What NOT to Say to a Foster Kid

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Intro video created by: JayPaul and Christy, subscribe at / @jaypaulandchristy3394
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Be The Village
P.O. Box 348
Maineville, OH 45039

[@sam_i_am_.]

One other thing. My first foster family had a rule that their foster children had to do all the dishes after every meal. One day they had their entire family over for a huge meal and guess who had to do the dishes. Yup. Us foster kids. Something that has stuck with me was one of their relatives stepping into the kitchen and helping us. The foster mother told her, "you don't need to do that" and she said something to the effect of "I know I don't but I want to". It was honestly so nice to feel like someone saw us and we had the best time having her in the kitchen chatting and stuff and making us laugh

[@Lovatic521]

Teenage me would’ve rather died than be asked about school lol, so with the teens in my family now I always ask about what new tv shows they’re watching or recommend. I’ve found that it usually stays lighthearted and can go on forever 😂

[@KateSitka]

That’s a good tip

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Love that! That is way more relatable and can open up conversation.

[@Catchemkillem23]

I absolutely hated being asked about school,my uncle would ask me about music and we'd sit there forever talking about music

[@jennj2049]

Everyday when I got home from school I had to call my mom. One of the first things she would ask is how was school what did you do and I would always say nothing. So my mom would be like, so you were just there all day didn't do anything didn't learn anything 😂I just didn't like being asked about school either!

[@lucymcdonnell3891]

Yes - as a teenager I can say that school is awkward and complicated whereas I get really invested in tv shows and find them really easy to talk about. Thanks you! x

[@elijames9034]

Also just in general for interacting with anyone who you don’t know 100%: replace things like “aren’t YOU so glad you’re with us today” with “I’M really glad you could join us today” projecting feelings/emotions onto people isn’t cool

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Love that switch!

[@sarahwalker3930]

Eli James love this! There’s totally a difference and that makes it more welcoming instead of acting like they are the outsider.

[@junelawhorn6995]

I love having Ms. A being involved in the conversation. It’s so nice to have the perspective of both the foster parents and the foster child ❤️

[@bethanybowser9962]

I just wish more of her input was written onscreen since I had a hard time hearing both Miss A and the foster father. It's nice to have multiple points of view, though!

[@rachbart7836]

"common sense media" and "does the dog die" are both great resources to check if movies/books/tv shows/episodes have certain triggers!! I use them to see if there is addiction or an addiction-related death as that hits close to home for me! Hope this helps for future kiddos!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

What a great recommendation!

[@tealwashablemarker8886]

maybe TV Tropes as well if those two fail?

[@sammiebe8269]

Having a word that can be easily slipped into a convo without anyone noticing but you and your child I find very helpful. So when my daughter is in an uncomfortable situation she will say our word either to me or in the convo she’s having and when I pick up on it I always get them away for a second and see if just the conversation made her uneasy and me pulling her away from that family member or person in a non obvious way will make t easier or if she just really wants to go the whole thing is overwhelming - we find it works for us :)

[@sammiebe8269]

We’ve also done it where she wears a necklace and when she’s ready to go she just says “hey can you put my necklace in your purse it’s getting uncomfortable” not that we’ve used it a lot - i find it’s just easier than her going “can we go now”

[@kendraplayzrobloxgamer8413]

That’s a wonderful idea. New to the foster care and we just got our license last week actually lol. We’ve been asking about the child being uncomfortable at unfamiliar or uncomfortable places what can be the “safe”word or sentence for the child to use. Very informative. Thank you for this.

[@michellebeno6577]

I wasn't a foster kiddo myself, but my parents had a similar system with us kids. Even through text message/over the phone to get us out of any uncomfortable situations we may have been in. Definitely have texted my mom our SOS word so she could call me with an "emergency" or just a "get home soon please"!!! Super useful tool!

[@SurferGirl115500]

@@sammiebe8269 I love that idea!! I will most certainly be stealing that for my future kids :)

[@missydanced2]

I absolutely loved hearing you and miss A talking in this video. You can tell she feels at ease with you as she’s laughing and talking and even cracking a couple of jokes. I just love that!

