but I'm supposed to give birth! r/AITA

[@wellingtonsmith4998]

pro tip for party planners: check to see if anyone invited is disabled, and change venues as appropreate.

[@TheVoiceinTheDarkness]

Thank you for pointing this out. This something people often forgot about

[@glitterspray]

@@TheVoiceinTheDarknessit’s really not that hard. All we have to do is remember to take it into consideration.

[@s.a.4358]

It’s the son-in-law too! I cannot imagine that the grandparents just forgot when the couple have been together for at least 8 years (considering the age of the common children). If it’s a distant relative, maybe they just didn’t think about it, but in this case it’s definitely AH behaviour.

[@TheVoiceinTheDarkness]

@glitterspray so true. I've just heard of too many inaccessible locations from fellow disability advocates.

[@TheVoiceinTheDarkness]

@s.a.4358 it's so unfair. Alot more research could of been done

[@arghgrmbl]

He has no FOMO about the birth of his child?!?

[@shaaba]

right?!

[@barrylangille3523]

His priorities (and those of his family) are definitely messed up.

[@arghgrmbl]

Absolutely - not sure if they have talked about this, but she doesn't seem to be aware of any attempts by him to make his family take their relationship more serious. Him counting on just-in-time delivery definitely doesn't help in that regard...

[@sarahpooler2330]

FOMO Guy: Can you even imagine leaving your nearly due wife for ANY amount of time? Red flag, in my opinion. If family doesn't care about her and the baby, screw them. You are literally helping to bring a child into the world. She's doing the hard work, but you need to do everything else so she can focus! Ugh. Stupid dads piss me off.

[@s.a.4358]

I agree! I wouldn’t even expect a pregnant friend to do any activity far from home or anything requiring any effort that close to the birth. Even if it’s a problem-free pregnancy, baby can come at any time and also, the mom might just be tired from carrying a human, needing to pee every 10 minutes, not sleeping great, etc.

[@ShinyTillDawn]

You have to consider that other family members being mutually free was incredibly rare and lucky. He might not get such an opportunity again.

[@Tiarys]

​@@ShinyTillDawn he DEFINITELY won't get the opportunity again to greet his first-born as she* comes into the world if OP goes into labor while he's gone. You can spend time with different family members at different times, but there's no rescheduling the birth of your own child, especially first-born. *In an update, op says she's expecting a girl

[@WishGender]

@@ShinyTillDawnyeah he *might* not get an opportunity like that, but he DEFINITELY will not get the opportunity to witness his firstborn child being born ever again

[@charoraimondogarcia]

What wirds me out is: he doesn't get FOMO of loosing the birth of his child?????

[@emris2697]

To the wheelchair and ski resort one the parents say that OP is being an A-hole for choosing to keep their kids away from having fun… but like… that’s exactly what these parents are already doing by not booking a place that is wheelchair accessible. Like hello?

[@Desimere]

I feel like the children's opinion is missing from the story. For me personally, skiing vacations are the only vacations i've found fun. What if the children are hoping for a chance to have a more active holiday. Because of school, you can't really fit in 2 winter vacations. The Christmas celebration itself can still be with family and doesn't need to be a whole vacation.

[@draalttom844]

Wheelchair users can do sports and activity. Just in a place thats also adapted to them.​@@Desimere

[@Desimere]

@@draalttom844 i see, wheelchair skiing does sound quite cool

[@taylortonkin2258]

I wouldn’t say they’re the assholes for it but I definitely think that they should have left it up for the kids to decide if they wanted to or not. That way if the kids didn’t go then it was their own decision because the kids may not understand that they’re not going for a good reason. The kids may feel upset that they are being left out and not understand why especially the younger ones so because of that I say that they probably should have let their kids decided if they wanted to go or not.

[@Stormrunner1981]

@@taylortonkin2258 As someone who did see the original post - the kids did not want to go either. They wanted to be with their dad. Surprise, kids can see abelism a mile a way if they live with it all the time.

[@SassyGirl822006]

When I was pregnant with my oldest, my husband had to organise a work trip to visit several sites for an environmental audit. He works in the mining industry. The only time frame he had that worked with everyone was the last month of my pregnancy, but he had it organised to be done by the middle of week 37, and felt that should have been safe for me starting labour. Unfortunately my son decided he couldn't wait, and he came two days before dad left for his trip, at 35 weeks. My husband was pretty high up in the company, and basically told his boss that he was on paternity leave effective immediately, other than telling the necessary people that the trip was postponed until after he got back to work. The boss was cool with it, they are still friends, even though my husband isn't with that company anymore.

[@kiryanna]

Good on your husband for prioritizing you and the baby! I've heard way too many stories of dads who don't

[@glitterspray]

Someone’s pregnant due date is imminent and better to leave her alone? Horrible at any time. Christmas is just the frosting on this dysfunctional cake. Absolutely INEXCUSABLE. Period.

[@soundlessbee]

Exactly. I wonder how they have gotten this close to a due date without knowing how due dates work. It's not an exact date the baby is going to be born, but more like an educated guess. My jaw dropped when Shaaba read that 28th is "ample time before the baby is due". Maybe two months is "ample time", I wouldn't even risk two weeks before a due date for something like a holiday.

[@glitterspray]

@@soundlessbee Frankly I think he’s been well informed. He just doesn’t care.

[@soundlessbee]

@@glitterspray I guess my brain just rather thinks that people are unbelievably stupid than deliberately mean 😅

[@jelatinosa]

​@@soundlessbeethey can be both.

[@elaineb7065]

You are your heaviest & most unwieldy during the final month of pregnancy, especially your first. All that extra weight is annoying at best & can cause issues with sleep, going to the bathroom, ability to sit down, ability to even move yourself, let alone other stuff. The last thing you want to be during such a time is alone. And that's before we mention pre-eclampsia, unpredictable due dates (they're a rough guess, not an accurate timer), & whatever complications may need an early induction/ operation. And if she can't birth via the birth canal, it IS an operation. A SURGERY. And both the canal birth & the surgical birth need a long time to recover from. If the birth happens early for the fiancee, her partner will return to find her in hospital due to nobody in her home to support her, or worse, in the hospital reception as she can't get back home due to feeling so tired she can't drive.

[@Ash-xt1ej]

The FOMO guy needs to step back and realize that he should actually have the fear of missing out on the BIRTH OF HIS CHILD

[@BroccoliAndCheese01]

The Florida one has so many red flags… early on in my marriage, this kind of stuff happened frequently. My husband prioritized his parents far above me and our kids. it took a lot of fighting and heartache to get to a point where he understood that he needed to prioritize his own family over his parents. That work can be done, these relationships can be saved and go onto to be better (mine definitely has), but boundaries need to be drawn early on. I understand that OP doesn’t want to be overbearing or dictate what her fiancé can and can’t do. She obviously cares about his relationship with his family, and that’s great. But in my opinion, this should be nonnegotiable. No, you cannot leave your heavily pregnant partner alone over Christmas to go see your family out of state. Period. Absolutely not. That baby could be dropping any day now, complications could arise between now and your due date… pregnancy isn’t just some neutral thing that you wait to be over. It’s a physically taxing medical condition that can change very quickly, especially towards the end. You need support. Fiancé and his parents need a reality check.

[@bboops23]

This. He could hop on a plane and get off the plane to a voicemail of hey, I just went into labor 15 days early and I mean 15 days early is not particularly early in the grand scheme of things. It's not uncommon at all I don't think I have met a single person who has actually had their first baby on their due date. Second or third, sure. I was a third baby scheduled C section. I arrived a grand total of 2 hours and 9 minutes late.

[@s.a.4358]

To me it’s not that OP doesn’t want to be overbearing etc, but more that the future father should not even consider it and the in-laws should also not demand it. Even if the baby doesn’t arrive early, it’s so close to the birth and the future mother should be supported and surrounded, if only to help her with things that may be physically tiring, reduce stress by not being alone, pampering her a bit, nesting together or getting the final things ready.

[@BroccoliAndCheese01]

@@s.a.4358 for sure, I didn’t mean to say that she is being overbearing. She’s definitely not. I just meant that sometimes we feel that way when we want our partners to prioritize us.

