Black Man LOVES Dating White Men: Here's Why

[@stillwaters4097]

As a gay Black men I find it hard period to find a compatible partner regardless of race. You touched on it is most gay men in general aren’t willing to put in the actual work. The same effort you put into your career you need that same energy in a relationship

[@NebraskaFalls-ee7qp]

MOST HUMAN and MEN IN GENERAL arent putting in work

[@manuelmontes7956]

Do you really need to put in that much effort for a relationship, @stillwaters4097? Should it be that hard? My experience has been that, if it is too much work, it’s fair game to walk away and I have. When a relationship is so easy that you don’t question any aspect of it, that to me is a sign that there is a real possibility of something long term there.

[@CRZYKD-]

Males will be insufferable no matter their sexuality I see

[@BenitoCBlanco]

@@manuelmontes7956 I have experienced that twice and it is the most amazing thing

[@valentino4411]

Blacks are not monolithic. Sometimes people's dating history is based upon surroundings & where/how they grew up (ie military kids etc). Saint did great!

[@bgreen5234]

This the most intelligent response on this topic, couldn’t agree more.

[@tyrdunbar]

The guy on the lefts thinking is exactly why its so hard to date other black men. They have a wishlist for a person instead of discovering and growing with someone. A relationship starts with friendship at its foundation.

[@jasonhaven7170]

Look at your pfp

[@jaysbostonemergencyrespons8970]

I will never date white men.

[@Tit4Tat2024]

100% agree with what saint said! Black gay men with their trauma and internalized homophobia are hard to date and/or sustain a relationship with. And, I’ll add in colorism to the equation. A lot of Black gay men do not want open relationships so they say, but most of them are serial cheaters within their relationships! In my opinion and experiences with white men, (most but not all) are open about being in or wanting an open relationship. It would be interesting to know, if the black men that saint invites into their open relationship is by his request or his white partners request? White gay men have a tendency to fetishize black men! And black men who only date white men have a tendency to put white men on a pedestal. 🤓

[@tonywood1969]

And white supremacist are so much easy.

[@valentino4411]

I agree with alot of what you said but to be fair I don't think black men are more serial cheaters than white men. I think black gay men have a reputation of being more likely to cheat but I think that's ignoring the fact that black men are also less likely to be in an open relationship. A white man or non-black man is just as promiscuous as a black man but because he's in an open relationship it's not considered "cheating". White men make up most of gay community and most of them date white men only and most would likely say that most of their partners have cheated on them. As you mentioned, white men are more likely to be in an open relationship which means that "cheating" would likely be be a factor for why they might breakup. Most gay men like options even while in a relationships but it's not really considered "cheating" if you are in an open relationship.

[@crecasens]

Yes, I have issues with anybody that only dates one race that is not your own. So if there’s a black guy who only dates white people, then I’m wondering, why not Latinos, Arabs, Asians, other Black people? I feel like you were then putting white people on the pedestal and you don’t see anybody else.

[@tommylikes4511]

Your right ! but,almost everyone has internalize homophobia.however I think it’s more prevalent in the black community and,southwest Asia (middle east).

[@manuelmontes7956]

This is a loaded topic! Very interesting insights!

[@doniellecotton]

I have been a listener of Jai’s podcast and truly love this discussion. This is an incredibly rich and engaging discussion with layers and perspectives which are unique to us. I have been out in these streets over 25 years and remember BGC Adam IRC and have dated minimally but mostly monkey barred from one interracial relationship to another and self hate ,self identity and racism all complicating the process. I have finally arrived at my ideal non- monogamous partner who embraced the black experience who is whole and woke and anti-racist. A white partner has to be anti racist and embracing of black culture and that is an extremely rare diamond because the gay world is horribly racist and stratified and fetishization is real. Admittedly I am not SUPER black culturally despite growing up south side Chicago adjacent to whiteness. These conversations are just starting and I am here for it

[@michaelmirrorcle9779]

Why is the topic of interracial dating strictly White Men / Black Men? Can we decolonize interracial dating?

[@themonsterwithin4000]

Those 2 are the VAST majority

[@avarussurava9488]

Speak on that

[@valentino4411]

Most interracial relationships in America involves black/white dynamic. Blacks and whites seem to be more likely to date outside their race than Asians, Latinos, Native Americans, etc IMO.

[@kcirtapelyk6060]

@@valentino4411Actually, the most common interracial parings are either White/Latino or White/East Asian.

[@crecasens]

This is what always annoys me as well. Like the only other people on earth or white people. I’ve dated interracially and with my own since I started dating AND never a white guy.

