BREAKDOWN OVER PIZZA! - IT'S NOT ALWAYS EASY - MUM IS FED UP - VLOGMAS 8

Vlogmas of Saturday the 8th December! We went shopping and then just had a chilled Saturday.
I challenged myself to trying a DIFFERENT PIZZA for the first time and it was nice, just not as nice as the one I usually have, so I freaked out and I still don't even know why.
I am glad I had it, and I don't know how Mum puts up with me... honestly, I don't know how my whole family does. They always show me I am being silly though.
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[@444edens]

This is the REALEST channel on KZbin. You’re capturing recovery so well. Like these are the moments I feel most people leave out. And the way your family deals is so real too. You’re doing amazing and I feel like the comment section has a sense of family🥰

[@psychedlicsouljam1995]

💓💓💓💓💓

[@xaprilrose]

Eden Smith I completely agree🥰

[@karleewilson6244]

Agreed

[@bruna4610]

I think I understand why you freaked out, you felt like you wasted "calories" in something that you didn't even enjoy... But food is not just calories, and it's not about the taste either. Eating means feeding your body with the nutrients it needs to function. It takes a long time to re-learn it, but you're gonna make it. It is going to happen again and it's totally normal, we always try new foods, sometimes we don't like them, sometimes they're nothing special, it doesn't mean we're wasting anything... It's not like you're never going to have an occasion to eat something yummy again :) the starving days are over! Now it's all about trying, experiencing, and overall conquering back your youth :) sorry for my English I'm not native - hugs and support from Italy!

[@ItsMelliB]

Your english is perfect! :) Don't worry about it, and great advice!

[@bruna4610]

@@ItsMelliB thank you xx

[@psychedlicsouljam1995]

Such a beautiful comment. ♡♡♡♡ I needed to hear that too

[@JJ-xj5tc]

Me too

[@Sarah.Riedel]

This is so fascinating. I never would have figured out the logic behind this. Is it literally just like you think well, that was my one chance and now I'm never going to get to eat something that tastes good ever again...?

[@kileyfuller2756]

You're going to be okay. This is far more than a physical recovery; it's a mental reconstruction. All the best to you!

[@aaaaa-zx1fk]

The reason why she got upset was cus her mental state it wasn't about the pizza and her mum wasnt really...let's just say nice

[@renecilliers5980]

Your mom supports you because she loves you. She knows there is more to you than this disorder. I am so proud of you for being able to eat the pizza you did an incredible job👍👍👍

[@aaaaa-zx1fk]

It's not about the pizza though I think

[@emersonb.5399]

aaa aa Yes, it is. She has an eating disorder. When you have an ED food is scary because your brain misidentifies it as a threat.

[@emilyeastwood9180]

I get upset over the same thing because I think that if I’m eating that many calories I want it to be something that taste amazing, recovery is hard but you’re doing amazing don’t get down ❤️❤️

[@hannahkisley9118]

I relate to this so much, I feel like I’m “wasting” calories

[@emilyeastwood9180]

hannah Kisley yeah like calories are really precious? Its hard to get that thought process out of you’re head

[@jasmineseaman853]

I don’t suffer with an eating disorder, but I do understand the feeling of “ wasting calories” when something doesn’t taste as nice as you thought :/

[@monicamonroe-g5e]

@mirabelle gessner yeah its because we live in a very fatphopic society and even though a lot of us don't suffer from specific eating disorders we often engage in disordered eating patterns or thought processes. Honeslty, we probably all need to retrain ourselve in how we view food

[@leahkrilova4970]

I think you should do a challenge where your mum picks your breakfast, your sister picks your lunch and your dad picks your dinner !

[@arsoudarded363]

I don't think so. If she is following a meal plan or needs to have a certain amount of calories it is quite difficult to let somebody who has no idea about how to put together such meals nutricion wise choose your food. Especially at the beginning of recovery. Also, this could be potentially harming your relationship if your parents choose really "challenging" food because they love you and want you to get better asap but the ill part of you only sees the calories in it. Or, on the other hand, the food they choose could be not nutricious enough because they don't want you to be upset etc. Generally, I think it is a nice idea to do those challenges if you are weight restored and your main focus is on trying to fix your relationship with (fear)food(s). According to me, the most important thing for her at the moment is to get to a normal weight.

