Why I Hung Up on our Foster Daughter's Caseworker

[@cattabyss]

She refused to contact miss a's parents as if suddenly it wasnt her job anymore... it absolutely was her job to clarify it with the parents, not yours. I understand they have a lot to do and all these cases to focus on, but that is not an excuse to slack off just because they dont feel like they have to. And we know that not all caseworkers are like this. And maybe this caseworker has some redeeming qualities. But still, every action she takes or doesnt take will influence somebody's entire life and for that reason, I think you were absolutely justified in hanging up on her.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Preach!

[@emmap.7314]

potato noses as a private foster care agency social worker, I LOVE your comment! I took a screenshot of the part of your message that says “every action she takes or doesn’t take will influence somebody’s entire life.” I hope to never lose sight of that fact because it’s absolutely true! Thank you for that reminder!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

@@emmap.7314 I 100% agree, that is an incredible quote.

[@awkwardathena434]

This is the best comment ever 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 💛

[@rissadawn2047]

potato noses she probably wanted to avoid that whole conversation, which we've all been there at some time, but its definitely a childish irresponsible way of doing things and it's your JOB which most of us know how that is as well. Maybe she thought they'd just let it go? And not thinking how that might hurt miss a which is the whole point of her focus ,or where it should be , and not to mention the benefits and experience of her getting to go. I have more than one social worker in my family and had a friend who worked as a GAL for the state and now a private organization who oversees fosters, and they are more often than not overworked and pulled in a dozen different directions, not to mention the majority of their job is stressful and not always "happy" but that's just part of it, you can't fear disapproval or lash back from either side just like you can't use your own personal opinions or judgments of a person/situation, you have to go by FACTS to the extent you know them and focus on what the best interests are for the kids and kind of like parenting in general the temporary inconvenience or pain over the long term of intended goal. And I know to some ppl this seems trivial, but it is what comes with the job, also I just watched the gabriel Fernandez trials on Netflix and this is such a minor issue compared to that, but then again if you drop the ball in the beginning or on the "small" stuff where does it end?? Btw it's a well done documentary and interesting? But oh how hard it is to watch....once I started I couldn't stop and I just wanted to go in the other room and break down and bawl crying, it's very shocking yet eye opening and a light that needs to be shone on a very very dark place.

[@mkenz4227]

I just kept thinking, if she would stop arguing with you and just call Miss A's parents, this would be done by now and she could move on to the other work she needs to do! 🤦

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Exactly! Great perspective.

[@amymenjivar3489]

Some workers *don't* want to deal with the parents as bad as that sounds. She said she told them. They didn't understand. In her mind, she checked her box that she had let them know and wasn't calling them again.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

@@amymenjivar3489 Yes, and checking boxes is not acceptable for any kid who is in our care. They deserve more.

[@bobbit5670]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity I understand your stance on this and I love how dedicated you are to the children in your care :) I'm a case manager in KY, and if I answered every phone call or did everything that my clients request, I would be working 24/7! I understand the gravity of these situations, truly I do, but case workers are just people! We're not perfect and we do the BEST we can.

[@fosterfam2563]

I couldn't imagine having to tell Ms. A's parents after building a relationship with them and potentially ruin that. I'm so glad that other people in your team were able to step in! ❤

[@Nimeariel]

Yeah, that could be hard.... but, at the same time, you have to think. Her parents "started it" when they said yes and signed the paperwork and then pulled their "stunt" (let's just call it that.....) of saying "no" at the last minute (I've been in the situation before with my own family- Miss A's parents probably were WELL aware it was so short to the time of the trip and thought maybe they could mess up the system by saying no). So, if they weren't prepared to have bad news brought to them, either by the case worker or by Miss A's foster family, or by anyone else for that matter, then that's on them. THEY ruined the relationship by saying "no" during that last week. Yes, saying "sorry, it's been overruled" would have fractured the relationship further, but.... there was probably already some tension there because of the "no". And, even if the caseworker and magistrate decided FOR the parents, instead of against, that would have broken the relationship just as much, I am sure. Going forward there would have been some tension still.

[@benbalbach6197]

The foster care system needs more people like you- people who fight for the CHILDREN. So many people lose sight of what it’s all about. Thank you 🙏

[@angienewbold3105]

We were Foster Parents for over 10 years. Started in Idaho, then licensed in Alaska! When we were Fostering (our now daughter's), the state of Alaska was adamant that you take your foster kiddos on your family vacations! Alaska wanted the kids in care to explore and experience all things that the foster families could provide! We took our girls to North Pole AK to visit Santa's Village for a weekend (6hr drive away) and we went to Disneyland and San Diego zoo. Alaska also paid for these kiddos airfare so that they could have these experiences! The parents didn't have a say in our travel plans! Mom did have a problem with our family traveling to North Pole AK. Her reason against our family taking the girls was that, She wanted to be the one to take them to see Santa's Village. We felt very supported by Alaska's OCS (Office of Children Services) and GAL's! We adopted our girls July 2011 (now ages 13 & 14) and post adoption Alaska pays for both girls and one adult to travel out of state to visit siblings (adopted by another family) once a year, child care expenses, and 1/2 of anything needed that pertains to their needs!

