Black Man Speaks On How Black Men Are Hard To Date - Must Watch

[@user-ol9bo2ei1r]

It's BM's own fault that they don't mentor or help each other do better.

[@PINKBOIKWEENOFSOUL]

Thank you!! all I heard was excuses excuses crying whine whine whine whine whine whine oh woe is me oh woe is me! 😂😂

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

They’re rather stay up in BW’s business to get negative information on her to tear her down. The hate that they have for BW is very much real.

[@saramatthews7159]

They spend too much time focusing on black women's hair/nails.

[@verda_renee]

Yep. Too busy telling BW what to do and how to be.

[@reet7060]

All the young brothers I mentor in college refuse to mentor younger brothers. I’m mentoring HBCU kids and then I ask them to extend the favor to high school and middle school students and they say “nah that’s not me” Shit is tragic

[@GH-kk9ue]

A lot of black men want to be the king of the castle but don’t want to partake in the necessary things that come along with the crown and when called out regarding this they start acting like a court jester.

[@Hale8R]

You’ve hit the nail on the head 💯

[@ladylovelace501]

Speak it 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@KBeautyNyc]

Basically BM LIVE IN THE LAND OF MAKE BELIEVE! They have NO RESOURCES.

[@venusa4871]

🎯 🎯🎯

[@biblethumper8088]

They are jesters, not acting jesters.

[@SWiseman]

No BW should cling to the belief that she will find that one BM unicorn. Best to travel the world, open up your options, and date men who love and respect you.

[@nickinono7337]

I have friends who are still waiting for that BM unicorn and they’re pushing 50 😢

[@teresam5199]

Absolutely, if a Black woman wants to date, she must only date out and up....for her sanity and her safety!

[@SWiseman]

@nickinono7337 that is so sad. BM would never. They date out the most.

[@mscardioqueen]

There is no white unicorn. There is no Asian unicorn or aboriginal unicorn. Why are we out here encouraging black women to have children who don't look like them or wipe out our strong DNA and replace it with weak DNA?

[@catmouse2882]

​@@nickinono7337 what makes these women think that a BM would desire a woman pushing 50???? The only BM checking for women who over the age of 40 are ninjas looking for and NURSE AND PURSE. Oh well..."Black love" I guess😂

[@manilexis17]

That very last guy was starting to make me lose braincells. Perfect example of a dummy trying to make sense.

[@kimlee0909]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@Risse14]

I thought it was just me. Like dude Huh??

[@lilycollegemythbusters5532]

He made no sense. Looking a data on BM is data on BM. That is a fact. That is no opinion. He made no sense.

[@zaireo73]

Baby, I had to fast forward through what he was saying. I knew immediately when he came with the ‘not just Black people, but all people’ that he had no dog in my fight. Whataboutismm doesn’t serve a single purpose when you talking to me. I guarantee you right now he’s looking for somebody to retwist his locs. I bet he would expect for his woman to do it for free but he would pay somebody else. Juvenile activity. My friend once said, ‘forget fatherless behavior. These people are out here acting like they don’t have any grandmothers’ and I haven’t slept right since.

[@Dr.Mahadrasjethwani_MD]

🤣💞said it best

[@prudym1469]

Godspeed to anyone who still dates them despite those dismal f*emicide rates.

[@user-ol9bo2ei1r]

And even more dismal baby mama rates

[@prudym1469]

@@user-ol9bo2ei1r you spelled absent fathers rates wrong. They wouldnt be "baby mamas" if you didnt flee from responsibility as much as you do but thats just my opinion.

[@goddessakina]

Exactly it's dangerous to date them and this hate they have for BW eek

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

BM’s average annual salary in the states have decreased to around $35000. They won’t be able to get their preferences so they will need their comeup/fallback women now more than ever. The femicide rates will get worst.

[@goddessakina]

Exactly eek dangerous stuff dating them

[@MentalWellnessWithWaihiga]

Yes. Black men are the hardest men to date.

[@PINKBOIKWEENOFSOUL]

So why date them?!😂😂 This is not black man's problem that black women only remain super longer to them begging them spending their whole life to the grave. I'm glad that I a trans woman, even know, that there's MORE MEN OUT HERE than THEM ! and y'all get mad but honey you are the ones that choose to suffer with them! and I don't want them you can have All!! 😂😂 IF I EVER HAVE TO COMPETE WITH THIS ONE FOR THEM EVER!!

[@PINKBOIKWEENOFSOUL]

YES THEY ARE😂😂 SO WHY DO IT? 🤷🏾‍♀️😳

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

@@PINKBOIKWEENOFSOULBurn the cape. They’ve never liked you anyway.

[@r.e45]

@@user-xf4dy6zl2q📣‼️

[@susiebear3316]

Exactly! 👏🏾​@@PINKBOIKWEENOFSOUL

[@tammykinstrue9849]

BM are the hardest for BW to date because, for the most part, she has been conditioned to view him as the most desirable partner and he has been conditioned to view her as the least desirable partner. BW view having a good BM as a prize, while BM take having a good BW as a birthright to take for granted.

[@MsLotusBlooms]

True, it's a bad combination.

[@i.l.746]

🤧

[@ruthmchuwen]

@@MsLotusBloomsit’s the ultimate insecure avoidant and attached combo.

[@marymiller6188]

I think you hit the nail on the head here. This comment should be pinned. I’m married to a wonderful black man however if I was still single I would definitely open my options. Truthfully globally there are more men than women and despite the narrative other races love black women.

[@13579hee]

This.....this is what it's really about. It's about their antiBlack beauty standard

[@kelseyhahn4737]

The guy with the locs towards the end was literally just pulling things from the sky 😂

[@vallendior]

He’s “observative”! 😂😂

[@sherylsmiley7340]

He proved OP right! I wouldn’t want to date him! He definitely seems hard to date 😂😂

[@blaqwabbit]

From the heavens hunny

[@TheAlexaLee]

Right since when was there more black people in America than whytes 😂🤣🤣 he was stuttering he couldn't even get the lies out

[@Lightreign888]

Lmao I had to skip past it. Just a bunch of gibberish 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@zeenhlengcobo]

As a Black woman who has dated Black men, I tell you that Black men are difficult to date. That guy with dreadlocks is just being defensive because he feels attacked (by the Truth)...AND, on top of that, he's giving further evidence to the fact that Black men are difficult to date because why was he being so disagreeable and contentious?

