Body Issues | My Struggles with the Gay Community

[@garyjsimm]

The majority of gay men need to work on their minds as much as they do their bodies. We are so damaged. And avoiding the damage by focusing on body doesn’t help. That’s why so many of us are alone or addicted .

[@francisjacquart9618]

RIGHT ON! I LOVE ALL THAT YOU SAY! WHAT IS THE USE OF A ''GORGEOUS BODY'', WHEN ONEHAS NOTHING ELSE TO OFFER, BUT IGNORANCE, SUPERFICIALITY, STUPIDITY AND TOTAL BOREDOM BECAUSE HE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER INTEREST THAN HIS PATHETIC EGO! ONE WILL ONLY HIT ON OTHER EQUALLY MORONIC EGOS AS ONE IS TILL ONE DAY, BECAUSE OF AGEING, ONE NOTICES THAT NOT A SINGLE SOUL WILL EVEN BOTHER TURNING THEIR HEAD TO NOTICE THAT ONE EXISTS! AND DOES ONE EXIST WHEN ONE IS ONLY...LOOKS!!?

[@FriendofDorothy]

@@Djr67 so you've traded one sad habit in for another one? Alcohol does not remove pain, it merely masks it. It's like slapping a Bad-Aid over an infected wound and hoping it will go away. Alcohol is a depressant.

[@Djr67]

@@FriendofDorothy thank you so much for your wonderful advice, you should be a psychologist, that would help the suicide rates to go up for sure.

[@earlr2992]

Dude where do you get this we stuff from. Not all gay men have the body dismorphia that others have. There gay men who look great and gay men who don't look so great who are the nicest guys around. And there are gay men who look great and who don't look so great who are assholes. So generalizing it they way you did in your comment is not a fair assessment. At the same time if you are in bed with someone who is criticizing your body then you leave that person because that person has a problem.

[@lourovanniekerk170]

Very true!

[@AmbientShades]

Guys like that are too shallow to ever find true happiness and will remain alone their entire lives, or shacked up in a loveless relationship with another narcissist cruising hookup apps. You're just fine the way you are and deserve someone that appreciates you for you and not your body. Looks fade. The gay male body image is an impossible goal to maintain. Those who do rarely ever have anything of substance to offer. Every day guys with good, honest hearts are far more attractive than gym rats and muscle queens.

[@tolstoy431]

Best advice EVER..😉💪

[@AlithesisKrukonova-hk2ws]

Yes that's true😮

[@anshuchoudhary5081]

Right, but if someone is super obese, I wouldn't date them. Sorry, but it's just a preference and that okay.

[@markfalcoff1743]

The most beautiful man I've ever known--a magnificent face and body such as any gay man would kill to have--never found love, was sad and depressed, and died almost alone.

[@FriendofDorothy]

most people never find "love" and those that do sometimes wish they had hadn't.

[@hans3331000]

i think this behaviour from us gays are because we've been told we aren't good enough our entire lives and dismissed so untreated mental problems cause us all to project our feelings onto others. After all, straight people have the luxury to discuss these feelings with other people but we have to keep it to ourselves for a long time, and that does a lot of damage

[@emosag]

Agree. We have many traumas usually starting at school, feeling “other” much of our lives.

[@gymjoedude]

Exactly. Fearing society and violence growing up harms our minds. Not being accepted tortures us. Fear of being thrown to the street as a child if found out. Growing muscles is hyper masculine proving that we are men.

[@Adamantian9]

Ive reached a point in my life where im just fed up with this body image crap, to a point where i just don't give a shit about it anymore. Im just focusing on what i want from myself & what my ideal is. At the end of the day, it doesnt matter what your physique looks like, there's always going to be someone out there that thinks you're attractive. And really, confidence is key, confidence in yourself is an incredibly attractive trait and people will notice your confidence whether conciously or subconciously. Focus on what makes YOU happy about yourself & learn to deject yourself from others expectations of you (easier said than done i know, but it IS possible) and i guarantee you, you will feel a lot happier with yourself and at peace knowing you achieved your own ideal you. Love will come, its just a matter of time :)

[@dixiechatty958]

Just being healthy should be our goal. Once I achieved that, I felt much more secure about my body. I was by no means a "perfect" specimen but being healthy and generally in shape made my overall self image much better. It sounds like you're doing the same thing and, believe me, you're looking and sounding fine.

