Gay Dating in my 30s

[@hiseagle]

Matt, the difference between being in your 30s and the other guy being in his 20s shouldn't be an issue. When I was 26, a co-worker set me up on a blind date with her hairstylist. I was hesitant because my body wasn't exactly in the shape I would have liked it to be at that age. But I agreed to go. Bear in mind, I was more self-conscious about my looks back then, so the extra weight I was carrying bothered me, and it held me back from "getting out there" to meet someone. But I went ahead and met him at a local steakhouse, and he was drop-dead gorgeous. (Not bragging, but he had been a model in the 1980s.) But more than that, he was a super romantic and he had an incredible personality. It astounded me that he didn't even care what my body was like at that time. We got along amazingly well, and it was all about our personalities and the connection. I fell for the guy, and the relationship began. He was 34. For reasons that are hard for me to talk about, we didn't make it. In recent years I discovered he died at the age of 40. It tore me apart, even though we hadn't been together for a number of years. As time goes on, the age difference becomes smaller and smaller. When you're in your 50s and he's in his 40s, it just won't matter. Trust me when I say you are still young...and in my opinion you're very desirable. Dating may be different when you're in your 30s, but it's even more different still when you're in your mid-50s like me. For me, sex is nothing...it doesn't matter; it's just not an issue. I want the romance. I want to know that a guy is mine, and I'm his. I want to walk through a flea market looking at the wonderful quilts we can throw on our bed....not wonder what we can do under that quilt. If you find a guy in his 20s who connects with you, and is mature enough to know what he wants, let yourself go and be with him. Don't think about the numbers.

[@MattMoore83]

Hi Rob thank you so much for sharing. It’s always great to hear a different perspective.

[@jeremyn2008]

Omg you’re making me cry

[@kenjoneslee]

I'm 61 and my best friend is 71. It sucks because I'm still in great, can run, can literally dance circles around even young people, but he can barely walk and has a whole host of health issues. So....if you are the younger partner, are you fully prepared to become the default caretaker and have to drastically change the nature of the relationship?

[@Versace24_7]

Rob omfw I am balling my eyes out

[@danielsaintfelix2988]

I haven’t much dating experience in my 20s. It started off ok. I went on a date my friend set me up and it was fun for me. But he wanted sex. And I think that was the bulk of my little dating experience outside of one guy who wanted me to court him. I think that is how you spell that. Anywho, and he was the first guy who actually wanted to get to know me and it was great. Unfortunately that was tricky situation and we didn’t workout. But I’m 33 now and honestly not much has change since my 20s. I found a guy who wants to date and is willing to take things slow which is nice. I just unfortunately don’t have a romantic connection to him and feel shitty. He is literally the only guy I have talked to so far who genuinely wants to get to know me and go out on dates. But yea I just wanted to share and say hey. I love your content keep it up.

[@brandon17760]

"your peak was in your 20s" 😂😂 bruh at 25 I haven't ever had a boyfriend before believe me I feel the stress you do lol

[@MattMoore83]

Hang in there buddy! We’ll figure this stuff out.

[@brandon17760]

@@MattMoore83 I'm sure it'll work out, but on the plus side I'm happy that you had a date that went well, I've watched you for a couple years and I'm just glad things seem to be looking up :)

[@marquanreese7895]

Tbh "your peak"is relative especially as men, especially if your a poc bc as you age to a certain point that is you can actualy look better especially if you take care of yoself. But the key is to take care of yoself u can be 35 and still look 27 it all just really depends

[@marquanreese7895]

Also most man that are serious about dating are in ther late twenties and 30s usually and often they prefer men there own or around there own age

[@user-nz8nb2vi4n]

I’m in my 20s and I rely so much on your words! I always feel far from my generation and I believe that the most attractive part of 30s guys is the awareness and the balance of all the aspect of life 😊

[@MattMoore83]

Thanks G! :)

[@user-nz8nb2vi4n]

@Good For Nutting I hope there are more man like you in the world 😊

[@cmmndrblu]

Man, this video did a lot to restore my hope in dating. I turn 37 in a month, I'm doing fine in most areas of my life (very lucky) but I find dating a huge struggle. I think I know what it is, I think for a long time I would adapt to other people rather than 110 percent just be myself, because I had low confidence, so if a guy was interested I was terrified of losing that interest. Something changed last month and I don't know why, but now I know I love myself, and there's a lot of stuff I won't put up with anymore, because I matter, and my time matters, to me. Wish I'd learned it earlier, but whatever. I got time. In terms of wealth, I hugely value the creation of mental/physical wealth, and I had to learn that money matters, but it's ok that I would rather read and explore and play video games. I love learning languages and then reading. Anyway, listening to Matt talk so openly was really affirming. I'm glad he made the video.

[@gf1850]

Hey man. Hope you feel better now.

[@melbaker9495]

Your 30s are the best time in your life as a gay man! You know who you are, you are moving along in your career and you are not as scattered. In fact as you grow older you will pretty much always feel you are 30 something and will be shocked when the mirror doesn't conform to that experience of self. I'm 60 and I still think I'm in my 30s.

[@purewonka]

Money trumps youth in the gay world. A rich guy can date pretty much any age demographic he wants (gay or straight); wealth is more rare than beauty, so this dynamic makes sense. A guy who is wealthy and beautiful (at any age) is the king. I don't think anyone's dating life at any age has to suffer. There are always people to date. No one wants wants to be lonely. If you want to date more, ask more people out on dates. George Clooney is turning 60 this year - would anyone say no to him? He's rich, handsome and has a fun personality.

