DoubleSpeak, How to Lie without Lying

First 200 people to use this link brilliant.org/... can get 20% off an annual premium subscription to Brilliant!
▲WIL NEWSLETTER: josepheverettw...
▲Patreon: / wilearned
▲Twitter: / jeverettlearned
▲IG: / jeverett.whativelearned
[Books]
William Lutz's "Double Speak" - amzn.to/2Z9Tvxh
Frank Luntz's "Words that Work" - amzn.to/31I4krR
For Business inquiries: [e-mail]

[@mubirshu]

I once ran into an old friend I hadn't seen in several years. He told me he was working for an oil company in sales & marketing. He was a clerk at a gas station.

[@levikilo11001100101]

And I know someone who sells propane and propane accessories

[@garretc2148]

I had a friend that said "i manage the transactions of a multibillion dollar company" aka a McDonalds cashier

[@sbapt]

@Rose :3 lol maybe they're friends?

[@antoniocesardecarvalhovian5670]

I knew a guy (I'm brazilian and so is he) who moved to new york to work with coffee and oil, meaning that he served coffee at a Petrobras office

[@TheBestGrapefruitGuy]

@@garretc2148 You literally stole that

[@anegg661]

“I didn’t lose, I merely failed to win!” -Oversimplified

[@bralenmurphy1991]

I didn't lose, I succeeded at accomplishing the opposite of the assumed conditions for success

[@Ludifant]

I didn't lose, I just assumed you were playing a non zero sum game, where my "losing" would facilitate your "winning" to maximise the total of gains.

[@bralenmurphy1991]

@@Ludifant I like this, but it breaks the point of double speak. Doublespeak doesn't involve lying, however your comment does. Still an amazing excuse though!

[@AsianAFK]

I didn't lose, I have just been highly motivated on having empathy on all competitors

[@Yslohr]

Well this one doesn't work as well because you can draw in some games.

[@bobdavies2131]

"I had a thousand people under me at my former job".....I cut grass at the cemetery

[@ham8780]

oh i have a corner office, with most of the city being in my visibility. i drive a bus

[@excitedaboutlearning1639]

I really laughed at this one.

[@michaelfixedsys7463]

That's a big cemetery

[@Rydonz]

Employer: What did you used to do for a living? Me: I used to put people under the blade

[@gabequezada2066]

lmao !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@danielclark-hughes692]

"As part of a balanced breakfast" aka "this stuff doesn't carry much nutrition"

[@yukineswan]

it all makes sense now

[@kristjancebulj8162]

"so you're a burglar" "Nooooooo, I'm an asset relocation specialist."

[@tacokoneko]

"so you're stealing my money" "no, we're the government"

[@Alex3110TheAmazing]

Kristjan Čebulj a self employed* asset relocation specialist

[@krazylevin]

Just the person I hoped to meet. I have, here in this holster, an Asset Relocation Specialist Reducer.

[@Nuclearburrit0]

​@@krazylevin Yes but are you a Certified Asset Relocation Specialist Reducer Management Associate?

[@JosephSmith-lm4ri]

Could also be a tax collector.

[@Moontrimmer86]

"I drive a 150k vehicle, I travel a lot and have a great corner office" I'm a bus driver.

[@warpspeed8305]

Few million dollars vehicle could be a tank

[@SG-tx1fz]

underrated XD

[@evolvedtactics1714]

😂😂

[@vanzwho854]

Pog

[@gen2mediainc.577]

“Corner office” is fantastic

[@themedders]

"Why is my microphone not working?" "High-impedance air gap." aka it's not plugged in

[@johnjiteru37]

This is brilliant

[@UseIntelligenceMice]

Absolutely brilliant!

[@falsigo]

Infinite Resistance*

[@FireFlanker1]

"Why doesn't my voice come out of the speakers?" "High disparity air gap between frequencies and broadcast equipment"

[@leozendo3500]

Amazed how many people know basic electronics well enough... Or can say a low signal to noise ratio or a super high THD

[@GentlemensLife]

“It’s not a lie, if you believe it”, George Costanza

[@knowingwhatthebuttondoes3432]

It's not a delusion if you can describe it as one. You're not paranoid if you can can call yourself so. There's a lot of wanna be mental patients around who would do well to learn these points, and sharpen their attempts at psychiatric ruses.

[@Xiy114]

Tell a lie often enough it becomes truth.

[@DougHanson2769]

Paradox If a liar says, "I’m a liar." Yet, he was telling the truth.

[@DougHanson2769]

@@knowingwhatthebuttondoes3432 Ruse

[@daronjohnson9095]

It's still a lie no matter how many people believe it, truth is irrelevant to belief , what is true will always be true, no matter what people actually believe, tge whole world could believe gravity no longer existed, but the minute someone falls off a cliff theyre going down.

[@Croissinate]

>step into my office >am I being let go? >don't be silly. In fact, I'm promoting you to customer

[@joshuawallace4990]

That's quite the promotion what did I do to deserve this?

[@Kalilw12]

😭😭

[@ATeamMate]

@Okapi Lizard

[@plainblocks2]

@Okapi Lizard the joke has flown over your head

[@bliggzz]

@Okapi Lizard r/whooosh

[@Heccinchonker12]

"I saved your life!" "You ruined my death!"

[@TheTablaChannel]

the incredibles!

[@EdFuller]

Lieutenant Dan (forrest gump)

[@balemonte727]

LMAO! can win for losing.

[@roisinnigcrainn7722]

That's an entire mood right there

[@MySpoot]

@@EdFuller "lieutenant Dan!! ice cream!!!"

[@jamesalbus7991]

"no im not stealing comments, im just spreading the quote"

[@Edgygazelle99]

🤣

[@matemolnar8900]

no im not stealing comments, im just spreading the quote

[@jacobr7729]

"no im not stealing comments, im just spreading the quote"

[@nicolassagrillo1442]

Im not reposting memes, im disseminating visual art and knowledge

[@Hubba_Hubba9]

No I'm not stealing comments, I'm just spreading the quote

[@delynnmurray6826]

YES! As a data science major this is exactly why a code of ethics was made for data scientists in 2008 after the market crash. Incomplete representations of data were a large part of the issue at the time, and thus the code of ethics was born. I firmly believe it's our job as data scientists to make graphs to really communicate, not for shock value the way so many social media accounts seem to represent their data these days. It never clicked in my head as a form of doublespeak until now!

