Retail Brains On Autopilot

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[@CaTastrophy427]

Heard over the loudspeaker at a Target near closing time: "Attention K-Mart Shoppers... you are in the wrong store"

[@bananabro1010]

At least they managed to save it lol

[@ninjag-o-g3150]

@@bananabro1010 "Also, Target will be closing in 15 minutes, not that that's relevant or anything."

[@nixite1178]

Once while I was working at Starbucks, one of the baristas said, with full confidence “hi welcome to Culvers.” And later did the same thing with McDonald’s. She has never worked at McDonalds or Culver’s.

[@EllipticalReasoning]

@@nixite1178 ...what about McDonald's?

[@HiddenMongoose]

​@@nixite1178y'see when I worked at Sbux, I said "hi thank you for choosing Panera" at a nightshift drivethru and never noticed until the guy I said to me "hey... whoever you guys have at the speaker said "panera" and I was just awkwardly like "AHAHAHHA OLD JOB HABITS AM I RIGHT-- here's your Java chip frap...." At least I worked at Panera though.

[@flaetsbnort]

Poor lady really set herself up for a "ma'am, this is a Wendy's"

[@impishrebel5969]

That would have been my response as a customer 🤣

[@knowledgeseeker8735]

0:44 btw

[@elenas3571]

I worked at a daycare for a bit. I was in the airport and a grown man threw away his Mc.Donald cup next to the trash can. I went into teacher mode and said “Hey buddy, we need to put the trash in the trash can not next to it. Can you put your cup in the trash can for me?” In my “talking to a three year old voice”. He went bright red and said “yes ma’am”. I am 21 he must have been in his 60’s. I was mortified!

[@bananabro1010]

That's HILARIOUS OML HAHAHA The fact he listened to you and everything!

[@elenas3571]

@@bananabro1010 Yeah I thought I was gonna get screamed at but we just sort of awkwardly stared at each other realizing what just took place and went our separate ways!

[@pokecats8552]

truly a girlboss moment. That guy will think twice about littering knowing people are watching haha

[@pancakesnake]

you are a legend a real legend

[@jennayaadain]

You must have that voice down to an art form.

[@squiddwizzard8850]

I used to work in an insurance call center. I once, while still asleep, bent up at the waist and daid "Thank you for calling (company name,), may i have the policy number please?" My partner responded "what?" "The policy number please?" "Uh.. 6." Sarcastically "thank you!" Then i went back to sleeping.

[@bananabro1010]

It sounds like you were possessed that’s terrifying

[@ButMadNNW626]

My bro-in-law, when he was still in the Marines, once had this sleeptalking conversation with my (awake) sister: BIL: “Go count the weapons!” Sis: “…um… we have four.” BIL: “That’s not enough! Count ‘em again!”

[@TurtleShroom3]

Your partner?

[@JasminMiettunen]

@@TurtleShroom3someone they're in a relationship in with

[@TurtleShroom3]

@@JasminMiettunen Yeah. I prefer "spouse".

[@seyodys]

Once, a customer handed me her card through the drive-through window, and I straight up said "Great! Have a nice day!" and shut the window Another time in the same coffee shop, my brain short circuited and asked my coworker something about biscuits in German, which is my second language. She asked me to repeat what I said because she didn't understand. I ended up repeating the question in German three times to my increasingly confused coworker before I realized what I'd done. Lol my poor coworker didn't even know I spoke German, and here I am acting like I've suddenly forgotten English.

[@sumthings3529]

This sounds is awesome, I would have loved to have been there😊

[@liquidkey8204]

Omg sometimes on my way to my Spanish class I bump into people and say "lo siento" instead of "sorry" but if I reach that level some day I'm gonna be so proud lol

[@small_and_dangerous2068]

Omg. I’ve done the “thank you, have a nice day!” And taken a card from a customer before too… 😂

[@jonathanschipper4202]

After a long D&D session until 6am, I clocked into my 4pm night shift on a Monday. My boss asked me for something that I still can't remember for the life of me, and I turned around and asked him to roll for a Charisma check. That turned into a much better Monday.

[@xerneasgirlpkmn1433]

What was his reaction? I need to know?

[@jonathanschipper4202]

@Xerneasgirl Pkmn complete and utter confusion. He asked me what it meant and I waved him off and told him it was a Nerd Thing that just happened to fly out of my mouth, cathartic and half awake. After that, he just shook his head and walked off.

[@exi_m7074]

The opposite of Job Autopilot, Hobby Autopilot.

[@Kenionatus]

"I'm going to needd to see a pretty high roll here."

[@HazeEmry]

...did he do the roll? (or did you roll for him?)

[@quinnsine1650]

One time running dnd, I was trying to describe a player getting hit in the sternum. The word eluded me, but that initial “s” sound was there, so I said. “The Leucrotta charges forward and hits you deep in the cervix.”