[@agonicole]

I can completely say never ask how a foster child is fitting into the "new" family ... my mother made that mistake a few years ago

[@seifalah0626]

Question, is it ok to say "how are things going here?"

[@agonicole]

I love miss As disposition she's really good

[@emmienicole9942]

i’m adopted and when people ask who are your “real parents” i get uncomfortable. i consider my real parents as the ones who raised me. i know people don’t mean to offend me and they mean to say “biological parents” but it’s just awkward. and usually when i tell people i’m adopted or it comes up; that’s the first thing they ask. or they say “i’m sorry” like what are you sorry about? that i have loving parents? haha but i’m aware people don’t mean it in a mean way.

[@denisealudo8554]

First time foster mom here. I had a pre-placement visitation with 11 yr old foster kiddo (Miss J) over the Thanksgiving holiday and it only hit me the day before our big family gathering that there was potential for her to be overwhelmed meeting so many people at once (duh) and that family members might unintentionally say or ask something inappropriate. I talked with Miss J about the gathering and discovered she was indeed anxious about meeting everyone so we brainstormed ideas for what might help her feel less anxious. She thought meeting some of the family one-on-one in advance would be helpful. We were able to visit my mom, sister & daughter that day and it did put Miss J more at ease. It also allowed me to sort of guide conversations and keep them on safe topics. The plan going forward is for Miss J to be placed with me before Christmas. After watching your video I think a direct conversation with family members may be in order. They are all supportive of my fostering and I think they would welcome the discussion as many of them were anxious too it turned out. Thanks for sharing your experience!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

How thoughtful! Great plan.

[@mackenzieb2218]

I cannot wait until I'm stable enough to foster kids.

[@yolorwatson]

I was a foster kid way back in 2000-01. It's really nice to see how far things have come. But also, seeing your other videos about the struggles that are still experienced, also makes me sad. Of course, no system is perfect. But I can see how much you care for Miss A. And how you're trying to make this situation as easy for her as can be. That's some serious commitment.

[@kaylalorentz3020]

I can’t even imagine. My family members say stuff that comes off a little... strange... and then it’s like they’re trying to talk their way out of it but then it gets worse 😂 some people just don’t know when to stop talking!

[@agonicole]

I'm American my husband's Indian.. his mother asked if I went to work because her son couldn't afford the nice home we purchased 🤦🏼‍♀️ She then proceeded to ask how I was planning to maintain the house and my job 🤷🏼‍♀️🙅‍♂️ her finishing touch was to ask who was going to raise my child 🙄 We stopped inviting her after that

[@TheGoldtrapFamily]

As my mom says. Know the rules of digging. Don't dig a hole you can't climb out of.

[@dianabrown2258]

I've also learned kids in foster care dont like being called "foster kids", they're just kids who happen to be in foster care currently

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

So true

[@monkeypeny]

person-first language is so much more empowering!!

[@JL-iu7fk]

I LOVE her laugh before the intro. Such genuine interactions. You're such a Mom! It reminds me of conversations with my teenager. It's awesome how much you're considerate of each others feelings.♥️

[@mandych715]

Just treat a foster kid like you would any other kid you aren't related to. Don't ask personal questions or about their family. You wouldn't dive into a deep personal conversation with just any random kid so why would you with a foster kid? Just talk with them about normal stuff. You don't need to bring up their family or situation.

[@hambeeinwall]

I’ve been watching KZbin for 12 years and you guys are my favorite channel ever ❤️❤️

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

❤️❤️❤️

[@Neishalovee815]

You are just such a sweet, genuine soul. Very rarely do you find REAL on this platform. You inspire me to foster which has always been my dream

[@TheAlainabia]

This is great info! Love hearing Miss A's perspectives. She's such a happy kid. I absolutely love the new intro!! You tastefully hid Miss A's identity while including her in some beautiful images. Well done!

[@bbtumblebug]

Thank you, Miss A for including your experience and educating all of us!

[@FindingoutWhoIam]

I made a video on my channel about my experience in foster care. People like to assume just because I had a " good " home in foster care doesn't mean my life wasnt hard. They often forget I still was a foster kid with feelings like everyone else.

