Finances in Marriage | Couch Conversations | S1 E4

Are finances a problem in your marriage? Devale Ellis and Khadeen Ellis talk MONEY with two new couples and dig deep into money challenges married couples face when managing finances together.
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Recorded in 2018

[@TheBigpoppa54]

"MAKIN money without MANAGING money leaves you with NO money"....................Nuff said.

[@bcdmovement6856]

True

[@torenee745]

In MY marriage we have our own personal spending account and A joint spending/ savings account. Being married does not take away individuality

[@Sona77.]

I really like that idea. It’s like you need to be able to be on your own if you need to. People change

[@laurens4479]

Completely love this idea. That’s what I’ll be doing if I ever get married.

[@JMeyer1112]

This is how I'm gonna wanna do things this is how my parents did it.

[@Lemons19902010]

Do you pay the household bills out of the joint account?

[@TheNOchick]

thank u!

[@SheilaLDavis]

THIS part: "As men we're always trying to figure out the best way to deliver information so that our wives don't take it the wrong way." HOW and WHEN you say are just as important as WHAT you say.

[@viceanterra3]

The how and when is not exactly straightforward. Sometimes the time is never right. And sometimes the how is also never right. I remember I tried so hard to edit what I was trying to say to my wife for a particular issue we were having, the original message was completely lost. She had to reconsider how she heard what I said eventually because what I had to say would have bothered her no matter how it was said or when. So yes I have to watch how and when I say what I say, but she has to consider how she's interpreting what's being said as well. It's a give and take.

[@tapiwakay]

Women can't handle truth.

[@verb0ze]

This is by far the hardest thing in communicating with a gf/wife. Most of the time, we men are used to saying things "matter-of-factly", straight to the point. The editing tend to often erode the original message, and sometimes, it's never quite right. I think it's because men are typically more logical and women more emotional (before you crucify me, I don't mean that in a deregatory way, I mean they listen more with emotions, to try to get the feeling behind the message -- see, I'm already editing myself for the women in the audience here 😅). It goes the other way as well: we guys usually just want to hear what the problem is, and how we can solve it, tend to get confused/impatient when the problem is described through feelings and emotions (and sometimes, there isn't even anything to fix, we just need to listen, but that's not how our minds operate lol)

[@Wealthybaby]

I’m devale let’s “invite the 5 ppl we like “ 🤣🤣

[@OPDNETWORK]

I feel when we are in our courting and dating stages of any relationship these are the things we should talk about period when your destination is marriage I’m so blessed on what I have

[@corinapierce2540]

Its crazy how the opposite money patterns attract.

[@christinarach340]

yes,my man doesn't know anything about budgeting. drives me nuts with money. I'm in finance so I'm frugal

[@saritamoorebansa4485]

Been married 22 years and two boys... My husband is in banking for 20+ and I’m a IT project manager,but I run our finances because I’m the saver and think 🤔 of the future Always. My hubbie is right now

[@faridahnakayemba1496]

I can't wait to get married lord 😍😘 loved all the couples Pray for me 🙏

[@sylvietapos807]

Dear Black Love Team, thank you so much for creating this series. I am having a difficult day today. I have lost my job, I am anxious, and I am worried about my future. It was nice to listen to the couples. I love that they tackle serious issues, and can do so with laughter. Please keep this up. Thank you for including different kinds of relationships among your guests. The hosts are wonderful, and they interact well with the guests. I also love how they are with each other (the hosts). Everyone looks so comfortable.

[@mrsb0215]

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I would like to encourage you today that despite your situation, God has a plan for your life. Give all your anxiety and worries to Him because He cares for you. 🙏🏼❤️

[@sylvietapos807]

@@mrsb0215, thank you so much for taking the time to read my comment, and for responding. Thank you so much for encouraging me as well. I am trying to trust in God, and I am struggling with my faith. This is very painful for me. I am probably going to have to move in 6 weeks or so, and that adds to my anxiety as well, as I do not know where I will be going (yet).