[@leahkrilova4970]

My therapist suggested it to me when I was recovering and I know so many people who have done the same. Theres nothing wrong with it, it's away of letting go of control of knowing what you're having for your next meal.@@arsoudarded363

[@arsoudarded363]

@@leahkrilova4970 I agree with you that it is a good method to learn how to let go of controlling your food. But again, not everybody is the same, and just because your therapist suggested it to you doesn't mean it would be helpful to other people who are recovering. I personally would focus on reparing the damage done to my body due to malnutrition before focussing on the mental aspect.

[@psychedlicsouljam1995]

@@arsoudarded363 it was just a nice suggestion. We don't have to live in a state of constant depression... let's imagine that she IS going to get better, and very soon... she can always try and if she fails it's not really a failure.. it's just another step towards recovery.

[@psychedlicsouljam1995]

@@leahkrilova4970 it's a brilliant idea. She is a strong person. And mentally, she's doing pretty well. She's not self harming.. and attempting suicide..which is a good mindstate, considering the horrible things she's putting her body through. A lot of us with e.d end up taking our own lives. I think elzani understands food is quite trivial and she has great insight into her disorder. I believe in her so much!!! I'm struggling and I have been for years..and to see how well she's doing is amazing. She's learning quickly... I'm 23 and I'm still learning half the things she's already got a hold of.

[@average_chickennugget1483]

IT'S OKAY TO BE UPSET AND HAVE SET BACKS RECOVERY IS HARDER THAN ANYTHING RECOVERY ISN'T A STRAIGHT LINE! IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!

[@pippy68p65]

Recovery is so hard ESPECIALLY the mental health side of it. Its not just food its depression ,anxiety. Shes doing well. Bless her.

[@hannahbarry6640]

oh I wish I could hug you. I recovered from anorexia a year ago. this is such a hard stage, weird things only making sense in your own head but they are completely irrational. that negativity towards 'wasting calories' is fuelled by the illness. unfortunately anorexia hurts so many people around us as well as ourselves. your mum just wants the best for you. never too much food in recovery and nothing is a waste. take care xxx

[@cremedelacroptalk9899]

so true

[@paigeyp6381]

i have ocassionally cried after eating thinga like cake or pasta or some chocolate on christmas . but im not exactly underweight . i am really thin, but i am constantly meaauring food ans counting calories

[@alexb1579]

I feel the same way about foods being a “waste” if it wasn’t perfect, but in life food won’t always be perfect, there are foods you like and foods you don’t like. :) stay strong 💗💗💗

[@lifeonthesweeterside]

I had this for sooooo long!! I didn’t even really notice when it stopped happening but it did. Life becomes your main focus over food. When it does you realise what having control really is. I look back and realised I was living in a grey, lifeless bubble and depriving myself of joy as well as food. Eventually the insane focus on food stops too and the obsession and you gradually gain freedom. It ends up being a small voice in the ocean of life you gain ❤️

[@imstressedbuturnotsurprise3561]

same :(

[@Demi.d3mi]

I relate to how u felt about the pizza. And how you feel even LESS confident about it when your mom didnt really like it either so you feel alone and like a bother because you wanted everything to be better. Dont get discouraged (: you make me feel like im not alone. Ive wasted 4 years of my life too btw 14-18 and it gets to me all the time that im like that. That it feels like i ruined my whole life for nothing. Just know you're not alone either.

[@elevenbyfive]

thank you for having the courage to share the difficult aspects of recovery too. It's hard even admitting to those thoughts because they ARE irrational and can seem so silly to other people, but they're no more silly or irrational than symptoms of any other illness. They're just what happens and what plagues your mind. And experiencing them can be overwhelming and terrifying.What really matters is that you keep getting up again after they try to knock you off your game. And the more you do, the stronger you get. Keep fighting, brave girl.

[@kellycannon9796]

Eleven By Five - exactly! And those of us with a history of anorexia totally understand the irrational thoughts!!