[@pickles4742]

Alaska sounds like it has a great foster care system!

[@rubynelson1164]

That's the way it should be.

[@tamarabee5473]

Everything that was said in this video is, unfortunately, more common than not! I have been a Guardian ad Litem for 3 years, and I see it so often how things can get messy when the CHILD's best interests are not kept at the forefront. Keep advocating for Miss A because you're doing a kickass job!!! I love that these videos are bringing incredible awareness on the realities of the system (the good and bad) and why it's so important to have dedicated and loving foster families!!!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

I can’t heart this comment enough!! Thank you

[@mshunni-love2810]

You either STEP UP or get STEPPED ON!! You definitely stepped up on the behalf of Miss A. Job well done 👍🏽.

[@thaqueenofchaos1]

You did the right thing. The caseworker wasn't listening to you and was probably in their own mindset. So you had no choice but to go to others to help you both deal with the situation. Good luck!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Thank you for the words of encouragement!

[@kyrataylor-gagne2621]

I love when your dog is in the window behind you 🥰

[@411MyMusic]

I’m really glad that Miss A does have people in her care team who work hard for her best interest. She’s extremely lucky to have you as her foster family. I hope the tension begins to lift more.

[@theguntersadopt3268]

Before my son arrived to NY. There was so many issues we were having with DHS. I was on the phone nearly daily to ensure thinks were moving along. I was lucky to have a case work who advocated as equally as I was and being on the same page. But of course most importantly to support my son. All these different systems to deal with simultaneously is definitely annoying. Thanks for sharing this video.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Thank you for sharing your experience! Love seeing your journey as well. Stay safe!

[@shannonrios8232]

Love the more frequent videos! I just hope miss A was okay through all this chaos. Being in the middle like that has to be difficult. She’s a strong, mature, beautiful young woman who has a ton of support. Nonetheless I hope she was able to get through the messyness okay.

[@monkeysluvdani]

When our supervised visits got canceled due to covid-19 they didn’t notify me or the parents! I found out through a different foster parent and it was left on ME to notify the parents! And I got all of the anger and frustration. I was so upset by that. And now virtual visits are extra awkward because I’m the one holding the phone for the child.

[@AmandaJ__]

Wow. Power to you.. that's super unfortunate they didn't let you know. That's majorly important info

[@latashahoward3943]

I bet you felt awkward to say the least. Thank you for being a foster parent by the way. God bless.

[@Tia.H]

That's not a good situation at all, but you did your due diligence by telling the parents. I understand their frustration, but, at the end of the day, after all is said and done, at least they got to see their child, even if it was via Skype or Facetime. You're a good person for not only letting their child into your life and loving that child, but also for keeping communication lines open and not only respecting but upholding the parents' right to know what's going on and see their child. Good on you!

[@dee7019]

I worked for DCF in my state for about 5 years. I worked for the state (you called them prosecutors) and there are so many differences. Everyday at 1:00, our judge was in court for motions and/or hearings on the child/children’s removal from the home. Not every child had a GAL but every parent had an attorney to represent them. We (legal) were in the same building with the case workers so communication was easy. I know that none, none, of our caseworkers would behave the way your county caseworker did. Everyone’s goal was to help the children and that is all that should matter. I’ve seen caseworkers sleep on a couch in the room that was outfitted for children playing because she couldn’t get the child an emergency placement. I saw another caseworker who on her own time and her own dime, drive for30 minutes to pick up a Mom with no transportation. And then take her home. They do the work of angels. So sorry your county caseworker didn’t help you. If for no other reason than to keep a great foster home that she may need in the future. Foolish and not in the child’s best interest.

