British Politeness v American Politeness 'Brown & Levinson's Theory'

[@kinolibby6580]

As a Brit who worked in customer service for a long time in London I have served many people from many cultures. Americans are for the most part lovely customers. They understand that it's your job to try and sell them things and they love hearing about the things you want to sell them, if they don't want to buy anything then they will find a nice way to tell you they don't want it. Brits on the other hand are terrified of interacting with you because if they let you talk then they might end up buying something they don't want because it would just be too socially awkward to waste your time and not buy anything...

[@robscovell5951]

Yes. I always feel bad for not buying something in this situation.

[@taghiabiri3489]

I‘m Swiss, German part, and if people try to sell me something on the phone I get immediately very clear by saying no thank you, good bye.

[@avancalledrupert5130]

If a shop assistant speaks to me I leave. I will chose what I want you just put it in the bag and take the money.

[@Jca-y3m]

@@robscovell5951wow that’s is something new to me,I usually am angry for sellers trying to sell me stuff I am not interested in. But then again I am not British 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@Jimfrenchde]

Sometimes the sales representative has a great product, but I have no use for it or I don't have the money for it,

[@thepurplesmurf]

German politeness proverb: _"Not complaining is praise enough"_ 😉

[@secretsofenglish]

😂😂 Sounds tough!

[@kristinmeyer489]

I feel that way, nearly every time I am solicited for positive feedback, especially from established companies. If there's a reason my reasonable expectations have been more than met, or I've been abused, expect to hear about it. Otherwise, can't we just assume no communication after a purchase or service means it went well, or well enough?

[@jenwoo4987]

The German product reviews on a certain online site can be alarmingly critical but can also be the most useful. Even when leaving online reviews, the English customers don't want to be blunt.

[@tootstoyou1]

Brilliant 😂😂😂

[@dennisgunn468]

Nice observations. I am American expat who has been living in Japan for 39 years. For the past 8 years I have been running a ski in AirBnB in the Japan Alps and cater to mostly international customers. I am constantly fascinated by the manners of my different customers. Your observations are useful to me.

[@davidbaxter4910]

ABSOLUTEMENT...

[@davidbaxter4910]

YESS... .

[@AnneDowson-vp8lg]

I'm from Yorkshire, where we're known to be blunt and direct. Too many compliments too soon comes across as insincere.

[@secretsofenglish]

Thanks for commenting! Too many compliments just feels off regardless of where a person originates from (for me anyway). I get the 'red flag' feeling with people when they do that, because I assume they want something they feel they can't ask for.

[@MattyB1970]

I’m from Somerset…

[@51tomtomtom]

its like this in many places ! Mountainers , Islanders ..........

[@caractacus22]

Correct. I’m from London, but it’s such a multicultural place we just dont engage, we avoid and avoid, it’s not a nice place to be but that’s the reality. I’d feel much more comfortable in Yorkshire.

[@peanutbutter7068]

American here. Compliments are huge in American culture! It's so important we show enthusiasm and encouragement to other people. We want to actively point out positive things that we like and respect so that people feel valued and appreciated

[@aurorarawlinson7341]

That's just what your Wal-Mart manager does right before they ask you to work the day you requested two weeks ahead of time. Really, unless we're close co-workers or friends, or the national anthem is playing, why are you being nice to me?

[@annas.5794]

These videos are very helpful. Thank you for sharing! The cultural nuances of English should be taught when one is learning English as a Second Language to help the learner ( Adults) not only learn the language but also integrate in the society. Keep em coming!

[@batkinssmart4273]

That was a very interesting video. It does explain to some extent why British people and Americans can fail to understand each other. As a Brit, if a colleague said to me: "You're really talented. I always enjoy working with you", I'd probably ask for a transfer. It sounds as if the speaker is either incredibly sarcastic - or else mentally unbalanced. It's even worse than commenting on a colleague's appearance - plumbing the depths of rudeness. I think the closest to a "work compliment" I've ever received - after a brilliant stroke of genius followed-up by a heck of a lot of hard work - was "that's what we pay you for".

[@secretsofenglish]

I agree, it would feel very weird! I might think the person likes me too much.

[@leec6707]

I saw a KZbin comment left by an American, who thought it would be a great thing to compliment 5 people every day! I replied that if he did that in the UK no-one would appreciate it and would probably avoid him in future!

