Breakups: The Dumper’s Remorse

Miki writes, “Susan, my partner and I broke up because of issues that had built up throughout our relationship. I was the one who initiated the "break up talk." I understand that my decision to do so is something that I need for myself and to mend my worn-out heart. But why am I in a dark place of hurt right now? I thought we broke up for the "better" and now I am in the "worst". I feel so lost. Please help :(“
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[@someonesomeone3581]

So breakups are like losing your credit card. First you keep searching for it, hoping it won’t get in someone else’s hands. Then, you block it. The new one arrives, BOOM here it is the old one but now it’s useless…

[@b.schannell747]

Genius 🧐

[@TheBcrlove]

I love this

[@marymie]

Love it

[@RedPillTheory]

Wow this was the most intelligent analogy I’ve ever seen in my life 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

[@jaguarpawsrealityvlogshow6844]

Lol 😂

[@anapaz8060]

I was dumped and so glad... It gave me the wake up call to focus on myself and create my best version!

[@austinpowers9117]

How are you feeling now?

[@rekayibrewster621]

That’s exactly what’s happening to me right now😁😁

[@anapaz8060]

@@austinpowers9117 I am doing AMAZING!!!!

[@Platinum907]

Yes! Good for you!

[@andziagreen4922]

Well done 😊👏👏

[@constancegoldwing5867]

And then there's the people who 'don't dump' but trick you into dumping yourself, so they don't have to. Those people get off with the manipulation and without the dumpers remorse.

[@SusanWinter]

Correct. Constance, that's like the slow fade and where they force your hand to break up with them so that they can have a "good review." That way they don't have to be the bad guy or bad girl.

[@dominiquedevereux7205]

YES. My one & only boyfriend did that to me so he could tell everyone it was my choice, when in reality, he left me NO choice.

[@janefaceinthewind6260]

@@SusanWinter What if the slow fade happens not to look good but because of concern that a clean cut would drive a mentally unstable person potentially to suicide? I think this might be the exception...

[@pianolearner7]

Thank you so much for this video. I had the slow fade ...snail pace... and I just had enough of years and years of living off his crumbs. I finally had enough of feeling so hurt that I went no contact. He never properly tried to contact me (he knows my address) yet he tells our friends that he's so hurt that I've dumped him.

[@MissyASTB]

@@SusanWinter this is so true

[@kathleencarosi2343]

You don't know the silent moments you never see - that is so profoundly beautiful. I need to remember that.

[@SusanWinter]

It's true kathleen.

[@rebeccaalice2834]

Hi my reIationship is fixed back again my love is back with me, we are living happily together, I got heIp from a spirituaIist who can aIso heIp you bless your reIationship.

[@rebeccaalice2834]

WhstApp him

[@rebeccaalice2834]

+ 2 3 4 8 0 7 5 5 4 7 7 1 1

[@rebeccaalice2834]

*+ 2 3 4 8 0 7 5 5 4 7 7 1 1✅*

[@thevikingbeard89]

Yeah. There is also the regret because communication wasn't clear on both sides. Attachment theory and past issues can really affect the present situation.

[@janefaceinthewind6260]

One of the most important videos on relationships, and I mean this. Hardly anyone ever talks about this. Thank you, Susan.

[@SusanWinter]

Jane, you are welcome. I truly appreciate your kind words. Thank you.

[@BCHODOSH01]

When i left the abusive relationship i was in i left not because i no longer love my partner, but because i could not take the abuse anymore and the future was only going to be more of the same. I left not because i didn't love her anymore, but because i started loving me, and i knew that i deserved a better relationship. Breaking up was a difficult thing to do, but it was the right thing to do.Dumper's Remorse is real.

[@SusanWinter]

Robert thank you for that very honest and self revealing commentary. I'm happy to hear from people on the other side of this feeling of guilt and second guessing and remorse. Sometimes we know what we have to do in our heads, but it takes a while for the rest of our emotions to catch up

[@BCHODOSH01]

@@SusanWinter thank you. I appreciate your reply, and i appreciate you.

[@gatagraciela5]

I've been there Robert.

[@believe3402]

You are absolutely right Coach. Her biggest regret is losing the good person who truly loves her and truly cared for her. God knows how much I love her. But she destroyed the relationship. It's her loss not mine.

[@asmisamaze1234]

Who’s the dumper ?

[@verliharlina7775]

@@asmisamaze1234 from the statement I guess the dumper was a girl

[@mariemunzar6474]

Both people are in the relationship. Whoever did the breaking up, there is always a loss for both. But not really because if someone is right for you it's not going to end like that. Love or not there was something off or missing and that was why it ended. It's not actually "love" in a way if the relationship can be destroyed or ended. If both people aren't in love, then it isn't real love. Someone is unhappy and not getting what they want out of a relationship.

[@Natalia-cg9lm]

I left because I was going mad with him not treating me like a priority and being deaf to my feelings and requests. Now I'm very hurt because I'm remorseful and wonder if I could do something better to save the relationship because I was needy and my negativity (that innocently came from my disappointment) didn't help him. Thank you Susan for sharing your wisdom with us, God bless

[@teripersson1308]

Sounds like you were with a Narcissist too. I can guarantee you weren't needy- that person did not have the skillset or the desire to fulfill your needs. We all have needs, we all have the right to choose what we want and don't want.