[@Star3marie304]

That's funny you say that. Your experience is similar to mine. I, too, was in a good non-abusive, very caring foster home but just because your foster parents are nice and their home is stable, doesn't mean it's not hard being in the system. It's still f hard. BUT, it certainly HELPS having a good foster family. It makes things EASIER; however, it does not remove the pain and the trauma of being suddenly separated from your bio family (if you have one), and dealing with the pain of experiences you had before you came to this new family. It's also very hard because even though a foster family may be "nice," things are still awkward because that's still not your real family. Foster kids often in think feel very displaced. Its like your "in-between" families- lots of emotions and feelings.

[@JL-iu7fk]

You have such a sweet spirit. Whenever I hear anyone ask my kid a question, if it makes me uncomfortable or think it might be awkward for my child , I tend to interrupt and ask that person something that makes them uncomfortable. If my relative said something stupid like aren't you glad to be here with such a loving family, I 'm the one to say aren't you glad we're allowing ,welll tolerating you HERE .

[@ReineDeLaSeine14]

Make sure your family knows to never ask a kid why they’re in foster care.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Yes! We always make that clear for sure.

[@wildbill23c]

Yep, when the child is comfortable eventually they'll talk about it in time. Let them open up within their own comfort level. Trying to pry things out of kids is horrible. I mean unless they're dying or severely injured and you are trying to find out what's wrong with them, other than that, a foster child has already been through a huge mess, still trying to sort through it in their mind, come to terms with their current situation, and why they were put in foster care in the first place, as they may not even understand it. I have worked with kids for many years unofficially. They all have their different triggers, they all have had problems, some still have problems. Best thing to do is let them know they can come talk to you, call you, message you, etc. anytime when they feel comfortable, they will open up they always do. Some may just not really know how to talk about what happened or they were too young at the time to know and the only one that may know would be their social worker most likely. Kids are amazing, we just have to learn to work with them and give them the space they need to settle in, get comfortable, and start TRUSTING people again....they've probably been hurt in the past probably multiple times so forcing something from them is not going to end well for you and may just shut the child down forever and have them block you from ever getting their trust or ever fitting in. Little steps at a time, let them into your family, get them involved in your day to day stuff, don't just shut them out because they aren't yours, make them feel welcomed, understand they may not have the same beliefs you do, don't force them to go to church, or stuff like that, ask them if they want to go, but do not force them. Let them make those types of decisions on their own. Go out as a family as often as possible, if you have other kids get them into something group oriented so they can feel like they're part of the family instead of a weird outsider dumped on a doorstep, which is how many of them really feel. When they come to you, understand they are scared out of their minds, we don't know what they've been through, how they've been treated, different homes they've been in, etc. Let the child sort through their emotions, let them relax and trust. It takes time, this stuff don't just happen overnight. Don't go around trying to pry things out of them either. Get them into their room, unpacked, and the first few days they may not be very interested in doing anything except taking in everything that's happening around them, and feeling scared about what they think may happen. Reassure them that they are welcome in your home with your family, and let them know you are there for them anytime when they are ready. If they're in school, or however that is worked out through the social worker, make sure they have everything they need to go to school the next day, you may have to make a rush trip to the store, but get the child ready for their day, you may even need to get them some clothes of course...so be prepared LOL. It'll be hectic for a bit of course, but once the child realizes you aren't there to hurt them you are there to help, they'll start relaxing more and more. The child ultimately really is in control at this point other than normal house rules, bed times, meals, etc. Let the child call the shots when it comes to talking about things, don't burst in like you are going to just fix them right up that day...not going to work, child isn't going to like you at all, and you'll forever have problems with that child as long as they're in your house. Patience, patience, patience. You'll get there right along side that child, just have to play along with the child's emotions, and well being so they can start trusting and loving again. Once they have a routine, try not to break it. Once they have a structure again where they are comfortable that's when they're going to start trusting and loving again, don't screw it up for them. Keep interactions between outsiders to a minimum for them, so they aren't getting stressed out. This isn't a family gathering time to show off a prize. This is a time to separate from members of your family that don't live in the home, and from friends. The child needs time to cope with what's going on and to feel for themselves that they're going to be ok in your home, in your care, and in your life. After they've settled in and started to get themselves together and comfortable around everyone in the home...then start the process of slowly introducing other family members and friends....still not a family reunion invitation, or social gathering. Maybe your parents, or your spouses parents for example. Maybe your nieces, nephews, etc. You don't want to overwhelm the poor kid with a bunch of strangers all at once LOL. They're just gettin' used to putting up with you HAHA!! Don't need to get your crazy uncle over there raising a ruckus LOL. Although, depending on how the child is who knows they may just be the type of person who loves huge groups of people and would have tons of fun, but DO NOT do that without the child being made aware, and them being comfortable with it. Love them as your own. They are at the point in their life where they now have something stable to consider a home, don't make them a separate person and keep them shoved in a corner so to speak. When they are comfortable and accepting show them the love they've missed in the past from their parents, show them its ok to love, and trust again. Its gonna be slow of course, take your time...don't just run up and bear hug the poor child you'll scare them out of their mind. If they come running up to you for a hug, give them a hug, as soon as you feel them let go, let go of them LOL. They'll slowly learn, and trust again...just a matter of time. Gotta love kids, they're the best companions sometimes...always learning something...yeah and you thought once you were done with school that was all you'd ever learn...yeah just go spend time with kids you'll better your own education the same time you are educating them. If you can't foster children, check into being a child mentor...that is what I've been doing for 20+ years unofficially. Its so much fun being able to help kids, you not only help them, but at the same time you are learning yourself. Learning new teaching skills, techniques, curriculum, etc. Right before Thanksgiving I had the opportunity to mentor/tutor 3 boys (17, 15, 8). All of them are all on different parts of the spectrum. 2 have hearing loss and wear hearing aids, 1 is just very slow at learning...but dang if all 3 of them aren't smart in their own ways, and trust me smarter than they were trying to make you think they were. This was the first time ever tutoring anyone that was home schooled. It was all online, but wow, the things those kids have to know in order to just get into their assignments, do their work, submit it, etc. Yeah, they're not dumb LOL. I learned a few things...ok find I learned a lot of things from those 3 boys, and I'm very happy I took the time to help them. Yep all 3 are doing better this trimester...after what they had to go through last trimester with no help from their parents, they're quite thrilled to jump in and do their school work every day so they're not stuck sitting at my house doing school work from 8am to 8 or 9pm....yep that's how far behind they were. 3 weeks worth of coming up to my house all day long 3 days a week, sometimes a few hours on other days. They know not to skip lessons now LOL. They now try to keep at least a week a head in each class so if they get stuck on something they've got time for their mom to get a hold of me so they can come up and get help. Yep, I should have been a teacher, I really love working with kids.

