boyfriend s*t his pants at the times square applebees (w/ Michelle Khare) | Perfect Person Ep. 94

Michelle Khare (Challenge Accepted) joins the show to take calls about ruining your workplace reputation, a rogue boyfriend in times square, and a live ghosting situation.
• Subscribe To The Patreon | / perfectperson
-Ad-free extended version of EVERY episode + Bonus exclusive eps EVERY FRIDAY
• Follow to Call In | / perfectpersonpod
• Listen Elsewhere | linktr.ee/perf...
• Peep My Main Channel: @milesbon1
PERFECT PERSON
A flawless call-in advice show in which Miles Bonsignore answers your calls, solves your problems, and helps you achieve perfection.
MILES BONSIGNORE
Miles is an internet creator, comedian, and podcast producer, known for his work at The Try Guys, on The TryPod, as a commentator on Pretty Much It, and for being real cool
-----------------------------------------------
About Headgum:
Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at www.headgum.com.
» SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: www.youtube.co...
» FOLLOW us on Twitter: / headgum
» FOLLOW us on Instagram: / headgum
» FOLLOW us on TikTok: / headgum

[@PerfectPerson]

Shopify - Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com/perfectperson

[@Sydthebutton]

I love you acknowledging all the callers sound the same because I really do feel like I was going crazy 💀

[@PerfectPerson]

Haha it’s my favorite conspiracy theory. Just one caller calling in every time

[@ten-hx2xi]

@@PerfectPersonthe ultimate hacker who stole the whole line, and lets in one or two every 3 months to not raise suspicions ❤❤ love to see it! take control of miles next! ❤

[@Junitunes]

I don’t hear it at all

[@sleepypup]

I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO THOUGHT THIS 😂😂😂

[@abjeda]

a majority of the callers are white sounding, early 23 year old lesbians lmao (whenever they pick up with "no fucking way" i roll my eyes so hard)

[@veronicatheawesome8480]

Miles' face when he realized the first caller was overheard by ALL of the students 😂😂

[@EvWuzhere]

Thats all i was thinking about the entire call bc like it didnt sound like he left the room and they said they could hear kids in the background. It gave me anxiety the whole call

[@alexrudie3538]

The real conspiracy is that the caller each week is just Sarah

[@elliottsalibi]

or plot twist it’s just eric in drag

[@monetslillies.]

the plot twist of the first caller telling the entire story to his students 😭😭😭 omygosh. i think some of my teachers would've done the same thing

[@victreebel170]

He admitted in front of teenagers that he literally wet the bed last month. There are no words.

[@herb_rolls]

dude needs to get reported. that's so inappropriate as a teacher.

[@monetslillies.]

@@victreebel170 i know they ROASTED him alive

[@Saxinful]

I have a strong feeling he was being very drily sarcastic. Like "music is lowered, airpods are out, everyone is listening", teenagers don't care enough to start listening. It was like an ironic "and then everybody clapped" delivery

[@monetslillies.]

@@Saxinful knowing how absolutely nosy most high schoolers are, a good number of kids were 10000% listening 😭😭

[@BrendanSullivan]

I would love an episode of all single straight guy callers, just to see if any of them exist in the fandom. Call it the unicorn episode 😅

[@heykelly]

this would be hilarious

[@TheShauNanigans]

And an episode for people over 30.

[@victreebel170]

I'm here to find other gay men who think Miles is hilarious, personally. Hit me up, boys!!

[@mariapizzaa]

How do you know the guy with the wife in this very episode isn't straight?

[@BrendanSullivan]

@@mariapizzaa I said single 🤭

[@Dzaeli]

I love the Get Real segment because everyone starts out either nervous or not taking it seriously thinking they don't have anything deep to say and by the time the music stops it's a genuine real moment and yall are just talking, every time.