[@bananabro1010]

HA WHAT. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN

[@quinnsine1650]

@@bananabro1010 after that it was 15 minutes of screaming

[@shophaune2298]

That's a very DIFFERENT sort of campaign

[@Rad_Akali]

LMAO omg

[@ElectroNeutrino]

@@quinnsine1650 Honestly, that's probably a hell of a lot more painful.

[@back2blueside201]

Working in a pharmacy where phones ring incessantly and I’m constantly running back and forth I once snatched up a ringing phone too fast and smacked myself in the face with it. I answered the call and said “Phamacy, can I hit you?” The elderly lady on the other end said “well honey I wish you wouldn’t.” Then we both cracked up.

[@AveryOfCrows]

lmaooooo

[@hawkfeather6802]

I can't breathe 😂

[@scribblerstudios9895]

Atleast she took it in good humor eh?

[@CHRF-55457]

Lol

[@Polygonetwo]

10/10 xD

[@totaltcl1099]

I like the kindergarten teacher telling her friends to say bye bus. Primarily because kindergarten is apparently so ingrained a bunch of 20 something's will just do it. An absolute riot and I'd do it too!

[@shytendeakatamanoir9740]

I'd love to do it! If I was brave enough, I'd definitely propose friends to say it too!

[@GreatGraniteState]

Clap clap clapclapclap still auto-quiets my 9th grade class, but our teachers don't know that. They wouldn't be quiet once, so I clap clap clapclapclapped and my class got quiet, and the teacher looks like her brain had just died.

[@koathekid8255]

@@GreatGraniteState The teacher: did this guy just use a IRL kenomi code!!!!?

[@xirensixseo]

if someone told me to say bye to the bus i'd say bye, its cute, i do it consciously! on the other hand, ive called my girlfriend's mom "mom" on accident multiple times now, not consciously t.t

[@savvivixen8490]

​@@koathekid8255 Yeah but irl it's called the Pavlov code

[@okuno54]

My gramma worked in a library in her old age. After finishing a call with someone about military history, the phone rang again, and she said "Farmington Hills Public Library, how may I direct your bomb?"

[@bwayagnes]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@catlover7015]

Not exactly autopilot, rather a lack of it, but my cousin works at a Starbucks, and recently they’ve started having their employees in the drive through ask the customer’s name. A couple weeks ago, one of my cousin’s employees said “Hello, my name’s Kennedy, what’s my name?” (I don’t remember their actual name). The guy just said “um… Kennedy? …my name’s ____, if you’re interested...” She just about died. She had my cousin give him his order after that, she couldn’t face him.

[@B2WM]

Hey, at least the customer was awake before the coffee came. (Maybe the poor employee wasn't yet...)

[@rubyamateurtactician4354]

My new manager once answered the phone with you've reached "Janesville Target." We were neither in Janesville, nor were we working in a Target. The embarrassment was palpable.

[@Orange_Tree_]

Crossed wires is the funniest thing about human brains. Like, we sure do be using these uniquely complex languages and items and whatnot in the entire animal kingdom, but sometimes they are too complex even for us.

[@chalkwarrior5542]

my favorites are when it's someone who works with kids and they say something that you'd normally say to a kid or group of kids and the other person just does it either without thinking or after a moment of silence

[@potterfanz6780]

2:19

[@aetholus2982]

The worst is working as a fry cook the most common line I said was “Hot behind”. You can imagine the problems this caused when I tried to maneuver through a whole 6 person family in the super market and while trying to maneuver through this gaggle of people said rather loudly “Hot Behind” when the dad started to back into me. Never seen 12 eyes snap onto one person that fast in my whole life.

[@PanthereaLeonis]

It just means "careful, or we're gonna collide, and that's not gonna end well", but out of context.. Oops!

[@qa377]

@@PanthereaLeonisOh, I thought it was specifically for if the passer-through was carrying something hot!

[@PanthereaLeonis]

@@qa377 It is, but it is *because* a collision would then end badly!

[@bwayagnes]

😂😂🤣🤣 LMFAOOO they checked if you were, indeed, hot

[@DrRank]

I work as a Domino's delivery driver. Earlier this week, I had a delivery to the suburb east of my store. But when I left the carpark, I absent-mindedly started travelling WEST, because that's where the majority of orders send me. The good news is, I realised my mistake very quickly and managed to turn right at the next intersection, where I could then use a roundabout to turn around and start heading the right way. The bad news is, after I turned around, I managed to start heading west again, on the same main road I was on before! My brain had turned into Patrick Star. "Oh, east? I thought you said weast."