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

Anytime you tell the truth on BM, everything feels like an attack on them. They've been coddled their entire lives by the BC and believe that only BW should be criticized.

[@user-ol9bo2ei1r]

They always act like that when they feel called out. The shoe fit him and he hates it.

[@Dr.Mahadrasjethwani_MD]

Very true. He was was off the point.

[@jessicatsao92]

All I see from him is deflect and defend. He looks like he is narcissistic or trying to manipulate the audience emotionally.

[@Zikomo7]

Oh you KNOW he’s hurt multiple women

[@SimplyHealthyWomb]

A 2 parent household, does not mean it was a healthy home life. I wish people would stop peddling that ideology, we have all seen and heard. A healthy, 2 parent home is very different from an unstable 2 parent home.

[@smfarrie2943]

💯 my childhood is an example of that. They Stayed together until his death in 2019 after marrying in 1975. He was an alcoholic and a womanizer with a gambling addiction. They slept in separate bedrooms. Basically acted ashamed of her even though he was the degenerate. 3 kids but none of us has gone on to marry or have kids. This marriage left a profound impression on us but not for the better.

[@purpleflows5680]

Its not about guarantees. It’s about likelihood. Single parents homes have a higher likelihood of certain issues and outcomes compared to two parent households. When talking about what the research says, it’s going to be a generalizing conversation. And generally speaking, when vetting, two income households are more stable environments for a child’s upbringing and, therefore, producing more stable children who grow into more stable adults. Not always but more likely.

[@loveyourselffirst549]

​@purpleflows5680 You are referring to old data. The divorce stats are at a all time high now in 2024. The emphasis should be on HEALTHY household, and that could come in many different forms I.e successful co parenting, blended families etc. Also where are the studies on unhealthy two parents homes and the emotional damage inflicted on the children especially in the black community. Look at how many stories there are of parents who stayed together and where miserable. Our grandmothers told us and our mothers showed us. That's why this generation is not listening to the two parents, mantra, we know better.

[@SimplyHealthyWomb]

@@smfarrie2943 whew! I believe it! Cause I lived it too. Thank you for getting the point that it’s not about a 2 parent home, it’s about emotionally safe and sound living with love and provision.

[@supercookie5489]

💯

[@Nat0528]

He’s absolutely correct, and for all the reasons he noted! Only mammies and thunz would disagree tbh! BM are the hardest to date and i would definitely admit it. If you don’t expand your options as a blk woman, and is waiting for that “good blk man” you also have to realize that might never happen🤷🏽‍♀️

[@FUEGOSTARR]

I’m slowly coming to this realization.

[@terrijoyce8362]

I think it’s true but as an older black woman this information is very well known, especially men feeling emasculated. My mother told me that when black men get disrespected at work or out in society they take it out on their women by being mean and degrading or by being a player and racking up the women.

[@user-ol9bo2ei1r]

So instead of blk men addressing the people who are making their lives miserable. They wanna take it out on women, who aren't doing anything to them. Yep sounds like a typical weak man.

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

Dear Granny, You can stay and accept the abuse and suffer in silence like your mom and granny did. No thanks. We’re leaving these dusties behind.

[@TheSomethingnew1]

Reminds me of the James Baldwin and Nikki Giovanni video. “You come home and I catch hell, because I love you. I get the LEAST of you, I get the very minimum..”

[@disabledbabe]

They take it out on BW, they are nicer to Becky.

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

​@disabledbabe They respect nonblack women. Of course they're nicer.

[@BlkOnyx0508]

I don’t want to sound rude, I just want people to stop making excuses. I didn’t have numerous things growing up. I still knew what I didn’t want want to be without. Plenty of married people didn’t grow up with married parents. We know better. Let’s just Do better

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

BM don’t want to do better and they collectively don’t see BW deserving of having a better life. DIVEST

[@monaecoles1960]

I agree 💯!! When will ppl start healing and breaking generational curses? After reaching a mature age, you should know that you don’t want the same life as your parents. Which should lead to better decisions. Too many excuses for bad behavior in the blk community for me. Ijs

[@ptlovelight2971]

Thank you! Just because you grew up in a broken environment doesn't mean you need to keep that mess going for the future generations!

[@biblethumper8088]

You're talking to bm right? Because bw doing better means not doing bm. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@zockheem]

Baby girl dated the same guy in different bodies for 10 years straight and it's all their fault. Take some accountability. Who was the main denominator in all those situations?

[@prettynpetty8342]

"If I may will" made me snort. He's a great example of a man thinking he's well read and educated but really doesn't KNOW anything.

[@Itiswhatitis638]

“Observative” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 he killed me. I lost a few good brain cells trying to make sense of what he’s saying.

[@kiranholt3296]

Street Philosifizing = Absolutely Nothing

[@marilynmalcolm9920]

Big Oswald Bates energy.

[@prettybrwneyez7757]

I hollered 😂

[@hollyrose2418]

Ikr 💀😭😭

[@jodynanci]

As someone who’s dated men from different races, I AGREE. The most recent black man I dated thought he was the prize. We had a whole argument about it😂

[@KevonnieElaine]

Girl same! Those men who think they’re the prize want to be the princess. It don’t work that way lol.

[@cynthiakila1161]

Girl , I only dated outside my race until 2024 and now I’ve found myself on path of healing from the narc abuse and inflated egos from just dating some of these guys no just even talking to . . Literally all my years with other men until I start to fool with black men left a bad taste in my mouth about dating . . I’m so good right now on any male attention . .

[@69Fabulosity]

That's bc they are so invested in these red pill 💊 podcast making them delusional.

[@gosuckyamama383]

@@cynthiakila1161could you give a specific example of what you say if you don't mind or scenario

[@brandengriffin981]

But no man has kept you all… black, white, blue or green. lol we’re just easy for yall to blame after your rebellion fail. How are yall listening to a gay guy talk about heterosexual black men? Y’all are truly in desperate need of fathers.

[@sonobyagordon679]

Rasta man deh all over the place looking for excuses.. while missing the entire point.

