Gay Body Image: Obsession, Dysmorphia, and all the Issues

[@zerdanphunrab]

My favorite moments are when Matt stopped, when everyone stopped and got silent, when the conversation slowed down, and Matt got very honest and real with us. Wow, Matt is an amazing person. I live for moments of genuineness like that. Thank you so much for showing all of us what it is to be real with oneself and with each other. You are wonderful, kind people. ❤🏳‍🌈 I work with disabled people for my job. Having a human body is a miracle in and of itself, especially when it is functioning.

[@mattlandsiedel]

Thank you for this reflection. You always have such positive and enlightening comments to share on our page and I value that about you so much 😊

[@tebogomagz5797]

"I am attracted to people that have normal bodies, but I always thought I had to look a certain way to be desirable" that's where I'm at too. Trying to give myself that graceee

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Same here! It’s so refreshing to see others embracing their natural beauty. It takes a lot of courage to let go of those unrealistic standards. Keep up the good work!❤

[@gw6482]

God knows I have my insecurities, but we all do, right? I’ve shared a lot before, I don’t want to bore anyone, but what I do want is to thank you all again for inspiring us all and for being so open.

[@BruceDBennett]

Hi Guys, as a 54yr old gay man having come out at the age of 17yrs old, I've battled with body image all the time. After spending the last 20yrs single and not connecting with other gay men, I've been thinking of now finding a partner, and many-body issues come up, and age is now the one thing that keeps popping up in my head. I think that this episode is the most important one for all gay men to listen to.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you so much for your comment and support! We think it's an important issue as well!

[@duanecrump4831]

same here Bruce, I do work out but that number just lingers over my head. I feel like love is less and less plausible the older I get. You can look hot at 60 but the number is still there. It's like a biological clock constantly telling me that time is running out on my health, mental state, and relationships. Age can affect one's self-esteem and confidence.

[@ljrockstar69]

@@duanecrump4831 Same here, I can relate to this. For me I just keep the fires burning, do the best I can to fight it.

[@that1monk]

that goofy thumbnail tho 🤣 i love you boys so much 🏳‍🌈❤

[@AlexJuelo]

All of the guys points are extremely valid. I feel as though as the guys said the imagery that is fed to us constantly create that desire amongst us all. I would dare say it makes real relationship hard. I have to admit the switch in my head has yet to be made from needing to be desirable to “for myself” as far as working out. I grew up chubby and slowly working it off…mentally and physically I feel like im suffering from needing to be desired because I have never been and being confident in my as I am. Thanks for this video

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you for sharing so openly-breaking free from that need to feel desirable is a journey, and your honesty is a powerful step toward true self-acceptance. 💪💙

[@duanecrump4831]

you will never be perfect enough in the gay community. even the ones who appear perfect are not happy.

[@dustinstacy1862]

I really wish our community would have more conversations about things like this. One point that just really grinds my gears endowment size and the abuse and harassment we put onto others about this. We judge people on something completely out of their control and make it a point within four community that they are less than or obviously a bottom if they don’t meet a standard

[@dylankennedy6020]

I feel like these conversations are hard because, well there's so much intersection. Like I mean its one thing to see 4 beautiful men on KZbin telling you to love yourself, but does that ring true for the guys who really need to hear it? The sad types who make 6 to 10 fake profiles when you block them, that clearly don't get any attention because they fell in love when you said 'hi' back. I'm not obligated to look past my lack of attraction to sleep with them, even though their lack of sexual attention has a lot to do with their insecurity. As a survivor of sexual abuse, I do think the whole gay body positive thing can teeter into gay inceldom without balance. Also, as someone who gets more serious attention after I share my dick pics THESE BOTTOMS CANT TAKE IT. I have never actually finished giving a guy anal. Even when I'm able to get it in, they tap out quick. I'm not massive, but certainly not small. I genuinely don't understand why guys are only into 8 inches when they haven't yet mastered 3. Other guys will literally use dildos to dilate themselves, at home, with no company in the hopes that they find an OF performer or something that will want a go? You could also just not do that and be satisfied by a lot more men. But at the end of the day, I think gay beauty standards aren't that complicated. Its porn beauty standards. Guys want their own little pornstar even if they realistically wouldn't know what to do with one if they got one. If you're active, you need to be BUILT. If you're slim, I'd better see those ribs and starvation abs. If you're a bear, you gotta have huge biceps to make up for that belly, if you're just fat, well you need to be so fat you're immobile to attract the chasers. Most guys watch a lot of porn as teenagers, and as we date we mature. We change our tastes as we experience more of what there is to taste. But when you're gay you don't have as many opportunities as your straight peers to date and mess up and redefine your type. So, starting from the day you exit the closet you're chasing some Sean Cody fantasy and it becomes a negative feedback loop. You ultimately chat with a bunch of catfish profiles and then rub one out to another porn because the real men have flaws. So then, instead of challenging this more juvenile 'type' you just re-enforce it until you're genuinely delusional enough to think Colby Keller is a potential match for you.