[@RespectfullyBiasedReader]

Muscle memory can get very sneaky

[@galvustheguilty]

I had a slip up once a few years ago, I worked 3 diff3rent jobs one being a pizza place, one a library, and the other being cracker barrel and one day I had to pull shifts for all 3 on the same day. I was delirious and very tired so when I had to pick up the phone for my shift at cracker barrel I wad suppose to say "thankyou for calling crakerbarell [location] this is [redacted] how may I help you?" But instead I said "thankyou for calling....where am i?" Thankfully the person on the other end thought it was hilarious after I apologized like crazy. Good time....never again

[@babull4751]

Once I was trying to warn my coworkers "There's a lit of people coming in" but also ask "How many sandwiches can I get you" I accidentally said "How many people can I get you...." and in a tiny voice 'oh no'

[@katherine_rosalita]

oh no

[@savvivixen8490]

oh no

[@MasterofGames-xw5br]

oh no

[@Pumpion]

oh no

[@AHiredArsonist]

oh no

[@brianroberts783]

I have one that's just....so bad. I used to work in Special Education as a one-on-one aid helping a nonverbal, very developmentally delayed 12 year old. Several times I found myself talking to my fiancee's dog in the same terms and tone I used with my student. And the worst part is, it worked.

[@humankktheblueslime]

also dogs are nonverbal... if you define verbal as talking in words

[@agentnull5242]

How’s the child?

[@wesleythomas7125]

Do we treat dogs like kids, or kids like dogs?

[@squiddwizzard8850]

... I don't honestly see how that would be an issue. If you talked to the kid like a dog, that's an issue but talking to a dog like a kid is just.. kinda how dogs are.

[@HazeEmry]

I mean, if it worked then it's not too bad I think

[@AmandaPlaysMinecraft]

One time a dude handed me his card and I excitedly exclaimed "good morning!" Instead of "thank you" after i already did the intro.. I sighed so hard. He took it really well

[@RespectfullyBiasedReader]

OOF- good on him tho

[@ClonedGamer001]

3:57 I absolutely love this visual. Imagine you're going home and from one of the neighboring apartments you just hear "Sir! Sir, get that out of your mouth! Drop it! Good."

[@Axolautism]

I also can only imagine "Sir!" being said in the way Goku says it to Recoome in DBZ Abridged, where he says "Sir!" [elbows Recoome in the stomach] "I will fight you in a minute."

[@-Galaxy-2695]

I do this with my cat unironically. “Sir. You are not being a very good boy, do not eat that wire!”

[@Observer_Decay]

​@@-Galaxy-2695 I do this too. "Sir, you are not a chinchilla, you do not need a dirt bath!"

[@DarthEarp]

I used to work in a warehouse with narrow corridors and multiple maze-like intersections. we all got in the habit of extending our hands before we would round a corner to ensure we wouldn't run into eachother. I still do that from time to time and am worried someone might mistake my "hand-flag" for a hitler salute.

[@1224chrisng]

I still do that and I look like an ancient egyptian

[@comradewindowsill4253]

solution, make a finger point with that hand. people will wonder what you're pointing at, but no one will mistake it for anything else. alternately, the rock-on sign, pinky and pointer extended. or splay your hand out like you're reaching really hard for something

[@a_wild_Kirillian]

​@@comradewindowsill4253, wrong. You have to make a power hand like you're lifting a building with your will.

[@TJtheBee]

@@a_wild_KirillianPLEASE don’t remind me of my younger days. I used to pretend to use the Force to open automatic doors. I was such a dork…not that much has changed >.>

[@derf213]

my own story is when I went to see family at a restaurant just after a 10 hour shift, and I had to leave before everyone else, so as i’m standing up out of the booth I, 100% in my customer service voice, told my family “thanks for shopping with his, have a nice day!”

[@impishrebel5969]

I'm so used to saying I love you to my husband when he leaves in the morning, I accidentally said it to the grocery delivery... instead of "thanks have a good day" I about died.

[@imprincesswolfy2565]

Reminds me of that one SpongeBob episode LOL

[@heartofthewild680]

I have to stop myself from doing that at the end of every conversation I even mildly enjoyed, since I usually say it to my family constantly. I haven’t slipped up yet, but I know I probably will one day, and I just hope it’s with someone who I’ve known long enough for it to not be weird

[@lenabluejay1166]

A TA at one of the schools I went to did this on the phone with a teacher in another class, so you're not alone!

[@dimensionalMystery]

i've done that a lot and thanked someone when i helped them 😅

[@Mzoyagon]

@@heartofthewild680MOOOOOOOD I've been This Close to telling random friends of mine "I love you" as a goodbye and it's genuinely terrifying

[@_pitako]

I work at McDonald's, and one time I went up to the counter as a customer and said "Hi how can I help you?"

[@DGHeina]

I wondered if that happened to anyone, that's hilarious. What did they respond with?

[@MahouShoujoNobue]

I've been accidentally called "Mom" by some of my younger students, and I occasionally go 'teacher voice' when talking to adults or automatically correct their grammar or vocabulary (I teach middle school and high school English language at two schools in Osaka, Japan). An American friend of mine who works in retail once told me that you know when you've been on the register too long when somebody asks you for the time and you tell them as a dollar amount. "Excuse me, what time is it?" "A dollar thirty-eight."

[@scribblerstudios9895]

Ah. 1:38. Presumably pm?

[@bardofvoid174]

It's amazing how situations just sometimes click to a specific cue in our brains, like a little npc subsection of our brain.