[@brandikransi6348]

I love how well you’re doing at talking yourself through the breakdown, self talk is half the battle and you are winning it ❤️❤️

[@emilywebster6623]

Pahaha, best sarcastic moment "my sisters having a brownie and im still crying over the pizza I ate AN HOUR AGO" #edlife, I feel your pain lol. Its so hard, but keep soldiering through, we're all here with you. Im 23 and am only just starting a uni foundation year because I didn't get any A Levels when I was ill. I feel stable enough to manage my recover at uni now, but any other year just lead to a relapse. You cant rush things, but its totally worth all the time and effort when you finally can manage things again. Also, if it helps, I used to get so caught up on the food being the right thing too, if it wasn't nice my brain would go nuts. It still bugs me now, but ive noticed a few times when ive been okay with it. Because im following my meal plan every day my brain knows that i'll be eating food again tomorrow and every other day so it doesn't matter if its crap, ill choose something different tomorrow or the next day. When I was restricting or in early recovery, every food decision felt important because food was a rare thing. My brain didn't know if I'd be eating tomorrow so every decision today counted. and I felt guilty enough about eating anyway, let alone if I "failed" at successfully picking the "right" option too. It gets easier the longer your brain knows "food is actually quite boring, I will get it again the next day and the next. Its not a big deal". Like your dad said, it also helps us narrow down the things that we will never try again! haha. Its quite fun to start figuring out what you like and don't like (not what your ED likes and doesn't like). Normal people know it already lol, I feel like a toddler learning how to eat for the first time again haha. Lots of love. Keep kicking EDs ass. Merry Christmas! xxxxxxxx :)

[@kellycannon9796]

Emily Webster - yes, yes, yes!! I’m pretty well recovered after 20 yrs of anorexia.... I soooo get that! And Elzani, my dear, you are doing so well! There are so many components to recovery.... so many! With time, each area will get easier. Self doubt is normal....it’s ok.... the next meal/snack is a new meal.... you got this Elzani!💕

[@luciemarion7155]

When she said “my sisters having a brownie and I’m still crying over the pizza I ate an hour ago” I laughed so hard ahaha

[@suezimarie61]

What a Great, Supportive Post to Elzina, 1 of the best I've read x & Im going to know try insignificant boring foods, instead of having a Huge Scaredy Need to be Picky. - Thanks, Hun x

[@suezimarie61]

Meaning to add, to EmilyWebster6623 x

[@Laurenjonsey]

Omg I totally understand the whole ‘waste’ thing like I remember I used to not even bother eating dinner with the family if it wasn’t something I liked - so proud of you for trying though- it will get easier with time

[@sophiaolivia9265]

i can 100% relate with the pizza thing :( i cant stand when i feel like foods been a waste or when i make the wrong decision with the choice of food ! I do the same thing, you are not alone! it triggers not only my ed, but myself as well! :(( hang in there chic and keep going!

[@utoobcandy]

The experience of trying a 'new' food and still eating your portion of it -even if you didn't love it- is such a huge challenge you have overcome! Do what you think you can't do!

[@N31A]

Of course it wasn’t a waste, it could’ve been the best one so far but it wasn’t and that’s fine! At least now you know what you like and don’t like☺️ Also, you look so much more radiating and healthy now compared to in your first video! You’re a huge inspiration❤️

[@amillionnogsongslater6769]

This is the most honest account of recovery I’ve seen. I think you’ll educate people without EDs with your videos too 💕

[@Carrot880]

Do you feel like you wasted the food itself because you didn't think it was that amazing, or that you wasted the "permission" you gave yourself to eat that food? Could it be something like that? Or do you think you were just disappointed and your tired mind overreacted? That's some rollercoaster ride you are in, honey. Take care!

[@miniminerva9120]

Omg you were able to express what i was feeeling!!!!

[@aaaaa-zx1fk]

Some peoel wouldn't understand that the mind is fragile I don't think it was about the pizza

[@nechma13]

God it's awful you can see how she is upset over the pizza anf trying to hide the feeling. I felt that

[@jorgenvonstrangle9201]

It's so hard having so many rules that no one else understands 😢 I get you 💔

[@sarahsheridan1969]

Breaks my heart. I can tell how badly you’re trying to combat the intrusive thoughts that the calories were a “waste”. If it happens again, I recommend watching fitness eating videos like Stephanie buttermore (before going all in) where she would weigh herself, have a cheat day and then weigh herself the next morning and 3 days later. She was always the same weight after having eating around 10k calories. Your body is resilient. Not every calorie needs to be amazing or “worth it” because it’s not all converted into fat. Your body is strong and will adjust. But I can see how hard this journey is and my heart is with you.

