BPD AND MEMORY LOSS

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[@tiannauhlmann7933]

This happens to me all the time. I don't even really remember my childhood anymore

[@momof4708]

tianna Uhlmann , My daughter has told me this years ago and it broke my heart. She really had a awesome childhood, until I believe is when she started showing signs of BPD. She doesn't remember family vacations and all the things a loving mother offered.

[@tiannauhlmann7933]

Pdg71 Mom i know that can be upsetting but the same thing has happened to me, so try not to be to unset with her and remind of of those times, pictures can help alot

[@einfachtini747]

tianna Uhlmann exactly what I have to tell all my family members once in a while. I can't remember that time. And that video is speaking out of my mind!

[@Osman-mj5rf]

tianna Uhlmann me to

[@xXShadowFan52Xx]

tianna Uhlmann me neither. this is a huge symptom for me, i only remember specific events that were important to me and the rest is just. not there. its very upsetting

[@valeriaalmazan1440]

i feel like my memorries aren't real

[@Straun30]

ALL THE TIME!!!!

[@butterflyofdespair2973]

Me too

[@sofimakemson5908]

Yep me too

[@epicmonkey6663]

I get that for me it's like they never happened to me because I can't when I'm thinking about it remember it in complete detail and it's almost fiction like it didn't happen yet I'm remembering it and seeing mental images but there blurry and out of focus but also like it's see-through like the memory is see-through not literally see-through but it feels see-through I don't know if I can really explain it any better than that but that's how it feels for me also I don't really have much an emotional response to my memories I mean there are some I could look back on and remember being happy or in a good mood or whatever but I don't feel it thinking back on the memory yet there are some memories where I do feel it and well it's not always a positive feeling

[@honeyk9080]

Exactly...i don't know which memories are real and which aren't

[@rhiannonobrien2272]

I believe this is our minds trying to manage pain. There is only so much a person can take, so like you would see in trauma our brains protect us from the emotional damage remembering every single detail would cause. I suffer from memory loss as well, but I get random "flashes" of memory and they are always incredibly painful and hard to deal with.

[@christinecaron7444]

Rhiannon O'Brien same!

[@user-wz4xe8xc3n]

Yess, i think you are right!

[@Nixie_536]

Thank you 💜🙏💙💓

[@christinahannigan1836]

EXACTLY!!!😀

[@bugguyonline]

me too

[@spacecase4205]

im BPD and i have alot of memory loss it worries me sometimes

[@Renae12234]

space case 420 me too it scares me

[@xXShadowFan52Xx]

space case 420 me too, its very scary and also sad, because i dont know what ive been doing most of my life, i only remember a few important specific events

[@Nixie_536]

❤ ❤ ❤

[@pinkberry4569]

yeah people always tell me stories from some years ago like my childhood or what happened last year and i'm like "what? k, cool.. i guess i'll just believe that story..."

[@pinkberry4569]

and i also don't have such a good memory when it comes to organization, i don't know anyones birthday or my appointments for the week.. it's quite a struggle.

[@TwistedxRainbow]

I have the same problem I think, but I'm pretty sure the cause is dissociation. I sometimes check out of a situation I'm in because it hurts too much and I kind of create an empty space in my mind where I feel nothing and don't know what's happening. I end up forgetting bad things that happen to me and then it all comes flooding back occasionally and I'm hit with those emotions again at a later date, but then I forget again and the cycle continues.

[@anime2011ish]

+DarkCaelestis I'm the same way. When things are stressful or cause me a lot of anxiety that stem from my BPD, I space out a lot (or dissociate) from the world as a defense mechanism (most of the time).

[@ilovemexoxo5720]

Tru

[@jennygump5835]

YESSSSS this is EXACTLY what happens to me!!! My mom & boyfriend are constantly saying "don't you remember saying that?!" and I'm like uhhh no. I think depression is what makes the days seem to melt together because I experience that & I'm like woah where did the month go?

[@Reree-gz5bg]

Jenny Morris this is me too :ccccc

[@jennygump5835]

How old are you?

[@darrylgreer68]

Manipulation tactic used by all you disordered "people"

[@Lacenmilk01]

Jenny Lachupacabrita i agree 100%

[@caitlinroseblaney226]

Depression will do it for sure! Stress also makes us forget things, I think... and us BPD folks to tend to deal with lots of extra stressors. :(

[@hayleyr8050]

Hi, yes, I also suffer with BPD and experience memory loss as well as lack of concentration in periods of high anxiety. I very often forget details of both recent and non-recent events (whether emotional or non emotional) and struggle a lot with remembering numbers, names and dates etc x

[@kristeenfuller]

Hayley R Have you learned about CPTSD yet? Pete Walker has a wonderful book.

[@PrAxcast]

I never thought that my memory loss might be from my BPD. Thanks for making me feel less alone.

[@Sophie-oi7kn]

Apparently we don't remember what we say or do in those situations because we lack a sense of self. Cause theres no self to attribute our actions to, its not remembered and left as not being able to be attributed to us. My psych said that we have to learn how gain a self in order to take (not responsibility something else) ownership? idk. haha.

