Bret Ernst - Babysitter Brawl - This Is Not Happening - Uncensored

In this extended clip, Bret Ernst remembers getting into a vicious argument with his unstable babysitter.
Watch full episodes of This Is Not Happening now: www.cc.com/shows/this-is-not-h...
Follow Bret Ernst on Twitter: / breternst
Theme by Run the Jewels. Purchase the LP here: apple.co/1ARsXOf

[@standup]

Ready to rumble? Check out the craziest fight stories from This Is Not Happening here: kzbin.info/aero/PLD7nPL1U-R5oyyo90i2VkGb7ImrDKdYBg

[@nebketis8674]

"2 fillet of fishes and No therapy"

[@stephontaylor9605]

That part really got me

[@hannaha922]

That's what every 80s kid wish they got XD

[@Limitedtimefordeath]

Meeeeeee

[@justsomeguy2663]

That's a satisfactory ending

[@Zadakleader635IvanTheRobot]

i started clapping when he said that

[@tategibbs655]

"I'm cryin', because, I know we ain't goin' to McDonald's, now." Had me crying.

[@vanessacruz3009]

badum---TSSS

[@daffyduck2979]

I would just like to say I was the 1,000 like

[@justhappenedtobeoverhere714]

Because it was so sad or because it was so funny?

[@Danazstr]

I cant breathe

[@joey3336]

WE'RE GOING TO MCDONALDS

[@AnimalLover101195]

"We're going to McDonalds!" That whole things is one of the best endings I've heard.

[@phillip7731]

DaLonelySheperd and no therapy for you xD

[@katherinevelasquez6163]

onequartercanadian 😊

[@VintageBassArchive]

Pieced him. Straight shot

[@DannySullivanMusic]

hahahaha niiice

[@mattasticmattattack8546]

His special is like a whole hour just like this he's legit funny AF

[@cookiethethird572]

"Does anybody even have a father nowadays?" I'M HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER

[@williamb.j.blaskowicz.5664]

TRULY,TRULY ALL ABSOLUTELY BEYOND UNIMAGINABLY UNIMAGINABLE TRANSCENDENT TRANSCENDENTAL TRANSCENDING BOUNDLESSNESS LEVELS OF AMAZINGLY AMAZING AMAZINGNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NICE, VERY NICE.

[@DannySullivanMusic]

hehehe this comment rules

[@aarod5849]

i hate how i have to skip the first minute of every one of these so the best joke isn't ruined.

[@lordhuebi]

i feel you but this wasn't even close to the best joke

[@Olathaen]

just press L 4 times and the show starts...

[@linuxd]

Aixxad yeah!!!

[@justing.8198]

press all 3 keys at the same time, ctrl alt and the downward arrow key. that will auto skip the intro every time

[@Able_Hotel42]

j griff dude......... we watch this on our phone, what are a god damn pilgrim

[@jeuryveloz6011]

How did 12 minutes just fly by like that?

[@klebeau4]

fareal im hella mad the stories already over

[@Cyge240sx]

+Jeury Veloz long story boring? im sure it wasn't as boring as he said.

[@jeuryveloz6011]

Cyge Firstcaste​im saying that i didn't even notice the time passing by because i was so engaged in his story.

[@Cyge240sx]

i know agreed. i was just saying i bet there was a lot of funny stuff in between the cops coming and the ax falling lol

[@tdot7084]

same i was so interested in his story

[@prod6mill.512]

I've never heard a comedian be as spot on as the "axe handle with the tape" bit holy shit

[@arthurbartosiewicz6395]

ya know... for grip.. lost my shit on that one haha

[@andrewroc30]

I thought he was just going to take the axe and scream at her to get out or else... but HOLY SHIT HE JUST PUT AN AXE IN HER LEG

[@priscillanotpresley]

Don’t underestimate the family bond lol. When my baby brother (4th sibling) was being delivered my younger brother,sister and I (we were 7,5,4) were in the hospital daycare. Some big kid hit my baby sister and my brother and I just looked at each other and pounced on the boy, they had to peel us off him and my dad had to come get us lol

[@DannySullivanMusic]

lolll amazing comment

[@somedude3443]

"Aw c'mon, I was like 6, there wasn't any torque behind it!"

[@alecrichards8574]

Hahah me too... but then again, if he only threatened her with it I don't think she would have taken him seriously. She would then probably try to intimidate him, he'd stand his ground, but now she gets up prepared to take the axe and bully and punish him. HE HAD TO TAKE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE WHILE HE COULD Smart kid pretty messed up story though. Little man stood up for his brother

[@sithonsithon1012]

He said there was a big spray of blood . If he hit her femoral artery , he could have killed her.