[@mrsb0215]

@@sylvietapos807 You’re very welcome. I pray that your faith will be renewed and that this time will be an opportunity for you to draw closer to Him, for you to truly trust in the plans He has for you. Easier said than done of course but one thing I know for sure is that no matter what we are going through, God cares for us and He sees our cries. The word also tells us to cast our anxiety on Him because he cares for us. One step at a time. Call on His name in those moments of anxiety and worry. Meditate on His word and listen to worship songs to life you up. I’ve been in a rut these past few days but I made a conscious decision to just praise Him despite it all. To just call on His name knowing that He’s truly in control even when we don’t see it. I pray that you will receive clarity and peace about what’s next for you. I pray that despite it all, you would have a grateful spirit. As I pray for you on this, I’m ministering to myself as well. 🙏🏼❤️

[@sylvietapos807]

@@mrsb0215, thank you again, so much! Thank you for your prayers as well, I appreciate them so much. Thank you for ministering to me, while you are also ministering to yourself. I have done that in the past, so I understand. I am so sorry that you have had a few challenging days. I will be praying for you, and praying that things will get better for you. I spent three hours this morning with God, and I will write in my gratitude journal this evening. It helps me to pray for others, I tend to intercede better for others, and press through for them, than I do for myself. I have unfortunately given too many days to the enemy, by worrying, being anxious, and beating up on myself. I am working on having a different attitude. 1-Praise God as you suggested, 2-continuing to be in His Word, and 3-listening to worship songs. Have you watched the video "The God Who sees?" I only watched it today, it is soooo good. It ministered to me. I watched it twice, and I was crying both times. Have a great evening! And thank you again for your time 💜🙏

[@mrsb0215]

@@sylvietapos807 You’re very welcome!! You are not alone. ❤️

[@jeanine945]

This is excellent. Black folks/people of color can be uncomfortable discussing money but it's very important. Now that I'm over 40. I have to know a guy's financial situation. I've been in relationships where the guys didn't have much and I stepped up during most of the relationship but at this stage in my life I'm not willing to be the bread winner but I can be a HELP mate.

[@norapeace6526]

I hear that!! I think that someone’s financial situation is really important. I have my own, and I’m not gonna have anyone Leach off of me or not be able to handle them self. I want someone that’s going to help contribute , not take away

[@TW-mg3ld]

@Connor Dusty Hickory I don't know if that's true for all couples

[@ChangedOne4Life]

@AveolarD True, but many don’t discuss investing, saving, and planning for the unexpected. Also, discussing is one thing, follow through is everything.

[@DamarisMuga]

Can somebody please eat some apple and some popcorn on that table.

[@blacclivesmatter4637]

Maybe because the table is far af. Ain't nobody tryna break their backs for some popcorn lol

[@harvey7625]

I know riiiiiiight

[@laurenisms1764]

AHAHA

[@Deneciarootsherbs]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@reesejordan8953]

I would’ve been ignorant asf, eating a red delicious apple all in the mic 🤣🤣 kicked off the set 😂

[@shereecollins7569]

This was a great conversation and I'm glad they were able to laugh and yet still be real.

[@ClaireHaire]

I want them next episode to talk about how children kill your finances . In a way they are an added expense that should be planned but, it’s over looked and ppl end up resenting their partner.

[@sharese76]

THIS is a profound truth that I didn’t understand until recently! Parenthood preparation is KEY, it has a SIGNIFICANT financial impact on individuals.

[@diasporaexpress9799]

Very well said. People always ask : when are you gonna have children, just throwing that question around. Anytime I’m around I take the floor and tell them: children are EXPENSIVE, let people have kids when that can and are ready to care for them while maintaining a balance.

[@sashanauleen8916]

This was SUCH a good conversation. I just loved the energy everyone brought and I love this channel in general!❤️❤️

[@kw9633]

Just subscribed after watching 2 episodes a few hours ago and I agree

[@norapeace6526]

23:04 the lesbian couple like “we don’t have them ‘men’ problems 👀’l 🤣

[@anonnona6433]

True 😁😂😂🤩🤩🤩🤩

[@PrincessSharifa434]

LOL!

[@marlonb2804]

Their problems are the same base on same energy.

[@JJNotEvans]

😂😂😂😂❤️

[@coachobispersonalworkoutti2223]

Facts😂😂😂😂😂😂😅😅😅😅

[@MizAlexandria]

Im not going to lie marrying someone who I am financially incompatible with would drive me nuts. I like the spreadsheets and frugal spending, although I still like to enjoy life.