[@ShinyTillDawn]

Also, it's Florida. That alone is a red flag if you support Biden.

[@Cinnamon_Cleric]

I went and found the post and he ended up missing the birth, but her mom and aunt made it back in time and were there for her. They took her out of the apartment and she's living with her mom for the time being. The boyfriend was upset to have missed the birth and told her about a bunch of manipulative stuff his family was saying to him, basically trying to excuse leaving her behind, and they've broken off their engagement but are going to be doing couple's therapy. He's not staying the night with her but he's been at her mother's house every day to help with the baby.

[@silverghostcat1924]

With the dog story, the only AH is the mother for not training her dogs properly. It's not fair to the dogs or the people around the dogs. In some places if a dog is too aggressive it gets put down. Mom needs to get a handle on her dogs before someone is seriously hurt and the dog/s get euthanized.

[@AmAppleton]

In the UK if a dog attacks someone it can be put down (depends on whether it's reported and the severity). But the mum's definitely the AH in that. Any dog - regardless of size or breed - needs to be properly trained. Sure - a badly trained Yorkshire Terrier is going to do a lot less damage than a badly trained Cane Corso, but they can still bite

[@Unknown-ov2kz]

I was attacked by dogs when I was kid (I don't remember it, and I don't know the details since I was very little, but I'm not aware of any injuries acquired from the incident). Apparently I used to love dogs before that, but since being attacked, I have been terrified. It also doesn't help that since then, I have developed an allergy to dogs (I'm allergic to the saliva and the fur, but mostly the saliva (I carry around an EpiPen just in case) so hypoallergenic dogs won't do much for me). I still adore dogs from afar, but as soon as they're up close, that's it, I'm terrified.

[@jenm1]

It's so messed up to end the dog's life when he/she can still be trained.

[@lingodelfo5415]

​@@Unknown-ov2kz I have the same childhood experience, but I don't have an allergy, I have a full-on phobia, having panic attacks and full-blown meltdowns with crying after the dog encounter is over. Keep your dogs on a leash and kids away from the dogs that can traumatise them.

[@kiryanna]

I try not to jump to "break up with them" in these stories, but I do think the very pregnant OP whose fiance is fine with leaving her alone for Christmas while he goes on vacation probably needs to do some serious thinking about whether this is a relationship where she's being treated with respect and kindness. And the fiance needs to get his priorities in order. He says she's asking him to put her ahead of his family, but isn't his partner and unborn child his family?

[@Cinnamon_Cleric]

I went and found the post and he ended up missing the birth, but her mom and aunt made it back in time and were there for her. They took her out of the apartment and she's living with her mom for the time being. The boyfriend was upset to have missed the birth and told her about a bunch of manipulative stuff his family was saying to him, basically trying to excuse leaving her behind, and they've broken off their engagement but are going to be doing couple's therapy. He's not staying the night with her but he's been at her mother's house every day to help with the baby.

[@LouiseHultcrantz]

​@@Cinnamon_Cleric I was gonna say I don't think I'm usually this evil but I was kinda hoping he'd miss the birth😂 doesn't really sound like he wants a child anyway. He sounds like one of those who like the idea of "carrying on the family genes" but don't actually care about bringing up a child because they like kids

[@aurorafraire2528]

For the last story, the OPs fiance has a big double standard where he has FOMO on missing out on activities and socializing with his siblings, but not FOMO of the birth of his literal baby and being there for his fiance, especially when this is her first pregnancy, and there are many things that could go wrong.

[@melissacoviello2886]

The pregnant wife (girlfriend)should be so offended that husband would even consider being away from her (out of driving distance) within the last month of her pregnancy, let alone on Christmas.

[@faithpearlgenied-a5517]

And it's a shame she didn't get to know exactly what kind of man he is and where his priorities lie BEFORE getting pregnant by him.

[@EdibleStars369]

As someone who works with dogs, you need to assume that every single dog is a bite risk, especially around children. Accidents happen, things can scare a dog, children are unpredictable, can be loud, excitable, and move suddenly. Same with the dogs, if you're dog is easily excitable and not well trained, it can get out of hand and overwhelmed which can cause them to be mouthy, snap and nip not being able to regulate themselves, if you have no trained way to deal with it. Baby gates separating them in a room away from everyone or leaving the dogs at home and doing a shorter visit so she goes back to the dogs alone. I'd never have dogs loose around kids who are excited, opening presents at Christmas, especially ones that are untrained and aggressive. That sadly is an accident waiting to happen.

[@s.a.4358]

My father has two miniature dachshund, one of which gets easily excited and overstimulated, as well as loving to play fetch. She’s a very sweet and affectionate dog, not at all aggressive, but she barks a lot and gets so excited her whole little body starts shaking, so for people who do not know her it can be intimidating. And of course even though she has never been aggressive, she’s still an animal with protection instincts so there is a chance she may react differently around someone she doesn’t know or if she gets scared. Especially with children, because they run around and the dog then thinks it’s play time and gets all excited and hyper. My father is trying to work on it with her and even went to the veterinary to make sure it’s not a health issue or anything like that, but it’s her nature - her doggy brother on the other hand, same age and education, is super chill and hardly barks.

[@EdibleStars369]

​@s.a.4358 different dogs even in the same breed can have different levels of energy, different prey drive levels, different motivations. It sounds like your Dad is doing what he can, has he spoken to a positive behaviour trainer to see what they think is going on? It may be a case of catching before their dog gets to that point of over excitement and either redirecting to a calm activity where they need to focus on something else, or removing them to another room with less stimulating environment and giving them a moment to regulate their feelings. I walk a Springer Spaniel that sounds similar, shakes with her whole body and will bark when really excited I've found giving sniffing activities (sniffing is very calming) like treat hunts or puzzles or walks where she just is allowed to sniff to hearts content gives her time to settle back down. As you say, when someone doesn't know whats going on it can be intimidating. Sadly most adults don't know the body language in dogs to read what they are saying to us to ask us to give space or stop what we are doing. Which is why people think bites come out of the blue, when actually their dog has probably been giving warnings with their body language first that have been ignored and they have had to resort to biting. Theres no way a kid will read these signs, and they can cause more excitement when a dog is over excited or take things from dogs when they shouldn't, just best to assume something could go wrong and work to always actively supervise and/or separate kids and dogs for both their wellbeings.

[@mazzy_ivy]

⁠​⁠​⁠@@s.a.4358"gets so excited her whole little body starts shaking" you just described my dog

[@s.a.4358]

@@mazzy_ivy they could form a band together with the Spaniel from EdibleStars; The Shaky Tails (Name can be discussed)

[@mazzy_ivy]

@@s.a.4358 yes

[@aShadeBolder]

the first thing that bothered me about the "pregnant and partner wants to be elsewhere" was that they go to his side every year, and every other year *she* goes home early to spend time with her family. they are creating combined family (they're planning to get married and about to become parents. both these things are big "I consider this partner my family now" steps). their new nuclear family will have various extended family branches, most fundamental among them BOTH sets of parents & siblings. and he insists on seeing his parents, and only his parents, every year? no. I don't care if it's because he's too spineless to say no to his parents or if he genuinely wants it this way, he's treating OP like an accessory to his family of origin rather than an equal partner. it's not the biggest issue, but it feels big enough to me.

[@HighAsHeckPriestess]

I hope "soon to be Christmas mom" OP really deeply considers how her fiance values her. Either he's a chronic people pleaser, or he has daddy nerves. Either way, he better get the fuck over it before the child is born because he's gonna make that household miserable for his parents' sake

[@melissacoviello2886]

I have a dog that is very high strung, until recently I didn’t trust him with kids or strangers. I would always consider it my responsibility to make sure everyone’s safe. My dog doesn’t get to be a nuisance.

[@glitterspray]

True dog lovers understand this. A misbehaving dog needs boundaries for their own good as well as for others.