[@grannylyn757]

I was a foster parent for about 20 years, and all my "kiddos" were special needs. For some reason, many people forgot that, even if a child can't walk, or talk, they still can hear and understand. Frustrating for a Mom, heartbreaking for a child! I got very good at interrupting and redirecting adults. Sometimes that forethought gene doesn't get handed down!

[@laartje24]

I am in the disability community and I absolutely hate it when I see people do this to me or others, especially to children. Thanks for stepping in and remembering that these childeren still have feeling, an identity and a voice (even if they have different ways of communicating)

[@ezrarudd9541]

Thank you for raising awareness to help people know how to be sensitive around this subject!

[@watchmedo635]

Miss A is seriously the sweetest, she has a wonderful sense of humour! Thank you for taking good care of her ❤️

[@squeeerle]

I hope that the next gathering is smoother. In the meantime I am rooting for you guys make some great memories together.

[@erinmalone2669]

I never say, "my kids" to the foster kids when talking about my bio kids. I don't want to "other" them; an us v them. I try to use my bio kids' names or something like "the girls" or something. I've not been direct in telling the fosters that my bio kids are my bio kids. When I just refer to them by name I treat them as individuals. I don't call foster kids "foster kids,." It's a weird but referring to them individually feels like (duh) they're individuals. Equally valid and important. I'd hope that your guests would not say something like "how are your real kids handling things?"

[@all_is_well_Mara]

Erin Malone thank you for this! My foster parents always said those kind of things. It made me feel left out!

