BPD is Different in Males and Females

Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox: goo.gl/LQEgy1
BPD is different in males and females and is easily one of the most misunderstood disorders. There’s a host or reasons for this and in this video, I’ll confront some of the most confusing issues and then present three easily implemented strategies to help you work more efficiently and effectively with your clients with BPD.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: www.drdfox.com...
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
KZbin: / drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: [e-mail]
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
Citations:
Dyer, T. (2016). The existence, causes, and solutions of gender bias in the diagnosis of personality disorders. Western Undergraduate Psychology Journal, 4, 1-8.
Lenzenweger MF, Lane MC, Loranger AW, Kessler RC. DSM-IV personality disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. Biol Psychiatry 2007; 62:553.
Grant BF, Chou SP, Goldstein RB, et al. Prevalence, correlates, disability, and comorbidity of DSM-IV BPD: results from the Wave 2 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions. J Clin Psychiatry 2008; 69:533.
Sansone, R. A., & Sansone, L. A. (2011). Gender patterns in BPD. Innovations in clinical neuroscience, 8(5), 16-20.
Sher, L., Rutter, S. B., New, A. S., Siever, L. J., & Hazlett, E. A. (2019). Gender differences and similarities in aggression, suicidal behaviour, and psychiatric comorbidity in BPD. Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica, 139(2), 145-153.
Silberschmidt, A., Lee, S., Zanarini, M., & Schulz, S. C. (2015). Gender differences in BPD: results from a multinational, clinical trial sample. Journal of personality disorders, 29(6), 828-838.
Skodol, A., Stein, M., & Hermann, R. (2019). BPD: Epidemiology, pathogenesis, clinical features, course, assessment, and diagnosis. UpToDate. Waltham, MA: UpToDate.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Men tend to check into prison more than hospitals.

[@le_th_]

The rates of BPD in both UK and US prison populations are about the same percentage for both males and females with BPD. There is no significant gender difference there.

[@cuomosrevenge947]

@@le_th_ are you saying that there isn’t a gender difference or that, additionally , the rate of BOD in prison populations mirrors the rate of the general population(

[@sarahcouture24]

Isn’t that sad? I wish society could adequately address the mental health problems of our broken and suffering population rather than lock us up

[@Miawallce80]

100% I'd also like to add that up to 60% of undiagnosed of with adults witb adhd have BPD....my brother wasn't diagnosed until he was In prison.

[@grantberdell4872]

Facts

[@KurtAnderson812]

Years ago I was inpatient at a well known and respected psych hospital. I was told that despite having every single marker for BPD I couldn’t have it because, and I quote, MEN DON’T GET BPD! It took years before I could get a proper diagnosis and treatment.

[@glutamateglutamate5728]

It s because they r scared. Years ago I was inpatient in a well known psych hospital and after many stays in and out they said to me it looks like you have something called BPD and unfortunately there is nothing we can do for you.

[@zeddeka]

​@Brandy Baker This is where the DSM is very bad and the ICD, the system used in most countries outside America, is much better. The ICD has scrapped all of the old personality disorders and replaced them with a dimensional, spectrum type model that records traits and their severity. This allows for a much more holistic approach that avoids the problems the DSM has: trying to shoehorn traits into arbitrary personality disorders, many of which have huge overlap anyway, and have massive stereotypes and stigma attached to them. Under the ICD system you'd be diagnosed as having 'Personality Disorder' with a list detailing all of the various dysfunctional traits you displayed, and their severity. It completely avoids things like 'You can't have BPD. You're a man and only women get it.'

[@redredkroovy]

@@zeddeka well said!

[@HareKrishnaPerth]

Reminds me of ADHD. They said more boys had it. Turns out that isn't true. But perhaps the psychs were less likely to diagnose ADHD when it was a female with symptoms because "it's usually a boy's disorder" . Interesting stuff doc.

[@zeddeka]

This is where the DSM is very bad and the ICD, the system used in most countries outside America, is significantly better. The ICD has scrapped all of the old personality disorders and replaced them with a dimensional, spectrum type model that records traits and their severity. This allows for a much more holistic approach that avoids the problems the DSM has: trying to shoehorn traits into arbitrary personality disorders, many of which have huge overlap anyway, and have massive stereotypes and stigma attached to them. Under the ICD system you'd be diagnosed as having 'Personality Disorder' with a list detailing all of the various dysfunctional traits you displayed, and their severity. It completely avoids things like 'You can't have BPD. You're a man and only women get it.'

[@gmc5618]

Sorry to comment early but I just wanted to thank you Dr Fox for your free BPD resources, I'm doing a lot better and even linked your channel to my therapist to recommend to other clients ❤️ I can't tell you how much you've helped change my life for the better

[@DrDanielFox]

No worries. That’s nice. Thanks

[@TheSWEETY0708]

Yes Thank You

[@jspider6185]

I would be interested in hearing more about nonbinary and transgender identification and BPD. Anecdotally I've heard that often clinicians may link those genders with BPD's symptom of unstable sense of self.