[@Straun30]

Yes, its like with an identity, you stand up in the morning and human, like a tiger, tigers. Its instinctual because your animal knows how to be, most people dont need to learn how to human, we do. This would also explain the third eye idea when we dissociate, or our past is seen as someone else memories, they dont ring in us and drive us to greater action, instead we are meh about them and instead we need an outside source to prompt us to act, like an impulse or someone who loves us or sex or some exterior thing that drives our fight or flight to some degree

[@Nixie_536]

Thank you 💙🙏💜💓🌠🐘

[@hollyfabiani]

And it's on an MRI. Sometimes in the form of lesions. It's also your defense mechanisms set up as a child to shut out the pain. Unfortunately, the brain gets hardwired that way. Your HPA gets completely fucked as well. So, you have to rewire it, more or less in the same way, I suppose.

[@hollyfabiani]

Sophie, your psychologist is full of shit. Get a brain scan. The two are linked.

[@PriscilaSaboia]

@@hollyfabiani I hope you can see this comment... I'm interested about what you said related to the RMI and memory loss in BPD situations. Where did you find this information? Again, I hope you can see this reply 🙏

[@sniperpuppy0377]

I feel that memory’s aren’t real and I can forget what I have said 40 seconds ago

[@shvlamarts]

For me it's gotten worse throughout out the last 3 years or so. I had hit rock bottom last summer, and I always thought I remember everything, but then my friends would tell me things we did last summer and i'd be like, i have no memory of that whatsoever. I used be so clear about my past, specially my childhood, but now i just can't recall some incidents clearly. My vocabulary has gotten freaking terrible as well. It's quite scary because to me, memories are the meaning of life, no matter good or bad, without them we are no one.

[@boombyebyeee]

This is literally how I’ve been feeling. How are you? I hope you are doing well!

[@shvlamarts]

@@boombyebyeee I'm doing much better emotionally, lots of ups and downs but better. But the memory loss thing has never gotten better, i'm just learning to live with it. I hope you feel better, take care love

[@PokeCallie]

Happens to me on a daily basis, I have BPD and C-PTSD. Funnily enough the psychiatrist said it was just stress, it took a lot a of self reflection and research to realise it's part of our illness. I think it's a part of dissasociation and a way of our brain becoming overwhelmed? Well done for making this video ♡

[@caseymarie1178]

makes sense. I have anxiety and BPD. I have been under extreme stress lately relating to my BPD and anxiety. I have been so extremely forgetful. I've forgotten where I've placed my phone about 10 times this week and I NEVER forget where I place things. glad to know I'm not alone

[@LuvLight13]

Me too!!! Exactly the same. There is a connection for sure.

[@caitlinroseblaney226]

Same! I have to spend a lot more time than others on staying organized or else I lose my keys / phone / etc constantly... :/

[@elizabetalace]

for me memory loss is connected to dissociation, which used to be most disturbing part of my BPD

[@AnnaYV]

I experience this all the time! its especially hard when im arguing with someone I care about as I cannot remember what I previously said because I am sooo emotional and upset. it really is horrible and literally makes me look like a contradictive liar and manipulator :( also, the weeks or days between different events, always seem longer to me than the actual time frame. like, to me if I attended a wedding 2 weeks ago, it would 'feel' to me that it was 4 weeks ago :/

[@sandra120100]

I suffer with terrible memory loss even after 5 minutes sometimes !

[@MyWorld-zw6oe]

Moreof sandiz I forget what I'm saying halfway through sentences lately and it SUCKS. I think its only when I'm talking about stressful things.

[@cheyennesaadet]

mid sentence, I forget what we're talking about!

[@cindygoblirsch9438]

Yes Michi, I'VE STRUGGLED with this ALL MY LIFE!!!! I hate it! I thought I was defective for years. I thought it was some kind of brain damage from drugs or I was born this way. I realized my beautiful adopted daughter struggles with BPD, but she's not willing, nor is there, help where we live, to seek effective treatment. She didn't suffer abandonment from lack of love, or care, and was adopted as an infant, and we all adored her! I 've concluded, from your informational videos, I HAVE BPD, and I raised her to be like Mom. It frightened and angered me THAT I AM the CAUSE. Listening to you, I recognize so many things I didn't understand about myself for DECADES, till now. Thank you for being transparent Michi! You're helping a 60 year old Grandma, who has hidden all my hurt, suffering in silence with suicidal thoughts, depression, my identity, and living in constant Fight or Flight. I managed to stay married to my High School Sweetheart, who, by God's Grace, still puts up with, and loves me! I guess I'm that Quiet BPD. Introverted, I prefer working with animals, over relationships with humans, as they are to painful a lot of the time. But while I turn inside myself much of the time, find my 'trigger', and I'm the Silver Bullet. A Hurricane, destroying everything in my path. My daughter has an impeccable memory, thank heavens! But Memory Loss, has stolen MUCH of my quality of life! It makes me SEEM like a bold face lair to others. I constantly get things mixed up, and have NO idea what people are talking about, from the weird recollections I have been told I have. I get so frustrated with myself, because my family has had to point this out to me, over and over. Michi.....so glad I found you on KZbin! You have NO idea what a blessing you are!!!! I don't talk to ANYONE about this stuff. I'll be 60 in a few days, and I don't TRUST ANYONE! I want my beautiful daughter to have a better life than she is living. She's 29, been in 2 bad marriages, and rage rules her life. My heart aches, I caused this struggle with BPD, in her. I HATE people who hurt children! Please keep talking Michi, because they are listening.