[@archimedes8765]

When I'm done school, and when I reach financial stability, I want to be like you. I watch your channel religiously and I just love what you do.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

❤️

[@lisaking3050]

The beginning 5 seconds are so wholesome and genuine ❤️

[@shawnsmith3335]

Family can be awkward whether you have foster children or not. I think the idea of a code word is great. You might also consider, and you may have done this, is asking the foster child(ren) if there is any particular tradition they would like to include. Maybe it's a certain food they always have on holidays, or a certain activity. After all, it's their holiday too.

[@triciabourne2237]

Guys this is random but this made me so happy watching all of you have this conversation!!

[@rondyjane]

I think the best advice you have on this video was to know your kiddo! We have a younger foster so it’s much different but we had observed his behavior around strangers before the holidays so before our family get-togethers we just had conversations about what is appropriate and what is not as far as his behavior.

[@s6ac891]

this reminds me of my grandma telling me when she was growing up she had a stepdad and they got along famously he was amazing apparently however she'd still typically call him by his given name, stuart - except when she really needed his attention or if she needed him to say no then it was "dad". he'd usually make up some excuse for. e.g if she said "stuart can i go out to dinner with my friends" it was a genuine question however if she said "dad can i go out to dinner with my friends" he knew that she really wanted/needed him to give her an out which he would and they'd usually talk about it later. maybe you guys could come up with your own codeword or phrase miss a could say/text if she wants out of a situation. maybe over the holidays whilst you're visitting people etc if she's not enjoying what's going on she could maybe ask you if she can get a soda (or some other food or drink) that you know she's not big on, something that not a lot of people would know that she doesn't like. if she's not with you and has to text but still needs an out or needs you asap but can't really talk about it yet maybe she could start the text with j for john or w for whitney.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Great idea!

[@breephoenix111]

You're AMAZING foster parents you really are. Much love from Australia xx 🧡💜💙❤💚💛🇦🇺

[@lisajames4427]

I don't normally give advice especially because I've never been or had foster children. I admire so much what you do and want to one day foster and adopt. The reason I speak up is because of some of the things you and Miss A have encountered resonate with where I am at. I am currently starting my room 1st holidays and year overseas away from all my family and friends. There have been a few times Miss A has mentioned somethings that sound like culture shock. I would encourage you guys to do a little research on it and how to overcome it. Maybe it can continue go help you guys and Miss. A coupe with some of the changes and transitions you all are going through. Hope you are all blessed and have a fantastic Christmas!!! God Bless!!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Very true!

[@itsMeNicki]

My mom has always been great to my bonus (foster) kiddos. She always just says I am so happy you are here. What’s your favorite part of “said holiday”

[@junerosie321]

Lol! I love how honest and open you guys are in this video. Your family must not watch your videos 😂 Really great to hear this honest perspective though.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

I hope they do watch them lol!

[@LurssensLife]

This is awesome! Thank you for this! I was adopted at 15. But was in the system from 9-15. But yes, when people come over, I would feel weird. Because it just makes me feel bad with some of the questions people would ask. 😔

[@LindaY26]

We’ve had family tell us with the foster kids there that thank goodness they’re with us for Christmas so that they get presents. I had an uncle ask if one of our kids was happy yo be away from her parents?! After all these years, you’d think nothing would shock us, but then another ridiculous line comes out of someone’s mouth. 😱

[@DreamBelief]

I didn't grow up in foster care. I grew up in youth refuges (basically like group homes we could stay for several months and then had to move to another). From my experience with that the most important tip I'd give is dont say things you can't back up just to say something nice. We get enough broken promises and wishes. Also, never make us feel like we have to tell you our backstory. Finally, never compare us to anyone else. I can't count the number of times people brought up other people's cases or abuse, as if mine was somehow less

[@lauraz5210]

That's why it's called ASSume... Much Love guys 🙏

[@bethanyestes5126]

I suggest not telling a foster child no one will ever hurt them again because you can’t guarantee that. I mean, to be fair, you can’t really promise ANYONE that. But I had foster parents who said that to me. They were wrong.