[@secretsofenglish]

@@leec6707I need to do a video about compliments.

[@anxen]

​@BanterMaestro2-y9zbut it's such an insulting thing to hear by another culture 😅

[@ForgottenMan2009]

"excuse me , my foot appears to be under yours..." ;-)

[@secretsofenglish]

forgive me....so sorry!

[@ForgottenMan2009]

@@secretsofenglish Perfectly fine!, easy thing to do!

[@Hari983]

Lmao I love this thread

[@davidchilds9590]

As a Brit, I disagree that we don't like compliments. We all like appreciation; what I can't stand is INSINCERE or meaningless compliments. Have a nice day.

[@secretsofenglish]

Hiya, thanks for pointing this out. It is based on a 'general' theory. At some point, I need to make a video about appreciation, compliments, flattery, sincerity, and insincerity. Needs a bit more thought. Have a nice day yourself :/

[@BiTurbo228]

We might like compliments, but we're still rubbish at taking them! Always makes me feel thoroughly awkward. I'd much rather someone makes a recommendation about me when I'm not around to witness it!

[@Tampo-tiger]

Missing you already!

[@claireconolly8355]

I'm Australian and we do both! Love this. Maybe why we get along so easily with both cultures 😅

[@secretsofenglish]

I need to do an Austrailian comparasion at some point. Good idea!

[@leec6707]

I'm a Brit who has spent time in the US and Australia. Aussie friendliness feels so casual and genuine where as US friendliness seems really fake and forced. If an Aussie doesn't want to talk to you, you'll know! Aussies also seem to have a quick humour (sometimes bordering on offensive!) that I really like too.

[@JosiahDavidCarroll]

@@leec6707 I am american and used to live in Sydey for years and I found that sometimes Aussies friendliness could come off as too close too soon. I once had a man try to give me a nickname 3 seconds after shaking my hand and it made me very uncomfortable like he was forcing a friendship.

[@suzanneja710]

@@JosiahDavidCarrollI recall British people who seemed awkward and distrusting of my Australian friendliness. It so surprising to me to see their reaction as Aussies in the same situation would have accepted and rolled with the tone.

[@DARDA360]

@@JosiahDavidCarroll That's a legacy of a convict culture. Russians do that as well. In fact, they call Australia The British Siberia. Mail order brides originated in Australia and flourished in Russia.

[@andreasstavrinides6980]

Very interesting. Being British I recognise what you say about us - it's definitely true.

[@andreasstavrinides6980]

@@frankteunissen6118 Lol. On this occasion I simply mean it's very interesting.

[@andyf4292]

if the british taske the piss out of you , they like you... if they get very polite and still... run

[@viperstew7819]

I'm an American who has lived in Ukraine for 13 years and before that I was a USAF officer. I am a journalist, news editor and English teacher working with Brits (English mostly) and Ukrainians--this includes editing their pieces for publication. In my past as a fighter pilot I had colleagues on exchange from many countries in my flying unit, including English, Scottish, Canadian, and Australian. I'm glad the almighty algorithm introduced me to your channel. Given who I work with, have worked with, etc. and my family's (proud) Scottish background, I would love to see some content related to Scotland, various regions of the England, Ireland (Republic and Northern) and Wales, as well as Canada, Australia, and even Singapore and Hong Kong [ I have a colleague at my newspaper who is from Hong Kong and I flew F-16s with Singaporean pilots periodically], I would love to see these cultural takes on English language usage. Oh, and my current chief editor and my former direct boss are both English... PS, I've always tried to teach both N. American and British English. I tell foreign ESL students that they too are educated English language speakers (and readers, writers and listeners) so like any English speaker they need to be knowledgable of both. I look forward to your future videos. Thank you for your work!

[@allarothwell6899]

How do you find Ukrainians? Would you say they are too direct or too open? The reason I am asking, because I am Ukrainian, living in Ireland for 25 years now. I can relate to all those differences that Hannah is talking about here and in her other videos....

[@davidblyth5495]

As an engineer who interacted with combat pilots, I found them to be forthright and direct. I believe combat pilots are selected for an ability to decide and preference to act quickly. They are not social workers! So I enjoyed working with them. After an interview with two majors to develop a user's profile for an aircraft subsystem, one went on to complete an engineering degree. It seems engineers share a direct communication approach with combat pilots

[@josephfreedman9422]

Years ago, I was telling someone in Britain where I was going for the day (as a tourist). He replied that I could do "far worse".

