Borderline Personality Disorder and Work

In this video I discuss how I used to struggle in the workplace.

[@reigndelacore2060]

I've literally sat at a cafe watching people chatting with co-workers and laughing and envied them. I constantly wonder why do I feel like an alien from another miserable planet in which no one smiles or laughs and hates their jobs. It seems so easy for other people to just fall into a routine with ease and I deeply marvel and resent them at the same time.

[@mariahconklin4150]

I do the same to. Joke and talk with people but it gets old after a while

[@violetthemoonchild1950]

I feel the same 😪😪 just lost my job and I feel like garbage and very worried about my future

[@PassionateFlower]

I know exactly what you mean @Reign Delacore and I feel the exact same way😔.

[@jigsaw9749]

This whole comment section is so familiar. Every single thing I can relate to. I even starting hating the amazing people who had everything.

[@GypsyTarot]

I walked out of my last 3 jobs. I simply couldn't cope with any of it. It's been 3 years now and every morning I get up, I imagine I have to go to work and the thought of it sets me off. I think I have developed a heap of triggers surrounding jobs and work. I'm flat broke and even that is not enough incentive for me. The Anxiety and emotions relating to work are too strong :(

[@Citrusfruits50]

ANDILUSH wow... it’s funny to hear other people talk about this issue.. Until last year when I was FINALLY dx correctly - I had no idea why I struggled to stay on a job.. I was always envious when people say “oh I’ve been at my job for 14 yrs.. blah blah blah” I’m like “HOW DO THEY DO THAT?” I’ve had 26 jobs in 20yrs..🤭

[@srtj.av.2556]

The same and I have kids...

[@jaguarpawsrealityvlogshow6844]

ANDILUSH I understand I’m going thru it too . I haven’t quit yet but I cry every day mostly in the bathroom while I’m convincing myself not to leave. It’s miserable and I feel so guilty because I have a great job smh 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@lessandra602]

I feel you man

[@im_saved_by_grace]

There is ssdi assistance for your Disability dsm5 eligible

[@XOXO-mb2vh]

We aren't cut out for societies usual jobs. The world and our feelings are letting us know it's not right for us. I learned I do my best work on my own terms at home. I feel like child too.

[@hoperising7373]

Remember Bliss what do you do from home for work?

[@ziggylaurie2268]

Sometimes there are no options. Sometimes we have to “ grow up” and grab BPD by the balls.

[@hillaryconsultingservices]

At my current "independent contract work" I feel like a prisoner in my mind. I don't understand the competing directions. Simultaneously I started idolizing a male friend from 16 years ago so I blocked him. This is such a lonely painful illness. How can I work tomorrow when getting out of the bed is hard??

[@trooper326]

I have bpd and an extreme difficulty holding a job as well. Getting a job seems scary, pointless and even a little depressing because it seems to be a never ending cycle of getting a job, doing well at the job for a time, having a huge decrease in performance, getting fired, and repeat. It feels like I'm in hell stuck in a never ending cycle of pain, self hatred, no self control, shame, and frustration. I wouldn't wish this disorder even upon my worst enemy.

[@im_saved_by_grace]

There's assistance for your bpd Disability ssdi eligible

[@titaniumexpose6365]

I am going through the same thing 😢

[@ciloves]

I'm feeling shitty atm with work. Honestly I was so enthusiastic when I started a few weeks ago but now my enthusiasm has just died and I feel so down. I can't take constructive criticism. Yesterday someone was telling me to do something a certain way and I have been thinking about it ever since and want to cry- like it makes me want to quit. Even when we have team meetings to discuss how we can improve it feels like the manager is talking directly at me and telling me I'm shit at my job. In my head I'm convinced they are saying those things because I'm not capable at working well...Seriously it makes me want to quit. This is my biggest problem with keeping a job. Anytime anyone criticises me I want to run away.

[@RecoveryMum]

Hi Hunni, yes I can sooooo relate. We do not take criticism well. I think that's because we internally criticise ourselves anyway and when someone else does it, it almost feels as if they are confirming it. It's all down to low self esteem. When you start getting recovery and building your self esteem though this will get much better to deal with. I too used to feel people were aiming their negative comments at me. The thing is they probably werent, just as your boss pronbably isn't aiming at you, but because we feel low in ourselves we take everything to heart. Stay strong my lovely. Lots of love to you xxx

[@im_saved_by_grace]

There's assistance for bpd ssdi eligible

[@im_saved_by_grace]

It's TOO DIFFICULT MENTALLY there's assistance for your DISABILITY SSDI ELIGIBLE

[@mariahconklin4150]

Yep! This exactly!

[@jessicagomez4520]

@@Pearldewxo I have this same issue

[@gracerose6369]

i’m 18 with bpd and just quit my 6th job last night when i was manic. i feel like shit tbh i have no idea wtf i’m going to do now and i actually really loved that job

[@yasemingreenfield8884]

I've had like a few jobs now and I've quit all of these. I get so excited when I get a new job and want my family to be impressed by me. I get so motivated within the month but then I get over it, I feel down, I felt depressed, unmotivated and tired of being there. I would not get up and go to work if I was fighting with my boyfriend or he broke up with me and then I'd try to apologise to my boss for the days I didn't show up and I always wanted him to like me but then when he got angry at me for missing a couple of days he ignored me and that really hurt me like I took real offence to it. I want to work but my illness really stops me.

[@RecoveryMum]

Hi Hunni, it is so clear that you are just not ready for work yet. I know that's hard to take because we just want to be 'normal' and have our families and loved ones be proud of ourselves. But by taking on the job we put too much pressure on ourselves and eventually it blows up in our face. I have done videos on Recovery and work and in them I say - we need to put our recovery first. It won't be forever - once we have learnt to manage the BPD we can go on and get a job - a job that we both enjoy and can stick with! If I were you I would put all your effort in to recovery right now - trust me it is so worth it. Lots of love to you xxx

[@Paintingtherosesredd]

I feel the same way.. Like I am a a child in an adults body. Cant hold down a job. Everyone I have graduated w/ has graduated college, or works a good job, and i cant hold one down for more than a month :( I would LOVE to see a newer video out on this

[@im_saved_by_grace]

Don't fret this is a lifetime illness Disability ssdi eligible for assistance

[@kr3642]

My mom had bpd and was a phenomenal salesperson. Holy shit she could sell ice to an eskimo. But she always moved on 5 months or so in.

