Is Marriage a Necessity | S3 E4 | Couch Conversations

[@anitawashington2964]

I dated a man for seven years who didn't want to get married. I decided to leave that relationship. I met my husband 3 months later. We got married 3 months after we met. This year we will be celebrating 12 years of marriage. I am so glad I stopped blocking my blessing. Proverbs 18:22: He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.

[@floridanurse7198]

I lived the same experience. Moving on was hard but I am happier being with a man that gives me love and security, not just love

[@amiyaanthony2319]

That sounds like the thing I’ve heard about a man knows when he wants to marry her within a few months of dating if he saying no to that woman now he ain’t really for it

[@brittanyy.1026]

Thank you for sharing this testimony!!!

[@marlenenoubet4927]

🤩 this is exactly my story as well. God works in wonderful ways

[@patriciabrooks303]

Want GOD do it! I was with my son’s father for eight years. Met my husband and we have been married for over 21 years. Guess who is still single, lonely, and looking? His mother told him he will never find another woman like me. IJS

[@hisqueen8154]

Honestly, homegirl was cappin the entire time! Any female that plans out their wedding day and writes it down will always want to be married! If homeboy got on bended knee at the end of the show, she would have screamed yes and pulled out that same page with all her wedding plans… And another thing…couples that aren’t married can’t possibly work harder to stay together! Marriage is not a safety net. Being single is safe. If y’all were to break up now, y’all can go your separate ways and your assets will be safely yours and vice versa. God created marriage for a reason. Marriage is not just a piece of paper. It requires our souls to be one with God, which is powerful.

[@tibo3211]

I think she did that in a sense of planning out on the idea of marriage. She wanted the typical life for herself cause it's what she saw. But she had to stop that cause she didn't want just the title or they said the classification. She's probably building a foundation for if when it does happen or not. If they don't want it. So be it

[@hisqueen8154]

@@tibo3211 nah she stopped bc it didn’t happen when she would have liked to be married not because she didn’t just want the title. There’s a difference between giving it up to God and completely tossing the idea. She never tossed that idea. It’s still in the back of her head that she wants to be a wife. Shes 7 years older than him. Of course when they started dating that he wasn’t in the mindset to be married or prepared for it. I just hope she isn’t settling to be in a relationship when she knows that marriage is her goal.

[@sarafrancis6442]

Agreed agreed agreed if she has the wedding planned she wants it … I have heard better arguments for not being married …

[@DaLane4real]

She is I mean, he's 7 years younger than her. Girl don't settle.

[@princessbc9791]

Thank you for commenting on that couple. I was so confused by what he just said. I don't believe women or men who want to be married, should date those who don't. That's not very smart.

[@HersheyKay]

It really bothers me to hear people say “it’s just a piece of paper.” Being a married woman of 10 years I can reassure anyone reading this that marriage is beyond a piece of paper. There’s nothing like a deeper connection of saying the same words at the same time unintentionally. There’s nothing like a deeper connection intimately. To have a legacy built on one name and both parties reap the benefits. Let’s not forget the many discounts such as lower car insurance, tax benefits, and more. Marriage is so necessary for those who are committed to continually working on their relationship. Lastly, it is very spiritual. It’s a communion built with the inner workings of the Spirit of God. Marriage in and of itself cannot be explained to its fullest capacity because it’s something that has to experienced with the right person. 🌺

[@emison3266]

spot on, I agree

[@queenb7821]

I agree with you! I read something on insta that said ur diploma is just a piece of paper but it’s WORTH something..we spend thousands and it helps you get a great job and accumulate wealth etc. Also, saw something where this persons dad died and in the obituary she labeled his long time gf at the time as his “loyal companion” as if she was his dog/German shepherd lol so it does mean something. Plus I would want me and my kids to have the same last name! I’m not married but this is just my view of marriage but I don’t judge those who don’t want to be married.

[@m.k.s.7417]

No boo!!

[@charcole3366]

I totally concur! I think EVERY woman want her own man! To have, hold & grow old with. 1 many to do EVERYTHING with from freaky to faith. Those who claim it don't matter are compromising their desires to not look a certain way. It's called settling

[@Adore7_AUM]

Beautifully written! I've been married to my husband almost 21 years now, and trust and believe being married is a totally different level! I think people who have never been married say it's just a piece of paper, people who have experienced marriage good , bad, or indifferent know better.

[@DeeluxyLife]

Seems like it was hard for Chance to sit through the younger couple's answers. It's like he could sense BS. His facial expressions says it all.

[@tibo3211]

I don't know

[@veganhippiesol]

I agree. Seems like he’s a young guy and low key using her for her business and money. They seemed off to me personally. It seems like she’s the leader and he follows. To each their own.

[@shatonnadukes2814]

@@veganhippiesol he's not following that hard. Hes standing on the fact that he's not getting married. Got her standing there too👀

[@gospel3067]

@@veganhippiesol YES!!! I was looking in the comments to see who else got this. She was a young cougar. That man left home & was handed a business, place to stay & lay his "pipe". It's hobosexual in the reverse.

[@RE-im1xm]

Right!!! Chance's body language looked irritated.

[@patriciabrooks303]

This was a good conversation. The young lady wants to be married, but she settled for what was available at that time. Hopefully, the outcome will be better for them both.

[@Diva08180703]

Yup! I hate that we women tend to settle for our men just to keep them but we’re not reallly happy cause it’s not what we want

[@PhoenixGoddess]

I totally agree with you. But I don't think it will work out at the end for them because deep down she wants to get married..

[@patriciabrooks303]

@@PhoenixGoddess It’s a possibility, especially after looking into her eyes and knowing her desire is to be married, that he may fulfill that desire knowing he has a queen by his side.

[@cjohnson_]

Lawd when she ".....and that's all she wrote" I'm going bihh no it's not! That thang ain't wrote nun. Whew! We as women gotta knock this off. They have a very bizarre dynamic as well. It's giving homies or fwb.

[@PhoenixGoddess]

@@patriciabrooks303 We know he is.. But will Antoinette is the question deep down??

