Why "no fats, no fems" is ABSOLUTELY ok

[@byronoden2715]

“Being mean is popular”. That right there is a true observation

[@prekcop]

….. its a sign of ignorance….. when you don’t have anything intelligent to say , you can always be mean and hateful ……!!!

[@modestlycrowned]

I LOOOOOVVVVVVEEEEEE thick/husky/stocky/burly/fat men. I like to cuddle comfortably. My only issue is when they approach I’m always greeted with a, “I know I’m not your type but I wanted to speak,” speech which I immediately find unattractive. As a nicely toned person who is attracted to thicker men I simply wish they would be more confident in approaching someone with a slim, athletic, toned, or muscular body. We find you all attractive as well.

[@dearblackgaymen]

Now this is something I’ve never heard before and I am so intrigued. It’s like they’re assuming the worst about you, right?

[@modestlycrowned]

@@dearblackgaymen correct.

[@naobe5]

Come on, cut them some slack ...they have been bashed by society at large and the gay community on top of it forever....Try to be confident all the time under those circumstances....

[@kommetkhan2979]

@@naobe5 facts

[@stillwaters4097]

Probably because they've been rejected a lot. Also why don't you approach them instead always waiting to be approached?

[@raulmacias6018]

Nope. I am a darker shade of latino and if someone doesn't like me for being latino, tan or having freckles that is just fine. Trying to guilt someone into liking you is sad and pathetic.

[@dearblackgaymen]

I wish more of us had this confidence. I know it took me a while to build it. Thanks for sharing this. And I really appreciate you watching and supporting the channel. Have you subscribed?

[@Kidassassin109]

Me personally I don’t think it’s necessarily guilting someone whose preferences are deemed in mostly hate. I do think you calling them out on their bullshit holds a mirror to their face and making them accountable for their behavior when dealing with someone who isn’t their preferred type. I like tea and coffee. Most days I get coffee but today I switched it up and got a matcha tea latte. Tried both had both and prefer one over the other due to certain circumstances or whatever the case may be. But blatantly stating I’m not into black men never been into a black person and will never entertain that idea is fucking foul.

[@raulmacias6018]

@@Kidassassin109 Yes I agree with you that blatantly saying out loud that you would not date an entire race/group of people is rude and uncalled for especially in dating profiles. And Yes some people are overly critical and delusional when I comes to those they find expectable for dating. But I will never except the idea that having preferences biased on a person's outward appearance is bigoted whether it is do to race, skin color, body size or whatever. And in my experience in the gay community the ones most vocal about this are those complaining that white guys will not date them. For example many Asian guys would prefer to date white guys and complain about sexual racism when white men do not what to date them. But I wonder how many of those would date black men? Preferences...

[@TerryTerry1023]

I think the line between preference and prejudice is the act of declaring what you do like, versus what you don’t, this was pointed out in the show. I feel like being open about your preference is good, it saves everybody time. The idea that a person’s preference is taught to them based on what’s socially accepted is not accurate. Drecember’s comment that people who are often rejected, tend to gaslight those who reject them is accurate. In this life, we should learn to understand that we aren’t for everybody, the same way that everybody isn’t for us.

[@alastairtheduke]

This is just pure bs. I know what I like and what i don't like. None of that defines prejudice. If you don't like women, does that make you sexist?

[@memyselfandi9347]

Loved this conversation!!!

[@dearblackgaymen]

Thanks so much for watching and supporting the channel. You subscribed?

[@memyselfandi9347]

@@dearblackgaymen yes I am!!!

[@lylelaney8270]

If people aren't attracted to you for whatever reason, just move on.

[@KaiDecadence]

This. Some people just aren't attracted to certain kinds of people. As long as the person isn't using dehumanizing language when stating their preference(s), it's just life and you simply move on and try to find guys who actually do prefer you and you are into them.