[@MeraleeCrowl]

Here in Oklahoma, the child is assigned a lawyer to represent them in court (similar to your GAL). However, in the last 3 years I've fostered 9 different children and the only time the lawyer meet one of my kiddos was when I took a 16 year old to court, at the child's request. As for caseworkers, I've experienced a couple difficult situations, but for the most part, the workers have been wonderful and went above and beyond to care for my foster children.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

So glad to hear that you've had super positive experiences with caseworkers! That's what we want to hear more of :)

[@juliehowman3912]

The issue of having so many people who are responsible for the decisions of a minor, in a situation where the kinfolk of that minor already feel violated because they have lost their rites over that child is asking for trouble. An organism with more than one head is a monster. I appreciate case workers are exceedingly overburdened due to the disparity between the number of children requiring this support and the adults available to facilitate it. That said, in my experience some caseworkers really do need an attitude adjustment. When my son was taken into care at 16 and a half, his first caseworker was of that ilk. My son stood up for himself and insisted on seeing me in hospital, and maintaining his relationship with me, despite my mental health crisis. His second case worker was an angel. She liaised with everyone, and even with the hospital and set up the visitation, and on my release from hospital, ensured a continuum of contact as my son progressed through the independence programme. We were more fortunate than most however, as he was put directly into the leaving care independence program, which focuses on developing independence skills. My son had a mentor with regards to his chosen profession for which he was at college, he still sees him regularly despite it being six years ago. In addition he was taught to budget, take care of himself, be responsible for himself by the key workers at the group home and the caseworker ensured he had mental health support too, with both a counsellor and psychotherapist. When I was under section and my visitation had to be supervised his caseworker arranged it so that It would be in the child observation play room so he did not feel like he was a young child, being supervised by adults whilst he visited with his mum. I am so very grateful that because my son was able to speak up, was unwilling to be told no, and was mature enough to recognise that although I was mentally ill, and a danger unto myself, I was not losing the rite to be his parent due to poor life choices. He was an advocate, not only for himself but his mother too. His second case worker worked hard to see him succeed. Although she delegated different aspects of his care requirements to different people, she spearheaded that vehicle.she truly set my son up to exceed, and put everything she could into place to ensure he excelled. My prayer is that going forward, you might have the same positive experience, a child should always feel safe, and sure no matter who is ultimately responsible for them. For placements to succeed, they need to be supported, be it with a mentor, a counsellor, an advocate or a caseworker.thank you for being willing to love a child, who has done nothing wrong but faced a significant trauma. Please hang in there for Miss A and like I said, hopefully in the fullness of time it will all work out.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

❤️

[@funnycentral1]

I don’t understand how you were so calm while filming this video! My blood was boiling just hearing you talk about it. I know case workers are under a lot of stress and a big case load but too many children die because case workers don’t take proper action when needed. It is amazing to see how much you truly care for miss A because what if you didn’t. In this situation miss A could’ve felt like no one was on her side if she had other foster parents that weren’t as involved. You guys and miss A are incredible and inspiring people.

[@girlfromsouth214]

No matter how backed up a county caseworker is, it's all about the tone they set in the way they communicate with parents. This is especially since the "commodity" their business deals in are children. Kudos to you Whitney, for being the Momma Bear Ms. A needs and doing all you can to foster a positive relationship with her parents.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Momma Bear in Full Effect!

[@lauragustafson900]

It took more time for her to argue than it would have to make a phone call 🤦🏻‍♀️ I love when people spend more time and energy digging their heels in than it would take to do what was requested.

[@hannahwhitlow5541]

I love that you guys talk about the good and the hard times of foster care. We are in training and you guys have been amazing role models for our journey.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Thank you for joining us along that journey and we wish you the best as you continue with your training!

[@tasha_111_]

I wonder if this was the same case worker that in the very beginning said right in front of Miss. A “not to buy her anything expensive or a lot of things” sounds like they have the same attitude towards their job if they are intact different people.. So glad you had other sources of support when the county worker failed at her job responsibilities 🙏💯 Good for you guys!! 👏👍👌

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

It was

[@tasha_111_]

Be The Village That explains everything lol

[@damianandmollieallen3506]

As someone who was in foster care as a kid I think u r doing a great job. Case workers all the time blew me off and made it so much harder on my foster parents. As someone with many disabilities it was already hard for them an I was bounced around til I finally found a home that cared and a great case worker. I appreciate anyone who is a foster parent ❤

[@ashleydesiree4974]

This absolutely stuns me. The caseworker in Florida that I worked with was absolutely wonderful. She communicated extremely well with birth mom & foster family.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

So glad you’ve had a great experience!

[@nickimum1]

we have been carers for 22 years in Australia and we have had similar issues. We have also had a lot of awesome Caseworkers that go above and beyond to ensure kids get what they need.

[@elizadoolittle23]

Nicki Zieth i grew up in the system in Melbourne.. you guys sound great. Unfortunately I didn’t get a good end of the system and left DHS care at 14 and went to the streets. Luckily I now got placed in a youth refuge and have some stable accom. Thanks for what you do!