[@hillaryconsultingservices]

I love the job and am full on for 4 or 5 months. Then it feel likes death every day. I finished law school, teacher certification, real estate license, foreign teacher certification TEFL, aerobics instructor, children's theater, interviewed for culinary program, interviewed for construction.... It's hard to land in one place without pain.

[@salhooper]

I have (undiagnosed) BPD and I’ve always struggled with working, even part time hours feels too much for me. I feel like we’re just not made for working full time. I always have a breakdown after a few months or just go to work crying. I’m worried people at work just think I don’t care or I have a bad work ethic but that’s not it. I want to work but I feel like something in me stops me.

[@im_saved_by_grace]

If you have a diagnosis bpd that's a DISABILITY LIFELONG an ssdi eligible

[@Crouchingdragon]

was literally saying that last line you wrote to a friend yesterday. we really are not programed to work every day for the rest of our lives. side note you're gorgeous 😍 ✨

[@im_saved_by_grace]

YOU MUST make sure YOU HAVE BEEN GOING TO THERAPY so ALL OF YOUR NOTES GO TO A DISABILITY LAWYER an he will handle all paperwork for you IF YOU HAVE A DIAGNOSED MENTAL ILLNESS/ DISABILITY like BORDERLINE PERSONALITY or BIPOLAR your ELIGIBLE 💯 FOR SSDI ASSISTANCE!

[@DD-jm5ug]

I went for diagnosis but they more or less sniggered at me, I have inhibited BPD and and all my concerns and sadness and anger goes deep inside. No-one would know it was BPD. They usually look for masculine traits. Sadly.

[@Beccah503]

Wow, holy shit. This is spot on. I just quit my job after 10 months. One thing that I've noticed is that I don't do well with change.

[@user-zo9od4uk9h]

actor playing the role... gosh thats the way ive always felt. gotta fit in... and struggle all the time with everything...

[@victoriaburton4633]

This is my story, very unstable with work, worried about the relationships I made. I have isolated myself at my job. I come in do my job and leave. I am having to redo my completely I feel burned out. I will not be going to lunch again. I am even thinking about ending a relationship with my best friend. I feel like I can't keep appointments. I make friendships easily to but keeping them is hard. suicidality is a major pitfall for me. I have tried to be well polished in how I present myself, but once I break down its back to the pills.

[@merindadiesel3370]

I took my work too seriously. Very sensitive if not good enough. Pushed myself into obscene incredible anxiety. Couldn't cope with that

[@aaronl.7402]

This is me 10000%

[@4artemis4]

I can relate to so much of what you said. I also have BPD and have had so many different jobs in different countries. I just started a new job this week and I'm having such a hard time fitting in... I moved to another country by myself for this job AND I'm the head of a department yet I also feel like a child trapped in an adult's body, putting my suit on every morning. The women are distant to me and no one wants to have lunch. There is one person in particular that really sets off my triggers and it's extremely hard to contain the anger I feel towards her because I feel disrespected on a regular basis. Thank you for sharing this video, makes me feel less alone...

[@RecoveryMum]

Hi Hunni - yes I can relate to having the women being funny with me. I don't get why some women are like that! I know so many women that have felt bullied by other women! Surely we should all stick together?! If you are finding the whole thing too stressful you should really try and take some time to focus on yourself if you can. I know that's probably hard considering you moved country for this job and are head of a dept! I'd say the women are probably jealous of you. Try and ignore them if you can. Find something better to do a lunch time - go for a manicure or a quick massage! Little treats for yourself might make you feel a bit better. Stay strong my lovely. Lots of love to you xxx

[@4artemis4]

Recovery Mum Thank you! I watch your channel when I get home from work because I mostly feel that the world doesn't "get" me, but then I hear you speak and talk about what you went through and it gives me hope. In the meantime my problem has shifted to 1 woman in particular (interestingly, I am her boss and she doesn't quite realize it but if she continues to behave this way towards me an others, it may ultimately cost her her job). I tried to empathize with her, I tried to involve her in projects and talk to her, I invited her out for dinner and supported her when she needed time off yet she is still being a bully to others in the team (whom I defend) and defies my instructions even though I am her manager. My issue is controlling the RAGE I feel when she acts this way. I get so angry and hurt. Obviously I do not show it other than remark that I am disappointed in her behavior, but then I go home and I implode from all the built up energy within me. It's really, really hard not to let my BPD side take control and just put her in her place once and for all (I fear that would cost me MY job as it would be every but politically correct if I would just tell her what I think about her behavior with no filters whatsoever). Please keep posting your videos and maybe have a topic where you address workplace conflicts, in particular for high-functioning BPDs who may hold managerial positions with lots of responsibility. How do I manage the days where I can barely get out of bed when I have 2 departments depending on me and have to attend client meetings that I cannot cancel? How do I draw boundaries between how much of my life work can take up while still meeting my boss' expectations? How can I fight the urge to self-harm or engage in any other forms of destructive behavior when I am abroad alone with no friends or family or spouse to support me? Much love

[@RecoveryMum]

Hi I will add that to my request list and try and do a video on it shortly. Lots of love to you xxx

[@AnnaBreit]

Are you describing my life?

[@officialcreatordestroy]

Sometimes I feel mentally disconnected from myself. During those times, I can't focus on anything detail oriented or keep things in my head straight. It's hard. Most employers I've dealt with will act understanding and sympathetic of my issue, but they all end up screwing me over after I tell them. I had 2 different jobs where I was given the opportunity to be promoted and then it was taken away after I opened my mouth. I don't trust telling too many jobs about it now. Just thinking about it pisses me off.