[@364anw]

As a married women I thoroughly enjoyed this episode. It's the authenticity for me. ALL couples on the couch from what I observed seemed to keep it REAL. And that's pivotal for others to see, especially when there's a history of marriage being glamorized. Marriage is beautiful but it's challenging at times too!

[@myvampireillusion]

I find this so interesting. I have the same situation. My partner was taken care of by his family all his life. He never had to manage his finances and lived at home until we moved in together. I however, grew up poor. I always had to take care of myself and had experience living on my own. I seem to be the person controlling the finances to make sure bills are paid and we have savings. He had to come to terms with his finances and his spending habits. He realized how much he was being covered by his family. It's nice seeing couples who grew up in different financial backgrounds and how they deal with it.

[@treeflix]

I already love the black love series, found these on KZbin last week and I am in HEAVEN!!

[@brownefamilybuilders4745]

This was fun to watch! We just filmed an episode about managing finances, especially as a couple who met when we were already grown and set in our ways. We loved that yall took what can be a really heavy topic and brought some levity to it.

[@tiaraparker6115]

I swear I love these segments because its always a part that hits home. Other couples can truly relate. Thank you. We need more like this... keep em coming!!!!

[@DStoner1]

This show = DOPE!

[@josefhudson]

I love this series...and Kay and Devalle. Been following them for a while and love seeing their success and growth! 🥰

[@jamekya4entertain]

These couples have great chemistry!

[@EshaRenee]

Love the Ellisses and love this show, keep up the great work with bringing us great content ❤

[@antonio101024]

Perfect timing. I have to speak at a workshop about this topic. Communication with your spouse is huge when it comes to finance

[@takiyahhood2644]

It's important to yield at your pride in marriage. It's ok to ask your mate for help. Money is the place to be more transparent.

[@mrsb0215]

As a married woman, I believe in joining finances. We are one so what we make is for us. We are not roommates where we split anything 50/50.

[@MrMbgosssmith]

I agree

[@drinkwatereatmelons7048]

I agree on having joint finances. I also think it's wise for a wife to have "just-in-case-$" or "what-if-$." 😬Hubby wake up 1 day and decide he doesn't want to be marry.

[@mrsb0215]

@@drinkwatereatmelons7048 I’ve heard so many people tell me to basically have money stashed. I know things happen (my parents had an ugly divorce) but I’m choosing to believe that when we said “I do” five years ago, it was forever. Our names are on all the accounts so we both have rights to it.

[@youngdre10]

So what is joining finances? That sounds like u would be splitting things.

[@youngdre10]

@@drinkwatereatmelons7048 should the man have some just in case money hidden too cuz it’s usually the women who file for divorce

[@Teetee_joliee]

Omg kadeen is sooo jamaican loool. I love her she cracks me up😂

[@RAPierce]

Y'all all (on the couch and in the comments) need Financial Peace University (Dave Ramsey) or something like it!! Save your stress and your marriage ahead of time!!🤑

[@redefiningalexandria7875]

Facts

[@legion1630]

pls keep the marriage focused conversations coming..its what we need especially spending some much more time these days together

[@pandawarrior218_8]

22:00 "Is this your spirit animal, expensive" Yo he had me dying when he said that

[@fancyexpressionz595]

This!!!!!! Crazy to learn that everyone really does have the same issues for the most part and they can be worked out light heartedly.

[@tamikasmith1545]

As first time watcher of 2 Episodes this was really good. It was great to hear the differences and likeness of how married couples manage their money. In Our marriage everything goes into one account and it works!

[@tanhimmurshid454]

That girl on the right is a Hilary. "Daddy, I need 300 dollars"

[@trekin6206]

😆😆You are so right, and I just remember aunt Vivi imitating Hilary asking for it. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@SharpieDarlingLLC]

Thank you. This is my new show to watch while I’m in the kitchen getting meals prepared. Very beneficial and entertaining. Again, thank you.

[@taurianferguson]

I want a part 2. Legit, every couple sentences i had to pause, breathe and walk around. This so real

[@MsFree2u]

I definitely am a New family member! I am loving these conversations King and Queen 👑 keep the discussions coming ❤️

[@alafeadean2657]

I really enjoyed this session. I loved the fact that I was able to laugh while learning at the same time. Talking about Finances should be a topic that is NORMALIZED in our culture and this session absolutely did that. It was spot on!! Great job team! #couchconversations #blacklove

[@nursesth]

This has been the best one yet!