[@vonmorris5948]

Saint Ahmad is fine. But I don’t think he should be having this conversation. It sounds like he’s just happened to date white men bc he’s open. He’s not closed off to dating Black men. This conversation should’ve happened with one of those who deliberately date outside of the race. Also, his vibe is one that a lot of Black men would show away bc he’s “not Black enough”. 🙄

[@lawrenceking4144]

You're 100 percent correct on the "not black enough" thing. Or the out of the blue question "Is your mama or daddy white?"

[@drock228]

I was thinking the same thing that I wouldn't have expected him to be with a blk man because most blk men feel he's "not blk enough"! Which I've never understood what that means.

[@manuelmontes7956]

Am learning a lot here. This sounds like the nonsensical, institutionalized self hatred we see a lot of in the gay Latin community.

[@vonmorris5948]

@@manuelmontes7956 because it is. He’ll be deemed as not Black enough by the way he speaks or things he might be into. His associate with white culture too. They’ll say he’s an Oreo which I think is out of line personally.

[@manuelmontes7956]

@@vonmorris5948 oh, I know it is. I was just being cautious, as this is the first time I’m engaging in a discussion like this. The dynamic you mention is present in Latin culture - straight and LGBTQ+. With straight culture, you get called a coconut if you’re too “white” or get “100s” on tests in school. Something about you is perceived to be foreign and untrustworthy and that thing is that your fluency with English (linguistically, culturally, and socially) is superior to the English of others in your group. It is what also allows you to connect with and understand Caucasian American culture in a way that your Latin family and friends never will. It is also subsequently what will tear you away from them, as you embark on your long journey of higher education and career, where you will be catapulted into a world of abundance you did not know existed, but wished you had been a part of rather than the stark reality that consumed you daily as a child. Not bad for a coconut! If you are LGBTQ+ and gay, not only is the coconut moniker linked to you (“Why does cuz’ speak English so perfect - like he’s Malia? He ain’t Malia…well, in one way he is!”), but the female moniker is attached to you. That one is much harder to get away from. Even though you might achieve just as much as in the example above, all of it is kind of meaningless in the eyes of your family (“especially if…if…if he’s the woman!”) - just like in Rome hundreds of years ago. All was well and good if you were a top. Then you were just merely doing what you needed to do, but the second you crossed over into that other part there was no going back.

[@twanmatthews2229]

It's more socio economic than racial. Both are contributing factors. But when black people grow up in places that are not predominantly black. You tend to like what is in that region. I grew up in Hawaii and I love EVERYTHING. But I prefer beefy white daddies. We all have a right to like what we want without anyone questioning our attractions. And I have ALWAYS loved my black men. I just have not received the same love in kind We are black. But our experiences are not a monolith and should be celebrated. Hot host btw❤️

[@Ma1nguy]

Sounds like my upbringing in the mainland. I grew up in a predominantly White community on the west coast and I never had any Black male friends from childhood to adult. My friends were all White.

[@twanmatthews2229]

@@Ma1nguy And probably ever gave u a second look. I always feel like the side character. Where I was liked. But never desired

[@TerryTerry1023]

I liked this interview, I like Saint, he’s an intelligent and well informed young man. Saint explained his reasons to having dated/been in interracial relationships, without putting down his own race, sounding self loathing, or vain.

[@anastasiabeaverhausen860]

This is a fantastic interview

[@SilfredoSerrano]

For me, when it clicks, it clicks regardless of race. More important to me is ethnicity, so I prefer Caribbean men, because of the compatibility of Cuban and Dominican cultures with Puerto Rican.

[@bombast718]

Excellent conservation, my brothers! I hope you return this conversation topic.

[@kevikev2.0]

GREAT EPISODE‼️KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK‼️👍🏾👌🏾✊🏾

[@weewilliego]

Gracious Good Day: I am so glad your generation is so open. 40 years ago I was given the derogatory name of "Dinge Queen". Not allowed entry or denied service in white clubs. In black clubs I was taken for the narc. Want to talk about work. Foolish me, here I thought the heart of human kind were all the same. I beg to differ with you about being blinded by white privilege and not understanding the level of oppression you experience. See I walked away from my oppressors, even my family. For I seek what Martin Luther King Jr. called "The Beloved Community". See too many in my generation are inflicted with sphincter strangulation syndrome and still hold outdated beliefs. It's been a long time coming but you gentlemen and your open discussion are an answered prayer. PEACE, every Blessing be Yours and those you LOVE. WCG

[@sailorchironjt]

Black people aren’t a monolith. Black men that are raised around mostly black men will prefer black men. Same for white men. That doesn’t mean they don’t want to have sex with someone of a different race. The white men that saint encounters may prefer to wife white men but only have sex with black ones. Therefore they are ok that he is in an open relationship. Black men crave real relationships with other black men but definitely don’t get very often. I do believe it is easier for white men to date another white man than the opposite.