[@EmmaraeEmpowered]

"my cat is a libertarian" is absolutely hilarious 😂

[@HeyItsSophie47]

I feel like all cats are libertarians ya know

[@EmmaraeEmpowered]

@@HeyItsSophie47 whenever I see a munchkin cat all I see is Ron Swanson

[@djcoltunez]

I don't really comment on stuff but seeing you crushing it since leaving Try Guys - and getting Michelle Khare?! SO cool! Inspirational! Love your stuff, keep it up 😊

[@PerfectPerson]

Thanks so much for saying that!!! I really appreciate it!

[@futuroid]

+1

[@ericaavery9382]

As someone with IBS as well, caller #1 is our absolute nightmare scenario come true. I'm always looking for an easily accessible bathroom when I'm out in case of emergency. Poor Smelly. 😢

[@patiencekillz]

make a t-shirt that says "my boyfriend shat his pants at the times square applebees and all i got was this lousy shirt."

[@LxShadowKnightMain]

I'm only halfway through but, why does this feel like the craziest set of calls we've had on the pod so far LMAO

[@zerocraic3966]

I think there has been crazier calls but having a non ironically perfect person who is intelligent and sort of difnjfied really has the same affect as having a straight character for sitcom actors to counter against. Like michelle is extraordinary, but her having regular people reactions vs the other personalities who are unfazed by everyones crazy calls makes the calls seem wilder. Telling a room full of sophomores you peed the bed and your bf shit is shorts on broadway is pretty wild tho

[@PrettyMuchIt]

36:44 i choked laughing

[@ginsoakedgirl4]

I used to work in Midtown and would occasionally walk across Times Square to pick up lunch (what joy!) One beautiful summer day I used the restroom and apparently tucked my skirt into my underwear, then walked across all of Times Square with my ass fully out. Not a single person alerted me. Poopy pants is just par for the course for anyone brave/dumb enough to go there.

[@he.said.teenjiejer]

this is a harrowing tale

[@miso3395]

new york city? More like new york shitty

[@PerfectPerson]

Got em

[@TheShauNanigans]

Poo York City would have also been accepted for points. Lol

[@briekowalski6491]

Please have Caleb Hearon on! The back and forth would be crazzyyyy

[@PerfectPerson]

He is maybe the funniest person in the world, would love him on the show

[@curiouslittlefrog]

Ok… time to confess I guess. I had crapped myself a couple times in public AND yes I did get a diagnosis. Apparently I had a rogue tissue disease in 17 places in my abdomen (including bowel and spine) and once it was surgically removed, pooping problems disappeared. So……… if it’s a new thing that you’re suddenly experiencing I guess yeah see a doctor. I had lots of other symptoms for my thing but in general- any new alarming symptoms: go to a doctor. If you can.

[@megankidd4671]

Okay, it’s none of my business but out of curiosity can I ask what this disorder is, so I can google it?

[@curiouslittlefrog]

@@megankidd4671 hi! It’s called endometriosis, which is commonly considered a period disease. However, it doesn’t have anything to do with the uterus! That one is called adenomyosis. Endometriosis is a rogue tissue disease that can be found in every organ, including the eyes and brain! It is also found in every gender, in many animals, and even in cis men(men who were born men). We barely know anything about it at this point, there’s theories to why it happens but we don’t even know why.

[@TripathiSisters]

LOVE that Michelle watched the last episode and did her due diligence as we knew she would 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@erthwurm]

I love the first callers dry sense of humour, to the point that they couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not😭

[@kimedwards6096]

My husband thinks the shitter boyfriend also pee’d the bed to say “oh no, you did something too!” lol

[@rhondabear5639]

I'm not familiar with Michelle but she's so lovely immediately! I love how Miles has such a great vibe with everyone, it says a lot about what a genuine and kind person he is!

[@zerocraic3966]

You should check out her content! I dont watch religiously but every few months I catch up and her tenacity and sincerity is so apparent.

[@1Hannahs]

Shes done lots of fun stuff on her own and also is on some Try Guy videos!

[@chelsgogo]

Maude Apatow was in Little Shop of Horrors last year so either the caller got mixed up or has been holding onto this information for over a year 😅

[@spennser]

i actually also almost shit my pants in times square

[@VividiVavidivoo]

Impressive

[@Saxinful]

Almost, but you won against your baser processes.