[@ljrockstar69]

The Four Agreements is what I follow regarding this: "Do your best." It's all we can ask for, not chasing for "perfection."

[@24Sevyn]

Im so sorry you had that experience and twice at that. We do need to promote all body types as a community because there is beauty in every single one. I personally love a guy with a dad bod.

[@Rl469]

You’re awesome, Matt! I’ve had this struggle all my life, but these days I am content with myself. A padded six-pack can be a great thing! Cheers!

[@FriendofDorothy]

I don't understand this focus on "6 packs". This feature does not attract me in the least. When I lay my head on my love's belly I don't need for it to feel like a slab of cement.

[@localphoenix]

I just feel we don't really support each other as a community, and often you can sense a tacit hostility/competitiveness amongst us.

[@franciscomartinez514]

I can totally resonate with this video I have been rejected before because of my body in the pass by some guys but as I have gotten older I can careless I love who I am im confident in my skin now 💪💪💪

[@gator_Trey7_repper]

I’m glad that you love yourself Matt! Some people are very fit, have a ton of money and still hate certain things about themselves. As far as fitness goes I myself absolutely love the way I feel when I workout & it totally has nothing to to with the gay community. I’m with you though when you say it’s a very big deal in the culture. The problem is that a nice looking body with no personality or with a huge ego is far worse than an average body with a great sense of humor. Looks fade overtime. I’m guilty of posting a lot and that won’t stop with myself bc it’s a motivation/inspiration thing. Everyone has their own thing going and shouldn’t stop bc of anyone. DO YOU BUD! Absolutely LOVE your channel and think the world of you bud

[@teardropsdude]

Aloha Matt. Good content, and good timing. For the past few months, I have been obsessing about my appearance. Definitely gained some weight since I moved here. As much as I am trying to stay fit by riding my bicycle and rollerblading, need to also maintain good eating habits and so forth. And I am trying to look and feel better for personal and health reasons, not necessarily to impress anyone or someONE else. I have to come accept the harshness of the "gay" community, especially when it comes to what is seen on the outside and less on what is in one's heart. Yes, I want a six-pack, however, only I would see it. I am not one to flash my body just to get a rise or compliment from others. At the end of the day, I want to look in the mirror and be happy with my appearance without stressing my body. Looking forward to future content, and please know, you and your family, are always in my prayers. Also looking forward to your gaming channel.

[@StephenHartHartTalks]

thanks for doing this video Matt, I agree with you 100% about the pressure to look the right way to be accepted, this has affected both me and so many of my friends. take care x

[@MattMoore83]

Hi Stephen! Great to hear from a fellow tuber! We do struggle but together. Accepting our bodies is a modern challenge.

[@DavidLyons-v2f]

Truth! Thanks for speaking to this at it is a real issue in the gay community. It sounds cliche, and I'm dating myself, but when I feel down about myself I listen to Bif Naked's "I Love Myself Today". It definitely is affirming!

[@johnreynolds2512]

I'm the same way, overly sensitive and comments from those I know can be crushing to my self-esteem and sense of worth. I grew up with an abusive father who'd tell me I was ugly and that I was stupid on a pretty routine basis, and despite being neither in reality I became just that in my own head. If someone hit on me, my immediate assumption was that they were somehow making fun of me or setting me up to be the butt of some joke. Took me years to get over that stuff.

[@bigbufobufo]

I'm so glad you have come around and are happy with your body image. Honestly, that is the MOST important thing. To be happy with YOU. It's not worth being unhappy and insecure for someone else.

[@lourovanniekerk170]

You are an absolute inspiration!! And what you're saying is 100% true Xxx ❤

[@blairsmith4563]

It’s not always what one will see in the mirror, rather what’s inside that matters.❤️

[@LenHealsU]

Matt, you're very good looking! In fact, you're dynamite! Both on the outside and on the inside (icing on the cake)! Trust me!

[@veggiet2009]

I find it interesting that a while ago I started becoming more secure about my body issues... but this was before I started moving to becoming active in the gay community, now it's like I feel like I need to relearn this, suddenly I feel like my confidence has dropped, maybe it's because I care more about what other gay guys think, than I ever did care about the straight community I was a part of

[@bluenardo]

Thank you for sharing. Our lives and experiences are very involved and complex. You are sharing that and it’s appreciated. The human experience is this. Please share more along the way. Your journey is impactful and true.