[@lawrenceking4144]

The question was posed "How can black gay men celebrate and embrace their heritage while engaging in interracial relationships?" We keep using the terms heritage and culture with no definitions. What are we actually talking about? Systemic Racism? Police Abuse? What are the cultural things we are supposed to be embracing and safeguarding? I'm not being hyperbolic. I want someone to explain to me what "black culture" is that does not involve some sort of institutional trauma, only listening to Rap, and a love for overpriced gym shoes. Yes that did sound disgustingly stereotypical, but as far as my nephews and nieces are concerned, that's about it. Somone in the comments stated that black people worldwide share a cultural thread. HOW? I already know for certain I share no culture with a black gay man from England, or France, or Germany or even anywhere in Africa. Heck, there is even a cultural divide with black gay men born and raised in the southern US. So again I ask "What is Black Culture" and why would it be problematic in an interracial relationship?

[@friezasama8860]

YOU WILL NEVER GET A RESPONSE TO THIS WELL-THOUGHT-OUT QUESTION. WELL DONE THO ANNYWAY

[@nickconnor1608]

@@friezasama8860 for real lol. This was really well worded!

[@nickconnor1608]

All I can really say is I was adopted and not too many of these things are important to me. Many times some of my black peers have taken away my black card from me, LMAO because of being adopted. At the end of the day I’m still dark as hell. I’m aware of my place in the world as well as the world I live in. Because of that, I have to really be purposeful and trying to find my history, understanding my culture which often goes as far back as before our ancestors got onto the boat. And I really didn’t have a choice because my family couldn’t teach me certain things as great as they are. But I’m glad I learned the knowledge and I’m continuing to learn.

[@bgreen5234]

Black culture can’t be defined, hence it’s just called “black culture”. The term “Black people” in itself encompasses many different cultures within itself. To be honest, a lot of folks from the south have your mindset, which I find interesting. The face that you labeled stereotypical black tropes was a cute attempt to denigrate something so sensitive, so I would also guess your “black experience” wasn’t pleasant. Correct me if I’m wrong…

[@lawrenceking4144]

@@bgreen5234 If something can't be defined, then is it really a thing or just a bunch of buzz words. When I hear black people talk about our culture, they use the same tropes white people use and focus on what foods we supposedly eat, the way we're SUPPOSED to speak, and the things we are SUPPOSED to like and dislike. And none of these are positive. There was never anything negitive in my "black experience". But nowadays I'm seeing so many inappropiate and or thuggish behaviors celebrated and defended as part of black culture. I actually call it the "dumbing down of black people." Where we call out our brothers and sisters for being "Too Smart" speaking "Too Proper" and even for having good credit. Hell, my own grandmother used to mock and ridicule me for always being at the top of my class in school. So again I ask, taking away stereotyypes perpetrated by white people, what is Blackk Culture? And if it cannot be defined or explained, does it really exist? Or is it just something to say to make us fall in line behind those with the loudest voices.

[@Random_Identity]

There has to be some sort of cultural compatibility regardless of who you are dating. The environments in which you socialize and have been socialized are likely where you feel most comfortable dating. However, I definitely feel social media and media in general skews perception and has a tendency to elevate interracial relationships as it relates to Black people. An aversion to dating your own race should probably be worked out in therapy, though.

[@sedecim]

Thank you for this discussion young brothas. The topic of Black men dealing with their homophobia, I would say all ethnic groups deal with their own cultural societal homophobia. This type of social violence which as was mentioned is often internalized. We as gay men are taught to hate ourselves by society. I believe for many black men it comes out and is expressed in one way or maybe numerous ways. But for white men my experience has been ( for some I must add because white men are not a monolith singular culture) they express it through soft dominance in interracial relationships. Because in a white supremacist society they have the power and in an interracial relationship it does not need to be spoken. It just is. One of the lasting traumas for us as black gay queer who love other men, was and sometimes still is the loss we have had from the AIDs epidemic. And though luckily today it is no longer a death sentence, still many have died. Which in my view has delayed our development as a community. So yes dating must be hard for black men. Just like the corona pandemic created setbacks so did AIDS. I said this is one trauma that might have added a burden on black gay men - not always having enough mentors and role models to draw from. Peace.

[@drock228]

Though i appreciate this convo, & really like St Ahmad, most people even in the LGBTQ+ community tend to date within their race. So i never understood why ppl care about interracial dating like that. I will say idk if Saint. Ahmad, was the right person, to explore a convo about black man who loves dating white/non-blk men. His life's experiences growing up around mostly yt folks makes sense as to why he's only had relationships with yt men thurs far, but he clearly seems to be open to dating blk men if he were single.. Though as someone else pointed out, he's not typically the type many blk men would go for cuz they would deem him as being "not blk enough". If you ever explore this topic again, it would be cool to see it done with dude, who would fit the type many blk men would go for like yourself, but he only dates interracially & the convo not be limited to just yt men. I say that because i live in the metro NYC area & there are brothas who will only date lightskin & yt latinos. Just a thought. Great interview though!