[@noone3708]

i was going to skip this video because i didn't think it'd be fun after the first joke but then it just.. kept going. i swear autopilot brains will never be unfunny edit: 6 minutes and 25 seconds in, looks like i was correct

[@10054]

Wow! I need to chill! I read "unfunny" as "funny" so I misread it as," i swear autopilot brains will never be funny." I was about to flame you so hard that Jesus would have to come back and stop me.

[@noone3708]

@@10054 most people tend to write "never not be funny" so i understand the confusion let Jesus rest for now

[@dropfish3109]

@@10054fucking same lmao

[@RespectfullyBiasedReader]

bahahahaha lol I like this reply section Jesus needs his nap

[@llmkursk8254]

Honestly, as funny as these are, it’s almost sad how hard these people have been working to have this be a natural autopilot… Still, at least most of them had fun!

[@Blwbelle]

True

[@theletters9623]

honestly as someone who does retail you dont even have to work hard to have this happen, if you say something repeatedly enough times it just lodges itself in your brain. This has lead to me calling regular packages I receive in the mail as "distro" because thats what we call inventory packages we get at work. To brain, Box is Box

[@zyriantel9601]

You just gotta learn to laugh about it when it inevitably happens. My retail auto pilot is saying “have a good one” when the cashier is done ringing up _my_ transaction, because that’s how I used to send off customers when I was a cashier. Thankfully, it’s a nice thing to say regardless, so nobody ever calls me on it.

[@mellow_mallow]

it's about routine more than how hard you're working, i think. i volunteer at a thrift shop and my shifts are only twice a week, but i still have found myself slipping up and accidentally giving My Own Mom the "thank you for coming/come again some time" spiel as she was buying something before taking me home lol.

[@Waluigi_Wahp]

My favorite is when I combined day and night into "Have a good die".

[@DanielledeVreede]

I love them good dice

[@GearTech147]

5:21 Ah yes, my favorite frozen treat, s o f t w a r e

[@darienb1127]

Ah I see. Microsoft Edge.

[@Geolaminar]

Ah I see sub-ambient cooling

[@Mikewee777]

I hope that this does not result in any computers named after healthy fruit . One of the ancestors of modern computing was notoriously gay.

[@gengarzilla1685]

I hate it when my software freezes too.

[@redpepper74]

@@Mikewee777wait what which one? 😂

[@epsilon017]

Back when I was still a grocery store worker, my mother (this was back at home) asked me to bring her phone to her. When she said "thank you", I instinctively responded with "have a nice day". I then froze a few seconds later, upon realizing what I just said.

[@Newfiecat]

After a long day of teaching toddlers language skills, I frequently catch myself in this type of situation: (Cat paws at the fridge) Me to the cat: "Cheeeese. I... Want... CHEESE." (Waits for cat to repeat after me 🤦)

[@PanthereaLeonis]

Cats are smart, but they're usually not that capable of human speech. I've seen a lot of weird things though, your cat is probably the most eloquent on the block!

[@techwizsmith7963]

5:23 "Software and fried dough" Yeah I feel that one, I've done that a few times

[@Gir0Fan0Number01]

They're always funny when I look back on them, but I hate autopilot errors when they happen in the moment. Many times I'll say "Hello" or "I can help next in line" and when they come up to the register, ask "How would you like your receipt?" Before I've even rung up anything. Or I'll sometimes ask a second time at the end if the transaction if the customer has a phone number with us, when I'm actually trying to ask how they want their receipt And sometimes I flub reading the total or change amount, and follow it with an "I swear I can read/do math. Apparently not today" joke of some iteration.

[@zephyrm.6564]

I have legit been praying before and called my goddess "Ma'am" *MULTIPLE TIMES.*

[@xShadowChrisx]

well now I'm curious what Goddess

[@kitty_foreststreamvods4116]

me :3@@xShadowChrisx

[@aspillust]

LMAO i'm sure She'll understand 😭

[@Mandarinoooooo]

@@kitty_foreststreamvods4116 prove

[@Vohasiiv]

What religion?

[@dowitcher]

I’ve fumbled my script so many times at my job it’s not even funny. It’s especially bad when someone comes to pick up an order they called in earlier, where I will get them checked out, and then as I’m handing them their food I just instinctively say “here’s this, and we’ll have the rest out in just a minute!” (Which is what I usually say upon handing someone their change) and they understandably respond with “oh, is this not everything?” And I have to hang my head in shame and explain “no, my script just got mixed up.”

[@aetherseeker3624]

I work on the stocking team in retail currently and often break down a lot of boxes. There was one time where mom and I were cleaning off a shelf downstairs and I was sitting breaking down boxes. Mom asked what I was doing and I had to stop myself from automatically saying "My job."

[@spatialdiscord6457]

I used to work for Goodwill. On a day off me and my mom went to another Goodwill in the next town over to look at their book section. I heard someone come in the store and instinctively yelled from the back of the store “Welcome!” I instantly realized my mistake and my mom was like “…You don’t even work at this store…” A very embarrassing shopping trip. I could barely look the cashier in the eye.