[@anaistraining3086]

You are so brave and I've been watching you for not long now but honestly you've got this, we all believe in you

[@kyleekleinhans2342]

You're amazing!! You show the raw side of what its like having an ED. Not glamorizing it, or sugar coating it. You're so strong. KEEP GOING! Each day is a new day, heck each minute is a new minute! You can do this girly. Keep fighting through those tough meals, and the attacks from the ED. Like you've said its the ED talking not you!!

[@Patricia-bd9si]

You are so sweet... I’m so sorry you feel that way. Sometimes we order food and don’t really like it, it’s ok... not a waste in any way. We have to try so we know if it's good or not :) hope you feel better now 💛

[@DirtyWhiteEye]

Thank you for sharing your recovery. This is the realest thing, I once cried over a bowl of spaghetti at one of my lowest points...it's so hard to train yourself to see food as something that isn't going to do you harm.

[@AveryTomlinson]

I always feel so guilty when my mom puts effort into making me a nice lunch and then I’m too afraid to eat so I throw it away:(

[@reggieregina1362]

yourlittle princess I hope it’s gotten better for you since this but if not, the only way to help is to talk to a specialist. They know how to help. Please do and just know we’re all rooting for you ❤️

[@kathcities5863]

yourlittle princess I really hope you have gotten help. Wish u the best for a recovery 💞✨💪🏻

[@aristahenriot7450]

Try and not be to hard on yourself. You are going to still get off days, but you are doing so well x

[@user-ns9nh3bl2c]

It breaks my heart seeing you cry :( I am so incredibly proud of how you did and it's okay to be upset Keep fighting xx

[@issymather8116]

Yes I have done this so many times! even a few days ago over a pizza too, especially because my sister didn't finish her half and I ate all of mine. I literally woke up in the middle of the night crying; angry at myself, my sister, the restaurant and even the pizza!! IT IS WORTH IT THOUGH - not all food will be perfect and at least once you try something you know/appreciate what you like more and aren't constantly wondering what something tastes like/craving it/dreaming of it.

[@Mari741s]

.."Just" People who doesn't have anorexia don't know that feeling..

[@AngelicasRecovery]

I love your channel. I think it’s so good that you posted this video, it really shows the truth of what happens

[@PringlesOriginal445]

I discovered your channel just the other day, and I am so glad I did :) I don't have an eating disorder, but I have restrictive tendencies and I am on a weightloss journey and I really struggle with restricting too much sometimes because I have been there before. I can relate to what you said, I have also spent 3 years at home after A-levels, mostly due to severe anxiety, i am trying to get back on track and hopefully will go to uni. Good luck and all the best, you're doing so well X

[@kaylaray151]

You can do it! I believe in you!

[@creatingsari2710]

I've been "recovering" for about 4 years now (WOW) and I still have those breakdowns over new or unexpected foods 💕💕💕

[@violebianchetti1733]

I'm really proud of you and thankful for showing the real struggle that it is. Many people do not get how food can be such a main topic on our daily lives, so by showing the raw battle maybe they can get an idea of the complexity this disease actually carries. I believe you will win and in a short period of time food will be JUST food. Good luck☘️

[@jakiazhhabzgstaruiszjjzg3165]

Always honor your hunger, mental or physical. You still have a long way to do to recover physically and mentally

[@jakiazhhabzgstaruiszjjzg3165]

Eating when you are hungry, never ignore your hunger

[@GracieLions]

It's ok, when I was beginning recovery I TOTALLY freaked out when my dad ordered a takeaway for me without asking what I wanted. Freaked. Out.

[@psychedlicsouljam1995]

You are an inspiration. Just know how beautiful you are inside, and out. You're helping a lot of people, and you're positive about this scary, dangerous, lonely disorder. I love how real you are, not many KZbinrs show the real "nitty and gritty" side of mental illness. You are so brave for sharing your story with us. Thank you. Xox Canada

[@thingsthatneverwere]

You are totally allowed to be upset, its ok to show emotions, you can do this. ups and downs but such is life. xoxo

[@pippy68p65]

Poor girl she so conflicted. Her thoughts are all over the place. You can hear the pain in her.Such a lovely young woman and beautiful family.