[@MattMoore83]

To be honest I’ve never really been attracted to George Clooney LOL he’s good looking but I just something about him I can’t explain. I just couldn’t see myself being with him. But I’m staring us off topic LOL sorry about that

[@JeDindk]

Bravo, Purewonka - I definitely agree with you 100%. I would add one thing though; those people who complain about their unsatisfied datinglife, are often more picky than others. I think we live in a time, where nobody wants to be judged for being too old, too fat or too poor(or whatever) ....... and at the same time, the very same people, don't want to date someone who's too old, too fat or too poor! 😖 But I agree with you; there are hot guys at any age.

[@DanielSelk]

My 30s are by far much better than my 20s. In my 20s I didn't know what was going to happen in life, then in my 30s I said SCREW IT and started doing what I wanted...and it's paying off =)

[@MattMoore83]

Hey Daniel and awesomeness to hear this! You took the bull by it's horns and made 30s great. Thanks for posting! 😊

[@douglasbrekke3043]

I’m like you I’m that I feel like most people I date make way more than me and I feel lesser and I feel they judge me.

[@goran5754]

had better experiance in 40s than 20s or 30s

[@melvonjohnson5711]

It seems like if your gay and over 30, that's pretty much it--you're invisible in the dating scene.

[@Not-Ap]

Yep for gay men and women for the most part. Welcome to the underworld!☠⚰⚱

[@ecos889]

Eh depends what you want, most people in the 30s seem to be looking for more LTR's which is what I always wanted and am the level of maturity now that I know I can handle it having been through a tonne of crap in my life and overcoming it.

[@stevennguyen4993]

30's is good if you took care of yourself during your 20's and if you're actually looking for a relationship. Most folks peak in their 20's, because it's easier to look good without trying and to just have fun sleeping around. This is the age when lots of gay men destroy themselves. So they hit their 30's realizing that their lifestyles are too fast for their bodies to keep up with. These guys are often filtered out in their 30's and 40's. Also, don't mistake dating for hook-ups. When you hit your 30's, you're invisible to the 20's guys who are sleeping around and 30's and older guys who can't leave that hookup culture behind

[@Arichxc]

Blame it on misogyny

[@melvonjohnson5711]

Lol why you say that for beautiful.?

[@tomasage9649]

The quality of this video was apparent, so all the mishaps prior were well worth it. Dating can definitely be challenging, however, I believe that self love is what attracts most as it transcends superficial attributes.

[@dennytoby]

It's great to see you here TOMAsage. You need to do vids again. Been subbed since you opened.

[@raymartfullente6667]

Ohhh

[@videovoodoo]

I wouldn't trade my 40's for my 20's or 30's for ANYTHING!!

[@4theloveofAJ2023]

I am 53. That's dead in gay years... except I have got back into the gym and worked on my inner self (post-divorce from my ex-husband). I might be attracted to a guy, but it's about his personality and engagement. As an introvert, I don't have a lot of energy to go out trying to meet hundreds of guys, so it takes me longer to meet the right kind of guys. It's just sucky. I'm not about sex, flirting yes, but sex is less important as an "ice breaker." FYI, not all of us older guys want someone in their 20s. I just want someone who has his crap together and is actively looking for a relationship and the ability to grow... both as individuals and as a couple. You don't find that in guys in their 20s... you may find that in guys in their 30s... at 40... most of the singles are "avoidant attachment" styles and it's a crap shoot to see if you can get a guy to talk for more than five minutes.

[@SAreamusic1]

Love this post and my thoughts exactly. Why is always about sex? Gen X…… ;)

[@stevenmichaelpalazzolo3503]

Thanks for this!! Yeah. my best times were like from 28 til 36. ... You’re still young but have a better sense of who you are. At that age you might not know what you want but you have a pretty good idea what you don’t want. (my opinion)

[@jeremiahallyn4603]

What's wrong with 30s? For my life experiences, my 30s have been the best years so far. My 20s were wild and full of drugs, sex, and partying. It was fun, but now I am happier and healthier than ever. Hope your 30s continue to go really well ✌💯

[@timetraveler6949]

the drugs and partying is such a turn off...its lead to many heartbreaks

[@PhilChandlerArts]

This was very interesting to listen to. I wish I could go back and change things in my younger years. Unfortunately, my "dating life" (such as it was) was not very good. Terrible in fact. I'm now in my early 50s and am quite happy just to remain single now.

[@HenryG143]

hello 🤗

[@whatthewindblewin]

I just so happened to stumble upon this video and I am so glad I did. I will be 31 in a couple weeks and had such a dumpster-fire experience of dating in my twenties, I was absolutely dreading getting older. What took me so long to realize was that, in my twenties, I didn't know who I was and what my values really were. I was looking for another man to complete me. When I was in my early twenties, I thought that I would find a partner early, marry, and have a great life with him together. I soon learned that there was a lot of toxicity and internalized homophobia in the gay community, and I subscribed to it. I dated men who I didn't like, who treated me terribly, and who were completely emotionally unavailable. I always thought there was something terribly wrong with me because I didn't fit in. I didn't drink and hated the bars. I was more conservative, etc. In the end, though, it didn't matter: I was not taking care of myself and I certainly wasn't loving myself. If we are lucky in life, we start living authentically. We no longer believe the shame that we are unworthy. We stop settling for people who don't give us the time and care we deserve. For others, the shame can be all-consuming. We live in a perpetual state of avoiding intimacy with others, which can be hell if you truly want to find a long-term relationship. Objectively, you are attractive and you seem very wise. If you are living your authentic self, that energy will radiate! I was just sitting here, nodding my head throughout most the video. I would never want to go back and live my twenties, but I do miss being super young. Granted, when I was 20, I looked like a baby. I no longer think 30 is old by any stretch. It feels more freeing than anything because I get to be myself. All the other BS is society, media, and apps manipulating us into believing that we are too old to find love.