[@myunfilteredtruths3338]

I think people have a right to be sensitive. Bc in many ways what is seen sensitive is a person not tolerating disrespect. People are deemed sensitive for speaking up against fatphobia, transphobia, biphobia, homophobia, etc. I also acknowledge that everything aint for everybody. I also am a firm believer and go to where you are celebrated and not where you are tolerated. I have long learned I do not want anyone who doesn't actively want me back.

[@rayodlx]

WOW! So glad this video was recommended to me! This show is so real and sweet. Keep up the emotionally intelligent and inspiring work 🫶🏻

[@dearblackgaymen]

Thanks so much. I’m glad you found us too. You gonna be tuning in on Thursday for our live show?

[@Tyreeleslie]

I'm glade you had this conversation

[@dearblackgaymen]

Thanks so much. I really appreciate you for watching and jumping in the comments with us. Have you subscribed?

[@K_thedub]

Oliver comments are on point. I like that. Just because someone don't like something about you don't mean it's not liked by someone else. Basically have your own back.

[@13579hee]

Im fat and honestly Id rather people be direct and tell me that they dont like fat men. What I actually experience Is people talking to me and wasting my time knowing that they have absolutely no intention of ever meeting up with me solely due to the fact that I am fat and they're not attracted to fat men.

[@dearblackgaymen]

Like being strung along? Is that what you mean?

[@13579hee]

@@dearblackgaymen absolutely. Everything from individuals messaging me sparingly, acting like they want to link up and then going ghost to messaging me days / weeks later When they know they have no real interest and ever meeting up with me to someone asking me for pics and videos when they were really horny, only to exchange phone numbers with me and then get on the phone with me and tell me that they're not interested in meeting up with me because they "don't find fat men attractive"

[@13579hee]

@@dearblackgaymen absolutely. Everything from individuals messaging me sparingly, acting like they want to link up and then going ghost to messaging me days / weeks later when they know they have no real interest and ever meeting up with me to someone asking me for pics and videos when they were really horny, only to exchange phone numbers with me and then get on the phone with me and tell me that they're not interested in meeting up with me because they "don't find fat men attractive"and they were only entertaining me because they were "really really horny". Hell, there was someone messaging me on an app on and off for days and whenever I talked about trying to link up with them they would bring up how they need to know that "the vibe is right"In order for us to link up... jump to one day where he messaged me asking me if I wanted to have a threesome with him and someone else and then when he sent me the pictures of this other guy, the other guy was very fit it had a huge penis. It really had me sitting at home laughing because I knew that the only reason this man hadn't met up with me and kept bringing up how we can't meet up until he knew that the so-called "vibe was right" but it was really because he simply didn't like the way that I looked and only wanted to keep me on the back burner in case he couldn't find the type of man he really wanted, but yet, he was so quick to want to jump to having sex with this super fit man with a massive dick.. and he wanted to invite me to have a threesome with this man solely due to the fact that this man could not drive and he wanted me to pick the guy up to bring him to his house 😂. A lot of people have a lot of assumptions about the experiences of fat men on these apps with being rejected, but it's more common that people actually just waste our time and string us along, putting us on the back burner just in case they have to link up with us, when in truth, they're still looking for a fit man and either ditch us when they finally find one or they give up in their pursuit of who they really want and probably beat their meat and just fall asleep, leaving the fat guy whose time they were wasted sitting there for the next 20 minutes waiting for a response that more than likely will never come

[@yana576]

I know I have ZERO business on this page but it’s crazy because all the men I actually would LOVE to be with just Happen to be Gay!! I’m attracted to how they think, how they express themselves and are in touch with their feminine AND masculine sides, romantic and have a sense of humor or purpose they want for their lives. I also LOVE me a chocolate man. I even like heavy set men. Seems like God has this big joke happening in my love life. But I really do hope that love will find you and sop up all the feelings of disappointment you’ve been through with real genuine love love one day. Be a soldier for love my dear ❤️💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💋

[@13579hee]