[@cosmovedder1354]

Whenever Joaquin Phoenix dies, this guy can play him in a biography made for tv movie

[@maluorno]

CGI generated hair-lip

[@opaqueandbluefrommyphone4339]

maluorno he actually has a cleft palate. That's what the the thing over his lip is, he never got it fixed. Luckily it isn't that bad, so it just looks like a mole or hair. Crazy right? Look up pictures of cleft palate, his is barely visible.

[@SadfoxGuyver]

Plus 39 lbs

[@LadyVoldemort]

I was thinking that he resembles Joaquin so much so I'm happy to see your comment... 👍

[@lisapoole1219]

Yes!

[@spaceghost5371]

"Here's some money to make your show" "Ok thanks but it doesn't cost anything to make this show, it's just a guy standing there..." "Well, here's the money anyway..." "I'm gonna make some crazy intro with aliens n shit!"

[@Yeti547]

I would totally do that

[@suspencearts5291]

and then everyone's eyeballs are really big for every single set...

[@Tee-OhBee]

Space Ghost Yea because it’s filmed for free. The location is free to film at. And the comedians don’t need to be paid at all. Use your head.

[@l-_-sage-_-l]

Lmao

[@jessiemarsh390]

Space Ghost has spoken.

[@ashtonpants0664]

"I'm cryin', because, I know we ain't goin' to McDonald's, now." Had me crying. and then when he said "an i got 2 fillet of fishes and NO therapy" i fell off my bed i was laughin so hard

[@datgrrl5698]

catholics don't eat meat on fridays farquwad...

[@deltacotheladybug]

The level of expression from this man is impeccable. I think I've found a new favorite comedian.😂😂😂

[@moeezS]

Bahaha absolutely fantastic. He should be an actor, got the facial expressions and delivery down.

[@LOUDsigh]

Messofanego he looks familiar. Maybe he is

[@eliuharo4517]

He actually just acted in KZbins “Cobra Kia” his character made me mad but his acting was great

[@deeznuts4224]

fuck Louie but he did play that role perfect

[@UnorthodoxMasterOfGames]

An agent will be with him shortly

[@jayden1261]

Reginald Green he looks like Joaquin Phoenix honestly

[@flea41593]

"We're going to Mcdonalds!". That line got a genuine applause, not because it was funny, but because he told a good story. The protagonists got their prize at the end and the audience genuinely cheered. Awesome, hilarious story.

[@professordick4868]

My mom worked at McDonalds in the 70's. That was one of the happiest times in my life..❤❤❤❤

[@khadijahchaney5767]

Mexicans got on boots.

[@titanicgosling1216]

Sophisticatedphunkvintage Khadijah where's Cici I got a whole can of coffee

[@rodriguezpro2012]

CC!

[@joew.4073]

You know this dude's ready tho

[@matthewjackson7671]

Big Boi 88 it was a personal knife then he had 3 bags of coffee then it was business

[@IAM1OUTOF60]

So does the riot happen in here ???? 😂😂😂😂😂

[@DinoDzine]

This might be the best one yet LMFAO his closer was legendary

[@SeanOMatic]

+drovvse Yeah, it's definitely up there.

[@SuperMegaGoofyGoober]

Comedy Central: “wow we actually might be able to keep a relatively low budget on these episodes” Intro’s: *Allow is to introduce ourselves*

[@CuriousGoodsJessica]

"HERE'S where the story gets f'd up"... yeah, I think it was f'd up long before that! This is awesome, because at 6 years old you can't be responsible for your actions when the babysitter punches your brother, DAMN! How his eyes got crazy when he said he was grandpa & "I wanna make sure she's ok" 👀 HA!

[@ricksanchez4813]

Yeah he fuckin nailed that

[@Baleur]

Cant be responsible for chopping someones leg with an axe? are you shitting me? That little kid should be beaten senseless.

[@zachary939]

I really don't wanna say that kid did the right thing, but that kid did the right thing. Punch a defenseless nine year old in the face, a six year old gets to hit you in the leg with a hatchet. That seems completely reasonable to me.

[@humixmusic4lyf]

I laughed so hard when he got the crazy eyes. I already knew his grandad want going over there to check ‘if she’s okay’

[@brandonreece4967]

@@Baleur are you still this dumb

[@littlebird3167]

When he first said "switch" I immediately thought of someone who is both dominant and submissive... The internet has ruined me.