[@pajdesign]

I honestly lost brain cells listening to him…🤦🏽‍♀️

[@Nat0528]

ok sis!!! say that! 🙌🏽

[@venusa4871]

He’s exhausting, and proving the point😂

[@marilynmalcolm9920]

His locs were twisted too tight, I left after he started talking about “feminine men.”

[@digimonalvatrax2738]

@@marilynmalcolm9920🍍

[@TM-nb9zf]

Absolutely. Its mostly because many arent taught how to treat women. With our horrible music, toxic movies, and upbringings we seem to damage each other

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

BM Degeneracy culture taught them how to treat women and it’s led of course by older BM.

[@cdubya752]

No excuse, these are grown men, remedial and arrested development. Running around at 50 calling women b@!?ches and 304’s, with poor health and no money. There’s a time in life when one has to self reflect and say “is this right?” There are men who grow up with two parents in the black community and still turn out bad. It’s something wrong with these men. The main video was being nice. It’s a lot deeper.

[@canesugar911]

You don't need to be taught to be a decent human being. If you have to be taught, you are a psycho.

[@ms.bubs4fun506]

And the black women in families coddle the black boys. They don’t teach them boundaries. And there are very little positive black male role models for young black boys.

[@vallendior]

I’m never going to listen to a person who says the word “observative”… not once, but twice. Leading me to believe that he didn’t observe well in English class. Boy bye!

[@Nat0528]

😂😂😂😂 precisely!!! these buffoons always loud and wrong 😑

[@NG-th8ny]

Exactly!

[@mynameispeaches]

OMG he was murdering that word. Drove me up a wall. I hate myself for listening to him.

[@aredape]

I was yelling out the correct word all 3x. ed. to omit a word I originally used when I first drafted the comment.

[@vallendior]

@@aredape I must’ve tuned all the way out by the end cuz I didn’t even hear the third one. Lol!

[@shawnlove4502]

BM are absolutely the hardest. They never want to commit and its just b.s.

[@lashwithlex]

But they always want kids ! With no marriage

[@shawnlove4502]

@@lashwithlex Girl!!!!!! Literally, I just went through this and I did not keep the child. Can't make a fool out of me.

[@lashwithlex]

@@shawnlove4502 good for you ! And they get so mad when you abort their child. Like ummmm I’m not about to be a baby momma so you can make a fool of me. These men are flawed and I’m tired of them.

[@shawnlove4502]

@@lashwithlex facts

[@Melanated483]

@@shawnlove4502Good for you!! But WHY are you STILL dating Black Males after everything shown to you in 2020 and beyond? This could’ve turned into a Black Femicide case. Thank God you’re alright and safe. ❤

[@natalieteming-amoako3221]

To be fair I’ve dated two white men that were the hardest men I’ve ever tried to date. They were both argumentative, over sellers of their value yet were under achievers. We need to vet every man that comes into our lives thoroughly. All men that earn less than you act the the same. Also both of these white guys that I dated had fathers in their lives that are still with their mothers in adulthood, yet were useless when it comes how to conduct yourself in a positive and pleasant relationship.

[@longshot1800]

Just let any black man know.Who wants to talk to you that you've dated them

[@Harleyxjokerforever]

There seem to be constant competition among BM on who could careless about their partners. I overheard a conversation with a group BM where the basically bragging about how they dogging out the women their with. 😅

[@user-ol9bo2ei1r]

Yea, and honestly at this point, if women are still stupid enligh to still bother dating BM in 2024, they are a glutton for punishment.

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

For the few BM that get married, rarely will you hear them talk about their wives with love, admiration, and respect. A lot of BM feel like they settled and marry out of convenience. Plus it’s a game to see who can humiliate a BW the most. They absolutely take great joy in one upping each other in who can make BW look bad the most and give 0 F’s because all of the blame will be placed on the women anyway.

[@Easyyum]

True. My black ex bragged to his male cousins about how he would avoid me for 9 months if I got pregnant. All the guys he hung out with would be with different women every time I saw them. Then I thought, “birds of a feather” and chose better.

[@biblethumper8088]

I'm sure my ex did that before I left. He's homeless now. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@user-ol9bo2ei1r]

@biblethumper8088 good, that's what he gets for being dumb

[@barbieg33]

They arent even romantic. My non-bw friends had way better Valentine gifts.

[@stacytrowell6890]

Lol!!! I bet they're also very feminine when it comes to their relationship? Most non-black women are!!!😂😂😂

[@BrendaBaBoom]

Seldom do they have an authentic romantic bone in their bodies. 🤡

[@leelee185]

Exactly, my current boyfriend and my ex are not romantic either. No Valentine gifts, or birthday gifts. Just texts

[@AureaHaiza]

Very recently, a friend suggested that maybe I'm racist towards black people because I've mostly dated non-black men. He is white, gay, and loves black men, so he can't understand why I don't date them. What he doesn't know is that the most racism I've experienced was from black men during my childhood and teen years. They made sure to let me know that I was never their first option and would only approach me to be closer to my white friends. Now, as a black woman who earns more than them, has a degree, travels internationally, and is childfree, the few black men I've dated either look at me with disgust or have a condescending attitude towards me, as if they need to humble me down or as if I belong in a mental institution. Instead of being proud of all I've accomplished, they feel emasculated and have the need to control and ruin my life so I become dependent and weak. They want to clip my wings so I can't fly. So yes, they are the most difficult men to date.

[@teresam5199]

💯 don't listen to your friend. You know your own mind and your own lived experiences

[@socahha]

He doesn't sound like he's worthy of being a friend.

[@umberwyld]

Sis, be careful of white people who overly identify with black men and black American culture. They often enable black men and dismiss black women. They won’t speak up and hold bm accountable for fear of being called racist and some them have the nerve to question your blackness and loyalty.

