Breakups: Waiting for your ex to come back?

Are you caught in a loop of waiting and hoping for your ex to come back? Wondering why it’s so hard to let go and why you can’t stop thinking of them?
Tomas writes, “Hello Susan, I absolutely love your videos. I was in a 6-year relationship with my boyfriend. It was on and off, we both made mistakes, but 3 months ago he broke up for good. He promised me we‘ll get back together once I‘ve changed. But now he met a guy, and they like each other. I am still waiting for him but thinking of them hurts so much. I can‘t let go but I am at the end of my rope”
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[@bricevanderwoodsan2433]

It’s very rare that an ex goes on to a “better situation.” Especially if they haven’t taken time to do inner work. The new relationship will be trash more than likely.

[@SusanWinter]

Brice, that’s a great observation. Thank you for that. Far too many people torture them selves thinking that their ex is giving someone knew all the love that they did not get. So I very much appreciate your commentary.

[@dmalina3]

The worst scenario is you wait, and after a while realize they moved on long time ago and couldn't care less 😥

[@SusanWinter]

That certainly can be difficult

[@cherylross393]

To the people left behind they do it to be selfish but they usually come back to the old partner when they realize the new person isn't that great or into them. It could be an ego thing too.This is so heart rendering.

[@scorpiochic2]

They moved, you move, love the Susanism

[@morpheus3190]

I waited for a year, no more. Feel so stupid for being stuck on her, especially since she is probably with someone else at this point. Moving on and not looking back is the only way to survive. Realizing that if someone could break your heart and not care, they are not worth your time or energy.

[@krisztinakovacs2604]

"Do something that shakes up the composition of who you are. New imput makes you exciting." When I think this video is not for me but still watch it cause I love Susan and this just hits me! You're so wise dear Susan! ❤

[@SusanWinter]

What a lovely comment Krisztina. Thank you for this. And thank you for taking the time to listen to something that doesn’t outwardly appear to apply to you. I really do appreciate your support and dedication.

[@I_Want_To_Know]

This just happened to me. The guy I was dating had his ex contact him wanting him back. I felt it and finally asked him what’s going on. He asked me to wait as he figured out who to give his heart to. He said he was confused. I told him I’d help him with his confusion and take myself out of his equation and that I was done. He was upset I did this. I started to think I did the wrong thing until seeing this video and now I’m SO glad I did that. I love your videos!! I’m binge watching them right now.

[@robertschrader]

A watched pot never boils.

[@SusanWinter]

Yes!!

[@nitalchordia606]

I just feel like if I stop waiting, there will be zero hope left, like no chance.

[@fatcatontario]

If you're waiting on your ex then maybe that hope is what is holding you back. Don't allow to have anyone put your life and happiness on pause.

[@SusanWinter]

And that’s the hook. It’s counterintuitive, but the answer is the opposite. We are all afraid that if we destroy that last remnant bit of connection, we will forever lose our ex. The opposite is true. Only when they feel or absence, and we have pulled away completely, would they be inspired and curious to take a second look

[@SusanWinter]

@@fatcatontario agreed!! Great advice

[@nitalchordia606]

@@SusanWinter yes, I do understand what you are trying to convey. Its just a little difficult to apply on tough days. Regardless thank you Susan, your videos help me so much!!

[@nitalchordia606]

@@fatcatontario yes, you're right, I should be doing better than this, thank you for your advice!!

[@fatcatontario]

In this situation, Thomas was dating a person who seemed to not be on the same page or level of interest and, on top of it all, a person who is dishonest. Thomas just gained by ending this relationship! It takes some time to detangle yourself from emotional bonds and kick the habit, but it is a necessity to move forward. Don't get stuck in the over-romantization loop and waste your lifetime waiting for anyone!

[@SusanWinter]

This is great advice. Waiting in the loop of hoping put her entire life on hold. And worse yet we’re waiting for someone with a little impulse to come back and we’re probably missing somebody who would like to be with us.

[@paredescax]

Boy did it take time for Thoma's partner to find out.

[@davidcasillas285]

Great video Susan and advice. It took a bit, finally 'unchained' myself from the former gf. Thanks largely to you and other relationships Coaches. I did the work, and feel way better today. Wiser, and very content. I am well aware of to pay it attention to the Red Flags. As #45 once stated: 'People don't change.' Thanks again Susan, you are awesome!❤️

[@SusanWinter]

David!! so great to hear from you. And I’m glad to know that you disentangled yourself from the GF situation. It was wonderful to have met you in Chicago for the “meet and greet”. Thanks for all your warmth and support over the years.

[@ChrisLT]

Good stuff, Susan, right as always.

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you, Chris

[@kieran2902-r5c]

The goat coaches. Beautiful lady❤

[@TonPlatFavori]

This is great advice. I've been in exactly that situation and I have been moving forward. Your videos lately have amazing timing in accordance with what's happening in my life 😊 Thanks Susan, been watching you for years!