[@stevenpaz6141]

I thought of Nintendo switch 😂😂

[@MrSkinnyWhale]

Dude looks like Jake Johnson and Joaquin Phoenix had a baby.

[@christophersantiago4992]

100%

[@JubilantAntics]

looks like Ricky K from crazy town lol.

[@thebrigadeloco2257]

i was just thinking that

[@akiniglasgow6882]

looks like nick miller from new girl

[@Quantum_GirlE]

MrSkinnyWhale omg! If you google a picture of Joaquin the second photo that pops up, looks identical to Ernst! The photo is of him when he was a tad younger though. Amazing observation!

[@mkilic10]

this was the one of the best shows I have ever seen. He changed my emotion state fast as hell. I laughed, felt sad, almost crying, got angry and laughed again.

[@vickielawson3114]

I HAVE known a person who would do the silent word repeating thing! I laughed my ass off when he mentioned that! I've NEVER heard another person mention that and I've only seen that one person do it. It's weird stuff.

[@albetudo9313]

they're probably autistic.

[@Alkoholic666]

I also silently repeated myself from the age of about 13 until I was almost 15... Making myself stop doing it is still to this day one of the hardest things I’ve ever done! I’d speak and then force myself to not repeat the words. Seems simple, but the desire/need to repeat the words was unbelievably strong and damn near torture! Like a drug addict needing their fix... Through will power, shear determination and time I was eventually able to stop. I’d hate to have to go through that experience again, it was brutal! I’ve never met or heard of another person who did this until today. It’s been 30 years and I’d forgotten all about ever doing it myself. I hope it doesn’t trigger a relapse! Hahahah! Cheers!

[@jaxosaurus5383]

My brother used to do it.

[@KickyFut]

(...used to do it.)😒

[@michaelwandell2533]

Vickie Lawson? From TN?

[@ryanzarmbinski7446]

That ending was epic

[@Qurisx]

WOW! I have never heard of this guy and that was an incredible story. The way he told it was fantastic. I was slowly sucked in and couldn't wait to hear what happened. On top of that, it was a great ending. Awesome!

[@nishads4357]

Above all he stick to his brother

[@cfuentesjr85]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/m5jIf4uuhLxqsNE

[@mikhailgibbings]

That may be the most triumphant story I've ever heard.

[@abbywolffe4114]

"She bitch-slaps St. Peter on the floor" had me rolling

[@elfartbag8403]

I've broke off many of switches when I was a kid... because I'm from the south and that shit is true 😂

[@fabian6087]

I just have to ask: What the fck kinda branch you're going for in that situation? The extra thin ones hurt like hell if you're whipped with them right? But the extra large ones have a punch of their own right? So are you just going for the thickest one you're able to rip off?

[@moarroz]

@@fabian6087 if you go for a thin one best believe they are about to go find you the meanest thickest one out there and break it over you. You just wanna grab one as quick as possible...The hesitation on picking is what makes it worse...cuz they know you are out there plotting on the best branch...just grab and go...don't grab a skinny one or the hurtin' be worse lol

[@moarroz]

@@fabian6087 But if you pick a small one and they give you the choice to pick again YOU BETTER not pick the biggest and baddest one or you are gonna get it broken off on your ass for sass'N them 😂😟💥

[@ricaivory6571]

@@fabian6087 we used to just go for the middle branches bcuz they wasn't thin enough to really hurt, but they not big enough to kill you either 😂😂😂😂 it's worse when they used to soak em in water so they don't break up, but they stopped doin that long ago lol.

[@Shewhomustnotbenamed-bw8yv]

Shit, I live in the midwest and I had to do that shit at my grandmas. She made us pick from the willow because the switches were flexible like little whips, wrap around your whole leg and leave a welt

[@YueClaudia]

I don't know why but this guy reminds me of Ray Liotta in Goodfellas xD pretty cool story!

[@ramoneshakes8619]

You told a good story........ I'll take you to McDonalds after

[@josecolon5750]

bro...three shakes rule also applies to writing.

[@SkylarRuloff]

+ramone shakes Fuck, I'd buy him 3 fillet o fishes for that story.