[@Melanated483]

You NEED to CUT OFF your Friend and leave him to Blk Men. He is NOT your friend, he will TRY TO SABOTAGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A WHITE MAN and he’ll PLAN the destruction with his Blk Boyfriend to bring you down. STAY AWAY FROM THAT COMMUNITY, they do NOT sympathize towards Black Women’s plight. KEEP DATING OUTSIDE YOUR RACE. 😘😍

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

This is why you stay AWAY from male identified people, men and women. I had a white male friend who was bisexual and he didn’t even date Bm. But wanted me to?? And tried to hook me up with a black male friend of his who he didn’t think was attractive. So whyyyyyy would he try to put us together? Needless to say we aren’t friends anymore lol

[@lat7324]

The guy with the locs is choosing to miss the point so much that he’s talking in circles and not making any sense. A man speaking on other men is “sassy” but a man speaking on women is not “sassy.” That’s what he got out his video? He didn’t hear anything of substance. In the video the man with the bald head (don’t know his name someone please post it- was it Anwar?) made points he could’ve addressed but he didn’t because he couldn’t. This whole “… but what about black women..”comparison is also an issue. These same men will point out unprovoked how different black men are from black women but at the same time want to be compared to black women. No! Compare yourselves to other men; if they did, they would understand what this man is saying about black men - they are hard to date-- and I will add on: marry and have children with. Black women in general, do not want this to be true as many can see from their unwillingness to date out, but it just is the truth. Black women need to continue to build their self esteem, confidence and worth - understand that the rhetorical “only a black man could truly love and understand you” statement was and is a lied. Does every non- black man want to date a black woman- no. However, there are enough that do, more then the whole population of blacks combined. So, know that you are wanted regardless of what black men tell you, they don’t speak for all races of men - especially when they don’t want to be compared to them.

[@roylle6346]

Not only race but a specific ethnic group

[@deeskez]

Literally I just skipped it. He really ain’t listening.

[@Grendygirl]

Facts

[@PeaceofthePlans]

The guy with the locs and glasses is a perfect example of a difficult man to date! Clearly he didn’t listen to the original video. He was determined to disagree but never addressed any of the valid points from the original video..He was just offended that the video was likely talking about him…

[@AminahMight]

Yes! He literally proved the point of said vid probably (I skipped thru him after 3 secs) reminded a lot of us of guys we’ve dated and gave up on! 😂

[@assianeu197]

First of all this sassy guy with locs doesn't look like he even date women at all. He wanna switch to Dr Umar but don't want to adress the misogyny BW face, but want to talk about reverse-misogyny cause he got called sassy 😅 His total lack of self awareness but love to hear his own voice of confusion

[@B89Stranger]

He’s not self reflective at all. He self claims he’s impartial yet something really wrong with women. 🙄

[@soundsaboutright---]

Much of the conversation wasnt even up for debate. When the topic of single mothers gets brought up they don't say "not all black women!", they understand the concept of generalizations and majority. Yes, black men (unfortunately) are the hardest group of men to form healthy lasting relationships with. Constantly bringing up the "not all" is taking away from focusing on the majority and improving. Black women have been trying to build up black men for generations and where has that landed them? Still being the most disrespected and least protected. This is something for black men to fix amongst themselves unfortunately

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

BM would rather protect their image while dragging BW'S thru the mud.

[@biblethumper8088]

Right. I say bm and leave it at that. I don't separate and give credit to bm who don't benefit the collective. If bm don't want to be generalized then the ones who aren't the problem need to correct the problem. Otherwise, I don't know you Sir.

[@Bereal-yd5gh]

If black men are hard to date and you can generalize them with no issue. Then black women are hard to date based on our generalizations and we can not place all blame on them. Everyone can't be the exception. If you can accept a generalization to speak ill of black men. You can have no feelings or opposition when it comes to black women and the generalizations they place on us. You have to be smarter than the negativity it will consume you and ruin you if you let it. When you speak bad about black men as a whole you are no bettet than racist who use generalizations and stereotypes to hurt us and oppress us. You actually become an ally to a racist everytime you degrade and disrespect black men with your generalizations and negativity. Don't let your bitterness make you an ally to your oppressor.

[@CerseiLannister999]

​@@user-xf4dy6zl2q not understanding that they look worst to draft the woman. No nation is higher than the their own woman.

[@sinceresinclair]

Same thing I said!!!

[@reet7060]

Aight for the brother with locs I had to fact check im: 60% of the US adult population is white, which is ~200 million people. There’s 43 million white married couples, which 120 million people. So ~36% of the white adults are married. 12% of the adult population is black so 40 million people. With 5 million black married couples, so ~12.5% of black adults are married. So dude with locs is spouting bs cuz white people are almost 3 times as likely to get married. He should’ve said, “Do white couples have GOOD marriages”.😂

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

I wonder how many of those do called married black couples are a BM and a BW. Also I'm sure that the women is lighter than the BM regardless of her race.

[@catflon2388]

@@user-xf4dy6zl2q Precisely. 25% of that 13% is with undeniably non BW, 85% or so out of that 13% is with "BW". I put the quotation marks as there's no definitive study with a breakdown, but we all have eyes and are "observative"; so we can see that it's mostly preferences (mixed race/ambiguous women who identify or are labeled as black)... I am also sure in the near future, that there will be a whole subfield of psychology exclusively studying/pathologizing social relationships, so the numbers are coming...

[@somebodycomelistentothispo7217]

They don’t understand stats

[@bluegiraffe200]

You are super clever because he’s still talking right now and talking about I don’t know what and I’m so confused 🤣

[@dawnbedingfield1159]

I was thinking the same thing...the Black population has never even been close to 50 million. 🤯

[@cinnamongirl5410]

I heard awhile ago that BW have been given the message that no one wants them, like BM was their only option. I was surprised to hear that because as a WW I've always known that WM were very open to date BW. First chance they get he's falling all in love (what I seen- tho white males are many times timid about approaching them). WM always been attracted to BW. I felt black women were lied to.

[@mslasvegas258]

Cinnamon girl? You don’t have to pretend to be a WW to get your point across.

[@gosuckyamama383]

Excuse you given the message by who ?? You mean due to systemic racism and by the racist policies and usage of the media to portray whiteness and showing whiteness as pure? We already know we are highly favored don't try to backhand us. If you care fight racism And for our reparations

[@naestudios0826]

I'm weak ​@@mslasvegas258

[@shawnlove4502]

This is very true.

[@IAmJustR]

wanting to SLEEP WITH and wanting to DATE are two very different things ESPECIALLY with this particular dynamic.