[@adambathon]

Gay life is awful for body issues. Really terrible to deal with not to mention feeling isolated.

[@flyjet787]

COMPARISON!!! It boils down to that. And it IS exhausting, and anxiety-provoking....

[@that1monk]

i love michael's daily affirmation. 🙏 as a buddhist monk, i believe in no god and no soul, but michael's affirmation really moved my heart. 🏳‍🌈❤

[@WellismoCoaching]

Thank you! I use plenty of different ones depending on what I'm moving through in my life at the time

[@josephyoung6749]

I've always trained at the gym since highschool days even before coming out. I always wonder if I seem like I'm overdoing it but it's such a big part of my life, being outdoors and staying healthy. I believe being in shape is also good for your mental health and confidence.

[@TruthQuest4700]

Spending time naked in nature, such as hiking, is how I overcome body issues. Occasionally I might spend the day at a family mainstream naturist resort where there are all ages, shapes, and sizes of people feeling comfortable in their earth suits. Taking a picnic to a nude beach with friends is also a relaxing way for me to feel great in my own skin! Naturism is a good way to separate nudity from sexual objectification because the nude human body is many things and sex is just a part of that.

[@christopheryannatone4406]

I resonated so deeply with this despite not having experienced such activities myself. That last sentence really hit the nail on the head

[@FernandoVazquez-ro1nw]

Why did this conversation feel a bunch of humble brags over and over. Like "I was disgusting at some point but then I got in shape." Matt, as always, very on point. The contrast of his clinical background is evident.

[@dylankennedy6020]

This video got me to eat for the first time today, its midnight but still today

[@dylankennedy6020]

Personally, I was at that 'husky but healthy' place for a few years, after being a bit of a gym rat I went traveling. I surfed and skiid and hiked and mountain climbed and all that, but I ate very very calorie dense resort foods for like 2 years. Muscle was there, but so was a lot of excess weight. Not like I was about to get a TLC show or anything but it was definitely noticeable. Guys didn't respect me, at all. Sexual attention was pretty unchanged but actual romantic attention? Any guy that did pursue romance, it was like he was doing me a favor. Looking for a reason to end it that wasn't looks based ultimately was a lot more cruel than just honestly saying you don't find me attractive. Its not that I had a bad body, I was a bad person. And yeah, sometimes I did something shitty bc I'm human. But it wasn't a 'I cant believe you'd do this to me' sort of thing, it was 'I cant believe YOU could do this to ME' if that makes sense. For these guys, who say thats their preference publicly at least, give your huskier partners the same grace you'd give a non overweight partner. Tell him he's sexy, don't act like looks don't matter. Because its really easy to tell when you're an accessory to make people look better, and thats literally what dating overweight feels like.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

We're so glad to hear that! Sometimes, all it takes is a little inspiration to get us going. We hope you enjoyed your meal!🥰

[@MUZIKSPOT]

Even if they put plus size models out there. People’s preferences won’t change. It won’t make people attracted to plus size people. It’s sad but people are people

[@dylankennedy6020]

I think the thing is though, a lot of people are attracted to plus sized people but feel shame about that and treat their plus sized partners as a shameful secret. No one is forcing you to sleep with an obese guy, but someone out there only sleeps with bigger guys but then acts disrespectful after because society tells them they shouldn't find that person attractive.

[@MrAnthonyIII]

I've experienced body issues a lot as a gay guy who does not have the butch, buff, hairy, hypermasculine appearance gay communities tend to idolize. For several years I even experienced gender dysphoria and strongly felt like I wanted to be a girl, because as a transgirl the femininity and soft features that I'd get made fun of as a guy were suddenly seen as positive things

[@dylankennedy6020]

That's wild to me bc I'm a harrier guy and yeah it seems like everyone's chasing 'smooth'. And when a guy is attracted to body hair he's fucking weird about it. Like no, I am going to trim and not look homeless. Its weird when he makes it into an argument. Its fetishized by a few, but looked past by most.

[@rogerbernard9572]

I go to the gym m-Friday. All I do is swim and treadmill. Buff? Not the least bit interested;)

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

That's a great routine! Staying healthy is the goal. 💪😊

[@ettiandbuddy167]

thank you...