[@tareeqbrown6724]

What do you mean he would be considered not black enough?

[@drock228]

@@tareeqbrown6724 We know black people aren't a monolith, but he's kinda "alternative" in terms of style, the face piercings, his vocal tones, when he speaks. Unfortunately too many blk people would see that as being or trying to act "white". I'm not saying all blk people feels this way at all. I certainly don't, i think he's very sexy! However I put $$ he's accepted more in white & non-blk circles,.than he is in black ones.

[@tareeqbrown6724]

Oh okay I see what you mean now ​@@drock228

[@KaiDecadence]

@@tareeqbrown6724 How he carries himself. His manner of speech. When you know, you know and I say this as someone who understands him in that sense as someone who grew up being called "white washed" and/or "Oreo" by other black people.

[@MrChalaki]

Such an important topic!!!! ❤

[@MrSolonolo]

Great episode. Thank you !!!

[@mangekyoman]

Love this!❤❤❤

[@kennethkjellander9506]

Good episode, thanks. I just wanted to say that I think limiting yourself to just your race lessons your chance of finding a partner and finding love. The one for you could be just around the corner, but by having all these chops could be keeping you single. Years ago, I used to only date black and blatinos when I lived in NY. But when I moved to a less diverse area, I either had to try to get to Boston an hour away to be around black gays, or start being more open to those around me. At first, I did try getting to the city to continue the dating preferences I had at the time. Eventually it became too much work and I decided to be more open minded. Now, I’m in a 13 yr relationship and 11 of them married with a white man. Things aren’t perfect, but we are very blessed. I would have never had this if I stayed in a box.

[@okorochukwunonso2563]

Bless you. I'm open to all races too. Love is love!

[@martonyomchale342]

I wish more gay Black men who dated out would just own they have a racial preference and move on. I have a racial preference for White men (including White Middle Eastern/Hispanic/Latino) and I don't feel bad about it. Yes I spent most of my life in predominantly White communities but I also spent the first 12 years of my life in East Cleveland and it's 99.9% Black. The suburbs just outside Cleveland are mostly White and that's where my family moved until we were living in all White community, then I left for college. I just don't like the idea of "Oh I just didn't experience those men" Like you don't have a car or public transport, or been to a sauna, bathhouse, or cruise. I love Hispanic men, there are none in Ohio, that didn't stop me from trying to pursue them in real life or online. If you like something you will pursue it. Just own it and let the hatters seethe.

[@zyajones9360]

Wow ...I used to say in East Cleveland in Ohio in the early 2000s ....and you right it was very blk but I live in Lakewood Ohio now as a blk trans girl ...🥰

[@randywalker7840]

I don’t feel like the right questions were asked or maybe neither one of you were educated enough to dicusss this topic. It was very surface level and didn’t get to the deep root of things. I mean I get it you didn’t want to come off judgmental but then that kinda makes the interview not worth discussing.

[@crecasens]

I agree that not the right questions were asked because not enough about his background were asked. Because it sounds like he really wasn’t even exposed to Black people outside of very surface things so he is more comfortable with white people. I would’ve gotten into why? Because white people are not a monolith either and as he described all the work he has to do to get the white man to understand him. He’s also dating, but very culturally uneducated white people. Like a white person from North Carolina is not going to be like a white person from Brooklyn.

[@okorochukwunonso2563]

I agree.

[@KaiDecadence]

@@crecasens Him saying that he grew up in predominantly white areas was a good start. What should've been expanded on is how he was treated by other black people growing up. Was he called things like "oreo" or "white-washed"? Did he have similar interests with his black peers, etc. More context would've been good to have.

[@mikewillis402]

I am a successful gay black man, who has had three serious partners, the first two were black and the current is white. I a light skinned black man , who is often viewed as being mixed. I never thought I would be with a white man and in fact, all of my friends were surprised when they met my current partner. I am generally more attracted to black men physically, but I am someone who speaks more than one language and culturally has an open world view , while being proudly black. I was opened to the possibility from having a short romance and then friendship with a French Canadian. What I can see is white privilege and I have seen situations, where in spite of my privileged class, I would have been unaware of information or access without him.

[@joaquinguzman4851]

Lol

[@irr35i5tibl3]

Not feeling this. We probably deserve better questions or a better, more insightful guest.

[@arthurmondale7906]

31:00 Saint Ahmad, too many #White men won't support, have empathy, relate or put in the work to know the #experience and history behind it.