[@PerfectPerson]

King shit

[@soapyloap]

This podcast makes me feel fuzzy and warm and chill:)

[@JerseyQuinn]

If there's anywhere to take a dump in public, it's times square 😂😂😂😂

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Nice to see Michelle on this corner of the Internet!

[@ericariker268]

My jaw dropped at the title of this episode, not exactly the same story and thankfully I made it to the hotel bathroom, but in high school I was on a weekend trip to the city with my friend and her parents (originally from Syracuse, I live in the city now), and one of the days we went to the Applebees in Times Square for lunch (buffalo tenders that cost an arm and a leg and clearly an asshole), and as we started walking post-lunch the fire in my belly took over my entire being, pouring sweat, filled with fright, and we were sprinting to the hotel (bc in true NYC fashion there’s not a single public restroom anywhere) and panicking to the point where I started scoping corners of the sidewalk to drop trou and shit on the street, it was that urgent. Thankfully my sphincter persevered and I didn’t need a public undie swap, but goddamn if the feeling isn’t mutual.

[@theivyprophecy]

michelle and miles is a PERFECT duo

[@SQUIDNEYCHASE]

PLEASE PLEASE GET THE BASEMENT YARD BOYS ON!!! They are coming to La this summer! If you don’t know them watch an episode! They would be so good on giving advice

[@SQUIDNEYCHASE]

@ MILES BON

[@ajamatz1912]

I once dated a guy who almost sh*t his pants in NYC. He similarly ran into a restaurant straight to the toilet. I had to buy a piece of old looking Cake while I stood and waited so we could be considered paying customers.

[@victreebel170]

The first guy is acting like he's never heard of a poop emergency, and then he pees the bed?! That's honestly way more unusual!

[@jdavisjohnson3380]

Why are the chairs so close together? Haha love Michelle though! She fits perfectly on the show!

[@PerfectPerson]

Hahaha typically they are farther apart but there was a rogue ray of sunshine that was hitting Michelle in the face so I moved them closer together just for this one!

[@sweetmother2406]

I feel so bad for Smelly! As a Crohn’s suffer, I sympathize so hard. It’s always at the absolute worst times

[@jacquelynchin5513]

First caller: teacher in a classroom telling his story in front of HS juniors Last caller: dad calling at DISNEY

[@KBerry-ug5zx]

Re: First Caller - If I found out my boyfriend told that story, not only to strangers on a podcast but also in person to a class full of teenagers, one of us would have to leave this mortal coil. Re: Third Caller - It obviously sucks to have a job you feel you have to code switch/not be yourself for; HOWEVER, "The Whisper Song" is a wiiiiiiild thing to play for folks you don't really know, much less work with. 😂

[@SarahSzeto]

oh my god MICHELLE???? AHHHH

[@hannahcollins1816]

Michelle's giggle gives me ✨l i f e✨

[@clarawebster02468]

so many masc callers today!!! ok miles's reach is expanding!!!

[@jon_moncada]

Miles, you gotta do one call in one episode that IS a fake. Here's how: feed all the call submissions into an AI and get it to generate a fake perfect person call. Give that script to an improv actor. At some point in a future episode make 1 of the 3 calls this fake one. Tell your audience that at the end of the year and ask them to find the AI. Give a prize to the first to point them out. Sorta train your audience to fight terminators.

[@clarawebster02468]

exactly what i needed to procrastinate my essay

[@neci596]

The dirty version of the whisper song to unsuspecting tight asses is hilarious 🤣

[@MikaylaSnow]

25:44 this part made me cry 😭😭dating is so hard

[@hiyakristen]

Yesss finally, I’ve been refreshing KZbin all morning 😅As soon as I gave up and began listening on Spotify I got the notification that the video was up. Bless 🙏

[@BrendanSullivan]

Video usually drops at 11am ET

[@hiyakristen]

@@BrendanSullivan good to know, thanks 😊

[@kimedwards6096]

I just listened to The Whisper Song for the first time in years. I would be laughing my ass off if I got into a strait laced co-workers car and this was playing 😂😂😂 those co-workers need to loosen up a little.