[@le_th_]

I've wondered that myself many times, and especially since there was a time in the US (back in the 80s-90s) where if someone wanted to undergo surgery, they had to live, work, and financially support themselves as their desired gender for 2 years before they could be approved to have the surgery. I thought that may have been what was needed to make certain that someone with a highly unstable sense of self didn't slip through the cracks and be given a surgery they might later wish they'd never undergone. Now, when I look back at people like Caitlyn Jenner, back when she was an Olympic decathlon champion (which is admittedly impressive because it's mastery of 10 events at the Olympic level), and then tried to become a Hollywood actor, I honestly couldn't stand Jenner back then because she came across as hollow, fake, needing attention and narcissistic or psychopathic, to me. I find that I dislike Caitlyn just as much today as I disliked Bruce, because the "person" and "moral character" didn't change, just some physical, surgical changes. Jenner was an ass back then, and is just as much of an empathy-deficient asshole now. That has never changed, and she's still just as greed-driven, attention-seeking, and unapologetic as she ever was, and those aren't traits I associate with the people I've known through the decades as being transgender. Caitlyn has remained unapologetic for how her she completely deceived her wife, children, and step children, one of whom was very traumatized catching her cross-dressing in the family home when she was a teenager. Her wife took her from bankruptcy from serious overspending to wealthy, and she's never acknowledged her for that. I don't even like her now exwife, but you don't do that to your wife and step-children. You don't deceive and traumatize vulnerable kids like that. It makes them question everything they know, and it messes up their trust in parental figures, and it's f's up their love map so their relationships will never be quite right for most of their adult lives. That's NOT okay. Actually, I think Caitlyn Jenner has done more harm to the Transgender community than she has shone a positive light on it, sadly, and that's unfortunate. Do I think she gives a damn? Nope, as long as she gets paid, and gets to remain in the public eye enough that she can continue to get paid. Jenner has really made me question my assumption that some (not all) transgender individuals might be high in BPD traits, because if she's not a narcissist, she's gotta be close to psychopath. People with BPD have kindness within them, and I've just never seen that trait in Jenner, not 40 years ago and not today. So, it will be interesting to see some research on this.

[@zeddeka]

There seems to be a lot of correlation with transgender and autism. Lots of theories about that.

[@tegridyprime]

As a guy with BPD, I know that I'm a guy. Unstable sense of self is more like being confident in yourself to accomplish a goal that you're deadset on one moment, but then all of sudden start doubting yourself completely and losing all interest in that goal. You should look up histrionic personality disorder. You'll see which one lines up more with Trans/non binary.

[@rhyestripes6059]

Lol I was thinking exactly "routines are the worst" and right then you called me out XD

[@DrDanielFox]

Thanks 💯

[@Sufficio]

Also, I have to say, this video was unexpectedly validating as a trans dude, worried a bit that I'd match the other side and feel bad. All my BPD traits align to the male side of things and it was also great hearing that it's not actually 1:3 for men to women, but just that the ratio is accurate for those in treatment...which I have been completely avoiding. It's nice to know that it's actually closer to 50/50 overall. Thanks for the video!

[@areume2]

I’m actually very curious if they’ve looked at this where gay men or women or even trans experience more of the opposite sexes traits than what is typical of their biological sex. Thank you for your input as well. Have a fab day!! 🤗

[@thebristlyboss]

I got diagnosed with BPD or EUPD 4 days ago... its really weird seeing ALL my thoughts and feelings spread out across so many videos! you would think that i would be please to get a diagnosis, find a KZbin channel that explains everything in great detail.. but you know what? its really bumming me out and bringing me down! haha... Ive worked my way through a dozen or so videos so far... and i get, understand and know that i do all of this! Ive said for years that my problem is that "Im TOO self aware" can that be an issue with BPD? I know im doing and feeling and acting this way when im doing it... but i cant stop it, because im just too mentally drained from AWAYS being on guard, self analyzing, planning, always reminding myself that "im wrong" take a breath, your over reacting... NO this isnt the end of the world! Etc... and then theres the anxiety, panic attacks, depression on top aswell! It just seems like a never ending constant battle becuase im constantly aware of everything im thinking, doing and feeling......

[@amynaddra7230]

I grabbed my notebook and jotted down the 3 tips. I think they can help me. I just had a big activating event, and did fall into my unhealthy behavior. This video gave me hope again. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with all the diagnosis, but then I also want to embrace what I’ve survived and how I’ve persevered. The last tip of being my own cheerleader is great. Also, I never have routine about my days. I will try it. I’m usually very impulsive and can be spontaneous in things like working out, eating, etc. I’ve always resisted routine because I viewed it as a submissive thing. Like I have no control. It sounds like just the opposite to help with my safety issues. I have C- PTSD, BPD, as well as past eating disorder. I also have complicated grief disorder and with tomorrow being my wedding anniversary date, I will use these tips to deal with the loss of my husband. Thank you for your ability to give this information so freely and I learned so much. God bless!!

[@gianniclaud]

The Johnny depp Amber heard case brought me here. It helped me do some self-reflection and I think I have BPD, but can’t afford treatment until I get a regular job and routine again. Thanks for providing content on this issue

[@DrDanielFox]

You’re welcome ☺️

[@myriamguns2162]

A huge thank you Dr. Fox!! You delivered on your promise to add practical tips to make life more manageable for those afflicted with BPD. And your content, as always, is to the point and gives us hope.

[@TheSWEETY0708]

I can’t tell you how Thankful I am over these videos. They are truly helping me understand a better. I have so many questions to ask my counselor when I return. She has mentioned this to me so many times but it sounded to horrible to even try and understand. That wasn’t me!! Thank you I know there is hope. I am learning to cheer my self on. It’s hard. It means the world for me to have someone who understands how hard it is for me to just let someone in to keep showing up , it is hard and it was hard to take that complement for a long time. I didnt understand it. Now I do. I am now calling my self I instead of it or reflecting myself out of the conversation to saying you instead of putting me in my story. I still sometimes do it but I notice now and try to reconnect to the situation

[@Austin-lp4he]

As a male with bpd, it's pretty heartbreaking to live with. On the outside, I look like an objectively well put together man. I try to keep the chais within healthy boundaries. Yet I've ruined every friendship I've had, suicidality, dissasociation, and the whole nine yards. The waves I go through daiky, while trying to handle work and hobbies, can be pretty exhausting. Overall, I'm in a healthier place mentally than before. Yet I'm stuck alone in my own workd suffering while I put a smile on.