[@ms.boogie8132]

In my opinion, it is unfortunate that Antoinette, having the desire to get married, settled for Joshua and moved in with him 30 days after meeting him, because he came along at a point when she was tired of looking. 7 years later, you can see she is still settling. She said she grew up in church, but I guess she didn't have an understanding of marriage. The excuse of his mother funding his real estate endeavors is a poor excuse. I could be wrong, but it sounds like the mother is paying him not to marry her. I wonder what happens with the real estate business finances if they break up? A marriage certificate is more than "just a piece of paper".

[@tibo3211]

But you see what if they did get married. Would be enjoyable for them both? Even those that want marriage and get married, some of those marriages didn't last either. If they wanna build on tough times without the legality of it then so be it. If they do decide to marry. They know how to handle issues even more now

[@ms.boogie8132]

@@tibo3211 They don't need to be together and they shouldn't get married. Why would he decide now, after 7 years to marry her? She needs to walk away and make herself available for someone who will love and respect her wishes enough to marry her and have a family. In this situation, one of them will not be happy and it's going to be her. She wants marriage and children and settled for him. She will resent him later.

[@sandraheyward6780]

She is settling

[@ms.boogie8132]

If this situation was reversed, and Joshua wanted marriage, he would have no problem walking away from her.

[@mrs.kimcoleman5386]

I agree with this thread in that she has settled as he is way too young for her!!! They met when she was 28 and he was was 21, now 7 years later, she is 35 years old and he is 28 years old!!! She has wasted so much time and her prime fertility years as now she is in the high risk pregnancy years!!! The funny thing is if they break up, he will most likely marry the next woman he is in a relationship with in under 2 years!!! LOL Look, my point is that women need to make better decisions in the men that they are choosing to be with!!! 😁

[@k88k82]

Antoinette has a certain measure of sadness in her eyes... I think she truly wants to be married

[@valschinnery4290]

Agree. His mom didn’t want a cougar with her baby and he’s a momma boy

[@omphilemoerane2569]

@@valschinnery4290 mama is right. She's too old for him. I just turned 29. Can't imagine dating a 21/22 year old. And I wouldn't want my child dating someone older at that age either.

[@anonnona6433]

In her eyes and voice 🙆🏽‍♀️.

[@PI1901]

@k88k82 agree. I picked up on it right away. she had a plan for marriage and settled for homeboy. i wish them the best. but most happily single people that don't want to married don't even think about it let alone talk about it.

[@to4163]

K88k82, you are so correct. I would tell her to be true to herself. She wants to get married. He is 21 years old and he is not ready at 21. She is lying to herself and settled for him.

[@coachpatty2889]

Tabitha is such an amazing and awesome person, just how she leads and guides the conversation. She truly exemplifies excellence at its best!

[@bill7481]

Yes! She is excellent at it! And Chance is so selective with his words. His thoughts are, at least thus far, always so clearly expressed. Power couple!

[@ladyt4062]

@@bill7481 I love the way Chance explains things!

[@jarhonda2702]

Yes I agree..luv her!!!

[@YoutubeNameHere]

Yes I think her husband also compliments her and vice versa with the conversation and questions they ask.

[@shannonjackson4326]

The single young lady isn’t being honest with herself. She’s clearly saying something with her comments here. She planned a whole wedding in detail. The key is to be honest with yourself and true to yourself as well.

[@TiffanyDanielle]

I agree! I think she is just going along with him and his wants. I really feel like she still wants to be married.

[@to4163]

My late father and grandfather were famous for saying why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.

[@tibo3211]

I think she did that in a sense of planning out on the idea of marriage. She wanted the typical life for herself cause it's what she saw. But she had to stop that cause she didn't want just the title or they said the classification. She's probably building a foundation for if when it does happen or not.

[@adriannealisa]

Sis has convinced herself that she’s “ok” with being the girlfriend/life partner when in reality, if he asked her today she’s gladly say yes!! Do not settle for anything less than what you want !

[@FinishTheRaceVL7]

Period! She's still young and unfortunately will learn from this in the long run...

[@Shemashay]

She is not young. She over 30 he’s still young. She is wasting her time if they do stay together she is going to resent him. She had built her life and she honestly through what it sounds like is being his mother

[@laetitia1007]

I agree with all your comments. She has settled because she thinks it's the best she can get. There is a sadness in her voice

[@MsTam029]

I agree. Before hearing their story I thought they were on the same page so I’m like cool that’s their business. As I continued to listen though it just feels like she settled and the novelty of getting married wore off but deep down she still desires it. He seemed like he had invalid excuses like being an introvert 🤨. Easy solution for that…elopement, courthouse, or small intimate gathering.

[@Skin4839]

I feel a red flag for this kinda not marriage type of a guy. How can u come in and take over and be a CEO of a company a sis has started? Wake up gal? No safety security? And u bring in a partner to take over your business? It could be better if ya'll started together....but u saying he is just coming in later on and he is not wanting that safety security for you? RED FLAG 🚩

[@chakastyles8794]

I love that Chance really expressed his coming into his appreciation of marriage. My girl Tab got her a real one…

[@solokizzy737]

I think the young lady has suppressed it so much in her mind bc it wasn’t happening at the time til now she’s still telling herself “ I don’t want it.” Maybe she’s afraid of getting back to that point of such desire. You could hear it in her voice at the end, the uncertainty. It’s okay to want to be married. It’s okay to choose somebody who wants that also. I wish them well ❤️

[@justRandiE]

Right. She has settled for "anything" that seemed flattering, which was being in a "relationship". Because she was single for so long and her plans didn't come to fruition. He's young and I believe after he made that statement, he realized he sound young and immature. I hope he grows past where he is. Edit... I had to come back and redact a bit of my statement of her having her own.... She has her own. She is the successful Black Woman settling for a man that she is helping to build. Oh, bless her heart.

[@trinimom7686]

They met at 28 he was 21 so she is ahead by 7 years, they been together for 7 years he is still very young. I do agree she desires to be married but is making the compromise because he is not interested and they are relatively Happy..They will eventually get married even if it takes a while.