[@aynDRAWS]

As someone who worked at a goodwill- I feel that. The urge I have to organize and fix the clothes when I visit.the stores is unbelievable

[@qui-gontimtherandomraptor1072]

A lot of my friends (and myself) have worked/are working at Chick-fil-A, and we all agree on one thing: it's REEEAAALLLYY hard to stop saying "my pleasure" off the job 😂

[@jake_from_statefarm7209]

My husband left CFA two years ago and still defaults to "My Pleasure". It never ends.

[@Azestii]

People wonder why I can barely hold a converstion while with customers. Like I'm already majorly overstimulated just being in that environment. My ability to drift into autopilot is what is holding me together.

[@nimhfinitepossibilities7609]

I had one happen a week ago. I work seasonally as a cashier at this one store, every thanksgiving, christmas, and easter season. SO! while working the registers the day before EASTER, I told half of the leaving customers that day to have a "Happy thanksgiving!", especially common during the big rushes that day. Every time it happened I wanted to die.

[@1224chrisng]

man, I've heard of people quitting before a holiday, I can't imagine working only for the holidays

[@nimhfinitepossibilities7609]

@@1224chrisng My other job went on break for most holidays, so I picked up a seasonal job to get some extra money.

[@thenarrator6846]

One of my coworkers would get her speech mixed up a lot more than me (probably because she was more experienced) Usually when answering the phone you're supposed to say "It's a wonderful day at [store and town] how can I help you" but one day she said the first part over the loudspeaker before realizing and quickly saying what she needed. After she came out of the office bright red embarrassed. I assured her I hadn't noticed so probably nobody else did. There was one time though, I went to a fast food chain and after saying my order I proceeded to ask the cashier "is that everything?" I immediately sighed and she assured me it was okay and she does that all the time.

[@endlesssupernovacaine4377]

Got two instances. I was supposed to greet customers too see if they would donate to the charity we were running. I would stop folks and say "Good afternoon! Would you be interested in donating three dollars to [x] charity?" 1. While on break I went to a Cafe and when asked: "Hi, what can I get you?" I responded: "Hi! Would you be interested in donating three... Sorry." 2. A customer came in and I overheard them talking about a tattoo they wanted with a bee that says "Bee different." I don't know how the script got flipped so badly, but I greeted them with "Hi! Would you like to be different?"

[@ruthielalastor2209]

The "be different" one really got me. 😂

[@MegaFrog]

I was passing out flyers with a guy who worked at a grocery store, and he looked a passerby straight in the eyes and asked "paper or plastic" while handing him a flyer. Edit: grocery store, not restaurant. I work at a restaurant. He works at a grocery store.

[@wadd8813]

I once said while working at Krispy kreme "hi, welcome to (insert small and local fast food name) wait no, this is Krispy kreme, what can I get you" all without taking a breath, the small fast food place I worked at was only for a week. I should also say that I never worked the till while at the fast food place

[@NicknotNak]

Customer service really does rewire the brain. Everyone should have to do it at some point, just because it is really something you have to experience, even for a month or two, to fully understand.

[@ShieldofApollo]

While working in a library, I answered a phone call from my teacher that I was taking a college-level class. So, I was very much an adult. Hello, Library speaking. Like I was the building.

[@dampseeker]

one of my teachers did that literally today. picked up the phone and said "[name]'s room speaking" before just hanging up

[@AshtonSnapp]

*AUTO GLASS, THIS IS JESSICA” lmao

[@Darkthestral1]

The working with horses one is real. When I worked with them we would click or say "behind" while brushing their flanks with a hand so they don't get spooked by someone being in their blind spot without them noticing so you don't get kicked Still brush my hand along people's backs and say "behind" when going behind someone occasionally

[@ashleylightheart126]

I was a cashier for a event once and usually because the cashiers are quite far from the queue area so we'd have to shout for people to come us. So during a particularly busy rush, I shouted... "DO YOU HAVE A MEMBER CARD!" instead of "NEXT CUSTOMER PLEASE" while staring dead at the whole crowd of queuers. I still think about that

[@Scp4521]

Rip, me. 1827-2023 Died from excitement about a 7 minute Bettina levy video then laughter over walking feet and polite robberies

[@mrscreamlad6572]

damn how was the civil war?

[@Scp4521]

@@mrscreamlad6572 I dunno. I was asleep for that part.

[@AlphaFX-kv4ud]

@@Scp4521which year was your favorite?

[@Scp4521]

@@AlphaFX-kv4ud when were you born?

[@seguaye]

⁠@@Scp4521 smooth

[@UnknownVir]

I love the clear communication autopilots from people who work with kids: correct and model is a format which I wish was more common with adults as well...