[@rosierain888]

Thank you, Dr. Fox! I am brushing up on BPD gender differences for the LCSW exam. I have some clients with BPD and this really reinforces the need for a consistent treatment trajectory. It is easy to get caught up in the most recent crisis!

[@WhitePelicansareReal]

Dr. D. J. Fox, I’m just getting to watch the video, I also sent a copy to my psychologist so we can go over a few of the topics you brought up that I thought would be beneficial. I do appreciate your understanding of people with BPD. Sometimes, when things are tough it’s hard to find anyone who really understands you when you need it. That, would be why you need to have coping skills and to be able to help yourself, at least to some extent. I feel I am finally getting there and other people are noticing. Thank you for all the help along the way with your videos. Of course, I also will give my psychologist his credit also, because without his help, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

[@mekosmowski]

I think that there are hormonal differences and socialization differences that do vary by sex (and later, by gender), but that there is also internal / external which can be seen independent of sex/gender.

[@desg.4259]

My ex tried to seek help for his BPD. The system failed him for years. He was told at first to just deal with it and take lexapro. Eventually when his behaviors got him involved with the authorities they misdiagnosed him as ASPD. Which was also wrong. He deserved better.

[@andrewmalcolm79]

Canonise Dr Fox! That may be somewhat premature I suppose. Anyway, thanks for making these videos!

[@bnv8514]

Wow u got more than 100k subs already. I sub when ur channel was less than 10k i think. I feel so bad that ppl dont sub to ur great quality. But here u are. Superb 😎

[@Adam-vn7is]

Thank you Dr Fox for your videos, they have helped me to understand the whys of all that happened

[@fernandoroberto8758]

Hello doc! I really like your videos. Question: when you say "men with bpd" and "women with bpd" you mean the ones inside the binary biological model (cisgender and only with standard reproductive systems)? Because the *cis word changes everything. I also missed the nonbinary experience validation. Thanks in advance.

[@munii3216]

thankyou for writing this comment and asking these questions!💖 As an enby I always feel excluded in these talks too because most people don't think we exist lol! I really hope lgbtq people's experiences with mental health become more talked about by counsellors and psychologists and I'm also really happy Dr fox hearted this comment because it shows he cares about all his viewers including lgbtq😊💛

[@tmystery9505]

Identifying as nonbinary (or somewhere outside the binary) does not erase the significance of sex specific data. Men (males) and women (females) are bound by a number of biological, environmental, physiological and hormonal differences that are necessary to take into account for treatment and observing outcomes. This does not ,however, invalidate anyone's personal understanding of themselves or how they identify. The material reality of biological sex is important. Individually subjective and undefineable concepts of gender are impossible to record. The following statement is an example of how data is presented: "30% of highschool females who identify as nonbinary are diagnosed with BPD as opposed to 5% of highschool males who identify as nonbinary". This information can lead researchers into delving into *why* significantly more highschool girls who identify as nonbinary are diagnosed with BPD, that boys who identify as nonbinary.

[@munii3216]

@@tmystery9505 that's a lot of words for "im a transphobe" lmao.. I love how you pretend to not be invalidating anybody's gender and then go on to say stuff like "girls who identify as nonbinary" and "boys who identify as nonbinary".. you're not nonbinary and you don't get to theorise about nonbinary people and what "causes" them as if we're labrats and concepts rather than people who are capable of conceptualizing our own experiences in life without without needing researches to psycho analyze us .. yes those environmental and biological factors play a role, a perosn who has more estrogen than testosterone or more testosterone than estrogen (both prenatally and present day) might display different behaviours and a person socialised in a specific way will also behave differently but don't you dare say being nonbinary could be caused by bpd because that is incredibly ableist to reduce somebodies identity to their personality disorder .. im not nonbinary because of my bpd and you don't get to sit on your high horse and make judgemnts like that.. thank you

[@tomgu1893]

@@tmystery9505 I love to see someone saying things like this, I completely agree with you and it upsets me when people don't understand and just label people with these opinions as 'transphobic/homophobic/sexist/disgusting/etc'

[@Unoriginal_human]

@@munii3216 could you help me understand you better because how Mystery T phrases themselves didn't sound transphobic to me but maybe I'm missing it. I understood them as saying the focus of the investigation would now be the bpd and non-binary individuals and their experiences and what goes into forming those two states. The two being the subject of investigation as oppose to cis-gendered people because enough research has been done so as to already have a baseline of understanding that we needn't reference what goes into making their experience because weve sort of come to understand them at this point (both wider society and scientifically) - and specifically for the particular researchers question being investigated. To say, i believe cis-gendered people are still investigated and we dont think of them as "lab rats", and so I dont think you should see non-binary people as lab rats because they are trying to be scientifically understood. Isn't that for the better? Also, I dont think they were saying being non-binary is caused by BPD but rather that research would help explore experiences that lead to non-binary experience experiencing a higher percentage of BPD and determine whether it's causal, resultant, or is simply confounding. Though I'm not sure. Maybe you or someone else can clarify it for me?

[@namjesussssss]

Me running to the fridge to put ice cube in it🏃🏃‍♂️🏃‍♀️

[@rhobot75]

SHARED! PUBLICALLY! Thank you!

[@KittyKat-xg4tx]

These videos are so helpful! I love watching them

[@HigoIndico]

PDA is often misdiagnosed as being BPD and they don't match in the way of treatment.