[@tibo3211]

Yeah but even those that want marriage and marry have marriages that fail as well. Sometimes folks just wanna build what they have before they say I do.

[@jones2277]

she settled because she was 30 and still hadn't had a boyfriend. that is the plight of the modern BW. where is her counterpart?

[@marymac1972]

Marriage is NOT just a piece of paper…. My grandpa always told me that a man must license his gun, car and even his dog… don’t allow a man to treat his car, dog and gun with greater respect.

[@Bee-lieve623]

Omg, that's so true. I'm currently single. My friend has been in a relationship for 7 years, have kids, and they're not married. I know she wants to be but idk about him. I would feel so hurt, honestly. I can't live with you like we're married yet when I file taxes, I have to check "single."

[@mybrwnisbeautifulhin1165]

I cringed when the young lady spoke. I’m not convinced that she doesn’t want to be married after saying how much marriage had always been important her. But she’s not willing to stand on that out of fear of losing what she has. And the fact that he’s 7 yrs younger than her speaks volumes. That’s a huge gamble because if he decides he ever wants to get married, it may not be with her.

[@bnika]

I agree wholeheartedly because it seems like he view her as a Business Partner only - climbing the ladder as She continue to Birth the Vision of the Business.

[@emekaemmanuel5258]

Yea. He's not gonna marry her for sure. She's just a business.

[@marymac1972]

Well said and more than likely that will be the case…. She is settling

[@RE-im1xm]

....What's even worse is when you have men in their 50s and 60s still speaking the same way that this 21-year-old guy is...

[@michellebell2]

I totally agree with you.

[@Pal3sa]

Tabitha was spot on when she said it's how you communicate with yourself first. If you don't know how you're feeling, how are you going to tell your partner how you feel & why you feel that way? If you're not nurturing yourself, being kind to yourself, how can you show up for your partner? Love Tab & Chance.

[@thegirlsclub24]

I love that she said that, it made me take stock of my own relationship with myself.

[@nellan6930]

I would love to see a follow up on the younger couple in five years. To tell a woman that you never thought about marrying her after she told you her dreams of becoming a wife is alarming.

[@ReneeInspires_GodGives]

Question is if she ever brought it up to him before they got in the relationship or earlier on in the relationship.

[@dialoguewithd6682]

A year from now let alone five! This was cringe 😬

[@berthacalcote8183]

So would I

[@monawilliams286]

Right then we she’s 40, he’ll be 33 and can move on no problem.

[@IAmCoachMJ]

I’ll say this: they put the right couples together for THIS conversation. I hope all ears and hearts were open.

[@shonthedivinediva8462]

AGREE!

[@sheliaroberson3799]

Yes, they did. Tab did well. Chance really spoke up . I love to hear him talk. I like the older couple talking about being pregnant . People need to know Christian’s aren’t perfect . We know this but I’m saying letting out your dirt so folks can see how God blessed them to make it through.

[@ErinMBlack]

I enjoyed this interview. I also don’t quite believe the young lady is over the idea of marriage. Her face reads a different message. Best of luck to both of these couples.

[@definedae]

Hey Erinn!!

[@ErinMBlack]

@@definedae hey girl! ☺️

[@Imgoodthanx-o5j]

I agree I wonder what she feels when she watches the interview

[@DaLegenDari1]

Hey Erin 😜

[@ErinMBlack]

@@DaLegenDari1 Dariana! Hey girl ☺️

[@colleenr3358]

2:48 I know Ms. Tabitha wasn't trying to be shady, but I cackled at that "Well, that's your business" 😂

[@btfields323]

Fr😂🤭

[@caseyj5597]

It was definitely right on cue❗❗❗🤣🤣🤣

[@ladawnelliott7998]

After 23 years together, it is simply beautiful how truly connected Tab and Chance are. She is still engaged and enamored as Chance shares how the definition of marriage evolved for him 14:03 to 16:32. Again, I am so appreciative to BL for sharing REAL stories and having honest conversations about love in the black community. There are so many men that are apprehensive and intimidated about the responsibility of marriage and to hear a person share with such transparency is the ingredient that can serve as the game changer for our community.

[@loycemac8135]

I felt this! My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years now, but marriage wasn't on our list of things to do when we were dating. He was happily single and so was I. Fast forward....being married is the greatest feeling and experience that I've had in my life! A true blessing. My husband is my best friend, my peace, my teacher and my covering. Being married has truly humbled me in a way that I cannot fully explain. The transformation that had to happen to get to (we are still growing) this place is phenomenal! Thanks Black Love (Tabitha & Chance) for another great show! ❤

[@TiffanyDanielle]

Yasss Sis!!!💯🙌🏽

[@swampsprite9]

Marriage is a man-made institution and not necessary for a couple to be happy. That's great it worked out for you. Most people who are happily married were happy before marriage. I've personally not known anyone to become happier after tying the knot.

[@nataliewaterman6114]

Loyce, I'm hoping to experience that one day!!

[@clashon4life843]

@@swampsprite9 Marriage Is Spiritual Before It’s Natural And As Far As The Laws Of The Land Court Documented Marriage Certificate! You Have Absolutely No Concept Of Marriage Being A Sacred Covenant Union Before God! God Established Marriage And Family! God Was Intentional When He Created Man And Woman To Produce And Replenish The Earth 🌍

[@clashon4life843]

@@swampsprite9 your negative 👎🏽 And that’s your experience not everyone’s experience so speak for yourself because your not speaking for me And or all of US for that matter! And hopefully someday you will find happiness within ⭕️ yourself And then the things on the outside of you Will began to change for the better! Allow your mindset to shift to work for your better Good And not for your better Bad!

[@roslyndouglas2184]

Those folks took the time to share their business with us. I wish that single couple the best. Many of us have worn that same black t-shirt. Moths ate ours up. I hope that young man has a change of heart and learns the beauty of 'covering' his woman.

[@JaGo9991]

I won’t completely disrespect what they have by saying that they are 100% single, but you can tell that the woman in black silently longs for something more. The desire to want partnership on that level doesn’t just disappear.