@@dearblackgaymen absolutely. Everything from individuals messaging me sparingly, acting like they want to link up and then going ghost to messaging me days / weeks later when they know they have no real interest and ever meeting up with me to someone asking me for pics and videos when they were really horny, only to exchange phone numbers with me and then get on the phone with me and tell me that they're not interested in meeting up with me because they "don't find fat men attractive"and they were only entertaining me because they were "really really horny". Hell, there was someone messaging me on an app on and off for days and whenever I talked about trying to link up with them they would bring up how they need to know that "the vibe is right"In order for us to link up... jump to one day where he messaged me asking me if I wanted to have a threesome with him and someone else and then when he sent me the pictures of this other guy, the other guy was very fit and had a huge penis. It really had me sitting at home laughing because I knew that the only reason this man hadn't met up with me and kept bringing up how we can't meet up until he knew that the so-called "vibe was right" was really because he simply didn't like the way that I looked and only wanted to keep me on the back burner in case he couldn't find the type of man he really wanted, but yet, he was so quick to want to jump to having sex with this super fit man with a massive dick.. and he wanted to invite me to have a threesome with this man solely due to the fact that this man could not drive and he wanted me to pick the guy up to bring him to his house 😂. A lot of people have a lot of assumptions about the experiences of fat men on these apps with being rejected, but it's more common that people actually just waste our time and string us along, putting us on the back burner just in case they have to link up with us, when in truth, they're still looking for a fit man and either ditch us when they finally find one or they give up in their pursuit of who they really want and probably beat their meat and just fall asleep, leaving the fat guy whose time they were wasted sitting there for the next 20 minutes waiting for a response that more than likely will never come.

[@northway8209]

I really needed this episode, love the podcast!

[@dearblackgaymen]

Thank you for watching. I really appreciate the support. You joining us for the live on Thursday night?

[@northway8209]

@@dearblackgaymen Where do you guys go live?

[@burgerboytv]

The best episode! 🫶🏾🤎🙏🏾

[@dearblackgaymen]

That’s a big compliment. Thank you so much for watching. You joining us for the live show on Thursday?

[@kelsersellers652]

Happy tgif J, I absolutely look forward to your show and love the topic

[@dearblackgaymen]

Thanks so much. Will you be joining us on Thursday night live?

[@Kidassassin109]

19:13 i think those are mature stances and I haven’t fully finished this section. But the dialogue or those preferences are very harmful to queer folks there’s a lot of bias that those people definitely need to face when it comes to fat and femphobia. I was speaking with another gay man who prefers masculine men and he likes “bad boys” but turn around and says he hates bitchy gays when in my opinion a bad attitude is a bad attitude don’t matter if he butch it up or queen or out. I think as a society we (not necessarily you and I hate femininity) women have been looked down upon. Trans women and feminine gay men ESPECIALLY if you are a dark skin black man! The colorism aspect plays into that as well if you are dark you are seen as more “tough, masculine, etc” but if you are light skin you are softer, more feminine, and always deemed the “pretty boy” and as black people we know how damaging that is to dark skin black women as well. These things play a role and it’s almost like a dominoes effect when it comes to the hate in this society not even strictly to America but the whole world.

[@SuperLarryF]

It's a whole lot of people that don't like the best thing out there. You said that Oliver!!!

[@dearblackgaymen]

Love this. Thanks for tapping into the comments with us. You gonna be joining us for the live show on Thursday?

[@triceedwards4130]

I been through this all.my life liking both men and woman never dated i was always told im ugly im black fat i was told by the skinny tone nobody would never wanna date me hear it is i just turned 30 last November 8th and nobody still dont wanna date me ive even losd alot of weight as a black king i love everyone i am somebody even if nobody never will date me but i love this podcast ❤❤❤😢😢💯💯💯🥺💯💯🙌🏿 it just made me feel less as a person all my life just crazy im in Florida as well

[@forteam1985]

I really enjoyed this episode!!!