[@hughjazz64]

I love your blue eyes. Subscribed the American style 😂

[@juliancochran]

This talk was especially insightful and excellent. Thank you.

[@noligray5828]

I find this kind of indirect communication and the way of making requests a bit... manipulative and sometimes bulying, form my culture's point of view. On the other hand, I find this downplaying of disasters comforting.

[@Nedal_al]

I'm a new follower from Jordan, and this is the first video I'm watching..❤ thank you

[@secretsofenglish]

Yes, I said that's where people are 'more reserved', so in my book that would include no eye contact.

[@AlexanderBonello-u5u]

It's funny that you say this because I have always found British people to be relatively so much more direct and open and willing to simply say no, than so many other Europeans, certainly much more than Mediterraneans

[@Kwippy]

My experience is that in America particularly in big cities, politeness is often used in passive-agressive ways.

[@secretsofenglish]

That's interesting, but I've not yet experienced this firsthand, the Americans I've spent time with were not in America.

[@illinoisan]

Bless your heart.

[@zivkovicable]

Im neither American or British. Brits are way more passive aggressive than Americans...

[@ericamacs3875]

Experienced that in New York quite a bit.

[@Pocketfarmer1]

@@illinoisanI seen what you did . That’s southern for fuck off ain’t it?

[@victorvonderkrausse5492]

In East Europe we are more straightforward and honest we do not have so many nuances of politeness ! 😂 Although you can look at politeness as a way to hide what you think or to be straight to the point ! Personally I prefer straightforward european style which I encounter also in Nederland,l am sure that British in Nederland or Germany will find these people as rude 😮

[@billybudd5854]

My own take on American politeness is that it is largely based on the fact that people don't want to risk being shot!

[@jis101]

😂

[@MarloweDash]

Yank here: most americans dont ever see or experience being shot!! I lived in chicago for 30 yrs and the diff between how the city is portrayed in the news is SO diff from what its like to live in such a fantastic city! Ditto NYC. I would add that when i compliment ppl it is almost always sincere. Silence is the alternative-and that is fine also. I do believe there is such a thing as toxic positivity (which seems like denial and sociopathy! tbh)

[@chriswheeldon2261]

I've watched a few of your videos now because I find this stuff fascinating. As a brit I'd never really considered that we don't like saying no. Where I do regularly notice that is in business discussions with China and Asia. They will never say no! To the point it becomes a problem because people expect them to do something and then they don't and it feels like a huge let down or waste of time later on. Also becomes a trust issue. Very difficult to know how to get around this.

[@avocado9227]

Excellent video. Keep it up!

[@ChorltonBrook]

Wonderful, now imagine that 1/3 of a culture arrive in the last 10 years who don’t see even the English language or behaviour as so. Like shaking up a few ants nests. Sadly, sadly this is now our history in where I live in Northern England. I hope the good survive. Subbed x

[@RobinHartJones]

If a British person *was* to say to you 'I would appreciate it if you would do ...X....' then he is probably pissed off with you 😆

[@secretsofenglish]

That's true for me every time I use it or hear it.

[@markov1917]

That's pretty much true everywhere.

[@PerryVillanueva]

Very true and accurate.

[@AhmedAlhasaniAlmozani]

Very nice video, maybe in the future you will make a video, or videos, about British politness v. French one.

[@akali83]

This was really interesting. I've often heard about Dutch or Germans often having a hard time understanding our politeness, and we British often finding them abrasive and direct. Do you know how their politeness compares to ours?

[@secretsofenglish]

Thanks for your kind comment Akali! Its something I will definitely cover in the future :)

[@secretsofenglish]

@@frankteunissen6118 Yes I'm aware, I work with people from these countries, but as mentioned, it's likely I'll cover it in a video with more context.

[@fritzfeilcke1994]

They say that there are no stupid question. (Guess where I am from ;-)

[@limmoblack]

If anybody(polite or not) wants to borrow books, cds etc, say NO

[@secretsofenglish]

haha exactly - I'm not Amazon!

[@jojonesjojo8919]

You should give example sentences to illustrate your points.

[@iparipaitegianiparipaitegi4643]

Sounds like the British approach for politeness is pretty common all over Europe. Show respect, don’t be intrusive.