[@gerardmcnally]

I'm tired of trying to conform/do the right thing.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

I don't know that I have BPD, I just suspect I do. As a male, it makes me seem dangerous, weird, a failure.

[@victoriaa.993]

Stigma sucks. I wish you all the best.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

I need a Victory.

[@78deathface]

Thanks, Dr. Fox

[@UsaretamaImako]

Hello Dr. Fox, I love your videos for BPD and other personality disorders, but I do not conform to the gender binary and am part of the LGBTQ+ community. For all those thinking I'm a "special snowflake", bruh, I WISH I was like the majority because videos like these do scientific research on exclusively cishet people and some of the advice is only applicable for cisgender, neurotypical and heterosexual people. If you can please make a video targeting how people of the LGBTQ+ community can cope with these personality disorders, I would be forever grateful! 💖

[@munii3216]

YES!! I second this! we really need more lgbtq inclusion in mental health spaces because if they're saying there's differences in these disorders between men and women then what about nonbinary people and gay/lesbian/bi etc there must be a lot of difference in how we navigate relationships and identity and our place in the world.. and let's not start with intersex erasure lol.. but I saw dr fox heart another comment that was about lgbtq+ so it shows he is inclusive and I really hope he makes a video about it too!

[@tonirad9577]

And nobody wants to diagnose teenagers ! I am raising a grandson with Borderline personality "traits" . I know he has it , his mother had it and I am going through the same awful time . They keep giving him more ADHD medicine and it does nothing . He keeps getting older and more aggressive . We need help 😢

[@abeycee7427]

Excellent video

[@jn1211]

Yea. It doesn’t really matter if you’re a man and you seek help. Especially if Your doctor won’t help. Can’t be in treatment if your gatekeeper to treatment decides you’re fine. (Canada healthcare)

[@mikegarfield8765]

To further the ice chip trick...very cold running water or frozen things between the insides of your wrists. Do until it HURTS. It will not harm you (as long as you take care with ice directly to the skin), but it triggers your fight or flight and reboots your meat computer. It works. Every. Time.

[@mikegarfield8765]

Also, love Dr. Fox so far. I highly recommend From Borderline to Beautiful podcast as well

[@clairelouisax]

Thank you for this video. Would it be possible to let me know where you found the information about 80% of patients having symptom remission please?

[@DrDanielFox]

You are very welcome. I’m glad it was helpful for you.

[@gabysblog6582]

I find that routine does help me

[@AW-dt8ct]

Sounds more like ASD

[@lisabelthepriest842]

Could you do more content on male BPD?

[@whizzingbye]

I still use ice instead of blades

[@marcus9938]

I have bpd and have no fear about abandons,don't care ,and sometimes when I am in relationship and the girlfriend is too much romantic or showing too much feelings,it's always giving me wrong prediction with the time that I take this behaviour for weakness and in most cases leading to brake up, why is like that ?even when I truly know that those feelings are true and positive!?

[@ST-yc7uj]

Take a look at your attachment style

[@Sarablueunicorn]

I just would like to know if there's any study of how many victims of domestic violence (usually women) by their partners or even parents end up in psych wards with a BPD diagnosis. I contacted an association for women victims of domestic violence (I've been a victim of domestic violence from my parents, mainly my mother, since i was born until my early 20s) until I was able to move abroad but my mental health at the light of many events deteriorated and i became suicidal, because of this i was kicked out back to my home country and to my parents home, because I'm jobless, lost majority of my savings and I feel like death would be a better option. Meanwhile, "therapists" have the audacity to ask "but your mother doesn't beat you anymore, right? so your relationship should be better now". I wonder if they ask the same question to victims of sexual abuse "I know u have been raped by this man for 20 years and now u have to live under the same roof but he doesn't rape you anymore right? só why don't you let go of the past and move on in order to have a better relationship?" Anyway, she told me that few times, doctors from psych wards contact her association (she's a forensic psychologist) because they believe they have a case of domestic violence in hands, and women are displaying all these erratic behaviors not only because of abuse but also looking for she.lter in the hospital and for the hospital to give them shelter they have to "diagnose" them with some mental illness, BPD will be.

[@suzanneworland688]

Thank you

[@DrDanielFox]

You're welcome

[@zayn347]

hey doctor can you talk about border polar disorder !? cause I haven't seen anyone talk about it except for one channel and she isn't in the medical field but a patient who suffers from bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder so any infos about it please 😔💙

[@Rev_GC]

I have found that a lot of the biases are dependent upon the belief system of the clinician.... (eg feminist) if a man can get the referrals to get help at all and so forth.

[@DaneAnderson-j4c]

Dude this is crazy

[@Positivevibes-tq5mg]

Thanks for the videos. Am almost sure I have Bpd. All my romantic relationships fail. Am still gaining the courage to seek professional help

[@lyndesha]

Not everyone with BPD cant maintain a relationship, some can actually have a good relationship although intense. I hope you get the help you need ❤️

[@Positivevibes-tq5mg]

@@lyndesha thanks. Am working on it

[@topazblahblah]

Just get help. There's nothing to be afraid of.

[@glutamateglutamate5728]

Thanks Doc. Why do I always feel that the way to punish my family is by committing suicide. Also is the urge to run away to a place where no one knows you a symptom of BPD? I m a male.

[@keepingitrealwithbossladyj646]

I have never heard anyone speak so kindly of this disorder, and those who suffer with it.

[@Wandering_Nowhere]

I'm BPD and AvPD. I feel like a male physically, but the way I deal with drama and confrontation is to just avoid. Anxiety is also a big problem.