[@frozenover_exe]

I worked in an internship at a mechanic shop where part of my job description was technically to handle deliveries. I was supposed to be told what was expected to arrive at the beginning of the day, then when something came that fit the description, I’d sign all necessary papers and take it to the delivered parts room. Except nobody ever told me what was coming, so I’d have to let the guy know that I was getting someone who knew if this was the right place. Well one day I was ordering pizza, and when it came the guy was like “Pizza for Jo”, to which I responded “Lemme just grab someone who knows what’s coming, I’m just an intern” *as I was taking the pizza*

[@pageturner2958]

Omg, this happens far too often when you work at a job, and I didn't realize until I got one. Anywho, this one time me and my family were at a store buying a few items and we get to the checkout. It is a self checkout, out where there is a belt between the scanner and the bagging area. My family suggests that I bag while my mom scans, joking about how good I will be because I am a cashier. Cut to me trying to scan a thing of sodas... that my mom already scanned... on a non existent scanner... a couple of times before I realized

[@merchantziro4285]

I would like to share this story from about a week ago that is less auto pilot than the others but still kinda fits. I work in a Burger King Drive Thru and business was a bit slow that day and I was nearing the end of my shift. At that moment I was spacing out in my boredom and got lost in the middle of a thought route when I remembered that one clip of Superman failing at playing bad cop and Batman playing good cop to the point of actually freaking out Deadshot. Anyway someone pulls up to the drive thru, the beeping of my headset snapping me mostly out of it as I quickly went to take their order. My intention was to say "Hello, welcome to Burger King" but my dumb ass said "Hello, welcome to Batman", then I immediately caught myself and repeated it correctly. I had a good laugh with the customer when they got to the window.

[@Hambrack]

Not work-related, but I always look behind myself while opening doors in my house (so my dogs (and the cat especially) don't run off). I sometimes just instinctively look back and say "stay!" I sometimes do it even when my dogs aren't in the room, or when I'm not even home.

[@ADiceySituation]

I work at a call center and once worked a campaign (this company is contracted by other different companies for work, each contract sets up what's called a campaign) doing in-house technical support for technicians and managers of a certain communications company. At the end of the call I typically said " If you need anything else, just let us know" then waited for a response and said "have a nice day". This one time, I apparently decided I'd had enough and ended one call with "If you need anything else, have a nice day." Thankfully I didn't get in trouble for accidentally asking, in the politest way possible, for this tech to F off.

[@eveoftheroses3766]

To be fair "You need anything else?" is a standalone phrase, with the rest of the statement simply implied. If I heard that I would assume it was just shorthand, I wouldn't even think about the implication

[@tammymomoftwo]

Worked at a daycare When it’s cold we are NOT allowed to let the kids outside without coats The kids however would greatly like to freeze to death So we often have to stop them and tell them no going outside without a coat My boyfriend learned this was something I did after I came home tired at like 7pm And he offered to buy me some snacks So we walk outside And my lovely boyfriend decides to not put on a coat because he seems to think the weather dose not effect him (it dose, it very much dose, he always regrets it) So instead of teasing him and saying he should probably wear a coat Y’know Like a normal girlfriend would I instead turn to him with this tired but stern look and say “Hey buddy, where is our coat friend?” In that voice you use on kids (The kids all had these coats with animal heads cuz they daycare had them, so we called them coat friends, that way the kids would feel bad leaving without them) And then we both kinda stopped And he went “In our room….. I’ll go get that” Laughed about that the whole car ride

[@icegod4849]

3:00 Every since I was a kid I used to email my parents in that style. I used to always put "love" on the bottom or say some dumb cutesy stuff and I still do till this day. If it makes them smile, thats a win in my books!

[@LucaB-c4u]

A friend told me "Happy birthday" and I answered "Thanks, you too."

[@daltooinewestwood6380]

I work at McDonald’s and a couple days ago we were 30 minutes away from closing, I was talking to my boss about something I needed to do, when a car came into the drive thru and I said “welcome to the end of the night”

[@VividFire909]

I’m a theater kid. Whenever a teacher or someone calls for a 5-minute break, I reflexively reply “thank you 5!”

[@aynDRAWS]

Man, same. I get looks, but I do appreciate that 5, lemme tell you

[@CaTastrophy427]

Oh gods... I just remembered one from when I was like 9. Went to pick up a friend from his house, he had an indoor-only cat and had a few times forgotten to close the door behind himself in the past, so I'd always ask "Did you shut the door?". Well this time I blended it with my usual in-school greeting of "Hey, what's up?" and out came "Did you shut up?". Needless to say, yelling that out the open car door when I was sitting 2 feet behind my mother into an otherwise quiet and echoey neighborhood wasn't the best idea.

[@All54321]

I kinda have a reverse version of this. I have (at least a couple of times) said something to a kid in the same tone that I use with my dogs. I work as a karate instructor and keeping some of the kids focuses in any regard can be difficult sometimes. Nothing directly like “Sit & Stay” but I have used a similar tone before when I’m tired.

[@itsumikoroko]

5:20 Oh boy, I love the software machine! My favourite flavour is C++

[@bananabro1010]

I'm a JavaScript enthusiast myself!

[@liamwhite3522]

Whenever I get it, the machine is broken. Then I ask someone to check it out and, suddenly, it works perfectly fine, so now I look like a crazy person.