[@zyajones9360]

I love this episode ❤.....I'm not into dating yt guys but as a Blk Trans girl myself , it refreshing to see a open minded gay guy like Saint say that he's open to date a girl like us...becuz I'm very attracted to blk gay 😍 men like Saint especially with his handsome smile and beautiful ❤....I wish him all the happiness in life with his partner 🥰💕

[@Deejay-nc2mi]

He’s lying, lol.

[@avarussurava9488]

Why arent the episodes uploaded on Spotify/Apple Podcast in full as on youtube? It’d be so much better if it was.

[@YHoll]

I've wondered about this too. I would love it if all of these conversations were uploaded into an audio version so I can listen on Spotify.

[@blinkdavis8571]

They are on Apple

[@jaybatemen4497]

What was the conversation about. Let's try to focus.

[@stephenwilliams2452]

If your comments weren't judgmental, your facial expression damn sure was, and vice versa. All in all it was a good conversation

[@UniversalAppeal]

Well there is differences between : Preferences,fetishes, kinks,internal homophobia , loving someone for who they are and just being open. I am a gay white male and I have dated white, black, Asian, Latin/Spanish/Mexican, Filipino,fem guys , masculine guys, younger guys, older guys… When people say “Whats your type”? Me: Men! If it works for that couple then who cares. no one says wow they have a beautiful personality from across the room. There’s always gonna be an initial attraction to somebody for a feature, a facial characteristic, a persona, confidence whatever it is that turns you on.

[@Lindile1040]

judgyy🤣🤣🤣🤣 but thank you for the eye-opener

[@wrldcurious]

Jai, you are insightful, I appreciate your willingness to discuss the subject. You were speaking to a human so it was entertaining to hear and see you. Take care, I wish that I could subscribe but I don’t fit your required profile. I’m Latino and mestizo so I don’t qualify. Good luck to you. 👍🏽

[@10-OSwords]

Who people are attracted to is who they are attracted to...accept all. Now who they VOTE FOR is a WHOLE different criteria. No log cabins on my house hunt!

[@christopherharman8581]

I'm white. Dudes are dudes and I like em all

[@marklouis1890]

Well I'm learning something new today I had no idea gay fraternities evening existed

[@24Sevyn]

You both are mistaken about Scorpio’s. Yes, we are very sexual but we are also very loyal so definitely not the hit and quit type and if they were it was because you didn’t make a connection on a deeper level. Scorpios do not waste time on people who are just surface and you won’t be able to hide that from a Scorpio.

[@christopherdieudonne]

Not everyone has a kink. If vanilla is a kink then everything is a kink. So what's *not* a kink then?

[@dearblackgaymen]

Not a single one? I find that so hard to believe.

[@christopherdieudonne]

@@dearblackgaymen For real :)

[@dearblackgaymen]

@@christopherdieudonne so you just like regular, in the bed, one d and one a? And you’re not even open to any deviation?

[@christopherdieudonne]

@@dearblackgaymen In the past, I have definitely partaken in some "less than traditional" sex romps and, in the end, none of them were my thing. I did it for the other person, not for me. I swear I just like one-on-one, enjoying each others bodies (without doing "odd" stuff) and no toys. I hate toys. Even cock rings annoy me. At the risk of sounding like I'm boring in bed, all my partners can assure you I'm not :)

[@christopherdieudonne]

@@dearblackgaymen I believe they are called "fetishes" because they are very niche or at least not common. If everyone liked fetishes, them it would be considered normal or regular, no?

[@TygerTyger911]

What's there to understand? Love is love. Regardless of race, people are generally more alike than not.

[@dearblackgaymen]

I agree with the sentiments. Disagree with the context. I’m not dating “people”. I’m dating a person who has very specific experiences, thoughts and feelings. While the conversation is comparing racial experiences in dating, I hope we didn’t give the impression that anything here could be generalized to groups of individuals.

[@PsychedPerspective]

This is similar to being Trans ⚧️ and dating a Cis person …. Bc again some ppl will sexualize n fetishize you but not take the time to truly respect you n understand your experiences. I wasted nearly two years with a cis biracial Man who was transphobic, misogynistic, internalized homophobia among other issues…. It taught me how some ppl are infatuated with you but don’t actually like , want or care about you!

[@vonmorris5948]

Ok. Black people worldwide share a cultural thread unless they had a cultural disconnect. People who are not Black do not share that and cannot identify. It creates difficulty at times even in friendship. I did agree with Ahmad there.

[@lawrenceking4144]

Black people are not a monolith. Black people raised outside of the US do not have a shared history or experience. Therefore there is no cultural thread. When we speak about Black Culture, we as a people forget to insert the "US" in that term. You cannot expect a person to be able to identify with you just because you share the same skin tone. Even within the US not all black people have the same experiences. Yes they can empathize, but then so can a person who is not black.