[@nickimum1]

Eliza Doolittle that’s horrible hun, the system fails a lot of kids and sadly so do some Carers, we have always been about quality care. I am not perfect but I sure as heck try everything I can to help the kids living with me. I really hope you are doing okay, if you ever need someone to chat with our daughter Katie is now 22 and been in care since she was 6 months old....she has been with us that whole time and still lives at home here.....she understands a lot although her experience has been different to yours, emotionally she gets it. I am so sorry the system failed you xxx

[@laurenmichaels1728]

Miss A is so lucky to have you guys!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

We are just grateful to have her for the time we do

[@AbbyRulzNCIS]

I'm currently studying to be a social worker - your videos are very interesting and give a different perspective which is great :)

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Thank you for choosing this field ❤️

[@zenseed75]

I know that frustration too well. Thank you for being her advocate.

[@aliciagraceofficial]

Whitney I just want to say I admire you for how you advocate for Miss A. I am going to school for Early Childhood Education and also working as an advocate for youth who are blind and visually impaired across Canada. (I’m also visually impaired). It always makes me so happy to see others being advocates and people who are so passionate in the work they do. You are doing amazing things raising awareness on the foster system. Miss A is lucky to have you as an advocate. 💜

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Oh wow, you are so kind!

[@LindaY26]

I’ve had some caseworkers who I have had to go far above their heads. Overall, we’ve had far more amazing caseworkers. Honestly, the bad ones have you questioning if you should stay a foster parent, and the good ones listen to you and care about the children. I had my favourite caseworker pass away many years ago. I attended her wake and sat with her elderly mother and told her that if it had not been for the her daughter and her work ethic, I would never have seen true dedication. Like you, my foster child comes before any caseworkers. We’re the head cheerleader on our teams! ❤️

[@debbiewithtype1diabetes559]

NOT to worry you were advocating for Miss A and you should stand proud for doing so! I would have done the same thing

[@alexandrazimmer1317]

When I was a Guardian ad Litem I was on a visit and I watched one of my kids fall off the couch (they were a little toddler so they were like a human bumper car always running around) and get a big ole goose egg on their head. The case manager called me to take my statement as expected and then told me to call the bio parent because they “didn’t want to deal with it” and was refusing to contact the bio parent because prior communications for similar things were a bit explosive. So yeah I got to bear the brunt of that. It was the first time I’d ever had contact with the bio parent as well so it definitely didn’t put our relationship on the right foot. If I hadn’t been so new to it (my first case) I would’ve totally handled it the way you handled this situation instead. Kudos to you for advocating for yourself and Miss A. Much love to you all ❤️❤️

[@JL-iu7fk]

I admire your ability to just hang up on the " So called Case Non/Worker taking $ from the State/or county for doing as little as possible" ! You're SO AWESOME for not cursing the poor excuse of a case worker out! I AM PROUD OF YOUR ABILITY TO SAY " Have a nice day!" You jump through all the hoops and do such a great job raising these children.

[@Aliceinjonesville]

this shows the importance in having a great child advocate team!!! 🙌🏼❤️

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Yes!!

[@Nicole-Blasnitz]

OMG!!! you and your husband our amazing people. the system needs more parent's like you out their. cause as a foster kid growing up i can tell you miss A is lucky to have to great parent's like you. i could of only dreamed of a foster home like yours.

[@jennymcdermitt9995]

Your dog in the background is so cute.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Yeah, he can easily steal the show!

[@ashleynoble2880]

Looks like my dog: australian cattle dog mix.

[@themaramentality8850]

The way you advocate for these kiddos is exactly what is needed! It’s a shame to here how the case worker handled the situation. I feel for Miss A, you guys, and her family; this inability to be the go between with the family and the care taker causes that tension that can be avoided: and that nobody wants. Besides my feelings on the case worker, you guys have inspired me to want to be a foster parent someday when I’m not a poor college student ❤️

[@cassieb3937]

Thank you for making these videos! I really love watching your family and seeing all of the experiences, good or bad, that you all have. I hope you are all staying safe and productive during this hard time while enjoying the extra family time as well. :)

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Safe, yes! Productive... not so much lol.. The two little ones are a handful when we both work from home and manage our channels.

[@bostonterriermomakasandy9722]

You and your husband are amazing, caring and intelligent people. Thank you for all you are doing to give Miss A loving good home while remaining with the confines of the law.❤️❤️

[@amandawilson8368]

Your a great mother. Wish your family the best!

[@jroostah]

I'm glad you have a big enough support system, in that when ms county case worker decided to be unhelpful, others stepped in to help!