[@livnic6404]

Its so nice to know im not alone. Everyone keeps pressuring me and getting mad at me for not working and i literally cant explain it but they see me as a bad person because i dont work. I dont know how to move past this its so frustrating living like this

[@im_saved_by_grace]

There's ASSISTANCE for your bpd Disability ssdi eligible

[@jesscook7778]

I find it so difficult to keep a job I start go for a bit and just stop showing up when it gets on top of me and end up feeling shitty till I manage to find a new job

[@adrianfeeger]

I like that you pointed out not everyone at work needs to know but telling your boss might be helpful. I would suggest never admitting to it during an interview or during a probation period and never if the job is a contract or casual position because in reality 9/10 times they will just let you go and they don't need to provide a reason. I would be very interested in a video from you about 'disclosure' and in various situations, like disclosing to emergency depts, workplaces, education institutions, share housing, friends, family, healthcare professionals, volunteer organisations (if you are volunteering), charities (if you are seeking assistance). In my experience I have had fall out from every single one of these to some degree, initially I didn't know or even believe the stigma could be so bad. I personally think disclosure with regard to BPD is a bit more touchy than other mental health issues and to requires a LOT of discernment and can often be to our detriment. (It is worth noting I am in Australia and the stigma here is a lot worse than the UK. I did work in mental health in the UK so I have seen some stigma there but definitely not as much as what I have experienced and seen here)

[@sarakoob5072]

Story of my life its sad the feeling of being behind everybody emotionally

[@matthewmorris5893]

Finding this today was really.. refreshing. I've been struggling with Borderline since my tween years, was diagnosed around age 19. A lot of the things you mentioned believe it or not are quite wonderful to hear from my perspective..I know I'm not the only on out their with this disorder. But to hear someone else's experiences with difficulty related to employment makes me feel like it's not JUST me. I'm not the only one who has walked out on jobs after a trigger, or gotten way to emotionally hurt over something insignificant.

[@timeisntalwaysgoodtous5730]

it's funny: when i was in high school i felt like i was an adult trapped in a kid's body, but soon after i left i realized it was more like the other way around hah. i'm nowhere near ready to be independent. also, how do you support yourself without working? are there benefits available to people with mental health problems in the UK? living with 3 children must be really quite expensive. i'm working about 30 hours a week at the moment and finding it quite managable, because i live with my dad, and the work i do really isn't rocket science. nobody at work knows much about my personal life but my boss has been very kind and understanding with me regardless (i think because i'm a good worker and have always been respectful), which i'm definitely grateful for.

[@RecoveryMum]

Hi Hunni, that is great that your boss is understanding. It's also great that you are finding the work manageable. It's good not to put too much pressure on yourself. Yes there are benefits in this country which aren't so bad. I can't complain really. Having 3 kids is definitely not cheap! I would like to start thinking about work soon though. Lots of love to you xxx

[@killuanatsume]

Your videos are addictive, I can't stop listening to them.

[@RecoveryMum]

Ahh! Thank you so much xxx

[@killuanatsume]

You

[@mireilleclement6385]

I've been at my job about 14 months and I desperately want to quit. I'm so tired of it. The only reason why I don't is because I work nights and it's less busy. I never want to work and I am always tired and depressed because I think I'm pathetic and not good enough for anything/job. I have lied so much on my resume it's ridiculous. Just with witholding jobs. I have worked double or triple the places it says on my resume. I just prolong the jobs I've had. I suck at EVERYTHING. And I do really mean that. It really does feel like I'm a child stuck in an adults body and don't know how to handle it or what to do with it. I'm 43 and I will die without having done anything with my life. my mom died in 2018 and I have my dad left but I don't even know how I'm going to live on my own when he dies. I live with my dad now and people think I can't be independend and I'm a loser. Technically I just want to move far away where people don't know me. I just wish I can win the lottery and do something interesting in life. I know that's not realistic but that's exactly how I feel.

[@asmrearthgirl5611]

I feel exactly the same x

[@toody2276]

I feel the same at 19 and I actually am gonna try to move out to where most people don't know me. But first I'm gonna try and get a job and a car and if I manage to keep them for a year and save up money to move out I'm gonna take that as my sign that I'm ready. I hope your able to hold it together and get help too.

[@ilovemexoxo5720]

I feel the same way

[@Digitally_Lyndsey]

Feel nearly identical to you and I'm almost 35 .... I want to move away somewhere where no one knows me. At all.

[@miriam2368]

🤗 sending you love and prayers

[@franz.hildenburg]

So relatable! I'm trying to recover while in a job where I have told them but they don't really have any support other than "tough love".

[@ShilohKeeling]

I've only had one job and I only had it for a year and I would lose my mind as soon as a customer was unhappy with me. I would make excuses not to come in out of fear or I would end up running to the bathroom over and I've crying and getting super angry. I couldn't handle it. I don't want to ever work again.

[@borismitrovic2044]

Loooool you sound exactly like me. It's like you described my life and my situation looool

[@RecoveryMum]

Boris Mitrovic Hi Hunni - its so surprising how many people say that!! I used to think I was the only one!!!! Its good to know we're not alone! Lots of love xxx

[@borismitrovic2044]

Recovery Mum yeah but no matter how much you read on it and are aware of it, it still hard to hold in the anger outburst when they happen. Then feel so guilty literally minutes later lol. Oh well it's a relief to at least know what it is and that it's tameable.