[@bambino05]

Both of my children were 4 days early. Babies come when babies want to come, they don't plan around your schedule. 2 days before the due date is way too close. The last trimester is the time to come together as a family ready to welcome your little wonder into the world. Personally, I wouldn't expect my partner to leave at all during that time. She's happy for him to go for a small amount of time, she's compromised, he can not. The order of priority should always be baby, partner, then parents/siblings. You chose your partner, they are your family, they are carrying your baby, they are the priority in this situation.

[@InThisEssayIWill...]

Alone at Christmas pregnancy story: As someone who was (very young) and very entrenched in the idea of being a low maintenance ((nlog 🙄) specifically religious trauma that had indoctrinated me to have no personal needs and no ability to voice them even if I had recognized they existed) I let my partner) (Also very young)leave me alone a lot.. the night I went into labor (3days before my "due date")I had to call him to come back home.. he was out.. hanging out/playing d&d/gaming with friends.. like 30 minutes away.. so not only was he not there.. but i had to wait increasing agony for him to get home. This is just a really good example of all the small ways in which resentment and distance built in our relationship. And this particularly.. feeling so isolated and alone with a body that can't be trusted.. traumatized me. For YEARS afterwards I had a visceral reaction when people asked "when are you going to have another one?" Like.. fucking never, thanks! It was awful. And only having one kid was never our plan.. and we've grown and matured since then our relationship is stronger than it's ever been.. but.. it doesn't erase that experience.

[@alex_blue5802]

The fiance absolutely should be prioritizing his pregnant partner over his parents. The way he is trying to shame her for that might be related to her reluctance to express her needs.

[@Kindyno]

I have strong feelings on the birth thing. When my twins were born I was deployed. I didn't have a choice on missing their birth. If you can be there you should be there. Your kids and partner are the most important family you have.

[@YourQueerGreatAuntie]

That first story was a bit triggering for me. I've had a couple of experiences with *good* friends checking with me when they wanted to use partly inaccessible venues for weddings. I said I'd go anyway, because of wanting to be there and not be a "bother", but the experiences were difficult, and I still got excluded in lots of little ways. One of the events, where we all shared photos afterwards, I'm barely in any of the photos, and usually in the background sitting down where everyone else is standing up and milling around. Parties are really tough when you're disabled. And to be "forgotten" by the in-laws when planning a clearly annual event really hits the sense of exclusion that I've experienced so often. On the plus side, members of my extended family have gone out of their way to ensure big events are in accessible venues, even when I haven't been well enough to go. It's super tough, and one of those instances where you're slapped in the face by ableist structures very, very close to home. Congrats on the single release, Shaaba! You are a true ray of sunshine.

[@16poetisa]

Story #3 is an example of why it's important to crate-train dogs. If they're crated, they can be indoors in a way that's safe for everyone. But I highly doubt this is the case for the dogs in question. Our family had an aggressive dog when I was younger, and it's almost like being in an abusive relationship. If you don't think you have any other options, it can be hard to face just how stressful and not-normal your situation is. We had to send ours to some people in the country who worked with aggressive dogs, that was the only other solution besides putting him down.

[@glitterspray]

A lot of people don’t understand why and how to crate train. Frankly we were in a bind and did it SO WRONG. Our follow up was much better, and Buddy came to consider the crate his safe place. One night he annoyed me and I yelled at him. He went straight to his crate and was “hahaha I’m safe now!” Which is accurate - because I would NEVER have dragged him out or punished him. Instead I grumbled at him; that didn’t stress him out one bit 😂

[@charoraimondogarcia]

I agree with comparing it to being in an abusive relationship. My childhood dog became agresive as he went older (he was a sweet dog his first 3 years, but he started to have epileptic episodes and something make him act out) and I didn´t like inviting my friends to my house because of it. Like you culdn´t go to the bathroom because he wuld atack you. It was really sad, but I kind of felt relief when he passed (don't get me wrong, I loved him but It was really hard to just be in my house)

[@SwearMY]

And the dogs get to feel like their crate is there safe place. You tell visitors that if the dog has gone into their crate, leave it alone, it needs it's space. it's a win win.

[@soullesscadmium30]

#4

[@viperblackjewel3915]

My dog can unlock crates and houdini his way out since he was 14 weeks old... but at least he's trained and doesn't destroy things

[@twistysunshine]

You seemed confused on last OP saying her mom had moved closer but was 2 hrs away. They probably live in a large country like the US. 2 hr drive to visit family on the weekend or Xmas is incredible regular here. It could very easily be closer than where the mom previously lived. My aunt and uncle on one side live a 17 hr drive away for ex. We do not see each other often. But if we lived only 2 hours away from each other? We'd only not visit if we didn't like each other lmao

[@thecraziestcrayon]

The mom in the last story is the AH for not properly training her dogs. My family has a boxer, Zoey. She's a bit territorial (i jokingly call her the "get off my lawn" of dogs), and doesn't like people due to her being abused before we rescued her. Whenever we have guests over, she's kept in a different room unless they're people she knows and is comfortable with. We're very careful introducing her to new people and never let her around kids. She's very well behaved and has never hurt anyone. She's been trained not to jump on people, and never trashes the house because she's provided with enough toys to entertain her. I love her to death, but I understand she can look and sound scary. She's fine when she's off her turf, but I've never tried to bring her to someone else's house, and certainly wouldn't if they didn't want me to. Mom brought this on herself by not training her dogs, then expecting everyone to accommodate them

[@Fragmented_Mask]

The family are being so unbelievably flippant about OPs pregnancy in story 3. There is no consideration of the fact that even with all our medical advances, birth can still be difficult and the potential for complications is very real. My sister and I had to be delivered by emergency C section a month early after a routine scan picked up a potentially life threatening issue. My friends baby was induced a month early after she developed pre eclampsia. Another friend was rushed to ER during birth and needed a blood transfusion. I know more friends of friends who also had serious issues during the birth. It happens. Imagine if OP had to face something like that alone because her fiancé had decided he needed to prioritise his family instead of her. Imagine if him not being there meant her or the baby were put at greater risk. The lack of care is wild and makes me really mad. As if she's not going through enough already being the one carrying the pregnancy and giving birth, it's made out like it's a minor thing that nobody needs to actually consider or worry about.

[@ilanarhian]

I don’t even understand how that guy’s mum doesn’t understand it’s dangerous for the wife to be left alone right before her due date. She’s had kids! She should know they can come early!

[@madhatterline]

There was an update. For context OP said, don't know why future MIL is saying that, as OP updates her regularly after appointments. OPs mom has now been notified, she happens to be a nurse & is horrified by how her daughter is being treated, & has scheduled an online meeting with the finance's parents. Also cultural differences, at the very least OPs mom is originally from HK, could be part of the problem. As to the finance, after support OP took him to an online appointment with obgyn, OP mentioned the trip & obgyn strongly recommended he didn't take the trip. He is still going, but he will be back by 22nd, his mom was not impressed & still wants him to come for Xmas day, hence why OPs mom is going to speak to her, along with OPs aunt. Also OPs mom is back with her daughter, though family issues are on going. AND OPs friend has said, I don't care what I'm doing or if it's xmas day, call me if you go into labour. 👌

[@samantharose7951]

I think the difference between the two location stories too is the timing. It seems like the first one was in the early stages of planning whereas the second one was 4 days prior. Plus the guest of the second one hasn’t offered any help e.g I’ll bring plates for the kids and a kiddie table, and has instead put it on the host who has already done all the buying and organising

[@s.a.4358]

Another difference is that the first story is a whole family vacation, not just a meal, and the invitation was to the whole family (OP, husband and children), whereas the friend-Christmas is just one evening. Maybe if it were just for Christmas dinner / lunch they could have made it work for the husband’s wheelchair or OP might have gone with (some of) the kids and husband could have made other plans for that time, then the nuclear family celebrate Christmas together at another moment. The way I understand it the friendmas was always planned childfree except for the baby (which I can understand being an exception on account of baby’s needs) and then the friend with kids wants to change things, which is not only inconvenient to OP, the host, but also not really fair for the other friend who did get a babysitter. You have kids, it’s your responsibility to either watch them and potentially miss out on things, or to find a babysitter. Also OP did not get annoyed when the friend said she cannot attend due to lack of babysitter - “that’s too bad” is maybe a bit rude but she didn’t get angry (she may have been a bit annoyed at the friend’s lack of planning) the way the grandparents in the first story did.