[@caitlinroseblaney226]

Omg @ you using the phrase “deer in the headlights”... I’ve had this phrase used to describe me (and my BPD symptoms - fear of life, social anxiety, escaping / retreating into my head) lots of times. Funnily enough, it turns out that my spirit animal is actually a deer! 🦌 The deer as a spirit animal symbolizes hidden strengths, connection to nature, and being a light for others in the darkness! ❤️ So being deer-like is not all bad. 👍🏼😊

[@jjaasseeyy33]

I was literally feeling so overwhelmed by this yesterday. I'm so glad to know someone else has gone through this

[@Ari-tt9tn]

Memory loss is part of dissociation which is a symptom of BPD. I don’t struggle with it , like I never even realised I dissociated until I got diagnosed . Then I realised that what I called “zooming out” it turned out to be dissociating . The same thing happens to me a lot . I tend to feel as though more time or less time has passed than I actually realised or struggle to remember what someone that was sort of shouting at me actually told me . It feels really good knowing that Other people struggle worth it . It makes me feel less alone ...

[@nellynarwhals9792]

OMG THANK YOU I have BPD and no one takes me seriously SOMEONE GETS IT

[@Straun30]

medium.com/@KevinRedmayne/its-all-in-your-head-borderline-personality-disorder-and-the-brain-c14b66eb0966

[@Straun30]

Coolness, if they arent taking you seriously show them the attached article on the brains of Borderlines, it should really make a difference.

[@littleecho8655]

I was diagnosed with BPD yesterday and have been watching your videos trying to make some sense of what that means and whilst I'm still figuring it out I definitely experience this, particularly in arguments or stressful situations. It is so frustrating, recalling events over and over but never being able to remember or be sure what you actually said or did. On a lighter note, I am so grateful to you for making these videos, watching these has helped me so much already in understanding more and just feeling like all is not lost, there is hope!

[@jemnjules]

I was diagnosed with bpd about ten-twelve years ago. I also have the memory problems your talking about. It is scary, and its really sad. It makes relationships extremely difficult because when family, friends, or aquaintances say, "Hey, remember the time when..." I almost always have to respond with a no. If you can't remember most of your experiences, how can most relationships have any value? It leads to the deepest loneliness and isolation. I'm so sorry for everyone struggling through this, and I am so empowered by so many people being honest about it. I had no idea, until tonight, how very real this is; nor the vast amount of others fighting my same fight. Thank you so much for sharing.

[@RainbowLuce]

I'm so glad to see so many other people struggle with this & know it may be a part of my BPD & not just a random horrible thing I have.. somehow it feels better knowing why you might struggle with something. I'm known amongst my friends for having a bad memory - my short term memory is actually usually okay, but when it comes to recalling past events or conversations etc then I struggle to the point that it's embarrassing. People make jokes about my memory which I laugh along with - or sometimes initiate - but sometimes it really hurts & can have an impact. I had a friend who I knew from online but had met in person & she sadly died, but I couldn't remember our friendship & still don't - I don't know how regularly we used to speak or how long we knew each other etc. That stuff is really bloody hard to admit & come to terms with. Thanks for making a video on this - I think research should be done to investigate the issue personally, if so many of us relate then there must be something interesting happening in our brains surely! Anyway a couple of things I do to help tackle this are 1. I keep a bullet journal & 2. Taking photos - then at least if I can't remember things, I have photos to remind me or prompt slight memories & show me the fun things I did & people who spent time with me & enjoyed my company during the tougher times. It was also suggested to me that I might have a condition.. I think it was called like aphasia or something? Where you can't visualise things & don't dream realistically etc. So that might not help the whole memory thing. Wow this was long, sorry haha.

[@alyciagibson]

I am so glad I kept watching your videos after the inital one I found called: "BPD self help: What works for me! " I, too, have memory issues. It's interesting that so many people who have BPD are agreeing they face the same problem. It kind of makes me wonder if the reason why we have this symptom is because we zoned out a lot to cope with the re-occuring abuses that we faced. And the fact that in those instances, as children, we would know that what we were saying was healthier than our abusers so it didn't matter much to remember the details of what we said. It also makes sense because I used to just go day-by-day zombie mode from dealing with so much stress and so little sleep that I forgot what day it was. Going through issues constantly can make anyone find life to be monotonous. Thank you so much for posting these videos. They have been a lot of help for me.

[@RainbowSKYYE]

Wow I was just talking to my mom about this exact topic. All of your videos are spot on to what I’ve been feeling all this time but have never been able to put into words... I’m really happy I found your channel. Thanks so much for being so open because you are truly helping people... like me..

[@mskrisnarini]

Thank you for opening up, I know this wasn't easy for you. Someone whom I really care showed symptoms of BPD and he forgot a lot of things that happened between us, especially in the moments when we had disagreements. This video really helped me to understand him better. It's been 3+ years after you posted this video and I hope you are doing well, Michi!

[@ashley_michelle]

My memory is so sporadic at this point, days blur and I don’t really have a sense of time (don’t remember how long it’s been since someone spoke with me). Therapist from a while back said it likely started as a coping mechanism and has bled into regular life. I don’t remember much of school life/social life or other random things. Always been hard to explain, but you did a pretty good job with it. Thanks girl.