[@gatagraciela5]

Natalia, I've been there. Yoi took the right decision for yourselve.

[@gatagraciela5]

@@teripersson1308 or an egoistic liar

[@k4ir0s]

Ignore the people calling your ex a narcissist. People take each other for granted all the time, and that doesn't make them clinically dysfunctional. 'Narcissist' has become a word that people with no background in psychology throw around on the internet after watching a few KZbin channels. When in actuality the DSM now uses the word 'narcissist' instead of psychopath and sociopath - it's a very severe and rare diagnosis. I say the people who throw around this word lack sensitivity themselves and the ability to put themselves in another's shoes. Stop looking at the world so black and white. People mistreat each other and take each other for granted all the time. You're not all angels. Calling someone who took their partner for granted a narcissist would be the equivalent of calling someone needy a borderline personality disorder. Get real people and stop diagnosing others over the internet after reading 1 sentence.

[@teripersson1308]

@@k4ir0s You are correct on one count- I have no background in psychology but what I do have is experience of suffering from Narcissistic abuse and it's more common than you realise.

[@kristenmoonrise]

I think many people who want to break up know that this is a thing and try to avoid it. So they will instead do something hurtful to get you to break up with them. In the end they do not have the dumper's remorse. Great video as always, Susan!

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you Kristen

[@IdontspeakBro.]

My mother could have left my Father many times and didn’t. Unfortunately this dynamic created issues for me my sibling but nothing that can’t be worked through. Now my father at 75 is so loyal and fearful of losing my mother and remains by her side through her periods of health issues. Even slept in her single hospital bed with her because he couldn’t bare losing her. This is the outcome of not listening to your justification of leaving a relationship. I love my parents dearly and have learned a lot from my mother and what real love is and what sticking through the tough times can reward you with.

[@MindBodyBronx]

This the one I was waiting for. Thank you for this!

[@SusanWinter]

You're welcome!

[@gloriakuhn8670]

I had to break it off because he ghosted me. When I tried to talk to him about it, he said he didn't know what he wants. Now he acts as if I did something wrong.

[@daphne3717]

The hardest thing I’ve ever been through. And it just gets harder as time is going by 😥 I MUCH rather get dumped instead.

[@moonlily952]

I found that he was still keeping our relationship secret from his ex and i caught him red handed hanging out with his ex. He admitted that he still cares for her and still loves her. I truly felt betrayed and lost my faith so i decided to let the relationship go. And before, we've kept breaking up and making up.. but im always the dumper. And dumper remorse is real, it really screwed my head. He was so special but i am dissapointed of how loving and caring someone could be and still betray and cheat.

[@Anti_everything_and_everyone]

I wish you were my aunt who i see once a year for brunch and cocktails and real life deep chats. You're so wonderful, and this video resonates with me so much today. Sending big love from the UK! 🖤

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you so much!

[@teripersson1308]

Some comfort in all the madness and sadness. Thank you Susan x

[@SusanWinter]

Teri!!!! xoxo

[@tealusional4494]

When Susan puts on the glasses you know it's time to READ!

[@angelaknox]

Such good timing thank you. Ended my relationship 2 months ago over non stop betrayals. I had to get out it was killing me. But now I'm in a deep depression.. I'm mourning the future I thought I could have, the good times, and the intimacy. I've decided to stay celibate and single and work on me. Now I know what I want, and what I dont want in my next relationship.

[@SusanWinter]

I'd urge you to be cautious of "the loop." That's what I called the cycle of having the future thoughts, helping or imagining for good times or remembering good times… If everything was right, you would still be there

[@angelaknox]

@@SusanWinter yes! Totally. I've caught myself doing this and have given my head a good shake! Lol. Thank you again for the reminder 🙏

[@GoodSoul-nh4xc]

@@angelaknox Sometimes giving a second chance has done wonders for some. Singer Pink also separated for a while and now has very strong bond with husband.

[@ChrisRWilcox]

I hope that you are doing much better. I’m a male and have chosen to be celibate for 15 months since my lady left me. I know part of the reason for the break up was her depression, which can form a wedge between the strongest of ties. I decided I would wait for her; to see if she could overcome her difficulties and she would see the value of my presence in her life, however I am now starting to let go. It is hard to let go as we tend to remember the good times and sensations, and mask the difficult moments, experiences and incompatibilities. Letting go of the vision of a future together is one of the most difficult steps we must take

[@koma7778]

@@GoodSoul-nh4xc it is strong until it suddenly isn't

[@pellis1783]

I had to breakup with an ex. Didn’t want to at all, but she wasn’t ok with having a difference in religion and it was clear that she was lying and tried to be ok with it. I hated to see her stressed. Never stopped thinking about her after the breakup. We are friends again and I know I did the right thing, in the end.

[@sametoyoutoo8509]

Friendly never friends

[@zsuzsaholmes8019]

Thank you. I had to break up after trying so hard for it to work but I've lost myself. I feel so much pain but I know it's the right move, I will always miss him though, there was a lot of love. I know I will meet the right person where it feels easier but right now I am healing.