[@dianetheone4059]

Florida family is endangering their GRANDCHILD! What horrible people.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

First story: I’ve noticed that a lot of people tend to assume that accessibility laws mean that every public place is accessible to people with all physical disabilities. This is of course simply not true, but if they haven’t needed to plan with that in mind before, I’m not surprised they didn’t think to/maybe didn’t know how to check. The lack of awareness was a problem, but not as big as when they dug in and compounded the issue.

[@jayd8139]

I agree with your point about lack of awareness but also I think it's pretty obvious that a ski resort likely wouldn't be a good vacation spot for someone in a wheelchair

[@HighAsHeckPriestess]

​@@jayd8139at least without proper notice so they could get the equipment (takes lots of time and money to get custom made ski equipment for disabled folks, especially for competition or for someone already familiar with snow sports). It's not something I'd offer as a vacation knowing that fact unless i could manage to get such equipment at the drop of a hat.

[@s.a.4358]

In general I agree that a lot of people are simply not aware, but in this case the son-in-law has been in the (grand)parents life for at least 8 years (as the oldest common child with OP is that age) and probably longer, so I do not think it is unreasonable to be aware of accessibility needs.

[@salamanda11]

I can’t believe the family and fiance that think it’s no big deal to come back TWO DAYS BEFORE THE DUE DATE. I’m currently 35 weeks pregnant, and I would be furious if anyone suggested my husband be away in the last month prior to the due date. That’s absolutely insane. And OP shouldn’t be alone on Christmas. What the hell.

[@coasttocoast2011]

Babies gonna come when babies wanna come. I was due in July but I was born in August. My work offsider’s daughter was due in February but born in January

[@annacansdale226]

I’m actually shocked by the pregnancy story😮 I’ve just finished a rotation in obs and gynae and the final weeks before your due date are so crucial and so fragile. You need your birthing partner with you the whole way, whether that be your partner, a parent, a friend ect. Due dates are an estimation and a baby will come whenever they want and if god forbid, there were complications or something went wrong, I can’t imagine going through that ALONE. If my partner was that close to their due date I would feel anxious to even leave them for a few hours. Not only was this selfish on your partner’s behalf, it’s also potentially dangerous. Me personally, I wouldn’t be keeping that baby daddy around, especially given his family’s attitude. I hope the baby was delivered safely and mum and baby are both well❤

[@nicked_fenyx]

Re: the last one, I am both a dog trainer and a service dog partner myself. Obviously I love dogs. But I am *not* a fan of people who insist on bringing their pet dogs everywhere with them. As a service dog trainer/handler with experience training a wide variety of dogs for a wide variety of reasons, I am acutely aware of the fact that the vast majority of dogs do not have the temperament to truly enjoy being taken everywhere alongside their owners. It's a big scary world out there, one that - in general - has not been created with the accomodation of dogs in mind. Crazy things can and do happen, and most dogs do not have either the training (hundreds of hours) or the temperament to handle such events correctly. People, leave your pets at home or take them to specifically only to pet-friendly places. Nowhere else. Second, when I first started requiring the aid of a service dog myself, I ran into some issues with family members who didn't understand why I *had* to have a dog with me, and didn't want my service dog in their home. It didn't matter that my dog was incredibly highly trained and would remain on leash at my feet under full control the entire time. It didn't matter that my safety - and in some cases, my life - relied upon having said dog accompany me. These people just didn't want a dog in their home, period. You know what I said? "Okay. It's your home, and that's completely within your rights. I'll celebrate elsewhere this year." I didn't ask other family members to refuse to attend the event out of some form of solidarity - in fact, I encouraged my spouse to go without me, since it was in the same town and he could easily go for just a short while to enjoy some amazing home cooking before coming back to re-join me. In the end, I missed that holiday meal, but over the course of the next year those family members got the opportunity to watch my dog at work in more public scenarios, and by the time the next year's holidays rolled around they were fully on board with having both me and my service dog in their home, and even defended my need for the dog against some other family members who didn't know me that well and were offended that my service dog was allowed while their untrained, aggressive ankle biter was not. My point is that if I, as someone whose literal safety relied upon having a trained service dog by my side, didn't make a fuss over someone deciding whether or not they wanted my dog in their home, OP's family has no right to make a fuss over the non-presence of pets who are not only *not* required for anyone's safety, but could actually pose a threat to the safety of other people nearby due to issues with aggression. All of this is apart from the fact that those dogs *really* need either training or re-homing, as Shaaba said. It sounds like they're living in a near-constant state of hypervigilance. They clearly have separation anxiety when left home alone, but that can be worked on. If OP's family member is unwilling/unable to work through that issue for the sake of her dogs, they should be placed in a home with someone who will consider the dogs' needs and find a way to meet them. Dogs like that *definitely* shouldn't be dragged along everywhere alongside the owner. They need proper training, and a way to feel safe in their own space at home. OP is definitely NTA. The dogs' owner is.

[@abccba4889]

As someone who is currently training a service dog and is active in the social media sphere of dogs, it’s always so baffling how people don’t realize how stressful mundane environments for humans are for your average dog. Most people don’t know it’s actually being relaxed in public spaces that’s the hard part when training a service dog.

[@nicked_fenyx]

@@abccba4889 Exactly. It's surprisingly difficult for dogs to enter the "hurry up and wait" state of mind in public spaces. Service dogs spend huge chunks of time in public just laying down - not sleeping, ready to jump into action at any time, but calm nonetheless. That's not easy for dogs to learn, especially in busy, noisy environments with lots of cool smells, food scattered around the floor (restaurants), toddlers running up to them screaming, etc. And all of that is on a *good* day, lol.

[@emmafischell622]

I think there is a difference between the situations in that it seemed like the person who would be most upset at the mom not attending was the OP, which made it a bit harder

[@Dyejob01]

OP 3 is not the AH in this story. She says Her partner has FOMO. But it sounds like he is only concerned with FOMO for his parents and siblings. What about the woman he is supposed to be CHOOSING YOU as his family, including his own child!!!!

[@Unchained_Alice]

First one I'd totally do what OP did. They have been together a long time so the family should know by now. I'm disabled and I'd sure be hurt if I wasn't considered by family at all whether blood or inlaws (when I have them) I wouldn't want anyone to say 'change it or we won't be able to come'. I'd want my spouse to say what OP did. Edit: Also, I'd say the grandparents are AHs for not even thinking about her husband. It's obvious it was inappropriate for him and for that alone they are AHs. For behaving how they did afterwards, AH is too light a word.

[@glitterspray]

Maybe POS is more accurate.

[@WildeMermaid]

Strong agree!

[@kia.tarsia]

🩷🍑 The baby due date one is ridiculous! Both my girls were born early 7 & 10 days early respectively. My now ex almost missed my younger daughter's birth & he was 30 minutes away!

[@undefinederror40404]

Appreciate the mention that we should never leave dogs/pets in a car! When it's hot out, not even for a minute. When it's cold out, the 30minutes she mentioned seems like a good measure to me. But indeed also depends on the dogs, the area, a lot of things... Generally just a bad idea to leave em in the car. And it probably shouldn't have to be said but I'll still say it: same goes for kids/babies.