[@Missknowitall77]

Thank you for making this video. It helps to know that others can relate to what happens to me. I don't feel so alone. It happens just as you describe it.

[@pppppp0124]

I've been exploring what actually BPD is since I relate to people suffering from it so much. I too experience memory loss quite a lot. It's like, I can't really explain my past behaviour myrelf if you know what i mean. I sometimes do bold things without thinking about the consequences. When I am actually doing such things, I don't even think anything is wrong with them. Reflecting on my past behaviour is like lookig at a different person with a different mind.

[@rebeccamyers535]

Yuki Snow , b

[@smileyface702]

Hey. Yeah just thought I'd raise my hand and say I've heard of this phenomenon before with other Borderlines. I think you're right to point to situations of emotional stress where this happens. I do think it's accurate to say that Borderlines get very focused on themselves whenever they're experiencing emotional pain and therefore they forget what they're saying or doing as a result of that emotional pain. Everything goes out the window except things that are seen as directly causing that emotional pain (and this is not always accurate). Perhaps a part of not being able to remember what they did at the time of pain is due to not focusing on it (focusing instead on their perception of what is happening to them rather than their response to it), but it also might have something to do with protecting oneself from the cognitive dissonance that would arise from admitting to yourself that you did something guilt-worthy. From what I gather , Borderlines already have a problem with guilt and self-loathing and so sometimes it's necessary to block out (forget) bad things they've done. This could all be unconsciously done, but once again, I also like you're theory and think that empathy for another person's perspective/feelings is largely unattended to whenever a Borderlines feel the intense pain and victimization that they do in a stressful interpersonal experience. More general forgetting (not in the context of an argument where blame may be placed) could probably be attributed to dissociative periods and dissociation is definitely a part of BPD DSM criteria.

[@drina4706]

Not all BPDs dissociate though. The DSM V criteria is broad to encompass the whole spectrum of BPD. BPD is a spectrum Disorder and not every sufferer has the same symptoms or all of the symptoms in the DSM. In fact patients with BPD who experience the same symptom do not necessarily experience it to the same extent, with the same intensity. For example: patient 1 has a slight fear of being abandoned or being alone in the world while patient 2 has an intense, gripping fear of abandonment or being left in the world. Patient 1 will not engage in any behaviour to avoid abandonment being healthy or unhealthy behaviour whereas patient 2 will engage in unhealthy behaviour to avoid abandonment such as stating manipulating things in a relationship. BPD is a spectrum. My family member has low spectrum BPD and he has never dissociated.

[@usamiio8323]

I’m so glad that there are people that experience EXACTLY what I deal with! For so long my mom would tell me how dumb I was for forgetting everything but now I know thru this video and staff at my clinic that it’s due to something else....

[@Charlietheechick]

I can't remember Anything anymore unless something happens and reminds me

[@katless_]

Omg! I have BPD and I am like this. It’s so hard for me to remember anything really, but with the arguments thing! I can’t ever remember what I had said. Even still when that argument is happening. Someone will say “well you just said that!” And I won’t be able to remember and it makes me feel so stupid. I hate it. Also! Huge chunks of my childhood are missing.

[@JetScreamer_YT]

I do this too. I thought it was my PTSD. I was blessed with both. keep up the good fight!

[@spruce117]

I'm sorry you have to suffer with both.

[@acraia7256]

I have been binge watching this channel all day, it's amazing hearing someone say outloud your inner though omg! Thank you so much for opening up. I do suffer from bad memory loss on everyday basis, if I don't have lists like "go to shower, cook dinner, call dad" or like 3 reminders on my phone about a appointment etc. I wouldn't get anything done, ever. I do these lists etc when I'm feeling okay, though I forget to look at them or my calendar 😂 (hence the reminders). Sometimes I snap out of like trance like stage and totaly forget where I am or where I am going, this is all really scary and worrisome. And I do also have memory loss during arguments, conflicts or just overall overwhelming situations. It sucks like if you have a argument with your friend and suddenly you have nooo idea what is being discussed and your friend is super mad and thinks you are just being an asshole. Dealing with people is so hard :/ I just get more and more isolated.

[@sontomaphalala969]

*touching on your last sentence* I thought me isolating myself was just becoming a normal habit but I'm starting to think it's part of a defense mechanism or that I feel so socially drained (only after a week or less) then want to stay in for as long as a month. Sometimes my parents will ask me to go out for a walk which is usually my favorite activity but then I get anxiety from thinking about greeting people along the way (not that I have a problem with them I just don't want to see people's faces). It's weird. I have no grey area. When I socialize I do it to the Max but when I stay indoors you'd think I'm in a comma.

[@SemgNexus]

Happens to me all of the time - and sometimes I'll go to do something, like make a cup of tea - and then completely forget until I find something that triggers the action. This is normally when i'm feeling depressed

[@skidamarinkadinkadink9580]

*timidly raises hand* Me too. The blurring thing you talked about? Bang on.

[@caitlinroseblaney226]

This is true for me too, although mine manifests more as ADD symptoms or just not remembering a lot of my past. I think that the memory loss comes from being so stressed and in fight-or-flight so much, being depressed or dealing with trauma. Our brains are more occupied so we’re not as focused on “reality” (our cortisol (stress hormone) levels are higher than other peoples and our serotonin (happiness chemical) levels are often lower.) it comes off as “selfish” that we are “always thinking about ourselves / preoccupied)... but it’s not our fault, it’s just how our brains work. Meditation & mindfulness help me a lot with this.