[@coupecruiser]

I think when people stop comparing themselves to images on social media, which then forces them to go into a lack mentality that’s when people will start moving forward. I’m also a coach, I happened to have a very good physique, but on my professional sites I do not show myself topless because I don’t think it’s appropriate. I think sometimes coaches are part of the problem and then they justify it. Just saying. Oh, and it might be good for the community to do some positive things about raising levels of self esteem without focusing on peoples voids, shortages, and losses. That only creates resistance.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Hi! You make some excellent points. Comparing ourselves to social media images can indeed lead to a lack mentality. It's great to hear that, as a coach, you focus on professionalism and positive self-esteem. Encouraging the community to focus on positive growth and self-acceptance is crucial. Thanks for sharing your perspective!💞

[@fallenangelincolor]

I think I'm more depressed about my body after watching this. Like, if yall can't find happiness and peace then what hope do I have

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

It's understandable to feel that way. Remember, everyone's journey is different, and finding peace within yourself takes time.

[@duanecrump4831]

And, so no one gets a bad image of themselves I need to shed some light on a false belief. Most of the men followed on Instagram or other social media sites, BUY/Purchase their followers from websites that make money from following. For 3,000 dollars anyone can buy 10,000 active followers. Nobody is so beautiful that 40,000 strangers start following them online. Fact

[@ComeonmyIcelandicface]

What do you expect when your sexuality defines your whole personality? Stay away from Instagram, Grindr and gay clubs and things will be fine

[@duanecrump4831]

I'm LGBT and even I have to agree with you.

[@mateuszpajak5579]

such a clever comment

[@nahimiYT]

It appears you have very little clue

[@christopheryannatone4406]

I understand the intent and somewhat agree with the reasoning behind this comment but I have to disagree with the part where you say “your sexuality defines your whole personality”. I can only speak for myself ultimately but I believe being genuinely gay is a complex situation for every individual person, especially when we’re young and in most cases, are already being alienated by our families and/or peers. It is not a costume to be donned, nor is it the sum of parts of a damaged ego to be assumed. While it can certainly appear that way there’s always more to the story within each individual. These gentleman came here to share their stories and find common ground and personal growth amongst one another in the midst of a mature, intelligent exchange. It’s quite unfair and unfortunate that one might simply reduce gay people to the hedonistic egotistical stereotype we so often have projected on us. We all experience life so uniquely from one another, and not just from the rest of society at large. We will not continue to allow ourselves to be viewed as sub-human and when our backs are to the wall we WILL speak out for ourselves and each other

[@tebogomagz5797]

I stayed away from all and still struggling. To a point where I threw out the big mirrors and only have the small ones to avoid seeing my body. Now I can barely stay in a relationship because I find it hard to believe they are really attracted to me.

[@franopoljak818]

Not going to gym for the abs but because my body is a temple inside a vessel through which my soul is shining....srry, but this is a serious load of bullshit...But if it helps, who am I to judge.

[@10-OSwords]

What? They're have been SEVERAL big queens of drag race...maybe he's just talking about the Canada show?

[@dylankennedy6020]

Pit crew

[@alecj9570]

So we all talk about it, but yet we do it to eachother. Body shame, but we say it is pur preference. Sad.

[@MatteBlack2024]

I have watched several vids featuring Reno and not once has he addressed a racial perspective, which could clearly be an asset. Does he not have a differing experience or outlook impacted by his race on ANY topic? His failure to persistently omit this suggests he’s not a viable role model for other Black gay men. Very unfulfilling and disappointing.

[@MagickalMermaid]

Not all Black people experience racism the same way. He just may be one of those who hasn't really had that experience 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@melebks6292]

Really guys? Why do we always want to victimize ourselves? If you don't like it don't do it. Find your out people among our community but stop trashing some of us who love to workout. And please when a guy takes his shirt off don't try to be weirdos

[@emosag]

You didn’t listen to the conversation, tough guy. You made 3 comments on this so obviously it’s triggering to you for some reason.

[@melebks6292]

And stop blaming the gay community for your issues. Be responsible and take your responsibility

[@emosag]

Clearly you didn’t even listen to the conversation. They did take responsibility for their own issues.

[@melebks6292]

What I see is a bunch of guys trying to blame others for their problems or trying to justify their actions

[@emosag]

The opposite. They talked a lot about owning their own problems. The solution being to love yourself and not compare yourself to others. You’re just projecting.

[@ascott2168]

This was soo great ! I really related to Matt’s story ❤🥹 ! Keep up the good work humans

[@jeffreyfeet]

Bottom line for me is im.bipolar and the workouts help me function. Ill also always have an issue with my.body bit guess what on.the weekend im eating pizza and Mexican food. I will always have a little belly. You dont like it bye felicia. Im 50 year old. What you see is what you get.