[@worldcomicsreview354]

Robot vending machine, selling yummy ice cream...

[@pittagiiya]

When I look at it through the window, it's a virus

[@aracheldra8763]

As a Ruby dev, I can recommend Sorbet!

[@Corvid_Collector]

I work the night shift so much that I keep accidentally telling people “have a great evening!” At like 9 in the morning

[@leyrua]

Oh I feel this in my bones. Midnight to 8:00 a.m. shift. Eventually I just started wishing people a good morning and embraced the madness.

[@Sunnylight200]

I've been doing this a lot lately too. When working morning shift I keep telling people to have a good night.😭

[@RatOfTheWoods]

In my theatre we also yell thank you to acknowledge that we've heard someone so I have half asleep yelled thank you to my mother numerous times

[@lucy1nobody]

One time my coworker had an anxiety attack, so my 24 hour shift turned into a 48 one because there wasn't anyone to cover it. My parents had to pick me up, on a Sunday at 7 a.m., and I went straight to my bed and sleep until like 9 p.m. According to them, they tried to wake me up several times so I could eat something, but everytime I opened my eyes I only said "What's the bed (#) of the patient? What are the vitals?" And immediately blacked out again.

[@lunaticdreemurr5768]

"This is why we use our walking feet."

[@leyrua]

I'm just imagining how mortified they probably felt. Probably worried they came off as mocking. 😂

[@StockterBaxman]

Once when I was 9, my dad woke us up by saying "Welcome to Walgreens" instead of telling us it was time to get up

[@MusicMetalHead]

I remember reading a post about someone who used to work at Dairy Queen, and whenever someone ordered a Blizzard there they would turn it upside down to show how thick it is, but then she started working somewhere else and out of habit flipped their milkshake upside down and wound up in direct eye contact as they dumped it directly on the pavement.

[@iamsushi1056]

I once called out “Behind! Hot! Hot, behind!” While carrying boiling tea at my campus dining hall. The poor girl turned around so fast and almost punched me. I was sure I was going to get a Title IX lawsuit. Nobody got burned punched or sued fortunately, but I almost died inside

[@navyblue32]

I worked in Theator Tech in highschool for a bit and there’s *so* many stories of autopiloting that I’ve gotten from my friends who were more into it than me When doing competitions the tech crew have to walk super fast and have their hands behind their back with nice posture while they’re on stage ( they’re in all black to blend with the background ) and for the first week or two after competition you can always tell who’s a Techy because anytime they walk they’ll instinctively have their hands behind their back and a straight posture Another thing is callouts- when actors are in the room we’ll come in and yell “FIVE MINUTES” and they’ll reply “THANK YOU FIVE” to say they heard you, and the amount of times someone would casually ask the time, get given it, and say “thank you ten” or “thank you five” is hilarious

[@aspenpaw0]

I swear all our brains have all of these little scripts stored on libraries of magnetic tape cartridges, handled by little people (fox girls with terrible ADHD in my case). Wrong tape problems seem just too common for it not to be true lol

[@Notsuzpicious]

Working retail has inadvertently made me more polite. I find myself saying "Thanks have a good day" after most interactions these days.

[@oolivero45]

I'm a 999 call handler for the ambulance service, and I have an unfortunate tendency these days to accidentally finish personal phone calls to friends/family with "if you develop any new symptoms, if your condition changes or gets worse, or you have any other concerns, please call us back on 999". I've also once managed to accidentally give that script at the end of a call where the patient was already dead and beyond help. The caller just paused for a minute before saying "well, he's dead. I don't think he's going to get any worse". Whoops.

[@areafire1]

I work at a pool with kids, and by gods the amount of times I have to quell the deep urge to shout "REMEMBER TO WALK!" at kids outside in totally normal areas to run is innumerable. Some kid will just pass me by and sudden fear of THIS CHILD IS ENDANGERING THEMSELVES BY RUNNING ON SIPPERY FLOORS kicks in like crazy until context returns.

[@_s_e_v_e_n_p_m_8886]

i have this bright cheery smile i do at work when i’m tired, bored or annoyed so that i don’t seem unapproachable to customers. i have started giving my family and friends bright cheery smiles when they piss me off on reflex.

[@rockgirl6786]

My dad works in his sleep. Several times at night my mom hears him talking to customers. Usually angrily

[@luniticarmor6843]

Working in McDonalds, after an 8 hour shift and then walking to the nearest grocery store. "Hi did you get everything you needed?" "Yes sir, will you be earning any reward points today?" Poor kid responded with "uh... no thank you. Did you need help with anything?" And then I forgot what I said

[@clonnie-cloo]

recently found a text i sent to my coworker (we were both camp counselors for elementary schoolers) telling them how after work i went to a friend's house who had a cat that was trying to get my attention and i told the cat "tilly, i can't help you if you don't use your words!" and then realized how silly what i just said was

[@briego6497]

My face hurts, my sister came in and started laughing her head off too

[@sabbatagelive]

I worked at a haunted house at the same time as I worked at a bowling alley and had to stop myself multiple times from jumpscaring someone with “Hi this is *bowling alley* how can I help you?”