[@proxy8918]

I ended things, but three months later and I'm still miserable. I feel so pathetic and hopeless. We only dated for three months LDR, but she was my first true love and we had a great thing going on. What led to it was my fear of leading her on, that I didn't love her as much as she loved me, that I wasn't attracted to her enough. I think it might be ROCD. Because I know that I loved her, and that she is so beautiful. I felt that due to my doubts I didn't deserve her, but now I wonder if that was just an excuse to shield myself from guilt. But I miss her terribly, and I don't know what to do. I can't justify reaching out to her, because I'm behind in my studies and I don't want to risk hurting her again. And how can I expect her to trust me or forgive me? I don't know how to process this. I constantly look at her social media and it break my heart. But I know I deserve this pain, because I ended things and hurt her. But I can't help but hold on. I don't want to move on. I secretly hope that we can reunite in the future, but I know life is not a fairy tale. I just have to keep moving somehow. But I don't know when things will feel better.

[@zoeygrimes07]

this is exactly me, I don't know what to do, being so anxious everyday thinking that I lost her forever

[@lyynaadh]

After how long u realized that u regret the breakup up?

[@jonporter4076]

my wife walked out after having a mental breakdown after a natural disaster. she seemed like she loved me so much before it happened. I still hope she comes around.

[@itsmandal]

I hope everything went well for you.

[@14kurtismiller]

Just because someone has broken up with you it does not mean that it was actually your fault. Often people really end relationships because they have met someome else and they think that the grass is greener on the other side. However, the new person in their life is not who you may see them with months, or even a year later. More times than not women lack patience and may move on. It's nothing to feel bad about it is the cycle of life based on human nature.

[@Bucky1836]

Or they have cluster b traits

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks for your commentary Kurtis

[@marte1376]

I disagree, this is a dangerous generalización, if it happened to you I'm sorry but not because happened to you means everyone is like that. To be honest I feel like the person in the video and it wasn't for someone else, I wish it was

[@Rangelong]

@@marte1376 A lot of people won’t move on without having a backup. Not all but there are a lot that aren’t willing to go without some type of companion and that could be just through phone conversations.

[@georgieswlrd1213]

@@marte1376most times dumpers do have a back up plan your probably speaking from your point of view

[@reddoll1223]

He broke up & ghosted , I changed my number & never looked back. Now he's visiting my dreams its to late! I closed that chapter for life!

[@zaink7037]

Dreams are the worst. It'll take some time but you'll become numb from these dreams where you see your ex.

[@reddoll1223]

@@zaink7037 hopefully this the 2nd time this week 🥴

[@SusanWinter]

Carmenn, my friends in AA tell me that they sometimes have dreams where they've had a drink. It's like the desire truly leaving their system, yet this dream comes unsolicited. I think it's the subconscious way of letting go.

[@reddoll1223]

@@SusanWinter he visited again last night I'm scared 🙄

[@analisamaxime5528]

@@reddoll1223 if you want to sleep with no dreams, buy a book and learn to do autogenic training before sleep and you´ll stop dreaming. i do it since 20years and LOVE it, since before i had many nightmares.

[@94.7am]

This is so on point Susan! I fell on the second. I was still crazy in love with the man I left. I decided to back off as I was so drained already, I just lost my trust. I cant find it in my heart to believe all the things that he's telling me... So I back off and watch him from a far to see if his actions would synchronize with his words and hopefully regain my trust. Sadly, in less than a week, he is already out there with the person causing it all..can't confront him anymore as "i dumped him" in his words. They just waited for me to give up to get their freedom. Remorse: a lot, as I invested too much in the relationship and a lot of unanswered questions. I had a lot of what IFs. Later on, I just keep on telling myself to let it go as my "ego was just bruised" and if I truly love the person then i should accept it. Easier said than done as I went to depression during this time. Just want to share this. I am in a better place now. I am grateful for the time as it revealed to me the answers that I longed to hear. Your videos, Susan helped me rationalize things during these dark times and I truly appreciate it. Thank you! Be blessed always❤️

[@stevec2392]

This is the reason you go silent and do your best to not display any unattractive/repelling behaviors after the breakup. One big caveat though. This doesn’t work much with personality disorders. I’ve dealt with Borderlines specifically, and without the ability to truly attach, they can turn off emotions and forget you. There’s other types too. But with cognitively normal/healthy people, they will go through this most times.

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks for the share Steve

[@KasiaJensen]

Susan, thank you! Just what I needed to hear. I was waiting for this video to come since you told me about it via mail and Micky asked the question way more accurately than I did - I hope he also heard what he needed to hear :) have a great evening, Gaby

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Kasia, I am so glad that my video was helpful :)

[@benithacalloway8286]

Some people throw tantrum for no reason. They just dump people for the fun of it or it’s either you we’re the second option and you don’t want to sit in your place therefore they have no choice but to dump you because the priority one is giving them headache or making them jealous. NOT ALL THE TIME ITS BECAUSE THEY LOST ATTRACTION FOR YOU

[@amandaconnell653]

I left because the nagging & the picking on me was constant but I often think fondly of him & still wish it could have been different. I know he regrets his behaviour. I can feel the energy of his regret from time to time. Great topic Susan, one we don't talk about much👍👍💖💖 🇬🇧 🇬🇧

[@SusanWinter]

And thanks to you dear Amanda from Wales!!!!!