[@aimeekelly1172]

You did the right thing. You exhausted every effort to try to get the job done. Keep doing what you’re doing. ❤️

[@agonicole]

So glad you have the extra support of your private caseworker

[@user-bx9vi8wv3u]

I really appreciate how much it matters to your family that she goes on vacation with you. My foster parents always just sent me to respite care. Lol

[@Inevitable.Change]

Truly appreciate hearing about your experiences, I like how you always find something positive to say even when dealing with a frustrating and rather unnecessarily stressful situation.

[@somedude172]

this sounds..... just absolutely beyond infuriating. i cant imagine trying to argue with someone like that. why would it be your job to explain legal stuff to her parents??? youre a foster mom, not a case worker.... thats literally the caseworkers job. why would you go through ll the work to get a job like that when you dont care about the kids in foster care?

[@Michelle-hn3jx]

It's so frustrating for the child in these situations, so many times when I was in care caseworkers made terrible decisions for me and were not good at advocating for my needs. I have 4 siblings, restoration wasn't a goal at all, but I was still having contact with family and one day my caseworker up and moved me literally 7 hours away without my knowledge (I was 15) nor my siblings, nor my parents. I didn't see my siblings or parents again until I left care at 18. In saying that when I had my son, of course being a young single mum (I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant as well as being an impatient in a mental health facility) and someone who was known to the system I was checked in on and the caseworkers were amazing, they linked me up with mummy and me groups and helped me get my driver's licence. After my son was 6 weeks old I never heard from them again, but honestly thanks to them helping us the way they did it set us up to thrive, my boys now 3.5 years old.

[@lilliankinsman1153]

your caseworker moved you over 7 hours away from your family which caused you not to see them again for over 3 years and your grateful for being trafficked and being a teen mom.. Frankly they werent given opportunity to contact you till you turned 18..You should have sued them for those bad decisions in your care... Not make it seem like the end justified all the rest...Theres too many kids that are treated poorly in the system.

[@DaniDani-fx5qq]

Thank you for keeping your foster kidos best interest infront of everything else. I see ypu jump thru hurdles that other people would back away from.

[@tmoore7291]

I only had a county case worker in my 12 years in foster care . In a couple homes in that 12 years . The case worker may did a home vist once a year .. i would have to request to see my family most time . That was maybe once a year .. Keep up the good work from a former foster kid..

[@watchmedo635]

So frustrating, though I’m glad it was sorted in the end. Stay safe guys, thank you for your work. Bless your family and Miss A ❤️ all the best for you all and her family!

[@rosie-maerebornmummy3147]

I am glad Miss A got on the trip with your family

[@BoxerDog4life]

The positive case worker I had was Amazing. He listened and helped protect me. I don’t like guys so this says a ton 💕

[@cassiefriedman8685]

You go boo stand up for your forster daughter that's an amazing thing

[@sofiasofia2170]

Me cousin was a foster child she was very little and really don’t remember, she was adopted in Chile at 2 years old by my aunt and when she was brought home she was literally like a new born she dirent know how to talk, walk or even stay sited in her own, it’s sad because you could clearly see the luck of attention she had and just thinking in the other children that are not getting adopted and ruin by the system is sad

[@kaseym9927]

You guys are great foster parents they are so lucky to have you

[@dancinginthepsychward6381]

Not a foster care case manager story, but it's still a happy one. I have some mental health issues, and when the following story took place, I had been trying for 2 years or more to get the resources that I needed. I had even called crisis lines for phone numbers of therapists, etc. I finally got referred to a therapist who specializes in trauma (she's still my therapist), and when she realized that I qualified for a program that would TRULY lead me to the resources I needed, she set phone lines on fire and overtook the email systems. No one else was fighting for me, and I had just come out of a 3 week inpatient stay. I wasn't even fighting for myself anymore at that point. My case manager at the time was rarely heard from- her case load was 160-something. The legal limit here is 50-80. My therapist did the job of therapist, case manager, advocate, and cheerleader with a smile on her face, and she still continues to advocate for me. When she left her agency job for build her private practice, she took me on as a client pro bono. I've had peer support recovery specialists (mini therapists) who have also gone to battle for me. I have a case manager for the housing program I'm under, and let me just say, you don't want to mess with a Hispanic grandmother. Once she starts talking to someone in Spanish and smiling that "I want to choke you" smile, she gets things done. The system, for foster care and mental health patients, is broken, and it is failing. But, sometimes there are people who work in these fields who manage to pull off miracles. Case managers are overrun, worked to the breaking point, and while it's no excuse to drop the ball the way that Miss A's case manager did, we need to fix this system. The systems we have are only as good as the help they provide.