[@JonnyVerace]

theres nothing better than being an italian and hearing another italian tell a story that literally can relate to almost everything you grew up too

[@idkybily]

I think this is my fave comment ever on the internet because its what i think & feel the most but needed to hear someone else say it to have the proof its true. The way Italian Millennial kids grew up is so special & unique 🙌🏻

[@dravenocklost4253]

What an awesome and supportive and a bit disheveled grandfather

[@Ciclopea2]

The endearing part of this darkly hilarious story is how he defended his older brother, and i guess he didn't need therapy, but crazy lady did lol, Bret is a legend 👏💖

[@Iwasthewalrus]

One of the best stories yet!

[@psych1134]

God I love it when an amazing story ends on such a victory moment. “We’re going to McDonald’s!” I replayed that like three times.

[@lukeperry8407]

This dudes story telling is next level

[@joshuabolin4440]

This guy is a natural! A++

[@John-hq6oo]

This mudafukkka KILLED it!!!! Good job bro!!

[@hackeritalics]

I've watched this skit at least 30 times at this point in my life... I still laugh until I cry every time. lol

[@jefft9512]

"You know what you have to do!" Haha classic

[@lamasmorales]

Lol I was eating mcdonalds while watching this

[@Yualmohamed]

truuu

[@Spanjop]

+lamasmorales Shit. Now I have to too.

[@mariusofearth2474]

Letme gues it went evrywhere 😂

[@indifrent_fxuk267]

He was on Vince Vaughn's wild west comedy tour! Dude is hilarious

[@stapuft]

Wow.....I've refused to get a switch before, but I've never locked them out when they went to grab it.....that takes balls....

[@suzanneh975]

I take it you're from the south. So Im sure you understand when I say we KNEW what we would get when the parents came home And that's why we never did anything as ballsy as that 😂

[@Curiouswasabi]

The Whole story is about his big ballz

[@corpse74]

this guy very quickly came in my top 10. he has a 1 hour special thats absolutely great and free on youtube. he NEEDS more recognition and a Netflix special

[@wathencj]

Yo grandparents stories when you were younger are the best lol

[@khalilhopkins5014]

one of my new favorites

[@jok2440]

Probably the best story of the series.

[@randytheracer3664]

AND I GOT 2 FILLET O FISHES AND NO THERAPY this is now my favorite one

[@JaseekaRawr]

This dude is fucking hilarious! And has a face you can fall in love with. ;) Anyway, I was surprised that basically the entire audience didn't know what a switch was! I guess it's a old school Southern/East coast thing.

[@DustinRodriguez1_0]

I think it might have been context. I know exactly what a switch is, but the word switch has many meanings. When he said 'do you know what a switch is?' my first thought was 'how can he be talking about a gay man who both bottoms and tops?'

[@JaseekaRawr]

Dustin Rodriguez Lmao! That's a new one I haven't heard. Very interesting, new meaning...

[@chrish5224]

Nah! It's a generational thing. Both my parents grew up on west coast and have told me many a story about having to pick out a switch or they got the belt.

[@TheNitinshyam]

The best story iv heard till now ,damn crazy lmao

[@ottiej.914]

Bro it's crazy how similar me and this guy's life are, back and forth from nj and fl and had grandparents that raised me, and my grandfather was also a gun nut and a real man's man, could fix anything and could do any job, also served in the war. But my family were German immigrants. Thats so weird

[@Alkoholic666]

yo gabba gabba - Holy shit that’s fuckin funny!

[@joey120685]

Comedians last name is ernst.. I have a friend Ernst and it’s German

[@bayballer1657]

Messicans got on boots is now the 2nd best. Bret "the ginzaloon" Ernst just took the top spot.

[@markvickroy6725]

Bay Baller gindaloon, dummy

[@swarmk5809]

Fucking best story so far on This is Not Happening !

[@TheShadowofsparta]

But Mexican got on boots. True though, it is funny

[@joshridgley7262]

This one, Mexican Got On Boots and the Obese Nightclub Brawl are the standouts for me so far

[@rickythompson1402]

@@joshridgley7262 who tells the nightclub brawl???

[@Alkoholic666]

Apparently you haven’t watched any of Joey Diaz’s stories... If not, do yourself a favor and check him out! Excellent story teller and seriously great stories! The man has lived one hell of a life... And I agree, this was definitely one of the best stories on TINH!

[@Schnitz13]

Truth!

[@cgarcia650]

I love the ending to this story over here!

[@josehasing1495]

in glad I discovered this guy his bit on jersey guidos is so.funny

[@juliolopez-vc5eg]

That smirk where, "I just want to make sure she's ok". . . priceless

[@DaveSP196]

One of the best I've ever seen

[@dno718]

yes Bret Ernst needs his own CC special!!!!