[@amandaconnell653]

@@SusanWinter 💖💖💖 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

[@GoodSoul-nh4xc]

@@amandaconnell653 Sometimes giving a second chance has done wonders for some. Singer Pink also separated for a while and now has very strong bond with husband.

[@TheSoundofTanay]

It’s hilarious how I’m with a new person (for the last 6 months) and she’s so amazing for me, but I’m not yet done grieving about my four year old toxic, codependent relationship that happened before that. Sigh.

[@antilaw9911]

You will resent your new partner. Sorry, time

[@TheSoundofTanay]

@@antilaw9911 my respect for her has only grown with time. When there are shortcomings, I know my flaws and hers. We’re not perfect.

[@zaink7037]

I think time is the best of healers. I does worry me reading this from you as I'm trying to move on from a girl I grew up with in school and if I'll really move on from her if I ever do find someone else

[@SusanWinter]

You are not alone. I get dozens of messages like this every month. It's a normal process of unraveling the connection

[@zaink7037]

@@SusanWinter Susan do people really move on from their past relationship? My ex is married and turned out to become the complete opposite to what I expected her to become so I look at that as god's protection but I still think about her and get upset thinking her even though I know she wouldn't be good to be.

[@janfoustka3780]

Dearest Susan, thanks for reading my mind again. This is so on point again. love u

[@SusanWinter]

I returned your email today. Did you see it?

[@janfoustka3780]

@@SusanWinter yes, thank you so much! *hug*

[@whatrtheodds]

💔man it just sucks sOoooOoOo much, I told him I'd break up with him if he continued with his vices, I didn't approch it the right way I was afraid, then two weeks later he broke it off with me. It's been six months I cry all the time, it hurts sooooo bad, maybe I should have tried harder, but I couldn't he was the one who pulled the plug, although I thought it was the right thing to do at the time, what to do? I wonder if he even cares. I'm crying right now and I really don't want to anymore..... Why is it so hard to let go. 😭😭😭😭😭

[@OlderWomenRock]

Remorse I don’t often think is about missing you so much , even though I’m sure they can miss parts of you. Do they mourn for you or for themselves . It could be the disappointment of a failed and at one time much wanted relationship . I’m sure it’s sometimes due to loneliness , missing the good times . If they really wanted you back , they would probably let you know .

[@rebeccaalice2834]

Hi my reIationship is fixed back again my love is back with me, we are living happily together, I got heIp from a spirituaIist who can aIso heIp you bless your reIationship.

[@rebeccaalice2834]

WhstApp him

[@rebeccaalice2834]

+ 2 3 4 8 0 7 5 5 4 7 7 1 1

[@rebeccaalice2834]

*+ 2 3 4 8 0 7 5 5 4 7 7 1 1✅*

[@briana14333]

I agree!

[@HarryWilmington]

This rings so true. People never think about how hard it is for the dumper to have to come to the decision in the first place, but it's rarely an easy thing

[@yulianacamacho1570]

My ex boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago but he said he loved me and he wanted to marry, I asked why and he said that before that he wanted to sleep around with other girls but when he’ll be ready to commitment he will let me know. He wanted to remain friends but I couldn’t live like that so I just blocked him even when I still love him very much.

[@georgepanagiotou8673]

Unbelievable I can’t believe what I just read. He’s a fool for leaving such a beautiful girl like you behind. I’m so glad you blocked him he doesn’t deserve you. Never give him another chance ur better off.

[@Bucky1836]

Run darlin you are too pretty to wait on him find a good man to marry 🧐

[@teripersson1308]

@@Bucky1836 What has being pretty got to do with it? Surely we all deserve the best in our relationships, no matter what we look like?

[@OpulentWife]

Yes yes I agree with all the comments here

[@Bucky1836]

@@teripersson1308 pretty takes many forms, not just beauty , bold of you to assume i was commenting on her looks 🧐

[@DL-vibes]

You are such sunshine. Thank you.

[@rebeccaalice2834]

Hi my reIationship is fixed back again my love is back with me, we are living happily together, I got heIp from a spirituaIist who can aIso heIp you bless your reIationship.

[@rebeccaalice2834]

WhstApp him

[@rebeccaalice2834]

+ 2 3 4 8 0 7 5 5 4 7 7 1 1

[@jaana944]

I love you Susan! Thank you for all the great helping videos!

[@SusanWinter]

Happy to help!

[@georgepanagiotou8673]

Right on time Susan ,-) thank you

[@SusanWinter]

You are so welcome!

[@MenaceDuck]

Love listening to you, you articulate these concepts so well

[@TheBadgerFactor]

I broke up with a girl and 6 months later ran into her. After 6 months of no contact all my feelings came back when I saw her and the regret settled in. It was now my time to mourn. But after some time and watching videos like this Ive come to realise it was for the best and there was a reason why I ended things. You dont just wake up one day and decide. It builds in you. She is with someone else now and Im focusing on myself which is turn was the best decision ever.

[@Daniela3969]

Thank you so much, I needed to read this, I am going through it. I broke up with him because basically I wasn't feeling fulfilled, but I think about it every day, wondering if it was the right choice because some days I miss him so God damn much and it hurts

[@dellwalker430]

People who dump others for 'self' is...selfish, lol. Let that go! They'll struggle mightily finding a similar connection.