[@carmellabrown3335]

This was a great video and I really enjoyed it!

[@shannonjohnson4314]

I absolutely love it! Great people, show and conversations!

[@brownskin477]

This is awesome ! I’m definitely sharing so people can watch!

[@zeldapolk1980]

Y’all are blessed. Glad y’all were able to work through this because many couples fall apart over money.

[@argiejohnson]

This was great! I loved the energy and how you guys made a sensitive subject I. A relationship funny.

[@julietledwaba124]

I have never laughed this hard in my entire KZbin watching life 😂 😂 😂 very informative, truly appreciate these kind of conversations. I have a spreadsheet prepared since May, to this day we still havent sat down to discuss it, its always excuses after excuse

[@ffrenchiedoodle]

Love the main show and just found these. Love it! Thank you

[@anitawallaceconsultant755]

Just started watching and I LOVE IT!!!

[@shametanicole3193]

Wow look at y’all and it’s funny - all type of couples. I’m single but I can relate. Great show.

[@traseebradley5415]

I love this discussion and the transparency here!!!!

[@njaundirangu6806]

Married for 11 yrs and never had an argument on finances. Firstly, growing up i never had money so i never cared for it. Just having enough made me happy. I was blessed with a wife who is a miser like me and both of us make good money. We have multiple investments and multiple bank accounts. I'm driven by ambition, making money is a consequence. The only thing we love spending money on is travelling. We take too many vacations.

[@Miss.Bri_]

A great conversation new couples should watch. Finances is the #1 relationship KILLER because nobody wants to discuss it in the beginning.

[@adriennel3480]

Luv this vid!!! So real💯✨❤️

[@mariejenkins8302]

This show is amazing you guys are helping couples all over

[@nancyasante3465]

Loveeeeee this series! More please!

[@FaithLoveDreams]

Love this series crazy we have a couples couch series on our channel. This is the set up I envisioned it would transform into. I just watched the other episode and Love it! These conversations are Sooo Necessary!

[@chrisweaver8815]

Great show, have to have these tough conversations.

[@beautybymeme_1507]

Really enjoyed this especially The Whose moving with who recap at the end 😂👑

[@Jasmine-eq5gr]

Great convo again! I'm so guilty of many of the behaviors that the men see in their women. I have to self reflect a little now lol

[@domeniquechery9015]

Devale "You don't even look at the price?!"

[@CarolynYouman59]

This is beautiful love the conversation while I am cooking. 🥘 what blow my mind is when the conversation came up about financial difficulties the security of household expenses. One part of this was about knowing your spouse and their burden that they are carrying. When it comes to a marriage it take the strength of both partners to help carry each other’s burden and the burden shouldn’t be on one spouse to carry along but it’s takes both spouse in Unity in oneness and it takes the cooperation of both partners to build their empires together. . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎

[@Msheepz]

I so can relate...great conversation.

[@MarshasJourney]

I'm Jamaican and I was taught absolutely zero about finances. Nada. My parents and the people around me didn't know much so I can't fault them but it's so important to teach this to my child so I've started early...

[@wilkistertangasi9702]

I’ve watched a couple of these today... all the heterosexual couples have described their marriages as “hard work”, “learning experience”, “tough”. The lesbian couple... “rewarding”, “ a blessing” 😂😂😂

[@ZawadiBirya]

lol

[@FelicityInAmerica]

‘ you need hangers’ 😂😂😂 ‘ it don’t preserve nothing’ I love this couple, I need to see more of them. I would watch them all day. Great episode !

[@Mslovelocs]

They really need to bring this back 🥰🥰🥰

[@ladeanridley5782]

Loving this Fun Way of dealing with Relationship Issues....Makes My Heart Smile.....

[@afoxx750]

Seriously this was a great discussion!! I LOVE THE ELLISES KHADEEN YOUR DREAMS ARE COMING TO FRUITION ❤️❤️❤️ WITH HOSTING YOU'RE PHENOMENAL AND TOGETHER YOU TWO ARE A FORCE KEEP IT UP🥰

[@cdgameface]

Love this...learnt a lot

[@MsAlexis]

I'm no longer married and I still can relate..Love it! #Blacklove

[@abenaampomahnuako1788]

This was soo good.