[@im_saved_by_grace]

@@RecoveryMum bpd is a lifelong Disability an ssdi eligible dsm5

[@prettyhandsasmr_]

You sound very articulate. Real, and very sweet. Thank you for sharing your story and as someone with similar emotions, irregularity and hurting 24/7 I feel like people with thia condition need positivity, re assurance that we're going to be ok. I was never diagnoses with bpd just severe depression and anxiety but I truly believe it stems from a deeper rooted problem. If anyone has a negative tone with me, I get upset. I even get upset if someone close to me talks to someone else for too long. Im not controlling by any means just feel hurt and neglected. Im 34 about to be 35 next month and I can only handle part time work cause of this. I used to always work full time however now it makes me worse emotionally. If your like me, you can be strong and get through tough situations but we gotta take care of ourselves. Like you said as we get order, it seems to worsen and im feeling it now

[@seanr521]

Very honest and genuine. It helps knowing am not alone struggling in the workplace - Thanks for sharing your experience ❤

[@4lex4lex]

I mean this in the most genuine way possible I feel like the detail and relatable content that you mention as examples in all of your videos and whatnot, are so spot on!!!!! Not superficial, not the same old same old. But you genuinely explain exactly what we go through with BPD Very happy to have found you I haven't built the esteem & courage to start KZbin

[@4lex4lex]

At work I'm constantly quitting after a few months When the depression or rage sets in I will refuse to go into work and won't care if I'm fired I always get buddy buddy with my bosses too and end up getting away with a little more than other employees But then I end up thinking that I'm no longer liked and that I've become a bother So I withdraw or have weird energy around me and panic then avoid and leave

[@finchcarvingadiamond]

Last year, at 19, I walked out of my firsr job because people noticed i looked anxious and another coworker said i didnt know how to do anything after weeks. I took the dumb girl so to heart that i couldn't stop crying and i was so embarassed I quit and lied to my parents as to why.. and now my dad is explaining to me i need a job by july. I am so scared for breaking due to my vulnerabilities again.

[@alexias4937]

I totally relate! I stopped showing up to a job because the girl training me said she wasn’t going to babysit me. I held it together for the rest of the shift, but cried all the way home. Hopefully it will get better! Sending love and light your way💖

[@im_saved_by_grace]

DONT STRESS anymore than usual there's ASSISTANCE for your DISABILITY SSDI ELIGIBLE Dsm5

[@toody2276]

I really related to this comment as I am 19 now and have left two jobs for similar reasons but am going to try again with a remote job. I hope everything worked out for you joan.

[@roshanrahealer]

Working with BPD is hard, especially since I'm a people pleaser and have trouble doing things for myself and showing up for myself. I had the opposite problem. Instead of not working, I tend to take on extra projects because I tend to not feel good about myself unless I'm doing something and working hard at it. Even then, the feeling of success is short-lived, because my inner child believes that I'm inherently flawed and evil. Still unpacking that through therapy and writing. In 2017, I dealt with the shame of having so many panic attacks and blackouts that I couldn't work, had trouble with relationships, and was living with my mom who isn't great for my sanity and people pleasing issues. I started writing a book based around my traumas and how I felt, which morphed into the book I self-published last year. I'm working on the second one and have big dreams for myself. With the big dreams comes the big dread that I'm not good enough to even do the work, that I'm dumb even though SO many facts dispute it, and self-sacrifice when my husband, who also struggles, feels unwell. Wise-mindedly, I know focusing on my goals and doing the work will help us both in the long run. Emotionally, I want to crawl into a cave and snuggle with a dragon and a tiger. My spirit totems. What helps me when I struggle is journaling to my daddy, who I consider a spirit guide, then listening to the quieter voices in me that show me what to do for myself. Today, I'm shooting my first video for KZbin (rebranding my business) on the imperfections of perfectionism, reading my assigned homework for my last class in my creative writing AFA, and writing a scene for my second book. It doesn't have to be perfect. And results don't matter until the work is done. So, don't feel ashamed about your struggles, everyone! It's tough. It might take our whole lives, but each step we take towards ourselves is a step to reduce stigmas surrounding BPD. Thanks for sharing your story! It encourages me to do the same.

[@toody2276]

Thank you 😊

[@antimonos]

Inspiring video describing how I have behaved at work. I have only been diagnosed in the last 20 months and am trying to sort out some serious issues and trouble I am having at work. So at the moment I am trying to gather ways of describing how I am. I am a mental health nurse and believe it or not, I have zero insight into my own mental health.

[@lyvsix]

i'm lucky to be able to have a home of my own and I rent 2 rooms and live in one so I don't earn a lot but is enough and allows me to have free timw which to me is the most valuable thing in the world. People always ask "so what do you do"? Well I have many hobbies, I study online and I volunteer and do activism for animal rights. Ppl think that those who don't have a job just sit in fron of the tv all day or sth. However during a crisis (form a day up to a month) I don't get out of bed I just cry and sleep...

[@im_saved_by_grace]

There's assistance for bpd Disability ssdi eligible

[@gagarox78]

yes, I was the same way and always felt that I'd somehow, someway no matter now many times I was late or not there, that I'd joke, talk or get my way and not be terminated!!! Well, that works a little while, but runs out...I'm a jack of all trades, master of none...I have a business degree, bachelors in psychology, been in management, became a dog groomer and tried cooking, sales, all of it and I was very good at all of it, but bored very quickly! Also, I have like no hardcore push or drive to make myself do something I don't want to do, like work a job and deal with it, realize it doesn't have to be a thing I enjoy...I always felt I needed more of a reason, purpose or drive to get me up, interested and keep going,.

[@candicemariebeadco]

You're very blessed to not have to work. Not an option for me. Love your videos! ❤️

[@mariahconklin9345]

How you described the job situation is how I felt and still feel. I still can’t hold a job.

[@im_saved_by_grace]

There's assistance for your Disability ssdi eligible

[@teamspike4411]

I struggle with my school and work way too much. Hence why I choose to work from home doing coding, journalism, publishing and graphic design because these are things I don’t need to do with people around me. But now that I am diagnosed with BPD last week I am not working so when I return to university, I don’t fail and ended up with a useless debt. I just hope that I am going to be at least somewhat “stable” in way with it so I can just continue and do well.

[@im_saved_by_grace]

There's assistance for bpd Disability ssdi eligible

[@paulrohrer8878]

Thanks everyone for sharing! I have bpd as well and it’s fucking terrible. In a perfect world I wish I had a weekly bpd community I could be apart of and we all could support each other. There is a deep desire for connection. I think one of the hard things about work is with the people I like I want a deep meaningful relationship with them. And i obsess over the reality that when I move on to a job I may never see them again and I end up feeling abandoned and rejected. On top of that any customer or employee interaction that my brain perceives as a threat it triggers really extreme painful emotions that I have to work with for several hours. I have to continue to show up to work so it becomes a vicious terrible hell like cycle where each negative interaction or perceived interaction fuels the next.