[@lifeontheedge2444]

New to this. 49 and just diagnosed with BPD. Feels like the last puzzle piece of my life has been found. I'm so grateful for your work, as so many people are stigmatised for having BDP. However I also feel that if I had been diagnosed earlier my life and the lives of others around me would have been totally different. I'm doing my MA in sociology and just want people to see that people with BDP are not dangerous but actually intelligent, kind (in an unkind world) and full of love. I cant help but to feel that the world could benefit from more love, kindness and empathy which people with BDP offer.

[@M2Mil7er]

there's so many myths about us, and many of them hurtful. I think they get us mixed up with Narcissists and Socio / Psychopaths. I got my diagnosis at 46, though my first symptoms appeared before 10 years of age, so lots of time not understanding myself, and not being understood. Lots of wasted time, but also a wealth of experience. Best of luck to you in managing it! Get some DBT, it's life changing! (I'm male btw, so perhaps that factored into the late diagnosis)

[@lifeontheedge2444]

@@M2Mil7er thank you. I think my diagnoise was late as I'm pretty high functioning and often told that I'm to intelligent, aware, and complex. I found meditation and mindfulness in my childhood. I believe it was inside me that I already knew but had no diagnoise. I'm in uk so I'm having MBT and group and 1-1 therapy. I'm happy I have found my people 😊

[@M2Mil7er]

@@lifeontheedge2444 UK here too! I'm also fairly high functioning, and am more of a quiet BPD, which no doubt contributed to it being undetected by professionals. You're lucky to find meditation so early. I've been doing it for the last 4 years and it's really effective. All the best!

[@glutamateglutamate5728]

I was diagnosed 9 years ago. But never really paid attention to it.i just sow my reckless behaviour as a way to cope with my depression.

[@artsmith4285]

@ julia/mr.M .. northeast usa here. "what's so funny" performed by NICK LOWE came to mind while reading your comments .. ( Not elvis c's up-beat rock-cover hit ) .. The Legendary Artist , Nick Lowe , wrote these words that could be OUR ANTHEM .. "" What's So Funny ( 'bout Peace , Love and Understanding ) "" kzbin.info/www/bejne/haqWfaOMZbl7eJI Give the writer's version a listen .. MGB and keep us all

[@crypoem]

I have had a good routine for 6 months now, and I have noticed a lot of the BPD traits I am experiencing is getting easier to handle, as my apartment is clean, i eat healthier.. Everything mostly because i have a tight sleeping schedule and have more energy in the day to focus on external(?) tasks I suppose. It isn't easy to keep routines, and i really really hate that it works so well.

[@rhyestripes6059]

I also hate that it works. One of the things I loved the most about myself was never having a day the same as the last. That was fun but extremely stressful. Trying to be calmer now but every once in a while I get this urge to break free from calmness and peace. Feels suffocating almost to be stable

[@crypoem]

@@rhyestripes6059 Ahaha yess exactly! I feel the need to lash out and rebel against myself sometimes. Maybe also cuz I hate noticing how I am getting older and the needs to be a child is too strong sometimes o.O #Overanalyzing

[@bottomsupbarmaid1987]

I am curious if hating that the routine is working for you stems from the inner toddler that doesn’t want to be told what to do/controlled by anyone or anything, including a schedule? Seems logically like this would be a possibility

[@Sufficio]

I absolutely love the term "activation event". I've recently started realizing more and learning that once the activation event happens, it doesn't matter how far I shove it down or push it away or tell myself to not bring it up. No matter what, it's coming out one way or another. But the longer I sit on it and try to resist making a confrontation, the bigger the eventual confrontation is.

[@hhheartcore]

If you haven't already, I would love to hear you talk about gender differences in the diagnosis of BPD/ADHD. Many of my female friends and I have been misdiagnosed with BPD which turned out to be ADHD (of course both can be the case sometimes). So many women I know are diagnosed with BPD that it almost feels like a modern version of the old diagnosis of hysteria. I know you focus on personality disorders but if it's up your alley, I'd also love to hear your thoughts on rejection sensitive dysphoria (RDS) as it's not in the DSM but many ADHDers identify with it and I believe it's one of the causes of misdiagnosis of BPD/ADHD. Thanks for the work you do!

[@zeddeka]

The DSM is very bad with stuff like that and the ICD, the system used in most countries outside America, is much better. The ICD scrapped all of the old personality disorders and replaced them with a dimensional, spectrum type model that records traits and their severity. This allows for a much more holistic approach that avoids the problems the DSM has: trying to shoehorn traits into arbitrary personality disorders, many of which have huge overlap anyway, and have massive stereotypes and stigma attached to them. Under the ICD system you'd be diagnosed as having 'Personality Disorder' with a list detailing all of the various dysfunctional traits you displayed, together with their severity. It completely avoids things like 'You can't have BPD. You're a man and only women get it.'

[@trinityjean5300]

Well I wish I had seen this earlier. We had an explosive episode with my daughter last night and she ended up getting arrested after calling the police herself. This disorder is just awful and I’m at the end of my rope. No one wants to hospitalize her ever but we keep ending up back here. Rage and hate directed at us, and then the remorse (she’s still in jail so I guess that comes later than usual this time.) she’s been diagnosed but now claims she does not have bpd. Did a 5 week outpatient program and the benefits lasted almost 6 weeks. Won’t take meds/can’t find a prescriber. I’m babbling sorry but I’m runt out after a decade plus of this behavior and not sure where to go from here anymore. Her 4 yo son sits here with me now and it breaks my heart I can’t fix this for them.

[@TheSuperQuail]

MY local health services have a blanket policy of never diagnosing personality disorders because they "don't think it's worthwhile." Does this seem fair or reasonable in any way?

[@glutamateglutamate5728]

It is an open secret that most psychiatrists run away from ppl with BPD .