[@TheAlexaLee]

What I've noticed from my personal experience this happens to be true. I also noticed our community talks down on black women for wanting to date outside because "black love" and how we're destroying the black community by dating out. We never see those same arguments when the black men date outside the community. I've been told I'm asking for to much and that I should lower my expectations while dating. I never asked for anything I was incapable of reciprocating consistently so I genuinely didn't see how that was to much. I was told by black men no other race of men would actually date me and love me without fetishizing me. I also noticed the only men who'd actually do those things to me were black men so I was also confused. I eventually stopped believing that and thought to myself "I'd never let a yt man or Hispanic man etc treat me how I let black men." I had to ask myself why that was. Genuinely all the black men in my life or that I have encountered continued talking down on me and telling me I was only wanted for sexually reasons by other communities. All the while I experience all of this from my own community and never from any other community. I've been harassed, assualted sexual and physically, abused mentally and emotionally. All by black men. I was raised to continue to give "grace" and unconditional love/support to black men even when they didn't deserve it. I was raised to see the red flags with other races of men while ignoring the same red flags in black men. Our community needs to stop using racism segregation and slavery as reasons why black me. Treat black women like this. They get rich and still treat us like shit look at Tyrese wanting to be mexican instead of actually addressing issues within the community and how we can fix them. I'm genuinely tired of being a sacrificial lamb for black men. All men honestly. It just hurts more when people who look like you treat you the same way they swear other races will. I just have no interest in dating anymore.

[@Grace-jb1sl]

Open up your options. Hand have standards, boundaries and expectations. They will protect you from horrible men of all races. But first heal and take time for yourself. I’m so sorry for what you have endured. 😢❤

[@teresam5199]

Don't give up sis, if you really want a romantic relationship or to be married some day. When you are ready, date out and up with high standards, sure boundaries and clear expectations. Be yourself and be loved and appreciated. Best to you! ❤❤❤

[@catmouse2882]

I would never in a million years take anything a conquered male group has to say seriously. Blk males and their word hold no weight to me....Thats how much I've grown and healed over the years. My experience as a Black woman in the Black community has been just as treacherous as yours. Maybe worse. Don't let these Kangz discouraged you from ALL men. I'm married to a white, Hispanic man. 17 yrs strong this year ❤ Please date out AND up. You will not regret it ❤

[@latinaking3816]

I stand 1000% with you. THIS is the one 🎯

[@amidee8390]

I don't like USHER anymore 😕☹

[@NG-th8ny]

I’m a British born, Black African Caribbean woman, who struggled with dating Black men with a similar background. Those struggles disappeared when I dated a British born Black African man. Even though my Husband’s Father passed away when he was young, he and his Brothers were raised to be providers. He has a degree, multiple businesses and is the higher earner. He is a great Father and role model to our children. If you really want to stick with Black men, find one without the generational curse of slavery. Or one who is open to therapy. Our Daughter is currently dating an Asian man, as she can’t find a Black man with similar goals or who is on her level.

[@ingledork]

I disagree with the generational slavery bit. Black men were slaves in Britain too. The main difference is the contrasting culture between Britain and the US. Britian makes higher education and commitment than the US does, especially when you compare it to the South, where most US slaves resided. Ever since the 19th century, there was a serious decline of education and wealth, and a steady increase of broken homes across all racial lines within the South. I dont feel like Britain has had this issue. Therefore I think these cultural differences has had different impacts on their respective black communities, more notably the black men.

[@somebodycomelistentothispo7217]

@@ingledorkBM around the globe are the same

[@dancingmango143]

​@ingledork I fell like you are speaking more from the American perspective. The problem resides in the UK as well.

[@dancingmango143]

Your British born African husband is definitely not the majority, unfortunately. He's very rare.

[@NG-th8ny]

@@ingledork You are free to disagree, but this is my lived experience as a Black woman in my late 40s. Yes, I’m fully aware of slavery in Britain; my ancestors were obviously slaves. I also have Indian heritage, as some of my ancestors were indentured labourers who lived in the Caribbean. The culture in the U.K. and the US is slightly different, although very much similar due to slavery and ongoing racism on both sides of the pond. Broken homes/single parent households are most definitely also an issue across all races in the U.K. We have a problematic class system in the U.K. which masks race issues somewhat in relation to the minority of successful Black people in the U.K., but nevertheless racism and, therefore, discrimination and lack of opportunity still prevails for most of us.

[@pajdesign]

The guy with the locs. Get out of your feelings, stay off the herbal enhancements, and get out of the clouds!!! 😂😱

[@kandi6197]

😂😅

[@marilynmalcolm9920]

Right? Oils and incense, that's what he gives off.

[@ojevbeavbovbo4813]

@@marilynmalcolm9920lmaoo and possibly weed 👀👀

[@Afrocentric85]

He has some great points. . I always encourage black women to be open to dating non-black men. We, as black men, need to heal ourselves

[@hadijakalyegira4107]

This is where struggle love comes from. The competition is real with BM. Now they are all over the internet on a smear campaign, making a living on BW hate content. Just “STOP”😂 passport on bro. 😂😂😂😂😂.

[@kameralkutie5594]

This one☝️somebody got to do it because it sure won’t be me.😂🤷🏽‍♀️

[@hadijakalyegira4107]

Lots to unpack 😂😂😂

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

BM don't compete for BW. DIVEST

[@Primaryreason]

😂 girl 🤦🏾‍♀️ These Boys Have found Out, they can make a few Coins On social media 👀. They have no problem throwing mommie, Daughter, and especially His sister To the wolfs For a lonely 100 bucks 🤦🏾‍♀️ MAYBE, Depending on the views🤔👀 These fools are trying to leave The state With a 9th grade education Level 🤦🏾‍♀️ #Lord Let’s pray for Them As we help them Pack a bag 😂 Bye Ninja ✌️ While us black woman Fix our Crown 💅🏾🥰🫶🏾 #Listen😂😂😂😂😂❤❤❤

[@goddessb582]

Lol 😅

[@ms.bubs4fun506]

Even sec workers hate dealing with BM because they’re so difficult.