[@thatsseauxnish_]

Very very true. I hope she doesn’t have to settle any longer.

[@gottaluvpink89]

I feel for Antoinette. She seems uncomfortable and it shows. Holding back on what you really want out of life is detrimental in so many ways. You still have time, girl. Put God first and take that leap of faith. ~Blessings~

[@iammahalieka]

Now I understand there is a 7-year difference with the single couple. His body language says a lot and her vocalizing says a lot too. I pray it works out for them to commit to each other as husband and wife. I hope he honors her and begin the struggle of becoming one. And letter writing is very POWERFUL because people are forced to listen.

[@tibo3211]

We can only hope it works out. But they're embarking on 10 years so we'll see

[@MamaDee737]

I noticed the body language too. She is not aware that she has settled for this younger man because she got tired. I have lived through a mother funding a son's real estate deal and needless to say it did not end well. A man needs to fund his own deals. Because the young man is used to women taking the lead he can bounce anytime, married or not. Mom's got his back. Love the realness of your sessions.

[@ladypace717]

That body language...yes ma'am! Therapeutically, that's a field day.

[@hedrick7]

that's what I was looking at, his body language. I'm like do you even like each other. I feel for Antoinette, because he can leave at any moment, no matter how much she says to him "You aint goin nowhere" I truly pray for the both of them

[@melodicsoundz]

So the young lady stated that for years, relationship and marriage hadn’t happened for her so she got to the point where she needed to be ok if marriage and kids never happened….that’s fine because we need to learn to be ok with the situation we’re in, we need to learn to be happy alone if that’s the path our lives take…BUT it’s obvious to me that because she accepted this belief in her single-hood (just in case it never happened) she has learned to settle in her current relationship because HE doesn’t want to be married. If they broke up tomorrow and she met the man of her dreams that wanted marriage, she’d say yes. She’s convinced herself against the things she really wants. I felt like I was watching my younger self whenever she spoke.

[@MsTam029]

Agree with everything you stated.

[@tibo3211]

Whatever happens if she wants to really marry then she'll leave herself and go find that one or accept that one that does. I mean it's been 7 years and they trust each other enough to go into business together which some married folks can't even trust their partner to cook for them. It ain't broke so it ain't much we can say to claim it a problem.

[@Mrs.704]

The bar is LOW for most women.

[@irenernfuturemsn7689]

If a man wants you he will marry you. Don't settle. He is old enough to know he wants a wife.

[@tondarelf4106]

It seems that the younger woman has sacrificed her desires and beliefs in order to be in a relationship. She is risking a lot to be with this young man. It is also significant to point out the fact that he is seven years younger than her. He was only 21 when they go together. He is not ready. I hope she knows what she is doing.

[@kennid6743]

Yeah, it’s a relationship that sounds like it revolves around his perspective

[@mickc6751]

I don’t think she wants to push him. I noticed he said that if SHE BRINGS the “paper” he would sign. That spoke immaturity to me. I think he needs to be mentored by a GROWN man, like Chance. I hope he was paying attention and comes to realize what it means to be a man and husband and decide if that’s what he wants to be.

[@FinishTheRaceVL7]

Yep, as she stated in the beginning - she had put her life on a timeline/clock, & the events in her life didn't planned out to be what she desired. So she took what she can get and ran with....a domestic partner.

[@tibo3211]

We can't judge their relationship just cause he says he didn't want marriage. Cause I know when a person is sick and tired of being sick and tired they'll leave a situation quick. Maybe they have talked about it. But even if it takes 20 years. Atleast it worked out for them

[@FinishTheRaceVL7]

@@tibo3211 - only time will tell...TikTok ...TikTok...TikTok ⏰️ ⏰️ ⏰️

[@keturahmorris5075]

Honestly, I feel in my soul that Antoinette wants to be married. She simply denied herself of this desire for her partner. If you are planning out your wedding in your head - sis you want it. Let’s be serious and honest. Her facial expressions are completely telling a different story than what her mouth is saying. It’s okay to want something that your partner does not, which means there needs to be honesty, and a real conversation.

[@GeiaCarterPR]

Antoinette is Barb-the-Builder for Joshua. His mom will continue to fund his real estate ventures as long as he is not married to Antoinette. As long as they remain single, mom and Joshua’s investments belong to THEM, separate property. After Antoinette helps him build a fortune, Joshua will leave her and go get HIMSELF a 21 year old, wife her up and start having kids. Antoinette will be approaching 40 and stunned at what has happened. I feel sorry for her in advance. The writing is on the wall.

[@FinishTheRaceVL7]

His reasoning for NOT wanting to be in a traditional marriage doesn't make a lick of sense. She is definitely compromising for the sake of being in a so-called long term relationship, so she trapped him with a COO position as an investment to ensure a long term relationship.

[@cjohnson_]

This part! They are both being.... slick with each other.

[@FinishTheRaceVL7]

@@cjohnson_ - 🎯🎯🎯 Both are being slick with each other. Unfortunately, ultimately in the end it will NOT work...they're both still young & still figuring out things in their lives.

[@cjohnson_]

@@FinishTheRaceVL7 right! It's not going to end well. This is a tactic women use far too often-trying to worm our way into a man's life to where he is "stuck" with us or it's soooo beneficial for him. But it's trickery and the consequences of that are all around us. Dude gon leave her with egg on her face. She is going to make it hell for him to leave. In the end they gon tear their ass in this relationship.

[@diamondunicorn2421]

Isn’t this something amazing. This discussion came up in me and my guy I’m in a relationship with now . I asked him why should we get married (we both have been married before) and he stated, marriage solidifies the commitment. While shacking up is a easy way to exit the relationship or arrangement. I took a double take and actually agree. I love this video. Came right on time!

[@3DSuccess]

This is such a touchy topic. To marry or not. I know another couple who have been together 18-20 years, never married. The female opened several business for him in her name. They have a teenage son. They have struggled almost the entire relationship and now are only a couple for the child. After all this time they are calling it quits There isn't even common law marriage where they live. She feels betrayed, and as if she loss out on marriage. She is now in her mid forties. To me it's the common case of compromising and supressing what you really desire. I think women feel honored when they are able to marry. Not that marriage determines who you are, but it can impact how many women feel deep down.