[@tula1433]

I think too many gay men are uncomfortable with embracing masculine energy in themselves and they are all looking for this mystical straight acting guy who will let them be “the girl” of the relationship. It’s heteronormativity and toxic. It’s okay to be a gay man with another gay man. The femmephobia is rampant, and most gay men will look for signs of feminine energy in a partner yet want their own feminine energy to be overlooked and accepted. Gay men don’t need to have the same relationship style as straight couples. And that seems to be a large issue. So many gays wanna be treated like the feminine and submissive role of the relationship, when gay relationship styles shouldn’t be a fem/masc dynamic. It’s okay to be a fem gay man, and start dating other fem gay men!

[@gusulaht99]

It's really just a problem with gazebos. Nobody should ever meet in a gazebo.

[@MattMoore83]

True but only me Hahaha.

[@CTigger8888]

If you are relationship minded, 30s are a great decade 😀

[@jimmey123XD]

I hope so 😅

[@rockybalboa4593]

Yeah. Not true. I’m 39 and still single

[@Not-Ap]

@@rockybalboa4593 Then hopefully your 40s with any luck.

[@timetraveler6949]

how so??

[@HawkinsZhu]

Thanks for being so vulnerable Matt. Immediately subscribed. What’s I love about the video is that you seem to be more accepting. I love that you take care of yourself:)

[@MattMoore83]

I greatly appreciate it! 😊😊I'm just being myself. I am what you see off camera.

[@Dsepshun]

It's great to see you again, Matt. I've gotta say, in reference to your comment about an older guy dumping you for a younger guy, I think only a shallow guy would do that. My friends that are around my age, late forties early fifties, have all expressed the same sentiment that conversation is actually important to us and we find the conversation with guys in their twenties to be less than engaging. So just know that if an older guy were to dump you for a younger guy, that older guy is not really worth having and you're better off without him.

[@MattMoore83]

Amen!

[@jimmurray7826]

Maturity brings quality in relationships, thanks 😊 matt

[@Durufle68]

I had a wonderful relationship in my 30s. That ended at the beginning of my 40s. Now I’m in my 50s... my dating life is non-existent and so are relationships.

[@Mark-zu6oz]

Same - except for the having relationships part.

[@machoman6969]

At least you had one relationship. A long one apparently. Something uncommon in the community 😅. Be proud of that.

[@Zanewv]

I'm 43 and I cant get anyone to meet up. Always a ghosting issue. I've been single for 4 years now and I'm fine with it. There's just no point in making an effort when nobody else will.

[@MattMoore83]

dude I totally feel you.

[@ericko6618]

Enjoy this time now and experience all that life has to offer.... In my late 50's now, I can honestly say that I have not had a date , hook-up or a LTR since I was 30. This is not due to my choice, it's due to the area in the United States in which I live, no single gay men...... enjoy, you are a great young guy. Please try not to end up like me.....

[@tony.velinov]

I really hope what your saying is true. I'm in my mid 20's and I find it so difficult to make any sort of connection with guys. The conversations are so shallow and it's all about sex. It's really frustrating and sadly I've given up on dating because I don't seem to get along with guys my age.

[@hereandnow3336]

I am 31 and agree

[@ohnoitsthecatman738]

Nah mate, youu are 100% correct, my 20's were a mess, i didn't think so as much when it was happening but looking back and being 47 now, my 30's were the best. I really started coming into myself/into my skin and was so much more comfortable with who I was, i didnt need to impress anyone. I met the "love of my life" & we're still bext friends to this day.. Don't write yoursellf off at 30, the besst is yet to come

[@Randompotatoes-qs7bm]

I think men in general prefer younger. I’m a straight female.

[@MattMoore83]

They usually do. Men prefer a girl younger than their age.

[@Not-Ap]

@@MattMoore83 Even you yourself mentioned you had that preference in a old video you made a few years back I think.

[@kobeyftw1789]

I'm 21 and thank you, that was very informative I'll save it to look back on some key points in the video down the line.

[@sergioantoniofloresvargas3009]

Im in my 20's and the 1st experience I had was with someone way older than me, I knew it never would have worked out (not bcs the age) but I think I was interested in him cause i cant relate to what most "young" people persue

[@just_passing_through]

Lol. Newbie. 🤣🤣🤣 Wait until your 50’s. Better times to come buddy.

[@yummer7694]

I'm early 50's, TRUST me, it gets worse..lol

[@adventuresofperseus945]

When I do go on a date ( rarely) I like to do things where we can teach eachother something not go to eat or watch a movie. To me its kind of lame. You won't learn nothing of the person. When u teach eachother something its kind of more intimate. Not in the sexual way.

[@pwat7254]

Believe me, it's gets worse as you get older.

[@glooney2002]

New subscriber! This was a very, much needed video. I'm a 42 year old gay black man in the NJ/NYC area, so I know from experience on how hard dating is and if you find a connection, it's almost like winning the lottery😆

[@MattMoore83]

Hahaha. tell me about it. I think I have a better chance at the jack pot. Thanks for the sub Michael.

[@realmac3k]

Yeah exactly, it's so challenging to find. I've given up expecting anything from guys unless it's warranted. I could write a lot here about my stories but trying to let go of the past.