[@hetedeleambacht6608]

anyone knows the simpelest graphs need the relevant data right? I learned that in primary school. No data, they might as well show me a Van Gogh...beautiful colors and lines but not very usefull

[@viktorkyllingstad4188]

@@hetedeleambacht6608 They can have accurate data, but presented in a misleading way. A republican ad had crime statistics on it which seemed to suggest a democrat drug policy had increased violent crime because the graphs was upside down, when in reality it had halved violent crime.

[@deniseengle4269]

That lack of a click is exactly what doublespeak is designed to foster....

[@WOLeifFr]

Ok question, why is data that proves bias hidden? For instance, FBI crime stats from table 23 show that 13% of the population is responsible for 50% of violent crime. Yet, quoting this metric is taboo. Seems like bias towards bias. Its the whole intolerance of tolerance is tolerance. It has now entered the realm of ideology and not information or data.

[@Sina-rw3bl]

@@viktorkyllingstad4188Link?

[@hm...interesting5187]

"Oh youre an organ harvester?" "No, I work in human resources"

[@crikxouba]

No, he works for the Chinese Communist Party

[@crazytim8256]

"Nonconsensual organ arbitrage" is the job title that his salary gets taxed under

[@marakalos3838]

Non-public human organ arbitrage. I would say semi-concensual but that's too negatively received these days.

[@lecoqsclock1002]

"Nonconsensual organ arbitrage" is this Sseth rimworld refrence?

[@marakalos3838]

@@lecoqsclock1002 Of course fellow merchant!

[@yocksin]

"So you cheated?" "No, no. It was just a romantic entanglement."

[@acevaver5425]

No. Romantic and entanglement just makes it worse. What you want to say is: I found this girl suffering from a clinically adverse effect due to the saturated inflammation of epinephrine. She was in a mentally critical condition that required a regulated oxytocin intake lest her lifespan is intermittently chopped short for lack of treatment and administration of the chordae tendineae cords. She had previously suffered a apical ballooning syndrome and needed a pulmonary heart bypass placebo to re-coordinate and connect her testosterone levels with her endocrine system body functions. Honey, she had a 5.30% chance of dying, within the next year, it's lowered now to .07% chance. I have potentially saved a life, she was possibly suffering tremendously because of her condition. I had to help.

[@cybergeek5476]

@@acevaver5425 Please translate to dummyspeak.

[@vixx3535]

@@acevaver5425 r/woosh

[@CharllotteKatakuri]

@@acevaver5425 J. o. k. e

[@cheltan4491]

@@vixx3535 I don't think you are using that correctly

[@denilsonthomas]

I’m not currently procrastinating, I’m mentally recouping by broadening my horizons through digital media.

[@anteconfig5391]

Hey, HEY! no. Recouping is a necessary activity.

[@Tom531Cat]

Ah being lazy.... I understand now.

[@juv3ydvs3vb3vst7]

Exactly

[@mk1interactive944]

mmm... digital media, more like; the modernization of the previously non-though way of receiving information.

[@stonerjeter1]

this. i like this

[@TreWay47]

“We are richer for having lost him” on the tombstone 😆

[@alexandergerolimatos4682]

"This involved slitting his throat. They call this a 'therapeutic misadventure'" That's... that's murder

[@infidelheretic923]

Yeah I’d be about ready to give that surgeon a “misadventure” if that happened to someone I care about.

[@petedick1758]

You seem tough.

[@MxCrompli]

It's not murder It's stopping human function

[@1Lainer1]

7.59-fm [Closed] that is stopping human function for a proceedingly inproportionate excusably content of time

[@petedick1758]

@@1Lainer1 No one can read this nonsense sentence; try again.

[@butter5842]

"So you're doing nothing to help us" Government: "We're committed to continued and sustained efforts to address your concerns"

[@davidfarinacci2357]

😂😂😂

[@constitutionalrepublican1611]

im from the government and im here to help.....

[@TechWiz1983]

@@dustinh1583 You were dropped on your head too many times.

[@ih2246]

zero times zero is still zero

[@Xeno_Solarus]

@Kevin Tewey what?

[@louise1753]

Our resumes are about to be lit.

[@justinbrown7783]

Louise ••• for some reason I hate and love you lol

[@Deady4u]

I was a self hired professional semi-permanent bed tester, that specialized in a niche type of bed.

[@letsparchmentitupyo7566]

watch out for all of us being in rich schools and jobs

[@karna5998]

@@Deady4u sleep man

[@gamerrex5940]

"I'm not slacking off, I'm taking an early break to enhance productivity."

[@renataheiberg7534]

I am writing this one down.

[@Showboat]

"I handle transactions for a multi - billion dollar company." - McDonalds cashier

[@cfoster6804]

Nice!

[@spurnd]

I was going to comment you should say financial transactions, but then I remembered the cashier also hands you your food, which is product. Anyways, great line, will definitely steal for future interviews.

[@TheyNerfedYou]

lmaooooooo

[@jacobamarjan2325]

just saying, not an original comment

[@stokesseegers5012]

This one lol

[@MrGommpa]

EA: "They're not loot boxes, they're surprise mechanics"

[@ReasonableRadio]

It's not RNG, it's infinite replay value features

[@Nekomosh004]

right on spot

[@Halfgay_boi]

It’s not FIFA 2018, it’s FIFA 2019

[@bbedeschi]

Damn! You read my thoughts!

[@osricleondegrance9244]

Stewardess.

[@dominic0900]

"I didn't rob the store, I merely imposed a mandatory donation order"

[@HeadHunterSix]

In the military it is known as "Appropriation".

[@user-mw6fm5ht4m]

surprise communism

[@369mfkzt2]

That's what they use to extort people and make everyone happy with that, because taxes are "used for the people". You know, it's not theft, because you're a "Taxpayer".