[@alonzopatton6550]

@@lawrenceking4144 All of THIS!!!

[@tonywood1969]

​@@lawrenceking4144I bet Black people everywhere has experienced some form of racism or anti Blackness.

[@la-th5do]

Please 😅Black immigrants don’t like black Americans, regardless of their sexuality!

[@vonmorris5948]

@@lawrenceking4144 we all have being Black in common. Culturally, we are not all the same. I do agree with you there. Perhaps, cultural wasn’t the right word; however, Blackness and how we are seen worldwide is what we share in common, especially when it comes to interacting with others who are not Black.

[@envoguecalifornia]

I think interacial dating between Black and White or Hispanic are pretty commons what about Black and Asian? Not many happening right? even in the hetero world either hmm i wonder why?

[@unnderneath]

Asian and blacks usually don’t like each other lol

[@starfox9894]

Asians are discouraged by friends and family about dating black people in general. This from an Asian lady I fooled around with when younger. I met an Asian gay guy later, and he told me the same. He told me it relates to their socio- economic standing in the Asian community and the perception that they are not successful and they are lower class within their society and thus is all they could get.

[@essbee1641]

Probably because of anti-blackness in the Asian community.

[@KaiDecadence]

Exactly. You don't see BlackxAsian coupling because let's be real, most gay Asian men are not attracted to black men. You're more likely to find a black gay man who is open to dating an Asian man than you are an Asian man who would date a black man. (And even then, the few asian men who do date black men are usually the ones who want the black man to be a top. I don't think it's a coincidence that you don't see Asian Top x Black bottom in gay porn for example). I think it's a number of factors from how asian culture values lighter skin as well as family acceptance. I remember watching this one video of a rare example of a black man who was in a relationship with a Chinese man and the Chinese man explained that his family did not approve of it at all only to eventually come around years later. I'm sure that there are lots of black men who would love to date an Asian man if given the chance but that simply just isn't happening at a frequent rate that falls more on the Asian man's part and so that is why when it comes to interracial relationships involving black men, you're more likely to see it with white or hispanic men since they tend to be a lot more open in comparison.

[@whatevs1700]

Who wants to get with someone to “share trauma”… sounds like a sure fire way to a dead end.

[@avarussurava9488]

Why aren’t the episodes uploaded on Spotify/Apple Podcast in full as on youtube? It’d be so much better they were.

[@jaybatemen4497]

Gays raised by and generally around other gays are a different kind, There are some of of us who are gay, With partners and live life as normal.

[@Jj-cf6yb]

Ok.. I'm going to get in trouble 4 this ... and I think I need to change my thinking .. but if I date outside my race , if all or most of my partners exes are blk... red flag .. I'm verse ... and .. not now .... but years ago I'd create different profiles .. 1 saying I'm a top ... 1 saying I'm a bottom... the amount of messages I'd get for my top profile was insane , my bottom profile ... about a 3rd less and it was mainly blk guys that messaged my bottom profile .. I actually do have a preference 4 asian guys ..but I rarely meet , but I do have sex with all races ... but when it comes to dating..I am cautious.. its sad cause it's made me bit jaded ... but hey hoo... 😢😢

[@e.m.6757]

That makes sense. People (outside and inside the queer community) have assumptions about the Black or African male body ( having a large member) that to me has some racist/colonial/patriarchal roots. Alternatively, people have assumptions around bodies of different ethnic or racial backgrounds (East Asian men and the size of their member comes to mind.there is a history emasculation of East Asian men)

[@KaiDecadence]

What you said is not problematic at all, it's another harsh reality that can come with being black and I'm especially not surprised that your bottom profile got significantly less attention. It's just the truth that many non-black men do fetishize the "Dom BBC" stereotype they see in porn and only see black men as attractive or desirable if they are tops. And yeah, as someone who will admit that I too can be really attracted to Asian men (especially Filipino men), there's no denying that there aren't a whole lot of asian gay men who are into black men and the few that are tend to be the fetishizers from what I observed over the years.

[@jaquaw]

Sapiosexuals are attracted to intellect whereas demisexual require an emotional connection first

[@dearblackgaymen]

I knew it didn’t feel like it was right. Thanks for the correction.

[@Just4FuninUSA]

i'm going to say something that will be quite controversial. I'm white and and married to a black. Over the years i've discovered that this 'black man' i married actually hates the fact that he's black, dislikes his father that's black and had a lighter skinned woman as his mother that taught him lighter skin is better than darker. I like men of color - i always have. That's because I like the extra spice that comes with a Latino or Black Man. My partner though, chooses a white because he has fetishes that requires that race as his 'target' to torture. So we chose a different race for totally different reasons which never can be changed. So, it's important to be open and discuss things in early stages of a relationship instead of discovering these things years into the future when it's much difficult or impossible to say good bye.