[@Mrs.704]

The old folks used to say “marry that woman and make a ‘honest’ woman out of her.”

[@3DSuccess]

@@Mrs.704 The honor piece is Huge. The lack of it in a relationships is a huge part of our world dynamic. There is an innate desire for a woman to feel honored through marriage of the man she "loves". No matter how much you do something you think is love that does not honor you, it will eventually eat away at you. It will eat away at you're self esteem, your self worth and your heart. Even if you deal with it , it will impact you internally and emotionally.😪 And this is where some of the bitterness people speak of stem from. People feel dishonored and devalued. At the end of the day we have to love ourselves enough to release things that do not TRULY serve us to our higher good.💜 It takes self awareness, (really being honest with yourself) innerwork and healing to hold ourselves at a higher realm of self esteem.

[@patriciabradford1304]

I appreciate everyone's honesty. I was just a little confused as to how you want to play married, do all things together but not get married. Is it at the end of the day you still want to leave the easy exit strategy open?

[@heyrobertcarter1]

I’m in total agreement with you! Be blessed ❤️

[@TeeBabyXOXO]

That’s what it sounds like on his behalf…I wish them the best, but specifically that she chooses herself.

[@Bee-lieve623]

Right, I don't understand that either. And then you add kids to the mix. I don't have time for a guy who wants to play games. You got 2 years from the day we become boyfriend and girlfriend to marry me. Otherwise, I'm leaving.

[@fdoctor79]

When she said...we are not married but he is not going anywhere?!? Whew, Chile. But he can, tho with no strings attached. If you're not married, you still single.

[@MzTinkerbell]

But on the other hand...marriage doesn't guarantee stability or that a person will stay. Ijs

[@fdoctor79]

@@MzTinkerbell Sad but true!

[@Rebecca-vn8vn]

Talk that talk Chance! I really love seeing Tabitha and Chance host these conversations!

[@monawilliams286]

I wish I could read Chance’s mind looking at the young couple. He probably thinking about his own daughters like I wish a ninja would!! 🤣

[@tantanayarembert5332]

No one raised the point of when someone passes away, the person you’ve spent your deep and darkest secrets with have No LEGAL ground to make a decision or technically advocate for you. Most don’t think about power of attorney or guardianship prior too. This was one of the reasons outside of the love for my husband marriage was necessary. But that’s just my opinion.

[@mssophied1295]

🎯🎯🎯🎯

[@lataviawilliams5053]

THIS‼️

[@Bee-lieve623]

And be listed on the obituary as the "special friend."

[@thatsseauxnish_]

I’m 2 minutes in, and Antoinette definitely wants to experience marriage. Even if it turns out to not work for her. She shouldn’t settle.

[@EminJai]

I’m loving these episodes and hearing Chance speak….lawd he said something with that whole dialogue about him selfishly saying he wasn’t going to get married because “church”. And recognizing Tab’s choice to sacrifice what she knew and was raised to believe about marriage for him…made that man look inward and ask himself the hard questions.

[@CC-og9hz]

Whewwwww! This was a good conversation. In my opinion marriage is necessary in a healthy relationship. it’s not just a piece of paper it’s a ministry, when two are joined and become one. Now it’s not for everyone, bt I feel like the first couple is a little lost on what marriage is.

[@sheliaroberson3799]

You said it right. Ministry!!! They have to grow in there faith not your business or other accomplishments. I believe she wants it bad but has settled. He is young and scared . How introverted is he when coaching the team? Just speaking truth y’all!!! Marry that girl in a courthouse and be done. Good young man but somebody else could come and take that!!! Oh but she said she wasn’t letting him go So I guess that means she is settled. Kinda sad… Hopefully they will surround themselves with married folks or better yet God will do what he does best.

[@ShirleyT652]

"marriage is a big party and I hate parties..." this man's excuses 😂😂😂

[@RE-im1xm]

Right?!! Spoken like a true scholar (sarcasm). Totally lame excuses. Comical and shameful all at the same time.

[@ashcassjimenez3026]

So grateful for these conversations and for this channel, period. I watch one almost every weekday on lunch breaks. It’s way better than engaging in small talk about things that ultimately don’t matter. These topics are so relatable and expands my perspective. Thank you BL!

[@kdavid950]

Working in Healthcare ... I've seen many women/men who been together for years and they have no rights... the kids, or the parents take over... they get nothing left in the cold... the kids/parents take everything... its so sad. . Just don't set yourself up for failure

[@kdavid950]

@A I I see it a lot... its crazy bc the next day I was at work and my patient's long term gf thought she could make decisions for him... his daughter was like she is not his wife ...and I haven't seen his gf after that...

[@kdavid950]

@@sunkissed_potatoe u have to show that there's no next to kin to get poa... most ppl don't setup poa or a living will

[@kdavid950]

@@sunkissed_potatoe that's good you have everything in order unfortunately a lot of ppl don't have these important documents in order and yes different states different rules

[@daynaz5313]

My mans really said he never wanted to get married because he feels like marriage is a party and he doesn’t like parties. If that wasn’t the sorriest excuse. 🙄

[@mstrailblazer]

Tabitha and Chance honesty is what brings me joy as I’m watching their videos. Continue doing great things. I love it!

[@Graceandtrust]

I think that both of the older couples firmly/gently hit the younger couple with the truth; Firm and gentle enough to make them think and face their truth instead of condemning them and making them run further from the truth.

[@reginahutchinson4057]

He does not want marriage period! She will grow to resent him. But for now, she is very insecure, and he knows it. Like she said you aren't going nowhere. You do not hold tight to love in that way. I had to learn this. And he is REALLY REALLY CONNECTED TO HIS mother. He is more worried about her and her money. Then he is his own relationship. This is just my opion. Great show Tab.

[@oedivci]

I know she genuinely believes that she is okay with not being married but she is really sacrificing her true wishes to keep this man. I hope one day he will honor her sacrifice and give her what she deserves.