[@justtired2050]

As someone who has had an ESA dog for over 3 years, last OP is definitely nta. My ESA is usually pretty well behaved but had issues with aggression when he was a puppy, resource guarding and anxiety with large crowds or being trapped specifically (he is 30 lbs). It was really hard but as the owner it’s your responsibility to train your dog and to find alternatives if you can’t go somewhere because of them. There are plenty of college events I missed out on because it would stress my dog out too much to go and I had nowhere I could leave him alone at the time. He’s much better aggression wise now but it’s still something I have to be extra cautious of because of his history, and I’m okay with doing that because I love him and want him and the people I’m with to be safe and comfortable. I will say I would not be willing to put my dog away when people visit my place and I don’t think that’s an unfair thing to do; I let people know I have a dog and if they don’t want him to be around, then we don’t meet at my house. I’m not much of a host either though so that’s a relatively easy boundary to set 🤷‍♂️ Also, I wouldn’t say that leaving a dog in a car alone is 100% bad 100% of the time. Definitely not okay if it’s hot outside and not recommended for long periods of time, but I’d say that it depends on the situation. The mom’s dogs might be more comfortable in the car, because it’s a familiar place, than in a secluded area of a “stranger’s” and thus less likely to misbehave, and if they have everything they need in there (water, places to lie down and space to move, fresh air, warmth) then it isn’t really much different than leaving them alone in a bedroom or small apartment. That’s just my perspective though as someone who’s had to make do sometimes cause I’m a student who doesn’t have an apartment to myself. I’d definitely check on them every half hour at least if they were my dogs and that’s what I decided to do though

[@charlottehjort3609]

I would be too anxious to leaving pets in the car.

[@shortcake66]

Putting myself in that pregnant woman’s place made me feel so sad and scared and un-cared for. He is a giant stinking a*****e and if I was one of his family members I’d be asking him what the HELL he was doing here when his partner’s about to give birth. Poor woman may well be tired, in pain, in discomfort, not sleeping, possibly unable to do some things for herself; she is probably frightened, with good reason- babies don’t necessarily arrive on the due date and there are many things that could go wrong and put her and/or the baby in danger. You know she’s got no-one else around and you’re still just going to f**k off and leave her to it? 😡

[@sweariefaerie9621]

First OP gets brownie for standing up for her boundaries while honoring her family.😊

[@cutegixie]

Oh man the fiance Florida one!!!! I don't understand people who don't prioritize pregnant or recently pregnant peope. Same goes with the earlier story regarding disabilities!!! And he is LEAVING on th 15th?? There are so many reasons why this scenario is awful- from the length of time, to the fact its xmas, plus her parents being away for an emergency- but I just can't imagine wanting to leave (and actually doing it not just the feeling) so close to a due date. I was born two weeks early in the middle of the night in a snow storm. There is a good possibility OPs child could be in the exact same boat. Where are the women/other parents in his family yelling at him? Maximum amount of acceptable time from husband would be 15-22 (a week) and even then i would consider it a great sacrifice and compromise from OP. Not to dig on this guy too much, I have missed out on a number of recent holidays with my siblings and I know how much it sucks but the fact that his parents seem to be pushing it and convincing op that it's fine makes this sound like a terrible situation/relationship to be in.

[@rribbonss]

I’ve had “problem dogs” in the past and I just… didn’t bring them places. Find someone else to look after them. There’s doggy daycares and stuff like that. I feel like the mom is trying to push the boundaries on purpose by saying they can stay in the car, then saying actually never mind they can go on the porch, then actually never mind that’s too cruel like ?? I don’t see how it’s cruel for a short time especially if they have otherwise active lives and you’re going to take them for a walk afterwards. I think owning large dogs and living in a caravan is a bad decision to begin with (or at least only works if the dogs are easy and can be looked after by other people when needed.)

[@rribbonss]

Also most dogs are more than happy to be outside, but I guess if it’s extreme weather and dogs that don’t have a coat that’s suitable for that then it’s a problem to leave them outside. idk maybe I’m making assumptions but this mom just sounds like someone who creates extra problems for herself and then blames others that she has those problems 🫠 I’ve met that person a thousand times

[@jennifers5560]

Yes, this. That is what I kept thinking! I love my dog, but I don’t take him everywhere.

[@TCHorwood-xq7mw]

"... the siblings can overlap dates ...". OP's fiance can't, he's about to becpme a father.

[@jeremyusreevu237]

There are 2 types of r/AmITheA-hole posts: 1. "I 100% did the right thing, but I feel guilty about what I did, so I want to make sure that what I did was ok." 2. "I did not even remotely do the right thing, and acted like a terrible person, and I just want validation that the awful thing I did was ok."

[@wegotthechoccies]

As someone who was born prematurely, my dad wasn't going ANYWHERE. As a disabled person with a fellow disabled brother, if someone in our family planned a trip, invited us, and it was something that we couldn't participate in (because of our poor vision and sun sensitivity), then we wouldn't go. And they would need to accept that, or change the venue to something that everyone can enjoy. Luckily, our family isn't ablest and cares about all of our family members.

[@kellyl13]

I'm not a naggy texter, but I absolutely hate calling people and get annoyed when people call me just to ask a question.

[@animeartist888]

Same except it depends on the question. Something more immediate like "hey honey, they don't have the specific brand of bread we like, what should I get to replace it?" is perfectly fine. In fact, I'd prefer a call over us purchasing something I won't eat. But to ask questions about an event that is planned for several days from now? Nope, that should be a text.

[@SomeoneBeginingWithI]

The first one is NTA. If the grandparents thought that it would be nice to have christmas with their grandchildren and not the grandchildren's parents, they really should have discussed that with the parents before booking the venue. Some families might choose to do that but it's unusual and not something you should just assume. Excluding the parents becuase the father is a wheelchair user is awful. Much better for the 3 children to spend christmas with their parents at home.

[@s.a.4358]

Also one of the kids is 1 and the other 5, which is still quite small to be away from parents for an extended period. Some children are okay with it, especially if they see the grandparents regularly and are used to staying over, but it’s not something I would assume. Especially not around Christmas. What if they still believe in Santa and he doesn’t know to deliver presents to the vacation spot instead of at home??

[@SomeoneBeginingWithI]

@@s.a.4358 oh wow I had missed the ages of the children. tbh 1 and 5 seems really young for a ski holiday? I think there are probably ski classes for 5 year olds at most/some resorts, but the one year old can't even walk confidently yet. It's definately better for the kids to stay at home with their parents. The argument of "depriving the children" really doesn't make any sense for a ski holiday at that age range. If the rest of the family really want to go sking, wouldn't brining a one year old inconvenience them even more than bringing a wheelchair user?

[@s.a.4358]

@@SomeoneBeginingWithI I guess the baby would just hang out inside with a grown up while the others go skiing. And maybe the 5 year old can ski a bit, or just play in the snow. To be honest it doesn’t sound like the best plan for that family between the father being in a wheelchair and 2 out of 4 kids being still young. Maybe when the youngest children are a bit older and they can find a place that accommodates wheelchair users, but this year it might be more fun for everyone to do fun stuff closer to home.

[@SomeoneBeginingWithI]

@@s.a.4358 That then raises the question: couldn't the adult who stays behind with the baby be the baby's dad? Like if they really wanted to do a ski holiday with children at these ages, they could have picked an accessible venue. Or wait until the kids are older and pick an accessible venue. It just seems so odd to me, and hurtful to exclude the dad. This should have been discussed in the planning stage, not after they'd already booked something inaccessible.

[@eksassy901]

My due date was Jan 2nd, my son’s birthday is Dec 21st! Babies can come whenever they want! Love your stories and your takes Shabba ❤

[@stereoboese]

FOMO-Story: My baby was due on January first, and my grandparents are too old to travel. So in order to have a Christmas all together, we moved it and celebrated the family Christmas two weeks before the real date. It was a bit odd, but everybody was very understanding, and it was a nice event. My baby was born on Christmas Day, so it turned out to be a very good precaution 😊

[@Fairysnuff91]

The pregnant partner story is insane. Like the husband would rather risk his wife and child die than miss out on a family event. Pregnancy is dangerous. Anything could happen.