[@CastroJr92]

I have a question if you don't mind. What are your sexual alighments. Are you both verse, or is he a top you a bottom etc?

[@babykilgo]

The interviewer did not have the range for this conversation and he did not even know the history of the guy he was interviewing... Le sigh... Bravo to the guest he lead this.

[@dearblackgaymen]

I didn’t have the range? What makes you say that because I’m genuinely intrigued?

[@mikebrown7363]

I would love to date an older black man ❤❤❤

[@SonofCurlyLox]

I went by Jonny the Gentleman. Even if I went by Jay. I gotta stop cause ion want no one thinking im paying 😭😭😂😂

[@writerdirect]

yes of course people are people

[@beignet2012]

"Hold themselves to a different set of excellence". REALLY? If I had a dollar for every time I saw a black guy in trackpants, socks and flip flops. How is that excellence?

[@Distinc13]

I grew up Church of Christ too! They were very anti gay!

[@dearblackgaymen]

They anti everything. I respect those who worship that way, it just doesn’t work for me

[@Distinc13]

Facts!!

[@Johnnathun]

It’s a good topic, but I personally feel Saint needs more life and relationships experience to sit on this panel. He’s only 28 w/ two partners, so extracting wisdom from his experience is a tall order.

[@willienixon6847]

If he wants to 'put in work' to explain things to a yt guy, he can do the same with a Black man

[@Deejay-nc2mi]

Exactly! He came up short in his explanations more than once! His persona actually gives token negro is ya ask me.

[@Demarreay]

HES hella cute love the blue

[@serenityq26]

that is bogus. you CHOSE to date white men. i grew up in a predominant black neighborhood. the first person i kissed was not black and lived 2 hours away in another city. my first boyfriend was from hong kong. the first gay man i met from korea. if you want it, you seek it and you find it. if you really wanted a black man you would have gotten with one. there is a reason why in my 20s i was ONLY with asians and wasnt because i "lived in an all asian city and worked with all asians". they were no where near me lol. any excuse is a good one when you want to LIE to yourself and the world............FAKE!

[@istvanpraha]

You guys made me lol being delusional a few times. I mean someone who occasionally wears makeup and wears drag is not butch. Come on!

[@MellyMellOggun]

I'm curious as to how someone who says they did not grow up around a lot of black people, and even so as an adult has this level of insight of what trauma or internalized homophobia gay black men have. He has not experience being with a black man outside of sexual encounters, but is talking as if he's really tried to connect with other brothas and was shot down for these very generalized statements. What from his real-life experience is he basing all of this off of if nothing has ever been established between him and another black man. Why can't we ever hear from someone who has found love with a white person or another race without it being to the detriment of black men as if we are the face of trauma, hate, etc.

[@saintahmad]

clearly you didn’t watch the podcast … because i talked about my OWN trauma and internalize homophobia

[@saintahmad]

not once did i ever put black men down

[@LondonJynx2.0]

Im black and single and staying single

[@dearblackgaymen]

Why fren? What’s keeping you single?

[@LondonJynx2.0]

@@dearblackgaymen The guys where I stay are something else I'll just say that lol

[@robertwatkins5458]

Judging....First we need to define what the word "Dating " truly means". Not all Scorpio's are alike. We should not define all people who are Scorpio as kinky. Define "kinky"? By who's standard are you basing these terms on? Judging In the same caliber of people. What exactly does this mean? Your guest may be a polyamorist.. One who has the ability and capacity to love someone unconditionally with conscious management of jealousy. Some Black men are closeted because of stigma if being same gender loving and fear being judged by their family, friends, peers..etc...Regardless of the race of color or the partners skin color, there is no role model or reference of example for most Black men to follow with regard to establishing and maintaining a healthy relationship. This conversation has no real purpose. Only judging.....I'm an African American male very happily married to a Caucasian male. Love has no color barriers!

[@YogaATL]

This is the typical haven for black gay men who are upset that some of us choose BETTER and refuse to spend our lives begging Black men to love us. My standards will not be lowered and that means that most black men will not make the cut. I am open to ALL men who are healed, healthy, and headed in the right direction. These talk pieces are NEVER honest about the massive dysfunction and degeneracy in our community. They simply want to make it a “you hate yourself and your people” situation. If I hated myself, I would be like them and consistently put up with low quality while looking desperate and foolish. I love my Black self. I love my Black self enough to never settle for less than I deserve. He is going to delete this comment, so I hope you read it soon. The truth is that he deserves so much better than what it appears that he is receiving. He is in “save us” mode. I get it. I used to be him. Peace and love brother. I am happy you found true love and support. I wish the same for myself in the future.