[@caitskwarek9572]

Oh no, wild till 9s episode yesterday was also talking about sharting 😂😂😂

[@PerfectPerson]

great minds think alike

[@MyPlantDidntDie]

Omg I loved hearing from someone with screeching kids! I too have screechers! 😂 We need a Perfect Person Parenting Edition. 👀 👀

[@LetumLoL]

The first call is actually insane

[@TheVampriti]

As someone who is struggling with immigration systemic issues, Michelle felt like what would my children or my next generation would feel like about what I or my family has been through to feel the need to make all the sacrifices to move or exist. It warms my heart, and I am sure your dad feels this way too. It was a lot of work but if people we love didn’t have to experience it, we are more than satisfied! I know 2nd gen/3rd gen folks experience a lot of tough emotions around it and it wouldn’t have been so if basic human rights were provided and protected.

[@Kristhegirl39]

I could listen to both of you talk endlessly! More Michelle on the pod please!! (I know she be busy asf being a boss)

[@amandahayes2306]

Love this guest Miles!!! Michelle had one of thee best finale genuine moment I've heard on here. Great episode

[@um2913]

I feel so bad for Smelly. 😂 definitely felt that feeling before and if he has stomach issues this is a chronic issue thing you can’t at all control it and it really fucks with you a lot. So you really do need a partner that will be ok with all of that. Also yeah he needs to get diagnosed 😂 poor guy

[@andyqv-goodvibes1900]

just wanna share that I always dance HARD at the intro music in my pjs excited to start the day with this pod 💃

[@MissGhostface]

Just throwing my prediction out there before I even press play, I love Michelle so much, I think she's going to be freaking out the entire episode! 😂😂 I'm so excited!

[@madelinecarter9056]

4:35 it sounds like miles is saying “become Will Ferrell”

[@MorganHowell-Kastner]

Arguably the most perfect person, Michelle, love her

[@cheldorado8822]

Sneaky Ace Ventura reference by Miles going UTTERLY unremarked upon! A crime! J'accuse!!!

[@nickwilde6686]

While watching this I was eating a root beer float and I laughed and snorted and accidentally spit root beer all over my shirt.

[@TheShauNanigans]

Every member of my family has pooped their panties (what my brother and I call it) as an adult except for me. I don't know how I managed it, but hey, an accomplishment I guess. Because of that, I also have a special empathetic place for those who have to deal with this. That being said, my brother has bowel issues worse than any other member of the family. To the point where he was once hospitalized for multiple days during COVID, so only one other person was allowed to see him. Him and his now husband were together for maybe a month when he designated his now husband as his only visitor. They got married last year in May and have a lovely little home across town together. The family loves his husband so much. Everybody poops, and sometimes we just need to embrace the fact that this is a universal truth that brings us together.

[@Themckennarose]

My sister also shat herself in an Applebees😂 it was traumatic for both of us.

[@karenesq419]

please clip the dont wait advice, im just gonna go send it to a bunch of people

[@HekkinRekkin]

as a former pants-shitter: I think that boyfriend probably should try not eating gluten 👀

[@sstephens630]

Please have Chad Chad on as a guest!!!

[@dinospacesloth]

12:45ish I think Lovely said their real name and it wasn't cut 🫢

[@BenDerisgreat94-oc8jm]

Caller #1 sounds like Matt McLean to me 🤣 I know it's not really him though. unless... Miles needed a new voice to call in for these scripted calls 👀 (not a real theory I have just a funny thought)

[@PerfectPerson]

Would be so funny

[@zoezvo]

I actually got food poisoning from a spicy potato taco from taco bell in times square a year and a half ago. my incident wasn’t that extreme but I was on my hotel’s toilet all night 😅 haven’t eaten taco bell since!!

[@teeh9826]

I love we are seeing so many familiar faces from BuzzFeed 💕 and am hoping for a ladylike reunion!