[@AverageAlien]

@@369mfkzt2 exactly, it's not theft, it's just the government forcefully removing your money and using it themselves

[@gary00832]

😂

[@DarciWhither]

I had a friend in high-school who worked at a gas station as a "Petroleum Transfer Engineer"

[@jiannes]

“you’re not in trouble, i just need to talk to you for a second outside of the classroom about your choices”

[@cowl6867]

This is very relatable

[@hivemind5281]

every teacher ever

[@MyPussyBleeding-rn1mw]

my Spanish teacher once asked me and my friend to wait outside and she never came to speak to us just made us stand outside the classroom for 45-50 minutes until the bell rung

[@hivemind5281]

@@MyPussyBleeding-rn1mw big brain moment

[@gideoniskemp]

@@MyPussyBleeding-rn1mw F I N E S S E D

[@gemini9002]

“I work in the movie industry.” I sell popcorn

[@tommytimmy8441]

nah, more like: I play a crucial part in one the most equitable industries present in today’s economy.

[@turtleanton6539]

@@tommytimmy8441 👏

[@dextersdevil6994]

Lmbo

[@Buggabones]

Im a dancer = Im a stripper

[@xarrik]

@@tommytimmy8441 Or I played a crucial role in the marketing of cinema to the public through the increase of current and future sales figures.

[@lopsidedc0rn875]

The military teaches you how to do this very well for instance, "responsible for the integrity of flight controls, corrosion prevention, and structural integrity of four aircraft." Is just a really fancy way to say that you checked cables for wear, wiped the aircraft down with a rag, and checked the safety wire holding the bolts in place.

[@turmuthoer]

"What I told you was true, from a certain point of view." - Obi Wan Kenobi

[@a-s-greig]

"From MY point of view the JEDI are evil!" --Some guy with opinions on sand

[@SCHMALLZZZ]

From my point of view the droids are evil

[@ShadowSkullz]

Nice

[@themanfromvolantis]

Kenobi was full of lies. Telling Luke that he'd never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy than Mos Eisley. Or was it a lie? Because Luke never did make it to Gotham City, so I suppose Kenobi could claim his statement was true.

[@thecowboyofdrag]

Exactly. For example: "Only the Sith deal in absolutes" So why did Yoda say: "Do or do not, there is no try?"

[@dasdasdadadadad8915]

Eating one meal a day. Before: I am broke. Now: I am doing intermittent fasting.

[@russellchido]

intermittent

[@clive7394]

@Violet Sinclair I'm not broke and I do it. I do two meals a day though. I skip dinner. Why would I need food to sleep? Why should I give my body work to do when I should be resting? I don't need this extra meal. Now my body can focus on important things like healing, repair and resting instead of working to digest food I don't need.

[@dasdasdadadadad8915]

qrpnxz ahh shiet thank you

[@jovanleon7]

.. due to economic misadventure

[@Nvdatan]

The Lop do u know what a joke is

[@CZECHMATE650]

Victim: "I was robbed!" Thief: "No I just started a new wealth redistribution program"

[@369mfkzt2]

Government: That's what we do.

[@Kyle_Tungcab_Taylor]

Robin hood

[@CrazyGuyVideos2005]

Communism be like

[@midnighthobbyt5161]

@@CrazyGuyVideos2005 that isn't Communism lol.

[@mesijaiti]

@@midnighthobbyt5161 lol dude, literally that is communism.

[@thedoctor0272]

My favourite 2nd type words are mining terms. Skip, shaft, rib, back, floor, face, mucker. They are just simple yet complex to those who don’t know the industry.

[@33rdGemini]

When he said " waste management consultant", i thought he meant "garbage man" LOL

[@SammytheStampede]

Well, we italians, you know...,

[@excellentboiledpotato1667]

lmao i thought he meant "plumber"

[@goleryarte3216]

Pretty sure he did, in the show his mob family is in the garbage business. I think that's what he meant, though you could I guess secondarily interpret it as an euphemism - maybe that's what the writers intended.

[@visdarfrankas]

one more word, and it all makes sense - "human waste management consultant"

[@nonaau4791]

@@visdarfrankas human waste means poop though XD

[@IanChristopher]

"We are not cheating, we are just exchanging knowledge for the mere purpose of presenting a better answer"

[@TheSquidPro]

We came to the conclusion that having foreknowledge of certain assigned facts would present us the better outcome.

[@HermeticallyHermeticThricGreat]

Just get to the point of and we can't get to the solution. Double speak is a powerful and lead's to Miss leading The And can't get fixed

[@MedroffYT]

Mere wasn’t needed

[@jenniferskweter]

@@HermeticallyHermeticThricGreat I was just thinking abt Schrodinger's cat and then saw your username

[@richardlooch2109]

we are engaged in a mutual exchange of neural patterns for the mere and mutually beneficial purpose of enhancing the quality grade of our paper.

[@neeevirus]

"Im not depressed, Im just highly motivated to not be optimistic"

[@-poon-382]

nice pfp you’re cultured

[@neeevirus]

@@-poon-382 ah, I see, so you're also a fellow man of hololive culture?

[@-poon-382]

NEEE VIRUS hell yea

[@pxtxer165]

Nakamas from the hololive hole

[@josephjoestar5861]

What's hololive peko?

[@n0ame1u1]

7:17 Actually it's incorrect to say it reduces the risk by one percent; it reduces it by one *percentage point*

[@EvanG529]

It reduces it by 36% percent, from 3 in 100 to 1.9 in 100. Look at the graph again. The statistic is not misleading, the graph is.

[@hughmogus7137]

​@EvanG529 this this this. The 36% is a much better way to interpret that data than the 1%

[@thegoddamnsun5657]

@xperiment-rp7di thats simply not true

[@thegoddamnsun5657]

@@EvanG529 nah it doesnt how does it

[@crazycomments2082]

I changed a lightbulb. *I single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.*

[@soupman7401]

the engineer

[@toprelay]

This guy, this guy, I’m going to use this.