[@serenityq26]

thats not demisexual. thats sapiosexual. demi is "i only get sexually aroused after creating an emotional bond"......

[@mjivory410]

Black (No.American) __also are under the pressure of ""respectability cultural syndrome"", (e.g. educated, socially/financially/career-focused ambitious)__in sustaining a good/positive__ Self-Image, which Can seriously impair broadening our field-of-selection of potential long-term partners::::😮😅😢❤

[@hisroyalhighness1609]

Dating is difficult - period!!!! It does not matter the gender or race.....dating is hard. I was in a 7 year relationship with a white man. I did not I repeat I did not go out seeking a white man. We met we connected we had compatibility and chemistry. I have been in 4 LTRs only one of them was white. So it was not like a was over Black men, it just happened. Living in a city like Los Angeles which is very diverse city, it is very possible to meet someone to date who is not Black. But also note if you are Black and only date Black......great. But don't make assumptions about the Black person you see dating someone not Black.

[@christophernickelson900]

Because of slavery and racism, black people are worrying of white people and that has to be a part of the conversation…please go deeper in the conversation, next time !

[@sbugumede3862]

Is it Me or is JAI particularly yummy 🤤 on dis show Maybe its de lighting Nice topic

[@Arnoldman-ep9gw]

The men on the bottom are the most picky? Im confused

[@prekcop]

I bet these two have gotten several “letters “ from the health department….. ugh ..!!!

[@BARBIETheeDoll]

I love DIVERSITY if you like the same skin complexion or not it's very very very unique 💯💯💯💯

[@exjolt]

I love to hear the man-splaining. 🤦🏾‍♂️

[@dearblackgaymen]

I thought man-splaining was when it’s directed toward women? Everyone on the show is a man…

[@muzimthembu453]

Everyone one dates is the opposite of you.

[@ejakaegypt]

I don’t

[@HankMcCoy888]

A lot of gay men are very promiscuous. I am a white guy and I have learned that black gay men do not commit and want more than one partner. It is a cultural and racial issue. At least that i have seen in my 40 years being alive. My first ex was black. White guys are more committed in relationships. Asians too. I hate to stereotype, but that is what I have learned first hand. By the way, I am married to a Japanese guy, 14 years going strong. It has to be a cultural and race issue. I'm just sayin...

[@joedavenport5293]

I just have a racial preference for white guys. There. I said it. Judge me if you want. It just shows your insecurity. Also, we have to acknowledge the a lot of gay were raised by homophobic parents

[@calebj8134]

Literally no one cares that you like white men

[@dearblackgaymen]

Are a Black guy?

[@Deejay-nc2mi]

Having homophobic parents drew you to having a preference of only white men?

[@ribbrascal]

​@@calebj8134Of course you do

[@KaiDecadence]

@@calebj8134 If no one cares, why is this a discussion to even begin with?

[@CitizenSeeKay]

Dat BD might seem like a good idea goin in but trust us, gonna cost ya dearly down da road

[@RallyRally-s8d]

I assume you're talking about prostate

[@CitizenSeeKay]

@@RallyRally-s8d ya end up payin and payin and payin...most bruthas don't even own a wallet🤣

[@RallyRally-s8d]

@@CitizenSeeKay I've never paid for sex. But i do hear it happens.

[@lemonlimelukey]

yeah its gross

[@unapologetic2992]

I disagree with Saint Ahmad and the idea that White people/men are more "open-minded". It's just that he lives in the West, where there are more White men so he's most likely to meet both the white men who are closed-minded and the 1 who are open. Black people aren't a monolith. Also, it is interesting he's on Jack'd where there is a lot of fetishizing over there 😏

[@KaiDecadence]

It's true that black men aren't a monolith but a pattern is a pattern. Interesting you infer that black American men are the ones who may fall into the stereotype of what he mentioned but like where else is there to compare? Africa? Homosexuality is viewed in a not so positive light over there as well.

[@unapologetic2992]

@@KaiDecadence What does Africa being homophobic have to do with the topic?? When he said that Black men/people are not open-minded, he was referring to the idea of having an open relationship, etc. not homophobia. Homophobes are everywhere. And you missed the point, what I meant is because we live in the West, in a predominantly White country, you're more likely to meet White people who are more open-minded about what Ahmad is looking for. I can relate to what he's saying although I don't date white men like that, well only once, I will find more white men who have the same kinks that I have. There is also culture at play.

[@KaiDecadence]

@@unapologetic2992 So then it's about the whole open relationship thing, I thought you were talking about "open" as in not being DL or discreet.