[@TMendocino]

When I was in my 30's I never dated anyone in their 20's. They are still immature. I am now in my 60's, and I thought my gay life would be over. Nope, I have a great career, and I am married to my soulmate. We have a great life together. We travel, we volunteer, and we do everything together. This is honestly, the most secure, happy and fulfilled I have ever been. You make each decade the best decade.

[@ScribblebytesWorldwide]

Wry clever video! I love how you just started. I'm gonna allow myself to be inspired by that for my next video. Also, it sounds like you're just more present in your 30s. You're enjoying the moment.

[@KarlSnarks]

I was afraid you weren't going to talk about the "physical attractiveness" elephant in the room, but glad you mentioned it at the end. As someone who went bald in his late 20's (and not some super macho stud who can wear it really well), the body dysmorphia and self-esteem problems have gone through the roof so badly that I don't even go to dating apps anymore. Also, the envy I have for conventionally attractive guys completely overshadows any attraction I might have for them.

[@adventuresofperseus945]

Beginning of the end. I truly believe that lol. After hitting 30 i got anxious and the more the years go by the more I get anxious about getting older. I haven't experienced any dating in my 30s yet. Everyone usually wants one thing and it's super annoying. However I haven't really dated been single mostly

[@ukoowkolli4905]

I got divorced at 37 and it took me a while getting to the dating game. And it's weird, but entertaining. Try to think the date as something fun, not what might result of it.

[@MattMoore83]

I have faith in you Cole. Get out there and go on a few dates and maybe these will be better than they have been before?

[@adventuresofperseus945]

@@MattMoore83 thanks. I sure hope so

[@andrelevesque2405]

How to tell someone’s nuts? Dropping you for a younger lad. You’re awesome outside in. Great introspective post. Thanks!

[@MattMoore83]

Thank you :)

[@hungerelectric8711]

After watching this video, I am so even more anxious than ever, as an Asian gay guy, felt so much inner discrimination in the gay community, in my own country, so I thought ooh, maybe the western country can be more inclusive, so I am so excited to study in Europe, bcs they always like to say you r who u r, and love yourself, we born this way. However, I never feel so lonely when I came here, talking about attraction, I feel so worthless here, don't even mention I am unattractive than ever, I feel my life is over, I am not tall, not strong, not good looking, and I am poor, and I will get into 30 in 2 years, now I watch this video. all right, even a white gay guy I mean you r even not an ugly gay guy feel so hopeless, how about me. I am so naive to think life gonna be better if I can live in a freedom country, so dame wrong, feels like everywhere in the world just friendly to rich, handsome and attractive people, definitely not me, I always want to have my own family, I used to thought about the meaning of money, I thought even both of us are not rich, but we can make our lives better as long as we don't give up, and we have a job. unfortunately, that's never gonna happen to me, and this video reminds me all my thoughts are right, i never regret i am gay, but if i have another chance to choose which gender i can love, i will choose none, never fall in love with anyone, or never hold any hope to meet someone will absolutely make my life happier than ever, wish i can leave this world soon.

[@MattMoore83]

this is terrible! Please don't say that. :(

[@nauticalz4782]

hi! i would just like to let you know that i see you, you are so incredibly valid please reach out for help if you need it but just know that i read this and am wanting you to know im sending all my love, positivity and care to you BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT, absolutely. i know it can be so hard with all of the systemic issues we deal with along with society’s strict and narrow ‘standard’ which doesnt represent humanity, but rather an unattainable perfection… but please live in your truth, continue to love, continue to be to you (cause baby you were born this way - shout to gaga 🤍) i hope this message reaches you well, I love you, take care 🪴🪴

[@ddmak]

Racism in the gay community esp towards asians is real though

[@Solitaire_Guy]

@hunger I'm a physician. If you need to talk feel free to message me. Gay and Asian too.

[@hungerelectric8711]

@@Solitaire_Guy Hi Pen, how could i can chat with you

[@dragonspirit779]

my best years in dating has been in the 40s, 20 year old are more typically uncommitted, still finding themselves, haven't worked things out, not all of course, but typically. Also young men are typically more cute than "hot" and masculine, if you like the "boy" type then there are plenty of guys in the 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond that look "boyish" in their own way. The plus of dating beyond 30s and 40s is they are typically more mature and hotter generally speaking.

[@jeffscott8600]

Loved hearing about your experiences and your insight!

[@Donnie-hf5du]

Thanks for speaking your truth. To give you and all who see this some perspective. I came out at 26. I just passed my 60th birthday but look early 40'S. I am single and experienced what you did. I remember what my dad said keep my own side of the street clean first. I am terminal not with cancer but a rare neurological disease so this is not curable and i would never want to bring anyone in but in owning my own stuff is a gift that others don't see. Sorry if i am rambling to you what i am saying is I and others need to own our own stuff first.

[@nick8243]

I'm 37 and feel invisible now lol. Dates and hookups are fewer and farther between. It's really hard to accept, but I'm starting to think it's....over.

[@shaunmac6851]

Slightly above average, reasonably masculine top still gets offers in his 30s shocker! Do let us know when you start dating bottoms who are also in their 30s.

[@VanEuclid]

I always date around my age and honestly i'm so fucking happy I'm in my 30s now because... I date 30 year olds. When I was in my 20s... it was seen as weird to date someone in their 30s cuz you're a "daddy" chaser. which i'm not. now as a 30 year old its weird to date people younger in the early 20s and frankly people in the early to mid 20s are a MESS. I honestly feel like I'm finally taken seriously now and the guys I date in their 30s take dating seriously to so I'm excited. ps I'd date you.