[@yazz2jazz313]

Glad to hear u are working through your insecurities. Man that's harsh what your partner said to u! Who the fuck do these guys think they are?!! It appears that these types who post endless shots of themselves and their bodies on social media are self obsessed and need constant validation. Plus they have an income through their image. Geez its gonna be very hard for these guys to maintain their perfect sculptured physiques as they age. I reckon it will hit them very hard...i can imagine it wouldn't be a good feeling...used to being sexually desired and than gradually becoming not so desired as u age. Sorry hope that made sense..just rambling! lol I love your hoodie btw! Blue is my favorite color! 😊

[@krissims6313]

Your a handsome chap, if anybody tells you otherwise, needs to look at themselves, your perfect 👌 the way you are and it is them who has a problem not you , stay safe and just look after you my friend xx

[@kevintxu]

I do agree with the very impossible body standard in the group, but I think it’s better to keep fit, at least for health’s sake. I managed to lose almost 40 pounds and felt amazing after all that weight loss. I don’t aim to be a build builder tho.

[@paulswanson8926]

I’ve never been part of a gay clubhouse: dinner parties, gay friends, or vacations with gay guys. So I created my own meetups: walking at the botanic gardens, watching and discussing movies with gay friends. However, nothing ever developed, and now after watching this video, I realize it’s because I’ve never looked good in a speedo. Obviously, I’ve always been single. If gay men have me over for dinner, there’s always the single woman guest-their gay friends are compartmentalized away. Now I understand why. I spent so many thousands of dollars and years in therapy while the answer to my loneliness was always staring me in my mirror

[@baldmi3603]

I for instance like going to the doctor and getting a good report after a physical. I like the dentist not having to crown a tooth or fill a cavity. Educating oneself on how to life healthy and putting in the effort is greatly missing in the general population. It is as if the love me for who I am has been translated into eating whatever and not exercising. On the other hand if you happen to life in an area or hang out with fitness fanatics who think it is ok to talk to you the way you experienced walk away. You do not have to look like anything like a greek good to be healthy.

[@ivergullixson5339]

Thank you. More people need to hear this message.

[@aaronrano350]

I wish more guys spoke like you out there. Thank you brother x

[@arsalahmed86]

Something I go through too! I want a six-pack and have wanted in such a long time and I believe it is the subliminal and direct messages received in the community that form this understanding at the back of my mind that I am never good enough, even though I get lots of positive comments on my appearance, but I always view myself too critically! hats off to you to normalize having some fat as a sign of health, and not go crazy about having the 'ideal' physique.

[@miracoli16]

Nobody needs sixpacks...

[@matthewmartin3472]

It’s an insecure community. Bringing you down is a way to cope. Sorry you went through that 😢

[@quantumhealthandnutrition]

Thanks for sharing your story. The body obsession culture is why so many folks are depressed. I agree. I am a sapiosexual INFG who views body/looks as secondary. If someone thinks that their looks will keep me..I lose interest *fast.* I don’t do it on purpose, it just happens. What’s on someone’s mind, or their intellectualism, vision, will stimulate me like crazy. Great video sir.

[@tonymacintosh3744]

when you took your shirt off I almost dropped my coffee.

[@WinfreyWright]

I come at this topic from the opposite direction: too thin. I am older now (63) and don't care what other people think about the way I look. I was outed at work in 1992 (Navy) when a female co-worker I thought was my friend told everyone I was gay and had HIV (the decade from 1985-95 was a bleak time for everyone because of HIV). So I had no choice but to officially come out and explain that I did not have HIV, that I have Crohn's Disease, etc. Oddly, I had always been thin the entire time all these people knew me (about 13 years). Somehow my weight escaped everyone's radar because I had been married (9 year relationship). So it seemed OK to be straight and skinny but not gay and skinny. I have worked with Dieticians for 40+ years, tried every diet, most supplements. My first male partner (decade together) was a bodybuilder and personal trainer, so you know we left no stone unturned. All to no avail. I also come from a family of small people, so hard to escape genetics (I'm 6' and currently 128 lbs). Thankfully, after I hit about 40 YO, I decided to stop worrying about my weight. It is beyond my control. I consider myself really lucky to have had a wife and a husband who were fine with my body.