[@myriamguns2162]

@@glutamateglutamate5728 You are so right. They are 'those impossible people' and 'better don't waste your time on them'.

[@victoriaa.993]

I think your health authority is admitting that they do more harm than good when they try, due to the stigma of having this diagnosis on file. Also, clinical psychologists are more qualified with this type of disorder because it responds to psychotherapy, not medication; many health services don't include clinical psychology. There's a lot of reform to be done.

[@marthamryglod291]

Bpd is only treatable with CBT or other therapies. Low return on investment for insurance and therapists efforts. Drugs don't do much but mask symptoms, and therapists also are highly likely to be villified by the patient due to black and white, good/bad thinking.

[@dreamlessmusic3167]

Hey doctor fox I just want to say that I appreciate what you do so much. your videos have provided me insight and laughter and healing. Thank u so much for what u do for the BPD community

[@lynntoytrainmuseum8973]

Thank you for posting this content.

[@jaysonramos4724]

I’ve been diagnosed with damn near everything except bpd, and it was so frustrating that I stopped trusting doctors…I felt all they wanted to do was drug me up and it wasn’t helping at all…but ever since I’ve found your page dr.fox I finally feel heard and validated I’m learning so much and I trust that you really care about us. I’ve been looking to get re-diagnosed and hopefully properly this time. Thanks dr.fox! :)

[@adamn3698]

The importance of routine, but individuals with BPD hate routine...Are there any videos that go more in depth on this? Have found this to be something I've always felt strongly I needed but in reality have such an intensely hard time doing. Almost like if it's a routine then I feel like I'm no longer in control. Thanks for these videos, really grateful for these resources

[@stephanier6783]

Subjectively, I've noticed....(your mileage may vary, and so may your character traits) Females w/BPD: overt eating disorders (coupled with excessive exercise), self-medicating with alcohol (more binge drinking than daily drinking), self-harming through risky sex (and, I would argue, the eating disorder(s), excessive exercising, risky sex, and binge-drinking are a form of self-harm, but that's an opinion), marijuana-dependency, and suicidal ideation/threats. Covert serial-cheater and/or overt-poly-amorous. Males w/BPD: covert eating disorders (because they've been told only females have eating disorders), extreme sexual promiscuity coupled with bisexuality and porn-dependency (because this is socially accepted as manly), both alcohol and drug-dependency, highly controlling in romantic relationships to the point of abusiveness. If he's even moderately attractive, he'll likely be a covert serial-cheater with 2nd and 3rd string team who occasionally substitute-in for the starting 5. I've noticed this tendency toward bisexuality in every male or female with BPD I've come across, including my own oldest sister (although she will not admit it). I've also noticed a high degree of sex-addict-like behavior (group sex/orgies, prostitutes, Backpage, Craigslist personals (before the FBI shut both down), Only Fans, BDSM, swingers, and hot-wife type hookups). I'm sure I've left some out, too. I can't keep up with all the outlets. Oh, let's not forget the random hookups at rest-stops, cruising areas, and truck stops. A whole rainbow of possibilities I never had any idea even existed. It has been absolutely *heartbreaking* to discover that people do this stuff mostly because they feel worthless (so they treat themselves like they are worthless). Unless mental health professionals have post-doc education in differential diagnosis and treatment of Cluster B disorders, most of them don't even know this. They're out there conducting marital and relationship therapy without having any idea what a personality disorder is (a character disorder) or what is driving the cheater's obsessive-compulsive-like behavior. The mental health profession needs an over-arching requirement for post-doc education (in those already practicing) on how personality disorders drive the VAST MAJORITY of what they call "addictions" or "dependencies". If you know someone in AA, NA, SAA, an eating-disorder program, substance-abuse treatment program, or anyone with multiple DUIs, DWIs, "process addictions"...it is VERY LIKELY you're dealing with someone with an underlying personality disorder, and especially BPD, NPD and/or AsPD. On occasion, you find someone with OCPD. I think our prisons must be full of people with (often) undiagnosed Cluster B disorders. We have GOT TO FIND A WAY to start helping little ones deal with the trauma and neglect they endure (because their brains are too underdeveloped to cope any other way). As a society, we should be ashamed of ourselves for not doing better by infants, toddlers, and young children. We *MUST* do better.

[@tinutube3858]

Very true!

[@mrsamzambrano5740]

Yes it’s not an excuse but definitely a true explanation because hurt people hurt people. I do think out of all the cluster b’s borderlines when acting out don’t want to hurt anyone. Not like a narcassist who calculating and manipulating and isn’t often suddenly triggered. But again this explanation doesn’t negate the truth that damaging behavior still hurt people even the borderline. I couldn’t agree more people need tools to overcome the overwhelming feelings that negate facts that shouldn’t be. Fact over feelings, feelings lie.

[@carolineb.1417]

Thank you so much, Dr. Fox. All your videos are so helpful! I have also found that having a routine helps me feel more stable. Even if it's just going to the gym every day. I think finding one thing to do and sticking to it already adds a sense of stability that so many of us are lacking and it helps not relying on others as much. There are a lot of little things one can do, especially if one may not have immediate access to therapy or other resources.

[@mariegion8396]

I agree with this so much :)

[@shoonyah]

Mental health does not differentiate between sexes. If narcissism doesn't have gender preference then why would BPD? Men perhaps just mask it better or don't ask for help as much. Or live in denial.