[@NealR2000]

Dual UK/USA here. Born Brit who left at 25 (now 65) and has spent a lot of time back with family. Generally, I have found Americans to be far more polite and sociable. The American stereotype that Brits love to push is completely false. I have found it far easier to make new adult friends in the States. The only time Brits appear to get friendlier is when under the mask of alcohol.

[@secretsofenglish]

I've observed Americans and Canadians make friends with one another very quickly. I've spent time with both groups as an adult. What I speak of in the video is based on a theory.

[@gracedagostino5231]

@@secretsofenglish Americans are by far the most friendly and sincere in the English speaking world. Followed by Canadians, Brits, and Aussies dead last. Not to sure about New Zealand.

[@haroldbridges515]

My theory on the American openness to friendship in contrast not only to Brits, but to Europeans generally, is based on the observation that 25% of households in the US move every year. So, Americans grow up in different towns, go across the country for college, and then settle in an urban center to start a career, etc. They therefore develop the skills to make friends readily in a range of settings. As far as I can tell, none of the Europeans live this way. They live close by family and keep their school friends for life. The downside of the American style is that once you are out of sight they can forget you quickly.

[@noligray5828]

If someone asks me, e.g.: "could you possibly close the door, I am so sorry for your inconvenience", I would find it so hard to refuse without feeling guilty of hurting somebody's feelings. So I would probably close the door, even if I really don't want to. And I would feel manipulated. And then I would feel resentment.

[@alanmusicman3385]

I do wonder whether the determined amiability and concensual nature of many US Americans is down to the fact that almost anyone you encounter could be legally carrying a gun about their person - so the impulse is always to be "nice" and not upset anyone. Just a thought which may be rubbish - but....

[@secretsofenglish]

I imagine there is some truth in this....

[@CherylVogler]

Interesting thought. I'm American, and it has never once occurred to me to question whether anyone is carrying a gun on them when I approach them. I just don't consider it at all. I've always been nice and friendly to everyone I meet, and even though I'm somewhat shy, I wouldn't hesitate to say hi, or be sociable and polite.

[@iggyzorro2406]

well, I hope you don't mind my saying that your presentation was well articulated and interesting. I'd like to hear more of what you have to say as, in my humble opinion, it seems spot on - if that's alright. - far be it for me to be presumptuous, but your future posts (if you do decide to proceed - if that's not too much trouble) might probably be well anticipated, maybe. If you don't mind my inquiring, you being of the British Isles, do you know the Spice Girls personally?

[@lizharris7917]

😂 O do hope that was parody as you are 👌

[@iggyzorro2406]

@@lizharris7917 yes. if that's alright.

[@secretsofenglish]

I must confess, I find myself almost at a loss to convey the depth of my appreciation for your most gracious comments! Of course I'm well acquainted with the Spice Girls...

[@iggyzorro2406]

@@secretsofenglish I meant what I said but apologize if my remarks were considered too forward or effusive. Please give my best regards (or mediocre unassuming regards) to Ginger, Baby and the Mels - Posh would probably not deign to hear from a mere colonist commoner.

[@MRB-19]

Regarding the British, or more specifically, the English, a primer is (both editions of) "Watching the English" by English social anthropologist Kate Fox. An important aspect of her perspective is what you might call "insider's privilege" (as well as the whole general distinction of insider/outsider status in this type of consideration). A lot of the modus operandi could be construed as or reduced to is varieties of "white lies" aka irony or the like, but Kate Fox explains it much better in her books. In contrast to elsewhere, another culture to consider is that of the Dutch, who couldn't (to a British observer) be more blunt/direct to the point of offence. Maybe for another comparison video?

[@secretsofenglish]

I may do a Dutch comparasion at a later date, quite a few people have mentioned them. I've read bits of the book you mentioned.

[@suereed3474]

Actually you've been very kind in both definitions (I'm American). I imagine that once people get acquainted with one another these unwritten rules drop from both types. It is hard to remain impersonal with someone you know, especially over time. With respect to both, it is probably best to be yourself and let the chips fall where they may.

[@MrHorse-by3mp]

I think this is generally true. Strangely, though, American English does have some astonishing flourishes of politeness that absolutely baffle British people. I'm thinking of phrases like "I beg your pardon" instead of "excuse me." I stopped using that one after some very bewildered looks on the London Underground. 😅

[@RandomWandrer]

Germans don't say excuse me. They just move you with their hand

[@jenwoo4987]

That used to be commonly used in the UK.