[@christiandave7925]

When I was in the closet, I felt very sexy and beautiful, straight people commenting how good I looked and physically fit I was. I joined and won male beauty pageants, walked in a few runway shows as a model. But eversince I came out and joined the gay community, I realized that there are just so many things can be wrong about your face and body. I still get compliments from straight people, they still think I look good and fit but for other gay men, I'm ugly and "Not Fit Enough". I just realized how high gay beauty standards compared to straight. I started feeling bad about myself. Gay men don't even wanna be friends with me because "Im not attractive enough". I archived and deleted all my photos on instagram because I felt bad and ugly from all their comments about my appearance. I developed an eating disorder and even considered taking steroids just fit in this fucked up standards. I know it's stupid but I still want to belong.

[@AndresLopez-j6o]

I don't have gay friends or at least I don't belong to Gay ambient. My friends are straight and we support each other. Gay people adopted the girlie behaviour that no one is enough for them, appareance, wallet, " well travelled" and sh/t like that

[@leobethge6002]

The only standard to achieve is your standard. Your friends need to appreciate that. Just be yourself. Big hugs.

[@cedricksamaniego9146]

It's a journey of finding one self and to fit in... The only bad thing, some times we end up being uglier towards the end of all that work 😢

[@pickymoon]

It’s important to understand that how you see yourself and how the world sees you are separate issues that shouldn’t be confused with each other. Being rejected because of how you look can and will happen regardless of how much you accept and love how you look. It can be very insulting and condescending for a gay guy who is rejected for his looks to have his rejection problem be reduced to an issue of body image.

[@jhb61249]

The physicality issue was not nearly an issue prior to 1990-2000 time frame. After the AIDS issue settled in, gay men began to focus on heath and exercise as no one was having sex! Then as LGBTQ came in with all the politics there was a new emphasis on competition with the straight world and proving there's nothing wrong with us mentality took over. Previously there was great variety in body image but everyone was healthier as well. With all the artificial and diet foods human health in general has declined. Now gay men are downing loads of chemicals for muscles. Electronic devices are creating six pack bas. Then there is body augmentation. It will not stop.

[@robertmdaniels]

Sorry you had such a bad experience. I had similar experiences and I have dealt with it by semi-isolating myself. It may be good or bad, I don't know, but it avoids the hurt. My body had gotten me to 70 years, survived a burst gall bladder, which turned my insides to Jello, multiple broken bones, burst intestine, which left me with no belly button, Covid (before the vaccine) which destroyed my lungs so badly that I'm on oxygen for the rest of my life. Other things too. Not to make mine sound worse than yours but, I will deal with it (right or wrong) and you and everyone else will also find a way of dealing with it. I hope they don't have go to the extreme like I did, there are other ways of dealing with it. Gay men can be very catty, I know I used to be and learned a lot by going through what I did.

[@KuchBhi-bm1yj]

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm also depressed because my body types change. Like chest size increase and buttock size small. When i wear jeans and shirt so i feel very uncomfortable. Please give some tips, what should I do? I'm not gay

[@jameshall9402]

You are right on point with your assessment. Even before the internet, gay men were bombarded with images of how they should look, act, smell, etcetera, etcetera...but it wasn't 24/7. Where does a gay man meet another gay man in these times? Instead of gay bars, we need gay grocery stores! Less pressure and, honestly, who dresses up to go buy porkchops? I'm more likely to bond over a tub of pimento cheese in your shopping cart than your hard pecs.

[@georgeneuhauser4752]

That man was a jack-ass. He thought you looked good enough to take home! I'm a bear, we throw all that crap out.

[@theoldmule3619]

I hope if you'r in a situation like this again, you'll tell the person to get the F out of your bed and close the door as they leave. No one needs to put up with that BS.

[@inkreo65]

Social media is making people crazy. It used to be beauty/fitness magazines butnow you can endlessly watch "perfect" beautiful people on insta or whatever. It is not real people. Make the effort to try and be healthy and happy. They kind of hang around each other so...