[@Melanated483]

Yes, I’ve heard from MULTIPLE Sex Workers on Clubhouse app and read that in Vegas the Sex Workers hate picking BM. They said not ONLY are they the MOST difficult customers, that they’re the LEAST WILLING TO PAY 💰 for their services. 😂😂😂

[@xandercrew6088]

Ain’t their fault they got the biggest eggplants and the smallest wallets. Blameeeeee goddddd and country for that 😂😂😂😂 (jokes y’all, just jokes) lmao

[@KaeMaiden]

​@@Melanated483 Including $€x workers in almost all parts of these countries the passport pookies go. They specifically state no Black American men. They took their degeneracies with them overseas, and wherever they run to, there they are.

[@KaeMaiden]

​@@xandercrew6088Myth. Big and floppy, for most parts. They get turgid, but not enough blood supply to make anything hard. Let's not even get onto the technique. Most of them think they woke up on their 16th birthday as a maverick adult entertainer, but they're completely abysmal.

[@ronaereeves9160]

True they have no black men in their bio and it’s why they have to travel across seas

[@shaorl67]

Had no idea what the last dude was talking about 😂😂

[@oliviagore7067]

In a nutshell!!😂😂😂 From his "essence" would guess that he has never dated a black man or any man.. He has no way of knowing what his is talking about.

[@shaorl67]

@@oliviagore7067 lol exactly 😭😭 i just feel as if he saw the word “black men” and went into defense mode. Along with no proof to back up his statement

[@valenciaaniese]

As a black woman married to a black man, it’s definitely difficult. The dude with the glasses and locs said nothing.

[@jerZchic]

Absent black fathers from the black family is the root of this! It’s an ongoing, unfortunate cycle

[@juman9696]

Iguess I’m rare. Grew up with both patents present and my wife has no complaints 😂😂😂

[@cinnamonthomas3075]

Honestly you have to vet all men because these non black men are something else too!! 😂😂😂

[@edt4080]

Very much so men in general are getting crazy one non bm tried to drug me and kill me

[@oneshoerr]

Thank you! Married to a white man and he gave me hell the first 7 years. They gonna go looking for their white man savior and get hurt.

[@Fay1106]

Exactly

[@TracyPerson1]

Yes! I married a quite angry and hostile Irish guy and got divorced . Married a black man the second time. It ain’t easy, but we understand each other and we’re 20 years in.

[@DonnieandThiagosmama]

Thank you! The black men I have dated were not that bad. But there were some usually the light skins who thought they were the best thing walking. As far as white men they are always gentle with me. Even since I was in elementary/highschool. They always listened to me and were always sweet. Even if they were loud with their friends.

[@ksis86]

My dad is an amazing black man, and its hard to find men like him, let alone another black man. I started dating outside my race and ended up married to a white man which i never thought would happen. But i need certain things from a man that ive grown to expect from my father that the black men i dated just could never get close to.

[@reet7060]

Every woman I date becomes obsessed with me because I’m not off. I actually go to therapy and seek mentors and am honest about my flaws. But I had a father who was sane despite all the shit he went through

[@valenciaaniese]

Your statement is soooo real and sooo true most black men struggle with being great period. They want to be praised for the basics.

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

It's a good thing that you dated/married out because so many BW with unicorn black dads reach down for romantic partners.

[@Melanated483]

@@reet7060We will NEED to actually INTERVIEW those women to assess their experiences with you and see if you aren’t off. You CANNOT gauge yourself.

[@Melanated483]

Yes, your dad might be GREAT TOWARDS YOU, BUT you’re NOT romantically involved with your father so we would NEED to INTERVIEW YOUR MOTHER to actually PROPERLY ASSESS her experience with your father. MOST Black Men who are in their child’s life are decent towards their children BUT TERRIBLE towards the Mother. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@GenieBee]

Dude at the end used a lot of words to say that he can easily use his observation of biased comments online to justify a "something about the women" comment, but he doesn't want the other guy using his observations to say there's "something about the men..." He's not helping😂😂

[@r.e45]

He thought he was being “deep” 🙄while completely talking in circles &&&& about absolutely NOTHING! 🙄

[@45LionMan]

No fussing anymore. Unfortunately, a lot of us aren't evenly yoked. BW has moved on, BM wants to keep the drama going. Sistaa, stop arguing with BM. It's going in one ear and out the other. Move on and stay at ✌️ peace.

[@eveharris30]

Stop dating them. Problem solved.

[@teresam5199]

💯💯💯

[@edt4080]

They don't want to date anyway mostly

[@eveharris30]

@@edt4080 Then who are these women dating? Who are they having sex with? These women dating themselves?

[@leelee185]

@@edt4080 exactly, all they care about are flings

[@edt4080]

@@leelee185 it's the time we live in but also know theirs many women cheating on good men with bad boys 😉

[@coolcat3452]

I will say “most” black men are hardest to date!!…few of them are just okay; they are not that romantic & unemotional!!!😢😢😢

[@QueenofZamunda2023]

And then a black man entered the chat; Proceeded to ramble on incoherently. He would be mind numbing to date and the kind that takes 7 years to get to a point.

[@trafficcontrol2420]

7 years to get to the altar too.

[@primadonna2819]

The one who tried to make a point made no point. That was PAINFUL!

[@umberwyld]

I know I ended up fast forwarding through all that mess.

[@XeniasWorld]

Anyone else look up "observative"? 😂

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

They will never be accused of being intelligent.

[@seekinghimdaily92]

I couldn’t believe it. 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@SoBeIt27]

@XeniasWorld He clearly let the ball slip on that word alone.... 😏

[@Nat0528]

@@user-xf4dy6zl2q lmao 🤣 never ever! lol

[@biblethumper8088]

I generalize bm and don't care. I say bm and leave it at that. I don't separate and give credit to bm who don't benefit the collective. If bm don't want to be generalized then the ones who aren't the problem need to correct the problem. Otherwise, I don't know you Sir.

[@divaesque2183]

I am with you 100% on this.

[@GochiTelir]

I agree and imo they generalize black women in a way that puts a racist to shame. The first girl was getting on my nerves making such a “not all black men” point I had to put her in mute.

[@r.e45]

Please STOP with the “unicorn” rhetoric/ term……THEY DON’T EXIST! They are a fairy tail just like the butterflies you feel when you think you’ve found the “right one”🙄 Please 🛑

[@sinceresinclair]

Exactly!!!

[@NatalieL523]

The last guy sounds like he’s trying to make word count on a college essay 🫠

[@qiaraoneal7047]

He forgot to mention most BM have a criminal history too.