[@rebeccaalice2834]

Hi my reIationship is fixed back again my love is back with me, we are living happily together, I got heIp from a spirituaIist who can aIso heIp you bless your reIationship.

[@rebeccaalice2834]

WhstApp him

[@rebeccaalice2834]

+ 2 3 4 8 0 7 5 5 4 7 7 1 1

[@rebeccaalice2834]

*+ 2 3 4 8 0 7 5 5 4 7 7 1 1✅*

[@briana14333]

Agreed!

[@frankwhite9754]

Thank You Susan, just what I needed to hear today!

[@SusanWinter]

So glad!

[@foxemartin]

This is exactly what I'm feeling. I think he's more relieved than I am. I don't know if that means I was pushed into the role of being the dumper, but I am not doing well after doing so. I really wanted it to work.

[@kristencubero6834]

Susan, your work is such a valuable contribution to our healing. Thank you! Do you think dumpers can feel remorse even when they’re in a new relationship?

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you so much Kristen!

[@uservstabicudiu2023]

Thank you so so much for this video Susan! I’ve been through exactly same as you saying, and feeling so guilty, and now still miss him crazily, feeling pain time to time, wondering if I made the right decision, and also felt for lost about myself, don’t understand why I so determined that time when I am still so attached to him ... Thank you again, I think I should be just more trust myself and try to get another goal to get over this. ;) xxx

[@GoodSoul-nh4xc]

Sometimes giving a second chance has done wonders for some. Singer Pink also separated for a while and now has very strong bond with husband.

[@GregoryMoverley]

Tha k You Susan for Your Very Valid Explanation !

[@ariannapetticord624]

I agree with you that when a person terminates a relationship possibly due to abuse cheating mistreatment something that was negative that was not going to work then yes the dumper was right to do that but when somebody terminates a relationship that wasn't even given a chance I don't believe they have any remorse they did it because they were selfish and they didn't want to step up and be a good partner

[@catherinespell1823]

Do you need instant help (? I can recommend you to someone who helped me restore back my broken marriage; and I believe he can also render you help too💕💕💕💕

[@catherinespell1823]

Wh🅰️TSAA🅿️ Him directly..

[@catherinespell1823]

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[@briana14333]

I agree.

[@fsdough]

This was my last relationship to a T!!! No one could figure out why I was grieving so deeply ….. like I should be over it. I think it was the first time in my life that I ended it still loving this person but knowing that it was toxic and my self esteem was going down the tubes. The other relationships (unlike this one) had died a very slow death.

[@holamlam3879]

Have been going back to this video multiple times already, really really appreciate this!!!

[@catherinespell1823]

Do you need instant help (? I can recommend you to someone who helped me restore back my broken marriage; and I believe he can also render you help too💕💕💕💕

[@catherinespell1823]

Wh🅰️TSAA🅿️ Him directly..

[@catherinespell1823]

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[@majab612]

Love you Susan!! :)) What a great wisdom you 're sharing , wonderful!! Hugs from Croatia

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you so much!

[@tuff47]

Your program is always enjoyable Susan. :)

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you kindly!

[@daneshpalkhiwalla7964]

My ex moved on quickly after our breakup in August of 2021. I found out she moved onto someone new in the start of October. I don't think she's gonna feel remorse because she's having the time of her life and doing things without me

[@angelaknox]

You're right...it wasnt a rash decision. I made the right choice.

[@patriziaverrelli4657]

It's been many months since he left, but it still hurts like crazy 💔.

[@analisamaxime5528]

but the hurt comes in waves, right? and the waves will be smaller and smaller and their frequency will decrease. One day, you´ll go to bed and realize, omg, this day i didn´t even think about him. But you also have to decide that you want peace and to move on, so the process does not last longer than it should.

[@rebeccaalice2834]

Hi my reIationship is fixed back again my love is back with me, we are living happily together, I got heIp from a spirituaIist who can aIso heIp you bless your reIationship.

[@rebeccaalice2834]

WhstApp him

[@rebeccaalice2834]

+ 2 3 4 8 0 7 5 5 4 7 7 1 1

[@rebeccaalice2834]

*+ 2 3 4 8 0 7 5 5 4 7 7 1 1✅*

[@Dragonfly657]

It was done too me and thank god I was free! I left and never looked back such a toxic man! No maybes I’m gone for good!

[@hardyscott]

Susan, you're amazing! So glad I found your channel

[@catherinespell1823]

Do you need instant help (? I can recommend you to someone who helped me restore back my broken marriage; and I believe he can also render you help too💕💕💕💕

[@catherinespell1823]

Wh🅰️TSAA🅿️ Him directly..

[@catherinespell1823]

➕²3⁴8¹¹0³7²005

[@fishlove02]

I am the dumper who leave to save myself. Believe me it is a hard decision and really sad. But I chose to love myself over her, because it is too toxic until I can't even live a day without sacrifice everything for her. The codependency getting higher and I forgot to be happy without her. And of course she knows why I left, but she just doesn't want to let me go. And things won't changed that easy for us. She needed to understand and accept that loving her is killing me slowly and it's not something good both ways. Maybe we're just not meant to be and that is okay. Life goes on when we move on😊. Thank you Susan for your another snuggies words🥰❤

[@catherinespell1823]

Do you need instant help (? I can recommend you to someone who helped me restore back my broken marriage; and I believe he can also render you help too💕💕💕💕

[@catherinespell1823]

Wh🅰️TSAA🅿️ Him directly..