[@claire-ui6pu]

Omg exactly what u tell people especially in my twenties I was just living in fight or flight mode all the time. It's eased up with age a lot.

[@memyselfandi1300]

It sucks. My partner has BPD and she seems to lose memories be they good or bad. I am afraid she may be condemned to repeat bad lessons and forget the good things in life. I so appreciate this video.

[@MissBram1]

You have some good insight as to the causes and symptoms of BPD. I recently was told that my high anxiety and depression might be attributed to BPD. I hope to receive a confirmation from a new MD very soon. It will at least place me in the right direction so that my life doesn’t seem like it’s this continuous struggle all the time. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us! New sub.

[@dawnemile7499]

Well it means having a daytimer to know which day it is and writing in a journal each day. These are skills that each one has to learn.

[@dandeehart9553]

Omg!! I just am for the first time in 38 yrs just feeling Validated instead of playing the “Confused & Ya know.... ‘ I’m just a dingy Blonde Woman” I’ve had to take a leave of absence from my job to attempt a very HARD & Tiring Journey of what’s going on with my mental health, I was Diagnosed with BPD & the most common statement I say is “ I can’t remember “ ...movies... HUGE things that happened in high school etc... it’s like it happened to someone else & at times I wondered how crazy I really was OR if these childhood friends or family members were making up stories to have a wilder story? To finally have ANYTHING CLICK & make sense after being SOOO SO SO SO LOST is a Gratifying although scary (mainly because of the HUGE STIGMA I feel is associated with BPD) I actually envisioned something along lines of Sybil or the movie ‘ Split’ . I’ve struggled for years with others thinking I’m lying or just having the weirdest things happen. I REALLY APPRECIATE You & your vids because it helps to feel a lil bit not like the Constant Crazy ‘pos’ person I felt I am inside & ive always felt that everyone else understood the ‘joke’ & I was usually I the dark although I’m decently smart I’m also Tired of being so tired of always feeling like the butt of the joke & being so “Sensitive “ , I’ve lost SO many very beautiful relationships w/ family & friends & often not truly knowing why? I hide from the world because I’m convinced everyone hates me & work their hardest at misunderstanding me & my heart & my intentions. I’m praying I can get some sort of a life back & maybe even become my own advocate OR possibly Love myself or at least be more gentle to my own mind, heart & spirit cuz I’m also told those 3 things shine very bright. Anyways Thank You Again for your Bravery! It’s made a difference in calming this BPD Meltdown this evening. ☮️

[@LuvLight13]

Yes, I def have short term memory loss and I have BPD. It happens a lot when I'm extremely nervous, in a stressful situation, or angry. Sometimes I will forget what I did last week on Friday, say. From what I have learned so far about BPD, memory loss is very much part of the disorder. I'm very glad you touched on this!!!!!! Love & Light to u 💗💗💗💗💗

[@KatieGlass4595]

wow this is me 100%, I hate it

[@bengorsh5796]

I just want to say thank you for posting these videos I just sat here and watched two or three and I'm not sure if you really understand how helpful and informative you have been and how many lives you have had a hugely positive impact. Your videos have now helped me understand how to find a better way to verbalize what's going on in my head. In early 2017 I was diagnosed with bpd and I've never been able to really tell people what it was, so your videos have helped me find a away to convay the information they are asking for.

[@risingbull84]

Hi Michi! I don't have BPD but I thought I'd chime in. I do have Bipolar II though so I feel I can relate to SOME issues of BPD, but that's another story. Anyway, sorry for the long post but I'd like to describe the context in which this type of issue would occur in my experience. I was involved with someone for many years who I now know to be a BPD girl. There were many times when--from my perspective--she would suddenly be provoked, become antagonistic, become indifferent toward me, treat me like an enemy ...etc. until an argument would break out or otherwise some other horrible incident would occur--and occasionally even some minor violence (though I don't want to make it sound like this was all on her, I'm sure I played my part too). When this would happen I'd become confused and alternate between thinking that she was rejecting me, or that she was being difficult. This happened more times than I care to remember. Anyway, the next morning I'd often wake up to her being chirpy and in a great mood--usually it'd be something like her whistling in the kitchen while making us breakfast. She'd be very nice and charming. This seemed odd to me so I'd confront her about whatever the incident was the night before. When I did she'd look genuinely perplexed and claim that she didn't remember it the same way I did , or that she couldn't remember it at all! This was extremely confusing. There were other instances and circumstances when I believe she was suffering lapses in memory as well but these are the times that stand out the most. I had always suspected that she was suffering some form of mental health issue but I couldn't pinpoint it, and it really bothered me. After our relationship ended I learned about BPD and it was like a giant light bulb turning on in my head! After some research, I stumbled onto this lesser-known symptom of memory loss in some BPD sufferers, which seems to happen after stressful events and involves dissociation. So I hope this helps. Thanks for your videos! Good luck to you and take care! : )

[@cyn5773]

The memory loss sounds like something that can come with dissociation. I think it is a common symptom that comes with trauma but it can be used by your brain as a coping mechanisms for anything it finds threatening or unpleasant. You also described time blindness. I have that because of my ADD. It is an executive function problem for me. I’ve learned my concept of time is not neurotypical but have hacks that help me.