[@MartinelunafayeWhitear21]

I agree that u did right thing xxx they didnt seem to listen at all xx the child is first she wanted to go im sorry it ended up being really stressful glad she did get to go xxx

[@ashleighcrws]

The caseworker should have done her job. It’s her responsibility to inform the parents, not yours. I’m sorry you had to go through that

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Thank you

[@bellabelphin2011]

Nah. You handled that beautifully. 😭😭❤️

[@theguntersadopt3268]

This title really drew me in. Cant wait to see what the video is about

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

*eating popcorn... waiting for your reaction...*

[@theguntersadopt3268]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity lol. Left a separate post. :)

[@kaseym9927]

You guys are so amazing

[@taylarmay7476]

I am beyond glad I chose the field I did, I feel so called to help children like ms.a. I also feel called to be a foster mom as well. I know I’m still young, but I want to help these children.

[@kfhurst]

Hi there. I am kinship placement for my cousin - this is the second time I have done this and we are moving toward adoption. I am in Kansas and my experience is that the caseworkers here are under siege with the sheer number of cases on their plates. I admire your desire to keep healthy boundaries with the system and agree that the worker should have made that call. Fortunately, I have not had an instance where the case worker would not support us. It would make me crazy if that happened and I agree that keeping the entire team informed is the absolute best way to support you, Miss A and the family. Our biggest challenge is that the GAL, Kinship placement worker and I are the only consistent people in this case since the beginning. In 2-1/2 years, we have had 9 workers and 4 judges. It pays to be proactive in all communication and to keep your very healthy empathy. You all are wonderful and your methods will keep misunderstandings/miscommunications to a minimum and will foster the best outcome for Miss A, no doubt. Respect to you and John and Miss A.

[@Ubergeek0]

I feel very blessed that our city caseworker has been amazing. I do wonder about the difference of state timelines for foster care, Miss A was placed around the same time as our Foster and we are having the TPR court date in May- but the details of every case is so different. We actually decided against going through an agency because we didn’t want so many people on our care team- too many cooks and what not. Because of that, we know the supervisors and heads of the department through our training and we see them fairly regularly.

[@angelite0777]

As a fellow foster mama I appreciate your candor about the real day to day ups and downs of the foster care world that most people don’t understand. That being said while watching your last few videos I have felt so uncomfortable with the amount of information that you are sharing. Remember this is not your story it is Miss A and her family’s.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

What was shared that was crossing that line?

[@kymbradley5899]

Yay more videos!!! Keep them coming!!! I think foster parents should always advocate for their foster kids whatever that looks like in your situation. Miss A should really understand that you are a good FP because not all FP's advocate like you and a I do.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

You got it! We are on a much better schedule now

[@kymbradley5899]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity ❤❤❤

[@heatabayko]

I loved seeing your dog on the background watching out the window! 😂

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Our guard dog!

[@melissagreen1117]

I'm sorry, but I feel that she should of been clear on what was happening to the parents. I totally understand ur reaction to her not doing what she should of done the first time. If she would have done it right, you wouldn't have needed to continue to contact her.

[@lovekyds]

I’ve had phenomenal caseworkers and really hard ones to work with,

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Crazy how we have that mix. Waiting for the phenomenal ones!!

[@definitelynotjude9727]

Not a foster kid but my family has been involved with CPS for several years now and I've spent a little over three months at "crisis homes" throughout the past 2,5 years. My experience with the social workers in my city/district has been almost completely positive and I always got the support I needed from them. I keep hearing all of these horror stories about CPS and I don't know if it's generally very flawed in the US and much better over here in Germany, but I always wonder how these absolutely irresponsible people are even allowed to work in facilities like these.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

So grateful you have had positive experiences. I love hearing the good stories. It may be a trend in the US, though I know it’s not across the board. Every county is different. Our county, typically negative... though I know there are really amazing caseworkers in our county too!

[@deanboyster6143]

To me it sounded like the parents didn’t want hear that miss A was going on a trip.

[@scarletcate3888]

“Can” and “is” are two different things. How was that not clear to the caseworker?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Exactly, that was the difference I was trying to make. 2 simple words, VERY different meaning in this case.

[@cleoalvaro3264]

Love you guys 💕 Keep up the great work!

[@annemariedewet7330]

I would have hung up myself.I am not in the same situation as you guys but you kept your cool and was courteous towards the caseworker.You are doing what is best for Miss A and your family and that is all that counts.

[@Latnman101]

You did exactly the right thing.

[@stacysavage6668]

Just curious..Have you and Miss A discussed, how things will be once(if) she returns to her birth family? As in, staying in touch, having sleep overs and what not? I can't imagine how hard it will be on all of you when (and if) that time comes. It's so clear how much y'all love Each other💛

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

We have! That's also a great idea for us to share on the channel.