[@gameurai5701]

Been to therapy for 3-4 years up until October 20. Most male borderlines aren't pure and usually have another diagnosis on top of it (ASPD or NPD)....I have BPD but it's mixed with schizoid, narcissistic and avoidant traits and some mixed depressive/anxiety disorder. The group therapies I was in had only one other guy next to me, we were about 15 in the group and I can't say that I could relate to anybody there, so it's more of an umbrella term used for men who are emotionally unstable and don't fit any other diagnosis, the women could relate to each other though. BPD is an exaggeration of female stereotypes, NPD is a gender-netural diagnosis (i.e raise or lower the voice of a narc by an octave and they sound and act entirely alike). The male answer for BPD is ASPD, not NPD and is proportionally as often diagnosed in males as females with BPD with a 3:1 male-to-female ratio.

[@redredkroovy]

@@gameurai5701 I disagree with that. They are NOT in fact the same.

[@RabiWielkiePracie]

Haha great plate on your right sir :D Thank you for all your work, big fan! :D

[@Rockabillyrobb]

I ordered your workbook. I’m half way through .. I make it a habit to watch a couple videos a day, and sometimes I rewatch to make sure my brain soaks up all the content . Thank you for being you and helping so many like myself beat this into remission. Your videos are actually a way to bring me back to baseline when I need that tool. Cheers Dr . Fox

[@DrDanielFox]

Awesome! Thank you!

[@starr613]

Happy everything! Haha love that sign 💝🎉🎈🎁

[@DiscussYT]

Dr Fox, what to do with people when physical work leads them to rage?

[@areume2]

So I don’t want to go down a rabbit hole of all these different “sexualities” but do you find there to be a difference in gay men and women? What I mean is if gay men tend to have more feminine traits (based on brain patterns matching closer to women) will they experience more of the traits associated with women and vice versa?

[@DrDanielFox]

I’m not familiar with any research on that topic but it’d be interesting.

[@ST-yc7uj]

They are histrionic

[@anthonytheninja1099]

This doesn't pertain to the video. But I'm happy and i don't have a FP so I'm gonna share it here. I went down the "rabbit hole" (dissociated) because of a trigger. It was a major trigger that normally takes me out from half a day to several days. I used coping skills and calming myself with learning. I pulled out within an hour. I'm so happy I have nobody to share it with and that's okay too. I hate going into dreamland. Your videos and others helped me get there. Thank you.

[@joebaumgart1146]

I have a former friend with BPD. He threatened to kill me after his FP broke things off with him. He thinks I'm going out of my way to take everything from him like I got all that time or something. He also does a shit ton of coke, too. Which can't help.

[@laurenjeangreenbean6301]

Im trying to replace the cutting urge (before I heard of bpd) with chewing my skin off my fingers, and now I'm consciously replacing the painful chewing with ice. It would have been nice to cut out the chewing altogether, but I'll take it. I still don't have any replacement for the rocking. But I will. You're an excellent choice for cheerleader, thx so much Doc!

[@Sensei_Sean]

Wim Hof breathing technique or tummo meditation is extremely useful for anyone struggling with BPD or dissociation. ❄️🧘‍♀️

[@smokeyyhobbs8921]

Any recommendations for providers as articulate and educated as u in California or Minnesota or virtual. I need to get my bpd under control I've been learning more cuz in the past I ignored the diagnosis didn't seem as though there is or was much info on bpd especially for guys

[@scotsman9755]

I REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE. my fiance has bpd I support her I use all the techniques I have learnt to help her but its not enough I feel like I'm abused 24/7 I need out this relationship but I'm scared she will do something stupid. I'm so sad all the time it's making me so I'll I've lost all my family my friends just to be shouted at and bullied. I NEED ADVICE

[@parrotfish1988]

Run....get away when you can....she will drain you completely

[@scotsman9755]

@@parrotfish1988 if I run then she might do something stupid. Ps, I'm already drained I lost everything my friend my family I have nowhere to run to 😔

[@rastafaery]

It would be nice tonknow how it affects the rest of us...

[@sloshyoshy454]

Are there any patterns or relationships between being transgender and having BPD? I was thinking the constantly shifting sense of identity could come into play here

[@DrDanielFox]

Not that I'm aware of.

[@adamdadds4566]

Watching the heard/depp thing, has opened my eyes a bit. I ended a relationship with my partner of 5 years looking back she had lots of BPD traits she had violent outbursts that came out of nowhere or didn't fit the situation. punching / hitting / swinging, she was jealous constantly accusing me of cheating or looking at other women. even causing arguments or scenes with friends / neighbors. she would lie to her parents about me in order to get me to fight with them i no longer talk to talk to them she would tell my parents i was abusive to her, then come home and tell me that they were aggressive to her, to get us to fight i haven't spoken to my parents in a couple of years. she would belittle or talk to my friends behind my back, i no longer talk to anyone i used to. she has called the police on me and make up all sorts. now moving on, she will message women i am talking to, to sabotage my attempts. i have a kid with her. how do i get her to leave me alone ?

[@justacat886]

Start gathering evidence as best as possible bro. Preferably video or audio evidence of her outbursts at you or the kids ( video record her or audio record here . Unfortunately the legal system always favours the woman because there considered to be to "feminine" or "innocent" to be a antagonist . Long story short you need legal advice from a professional, preferably not another woman and you will need hard evidence to present during caught hearings that prove she is unstable and the kids would be best with you until she can recover. Without real hard evidence All she has to do is go bang her head against the bedroom drawer, give herself a few bruises and then cry wolf that u abused her then that's it. Over. Get some good advice from a male legal professional and try to obtain video or audio of her bad behavior

[@madamabutterfly1986]

Looks like she has some traits of narcissism and antisocial personality. I think you should try to talk to your parents and friends in order to get real clues to prove that she's a dangerous person. Also I think you should a restraining order. She's an evil person.