[@philbytan284]

Read this somewhere else before

[@danielxmiller]

@@philbytan284 where would anyone possibly write that anywhere else? lol

[@philbytan284]

@@danielxmiller It's called the *original*

[@Antpall1776]

This helped me to transfer my Clash of Clans skills to my resume: -Resource Management skills -Experience running a small village

[@jakethewolfie119]

*ruining a small village

[@justvibin1460]

-multi village diplomatic relation

[@normalbird1139]

-Inter-species Military Recruiter

[@royjay6525]

-Village-clan-association experience

[@fazeelur888]

lmfao

[@lindanib541]

Prisoner: " I live in a gated community"

[@dannykelly7159]

😂😂😂

[@luciuskapahs5547]

We even have armed security personnel

[@TonyAtma]

@@luciuskapahs5547 most prison guards aren't armed actually. Well they have pepper spray which is effective... sometimes.

[@potapotapotapotapotapota]

sometimes you even get a room with TV, bed, toilet and shower all to yourself!

[@CD-xo5ju]

Don't we all 😉

[@fortniteshorts8674]

I love doublespeak, it is such an cool thing to perform.

[@chewhooi]

"he sustained injuries that is incompatible with life" HE DIED.

[@thedooktroops5608]

The blood do outside body

[@riswald2723]

@@thedooktroops5608 00 ___

[@toyas400]

😂😂

[@KAZVorpal]

That is not how verb number works.

[@TheSquidPro]

He was unable to continue doing what he loved in this world.

[@secretintelligenceservice8902]

“I’m a pharmacist on a street level”

[@Adam-xf6sq]

Deal drugger

[@aero8893]

Nope, you’re just self sufficient entrepreneurial botanist who uses there knowledge to create pharmaceutical products designed to make the patient get better on there own. Using your mobile situation your able to give away your products for the exchange of a piece of paper.

[@aero8893]

Sound right?

[@CommanderRedVega]

@@aero8893 You mean, Pharmaceutical Street Vendor.

[@telluric_gfx]

@@aero8893 piece of paper?!? that piece of paper is our current system of legal tender of general use in a country

[@mozuesolympian2988]

We don’t torture people, we use Enhanced interrogation.

[@nihalu.7886]

Advanced interrogation techniques

[@mozuesolympian2988]

@@nihalu.7886 I don’t use Advanced I nterrogation Techniques I use Alternative words

[@robdom91]

I prefer to call it intensive questioning.

[@appleshoes1419]

@@nihalu.7886 "but techno that's just tor-" "ENHANCED INTERROGATION TECHNIQUES"

[@christianweber7435]

AND WE MAKE PEOPLE OUR SLAVS

[@nialloc4786]

The only option to not articulate in “DoubleSpeak” in an interview is when they’re more than aware that you’re intelligent enough to speak with a certain form of subterfuge. In which case it can appear honest and positive to communicate with very direct language.

[@darthslackus499]

Hitman: "I specialize in Early Retirements."

[@SatanistSin]

Dispatching and actuation of personal liquidation.

[@AverageAlien]

from life

[@jayknowles2146]

Is this a Blade Runner crossover?

[@finneganlong6865]

from life

[@rendzis]

painting houses.

[@MGISGlobalStats]

"You're watching random KZbin videos" "No, I'm performing non-essential research of human communication and expression from one of the largest databases of digital media"

[@danteburns7118]

I feel attacked

[@smokingghost9781]

Isn't that a quarter of what you learn in school school?

[@justinshi1459]

Extra-circular research *

[@WolfyRed]

689 lieks nice

[@jude4400]

@@smokingghost9781 u mean google

[@hktristan42]

The "gambling industry" became the "gaming industry" Well I guess nowadays the opposite is true

[@mimikal7548]

nice

[@lilericinnacut]

Lol I thought that what he meant

[@mrfaade304]

LilEric Inna'cut most gambling involves games, child.

[@bruhmoment1835]

@@mrfaade304 Okay, Boomer.

[@JohnSmith-vw5fd]

Just dont play rockstar or ea games. There is very little gambling if you avoid them 2 company's

[@ryantannar5301]

My favorite will always be the inside joke among IT techs that most PC issues can be traced back to the keyboard to chair interface.

[@andheregoesmyname]

Yeah, in spanish we call those "error 300: entre la pantalla y el asiento"

[@rozzy3528]

I handle transactions for a multibillion dollar company. I work as a McDonalds Cashier

[@AnthonyMartins1]

I actually laughed out loud... congrats xD

[@MrTripsJ]

Sounds like Jeffrey Epstein

[@PHOTOLOIART]

also serving embryo fetus aborted cell food .

[@tumult04]

Sounds like Dan peña lol

[@HoGraz]

Erika I knew a guy who would use that line almost exactly to pick up women, and yes he worked at McDonald’s.

[@JackSpad3s]

"They asked if I had a degree in theoretical physics. I said I had a theoretical degree in physics" - Fantastic

[@JackSpad3s]

@Traveling Burrito Salesman protomen baby!!

[@futureshock382]

Haha that one "scientist" from Fallout New Vegas

[@PolarisIII]

@@futureshock382 fantiastic, that was his name iirc

[@rorty1540]

@@futureshock382 damn you beat me to it.

[@jungeezy]

A New Vegas reference caught in the wild!? I’m so proud

[@Michael-dj6pd]

"They're not Lootboxes they're 'Surprise Mechanics' ". - EA GAMES

[@kingaragornii9940]

No the lawyer stated this: *"...It's not gambling, we call them surprise mechanics...it makes the players happy..."*

[@TheUltrasora]

@@kingaragornii9940 tell me lies , tell me sweet little lies

[@ln9895]

@@kingaragornii9940 defintely doesnt make us happy ahaha

[@kingaragornii9940]

@@TheUltrasora Lol

[@blainetrevino689]

Ea it’s in the game

[@notmenotme614]

A friend was “The Deputy Manager in the worldwide travel industry” He was one of two people working in a small branch of some travel agents, located in the corner of a typical bland retail park, in a typical bland town.

[@Captaindragonfire]

Trying to hit that word count on an essay be like

[@bustergundo516]

Exactly.