[@MattMoore83]

I completely agree Van. I think it’s a very difficult time being in our late Teens and early 20s. So dating them is difficult. I wouldn’t do it myself at that age LOL

[@c3lmitz619]

23 and never dated anyone. I’m bi but never asked another man out. I’m just afraid of a overreaction that turns physical. That and there is no one I can personally ask on how to approach another man for a date.

[@douglasdean3785]

If you think dating in your 30's is great just wait until your 50's OMFG. Easily the best decade of my life in terms of the men who showed up in my life! It was like someone flipped a switch and it got really good.

[@monsoonthebaboon]

30's were brilliant - amazing.

[@douglashammett-lair]

As a gay man in my mid-late 60’s … I can say that your generation has NO IDEA how very fortunate you are ! …. And, I am thrilled about it! In MY 20’s or 30’s, we didn’t date that much all! … We mainly just “hooked up” with no formality. My God! …Two men on the street, in a restaurant … TOGETHER! Didn’t happen much. Society wasn’t really ready (didn’t allow) for that, although, I will say that when in San Francisco, Chicago, NYC … more acceptable. It is so good to see human normalcy for Gay men and women.

[@manhhung5548]

nice to know you!

[@jonnykennedy293]

I'm 44 and my 20s were actually better. No apps and people made more of an effort. My 30s I started picking the wrong guy and lost myself a bit tbh, now happier...but still single.

[@thequadraticformula4911]

I'm only 23 but sometimes I feel disconnected from other guys around my age because I don't fit the image of the attractive man but also I focus on other things in a relationship that doesn't involve sex as well. Because of this, I'm worried that I'm not living my 20s the way people expect me to and by the time I am ready to have the fun that others point out, I'll be considered too old and it'll be too late and I know this isn't true but something in me always says otherwise.

[@MattMoore83]

Maybe you should start dating later and not now. You’re 23 and I bet you have so much going on and so much things to plan

[@hiseagle]

NEVER live your life according to the way other people expect you to. You have to be true to yourself, because if someone wants you, THAT'S a huge part of what they want. It's the ONLY thing that will bind you to someone else, because otherwise you'd just be living a lie.

[@he_lives_in_apineapple_und9743]

I never did either at 23. I still don't at 33.

[@agentshadow4460]

Thank god I'm 29 and black! Y'all can never tell how old we are :)

[@richardmossy5540]

Def not true at all. And a lot of whyte men look better in their 30s, 40s and 50s, mmmm

[@drewkhandi2312]

Big facts! I’m African American as well and in my late 30’s and everyone thinks I’m 26. Blessing and a curse. Could be I stay very fit and I’m 6’3”.

[@marquanreese7895]

@@richardmossy5540 no there truly is an obvious difference in how black and white people age especially if a person takes care of themself it's so many white people I see that look almost a decade older then what they really are your just hating bc u not used to black people being apraised

[@marquanreese7895]

@@richardmossy5540 just look at the wrinkles all aroun this mans eyes if he were black chances are they would not be there

[@zacharydrake156]

@@richardmossy5540 Maybe it depends on the area because all my black friends age better then my non-black friends

[@mstorey622]

I'm late to the party but I highly suggest you check out "The Velvet Rage" if you haven't already as it talks about many of the challenges that exist in gay dating and for gay men. Far too often we get in our own way and are our own worst enemies. I applaud you for being so vulnerable in this video though. It's funny because, if you were someone I saw out in the wild, I wouldn't imagine you have any major insecurities because to the naked eye you look like a cisgendered, white, masculine-presenting gay man which is generally the epitome of what is considered "desirable" by the community. Further away you veer from that (being BIPOC, feminine, non-binary or trans etc) the less desirable you are to what I call "mainstream gays." Again, we get in our own way. Add internalized homophobia etc. to the mix and it's just a mess. I'm glad you're learning to enjoy dating in your 30s though and hope to eventually figure out how that's possible. I've never enjoyed dating and am now 31 and haven't bothered trying in almost six months. It's tiring but I also recognize that I'm one of those men who's done well for myself (got a Master's and began my career at 26) and so I think I scare men lol. Anyway, it's nice to see someone being so open. I wish you the best of luck.

[@dennytoby]

I had some good experiences in my 20's, 30's, 40s. (The best in my 20's) Had 2 good relationships but the BF's both died young. If I were to even consider dating now....it would be "Sugar Daddy time". Trust me I'm no fool. Love your videos, and have waited for you to return. But the end of this strikes a very familiar chord (and I've seen it, and experienced it)....Youth trumps it. Esp. in the gay life. Guys want those young ones and will cheat on their BF or Husband for it. I'm not saying all of them, but a good portion of gay guys. I hope you continue (this time) making videos. Total Hotness! Much Happiness to you Matt.