[@musicartlover963]

He won't ever honor her like she deserves to be because he hasn't sacrificed as much as her and he knows it......she has sacrificed her self worth .....the desire to really be married 2 someone who has the same desire.....she said it herself, she wasn't in a relationship she was of looking tired of trying .....so when this type of man came along.....half of a man is better than no man🙅🏾‍♀️

[@Isa-Amor]

A friend of mine passed away and her absent next of kin father got all the money and called the shots. Her fiance had no say-so of nothing and got nothing. This is how unmarried can play out. It's also a protection for your family if anything happens

[@drea0795]

She could’ve simply written a will though, if I’m not mistaken.

[@Isa-Amor]

@@drea0795 they was dating for a short year. That's a good point tho. The question is for these ladies who really do want to get married and are settling for what the man is willing to give them, are they writing up a will to a man who is not wanting to marry? You don't want to legally commit to me but yet legally receive all my money/assets when I die?? Hmm

[@RE-im1xm]

Absolutely!! Thank you for saying what I've been thinking, Isa!!

[@drea0795]

@@Isa-Amor excellent point. In terms of the will, I was more so saying that if the man was truly sincere about committing to spend the rest of his life with her as a life partner, but is simply not a proponent of marriage since it’s “just a piece of paper” in their eyes, the man can write his life partner in his will to ensure she is taken care of as a wife would be if he were to pass away before her. If that’s the excuse, then there are ways around it to still operate in the role of a committed life partner just as a husband would without the title. It’s like when some men claim to not celebrate Valentine’s Day or any other holiday that requires purchasing a gift because it’s just capitalism and they don’t need a special day to show their woman he loves her. If they TRULY buy into that and are not just trying to skirt responsibility/be cheap, they will be the type who actually does give flowers, cards, candy, and other romantic gestures randomly throughout the year. If not, it’s just an excuse to avoid doing what should be done.

[@Isa-Amor]

@@drea0795 Very true. From what I'm seeing these dudes are using an excuse to be free on their own terms. Just like this dude on the video said that they can't marry because of the business his mom fronted the money to establish as a protection. No way he's gonna get a will to grant her anything seeing his mom is trying to protect the money they making from his girl. It's really sad and she's wasting her time

[@shonthedivinediva8462]

Chance's explanation around the 15 min mark says it ALL! He understood HER desire and commitment to him and wanted the very best for Tabitha which was to see her fulfilled and happy. He was able to look beyond himself and realize marriage was what he wanted and needed too. Antoinette really is settling. It seems she came seeking validation for her decision to settle. She seems sad.

[@RE-im1xm]

Thank God for real, stand-up and authentic stories like the one that Chance shared and also that the other older gentleman shared. I love the both of the older men were without any excuses and especially that the bald gentleman didn't let the fact of his previously failed marriage shut him down from marrying again.

[@to4163]

For me, going into business with someone not married to is a no no for me.

[@globalcitizen740]

It’s the same thing as having a business partner if you were single.

[@PhoenixGoddess]

It's ok if we're business partners but not in a romantic relationship. I hope the have their paperwork in order if they split.

[@to4163]

@@PhoenixGoddess I hope so.

[@musicartlover963]

AMEN

[@maximizeyourzone6212]

The younger couple: his priority is his business and investments. He said that in the beginning. She is settling for what HE wants.

[@Nls4679]

I really was trying to be on their side.. y’all don’t want to get married, ok.. Then the more they spoke, I couldn’t do it. I hope she knows she will never change his mind. He has to want to get married and at this point why would he? Baby girl doesn’t realize that she is the prize in this situation.

[@audreybolling2793]

Living together and being married are two different levels of commitment and trust.

[@jeanetteatkins7660]

I’m proud to say I been married for 32 years, and what work’s for us was we kept everyone out of our relationship we talked to each other no one else. 🙏🏽

[@laneyjackson5916]

That young woman is giving up so much to be with her boyfriend. She let him take over her business, she is dismissing her desire to me married and turning her back on her moral beliefs. I didn't hear him say he was giving anything up for her. He's withdrawal from her and not depositing. It won't be long before he bankrupt her emotional and maybe financially. He said infront of everybody that he don't want to get married. I just hope she clearly heard that!

[@golattc]

I wonder how many times and how long it took for her to drill in her head "she's ok not being married" she's going to look back at this interview and say "I can't believe I was saying this and knowing good and well I want to be married with a dream wedding!"...🤦🏾‍♀️

[@carolcampbell-forrest1546]

That man is afraid of commitment. She is settling and she needs to be honest with what she wants.

[@JaGo9991]

I don’t think he’s afraid. He’s young! Only 27. He just hasn’t grown enough as an individual to see the beauty and benefits of marriage in my opinion.

[@carolcampbell-forrest1546]

@@JaGo9991Nah a man knows what he wants and 27 isn't too young for a man to commit he is almost 30 and he has a older woman he knows what he wants and that's to play house. He is waiting for something better or he is just comfortable and likes playing house.

[@nitzaduran]

I was shocked when they said he was going to take over her business!!. Seems to me like he moved in with her when he was 21 and she was 28. But that’s just an assumption. Overall he seemed very closed off and pretentious. She’s been settling for sometime now. Hope she finds what she deserves. ❤️

[@hedrick7]

I was like, nooo sisss, I hope paper work is drafted

[@nitzaduran]

@@hedrick7 ikr especially if it’s your baby and you worked really hard for it

[@gloriaalleyne7135]

It could just me me but the lady that said she don't care if she got married, I think she would be so happy if he asked her tomorrow.

[@kennid6743]

Exactly! Her repeatedly saying “you just can’t leave!” Is the opposite of her earlier statements

[@hazelboyce7230]

She doesn’t sound convincing. She wants to be married.

[@Theartsymuslimah175]

Oh for sure she wants to get married, he don’t want to marry her… when he mentioned his money in real estate 🤷🏿‍♀️ I already knew

[@tyrafennell1911]

Everyone on this panel is looking side eye and this young couple 😂😂😂

[@OohlalaHolly]

So she started a business, was successful and gave this man her stuff and he don’t want to think about marriage. Get outta town, she’s clownin around!