[@garysinclairbarsby6675]

Be yourself. If people don't like who or what you are and how you look, it's their loss. Take care. X

[@jayg361]

Whenever I review a tough subject like this I look at it from a grand scheme of things mentality. The male gaze is a real thing in both straight media and gay media. We superficial objectify one another based on what is perceived as attractive. Unfortunately you could say one's physical physic is the only baseline for ones attractiveness but there is also: Age, race, height, hair, etc. Any guy who shows interest in me solely on looks or makes a critique of my looks will be hearing it from me: Needless to say who the hell are you?! Amongst other colorful talking points. I will destroy them on such an intellectual confident level that will leave them empty and regretful that they even had the capacity to think that was acceptable behavior. No one has the right to do this to anyone. You are absolutely correct self-love is key but another factor to consider is what most people find attractive is unoriginal at best/worst. Myself and many others included. I prefer an original approach to what to find attractive the nuances on the outside and the depths and complexities on the inside. This is the only validation we should be looking for most importantly the internal acceptance of who we are as unique and beautiful.

[@dirtyunicorn6973]

I Love your body Matt 🤘😍🤘I love how real you are I had to deal with family,friends always saying something about my weight compared my body against my Twin brother body for years it really used to bother me but I'm so glad that God bless me to be a strong person with a good heart I'm healthy and happy my body size go up and down but I'm not going to stress myself to death because of my body size I'm working on it I'm at a good size and I could careless what size my mate is long as he is happy and healthy I love the inside not the outside I Love this video wish I seen this video when I was younger stressed about my weight I Love you thank you for making more videos😘❤😍

[@wander1027]

One time this guy i hooked up with held my grndr profile pic and showed it to me saying "where is this body"? Im guessing the angle or lighting gave him the wrong impression of what i would look like in person. Similar experiences have made me extremely insecure of my body, even working out consistently and dieting, still it wasnt enough. I think one of the problem is poeple, not only gay poeple, have this fixed idea of what a "fit" body looks like and they judge you if u dont look that way, without knowing one bit how hard you are actually working for that, and how easy some other poeple have it. And worst of all, for some trying to achieve these unrealsitic standards, its not even healthy, it becomes such and obession that it starts to be unhealthy both mentally and phyisically

[@johns7868]

My growing up years I was body shamed for being scrawny thin. I went years wearing long sleeve shirts and pants because I got tired of the comments. When I moved away at 20 years old and surrounded myself with a different set of people I started feeling good about myself and really stopped feeling that way.

[@Topher_1986]

Just wanted to let you know you seem like great company.

[@austinballard6815]

Ive seen a lot of this shit, thankfully Ive never really been subject to it myself, nor have I ever done it to anyone else. I think it has gotten worse over the last several years, though it has always been at least a notable part of the gay scene unfortunately. From my own observations, it seems like it has a lot more to do with personality...like anything else, you attract and deter certain types. Guys that dish out "critiques" are by far the most insecure losers and they naturally are going to gravitate towards those people that are more self conscious, more sensitive, less assertive etc. I've seen guys even get shamed who, in every sense of the word, were 10s body and image wise. A lot has to do with sensing vulnerability and having a certain personality.

[@Albacore877]

Well, here’s a question that people don’t talk about nor think about: Can employers discriminate against people who aren’t attractive? Everyone has bias’s and unfortunately people have NOT learned to love themselves and value people for character and other things besides looks. Self care & self acceptance is very important for your over-all well-being.

[@Heidelbuam]

Now, put on top of that someone like me , who has a minor physical disability and you get the picture why it is sometimes objectively impossible to find a partner in the gay community.

[@Heidelbuam]

@Erin Walter cerebral palsy, and yours?

[@Heidelbuam]

@Erin Walter I wish you all the best and hope you find love anyway.

[@marccheban194]

The several pics that you show in this video reveal a very muscular and well shaped physique; your trapezius in particular is very nicely developed. But...if any guy needs anything more than to look into you very very beautiful eyes to know who you are, forget about him!

[@Uraniumore299]

I have always thought that a romantic relationship is not for me because of how I look. I’ve always had low body fat and considered twink even if I’m already 25 yrs old. And people see me, including myself, as unattractive because, idk, maybe because I’m Southeast Asian or maybe I am just plainly unattractive. I started working out a lot last yr, lost stubborn fat around my belly, spend money for certain facial procedures but I am still stucked with body images issues. I hate my existence.

[@kev60154]

Wow 🤩 You look great back then and now !!!