[@curiousnerdkitteh]

0:33 Edit: She does fisting motions for emphasis 😂 I always laugh when Shaaba talks about "diving into the A-holes"😂. This time she just had to use the hand movements and emphasize"deep". 😂 And that peach light just kills me lol.😂😂😂

[@shaaba]

oh no I didn’t even notice I gestured this 😂

[@glitterspray]

@@shaabakeep it up we love it 🙂

[@jessepiet]

Wow, the second one is definitely the a-hole badge for me. OP never gave any clear-cut answers. As an auDHDer, if I was the friend and was never told not to bring my kids, and the only texts I got were "that's a shame" and "I'll let you know" with no further explanation, I'd assume it was ok to go ahead. OP is definitely not the a-hole for not wanting kids at the event, but they are definitely the a-hole for not prioritising a few minutes of communication with the friend to sort it out

[@izzybillings1796]

i have two cousins in wheelchairs, any holiday situations consider stairs/ramps/bathrooms for them. its so easy to just…not be an asshole

[@Moemoeourandiaries]

As a very devoted dog dad, who is solely responsible for the care of my precious pup, the dog parent’s treatment of her dogs and family are unacceptable. If she is going to have those dogs as companions, she owes it to them to train them properly. Even if she had the best dogs in the world, it wouldn’t matter if people aren’t comfortable around them! Especially if those people have/are children! So dangerous! Those kids could get absolutely traumatized, hurt, or worse. Not to be harsh, but her treatment of her daughter and her dogs suggest she’s just not a very responsible parent…

[@friendly.felidae]

Things that you should always train your dogs to be okay with (for theirs and others safety): crates, muzzles, and having their ears/paws/mouth touched (those last three are important for vet visits). Jeeze. Unless these are brand new dogs and haven't had the time to be trained yet, it's a bit messed up that they can't be alone that long. It also suggests to me that the range rover (questionably not okay for temperature reasons anyway) was never a real option, nor would taking them to a kennel be or having them come at all- if they would destroy their own house out of stress they will also not be able to function at those other options. A new house is a stressful place at the best of times and their owners will not be able to make the dogs their full attention.

[@heather9130]

FOMO Fiancé: You can go into labor or have complications at any time, including first pregnancy. These parents are being completely ridiculous. My friend just went for an ordinary non-stress test a week before her due date. It was abnormal, the doctor said let's induce. 48 hours of labor and an emergency C section later, they had their healthy baby girl. This can happen ANY TIME. Can you imagine doing all of that alone while your partner is in Florida?? I'm so frustrated with this man's parents. My husband is going on a work trip to Florida 3 weeks before my due date and we'r both nervous about it, but his boss is insisting. "Oh your wife will be fine." What is wrong with everyone lol. Why is it always Florida? At least I have my MIL and best friend on deck ready to support me if something happens.

[@luli9364]

So there's a strong possibility that I'll be spending Christmas without my family this year, and I'm doing everything I can to be there with them, and yet this manchild wants to leave his wife and his baby alone? Absolutely not. They are your family now, take some responsibility

[@n3mo1123]

on the due date one... selfish = putting your wants over others' needs. reasonable self-centering = putting your needs before the wants of others and asking them to do the same if it's appropriate, which in this case it clearly is. OP NEEDS birth support, fiance WANTS to go on a family trip. OP is not seflish at all.

[@lucyannethrope7569]

I used to have a very insecure rottweiler (she was adopted and came from very horrible conditions), she was by no meens aggressive, how ever she did growl and cower to people she didn't know.....at first. My SIL's mother was afraid of big dogs...and off cause, her insecurity made my all ready nervous dog even more insecure. Come the first Christmas with the dog, we where about celebrate at my parents place . I couldn't leave my dog by her selfe at home, so I had to take her with me. How ever my dad set up the pattio to accommodate my dog. And it worked out fine. Had a very nice Christmas dinner. And yeah, during the night, my sil's mother took a walk with me and my dog....made her less scare of it ...and further down the line, they accually bonded. The next year my dog was with us in the house the entire x-mas celebrations...and my sil's mum came to love her as much as I did. My point is, problems can be solved.

[@hexonyou]

we also had a dog problem when our son was an infant through toddler and everyone in my partner's side of the family were 1. not used to having young children around and 2. mostly had very poorly trained or completely untrained pups with a lot of bad habits. This lead to 3 incidents of my son being snapped at or bitten, and a years long fear of dogs that we are still working to overcome at the age of 12. It got to the point where I just couldn't have my partner and kiddo go to family events alone because we always had to have two pairs of eyes/two adults watching out for him. The dog events still happen but by-and-large without us, and we attend the quieter events where most of the dogs don't come along. Dogs are wonderful animals but a mix of high stress from lots of people and a lot of adults who have no regard for how well their animal is handling the situation just... leads to bad environments, especially for the smallest in the group.

[@TheRvestal11]

I'd like to say that, as someone who has experienced significant abuse, the phrase "there's 3 sides: yours, theirs, and the truth" sits really poorly with me.

[@unapologeticallylizzy]

What is the issue? Everybody will have a different perspective and it's important to hear out both sides before figuring out objectively what's going on.

[@TheRvestal11]

​@unapologeticallylizzy I think one of the reasons that it sits really poorly with me is because abusers often straight up lie to cover themselves. And, often, not taking the abused person attheir word can result in victim blaming or denial/minimization of events. Although it isn't explicitly stated, the phrase also seems to give equal weight to all "3 sides" which isn't accurate. Hope that helps explain where I'm coming from.

[@TheRvestal11]

As an example: Child says: Dad burned my hands on the stove as a punishment for something I did Dad says: I would never do that, it didn't happen The truth is squarely on the side of the child, is it not? There's not a secret middle ground here.

[@unapologeticallylizzy]

@@TheRvestal11 I mean, that isn't how I hear that phrase. Also, I'm not sure it's applicable to all situations. Cases of abuse are obviously extreme and the default should be to trust the victim.

[@unapologeticallylizzy]

@@TheRvestal11 Yes, but the statement "there are three sides: yours, theirs and the truth" doesn't mean one side can't be the same as the truth.

[@MakeshiftMelody]

Definitely NTA on the last one. My brother has a German shepherd who unfortunately was injured as a puppy and has to spend his formative months basically crate bound so he wasn't well socialised with other dogs. I have a 3 year old small Lhasa apso mix who gets scared when other dogs get too much in her space especially him because he doesn't know her body language enough to back off and in the past she has lashed out because he's been essentially jumping on her while she's scared. In light of this we always check with eachother who is bringing a dog and make sure we aren't putting them together in high energy environments like Christmas. One of us will always either leave the dog at home or drop them off with a friend for the day just to make sure everyone remains safe and having a good time

[@emeraldqueen1994]

As someone with VERY BAD BALANCE I’m not scared of dogs UNLESS they’re jumping around me because I’m scared of getting knocked over…

[@HumbleWooper]

Story... three I think? The one with the dad leaving his very pregnant partner alone to be with his family for the holiday. I have an awful suspicion if OP has the baby early before he gets home, his family might blame HER for taking their precious boy's attention away from them. "You're so needy you gave birth early just to get him back" type of deal. And if she *doesn't* have the baby before he's back they'll feel justified in keeping him, tell her she was worried for nothing. They've put her in a no-win situation. 😩

[@robynabee]

As a Dog Person, I think it's dreadful when people don't train them properly and insist on bringing them into places where they could hurt or scare someone. My husky mix is basically my child, and he has very good manners, but there are plenty of occasions where I wouldn't bring him along.

[@sisi7304]

for the inaccessible one with the dad wheelchair user, there are soooo many ski resorts who *are* wheelchair accessible, even having programs for disabled wheelchair users to ski in special sleds that allowed for all sorts of range of motion if the person could, but also allowed the person to just come along for the ride if that's all that's possible, (I've done ski resort trips with my family when my aunt, who loved skiing, was in a wheelchair and she used the special sled, had so much fun), basically, OP's family choosing an inaccessible one is ridiculous, then asking for only the kids (one who's only 1 year old iirc) to come makes zero sense, unless the kids were older teens (like most of my family), parents come with kids and/or kids come with parents to family events like that imo, so OP def NTA, OP's in-laws/family are

[@marjgarn]

As a single someone with 3 dogs, all rescues, I have 1 tiny dog that is super people-friendly and loves kids, one tiny dog that is scared of everyone but just shys away, and one that is huge and very defensive of me. I know how to introduce my huge dog to ppl and have things be okay, but I cannot control everything, so I often to keep her separated from gatherings. Leaving dogs in a car is something I've done a lot, and while they all do need walking every few hours, unless it is freezing or very hot, they're all totally safe and sound in the car. I always make sure dogs in a car have food and water, and they're not sequestered for more than a couple hours straight.