[@lesslyloves1461]

“We though I was gonna get a degree and a really good job and omg I would of not thought I’d end up mentally ill and yeah “ sameee!!!!☹️

[@bayleighc.5843]

Lessly Loves me, except I ended up getting diagnosed with a genetic condition that has taken my independence ✌🏻 so much for those 2 years of college, cause I’ll never graduate.

[@lesslyloves1461]

I’m sorry to hear that :( Don’t worry just never give up , I wish you the best!

[@momnahyasin3126]

@@bayleighc.5843 whats the condition only if you dont mind sharing. There are a few rare genetic condition in my family like ags and brittle bones disease so i like reading into things like that.

[@alexishampton3943]

It’s okay to enjoy one thing over another sweet girl, you have so much time to try new things & decide what your preferences are, braking barriers is so important and I’m glad you’re at least happy you tried something new.

[@katieh2552]

You’re working so hard and doing a great job! You can absolutely do this! Just keep going, because recovery is so good! 💕

[@thalia6731]

It's incredible how a disorder/disease can induce the same thought process in individuals. "It was a waste!". So relatable.

[@jocelynisabella8944]

I relate SOOOO much omg. Two nights ago I had a Mexican pizza from Taco Bell & it’s a long story, too much to type (ok let me be honest I’m just too embarrassed) but anyway I was in the car with my bf and I got upset & threw it at the windshield & then broke down sobbing uncontrollably. And cried at random times for the rest of the night every time I remembered what happened. So I totally relate & you aren’t alone.

[@aijalynofasgard]

I have had the same breakdown so many times over food that I ate that I didnt enjoy its definitely a n anxiety over wasted calories in my experience thank God for our support groups like family who are there for us through moments that confuse us like this

[@christinamarie6736]

you sweet angel. bless you for trying every single day to make things right for your family and you! a lot of people aren't going to understand unless they've actually gone through it. you've got this! just keep on trying, i have total faith in you hun!

[@savannahbeavers7581]

I used to be really scared of getting new things not knowing if I would like it. It’s scary to try new things. Wether it’s food or going to new places or reading new books it’s just all scary. But what I’ve learned with food is that’s it’s something you need. So you have so many times to try so many things. So it’s okay for me to try a olive and tomato pizza when I know I don’t like those two things. But I might this one time and if I don’t then I know for next time. I hope things get easier. Just know you have so many people that are here for you. Thank you for sharing your story! lots of love💕💕

[@isobel3905]

I used to struggle so bad with the same kind of thought process:( In the end though, i got over it by telling myself that, if I didn’t enjoy somethings, it was at least a good learning experience so I can know what I like to eat and what not. There’s always another opportunity to eat something yummy as soon as I get hungry again! I hope you’re doing okay now- best wishes❤️

[@matthewluck9077]

This perfectly captures the irrationality of an eating disorder. Kudos

[@LeSurrealDream]

It’s weird, even after years of being recovered, I still get that feeling sometimes. I’ll eat one thing that is mediocre, followed by something amazing, and feel frustrated that I wasted space for something I would have actually enjoyed. But I know that I will be hungry again eventually and then I can eat whatever I want at that time, it’s not really wasted.

[@faiiry333]

i feel the same way, like you’re “wasting calories” or like you’ve “wasted food”, eating disorders are so fucked and they make us think completely irrationally and you never know if you’ll like things until you try them and always always remember you aren’t a failure elzani ❤️

[@username-zl3pl]

5:10 made me cry. i relate so much, i'm the same exact age as you. good luck there will be success at the end of the process.

[@CryingRaven]

I can actually relate to this because I went out of my way to get the same pizza and found that I didn't really like it either. Try not to feel bad. You're doing so well and you look so beautiful when you smile.