[@christopherdieudonne]

I agree 100% about "BBC" . I'm over it too

[@stefonworld101]

Yeah the crazy thing is I'm fat and femme and I feel like I got excommunicated out of the community I even tried to cut my hair off a few times and try to look a little boyish but I have a natural soft face so I never had an offer to engage with people in my community because they don't see me at all and when they do I'm a joke to them or I'm gross or undesirable so it makes me have to run to men that are on the DL and you know where that goes nowhere it's unfortunate

[@kgogganss0]

Thank you, thank you , thank you! This episode was everything!

[@SpillitBoyTV]

This was an amazing show!

[@dearblackgaymen]

Thanks so much. You gonna be with us next week at 8pm?

[@crecasens]

It’s because a preference versus a hard fast rule or two different things. People have distorted it because they use preference as a nice way to dress up there “isms”

[@dearblackgaymen]

Totally agree with this one

[@kommetkhan2979]

ok this week I will not be submitting an entire thesis on this but the point of this conversation is we will always be "Too much of something or too little of something " for some people and people will consistently hide their prejudices under the guise of preference. Also we'll get to a point where this heteronormative ideology will no longer be replicated here in the homo world. Too many of the girls try to use that as a guiding light and it always goes left HARD.

[@dearblackgaymen]

I really appreciate your dissertations in the comments. lol. Now, let me go read this again so I can respond appropriately.

[@Lindile1040]

The wrap up was good.

[@myunfilteredtruths3338]

Thank you for speaking on this topic! What cracks me up is how people have preferences which we all have the right to do so....but again some people have preferences and yet never seem to get with their preferences. Because their preference do not find them as their preference. I will also say what cracks me up is people complaining about not finding good men/ people but lets be real some of these preferences is exactly why they have not met good men/ people. The preferences are narrowing their options to meet decent people/men in my opinion. I also feel like a lot of these is rooted in bigotry, closed mindedness, and ignorance. I also feel its largely surface level, materialistic, and superficial ....I mean a man could check every box but will be denied because he is not 6 feet or taller, because he does not have a 6 pack, because he is bisexual, or because he is intersex and/ or trans man. Its like okay you have the right to your preferences but that also means you cannot be upset when people call you out on your preference. Because again the whole I wont date trans men/trans women, trans people yet in trans people DMs behind the scenes trying to hook up is giving transphobia. The Gay community as well as the cishet community we all do a lot of ableism and exclusionary dating just to end up single and alone lol.....granted that is not the case for everyone but arguably there are a lot of people dealing with these issues.

[@Kidassassin109]

37:15 COME ON KIRKLAND! Just because we have preference over thick or fat men (mainly because I feel they always get shit on and I want to show them they are appreciated) .Doesn’t mean we would NEVER speak to someone who isn’t what I prefer. Last men on my list to date would be a white man but trust Henry Cavil, Travis Kelce, Tommy Furry can very much still get it. 39:19 and that’s my thing too! Why did you having to gain weight eventually opened your eyes to see the beauty in bigger men? And if we use race in this question where it can’t be changed why is that a preference? It should NEVER be. Is ignorance and hate to me and you can’t convince me otherwise

[@tonyrossbackinthedaymusicv3107]

I really enjoyed this show, I didn't believe these guys tho lol I think December would have been great on this panel, it seem like they weren't being for real. Gay men, straight or Bi are very visual, i've seen Fat and Fem guys say No Fats, No Fem lol everyone has a type, if i'm not your type , i'm not offended, i think it's good to know, because i won't waste my time, and i can move on, next.

[@prekcop]

People cry about fats and females but have all kinds of “ no go’s) …. Smh ..!!

[@kommetkhan2979]

facts, will have an entire list of prerequisites like a damn job posting.

[@prekcop]

These empty pink boxes don’t have a conversation beyond weed liquor , sex or the gym so how they going deep to get to know someone’s character…. Not there ..!!!

[@marklouis1890]

I love How Kirkland and Oliver are speaking to the "mean boy/girl mentality" within the queer community. That type of toxic behavior shouldn't be normalized and we should be kinder to each other as a community

[@DMCTheJustDrawzPodcast]

Great episode! I enjoyed all of it. Hope we can do some collaborations in the future between our podcasts!