[@MattMoore83]

Thank you so much Kev and of course watching! But I admit, those older pics were dang good.

[@at1the1beginning]

"You could never be a top, because you're not me" Courtesy of my tall, hung (compared to me) ex earlier this year. What little self esteem I had is 6ft under, and I'll be aswell if this continues.

[@FriendofDorothy]

You have given him waaaay too much power. It sounds you avoided a bullet by losing that POS. He thinks he is the cat's arse because he is hung but on the inside he is a small and nasty man. You should invite your friends over and have a party that he is out of your life. You might also consider talking to a therapist about something called "victim mentality". I assume part of the reason you chose him was his appendage. Next time look at what's on the inside.

[@flyjet787]

Me too, 100%. But not all gay folks are superficial in that way. Now, meat market sex hookups (grindr/bars) are often going to go down badly. It's about finding quality people and how/where you go about looking. But again, I have been hurt too - and it sux.

[@ajestlemonde]

After my divorce, I hit the hiking trails, in my new adopted community, putting in a hundred miles a week at one point. Once I lost 70lbs I hit the gym. I'm now fit. I love working out, but only because it relieves my anxiety and gives me a place to go and gawk at other hot guys. The bars are dead to me. Tinder is ok, but there's nobody that's actually interested. Grindr is a chore. Not into hookups... it's just me and my dumb bells... and the leg press. I am fit and it still doesn't matter.

[@jasonhaven7170]

Perhaps we can focus on the racism, too

[@FriendofDorothy]

,,,and the ageism, looks-ism, and size-iism. We got ISSUES...

[@AndresLopez-j6o]

My last day in gay ambient was due to this phrase: " you are not too white".

[@mateovillarraga9624]

Its always disgusting how the hegemonic atractive masculine men talk about image issues, like... get a grip

[@comeagyn]

So they can't be insecure?

[@upsupeter]

You look good to me. Remember you can’t please all people but you can please yourself.

[@domeatown]

Have you ever wondered if it was negging. Because I have a very enviable feminine shape, and it is pretty obvious. But some dudes will insult it anyway. And when I learned that some dudes will insult attractive people essentially just to break them down, it was like ... AHA! Eureka! I finally found the logic in the illogical. It was all on purpose. Not only on purpose, but a deliberate lie. Im sure pickup culture exists in the gay community. That stuff is everywhere. And manipulative people hang out in every pocket of the world. Some people have Tall Poppy Syndrome and making you feel hurt is the point. But when veiwed from an objective lense... Really just doesnt make sense.

[@lachic9024]

How do you always ended up with guys that criticized your body? IMO I see a pattern here.

[@brandon17760]

There's definitely a pattern lol but hey he was muscled up and in his 20s, you live and learn 😂

[@lucasm4299]

Maybe he picked gym queens or kings, critiquing everything

[@user-if4df7lk1z]

When a guy says that he is shallow!! Some belly is normal. Those arms and shoulders made up for any belly fat. You are correct with fat.

[@brandon17760]

If anyone gives you a backhanded compliment like that, that you were interested in dating, just leave lol you just avoided a catty awful person. And I hate that that behavior is normalized in this so called "community"

[@Joajaon]

I have the feeling that in the gay world, there are many extreme body types. Men are either extremely ripped and never satisfied with their bodies - or they completely let themselves go and don‘t care about their body at all. Both sides are unhealthy, but I believe, people on both sides struggle and this is their way of coping.

[@AtoMicEyeScream]

People need to get a hobby. Self absorption on egotistical stuff is a bottomless pit. Meditate, and be of service in the world, your priorities will straighten out.

[@VOLTRAR]

I will keep it simple my friend. You ARE enough and that is enough. Big Hugs* 😉❤🌈

[@florenciomendoza1212]

Yes, you’re just very sensitive what other people say. You look great , as long you’re not obese , just do what’s healthy based on your body & mind. Consult your family doctor . 👍🙏😜❤️

[@sunmarsh]

I’m sorry you had to hear those words from people you cared about. 😔 If my bf ever said something like that to me… 🤬 Well, he knows where the door is. 🖕🏼 I do not exist as an object for your personal pleasure or enjoyment. When I love someone it means I love every part of them. They are not beautiful to me because of the way their body looks, their body is beautiful because it is theirs and I love them completely and unconditionally. If my partner doesn’t feel the same about me then it’s not going to work out.