[@MattMoore83]

Hey Dennis. Thank you so much especially watching towards the end. If only we could drift away from focusing on one age group and look at the bigger picture

[@teardropsdude]

Don't want to write a novel however will try to keep things simple..... and will accept the criticisms for sharing my thoughts. Able to relate to some of the content shared. Still surprised me to hear you are single, especially after hearing the story of your Gazebo date, which sounded promising. So many factors on why dating has its ups and downs. I was (and maybe still am) a late bloomer. Never dated in high school or college. Focus was in a different place and the times were a bit different as well. Living on an island did not help much either. First date I went on was when I was 25 going on 26. I turned 40 this past December 2020, and still being told today that I do not look my age. I trust my maturity is there and I do have my moments of having fun. I may not play much video games however love watching video games of the past (from Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Sega, Sega Genesis, etc.), is entertaining. Was hoping to not go on dates where the other person's goal was to get into my pants. Like you, I have nothing against others that sleep with each other on a first date, I prefer not to do that. The connection I share with someone on the first few outings is telling if there will be future outings. I am chicken when it comes to dating and the last date I had was maybe 2013 or 2014, sometime before I left the island in 2015. Focus between then and now is different, and my willingness to try again, is there. Unfortunately, dating during the pandemic is challenging. I still would like to have a good connection with someone where getting into my pants is not the main focus. And I rather make love than have something less than that. Had my share of heartbreaks and doing my best to learn from the past and be better for whom ever is next. And the amount of people I dated does not exceed 10. That may work with or against me however I have developed enough confidence to say I am worth it, for the right person. I once believed molding myself to be what someONE wants was healthy. So many things wrong with that sentence. I trust I will be worth someONE's time if and when given the chance to do so. Ok, do not want to bore you or anyone at this point. Continue to strive for the best. "Rare" people are out there. For the most part, just need to cross paths.

[@ConfusedPandas-ef2qt]

Originally planned to unalive myself around 30, but still here for whatever reason for now. Yeah, it’s actually really bad and nobody is left to date within 100 miles. I don’t even feel that ugly either.

[@sazude2]

I'm gonna be 30 and its gonna be the same. Sexless and still a virgin.

[@salvadorbadillorios7478]

I look forward to my 30s! 🙂 I am an old soul anyways. I feel like a 40 yo in a 28 yo body haha

[@MattMoore83]

Nice. It will be a fun ride. I wasn't a fan of my 20s.

[@CreativeCreaturefx]

Me too. I'm 27 but look far younger and it's hard for me when it comes to dating. I always get ID'd and always have to explicitly state my actual age. Paedophiles chased me for years and when I worked at drive thru's it was worse. The good thing id that my face is slowly starting to change and.look more chiseled and less round and puffy which helps. I'm looking forward to my 30s and 40s. I wasn't a partyer, bar hopper, slut or drug user and never felt the need to and don't regret it. I think I spent my 20s wisely and figured out my identity in time before I reach my 30s. Now I'm just excited and at a.good point in life.

[@Greenterror]

I’m in my 40s It gets worst 😭

[@jimmey123XD]

I thought daddys are getting more and more popular 🤓

[@MattMoore83]

@@jimmey123XD that’s what I hear too!

[@jimmey123XD]

@@MattMoore83 I'm down 😇

[@Not-Ap]

@@jimmey123XD I guess not haha!

[@steves9905]

Omg my early 40's to 60 (i'm 64 now)...i had such a good time. Many young guys love the daddy dynamic, and the older guys know how to have good sex. SO much better than in my 20's and 30's. You know what you want after a few years behind you, and you know how to get it. Self-confidence is super attractive and draws people to you. What helps with age is knowing that for every guy that is not interested there are others who will be. Would never go back.

[@davidjacobs9234]

I have watched a few gay KZbinrs and I have to say; you are by far the best. Probably because I can relate to you.

[@mlg1783]

Most in their 20s think they have all the time in the world. So they're all about serving their own wants and needs. They most shallow ppl. Us guys in our 30s are more relationship and career oriented. We want someone grounded and intelligent.

[@timetraveler6949]

This.

[@thomasrokos5433]

Enjoy it while you can, I am 57 and then it all stops.

[@leonstevens1382]

Excellent discussion. I feel like I’m on a wonderful date with this guy! When I was younger, I wish I had met a guy like this. This guy is a treasure.

[@carnifexious]

Ha, I just gave up in my thirties! 😂😅

[@bigbay1159]

Dating is an odd thing for gay men and those of us no longer in their early twenties. Whether on the apps or in real life. Finding someone that matches with you and you find attractive can be a difficult task. My priorities have changed, it's not just about getting with a hot guy. I've served in the military, got my degree, have a career, and have been living on my own with my own place for a decade now. I take so many more things into consideration now, because I want a partner not just a lover. I'm 29 now and the idea of trying to be with someone who is 19 seems off to me. Because for me at least it would be superficial. There is nothing they can relate with me, having an "old soul" doesn't mean anything. Nothing replaces the experiences you gain from having lived. The problem I find is people in my age group aren't always going for the same, they still want someone who's 24 and hot. Nothing wrong there but it makes finding a person you relate with, find attractive and work out very difficult. Also with the apps, finding someone who isn't a bot, a scammer, or crazy, can be comical at times lol

[@AlexGervacio33]

I find myself wanting to date but have a hard time finding someone who’s got good qualities. Being in my 30’s I just try to date myself, treat myself like a King 🤴

[@louisdewit4429]

My best time was in my forties. And i’m northern European white. After having been out of ‘the scene’ during most of my thirties, due ‘gay-blues’ i went into my peno-pause at age 40. (the Gay games were on in Amsterdam 1998. Lots of goodlooking visitors). I lost weight, got back into shape, nothing exceptional compared with the muscle building i see these days, and went out again. I was Shocked by the amount of attention i got. Far more then i ever got in my twinkle pretty 20ties. And in many cases with much younger men. And even more to my astonishment: With women 😮. (never acted on that). I must also state that i left all of that behind at age 50. Then, 15 years ago, i never saw men in their 50ties looking good, shaped, well groomed and going out. Now i look at the apps and see many 50+ , mainly white men, looking good. Generation difference. If they still go out i don’t know. (Although Holland has a large black population that do frequent the bars i hardly see any on the apps. Interesting). So now even 50+ have a good chance getting fun. Wish i was 55 instead of 65. Now i do very much wish i had a partner. Bit too late to invest in that. After a certain age we all have our own ways and physically there will either way be no attraction. So. Screw around till you’re let’s say 40 but then do put it out there you want a partner and not just a hook-up. And that is difficult for ‘us’ Gays since we are so used to easy sex. Our ‘relations’ start with the intimacy that normally should take place after courtship. And we don’t seem to evolve. Well: Good luck out there.