[@pupuplutonia4293]

This is so great to find an actually relatable borderline person it makes me feel better. thank you xo

[@HollieGoodwin]

I have just started another new job and I suffer from bpd. I am really trying to work on it all as this job is a very good opportunity for me! thank you for making a video on this topic x

[@mrssassygb]

I thought i was the only one. when i worked in a salon i would whizz along the floor on a wheely stool shouting super giiiirl, when i worked at homebase i would play hid n seek and hide in display tents up high above shelves, when i worked at a car rental place i crashed a few posh cars and a 7.5 ton lorry even though i knew i had no licence. Now i work in a rough pub and its the only job iv had where i can be myself, let my foul mouth wonder at times and get away with it, i can eat when i need to keep me from snapping THO i now only work 8hrs a week as when i was working 30hr weeks and evening/night shifts i couldnt cope. It is about balance, i wish i didnt work at all but i have too. im rambeling sorry, just glad im not the only one- its almost like youv lived EVERYTHING iv lived through too. Your awsome, so glad i stumbled upon your channel x

[@Hs-vw5qc]

I struggled with my depression and work. I moved to a new state and was looking for a new doctor and getting my medication regimen sorted out. It took a while and trying different medications. And there were so many times that year when I was calling out a lot last minute and other days I'd go to work and leave early because I couldn't stop crying or was having anxiety attacks because I wasn't sleeping like I should. And I eventually told my boss what I was going through with my mental health and he was so nice about it. But that is personal between us and not shared with other people I worked with. The worst for me is the judgement from other people when they see me leave the office. Like leaving for a doc appointment more than 1x a week. I get comments like " wow, leaving already? Or must be nice to be able to leave work at this time of the day " And I am thinking, no it's not. I am not going and having a grand ol time once I leave the office. I can say now though that by putting in the work with my doc and meds, that it has been MONTHS since I have called out of work. So I am very proud of myself for that 🙂

[@toody2276]

I'm so happy for you🤗

[@biolife3274]

Hope you've had continued success!

[@__SAK__]

I have bpd and totally relate to feeling like a child at work. Also had very hurt feelings a lot and frequently late. Painful.

[@lisadavies6341]

Thankyou for making this video, all i remember from a young age is being the most loving give my all girl but the most stubborn and head strong person that could break teachers down into tears with my verbal attacks but i thought this was just me being a fiery strong willed person that stood her ground. Fast forward to the future, i studied, became a qualified dental nurse, again put my heart and soul into everyjob for it to never be enough or i was too friendly with staff/clients which i though was a good human trait, that i went the extra mile to care and this lost me so many jobs and each time broke my heart especially with now being a single parent to a beautiful little girl, i wanted to make her proud and a role model to look upto but i couldnt hold down a job and i never felt good enough which would result in anger again with my razor sharp tongue i could verbally destroy any boss and bring them to tears and like you was escorted off the premises never to go back again. This illness feels debilitating and i always feel like the outsider in every work place and so i overcompensate with putting my all in, wanting people to like me and include me, maybe respect me and it never happend. I have my diagnosis now and as a single parent to a gorgeous 10 year old that is not working and asked all the time when am i going back to work it becomes frustrating and pride gets in the way as i am by no means lazy or idle but exhausted in feeling like i can never get it right. I begin a bpd intensive 2 year course at the end of summer weekly to try and find ways to feel normal i hope. You made me realise im not the only person out there feeling the struggle of employment and mental health and the stigma that comes with that ie: receiving benefits for the 1st time to pay my bills and feed my child and feeling like a failure and everyones oppinions to contend with being mental illness cannot be seen and only felt whilst on the outside you present as a well put together young woman. If only it was that simple x

[@telepathtee50]

I was a stay-at-home Mom for ten years and the thought of going back to work or even finding a real job terrifies me. Thanks for your video

[@im_saved_by_grace]

There's assistance for your bpd Disability ssdi eligible

[@Ad-qk6km]

I know while I’m at work I constantly wish I could be a stay home mom for my 2 year old it kills me being apart but when he is around he is a bit annoying lol take advantage if you have that opportunity to be with child I wish I could

[@angxles01]

Never felt so relieved. Thank you for posting this.

[@aquamarine0023]

Great video, thanks so much for sharing so openly and honestly as I can relate to SO MUCH of this. Girls in the office environment in the US are the same way, they abuse other girls that they don't want in their clique by excluding them, ignoring them, not inviting them to things - treating them like they're invisible. I so relate when you would feel hurt when your office friend would make friends with another person, I feel hurt too when that happens.

[@K_i_tofficial]

See with work it’s more complicated for me because in retail they usually don’t allow enough time for you to even be able to go for therapy because it’s usually times where you are needed most in retail. Also once I’ve told every employer nothing changes and sometimes it even gets worse. Because work places especially corporations do not know or necessarily care or understand enough about something this emotionally charged. Usually end up getting fired without cause. Mostly because they aren’t able to upright fire me for mental health.

[@Wearethechamps]

Hi fellow recovery mum. I am a proud mom of 1 boy who’s 4 starts school in 5 weeks. I’m 34 since he was born MH discovered I had PND then BI polar disorder and now for past 6months my psych is considering a secondary diagnosis of BPD( emo unstable PD) I’ve read about it before and again and I can really relate to all you said. I’ve subscribed as when I see her on Tuesday she may diagnose me with this illness and sharing bi Polar (and understanding it myself ) with multiple supervisors due to the change of them has been too much in itself I don’t wanna even think about sharing this. Gotta get myself well enough as I’m Off work sick due to a BI Polar blip over doing it pushing through the symptoms and not telling anyone I was struggling and bang - I over reacted whilst out due to emotional childhood related links and now recovering off sick again! But life goes on and we are stronger and more intelligent than we think. We are so insightful and the vibes and energy we sense are so accurate I trust my instincts insights completely. Can’t wait to discover more of your videos hun. Thank you xx

[@jaygames1980]

I am happy to hear you are getting help.