[@3DSuccess]

That's a great point she made about compromising. I know several women who changed their mind because their mate felt marriage wasnt important. After the relationships ended and they did some introspection they admitted they had simply compromised to still be with the guy💜😪

[@shonthedivinediva8462]

Very true. I have a few friends in this boat. One in a very long term relationship (double digits) went back and forth for years saying she does and doesn't want marriage. He finally proposed and they have been engaged for now for about three years. I can't do that. I'd rather be single and true to myself than emotionally suffer because I'm suppressing the desire for the commitment (WITH PAPER).

[@3DSuccess]

@@shonthedivinediva8462 It's so important that we stand fully on what we deserve and desire. We so easily exist in desperation, unaware, and then resentment and regret. We have to heal.

[@shonthedivinediva8462]

@@3DSuccess I agree. Social pressures, impatience, and loneliness often leads to decisions that cause many to settle for less than the true desires of their heart. It reminds me of that saying about settling for Mr. Right now instead for waiting for Mr. Right.

[@3DSuccess]

@@shonthedivinediva8462 Now that's good!

[@mickc6751]

I ❤️❤️❤️ Tab and Chance!! Chance that male perspective is 🔥🔥🔥. Tab you are so mothery (soothing and inclusive) and I love how you mediate and control the atmosphere.❤️

[@brandywarrior]

It’s beautiful to see and hear the married couples speak on their respect and appreciation of the covenant and commitment of marriage. It saddens me to watch someone settle for less than their desire. Every human has settled in a version of their journey - whether it be in relationship, business, purpose, family, etc. I’ve definitely been there, and understand. I pray we all have the patience, wisdom and discernment to live life fully until we receive what we need and desire. I wish every couple the best! Love these episodes. Shout out to Chance for his reverence, appreciation, love to Tab❤️🥰❤️

[@purplesoul9927]

Very well said 👏 💯🎯

[@ariariKy]

When sis said something to the effect of “I started the company now he is going to become the COO to take over “ I gasped . Chile , That just don’t feel right in my spirit chiiiiiiiile 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@reginahutchinson4057]

Look at his face with that fixed smile. He is straight playing her Period.

[@yx5991]

He says he never really thought about marriage, meanwhile she planned hers out. What stands out is he said marriage is a big party so his idea of marriage/wedding is not the same as what she thinks it is. If it’s that simple that he would sign the paper today, then the question is why not go ahead and sign the paper?

[@AmieWest]

Right, sign up for the party!!!

[@mjhunter502]

So it takes MORE commitment and work to live together than to be married, and marriage is a safety net?? News to me… 🤔 Love you, Tab and Chance! 🤩🧡

[@nikasnook]

Right, lol.

[@jenng5925]

Still scratching my head on that one.

[@kayybaby16]

That man is using that women for her money, he’s young and trying to benefit of course he ain’t looking for no marriage.

[@TryphenaWade]

Antoinette clearly wants to be married. She's trying to convince herself that she doesn't because he doesn't. But she wants it.

[@charlenethemindbehinddesig1171]

Omg i love the way Tabitha talks, like such a warm hug welcome, from an aunty.. love it!

[@py20]

All of you who are for marriage, unapologetically, have given me hope. There's nothing more beautiful and more fulfilling than a marriage that is nurtured God's way. No other human arrangement comes remotely close!

[@drcyntreljaneau]

Great conversation. Each couple made valid points. I thoroughly enjoyed Chance's commentary on the evolution and perspective of marriage from his viewpoint. Being ready and happy is the main thing, but being in the will of God is paramount. What I like about being married is being in the will of God, having a partner to do life with, and having a family. Life is challenging, and to do it alone or without a solid support system can be a bit scary, especially if you don't want to be alone. Everyone will get older, prone to get ill, and eventually die. It’s good to have someone to be there for you. When you fall on hard times, lose a job, have challenges with kids, etc., you have someone to lean on. When you need someone in any situation, someone committed to you has your back. When you die, your spouse gets to manage the assets you left behind, and your hard-earned assets won't be taken by the state-many things and benefits to consider. Let’s not forget the love and companionship that comes with it.

[@shegotstandards]

I agree. However, many women grow mature and age and never get married because the right person just never came alone; therefore, we have to make it alone in life and deal with doing Life as a single. With the social media culture we live in today and considering the mindsets of some men in the Black Culture, if you are unattractive, disfigured, very heavy set, and the rest sometimes your options are just not there or Limited. Even with making changes to make yourself a better person if the men of this generation don't find you appealing, they are just not going to approach or choose you; then you are left to live out the single life alone.

[@Sunshine94533]

I love Couch Conversations but Tabitha and Chance are my absolute favorite hosts. They are naturals! They are the perfect mix of a married couple with many years under their belt but not so far removed from their pre-married days that they can’t identify with unmarried couples. So wise. They are amazing!!

[@ceecee99]

Go ahead Chance!! I loved when he said he realized that he was being selfish and not honoring Tab in not marrying her and not honoring her upbringing. So glad for the Holy Spirit convicting him, because now he has a beautiful and aspiring marriage for others to gleam from.

[@malkiawaalego2552]

1. This boy, and yes, he’s still a boy, is too young and is looking for mother figures (see references to dependency on his mom, and the lady in black taking him under her wing) 2. The lady in black needs to love herself and know she is enough. She is settling and risking her money in the process. 3. Something seems off with this couple.

[@sheilaverdi66]

I thought my second marriage was going to be my last. When he told me that GOD said that I was going to be his wife it felt like it could be forever. But things changed 3 years in the marriage but I tried to work it out and stayed for 11 years. I decided on 2021 that I deserved love & happiness and so I filed for divorce. I have decided that I am good being alone at this point of my journey. Thank you so much Tabitha for starting this channel and having these conversations.