[@diabolike8055]

Yes I mean isn t that suppose to be the "magical" aspect of love ? When you look at all the old couple they love each other entirly and this where love is acting cause when you love someone you even love what you dont like usualy If you only love the good part this isn t love you only like the person no ? I think people use world lightly without thinking twice in our days

[@1jotun136]

Sweet man, you have a sweet demeanor and a handsome face. Ignore the rabble.

[@aclem8246]

Not only muscles. You have to be young, have lots of money, great body, handsome, and well hung. If you are not well hung you are relegated to being a bottom whether you like it or not. Over 40? Your done. Might as well move to the suburbs and buy a dog to live out the rest of your life alone.

[@ViolentRainbow]

You're describing hookup culture, if all you care about is hooking up with as many guys as possible then yes obviously these things will be an issue but you do realise that there are other gay men in the world besides 20 year olds right? If you're 40 years old and still trying to hook with with people who weren't even born when you graduated high school then that's just sad, but your life doesn't end at 40, there are plenty of other gay men out there in the same situation who probably just want a partner to love and enjoy life with.

[@FriendofDorothy]

I am not exactly a porn star and no one ever "relegated" me to being a bottom. Since when is an average penis considered somehow inferior? It's called "average" because it is what the majority of men are packing down there. Just tell them who you are and what you like before hooking up. Flip 'em over! They love having the tables turned on them! Sex is not just a matter of inches, it's an attitude dance and the biggest sex organ is the brain wherein lie all our most delicious fantasies.

[@joemug4079]

And…what do you expect from your bed companions? The same? Perfect body, perfect face?

[@BlackHatTy]

It's a little mind-blowing. Please don't take offense to this, but on dating apps when I see men like you i avoid them. The reason why is because you're a handsome guy and kind of the norm of what I see on Grindr. When I contact men like you Im usually ignored. I got used to it. Im 51, no one wants an older guy unless they have daddy issues. Now I feel like bridge troll on there, even to the point when I skipped meals and stopped contacting people out of my league. Im looking for a guy my age, and they mostly want younger, fit handsome guys, jocks or trans. It's turned into a cafertia lifestyle, take what you want, toss the rest. I like my face, it tells a story, but in the community no one cares. Good luck to you.

[@FriendofDorothy]

I am 70 and play with mostly guys my own age or even older. Young men are but lovely ornaments to me as their conversation bores me. I feel lucky not to be hung up on hounding youth in my older years and also, to be honest, I don't mind the boys with daddy issues long as they are not looking at me as the Bank of America.

[@rayhill5767]

Whoever you are you are someone’s type and they might be your type too. Relax

[@zachfisher8431]

I think one of the worst attributes of our community is that we almost always try to justify our discrimination by calling it a ‘type’…. Think about it, how many times have you ever said “oh, he’s not my type”? When you really just didn’t want to say, oh, he too this or too that. I agree with a lot of the previous comments, we as a community need to stop saying that we need to change, but turn right around and like every single IG post of a muscled up guy without a shirt. We really need WITH each other, on ourselves!

[@jakemiles1427]

Well I am definitely that guy that will only be intimate at night with the lights off so I guess I'm a turn off. The question i have is how am i supposed feel confident/secure about my looks: 1. I'm overweight and I understand that human beings in general aren't attracted to overweight people and gay/bi men definitely are attracted to overweight people. 2. I'm in my 30s and I have never met a man that was physically attracted to me. Even in the moments in my life where i had loss weight ( and looked good in my opinion) I could NEVER find a man that was genuinely attracted to me. 3. 99.9999 percent of the times I've been intimate with a guy, I've had to p@y him, and in most cases guys even reject me when i offer 💲. 4. There is also the thought that humans are always changing/evolving; this mean even if i meet a guy that's genuinely attracted to me, who knows how long that will last. A person can be attracted to you one day and the next day the are turned off. So i say touch me in the dark because the less you see of me the better. So how am I supposed to feel confident with someone touching my body in a lit setting under these circumstances? I think you were very dismissive of that guy's feelings and the tone of your voice had no compassion for him. The thing is you're an attractive person so you don't know what's it's like to truly be undesirable.