[@MarloweDash]

Is there a difference in directness between British classes? My guess would be the more affluent class is less direct?

[@elishevabarenbaum5319]

Very helpful. Most of my life is spent with Israelis, French and Americans. All express politeness very differently. Maybe surprisingly, the closest culture to the English I have found is the Ethiopian.

[@secretsofenglish]

Thanks for commenting. That's an interesting observation, I don't know much about Ethiopian culture.

[@Justjustsayin]

One example is worth a thousand words.

[@MathinusG]

Thamks for opening this subjecy up. I dislike that "you wouldn't mind, would you" so much. Drives me crazy. "Do you mind" is better for me, but a British person might feel they risk a "yes I do mind".

[@Robert-g5n8w]

Had knew some uk citizens when i was living in portugal. Friendship was difficult with some of them because of that indirect way of putting things. So hard to understand for me and so hard for them to understand i did not understand indirect speech.

[@Makinen689]

the British are renowned for that.

[@RakeshBharadwaj4298]

What would you say is more “honest” politeness, American or British - very subjective?

[@secretsofenglish]

I'll be doing another video soon that will touch on this point, so look out for that! Thanks for commenting :)

[@victorvonderkrausse5492]

Something hard to understand is why you need to be " reserved " ? Why you just not speaking your mind ??

[@harrisonandrew]

Very interesting

[@brucebanner3566]

I'm still trying to decide, aluminum or aluminium. Anyway, from California, I'll say British speak more formal and proper, but that's just my opinion. Great video.

[@secretsofenglish]

Thanks for your kind comment! It's much appreciated. I'm too polite to tell you how to say aluminium correctly... :)

[@phillipcowan1444]

If I'm not mistaken "aluminum" was the original british word for the metal in question.🤔​@@secretsofenglish

[@andyf4292]

its aluminium,,, and 'salmon ' is pronounced ' samon'... 'soldering ' on the other hand , doesnt sound like a thing priests do

[@phoebus007]

Both cultures can be confusing to outsiders. Britons are as you describe, with strangers or those of whom they are wary, keeping them at a distance while being noticeably polite. Yet, with close friends, they are, to foreign ears, rude and abusive; this banter must be very confusing to Americans who befriend or overhear Britons. On the other hand, Americans come across as very friendly and interested in even strangers; while some are genuine in their approach, many appear to Britons to be insincere, slathering on dollops of flattery. Yet the same individual is likely to go up to the bar and demand "Gimme a beer", with neither a please or thank you passing their lips.

[@secretsofenglish]

Thanks for commenting. 'Gimme' anything with no please or thanks anywhere in the UK might NOT be the best way to ask....

[@phoebus007]

@secretsofenglish Along similar lines, many American visitors to UK are bemused that British passengers leaving a bus will often thank the driver as they exit. The American class system is based on wealth and, sadly, those higher up the ladder frequently see those doing more menial jobs as unworthy of being treated with good manners.

[@secretsofenglish]

@@phoebus007 I think not thanking bus drivers and any service person is SO rude. BUT there are lots of natives in the UK that do this too, regardless of their background. Entitlement is so UGLY and harmful.

[@CherylVogler]

@@phoebus007 Not thanking a bus driver or person in a similar type of job has nothing to do with them not being "worthy" or the person beneath them. It is more that the bus driver is doing their job, and you are just one of their passengers. I do hear some people thank the drivers, but not everyone does that. The bus driver, in turn could also thank the riders for getting on his (or her) bus. 🤔😊

[@batkinssmart4273]

@@CherylVogler Here in the West Country, nearly everyone thanks the bus driver (with "Cheers, Drive" as we tend to address him/her as Drive rather than Driver). Same way as if someone in a hands you a receipt, or your change, or the meal you've just bought. Yes, they're doing their job, but you still say thank you.

[@danmayberry1185]

Americans can paraphrase what you just said or joked about, to be agreeable and/or confirm their understanding. This might come across as thick or undermining in the UK, where rhetoric and understatement are valued. (Says a Canadian fascinated by cultural differences.)

[@secretsofenglish]

Americans are generally more explicit in their exchanges, I'll be covering this in a future video. Thanks for watching and commenting.

[@taghiabiri3489]

I always find it a bit creepy when Americans praise the people before Interviews that much. I would feel a bit uncomfortable and unsure if they are making a joke if somebody would do that to me. Greetings from Switzerland!