[@jadabatchelor1242]

Hi, thanks for sharing. I'm currently going through a tough time. I believe 100% that I have bpd. I'm 20 and I start thinking about quitting my job after a few months. I'm becoming dependant on bad habits and struggling super bad. New subscriber!!

[@TeamMidKnight]

You're amazing, thank you so much for your story!

[@asianmelb]

Can I just say you helped me with the situation I’m currently in ... more than you know good job

[@nothinglastsforever0000]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I was diagnosed in my final year at university and honestly it just went downhill ever since. Now I have a career gap of 3 years and I’m in this loop of self-hatred and self-judgements especially after getting rejections after interviews two years ago. It’s daunting having to find jobs again right now because I honestly don’t know how to explain this career gap. I had camouflaged my BPD as ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and I felt so judged during one of the interviews, that left me traumatised… Yes, these people weren’t nice and it’s for good that I wasn’t hired by them but honestly, should I lie about the career gap? I’m so worried that it may get found out. All the best to you.

[@haleyjustiniano1960]

I relate to this so much! Thank you for sharing.

[@ranyadhellecabahug2702]

You're like my version of YT, everything you're saying is LIT. Sometimes we just blow things up that are good.

[@wiseones7773]

I'm diagnosed Bipolar Disorder, but omg you sound exactly like me ! People say I'm to sensitive I take things to personaly ,work was exactly the same as you ! I'm not currently working right now either I knew Somthing else was up with me here . I give you gratitude for being so honest with us Luv you for it ,hugs

[@RecoveryMum]

Thank you so much Hunni. Lots of love to you xxx

[@whatistau]

I remember after got dropped from arts academy, i was down on my luck and tried applying or my first job at the store , its was a brand store in a luxury passage. Because of my personality they tried me there from the start without no background retail work beafore. I had a 3 day trial, and i couldnt stand still, always joking asking questions, talking nice but informally to clients. the second day manager asked me to come see her, and told me that its not a place for me and i don't have to finish my trial. She said that with a kind smile on her face and i took it as encouragement. I studied arts and design for my whole life, and for personal reasons had a crisis where i had to find some sort of job for a while, so i was interested in store interior decorating work in the near future , she saw that. My life changed many times after all those years, i wash a fashion photographer for many years, made music, did illustrations and branding with artists, many travels and collaborations. That manager was one of few important people i've met in my life that really shaped my outlook on how to fit into society..

[@erincooper4534]

Thank you so much for sharing your story.💜

[@MrDavidalexander40]

I can see the hurt in your story thanks for letting us see the other side ma’am 💯💯

[@ObjectionSoS]

This is my life right now, I'm currently out of work and you are describing my exact relationship with work, the joker, the late one, taking everything personally, its 4am right now, thinking about everything, I want to go back but it's so hard to be functional

[@user-tm2uv4no4y]

I'm on long term sick and I hopes you had lovely time away in Ireland take cares loves.

[@remainedanonymous8251]

I struggled with many years of finding jobs that I could actually work at. I have a hard time holding down a job and the longest I've ever held down a job before, was about 3 years. Now I am married and I do have a wonderful understanding husband, but I feel like a parasite because, he is the one doing most of the work. I am trying to work at least 40 hours a week like a normal person, but I have a hard time with working over 30. I feel like a loser in my family because, I have low self-esteem and I feel like I could go to college but, at the same time I struggled in school and I feel like maybe I could get a better job work part-time with more money, but im scared to go to college. It's more of a "I demand Perfection" for myself, and if I ever make a mistake, I usually end up paying a severe punishment like getting a write-up, or getting criticized at work, or being made fun of at work. I have been bullied before at work. I try to hide it a lot but, sometimes I used to go into the bathroom for 15 minutes and just cry my eyes out, so I don't show that in front of my boss. Unfortunately, now I do take out a lot of my stress on my husband, because I don't know how to handle it, and I feel terrible. I really wish that I could be a better supporter for him

[@im_saved_by_grace]

There's ssdi assistance for your bpd Disability

[@neomundi1558]

This is exactly how I feel! I relate to everything you have said. I am literally in my bed and I am physically, mentally and psychologically exhausted laying in bed for days I’m a motel. Even though I don’t have the funds to support myself. I am homeless and I have a job but I had a really intense, emotionally draining last week.

[@staceyrollins7634]

Thank you so much :). Everything you are saying clicks. I really love your transparency. I really need counsel but I don’t even know where to start. Any guidance would be awesome and thank you so much for your channel :)

[@heartlesswoman1904]

I can’t believe how you are describing my life! The women always hated me in my last few jobs....I don’t understand why people isolate bpd...but I’ve heard we can come across quite seductive

[@lucydavies3189]

I have bpd and I had all the same experiences and feelings ay work. Right down to being excluded whilst also being so chatty. And I dont work now. This really helped as I didnt realise feeling like a child and I dont belong is part of bpd? I have been diagnosed with it but they arent very informative. I am awaiting to see a therapist

[@kellsmum1]

do you find the symptoms go up and dow ? i kind of have bad flare ups when going through high stress times i have noticed. I have so long to wait for my DBT you are a life saver thank you xxx

[@tinalarzen5243]

I can totally relate to that kind of behavior.

[@tintinhickey5869]

The worst bullying I experienced was in a mostly female work area - the men were generally more normal and more fun. No wonder modern work places are toxic af. The rest of what you said was so like me as well, seeing work as a social club once I got used to it but also wanting to be taken seriously and never really feeling competent or good enough …..

[@toody2276]

I have a theory that because women and fem people are socialized to be highly receptive and other focused we notice when people are strange more than men and masc people. It's sort of an uncanny valley affect between humans. Not saying it's OK or not rude I just wanted to shed some light. I hope your doing well.

[@judithlight1111]

Dear Thanks,for this video.I have done only one job 2 years.Then I switched from one job to another.Over time I felt prisoned and got panic or was bored.Always searching for a job with true sense.I could not do an education for 3 years...because of my mental illnesses.So I am always underpaid.The last years I could not work...and hate it.Because my brain need food about learning.And my wish is to be financiel independent some day.When I can not find treatments there is no future.