[@catherinespell1823]

➕²3⁴8¹¹0³7²005

[@jovelynpineda5030]

SUSAN YOU ALWAYS GIVE CLEAR SOLUTIONS,, 👍👍👍

[@JMulvy]

Hard to hear but I understand the decision she had to make for the better now. I like to think that I can be everything she wanted and more, and that there may be hope for us yet but I don't know. Believe it or not it is that fear of the unknown that gives me hope for us at the same time and a purpose to better myself. Of course I say this now but only because I am only on week two of my first breakup ever, after a 23 year relationship.

[@harrisonayodi1529]

Happy New year susan. Very insightful love your videos watching from 🇰🇪

[@tony_gordon]

Kumbe uko hapa😂😂😂😂

[@albertodeulofeu5277]

Girls don’t care. They might feel bad for a bit. But they heal and move on super quick. Could be years together. Doesn’t matter. She’s done. How can anyone sustain a marriage or lifetime relationship nowadays when there’s no room for mistakes or fixing them?

[@anjalir4967]

That's not true. I am in severe depression after my ex boyfriend left me

[@anjalir4967]

Agreed with the second part. People think they are perfect these days. They don't understand that love is supposed to be about helping the other through all the mistakes and coming out stronger. It's like they leave relationships as soon as their needs aren't being mey

[@seanyshepfit]

@@anjalir4967 agreed

[@dystephiary]

This was also what I said to my ex when he dumped me. How are we to sustain any relationship if there's no room for mistakes? Maybe the answer is maybe we can't sustain.

[@dystephiary]

My ex-boyfriend has been moving on while we were in a relationship. When he ended things, he has already moved on while I was blindsided and everything felt like I was hit on the head with a frying pan. I'm still grieving while he's now accepted things and is at peace.

[@iamsomeone8266]

i stopped talking to him and he is attractive, smart, funny, kind, i was mentally ill and still am, ugly, fat, pale so yeah, now he found a smart, beautiful, more curvy, kinder, more pretty, tan woman. It is not great.

[@iamsomeone8266]

i will be honest, i didnt get wut he did see, and that is y, i am ugly so i dont see y somone that perfect would find me attractive. I just wanted to focus on school, and a career. But he was perfect and i eill never get that again tbh

[@iamsomeone8266]

i mean, i was skinny and smart and not ugly, but i got uglier and he got more attarctive tbh

[@SoreeeDahla-xs3ul]

Even for the first reason, that your partner doesn't "feel" love anymore, which is a momentary feeling, a lot of regret may come later. His anxiety made him question his love for me and he broke up with me. My ex wanted to meetup talk about the breakup and I told him no. Then I got a very long text which wasn't coherent and went in every direction about it. Mind you, this was only one week after te breakup. I think I was too available for him during our relationship, that he didn't even think about that availability will be gone once he left me. He never had to deal with the consequences of a breakup before since his only other ex begged him to give her another chance. I love him, but for me the attraction was gone the moment he dumped me. I think I shocked him into regret.

[@davidcasillas285]

Thanks again Susan. You''ve indeed chosen a good topic. Do you think more remorse or guilt? And have you ever encountered anyone offering another an apology after a LTR? (asking for a friend) I realize the times are different and we often think only about ourselves. Just wondering out loud, I guess, if common courtesy and being respectful to one another has permanently left the building? Wishing you a wonderful Spring/Summer Susan!

[@SusanWinter]

Hi David, I don't typically answer questions in the KZbin comment section however, you can join my KZbin LIVE show Thursday's at 11am Pacific time and ask there: kzbin.info/door/8Jb8Z7yJS9mXqF37Dcm2HQ Or, here's how you can speak to me personally: www.susanwinter.net/consultation/

[@alfateh2620]

Thank you Susan, amazin content as always!

[@antilaw9911]

Thanks Susan! It's me. From roseville. St Paul

[@SusanWinter]

Hello there Saint Paul!

[@boldcitycc]

I believe there’s a third reason Too. When they just screw up constantly, and won’t work on anything because they have an attachment disorder. This was the case with my dumper. She was someone I loved in my 20’s. She sought me out again at 51. It wasn’t like strangers . We connected very quickly. I did have some issues with my ex and my daughter creating stress the first year and a half or so. But she always said she loved me so much. Then went back to her ex husband and dumped me a total of three times . I was the affection and intimacy guy. He was the security guy. In the end, she dumped me because she was in the middle of divorcing him, and real estate just died, and that’s what she does. She has a crazy amount of bills, and a lot of them were for things they acquired as she was about to break off with him, and I warned her against all the debt. So I did not jump to volunteer to save her( from her own screwing up). And honestly, I loved her enough that I would have if she hadn’t proven over and over, that I can’t really trust her. I might do all that and get dumped anyway. And for me, it would have meant working overtime.. I gave all I could at that point . If she hadn’t remarried him, I wouldn’t be put in this position of “ not making her feel secure”. She was never one to depend on a man. A very hard worker, but she got in real trouble . So ultimately she ruined everything..I think in her heart , to whatever degree it’s possible for someone that has a personality disorder to love, that she loves me. She’s VERY emotional, so she probably is beginning to or will have remorse. But she so didn’t need to get out because of anything I did to her.