[@AgataKaminska84]

Bpd doesn't exist

[@DrDanielFox]

Interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing.

[@AgataKaminska84]

@@DrDanielFox at the root of it is untreated trauma. Treat the trauma, secondary behaviours attributed to BPD will go. But treat the trauma properly.

[@redredkroovy]

@@AgataKaminska84 I'm curious as someone who's trauma began before I was potty trained, how exactly would YOU recommend a person work thru 50+ yrs of that?? Borderline Personality Disorder doesn't exist? Yeah, neither does Small pox, pregnancy, cancer or pain in child birth, seriously...

[@aaronwalterryse4281]

Excellent topic. Never addressed enough.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thanks, I agree. Knowledge is power.

[@zarathustra8776]

I know someone clinically diagnosed with bpd and she is by far the most manipulative and dishonest person ive probably ever met. Is telling lies and always trying to manipulate people like some kind of characteristic of bpd? Any person who has ever got on her bad side she has spread heinous lies about them and stuff. Its exhausting to be around them because of the mind games

[@DrDanielFox]

It's important to remember that not everyone with BPD acts this way. Each individual is unique and may exhibit different behaviors. Seeking professional advice and support can help in understanding and coping with such situations.

[@haydnneville]

Thanks for your videos, im a male who has finally been diagnosed with BPD after a pychotic breakdown. Before this i was diagnosed with ADHD/Aspergers/bipolar. Although they have still said Bipolar couldnt be ruled out, and the ADHD is still there... i feel like BPD makes the most sense and the diagnosis in itself has helped me manage some syptoms better.

[@curlymixednezz]

Thank you Dr. Fox... I have BPD and have recently started back therapy because I had regressed back to previous patterns and behaviors ... I felt like a failure because I have already received such a wealth of knowledge, but regression is a real thing... Life still continues to happen and it's okay to seek therapy again... I'm glad that you post videos like this because it makes me feel better about my choice to return back to therapy... Thank you again!

[@pebblebrookbooks4852]

Fictional example of male w/BPD: Anakin Skywalker Celebrity example of male w/BPD: Pete Davidson

[@meurtri9312]

i put them on a flash card

[@ElizavyetaZone]

Very interesting, can also confirm as a tg individual/biological woman I have some male traits. Fortunately not very intense/frequent at all but risky, yes. I have this intense uh core content/ptsd reaction of wanting to run away or actually running away in different situations. Do BPD traits then intensify those issues with feeling unsafe? I'd love to hear more about this personal safety issue, please. Couldn't putting oneself into a risky situation then be the other side of the coin in a way? Either suffering through it or being in control of it when actively doing it .. I must sound confusing. I am trying to untie a knot here.

[@iskrazamora7]

Oh man, this video was very useful and clarify my personal pre- diagnosis and differences between two people who are related but without right diagnosis and treatment. Thanks!

[@maximilianoramirezromero9771]

Hi! I'm currently dealing with BPD, my therapists have been extremely helpful. I have a question, though, could there be a link between BPD and epilepsy?

[@protectaa]

So cold showers 😀

[@danielhernandez-fo3mj]

love this video ive had therpist tellme i was a narssasitic personaity cuz i was a man and men don't get BPD i was lucky they didn't connect my subsence abuse with antisocial as a lot of times it was episode induced not daily lol and as a BPD i do have a higher trigger point to rejection perception and feeling like the bad guy ..... and becoming violent to then self harmful......... but i also like women with BPD have higher anxiety as I'm also GAD,PTSD and mojor deprsstive disorder its not so crazy how different anyone with BPD can be as that's personality anyway and love how you make out we can go into remission but as I've learned with my jounry we can also remmit depending its about maintaining control and routine has truly been one of the best helps everyday i get up at 8 even though I'm on disability i make my bed go for a power walk around 9 then recreation till 2 pm etc and really having this structure is very helpful as really i don't know what i want to do a lot of the time expeculy now that I'm not using hard drugs anymore this illness is super confusing sometimes

[@DrDanielFox]

I’m sorry you had this experience but I’m glad that you were able to find the information that helped clarify some of those issues. I wish you all the best.

[@annerittwage1401]

I just love your content, the way you speak just makes it so easy for me to understand and take in all of the information. And it's always so compassionate.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you. Be well.

[@jessicamontag5702]

Love your videos! Thank you for all the great work you do and information you put out!

[@DrDanielFox]

I appreciate that!

[@kerrypickens8594]

My son was seeing a therapist with me, and she told me if he is BPD which based on your work book is BPD petulant type, then mental health workers will not want to treat him because BPD patients are too difficult to treat. He tried MHMR here in Texas and was told he didn't qualify for services. His last residential treatment visit his diagnosis was changed to Antisocial Personality disorder. He is adopted and has childhood trauma. I have ended my relationship with him because of the stress.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Mom Of The Year

[@antotheja251]

Plus the misogyny within the medical and therapeutic world

[@katieandnick4113]

Why not just have a broad “cluster B” category, and differentiate based on the se x of the patient? Because it really seems to me that BPD belongs to women and NPD and ASPD belong to men. They’re all manifestations of childhood trauma, but they look different depending on whether the person is male or female.

[@ST-yc7uj]

That would suggest that women cant be aspd which is not true.

[@payton188]

I was hoping other genders would be included in this video, but I know that research with trans people on any topic is seen as not important and very limited. I’m a trans woman with BPD myself and I feel like being trans just amplifies the disorder to an extent where it’s almost a completely different (possibly unknown) disorder.

[@CoomerGremlinDGGfan]

Throw ice at your spouse if he's having an episode

[@DrDanielFox]

Not at all what I would suggest. Violence begets violence.