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

Eh wouldn’t go that far.

[@xandercrew6088]

I mean it’s true lmao Nina

[@seekinghimdaily92]

If the BC hadn’t spent so much time *shunning* and rejecting things that would actually aid in mental/emotional/psychological health, then things could’ve been improving a LONG time ago. Older BP said things like “therapy is for WP”, and this idea traveled generationally and held BP back. Fortunately, many BP are waking up from these time-wasting lies…

[@Soulficial360]

Not my black grandma. She sat me down and talked to me about therapy when I was in elementary school. I also had school counselors and people at church I could talk to. I think we're just afraid to open up to strangers because we're self conscious.

[@GodLovesYouAllTheTime]

What’s a BC?

[@aaunyea4799]

​@@GodLovesYouAllTheTime black community

[@laurencameron3150]

@@Soulficial360It doesn’t happen in my family either. We discussed therapy and medications and everything. I think a lot of black ppl that don’t have these discussions assume no black person has them so they push this false narrative

[@GodLovesYouAllTheTime]

@@aaunyea4799ooooo!! Gotcha. Thank you.

[@HolisticManifesting]

I really just never think about dating. It's always too much work. Even healthy relationships take too much work.

[@chocchick5890]

That part!☝🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾!

[@camarathomas6552]

The guy with the locs…I stopped listening after he said there was 50 million black people in America. There are 21 million BW and 19 million BM. That doesn’t equate to 50. Next caller.

[@FearfullyandWonderfullyMade.]

Thanks for the heads up. I skipped through the dread loc guy. Ain’t nobody got time for confusion.

[@HolisticManifesting]

Lol

[@Melanated483]

I just tuned him out. Any time I hear 👂 Blk males speak, I TUNE THEM OUT INSTANTLY.

[@zuzuspeaks]

Waste of camera time 😂

[@go-goyubari8776]

I'm over it. Personally.

[@biblethumper8088]

Hardest and least beneficial!!!!

[@janschild]

Definitely! The juice ain't worth the squeeze

[@stacytrowell6890]

Speak for yourself!!! I have a incredible HVBM & son that I refuse to let bitter women define them!!! 😂😂

[@janschild]

@@stacytrowell6890 Well, bully for you!! You are the definitely the exception

[@xandercrew6088]

Notice how she had to add HV to it lmaooooo

[@KaeMaiden]

​@@xandercrew6088I hear "HV" and I think of Kevin Scamuels who died broke from debt, despite his rapid and short moment of dubious glory.

[@blkgurl2darescue]

Can I say as a Black American woman who did grow up in a 2 parent household even THEN, some black men are STILL trifling and not worth dating like my brother. And tbh, they’ll make excuses till kingdom come. Also the guy speaking around 14:00 once again, excuses cause black women deal with racism too but we’re not able to abandon everyone and our responsibilities the way Black men do.

[@FireSilver25]

I’ve only gone on one date with a BM and while he was gorgeous, successful, and doting he was also a heavy drinker and smoked weed a lot. He also said I’d be a beautiful pregnant woman on the first date!!!! I was so turned off. He was so drunk when he dropped me off he was swaying back and forth and he gave me a big sloppy booze kiss. “Are you sure you don’t wanna just look at me all night?” “No, that’s OK.” I ghosted him after that. I know that was just one incident so I didn’t let it color my view on BM but after hearing BW’s experiences I think I’ll just cross them off. To all the BW go where you’re appreciated!!!!

[@Gtamuva]

I feel like i waisted so many years dating them

[@littlebabybugjones2676]

So he was out here driving drunk???

[@etaokha4164]

I agree. You can never satisfy a black man.

[@neiya8862]

That guy that is so focused on this man’s sexuality does not know what he is talking about.😂

[@leisa2223]

My personal experience, I have been told when 27 years old, with his 5 year daughter and we broke up when our daughter was 1 year old, after a six year old relationship, he is five years older than me. He said I must be strong black women, I ask him to struggle etc etc. basically to endure. Years later one boyfriend told me to put up with the cheating and know that I am wifey, be a strong black woman. Struggle is what most black men are offering. Both these men came from married parents home. The latter is a pastor son. Both Jamaican. I am Jamaican also

[@iamshesheisme8954]

The man saying BM aren't the hardest to date, DOESN'T DATE MEN, so he wouldn't know and shouldn't be talking. He is speaking out of defensiveness. Also, BM want to treat us the way that WM treat them so it's funny that he used them as an example.

[@marilynmalcolm9920]

BW really are caught between a rock and a hard place. It often seems like White women only want all White people to be equal, Black men only want all men to be equal, and both sides agree that Black womens' purpose is to serve them.

[@Lightreign888]

Finally Truth‼️❤️ 12:14 sir just because they are married doesn’t mean it’s healthy happy and whole. Simply gibberish

[@spicyshayyy]

They were usually abusive, emotionally unstable, lacking funds and have some form of addiction (weed, alcohol, sex). In scared to accept anything from BM because its always came with an expectation of getting something in return. I’m done with them unless I encounter that unicorn who is faithful and doesn’t subscribe to rap / street mentality.

[@EbonyHoopGyal]

I would agree that they are difficult. I tend to not even be able to get to a first date. Many just insult me or brush me off without even getting to know me. I've accepted it by now and long given up on hoping to date one. Also, very confused by the dreadhead's aside.

[@Stormy867]

THIS! They brush you off thinking they could get better. But the grass isn’t always greener on the other side tho.

[@bkwcanton5615]

This is super real. They act like you should be grateful to date them. Then they say disrespectful things to you. It's disturbing how Mean and Nasty they are to us!

[@Soulficial360]

The dude with locs...Bless his heart, he was triggered to cognitively deflect because the truth truly hurts to internalize. I don't think the men speaking on this are pandering to black women, i think they talk to black women, especially the therapist, and that's the foundation of his conclusion. I do agree that everyone dating should be more cooperative! Especially in the USA regardless of race. But Gay black men have a hard time dating each other too! I actually think they can speak on this better than anyone else. Even feminine presenting black men can be misogynist by choice or indoctrination and carry that behavior out within their spectrum of dating. It's TOTALLY based on the relationship their mother had with their father.

[@ddk760]

It's all women's fault.... Genius... Wow, I've never heard this before.... And his comments on sassiness - sir, are you jealous?!!