[@Porldweace]

If anyones going through pain. It’s because your ego has been hurt. That somebody that you thought loved you for you. Now loves someone else. You can’t believe she could do that because your ego tells you you’re so great.. someone may be loyal enough to take the good with the bad but those people who break when ever a argument happens will only jump from one to another. So if they change there mind. And It effects you mentally. realise you’re only upset because that person doesn’t value you for you anymore. Go find someone that does. Again. Maybe next time they’re more loyal.

[@masudzhasan5879]

What a BS analogy. Ofcourse dumpers would suffer but you are putting them in a saint position like it's always the dumpee's fault.

[@vakarshkumar5097]

Idk if I've done the right thing. She was a good person, she was courageous hardworking and beautiful. She could easily calm me down with her sweet voice. But she was always angry, annoyed, stopped appreciating me. She over reacted over small stuff and thought her way was the only way, she hated men and told me we're useless. She stopped respecting me and all the time I gave up just so that she has someone to listen... We never share what things hurt us, whenever I try to tell her how I was hurt, she'd be angry on me, we were never able to resolve our fights well and our only defence was a cycle of breakup n patch up... After a point I felt as if she didn't want me that's why she's breaking up so much. She said she loved me that's why she always patched up again. But I wanted a peaceful time with her without walking on eggshells and resolving fights without breakup talk. Maybe LDR is itself a bitch.

[@samanthalee2748]

i was engaged a step mom shared cat owner and he cheated and left because he was too scared of the connection and love. he is fearful avoident

[@pmdal]

Run!

[@kwc7391]

I am 71 years old, and I broke up with my lady friend who is 70 years old back in May 2023. I was not seeing much of her I was more of an option. She wasn’t like she was when we first met two years ago, we always were breaking up and getting back together and she would never change which would also make me feel that she was a narcissist because she was always right never wrong, she knew everything, told me how I should cut my hair, how to dress. It got to the point where I would go back to my house. I felt like I didn’t know who I was, but yet why am I still feeling? I am in love with her. I do miss her. It’s been eight months. She is seeing a guy now who conveniently is remodeling her basement. I hope that doesn’t last long. It’s tearing me up inside.

[@CJHissle]

I definitely have it. I stayed with someone for about 6 plus months and knew I should have left sooner. I could tell they weren’t over their ex and one night they came over drunk and confessed that they drove to their ex’s house “by accident” when they meant to drive to me. I was hurt and never brought it up cuz they couldn’t remember their actions from the night before. They weren’t a bad person and invested time into me and I could tell they liked me bur in the end, I couldn’t stay on top of other situations that happened. Been on the fence of hitting them back up which I know isn’t the best option😢

[@NouLachenZeg]

“Trust that you did it for the right reason”? Also if the dumper was a confused Fearful Avoidant?

[@tiamaria3123]

Thanks Susan

[@fullmoonsinner]

i left because the lack of respect for certain , specific boundaries that i have were consistently being tested or violated. How many times was i supposed to repeat myself ? Why couldnt he have just respected that i am a survivor of trauma and i need 100% control of what happens to my body ? I ended the relationship with the love of my life because of intimacy issues and i feel so much guilt

[@summersunrise.9518]

Number two would be my dumper. And I'm devastated.

[@GregoryMoverley]

Thats,Thank You !

[@gxtv2057]

Woman don’t always make the corrrct decision, sometimes it’s a mistake

[@KA-du7vm]

i have rejected so many times, it sucks and its hard!

[@Lunipu]

I needed this thank you 🤍

[@oldrusty6527]

I have reflected much since breaking it off. If I understood then what I understand now, I think I could have steered us to a better place. Perhaps we could have reached a deep love with time. Recently I saw her with her new lover, looking happy. It hurt to see, but he looked like a good guy with a gentle heart. I hope he can bring her the happily ever after I wasn't able to.

[@felixvega3129]

I gave my ex girlfriend two different chances in two different year's. I thought l could handle her bipolar side, but couldn't...l had nothing left...she gave me no choice...it hurt to walk away still loving her. I've healed now..moved on...

[@blueseptember2174]

How long did it take to heal?

[@chuayang4234]

Hi Susan winter.. I'm new to ur channel. I love hearing all ur videos 😊 so helpful!!! Yep! 😥I was the dumper. Like u said it was not wrking anymore. Its best I had to say good bye for the two of us. But I was going thur alot of mix emotions tho. My situation was, all these 20yrs up n down we have one daughter together (19yrs old now) married in the culture way with my bf. Married for just half a year. He just left us like that no saying on me n my daughter. (My daughter was just a baby at that time) Years later he came back to us. I was stupid I took him back. (our daughter was in grade school at that time) already. I bought an house for me n my kids during the time he found out that we got an house. I was shocked to know how did he found that out but end up it was my brother who didn't know at the time that we were going our own Separate way. Long story cut short...lol.. Couldn't married me all these years. We talked about it over n over trying to wrk thing out. He moved in with of last year (covid hit) Still couldn't committed to me. My father pass away recently this year. So I was hurt very bad n so sadden I lost my father which I was so close to him. Iv decide it time for me to move on my life. It's finding me n self peace. I was so tried of trying n sure he was trying too. But all I wanted was my bf to be committed to our relationship n married have our family. Not happening cuz my bf was to hard head. I told him our daughter is 19yr. going to b 20yr. next new year why can't u just tie the knot ??!! But it's ok I'm not trying this time around no point. Yes we have good memories but it's best for me to just move on without him. I'm guess he is the type of guy who will never settle down!! I finally know my worth too!! Ty fir this grt video 😊

[@mariapap8962]

Unless they are narcissists...