[@ej1722]

Wonderful 👍Financises can either brake or sustain a relationship 😳

[@BrWLG]

Great conversation! 💞💞

[@praise874]

This is so relatable.

[@bcdmovement6856]

Love the financial literacy

[@lyndyc-o7540]

This is so funny 🤣. I have the same issue when I go grocery shopping. They are not alone.

[@wildewildestrawberries]

This was so fun!!

[@takiyahhood2644]

It's important to yield at your proud in marriage. It's ok to ask your mate for help. Money is the place to be more transparent.

[@Willahbean]

That was a wonderful conversation. Thanks cousins.

[@joseyjackson4205]

Love this!!!💜💜💜

[@skylaindigoink2013]

This was absolutely adorable!!!

[@norapeace6526]

This is so important in relationships. I had a friend of mine who called me for help at a gas station! He made great money! But didn’t carry cash so when his debit card didn’t work, he was in trouble!! And I came from a family where we always carried emergency cash when going out of town! So I was shocked! It definitely was a red flag

[@lisacox3750]

Great point. My father taught us to always carry emergency cash when you are out.

[@norapeace6526]

@@lisacox3750 exactly! Some people weren’t taught that unfortunately

[@RoRo-gm7ee]

I never carry cash ever.

[@darlynnlyons742]

Yeah. I used to always have at least a small amount of cash but I’ve gotten away from it. Need to get back to that. Especially in these days and times

[@esthercharlestin7046]

Great show! I think it would have been also beneficial if you had a couple thats been married 15 year plus. Thanks again!

[@wonderbutterfly3]

Not sure why folks say spoiled. If your parents took care of you and worked hard to provide a better life, that’s fine. Folks who don’t have that background sound sad when they let the bitterness show.

[@MarshasJourney]

It's very important to have a budget and to save and invest or you will forever be in financial problems.

[@sagittarius1112able]

So hilarious but informative at the same time.

[@reginamanley8083]

Just watch for the first time I tell you I love this guys they always keep it 💯🤴👸♥️😊👍

[@lashawn369]

Checking in from the DMV

[@whatnow8080]

Loved it.

[@3dom2026]

When you marry, you show each other ALL YOUR accounts and you decided to share everything, the finances, the spending, the child support, the food, the communication and so forth. It's like saying, we do 50/50 in walking and talking. we as humans use both feet to walk, NOT JUST ONE...so 50/50 is stressful living, and you SHOULD BOTH BE INAGREEMENT to how to spend the money. Common sense, and you agree on this BEFORE U GET MARRIED!!!

[@janevieair7158]

This was THEE BEST episode!!!! I love DeVale and Khadeen!

[@christiankalala840]

Me, as the man that i am, i am good at soending money and naking it! Lol. I will definitely need a woman whose better at managing and saving our finances

[@cupcakepatrice8418]

I pray you find her! Woman are beautiful and unique. She’ll make your life 100 better

[@saradigota7201]

Very good subject and point to discuss. Cuz before hand no one knows how trustworthy your partner is with your money. That seems the mist scary part of marriage. Always on the look out for what you worked hard for. What if your partner steals

[@mayaali455]

Love this

[@osaneal8205]

Great discussion! The couple on the far right seem to have some communication struggles. Best wishes to them 🙏🏿

[@celeitamccoy6413]

I love this conversation

[@dester20]

Ya'll got you a new fan over here.....

[@michelejules4504]

im cracking up they are sooo cute i love it

[@ffrenchiedoodle]

This was so cute relevant and fun

[@lyricb8819]

I noticed they didn't even interact with the same sex couple much. They must have been invited for inclusivity but yet there isn't equivocal respect regarding love and relationship

[@imfantaqueen847]

I notice that too

[@cupcakepatrice8418]

Maybe it’s not because they’re same sex but they have only been together for one year. The other couples have been together over five years so they’re more relatable and experienced. The same sex is still in the honeymoon phase plus the darker skin girl stated that she gets money and spend. And they almost split up within that year due to finances.

[@cinemeleon2808]

They made the effort, for sure. It's not their typical interaction so of course it takes extra effort to stray away from the usual man vs. woman comparisons that the marriage convos tend to lean towards when female/male couples come together. There are just some aspects of female/female marriages that don't translate to female/male marriages and vice versa, and that is okay. I think they were acknowledging of the differences and did a good job of trying to balance that.