[@dearblackgaymen]

Of course. What’d you have in mind?

[@jmpbless]

❤ your podcast

[@erinlevere6881]

I’m trans but i spent a lot of my early twenties living as gay and I would hear no fats no fems all the time.

[@dearblackgaymen]

Did you have an opinion of it when you saw/read it?

[@erinlevere6881]

@@dearblackgaymen well I felt like the masculine guys I wanted didn’t want me lol.

[@The-Living-Shadow]

I definitely think location matters in these because areas with small amounts of gays these preferences are prejudices can severely limit the dating pool

[@praisenadvance]

I have so many questions that could have been discussed!

[@Jay-xz6rw]

How do you handle prejudice vs. preferences in areas where you do not have an option for your preferences due to lack of? Should you settle? Or be prejudice?

[@dearblackgaymen]

I think this is a great question, but unpack it a bit more for me. Due to lack of what? Help me understand what you mean

[@Jay-xz6rw]

@dearblackgaymen gotcha, so lack of my preferences are not here in Arizona, such as black guys, but I have dated outside my race. Most guys here have somewhat of a preference that is not black, which may be a strong but not complete prejudice. So the struggle is real!

[@brendenhuerta21]

Interesting! I’m from CA where it’s mostly Mexican and white but when I went to Phoenix it was poppin there for me..and Vegas. I often wonder about the really hot Black guy in the middle of nowhere with an ugly bf because there’s so few gay men….yikes my worst fear for myself lol

[@RonaldGriffin-ih7ew]

Thank you for making this video. I love it very much.🏳️‍🌈🧑🏽‍🦱🍑💖💖💖💖

[@dearblackgaymen]

Thank you for watching and supporting. Are you gonna join us on Thursday for the next live show?

[@myunfilteredtruths3338]

Which I can agree as well. I also feel like we have to get comfortable with rejection. However, its also janky how for example as an intersex trans man to be constantly sexualized and fetishized but when it comes to romantic relationships, having the opportunity to go on dates and meet people who are genuinely interested in you as a person is reduced largely in part due to one aspect of the person's life, the fact they are intersex/trans they are not seen as worthy of romantic partnerships, dates, etc.....only being casted for sex and hook ups but people are afraid to date you or be seen in public with you. I can see how trans and intersex people get tired of that and speak out on the transphobia that takes place. Its like we get it you do not have to talk to us, date us, have sex with us, etc.....and at the same time we are worthy of romantic relationships, dates, etc more than just being somebody's forever sneaky link.

[@marklouis1890]

That Jamaican accent was doing something to me

[@crecasens]

It is prejudice, and I judge it based on if you feel compelled to post what you don’t want because it irritates you so much when that type of person approaches you on an Internet app that you could ignore… then baby your prejudice! Because I’m sure when other guys message you that fall into the category you usually like but you just don’t happen to like that person. It doesn’t irritate you so much that you feel like you have to post against it!

[@xionelectra]

My whole thing with preference vs. prejudice is: 1. If someone does have a prejudice, how could anyone tell? If I ask the person “do you date black people?” And they respond “well yeah but blah blah blah I prefer white people” and you ONLY see them with white people, the two stances become indistinguishable. 2. What is lacking in this context is that we are still not equal in the US. Being black and being white is not just a difference in phenotype but how you move through and are treated in the world. So this may be radical, but I believe if you have a prejudice against black people and/or a preference for white people, that is highly indicative of the way you see life inside the us and your perception or lack of perception about race relations in the us. We have to understand that we still live in the same world where slavery was allowed to occur. We live in the very same country, with the same bloodlines, and the same money is still circulating today. That energy doesn’t go away, and we see that every single day.

[@alastairtheduke]

Just because YOU are attracted to all men and then some men even more, it doesn't mean that everyone else has that experience. Gay men should know this of all people.

[@prekcop]

Even Jay is way to fem for most as he says he doesn’t care for a gym body but in the gym working on his body ..!!!