[@titaniafaebeliever3302]

I never realized how complicated the mindset of a person with anorexia is...whats easy 4 others in regards 2 food can b SOOOOO hard with people who have eating disorders..i noticed the constant asking of permission should u have this or that it must b soooo draining 4 u sweety...but u have come such a long way U SHOULD B SO PROUD OF YOURSELF !!!!! your family r amazing especially your mum she is such a sweet caring loving patient mum u r so lucky 2 have them in your life 💖 keep riding high sweetheart u r making leaps and bounds ❤️❤️❤️

[@riannonzemak8134]

The mom in me wanted to cry when you were so upset. So proud that you keep on going ❤️

[@gabrielapena4479]

Your mum reminds me of my mum:) I don’t know how she puts up with me either. I also have anorexia and she’s always there and eats the same as me so I don’t feel alone along this process:’) Having a mum who’s always there is priceless❤️ Keep going girl!

[@amymclellan583]

I've SO been where you are, fully obsessed with food I couldn't focus on anything else. It's a horrible place to be but if you keep going it does get better.

[@kaseytucker3774]

You're doing amazingly! You can't expect everything to change overnight, old habits die hard... or whatever that expression is. Just keep going! You're a strong and wonderful person and I'm so glad I randomly found your youtube channel today. :)

[@brittneyakabeezus260]

Hello Elzani from the U.S.A I am soooo proud of how far you have come. I just finished your documentary about your time in the hospital fighting like a TRUE WARRIOR!! I know that everyday is hard yet with your support team (family) it gets easier by the day. I enjoyed your dad's no-nonsense attitude it kept me laughing even though you were in true distress; dad was not having ANY of it. Especially when he constantly reminded you that what you were missing out on you weren't doing it anyways!! Example of the one time you mentioned not eating when food was prepared & you not being able to come down for breakfast or dinner; dad said that's rubbish you weren't eating at home anyways. So I have decided to subscribe to your channel with the hopes you will continue to create transparent content for all of us who are supporting you in spirit. @Elzani what a beautiful name for such a beautiful person inside & out. 💛 Love, Beezus "from across the pond" 🐝🐝🐝

[@erint2113]

my angel, my mum never understands my food rules. She gets frustrated and fed up just like your mum. But things not being perfect in recovery is good as it’s a reminder of real life. Sending all my love, you are doing amazing 💘

[@Clarify4]

Hello, I discovered you couple days ago and I like your vlogs. You're so honest, true and brave. You have a warm heart. :-) PS. Also, I really like your hair, they're so long, perfect for me! ;-D

[@BaloonieFloat]

the same thing happens to me... if i let myself have something that’s not “safe” and i don’t enjoy it i break down because it’s like it wasn’t worth it. You’re not alone. We’ll get through this together

[@lifeonthesweeterside]

I literally cried over everything I ate. The first few weeks I just cried over everything that wasn’t perfect and was still so controlled. It took me ages to be able to eat out for many reasons and to eat imperfect food. I still don’t love it but life takes over. Recovery happens when you don’t notice it, right now you are practising self care that eventually leads you to a place where you let go. Your life grows, you don’t force this out. When it does it’s so much better and bigger than the fear of not living with an eating disorder and it’s subtle, we tend to make things so much bigger than they are. Telling yourself that it’s not a big deal at the time though, is impossible. One day you’ll back from a place of calmness and contentment and final peace with yourself and it will be hard to recognise yourself at this time. It will be ok

[@lifeonthesweeterside]

It’s like going back to old situations with my family, soooo weird! I’m can re-feel the old anxiety watching it 🙈🙈

[@AshleyBitton]

I'm so sorry you have these struggles. I can definitley relate and I think it is so brave of you to document your recovery journey. Keep going girl, you'll get there I just know it. xo!😘💕

[@SofiaYarwood]

i really appreciate you showing the ups and downs as i feel like my recovery has to be perfect but this proves that its unrealistic to think like that

[@MarinaGreen-kr1bz]

I can relate so much and it breaks my heart, that your family can't really understand you. But i guess no one without an ed is able to understand what's going on in our heads. You're so strong...💕

[@louislame101]

I fwel like all you need is a reassurance when it comes theres breakdowns and people just get kinda mad or annoyed at you which makes you feel worse Although i do know that they are doing their best

[@obscurityendures8978]

I can't imagine crying for that reason, ED is no joke

[@mckaylastevens2288]

Your video came up as a suggestion. I'm hooked already! I'm proud of you, keep up the hard work. ❤