[@FriendofDorothy]

Y'all need to stop giving other people so much power over you. Work on yourself, your own mental health and well-being. Stop carrying the cross of poor self-esteem. The people who critique others' bodies are insecure as F and you know it. They are trying to lift themselves up a notch at your expense. Be indifferent. That in itself will make you more attractive but victim thinking is not attractive to anyone.

[@jakemiles1427]

@@FriendofDorothy It doesn't work that way, being confident NEVER affected the way men saw me. In fact i started out VERY confident but how am I supposed to continue feel confident when I get rejected 99.999999 percent of the time. I use to think it was my weight but even when i lost weight men continue to reject me. I even lowered my standards significantly and I realized that even men who are considered " old, ug ly, and unattractive" reject me. How am I supposed to have any seft confident when I'm constantly being reminded that I'm undesirable and every guy that has shown me any attention always turns out to be using me?

[@Topher_1986]

That would make anyone feel like crap.

[@stevennguyen4993]

A lot of us demand good bodies from our partners, but are wasting away from our own vices. It's easy to look young and hot without trying. But that same lifestyle catches up to you. Most gays need to realize that they're not gonna get what they want until they become what they want in a partner.

[@TheFelcardon]

You are absoluty beutiful, do not be worried about your body

[@kalil_da_silva]

The issue is thinking about the gay community as a gay bar: it will never correspond to the reality. There is plenty of gays, if not the majority of them, who don't go to such places (myself included). Of course, if your world revolves around it, you will be "forced" to become one of them in order to "find love" amongst them. But if you just decide to be yourself and stay true to it, you'll feel 100% better.

[@getyourkicks]

I know , for years .

[@beardedpanda5086]

What the hell kind of guys do you talk to? Who says that to someone?

[@dmmoctober]

Did this guy really mean what you inferred? I’ve been told by many guys that my puppy (well, dog) fat is nice and natural and, muscle-wise, “not excessive” … and I have a preference for rugby types myself …

[@DavidBrendan7799]

Community? Does this word even apply to us!? I don't feel part of a community, do you?

[@FriendofDorothy]

Yes, but it's a community that is changing, which is normal.

[@donaldstanfield8862]

People have no right to be judgemental, especially in that vulnerable situation, omg.

[@nanlev613]

The issue you’re talking about is NOT specific to one community. Every person deals with body image regardless of their sexual preference. The issue is universal.

[@user-if4df7lk1z]

You looked really good!

[@ej13012010]

Heres the problem about the gay community we point fingers at insecurities in others when we all have them were not perfect and we can't expect others to be its like an expectation to be flawless and it makes ppl insecure so thick guys dont want to show their bodys some that have lose skin from losing weight dont feel sexy so how does the gay community treat them....they shut the door....

[@segas7344]

If we're supposed to have some fat why do so many people hate fat?

[@briankelly85]

you are cuter than any guy in those fashion magazines.

[@ksiMacro]

Your body looks great! : )

[@3506Dodge]

I wish there WAS a "gay community." It's the answer to all these problems.

[@mnickqueakatherestingwitch3997]

Do you want to be authentic or the "typical them"?

[@fr7455]

Ugh. When are we are we going to go ahead and get married? :-)

[@WestieWestie]

This isn't just a gay community thing, women in straight relationships experience what you're talking about constantly. The problem is with a lot of men and how they view the bodies of others.

[@GhostOfAmsterdam69]

Idc about beautiful people anymore. It’s an emptiness trap. If I can’t laugh with a guy it’s not worth having him inside me.

[@domeatown]

I dont know why these videos keep popping up in my feed. I am not a gay man. I am, however, a woman. And frequently on the receiving end of men's impossible standards lmao. Sometimes I wonder if dudes with impossible beauty standards for women really just dont like women. And it does make you wonder.... Perhaps dudes with impossible beauty standards for dudes maybe just dont like dudes. Because I DO like dudes. And I have preference, sure. But theres wiggle room. Because I know we are all gonna get fat and bald and grey, and even beautiful people will change. Its part of it. And I like the nuance. Maybe they dont like anything, really. Maybe the possibility of joy in the journey is not something real to them. But, yeah. Its pretty evil that people remain victims of toxic masculinity even after they see themselves as othered. Its an idea so pervasive that it trickles into every corner of the world. Its not fair at all. Not even remotely.