[@joetimko3368]

Good subject. Unfortunately it was hard to hear Miss A and John's comments--closed captioning for all of them would have been great

[@beautywearsboots6458]

I think KZbin has a feature where viewers can submit captions. That way it's not any extra work for John and Whitney, plus it makes the video accessible to the deaf community.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

That’s right! We started that if people what to contribute to make sure closed captions are accurate.

[@punkyv6560]

Yes please. I'm hard of hearing and always have trouble hearing miss A speak cause I cant read her lips.

[@adikendall1113]

Former foster kid here❣️ I will be a foster parent🧸🖤🌙 Thank you for raising awareness 💯

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼❤️

[@margaretthym8234]

I've got a good code phrase for you: "John/Whitney, I want a Christmas pickle" It's weird, it's funny, it will change the subject and it's absolutely a real thing in the south.

[@jennj2049]

I had no idea what it was I had to Google it! Think I'm going to get one this year thanks for sharing 💕

[@puuuuurrrfectkitten]

Miss A you handled it well. That is sad as things like that could cause magor shifr in a child I bet in foster care.Lot anger emotions unsure how cope sad could cause alot down spiral at the holiday and in the home I bet. Expicaly younger kids or kids that are so shut down dont know how to work threw their emotions. Could be alot anger happen issues acure...

[@Leelz247]

I love your new intro!

[@Blueeyedjenn14]

I had my aunt and uncle burp out on an Easter to me when I was 9 y/o after my mom gave up her parental rights to my dad and his wife tell me “this must be so hard but at least someone actually loves Jenny” not knowing obviously why my mom had to do what she did and it was a selfless act. But then they continued to drone on and on about how everyone thought my dad would be the selfish deadbeat and who would have thought it was your mother who actually didn’t want you?? but we are so happy we get to see you. Like WTF Like the old saying goes you don’t get to chose your family. Those two didn’t even realize they were eating their shoes by inserting their feet in their mouths. They continued all night until finally my stepmother heard them say “well at least you have a fresh start and maybe (insert my stepmothers name) will be a better mother than your own and perhaps your dad will actually try to be a parent to you since he wasn’t the first 8 years.” It was like who in the world says that to a single digit aged child in the first place? And why do so during a holiday. And when confronted by my stepmom they said we meant no harm we were supporting you. Yet all they did was pick at every bandaid on my heart that I had in the first 9 years of my life. Some people have zero social etiquette and are just crazy mooks. I think all of us have those one relatives who just lack that sensitivity chip and are simpletons, we all have those people. But eh? At least Miss A is old enough to understand it and seemed to handle it well. Obviously you both care so much and Miss A knows that and that is what counts!!

[@zanadoo-qu6cm]

you seem like an awesome parent with a huge heart. :D

[@sam_i_am_.]

Also I was always very uncomfortable and awkward feeling around my final foster family's family and their get-togethers. I felt left out and out of place. I think if you are a foster family or the friends or family of a foster family it's so important to try to involve the foster child in the conversation or activities. If you see them sitting by themselves maybe go over and introduce yourself, invite them to join in.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Yes!! Slight pushing to get them involved but then respecting if they don’t want to be... it’s a fine balance.

[@sam_i_am_.]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity Definitely and I think you guys maintain that balance.

[@arch8435]

Extended family is bad enough at the best of times...I can empathize how sucky it is to deal with people you don't know very well around a painful time. Also, the homework between thanksgiving and christmas is killer, at least at my high school. Have a good day!!

[@misssecondstar]

also, know your family. If they'll accept topic suggestions, give family members "safe topics" to discuss with the kid. For many kids any family member could say, "we're so glad that you're here with us. If you need anything, let me know." before going on to talk to other family members or switch to light-hearted topics.