[@dearblackgaymen]

Yes. I’m absolutely too femme for most, but one lucky guy will get all this chocolate one day. Lol

[@newagehero9605]

That is so sad I would love to have a butch queen 😂

[@prekcop]

@@dearblackgaymen ….. I hope the box isn’t empty by the time he gets there ….. if you give it all away like the sample ladies at Sam’s club , it will be none left for someone special….!!! A word to the wise is sufficient..!!!!

[@marklouis1890]

I'm 5'5 152. I am considered a pocket queer? Lol

[@tlow1256]

Not me being a pocket gay lmao

[@dearblackgaymen]

I love a pocket gay

[@ej13012010]

I use to be 300 pounds I went on my weightloss journey and is now 173 now so woot woot but I love thick husky men just pick me up and throw me everywhere now

[@dearblackgaymen]

Oh snap…let’s talk about the “getting thrown around (with consent)” part!!!

[@ej13012010]

@@dearblackgaymen lol couch,bed,counter top (pickup and sit down kiss) anywhere soft 😉 lmao

[@ej13012010]

​@@dearblackgaymenanywhere soft

[@newagehero9605]

I know that’s right!!!

[@randychampion184]

Preferences often come from a primal place...and the thing is.. people's preferences can evolve over time and with age, in either direction: expand or shrink.

[@thecleanboyaesthetic]

I hope everyone knows that even the most gangster of gangster have feminine sides, now rather they decide to showcase it is where the confusion comes in, every man on earth has a SOFT SIDE, do yourself a favor and the next MASC GAY man you encounter notice as he is getting comfortable you’ll notice him embracing his feminine side

[@Tit4Tat2024]

Spot on Oliver. ❤ Inauthentic and pretentious community. And lonely! 🤓

[@RoommateWiLLE]

What about requirements vs preferences vs prejudices?

[@dearblackgaymen]

What do you mean when you say “requirements”

[@RoommateWiLLE]

@@dearblackgaymen The things you won't budge on. I always hear people talk about preferences and more times it seemed to be confused with requirements. I never hear others talk about requirements. They are not preferences where you prefer one over the other (I can just take this one even though I would prefer this.).

[@kommetkhan2979]

that's a very astute observation. Me personally, I would prefer a black man, but it's not a requirement. My requirement however is shallow enough, I require someone who isn't big enough to envelop me or engulf me. It's patriarchal BS I know but that's what I require. Tis my kingdom lol.

[@RoommateWiLLE]

@@kommetkhan2979 ok, so you get what I am saying then I see? This makes a lot of sense.

[@kommetkhan2979]

@@RoommateWiLLE indeed I do.

[@LBloggie]

If were hooking up i need that to fit all my prejudices and preferences because i only want sexual contact and that sexual contact needs to be everything i wanted it to be . ..when dating and matters of the heart predjudice is wrong lol

[@ivorydavis5941]

I am a skittle "taste the rainbow ........!"

[@marklouis1890]

Would any of you guys date an atheist or someone who considers themselves a non believer?

[@ivorydavis5941]

it is a choice verses exclusive

[@keontitoney9136]

Preference /Prejudice ...i see as one being inclusive, and then isnt

[@ztomas1]

If I say, "I'm only attracted to masculine men" that's my preference not a prejudice

[@dearblackgaymen]

Do you have room to understand that it could be deeper than that?

[@charnelveil669]

5'9 192 lbs. is not petite.

[@sedecim]

Love on your brotha yesss! And stop copying the fish

[@Tyreeleslie]

I did go with a big who treatedl well.

[@dearblackgaymen]

Do you prefer big men? Or was this a new experience for you?

[@claudewashingtonkevinthoma6527]

Kirlan is very bias…It seems as though the thing he does with white guys he does with fat guys. I feel like the requirements and standards are higher so he’s ended up with more quality fat men than others. He is not as self aware as they are saying. Good dialogue

[@TuscanWonder]

Wait, wait, wait…. so you tellin me that you rejected the guy as of recent that rejected you 16 years ago? 😂

[@dearblackgaymen]

Definitely. And I’d do it again.