[@HumbleWooper]

Story one... how were the four kids supposed to GET to the ski resort without either parent? Have four kids ranging from one to fifteen years old ride along with an extended family member? Or mom drops them off and picks them up? The eldest of OP's batch is 15, it wouldn't be fair to make them parent their siblings for presumably several days. And probably change the youngest's diapers and watch them constantly since there's probably no playpen or crib to put them in. Whichever family member thought up this idea didn't think the logistics through, unless they already had an adult family member offering to be the substitute parent for however long the trip is.

[@mossman15]

for the dad leaving the pregnant woman im not only upset with him but with his parents. even if they don’t see the mother as family, THAT IS THEIR GRANDCHILD on what planet do grandparents say “yeah sorry, i wanna spend time with all my children AT THE RISK OF MY GRANDCHILDREN”?!?! i truly cannot understand how this is even a conversation

[@melodycuthbert4840]

My oldest was born 2 weeks before her due date (38 weeks). My middle child was born by emergency c-section @ 36 weeks for placental abruption. My youngest was born by emergency c-section @ 34 weeks due to severe eclampsia. Babies come when they will.

[@writerious]

Wait, hold up, this woman is pregnant and so near her due date that the baby could arrive any day now, and her fiance wants to leave her all by herself, alone, while he goes off to be with his relatives on Christmas? Not only would she be alone at Christmas, which is sad, but she may be alone when she goes into labor, which is not only sad, but potentially dangerous if there are any complications. Have they had any conversations about how she's going to get to the hospital if she's alone? Is there anyone who can be with her, or could she be giving birth alone? No, fiance, it's totally NOT okay to leave your pregnant partner totally alone at this time!

[@Mariethechaotic]

22:07 Withdrawal from antidepressants is making me way too weepy, I started getting teary literally just at you saying "no my love, you are not the asshole" at the *first story *. And then the story about the husband leaving his expecting wife just added to it. Also fully agree with you. There are definitely some red flags there for the relationship.

[@thedragonssparkvideos]

"It's ok to sometimes be selfish" YES! It took me too long to allow myself to do this. It's healthy to be 'selfish' sometimes and look after yourself.

[@molybdomancer195]

18:48 “ample time before the baby is due”. My first child was three weeks early and my second two weeks late. You can never predict when the baby will be born and what if OP has a medical emergency while her partner is away?

[@ezra_aeneas_jonathan]

The fomo guy: It's not even priorising the baby tonthe parents (which is a totelly.ok thing to expect, the baby should always come first), she is asking him to priorising a one in a lifetime event of the baby to a yearly event for the parents.

[@StoryBird2]

25:50 my family had a dog who, no matter what help we got, was unruly. She had something up with her but we knew we couldn't care for a dog like that especially with a little kid in the house so we gave her away to someone who could give her much more attention. Even if you love your dogs they need to be happy too and if you can't give that to them then endangering your family isn't the solution

[@SLYKM]

I really want to stress, for the second story, if you don't even know their kids and never met them, you cannot expect them or yourself to accommodate Christmas for kids you don't know. Get a back bone, tell them they aren't invited with the kids because you haven't planned for that. If they accept that, cool, if not, still cool. Don't shame the parents for not having a sitter on mother f-christmas and shame them more for continuing to invite them just without kids. Man that makes my blood boil that no one is pointing this out.

[@annabrown3337]

I was totally gonna say one of them could stay home with kids, but a commenter said it. We did that and my daughter hardly ever sees my bestie because I go stay there as my bestie is 3 hrs away

[@bethsmith3421]

Most of these stories boil down to someone not having empathy and consideration for others. The parents for planning Christmas in a place inaccessible for the husband, the friend wanting the host to change party plans with only 4 days notice to accommodate her, the fiancé towards his partner at Christmas when baby is due and the mother with the dogs. We had a dog for years. We took her on our vacations and always made the accommodations with her in mind (our choice). Anyone coming along were told well in advance that the dog would be with us, hence our planned accommodations. But going to friends' home especially in the same area, our dog stayed home, comfortable in her home, with her food, water and doggy door. Our dog was a toy poodle, so not a large dog and very well behaved. We had friends with aggressive dogs. My mother was bitten several times by the one dog and to this day is very scared of German Shepherds. We stopped visiting these friends at their home because of the dog. People need to understand that their aggressive or untrained dog is their problem, figure it out, it's not everyone else's problem to solve.

[@lauraelliott6909]

OMG, the Florida dad-to-be is so out of line. Not only is he disregarding his partner's emotional needs, he's not planning to support her if she goes into labor? What if there are life-threatening complications? Florida is huge. Unless they live very close just over the state border in driving distance, he'd have to book a last minute flight home during the holidays. If they live anywhere with winter weather, that's another potential delay. His partner, baby, or both could pass away while he tries to get home. To think of her going through any of that alone is horrifying.

[@curiousnerdkitteh]

You mentioned that if the dogs are likely to destroy the caravan that might make them likely to act out in company. There's a bit more to consider here: I think it's more risky leaving dogs alone unsupervised in a house than having them nearby because you can check on them, so if they're the type to get anxious or if something stresses them out while they're alone that'd be the reason for trashing the caravan. Many dogs will calm down (relatively speaking, not saying they'll behave just saying they may be calmer than if they were left alone shut up in a caravan) so long as their owners are nearby. Also during holiday time you often have to watch out for people setting off fireworks. We'd often have to tranquilize our dogs beause they'd get so scared if neighbours (even far, far away neighbours) wanted to celebrate with fireworks, and we'd make sure we or a dog-sitter was with them if there were going to be fireworks, even though they were fine being left alone for an evening or a day otherwise. Once or twice my parents got the days wrong, and came home to the back door covered in deep scratches and splintering, because there had been a few fireworks and the poor dog had panicked and tried to dig/scratch through the door. 😢 So those are some concerns that an owner might have if certain things might freak out their dog if they're left at home alone without the parent to calm them if something triggers them, hence dogs being alone is often not the same situation or same concerns as how they'd behave if they're with company. Even a car backfiring on the road outside at midday would make our labrador jump to his feet and start looking around because he was so terrified of fireworks, poor thing. Thankfully there's been a lot more regulation since then on where people can set off fireworks - people living in the suburbs can't just set off rockets with no regard for safety or their neighbours.

[@afineblueline]

I bought the song 🤗 I love your voice. And wow. The pregnant woman who will be alone on Christmas and potentially through the birth of her child.. one of the most shocking AITA of all time. What is going on with people and family pressure? So sad.

[@shaaba]

Thank you so much!! I know right?! Really hoping the forum’s helped the partner to see other sides to this x

[@andrewmarchand8326]

For the last story. As a dog owner, it is irresponsible to have untrained dogs. It is also irresponsible to expect to be able to take your dog EVERYWHERE with you. There are places that don't allow dogs and untrained dogs are the reason, most of the time. Here in the US, there are many places that don't allow dogs, but people bring them anyway. When confronted, they falsely claim that their dog is an assistance/service animal. Pet peeve of mine as I am also a service dog handler/disabled. At any rate, if the dogs are aggressive and not well trained, they should be staying at home. There was another comment that mentioned crate training. This is a great way to get a dog comfortable with being alone without the fear of them destroying your place. Please be a responsible dog owner, if you have dogs.

[@srhfitzpatrick]

My mom’s boss tried to get her to travel for work during my third trimester. Even asked when my due date was when trying to convince her to. She refused. Had she given in she would’ve been away when her first grandchild was born.