[@cliquesnvues]

Girl you started a business made him the CEO and .. this man has not gotten down on bended knee for you ...girl I can't do it

[@tanyaquinn1353]

Great conversation! I don’t think marriage is a necessity, and couple should do what best for them. I’m a little concerned with the unmarried couple, not that they need to be married, it seems like he’s not ready and she wants to. It seems as if she’s not being honest with herself because for fear that she may push him too much.

[@elaineshelley22]

Yes you can definitely tell the young lady wants to be married, especially if you’ve written out the details. I personally was never that girl who cared if I got married or had kids.(Eventually had one kid and two marriages 😃) However it was that second marriage that really showed me how special it was to have that covering from a husband. That man made it okay to just be me and allowed me to feel safe even when I was vulnerable. RIP Big Sexy those were the best 18 months of my life. ✌🏾❤️🙏🏾

[@michellehendking1742]

I just love this. Chance Brown I love your perspective on your thought of being married and how it has evolved. I see how you cherish Tab. It's so special! Thank you

[@sherrybrown8608]

I love every episode of couch conversations.

[@beesmith8003]

Great points of view. Let’s look at the vulnerability in both couples and be mindful that this is their decision. I know the emphasis is on the non married couple but both couples are living their truths. Let’s build one another up for great memories in the celebration of black love.

[@pspr1149]

Never settle for what you do not want.

[@TeeIsHauteCocoaChanel]

Both of my grandparents were married over 50 almost 60 years my parents will be married 39 in June . Not only do I want marriage because of my family and other examples I saw , but God instituted it. I’m 31 never been but I will ❤️

[@shatonnadukes2814]

That young man aint ready or interested. She's trying to hold on until he changes his mind. God bless her!

[@classicredwine]

I met a “woke” man who was against the “institution of marriage “ and “signing a contract with the state” etc but I did not waiver in wanting to be legally married and he is now married to me -legally because he was willing to do it because that’s what he knew would make me happy. Our bond is deeper than ever and I don’t see how this intimacy would’ve been possible if we didn’t get married. So I said that to say ladies, if marriage is what you want, don’t settle for this new rhetoric about marriage. We have a prenuptial agreement so neither has to worry about losing anything. God bless you all.

[@Dr.Elaine1]

They’re married to their business but not to each other. 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@TokenBlkTech]

I don't know why I fear for that young lady but I do.

[@bnika]

Yeah DJ, I can feel her heart and it's in his hands like a puppet master. I feel like he has independently undisclosed goals that does not entails her..... 😳

[@TokenBlkTech]

@@bnika Him running her business while she ventures off to "find something new" yeah that has a bad look to it.

[@bnika]

@@TokenBlkTech Capitalizing on her talents/insecurities!

[@ellewoods9396]

Why is "black love" so complicated? My husband proposed 3 months after our first date and we married a month later. It's been 15 wonderful years of blissful 🤴👸🏿 🎉 marriage. I just don't get all complications when it's "black love" 🤔

[@Mrskelly2you]

Black love is so complicated because the world does so much to separate us, they make black women the butt of beauty and make literally every other race more appealing, the govt will only help us if we’re not together so it is complicated for black love

[@KellieAlston]

Wow. I feel sorry for Antoinette. She planned her wedding on her iPhone and yet was willing to invest seven years of her life with someone who did not want what she wanted. I have never understood this perspective. 🤷🏽‍♀️It would be different if she did not believe in or desire marriage and then met someone who was on the same page but she sacrificed her own desires for her life journey for the contrary desires of another. It is just sad all the way around for her but very beneficial to him. And, when she said he is not going anywhere so adamantly, I cringed. I pray that she seeks some alone time and gets real about what she wants in life and then develops the courage to not settle for anything less.

[@nyalove6327]

Yay this is my show!!! It's amazing, Tabitha is one of my best friends in my head. And That's my business. The couples are great, Both have insightful information on the perspective of the stages they are at.

[@expressivenature9079]

Ultimately he’s wasting her time. My guy isn’t ready for that lifetime commitment and that’s okay she is and that’s okay let go with love.

[@Bplays2u]

I think it’s definitely a personal choice. I know a couple who have never been married have children, their children grew up in a stable loving environment and have done very well. Actually there’s is the most loving relationship I’ve ever seen.

[@MsTam029]

I think that’s cool if a couple is on the same page about whether they want to marry or not. Some people really desire not to be married and that’s ok. I think the issue which was clearly evident with this situation is the guy doesn’t want to get married. The young lady has always desired to be married but met him and convinced herself it didn’t matter anymore. Her words and body language said otherwise. If he was to ask tomorrow I doubt she’d say no because deep down she still yearns for it. Compromise is good but this is a non-negotiable. At some point she may grow resentful because she settled and didn’t embark on what she truly desired.

[@emanmar70072]

Build a bear project in the works! You don't MAKE someone the COO of your business unless the person is qualified to run the business. Relationship dynamics 101.

[@QuarterTime25]

I hope he is not going to be a tinder swindler

[@kennid6743]

Chileeee

[@FinishTheRaceVL7]

Come on now! And then on top of that he just her boyfriend. Oops Im sorry, I meant "domestic partner."

[@emanmar70072]

@@FinishTheRaceVL7 I was done when the brother said he couldn't get married because his mother was financing his real estate business!

[@FinishTheRaceVL7]

@@emanmar70072 Isn't that sad. I also believe he may have been coached by his mother (a.k.a mama's boy) to say some of the dumb reasons why he doesn't want to get. To be quite frank - he's not mature to be ready or even thinking about marriage. She should move on & live her best life.

[@lesliewicks7330]

Black love is beautiful when there is a TRUE connection!

[@nettas5437]

Great interview questions from Tab. Concerned for the young single lady 🙏🏾

[@RE-im1xm]

So am I...totally concerned for the young lady because this can't be good for her mental nor her emotional health.

[@2gracen]

TABITHA and CHANCE an AMAZING example of commitment and respect.

[@armanee9067]

The married women look 1000x more radiant and comfortable vs the unmarried lady. She def wants to be married, she became weary in her waiting, and thrill of the younger guy who approach her allowed her to settle. I pray she moves past this phase and let him and so she can make space for her husband.🙏🏾