[@kommetkhan2979]

@@dearblackgaymen don't forget to laugh manically with that too and shit me too. You go boy.

[@newagehero9605]

As you should 👏🏾

[@wadewhitfield3771]

Preference is good because I personally prefer Black men. That includes Brown and mixed men.

[@dearblackgaymen]

Love the preferences…sound healthy enough. Have you found yourself a guy that meets your preferences?

[@wadewhitfield3771]

@@dearblackgaymen I find it’s kind of hard for me. I’m confident with a disability. You have to connect with men who are comfortable with themselves and dating someone with a disability. Me amputee below the knee.

[@dearblackgaymen]

@@wadewhitfield3771 thanks for sharing that? Are people open to the idea of inter-abled dating? Or have you seen they’re just closed off to the idea altogether?

[@wadewhitfield3771]

@@dearblackgaymen I think people are and can be closed off. But we have to normalize the conversation like we do with subjective experiences in the gay community and stay mindful and open to others experiences.

[@prekcop]

Funny how Ms.Oliver ain’t said shit about being a big gurl since she starved herself lol

[@prekcop]

Still wouldn’t use attractive to describe her .!!

[@HeIsOliverTwixt]

Starve? No. We eat very well over here 😂😂😂❤

[@travislee1658]

Come on man .... Preference is just what it is. Prejudice is when You refuse to deal with someone because you feel that they are inferior or unworthy for you to deal with them. Preference quite simply is just what you like. We can't make ourselves anything other than who and what we are. All of us have innately on the inside of us something that triggers are attraction. I have a cousin who is gay and all he dates are white men. I asked him specifically if he is ever attracted to a black guy and even though he is black himself he said no And he doesn't know why he does not physically get aroused by a black man. He states that it is something about the white skin that gets him aroused. Do I understand it absolutely not. However I respect his honesty and he can only tell me what he recognizes his truth to be. So I just choose to maneuver through life respecting a person's right to be respecting what they like and not getting upset if I am not necessarily a person's attraction. We all know what we like when we see it and when we're drawn to it. You can have this conversation Until the cows come home and you will get different perspectives from all walks of life. I only encourage people to be honest be respectful And honor what you feel By being true to it and never making any apologies for it.

[@Kidassassin109]

Tell him to go to therapy and unpack that. The hell? Nah there’s something in there, that’s not okay… almost sounds like he fetishizes them over he’s genuinely interested and wants to be in a relationship with them.

[@IowaWinters]

12 second in and I CLICKED OUT. EDUCATE YOURSELF before you give definitions. NO ONE WAKES UP WITH "preferences" THEY ARE TAUGHT AND LEARNED hence indoctrinations which is deeply rooted in what class?!!!!

[@Kidassassin109]

I agree. I was like mmmmmmm I’m not really gagging. I love challenging peoples thoughts and opinions without being combative but I do want to make them think. When my friend said she doesn’t want to date a bi man but loves the idea of herself dating a woman is crazy to me and I made her unpack that because it’s fucked up and hypocritical as hell. And it mainly steams from her mother and the roles she based men and women in society under and that’s how my friend who’s getting better but the men in her life she sees that similar to how her mom sees them till about a year ago when he mother felt the man she was seeing wasn’t “man enough” he was light skin and veryyyy slim and was struggling to keep a job but my friend loved him regardless because he loved her. If you just love people for them and not what they can provide you. That preference and prejudice conversation would be thrown out the window. Fine is fine to me. There’s so many people in this world for a person to be like nahhhh I’d never mess with (this person).

[@friezasama8860]

WHY CANT PEOPLE JUST LOSE WHEIGHT OR LOOK BETTER ITS REALLY NOT THAT HARD OMG

[@KaiDecadence]

This is the unpopular truth. If you're fat and don't want to be, you can lose weight with both exercise, altering your diet, and practicing some self-control. Obviously it's not easy but it can be done. And besides that, there are men out there who actually are attracted to fat guys, that's literally what the "chub" and "bear" section of gay dating is all about.