[@DanielledeVreede]

That would be pretty scary though

[@arco5916]

Man i worked at target for a bit and let me tell you the BIGGEST break in my autopilot was when a customer complimented you it was like getting slapped awake for a second while your software starts to loop is the best way I can describe it (I'm going through your play list rn cause its warm to listen too and great background audio)

[@adragonprobably1652]

Haha love the fast food ones, I work at maccas and have had my mum call me after a particularly long shift, and I immediately asked ‘Hi there, please place your order when your ready!’, think I was half way thought the ‘when’ when I realised lmao, never forgetting her laugh 😂

[@dovearchambault9229]

Customer service is one of the hardest jobs, especially when your brain is permanently in the "Fake it til you make it" mode.

[@NoaThePineconeTaker]

"Software and fried dough" Bruh I need some of those mecha-doughnuts

[@freakda96]

LOL, this hits the right spot. I work in a call center and yesterday I was falling asleep at the bus back home and I suddenly got up and said My name is Fryda, How can i assist you today? to a lady that was trying to sit right next to me 🤣 Also, I have a tendency to say It's my pleasure every time someone thanks me for letting them pass in the bus as well XD.

[@mzof24]

I work as a waitress at a hotel's restaurant. So in the morning we serve breakfast and in the afternoon a la' carte. If I work the afternoon shift after working in the morning a lot, I tell people to enjoy their breakfast...4 in the afternoon😅😂 Or people need to tell us their room number so we can check if their room includes breakfast, so after they tell me I always say thank you enjoy your breakfast. But if we are busy and forget to ask their number from someone and when they finish come over to tell us, I always thank them and reflexively say, enjoy your breakfast. After that we usually just stare at each other for a while😅

[@deathdude360]

I used to work at a gas station, and i'd say 99% of our sales were through tobacco, alcohol, or lottery, which all require entering the customers birthday to complete. So when i'd get the 1% of purchases that were just gas or a drink or snack or whatever that didn't require an ID, I'd often tell the customer to wait one moment before swiping their card because the system was froze because it wasnt popping up the enter a date thing. I started a different job at a non profit, and i still catch myself wishing donors "Good luck!" like they just purchased lottery tickets instead of saying a usual goodbye.

[@Polikaize]

oh, there was a time i've worked at an airport as a security check officer, and after night shifts I used to go home on a tram, and i'd usually start to fall asleep lightly standing right in front of the doors with my hand clinging to the handrail. And one of those times as the doors opened at another stop, letting a portion of people inside, i briefly woke up, and seeing the people entering my working mode kicked in, so i loudly announced: "One by one, please, and empty your pockets!"

[@leyrua]

New mugging strategy: wait on the bus. They'll never see it coming. 😂

[@UndefeatableTwilightCatgirl]

I worked at Domino's Pizza and one time I was so frazzled that my brain mixed up "How can I help you?" and "Can I take your order?" and I said "Hi, thank you for calling Domino's, how can I take your order?"

[@GG553]

I ones sneezed as a party was leaving and instead of saying "Have a good one folks" I said "Bless you folks"

[@NatGeoGacha]

I worked as a cashier for seven months and quit almost a year ago. Sometimes I still say “Do you have a [insert store name] card with you today?” instead of a simple “Hello”. I’ve done it to my mother. I’ve done it to classmates. I’ve done it to strangers. Can’t wait to start working there again this summer…

[@tidalrose26]

Late, but I worked at a drugstore for almost a year. This drugstore had a thing called a “courtesy card,” where you give your phone number and you can earn points for buying certain items- you don’t need the full explanation. Anyway, part of my “script” as a cashier was to ask if the customer had a courtesy card before bringing up the total. After maybe two months of working there, I had to devote actual mental effort to not blurting out “do you have a courtesy card?” Whenever there was a lull in conversation _anywhere._

[@DeepPlane]

While i was a lifeguard, i was in a Target once and a kid ran a short distance to their parent. That, along with the polished floors that resembled concrete with standing water covering it, almost got my instinct to shout either "Walk Please!" or "No running on the Deck!" I got as far as inhaling before catching myself.

[@IgnisInfinitus]

Back when I worked at a customer service desk at a store I had the exact problem of whenever they put me on a register half the time I’d say “Hello, how may I help you?” Like it’s some big mystery what they want to do with their full shopping cart. Lol It’s so hard to break those habits.

[@Crazychik96]

I work at a Taco Bell. One of my co-workers greeted a customer at drive thru one time with "Sorry for choosing Taco Bell" instead of "Thanks for choosing Taco Bell." Needless to say, we both found that funny and laughed for a few seconds before we continued to take the order.

[@ZacheryClouse]

A few years ago I worked in retail and every now and then when my mother calls my name I say in my most cheerful robot like customer service voice "I'll be there to help you shop in just a minute ma'am" and she absolutely hates it bc in her own words "it's freaky as he'll when I know how you normally talk"