[@BuckMckawtheotherone]

Being a Canadian of French stock, I have been exposed to both the English speaking Canadians and the Americans south of the border. World view is that Canadians are too polite, unless they go to war, in which case they are devastating and savage. Americans are a simple folk for the most part, friendly, kind, unless they perceive a threat. Example, we had the longest undefended border in human history, until 9-11. After that, they refused to even call French fries, 'French fries', but renamed them as 'freedom fries'. Which 'French' they saw as a threat? God knows. And, they assume Canada is a haven for terrorists, so they speak of building a wall, as they do against Mexico. Bold, direct politeness, yes, that's what they have, until they see you as a threat to their 'American Way'.

[@andyf4292]

looks like an unarmed society is a more polite society

[@secretsofenglish]

They need to get rid of their guns, for obvious reasons and over time it would have some impact on them for sure, if they banned them.

[@billking8843]

Strayan here. We clash with both Americans and English people when we try to be polite. : )

[@billking8843]

The most hilarious thing is when Americans say "we should do lunch/ dinner some time" (not actually meaning it) and we try to pin them down to an actual day next week.

[@claireconolly8355]

I'm aussie and I can't help that we are a bit of a combination of these two depending on the situation 😅

[@secretsofenglish]

I've met a few Aussies within England and out travelling too, and they've all been super friendly, and never overly direct. I feel that the Brits and the Aussies connect well, maybe that's just me....

[@secretsofenglish]

@@claireconolly8355 Can you share a quick example?

[@secretsofenglish]

@@billking8843 It's hilarious! Like, let's go out, oh but, not really!

[@zakarias86]

As an arab who used to live in the states and the UK I found Americans far more sociable,friendly and generous Tham british.Unfortunately I did not like my experience In the UK at all people are extremly cold judgemental and emotionaly dumb and somehow stingy.As opposed to some americans have surprisingly that kind of arabs' generosity and warmth.

[@SHONNER]

I want the hear more about what you discover.

[@secretsofenglish]

Thanks for watching!

[@davidbaxter4910]

INTERESTING....

[@tootstoyou1]

Showing my age a bit, but Who do you prefer? Hugh Grant or Tom Cruise ? Which cultural personality is your cup of tea?? Hugh Grant. Just sayin 😊

[@secretsofenglish]

Way too OLD for me now!

[@Pooter-it4yg]

"There's quite a lot of strategies"?

[@janettekooter595]

Britsh politeness often drives me mad!Even after 43 years living here. Indirectiveness e.g so many times experience of people agreeing to come your party or invite but have no intention coming but too polite to say no there and then But seems ok for a host spend lots £££ on food and then making an excuse at last minute. 🤬.So rude!

[@secretsofenglish]

Hi Janette, thanks for commenting. It is super rude if people are treating your invitations as optional or even with no intention, when they surely know you are spending money on food and drink! I would be very annoyed if this was me and I would cut these people off after a couple of chances! Seek new people, not all Brits are like this. Indirectness can be difficult to gauge when trying to figure out someones intentions, even for natives sometimes. Do the acid test, invite them, if they let you down, you make distance and seek new people.

[@gracedagostino5231]

I think Brits and Aussie’s are quicker to drop an F-Bomb than Americans. In the USA it is impolite to use the F word around people you don’t know. Americans will use it with family and friends though.

[@secretsofenglish]

I'm planning a video on swearing soon.

[@9494349]

I heard the British actress Kathy Burke recount one of the worst things anyone had ever said to her: Don't take this the wrong way, but you look like Kathy Burke!

[@zorbglorbie4046]

Americans are closer in time to a wild untamed continent than British people are. I remember a lecture from 30 years ago in an Anthropology class where the professor discussed the topic. Americans are more direct because it once helped us to survive.

[@JustMe-dc6ks]

We also have a mix of cultures and frequent large waves of immigration. Directness may be misconstrued as rude by people with different expectations but at least the explicit content one’s trying to convey is less likely to be misinterpreted or ignored.

[@secretsofenglish]

Yes, I've read that in a few books. I didn't touch the 'explicit' communication much, that could be a whole different video.

[@dbaytug]

This is a very middle class (i.e., minority) viewpoint of what the British paradigm is.

[@secretsofenglish]

@dbaytug Just to remind you, it's Brown and Levinson's Politeness Theory. He was British, and she was from New Jersey. So it's not coming from my personal point of view. Perhaps that's another video...