[@iolacollins1797]

I really hope you overcome this battle with yourself your an inspiration honestly so so strong a lot of people will never know what it’s like and it seems silly but it isn’t to you and it matters to you I pray you find happiness within yourself and you and your family are happy and healthy all love 💖

[@jewelhaines8842]

It's so sad to see you so upset. I am really praying for you. It's sad to see how hard on yourself you are, I am hard on myself too. I have terrible anxiety. I worry about everything. My husband gets annoyed but always supports and loves me. We are blessed to have people who love us. I'm SO glad little Brady is ok. ❤

[@shannonfarrell7375]

you seem like the sweetest person ugh i’m sorry you’re going through all of this

[@Grimella92spice]

Hiii!! New subscriber here ❤️ you are such a joy and are a delight to watch! I promise all of these thoughts in your head are going to get better. It might never go away 100% but you can certainly make the thoughts quiet so you can push them away. You'll be stronger than it soon! You should be so proud of yourself! I can't wait to keep watching you grow! ☺️

[@Grimella92spice]

정체이없다 good to hear. Mine still hasn't.

[@deyaniraramos1396]

Still very much proud of you. I'd done this Soo many times and still do...lol...it's nuts but real. It's ok. I totally understand Elzani. You conquered! Yes you would have never known. Your amazing 😍❣️ I'm the same as you it's funny...lol bad boi. Keep at it.🖤🖤🖤🖤😌👍 I admire you a ton...but don't feel pressured or have to be "Perfect." This must have been so hard but it's possible to do. Congrats on the pasta challenge too.🍝 I love you Elzani, your incredible.

[@taylor2551]

I do the same thing sometimes If I don’t enjoy something s much as I’d wanted I get upset and feel like it a waste of calories and food in my body But that’s okay, tomorrow’s a new day is what I tell myself We’ve got many days and that’s how I learn what I love and what I don’t! Don’t be too hard on yourself

[@cremedelacroptalk9899]

Hi love! Just about a year ago I was exactly in the place you are in this video. It so stressful when the weirdest thoughts about what you've eaten haunt you in your head- and nobody else understands why. I wondered to myself during this time if this would ever go away, if I could ever look at food like everybody else again. I found that the only time I really got to that free stage was when I finally got enough nutrients in me for my brain to function properly again. I know how you feel here, its like your own mind is tormenting you. I promise, if you keep eating, even when its tough, you are always doing the right thing because you are "fixing" your brain. Sending all my love, Hanna.

[@Zzzzzzzz41]

Hanna Lexy Rokah - took the words out of my mouth! Keep going everyone xxxx

[@alexandramoe7407]

You are incredible and can do this. Not all foods can be as good as the ones you have already had, and that is totally and entirely okay! When I splurge on foods and they end up not being completely satisfying, I tend to feel guilty for having eaten it, but I try and tell myself that my next splurge meal will be better! Because it will be! And you did eat that chicken bacon pizza so you should be insanely proud of yourself.

[@arty04]

Not to diss your mom....but she doesn't need to say its just a pizza....she doesn't understand what your brain says....instead she needs to say honey, it is ok. Im proud you tried something new and im sorry it wasnt as good as you thought it would be. Next time we can get the vegetable one ok? It isnt a waste because we didnt throw it away. You did well and next time you will do even better. Some more encouragement instead of saying your getting worse etc...she...and your family really need to have a meeting and really really be a strong support for you. Even if they have to encourage every bite.

[@genius2655]

Ashley Taylor While that’s the best thing, people do get frustrated. Since they don’t know what goes on in our heads, they don’t understand. It’s like trying to teach a child basic maths, and getting frustrated because they don’t understand the easiest things. It helps us realise how ridiculous this disorder is

[@soilgrasswaterair]