[@VictoriaMassey1]

LETS GOOOOO 🎉 Love Michelle❤ a jet lag champ😝

[@sleepypup]

We LOVEEEE Michelle ✨🌷💕

[@krs1122]

Per usual love this episode

[@alexxis2928]

Finally I know a guest on the pod 🤣 just kidding I love every guest!

[@hannahdevyor858]

I’d love to see safiya nygaard or Jake Shane from tiktok on the show

[@_karlavane_]

Was the second call cut from the ep? Or am I going crazy

[@PerfectPerson]

Haha no no I think I maybe cut a tiny piece of conversation where I set up the voicemail for the call about ghosting, so we just discuss ghosting and then get into the call! My bad!

[@ten-hx2xi]

yeehaw we loves you miles! ❤ sorry im just excited and havent seen enough to comment about aside from the nuclear codes hehehe >:)

[@saminnippon]

lovely, that is love right there 😂

[@maddiesvn529]

If you had to slap a region on how common it is to shit your pants in public, let it be Times Square

[@tatianahenriquez4091]

His co workers clearly have no taste!!

[@Hollyes]

Okay but Maude wasn’t in Little Shop in March, it was Evan Rachel Woods 🤔

[@prachisaxena3881]

Why does this have criminally small amount of views?

[@jthompson7073]

COWBOY CARTER MENTIONED🤩

[@kabean09]

YOU GOT MICHELLE OMG!!!!

[@ryguyguy]

3:33 wallows reference

[@chloehuppe9647]

OMG YAY MICHELLE

[@samiam74]

You had me @ Michelle Khare....

[@libby8920]

OMG MICHELLEEEEE

[@RiniKiwi]

LET'S GOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

[@LordSupremeKara]

23:12 WHAT?!?!?!?!?!!?!

[@frsings]

IMMEDIATE CLICK. Michelle is my fav 🥹

[@ShamuManta]

🎶Wait till you see my ....🎶 why not cancel it out with the Kelis version of the song

[@FriskyBiscuit24]

so how is dating in LA?

[@HeyItsSophie47]

Okay that song IS really embarrassing in that situation

[@CaileyRebollar]

MICHELLE!!!!

[@tiarizky7226]

52:27

[@1818Pancakes]

Are you guys OKAYYYY?!?!

[@-streaminadream-5356]

MICHELLE Y E S

[@user-JessicaTaylor]

Not the casual n worddddddd OMG * It’s part of a callers story, no says the actual n word in this ep

[@geraldineyorarou2221]

Big pull papi

[@Junitunes]

Sorry the girl (second caller) got a hook up on grinder and no one asked questions

[@tateak]

right? i wonder if they weren’t honest on the app 🤔

[@kalebarnes5019]

Or maybe they’re not a girl

[@asunbeam5479]

Grindr is just a LGBTQ app. I think the bigger question is that she is on a hookup app seemingly wanting to go on date dates and buy her match books? I think miles' advice should have been to look into hinge.

[@Spacespacespacewaste]

that was my thought too- or maybe the caller identities as male? Idk what the protocol there is there but maybe their date was upset they were not a “man” as they were expecting

[@freakingm]

I really wish Miles would start just blanket asking callers for their pronouns at the top of the call. It could be a template thing that's done in conjunction with assigning them a fake name. Almost every episode has at least one caller where I'm worried that he or the guests might be misgendering them (or giving a misgendered fake name, etc) based on assumptions about voice. It honestly kind of gives me anxiety to listen to, and I think there might have been a couple of cases where it really happened. (IRT the comment: obviously, Miles and his guests are caring and aware enough people that they're not going to blurt out "GRINDR?! EXPLAIN!" or something dumb like that.)

[@Stephanie-si1se]

no way the caller said vietnam flashback right? there’s no way he said that

[@onlyonefag]

SEVERANCE MENTION 😭😭😭 GET THAT MAN OUTTA THERE

[@dixon-jpeg2588]

Oh it’s been a long fucking week, need my Wednesday fill of Miles Bon 🤌✨