[@talesfromthehips]

My experience has predominantly been black men or white men. Between those two groups, BM were by far, the most difficult between the two.

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

BM ace not happy with anyone. The more you give it's never enough. Money, Ego and Their mommy issues are draining. The man speaking has given some great questions to ask tho🤔🧐

[@yujuy.1329]

there are no unicorns

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

#ALL

[@talkingtochapri]

16:19 notice how this last guy try to change the topic from black male to something else. The random gaslighting is weird 🤭💀

[@milaanderson]

I don't want a bm

[@GeminiCloudTech]

...And the sky is blue with white clouds 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@HolisticManifesting]

Lol

[@cd6741]

Right 😂

[@Therealone88]

And the worst types of bm, is the ones who invalidate your experience with them, instead of taking accountability and say you’re the only one, who’s said that about me. maybe the others were afraid to hold you accountable, or maybe they didn’t care enough and was okay with how you were.but it doesn’t change my experience with you🙄

[@SoulBeauty1111]

🎯

[@SianLondon]

Errr did he mean "observant" 😂😂

[@divaesque2183]

We may never know…

[@YouKnowDOMO]

The Issue I’m Seeing Is That Everyone Prioritizes Finding A Relationship Rather Than Working On Their Relationship With Themselves. It’s Too Much Romanticizing & Not Enough Realizing That There Is Bigger Things Happening In This World That Should Be Prioritized.. Like Me Having A Man Doesn’t Fix The Fact That I Live In A Society That Poisons Our Food & Water, & I’m Gaslit Day In & Out 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@attitudeproblem6462]

True. Just difficult for the sake of being difficult.

[@Trilldayz4436]

The guy in the locs was annoying... said a bunch of nothing!

[@spicyshayyy]

lol I skipped over him. I could tell he thinks he’s deep but probably on some BS.

[@rememberableoccassions9079]

That 1st guy made some great points. Thank you for sharing.

[@am-harris7458]

Dreadlocked dude is purposely obtuse and refuses to take accountability!😏😒😏😒

[@MyriadLove]

The OP established a standard, and the second poster didn't want to meet it, so he pushed the "all lives matter" argument. Projection. Gaslighting. Game. Once you recognize it, it's like deer eyes at night. 👀 Just because the whole house is dirty doesn't mean you don't have to clean each room, one by one. All the stories coming out lately sound like so many women are just... tired. Men have been sowing their royal oats; just gluttonous with our bodies, our health, and our lives. Where is the community building in the last 40 years? It is unbelievable that bw had to step away and become the most educated just to survive. OP was right... Women are raising the boys. It's sad, really. The FBA has a history that challenges us, but that's no excuse to not level up or expect better. We have the choice to stay single and child-free or date out.

[@hayaq9991]

Ive always dated outside my race.. i spent 5 years exclusively trying to date black men.. 😂tried, i gave up, they won!

[@Geraldaga]

Great response brotha! Keep a calm and objective mind.

[@arielhenry4539]

The first guy said what needed to be said

[@mrttamara]

Dude with the dreads had me confused. Wtf does being sassy have anything to do with this issue?

[@amyw4216]

“Observative”🤦🏾‍♀️ Case closed.

[@edithart5753]

Notice how the only time they dont claim systematic oppression is when you compare them to blk women financially, thats when they realize they make good money

[@blackchick6448]

I've noticed they suddenly believe in the justice system when they're about to be held accountable for their degenerate actions legally. Talking about some "innocent until proven guilty", like boy bye.

[@KNicoleTWBP]

Black Men ARE the hardest to date. Black teens/young adults are often not taught how to date. We often went from "Talking stages" into relationships, situationships or parenthood. Without a 2nd parent in the home (for some) a lot was left up to your own interpretation.

[@verda_renee]

What the fxck was dude at the end talking about. 🙄 Just saying words. Completely missed the point and made NO POINTS of his own. Just rambling defensiveness and deflecting.

[@saramatthews7159]

Man at 12:00 said a whole lot of NOTHING! Just too much rambling and not making any sense whatsoever.

[@user-xf4dy6zl2q]

You just described BM collectively as a group. They’ve never been the sharpest in the toolbox

[@saramatthews7159]

@@user-xf4dy6zl2q I agree! In my 40 years of being on this earth I've yet to recall ONE intelligent conversation I've had with a black male.

[@lalaland2107]

The guy at the end is just going in circles… omfg

[@Sapiobeauty]

I just don’t date them anymore! Im opening my options! Good luck to the sistas who still dealing with them 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@Iam.4aym]

YES IM DONE DATING THEM ! NEVER AGAIN 🙄

[@33asmr]

I haven’t dated a black man in years I have no interest my man is Italian and obsessed never going back. I hate wasting my time and games being played life is short. We are worth so much more broaden your horizon so much to learn and experience.

[@gurlwhowants2dj]

The guy with the locs was talking "word salad". Nothing with substance. I was hoping he would make sense. Cookies?? He would talk to you for 30 mins without you getting a word in.

[@bdhu2001]

The first man gave facts and statistics for his statement and even gave ways to vet to get a better outcome. The statistics about black men was regarding all relationships with women, irrespective of race. The second man evidently didn’t listen to everything the first man said. Perhaps he was triggered by the statement and shut down for the first guys rationale. The second man only gave his opinion without citing any valid rationale or evidence . The second man even took shots at the first man for no reason and decided to drag women into without proving any rational for stating that “everyone is hard to date”

[@stilljocelyn_]

It’s the fact before you give a legit critique based on statistics ppl feel compelled to say “ NOT ALL”. Come on now what’s understood doesn’t need to be explained.

[@soundsaboutright---]

11:40 while that may be true, black women also grow up in these same homes. Yet, we still see them held to the standard that theyre supposed to just figure out how to be wives whereas the males cant do it without an example in the home? Ok

[@kv4realsunflower39]

I offer up my portion of the Black men to any needy pick-me out here. I'm just NOT GOING. 💅🏾

[@numba1divaxxxx]

That sassy one at 14:00 made absolutely no sense, why is he including black gay men in the statistics 😂 we talking about blk women dating blk straight men lol

[@cd6741]

Just plain rambling!!!!!!!