[@teddywestside9769]

I experience this constantly. Mostly when I’m in a rage, later on my fiancé will tell me I did and said this and I have no memory of it at all and end up denying it. I also can’t remember to do normal daily tasks sometimes, even as simple as brushing my teeth or showering. I’ll wake up the next day and be like OMG I never even brushed my teeth yesterday. I’ve always thought there was something else wrong with me. But I was told it was a trauma thing, almost a defense mechanism type deal. Because I’ve blocked almost my whole entire childhood up until after high school out of my mind. And I don’t remember most of it. Has a lot to do with dissociation

[@Justin.G.OG.]

My names Justin and yes I constantly loose track of time. Years go by and it’s like what happened. It’s gets scary cause it like u keep jumping. I thought it was just me. Glad I found this. I have diagnosed bpd.

[@Citrusfruits50]

Working under pressure and having anxiety makes me forget how to learn/do stuff.. Makes it seem like I’m stupid...😖 and I’m not..

[@nickslyrics3291]

Kate Moore Same here.

[@Ab_Bea]

I have the same thing. I get it a lot in conflicts too, but also when my moods are bad. When I'm half way through a sentence I'll forget what I said at the beginning of it. I have to run off the feelings I have to guess what I'm saying. I'll forget where I put things like my phone 20 times a day even if I've put them down 2 seconds before. I'll forget where I'm meant to be going half way through getting there. These things I found very difficult when I was travelling because I'd forget what country I was in, what day it was and where things were. It made it so much harder when I was unfamiliar with the environment every day so I couldn't rely on long term memory. I also find myself in situations sometimes where I have really strong feelings after a conflict but can't remember what happened to put them there and I have to sit and reconstruct what happened to see what needs doing about it. I'm glad other people have the same thing! Thank you so much xxx

[@kathrynberry6127]

hey, I'm Kathryn. I am 16 and have been diagnosed with BPD. I love your videos and am always here to talk :)

[@christietoth6877]

I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar bpd and ptsd. You are the first person or doctor that made me be like I’m not loosing my mind but this past year my memory is horrible and I’ve went to the mental hospital twice in 1 month and no change I’ve lost my marriage and friends because of this disease so tired of people saying you just need to get over it or you’re a real bitch. I was literally looking for support groups crying and I came across your video ty for giving me some peace of mind you rock

[@SamTarani]

Hi Michi, I was wondering about that. Several times my loved one asked me "What happened the other time?" It is obvious she had some memory loss or somehow her subconscious was blocking that part of her memory to protect her. Either way, she couldn't remember. Please tell me how you are doing with your awareness of these conditions now? Are you staying strong? I now know that almost everyone with BPD experiences that. Also, wanted to tell you this can be experienced with almost everyone! It is not unique to only people with presumed "BPD". I believe we all have conditions at times that causes us to get out of control. Even for all who are as normal as it gets. Some more, some less! I believe we can all maintain our focus to where it is healthy not just for us but for all around us...with positive attitude. This can happen one way or another with persistence and especially awareness.

[@stephanienevins7915]

If I don't take a memory tonic my memory is worthless. But I completely relate. I only remember what the other person says but not what I said and only care about what they said. I'm so glad I found your channel!

[@aliceazar6525]

Omg omg omg! I can relate!!! i have experienced 100% of what you said!! Thank you so much ❤❤ you are my favorite BPD related youtuber ❤❤

[@jennlenon8954]

I was diagnosed bpd as a child, and just recently started to really look into it after some recent somewhat traumatic events. I want to get back into therapy and get a more recent diagnosis so I can work on improving myself. I have watched a few of your vids now, and I see a lot of myself when you talk about your symptoms. Especially this one. I never thought about the connection to memory.

[@annieroberts1819]

OMG this is very reassuring... I'm 29 and have been diagnosed with manic depression, bipolar, and borderline personality disorder... I am sooooo forgetful that it is literally making me feel insane. I went to reschedule my therapy appointment today and found out it was yesterday. On top of that, I lost my debit card yesterday after searching for hours top to bottom thru my house. Never found it so I had to buy a replacement card. And today I literally swore up n down there was a ghost taking my things n the house after losing yet something else. Needless to say I found my lost thing in the side of my daughter's stroller outside. Ugh!!! This memory loss is kicking my ass.

[@goroakechi3593]

Ive had BPD symptoms since i was 13, i actually have almost a photographic memory (i remember literally everything about everyone i meet to a extent) and even i cant remember some things ive done LITERALLY because of the BPD rages/moods .sometimes i think its dissasociation but also maybe its just my brain trying to deal with pain.

[@allfiredup93]

I experience this type of memory loss as well. I even have a whole year I don’t remember much of, I don’t remember people, events or things I’ve felt. You’re not alone in this. I’ve also remembered things people have said but not how I’ve reacted or what I’ve said. Hope this has helped!

[@IcanProveItToYou]

I thought it was me but I totally get this A LOT!! I'll forget what I did the day before 😭 this is so eye opening!!