She’s trying to get better and if her mom validates her ed thoughts it’s not in her favor. Eventually she will get to a place where she will understand and feel it is ok. Her mom is trying to not have the same narrative as her daughter’s ed and that’s ok. Just agreeing with is isn’t helping even if it might in the moment take the stress away, recovery is filled with stress because it’s going against what the ed is telling you to do. When people that have an ed comment on how her mom is wrong and how she should validate her instead (which is something she does all the time by listening to her and taking the time out to focus on her more than the other siblings). Context is key it’s not just meeting the current stress but to see that it’s mom saying things with a non ed mind and the daughter who has an ed. So what you say is to diss her mom because you don’t look at the context and want the mom to validate the ed by phrasing her words to match the daughter’s thinking. Pushing through these ed rules is the way to recover you won’t recover by only eating things within the ed rules such as vegetables that you suggested because they can seem for some less daunting given it’s less calories than meat. It’s tough enough as it is so there is no need to meddle in how this family is coping with it and her family has her best interest at heart and have been in this with her for years now. You don’t have more empathy for her than her mom even if you meet her with a mind of someone who might also is/has struggled with the same thing.

[@psychedlicsouljam1995]

@@genius2655 so true. Us with eating disorders are usually very intelligent we just act dramatic and childish because we're malnourished. It's embarrassing. Elanzi expressed that she's embarressed many times. I dont think she resents anybody for the way they treat her. Our disorders tell us to take offense from simple statements/comments. Even if they are mean or rude, it doesn't warrant self destructive behaviour. We all have to take care of ourselves one day. We won't always have our parents around, and it will be sad, like elanzi said, to realize you've wasted you're whole life on something as stupid as starving yourself.

[@arty04]

@@genius2655 i know that. I have an ed..i know people get frustrated...i was just saying so maybe it could be recessed

[@crystalrainnwalton]

Ashley Taylor I think her mother is handling it just fine. Far better than I would ever ask of mine.

[@lilyisawesome9967]

Love your channels Elzani! I made your Cottage Pie tonight and everybody loved it!! Cottage pie in Alaska! :) :) :)

[@ameriegeorge4525]

Having an ED must be so hard. I literally cannot imagine crying because I ate a pizza. Seriously I’m like happy when I get to eat pizza. Anyway keep strong and recover well 💗

[@queenyellow6714]

I can’t help myself from saying you’re okay Throughout the video. You’re gonna get through the hard times and be so proud of yourself

[@BrionyHannahh]

Hey girl~ you can do this!!!! Praying for your recovery journey stay strong, the universe has your back!!! x

[@jnewtonphoto]

You tried something new and even if you didn’t love it, you liked it, and ate it!! Be proud of yourself! ❤️

[@coreymcshane9425]

As long as you tried it that's all that matters, you are challenging yourself and putting yourself through a lot and that's amazing and you are very strong

[@paigecrosby4516]

You’re so strong . So amazing! Love learning about your journey

[@rosieposie6981]

I understand how you felt. Don't worry. It's not wasted. You are worthy to fuel your body.

[@megruby6514]

I can completely relate, I struggle with an eating disorder and I get so upset when I order something, and eat it, & then don’t like it, and feel like it’s a waste of calories- I can relate xx

[@EmilyCx33]

I love how open and honest you are. I wish Eugenia Cooney would watch you. You are incredibly inspiring!

[@laylam9948]

Omg, imagine if this was an ad for Tesco's pizza, lolllll jk, feel better, hon!

[@Andrea-ud9lp]

Wow.. I really wish my parents would have supported me during my eating disorders.. Best of luck to you! Recovery IS possible❤️

[@kyleebergquist146]

I don’t even have this struggle but hearing you question yourself really broke my heart 💔 I’m praying for you

[@shaybaejz5303]

ur soo strong! keep going❤️

[@hckbdc3232]

Next time you can have the one you like best. It always happens to me when I go to a restaurant and the food doesn't turn out as I was expecting. It annoys me but I don't order that dish again and that's about it! You don't deserve to cry because of a pizza. xxx

[@paigecrosby4516]

I think you and your mom are absolutely beautiful. You’re lucky to have such a beautiful family!

[@Rosie-sf3mo]

I'm recovering as well, and i understand what it feels like. It will get better ❤️

[@underthestarsoverthemoon4259]

It’s not a waste sweetie. You ate which is great. The pizza looked sooo amazing!! I’m so proud of you for facing your challenges!! Keep on going and keep your head up!! Xoxo

[@katiewinter3825]

thank you for sharing this! happens to all of us. keep strong girl xxx

[@suscsjsshsgsiwv2058]

Stay strong babe! You are a force!❤️