[@stevethea5250]

@@bustergundo516 i find 3p the sweet spot, 2p too much extra folding and chews thruu the roll quicker, gottta undo and replace too often editA - actually might consider 4p if cheaper per ply but still to hell with 2 editB - this is my go-to

[@bustergundo516]

@@stevethea5250 I was talking about essays....

[@vii6429]

@@stevethea5250 what??

[@jaxonh.6330]

@@stevethea5250 hmmmmmm you never edited ur comment

[@xx5niperfoxxx676]

“So you’re a legal grave robber?” “No, I’m an archeologist!”

[@goroakechi6126]

IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM

[@hammedburger3712]

Tf are dinosaurs gonna do to stop them from digging up their skeletons

[@dickjohnson9582]

@@goroakechi6126 SO DO YOU

[@dynamicflashy]

@@hammedburger3712 Paleontologists.

[@rudyvalle]

Brilliant

[@williampena197]

"Mcdonald's manager" "Sales director for a multi-billion company"

[@anonymus3219]

U copied this from another comment

[@williampena197]

I didn't but I'm not surprised that there are hundred of comments like this one way before made this comment.

[@aaatoinfinity]

Lol

[@RudyVampburg]

@@anonymus3219 He did not "copy another person's comment," he merely rebuttaled the originality of a fellow entertainment enjoyer's statement.

[@Clippers23]

Bank accountant People five me hundreds of bills from different currencies every day

[@pubbiehive]

Tony Soprano saying he is a waste management consultant isn't doublespeak at all. He's not even lying, he is employed at a waste management company in the series.

[@kingdee5388]

Trash man

[@kingdee5388]

He’s a trash man. It’s double speak because he’s trying to sound more professional than he actually is

[@fre_]

"Did you procrastinate?" "No, I simply rescheduled my assignments." EDIT : this is 1 year after the comment was posted, I have all but completely forgotten this comment I made lmfao wasn't expecting it to get likes at all, especially 6.9k, thanks a lot kekw

[@kirito_kun5072]

I prioritized leisure time.

[@norfangl3480]

No I'm just waiting

[@Leo-jy5qm]

ae86

[@DeonGaming]

That's actually what I say to my boss.

[@SlayerBG93]

No absolutely not. I engaged in reasearch aimed at improving my performance at a later date.

[@anastasiawortham8833]

Doublespeak is colloquially known as bullshitting where I'm from.

[@TheBestSam42]

Yeah I’m often referred to as a bullshiter but I prefer the term linguistically gifted

[@hiinsanity]

it’s ironic because whoever invented the word doublespeak just didn’t wanna be called a bullshitter

[@mdreza3471]

@@hiinsanity lmao

[@commandro]

Flirting is a form of doublespeak too.

[@Mo_Mauve]

@@hiinsanity It's not ironic, it's just effective.

[@deanshein8617]

"I went to our favourite restaurant without you." = Sad Friend "I went to our favourite restaurant in honour of you". = Happy Friend

[@nomnomyourmom]

life pro tip

[@gid5213]

omg i use this a lot but as "i went to our fav place bc i was nostalgic "

[@dynamid4540]

@@gid5213 if you actually mean that it's nice tho

[@UseIntelligenceMice]

Brilliant!

[@Mr_Glenn]

I'm not lazy, I'm highly efficient when it comes to spending my precious energy.

[@danstartsfires]

I used to tell people I was a "Retail Asset Transference Relocation Engineer" I was a cart attendant at Target.

[@wouldyoulikesomewiessedtea8757]

I’ll use that one day

[@fazeelur888]

@@wouldyoulikesomewiessedtea8757 one day

[@bro4421]

ould you like some wiessed tea?

[@smuggzmug7595]

Would you like some wiessed tea? I, too, hope to manage carts one day

[@TheUsername55555100]

Haha you’re so clever!

[@FromDream2RealityNow]

The native fluent language of all politicians.

[@sosig6445]

@Auto Zam there os very little difference

[@arkdirfe]

@@sosig6445 Mobsters have to at least be vaguely competent to keep their "job".

[@shankaka_99]

except trump. he just striaght up lies. and i dont know whther to praise him for it?

[@hafe6659]

Let me guess someone made a trump comment

[@shankaka_99]

@@hafe6659 stop i actually did-

[@darkworlddenizen]

This is how I wrote all my papers in college.

[@matthanlewis1959]

How did that go?

[@ReasonableRadio]

I can't believe you're that guy

[@M1aocat]

Yup I learned to write like this the hard way

[@dogie1070]

I found my professor/TA gave me higher grades if I reflected their words used during the lecture. This also works in job applications when I describe duties I performed at previous positions and using the job announcement to shape my response using thier vocabulary. People are more receptive to what they are familiar with.

[@hangtimedangjang]

It's the only way to meet those length requirements!

[@jmanley11]

“I’m currently working as an underwater ceramic technician” - Dishwasher

[@saints360row]

*At a shooting range* "Did I hit it?" "Yeah.. You hit where you were aiming"

[@FORMERxZOMBIE]

Wouldn't: 'Where your gun was pointing' not be more accurate? 🤗😇 He was aiming for something else I can imagine ;)

[@punchinatior560]

with archery hitting where you were aiming can be at time tricky.

[@catalyst3027]

@@punchinatior560 You always hit where you aim, it's knowing where you are aiming that is the hard part :)

[@Roxfox]

@@catalyst3027 Assuming an accurate weapon, you always hit where the weapon is aimed. However, the weapon is not always aimed where the shooter is aiming. If you throw a ball at a target and it misses, did you really hit what you were aiming for?

[@roylewis9094]

@@Roxfox no

[@Zyphon]

“I didn’t lose. I merely failed to win”

[@Browniev2]

hello Zyphon again ^-^

[@ultraz9131]

I didn't see this first. I discovered this within the first couple minutes of this being sent into the the internet

[@ethanzheng5253]

Hi Zyphon :D

[@aeonblade64]

Hallo zyphon.

[@usedicecat6780]

Overly simplified

[@cheehee808_]

"So you're running a pyramid scheme?" "Nah, its just multi-level marketing bro"

[@HarmonicWave]

Is it an MLM? No, it's a referral-based commission structure.