[@he_lives_in_apineapple_und9743]

I am going through and existential crisis in my 30s. I am basically dead to most gay men regardless of age that I would consider age appropriate. I'm no more desirable in my 30s now than I was in my 20s.

[@JeDindk]

Then you might have other qualities. Not everything is about looks. Okay, I wrote that, but I actually disagree with myself. What I mean is, that guys don't have to be cute or pretty. I have often felt that guys who are kinda ugly can be darn sexy. On the contrary, I never find pretty guys sexy. Never. Then there's also guys who look kinda boring .... some of them can be awesome in the sack. Others are frightfully clever and that is also a great quality.

[@he_lives_in_apineapple_und9743]

@@JeDindk All of what you said is true, unless you live in Portland, Oregon or the pacific northwest.

[@JeDindk]

@@he_lives_in_apineapple_und9743 I'm sorry to hear about that. But no matter what, I still hope you will find a boyfriend too. 🙂

[@seanmartinez8415]

When I was young, I liked guys older than myself. When I was 30, I was with a 43-year-old. Now, I'm 52, and my partner of 16 years is currently 60. It's not that I had a fetish for older guys, I went out with guys my age and younger too. It's more about looks and personality than age.

[@GarySmith-cp8mp]

My dating days have been over for a long time. We have been together 21 years and going strong, so glad I am not out there.

[@MattMoore83]

This is spectacular Gary! Congrats to you both!

[@timetraveler6949]

Not been the case for me...34, feel invisible, most just want sex.

[@Not-Ap]

I think it heavily depends on your race, sexual preference, and body type. His experience definitely isn't universal that's for sure.

[@dablackangel]

Dating in my 20's was great. Dating in my 30's has been shit. And I'm 39 now.

[@dutarus1]

I was MISERABLE in my 20s.

[@ckl4075]

I feel like the thing is I'm 30+ and I'm seeing 30+ guys but still acting like 20+, play around. Desperate

[@Oddrick]

Thank you for this video. It's giving me hope and I appreciate that. Thank you.

[@MattMoore83]

You look very young in your picture so I imagine you got a long ways to go. The 20s are fun in a different way

[@raymartfullente6667]

Yeah

[@greyboyer9329]

Thank you for this! Right now I'm working, living @ home and going to college at 26 years old. Came to the conclusion serious dating is just gonna have to wait until I move out and graduate. I simply don't have the time rn and I need to live on my own to discover myself more intimately. Was concerned that would spell doom for my love life but this is reassuring.

[@juliodaviel7185]

Would be cool if you can answer this question. I'm currently 26 and getting closer to my 30s. I am actually very excited to be in my 30s! Do you find guys still using dating apps in their 30s or is the mediums of meeting men different? More ~eloquent~ ways haha ? Would love your perspective on that.

[@raymartfullente6667]

Same

[@Not-Ap]

Im 31 so I'll take a crack at it.Try serious dating sites as opposed to apps in your 30s and try to meet guys in person at the few places left they meet irl. Gay Sports Teams, Choirs, or hobby groups are good places to meet prospective partners. Volunteering also helps especially if you do it at LGBT+ organizations. The reality there isn't much of a infrastructure for older gay men to date as the apps and other parts LGBT society is youth focused. Diet, Excercise, and a overall healthy lifestyle will be your best friend. That's all I've discovered so far. Some say the best is yet to come and I hope there right.

[@juliodaviel7185]

@@Not-Ap this is awesome!!! It’s unfortunately so important to diet and exercise for gay dating. I love dieting and exercising but For me and my health. However, it is necessary for gay dating! :) thanks for your input!

[@viciousv9671]

@@Not-Ap serious dating sites ? Can you name any

[@newworldlove7031]

Just subbed to your channel. If I was in America I would love to take you out to a nice meal! I am over 45 and yes dating in that age is a bit tougher, also I am not in the gym as much before C19 times!! I feel mentally happier now than in my 30's. I am very happy by myself. Like yourself I suffer from very bad social anziety and I just can't go to vars clubs and I just dislike crowded environments. 😊💗

[@MattMoore83]

Thank you newwordlove!! 🙂😊

[@onlyfoes]

It's kinda the opposite for me. In my 20's I was in my conservative phase. Now I try to live a more wild one I guess 😅 But I also feel less mature today tbh Maybe shouldn't have switched this shit.

[@michaelj.kaneshirochou5635]

I resonate a lot with what you said Matt, I lived in Hawaii for a long time and dating here sick- that’s why I’m moving out going back to grad school this Fall - Boston I hope hehe

[@piotrciura]

Hej! I recently discovered your channel and like your posts. I’m in my 40ties now, which I envisioned as a gay death while I was younger. It’s not exactly like that ;) It’s better than I expected. If I were you I wouldn’t worry about someone who’s ditching you for a younger meat. Value your time, it’s rare commodity. Judging by what you say in your videos you should be fine at the latest stage of your “gay carrier “ ;)

[@markbeckham7298]

Wait until you are in your 60's!!