[@gregbond8030]

Brilliant...I’m Understanding...you are fantastic,so honest And beautiful.. thank you for your time x

[@jassyandponies]

i can relate to this! i can never remember what i did last week or a few days ago or what i had for lunch yesterday. i can't remember what other people have said to me in an argument etc. but i remember what i said (which is different to you). i don't know how much of it is dissociation though? it's nice to know that im not alone but it's so frustrating not remembering things!! professionals have told me that it can be a way of blocking out negative things and it's our brains automatic response to distress and other emotions hence why we don't remember it x

[@michellearndt1654]

I’m a lot older than you and you r the first one I have ever seen to comment on this. I have amazing memory in my younger years. I have found however as I age I’m losing memory more and more. I have huge gaps in memory. My doctor has basically ignored my concerns saying it’s stress. But even a year after the major life stresses I am still not able to recall many facts. I’m glad I am not alone in this. Thank you for the video.

[@karenmcdaniel156]

I definitely relate. This seems to happen when I'm stressed. A lot of times someone will be talking about something we did and I don't have a clue what they are talking about. it happens a lot with my mom. She remembers everything. When she talks about something I don't remember, she just insists that I should remember. it gets so frustrating that I just agree with whatever she says. I have also been very ill lately, enough that I can't work because of my heart, and I don't remember things like hospital stays and doctor appointments. I have been retired for a few months now and I don't remember much about anything. it seems like one day is the same as the other.

[@daniellealicia95]

absolutely agree! arguements, what i did that day, etc are a total blur when im emotionally stressed. if its real bad, i black out for small periods of time.

[@shiftingrealities4213]

I agree I'm yet to be officially diagnosed but bpd is like the story of my life along with the type of memory loss you experience. Thanks for posting ☺ x

[@jamesstudlee150]

Thank you for making this video I have bpd and experience this same thing I asked my psychiatrist and he said that it was normal as far as my bpd was concerned. I feel like I'm weird because I can't remember and others don't understand. You are a very well spoken young lady and I really enjoy your videos.

[@georgiamays4726]

SO TRUE. Especially during arguments! Times when I know I'm in the right but I can't back it up because I cannot remember what the hell has just been said or what the hell the debate was even about!

[@wearyfairy]

i forget stuff i say and things that happen especially when i'm upset or anxious! i relate so heavy

[@arkieologist]

This makes a lot of sense. Thanks for sharing. The way the BPD brain is functioning during an emotionally intense moment. It reminds me of when someone blacks out in a blind rage and attacks - except it's not on that level. The BPD person is so focused on everything the other person is saying.. It's like the brain is literally so focused in a one way direction that it's not registering (completely or properly) what the BPD individual is doing. I do think however that the days simply running together and forgetting what day it is comes from depression. Forgetting and oversleeping are signs of depression.

[@rodkali2863]

It's emotional dementia. Finally someone who gets it. If moments are impactful enough or the context of your experiences aren't exceptionally stimulating won't be engrained into​ our concious brains. So much is felt but not taken seriously enough to register. I've looked semi truck drivers in the eye and made them stop while j walking and failed to realize it in the moment or register it as serious until I was hit by a truck once. I got up brushed it off and continued on with another absessive one. Everyday deserves retrospective analysis, I have to determine and control my outcomes well in advance moment by moment without error to feel in control of my own life. No other person moment or event can interrupt this mental flow or everything will be lost. I have to rehack my brain from a sensible starting point all without having a tangible grasp of how yesterday's inspiration is is relavent to today's and that of the future. my memory can be almost photographic, as I can constantly relive moments In my head with little effort In fine detail especially if it was exceptionally inspiring or important. the problem is that I have to constantly monitor the internal dialogue which could easily away me into someone's nightmare.

[@Biskiesbug]

I barely remember my childhood, but it's a bit different. I remember a few select moments in my early childhood where I was upset or just generally unhappy. I don't have any happy memories. Not a single one comes to mind. The worst days, according to my family, I know had happened (like my mom leaving for two years) but I just don't remember them at all. I know factually that they happened but it might as well have been a different person experiencing it in my body.

[@sandman1318]

A friend of mine with BPD has the worse memory of anyone I've ever known. We were at Starbucks one day and he ran into an old friend from high school who he says he hung out with regularly. They talked for about 20 minutes and exchanged phone numbers. About 6 weeks later I asked if he ever heard from his old high school friend that we ran into at Starbucks and he had no idea what I was talking about. I filled in as many of the blanks as I could but he still didn't remember any of it and also said he didn't hang out with anybody in high school. I began questioning my own memory/sanity! He also has uncontrolled seizures because he refuses to go on any medication. I only mention this because I read that uncontrolled seizures could cause memory problems as well. That story was just one of many bizarre memory loss episodes of his that I've witnessed.

[@danielraypickrel4316]

Michi thanks for this video. I have not been diagnosed with BPD, though deeply understand. For years have heard myself say "time is the most confusing concept in my life".

[@dallasnicole5089]

i totally relate. when i split i cant remember what a said 5 mins before all i'm focusing on is arguing my point to whomever. but i for sure love your videos please keep uploading 😊😊

[@Yahslily]

I completely relate....especially to not knowing the day of the week. I have to look at my phone any time I need to know what day of the week it is.... I forget things very easily that were emotionally hard to deal with....not sure if it's the depression or the bpd or both. Thank you for sharing. You can see the crazy ass way i act out on my channel.