[@omalone1169]

@Homelander Neil Postman Amusing ourselves to death

[@michealpersicko9531]

@@HarmonicWave its a structure that allows for people with income deficiencies start their own small businesses and help supplement their families' income while also being able to motivate people to start a business of their own.

[@english_chat]

Underrated!

[@vcool122]

No, it's a network marketing company. XD I heard this one today about Isagenix.

[@blech71]

I’ve seen some resumes that could qualify. I also liked the SpaceX launch of starship lately…. “A rapid unscheduled disaaembly” lol

[@CornflowerBlue10]

So it blew up in the air 😂

[@thefacelessquestion3333]

Oh, it's okay to do that on a résumé...right?,right??

[@kiwitrainguy]

Rocketship explodes soon after launch: "We have had an anomaly".

[@piercer4882]

That name "double speak" is outdated.. now we call it marketing..

[@christophersurnname9967]

Literally

[@iRaven-_-]

Usually white people are the ones that use double speaking.

[@christophersurnname9967]

Wisdom Seeker lol maybe because usually white people are the ones to have jobs in the first place... like what are you gonna do some corporate double speak in the hood? Or fruit markets? Or serving up some French fries at McDonalds???? LOL

[@karna5998]

@@christophersurnname9967 ouch, bitter punch of truth

[@iRaven-_-]

Christopher Surnname wtf you talking about?

[@gdhammr8113]

“I didn’t kill him. I simply created an environment for him that his body found uninhabitable.”

[@TonyAtma]

No no, he's not dead, his primary metabolic processes have just stalled for an indefinite period.

[@mariorolle489]

Natural selection made him extinct... Nature taking course

[@Producedbylevithomas]

No comment

[@nickv1008]

The application of accelerated heavy metals objects into the persons body created a pressure imbalance that resulted in several essential bodily processes being impeded through cavitation and fluid leakage to the extent that the normal biological activity was severely hindered and eventually ceased. He will be missed.

[@f.boogaloospook2318]

He attack me with a chainsaw i got of right to defend myself

[@rambam791]

*kills 20 innocent bystanders* ''A simple anger-management malfunction''

[@grantonator3884]

*misadventure

[@Isaiah-ft5nx]

A population modification initiative.

[@serum286]

@@Isaiah-ft5nx 👍

[@sonoflethal]

An unmotivated vital energy misplacement resulting in unforeseen exponential negative growth in population of a select group.

[@ConfusedGeriatric]

a brief ethical realignment

[@father3dollarbill]

great video. You really delved into the uses of double speak.

[@megamanzero5when895]

"Are you a hitman?" "No, I'm an anonymous quality of life influencer who only accepts bitcoin"

[@ivodeledda6885]

This is the equivalent to using a thesaurus on every single word

[@DustinRodriguez1_0]

You'd be surprised how fantastically effective it is, though. You can say the exact same thing, the thing with the exact same actual meaning, with two sets of words and flip someone from being curious and interested right over to vehemently spitting in your face with anger. Just saying the same thing from a different perspective can make people think you're saying two completely different things. For example, you can find in many places articles about "the health benefits of more sex". You will not, however, find articles about "the health dangers of abstinence." They're the same thing. The only difference is that in the first case, you are making the assumption that the audience is mostly abstinent, and that this is what they see as normal. In the second case, you're assuming the audience is having a higher amount of sex, and would lose the benefits of sexual activity by abstaining. But it's the same situation. They would cite the same studies. For instance, in one of the biggest studies of its kind in history, they found that those having, on average, fewer than 2 orgasms a week were twice as likely to die (from any cause) during the course of the study (which ran for years). Now, if you're having fewer than 2 orgasms a week, you could have more sex and move into the 'half as likely to die' group... but if you're already having 2+ orgasms a week, and you were to instead begin a life of celibacy, you would join the group which was twice as likely to die. This information is, in fact, reporting health benefits of more sex (for people having little), and health dangers of abstinence (for people having average or more amount). But, people will read a study about the benefits of more sex with a smile on their face, while they will get absolutely angry if you suggest that abstinence is a dangerous practice.

[@d3ly746]

Increasingly verbose meme in a nutshell

[@jonafangk1288]

Are you saying this from your full size aortic pump

[@DrJ-hx7wv]

You don't get it Dwigt.

[@JaredTapper]

Here abide the comparable of employing a reference book to each individual vocable

[@therealcouchpotato9560]

I wasn't playing video games too late; I was simply exercising my mental and physical reflexes through a digital medium at an unexpected hour of day.

[@FireyDeath4]

Okay, but the first clause is a blatant lie

[@bananayes9475]

Alright so just so you know, I would like this comment unless the number of likes already where perfect like now. So I can't do that rn :/

[@akakios7386]

@@FireyDeath4 Depends quite heavily on the game. Some games require pretty intense reaction times, and therefor would be an exercise of your mental and physical reflexes.

[@micahomondi7069]

@@akakios7386 his point is that he was playing video games too late. That is the first clause, before the semi-colon. He lies, then also says something misleading, a horrible example of what the video is about.

[@joebidennn8478]

I was waiting to get older so i could better exercise my more elevated iq to the understanding and fulfilment of the game.

[@SwirlyCurlyy]

“The NCR asked me if I had a degree in physics, and I said that I had a *theoretical* degree in physics!” -Fantastic, the top engineer for Helios One (one of the most important power sources for the NCR and the facility with a secret orbital laser inside)

[@kloukk]

"Did you just fart?" "No, I just temporarily decreased the level of freshness in the air"

[@UseIntelligenceMice]

Lol no, I temporarily increased methane levels.

[@benh5266]

I facilitated a chemical transference process to increase the impact of pollutant detection in the local environment

[@OpRaven-62]

K. LOUK the fungus and bacteria’s in my intestinal tract have just produced M2 and the muscles in my body have retracted as to reallocate the elements from my organism, into the atmosphere as a way to camouflage with mammals, more specifically the Mephitis (skunk).

[@PascalSWE]

An excess of pressure caused by vital and naturally occurring bacteria was recently resolved by my decision to expel said non-toxic excess into the atmosphere.