[@nikkib5753]

My first 6 years of foster care were with a family that didn't want a child, they just wanted a check and told me numerous times I was a check, a job to them. The mom constantly would tell me the agency was coming to take me back. I would sit in the front yard crying with a garbage bag full of my stuff, waiting for someone to pull up and get me. She did this constantly to me. It would all be over by the time my foster dad was coming home from work. But each time, I didn't know if THAT was the time someone would come get me, so each time was equally as traumatizing.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

💔

[@jenniferrose7566]

On the topic of the song from frozen 2 as a person struggling with mental illness the song is already very triggering and looking at how that may feel to someone in a tougher situation cause the song hits in another place all depending on your situation

[@Kayyinthelyfe]

Omggg That New Introooo😍😩

[@sofiadavis9997]

Is it funny that this is my fav vid of URS lol Btw love ur vids I really want to foster when I'm older and u guys are rly inspiring

[@sofiadavis9997]

Omg just saw this thx for the hearts💕

[@aridill]

Ugh Cringe! Why can't people just have hospitality! Come in! Welcome! Nice to meet you! Thank you for joining us! How mature of you not to respond. When rude people put their foot in their mouth: I always ask people, "Why do you ask?" or "Bless your heart." Just ask people about interests. Do you read, watch tv? What's you favorite holiday food? Do you have a funny holiday story?

[@dariuswilson4409]

Hi Whitney! I admire your channel and how wonderfully informative it’s been. I’m a teacher, and am in the beginning stages of becoming a foster parent. Your videos have helped tremendously and I’m super excited. I wanted to ask what kind of camera you use to make your videos? I’m into photography and have only used my iPhoneX. I want to make quality photographs and videos, so I’m asking the pros 😎

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

I had been using my iPhoneX up until I just recently upgraded! It's way easier for me to shoot on my phone versus on my DSLR and the quality is plenty good for the channel :)

[@dariuswilson4409]

Be The Village Thank you ☺️

[@cathealey4648]

I love (and hate) that song! As an grown woman, "Do The Next Right Thing" makes me tear up every single time. It made me wish that that song was around when I was a little kid battling undiagnosed depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

[@lydiamc1918]

LOVE the intro!

[@amadasamora2624]

I think taking kids cues is really important for all kids of all ages 🤔 my nephew (he's 3) will just stare at me if he doesn't want to talk about something 😂 so I'll let it go, he likes to talk though so he'll keep the conversation going

[@mawadatellawi4277]

Check out the short film "Hair Love" by Sony. It's new and it's on KZbin!

[@paulafields3711]

Basically, remember basic conversation etiquette with people we don't know. Conversation starters can always be rough for some.

[@mistirupe219]

Love the burp Miss A. You are awsome.

[@SophieDainty]

Most people mean well, we can’t all be educated and know everything, if you tell them “oh it’s not actually like that” then that’s better because if it was me I’d learn from that and hopefully do better next time ☺️ people have to be given the opportunity to learn x

[@jojoscircusss1670]

The song from the first frozen. Can we build a snowman. Always makes me cry because it reminds me of my girls not being able to be together.

[@emmalenekipfer708]

So good!!

[@Tata-iu3fy]

We had foster children live with us growing up. I now have 4 more siblings. They are my brothers and my sister to this day. Would not have it any other way.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

❤️❤️❤️

[@s6ac891]

are you dong anything in particular with or for miss a over the holidays are there any restrictions for you put in place by the agency or courts etc over what you can or can't do/give?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

No restrictions we are aware of

[@nethkenm]

Do you think it would be appropriate to try to incorporate a family holiday tradition of theirs into your home? Maybe that should be part of the conversation?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

We kind of did that, for the thanksgiving we hosted we made sure there were baked beans. Small things :) Great suggestion does the upcoming holidays.

[@estherbarnett-krause3494]

Let the foster child decide what or if they want to talk and keep conversation polite, maybe to have a common interest like a hobby or sport interest but leave personal information to the foster child to decide if they wish to go there. But encourage friendship with other foster-family members but at this point wouldn't take it any further than that😀

[@mattiadizard7431]

Im a former foster child and here in nj i was 14 when i went into care. All i kept hearing is that people hate older kids and people told my aunt why take older kids get babies

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

💔

[@VectorRabbit]

Miss A is the coolest, seriously.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

She really is!

[@ashleymarie6585]

Okay I’m a little bit lost can someone please help me understand... which ones are the foster kiddos and which ones are the bios? Or are any of them bio? Like the new born in the intro ?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Darcy and sawyer are our bio kids. We talk about them and they can be shown in our videos. Miss A is our foster daughter.