[@stacysavage6668]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity I would LOVE to hear more about that. 💛

[@sarahj8735]

I worked for a private foster care agency for 5.5 years- we strictly placed children who have I/DD diagnoses. My office was located inside the county DHHR building and the disconnect between us was REAL!!!! Frustrating for kids on care, foster parents, and (some!) workers.

[@aussiebfamilyadventures9190]

Oh my gosh that is a proud moment I would not have been able to handle that

[@seifalah0626]

Case workers are overwhelmed, frustrated etc. HOWEVER, the most important thing is advocacy for the child. You keep doing what you're doing. You are advocating and looking out for the best interests of Miss A. That is what matters most!! If they're not going to do their job then forget them!! Glad you have a good support team with the guardian and your private caseworker. If you don't mind my asking. What made the parents change their mind?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

We will be posting a fairly honest video (with as much as we can share) soon regarding the reason for the decision.

[@seifalah0626]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity sounds good. You are in a tough spot and truly doing your best to advocate and account for Ms A's well being in all aspects. Whatever you can share I would be curious about. However, I fully respect your privacy and need for confidentiality

[@johanernapoll3485]

You did a good thing. She now knows that you will not back down and stand up for for miss A and your self.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Heck yes!

[@bpgk2007]

I'm surprised the bio parents actually have a say. You truly seem like you make these videos to educate people. So many who make videos like this seem more into the attention than anything else. I'm glad Miss A has such a sweet and caring family to help her through all this. Good job 👍

[@sarabrant723]

Love your videos! Hope you guys r holding up during this time!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Yes we are, hope you are as well!

[@daniellesimpson741]

It’s good that the GAL is actively involved in the case. Unfortunately it has been my experience, a lot of GALs are not. We currently have 3 young children we have had almost 3 years now, and we have not even met their GAL. I know they have one but I don’t even know their name, and they have not seen the children in the time we have had them, if ever. We are not invited to court in this particular county either, only review board meetings every six months, give or take.

[@margaretthym8234]

This is a great lesson on what not to do as a case worker. I am working in getting into law school but I would also love to get my masters in social work, all to become an advocate for kids in the foster system. I am always fo impressed by your fierceness Whitney - I think you were completely justified in ending that conversation and calling the other ppl on the care team, including that sw supervisor. I hope she gets over it and moves on because at the end of the day, the teams job is to do what is best for Miss A. I know Miss A wants to keep her thoughts about this to herself, which I totally get. I wonder how she is doing with all of this. Is she angry? Is she just happy she got to go? I respect that she might not want to share on video but if there is a one word sum on how she is now, would love to hear that? ❤

[@CruisingtheworldwithJackie]

Brings back all the times i had to deal with casworkers.

[@christelstrebus7175]

You are amazing. Can be proud of the way you handles it. It is a spiders web situations like that. 👍💖

[@barbaraunderwood1762]

Here n Memphis Tenn. we only have 1 caseworker, not a whole bunch. Having that many is stressful. Therapy isn’t required for the children. My daughter & her daughter did do counseling together. Each state is different. Also children aren’t allowed to contact their family anytime they want to & the parents & foster parents aren’t to have contact unless it’s by the caseworker. . That worker was rude. ❤️💗💜🥰

[@thatonecrazychickparola2303]

The sas in that thumbnail is giving me life like yessssss!!!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

All about that sass!

[@damarismaher86]

Can you do a Q&A video? I was wondering, would you recommend married young couples (mid 20s) that don’t have children to become foster parents? My husband and I are considering it but we don’t see many people like us doing it so we are unsure?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

I wish more young couples would foster honestly. You are the type of people who can be the example for others, who cares if other people aren't doing it!? John and I felt weird since we started at 30 and had a kid and knew we wanted to get pregnant again and we are not people of faith which is also very uncommon. You do you! Be there for the kids!

[@allysonwhite1325]

I’m wondering what your thoughts are regarding how much interaction you have with Miss A’s parents. In MA it’s a very laissez faire attitude. Foster parents have very little interaction with the biological parents. Everything goes through the caseworker. Have you found your interactions with Miss A’s biological parents mostly beneficial or would you prefer that the caseworker only have contact with them? You’re a great advocate?

[@Thesingle_momlife]

Allyson White It’s case by case. I find it beneficial. I sent pictures and updates weekly. I also asked them for promoting for small things, makes them feel like the still have a big part. Two placements I’ve had bios where in a different state so those where more phone calls. One was deaf so I did ASL to communicate.