[@amojak]

i enacted a gas pressure equilibrium status

[@Seánasadventure]

should retitle this " how to survive a job interview"

[@deleteduser87]

This is actully really useful for jobs

[@KingOfSciliy]

Or, in double-speak, "a lesson in the advantageous and continuous existence maintained by accomplishing viable economic stability by which is obtained through an open-communications towards the objective assessment of qualities and characteristics that are deemed highly preferable and desired from persons looking towards pledging assistance to a most required labour resourcing division."

[@captaindisillusion2537]

For real haha.

[@bansheemania1692]

@bobby ruest exactly.." What Is My time Worth to you" It Work's

[@dasmith2737]

Lol

[@nehyena7549]

"Your a drug dealer" "Nope, I'm just a humble street pharmacist"

[@aero8893]

Nope, you’re just self sufficient entrepreneurial botanist who uses there knowledge to create pharmaceutical products designed to make the patient get better on there own. Using your mobile situation your able to give away your products for the exchange of a piece of paper.

[@choueriito2548]

Or you're the one who knocks!

[@Brakvash]

@@aero8893 Very few street pharmacists are self sufficient botanists, they usually have their wares delivered to them by the financially flexible familial conglomerates.

[@ijemand5672]

you're*

[@nehyena7549]

@@ijemand5672 thanks bro

[@NorthwestNicholas]

“Alternative Facts” is the first one that came to mind.

[@myyoutubechannel2858]

1) 1:08 Language designed to make the simple seem complex or give an air of importance. 2) 3:37 Euphemisms: Words or phrases used to avoid a distasteful reality (e.g. passed away instead of dead). 3) 11:12 Jargon: specialized language of a trade or profession. 4) 12:12 Gobbledygook: overwhelming the audience with Bureaucratese.

[@Chris-bm1wf]

My KZbin Channel thank you

[@austinreed7343]

So technically one can Quintuplespeak.

[@elizabethgrinningson7730]

Thank you!

[@dakota3753]

It’s like when KZbinrs say their ‘entrepreneurs’ when they just sell merch

[@zacharydeleon6912]

@The Devil LMAOOO, I always knew there gotta be term for what i do in my essays all the time. It just really fills out the word count, yknow?

[@zacharydeleon6912]

@The Devil HAHAA EXAAACTLYY

[@Dian_Borisov_SW]

@@zacharydeleon6912 Bruh that idea really came into your head from Devil's comment and not from the entire video?

[@SmallSpoonBrigade]

That's probably both factually and technically correct. There's a ton of businesses that just remarket other company's products.

[@zaferoph]

@@SmallSpoonBrigade but not necessarily by definition.

[@brianjlevine]

"Remember...its not a lie if you believe it." - George Costanza

[@diji5071]

Classic Seinfeld.

[@yanielacevedo654]

That is not correct

[@diji5071]

@@yanielacevedo654 Possibly Double's peak?

[@Andreas-kk2uk]

@@yanielacevedo654 its technically, but not factually correct. If you believe it, its the same as repeating false information that someone told you. Like, that Jeffrey Epstein did kill himself.

[@breadfan_85]

r/technicallythetruth

[@jtothemaurednik]

so glad to see carlin in this

[@cloakey1036]

*In a court discussion* Me: "He died of natural causes" Judge: "You pushed him off a building!" Me: "Gravity is a natural force"

[@TheMissiIe]

Judge: "but you had to push him off fro gravity to be a factor" You: "i didn't push him, i was merely gradually generating a substantial amount of velocity and acceleration via my deltoid muscles to force my humerus in a lateral trajectory away from my toros which in result increased the amount of kinetic energy stored in my metacarpal and proximal phalange connectors that when i lightly tapped him all that kinetic energy transfered from me to him resulting in contact forces forcing him to stabilise himself but because he lacked the visual awareness to inform himself of the knowledge required for him to make the judgement of weather he should stabilise himself of not he ultimately was overcome by the contact forces and causing him to fall off the cliff" Judge: "...." You: "and if he stabilised himself in time he wouldn't of fallen thus resulting in me being innocent and him being guilty of his own death" Judge: "... apologies for the misunderstanding you're free to go"

[@justanub4697]

@@TheMissiIe Judge: Wait! So you pushed off a man that was unguarded and you're saying it was his fault that he died cause he wasn't guarded? You: As the rule of the jungle, a man must be on guard at all times for he might be at danger at all times I merely taught him a valuable lesson that may or may not shortened his late adoption

[@jaimytourigny3027]

@@justanub4697 Judge : So you basically admit your implication in the matter of causing his death and attest you have been sharing more responsability than the victim/culprit itself, enough to be labeled and charged for it. You : I don't admit to anything, I affirm a sole point of view that is itself beyond reasonnable doubt subjective and biased, thereforth aledging me no weigth as an evidence outside of the forces I generated willingly and never actually stated nor had any intention of engrandging any collision or missuse of my force and was out of doubt unaware of the plausibility or causality of the tragic events that were bound to happen outside both of our range of consciousness. Judge : That sound like 3rd degree murder to me, anything to add?

[@atoxicrick9880]

@@TheMissiIe Ok

[@QuickLiteratureAcademy]

@@TheMissiIe 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@kingsveniboy]

"It's not a bug, It's a Feature"- Todd Howard

[@blueheaddude2065]

>Fallout 76 disliked

[@tartardealer7859]

N'wah

[@MikoBennett]

It Just Works!

[@dolemomo3417]

underrated comment

[@mossy_6475]

@@dolemomo3417 true

[@HelloImCrimson]

Im not a dish washer, im an underwater ceramics specialist.

[@bl757]

Nice one

[@Marziebot28]

🤣

[@chadbluedad]

Ah yes The ceramic sanitization specialist

[@paulvojtush3790]

I used to say I was a hydrothermal ceramisist wherein I ran ceramic dishes through a hot water tank aka dishwasher

[@justanotheraccount5348]

A culinary implement decontaminator

[@nivlacgaming9211]

Thank you for the informative content, keep up the great work!