[@karrahtapscott7959]

I love this story, it’s one of the best in this whole series.

[@bobnlouie]

One of the best stories I've seen on here. Brilliant.

[@matthewhaley4147]

I really hated the first half of the story....... ....but I'm glad I sat through it because it lead to such a great ending. Thumbs up from me.

[@mthlay15]

@@PatternLand hey mark, read the fucking comment again you dweeb. I said "thumbs up" and this is the important part "*FROM* me"

[@medicbabe2ID]

I've watched this probably 30 times. Never gets old! 🤣 #Filetofishes

[@JayJay-jn6gl]

Watch "the washy wash" Buy Tommy Pope I watched that like 40 times too and it never gets old either lmao

[@28happenstance]

This should have at least 1 million views. So good.

[@nodata5933]

This guy's grandpa is an OG in my book.

[@npc1172]

WE'RE GOING TO MCDONALD'S 😂😂😂

[@jayoliver3002]

BEST STORY EVER!!!!!

[@rdub9020]

This might be the best one of the entire "this is not happening" series

[@bl6516]

Best episode ever.

[@ABadassDragon]

Something my uncle taught me, when they send for a switch break the branch a bit, so when they hit the hand it breaks. 1960s life hacks 😅

[@evilcam]

This was excellent. Brent not only had a spectacular story to tell, but he delivered and sold it really well. Like Joey Diaz levels of emphasis. The crowd was much more lively than they usually are too. Everything was top notch and made this one of the best episodes so far. Oh, and Brent's grandfather was a fucking boss.

[@brwler1]

man........this was the best one on this series so far

[@stevencandelaria909]

Wow, one of the best ones I've seen!

[@abggk2]

1:32 The girl in the right down corner looks like Whitney Westgate... u r welCOME

[@kaytlynkoala199]

this is my favorite story of all time

[@mcdizzlefletch6302]

By far best one yet… think I’ve watch all of these

[@dillabean4183]

The roller skating bit he did years ago is fucking amazing.

[@cjulez1]

My favorite story so far!!

[@frenzy1225]

that was a fucking great story

[@KitsuneFyora]

The red headed woman behind Bret to the right mentally checked out during this video lol. Definitely loved this story, very funny

[@All-Hail-Gayle]

I love his punch sound effect. I love his storytelling. I also had foot times at the PlayPlace. "Long story boring" is amazing

[@TearLilyd]

I love bret Ernst! I wished he had more videos out there. he is hilarious! this story was surprising though.

[@TheDudeman42]

This series is really great!

[@stavalyao.4922]

This is THE MOST RELATABLE story i have seen on TINH glad it exists

[@devynguitnwr1766]

Mid roll ads in the middle of a punchline is dope and doesn't ruin the material.

[@gradysmith9992]

This was a really good one. Always look forward to new episodes of This is Not Happening.

[@Timocracy]

3:11 Diaz laughing?

[@Slickjitz]

Yup, good ear

[@flygonkick93]

definitely lol I'd recognize that laugh anywhere

[@jahnilee2026]

Dude.... I have watched thia 5oo times but for some reason today its making me laugh to the point it hurts ... I effing this guy!!!

[@mezz0075]

Great set!!! This show has brought back oldies and goodies of comedy. Brought back Artie Lange, I thought he was dead, But not, and killed it.

[@jitterg]

loved this one the best so far. so awesome

[@mariabrowne8103]

I was taking a shot when they locked out ant face and laughed so hard it came out of my nose. I don't think my sinuses will ever be the same

[@mbl102]

This is one of the best stories I've heard so far!

[@spazzdineveryway]

I love this story!! Family first, always!!

[@Papi.Labouche]

Lmao this story was hilarious. I like the lady in the overalls reaction at 8:09 when the thing happens to his older brother. :)

[@rymichelle6550]

soo funny I wish I could find more stuff with him!!

[@BikePackingPleb]

One of my favorite bits. Great story.

[@klebeau4]

i can put this in the top 5 T.I.N.H. stories good shit

[@klebeau4]

***** yessir youre on point those r my other favorites too

[@kailawrence2966]

+NOTXOA id also throw in Jeff Dye stealing the jersey, Jon Huck's pants, and Joe Rogan and the stripper

[@klebeau4]

Kai Lawrence stolen jersey yeaa

[@bsilkwood8272]

Kept thinking of lightly fried fish fillets.

[@ltcrutch1440]

this might be the best guest ever!

[@generiddell179]

It's sentimental stories like this about the bonds of family that just get me all kinda misty.