[@ArtyBicardi]

This is a question for everybody, When you go on a date who pays? I'm the type of person who always tries to pay on any occasion but then I feel like some people start taking advantage of that in general. I would feel super awkward being like " lets go dutch" or "you got this right?" but i also feel super awkward when someone tries to pay for me lol

[@MattMoore83]

Besides what I say in the video, when I was younger I used to always try and pay even tho I was broke especially at 20.

[@raymartfullente6667]

True

[@bigbay1159]

As outdated as these terms might be, but I typically would be the one paying. Because of the bottom top dynamics. Usually I was considered the "top" and because of that kinda like straight men with woman you pay as you are the gentleman. Trying to show your date you got this. I don't believe in such basic Dynamics but for many years many dates played out this way. I was in the Marines so when I was a young twenty something who felt he could take on the world, I felt that it was correct of me to ask them out, pay for the date and be the one having to court. With age I've greatly changed my view and I think most have as well.

[@jim9520]

Absolut Ly a great video. You are such a breath of fresh air. Keep up the great work.

[@mercedesm.6254]

The problem is that people are stuck living in the moment and think that there good looks won’t fade away.Spend there lives on grinder and jackd hooking up trying to fill in a void which is only gets bigger and bigger.No sense of commitment conforming themselves with a career but no sense of making a future with a partner because lust has taken over so many gay men.These are topics that need to be discussed more in the gay community.We fight for rights yet so many of us are single.We fight for love but is it love or lust that we fight for? I don’t think human beings were made to live alone and not love. I don’t think that many of us prefer to be single although society makes it seem like it’s ok. I for one don’t want to be 50 on some site praying on young guys who I know don’t want anything serious to do with me

[@kenjoneslee]

It's raging hormones and relative "equalness" among gay guys that accounts for a lot of their behavior. For example, a girl/guy relationship is such that a girl won't likely find a good husband if she first chooses to be a roving slut. If she can't find a good husband, she probably won't have a family/kids. These issues aren't present with most gay guys. Both guys are more likely to be sluts in common and have no compelling reason to stay together(kids for instance).

[@Not-Ap]

@@kenjoneslee I don't even that strategy if applied would work for most gay men. If 10 guys out of 100 put off sex until the realtionship gets more serious the other 90 would just get with each other instead. Then if you bring in issues of sexual compatibility and the whole thing becomes a dumpsterfire.

[@kenjoneslee]

@@Not-Ap I don't think restricting behavior should be the first lesson. It should be about SEX drive in general, it's most obvious purpose, it's near universal presence in the animal consciousness(for obvious reasons) and then how to place sex in the context of a long human life span. We should discuss sex logically and intellectually. This is very hard to do if you are young and still held captive by raging hormones, young skin and devoid of extensive human experience.

[@nanlev613]

You have got to be kidding me…???!!!!! Thirties is still young!!!!!!!!!

[@Michael-ur5qb]

I much prefer dating in my 30s than I ever did in my 20s regardless of whether I was dating woman or men. I think it's because I feel more confident and whole as a person. I know what I want, how to verbalize that and be confident in my boundaries. In your 20s your really finding all that stuff out. It helps I know what my style is and really for more confident in my looks. I think along with all that comes a lot of other things. Like you said there's more flirting, more intrigue, and I find dating more intimate. I also am a lot more selective as I get older and that has made conversation better too because I am more invested.

[@BrianHARVET-fx6gk]

And still very hopeful of knowing that very first and only romantic experience ✝️.

[@gyqz]

Dating in my 20's : awesome, but meaningless...I thought. Dating in my 30's: awesome because I got to know myself and new what I wanted...I thought. Dating in my 40's: not much, because I was in a committed relationship...I thought Dating in my 50's: My diagnose reveals I am an autist and I realize I can not bond emotionally with anyone...including people really close to me. Oh and the 'stupid stuff' you are talking about happening to you, like knocking things over : basic things happening to me on a daily base. But you, my dear, I am following you for quite a few years now and I always jump for joy when you are putting out a new video and I hope with all the few left fibers in my heart you will find the guy you will end up sharing your life with, because you so deserve him in your life! Here's to us toasting on your wedding day!

[@MattMoore83]

Thank you buddy for sharing this! I like your style and how you wrote it

[@Benzyl_Penoxide]

My gay dating life at 15: … all I hear is crickets

[@johnhamilton3274]

Wait till your in your 50's babe!

[@hiseagle]

For me it's that damned gray beard, yet I still have my dark hair. I hate shaving. haha.

[@ran771]

Excellent video, Matt, on all counts! Thank you!

[@MattMoore83]

Thank you JP! :)

[@devontedld]

I relate to you soooooooooo much wow everything you said is how I feel

[@burhanahmad3140]

Can I give someone a gift on our first date? I showed him a cap and he thought it was cute (I happen to have that exact cap and he's into caps), I don't wear it (Should I gift it)?

[@jessejameslatimer8686]

Men are in their prime in their 30s (if they take care of themselves)

[@aaronbynum8968]

"I wnna put more money into bitcoin" lmao as a Gay dating in his 30s; im definitely still too wild for the Gays my age and older, but I prefer older, but attract younger see my dilemma

[@MattMoore83]

Guys must go crazy after you. I think people want that energy and sounds like you have it! 😃

[@RAEMARJavelonavlog]

Just listen to this now.

[@GlynRobinson]

So happy to see you back. 👏🏼👍🏼