[@dbaytug]

@@secretsofenglish Sorry i didn't intend to be offensive to you and if I have offended I'm sorry for that too. I was referring only to the viewpoint expressed, which is per the paradigm elided by B&L 👍

[@MarloweDash]

Your vids are so interesting! Really enjoying them. The british indirectness seems like a kind of gatekeeping to me. Its seems controlling. What is worse than trying to GUESS what you feel/want? I am a huge anglophile but as you can tell (probably) actually hanging w brits (or the few i have known) is infuriating! I temper that with a deep appreciation of the brit creatuvity, problem solving, the AMAZING accomplishments of your nation during ww2, etc, ad infinitum.

[@rawhamburgerjoe]

Omg I have to be honest- I feel so called out on the validation thing. That's something Americans do ALL THE TIME, right?

[@hikerJohn]

She pronounced KZbin as You-Choob

[@secretsofenglish]

Yes Hikerjohn I did, and I do the same with tuna and opportunity and so on....:)

[@hikerJohn]

@@secretsofenglish I have my idiosyncrasies as well but I dont really know which words I pronounce "different". My mother was born and raised in Manchester (UK) and my father in Los Angeles but my neighbor thinks I have an "accent" but she's Hispanic so who knows.

[@secretsofenglish]

@@hikerJohn I say 'choona' you say 'Tuna, no worries! It sounds like you are saying it in an American way to me. It's more British to say 'ch' for tuna, but maybe you have picked up some Manchester sounds that confuse your neighbour.

[@LoveCoffee123]

Give examples. More effective.

[@ninamss948]

You had a hard time "keeping a straight face" when you were demonstrating the American compliments 😂 I could see how uncomfortable you felt as a Brit saying that stuff.

[@paulwootton5378]

An English women apologise just in case she might have offended someone.

[@Alan-lv9rw]

Non-Americans think American friendliness is “fake”. That’s not true. Others just come from cynical, dour cultures and can’t imagine people actually being nice.

[@secretsofenglish]

@Alan-lv9rw Thanks for commenting. I appreciate all perspectives. I've spent an extended period of time with Americans from multiple states, and I did not find these people fake at all. We formed friendships. I think in business or customer service situations, this is when things can feel a bit different, as both have different approaches. It's true that some of us can be cynical, too. This theory I describe in the video is general. There are always variations and exceptions.

[@janetgillespie6590]

The word nice is actually a very weak word. It's original meaning was fussy , or prissy. Not a compliment at all. Has been given a different meaning by some because it has been misused so often. So it unconsciously sends a mixed message.

[@mtngrl5859]

In general, I agree but there are regions in the US that are quite different. From a business perspective, people like to build consensus in the US. On a social level, I find people in California to be less direct and speak in a non-judgmental manner or what some call "word salad". If one is in NYC or Chicago, people are very direct. In Southern states, people will engage in more small talk, appear to be more interested in you. Personally I've found communication in the UK to be just more reserved and to some that means more polite. Personally, I see it more as a way of not engaging with others, so I actually find it to be the opposite of being polite. Of course, I'm talking about social interactions which is different than business.

[@secretsofenglish]

Thanks for commenting! It is a 'general theory', obviously there are variations, just like here in the UK. It is interesting to read your comments about the different regions of the US. I agree people from NYC are super direct, met a few NYC people when travelling. Californians and the West Coast folks seem to be more chilled, I connected better with them. The British can be very polite when they don't want to engage, it probably seems misleading to some cultures.

[@mtngrl5859]

@@secretsofenglish Thanks for your reply! I'm from California & people out here are all about creating consensus & not creating offense. It's interesting I watch a lot of videos about Meghan Markle & Prince Harry, and while much of the critique of MM is valid, her way of communicating is very mainstream out here. Her "word salad" is very corporate speak, the idea of speaking about being compassionate, inclusive are all of the virtues out here. Now how she lives her real life is quite different ( how she treats her own father etc) but her talking points are memes on IG &FB.

[@mtngrl5859]

@@crowbar9566 Yes. There's a young man from Birmingham who has a channel & compares lifestyle videos in the UK & US. He's funny when he contrasts London based ones that he feels are too "posh" & doesn't really speak to his experience in the UK.

[@williamwong7820]

It's still a secret. the English