[@vindhyamukherjee8423]

All my life I used to wonder why I couldn't remember things. I don't remember most parts of my childhood but I do remember the abusive parts. It's very common for me to say something and not remember saying it... Initially I thought I had depression but it all did not make sense and then I got to know that I have BPD and every single thing started making sense and now this. I can totally relate to this. There are times when people think that I am just trying to get away with a situation by saying that I don't remember it whereas the reality is that I don't actually remember And it's a part of my day to day life...At times I don't remember what I said, or what happened even a few days back or even what someone told me for that instance. Thank you so much for making this video. Just knowing that I am not alone makes me feel so much better

[@ohsillybeans]

It's definitely apart of bpd, mine is so bad that I have to write down appointments, remind myself the shape of the pill I just took so I don't take double of my medication. It seems sad because I'm only 25 but reality it's our mental health.

[@sadsod2197]

Yer I just forgot my appointment with my carer, I completely forget what I was watching when the tv ads come on. It's like my brain goes into shut down for a rest. You make such sense thank you.

[@iSingToLive5]

I have BPD too and I can definitely agree that memory loss is something I experience. Personally, I find that screenshotting and keeping a calendar and keeping receipts from places I've been helps a lot. But of course, things still are hazy. I hope you're doing well! ❤️

[@a.i.override8914]

I have always had this exact problem. Time all runs together. If someone were to ask me what I did two days ago, I wouldn't be able to answer the question. I would have to go back through text messages or my phone log to find clues. I experience everything you mentioned. I am very present in the moment but within the parameters of my own world. Maybe I am constantly in a dissociative state. Lol. Anyway, great job on your videos. If you feel that you lack purpose in your life, I would say you have found one with the videos you make. I'm sure I am just one of many who find your videos hugely helpful and informative. Good job at staying on the subject too. You may think you're rambling but you're not. Everything you discuss is concise and on topic.

[@teeangel7546]

And I thought I was the only one that felt that way can't remember this guy. Remember that just got a new inhaler for my COPD couldn't find it went and threw something in the trash and there was my inhaler sitting on the shelf above it forgot a court date and I have fibromyalgia on top of all this thanks for sharing your video

[@windygail3071]

Yessss! I can Soo relate! It doesn't even have to be a bad extreme of a situation. Could totally be in some amazing moments. Anytime I get overwhelmed either good or bad.. or just stressed. When I try to recall things during that time is when I have issues with my memory.

[@selenakam1]

Have this shit allll the time! Your spot on. You explained it brilliantly

[@ivantuma7969]

This explains a lot about a loved one who has BPD. All past trespasses seem to just melt away and we hear that a LOT! "I did that?!" ... "I said what?!" ... I think those episodes are so traumatic to the BPD individual that they just block it out. Like most people wouldn't call their mother the "C" word unless she REALLY deserved it. In our family, it's a periodic occurrence - over the slightest disagreements.

[@nscott2590]

Does anyone else get super anxious thinking about memories? Replaying the past week or two weeks in your head, and you get super anxious trying to remember everything that happened? Memories have always been very complicated for me. I usually dissociate what feels like 100% of the time.

[@lucymoffat7059]

literally same like I try to think about what happened the past week and I'm like wait was that this week or last week and I can't decide which and can't remember anything and I start freaking out.

[@ELSENIORBACON]

Thank you for mentioning the mixing of days, i assumed i was simply dumb lol. Once again thanks for uploading this. I was searching why i can't remember my episodes like everyone else, i then realised my whole childhood was a blur and the things i did remember most peoples that were there said no. Or it didnt quite happen how i think it did.

[@pinna4me]

This happens to me alllll the time. I have BPD and MDD and I thought it was just me losing my mind :)

[@Ggxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]

I can't believe I've only just discovered your videos! As someone with bpd I'm constantly having mini periods of amnesia always forgetting what I told people during a conversation.

[@beckeredward14]

Trifecta from HELL: dissociation, depression, and abnormal stress reactions to normal life situations. Memory loss has always been an issue for me.

[@imkookoo4kokopuffs]

I think I love you. You're exactly like me. You explain things the same way I do. And I love the different hair colors!

[@BushcraftEurope]

I though I was the only one hahahh so much releafe now !!!! Thanks dear for this video !!! I have like just images of past coming to my mind as well as I was so pressing so much to remember the stuff . Before shock I’ve experienced I had such a great memory , everyone knowed me for that hahah If you are coming to Dubrovnik,Croatia this summer you are having a vacation for free as I work there and have excess to free stuff !!! That’s how much you helped with this . That was the last thing bothering me and it is solved !

[@subereerebus5658]

I can't remember day to day things and when im like that days are just one big blurred line that doesnt exsist

[@shelleyjohnson9148]

Awesome way of explaining it!! and yes this happens to me too. Thank you for sharing!

[@darkside9997]

When I get very overwhelmed and cry a lot it feels like my head is completely empty. It just feels like everything is gone and i'm just sitting there forgetting how to think or talk or function.

[@borisadelmayer2428]

Omg I searched the net through, and I didn't find anything on that. Thank you so much, I thought I'm going crazy.

[@jamesherrington5606]

I generally don’t remember how agitated I was unless I take notes in a journal.

[@ladyanne8139]

Any severe mental heavy stress will definitely cause memory issues. It settles when the person's brain calms. God bless you.