[@RecoveryMum]

Hi Hunni, I know the feeling too well. The thing is - one day you can be financially independent. You do just need to focus on recovery. I am like you - I need brain food! I feel like my brain is going numb otherwise. If I were you I woould feed your brain with recovery work. Learn about how the brain works, the science behind it, new skills, self help books etc. Lots of love to you xxx

[@Forester-Runs]

At 26... just walked out of another job. Once again. Months of excitement. Learning so much. And then suddenly I'm the scape goat for the company, blamed for everything, misunderstood, and disrespected. So what do I do... same thing I always do. Walk out and never come back... it's no wonder I've advanced no where financially in my life. I've been broke since before college and now 3 years after graduating I have maybe ten bucks to my name. And that's nothing new. I tried to work part time. Knowing full time wouldn't last long. I've been in positions making as much as 23 an hour. I feel like I don't fit in... anywhere... and have always been an entrepreneur. But obviously you need capital to be a successful entrepreneur. After shifting careers from entirely different positions, such as, car sales, financial services, investigations, nothing makes sense... I feel like I'm running out of time... the only thing I have going for me, is the fact I finally escaped from a covert manipulative narcissist girlfriend and have stayed away from her for months. But... what jobs or field is good for people with BPD? Nothing seems to satisfy, and if it does, isint a "real" job. It's hard enough being a depressed pos , then add on the constant every 6 months new job... makes me just want to pack my shit and go live in the mountains off the land, because I literally cannot find anywhere that I fit in, yet I can make friends with anyone from any background. It's so confusing..

[@kundun5226]

Hi Dylan, i'm in same situation. im 26 and just quit my second job after working 11 months. Just today i figured out that im suffering from a personality disorder and had all the official BPD symptoms. Even i have no clue what to do.

[@NeonGreenSpidey]

Im 21, but i also feel like this and it sucks man. In general, ppl always say the grass is greener on the other side, but with bpd we’re never fully satisfied and comfortable anywhere. We just dont fit into this puzzle called society. I got a warehouse job, the good part is that when i make mistakes, some computer is picking it up and throwing the box out to be repacked. Like, im packing 📦 to customers, not anything huge with responsibility. But i know i could do so much more. Its a dull life tho, i gotta go to college to actually afford living independently, but fuck. Good luck to all of us borderlines 💜

[@toody2276]

It's so hard to feel like this it really does suck. I'm gonna try and deal with this in my next job by treating it as it's own separate entity that simply funds the more enjoyable parts of my life so that I don't leave again because of my hurt feelings. hopefully it works. Good luck to you.

[@toody2276]

@@NeonGreenSpidey maybe try a trade or insurance it's quicker than college and pays well and insurance sales can be done remotely that's what I'm gonna try. Hope everything works out for you.

[@randomstuff6553]

I can relate too! ;) hugs sharina!

[@selectgood_timesidfrommemo3192]

I would bet any money that the girls in the office that used to turn their backs on you were just jealous of your beauty, I think it's really noticeable as a male at times in an office environment how territorial female co-workers can be. I've seen similar things happen before where the more mature ladies of the office wanted nothing to do with the girls just out of college / just in the door from a new company etc.

[@eve_joleen_joli5630]

Wow. This makes sense. There was a time when I thought EVERYONE is a friend... Including the inmates where my dad worked as a prison warden... 😂

[@jonobrien7605]

Thanks for sharing

[@stompingfreak8980]

Hey I get you. I was a big wig in IT for a massive American Bank. It appeared I was one of the best in my job, which it's why I was poached from IBM. I totally agree, I really didn't know what I was doing. I'm 46, nearly 47, I only found out about BPD 3 years ago. I have had issues with it. I really thought I was normal. But I have been dinosred, but get no help. How can I get help to tell me, that a lot of what is me, is wrong in normal life. I'm on so many drugs, sertraline 200mg per day, plus others. It makes me feel more empty. So when I go it's massive. I have played with many drugs, but drink is my main vice. I really have lent a lot from your videos. I just don't get any help. I fall though the creacks of the mental health service. I've been push from pillar to post since I was 17. Thanks for these videos. Really admire you.

[@biolife3274]

I do the opposite. I overwork trying to prove myself. Nothing was ever good enough. I needed people to constantly see and say that i was great. And i worked myself into the ground. I went to extreme length to validate myself. Eventually my colleagues couldn't take the extreme work blow ups and the constant random messages of what i was feeling, and i was let go. My brain couldn't process how i was good at my job, worked hard, and cared and yet no one wanted me around.

[@adhdself-love]

Thank you. Sharing helps so much to show me I'm ot the only one that is a "total screw up." Identical symptoms and reactions to them. Work on oneself 1000000% is a must. However! People can also learn to stretch their NT minds and stop being huddled together against the crazy ladies in fear and disgust. Jerks. Two wrongs don't make a right. They make an animosity entity.

[@joycealdrich4227]

I relate to this, as well. I was on the other extreme, though...super responsible ...serious at work...didn't socialize...always trying to improve the system...very good at my job...but would cry or get angry at the drop of a hat...etc...would get fired or quit...

[@user-es4hy7tr7u]

This is me!

[@merindadiesel3370]

Thx for sharing

[@user-uh5vf5ty4u]

Employment has been a purgatory for me. I never really feel comfortable being tied down to these jobs. I can't handle the suffocating feelings I would experience in the workplace. Trapped like an animal in a cage.

[@HarleyJo88]

my boss has had to talk to me multiple times about how it’s very visible to others when i get frustrated and in his words i “wear my emotions on my sleeve”. should i tell him about my diagnosis so that he’s aware i’m not doing it on purpose?

[@swearveit]

Harley Sulak seeing as a lot of those applications state"we do not discriminate on religion,race,intelect,ext" you should be able to without worry.