[@louloudaki_]

congrats on the release of the single! also in the one story where the people were saying to just relocate the event four days before so they could bring their kids that weren’t supposed to be there, when you read the part where they told them to just move the event i stopped for a second and did a double take like “someone actually said that?” like neither party was being particularly nice, but that comment is just awful imo 28:35 super confused why she’s bringing the dogs in the first place? my family and i have three dogs and sometimes we’ll be out and about for a few hours and come back and they’re totally fine, usually just napping. i’m just really confused. like unless a dog is like an esa or service dog (which these don’t sound like they are) i don’t see why they would bring them all over. especially with how uncomfortable everyone is with them and the fact that the dog owner isn’t even the host this issue seems extremely avoidable i’ll be honest

[@Silentgrace11]

As very much a dog person myself….person in the 4th scenario is definitely NTA. Aggressive dogs are a sign of an owner that does not properly train their dog, or previously has not. Even if it’s due to ignorance on the owner’s part and not due to ill intent (my mom’s chihuahua lived to be 16 years old and was hell on wheels because we were very much not equipped to handle and train a small breed of dog after raising large dogs for years) other people do not need to be subjected to said dog. Other people do not need to be subjected to your dog in general. Regardless of how trained they are, the onus is on you to ensure that your dogs are well behaved with other people and in other spaces. It’s never on the other people to bend over backwards for you and your dogs, or to make themselves uncomfortable to enter a space with your dogs.

[@twinning1944]

A MONTH with the family for Christmas every year! Yikes. 5 days is more than enough for me.

[@curiousnerdkitteh]

I like your idea of making Christmas a season rather than just a day. I'm not a big fan of Christmas but I'd like to do that with holidays where there's an opportunity to spend time with loved ones! Cramming everything into one day is also pretty intense and not relaxing! Holidays are for resting! 😝

[@melissacoviello2886]

I’ll stream it because it’s such a good cause (and I’ll buy it if I can), it’ll be the only non Pentatonix Christmas music I listen to this year.

[@shaaba]

this is beyond sweet, thank you!

[@trinitybernhardt9944]

As a wheelchair user who has to be accommodated for during our family get togethers i will say this, it is a very sensitive position. I have definitely had to work with them on making a place work. It can feel very much like you are a burden, even with a loving family. If they suddenly picked a place they knew i couldn't go it would be a massive slap in the face. There is a difference between not understanding how much room i need vs an inaccessible location. After all, every person with disabilities is unique. I might just bow out gracefully vs asking them to change everything. It can be very dehumanizing to feel like you are begging to be included in your own family. The kid thing... 100% depends on how they asked. The fact they jumped to it before asking about accommodation for him tells me they probably did it in an AH way. Though I can only go by presented vibe. OP is not the AH and I hope they have a very happy family Christmas. It might be the best tradition going forward. I agree with NAH based on info we have. The friends faced the situation head on, we need to bring them, or not go. Most aren't that self aware. The asking to move was a bit presumptuous, but they might have been pushing for a response so they could plan if they didn’t go. I think the idea one should go was a bit much. If it was one of their friend groups than fine, but being shared i think the best response was neither. There are times for splitting, but this didn't feel like one. OP was definitely not an AH. She had a plan and it didn't include kids. She is aware that type of plan won't work in future years, but everything had been agreed to for this year. It isn't anyone's fault there was a hiccup, but it wasn't on OP to absorb it. This one gave me rage! You do not leave a pregnant mom alone in her final month! My best friend was two weeks early and i was 2 weeks late. We actually basically switched due dates. The emotional and physical needs of a pregnant person are so important. This would absolutely be a gigantic red flag and if he wasn't there and doing everything he could to fix the fact he even suggested it, I would be gone. NTA I think OP tried to compromise. It is sad mom won't work with them. It is everyone's right to come or not, but it still stinks.

[@elisakrivas]

So, one thing about the last one and a dog ruining a home: No, if a dog ruins your home while you're gone, it doesn't mean they will be destructive somewhere else. A great example is my grandma's dog, River. River has separation anxiety and is frantic any time my grandma is out of his sight. If she's visible, he's calm. If she's out of sight, he whines, cries, yelps, barks, jumps, runs, and gets very destructive. If we left him home alone, he would destroy the place. If we take him somewhere with us, he's calm. In reality, every dog is different.

[@sybariticcupboardrat3763]

I love dogs, I had at least one for the first 27 years of my life and I have one again now. That said, screw people who have to bring their dogs everywhere they go. Owning a pet doesn't give you the right to force their presence on anyone else ever. Having pets comes with taking responsibility for them yourself, not placing the burden on others. If you can't be bothered to train your pet to be left on it's own at home safely, that's on you. If you don't train your dogs to behave around company, that's on you. Can't afford a kennel? That's still not anyone else's problem but yours. More specifically, this woman wants to bring dangerous dogs around her family and doesn't seem to care if they get hurt. And she has the nerve to accuse her daughter of being cruel for not accommodating just her needs over the safety of everyone else. That plus the whole trying to paint herself as the victim, particularly the 'you don't know what it's like to be me' bullshit, is a huge red flag. Those are the words of a user and they gladly take without regard for the people they take from.

[@twinning1944]

Story three is unbelievable! Dad to be is a massive red flag. The person you choose to build a life with IS more important than your parents. Respecting parents and making time for them is a must but your own family, the one you’re building, should be the priority

[@rc31802]

For the pregnant lady, it sounds like fiancé family is rich and doesn't want to upset any inheritance. Additionally, the fact that they don't consider her part of the family because they aren't married yet, shows that they never will.

[@tanwin01]

You don't leave your partner this close to the end of their pregnancy, PERIOD. I can't believe he would even THINK about it! My husband got us long range walkie-talkies (pre cell phones, and they didn't always answer the phone at his work) because he was paranoid leaving me alone, just to go to WORK. Barring an EXTREME emergency, (dying, dead, life altering) the last month of pregnancy, you stay close and ready at any moment for your partner. ESPECIALLY if they have no one else to rely on.

[@bleh3.2]

Something else to add to pregnant lady's story: fiance's parents are the grandparents of your baby.. I just find it strange how they don't even care about the baby's birth, if I were them I'd cancel the Florida trip and stay with OP and fiance to help out with pregnancy stuff and around the house while still being able to spend Christmas with family. It just feels like the parents see OP and the baby as strangers who are just kind of loosely attached to fiance instead of his wife and kid and that doesn't sit right with me.

[@soullesscadmium30]

The difference between venue changing from one's own home to somewhere else, and venue changing a location of a trip is that at the early stages of planning a trip, it is relatively easy to cancel a reservation and plan the trip elsewhere. But someone who has been planning and preparing for weeks to host a party can't easily change it because they will have coordinated and bought a lot of things already. And also thought of the menu and decorations and a lot of mental preparation that is not as venue specific when it comes to trip planning.

[@AmAppleton]

The Christmas pregnancy one - as well as not knowing if you'll be early or late, what if the partner has travel delays and can't make it back in time? Two days is cutting it way too fine imo. He's shown her who he really is by prioritising his family over his nearly due pregnant partner, and she should gtfo.

[@durabelle]

As an animal trainer and a professional dogsitter I can warmly recommend finding a boarder or house sitter to look after their dogs in situations like this. I'm quite happy to have an extra dog or two stay with us over the holidays, we have one of our own and I hate parties anyways, so it's the perfect excuse, plus the best kind of a job 😁 The owners can enjoy their dogfree time and get some updates and pictures showing their pups relaxed and happy too. Most of my customer dogs have some sort of issues too, but as a trainer I'm well equipped to handle them, whether it's separation anxiety, excessive barking, resource guarding or something else. Obviously it's not free, so won't work for everyone, but many people don't even think of it as an option and feel trapped with their dogs. The dogs couldn't care less about the christmas traditions, and they don't know what they're missing either, unlike kids. Obviously would be good to train the dogs too, but if the mum hasn't managed it this far it would most likely take way more resources than hiring a sitter for a day or two every now and then. Just need to be perfectly open and honest about their problems so they don't end up with the wrong person.

[@durabelle]

Having said this I very rarely leave my dog with anyone 🤣 But again that's more because I don't really want to be out with people for more than a few hours anyways, and the type of holiday I enjoy includes lots of walking so works well with my dog. Luckily everyone I like also likes my dog, even my mum who's not at all a dog person. I'm quite happy to not spend time with people who don't like dogs. So a part of me also assumes that people who "can never do anything because of their dogs" may just prefer the dogs' company over the people they give this impression to 🤣

[@TCHorwood-xq7mw]

All the relatives who want the mother to come could chip in to pay for a day in kennels for the dogs.