keep on Keeping on 🤙🏻🤙🏻

[@jaykelley103]

Jobs are gay anyway. Fuck it, bro. Hit this meth boof with me

[@brunobucciaratiswife]

Ikr? I was going to commit die but this video distracted me

[@benb1396]

I saw this in a massive (completely full) theater, and it was a wonderful experience. During the film's iconic dance breaks, the audience would get up and dance too.

[@romefox]

52:03 that part tripped me out, thought my internet went down for a sec but then Jay started talking.

[@7Starslayer7]

that rotj speeder bike chase killed me xD no ... in fact it really did.

[@richbutnotwealthy3995]

The dance number was him trying to qualify for a Best Musical award.