[@juliahooper672]

Were you talking about the frozen 2 song The next right thing?? I relate to it so much too!!! (If you’re talking about that one)

[@sam_i_am_.]

I have one. From a former foster kid, for the well meaning relatives and family friends because I was asked this by foster familys' family; please, please, please don't ask foster kids why they are in foster care. It's none of your business and a lot of the time foster kids don't want to talk about it.

[@kymbradley5899]

Hello Village Family! Does Miss A have a Christmas wishlist? Sorry if I missed this in a video.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

She does not, I think she’s going to be all set but we are working on a birthday list!

[@kymbradley5899]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity Oh great. Please Let me know what's on her birthday list or maybe her favorite stores so I can send a gift card.

[@justrachel6903]

I hear D just whispering loads in the background 😂😂👌

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Yeah she was being a riot!

[@mollymatheny5434]

What would you do if it was a Holiday event and Miss A didn't want to go?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

We would respect her wishes to make her comfortable and feeling safe.

[@Star3marie304]

Hey guys! I also saw Frozen II ❄ and absolutely loved it! I'm also an ex-foster youth. Please tell me what the name of the song is that you are referring to? Because there were a few songs in it that touched me deeply as well. I'm also alone during the holidays😥 But can you please tell me which song you were talking about? I'm trying to find them with no luck.😥 Love, Heidi 💙

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Do the next right thing

[@Star3marie304]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity 😊😊Thank you.

[@Star3marie304]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity ❤

[@musictothesoul4life]

Another aspect that really makes me think. All of these foster children away from their family during the holiday season. It has got to be SO difficult. "Well ya'll told me they would all be crazy." LOL Sounds like my extended family. Everyone's family has crazy or drama going on. I get that some mean well, but other times, people are just rude. I can see that it is really complicated. I really wish people would just shut their trap about it.

[@Abby-wj5je]

Im not sure what your religion is and I totally understand if this is too personal for y'all, but I would love a vid of you guys talking about religion in foster families. Like if you religion doesn't align with your foster kids and how you go about it:)

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

We kind of talk about this in a previous video. I think it was “this needs to be fixed”. We can go into more depth though with it! There’s so much we still need to talk about lol

[@tazza122]

I would just let everyone know please don’t treat her any different and don’t ask about being a foster kid and don’t mention her family Tell them to ask things like how’s she doing in school what’s your favourite colour hobbies that she likes anything that doesn’t mention family and foster

[@rachaelfredenburg7037]

Darn your foster care has a lot of crazy rules. Here in Michigan, the kids are not allowed to talk to their parents unless it is their visit day. I even had to go to court and fight to get 3 sisters to the 3 sisters I already had in my care. The judge was really mad that I was willing to take in 6 sisters, and the foster agency was not allowing it, because the parents knew where I lived. I think it is great that they do allow it though.

[@bri.nycole]

Can Miss A not be shown in y’all’s videos legally or is it you guys choice? Love y’all vids btw!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Legally!

[@djmastervolume9785]

I like you guys alot

[@toriamigo]

I was a foster kid, I remember a guy at an event came up to me (he was a friend of my foster parents). He said to me "you must have been a bad wee bitch to be taken away from your parents". I honestly didn't even know what to say to that and no one was around to rescue me from that conversation 🙈

[@danyalgreen8539]

Got here by 7 minutes 👌

[@autumnmarie5014]

I know this is a couple weeks old but I just caught myself clicking off Ellen to watch this!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

😍 Ellen?! Wow, I fee so special

[@laurahoughton5911]

Why is it always family who asks this kind of inappropriate questions?

[@RunningwithJesus]

There’s 2youtube channels I watch that adopts kids they’re called crazy middles and crazy pices

[@dasha12cats]

💗💗💗

[@Lewis-wf6cg]

Early

[@ambreejameson]

First!

[@rondyjane]

I think the best advice you have on this video was to know your kiddo! We have a younger foster so it’s much different but we had observed his behavior around strangers before the holidays so before our family get-togethers we just had conversations about what is appropriate and what is not as far as his behavior.