[@VirtualBFFs]

What support can you get in the for BPD in the UK? I recently got diagnosed and I am at my worse x

[@Cat-99999]

Just lost my job today…again…and I’m so scared because I am a mental health professional…when my moods shift…am impulsive, say dark jokes, and was unprofessional in ways in my young months of my profession when I split…I feel so guilty and so sad that I ruined another job…where I loved the clients + wanted to stay there for years…I just want to do better. It really hurts…I’ll have to tell my new boss once I am lucky that I struggle with this diagnosis way earlier…maybe it will help my case despite being so so so scared to talk about it due to feeling like it’s one of the harshest most stigmatized disorder to deal with. In a physical comparison like leukemia…where DID and schizophrenia are the ones I am lucky to not have…

[@lessandra602]

This type of stuff is very, very depressing for me to cope with because I take my work life seriously and all my childhood I had an image of my career and being successful. On top of that I don’t have a clue how to get help. Therapy has been useless for me. Wish I could get dbt. Any advice, Shehrina?

[@mariaduran9400]

I’m currently trying to find a job after being diagnosed with bpd. I’m trying to do better I just want to know I’m not alone & things can get better. I’m excited to get back & do better. & I want to commit.

[@karatecorgi7685]

7:07 you talking about slipping into substance misuse just to cope, I feel such fear about this. I'm not using alcohol or coke but I have ADHD (medicated with lisdexamphetamine XR and dexamphetamine IR) and I'm really scared about making myself tolerant to those because the desire to use those meds to not feel like my world is crumbling around me as well as my focusing problems. Reality warps and changes around me to the point where I can't tell if I'm being oversensitive or not. I'm proud of myself because I do consider myself not the most mentally strong in some areas, I have resisted for the most part but this disorder is hell, and I couldn't say that I'd blame you or anyone else for using whatever we have that works to cope and survive. I sit here in work having just had my 30 mins lunch break, my work is not what I'd consider strenuous (to an extent I enjoy it) but my colleagues do NOT understand or care what BPD or ADHD/ASD is and even with them aside, jsut being around people when I'm struggling so hard... And I have no choice but to work because I'm scared of not getting the financial help I need and/or losing this job and being in a bad place with no job etc... I am going to continue listing because I find it comforting to hear that we aren't alone in this disorder and I hope I can be strong too seeing others make it...

[@eyuzik30]

l can totally understand what your talking about. I think I also have bpd, I brought it up to my therapist and she didnt belive me because I am married and have a job. Im not sure what to do now. Anyways, thank you so much for your videos!

[@priscilladickson8013]

I had a job but I couldn't handle it so I just walked out or first I took the dishes and I smash them and then I walked out and I said I quit and I never went backand now I'm back looking for work again but I'm having such high anxiety about it because I don't want things to go with the way that they did at my last job so I don't know I might just stick to what I'm doing a program to just stick to the paper route

[@romiblido6533]

this is happening to me in all of my jobs

[@smunsidfb]

I really struggle with work in this condition, especially after a depressive episode I literally can’t handle it especially when people don’t understand me either.

[@cenobyt3z766]

I’m so nervous I’m going to be homeless and unable to support my family. It’s my main focus of stress. I wish I could just hold down a normal job.

[@im_saved_by_grace]

Don't stress doll there's ASSISTANCE for your Disability ssdi eligible

[@officialcreatordestroy]

I tried to do that a few years ago, but I was denied since I was currently working full time. I usually don't last longer than a year or 2 at a job. Sometimes even only a few months. I've had so many jobs that I feel like I've done everything now, but I always crack right before I end up walking away.

[@im_saved_by_grace]

@@officialcreatordestroy DONT GIVE UP YOUR ELIGIBLE regardless of work history find a ssdi attorney who will take your case they usually deny but DONT GET DISCOURAGED you will get that retro however long it may take

[@officialcreatordestroy]

@@im_saved_by_grace Do I need to start seeing a therapist again to improve my chances of getting on that? I haven't seen one in nearly 10 years, so I've just been dragging myself along for awhile without any help.

[@im_saved_by_grace]

@@officialcreatordestroy do you have a offical diagnosis? if you do have proof written that's all you need dsm5 eligible an always best to get therapy from someone who treats bpd cptsd DISABILITY's I would find an attorney that handles ssdi an let them apply for you then show your going to therapy medication does not work it's neurological don't give up your eligible

[@nugget5433]

I suffer from BPD and was diagnosed at the age of 18. I am currently 20 and love art and feel like it’s a great way to channel my emotions into a positive outlet regardless of what I create. I can’t hurt anyone with what I make and I give my art to the world knowing people will always look at me differently. I hope whoever reads this finds inner strength and try to make something beautiful today!

[@starrycat110]

this gives me hope. im 21 with BPD, i also love art and hope to make it my full time job one day. your comment made me feel less alone + i hope you’re hanging in there 🫂 if u have any socials for your art id love to check it out

[@ericcagle7746]

thank you im glad im not alone but i always am

[@ericcagle7746]

its hard accepting bot being able to work, i feel like less of a man , i wake up and see daylight i think damn i gotta do it again

[@amberlance3221]

Did grow up with a narcisssist but fully understand putting on a suit and feeling like a child Always felt like i was seeking approval - worst place was as a receptionist and the women in the office were such vicious bullies

[@DD-jm5ug]

I feel like that but I'm opposite. I can't even communicate with my bosses. I shared my mental health issues with the boss and since then they've blanked me. Never asks seriously if im ok. Speaks to everyone else but me. It makes me feel like im not worthy. Horrendous for my mental health 😢

[@jzero3977]

My last job did not support me at all. My performance was not consistent and I told my boss about it and that my BPD and he just responded that they're were more bad days then good days...... he indirectly told me that I did not care about the job or the customer. Not only that but he assumed that I did not want to go to work because I had to call twice in two 3 months due to emergency situations. he didn't had a problem with the people who called in twice in a week though. Does BPD make it harder to hold a job. Yes sometimes by our own faults, but there's no way anyone should let themselves be stepped on by someone that does not care about your condition.

[@katiemarie6318]

I love u and your videos thankyou ♡

[@RecoveryMum]

Love you too hunni! xxx