[@crystalbush5273]

Facts

[@Bucky1836]

BPD is worse 🤕

[@liamisic911]

@@Bucky1836 nah npd wayyy worse

[@moonram9639]

Perhaps I’m talking from pure and deep anger but cannot see any scenario where it’s difficult for the dumper while at the same time her back is getting blown out by another person! For me is pure BS and a way to make them feel better… Greetings

[@willow_pillow]

I went back and asked once, with the heart in my hand..

[@TinaSotis]

Thank you for this video, but knowing that he might be suffering doesn't really solve anything, at least for me. We had a really passionate and loving relationship. I see now that there were red flags, such as not taking any responsibility for his previously failed marriage or even the conception of a child he didn't want. For my part, I gave every part of me away. Until one day I decided that I would not, and planned a 3-month trip for myself. He was very outwardly supporting, although he did admit it was "killing him inside" on several occasions. One day a few weeks after I announced my trip, I came home to find that he had cleared all his stuff out of my house. No note, no phone call, nothing. He threw me under the bus which was cowardly and cruel. So - there are other reasons why people leave people, not just the two that you listed. It is my speculation that he got scared and angry that I was no longer being the perfect mother figure to him. The sad thing is, our higher selves had an incredible bond and connection. I will never forget that as long as I live.

[@taliatut]

Incredible lust connection you had. Higher selves do not betray others. And he had a history of betraying two other people (his wife and his child).

[@eddylopez76133]

i have this, and oh god it hurts soooo much but i must trust the process.. but its too painful

[@Wildanimal864.]

She’s kind of defending dumpers, which is a little bit frustrating just because they broke up with you doesn’t mean it was the right choice. That’s where she’s completely wrong………like wtf🤨🤨. I can tell this coach has never been dumped.

[@darawish01]

How you know it was the right decision? And for the right reason? You are destroying relationships could be fixed in the future. In any relationship has to be obstacles and problems and for those who can’t handle their problems and solve will be forever alone or they ganna use on ( yes i took the right decision) in every relationship they will have and then they will be forced to be in a relationship that they are not satisfied even 60% on but they need to be in it in order not to live alone forever. a lot of people now don’t have patience on being with someone with some problems and they give up at some issues normally can happen in life. I’m not talking about cheating or some big issues although sometimes these issues also can be solved in order from the family to stay together. What we don’t understand that we will never find someone on our size and as we want. Families destroyed because of people like you. Not everyone knows that life won’t be perfect always with those who we love and nobody is perfect

[@miguelsandoval7915]

I dumped my girlfriend more than one year ago, I felt It was the decision, but I can’t stop thinking of her

[@meepo4212]

Blessing in disguise. It’s hard but it’ll get better. Block them and work on you. Get your butt in the gym. Watch your food. Get revenge. For you. Not them.

[@discussionwithunathi]

I just dumped someone for the first time in my life. I am soooo sad about my decision

[@kennethogorman5436]

Women have another dude on deck. It’s their plethora of men friends waiting their turn

[@sisteranastasia9101]

Brilliant! Susan, pls answer at least a word: Me and my partner were involved in a project but he disappeared on me when we were meant to work on it. I freaked out, send an sms ending my involvement in the project. I finally caught him in person and we talked only about the fact I was upset he disappeared for a time. In essence we made up but the sms was already sent and I believe it arrived after the conversation. What do I do now? Do I initiate the conversation saying I am still up for the project if he wishes, or do I leave it entirely to him (to make a move forward if he wants)?

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Sister Anastasia, I don't typically answer questions in the KZbin comment section however, you can join my KZbin LIVE show Thursday's at 11am Pacific time and ask there: kzbin.info/door/8Jb8Z7yJS9mXqF37Dcm2HQ Or, here's how you can speak to me personally: www.susanwinter.net/consultation/

[@enarcmcfly]

"and I hope it makes you feel good hearing that" *slyly slips glasses on Hahaha I adore you

[@sephinew3333]

My ex messaged me 3 years later explaining exactly that. That he still thinks of me and did love me like crazy. Once I'd finally let go fully I was that typical cliche of when they finally reach out. I blocked him though😅😂

[@rebeccaalice2834]

Hi my reIationship is fixed back again my love is back with me, we are living happily together, I got heIp from a spirituaIist who can aIso heIp you bless your reIationship.

[@rebeccaalice2834]

WhstApp him

[@rebeccaalice2834]

+ 2 3 4 8 0 7 5 5 4 7 7 1 1

[@rebeccaalice2834]

*+ 2 3 4 8 0 7 5 5 4 7 7 1 1✅*

[@seanyshepfit]

I doubt this is the case for my partner who dumped me over text without a proper explanation