[@SusanWinter]

I’m so happy to read this and know that I feel honored. Thank you for your support. And especially the fact that it proves you have a mindset of continual growth. I’m sure you are a fascinating individual.

[@krisztinakovacs2604]

What a compliment from Susan @TonPlatFavori! I would frame this and put it on the wall as my greatest possession! :) 💙

[@InsaaniatDost]

First view from Pakistan💚 You helped me a lot Susan... Thankssss🌹

[@zulaisulaiman]

Aʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴛʀᴏᴜʙʟᴇs ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ ᴏʀ ᴍᴀʀʀɪᴀɢᴇ ᴏʀ ᴘᴀʀᴛɴᴇʀ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʙʀᴏᴋᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ! ʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ sᴏʟᴜᴛɪᴏɴ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ....

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you for sharing this. And happy that you’re watching this in Pakistan.

[@Metagosling]

Gay male (35) I been in this story before and just walked myself out of it. It took awhile… but the main root I followed was this. If the love of my life needs to do something for themselves and this includes without me.. Then it’s up to me to love him that way and let him do what he needs to do. Over time I saw how different we were and understood why. The dream turned into my own and now I get let someone else in on it. And it will be different because I am different in my natures. The ex I was so in love with turns into a chapter. No ill wishes just accepting the indifference and insight. This took years / lots of work / videos like Susan’s ❤

[@SusanWinter]

Wow. MH, what a great analogy. The love of your life simply became a chapter. I absolutely love this and bravo!!

[@hesitantpossum]

Off topic comment, but Susan you look absolutely stunning in that chartreuse, satin, floral blouse!! 😅😊 Gorgeous choice! Much admiration and respect from Sydney, Australia 👋🏻🦘🐨 🇦🇺

[@SusanWinter]

How sweet of you! Thank you so much!

[@A22208]

100000% i miss what could have been.

[@niiskuneitiBANAANI]

I am kind of wishing to not wish he would come back. He was terrible to me. No communication, lying, not interested about conversation with me, distant, letting me down over and over again with his fake promises, and eventually he even sexually harassed me "with accident". He had his good points, but like seriously, what was I even thinking, what was he even thinking. It's just crazy... Sometimes I still wish he would come back but it's only when I am really lonely and feeling sick, as if I need his help when I have no one else. But when I am feeling good I wish I will never see him again.

[@SusanWinter]

Good work, and realizing what the trigger was to desire him again. You’re very clear that he’s not good for you. So loneliness is the thing that we have to watch out for. Sometimes loneliness can make a horrible person, seem tolerable.

[@mfeij001]

Time and education are the best allies in these cases, time helps distance the breakup memories further and further away until its a speck of time dust, and education is watching Susan's awesome videos that help understand how relationships work and make better decisions in the future

[@sofialatte2501]

Thank you for such a useful video , dear Susan 🙌🏼✨🤩

[@SusanWinter]

You are so welcome!

[@Chalapathi.marella]

🎉Thank for such a useful video from India 🎉

[@AsMr...r]

Hey Susan,absolutely love your content!You give such genuine advice and help millions like myself, recover.Thankyou for existing!💖✨

[@vbl915]

thank you Susan

[@hamzaahmed1578]

Thanks Susan.

[@Strawberrysoul]

Thank you!❤

[@SusanWinter]

So happy you liked it and found it useful

[@duck1889]

I love your channel.

[@DavidLawsonGeneva]

Have you ever met someone who has changed?

[@SusanWinter]

Sometimes- but it’s really rare. And normally when they change, we have changed as well, and when we re-meet them again, although they’ve done the corrections, we are way advanced.

[@DavidLawsonGeneva]

@@SusanWinter I left Scotland for a career move when I was 26 years old. With the passage of time, and espeically now, what strikes me, is not the degree to which my friends have changed, but the degree to which they have stayed the same.

[@darrellborland119]

@@DavidLawsonGeneva An excellent point, David....Optics depending on how well one has their act together. Class status has a lot to do with this issue, too... Higher value men and women work on their own issues as they arise, solve challenges, monetary or otherwise, and remain presentable for interaction' as social situations allow. Thanks for your comment. My ancestry is Scotland too. Have a good day.

[@yswen828]

My ex and I broke up and he moved away but he never said goodbye when he left. I wanted to schedule meeting before he left and he agreed to meet up but I wasn’t ready. If he comes back again I will be ready to talk

[@ChezGonzales99]

he left you wanting closure. so you would have a reason to have contact with him. Talking to him is not a bad thing and not talking to him is not a bad thing. Its whatever your heart tells you. Advice as a male.

[@vanitavsingh]

Was hurt right enough,that No more 😉

[@hollynoble9288]

Not salsa!!! The latin dance community is full of creeps! lol

[@gnarlycat]

[@SusanWinter]

Nikka!! And dear Gnarlycat.