[@OurLifeinLouisianaLovingit]

Our visitation still on in Ohio but it is at bio mom’s home. Court has been canceled for overnight visit. Who knows when things will go back to normal.😞

[@cominatrix]

i work for a public school system with special needs young adults. were the last stop before they graduate out of public school support and into adult support. before i started this job, i had no idea how miserable the egos of those in charge can make life and learning for those who they are supposed to be supporting and those who work under them to essentially do their ground work. most of my coworkers are amazing, but its those few whose heads are too big who really put an unfortunate face on the whole thing. im sure its throughout all kinds of public support, as you ran into here. some people think way too highly of themselves and forget that theyre in a job where their entire purpose is to be a helper to someone in need. and that kind of sucks

[@tifbrown8419]

Is the GAL able to be the GAL for the entire sibling group, or does each child have to have a separate one (if they each get one at all)?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Yes she is able to

[@Thesingle_momlife]

I’ve had to hang up on many caseworkers. I filed a grievance over a year ago and now, most of the placements I get caseworkers are not nice to me. I’ve had two placements with great caseworkers out of 6/7 placements.

[@shaddowsdieout]

The amount of times my caseworker basically told me she wouldn't do something as simple as make a call or someone told me they didn't have that type of "pull" then watch them execute it when it was convenient for them, pissed me off. There were plenty of times I would've hung up on someone or did and said the call must've dropped. 🤷 Full stop, some caseworkers dont belong in their position if they cant take 5 to 10 minutes to make a simple phone call.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

100%

[@hanaj]

Thank you for trying to keep a good relationship with her parents. It must be hard for them to feel like they don’t have any control over decisions, but putting Miss A in a temporary placement last minute wouldn’t have been in her best interest.

[@cerezacereza8478]

I had a guardiam as litam I’ve never heard of it since then. Gen with older children? I’m in the U.K.

[@lizzyseebeck5965]

Does the pandemic affect the foster care system? Ex, visitations, court dates, etc?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

It does, check out this video where we talk about it: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rICoqn-leNJphaM

[@monkeysluvdani]

Yep, in my situation we are doing everything virtually.

[@kfhurst]

We met our new adoption worker virtually (our last one quit last month) and our adoption is now going into limbo. We shall find out in a week or two if the state will start processing adoptions again.

[@alwaysroomforonemore232]

all of our contact with family is via video chat. It makes it hard when little miss is just 2 and not really into it. The parents expectations can be very unrealistic at times like these. Our foster system supports that we treat the kiddos as our own which includes vacations as long as we dont leave the state (i am in queensland in australia). our last little ones went all over the place with us - great for role modelling appropriate family situations. most of the kids we get never have the opportunity to do that.

[@donnawheeler2195]

I don’t understand how Miss A’s parents wouldn’t want their child to have these life experiences.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

It’s complicated. And because of the case and confidentially we can’t always discuss areas that may help it be more clear. But ultimately, if my power of decision making was taken away from me I would try to find ways to regain my power. I don’t blame them for feeling that way.

[@heatherbaird1894]

I was a foster parent and one of our foster kids wasn't able to go on our family trip. It comes down to even though they know their child would have a great time on the trip and maybe they wont be able to take their parents on the same vacation it's a control thing, they can't control everything going on in their child's life, this is one thing they can control and make the decision.

[@misspowers3857]

Correction : county and private foster care workers have the same exact caseload it’s a state mandate as also county caseworkers get paid more than 50% more in salary and have less of a coverage area . Being a private agency foster care worker is awful but the people are better because there is kinder more responsive management . I was a foster care worker for years . It’s the hardest job I will have EVER had .

[@Sarah22609]

So, I work in a different state so things are a little different but I am the equivalent of the county caseworker. First off I recently started watching your videos and I think you all are amazing foster parents, I would love to work with foster parents like you! Honestly this case worker sounds way out of line, I totally understand foster parents not wanting to communicate certain things to bio families to not mess up that relationship. I totally get that I’m sure she has a ton of cases and is short of time but it also sound if she would’ve just called them and clarified the information she would’ve gotten that done quicker than it took for her to go back and forth arguing about it.

[@adriholt4277]

I’m curious in the intro does Miss A have white yarn braided in her hair? Because in the other vids I saw we can see a little bit of her hair and their is no white in it.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

For that style she used white braiding hair, though yarn is a cool look too!

[@Jennaye17]

My husband and I are looking to get into foster care, and I was wondering what are the main differences between just going through the county vs. going through an agency? I know through the county everything is free, including the classes, inspection, and adoption if it comes down to it. Is that the same when working with an agency? What are the pros and cons?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

We have one of our first videos about that! kzbin.info/www/bejne/aGS5nqmGhLJljqM