[@demogadget]

“Words reduce reality to something the human mind can grasp, which isn’t very much.” Eckhart Tolle

[@arete7884]

Tolles wisdom is so simple yet most profound there can be found

[@sinane.y]

How does he know there is much more to grasp then

[@Lazerecho]

@@arete7884 Do you think he could find an example to the contrary?

[@arete7884]

@@Lazerecho what do you mean?

[@yt-sh]

that's deep

[@lazyfoxplays8503]

My favorite Simpsons quote: “Our newspaper is made from a percentage of recycled paper! What? Zero is a percent!”

[@crouchingturtle6351]

That's a very cromulent point! It embiggens me to read more of what you write.

[@thENDweDIE]

I've been using the *"Tails I win...Heads you lose"* coin toss trick to win for years... It works 99% of the time! xD

[@greenarrow3756]

what

[@jasn4473]

I need to know what this is

[@carnagekid23]

"Tails I win...Heads you lose"

[@AleK0451]

bruh he says he wins if it's tails and you lose if it's heads meaning he wins anyway

[@chrisbutorange]

Timothius Zamora thats cheating edit: maybe i should have put more sarcasm into my comment

[@dieglhix]

This thing will get you further than any other studies

[@zirjaeger4037]

Cop: you just shot this man. Me: no, he ran into my bullet.

[@DarkFlamesDarkness]

"I swear officer, he ran his face right into my fist! Repeatedly!"

[@KingR321]

"He ran into my knife, he ran into my knife ten times"

[@giancarlosrosales6728]

Tango down I murdered an human being.

[@hi-bv3xi]

@@KingR321 HE HAD IT COMIN'

[@luck3949]

@@KingR321 Jokes aside, this line actually worked in Russia. See case with Григорий Кочнев (Grigory Kochnev). Officially, he has committed a suicide by 4 stabs into heart during a conflict. I don't know if it can be googled in English, but, you have google translate if you really want details.

[@outlaw451]

"I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve."

[@ethansandberg5546]

sounds like something the Joker said

[@ribthiefz8283]

@@ethansandberg5546 those are quotation marks

[@alexgulino335]

@@ribthiefz8283 when did quotation marks signify specific usage of a phrase by the Joker?

[@fish-fy5sh]

@@alexgulino335 lol

[@fish-fy5sh]

@@ribthiefz8283 also, i think here, the commentor is using quotation marks because this is supposed to be dialougue, not a quote that someone said.

[@mrflip-flop3198]

I'm not lazy, I specialize in conserving bodily energy for specific actions of preference.

[@jaxtherippah970]

thanks, gonna steal this.

[@kiruuttori8539]

yeah thanks, i might need this

[@asktheetruscans9857]

I'm so glad I thought of this second first

[@THYCR3AT0R]

"specific actions of preference" aka jacking off

[@dig8634]

I specialize in preserving the entropy of the universe, keeping the heat death of the universe from happening one 15 hour nap at a time.

[@troyrose20078]

"You suck" becomes "I see a great opportunity for you to improve"

[@judgeomega]

the 4 forms of doublespeak: 1) euphemisms, words or phrases used to avoid a distasteful reality 2) jargon, the specialized language of a trade or field 3) gobletygook, overwhelming the audience with words 4) inflated language that is designed to make the simple seem complex or to give an air of importance

[@loop5720]

The narcissism language

[@lisamoag6548]

Thank you And semantics are important

[@benanjerris6744]

In germany we've got multiple words for Janitor. It goes in order from least ambiguous to most: "Hausmeister, Reiniger, Hygiene-Manager, Gebäudedienstleister, Gebäudedienstleistungsmanagement". So basically "janitor, cleaner, hygiene-manager, facility service manager and facility service management" and all describe the exact same, so obviously you'll use the more ambiguous ones for your CV

[@arvinternationalinc.7350]

GRATITUDE 🤗

[@creativohugo]

@@benanjerris6744 On the internet you call them moderators

[@courtlandjohnson7298]

“I’m a geologist. I like to study rocks.” “What type of rocks are your favori-“ “I AM A COCAINE ADDICT”

[@warpspeed8305]

I was a social scientist till I met my girlfriend... What is my maximum capacity on dating females same time still has not reached it's physical limit...

[@dubstepphone]

I distribute for Coca Cola - > I sell coke...

[@helenerabia6676]

i know it's a joke but for me it's a huge shame do take coke tell me you don't take that ?

[@marquisethomas5611]

I call myself a wine & spirit enthusiast

[@Quach7]

@@dubstepphone Coca Cola used to have cocaine in it.

[@nonsensicaldexm3387]

The one question that can severely challenge most people who try to use doublespeak is "what do you mean by that? Can you elaborate"

[@cebruthius]

Or "what are the practical consequences"

[@MomDoer-qc7iw]

Dude thinks he's outsmarted politicians lol

[@richape9288]

"Look, all I'm saying is that the economy is a great state and it can be made so much better, I can see it and I hope you too because with our upcoming policy changes things are going to change in a radically positive way"

[@revimfadli4666]

What do you mean by that? Can you elaborate?

[@anonymoususer638]

"no"

[@skemalfam]

Sounds like once you become a pro at double speaking you'd qualify to becoming a Politician.

[@CA-es2pf]

Or lawyer Or non profit

[@krambone]

Politician, prosecutor, lawyer, agent, officer, pastor, priest damn near all public forums 🤦‍♂️😭

[@chriswhite2151]

Or network newsliar.

[@Movie2Documentary]

@@krambone youtuber, youtube commenter. Although the last one wouldn't get you money, only virtual likes.

[@nickv1008]

Doublespeak is only one skill, to be an attorney or politician you also need greed and guile, too! 👍

[@erichrandomstranger1243]

"I didn't fail the test" "I merely failed to meet preset school test parameters"

[@kirito_kun5072]

For real it's not my fault they tricked I know the material.

[@robdom91]

In other words the test you participated in was incapable of accurately assessing your mental aptitude. The point is to not use words like "fail". ;)

[@enveloreal]

I didn't fail the test, I just wrote down my personal opinion and the school struck me down for it.

[@jocker6271]

In other words you failed the test

[@michizuri5262]

still has "fail" in it... try something like " My test performance was sub-optimal and resulted in not meeting certain criteria"